1001 Favorite Drunken Master weapons [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTimePost
snakeman830

08-09-07, 10:59 AM		Since Drunken Masters are known for their ability to use anything effectively as a weapon, I was wondering what objects you like to use.

Remember, unlike normal improvised weapons, a Drunken Master deals the same amount of damage regardless of the object

1. A candle

2. A piece of chalk

3. A towel
malignor

08-09-07, 11:02 AM		4. Tankard (mug) +8 of frost and defending (used by Brother Khet, my Monk10/Drunk10/Druid1+)
ServanWolf

08-09-07, 11:07 AM		5. spellbook

6. barrel of bier
eggplantm

08-09-07, 11:40 AM		a gnomish barmaid
snakeman830

08-10-07, 02:35 PM		8. An opponent, since they break on a natural 1.

9. crate

10. A skull, so you can beat it's owner to death with it. (cookie for the refrence!)

11. A scroll of "Cure Moderate Wounds"
RealSorceror

08-10-07, 02:40 PM		12. A herring

13. Really, any species of fish

14. A pillow

15. A Frenzied Berserker

16. Another Drunken Master (That Drunken Master is also weilding you)
Tuah

08-10-07, 02:40 PM		17. The halfling.
RodinGates

08-10-07, 03:05 PM		18. A 10 foot pole.

19. The severed limb of an orc.

20. The spinal column of a ghoul.
LoneFlame

08-10-07, 03:20 PM		21. A small cage of chickens

22. A Warmage
Tuah

08-10-07, 03:22 PM		23: A sewing needle.

24: The DM's Screen.
HobbitGuy1420

08-10-07, 04:37 PM		(aside: in reference to #10... That doesn't seem physically possible. :-P)

25. your party Rogue's favorite lockpicks

26. your party Bard's favorite instrument

27. your party spellcaster's Familiar

28. a rock. A really big rock.

29. the arm of the last bad guy you defeated
Geezer

08-10-07, 05:24 PM		30. A shoe.

31. A bowler hat.

32. A sling.

33. Medical supplies.

34. A steak.

35. The other type of steak.

36. A coffin.
Tuah

08-10-07, 05:29 PM		37: Combat. Yes, attack them with an abstract noun.
ServanWolf

08-10-07, 07:04 PM		38) a hair

39) the hand ofn the guy im grapping (have a lot of strength :p )

40) a platinum piece
Ogreman

08-11-07, 02:19 AM		41. A shotgun

42. A tindertwig

43. Serenity [the spaceship, not the enlightenment]
snakeman830

08-11-07, 03:45 PM		44. Your friendly Palidan's mount

45. Your party Druid/ranger's animal companion

46. That little glass statuette your girlfriend thought was cute

47. A cat.
LoneFlame

08-11-07, 03:57 PM		48. A loaded Rocket Propelled Grenade launching device.
Jaxgaret

08-11-07, 04:04 PM		49. A Soul Eater

50. Sphere of Annihilation

51. Pie

52. Monkey feces

53. A Rat Swarm

54. Elminster

55. A Corn Cob Pipe

56. Succotash

57. Sword-chucks

58. Black Mage

59. Belkar

60. Time. Did I mention Time?
boffer

08-11-07, 06:31 PM		61: A dragon
TheMonk

08-11-07, 06:37 PM		62. A bunny. Although I only cuddled it since I didn't wanna hurt it :) I can't hurt bunnies, they're just too adorable :( And it's cruel :(

63. My butt. And the farts hurt too.
Tectorman

08-11-07, 07:26 PM		64. (:cookie: for the reference) One's Own Brother (because it's not a bare-handed attack)
Context

08-12-07, 12:29 AM		65. Any nearby babies.

66. The nearby skinny wizard.

67. A snapping turtle.

68. A bag of frozen chicken.

69. A bag of live chicken.

70. A bag of live rats.

71. A bag of rotten meat.

72. A video camera.

73. A video camera full of rotten meat.
Marcotic

08-12-07, 02:48 AM		74 rubber bands

75 corn cob

76 fingernail

77 rope
snakeman830

08-12-07, 04:48 PM		78. A quill.

79. a Book of Exhalted Deeds (because It's not good for anything else)

80. A Staff of the Magi. (I want to see the natural "1")

81. The 20th level fighter (because it's not good for anything else).
Aloki

08-12-07, 04:59 PM		82. Fire
83. Chipped fingernail from your wife/girlfriend
84. Chair, unbroken
83. Char, broken
84. switch blade blade
85. arrowheads, sovereign glued to your fingers and palms
Esgay

08-12-07, 05:22 PM		86. Your underwear (fort save or catch filth fever if you haven't washed in a while)

87. Someone elses fists

88. origami weapons (for those with craft: origami)

89. a basket (craft: basketweaving ain't so useless now is it?)
JackSnape

08-12-07, 06:07 PM		90. The priceless artifact you all risked your life finding
91. The broken weapon a fighter just cast aside
92. The wrong end of a weapon (for no apparent reason)
93. Someone else's backpack
HarlequinHelsing

08-12-07, 06:11 PM		10. A skull, so you can beat it's owner to death with it. (cookie for the refrence!)

Red Vs. Blue?
'That can't be physically possible!'
'Yeah, that's what he was saying.'
SmallAxe

08-12-07, 09:51 PM		94. The Internet
snakeman830

08-14-07, 10:28 AM		Red Vs. Blue?
'That can't be physically possible!'
'Yeah, that's what he was saying.'

Yup. RvB. here ya go: :cookie:

95. A window

96. A pair of Quickstrike Bracers (Let's face it, you won't be using them)

97. A scroll of Mass Heal

98. The Dwarf (he moves faster this way!)
HobbitGuy1420

08-14-07, 10:41 AM		::clears throat:: I made that reference way back at #25. I wanna cookie too!!

