Character Background- Saul- Elan Kineticist [Archive] - Wizards Community

Character Background- Saul- Elan Kineticist [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Fatalis_902
01-17-07, 05:42 PM Hello again, I have another background that requires critiquing, though I am mostly satisfied, I can't help but feel as though he will be dificult to role-play, please tell me what you think.

Youth- Saul was born as a human to a shop owner and his wife in a town just outside the capital city. He had a rather easy childhood, as his parents were wealthy enough to be able to afford some help with hopusework from around the town. Because of this, Saul spent much of his time playing with his friends, or learning his parents trade in the shop.

Adolescence- Saul had always felt slightly different from his friends, as if he had the potential to be so much more than any of them. Things had always happened differently when Saul was around, and at adolescence, the strangeness became highly apparent. Saul could cause things to move around just by concentrating, and he found that he could hit his opponents more easily when he got into fights with other kids. Saul eventually figured out that he had psionic powers. He made up his mind. Saul decided that he would go to the psychic sanctuary, and there he would learn to master this power flowing from his mind.

Recent- Saul left his friends, his family, and his home to train as a psion. He explained this decision to his friends and family before setting off, and they wished him well on his way.

Notable Events- On his way to the sanctuary, Saul passed through a townwhere he met a girl his own age named Tara, who was also developing psionic power. After becoming fast friends, they decided to go to the sanctuary together. Their journey was primarily uneventful, and Saul realised that he was developing feelings for Tara. Saul had decided to make his move when they reached the psychic sanctuary, but he never got the chance. As the Sanctuary came into view, Saul and Tara were suddenly overcome by a strange weakness. Not weariness from their long journey, buit a metaphysical weakness that stunned both mind and body. Saul recovered just in time to see a flash of purplish skin and waving tentacles, before he was knocked back. The fight was over before it began, and Saul could only watch helplessly as Tara was carried off, unconcious, by a cloaked figure, just before he passed out. When he awoke hours later, Saul immediately asked about Tara. The medics told him that he was the only one that was found on the plain, and that he had been brought to the psychic sanctuary for treatment. Saul owed vengeance against the creatures that had taken Tara from him, which he now knows were illithids. Saul wanted to hunt them down immediately, but the people at the sanctuary convinced him that he was not strong enough yet. Saul under went the transformation to become and elan, and then chose psychokinesis as his discipline, as a way to vent his anger at the mindflayers.

Personality- Saul carries a vow of vengeance against the illithids that he believes wronged him in the past. He does not know why he was spared, but he counts his good luck in that. He nurses a powerful grudge against illithids and their kin, and will stop at nothing to destroy them whenever and wherever possible. Saul is well aware that he is not yet strong enoughto enact his revenge just yet, and therefore seeks to gain enough power to destroy all illithids and illithid-kin. He becomes very angry when illithids are mentioned without the utmost seriousness, as he believes that illithids are no laughing matter. He always requests more information whenever an illithid sighting is mentioned. Saul refuses to talk about what happened to make him hate illithids so, partly because the memories of the attack are so painful for him, and partly because he blames himself for not being strong enough to protect Tara, and any inquiries into that part of his past are meant with stony silence.

So, what does everyone think? Comments, criticism, preferably of the constuctive nature, or just about anything else are welcome.
Radijs
01-17-07, 08:11 PM It's nice but he looks a lot like a one-trick-poney. You've got a hatred for Illithids and thats it more or less.

I personally would have added a few more events that helped shape him into who he has become. Aside from the illithid encounter late in his childhood everything seemed to go more or less perfect for him. I personally think that some misfortune or strife adds to a character and lets him develop an opinion (or opinions) on life.
Children tend to ostracize the so-called 'painted birds' ganging up on them and systematically harassing them. An emerging psychic is a prototype for this.

How is his relation with his parents? How did they raise him? A devout churchgoer? Heavy family traditions? How did they take his descision to leave home for some academy far off instead of taking over the family business to provide them with a pension?

Where did he grow up? How was life in the city for him? Did he recieve an education that went beyond reading and writing?

Reading the XPH I see that Elan are made. Candidates are selected by a council of some sort. Would they really select someone who was consumed by hate to become a member of their noble race?

