Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Return of the Flumph 05-14-07, 12:24 AM	One day, as Eve wandered naked and ignorant through the garden, she heard a soft hissing behind her. Turning, she saw the Tree of Knowledge that God had forbidden her to eat from. Coiled around one of the branches was a snake. 'u want some fo them apples?' The snake asked. Eve shook her head. 'No thank you,' she said. The snake winked at her. 'y u not want some fo them apples? ther teh sex11' Eve chewed her lip, thinking hard. 'Are you sure?' She asked the snake, 'you are positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the apples on that tree truly are teh sex?' 'am sure,' the snake said, 'teh appl3z will r0xx0r ur b0xx0r5 u and ur husbund should eat teh apples from teh tree, lol. if u zerg teh tree fast god wont notice.' 'Alright,' said Eve. She didn't want to disobey God, but the snake's apples were teh sex, so she couldn't resist. ... Some time later, as Adam and Eve were weaving fig leaf undergarments for themselves, God descended in a column of smoke and lightning. 'ADAM! EVE! WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING???' Adam and Eve were too terrified to answer, but a voice from the branches overhead said 'tehy r waring clothes, cuz i'm so 1337 n i trickeded them rotflmao.' 'FOR DISOBEYING ME,' God anounced, 'YOU ARE BOTH HEREBY BANISHED FROM THE GARDEN OF EDEN!' Adam and Eve gasped in horror. The snake said 'kekekeke, pwned, n00bs. ah am l33t n u suxxor lol1111 ph33r t3h h4xxz0rz1111 '
Johnny_Angel 05-14-07, 03:40 AM	[not sure if you intended for anyone to respond; if not, just disregard my post] ...and so God called for the biggest beefcake among all angels which the holy books only refer to as "The Bouncer," and the Bouncer summarily gave both Adam and Eve a swift glowing boot to their naked arses; out the platinum gates of paradise they flew (they failed their save against the awesome blow feat) and begin to tumble...down...down...down...down into the black empty nothingness. When it seemed that their lives were at an end they were saved -ironically- by the same very serpent who had been responsible for them being kicked out of paradise, but they were unaware that it was the same serpent for the serpent now took a very different form. As the two mortals plummeted further into the bleak void of deadly darkness, a large firey -but strangely still somehow attractive- beast with wings and hooves nearly as dark as the void itself approached them. He told them a silver-tongued story of how he too was once cast down from paradise, and he promised them that he could save them from what seemed to be certain death; in return all they need do was to promise to serve an obey his master and forsake the being who had kicked them out of paradise; he promised that their new master -if they took the offer- would be far more understanding; furthermore, some day they would -jointly with their new master- find a way to climb back to the heights of paradise; at which time they could taste any fruit they desired. Meanwhile; back in the realm of paradise, God begin the second mortal mold...