99: A loaf of french bread

100: A random Jackie Chan VHS that got ported into the DnD universe by a badly botched plane shift spell

101: A weapon you're non-proficient in

102: A pair of chopsticks

103: Dirt
Partisan

08-14-07, 10:45 AM		104. A pair of sand filled socks.

105. sock filled with an 8ball

106. sock filled with horseshoes

107. horse's leg with horseshoe

108. old stinking pair of socks
TheDragonmaster

08-14-07, 11:12 AM		109. The Darkness (but only when striking in revenge against Galstaff the Light)
wolf_man007

08-14-07, 12:30 PM		110. A wagon, including the horses and the hired driver.
111. The self-conscious bard's toupee.
snakeman830

08-14-07, 12:44 PM		::clears throat:: I made that reference way back at #25. I wanna cookie too!!

Perhaps, but he was the first to actually name it. Thus, he gets it.

111. Idea #115

112. Gravel

113. Very small rocks

114. Cider

116. A duck.
wolf_man007

08-14-07, 01:00 PM		113. Very small rocks

114. Cider

116. A duck.

Can I smash one of your cookies for being glaringly unoriginal?

117. a millstone
118. a howdah
119. a thunderstone (the trick is not to strike them too hard with it)
snakeman830

08-14-07, 01:08 PM		Can I smash one of your cookies for being glaringly unoriginal?

Perhaps. I haven't been thinking too hard recently.

120. The bard's lute

121. A small tree

122. The Big T (after you've had a lot of drinks)

123. A spike from a trap.

124. A door.

125. The bar (not a barstool, the bar)
Waldo_di

08-14-07, 01:18 PM		126. Eye of Vecna

127. Hand Of Vecna

128. A Pillow (Extreme Pillow Fights)

129. Very Very Stale Bread (like a rock Only Harder)
wolf_man007

08-14-07, 01:36 PM		125. The bar (not a barstool, the bar)

You can have your cookie back for this one. And then a pie... with fruits in it!

130. Dual-wielding a convex lens and an Aasimar using his/her daylight ability. Run, little ants, run!

131. A crazy cat lady, who throws her crazy cats, while you're swinging her.

132. A crazy catfolk lady who has a bag full of crazy halflings.
snakeman830

08-14-07, 03:35 PM		133. A homing pigeon

134. A bag of tricks

135. A bag of holding

136. The ever-popular +5 Returning Table

137. A prisoner

138. A rowboat

139. A warforged

140. A Tanglefoot Bag

141. The Alienist 10
ArgulFraster

08-14-07, 04:26 PM		134) Thiloq or Dragx (cookie for the ref!)
135) A Gundam released by a badly worded Plane Shift spell
136) Dwarf Bread
137) A Stalactite
Partisan

08-16-07, 03:57 PM		138) a cookie

139) a six foot cookie disguised as a table

140) Ol'Pauly the beer-drinking-dog

141) Ol' Pirate with eyepatch, wooden leg and parrot, while singing shanties

142) Drizzt
wolf_man007

08-17-07, 07:45 AM		142) Drizzt

Oh man! I would use this, if only for the chance of breaking (hopefully killing) it on a natural 1.

143. armpit farts
144. a wet noodle (finally, my mother's threats would make sense)
145. snot rockets (once per nostril, per encounter)
Zousha_Omenohu

08-17-07, 07:53 AM		146. A trestle table ("Well, I've had a good time so far. And the way you attract trouble! I haven't had this much fun since that tavern back in Bogan's Pass when I was using that trestle table as a battering ram!" - Khelgar Ironfist)
snakeman830

08-17-07, 10:06 AM		142) Drizzt

Oh man! I would use this, if only for the chance of breaking (hopefully killing) it on a natural 1.

Agreed. I am so sick of seeing CG Drow rangers.

147. A flask of Sovreign Glue

148. A palidan

147. Magic of Incarnum, because I would soooo love to break it.

149. The LA+0 Mind Flayer, because it's not a mind flayer.
ArgulFraster

08-17-07, 09:41 PM		150!!) Elminister
151) "A Dead Lois?"
152) Spider-Pig
153) The building
godfatherbyob

08-17-07, 09:55 PM		154) A vorpral +3 petrified herring
155) A vorpraal +3 cursed hafling
156) A +3 tupee of returning
157)Ogre toe jam with the ogre still attaced to it
158) The bong of destiny
159) the pick of destiny
160) Cage
161) JB (JACK BLACK)
162) That damn TItanic VHS
163) That Damn special edition titanic DVD
Orville_Oaksong

08-17-07, 11:59 PM		142. A badger. (I've done this.)
AtsuiShoto

08-18-07, 12:20 AM		165.) "You'll kill us... with a soup cup?" *heheheh*

166.) "Tea, actually. I'll kill you with my tea cup."
snakeman830

08-18-07, 01:36 PM		165.) "You'll kill us... with a soup cup?" *heheheh*

166.) "Tea, actually. I'll kill you with my tea cup."

Chronicles of Riddick. Awesome movie.

167. A cart

168. A feedbag

169. A water clock

170. A frying pan
dndlocke

08-18-07, 02:36 PM		8. An opponent, since they break on a natural 1.

9. crate

10. A skull, so you can beat it's owner to death with it. (cookie for the refrence!)

11. A scroll of "Cure Moderate Wounds"

for the cookie isnt that from red vs blue?

171. Air, how come no one said air? air is tangible... look at the elementals, they seem to have no problem bashing the crap outta you, so why not air and or air elemental.