I hope you have some use for this.
Fatalis_902
01-17-07, 09:58 PM For the record, pony has no E's. That aside, you're right, about him hating illithids and not caring about much else. It would be nice to fix that, but I can't determine how. As for his relationship with his parents, they raised him. They were good parents, if a little pre-occupied with the shop. It doesn't really matter whether or not he used to go to church, as now that he is an elan, he sure as heck isn't. As for his decision, they respected it, as he was an adult (sort of, 16 at the time), and they had enough money saved up to tide them over. He was an only child, however, so... yeah. His life growing up was fairly easy, and he chose to leave all that behind. His education consisted of reading, writing, and arithmetic, the stuff necessary in a shop. Perhaps I could revise him so that he was picked on more than other kids because he wwas different, but I don't see any good coming from that. Just some more hate. I hadn't really thought about family traditions, either. What I really want is advice on how to flesh out his RP potential. Something for general situations, like, being consumed by rage against illithids has made him into a seemingly cold, reserved individual. At the same time, he actually cares about those around him, particularly those who are too weak to defend themselves against an illithid. He has allies and friends, but refuses to grow attached to anyone, lest he suffer the same pain of loss that he sduffered when he lost Tara.
Fatalis_902
01-18-07, 04:28 PM Here's an updated background, if anyone still cares about this one:
Character Background- Saul- Elan Kineticist

Youth- Saul was born as a human to a shop owner and his wife in a town just outside the capital city. He had a rather easy childhood, as his parents were wealthy enough to be able to afford some help with housework from around the town. Because of this, Saul spent much of his time playing with his friends, or learning his parents’ trade in the shop.

Adolescence- Saul had always felt slightly different from his friends, as if he had the potential to be so much more than any of them. Things had always happened differently when Saul was around, and at adolescence, the strangeness became highly apparent. Saul could cause things to move around just by concentrating, and he found that he could hit his opponents more easily when he got into fights with other kids. Saul eventually figured out that he had psionic powers. His family was proud of this, but his friends began to pick on him for being “different”. He made up his mind. Saul decided that he would go to the psychic sanctuary, and there he would learn to master this power flowing from his mind.

Recent- Saul left his home and family to train as a psion. He explained this decision to his family before setting off, and they wished him well on his way.

Notable Events- On his way to the sanctuary, Saul passed through a town where he met a girl his own age named Tara, who was also developing psionic power. After becoming fast friends, they decided to go to the sanctuary together. Their journey was primarily uneventful, and Saul realized that he was developing feelings for Tara. Saul had decided to make his move when they reached the psychic sanctuary, but he never got the chance. As the Sanctuary came into view, Saul and Tara were suddenly overcome by a strange weakness. Not weariness from their long journey, but a metaphysical weakness that stunned both mind and body. Saul recovered just in time to see a flash of purplish skin and waving tentacles, before he was knocked back. The fight was over before it began, and Saul could only watch helplessly as Tara was carried off, unconcious, by a cloaked figure, just before he passed out. When he awoke hours later, Saul immediately asked about Tara. The medics told him that he was the only one that was found on the plain, and that he had been brought to the psychic sanctuary for treatment. Saul vowed vengeance against the creatures that had taken Tara from him, which he now knows were illithids. Saul wanted to hunt them down immediately, but the people at the sanctuary convinced him that he was not strong enough yet. Saul under went the transformation to become an elan, and then chose psychokinesis as his discipline, as a way to vent his anger at the mindflayers.

Personality- Saul carries a vow of vengeance against the illithids that he believes wronged him in the past. He does not know why he was spared, but he counts his good luck in that. He nurses a powerful grudge against illithids and their kin, and will stop at nothing to destroy them whenever and wherever possible. Saul is well aware that he is not yet strong enough to enact his revenge just yet, and therefore seeks to gain enough power to destroy all illithids and illithid-kin. He becomes very angry when illithids are mentioned without the utmost seriousness, as he believes that illithids are no laughing matter. He always requests more information whenever an illithid sighting is mentioned. Saul refuses to talk about what happened to make him hate illithids so, partly because the memories of the attack are so painful for him, and partly because he blames himself for not being strong enough to protect Tara, and any inquiries into that part of his past are met with stony silence. Being consumed by rage against illithids seems to have had an effect on Saul’s personality. He comes across to most as a cold, reserved individual. He actual does care about those around him, especially those too weak to defend themselves against illithids, and he possesses allies and friends, but he refuses to become truly attached to anyone, lest he be forced to suffer the same pain of loss as when Tara was taken from him. Still, Saul is not totally consumed by rage 24/7, and he has maintained some of his personality traits from before his transformation. Saul is still sarcastic, though his humor is now tempered with a dark inflection. He also cannot bear to see people being ostracized for being different.
Radijs
01-18-07, 07:02 PM Looks a lot better now.
It might be a nice idea if during the game he meets a new girl and falls in love with her. Its a bit of a tear up because he still feels that he should be loyal to Tara but he can't help feeling what he feels towards this new girl.
Fatalis_902
01-18-07, 08:03 PM I was thinking of going somewhere with that kind of idea. Either that, or when he goes illithid slayer, he goes into a city of mindflayers, and frees some slaves, one of whom turns out to be Tara. We'll see what might develop, but for now, I think I can RP him well enough. After all, he's only level 1 right now.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Fatalis_902 01-17-07, 05:42 PM	Hello again, I have another background that requires critiquing, though I am mostly satisfied, I can't help but feel as though he will be dificult to role-play, please tell me what you think. Youth- Saul was born as a human to a shop owner and his wife in a town just outside the capital city. He had a rather easy childhood, as his parents were wealthy enough to be able to afford some help with hopusework from around the town. Because of this, Saul spent much of his time playing with his friends, or learning his parents trade in the shop. Adolescence- Saul had always felt slightly different from his friends, as if he had the potential to be so much more than any of them. Things had always happened differently when Saul was around, and at adolescence, the strangeness became highly apparent. Saul could cause things to move around just by concentrating, and he found that he could hit his opponents more easily when he got into fights with other kids. Saul eventually figured out that he had psionic powers. He made up his mind. Saul decided that he would go to the psychic sanctuary, and there he would learn to master this power flowing from his mind. Recent- Saul left his friends, his family, and his home to train as a psion. He explained this decision to his friends and family before setting off, and they wished him well on his way. Notable Events- On his way to the sanctuary, Saul passed through a townwhere he met a girl his own age named Tara, who was also developing psionic power. After becoming fast friends, they decided to go to the sanctuary together. Their journey was primarily uneventful, and Saul realised that he was developing feelings for Tara. Saul had decided to make his move when they reached the psychic sanctuary, but he never got the chance. As the Sanctuary came into view, Saul and Tara were suddenly overcome by a strange weakness. Not weariness from their long journey, buit a metaphysical weakness that stunned both mind and body. Saul recovered just in time to see a flash of purplish skin and waving tentacles, before he was knocked back. The fight was over before it began, and Saul could only watch helplessly as Tara was carried off, unconcious, by a cloaked figure, just before he passed out. When he awoke hours later, Saul immediately asked about Tara. The medics told him that he was the only one that was found on the plain, and that he had been brought to the psychic sanctuary for treatment. Saul owed vengeance against the creatures that had taken Tara from him, which he now knows were illithids. Saul wanted to hunt them down immediately, but the people at the sanctuary convinced him that he was not strong enough yet. Saul under went the transformation to become and elan, and then chose psychokinesis as his discipline, as a way to vent his anger at the mindflayers. Personality- Saul carries a vow of vengeance against the illithids that he believes wronged him in the past. He does not know why he was spared, but he counts his good luck in that. He nurses a powerful grudge against illithids and their kin, and will stop at nothing to destroy them whenever and wherever possible. Saul is well aware that he is not yet strong enoughto enact his revenge just yet, and therefore seeks to gain enough power to destroy all illithids and illithid-kin. He becomes very angry when illithids are mentioned without the utmost seriousness, as he believes that illithids are no laughing matter. He always requests more information whenever an illithid sighting is mentioned. Saul refuses to talk about what happened to make him hate illithids so, partly because the memories of the attack are so painful for him, and partly because he blames himself for not being strong enough to protect Tara, and any inquiries into that part of his past are meant with stony silence. So, what does everyone think? Comments, criticism, preferably of the constuctive nature, or just about anything else are welcome.
Radijs 01-17-07, 08:11 PM	It's nice but he looks a lot like a one-trick-poney. You've got a hatred for Illithids and thats it more or less. I personally would have added a few more events that helped shape him into who he has become. Aside from the illithid encounter late in his childhood everything seemed to go more or less perfect for him. I personally think that some misfortune or strife adds to a character and lets him develop an opinion (or opinions) on life. Children tend to ostracize the so-called 'painted birds' ganging up on them and systematically harassing them. An emerging psychic is a prototype for this. How is his relation with his parents? How did they raise him? A devout churchgoer? Heavy family traditions? How did they take his descision to leave home for some academy far off instead of taking over the family business to provide them with a pension? Where did he grow up? How was life in the city for him? Did he recieve an education that went beyond reading and writing? Reading the XPH I see that Elan are made. Candidates are selected by a council of some sort. Would they really select someone who was consumed by hate to become a member of their noble race? I hope you have some use for this.
