Baby-eating Paladins, What?! [Archive] - Wizards Community

Baby-eating Paladins, What?! [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Gwenfloor
05-21-07, 10:32 PM I have noticed quite a lot of people over the years on the WotC message boards make jokes about Paladins eating babies. I can understand that a joke is a joke, but it appears to be used liberally, especially in Paladin threads, plus you do not hear about as many baby-eating Necromancer jokes.
In short, what sparked this joke? What makes it so popular? Doesn't anyone realize that the whacko nutjobs who think that they are Paladins are a minority?
PoorHobo
05-21-07, 10:47 PM As long as they are only eating babies for the greater good, and never eat more of the baby then they have to.
Nat_20
05-21-07, 10:50 PM Its an ultimate reversal of the code of conduct of the Paladin, can you think of anything more evil??? I sure as hell can't... Then again stomping on babies shouting SMITE EVIL could be pretty bad.
Flan
05-21-07, 11:00 PM A Modest Proposal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal)
Jaxgaret
05-21-07, 11:34 PM Probably something similar to this (http://goblinscomic.com/d/20050917.html) was the precursor to the joke.

It's a sort of vicious circle of logic that is pushed to its extreme in the form of Paladins consuming evil babies.

Completely as an aside, I love the complexity and simultaneous simplicity of a character like Kore. He is a wonderfully intriguing concept.
Obsidianjaerc
05-22-07, 04:01 AM Completely on topic, I love the complexity and simultaneous simplicity of a dish like baby. It is a wonderfully intriguing flavour.
Archangel62
05-22-07, 04:47 AM A Modest Proposal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal)

Anyone for baby back ribs?
Phantom Llama
05-22-07, 05:19 AM In short, what sparked this joke?
Basically:

Percy Paladin: Okay, I slay the orc and open the door.
Omniscient Narrator: You see a room and see why the orc stood and fought rather than fleeing with his fellows. There is a baby orc in here, wailing and reaching for a half-eaten chicken leg on a table above its head.
Percy Paladin: Awesome! I slay the child to put an end to his evil before it can begin,
Omniscient Narrator: Okay, as you... wait, what?
Percy Paladin: They're orcs! Orcs are evil, so orc babies will grow up to be evil! As a paladin I cannot let this come to pass!
Omniscient Narrator: What the hell? They aren't demons.
Percy Paladin: Statistically, most orcs will become evil. So leaving this child alive would merely lead to the spread of more evil later. It has to be stopped now.
Omniscient Narrator: Couldn't you bring it back to the temple of Chandra The Ever-Forgiving, Mother Of Children you passed just yesterday? I mean, maybe orc evil is as much cultural and religious as it is inborn. Isn't it becoming of a paladin to show mercy and give people a chance?
Percy Paladin: NO! THE BABY MUST BE CONSUMED IN THE RIGHTEOUS FLAMES OF PELOR! THEN I SHALL CONSUME ITS FLESH TO ENSURE IT CANNOT BE RESURRECTED! KILL! KILL THEM ALL!

This is funny until you discover that there are people who actually consider such behaviour appropriate conduct for a paladin.

Then it's hilarious.
Alyss
05-22-07, 08:36 AM Paladins aside, may I ask what the hell the PEACH thing is that keeps popping up all over the forum?
Despot_Arrow
05-22-07, 09:12 AM P.E.A.C.H. = Please Evaluate and Critique Honestly

Is veal OK? If the cow's mother was evil of course.
Nat_20
05-22-07, 10:39 AM How about a minotaurs eating beef jerky... is their something very wrong with that???
Frylord
05-22-07, 10:48 AM How about a minotaurs eating beef jerky... is their something very wrong with that???

If I was a minotaur, I'd eat it. ('O course, I mainly play evil characters, guvner, so don't take me word for it.)

Yes, I'm having far to much fun making fun of an accent.

Anyways, on-topic, it's merely because its ironic.

A Paladin, paragon of all that is good and light, consuming a newborn? Utter irony.
Mordar
05-22-07, 11:19 AM baby-eating paladins are incredibly cool, mix with a hellbred race and gray guard prc and you'll have the ultimate demon burning puppies and eating fetuses to ensure a greater good :D, I love them
Nat_20
05-22-07, 12:37 PM :heehee
I giggle at that quote whenever i see it...
Darknight303
05-22-07, 01:07 PM I don't know about baby eating but I quote a tread in my sig in which a paladin used dected evil on his unborn son only to realize that it had an overwhelming evil aura around it, he was wondering if he should kill it because its evil or if he should spare it because its a baby. We said neither, we advised he eat him.
Nifft
05-22-07, 02:21 PM Remember: eating babies is evil, but eating baby kobolds is Survival (Wis).

(Where did I read that?)

Cheers, -- N
Ogg
05-22-07, 03:51 PM Great! I hope you are all happy!

One of my DM's has been talking about running a monster game & now I'm thinking of making a troll crusader.