172. a lantern

173. a cow

174. a cow pie

175. sling bullets

176. flour

177. a maglite flashlight

178. evil... lich... wizards... mindflayer... thingy tower of doom. Where invariably the evil guy/gal is...

179. the evil guy/gal

180. a pit fiend

181. a jump rope

182. a board with a rusty nail in it

183. an iron pot

184. a caltrop

185. a sack of lepers

186. a sack of orphans

187. a marshmellow

188. a pen quill

189. a 4x4 block of wood 3' long

190. and last but not least. Dick Cheny and or any other political official.
Raggers

08-18-07, 03:38 PM		191. A Rust Monster
silverag

08-19-07, 10:21 AM		192. own's offhand, apply the 1 and 1/2 str bonus and Ki Strike?
193. macbook
194. d20 dice
snakeman830

08-19-07, 10:51 AM		195. A hankercheif

196. A tissue

197. A hat

198. A priceless vase

199. A letter

200. A Pixe.
Samurai_Zero

08-19-07, 02:50 PM		201: A sock full of copper
202: spiked gauntlet from full plate
203: gnome illusionist
204: Metal Gear
205: Fly Swatter
206: Mother in Law
207: Turtle Shell
208: Alchemist Fire (if im going down im taking them with me!)
209: Chainsaw launching rocket launcher (because everyone needs one)
210: complete set of d20 dice
The_Mad_Linguist

08-19-07, 08:21 PM		211: Their own health bar
212: Your own severed head
213: The Head of Vecna
214: A gazebo.
MoonSprite

08-20-07, 12:21 AM		215: Your pants
216: A band-aid
217: A cockroach
ArgulFraster

08-20-07, 12:41 AM		218) The person who made this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NOUwOY8xuc
TheDragonmaster

08-21-07, 06:39 AM		147. Magic of Incarnum, because I would soooo love to break it.
Yeah, it is so balanced, it is otherwise impossible to break it.

219. A small dog.
220. A small handbag.
221. A blonde wig.
222. Anything else Paris Hilton owns.
AtsuiShoto

08-23-07, 01:47 AM		223.) An Arkentool

224.) Your great aunt's holiday fruitcake
Shedeo

08-23-07, 02:50 AM		225.) An Abacus

226.) Your god's holy symbol

227.) The Rod of Orcus (tossing it into Big T's gullet isn't the only way to get rid of it.)

228.) A Rod of Wonder.

229.) Tablescraps (improvised thrown weapons.)

230.) The king's throne.

231.) The king.

232.) The Burger King (also comes pre-packaged with a mind-affecting fear effect.)

233.) A Tower Shield (who says I can't bash with it?)

234.) A Balloon.

235.) An enemy cleric's holy symbol (as an alternate to #226.)
Robespierre

08-23-07, 03:08 AM		204: Metal Gear


236: "Metal Gear!"(yup, the quote)
Rex42x57

08-24-07, 12:52 PM		237: A barrell of monkeys.

238: A cliche.

239: The family jewels.

240: An awakened plant.
Ecureuil_Diabolique

08-24-07, 12:58 PM		241.) Two fiendish squirrels. :cool:
EpicEvokerElf

08-24-07, 01:50 PM		242: Bill Gates
243: George W. Bush
244: 4th Edition
245: Ur face!!!
246: A tree
247: A leaf
248: A violin
249: Antimatter
250: A positron
251: An atom
snakeman830

08-25-07, 09:17 PM		Yeah, it is so balanced, it is otherwise impossible to break it.

I do not like this MOI
I will not look it in the eye
I wish to bash a foe with it
In hopes to break it into bits

That kind of breaking it.
Gandrel

08-25-07, 10:13 PM		nasal hair
snakeman830

08-26-07, 03:45 PM		252. A weasal

253. A weasal corpse

254. A bracelet
Treantmonklvl20

08-26-07, 03:56 PM		255: That $200 teapot that my girlfriend bought and says is "too good for serving tea in"

256: That $60 shower screen that you can't get wet.

No I'm not making those up.
snakeman830

08-26-07, 04:06 PM		255: That $200 teapot that my girlfriend bought and says is "too good for serving tea in"

256: That $60 shower screen that you can't get wet.

No I'm not making those up.

:heehee

Remindes me of

257. That $5,000 sofa my uncle has that nobody can sit on.
snakeman830

08-27-07, 10:23 AM		258. A Ring of Protection

259. A scroll of Harm

260. A folding chair (for use on douches only)

261. Steve
raziel86

08-27-07, 11:39 PM		262. Kelly Clarkson
263. A Great wyrm's left dingleberry
264. An Apache (helicopter or tribal member, take your pick)
doomer4life

08-28-07, 02:24 AM		265: A ticket to a show where drunken masters think of 1001 ways to defeat you.
ptj2500

08-28-07, 02:52 AM		266. a big pooping dog
267. a goat
267. a banana
Lanoitakude

08-28-07, 03:12 AM		268. The Fourth Wall.
269. My Aristotle textbook (it weighs a freak'n ton)!
TheDragonmaster

08-28-07, 11:17 AM		270. A broken object (Why not? It's caled recycling!).
271. A broken book (such as 3.0 Psionics Handbook, which is far different from XPH).
272. A broken-down nag, ready for the glue factory.
273. A broken-down party member, either from heroine or you.
EpicEvokerElf

08-28-07, 11:51 AM		274:The CharOp boards, because even if you roll a natural 1 they're already broken.
VulcanStormwrath

08-28-07, 11:57 AM		A wand of cure light wounds
A kobold
A pseudodragon
The thighbone of his master
The barbarian's arm
The tentacles he just ripped off a displacerbeast.
snakeman830

08-28-07, 11:58 AM		274:The CharOp boards, because even if you roll a natural 1 they're already broken.

