Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Battousai2005 05-04-04, 11:16 PM	So, anyway, I was tired and feeling like I had nothing to do. I was browsing a website and I found something I think we all need. A Humor Thread!!! So, anyway, post any jokes/humerous thoughts/funny quotes that relate here. I always like a good laugh, and I'm sure everyone does. Guidlines: 1) No insultls please: No direct aims at anyone. Characters, I suppose, are OK (Pard/Rito for example). Taunting about builds that might hurt are not. 2) No crude humor. Please. It gets old. 3) No insulting others jokes: Let them have a chance. Some examples of what would be good: Why it is good/bad to be... Top ten How to be a... Anyway, that should be good.
Battousai2005 05-04-04, 11:26 PM	Here goes... 1) Who are you? Death. 2) There are two of you. 3) Yooooooooouuuuuuuuu tttttttaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllkkkkkkkk iiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnn lllllllllllooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggg gg sssssssseeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnntttttttteee eeeennnnnnnccccccceeeeeeeeesssssssss. 4) You ride a dragon that you killed and brought back to life. 5) You can say things like "I Harvested Him" and not sound stupid 6) You are crated by the Arena bard 7) What are the odds of killing death? 8) Emotions? What emotions? 9) Hall of Fame? You own it. 10) You can do enough damage to kill anything short of a God.
kattattack22 05-05-04, 01:38 AM	Answers in white text. A juggling gnome bard NPC told this one to my PC's that hate pixies with a passion after meeting a few in the forest. How many Pixies does it take to light a candle? Two, but only if you rub them together real fast How long does it take to fill the coliseum? Hours, but only a few seconds to empty it if there is a troglodtye nearby. How long does it take for a halfling to snatch victory? 10 rounds. 5 if he steals it.
Battousai2005 05-05-04, 09:52 PM	1) Insult the Harvester 2) Insult Jindl 3) Insult any elder mod really... 4) Make an ECL +10 creature with no racial HD 5) Get paired against me... 6) If your Kaigan, get paired against a druid. 7) Fly up to the top of the arena and cast dispell magic on yourself 8) Decide that orc barbarian isn't as strong as he looks 9) Forget to buy a horse for a mounted build 10) Say "ready for" on the title of your post! (Ok, ran out of ideas)
kattattack22 05-06-04, 01:08 AM	top ten worst ways to die in the arena 10) slap your head in a moment of mental blankness after casting slay living. 9) forget that fireball effects everything within a 20' radius 8) cover yourself in raw meat for your monster fight with an adult red dragon to "draw him out." 7) accidently catch a glimpse of the harvester's face. 6) schedule a fight during 'mexican night at the arena' where the refreshments are bean burritos. 5) be dealt a coup de grace with a shuriken from a small creature. 4) spontoneously casting on yourself as a cleric forgeting that you are evil. 3) pull out your vial of deathblade poison instead of cure serious wounds potion. 2) "grappling" with Candy. 1) After hiding too long a commoner throws a stone and criticals.
MysticMonk2005 05-06-04, 12:24 PM	Worst Way to die. Shoot all 60+ arrows you own, and be killed by someone with no range and 2 hp left.
Caterane 05-07-04, 12:10 PM	What`s written on a Rustmonster`s tombstone? Rust in peace
kattattack22 05-07-04, 02:31 PM	@Caterane - lol. Famous last words of PCs - "That staff keeps absorbing our wizard's spells and dispelling our cleric's buffs. I am going to smash it into bits." - "Arrrgghhh!" - "I'm too pretty to die!" - "hmmm, thousands of goblins to us six. We can take them." - "I'll see how deep this hole is by slow falling to the bottem." - "Let's take this duck with us." - "ow." - "I wonder what happens if you put a portable hole into a bag of holding." - "You big fat ogre, I bet your mother doesn't even like to see you." - "Ok, tie the rope to me and I will go down the dark pool of water to see if there is anything there." - "I wonder what this does?" - "Oooo! Shiny!" (pulls shiny silver lever) This actually happened in a Return to Temple of Elemental Evil campaign that I first played a monk and then later a sorcerer in. Never let a dwarf do the talking. Dwarf: We were sent here to do an inspection Troll: Mmmm, Ok go on ahead. Dwarf: Wait, we are adventurers here to kill you all and you are just going to let us pass? The Party: WTF are you doing?! Troll: What?! INTRUDERS!!!! (everyone begins rolling init)
kedi 05-07-04, 03:17 PM	This happened when I was DMing the party. DM: So the good-lich talks to you: "There, this is the tower I told you about. Be careful to enter there." The tower is at least 250 ft long (whoa!) and is guarded by a wyrm song dragon and a great wyrm red dragon. Sorcerer: Ok so I cast invisibility: "Spirits of dark and light, conceal me in this very dark!" DM: Ok so you are invisible. Sure you don't like to invisible others? Sorcerer: Of course, why bother? I will go and simply coup de grace them. DM: .oO(That's a suprise attack, not a CdG!) Ok as you try to attack (rolls some dices, but knowing that a 10th level pc can never even hit a great wyrm dragon) you miss, the invisibility discharges, and they are looking at you. Sorcerer: With puppy face: "Uncle, I have happened to drop my basketball in this field -can you help me to find it?" DM: (Diplomacy check, 17 [roll] + 9 [skill] -20 [circumstance penalty] vs Sense Motive Check 8 [roll] + 21 [skill] + 10 [circumstance] failed diplomacy) (My check: 1d20 +wis mod vs DC 46 Insanity, failed check) You're now teleported to a room with 30 dragonnes running around. BTW, you're dead. And this one happened when I was the savage barbarian. DM and Wizard speaks in deutsch, privately. DM: Ok so Selimcan, what are you going to do? As I told you? Wizard: Yea, exactly. I point my finger to Aeron (my character's name) and shout: "The blood, the fear, die under my finger." [Phantasmal Killer] DM: Ok, Aeron sees a large construct of Olives, filled with buttons all around, and is holding a scythe.
Caterane 05-07-04, 03:25 PM	My gaming group goes like that: Cat (DM): "As you enter the room you see a dark figure sitting on a..." Player: "CHAAAARGE!!" Cat: :mad: ------------------------------- Cat: "You enter a treasure chamb..." Player: "LOOOOOOT!!" Cat: http://www.1a-network.de/grafik/guestbook/smilies/bash.gif and so on... :rolleyes:
kedi 05-07-04, 04:38 PM	Originally posted by Caterane My gaming group goes like that: Cat (DM): "As you enter the room you see a dark figure sitting on a..." Player: "CHAAAARGE!!" Cat: :mad: ------------------------------- Cat: "You enter a treasure chamb..." Player: "LOOOOOOT!!" Cat: http://www.1a-network.de/grafik/guestbook/smilies/bash.gif and so on... :rolleyes: OMG, cool! :angel:
Battousai2005 05-07-04, 07:12 PM	Barbarian 1) Running comes naturally to you. 2) You shrug off blows that would kill anyone else (excluding a dwarf, but the scum is lawful!!!) 3) Life is simple. Rage, kill, get paid. Repeat. 4) You don't associate nerds who read too much. 5) Miss a fight? Blame illeteracy 6) Lose to a caster? Blame books and their evil ways! 7) You work well with animals (considering you are one) 8) If you go insane in the middle of a fight, it is a good thing. 9) Doing something like jumping up and down flapping your arms to see if you can fly is perfectly normal behavior. 10) YOU CAN'T READ THIS!!!
cellardweller 05-08-04, 02:38 AM	<cellardweller trots off to the supermarket to see if he can score some rotten vegetables>
Hatzinger 05-08-04, 03:37 AM	http://archive.gamespy.com/comics/nodwick/gamespyarchive/newnodwick.html (Ixidor?) http://www.hoodyhoo.com/kodt.htm (knights of the dinner table flash comics) http://www.eviloverlord.com/ (important for all DMs) http://www.agyris.net/portal/game_table.asp (great idea, but ugly outcome) http://www.cybermoonstudios.com/8bitDandD.html (i´m attacking the darkness...) http://www.fortunecity.com/rivendell/stonekeep/25/sdms.htm (the sadistic dungeon master´s syndicate) http://www.mind.org/dragon/humor/top-ten.html (top-10 lists) http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=158328 (you know you´ve met the BBEG when...) http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175371 (who´s your deity?) http://twinrose.net/dandchar.php http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20001222b http://neppyman.irulethe.net/dndwho/ (alignment tests) http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20040401x (typos of doom) http://www.wizards.com/dnd/article.asp?x=minis/ch20020401x (chainmail models NOT sheduled for an upcoming release)
Battousai2005 05-08-04, 11:59 AM	So anyway, we are fighting a mage who cast darkness to mask himself (3.0 rules) Kaigan(offline): I want to cast Magic Missle! DM: At what? You can't see anything. Kaigan: At the Darkness!!! DM: :confused: We were fighting a giant crocodile in the sewers (where are those supermarket tabloids when you need them?) and it bit and was holding our rouge. Our paladin bravely leaps onto it and rides it at he attacks the croc. Paladin: I want to smite evil! DM: You can't. Its neutral. Paladin: Oh. Then I just attack its head, trying to make it drop the rouge. DM: Attack role. Paladin: <1> Uhhh... DM: Make another attack role. (Dont hit the rouges AC) Paladin: Hey! A 20! DM: :sad:
Limit 05-08-04, 12:53 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 So anyway, we are fighting a mage who cast darkness to mask himself (3.0 rules) Kaigan(offline): I want to cast Magic Missle! DM: At what? You can't see anything. Kaigan: At the Darkness!!! DM: :confused: That reminds me a lot of this skit: http://www.flashplayer.com/animation/8bitdnd.html
Hatzinger 05-08-04, 01:02 PM	ahem... *cough, cough*... link#5; two posts above, Limit... btw: have you seen the original clip? super-funny.
Kazzaroth Pan'theon 05-08-04, 05:45 PM	Well, this happened in one of the game sessions while I was DM to star wars campaing; Me: You see two storm troopers guardin the door to the bridge. Player (wich is in air tunnel front of the stormtroopers): I use affect mind power to make the other stormtrooper think it heard something. (roll the checks and the power affects succesfully) Me: The other strom trooper reports that he heard something funny down the hallway, so he checks it out. The other strom trooper is still guardin the door. Player: My char say; "Psst! Come here!" to the strom trooper. (I decide that is bluff roll and it succeeds extremely well) Storm trooper went close to the air vetn and then BZZZZ, a ligthsaber pierces his head from the air vent. (I know, this was nothing that funny, but that thing made the whole game group laughing at half-hour :rolleyes: ). In here is another funny thing form same campaing; One of the players comed from Hoth, and wanted a pet to his beginning char. So I made Ice chicken/turkkey from Hoth. Imagine emorlously fat and large chicken (about 1 1/2 of the normal sized dog) wich can create helium naturally (so that it can float sometimes) and sounded like turkkey when it yelled in danger. Then imagine a desperate battle against hundred dark suited men wich officer used dark force in planet where you have no clue middle of wasteland (and players where about 2-3lvl). Then one player yells "Throw the chicken!" Then whole group was chasing panicked chicken, throwed it middle of the enemies and then same guy yells "Blaster it!". Then when finaly someone managed to kill the chicken (whit 12 vp and 12 wp) then I just developed how I calculate the effect of the explosion of the helium in the chicken (I simply made fort save and treated half from the result as damage, I made critical in the roll :D). End result is, 12 feet high flame pillar and 30 feet radius explosion wich stunned and damaged the dark suited men. This had little effect, but the char who owned the chicken, heard the explosion from half-mile away and runned into the direction of the figth.