Fatalis_902 01-17-07, 09:58 PM	For the record, pony has no E's. That aside, you're right, about him hating illithids and not caring about much else. It would be nice to fix that, but I can't determine how. As for his relationship with his parents, they raised him. They were good parents, if a little pre-occupied with the shop. It doesn't really matter whether or not he used to go to church, as now that he is an elan, he sure as heck isn't. As for his decision, they respected it, as he was an adult (sort of, 16 at the time), and they had enough money saved up to tide them over. He was an only child, however, so... yeah. His life growing up was fairly easy, and he chose to leave all that behind. His education consisted of reading, writing, and arithmetic, the stuff necessary in a shop. Perhaps I could revise him so that he was picked on more than other kids because he wwas different, but I don't see any good coming from that. Just some more hate. I hadn't really thought about family traditions, either. What I really want is advice on how to flesh out his RP potential. Something for general situations, like, being consumed by rage against illithids has made him into a seemingly cold, reserved individual. At the same time, he actually cares about those around him, particularly those who are too weak to defend themselves against an illithid. He has allies and friends, but refuses to grow attached to anyone, lest he suffer the same pain of loss that he sduffered when he lost Tara.
Fatalis_902 01-18-07, 04:28 PM	Here's an updated background, if anyone still cares about this one: Character Background- Saul- Elan Kineticist Youth- Saul was born as a human to a shop owner and his wife in a town just outside the capital city. He had a rather easy childhood, as his parents were wealthy enough to be able to afford some help with housework from around the town. Because of this, Saul spent much of his time playing with his friends, or learning his parents’ trade in the shop. Adolescence- Saul had always felt slightly different from his friends, as if he had the potential to be so much more than any of them. Things had always happened differently when Saul was around, and at adolescence, the strangeness became highly apparent. Saul could cause things to move around just by concentrating, and he found that he could hit his opponents more easily when he got into fights with other kids. Saul eventually figured out that he had psionic powers. His family was proud of this, but his friends began to pick on him for being “different”. He made up his mind. Saul decided that he would go to the psychic sanctuary, and there he would learn to master this power flowing from his mind. Recent- Saul left his home and family to train as a psion. He explained this decision to his family before setting off, and they wished him well on his way. Notable Events- On his way to the sanctuary, Saul passed through a town where he met a girl his own age named Tara, who was also developing psionic power. After becoming fast friends, they decided to go to the sanctuary together. Their journey was primarily uneventful, and Saul realized that he was developing feelings for Tara. Saul had decided to make his move when they reached the psychic sanctuary, but he never got the chance. As the Sanctuary came into view, Saul and Tara were suddenly overcome by a strange weakness. Not weariness from their long journey, but a metaphysical weakness that stunned both mind and body. Saul recovered just in time to see a flash of purplish skin and waving tentacles, before he was knocked back. The fight was over before it began, and Saul could only watch helplessly as Tara was carried off, unconcious, by a cloaked figure, just before he passed out. When he awoke hours later, Saul immediately asked about Tara. The medics told him that he was the only one that was found on the plain, and that he had been brought to the psychic sanctuary for treatment. Saul vowed vengeance against the creatures that had taken Tara from him, which he now knows were illithids. Saul wanted to hunt them down immediately, but the people at the sanctuary convinced him that he was not strong enough yet. Saul under went the transformation to become an elan, and then chose psychokinesis as his discipline, as a way to vent his anger at the mindflayers. Personality- Saul carries a vow of vengeance against the illithids that he believes wronged him in the past. He does not know why he was spared, but he counts his good luck in that. He nurses a powerful grudge against illithids and their kin, and will stop at nothing to destroy them whenever and wherever possible. Saul is well aware that he is not yet strong enough to enact his revenge just yet, and therefore seeks to gain enough power to destroy all illithids and illithid-kin. He becomes very angry when illithids are mentioned without the utmost seriousness, as he believes that illithids are no laughing matter. He always requests more information whenever an illithid sighting is mentioned. Saul refuses to talk about what happened to make him hate illithids so, partly because the memories of the attack are so painful for him, and partly because he blames himself for not being strong enough to protect Tara, and any inquiries into that part of his past are met with stony silence. Being consumed by rage against illithids seems to have had an effect on Saul’s personality. He comes across to most as a cold, reserved individual. He actual does care about those around him, especially those too weak to defend themselves against illithids, and he possesses allies and friends, but he refuses to become truly attached to anyone, lest he be forced to suffer the same pain of loss as when Tara was taken from him. Still, Saul is not totally consumed by rage 24/7, and he has maintained some of his personality traits from before his transformation. Saul is still sarcastic, though his humor is now tempered with a dark inflection. He also cannot bear to see people being ostracized for being different.
Radijs 01-18-07, 07:02 PM	Looks a lot better now. It might be a nice idea if during the game he meets a new girl and falls in love with her. Its a bit of a tear up because he still feels that he should be loyal to Tara but he can't help feeling what he feels towards this new girl.
Fatalis_902 01-18-07, 08:03 PM	I was thinking of going somewhere with that kind of idea. Either that, or when he goes illithid slayer, he goes into a city of mindflayers, and frees some slaves, one of whom turns out to be Tara. We'll see what might develop, but for now, I think I can RP him well enough. After all, he's only level 1 right now.