This is going to be sigged.
TwiddleStootch

08-28-07, 03:17 PM		281. A Floor Board
282. A Piece of the wall
283. One of the stones from the Dungeon floor.
284. a stone pillar
285. a Dark Shrine (preferably dedicated tot he dark god of the person being squished)
286. The Zombie's left arm
287. The Left shoe of every person on the Hawaiian islands (vague, but still a reference, cookie for who gets it)
snakeman830

08-28-07, 03:28 PM		287. The Left shoe of every person on the Hawaiian islands (vague, but still a reference, cookie for who gets it)

Meesa nana Kweesta!!! Boom Chacheae!!!

Lilo & Stich.
TwiddleStootch

08-28-07, 03:46 PM		Meesa nana Kweesta!!! Boom Chacheae!!!

Lilo & Stich.

The fact that you knew how to, or bothered to look up how to spell that scares me :P

Heres your :cookie:

288. A Strange, blue alien Koala/Dog thing.
289. A One-eyed Cross dressing alien with self image issues.
290. A fat alien scientist with funny tusk things and a Russian accent.
snakeman830

08-28-07, 03:57 PM		291. A young hawiian girl that hangs around with 288, 289, and 290.

And thanks for the cookie.
TwiddleStootch

08-28-07, 04:31 PM		No trouble at all.

and to stay kind-of in theme:

292. A Miniature-Giant Space Hamster
293. A baleen(SP?) whale.
294. a Yellow dog with a sandwich fixation.
BoDiddilly

08-28-07, 09:49 PM		295. A fire roasted Quick check sub.
296. An eight inch jelly Dong
297. David bowie and Freddie Mercury in a duet
298. A mall Santa
299. Another Drunken master
300. A real tooth brush
301. His own mother's broken lawn chair
302. The sheath of that same +5 Katana, recently crushed by nightstalkers.
303. The real santa
304. A fake tooth brush
305. The corpses of a small children, beatened to death by there beloved mall santa
Quandi

08-28-07, 10:24 PM		Orge Drunken Master weilding Gnome-Corpse Nunchucks oh yaaaa brutal
snakeman830

08-28-07, 11:00 PM		307. Pun-pun. If you rolled a natural 1, he'd just force you to re-roll until you didn't. Never lose a weapon again.

308. A demilich that's used Astral projection and is currently unaware of it's own body.
GraveDigger

08-29-07, 02:07 AM		309. Random by stander #72
310. The DMG
311. Furry woodland creatures
312. Sacks of gold
snakeman830

08-30-07, 09:22 AM		313. A kid that wears a pyramid on his neck and plays with cards that are a pathetic rip-off of MTG.

314. That same kid's alter-ego.
EpicEvokerElf

08-30-07, 10:08 AM		315: D&D
316: The world
317: the multiverse
318: The fighter's sword
319: The wizard's staff
^^Hoping for a natural 1
CactusPOP

08-30-07, 11:12 AM		320: A pair of Havaiana's sandals (they're so elastic that may attack multiple enemies, or even the master's desobedient disciples ^_^).

321: Your stupid and restrictly Dungeon Master.

322: All producers, cast, and directors of Transformers xP

323: Gmail's email/message limit per day (Only 500 messages per day? Which E-mortal uses send only 500 per day?)

324: Your pretty breasty sister in my bed ;P
snakeman830

08-30-07, 11:31 AM		322: All producers, cast, and directors of Transformers xP


Hey, that was a cool movie.

You sound like the movie critic in my area. If he says it's bad, it's got to be a great movie (seriously, he hated all three PoTC movies to name a few).

325. A cactus (I know, stolen form your username, CactusPOP. It was just too cool of an idea to pass up.)
Shedeo

08-30-07, 11:53 AM		I had an interesting idea, actually.

There's a level 4 cleric spell in the Spell Compendium that allows one wooden object to grow spines, dealing +1 damage/caster level (max +10.) Using that on a wooden chair with a drunken master would be kinda cool.

However, carrying on.

326) The Druid (the class not the character), hopefully to break it so much that it can't be used again.
CactusPOP

08-30-07, 12:29 PM		snakeman830, they changed the most unique characteristic of BumbleBee, they changed his car model from a Beetle to a Camaro! Man, who in the name of the robot pantheon gods could ruin that! To be a simple, discret and radio-voiced Beetle were the charm of BumbleBee. ^_^ (lol)

327: Chiefs (Who need them? Oh.. yeah! The Hells need them!)
328: Kobolds (These are REALLY unuseful. Throw away!)
329: Pokéballs (This should help a lot to catch a Ancient Red Dragon in one...)
330: A sohority house of nice girls all wet in front of my home. (DREAM! DREAM! *-*)
ArgulFraster

09-01-07, 11:30 PM		331) A set of Call Of Cthulhu sourcebooks (finally, they're useful for something!)
HunterLionheart

09-02-07, 12:23 PM		332) A bag of unexploded popcorn
333) Titus Bramble
334) Poker Chips
335) My Rytham Stick
336) A red rag
337) Aja Kong
338) Your Voice
339) A bag of exploded popcorn
snakeman830

09-02-07, 02:29 PM		340. An apple

341. A brick

342. An ear of corn

343. A coconut

344. A set of manacles

345. A mustard seed.
TheGuild

09-02-07, 04:38 PM		346 a +5 enchanted pice of vorpal paper!

347 another drunken master

348 The HAMSTER OF TIME!!!!!!!! (its a little unknown god of epic powers... and he's small and fluffy)
snakeman830

09-02-07, 04:47 PM		347 another drunken master


Well, I think now we have a dunken master wielding three others, since this is the third time the same thing has been put up.
TheGuild

09-02-07, 04:56 PM		Ok in that case...