Caterane 05-08-04, 05:50 PM	Storm trooper went close to the air vetn and then BZZZZ, a ligthsaber pierces his head from the air vent. (I know, this was nothing that funny, but that thing made the whole game group laughing at half-hour). And one says the english have a dark humor :)
Kazzaroth Pan'theon 05-09-04, 11:24 AM	Okey, here are anotehr funny things happened in my group. We witched soetime ago to D&D, I used special "question" based alingment and class choosing, it made quite wacky results I tell you! But let's go the fun part. There is a drow in the adventure company, wich in some miracle and lucky things have got himself managed to be 2lvl higher (as class) than everbody else. Then they had begged a figth the whole game session (dwarf player especially begged orcs because he gets nice bonuses for them). Then I make 20 goblins and 2 ogre ambush. The drow is in front line and is taunting ogres to attack him, both ogres charge at him, other misses and other makes critical whit large great axe :rolleyes: . End result was that drow hp went to 4 and then losted rest as subdual by flying 20'f brcause of the swing (he just a just avoided instat death form enourmous damage). Believe or not, when he made anew char later and made a ranger wich HATES ogres, the same thing happened and this time ranger was ambushing the ogres :D . But now it is little imposible that to happen now that ranger was infected whit lycantrophy and have taken level in warshaper (so that he is now immune to critical hits). But that player had cursed my ogres because he is always hitted whit critical. btw; in the first encounter ogres managed to swing the party's elf wizard similar way, so that encounter got named as "Elfball competition". Then in the second encounter (where the ranger makes the first appearance) there was four ogres and they all charged onto their wagon, where was the elf wizard inside in it. Then later wizard managed to sneak out from the ruins of the wagons while figthing was still strong. Then the halfling monk of the party wich was figthing alone two ogres and three orcs and three other fired at him noticed the escaping wizard, he got idea how to even things little bit (after the party's sorcerror had made himself invisible and runned away he had taken grim attitude during the figth). The halfling monk yelled to the orcs "Hey! That elf is running away! Are you letting him to go?" You quess that both ogres and half of the remainig orcs wnet after the desperated wizard while monk dealed the three other orcs and then runned. Believe or not, this kind of things are quite common in the party. Examply nigth before the halfling had but caltrops outside the wagon wher wizard was studying and had planned a brank whit the sorcerror. Sorcerror bluffed that they were under the attack and you can quess what where the first words from the wizard when he stepped onto the caltrops when he comed out from the wagon :D.
Battousai2005 05-09-04, 11:23 PM	More campaign stories! So, this was my first campaign. It was all ours, except our DM. So, anyway, our mission was to hunt down the Cult of the Dragon. We had a lead in a shopkeeper. We went in. Theif: I want to look for doors. DM: Search check. (No way he gets this) Theif: 20! DM: Dang it! Fine. You pick up a potion and the shelf suddenly goes whoosh (Spreads his arms)! Party: Laughs Shopkeeper: Hey, what do you think your doing? (Calls in the guards.) Theif: Hey, it was an accedent. Can you tell us where to buy some gems? Shopkeep: Leads us down. Along the way, the thief steals a large emerald without notice. Paladin: Can you tell us what you know about the Cult of the Dragon? Shopkeep: Drinks a potion and diappears. After a lengthy battle, climaxing in the cleric grappling the bull's strengthed shopkeep to the ground, we prepare to revive the shopkeep. Theif: Wait! I want to take the biggest ruby I can find. DM: Reflex saves! A fireball streaks out and explodes. Theif: Wait! What did I do? DM: You said, 'ruby.' We inquire the Shopkeep. On the way out... Thef: (shows the emerald he took) Can I keep this? DM: Fortitude Saves! Party@Theif: :mad: :mad: :mad: Another campaign, Arti dming, Kaigan, MysticMonk, and I playing We were in a dungeon involving numerous puzzles. We reach a stairwell. "Every second or third time I step away, fate is there without a doubt to trap my step." The gnome, MM, charges up the stairs. He hits the third and dissapears. Kaigan: Hey, I have it. "Every third step is a trap!" We go through the dungeon. At the end, we go back and hear a dwarven drinking song. As we approach, we see the gnome in a lead cage. We discover the wizard had tried previously to cast spells at the bars, then tried to bend the bars apart. Arti: You go up and open the door. MM: You mean they break open the cage. Arti: No, I mean they walk up and open the door. MM: :confused: Kaigan and I: There was no lock, idiot! MM: :confused: :confused: :eek: :D Oh, ah, sorry for the trouble.
MysticMonk2005 05-10-04, 12:29 PM	Me=DM PC's=Batt/Arti/Kaig They were fighting a T-Rex. Arti throws his spear into the T-Rex's chest, it gets stuck. I believe the T-Rex gets darkness put on it. Batt. (a wildmage) trys to cast a spell to get the spear, he surges, he is switched with target. The mage is now sticking out of the T-Rex's chest.(i let him have his feet be in the dinosaur) Later they are in a boat. A giant squid comes, Batt. surges casting lightning bolt, roll again twice, caster is targeted by spell as well and double spell effect. Ouch. In the Desert. (Batt DM) we see a wyvern. it starts to circle us. Me(fighter) and Kaig(Ranger or rouge) ready to shoot with bows when it is in range. It ends up grappling both Arti and Kaig. Me and NPC cleric follow somewhat behind as it flys up higher and higher. Eventualy either it lets them go, or they escape, but as they are falling 150+ feet, Kaig shoots it. It dies. It is now falling above them. Arti makes a tumble check to try to lessen dmg. A big splat(Kaig and Wyvern) and a streak of blood and pieces(Arti) Have to use all of groups gold to revive. Later, we fight a Vampire, its misty, cant see. I get tripped.... every time i try to get up or move away, I get tripped again... I die. We don't have ANY money to revive...(they are smart enough to keep me from becoming vampire) (Arti or Batt. can probly recall/retell MUCH better)
Battousai2005 05-10-04, 07:57 PM	Originally posted by MysticMonk2005 Me=DM PC's=Batt/Arti/Kaig They were fighting a T-Rex. Arti throws his spear into the T-Rex's chest, it gets stuck. I believe the T-Rex gets darkness put on it. Batt. (a wildmage) trys to cast a spell to get the spear, he surges, he is switched with target. The mage is now sticking out of the T-Rex's chest.(i let him have his feet be in the dinosaur) Later they are in a boat. A giant squid comes, Batt. surges casting lightning bolt, roll again twice, caster is targeted by spell as well and double spell effect. Ouch. In the Desert. (Batt DM) we see a wyvern. it starts to circle us. Me(fighter) and Kaig(Ranger or rouge) ready to shoot with bows when it is in range. It ends up grappling both Arti and Kaig. Me and NPC cleric follow somewhat behind as it flys up higher and higher. Eventualy either it lets them go, or they escape, but as they are falling 150+ feet, Kaig shoots it. It dies. It is now falling above them. Arti makes a tumble check to try to lessen dmg. A big splat(Kaig and Wyvern) and a streak of blood and pieces(Arti) Have to use all of groups gold to revive. Later, we fight a Vampire, its misty, cant see. I get tripped.... every time i try to get up or move away, I get tripped again... I die. We don't have ANY money to revive...(they are smart enough to keep me from becoming vampire) (Arti or Batt. can probly recall/retell MUCH better) Oh, that was a butchering of the humor in that first story. You missed so much. For the record, we were doing a LA+2 campaign. I was a Fey-ri (for those who don't know, thats a cross between a succubi and an elf) and I was a CN wild mage. Oh, arti was a LN Gith monk. We got along well:rolleyes:. Anyway, one story he left out... We were investigating why a bunch of wolves were attacking a shipment of grain. We get out there and discover a hell hound leading them. During the fight, Arti gets downed. I rush to his aid and cast mage armor on myself. It suges. Surge result: Target's sex changes. Fun. Something to add onto the ship battle. At one point, I decide descretion is the better part of valor (and I'm CN. I have my own best interests.) so I try to cast improved invisibility using a spell I made up. It forces a surge. Surge result. "All targets within 60 feet are effected by the spell. Arti: Says my Fey'ri's name Me: Yeeeeeessss? Arti: You feel a slap on the back of your head. "Just needed to pinpoint you."
Battousai2005 05-10-04, 10:38 PM	Balathustius is a friendly information giver in the game Lords of Magic. Here are some of his advise sections. "Let me tell you something, my friend. Many have come before you. All of them are dead. I won't relate the manner of their deaths, but let us say that what little remained of the bodies wouldn't feed a hungry crow." "I annoyed a Fire Giant once. I don't recommend it." "I've no patience with Barbarians and their ilk. They're big, they smell of stale ale and horse droppings, and you never know which side they'll end up fighting for during battle." On a mage's tower- "I swear to you, even the dust on the shelves was arranged in perfect stacks...gave me the shivers." "Me, explore a dungeon? I'd rather pick a fight with a drunken Barbarian. Much more fun, and I'd have a slightly better chance of coming out of it alive." "Spells are highly overrated. I mean, you spend half your life shut up in a dusty tower pouring over unintelligible tomes, and for what? A few minutes of glory on the battlefield and a permanent case of eye strain." "A mage down on his luck once tried to sell me an Amulet of Protection. Good thing I never bought it, because I found out later that he'd gotten it off a dead Halfling burglar" "I've never met an old, stupid Theif." "I learned long ago that the best way to get by in this world is to 'believe' what everyone else in the room seems to hold dear. It keeps you alive and sometimes makes you richer in the process. And if the popular wind changes? Smile a lot and run like hell."
Battousai2005 05-11-04, 09:14 PM	Paladin 1) You are the favored of your diety. 2) Thou cans't talkith like such. (translation: You can talk like that) 3) Evil? Kill Evil!!! 4) Your horsie is from another plane. 5) Your good looks grant you special abilities. 6) Devine intervention (watch Inuyasha if you don't get it.) 7) Your arrogant and haughty attitude is generaly accepted. 8) When negotiating, your party sends you ahead to do scouting. (What? No! They would never try to get more money!) 9) You can be stupid, short, foolish, and clumsy, but you are still HOT! 10) Its always a good time to save your smite ability until your fellow commits an evil act.
Battousai2005 05-11-04, 09:28 PM	-The Harvester wielding a scythe, kama, sickle, or other form of tool appropriate for harvesting. -Pard winning matches like a madman -A new guild called "The Protectors of Fuzzy Bunnies" -Vaarkalikax becoming an undead, shifting to LG alignment, then declaring his love for all the gladiators in the arena. -Pard's dad comes to town to beret his son and show the world how its done, oldschool. -A character using a base guitar as their primary weapon. -A purple dragon named Spyro -Jindl's Logging Company -Zaphod learning common! -The Voiceless speaking -Candy finds a boyfriend (My number is...) -Jo'li finds a purple lightsabre, goes bald, and starts talking about the good old days and saying things like, "I'm old, damnit!" -Drak'???? settles on a name for himself -Anna, deciding that this life is boring, instead begins selling flowers and telling others to spread the love. -Everyone in the arena agrees on a rule -Aku meets a sumurai named Jack and they begin an epic struggle where Aku flings Jack through time and, uh, you know the rest. -Kiri'endelas goes to a shopping center where they sell clothes her size. -Someone looks under the Harvester's cloak -Me saying something intellegent... Feel free to add your own!