"Uhhh where baby orc go? Ogg ate the bad baby orc. It go away now won't cause evil. Ogg bad?"

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Gwenfloor 05-21-07, 10:32 PM	I have noticed quite a lot of people over the years on the WotC message boards make jokes about Paladins eating babies. I can understand that a joke is a joke, but it appears to be used liberally, especially in Paladin threads, plus you do not hear about as many baby-eating Necromancer jokes. In short, what sparked this joke? What makes it so popular? Doesn't anyone realize that the whacko nutjobs who think that they are Paladins are a minority?
PoorHobo 05-21-07, 10:47 PM	As long as they are only eating babies for the greater good, and never eat more of the baby then they have to.
Nat_20 05-21-07, 10:50 PM	Its an ultimate reversal of the code of conduct of the Paladin, can you think of anything more evil??? I sure as hell can't... Then again stomping on babies shouting SMITE EVIL could be pretty bad.
Flan 05-21-07, 11:00 PM	A Modest Proposal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal)
Jaxgaret 05-21-07, 11:34 PM	Probably something similar to this (http://goblinscomic.com/d/20050917.html) was the precursor to the joke. It's a sort of vicious circle of logic that is pushed to its extreme in the form of Paladins consuming evil babies. Completely as an aside, I love the complexity and simultaneous simplicity of a character like Kore. He is a wonderfully intriguing concept.
Obsidianjaerc 05-22-07, 04:01 AM	Completely on topic, I love the complexity and simultaneous simplicity of a dish like baby. It is a wonderfully intriguing flavour.
Archangel62 05-22-07, 04:47 AM	A Modest Proposal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal) Anyone for baby back ribs?
Phantom Llama 05-22-07, 05:19 AM	In short, what sparked this joke? Basically: Percy Paladin: Okay, I slay the orc and open the door. Omniscient Narrator: You see a room and see why the orc stood and fought rather than fleeing with his fellows. There is a baby orc in here, wailing and reaching for a half-eaten chicken leg on a table above its head. Percy Paladin: Awesome! I slay the child to put an end to his evil before it can begin, Omniscient Narrator: Okay, as you... wait, what? Percy Paladin: They're orcs! Orcs are evil, so orc babies will grow up to be evil! As a paladin I cannot let this come to pass! Omniscient Narrator: What the hell? They aren't demons. Percy Paladin: Statistically, most orcs will become evil. So leaving this child alive would merely lead to the spread of more evil later. It has to be stopped now. Omniscient Narrator: Couldn't you bring it back to the temple of Chandra The Ever-Forgiving, Mother Of Children you passed just yesterday? I mean, maybe orc evil is as much cultural and religious as it is inborn. Isn't it becoming of a paladin to show mercy and give people a chance? Percy Paladin: NO! THE BABY MUST BE CONSUMED IN THE RIGHTEOUS FLAMES OF PELOR! THEN I SHALL CONSUME ITS FLESH TO ENSURE IT CANNOT BE RESURRECTED! KILL! KILL THEM ALL! This is funny until you discover that there are people who actually consider such behaviour appropriate conduct for a paladin. Then it's hilarious.
Alyss 05-22-07, 08:36 AM	Paladins aside, may I ask what the hell the PEACH thing is that keeps popping up all over the forum?
Despot_Arrow 05-22-07, 09:12 AM	P.E.A.C.H. = Please Evaluate and Critique Honestly Is veal OK? If the cow's mother was evil of course.
Nat_20 05-22-07, 10:39 AM	How about a minotaurs eating beef jerky... is their something very wrong with that???
Frylord 05-22-07, 10:48 AM	How about a minotaurs eating beef jerky... is their something very wrong with that??? If I was a minotaur, I'd eat it. ('O course, I mainly play evil characters, guvner, so don't take me word for it.) Yes, I'm having far to much fun making fun of an accent. Anyways, on-topic, it's merely because its ironic. A Paladin, paragon of all that is good and light, consuming a newborn? Utter irony.
Mordar 05-22-07, 11:19 AM	baby-eating paladins are incredibly cool, mix with a hellbred race and gray guard prc and you'll have the ultimate demon burning puppies and eating fetuses to ensure a greater good :D, I love them
Nat_20 05-22-07, 12:37 PM	:heehee I giggle at that quote whenever i see it...
Darknight303 05-22-07, 01:07 PM	I don't know about baby eating but I quote a tread in my sig in which a paladin used dected evil on his unborn son only to realize that it had an overwhelming evil aura around it, he was wondering if he should kill it because its evil or if he should spare it because its a baby. We said neither, we advised he eat him.
Nifft 05-22-07, 02:21 PM	Remember: eating babies is evil, but eating baby kobolds is Survival (Wis). (Where did I read that?) Cheers, -- N
Ogg 05-22-07, 03:51 PM	Great! I hope you are all happy! One of my DM's has been talking about running a monster game & now I'm thinking of making a troll crusader. "Uhhh where baby orc go? Ogg ate the bad baby orc. It go away now won't cause evil. Ogg bad?"