347... 100 drunken masters and all their 1001 favorite drunken master weapons
boots_pimpleton

09-02-07, 06:07 PM		348 the horse you road in on
349 trail ration
350 winter wolf pelt
351 the heal stick cleric
352 heal stick
353 bed roll
354 compass
355 snuff box
356 treasure chest (unopened of course)
357 horse drawn cart
358 undead sketon's own femur
359 your still attached arm
360 buffalo chip
361 wizards spell book (unprotected spell book of course)
362 bard's only musical instrument
363 warrior's mytherial full plate
364 sorcerer's spell component pouch
365 rouges pouch of lockpicks
366 druid's animal companion
367 druid's exploding holly berry bombs
368 ranger's +5 epic bane bow
h0wl

09-02-07, 06:43 PM		369.Chuck Norris

omg no one said this XD
boots_pimpleton

09-02-07, 06:48 PM		dang, only 1d6 - 2d6 damage from weiding Chuck Norris?
woulda thought more like 20d6
HunterLionheart

09-02-07, 07:18 PM		Sadly, Chuck Norris would auto-crit, multiple times and destroy any Drunken Master foolish enough to wield him. Then Roundhouse Kick and destroy the proposed target for good measure.
Xavon

09-02-07, 08:41 PM		370. A Deck of Many Things
371. A Wii-Mote
372. The TV you broke with your Wii-Mote
373. Mr. T
374. 99 Bottles of Beer and the wall they are hanging on.
375. Evil
376. Truth
377. A Turtle
378. a Commoner Rail-Gun
379. Lightning
380. Love
Tedronai

09-02-07, 11:07 PM		381. In any campaign that uses a stupid magic-items-that-are-sundered-or-broken-then-explode house-rule? A CL 20 Scroll of Detect Magic (or any other cantrip)
382. A Vial of Explosive Breath of whatever energy type you manage to gain resistance to.
Majick

09-02-07, 11:54 PM		383. A Bag of Holding

384. A +5 Tome of Wisdom

385. Pun-Pun

386. A :D face

387. A Non-official D20 source book

388. The original D&D cartoon box set

389. An Unstoppable Force

390. An Immovable Object

391. The product of whatever happen when you put #389 and #390 together

All the time while Multi-weapon Fighting of course! THRI-KEEN DRUNKEN MASTER FOR THE WIN!!
ZimTsu

09-03-07, 11:39 AM		Well, I think now we have a dunken master wielding three others, since this is the third time the same thing has been put up.

Ok in that case...

347... 100 drunken masters and all their 1001 favorite drunken master weapons

392. A deja-vu.

392. A deja-vu.
369.Chuck Norris

omg no one said this XD

393. Jack Bower. Deals an extra 1d100 damage to terrorists.
394. Ozzie Ozborne.
395. A metaphor (I've actually seen a real life badass get owned by a metaphor)
396. A lit cigarette.
397. Mesal Gear (yes, it's spelled correctly. Give yourself a cookie if you can figure)
398. Superman (most broken character in the universe)
399. The USS Enterprise, crew included.
400. A Deus Ex Machina
401. Dr. House's walking stick
402. "Oh, the humanity!"
MooMan1

09-03-07, 12:18 PM		It's all about the deck of cards.
boots_pimpleton

09-03-07, 04:23 PM		403. an unmovable rod while on =D
404. a loin cloth, at least 3 weeks worn on an orc that didnt bathe.
405. a wizards beard
406. a lich's force chest
407. that extremely hard unknown alloy door that can be taken off its hinges cause the wall surrounding it is just plain stone.
408. a HB pencil
409. a barwench
410. a sail boat
snakeman830

09-03-07, 07:02 PM		411. A fishing hook

412. A psychoactive skin

413. A globe

414. A crystal ball

415. A folding boat. In ship form (the description never says it changes weight in it's different forms). Hit someone far away with it.

416. A Daren's Instant Fortress
Aricomus

09-04-07, 12:53 AM		190. and last but not least. Dick Cheny and or any other political official.

And if you roll a natural 20 he "accidentally" shoots the target in the face :eek:

417: A kobold (I'm surprised nobody said this (If I missed it I'm sorry but its good enough to be said twice))
TheGuild

09-04-07, 07:00 AM		418.... The 300 spartans!

419... The 5 spartans not mentioned in the film that went to gard the goat trail

420... a balor

421... a umberal black dot (*my fav creature to throw at epic characters*)

422... Nerul
TheDragonmaster

09-04-07, 11:04 AM		I am SO using a pokéball for the next improvised weapon contest (ie bar fight)...


423. A fence.
424. A fencer.
425. A mail-box containing a cat... just open it.
426. A box containing Honorius (the roman emperor), Alarik (leader of the Goths), and Rome (the capital city of the western roman empire). I wish for a 1 just to tell my history-teacher.
427. A bullet.
428. A shotgun shell.
429. A depelted uranium shell.
430. Greenland.
431. KFC.
432. Seven toy hamsters in colorful paper hats, and one alive specimen (also in a paper hat). The hats should be of all the colors of the rainbow, which leaves only black for the live hamster. Leading it to seek revenge on it's nonliving kin for not getting a colorful hat, by extending it's life in the form of a lich and enslaving all toy hamsters.
????
...Profit.
Ghauldin

09-04-07, 11:44 AM		433. bean cushion filled with lead filings.
434. caliper
435. surrealist sculpture (many pokey protrusions)
436. an elven porn mag ( the player was just a monk2 by then but I think it still counts.)
smartdot