Kazzaroth Pan'theon 05-11-04, 10:42 PM	Well, I tell one story wich have becomed legend in our gaming group (and used numerous times as warning of curse of the dice). We were playing Runequest (I do not know how many of you know this system, but it is old and complicated fantasy rpg). In there was critical fumble chart in there, and this happened whit a player's char who had 75% chance (you must throw 1d100 to determine the hit) to hit target whit throwing knife. He fumbles, but instead for having one fumble, I roll that he got extra two fumbles and one of the second fumble rolls make one extra more. Result was; Throwing dagger misses the target, it flies like bumerang back to the thrower, it hits between his eyes (blinding AND knocking out for 3 turns) and then knife flies behind and then comes back and the tears the left leg leather armor piece and then it hits onto a ground and weapon shatters into pieces. Also these happened; Masterfull archer tears a ear beginning of the figth when he fubmles in first try to shoot few ruffians. Then the most unskillfull archer in the group is fire praticing whit him (hours later form the figth), he fumbles and the arrow deflect from stonewall and arrow is hitting critically into the master archers head and so killing him instatly (the assasin guild crowd clapped their hands for such EXCELENT markmanship ;)). Then there is hilarious tale form the same campaing that the couple from the group were hired to steal a artifact from a noble. Artifact was Ogre's balls, the whole mission was screw up (the other thief was arested during distraction and other had made quite mess by tearing the safe from the wall and throwing it out from the window where it hitted hard onto neighbout house wall and making huge crack onto it). Then real fun started when the thief (wich was women by notice) put the artifact into her FRONT pocket. The artifact teared the inner layers of the pocket and was activated. Now lady was "sir" and the stone artifact teared her pants when it started to stand automatically. This was not all, the artifact was knowed as "chick magnet" when it was activated, then into the street was walking three courtesans wich got into the enchament's range ;). The thief had no luck at all, she managed to escape them, but she layed his back against a door wich was open, and before she noticed, she was inside a bordell :D. Do not worry tough, she managed to remove the artifact from herself when she noticed that the artifact was deactivated by sunligth.
kattattack22 05-12-04, 12:17 AM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 -A new guild called "The Protectors of Fuzzy Bunnies" lol, just for that I should bring back Worlen for that purpose. Some of my own things that will not be seen in Gladius. Nub without his wand of presdigitation. a book titled How to Win in a Gladiatorial Match by Rito Maya (sorry, Rito. I still love you.) a sign that reads, "Welcome to Spikeville" Worlen's Comestics Testing Labs The Havester speaking and not hissing. Dusk hugging a chromatic dragon (grappling doesn't count). A s*** golem ally
Captain Mutilate 05-12-04, 04:49 PM	Originally posted by Caterane My gaming group goes like that: Cat (DM): "As you enter the room you see a dark figure sitting on a..." Player: "CHAAAARGE!!" Cat: :mad: ------------------------------- Cat: "You enter a treasure chamb..." Player: "LOOOOOOT!!" Cat: http://www.1a-network.de/grafik/guestbook/smilies/bash.gif and so on... :rolleyes: As they start looting, you say: Roll a reflex save. Player: Why? DM: Because the treasure is a permanancied phantasmal force overtop of a spiked pit. You should listen until I finish talking next time, you dolt.
Caterane 05-12-04, 05:11 PM	Originally posted by Captain Mutilate As they start looting, you say: Roll a reflex save. Player: Why? DM: Because the treasure is a permanancied phantasmal force overtop of a spiked pit. You should listen until I finish talking next time, you dolt. Cat: The treasure is a permanancied phantasmal force overtop of a spiked pit. You all drop down and take 4d6 damage. Players: ... Players: ... Cat: :confused: ......... :) .......... :D "Ha! Now you`re speechless! Yeah, and on top of that there are several snakes..." Players: "CHAAAAAARGE!!!" Cat: http://www.sebastian-sutor.de/smilies/AR15firing.gif Option 2: Cat: Since the treasure was only illusionary... Players: :mymy: ........ :headexplo ......... :hoppingma Cat: Uh, friends? We are still friends, ain`t we? http://www.sebastian-sutor.de/smilies/shinner.gif
Battousai2005 05-12-04, 11:37 PM	@Kattattack: Loved the Idea. Here are a few more. "Heh, this Kobald cannot defeat me." "Harvester, you're not so tough!" "So, Candy, how about you and I-" "What happens if I-" Tell the DM that "you can't kill my character!" "Hah! Stupid druid! Lightning never strikes the same place twi-" "Hey, Mr. Paladin. I fart in your general direction!" "Why doesn't he have a reflection?" "Urg SMASH!!!" "Giants can't be all that tough." "Stupid drow!" "I shall destroy this balor single handedly!" "Honestly, the game is called Dungeons and Dragons. We've handled plenty of dungeons before, so this should be a snap."
MysticMonk2005 05-13-04, 12:17 PM	Come one come all to the most anticipated fight in all of history! The two worst gladiators in the arena to duke it out! The orginal looser, Rito Miya Vs Pard Longfellow, the winless! Watch as these two fight for supremacy of the Hall of Shame! Who will be the victor(the looser) and take all the glory? Come and find out!
MysticMonk2005 05-13-04, 12:18 PM	ack, deleted
Battousai2005 05-14-04, 09:11 PM	Originally posted by MysticMonk2005 Come one come all to the most anticipated fight in all of history! The two worst gladiators in the arena to duke it out! The orginal looser, Rito Miya Vs Pard Longfellow, the winless! Watch as these two fight for supremacy of the Hall of Shame! Who will be the victor(the looser) and take all the glory? Come and find out! I think that Rito would win due to higher level.
Arstimis 05-14-04, 09:30 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 I think that Rito would win due to higher level. I think rito would win regardless of level. It wasn't level that caused pards six losses in a row. Oh, and the impossible has happened, zaphod speaks common, and more inteligably, though still as chaotic, only now he can express himself better. oh, and an electrical guitar as a weapon....I wonder if it would be allowed for roleplay purposes, but act like a greatsword, what do you guys say
Battousai2005 05-14-04, 10:28 PM	Originally posted by Arstimis I think rito would win regardless of level. It wasn't level that caused pards six losses in a row. Oh, and the impossible has happened, zaphod speaks common, and more inteligably, though still as chaotic, only now he can express himself better. oh, and an electrical guitar as a weapon....I wonder if it would be allowed for roleplay purposes, but act like a greatsword, what do you guys say Actually, I was thinking it would be a draw. "As Pard launches a final arrow, Rito lauches a punch. They both collapse in a heap, both spent by the battle. Pard -10/?? Rito -10/??" Zaphod speaks common? It, it is not possible!!! Everything I know is wrong!!! Black is white, Up is down! AHHHHHHHHH!!! It was a base guitar. I was thinking more like an axe of some kind... Not that I was actually going to make one, understand!
Jindl 05-14-04, 10:31 PM	Do not underestimate Rito Maya. Despite his record as the original loser, Rito has still won a great number of fights, and has never bumped, not even once. Respect the perserverence of the man, and the fact that at any moment the loser could become the winner. -Jindl
kedi 05-15-04, 04:57 AM	"Well I am an undeath, right? So he can't flay my mind!" "Harvester? Something like farmer?" "I cast Unsummon on Ixidor" "Pale Master? You'd need some sun cream" "How did you collect them?" asking to mete "attila" han "So what if he's a collosal dwarf?" "I roll Knowledge (Local) check dice to remember the forgotten realms" "He's not a giant, he's a half giant!" "You're called drow, right? I can see why you always negotiate with swords..." "You call this troll? You better see my uncle sam..." "Nonsense. Everyone knows that monks can't rage."
kattattack22 05-15-04, 10:19 PM	I am so glad that everyone like my last words idea that I have more now! "Tell my ARRGGGHHhhh...!" "Funny how this log seems to move..." "You son of a *HGRK*! "O MY GOD IT BURNS!" "CANDY! I LOVe ... you...r... chicken stew...." "Why?" "No! I never got... laid..." "I... al..ways... ha...ted... you..." "I'm supposed to be fighting a halfling, funny I don't see a halfling anywhere." "Is that a sword in my chest or are you happy to see me?" "I think I'm in love with Laness, nope that isn't Cupid's arrow..." "Cure potion? which one is the Cure Potion?!" "Your Mother" "I nev..er t..old you... *eeeugh*" "I'm on your side!" "Wait, why are you letting us past? We are adventurers here to kill you all." "I won't let you have the satisfaction of killing me!" "I would just like to say, this blows." "I am still the prettiest!" "I was picking up feild mice and bopping them on the head." "mmm, this porridge is good. Hey what is that light?" "Hey Lillith, you should see this Christmas Tree I got." "Yeah I heard that Bahamut isn't really a god." "Hey Arkin! I am just off to my normal pillaging and slaugthering." "Kobolds are bunch of sissies." "Candy isn't that good looking." "He's tame. Watch, I will put my head in one the hydra's mouths."
MysticMonk2005 05-17-04, 11:49 AM	What you don't want to hear while standing before the pearly gates. "What if we don't believe in you?" "Oh, so your an organ donor? Pleaze wait in the lobby untill all of your parts have arrived." "SECURITY!"
Battousai2005 05-17-04, 10:27 PM	Well, its been a while, but its time for more: Why to be______ Jindl of the High Forest 1) Your bat is named after one of the coolest games of all time. 2) You enjoy turning acorns into small explosive devices. 3) Your forest is frequented by many travelers. 4) YOU BURNED MY FOREST!!! I WILL KILL YOU!!! 5) You can back that threat 6) You were named after your creator (running low here) 7) Everyone knows you're cheating. You must be! Or not... 8) You are one of those who everyone is afraid of 9) Powers of nature man. 10) Pard follows you everywhere (not so good...)
Battousai2005 05-21-04, 12:04 AM	1) "Sorry, our referee is absent today. Looks like we need to trust you guys. 2) The sound of the central pillar collapsing. 3) From a barbarian, "RAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!" 4) Unintelligable muttering followed by the sound of mysic energy. 5) The Harvester's hissing right behind you. 6) The silence as you fight a rogue. 7) Explosions of any kind. 8) "BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 9) Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. 10) "And the winner is (opponent's name)!"
barrel_master 05-21-04, 12:18 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 2) No crude humor. Please. It gets old. How unfortunate, all my jokes involve proistitution or oral sex.
Caterane 05-21-04, 12:27 PM	What`s on wednesday 8:55 PM? Editing time!
barrel_master 05-21-04, 12:43 PM	Originally posted by Caterane What`s on wednesday 8:55 PM? Editing time! Ha ha...
kattattack22 05-23-04, 11:07 AM	To play off Battousai's idea, Why NOT to be ________ a Bard 1) Everyone thinks you are a man of odd persuasion 2) Everyone jokes about your weak wrist. 3) Performances interrupted by tavern brawls 4) Jealous husbands 5) the Sorcerer stole your title of 'the prettiest' 6) Orcs requesting heavy metal or hard rock 7) Elven immunity to sleep 8) Elven bonuses vs. Enchantment 9) Karoke Night 10)People always throwing things at you after a performance
Battousai2005 05-27-04, 12:07 AM	The old rules had special situations for what occured during called shots. I have some that they left out... Nose- Target looses 2 charisma due to awkward appearance. Eye- Target begins speaking in an odd British accent and says "Arrr" a lot. Buttock- If using a blunt weapon: Target drops weapons and grabbs buttock while spinning in circles. If using an unarmed strike: If target is opposite gender: Target gains +4 to attack and +2 to damage but looses dex to AC due to utter anger. If target is same gender: Target is affected by fear effect and flees the attacker at maximum speed. Neck/Legs: Target shrinks one size catigory. Foot: Target makes a fort save or jumps up and down, taking -4 to AC. Cannot focus. Groin: If target is male- Roll a 1d8 with the following results. 1: Target is stunned for 1d10 rounds 2: Target looses 1d4 Strength 3: Target looses 1d4 Dexterity 4: Target looses 1d4 Charisma 5: Target's voice raises 3d4 octaves (perminate) 6: Target is paralyzed for 2d8 rounds. 7: Target cannot stand until healed. 8: Target looses 1d4 Str, Dex, and Cha and is stunned for 4 rounds. Target is sterile. If a critical hit. Roll 1 time per threat #. For example, a bow would roll 3 times.
MysticMonk2005 05-27-04, 12:11 PM	:mymy: owwy
Kazzaroth Pan'theon 05-27-04, 05:17 PM	double on here! I do not want to get critical hit to the groin (especially whit triple damage weapons!). Hmmm, hey! I think I start to use these rules to my campaing :D.
Sindorin 05-28-04, 10:31 PM	I pity the foolish PC... who tried to hang himself... and failed the Use Rope check... *THUMP* "Ah crap..."
