Post/Author/DateTime	Post
JulesCARV 08-18-06, 06:34 PM	I just thought I'd start a thread on the worst character backgrounds you've written. They could be bad for any reason, whether it's warping the background story to fit mechanics ("Let's see how my anthropomorphic baleen whale came to be a Radiant Servant of Pelor...") to clichés ("His whole village was destroyed by orcs..." dual-scimitar wielding chaotic good drow ranger, rip offs of Lord of the Rings, etc) to just plain cheesy, kitchy stories (excessively silly backgrounds for gnomes, kender, etc.). I, for one, don't think I've really come up with anything truly atrocious yet, but I did rip off most of the childhood of my human Karrnathi cleric of Kol Korran, Andorra Hausdorff (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=679306), from Grave of the Fireflies, and rip offs are always a negative. It also plays into the "tragic childhood leaves most relatives dead" cliché. My first character, a human ranger named Zethir Tomas, basically had a backstory that was a string of events that explained his mechanics in terms of languages, etc. Like, he knew elven, sylvan, goblin, and common (high int), so his story went something like, this: He was an apprentice blacksmith to his half-elf uncle, until he was drafted into a minor war against some goblinoids by his local lord, where he fought as an archer, and eventually became the warden of a group of goblin prisoners-of-war and learned their language. When he was released from the army, he started going back home, but he was delayed by a dryad who charmed him into acting as a sort of mediator/messenger between a nearby village that logged and her as a tree-dependent dryad and her friends. Eventually, he managed to get the sides to come to an agreement (though none were really satisfied), so he continued home, having picked up Sylvan on the way. By the time he got home, though, much delayed, his uncle had found a new apprentice, and didn't need him back at the forge. Rather than pressing the issue, he decided to take up the wandering life of a ranger-adventurer and see more of the world.
Boshi 08-19-06, 02:36 AM	Well the worst backgrounds are none at all. My first two characters: Kadush Wesash (don't know what the hell I was thinking with that name): he's sneaky and likes to steal stuff because he likes money. Melnir: He's smart so he decided to become a magic user. Then there were my next characters: Skibby the Dragonslayer: psychotic fighter/psionicist (yay broken 2nd edition psionic rules!) who wore his tribe's traditional frog-skin armor with a flying carpet turban (he didn't bother to check if it were magical) and constantly made called shots to the kneecaps with his hammer. He spent most of his time looking for a dragon to kill to feed his oversized ego and believed he succeaded after downing a helicopter after an unfortunate time-travel incident... Bogart: hafling magic user who specialized in movement-based magic and used that to run away from the opposition at every opportunity for "safety's sake". He researched Bogart's Safe Escape which teleports you 1d1000 feet in a random direction and used it rather too often... He spent his considerable fortune on funding the beginning of a gladiator company largely staffed by blink dogs and displacer beasts called "Bogart and his Warping Pals." In a bizarre incident he became a were-hippo before finally dying by being stepped on by a giant. After that he attempted a prison break in hell...
Devlonir 08-19-06, 03:48 AM	Not the worst background i've ever written, but the worst i ever read comes from a warforged fighter: He was created for the Last War, sent to the front and the war stopped before his first fight. He has stood there, waiting for an order ever since and finally decided it was time to do something and went to Sharn. What i mostly miss is here is WHY? why did he stop waiting all of a sudden? oh well, i bet all you eberron DMs have read backgrounds kinda like this.
Colyn_Kell 08-19-06, 12:49 PM	Ehzove Andiun. Cleric/Radiant Servant of Pelor. Background: Born in a church of Pelor. The end. I dont know if I would count that as an actual character though. I was the DM, and he was an NPC I played, because no one wanted to play a cleric.