09-04-07, 04:06 PM		437. any one who has taken the vow of nonviolence and vow of peace
438. the clerics holy symbol, (is it still holy then?)
439. the paladin against a innocent villager (that would just be too funny not to try)
donut159

09-06-07, 06:34 PM		440. ME!!!
441. The uncomfortable feeling you get when you sit in a chair that is still warm from someone elses bottom
442. The heart of gold's Infinite Improbibility Drive (HHGttG btw)
snakeman830

09-11-07, 07:53 AM		443. A Vicstar

444. A sled

445. A pie

446. A drunk

447. A Healer (the class)

448. Chupathingy
'Dane

09-11-07, 06:47 PM		there's a few refrences in here, cookie if you get 'em :cookie:

449. two motorcycles
450. two ninjas taped together
451. a dire toy poodle
452. a shaved saskquatch
453. a portable hole full of beer possibly glued to a table top, with a straw.
454. both the BoED and the book of vile darkness
455. the party's lich's phylachtery
456. the psion's psicrystal
457. a foam bat
458. a whiffle ball
459. anything/anyone that's invisible
460. a rogue using hide in plain sight
461. a spitoon
462. your ID papers
463. thier ID papers
464. a suicide booth
465. dual wield your own limbs (arms or legs)(via regeneration)
466. your own head (clone)
467. a grandfather clock
468. a unicorn (that horn is just the perfect handle)
469. a house of cards
470. somebodies' soul (maybe your own)
471. someone using the statue spell (i think its called statue)
472. a lifesize replica of you carved from cheese
473. the wrong end of a whip

well i suppose i should ease off here and let a few other people get some in.
atomisk9455

09-11-07, 09:18 PM		474. a stingray

475. chuck noris tear:P
Easalyamusedoldman

09-11-07, 09:48 PM		476: That fuzzy loaf of bread you couldn't bring yourself to throw out after your adventure into the underdark where it became sentient.
BrokenKingdom

09-11-07, 10:06 PM		476. A locked chest. If you can't pick it or force it.. uh.. fight.. it.. open?
477. A single slice of deli meat.
478. A bag of devouring. (My personal fav)
479. A sling without ammo.
480. A signet ring or steel mirror.
481. Your clerics Holy symbol. Must be screaming 'REPENT' to ensure hilarity.
482. An extra suit of chain mail.
483. A lit lamp. Free blindness spell anyone?
484. A pair of Bigby's crushing hands.
485. A bluff check.
sevenslayer

09-12-07, 12:29 AM		A concentration check...................Why the hell do you have that skill anyway? :confused:
Easalyamusedoldman

09-12-07, 06:46 AM		487:An Imp named Larry.
488:Cake....Or Death!!!
snakeman830

09-12-07, 08:34 AM		489. A cookbook

450. A Jar of Dirt (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRcj6CAhe7s)

451. Britteney Spears

452. A potato

453. A pen

454. A map

455. a set of reins

456. The artificier's homoculus

457. An iron

458. A bucket

459. propir spelin

460. A pellandromeemordnallep A
Easalyamusedoldman

09-12-07, 08:39 AM		461: A bagle
462: an ice cube
463: a snow cone
464: the number 7
465: Cheesecloth
465: The moldy loaf of bread thats not sentient
466: an orange
467:a bar of soap
468:a barmaid
469:a parakeet
470:a blind 3 legged puppy named "Lucky" (ain't so lucky anymore!)
471:soap on a rope
472: a ?
Easalyamusedoldman

09-13-07, 02:13 AM		473:The Supream Franzie Powered berzerker
Galeigh

09-13-07, 02:32 AM		212: Your own severed head


I've done this..... though not with a Drunken Master :P

474. The broccoli stuck in your teeth.
snakeman830

09-13-07, 09:47 PM		475. A baby. Doesn't matter whose.

476. A barrel

477. A crate

478. A big ball with a string attached.

Cookie for the 476-478 refrences.

479. A pig

480. A Decanter of Endless Liquor

481. A rabbit.
Kazuhiro

09-13-07, 09:57 PM		482. The Merciful Rapier that your party's Fighter never uses
483. A Hand Crossbow, because it's not good for anything else
484. A Deck of Many Things
snakeman830

09-16-07, 04:32 PM		485. Anyone who thinks there are champion D&D players (Wierd Al is cool enough, though. He can stay)

486. A cleric of an opposing religion.

487. Anyone that tells you alchohol is bad for you.
BoDiddilly

09-16-07, 05:20 PM		489. Train car packages
490. Chickens
491. Butterfly swords and spears
492. Your mothers bardered jewels
493. This bench and that one to
494. Your oponites Tie and button up shirt
495. juggled bottles of booze
496. The spinning table you are hiding under Table
497. Slintered bamboo poles
498. Latters
499. Paper fans
500. A bit of farther wisdom and really bad breath
endofdreams

10-09-07, 04:08 PM		501. The party liches phylactorey (ah the memories)
502. Thor's avatar
503. Galleon Anchor
504. The broken ship mast.(colosal club?)
505. The foe's golem
506. A hydra head, against itself
507. The new drapes
508. The purloined 20ft flag pole, flag included.
509. A bag of holding
510. windowframe
Hellsbells

10-09-07, 04:11 PM		511) a duck
Runningyellowstream

10-14-07, 12:11 PM		512. My Keen Deck of Many Things (52 random weapons of fun and destruction)
513. A Monk's Belt (Does damage as a monk 5 levels higher and can make one stunning attempt with it per day.
514. A tindertwig or two
515. A Fleshgrinding nail-file
516. A copy of the new new testement (I am America and so can you)
517. Stephen Colbert (Now your weapon can taunt for you!)
coston89

10-14-07, 02:44 PM		518 - Mialee
519 - Fire
520 - All drow
521 - The annoying kender that won't leave you alone
turalisj

10-14-07, 03:32 PM		134) Thiloq or Dragx (cookie for the ref!)