Battousai2005 06-01-04, 09:39 PM	Vampire 1) Never pay the temple. 2) Flying is the easiest way to get from place to place. 3) You are dead sexy. 4) Immortality 5) You don't have to eat, only drink. 6) Having a familiar other than a bat or rat is overrated. 7) You don't have to look in the mirror if its a bad hair day. 8) Kill someone and they are your slave. 9) Walking up walls is good exercise. 10) Tan lines are a thing of the past.
Battousai2005 06-27-04, 08:07 PM	Originally posted by kattattack22 To play off Battousai's idea, Why NOT to be ________ a Bard 1) Everyone thinks you are a man of odd persuasion 2) Everyone jokes about your weak wrist. 3) Performances interrupted by tavern brawls 4) Jealous husbands 5) the Sorcerer stole your title of 'the prettiest' 6) Orcs requesting heavy metal or hard rock 7) Elven immunity to sleep 8) Elven bonuses vs. Enchantment 9) Karoke Night 10)People always throwing things at you after a performance Heh. Couterattack!!! Why to be a Bard 1) You're a jolly happy soul! 2) Chicks/Guys swoon over you. 3) If you so desire, use that mandoline as a blunt weapon dealing 1d6 points of damage. 4) "Brave sir Robin ran away!" 5) Use you suggestion ability, "So, how about another bit of gold for my stunning performence." 6) Why fight? Thats what the dominated half orc is for. 7) That paladin has nothing on your good looks. 8) Bells on the shoes are just so in... 9) Due to your sheer, awesome, mad, stunning, and downright cool skills, you are the only one in your party who can sing!!! 10) Bardaic lore allows you to determine the King's father's brother's nephew's uncle's cousine's former room mate!
Kazzaroth Pan'theon 06-27-04, 08:32 PM	Hmmm, what about; 10 good reason to be a elf! 1) You outlive any other race (violent deaths not counted). 2) Chicks follow you around and admire your elven looks. 3) You can multiclass into wizard and it is considered as "naturall" for you. 4) Enchanters do not dominate you. 5) You can find secret doors even while others are searching from wrong wall! 6) You need less sleep, so you ca take a nap in party and go longer in it than others. 7) Elven wines are knowed as strongest wines of the world. 8) You are trained in use long sword and longbow, so even elven mage can wield a sword. 9) You do not afraid the dark because you see many times better in it than humans! 10) You are not thinked as dork if you wear armor made of leafs.
Battousai2005 06-27-04, 10:02 PM	Some situations that I found funny. Player: Oh! I failed my use magic device check by 11, so something bad happens. What? DM: Well, you now know that what you are holding is a wand of lightning bolt. You also know to hold it by the other end next time. Player: :( Player: Man, we are broke. Any ideas? DM: Well, you have perform in the lute, so why don't you set up a show. Player: Hey, that might work. But you know, I think I'll use this scroll of protection from fire too. Ok guys, douse me in oil. I'll play and you guys light me on fire! We get bonuses to the perform, right? DM: Yep. That would be rather impressive. (After much set up...) Player: Come one, come all, to witness the Mad Mage of the Midlands! Watch as he performs even under the harshest of circumstance! (Mage casts the spell. Lights the mage on fire, he plays.) Roll for Perform: 20!!! DM: Wow, you guys got that one. So, you guys gain...(rolls)...400 gp! Players: :ayyyy!: :ayyyy!: :ayyyy!: DM: Now, what are you going to do about setting the town on fire? Players: :confused: :OMG! :censored: DM: :angel:
kattattack22 06-27-04, 10:26 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 Why its good to be a ______ Barbarian 1) Running comes naturally to you. 2) You shrug off blows that would kill anyone else (excluding a dwarf, but the scum is lawful!!!) 3) Life is simple. Rage, kill, get paid. Repeat. 4) You don't associate nerds who read too much. 5) Miss a fight? Blame illeteracy 6) Lose to a caster? Blame books and their evil ways! 7) You work well with animals (considering you are one) 8) If you go insane in the middle of a fight, it is a good thing. 9) Doing something like jumping up and down flapping your arms to see if you can fly is perfectly normal behavior. 10) YOU CAN'T READ THIS!!! Since Battousai counterattacked my why to NOT be a Bard I figured its time for... Why to [b]NOT[b] be a ________ Barbarian 1)Hold Person/Monster and you sooo looking foward to splattering the puny robed man. 2)Never being able to find the tavern without someone there to read the sign for you. 3)Any spell involving a will save 4)Yeah, you take a lot of hits, but each one hurts. 5)Who should lead? I know! The barbarian should lead. He's stupid enough to set off all the traps for us. 6)Babes like your muscles, but they won't stay to cuddle. 7)Shiny objects always getting you into trouble. 8)People automatically assume you're stupid and can't understand what they are saying. 9)Having to scrape puny people off your boots, ew. 10)Those annoying bards that keep telling you how pretty they are and stealing your thunder around the ladies.
Battousai2005 06-28-04, 10:18 PM	Originally posted by kattattack22 Since Battousai counterattacked my why to NOT be a Bard I figured its time for... Why to [b]NOT[b] be a ________ Barbarian 1)Hold Person/Monster and you sooo looking foward to splattering the puny robed man. 2)Never being able to find the tavern without someone there to read the sign for you. 3)Any spell involving a will save 4)Yeah, you take a lot of hits, but each one hurts. 5)Who should lead? I know! The barbarian should lead. He's stupid enough to set off all the traps for us. 6)Babes like your muscles, but they won't stay to cuddle. 7)Shiny objects always getting you into trouble. 8)People automatically assume you're stupid and can't understand what they are saying. 9)Having to scrape puny people off your boots, ew. 10)Those annoying bards that keep telling you how pretty they are and stealing your thunder around the ladies. You forgot the smell ;) So, how about more Why to be a ______ Druid: 1) Did something evil? Blame the Balance. 2) Did something good? Blame the Balance. 3) You can become the protector of the forest, bears, dogs, or fuzzy bunnies! 4) If someone disagrees with your tree-hugging, light them on fire. 5) Having a big animal follow you around is just plain cool. 6) Ever wonder what its like to fly? Burrow? Eat bugs? Turn into an animal! 7) Having a grove is better than a castle. After all, castles don't grow, now do they? 8) Hey, clerics heal, sorcerers blow stuff up, wizards buff. You? You get lots and lots of friends. 9) You can finally understand what your dog is saying to you when he barks. 10) "Want to do the wild thing?" quote by Kattattack.
Battousai2005 07-02-04, 08:51 PM	"The Underdark isn't all its cracked up to be." -"Hey, Paladin. I insult your rightousness, dignaty, personal honor, and search for justice. Wait, what is that sword for?" -To a druid, "Ok, time to get some firewood." -"Don't be stupid. You hold a wand this way" -"Hey, for the last eighteen seconds, I've had this feeling that I'm being watched..." -"I've got a bad feeling about this..." -To a drow female, "How about you and I-" -To a succubus, "Want to rent a room?" -"Show me a good way to die. Wait, what do you mean eat this? Well, OK." -"Orcs? Hey, they got beaten by a bunch of elves. They can't be all that strong." -Along these lines, try this quote from Neverwinter Nights. This is the description of an item called mage's battle robes. Sick to death of hearing about the prowess of mages like Elminster, Blackstaff, and the Red Wizards of Thay; Klaphen Fortier, a powerful, but relatively unknown wizard, created these robes to bolster young spellcasters across the realms. His hope was that youthful and unscrupulous mages might be encouraged to challenge more powerful wizards in hopes of making a name for themselves. Rumor has it that Klaphen died in an accident of spectacular proportions, when 56 lightning bolts and numerous large meteors struck his tower.
Kazzaroth Pan'theon 07-02-04, 09:03 PM	Well, this happened once in my game session and I had slept only four hours; Players had wanted to face orcs/goblins (especially the party's dwarf) and hoped there would be about 10 orcs and 30 goblins (fro XP sake). But because I had shortcut in my mind, I made it as 10 ogres and 30 giants...........and I did not even taked the encounter back and change it ;). End result; Ranger knocked in first round by ogre (critical hit and over 60pts damage, just a jsut avoided instat death), sorcerror almost killed (bastard runned away while invisible) by boulder throwing giants, wizard crushed inside the wagons by ogres punching whit great clubs, halfling monk figthing off two giants while he yells giants to chase wizard who had crawled under from the ruins fo the wagon (so that the other giants do not come to figth him). Dwarf figther/cleric got killed by ogre charge and party's bard had runned wisely from whole encounter in first round..............
kattattack22 07-02-04, 09:32 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 You forgot the smell ;) So, how about more Why to be a ______ Druid: 1) Did something evil? Blame the Balance. 2) Did something good? Blame the Balance. 3) You can become the protector of the forest, bears, dogs, or fuzzy bunnies! 4) If someone disagrees with your tree-hugging, light them on fire. 5) Having a big animal follow you around is just plain cool. 6) Ever wonder what its like to fly? Burrow? Eat bugs? Turn into an animal! 7) Having a grove is better than a castle. After all, castles don't grow, now do they? 8) Hey, clerics heal, sorcerers blow stuff up, wizards buff. You? You get lots and lots of friends. 9) You can finally understand what your dog is saying to you when he barks. 10) "Want to do the wild thing?" quote by Kattattack. Why to NOT be a _______ Druid 1) Campers leaving all their junk in your forest. 2) Always being accused of dendrophilia (relations with trees.) 3) People commenting on your animal "companion". 4) Your dog keeps talking about the butts he sniffed. 5) Your ability to turn into an animal attracts some people with werid fetishes. 6) You protect animals or plants that don't the intelliectual capacity to appreciate it. 7) Your tons of friends always are coming over expecting food and staying at your place. 8) You don't get to blow stuff up as much as a wizard 9) No metal armor. 10) Did I say that?
Caterane 07-02-04, 10:16 PM	Why to be a druid? Because you have to most powerful animal companion
Druid Roxors 07-02-04, 11:23 PM	Originally posted by Caterane Why to be a druid? Because you have to most powerful animal companion Very true Caterane. Although there are only two types of animal companions.. Druid's and Ranger's :D
Caterane 07-02-04, 11:59 PM	Druid Rox, you are MB positive :D
Druid Roxors 07-03-04, 12:26 AM	You wouldn't say im a little Biased would you? :P
Battousai2005 07-03-04, 02:30 PM	Originally posted by kattattack22 Why to NOT be a _______ Druid 1) Campers leaving all their junk in your forest. 2) Always being accused of dendrophilia (relations with trees.) 3) People commenting on your animal "companion". 4) Your dog keeps talking about the butts he sniffed. 5) Your ability to turn into an animal attracts some people with werid fetishes. 6) You protect animals or plants that don't the intelliectual capacity to appreciate it. 7) Your tons of friends always are coming over expecting food and staying at your place. 8) You don't get to blow stuff up as much as a wizard 9) No metal armor. 10) Did I say that? Katt, this has become a bit of a contest, eh? Why to be a ______ Monk 1) You are the subject of so many arguments. (right arti? ;) ) 2) Since you don't waste your money on weapons and armor, you can spend it on more useful things. Like a lifetime pass at the local bar. All you can drink. 3) You are bulletproof due to your deflect arrows feat. 4) Because you can unlock the secrets of the universe through meditation, you are harder to hit. 5) You are the fastest thing since the horse. 6) Your fists become harder than adamantine. That would hurt. 7) Put your foe in a headlock and give him a noggie!!! 8) Poisen, desiese and time don't do anything to you. Hey, if you don't get sick or age, you are just godly. 9) So your not brillient. You figured out how to use sonic ressonence to kill your foe. Wizard still doesn't get that one. 10) You become an outsider, who are largely proclaimed the biggest, baddest creatures right after dragons. Couter that one, Katt :smirk:
Kazzaroth Pan'theon 07-03-04, 03:43 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 Katt, this has become a bit of a contest, eh? Why to be a ______ Monk 1) You are the subject of so many arguments. (right arti? ;) ) 2) Since you don't waste your money on weapons and armor, you can spend it on more useful things. Like a lifetime pass at the local bar. All you can drink. 3) You are bulletproof due to your deflect arrows feat. 4) Because you can unlock the secrets of the universe through meditation, you are harder to hit. 5) You are the fastest thing since the horse. 6) Your fists become harder than adamantine. That would hurt. 7) Put your foe in a headlock and give him a noggie!!! 8) Poisen, desiese and time don't do anything to you. Hey, if you don't get sick or age, you are just godly. 9) So your not brillient. You figured out how to use sonic ressonence to kill your foe. Wizard still doesn't get that one. 10) You become an outsider, who are largely proclaimed the biggest, baddest creatures right after dragons. Couter that one, Katt :smirk: I will counter :D. Why not to be a ______ Monk 1) Everbody thinks you as spoiler of fun because your lawfull alingment. 2) Even when you would find biggest treasure in the world, you donate the whole bunch to your monastery wich problay make it build another monastery or orphanage. 3) Even whit deflect arrow feat, you still cannot deflect a 500lb boulder. 4) Insigth does not protect while you are tied by your hands and legs. 5) You are good in one thing, that is running and you get always best head start. But try to it while you had stepped few caltrops. 6) Your fists are admantine, but it does not yet break admantine doors or golems wich have damage reduction vs bludgeoning. 7) Even after all enchament bonuses to your fists, you still do not hit propely on incorporeal creatures and cannot grap them! 8) What is point to have immunity to poison if you cannot become drunk? 9) You can stun or kill you targets whit single blow, but all the constructs and undead laugh at your attempts! 10) Because monk vow you cannot get laid.
