Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Raven Dark 02-06-06, 02:37 PM	Our group is preparing for a Forgotten Realms campaign shortly and have created a trio of evil 6th-level characters itching to tackle the world's most dangerous dungeon: Undermountain. We were hoping you, being an imaginative and creative bunch, would glance at our character backgrounds and help us fill in plot holes, find group cohesion, and generally make them better. :D So far we have a NE female kenku (Enchanter 5/Shadow Adept 1) named Valaelas, a LE male human (Ranger 1/Fallen Paladin 5) named Jason, and a NE male tiefling (Rogue 4/Ranger 1) named Kain. We are expecting a fourth party member, but it has yet to be created. The paladin is aspiring to be a blackguard and the tiefling hopes to become a cavelord. Without further ado... Jason Rolland This bio hasn't been written up yet, but you can make out most of this character's pertinent history by reading Val's bio shown below. Kain Schiek Appearance: Kain appears to be a handsome young man with long flowing hair and startlingly intense eyes. He has been blessed with smooth skin and a fine physical build. If it weren’t for the rows of sharp fangs and long, snaking forked tongue in his mouth, Kain would easily pass as a human. Clothing: Kain prefers tight black clothing that helps conceal his presence in dark places. He often wears a terrifying ivory mask to hide his true facial features when traveling amongst those who would persecute him for his ancestry. Personality: Kain is a survivor who looks after himself first and foremost in all things. He cares little for others and tends to be very antisocial. Kain has no tolerance for fools and is quick to abandon them to their own fates. He tends towards honesty when dealing with business issues as it nets him more work, but he has no compunctions against cheating, killing, lying, or stealing in other situations. Region of Origin: Kain grew up in Skullport, but he often frequents Waterdeep above for various purposes. History/Background: Kain has seen much of the Undardark and lived to tell about it. He has since used this knowledge and experience to become an extremely successful guide in and around the subterranean city of Skullport. He remembers very little of his childhood and knows almost nothing of his heritage—nor does he truly care about it. His only concerns are the “here and now.” Recently, however, his business dealings have bottomed out tremendously. He feared he would lose his profits and was desperately looking for some way to draw in more customers when he came across an old contact. His contact, Valaelas, was a female kenku enchanter and slaver of some renown. She had been exiled from Skullport because of a failed scheme and was looking for a way to get back at those who exiled her. Kain saw this request for aid as the perfect opportunity to increase his waning profit margins. Through subtle manipulation he convinced the enchanter to venture with him into the world’s most infamous dungeon: Undermountain. Valaelas, believing the idea to be her own, began preparations to enter Undermountain and search its dungeon depths for resources she could use against her enemies. Kain hopes to “guide” Valaelas and her companions through Undermountain successfully. If he and his companions are able to venture into its depths and come out alive again, no one will doubt his talent as an Underdark guide ever again. Indeed, if he is able to come out with some treasure to show for his trouble, his newly acquired reputation and wealth will cause aspiring treasure hunters to hire him for further expeditions into Undermountain and other dangerous locals. Character Hook: I shall grant you the privilege of seeing my true face before you die. Valaelas the Black Appearance: Valaelas, except for her fine clothes, is a short frail-looking creature with hunched posture, dull gray beak, smooth black feathers, and beady red eyes. Clothing: Valaelas prefers to wear fine garments suitable only to nobility. Still, she will resort to wearing “lesser rags” as the situation warrants. Personality: Valaelas is a manipulative little creature who is used to getting her own way. She is abrasive, bossy, conniving, greedy, lazy, selfish, and untrustworthy. Still, she hopes to one day become both rich and powerful and she has little concern for who she has to step on to get there. Region of Origin: Valaelas grew up in Skullport beneath the depths of Waterdeep. She knows much about the surrounding area and once made quite a profitable living there as a slaver. History/Background: Valaelas has always wanted power and riches. To this end she is constantly scheming. Lately however, one of her many schemes came to light in the worst way and she was forced to abandon Skullport for her own safety. Due to this unfortunate turn of events she has decided to find some other method of obtaining power. Having grown up on the fantastic rumors and stories of Undermountain, she happens to be very knowledgeable of the dangers and riches therein. She believes that by trying her hand at plundering its dungeon depths she might find some means of destroying her enemies. In this way she hopes to gain back her lost position in Skullport—and with any luck, she will also find enough treasure to make up for the suffering she has already had to endure. Fearing her powers wouldn’t be enough for the horrors of Undermountain, she began a search for a powerful individual she could easily control. Her short-lived search came to an end with the human paladin, Jason. Valaelas the Black used her powerful enchantments to befriend the paladin and soon set up an elaborate scheme that ended with the death of Jason’s only daughter, the deaths of several of Torm’s leading clerics, and the fall of a mighty hero to evil. Using her magic, Valaelas struck Jason’s daughter with a terrible and wasting disease. She then pretended to help in the attempts to find a cure all the while implicating Jason’s own church for her own heinous act. By using a combination of forged documents, charms, and magical suggestions, Valaelas was able to not only convince the paladin that his own church was responsible for his daughter’s debilitating death, but to incite such a rage in him that he attacked and killed the head of the temple as well as several fellow disciples of Torm. With the paladin’s fall also came exile. As a criminal and an excommunicated paladin, Jason had nowhere to go, no one to turn to—no one except his one remaining “friend” Valaelas. Ever since, Valaelas has manipulated Jason’s grief and rage into something she can use—a powerful new apprentice and aspiring blackguard in the service of Shar. Valaelas can’t teach divine magic, but that is of little consequence as all she need do now is show Jason the right doors to open and leave Shar to take care of the rest. Soon, her new apprentice will be ready and he and Valaelas, along with an assortment of other “pawns,” will be ready to tackle Undermountain. Character Hook: Whether you like it or not you now belong to me. THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR ANY HELP YOU CAN PROVIDE!
Raven Dark 02-07-06, 03:13 PM	I posted this thread twice and both times you guys let it fall to the 2nd page witout a single reply!? Thanks for all the help! :mad:
Fithero 02-08-06, 12:41 AM	Well what do you want from us mate? Youve given us two bio's out of three and expect us to make up the third out of one of the other two. What are you actaully looking for? Do you want help on how to improve on the story side of the characters, their motivations, their goals... we need to know what you want before we can help. So far what you have is pretty good, two sound backgrounds, i would write up that 3rd bio though, its a bit poor to leave it inside another one. Later
Ashianyl 02-08-06, 12:50 AM	I posted this thread twice and both times you guys let it fall to the 2nd page witout a single reply!? Thanks for all the help! :mad: wow... such rudeness from one asking for help. ah well, i still wish you the best of luck in getting people to help you with whatever you requested. :)
Raven Dark 02-08-06, 01:19 AM	Well what do you want from us mate? Youve given us two bio's out of three and expect us to make up the third out of one of the other two. I want imaginative people to help feed me ideas on how I can write the backgrounds to make them better. I want English majors to help me fix any mistakes I may have made or to help me better organize the sentence structure. I want anyone to help me find possible "holes" in the stories. What are you actaully looking for? Do you want help on how to improve on the story side of the characters, their motivations, their goals... we need to know what you want before we can help. Yes, yes, and yes. So far what you have is pretty good, two sound backgrounds, i would write up that 3rd bio though, its a bit poor to leave it inside another one. Unfortunately, I can't write the 3rd one as we players write our own backgrounds and not those of other players (although we do edit each other's work and collaborate a lot). I agree that it is poor form to leave one story inside another, but until that third player actually writes something, that is they way it is going to have to stay. wow... such rudeness from one asking for help. I was upset because I did not recieve any help at all. ah well, i still wish you the best of luck in getting people to help you with whatever you requested. :) Thank you very much, but I still make no apologies for my reaction.
Ashianyl 02-08-06, 03:54 AM	I was upset because I did not recieve any help at all. I think you should really look at the posting guidelines stickied on top of the forums. Please understand that this is a community forum where people share and discuss ideas on their own free will. No one is obliged to help you. I have seen people who bumped their thread and asked nicely getting the help they need a week later sometimes, so there really is no reason for you to get upset if no one seemed willing to help you out at first. I believe there was a gentleman a month or two ago that posted here about wanting to charge for character write-ups. Perhaps you can search the boards and pay him for his writing services if you wish for a guaranteed response? :)
elistreathersword 02-08-06, 03:29 PM	Okay lets see if i can help you out. I like the depth of the two charecters. Sorry for the spelling errors. I think that there needs to be an odd, out of the ordinary, not even related to the current charicters. A comic releaf sort of charicter, mabey a portly human who worked the docks in calimport who discovered a great conspiricy between the calimport leaders and the pirates. He stole some magical items that were being exchanged. So he is on the run. So he will use the cover of adventurer to run from the two partys. This human should start off with ragged cloths and a rusty short sword. The two magical items that the man stole could be a good start for his history. Well, good luck! And if you like that mabey you can send me some of your ideas. E-mail me at elistreathersword@yahoo.com. :)
Fithero 02-08-06, 10:55 PM	I believe there was a gentleman a month or two ago that posted here about wanting to charge for character write-ups. Perhaps you can search the boards and pay him for his writing services if you wish for a guaranteed response? ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! :rofl: I remember that guy.... oh what a thread *that* was :P Later
Harrow Blade 02-08-06, 10:59 PM	Two things I would recomend, be polite and be patient. Not everybody is going to feel they have something constructive to add to your post and so will not leave any comments. A simple bump witout getting upset about it will not cause people to ignore your thread or think any less of you. Be asured that I am not attacking you I just felt it would be important to offer some advice. Even if you are frustrated at a lack of replies don't let if show in your posts as all you will get is a bad reaction. If you get no replies perhaps you should look at repackaging your request. With that out of the way I think that the two bios that are posted here are quite good while the third is somewhat wrapped up in the the others. In my opinion if the characters are played according to what you have posted here you are going to have trouble with group cohesion. The enchanter thinks she is control of everybody whilst the rogue belives (and possibly rightly so) that he is in control and manipulating the enchanter. The blackgaurd however is (from what I can gather) a seething mess of guilt, anger and frustration and being manipulated by the evil enchanter. which brings me to a side point, how did the paladin never detect her evil alignment? Also how did she manage to get through his will saves wich should be bolstered by his charisma mod. Even one made save is enough to let him know that someone was trying to meddle with his mind. Also should he realise that the enchanter had anything to do with the death of his daughter he will not hesitate to kill her. You may also need some other motivation for the Paladin to enter undermountain aside from following his 'friend' the enchanter. Perhaps something along the lines of rumours of an artifact that will raise his daughter from the dead. Now that I think about it the whole idea of an evil enchanter choosing a paladin to try and recuit seems rather thin. In skullport there are a good many other candidates for minion/companion with much lower will saves. Perhaps the stories should run that the paladin fell from grace before meeting the two others, they come to him to recruit him with rumours of a way to resurect his daughter in undermountain. I hope this helps Harrow Blade
elistreathersword 02-09-06, 02:06 PM	Just to add to Harrow Blade, mabey if you were to go with the dock worker, i would give you more ideas but i feel brain dead. Any way, What if the magic item that the worker has is the item the the palidin was trying to find (the one that would reserect his daughter) by heading into undermountian.
Illithid13 03-01-06, 01:27 PM	I wanted to post one thing that I see as a flaw in Valaelas write up... She is conniving and lazy? Generally those two don't go together... Conniving takes great effort. If you were trying to make it so that she isn't the one that is getting her hands dirty, lazy is a poor choice of words. Also, I find it difficult to see someone who is conniving be so easily manipulated by another. To be conniving means to be shrewd, and unless she is blindingly greedy to the point of being "ooOOoo, Shiney" she is going to be very dificult to manipulate. Just something that I noticed.
Dipteran_Legacy 03-01-06, 02:01 PM	Valaelas seems like a shallow, thin, typical evil character to me. :( Kain needs a bit more work, just to get that "full-fleshed, meatily 3-D" look to him, but he should work as is, too. but valaelas just strikes me as blase'. she was: born in skullport, but seems used to an easy life of finery(?) had lots of crazy, evil schemes going on, of which we have no details on any in specific. "one of these" plots was so heinous, it got her kicked out of skullport- SKULLPORT!!!!! I mean, that place is full of outlaws even shadier sorts. if a scheme is so bad it got you kicked out of skullport, it needs to be explained, unless this is all just a shallow backdrop to make a crazy evil kenku wander into a pre-set dungeon crawl.... lastly, like someone else said, corrupting a paladin takes a lot of work, and she isnt even a crazy preist or anything-why the hell would a slaver waste so much time on a paladin, of all people? the pally needs to write his own story, maybe with a similar premise, but cut the kenku out of it. maybe have some sort of seductress, who causes him to fall with not only magic, but also the temptations of the flesh. this could especially work if, say, the paladins wife died way back in child-birth, and this temptress bore an uncanny resemblance to his dead wife. ;) I think the Kenku should just make up a new character, but that's just IMO. unless the game is going to be a PC-vs-PC dungeon-crawl, every evil character needs some redeeming qualities, or at least human qualities, so that not only the player, but the whole party will still be able to empathize with such a character on a certain level. take Bram Stoker's Dracula, or Mary Shelley's Frankenstein for example. just because a characters alignment is evil, doesnt mean they should be so stereotypically pigeonholed (not a pun on the kenku thing, I swear!) into the same mold every 2-d BBEG fits. making your race/class molded around what you want to play and then making your story fit afterwards is fine, as long as there is a story there. hopefully some of this helped, and hopefully you arent offended if the kenku is your char :cool:
Raven Dark 03-01-06, 02:41 PM	Valaelas seems like a shallow, thin, typical evil character to me. She is. Kain needs a bit more work, just to get that "full-fleshed, meatily 3-D" look to him, but he should work as is, too. I would liek to add more, but what exactly should be added? born in skullport, but seems used to an easy life of finery(?) Admittedly I'm not terribly knowledgeable about Skullport. Are there no rich power groups there (or at least richer and more powerful than most of the average denezins of SKullport)? had lots of crazy, evil schemes going on, of which we have no details on any in specific. "one of these" plots was so heinous, it got her kicked out of skullport- SKULLPORT!!!!! I mean, that place is full of outlaws even shadier sorts. if a scheme is so bad it got you kicked out of skullport, it needs to be explained, unless this is all just a shallow backdrop to make a crazy evil kenku wander into a pre-set dungeon crawl.... She didn't so much get kicked out as she did fled to protect herself from the enemies who found out her scheme. Kind of like Joe Tattle who leaves town because he ratted out the mob. lastly, like someone else said, corrupting a paladin takes a lot of work, and she isnt even a crazy preist or anything-why the hell would a slaver waste so much time on a paladin, of all people? Because he was easy and vulnerable, yet powerful. the pally needs to write his own story, maybe with a similar premise, but cut the kenku out of it. maybe have some sort of seductress, who causes him to fall with not only magic, but also the temptations of the flesh. this could especially work if, say, the paladins wife died way back in child-birth, and this temptress bore an uncanny resemblance to his dead wife. ;) I agree the paladin's player should write his own story, but I don't care much for the rest of your suggestion. Thanks though. I think the Kenku should just make up a new character, but that's just IMO. unless the game is going to be a PC-vs-PC dungeon-crawl, every evil character needs some redeeming qualities, or at least human qualities, so that not only the player, but the whole party will still be able to empathize with such a character on a certain level. take Bram Stoker's Dracula, or Mary Shelley's Frankenstein for example. Who says evil should have redeeming qualities? I don't see hoe that will effect gameplay much. just because a characters alignment is evil, doesnt mean they should be so stereotypically pigeonholed (not a pun on the kenku thing, I swear!) into the same mold every 2-d BBEG fits. Is it really THAT bad? making your race/class molded around what you want to play and then making your story fit afterwards is fine, as long as there is a story there. Many people would disagree that there HAS to be story, but I'm not one of them. hopefully some of this helped, and hopefully you arent offended if the kenku is your char It did help some. Thanks.