Ask and Abberration!

522: Dual-wielding a pair of beholders by their eye stalks.
CPTN_Yax

10-14-07, 06:46 PM		523 The Tarrasque (sp) Gold Dragons get drunk too you know

the rest are all things my mates Drunken master has hit someone with

524 The beer tap
525 A wall (it was a small wall but a wall none the less)
526 A boats sail
527 the wizard's hat (it was a very nice hat with wizzard writen on it)
528 the deck of many things
529 the wizards pseudodragon familiar
530 the sacrificial altar
531 the chains from the sacrificial alter
532 the virgin from the sacrificial alter
533 lots of flagstone from where the scrificial altar had been before he hit the evil cleric with it
Cartigan

10-14-07, 07:06 PM		521 - The annoying kender that won't leave you alone
That reminds me of some absurd story my friend told me the other week about some adventure in which they raided a bunch of orcs with an army of kenders. I was confused and troubled.

534: Frozen pair of pants.
Aerodyth

10-14-07, 07:27 PM		476. A barrel

477. A crate

478. A big ball with a string attached.

Cookie for the 476-478 refrences.

Super Smash Bros: Melee (Barrel, Crate, Party Ball)

535) A stack of parers detailing different weapons for a drunken master to use

536) Barny's decapitated head

537) Steven Hawkins (hit with the legs)
snakeman830

10-14-07, 08:19 PM		Super Smash Bros: Melee (Barrel, Crate, Party Ball)
:cookie: for you.

538. The (other) hand of Vecna

539. The Sword of Kas

540. A squirrel
Operation_Shoestring

10-15-07, 03:43 AM		541. The *head of vecna* (+1 Unholy Vorpal Shrunken Head)
Aerodyth

10-15-07, 07:47 PM		:cookie: for you.

542) The cookie I was just given :weep:

543) Hairpin

544) Tea cup

Cookie for numbers 543 and 544 (must be from same movie)

545) A skittle or other small candy

546) A pez dispenser
snakeman830

10-15-07, 08:56 PM		543) Hairpin

544) Tea cup

Cookie for numbers 543 and 544 (must be from same movie)

Chronicles of Riddick? (I think teacup has already been mentioned, though)

547. My little brother

548. Kurtlmak

549. A cookbook

550. A tome full of the 1,001 best improvised weapons.
Cartigan

10-15-07, 09:14 PM		Chronicles of Riddick? (I think teacup has already been mentioned, though)

Ooh
551) A Monty Python & the Holy Grail DVD and a Blazing Saddles DVD
snakeman830

10-15-07, 09:47 PM		551) A Monty Python & the Holy Grail DVD and a Blazing Saddles DVD

Come on, I can do better than that without trying.

552. Dual-wielding a Monty Python and the Holy Grail VHS and a Blazing Saddles VHS (now you know what happened to all those unsold videotapes, since everyone uses DVD's now)
Cartigan

10-15-07, 10:11 PM		Come on, I can do better than that without trying.

552. Dual-wielding a Monty Python and the Holy Grail VHS and a Blazing Saddles VHS (now you know what happened to all those unsold videotapes, since everyone uses DVD's now)
553) A Betamax tape
coston89

10-16-07, 12:26 AM		554 - a rusty coat hanger
555 - A rubber bouncy ball
556 - Fighter McWarrior (Be sure to yell Fighter-doken!)
Aerodyth

10-16-07, 04:28 PM		Chronicles of Riddick? (I think teacup has already been mentioned, though)

Cookie for you sir :cookie:

Kind of hard to keep track of them all.

557) Splinter of wood
558) A writ of outlawry for you
559) A wanted poster of you (or them)
560) Activated Rods of Immovability
snakeman830

10-16-07, 04:34 PM		553) A Betamax tape

Okay, you got me there.

561. A Rod of Cancellation

562. A Chime of Opening (see, it even opens skin!)
riftdragon

10-16-07, 11:11 PM		563:15 admantine doors tied together
564:4 admantine mugs (thi-kreen)
565: dwarfs in full plate
566:9 halflings in a clown car
smscott

10-17-07, 03:44 AM		this is a bit off topic, but the other day our party's sorceror/lich cast flesh-to-ice on a kenku and then shattered him with a staff of healing while inside his magic jarred ally.
snakeman830

10-17-07, 08:46 PM		567. A frozen ally

568. A frozen enemy

569. A petrified ally (it isn't like he's doing anything else).

570. A Staff of Healing

571. A saw

572. A Hammergun

Yes, I know smscoot, I used a couple of things from you.
turalisj

10-20-07, 12:14 AM		Time for some stargate sg-1 stuff!