Caterane 07-03-04, 04:37 PM	Why not be a monk? Because you have no overpowered animal companion
kattattack22 07-03-04, 06:46 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 Katt, this has become a bit of a contest, eh? Couter that one, Katt :smirk: Yes, it has become quite a contest and its fun to do. I would counter it, but Kazz beat me to it and I don't want to compete with another person. I think I should do something that I actually came up with instead of playing off others' ideas, but with a little twist. Last THOUGHTS of adventurers "That succubus has a nice rack." "Why, Heironeous, WHY?!" "S***" "That is a big boulder." "Great, the floor was illusion." "This is going to hurt." "Why am I so alone?" "I leave the monastery for this?!" "Why couldn't I have become a blacksmith like Mom wanted me to?" "OH PELOR! THE PAIN!" "It's just an orge." "I don't feel so good." "What is this dart doing in my neck?" "I knew I should have taken the left door." "Protective amulet, my A**!" "Why does this scratch burn so much?" "I should have taken that saucy wench to my room when I had the chance." "That bas***d lied to me!" "Great, just great." "I'm not gonna die, I'm not gonna die, I'm not ..." "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm..." "135, 136, 137, 138, 139..." "Bring it on!" "Hya!" "Goblin army! Ha, more like a forest." "What the?!" "GIANT!" "Mommy."
Kazzaroth Pan'theon 07-03-04, 08:23 PM	Well, here are few; Player group was moving in city during the dark hours (nigth). IN the city has been mysterious amount of murders, all victims had been bitted to neck (dadaa, a vampire). One was lefted outside while others went into shaggy weapon store to ask clues about the murders. After failing severall listen, spot and even will save. When other came out from the store, they did not find their friend. One of them started trakc and soon it founded the torc what friend was holding, close in graveyard. They trakced their firend into one of the mausoleums. He was naked in mausoleum floor (his clothes torned in corner of the room). There was no further sing of life in the room. There was only dead blakc roses and coffin. They tried open the coffin, but it had some mechanis wich kept it closed. Well, the victim (öh, player) was bringed in the tavern. He was pale and all such, and had bite mark close in his groin (this caused common laugther in the group, of course the "victim" protested that). Then victim did not wake up in whole day (because of Con loss and being "drained"). Then in NEXT night players had lefted him alone the room and the vampire comed as mist into the room (by HALF closed window). Imagine this; when player's char wakes and meets the vampire woman AGAIN and this time atop of him, he tires to scream, but vampire's inteligent dress muffled his mouth (wich is btw made by blood) and tied his arms and legs to bed's corners. Then vampire screwed him AGAIN and then drinked from him (this was quite much for 15 old to hear, yes, I know that I am bad/evil, but his char had asked for it :rolleyes: ). After that player's char has never wanted to be alone in ANY case. It is always joyfull to see that char has "earned" real phobia to be alone and acts in that way :D. Notice that players were newbs and did not expect vampires have all these powers and so leanred by hard way :rolleyes: . There is other moments also; I once setted a dungeon full of demons, so players had just buyed by hard earned cash demon slaying wepaons and such. Then after long exploring and getting lost, they come into cavern where they meet one monster. Of course figther charges and strikes whit his iron sword into the creature. The creature ATE his sword, his ring of protection and tried hit into his armor. When ranger rolled succesfully in anture knowelgde check......... Cavern is filled whti horrid scream and all adventurer's splitted up and runned horrified away form monsters wich they could defeat in single round :D. The both cleric and monk had losted uncousion and founded themselves inside catacomb and then they opened one coffin and mummie comed out from coffin. Dwarf frozed whit fear and halfling just a just stayed ahead of the mummie wich was chasing him (dwarf was able to act only few turns later). Then other coffin was just goign open when dwarf set his 300lb pound arse into it and kept it jsut a jsut closed while he tried use last turn attempt to destroy or make mummie to run away. Because of low level and poor rolling nothign happened and so both dwarf and halfling runend away from the mummie wich followed them. Then the companions noticed that they were middle of large room whti full of stoen coffins. Each opened and revealed simialr skeleton from before. You can ques splayer's curses in ths point and they overrunned the skeletons blocking graveyard gate adn went to get backup. Then whit bakcup they coemd and beated 60 skeletons arse, but then floor opened and revealed 100 more skeletons to coming (believe me when I said that I had notes to support this)! In end, thye got all them killed, but the all the aprty members were uncousion, out of magic and only their swashbuckler/diviner still figthing 7 skeletons (the last skeleton figth was most exciting figth ever, even tough the used enlarge on cleric dwarf who already used large axe wich becomed huge axe after enlarging. Many skellies falled in those axe's wings..).
Battousai2005 07-04-04, 04:56 PM	Well, lets see, Barbarian, Paladin, Monk, hmmm. Its gonna be prestige classes soon. Time for... Why to be a _____ Ranger: 1) Ahhh, the great outdoors! 2) You get a not so ripped animal companion (for Cat) 3) Hey, two swords are better than one, two arrows are better than one. Well, mostly 4) Due to your stealthy approach to life, you can walk into a forest guiding you friends, hide in plain sight, and leave them there. 5) Hey, you can cast spells! Sorta... 6) Unlike the lawful good Paladin, getting drunk might appeal to you. 7) Stupid city slickers need you in the forest. 8) Favored enemy (females) gets you diplomacy bonus. 9) Heck, being a ranger just sounds cool. 10) Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. Mostly by killing those who want to start them.
kattattack22 07-04-04, 08:47 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 Well, lets see, Barbarian, Paladin, Monk, hmmm. Its gonna be prestige classes soon. Time for... Why to be a _____ Ranger: 1) Ahhh, the great outdoors! 2) You get a not so ripped animal companion (for Cat) 3) Hey, two swords are better than one, two arrows are better than one. Well, mostly 4) Due to your stealthy approach to life, you can walk into a forest guiding you friends, hide in plain sight, and leave them there. 5) Hey, you can cast spells! Sorta... 6) Unlike the lawful good Paladin, getting drunk might appeal to you. 7) Stupid city slickers need you in the forest. 8) Favored enemy (females) gets you diplomacy bonus. 9) Heck, being a ranger just sounds cool. 10) Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. Mostly by killing those who want to start them. I'm not going to let someone beat to this one Why to NOT a ranger 1) Bugs, Rain, Snow, Heat, Cold. Screw the outdoors. I am going to sit inside next to the warm fire. 2) Hillbilly Treants http://www.somethingpositive.net/arch/sp05042002.gif 3) Hillbilly Treants (http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp05012002.shtml) (#2 is so good that it holds the #3 spot as well. Click the link if you are not convinced.) 4) two swords != one really big sword (!= means does not equal) 5) Druids that feel they can boss you around since you are just "Nature's Warrior". 6) Stupid City Slickers needing you in the forest. 7) Being able to identify every animal by the size, shape, and smell of their poop will not get you dates. 8) People always asking if you can find "weed" for them. 9) Waking up with a bear licking your face is normal. 10) Being mistaken for Bigfoot.
Battousai2005 07-04-04, 10:45 PM	@Katt: That was great. Man, my life would be so boring without all you guys! Ok, now we go into the funs stuff. Prestige classes. Katt, if you don't know this one, than you should at least get the general draft. Why to be a ______. Drunken Master: 1) Beer 2) Wine 3) Vodka 4) You can drink bottles of ale and it acts as a potion of Cure wounds. 5) Because you are so loopy, you get a dodge bonus to AC 6) Improvised weapons. A chair is now a deadly weapon. Use the banjo if you must. 7) Fire breatheing 8) So you smell. The fact that you are too drunk to care counters that. 9) You can drink a pint of any alchoholic beverage as a move action. 10) A chaotic monk? Say it aien't so!
kattattack22 07-05-04, 12:41 AM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 @Katt: That was great. Man, my life would be so boring without all you guys! Ok, now we go into the funs stuff. Prestige classes. Katt, if you don't know this one, than you should at least get the general draft. Why to be a ______. Drunken Master: 1) Beer 2) Wine 3) Vodka 4) You can drink bottles of ale and it acts as a potion of Cure wounds. 5) Because you are so loopy, you get a dodge bonus to AC 6) Improvised weapons. A chair is now a deadly weapon. Use the banjo if you must. 7) Fire breatheing 8) So you smell. The fact that you are too drunk to care counters that. 9) You can drink a pint of any alchoholic beverage as a move action. 10) A chaotic monk? Say it aien't so! Geez another one all ready? I know the Druken Master since I had a player in my last game play one. Why to NOT be a ___________ Drunken Master 1) Prohibition would kill you 2) All the A.A. meetings 3) Your drunkeness doesn't last as long 4) Huge Hangovers 5) Your party might get a little angry if they are dying and you are busy drinking 6) All those women that looked so good the night before until the next morning you find out she was really a dwarven woman with a full beard. 7) projectile vomiting is real attractive 8) You can never remember how awesome your fighting was. 9) Carrying a tankard everywhere is just not pratical 10) Kids follow you everywhere begging for you to breath fire for them.
Jindl 07-05-04, 01:01 AM	Why its good to be a ___. Psion: 1> No more having to cheat off anyone elses paper. 2> Psionic charm, "You will go out with me. You will go out with me..." 3> $4 million purse at the 2004 World Series of Poker (lets see, he's bluffing, he has two pair, he has a pair of queens ... yep, my three dueces will win. "I'm all in.") 4> Have you seen that movie, The Shining? 5> Jedi mind tricks. 6> "You will go out with me. You will go out with me..." (still trying!?!) 7> You can actually understand women! 8> Moving things with your mind for fun and profit (ever played Roullette?) 9> When people tell you, "It's all just in your head," you can happily agree. 10> Have you ever wanted to be "The One"? -Jindl
Vega_Engi 07-05-04, 10:58 AM	My players were walking along the street in a town, which name I long since forgot. DM (me): You see a stone wall and a lever on it. What do you do? Players: We pass by... DM (me): Do you mean, YOU DON'T PRESS THE LEVER??!!!?!
Battousai2005 07-06-04, 01:23 PM	Why to be a _______ Sorcerer 1) You are hot. 2) You cast spells. 3) Unlike a wizard, you are young, good looking, and don't study. 4) During you adolecant years, strange things happened. You know, pyrotechnics at night, girls skirts flying up around you, and the school bully flying across the room. 5) Explosions galore!!! 6) There is something so satisfying about striking fear into the heart of an army by walking out into the battlefield against them. Alone. Without Weapons. 7) If all else fails, you can cast teleport more than once a day. 8) You are, what, 1/16th dragon? 9) Being chaotic is fun... 10) Did I mention the explosions and the fact that you are HOT?!?!?! (sorry, ran out of ideas)
Sindorin 07-06-04, 06:29 PM	Originally posted by kattattack22 [B]Geez another one all ready? I know the Druken Master since I had a player in my last game play one. Ah yes, there's nothing like a LAWFUL GOOD DRUNKEN MASTER... that was a great campaign... Varius will return... :smirk:
kattattack22 07-06-04, 06:43 PM	Ah yes, there's nothing like a LAWFUL GOOD DRUNKEN MASTER... that was a great campaign... Varius will return... Actually Steve, Harry's Half-Elven Druken Master was NEUTRAL GOOD. I also forgot to mention he named his druken master, Johnathan Archer. That got a lot of laughs. I'll get to those why not soon enough unless someone can think of better reasons faster than I can.
Sindorin 07-06-04, 08:12 PM	Originally posted by kattattack22 Actually Steve, Harry's Half-Elven Druken Master was NEUTRAL GOOD. I also forgot to mention he named his druken master, Johnathan Archer. That got a lot of laughs. I'll get to those why not soon enough unless someone can think of better reasons faster than I can. Well, i guess i figured that he was lawful good because of the way he rp'd through the campaign... and plus he was a monk before going drunken master... it just made more sense to me, but then again, something making sense to me in this game tends to express itself as an oxymoron. wheee! "Death comes quickly..." - Varius "WELL WE ALL FIGURED THAT!" Everyone else -me roleplaying my elf dual-scythe fighter dressed like Gregg the Grim Reaper from Conker's Bad Fur Day, I rolled really high initiative for an encounter and Varius made that comment, and the innuendo within actually made sense in character considering Varius was a fighter with 10 Con... I figure this stuff is perfect for a humor thread... Katt, either you have a damn good memory for minute detail or you pulled up his sheet from your stuff...
kattattack22 07-06-04, 08:18 PM	Originally posted by Sindorin "Death comes quickly..." - Varius "WELL WE ALL FIGURED THAT!" Everyone else -me roleplaying my elf dual-scythe fighter dressed like Gregg the Grim Reaper from Conker's Bad Fur Day, I rolled really high initiative for an encounter and Varius made that comment, and the innuendo within actually made sense in character considering Varius was a fighter with 10 Con... I figure this stuff is perfect for a humor thread... I seem to recall someone else asking, "what does your girlfriend think of that?" Now the real question is, was that before or after she started playing in our group?
Sindorin 07-06-04, 08:25 PM	Originally posted by kattattack22 I seem to recall someone else asking, "what does your girlfriend think of that?" Now the real question is, was that before or after she started playing in our group? oh, um, i dont know, um, hmm ... I am pretty sure it was before I met her, I know that because she was in for the last two sessions and I said it before those last ones. I probably said it during the session before I met her, because she was there the next time and I died during that one. At the time of that contestation I was able to claim singularity, so it didn't matter that death came quickly, at least he got to go first. :cool: I'm pretty sure she doesn't have anything to worry about in that field though.
Battousai2005 07-06-04, 08:52 PM	Katt, Sindorin, I love you guys. :pile: Just a curiosity, but I take it you two know each other?
Kaigan 07-06-04, 08:56 PM	Why to be a ______. Shadowdancer 1) Shadowdancer sounds cool, and looks good on your resume. 2) "What do you actually do?" "I dance in the shadows, duh!" 3) You have a shadow, except it moves. And if it touches someone... 4) Your shadow becomes buff, very buff, and bigger too. 5) If your losing, just jump away. 6) You can hide ... in shadows. 7) You can manipulate shadows, so that there are more of them. 8) You can dance!!!! 9) You get more HD than a rogue. 10)Shadow Jumping is fun. Just jump 160ft in, attack, and jump 160ft out, with spring attack of course.
Sindorin 07-06-04, 09:01 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 Katt, Sindorin, I love you guys. :pile: Just a curiosity, but I take it you two know each other? Yep, we both went to the same college last year, Katt was DMing my first D&D game EVER, and it was a bloody good time. Then he got me addicted to this bloody forum... :rolleyes:
Magagumo 07-06-04, 09:13 PM	Mwahahaha! Sounds like me and Snark ;)
kattattack22 07-06-04, 10:23 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 Katt, Sindorin, I love you guys. :pile: Just a curiosity, but I take it you two know each other? This is correct. Let's see I meet Sindorin because a friend of mine was his Student Advisor and I learned he played Magic: The Gathering. A couple of friends taught to me the year before and gave a bunch of free cr***y cards that I managed to turn into a decent deck and they didn't come back and I heard he wanted to play I was happy to oblige. Then he kicked my a**. Later when he joined in our circle of friends we roped him into further geekdom, namely D&D. He first tried a evil Sorcerer named Marr Darkwind. Very cool last name, but it was a lot for him to grasp right away so when he wasn't happy I helped him build his dual scythe weilding elf that looked like the reaper, named Varius. His background had lots of flavor and I decided since he included a nemesis to make him real and have the players get chased by demons and a gargantuan duck of doom. Did I mention their ill-fated venture into the Drow caves where Varius was taken down by a drow cleric that casted Slay Living on him (and he still says he enjoyed the game, amazing). This was after they took down 3 lv 9 drow rangers and a drow wizard grr.... but I'm not bitter. I'll just get even. Mwahahaha!
kattattack22 07-06-04, 11:36 PM	Attention! Achtung! This post contians lots of material that many people will find offensive, the purpose is for comedy. All Women, Rednecks, and other bashing is strictly for humor purposes only. I took Medieval to Early Modern European Women's History and taking Women in American History in the fall and I have nothing but respect and utter worship for the beings know as "women". Rednecks, well, I live and work among them. They're all not that bad, really. Gah! I'm falling behind horribly! Why to NOT be a ______________ Psion 1) Everyone trembles at the awesome display of you furrowing your brow when you use your powers. 2) Women are immune to mind-influencing effects due to the complexity and chaos of their thoughts (blondes a possible exception). 3) Women who are the exception are immune to mind-influencing effects because they don't have one (see possible exceptions above.) 4) You know what people really think about you. 5) You know what your partner is thinking about when getting intimate (see the movie "What Women Want") 6) Your psicrystal just isn't as cuddly as a cat, a toad, a wolf, etc. Well, maybe more cuddly than a wolf. 7) Your jedi mind tricks are no use against Power Word "Fine" From the d20 Guide to Female Gamers Power Word "Fine" Level: Female 1, All others 8 Components: V Casting Time: Instantaneous Range: As far as your voice carries Duration: One day Saving Throw: None Spell Resistance: Yes During a heated argument the female mage can invoke the dreaded and terrible power word 'fine'. This word when shouted renders all further argument on this topic impossible and the woman is considered to have won. This is especially useful while trading or bluffing past guards. 8) You just can't contend with the hypnotic power of T&A. 9) Pyrokinesis doesn't mix well with high school (see the movies Firestarter and Carrie for details) 10) The shock and horror when your parents find you with your special ectoplasmic creation. Sorcerer 1) You're the next best thing to "girlie elven boys" for them (see below). http://www.somethingpositive.net/arch/sp05042002.gif 2) Orcs that chide, "Who's the prettiest now, b**ch?" When they stomp you flat. 3) Yeah, explosions happen a lot with you, but premature ones are never good. 4) You can convince the dumb orc that the sky is red, but your significant other can still tell when you are hiding something. 5) You alone in the middle of an army without weapons. Yeah, sounds like a good idea, but it only takes a few hits and then you are down screaming like the girlie boy that you are. 6) Your taunting the of wizard not being to use all the basic weapons comes to quick halt when he uses his heightened quickened stilled silent phantasmal killer on you, ouch. 7) The bard is always winking at you when you ask him to leave your room so you can change your clothes and its becoming unsettling. 8) The rogue always thinks you are talking in innuendo to the bard. 9) Celestials are still prettier than you. 10) No Battousai, I don't think you mentioned those two facts. Man, that last one took a lot out of me since the character I played the longest was a sorcerer named Emrys. I love the class and I feel like I've betrayed it. Oh well, moving on. Shadowdancer 1) People always requesting exotic shadowdancing, whatever that is. 2) When you tell people that you specialize at hiding in shadows they always assume you're a peeping Tom. 3) Redneck Treants find dancing very attractive putting you at #4 on their list. Oh how they love it when you squirm. 4) You have soo many women friends in your dance class. It's too bad they don't want to date you because it would ruin your friendship. 5) Your ballet moves suggest an alternative lifestyle. 6) REAL men wear tights in your dreams. 7) Those 'shady dealings' jokes about your shadow get really annoying. 8) Enemies keep laughing at you as you prance about while fighting. 9) Your ability to make the most lifelike shadow puppets is quite entertaining on a lonely Friday night. 10) "You can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind" The bard purposely keeps singing "The Safety Dance" each time you save your skin. Whew! Did it! Hope you enjoy it and please don't kill me.
Sindorin 07-07-04, 05:29 PM	Originally posted by kattattack22 This is correct. Let's see I meet Sindorin because a friend of mine was his Student Advisor and I learned he played Magic: The Gathering. A couple of friends taught to me the year before and gave a bunch of free cr***y cards that I managed to turn into a decent deck and they didn't come back and I heard he wanted to play I was happy to oblige. Then he kicked my a**. Later when he joined in our circle of friends we roped him into further geekdom, namely D&D. He first tried a evil Sorcerer named Marr Darkwind. Very cool last name, but it was a lot for him to grasp right away so when he wasn't happy I helped him build his dual scythe weilding elf that looked like the reaper, named Varius. His background had lots of flavor and I decided since he included a nemesis to make him real and have the players get chased by demons and a gargantuan duck of doom. Did I mention their ill-fated venture into the Drow caves where Varius was taken down by a drow cleric that casted Slay Living on him (and he still says he enjoyed the game, amazing). This was after they took down 3 lv 9 drow rangers and a drow wizard grr.... but I'm not bitter. I'll just get even. Mwahahaha! Ah yes, the flying duck of doom that ran into the airship... I swear we weren't smoking or drinking anything when we played the campaign. yes, i was trying NOT TO MENTION what happened in those caves, that was hilarious because I was hacking away at all these baddies and killing lots and lots of them, and then all the sudden, i'm like, dead. It was funny, and i wasn't mad or anything, though it was a bit embarrassing because Ash and I had just gotten together and the first time she ever played D&D her boyfriend's character died. Plus, it was a Fort Save, and Varius's Fort Save was horrible, he was level 10 or so and his fort save was like +6... baddd. But yes, Marr Darkwind was a fun character to play because he was neutral evil and everyone else was either good or neutral, and no one knew he was evil in game. There was one point where we found a big ErD DeRgUn in this one place. Three of us went in (me the sorc, a rogue/ranger/lesbo and a dwarf fighter). The dwarf saw the Durgon sleeping on top of lots of treasure, so he went up to it and smacked it in the head. The dragon awoke and fried him and the ranger, but my evil sorc was able to bluff his way out if it (hey, bribery actually works in this game! woohoo!) so after giving the dragon all of the gold in my possession I gathered the ashes of the other two and caught up to the rest of the party, some of who were unconcious as well, and then there was the cleric who was like 'i ain't goin in there'. We got lucky that a deity (ehlonna I think it was) showed up and res'd our dead people, and fortunately my evil alignment was not discovered. Then I lost his character sheet, and thus Varius was created. Varius would get his butt kicked here in the Coliseum. In order to create the +3 Evil Outsider Bane Frost Scythe that I found, I would have to spend lots of GP. Lots. Late in the campaign I found Darkwind's character sheet and gave it to Katt. Marr appeared as an ally of my nemesis demon in the final encounter of the campaign... we kicked his butt, it was fun trying to kill characters that I created, it really was! there is a lesson to be learned by all, not just me the new player, from that campaign. NEVER write a huge description with lots of torture, evil, and bad people in your character's past and then GIVE IT TO THE DM. EVEN IF HE ASKS FOR A THING FROM EVERYONE. DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! :) edit: if you go to katt's web page from his signature you can find the epilogue from our campaign. yes, our sorc/fighter/arcane archer DID impregnate Ehlonna. and he was half-elf, too, so theoretically that is impossible.