PiedmonSama 08-19-06, 02:01 PM	Ooh, I've got a few that would fit in here quite nicely.... most of which were written when I was twelve.... So I have (had) this Paladin character. He's in his mid-40's, a veteran Paladin of Heironeus. He's the personal bodyguard of the current High Abbot of the entire Church, that Abbot being the young son of this Paladin's old friend. An Orc attack ten years ago (because the high seat of the Church of Heironeus was next to a small farming village and almost completely undefended....) slew the former High Abbot, who was killed by the Orcs' cheiftain right in front of my Paladin's eyes.... in his rage, he attacked the Orcs and took a wound that split his nose in two right down the middle, so today the bridge of his nose is held together with baseball stitching.... he's got scars all over the rest of his face, too... so anyway, he made it his vow to take vengeance on the Cheiftain and protect the young, new Abbot, his friend's son. The problem? We were all Level 1.
Viatos 08-19-06, 11:28 PM	"I'm Tom North. I was raised in the North, and Tom's as good a name as any." -the introduction of Tom North Now, whenever I DM, someone always names a character Jack East to frustrate me. It's okay though; my favorite Kobold battle-cry to use is 'Grenade West', which lets the PCs know where it's coming from, and also that it's time to make new characters.
Roivas 08-20-06, 05:22 AM	I made a dwarven wizard once. When I told the Gm my race he looked at me like I had a kazoo in my eye. He then claimed that dwarves rarely became wizards in his world and were outcasts in dwarven society. So my character practiced his magic in the bathroom at home as a child. "Bh'rian what's taking so long in there?" "Five more minutes mom!" That is the story of Bh'rian Blh'oodah'xe.
JulesCARV 08-25-06, 02:15 AM	Let's see... I think in the switch over we lost stories of... -A Drizzt clone drow. -A Mary Sue super-charismatic sorceress. -Others, which I seem to have forgotten?
DarthMarasmus 08-25-06, 02:52 AM	Hmm, There was the Drizzt clone I made (yes, even I am guilty of it), there was the half-elf sorcerer who's mother was raped by a human (cliche), and there was the half-orc bard who's mother was raped by a human (not so cliche, but frankly disturbing), and the drugged out half-elf bard I made once upon a time...
TheChilliGod 08-26-06, 01:35 AM	Not only the worst background I ever made, but the most overused. I always make my characters with this background until I have played one complete session with the character, and expect to play more. (In case I decide to change my character theme altogether later on, meaning that a whole background's worth of time & effort would have gone to waste) Background: He came from some place and did stuff.
PowerPlay 08-27-06, 11:28 PM	HAHA! Orc raped by a human, I love it. The worst background I ever heard... and this was kinda sick... was when my friend was running a one shot survival horror zombie game, and my other friend wanted to play as... this girl who he is infatuated with, named DC, who has rejected him repeatedly... and he couldn't understand why we thought he was completely f*cked up... I'm still a little weired out by that bizzare freudian moment. -PowerPlay
Sikyanakotik 08-28-06, 01:25 AM	The worst background I ever heard... and this was kinda sick... was when my friend was running a one shot survival horror zombie game, and my other friend wanted to play as... this girl who he is infatuated with, named DC, who has rejected him repeatedly... and he couldn't understand why we thought he was completely f*cked up... I'm still a little weired out by that bizzare freudian moment. It's quite clear to me why he'd want to play her. After all, characters in any horror media, particularly one-shot survival horror games, have a tendency to suffer horrible, horrible deaths. A little catharsis is nice sometimes. :88E: :cheer: Probably the worst character backgrounds I come up with are the ones I come up with on the fly. Pity, since one of the most interesting backgrounds I've ever come up with came about the same way, but I digress. Really, I tend not to put any effort into the character when I don't particularly like the game. I've played a cackling evil madman with no particular reason for being evil whatsoever, an over-the-top egomaniac kobold sorcerer who ended up just being annoying, and a premade dwarven fighter who, upon being saddled with no background or interesting motivation by the DM, I decided to make "more interesting" by giving him a vow of silence. That particular game sucked thoroughly for other reasons, but again, I digress.
crowclub 08-28-06, 01:24 PM	this isn't one of mine, and it's not that it's particularly bad, just lame... Dwarven Fighter looking for his wife.. ...."you seen my wife?" thats about all he ever said!
Morgil-DarkStar 09-05-06, 03:50 PM	This is a little something I found a few months back... "Chaos was a Guardian of the Area of Spine of the World. He was loved everywhere and he loved everybody. Untill one day. He was having a good day when a Dark Fugure name Mephistopheles came out and died under Chaos. He had with him the Chaos Powers. Chaos accidently touched them and he sucked them all up. He then was changed ino Chaos the God of Sestruction. He destroyed everyone who knew. One day a Man name Gama came up to battle Chaos the battle lasted what felt like forever. Gama was getting tired with not even a scratch on Chaos. Then the Spirit of the Good Chaos that had the Good side of the Chaos powers Fused with Gama. Gama became Gama the God of Goodness. Gama then used all of the power and sent the Chaos Power Bomb on Chaos. The smoke cleared and Gama won. Good Chaos thanked Gama and went to sleep. Gama was then named the Greatest Hero who ever lived. Now, 2000 years later. Chaos is reborned Stronger then ever and it is up to you to defeat Chaos and learn the secrets of Torils Dark and Sinister past."
TheAnthroDM 09-05-06, 08:49 PM	Not the worst background i've ever written, but the worst i ever read comes from a warforged fighter: He was created for the Last War, sent to the front and the war stopped before his first fight. He has stood there, waiting for an order ever since and finally decided it was time to do something and went to Sharn. What i mostly miss is here is WHY? why did he stop waiting all of a sudden? oh well, i bet all you eberron DMs have read backgrounds kinda like this. The HORROR! :uh-huh:
Kairn83 09-05-06, 09:52 PM	Background of one of our other players - a CE Drow Cleric. "Once upon a time I decided it'd be a good idea to go hunting undead in the underdark. I came across a fort and went inside and slew everything inside, and it turns out that it was the fortress of a lich. I killed the lich and took his cursed weapon, then left. After that I immediately and single handedly destroyed a small village - not too small, only had a population of 20,000. I was booted out of the underdark and now wander about killing everythign I can. Because my weapon is cursed." Keep in mind this is from a level 3. Said character was then headbutted into submission by an NPC later on for causing problems in town. Le sigh.
Galamere 09-06-06, 04:18 AM	Let's see...the absolute worse character background I have ever come up with is probably the current character I'm playing (*sigh*) A human scout/thief acrobat that fights in the style of the old Final Fantasy style Lancer, his reason for this style of fighting is the same as his reason for adventuring, he wants to fly. Naturally, without magic if he can help it. He started out by just strengthening his legs and improving his jumping skills, then while in a large city he saw a performing troop using vaults to great effect, and started practicing as best he could back in his village (and how he earned his low CHA score, a nasty pitchfork accident). later he joined a city guard in order to build his strength and fighting prowess. Now he is a merc., wondering the lands in search of anything that may be able to help him. Our DM is using the old Greek Parthenon for our gods, just recently he started learning about Aeolis (the god of the wind and whine, if memory serves, I don’t have my materials handy) so wish him luck ^_^ However at the moment our group is embroiled in a deamon war, so I have to put the search for more information on that God on hold for the moment.
Galamere 09-06-06, 04:20 AM	Not the worst background i've ever written, but the worst i ever read comes from a warforged fighter: He was created for the Last War, sent to the front and the war stopped before his first fight. He has stood there, waiting for an order ever since and finally decided it was time to do something and went to Sharn. What i mostly miss is here is WHY? why did he stop waiting all of a sudden? oh well, i bet all you eberron DMs have read backgrounds kinda like this. ick...even my Warforged in the D&D online beta had a better background....
Kaslin 09-06-06, 03:43 PM	The worst Character ooncept I have seen wasn't in a d&d game, it was for Vampire. My buddy played an extreamly charismatic vampire that was all about manipulating people. More or less, the face of the party. Because of the type of vampire he was, he could only feed on a certain class of prey. The game was centered in New Orleans so he chose, much to the parties surprise, black people. He got his name off the cover of a Manga the DM had nearby and was thus names Hellsing. He didn't want to think of a backstory so he took the flaw Amnesia. When asked where his Haven was, he looked around the table, picked up the popcan and wrote 'Coca Cola Factory' on his character sheet. He rolled low at the begining of the game for hoe much blood was in his system. The first thing he did is go hunting. His humanity was seven, which is an extreamly moral person, a kind of person who thinks stealing is terribly wrong. After he catches a black homeless man in an alley, he drains the man of blood and throws the corpse down a manhole after stealing ten dollars off his corpse. He immediatly lsot two humanity. We have never let him live this one down.
SpawnOfMorgoth 09-06-06, 11:57 PM	A GM, whom I knew was an ardent hack and slasher from his previous campaigns as well as his personal playing style, handed out character questionaires as a new gimic to that year's new campaign. I gave shallow and joke answers to all of the questions. The most memorable was "What motivates your character to go adventuring?" I answered, "I want to go new and interesting places so I can meet new and interesting people... and kill them and take their stuff."
JulesCARV 09-07-06, 01:20 AM	From the Vampire I remember, seven humanity is normal, not "extremely moral." Heck, with seven dots to spend on virtues, even if you put four dots into courage, boosting it to five dots, and put your remaining three dots into self-control and conscience, without spending any freebies on virtues or humanity, your humanity is 5. If you spend only two dots on courage, boosting it to 3, your humanity goes up to 7, all without a single freebie spent. Maybe 7 humanity is extremely high for a Sabbat campaign or something, but I assume this guy was a Camarilla Ventrue.
Joggernutt 09-08-06, 07:04 PM	Well one of my players had to really bad background stories in Forgotten realms The first was for a level 4 fighter from waterdeep and his story for how he ended up at the lake of steam was "he likes to travel" nothing else just his fondness to travel. That was the reason he went thousands of miles from his home. Another one of his backgrounds was for a Fire Genasi Scout/Order of bow whose father died some how, and while he was out hunting a single fire arrow (just a normal arrow covered in a rag and lit on fire) burned down his house and another one hits his mom in the heart as she runs out. So he walks around asking people of any assasin that uses fire arrows no other leads. It was kinda funny because everbody is like what kind of arrows or any other symbols nope.
redless 09-08-06, 08:06 PM	Ok so my first character was a rouge elf named X. He and his elf clan were captured and enslaved by a bunch of orcs. They were captured for a hundred years. (at the time I didn't know orc tribes don't last very long) On his hundredth birthday he took his name. Since he was called X by the orcs he thought it would be a good name. He killed all the orcs in their sleep and snuck off in the night. He was a rouge because he was sneaky and his name was X. Soooo lame.
dominus_casuum 09-09-06, 09:25 PM	Any elf made of red makeup is just ASKING to die.
Dark1ord 09-11-06, 12:12 PM	This is a little something I found a few months back... [...] Gama then used all of the power and sent the Chaos Power Bomb on Chaos.:rofl: I gotta have that ability... sending a chaos power bomb on someone sounds hilarious! :D as for backgrounds, hmm... I once wanted to play The Crow (in GURPS Supers). I mean, period. fortunately, my game master helped me out by changing the idea a little bit. still got to wear black, though. ;) -man... what a battlecry: I'M'ONNA SEND THE CHAOS POWER BOMB ON YOU! sweet! :D
dvlsadvct 09-11-06, 04:03 PM	I was playing in an evil campaign once and one of our 'friends' wanted to play so he magnificently rolled up 'Bob' the monk. 'Bob' wouldnt reveal his true name because he was evil. 'Bob' liked to punch people. That was the extent of 'Bob'. Oh, and anyone who has lost their parents. I know that a Hero isnt a Hero until he has his entire family eradicated. But, come on. An entire group of adventurers, none with any family to speak of, seriously? Not to say I was never guilty.
FeceMan 09-11-06, 05:06 PM	I just thought I'd start a thread on the worst character backgrounds you've written. They could be bad for any reason, whether it's warping the background story to fit mechanics ("Let's see how my anthropomorphic baleen whale came to be a Radiant Servant of Pelor...") to clichés ("His whole village was destroyed by orcs..." dual-scimitar wielding chaotic good drow ranger, rip offs of Lord of the Rings, etc) to just plain cheesy, kitchy stories (excessively silly backgrounds for gnomes, kender, etc.). I, for one, don't think I've really come up with anything truly atrocious yet, but I did rip off most of the childhood of my human Karrnathi cleric of Kol Korran, Andorra Hausdorff (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=679306), from Grave of the Fireflies, and rip offs are always a negative. It also plays into the "tragic childhood leaves most relatives dead" cliché. My first character, a human ranger named Zethir Tomas, basically had a backstory that was a string of events that explained his mechanics in terms of languages, etc. Like, he knew elven, sylvan, goblin, and common (high int), so his story went something like, this: He was an apprentice blacksmith to his half-elf uncle, until he was drafted into a minor war against some goblinoids by his local lord, where he fought as an archer, and eventually became the warden of a group of goblin prisoners-of-war and learned their language. When he was released from the army, he started going back home, but he was delayed by a dryad who charmed him into acting as a sort of mediator/messenger between a nearby village that logged and her as a tree-dependent dryad and her friends. Eventually, he managed to get the sides to come to an agreement (though none were really satisfied), so he continued home, having picked up Sylvan on the way. By the time he got home, though, much delayed, his uncle had found a new apprentice, and didn't need him back at the forge. Rather than pressing the issue, he decided to take up the wandering life of a ranger-adventurer and see more of the world. That's really not that bad. The worst that I can think of (I actually have never created a character of my own, lol) is either 1. Evil baddies came and killed the character's village but he survived and is after revenge. or 2. Evil baddies came and killed the character's village but he survived, was raised by wolves, and is after revenge. "I'm Tom North. I was raised in the North, and Tom's as good a name as any." -the introduction of Tom North Now, whenever I DM, someone always names a character Jack East to frustrate me. It's okay though; my favorite Kobold battle-cry to use is 'Grenade West', which lets the PCs know where it's coming from, and also that it's time to make new characters. Oh, come on, that's BRILLIANT. He has the same name of me, meaning he is infused with some of the awesome--though but a mere fragment, I must admit--that flows through my very veins. I made a dwarven wizard once. When I told the Gm my race he looked at me like I had a kazoo in my eye. He then claimed that dwarves rarely became wizards in his world and were outcasts in dwarven society. So my character practiced his magic in the bathroom at home as a child. "Bh'rian what's taking so long in there?" "Five more minutes mom!" That is the story of Bh'rian Blh'oodah'xe. That's actually pretty funny. I would give you a cookie if I were the DM.
redless 09-20-06, 01:37 AM	I remembered my friend's CE aligned character. Wanted to kill the whole party because It would be difficult. It was funny because another guy played a character 7 intelligence was tricked by the CE guy into dieing. The CE threw a bag of gold off a cliff and the intelligince 7 jumped for it and caught it 900 feet in the air.
Razilin 09-21-06, 10:12 AM	When I was 13, I did indeed create a chaotic good, dual-wielding drow ranger. It was awesomely pirated intellectual property. These days, my gaming group is leaning toward making characters with punny names. Like my friend's wizard, Pai Pi Gu. Sounds like a perfectly Chinese name for a Chinese-esque character, right? Apparently, it means "tap my ass" in Mandarin. At least his background wasn't too jokey. Another player in the same group made a monk named Bushido Brown who happened to look like that black karate master from Enter the Dragon (whose name eludes me at the moment). Those of you who watch "Boondocks" will know exactly who Bushido Brown is.
Jaroson 09-21-06, 07:40 PM	He was called Harold Beerbragger, a fighter. He was the village hero due to being involved in saving same village from a Goblin war party some years ago. The battle had left him with a goblin sword still run through his entire head which somehow staunched the bleeding and missed vital areas of the brain allowing him to continue in his heroic deed. Then someone pulled the sword out of his head and he died.
Morgoloth 09-25-06, 02:01 PM	This is a little something I found a few months back... "Chaos was a Guardian of the Area of Spine of the World. He was loved everywhere and he loved everybody. Untill one day. He was having a good day when a Dark Fugure name Mephistopheles came out and died under Chaos. He had with him the Chaos Powers. Chaos accidently touched them and he sucked them all up. He then was changed ino Chaos the God of Sestruction. He destroyed everyone who knew. One day a Man name Gama came up to battle Chaos the battle lasted what felt like forever. Gama was getting tired with not even a scratch on Chaos. Then the Spirit of the Good Chaos that had the Good side of the Chaos powers Fused with Gama. Gama became Gama the God of Goodness. Gama then used all of the power and sent the Chaos Power Bomb on Chaos. The smoke cleared and Gama won. Good Chaos thanked Gama and went to sleep. Gama was then named the Greatest Hero who ever lived. Now, 2000 years later. Chaos is reborned Stronger then ever and it is up to you to defeat Chaos and learn the secrets of Torils Dark and Sinister past." That sounds like something from the old TSR/WotC RP rooms.. wow, I never want to RP again after reading them. How could I, in all honesty, play, when I know I could never match the terrifying power that is Chaos? :eek:
Need_A_Life 09-27-06, 11:03 AM	A kobold paladin/warlock (don't pester me about alignment, he was LE and that's the end of that). I described his tribe in-depth, wrote about how he had been sent to human lands to represent their tribe and try to forge an alliance (though the story clearly indicated that people just wanted to get rid of him) and on his way to the land (he had to use his little rowboat to get there) he met a devil and made a pact with it, it gave him infernal powers and he 'owed it one'. God, if I had actually had to play it I'd have comitted suicide (IRL or IG?); never leave the contractual issues open to a devil and never just have one pop out of nowhere for no reason! AAAARGH! *Runs away, clearly possessed by bad memories*
General Bringer'O'Death 11-17-06, 11:39 PM	The worst background for me has to be my most recent character. His name is Eko and he was shipwrecked on an island for several years. Everyone thinks I am a Cleric, but I am actually a Fighter. If you have seen LOST, you know what I'm talking about.
HaikenEdge 11-18-06, 10:49 AM	I probably sound pretty arrogant for saying this, but I rarely ever write poor backgrounds... Must be because I'm also a novelist and I hate the cliche... Nonetheless, the absolutely worse background I ever wrote dealt with a CN high charisma bard. I based the background story on a friend who happened to cut herself almost every week. The result was a very emo boy who spent his time whining about the "trials and tribulations" of his life, much to the chagrin of the entire party... The character got so bad that he was eventually killed by the NE hitman who joined the party (happened in game; the assassin was also my character, and the bard was killed because he was starting to annoy the hell out of everybody, DM and myself included).
Need_A_Life 11-18-06, 12:42 PM	Hey, I found out that I just have to plan my character... as in begin before my current one dies, that gives me time to try 4-5 backgrounds until I get the feeling of being on the right track. My current one was a smith ~2000 years ago who inadvertly came into the position of becoming a Concordant (class that focuses on killing planar twins, much like "The One" with Jet Li). He didn't want to be hunted by the twins and enlisted the help of devils to get them off his back and launch preemptive strikes. He doesn't consider himself evil, but the fact that he's accumulated 537 souls (there's even paladin souls among them, as well as that of another player character) over the course of ~5 sessions seems to suggest otherwise. Also, he's a notorious shapeshifter with access to enchantment spells meaning that most people won't realize what they've done nor who they've sold their soul to. Hey, I must admit I like playing Devil's Advocate (there's another one with the same theme in the group) and use contractual loopholes to avoid promising anything to anyone, while ensuring that they give me what I need. This "Evil campaign" is really refreshing after having been good-aligned for so long.
TheAnthroDM 11-18-06, 06:21 PM	Bob the Barbarian Bob slash things all his life, he slash things now.
Meshakhad 11-19-06, 02:19 AM	I haven't made many. Most of my characters don't get much of a backstory. My current character basically has a vendetta against all evil - mainly because she can't remember who it was her parents sacrificed her sister to. She's also insane, exalted, and a warlock. Basically, her exalted behavior is her saying "F*** you!" to evil.
AegisShade 11-21-06, 04:08 AM	He became a multiclass rogue/druid/wizard/fighter/cleric...on a bet. He was a bard who failed grade school music class, so he specialized in the kazoo. He was bombarded by prismatic rays...(Cease and desist! Cease and desist!)