573) The stargate your team just came through. :P
574) The group's jaffa
575) The jaffa's gou'uld master
576) The deathglider you just crashed
577) The body of that ori priest you killed
Aerodyth

10-20-07, 12:18 PM		More SG-1 stuff

578) The mind swapper (let's see what body you end up in)
579) A Zat (Why bother shooting to stun?)
580) A replicator (metal constructs will die even faster!)
Fuzzy_The_Ninja

10-20-07, 02:21 PM		581:Your shadow
582:The creature, Shadow
583: A sock of woodskrews
turalisj

10-20-07, 02:25 PM		584) A random poster
585) Wizo_Paradox :P
TheBeardedElf

11-05-07, 07:36 PM		586) a handful of peanuts
587) the beer in your mug (a nice follow up is the belch of fire)
588) the plume out of the bard's hat
589) the bard's g-string
590) the succubus's g-string
591) a fistful of wet spaghetti noodles
592) a fistful of dry spaghetti noodles
593) the full plate your opponent is wearing
594) the chandelier
595) a napkin
596) your own mead stained shirt
597) the dwarf's beard
598) a deck of three dragon ante
599) a pair of dice
600) a crown royal bag full of dice
eternalGM

11-05-07, 10:27 PM		601.) Ehlonna, hoping desperately for a 1!
Dog_O_War

11-06-07, 10:51 AM		602: A sock full of silver pieces.
603: Your own severed, bloody arm.
Aerodyth

11-06-07, 04:16 PM		604) Inn-Fighting still in its packaging
605) A rolled up copy of any eratta or similar things that claims this wouldn't work
TheEndIsNear

11-06-07, 05:09 PM		A +5 keen vorpal composite longbow that your whole party sacrificed they old lvl 30 PCs for...

and you roll a one...

I can,t nbeleive no one said a bow, I guess i,M the dumb ass dnd nerd...:weep:

D-End
larry_the_titan

11-06-07, 07:02 PM		606) Pun pun
607) Wind
608) the planet
609) A warforged.
610) An Earth Elemental
Aleolus

11-06-07, 07:49 PM		611 - An old sweat sock.
612 - A Rod of Wonder
613 - The other type of 'rod of wonder', the kind only guys have.
614 - A wet paper bag
615 - Bahamut
Fly666monkey

11-06-07, 07:59 PM		616)The DM
617)Your little sister
618) your ex.
Shinigami42

11-07-07, 12:38 PM		619) The guy who keeps taking a bite out of the cookies
620) Cthulhu
621) Gopher-Chucks
622) A rod inscribed with explosive runes (assuming that destruction of the surface counts as an erasure attempt)
623) Figherdoken
624) Boatdoken
625) A rent-a-zilla
626) The letter "Q"
627) The person who posts after me
628) The BBEG
629) The latest EQ expansion
630) The Taco Bell Dog
snakeman830

11-07-07, 08:02 PM		631. Apparently me. (Dang 627)

632. 627 http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tn1-2.pv.deviantart.com/fs9/150/i/2006/046/3/8/Experiment_627_by_IndriLemur.png&imgrefurl=http://indrilemur.deviantart.com/art/Experiment-627-29102301&h=150&w=103&sz=5&hl=en&start=4&um=1&tbnid=G85ndwKQHSRiDM:&tbnh=96&tbnw=66&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dexperiment%2B627%26ndsp%3D1 8%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz% 3D1T4SUNA_en___US216%26sa%3DN

633. A map.

634. An apple

635. An elf (finally, a good use for them!)
jesshire

11-07-07, 11:18 PM		636. A hurricane Katrina
Mr_Burrito

11-08-07, 04:38 AM		637: a Louisville Slugger
638: "Little Jesus"
639: Mega Power Fist
640: The Ripper

A cookie for the reference :)
sevenaya

11-08-07, 05:15 PM		641: 642
642: Nerf Bat
643: A world of hurt
644: Russia (but when you try wielding it, it wileds you)
645: Chuck Norris's Potato Sack
646: Trane AC (nothing stops a trane, not even nat 1's)
647: Chunky Soup
648: Chunky Soup Cans
649: 4th Edition (nat 1 please god break it and make it unuseable)
650: The honor and respect of posting item number 650
snakeman830

11-08-07, 09:33 PM		650: The honor and respect of posting item number 650

Oops, you rolled a 1...

651. A caltrop

652. A spyglass (Scream "Why can't you see it!" while doing so)

653. A commoner

654. A marble.
Aleolus

11-08-07, 09:57 PM		...I'm looking forward to seeing number 666
Stalhrim

11-08-07, 10:56 PM		99. Bag of Holding
snakeman830

11-09-07, 03:41 PM		99. Bag of Holding

You're off by a little bit. It should be.

655. Bag of Holding

...I'm looking forward to seeing number 666

Yeah, I am too. I know some people that would just skip it because of the stigma. If that happens, I'll claim it.
TheBeardedElf

11-09-07, 04:23 PM		Ripper and Power fist are fallout

656. rival RPG systems

657. Bellybutton lint

658. toe jam

659. and earl

660. atoms (because they do the same damage and when broken: nuclear reaction)
661. time

662. dandruff

663. a loose hair

664. a loose hare
snakeman830

11-09-07, 10:51 PM		Wow, I guess I have the honor of doing 666 myself.

665. a piano

666. A diety of your choice :evillaugh :evillaugh :devil:

667. a toothpick

668. a letter

669. a painting
Nameless-Ronin

11-10-07, 07:14 AM		670: A sack
671: A Door
672: Plates, bowls other dishes.
673: A cape
674: a pipe
675:a burning lodge from the fireplace (improved improvised?)
675: A leather belt.
676: a candy stick
677: a Wizards poity hat (piercing)
678: Barbare tools.
679: ale, no, not the bottle.
680: A yaoi book (D18+char charisma mod fear check)

:looloo:
snakeman830

11-12-07, 07:32 PM		681. The truenamer

682. a Gibbering Mouther (hey, it's just as understandable as the truenamer)

683. a zombie arm

684. That little imp that's been bothering you.

685. the Girdle of masculinity/feminity your party just found.
snakeman830

11-15-07, 04:33 PM		686. A block of salt (very effective against giant leeches)

687. A little paprika

688. a log from the fire
Dog_O_War

11-15-07, 04:54 PM		I've personally been hit with #611.

And to my shame the "attacker" wasn't drunk, nor was he a master.:weep: