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Backstory Feedback [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Tuk_Sevier
03-08-06, 11:20 AM This is the backstory for a character of mine in a homebrew campaign. He's a human fighter named Tuk Sevier from a country called Hispan. As you might have guessed from the name, Hispan is much like medieval spain. There's the Inquisition, which is corrupt. Serpica, the goddess of Absolute Law above all, is the chosen deity there. I'm thinking Tuk was a Hispinian soldier on his way to becoming a Paladin of Serpica under the tutelage of his mentor, Paladin Garsea Varmudo. But.....

With red-rimmed eyes, Tuk made his way to the town square. The sun was just peaking over the horizon. It would begin soon. A thousand thoughts tumbled through Tuks head all at the same time. Maybe what they said was true. Maybe it really was the right thing to do. The Inquistors had never been wrong before. Or had they? No. No, Tuk couldn't believe them this time. Not even if he wanted to. It just wasn't possible. He knew he could do nothing to help. Escape wasn't possible for a man named a heretic. Tuk berated himself. What was he thinking? Serpica knew what was in Garsea Varmudo's heart. She knew he was one of her most faithful paladins. She wouldn't let burn for breaking the laws he spent his whole life protecting. Surely, she would give the Inquisitors an omen they couldn't ignore.

People were already gathering in the square when Tuk got there. Being taller than most of the peasants, Tuk could see the gallows easily. The crowd gathered and talked and joked and laughed. Tuk wondered how they could be so light-hearted on what was probably the most horrible day of his life. Tuk prayed to Serpica to protect his friend and mentor over and over in his mind.

Horns rang out, then drums as a troop of gaurds escorted the prisoner to the stake. The crowd jeered Garsea and threw rotten food and dung at him. No one noticed the tears running down the guards faces, except Tuk. He was comforted in the fact that he wasn't the only one that believed in Garsea Varmudo.

Garsea held his head high. They could take his Paladins armor, weapon, and rank; but not his paladins heart. He marched up to the stake and pulled a flawless about-face as if he was showing some new recruits how to soldier. Tuk's heart began to beat more rapidly, his prayers became more intense. Garsea was like a rock through the whole ceremony. He didn't so much as bat an eye as an Inquisitor read off his charges, then his punishment for each charge. The most heinous of which were heresy for which they stripped him of his property and attempted to re-educate him. Tuk didn't want to imagine what Garsea's re-education would have been like. The images sprang to mind unbidden, however, and Tuk had diffculty keeping himself under control. The punishment for the last charge, failure to repent, was burning at the stake to cleanse the soul while destroying the body.

Two of the guards locked Garsea's wrists into the manacles at the top of the iron stake as the executioner stepped forward to pile wood at the former paladins feet. The commoners cheered louder and louder as the executioner stacked the wood. Tuk watched with mild interest. He held strong to his faith in Serpica. He knew she wouldn't allow her best paladin to be killed in such a dishonorable fashion. He continued to pray as the executioner stuffed dry hay into the pile of wood. He prayed still as the executioner lifted a torch high into the air, shushing the crowd. The executioner held the torch to the pyre and still, Tuk prayed. The crowd was quiet as the wood began to catch, the only sound the crackling of the fire. Garsea's clothes began to catch, Tuk still didn't stop praying. Finally, as the fire bagan to consume the paladins flesh, Tuk began to sweat. Garsea, who'd sufferered everything up to this point without so much as twitching, began to squirm. He began shouting to his goddess for help. Tuk wasn't able to hear Garsea's last words, but he knew them just the same...

"Serpica, my love..."

The cheering of the crowd was like thunder but Tuk didn't hear it. He stood there like a rock as the crowd cheered and shook hands with eachother as if they'd done something. The wind changed and Tuk caught a big whiff of woodsmoke and cooking meat causing him to wake up. He looked around as if for the first time really understanding the situation. His mentor was dead at the hands of his own people. At the hands of the very goddess he served. Tuk looked around for a moment and spotted a parked hay cart nearby. Somewhere, deep inside his mind, a voice told him this was a bad idea but the rage pounding in his heart and the fire in his belly drowned it out.

He climbed up on the haycart as the cheers began to die down and the commoners were about to start going about their business.

"Hear me!" he yelled. The commoners and soldiers all turned as one. "You have killed a good man, today. A faithful follower of Serpica."
"The Inquisition has cleansed a heretic," a commoner shouted. "It was Serpica's bidding. Hail the Inquistion!"
"The Inquisition be damned!" Tuk shouted before anyone could take up the mans cheer. Shock ran through the crowd. Even the Inquistors were too stunned to order the guards to take him. "They have killed one of Serpica's best paladins. My whole life, all I ever wanted to be was him." Tuk pointed at the smoldering body on the stake. "And you have killed him." Tears ran down Tuk's face. "And for what? Not to save his soul, as they would have you to believe. They killed him so the Grand Council of the Inquisition could divide his land and property amongst themselves. The Inquistion worships Serpica no longer. They worship only greed." The crowd stood stunned unable to move. "I am finished with you," Tuk wispered. "I am finished with you all."

Tuk jumped down off the cart and began making his way out of the square and toward his house. He heard the Inquisitors shouted to have him arrested as a heretic but Tuk didn't even bother to look back and no guards grabbed him. He arrived at his house but didn't go in. Everything in that house he earned fighting for Hispan. Fighting for the Inquisition. He wanted none of it. Tuk turned and walked out of town. The guards at the gate hadn't heard the news yet and simply nodded at Tuk's familiar face.

Tuk walked for miles without thinking. All he could do was put one foot in front of the other. He reached the forest surrounding Hispan and collapsed to his knees. "Serpica!" he cried, tears streaming down his face. "Your inquisition has become corrupt. Their own greed has consumed them." Tuk began to weep and when he finally came to, the sun was sinking below the horizon. He took out his axe and kissed the head before rising to his feet. "Serpica, grant me the strength to do your work," Tuk whispered. "Grant me the strength to destroy you."

A sudden pain in his chest caused him to collapse against a tree. He ripped open his shirt to find out what was hurting him. The Holy Symbol of Serpica that hung around his neck was glowing white hot. It continued to do so until Tuk thought he would pass out from the pain. Then, it began to...fade. The symbol of his goddess evaporated into thin air leaving only scorched flesh in the shape of an iron cross.

Any feedback would be appreciated. To me, it seems a bit dry and doesn't flow very well. I just can't find specific problems. Also, Tuk is a compulsive gambler, so I need to work that in somewhere.
KublaiKhan
03-08-06, 11:24 AM A note for all those following [ this being my campaign world that we're working in ]... Serpica's a bit...on the intolerant side. Kinda like how someone who quits smoking sometimes becomes a virulent anti-smoker...she's that way about Justice.
MasterOfPsychic
03-08-06, 11:30 AM Hmm... I like it a lot... He seems like a Fighter (not yet paladin) to me, but then he changes to a cleric...

The story is great, however it could make him hard to play along with, as it seemshe got one very spesific goal, but since you worte the story this good, you problaly know how to hanlde that in a perfect way :D

I love it, go ahead play him!

For the gambling parts, how did he obtain such a trait?
Shaggy_Shaggs
03-08-06, 11:33 AM Oh he's not hard to play along with at all, my goblin ranger finds him a very accomodating obstacle to hide behind when things take a turn for the scary. :D
KublaiKhan
03-08-06, 11:35 AM Freakin' cowardly goblin...

As a note, Tuk is Neutral Good at the moment [ and thus ineligable for being a cleric of Serpica, who's a LN goddess ]
MasterOfPsychic
03-08-06, 11:35 AM By play along with, I mean like "Find proper motivations along with"... Why would a goblin and that guy work together, for instance? :P

That is a pretty common D&D problem, so don't worry to much about that...

What class is he? Just wondering.. and level?
KublaiKhan
03-08-06, 11:37 AM The plot has 'em together as a sort of negotiations party to work on trade relations between two countries.

Tuk's a low-level fighter at the moment.
Shaggy_Shaggs
03-08-06, 11:38 AM Because that goblin is CG, and outgoing (exaggeratedly so) in order to try and get along better with people of other races, since he's not getting along too well with his own at the moment.
WhrenKehrsyn
03-08-06, 11:39 AM This is very good.

As it stands I think its fine, but if youre looking for more to add perhaps he may wonder, if they killed one innocent how many others had they killed as well? How many had he personally dealt with or captured were not guilty of the crimes he was told they were. This is a very good source of internal conflic I think.

From the last paragraph and your DMs post Im not entirely clear if he is in the goddesses favor/service still or if she has abandoned him. Im not clear on whether her mark is to mark him as one of her own to a sort of 'kiss of death' sort of thing.
KublaiKhan
03-08-06, 11:39 AM She's abandoned him. More or less branded him as a heretic.
MasterOfPsychic
03-08-06, 11:42 AM Ah... Forget about me...

Then he should probably be given the flaw: "Marked by Swhatshernameagain"...

That like makes paladins and clerics of her sense that he is heretic, and leaves him with a mark...
WhrenKehrsyn
03-08-06, 11:42 AM Ok, I wasnt sure because you said shes sort of fanatical about justice and if the condemned was truly innocent I thought that would get chalked up as an injustice.
Tuk_Sevier
03-08-06, 11:43 AM He's a Fighter Lvl. 2. Serpica is very angry at him. I had thought about the scar also. Originally, I wrote it in as a kiss of death, but I wonder if Serpica might agree that the Inquisition is corrupt and might have been waiting for one of her followers to do something about it and so marked him as her own. ::shrugs:: I'll have to discuss that with the DM, I suppose.

The gambling was just something I added to make him more interesting to play. He has to choose between his gambling and his Goddess, now. Time will tell.
KublaiKhan
03-08-06, 11:47 AM Perhaps "Justice" is the wrong word for Serpica.

According to the *law*, what Tuk did was heresy, illegal, and punishable by death. As the Inquisition [ at least in this area ] is the arbitor of what the *law* is, their corruption is legal. Serpica will enforce their law no matter how morally wrong it is, simply because it is the law, and the law *must* be followed.

'that make any sense...?

Sorry I'm a little vague at the moment; coffee is still kicking in.
WhrenKehrsyn
03-08-06, 11:55 AM It does. My interpretation of justice is alittle different than that.

That being the case I do think the guilt over possibly killing or condemning innocents works even better.

Perhaps in his mind the Inquisition, which is responsible of creating and maintaining the law, is using it to further personal goals, which is not in the spirit of why laws should be there (I assume the whys of lawmaking and how of it is something the church teaches?).

Also I think this possibility is one that would weigh heavily on a good character.
Shaggy_Shaggs
03-08-06, 12:08 PM It matters not. Eventually I'll convince him to find and side with my CE cleric in another game running simultaneously in the same world, the one that wants to wipe out every last one of Serpica's followers and then kill her. :evillaugh
WhrenKehrsyn
03-08-06, 12:10 PM Heh, well its a good thing hes in her disfavor then =0)
KublaiKhan
03-08-06, 12:11 PM Thank god the two characters are several thousand miles apart with vast oceans and nearly impassable mountain ranges in between...
Tuk_Sevier
03-08-06, 12:21 PM Tuk doesn't want to kill all Serpica's followers. He just wants to wipe out the inquisition. He'd have to build an army for that, though. And with his luck he'd build this big mighty army, then lose it in a poker game. ::shrug::
Shaggy_Shaggs
03-08-06, 12:26 PM :plotting: Clerics taking the Corpsecrafter chain of feats tend to be good at making armies, and Jantrit is taking Undead Leadership next level too, you know...
KublaiKhan
03-08-06, 12:43 PM It does. My interpretation of justice is alittle different than that.

That being the case I do think the guilt over possibly killing or condemning innocents works even better.

Perhaps in his mind the Inquisition, which is responsible of creating and maintaining the law, is using it to further personal goals, which is not in the spirit of why laws should be there (I assume the whys of lawmaking and how of it is something the church teaches?).

Also I think this possibility is one that would weigh heavily on a good character.

Indeed it would--I'm very much liking his backstory here, as it fits in well with what I had envisioned for the society of Hispan.

The Church more or less makes the laws in Hispan [ something of a Theocracy ] and mostly what they teach is "Obey"...that "We know what's best for you, so do as you're told"
WhrenKehrsyn
03-08-06, 12:51 PM It is a very solid backstory, makes it a bit hard to critique =0)

Im thinking of the gambling and I cant seem to come up with much of anything except, its just a hobby of his. Not all tastes and hobbies need to be justified in the backstory. He may just like it. I like fantasy and sci-fi, my sister doesnt, I couldnt honestly tell you why either of us has that particular taste in literature and film. Wouldnt really be in my real life backstory if you know what I mean.
Tuk_Sevier
03-08-06, 01:21 PM Thanks, everyone. I'll keep your suggestions in mind.
KublaiKhan
03-08-06, 01:22 PM Perhaps I ought to more fully spec out Farholm somewhere...it's a very large world, and a few references to it might be helpful....
Gamfallen
03-08-06, 05:37 PM Is it possible that he began to follow Serpica because of gambling? Maybe he gambled so much that he thought he needed help of some sort to stop (like following a god of justice or law) because he saw it as something unlawful, not to mention the fact that it could put him in several bad financial situations. That could also cause problems with the Inquisition, and the only way to make things right is to worship their godess, sort of a way to "repent" for his bad habits and unlawful hobbies.

Other than that, I think this guy's background is awesome :ayyyy!:
Dipteran_Legacy
03-09-06, 12:38 AM I just read it, but this is a good background story.

one odd thing, though, is that even though it's a good story, it doesnt really detail the character in full. I think whren's ideas about going into guilt and confusion over the possibilities of his own past actions would be a good one. how did his family react to him being marked a heretic? did he visit them afterwards, and they turned him away, or does he already know that he wont be welcome at home once they hear of this? or are his parents already dead? maybe they were killed by the inquisition (preferably in a similarly unjust fashion) when he was so young he doesnt even remember, and raised in a church? did he have a wife, lover, or anything like that before he left?

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Tuk_Sevier 03-08-06, 11:20 AM	This is the backstory for a character of mine in a homebrew campaign. He's a human fighter named Tuk Sevier from a country called Hispan. As you might have guessed from the name, Hispan is much like medieval spain. There's the Inquisition, which is corrupt. Serpica, the goddess of Absolute Law above all, is the chosen deity there. I'm thinking Tuk was a Hispinian soldier on his way to becoming a Paladin of Serpica under the tutelage of his mentor, Paladin Garsea Varmudo. But..... With red-rimmed eyes, Tuk made his way to the town square. The sun was just peaking over the horizon. It would begin soon. A thousand thoughts tumbled through Tuks head all at the same time. Maybe what they said was true. Maybe it really was the right thing to do. The Inquistors had never been wrong before. Or had they? No. No, Tuk couldn't believe them this time. Not even if he wanted to. It just wasn't possible. He knew he could do nothing to help. Escape wasn't possible for a man named a heretic. Tuk berated himself. What was he thinking? Serpica knew what was in Garsea Varmudo's heart. She knew he was one of her most faithful paladins. She wouldn't let burn for breaking the laws he spent his whole life protecting. Surely, she would give the Inquisitors an omen they couldn't ignore. People were already gathering in the square when Tuk got there. Being taller than most of the peasants, Tuk could see the gallows easily. The crowd gathered and talked and joked and laughed. Tuk wondered how they could be so light-hearted on what was probably the most horrible day of his life. Tuk prayed to Serpica to protect his friend and mentor over and over in his mind. Horns rang out, then drums as a troop of gaurds escorted the prisoner to the stake. The crowd jeered Garsea and threw rotten food and dung at him. No one noticed the tears running down the guards faces, except Tuk. He was comforted in the fact that he wasn't the only one that believed in Garsea Varmudo. Garsea held his head high. They could take his Paladins armor, weapon, and rank; but not his paladins heart. He marched up to the stake and pulled a flawless about-face as if he was showing some new recruits how to soldier. Tuk's heart began to beat more rapidly, his prayers became more intense. Garsea was like a rock through the whole ceremony. He didn't so much as bat an eye as an Inquisitor read off his charges, then his punishment for each charge. The most heinous of which were heresy for which they stripped him of his property and attempted to re-educate him. Tuk didn't want to imagine what Garsea's re-education would have been like. The images sprang to mind unbidden, however, and Tuk had diffculty keeping himself under control. The punishment for the last charge, failure to repent, was burning at the stake to cleanse the soul while destroying the body. Two of the guards locked Garsea's wrists into the manacles at the top of the iron stake as the executioner stepped forward to pile wood at the former paladins feet. The commoners cheered louder and louder as the executioner stacked the wood. Tuk watched with mild interest. He held strong to his faith in Serpica. He knew she wouldn't allow her best paladin to be killed in such a dishonorable fashion. He continued to pray as the executioner stuffed dry hay into the pile of wood. He prayed still as the executioner lifted a torch high into the air, shushing the crowd. The executioner held the torch to the pyre and still, Tuk prayed. The crowd was quiet as the wood began to catch, the only sound the crackling of the fire. Garsea's clothes began to catch, Tuk still didn't stop praying. Finally, as the fire bagan to consume the paladins flesh, Tuk began to sweat. Garsea, who'd sufferered everything up to this point without so much as twitching, began to squirm. He began shouting to his goddess for help. Tuk wasn't able to hear Garsea's last words, but he knew them just the same... "Serpica, my love..." The cheering of the crowd was like thunder but Tuk didn't hear it. He stood there like a rock as the crowd cheered and shook hands with eachother as if they'd done something. The wind changed and Tuk caught a big whiff of woodsmoke and cooking meat causing him to wake up. He looked around as if for the first time really understanding the situation. His mentor was dead at the hands of his own people. At the hands of the very goddess he served. Tuk looked around for a moment and spotted a parked hay cart nearby. Somewhere, deep inside his mind, a voice told him this was a bad idea but the rage pounding in his heart and the fire in his belly drowned it out. He climbed up on the haycart as the cheers began to die down and the commoners were about to start going about their business. "Hear me!" he yelled. The commoners and soldiers all turned as one. "You have killed a good man, today. A faithful follower of Serpica." "The Inquisition has cleansed a heretic," a commoner shouted. "It was Serpica's bidding. Hail the Inquistion!" "The Inquisition be damned!" Tuk shouted before anyone could take up the mans cheer. Shock ran through the crowd. Even the Inquistors were too stunned to order the guards to take him. "They have killed one of Serpica's best paladins. My whole life, all I ever wanted to be was him." Tuk pointed at the smoldering body on the stake. "And you have killed him." Tears ran down Tuk's face. "And for what? Not to save his soul, as they would have you to believe. They killed him so the Grand Council of the Inquisition could divide his land and property amongst themselves. The Inquistion worships Serpica no longer. They worship only greed." The crowd stood stunned unable to move. "I am finished with you," Tuk wispered. "I am finished with you all." Tuk jumped down off the cart and began making his way out of the square and toward his house. He heard the Inquisitors shouted to have him arrested as a heretic but Tuk didn't even bother to look back and no guards grabbed him. He arrived at his house but didn't go in. Everything in that house he earned fighting for Hispan. Fighting for the Inquisition. He wanted none of it. Tuk turned and walked out of town. The guards at the gate hadn't heard the news yet and simply nodded at Tuk's familiar face. Tuk walked for miles without thinking. All he could do was put one foot in front of the other. He reached the forest surrounding Hispan and collapsed to his knees. "Serpica!" he cried, tears streaming down his face. "Your inquisition has become corrupt. Their own greed has consumed them." Tuk began to weep and when he finally came to, the sun was sinking below the horizon. He took out his axe and kissed the head before rising to his feet. "Serpica, grant me the strength to do your work," Tuk whispered. "Grant me the strength to destroy you." A sudden pain in his chest caused him to collapse against a tree. He ripped open his shirt to find out what was hurting him. The Holy Symbol of Serpica that hung around his neck was glowing white hot. It continued to do so until Tuk thought he would pass out from the pain. Then, it began to...fade. The symbol of his goddess evaporated into thin air leaving only scorched flesh in the shape of an iron cross. Any feedback would be appreciated. To me, it seems a bit dry and doesn't flow very well. I just can't find specific problems. Also, Tuk is a compulsive gambler, so I need to work that in somewhere.
KublaiKhan 03-08-06, 11:24 AM	A note for all those following [ this being my campaign world that we're working in ]... Serpica's a bit...on the intolerant side. Kinda like how someone who quits smoking sometimes becomes a virulent anti-smoker...she's that way about Justice.
MasterOfPsychic 03-08-06, 11:30 AM	Hmm... I like it a lot... He seems like a Fighter (not yet paladin) to me, but then he changes to a cleric... The story is great, however it could make him hard to play along with, as it seemshe got one very spesific goal, but since you worte the story this good, you problaly know how to hanlde that in a perfect way :D I love it, go ahead play him! For the gambling parts, how did he obtain such a trait?
Shaggy_Shaggs 03-08-06, 11:33 AM	Oh he's not hard to play along with at all, my goblin ranger finds him a very accomodating obstacle to hide behind when things take a turn for the scary. :D
KublaiKhan 03-08-06, 11:35 AM	Freakin' cowardly goblin... As a note, Tuk is Neutral Good at the moment [ and thus ineligable for being a cleric of Serpica, who's a LN goddess ]
MasterOfPsychic 03-08-06, 11:35 AM	By play along with, I mean like "Find proper motivations along with"... Why would a goblin and that guy work together, for instance? :P That is a pretty common D&D problem, so don't worry to much about that... What class is he? Just wondering.. and level?
KublaiKhan 03-08-06, 11:37 AM	The plot has 'em together as a sort of negotiations party to work on trade relations between two countries. Tuk's a low-level fighter at the moment.
Shaggy_Shaggs 03-08-06, 11:38 AM	Because that goblin is CG, and outgoing (exaggeratedly so) in order to try and get along better with people of other races, since he's not getting along too well with his own at the moment.
WhrenKehrsyn 03-08-06, 11:39 AM	This is very good. As it stands I think its fine, but if youre looking for more to add perhaps he may wonder, if they killed one innocent how many others had they killed as well? How many had he personally dealt with or captured were not guilty of the crimes he was told they were. This is a very good source of internal conflic I think. From the last paragraph and your DMs post Im not entirely clear if he is in the goddesses favor/service still or if she has abandoned him. Im not clear on whether her mark is to mark him as one of her own to a sort of 'kiss of death' sort of thing.
KublaiKhan 03-08-06, 11:39 AM	She's abandoned him. More or less branded him as a heretic.
MasterOfPsychic 03-08-06, 11:42 AM	Ah... Forget about me... Then he should probably be given the flaw: "Marked by Swhatshernameagain"... That like makes paladins and clerics of her sense that he is heretic, and leaves him with a mark...
WhrenKehrsyn 03-08-06, 11:42 AM	Ok, I wasnt sure because you said shes sort of fanatical about justice and if the condemned was truly innocent I thought that would get chalked up as an injustice.
Tuk_Sevier 03-08-06, 11:43 AM	He's a Fighter Lvl. 2. Serpica is very angry at him. I had thought about the scar also. Originally, I wrote it in as a kiss of death, but I wonder if Serpica might agree that the Inquisition is corrupt and might have been waiting for one of her followers to do something about it and so marked him as her own. ::shrugs:: I'll have to discuss that with the DM, I suppose. The gambling was just something I added to make him more interesting to play. He has to choose between his gambling and his Goddess, now. Time will tell.
KublaiKhan 03-08-06, 11:47 AM	Perhaps "Justice" is the wrong word for Serpica. According to the law, what Tuk did was heresy, illegal, and punishable by death. As the Inquisition [ at least in this area ] is the arbitor of what the law is, their corruption is legal. Serpica will enforce their law no matter how morally wrong it is, simply because it is the law, and the law must be followed. 'that make any sense...? Sorry I'm a little vague at the moment; coffee is still kicking in.
WhrenKehrsyn 03-08-06, 11:55 AM	It does. My interpretation of justice is alittle different than that. That being the case I do think the guilt over possibly killing or condemning innocents works even better. Perhaps in his mind the Inquisition, which is responsible of creating and maintaining the law, is using it to further personal goals, which is not in the spirit of why laws should be there (I assume the whys of lawmaking and how of it is something the church teaches?). Also I think this possibility is one that would weigh heavily on a good character.
Shaggy_Shaggs 03-08-06, 12:08 PM	It matters not. Eventually I'll convince him to find and side with my CE cleric in another game running simultaneously in the same world, the one that wants to wipe out every last one of Serpica's followers and then kill her. :evillaugh
WhrenKehrsyn 03-08-06, 12:10 PM	Heh, well its a good thing hes in her disfavor then =0)
KublaiKhan 03-08-06, 12:11 PM	Thank god the two characters are several thousand miles apart with vast oceans and nearly impassable mountain ranges in between...
Tuk_Sevier 03-08-06, 12:21 PM	Tuk doesn't want to kill all Serpica's followers. He just wants to wipe out the inquisition. He'd have to build an army for that, though. And with his luck he'd build this big mighty army, then lose it in a poker game. ::shrug::
Shaggy_Shaggs 03-08-06, 12:26 PM	:plotting: Clerics taking the Corpsecrafter chain of feats tend to be good at making armies, and Jantrit is taking Undead Leadership next level too, you know...
KublaiKhan 03-08-06, 12:43 PM	It does. My interpretation of justice is alittle different than that. That being the case I do think the guilt over possibly killing or condemning innocents works even better. Perhaps in his mind the Inquisition, which is responsible of creating and maintaining the law, is using it to further personal goals, which is not in the spirit of why laws should be there (I assume the whys of lawmaking and how of it is something the church teaches?). Also I think this possibility is one that would weigh heavily on a good character. Indeed it would--I'm very much liking his backstory here, as it fits in well with what I had envisioned for the society of Hispan. The Church more or less makes the laws in Hispan [ something of a Theocracy ] and mostly what they teach is "Obey"...that "We know what's best for you, so do as you're told"
WhrenKehrsyn 03-08-06, 12:51 PM	It is a very solid backstory, makes it a bit hard to critique =0) Im thinking of the gambling and I cant seem to come up with much of anything except, its just a hobby of his. Not all tastes and hobbies need to be justified in the backstory. He may just like it. I like fantasy and sci-fi, my sister doesnt, I couldnt honestly tell you why either of us has that particular taste in literature and film. Wouldnt really be in my real life backstory if you know what I mean.
Tuk_Sevier 03-08-06, 01:21 PM	Thanks, everyone. I'll keep your suggestions in mind.
KublaiKhan 03-08-06, 01:22 PM	Perhaps I ought to more fully spec out Farholm somewhere...it's a very large world, and a few references to it might be helpful....
Gamfallen 03-08-06, 05:37 PM	Is it possible that he began to follow Serpica because of gambling? Maybe he gambled so much that he thought he needed help of some sort to stop (like following a god of justice or law) because he saw it as something unlawful, not to mention the fact that it could put him in several bad financial situations. That could also cause problems with the Inquisition, and the only way to make things right is to worship their godess, sort of a way to "repent" for his bad habits and unlawful hobbies. Other than that, I think this guy's background is awesome :ayyyy!:
Dipteran_Legacy 03-09-06, 12:38 AM	I just read it, but this is a good background story. one odd thing, though, is that even though it's a good story, it doesnt really detail the character in full. I think whren's ideas about going into guilt and confusion over the possibilities of his own past actions would be a good one. how did his family react to him being marked a heretic? did he visit them afterwards, and they turned him away, or does he already know that he wont be welcome at home once they hear of this? or are his parents already dead? maybe they were killed by the inquisition (preferably in a similarly unjust fashion) when he was so young he doesnt even remember, and raised in a church? did he have a wife, lover, or anything like that before he left?