Battousai2005 07-07-04, 05:50 PM	Yah, sorcerer was my first character too. Now one I won't feel bad if you thrash... Ok, so now its Why to be a _____. Dwarven Defender 1) List of Dwarven battlecrys: "For Kahz'modan!!!," "Die you son of a motherless orc!!!," and the ever popular "RAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" 2) You are strong as a rock and twice as stubborn, 3) Take diehard and you are a brick wall that moves. 4) Unlike most dwarves, you have a reflex save. 5) While you are ugly, the really hot casters love you anyway. 6) "Tis but a flesh wound." 7) d12 hit die and you are lawful 8) See the wall, feel the wall, be the wall. 9) Hey, defense is like rage, but its cooler. Sorta... 10) Redneck treants will ignore you as you are ugly as sin!!!
kattattack22 07-08-04, 09:55 AM	@Sindorin - Ehlonna is a goddess. If she wants to get impregnated by a half-elf then she can. Besides he two forms she appears to mortals in are a golden haired female elf and raven haired woman. Boy, I don't know if this will be any good. I think that post where I did 3 in row may have burned me out on the Why not to be's but I'll give it a shot. Why to NOT be ____________ Dwarven Defender 1) You have to be STANDING STILL for your defensive stance. Hey guys there is a dwarf in our way! Go around him! 2) Later on you can take 5' steps in your stance. Not only are you solid as a rock, but as slow as rock too. 3) You defend dwarves. Really, is it worth defending a bunch of stubborn gruff drunks that probably won't appreciate it anyway? 4) Your battle cry of "MOMMY!" just doesn't strike fear into the hearts of your foes like you thought. 5) Hot casters? Since when did dwarves embrace the arcane arts or druids. A cleric of Moridin maybe, but have you seen dwarven women? 6) Yes, you can take a lot of punishment with damage reduction and d12 hit die, but do you really want to be punching bag for 5,218 orcs? 7) Flesh wounds still hurt. 8) Yes, I want to obey the laws since they won't let you steal, brawl in bars, hire female company, etc. [/sarcasm] 9) Your ability to stand straight and tall against assult only makes the redneck treants work harder on you. 10) You have to be a dwarf.
Caterane 07-08-04, 10:04 AM	:rofl: Redneck Tree. If that one doesn't strike fear into you, no one does. Hey Matt, where did you get it from? Is this one of your homebrew creatures? I definately have to join your group :D
kattattack22 07-08-04, 10:31 AM	Originally posted by Caterane :rofl: Redneck Tree. If that one doesn't strike fear into you, no one does. Hey Matt, where did you get it from? Is this one of your homebrew creatures? I definately have to join your group :D Alas, no this is not one of my homebrew creatures. It's from an online comic Something Positive (http://www.somethingpositive.net) A friend recently got me hooked on it. It's quite hilarious. If I find it I might post my Titanic Duck of Doom or my fire-breathing squirrels :). Might need a whole new thread for silly homebrew monsters. While it would be great if you could join my group currently I don't have one :(. I won't until September when college starts up again. Then I shall put my victims... err, players into my world with Gods of the elements full of elemental creatures.
kattattack22 07-08-04, 11:38 AM	Since I have been rained out from work this morning. Here are some creatures that I made for my Depizan campaign and actually used against players. All monsters are 3.5 compliant. Fire Breathing Squirrells About 6 inches wide and couple feet long the creature resembles a brown rodent with brown fur, beady black eyes, and a long bushy tail. Small Magical Beast (fire) Hit Dice: 3d8+9 (26 hp) Initiative: +3 Speed: 40'; climb 20' AC: 15 (+3 dex, +1 size, +1 natural) touch 14, flat 12 BAB: |+2 Grapple: +2 Attack: +5 Bite 1d4 Full Attack: +5 Bite 1d4 Special Attack: Breath Weapon Special Qualities: fire subtype, low-light vision, scent Saves: Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +4 Abilities: Str 10, Dex 17, Con 16, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 4 Skills: Balance +11, Climb +11, Hide +7, Move Silently +7 Feats: Weapon Finesse Ability Focus (Breath Weapon) CR: 3 Breath Weapon (Su): A FBS can project a 30' cone of fire dealing all within 1d8 fire damage a DC 16 Reflex save reduces this damage by half (save is Con based and include feat bonus). Once used a FBS must wait 2d4 rounds before it uses this ability again. Skills: FBS recieve a +8 bonus to Climb and Balance checks. FBS also receive +4 to Hide and Move Silently checks. A FBS may always take 10 on climb even at times when taking 10 is normally not possible. Cuddlewuddlebumpas http://rds.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=muppets/v=2/l=IVS/*-http://grog.uchicago.edu/pastor.jpg Would look something similar except pink and lots of sharp teeth in the mouth. Standing about 3' tall the creature is humaniod shape and is covered in shaggy pink fur. It has large eyes and paws for hands. Its mouth seems to strech across its entire face. At first glance it seems harmless, but when it opens its mouth many sharp teeth are revealed. Small Outsider (Extraplanar, Dream) Hit Dice: 11d8+11 (64 hp) Initiative: +2 Speed: 20' AC: 19 (+2 dex, +2 natural, +4 deflection +1 size) BAB: +11/+6/+1 Grapple: +7/+2/-3 (-4 size) Attack: +13 Bite 1d6 Full Attack: +13/+8/+3 Bite 1d6 Special Attack: Charm Gaze, Attach Special Qualities: Fast Healing 2, Outsider Traits, Cuteness Saves: Fort +8, Ref +9, Will +7 Abilities: Str 10, Dex 15, Con 13, Int 4, Wis 10, Cha 18 Skills: Bluff +18, Hide +16, Listen +14, Move Silently +16, Spot +14 Feats: Improved Natural Attack (bite), Weapon Focus (bite), Ability Focus (Charm Gaze) CR: 12? Cuddlewuddlebumpas usually are found in the dreams of children befriending them and playing with them. They sometimes are true friends and will protect the child from nightmares and other bad dreams. Other times they befriend the child, use their charm gaze, and attempt to devour the child before it can wake. Charm Gaze (Su): As a standard action the Cuddlewuddlebumpas may look into the eyes of a creature and attempt to charm it as per Charm Monster or Charm Person spell. The Charm Gaze has a range of 30' and a DC 21 Will save negates (save is Charisma based and includes a feat bonus). Attach (Ex): If a cuddlewuddlebumpas hits with a bite attack, it uses its powerful jaws to latch onto the opponent’s body and automatically deals bite damage each round it remains attached. An attached cuddlewuddlebumpas loses its Dexterity bonus to Armor Class and has an AC of 17. An attached cuddlewuddlebumpas can be struck with a weapon or grappled itself. To remove an attached cuddlewuddlebumpas through grappling, the opponent must achieve a pin against the creature. Cuteness (Su): A cuddlewuddlebumpas is so cute that creatures have a hard time hitting it. A cuddlewuddlbumpas adds its Charisma modifier to AC as a deflection bonus. I can't find my Titanic Duck of Doom stats, but when I do I'll post them as well.
Jindl 07-08-04, 11:55 AM	Hey, I like the Fire Breathing Squirrels. Not only are they trainable under handle animal rules, but they look like a good candidate for the improved familiar feat. Do they have the fire immunity, extra damage from cold issues common among those with the fire subtype? -Jindl
Kazzaroth Pan'theon 07-08-04, 06:24 PM	Well, here are more "why to be" prestige classes; Why to be: Assasin 1) You can kill your victim whit single strike. 2) If target is not killed by single strike, the sheer damage from sneak attack and poisoned weapon cause target's life miserable. 3) If everything fails, you can "disappear" more than one way and no one cannot find you out! 4) You get sneaky spells like sorcerror, but you need only high enough Int do them! 5) By simple fact that you get living by killing people makes you life easier. You get insane XP rewards for doing what you enjoy! Scheam, plot, plan the job, sneak, stab, kill and get paid handsomely. 6) You can drink poisoned wine and actually discuss about it's effectivness whit poisoner. 7) You can disguise as someone's husband quite easily, and so whit high bluff skill you can share his wife ;). 8) You are evil, so everyone thinks that high IQ is trademark in your profession (wich btw is true ;)). 9) No worry get backstabbed, you have learned how to dodge such attempts. 10) You can wear black and it always suits you!
kattattack22 07-08-04, 07:24 PM	Originally posted by Jindl Hey, I like the Fire Breathing Squirrels. Not only are they trainable under handle animal rules, but they look like a good candidate for the improved familiar feat. Do they have the fire immunity, extra damage from cold issues common among those with the fire subtype? -Jindl Yes they do. Add the quote below to their little description I have for them. Too bad they are not core, eh? Fire Subtype: A creature with the fire subtype has immunity to fire. It has vulnerability to cold, which means it takes half again as much (+50%) damage as normal from cold, regardless of whether a saving throw is allowed, or if the save is a success or failure. Titanic Duck of Doom It's a big angry duck. Quack. Gargantuan Animal Hit Dice: 25d8+225 (341 hp) Initiative: -1 Speed: 10'; swim 40'; fly 40' (poor) AC: 25 (-1 dex, -4 size, +20 natural) touch 5, flat 25 BAB: +18/+13/+8/+3 Grapple: +45/+40/+35/+30 (+15 str, +12 size) Attack: +24 Peck 3d8+7 Full Attack: +24/+19/+14/+9 Peck 3d8+7 Special Attack: Trample Special Qualities: low-light vision Saves: Fort +25, Ref +13, Will +9 Abilities: Str 40, Dex 9, Con 28, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 6 Skills: Swim +23 Feats: Weapon Finesse, Great Fortitude CR: 13 Trample (Ex): As a standard action on its turn the titanic duck of doom can trample Huge or smaller opponents. This attack deals 3d8+22 (1.5 x Str Mod). The opponent may attempt an attack of oppurtunity at a -4 penalty or a Reflex save for half damage DC 30 (15 + Str Mod). Skills: Titanic Duck of Doom receives a +8 racial bonus to swim checks. Titantic Duck of Doom may always choose to take 10 on a swim check even when taking 10 is not normally possible.
MotherBast 07-09-04, 07:21 AM	hey Katt, you do know that Natural Attacks (like peck and bite) do not get extra attacks for high BAB right?
kattattack22 07-09-04, 01:14 PM	Originally posted by MotherBast hey Katt, you do know that Natural Attacks (like peck and bite) do not get extra attacks for high BAB right? uhh... Nope.
Battousai2005 07-09-04, 03:44 PM	Wow, I have to say, I never expected this thread to catch on. So, down to it... Why to be a ______. Dragon Deciple 1) You are a caster. A caster with strength. 2) You have wings. Aside from looking cool, you can pick up chicks with them. 3) Vicious attack: you scratch your claws against a chalkboard. 4) Morning breath has nothing on yours. 5) "Hey look, I can see with my eyes closed!" 6) Hey, you were a bard or sorcerer in all likelyhood. That boot to charisma only makes you more irresistable. 7) You become a half dragon without the LA. (someone should tell Big Z) 8) When you bite someones head off, you really bite his head off. 9) Hey, you get bonus spells. More fireballs!!! 10) If those redneck treefolk try anything, you just light them on fire with that breath weapon, claw them to death, or cast stilled spells on them.
Battousai2005 07-11-04, 04:56 PM	Kattattack, where are you?!?!? Anyway, more of Why to be a _______ Blackguard 1) Stupid, sissy paladins have nothing on your buffness. 2) Hey, improved sunder is a prereque. Now you can sever you old ties, enemies weapons, enemies limbs, necks, whatever. 3) You are the most evil, maniacle, villinous, and despicible character on the face of the planet. Doesn't matter because you are hot and powerful. 4) You work well with assassins. You distract the enemy by removing a hand or two, the assassin slits the throat. Match made in heaven. Or hell. 5) Its perfectly normal for you to hack your foe into little, tiny pieces. 6) Drinking enemies blood gives you their power, right? 7) Either summon a large, fiendish horse, or a zombie. Your choice. 8) Being the opposite of a paladin, people should like you more as you are not as arrogant, haughty, and holier then thou. No, you are arrogant, haughty, and unholier then thou. 9) Made a mistake? Blame evil. 10) "Any redneck treeant wanna mess with this?" (Pulls out big ax) "No? Too bad. Say, wanna help me get revenge on this one elf? It'll be fun for you..." So you're sick and depraved. That elf will wish she never saw you...
kattattack22 07-12-04, 02:42 AM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 Kattattack, where are you?!?!? I'm here. I got caught up earlier doing all three of these and then my internet died. So here is the recreation just for all of you. On a side note, I am amazed on how the redneck treants have become a running joke here. It showed up in Caterane's latest fight and now I know I am doing my job here. Why to NOT be a/an _______________ Assassin 1) It won't improve your spelling. 2) Killing people quickly takes all the fun out of it. 3) Your dry cleaning bills are a b**** from all the blood that has to be removed. 4) Those annoying jokes about you "backstabbing" men all the time. 5) Black isn't your color. 6) The question "What do you do for a living?" ends all your dates prematurely. 7) All the lying and disguising just for sloppy seconds from another guy's wife. 8) Redneck treants are not subject to critical hits, therefore, not death attacks as well. 9) People always calling you an Assassin. 10) People are not scared when you tell them that you are an assasin, whatever that is. Dragon Disciple 1) Not everyone finds scales and bat wings attractive. 2) Burping on a date becomes more than just a faux pas, it becomes another lonely night. 3) Constant replacement of your wardrobe as you tear tunics to peices with your claws. 4) People's heads always getting stuck in your teeth. 5) Before you were a weak bard or sorcerer with kick a** spells, now you are on par with the rest of race and have less spells then could have. 6) You thought redneck treants were bad. Wait till you meet the redneck dragons. 7) Redneck dragons again. You were a sexy bard or sorcerer before and becoming a dragon only makes you more of a target. Gee, I hope you weren't an girlie elf-boy too... 8) All that weight gain, you did realize wings would put weight on you right? 9) Knowing that one of ancestors got nasty with a dragon. 10) You become a half-dragon giving up 4 or 5 spell levels, GENIUS! [/sarcasm] Blackguard You know what? I can't think of any reason to not be a blackguard. They are just too cool. Other than you are a simpering idiot that thinks of overly complex ways to kill meddlers only to have them escape time and time again to foil your plans. CURSES! 2) You bring style to being evil. That's right, you are the gay BBEG. Not there is anything wrong with the lifestyle, but the combination of the two is very odd. 3) You can only get orcs, goblins, and other humaniods with an Int score averaging 3 or 4 for henchmen. 4) The great dark powers you serve always demanding so much and when you have served your purpose you are terminated, literally. 5) Always having to try and convince those uppity paladins to serve the same dark power and if so they become more powerful and replace you. 6) Dark, dank, and crummy lairs. You'd think you could be evil from a nice lush mansion, but nooooo. 7) The Brimstone smell just will not wash out of your cape. 8) Nothing says confidence like the escape tunnel behind your throne. 9) Right-hand men always betraying you trying to get on top when all they had to was ask. 10) People always talking about your right-hand man "backstabbing" your Backguard.
Battousai2005 07-15-04, 10:47 PM	Katt, that was beautiful and masterfully done. Redneck dragons, eh? So those would be red dragons with many repressed sexual issues? Anyway, back to why to be a _____? (Running low on classes, here) Arcane archer 1) Well, you are widely proclaimed as the most godly archer among the most godly archer race. Nice! 2) The idea of an arrow flying at a person normally is dissettling. One that might explode is downright nerve wrecking. 3) We all know melee is for idiots, right? 4) You are a caster, so Cat hates your guts. 5) Hey, free magic arrows! Well, thats a little less GP there... 6) Shooting arrows through walls is just cool. 7) "I never miss" is not just a creedo, its truth. 8) Watching your arrow suddenly become 10 and rush at enemy lines gives you this warm, fuzzy feeling. 9) Free finger of death when you graduate the class. 10) Rednecks? Thats the melee build's job! I just turn them into redneck pincushions!
Battousai2005 07-16-04, 02:46 PM	I've decided to take a small break from Why to be a ___. This was something my friend put in my yearbook. I found it humorous. Hey, guess what my stats are! Str: Fifty million bazillion infinity Dex: You may be faster, but I'm quicker! Con: 7 Int: You know... Wis: -7 Cha: So high I don't even know!!!
kattattack22 07-16-04, 09:05 PM	Originally posted by Battousai2005 Katt, that was beautiful and masterfully done. Redneck dragons, eh? So those would be red dragons with many repressed sexual issues? Thank you, Thank you. No need to applaude, just send money. Well, I was thinking a Half-Red Dragon/Any type of dragon that lives in the boonies, wears only overalls, and plays the banjo, but your definition works too. Glad you are taking a break from the Why to be's. I don't think I can handle any more why nots for a while. Instead more ridiculous monster ideas! (no stats, yet.) Wereduck - When the full moon is out, a terrible quacking can be heard in the woods... Baaetzu Lawyer - *poof* "Excuse me, cease and desist all your 'adventuring' activities. I have here an injunction against your 'party' until an official investigation into your adventuring business." Two Tiny Anthromorphic Mice bent on world domination - "What do want to tonight?" "The same thing we do every night..." Purple Saurials with Hypnotic Gaze Attacks - *giggle* "I love you, do you love me?" A swarm of tiny bizarro verisons of your character a goblin lich - He can live forever, but stills a step stool. Half-Brass Dragon/ Half-Pixe - Its annoying and won't shut up. Porno Elemental - Don't ask... Ogre Nuns - it was bad only when they made your knuckles red, now they can break your hand!
Battousai2005 07-17-04, 11:26 PM	How about a new spin on things? Instead of the 'Why to Be ____,' we shift to... You know you're a Dwarf when... 1) Everyone is calling you 'stumpy' and 'short stuff.' 2) You take a large axe and chop said peaple in halves. 3) You say things like 'NOT THE BEARD!!!' 4) You are the only non-gnome who understands gnomes. 5) you think elves are silly and immature. 6) despite your stature, you are one of the most feared fighting forces in existance. 7) life is about the forge, the hammer, or the axe. 8) your tough and hearty nature wins you no friends. 9) law and order comes naturally to you, despite your somewhat gruff and tough guy tendancy. 10) your beard is longer than you are!
kattattack22 07-23-04, 09:32 PM	Warning! This is only a joke, a gross joke, but a joke none the less. Hello and welcome to another special Marta Steward Fantasy Living. Today we will be making a face peel that will remove all your wrinkles and have you looking 10 years younger. First, you need to gather your ingredients. Some avacado and tree sap to give the peel texture and allow it to harden. Then all you need is some aloe leaves, mud, and blood freshly squeezed from twelve virgin hearts. Then add your avacado and aloe leaves to your mud. Make sure to mash them all up and stir vigoursly. Once you have finished that add your tree sap with a bit of water and stir. Then take your fresh blood and stir that in. Then you apply to your face and let it harden overnight. In the morning peel it off and your face will look young and healthy! Join me next week when I show you how to fertilize your garden with your victim's internal organs and to make lovely wind chimes from their bones.
Battousai2005 07-24-04, 01:44 PM	Originally posted by kattattack22 Warning! This is only a joke, a gross joke, but a joke none the less. Hello and welcome to another special Marta Steward Fantasy Living. Today we will be making a face peel that will remove all your wrinkles and have you looking 10 years younger. First, you need to gather your ingredients. Some avacado and tree sap to give the peel texture and allow it to harden. Then all you need is some aloe leaves, mud, and blood freshly squeezed from twelve virgin hearts. Then add your avacado and aloe leaves to your mud. Make sure to mash them all up and stir vigoursly. Once you have finished that add your tree sap with a bit of water and stir. Then take your fresh blood and stir that in. Then you apply to your face and let it harden overnight. In the morning peel it off and your face will look young and healthy! Join me next week when I show you how to fertilize your garden with your victim's internal organs and to make lovely wind chimes from their bones. :mymy: *vomits* :sad:
Battousai2005 08-21-04, 09:37 PM	Anyone ever play Baldur's Gate? Remember Minsc? Well, he was a ranger, animal companion: Hamster. Named Boo. Miniature Giant Space Veriaty. I was cruising for fun manga, then I found this. http://www.megatokyo.com/strips/0090.gif Also, thought I'd bring the thread up to remind everyone about it.
Battousai2005 08-23-04, 02:27 PM	Kaigan is moving to Canada soon, so it's likely that I won't see him for a while. I left him a little present here though. http://www.megatokyo.com/strips/0213.gif
kattattack22 08-23-04, 07:59 PM	Must resist urge to link in PvP and SP strips that are D&D related... ... urge subsiding.... ...Argh! new urge, to link in 8-bit theater... ...a 1! failed Will save... ...see the unspeakable horror... http://www.nuklearpower.com/comics/010526.jpg http://www.nuklearpower.com/comics/011026.gif http://www.nuklearpower.com/comics/020122.gif Doesn't this remind you of someone? (its a rhetorical question, don't answer it) http://www.nuklearpower.com/comics/020124.gif There are more, but for the sake of those of us with dial up (like me) I won't put anymore up for now... Mwahahaha!
kattattack22 08-23-04, 11:43 PM	Hey Everyone! I am going to try something new for this thread, A humorous D&D story-in-the-round. Read the posts marked Story I: post <insert arabic numerial here>. Then pick up where the last post left off. Don't forget to title your post with Story I: post x. Without further ado here is the first post. A gnome in red robes named Nub decided to have a morning stroll. As he walked the streets of Gladius he came across a girl seated at a small wooden table outside a large. Across the girl sat a stuff doll made with cloth with brown strings for hair. The girl and the doll both had cups placed in front of them. As he passed he heard a voice say, "Now you like a cup of tea dear Lysira?" Nub watched from the corner of his expecting the girl to reach out as if to fill the doll's cup, yet the doll stood up in her chair and reached over to fill the girl's cup. Nub now turned to the girl, "Do you have magic or psionics to make your doll move?" "She doesn't speak much." Nub's mouth dropped in amazement as the doll spoke and the girl continued to sit still, staring ahead at nothing. "How can this be?" "Hehehe, you're funny a gnome," continued the doll. "Do you think Lysira is pretty?" "Uhh... Umm..." "I know she leaves many men speechless." Nub's head turned as the house door opened. All right! Now is the chance for someone to make this strange stituation funny. Remember to title your response Story I: post 2
Sindorin 09-08-04, 02:30 PM	I was paging through the xphb (expanded psionics handbook) and I notice in Chapter 5: Powers, the power "Deja Vu" is printed twice. That's right, I'm talking about Deja vu here. :rolleyes:
kattattack22 10-18-04, 03:23 PM	Funny boasts... "The wenches love me and the dragons fear me" "I've mounted many beasts" "I've drank so much that I've probably populated a country by myself" (female pirate) "I've crushed fifteen men's skulls between me thighs." (big half-orc) "Me draw pretty pretty fuzzy bunny." "I've scared so many men s***less that I've begun to smell!" "I picked up a wooden duck statuette with a symbol of pain on it"