Character Feedback [Archive] - Wizards Community

Character Feedback [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
exnigma
08-25-05, 03:00 PM (I've thought him out pretty well, but something still feels a little off. Any feedback would be appreciated; maybe it'd clue me in as to what's missing from the puzzle.)

Merle was born into wealth, the son of a retired mercenary commander. Merle's father had made a name for himself in the private army business, though for strictly material reasons, and at an age ripe enough to rear and raise a son, retired into comfort and luxury. Merle's mother was known only to the mother herself, as Merle's father was known to keep many mistresses. Certainly, for whatever reason, she had no part in his upbringing.

As soon as he was deemed old enough, Merle was enrolled in a wizarding academy. In his youngest years, he'd shown a certain cleverness and inclination for dangerous curiousity, and his father felt these traits were well-suited to a mage; wizardry would help curb his previously uninhibited drives.

Merle had other ideas. After learning the basics, Merle grew tired of the company and the faculty at the academy. His poor behavioral tendencies began to show through again, as Merle skipped class, played prank after prank on teacher and classmate alike, and in what he considers to be his greatest deed, managed to set free a coterie of dangerous beasts from the academy's dungeon. His expulsion, then, came as a surprise to few. Merle's father was notified, and, furious at his son's incompetence, demanded he return home, where his father intended to keep him as a hand for manual labor, seeing no other use for a mind of such rambunctious predisposition. Merle, of course, had no intent of returning to such a glum fate, and traveled south. Between his interactions with his father and his experiences at the academy, Merle had developed a certain distrust of the nature of people as a whole, and those whom he met along his travels merely confirmed his suspicions. His playful nature gradually grew somber, his faith in others only dwindled. By the time he reached his destination, a small town in the southeast, he had little to say, and cared little know the same of others.

Merle was a man of few words -- Not that he was particularly quiet natured, he simply found most people, through faults perceived or real, to be too much trouble to bother talking with. He didn't have a lot of purpose in mind, though he began to realize the futility of his situation upon arriving in the southeast, broke and with little means of defending himself should trouble arise. He still held his curiousity and penchant for the unknown -- perhaps the unknown was the only thing still to offer hope? Regardless, Merle was not without common sense -- he realized the peril of his situation, concluding it would be best to resume his studies of wizardry, or at least find some sort of professional income. He took most travelers he met with a grain of salt -- if everyone was as willing to be dishonest as he was, there was little cause for taking seriously their claims.

For the moment, Merle is isolated in the town he's taken refuge in. He's not much of a people person, but, deep down, it's because more than anything else, he's scared that everyone is like he is. He lives day by day, learning what he can from the local library, though he hasn't yet worked up the gusto to seek instruction from one of the town's mages. He spends quite a bit of time at the bar, and though he doesn't necessarily have a taste for alcohol, it is included in his habit of carrying things to extremes. He prefers when others leave him alone, and will rarely reach out to others, though when he does, it is often with cautioin. His negative opinion of human nature is hard to shake, though he treats other species with considerably less hostility, giving them, for now, the benefit of the doubt. (He hails from a primarily human area.) Would he ever find someone whose integrity he trusted completely, he'd be incredibly appreciative of their company; he would love nothing more than to discover people he feels he can trust, and, despite his situation as a loner, is only so because he has yet to find company he considers apt. Deep down, he longs for companionship, and perhaps a greater glimpse into the aforementioned unknown, where he feels he may find the hope he's been searching for.

Merle, Human Male, Wizard 1, Chaotic Good

Str 12
Dex 12
Con 14
Int 16
Wis 16
Cha 10

(As I said, something just feels a little off; I'm having a little trouble getting into him. Maybe I'm just not in the right mood? Any thoughts would be appreciated.)
Gingerbread Guy
08-25-05, 04:38 PM Likely the best (and best-written) character concept I've read here in months, if not all year. I agree, though, there's something missing.

Usually when I have trouble feeling comfortable in a character's skin, its because I'm not able to immediately comprehend how they'll think and react to events, people, and their environment. When I'm thinking about what to do next with my character, the answer usually comes to me quickly, and I get that "Oh that is SO Merle" feeling that tells me I'm right. Wish I could put it more eloquently than that, but, well, there it is.

He seems to have some hopes and fears, and you seem to have his outlook on life down pretty solid, but I don't really see any goals, plans or major (non-social) fears. He's sorta without direction right now (which is fine; a lot of people wander through life without any real direction, but its somewhat uninteresting and ethereal).

Honestly, i wish I could put my finger on it better than that..

~Ginger
exnigma
08-26-05, 02:44 AM Thanks for the compliments, Ginger :)

I think you've hit the nail on the head -- I have yet to get that sense of exactly what makes him Merle, that certain purpose and direction the character should take. I did some thinking today, just setting up situations in my head and trying to place Merle in them, and I'm feeling a bit better about the whole ordeal.

I really appreciate the feedback, you seem to know what I'm going through, so thanks :D

-'Ex
Need_A_Life
08-26-05, 03:18 AM I would like to point out that actually writing some of the pranks instead of just telling that they happened and making the reader get under his skin usually makes it more believable.

Why did he do as he did, what was his motivation, why did he choose to pull pranks on both teachers and students? etc. etc.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
exnigma 08-25-05, 03:00 PM	(I've thought him out pretty well, but something still feels a little off. Any feedback would be appreciated; maybe it'd clue me in as to what's missing from the puzzle.) Merle was born into wealth, the son of a retired mercenary commander. Merle's father had made a name for himself in the private army business, though for strictly material reasons, and at an age ripe enough to rear and raise a son, retired into comfort and luxury. Merle's mother was known only to the mother herself, as Merle's father was known to keep many mistresses. Certainly, for whatever reason, she had no part in his upbringing. As soon as he was deemed old enough, Merle was enrolled in a wizarding academy. In his youngest years, he'd shown a certain cleverness and inclination for dangerous curiousity, and his father felt these traits were well-suited to a mage; wizardry would help curb his previously uninhibited drives. Merle had other ideas. After learning the basics, Merle grew tired of the company and the faculty at the academy. His poor behavioral tendencies began to show through again, as Merle skipped class, played prank after prank on teacher and classmate alike, and in what he considers to be his greatest deed, managed to set free a coterie of dangerous beasts from the academy's dungeon. His expulsion, then, came as a surprise to few. Merle's father was notified, and, furious at his son's incompetence, demanded he return home, where his father intended to keep him as a hand for manual labor, seeing no other use for a mind of such rambunctious predisposition. Merle, of course, had no intent of returning to such a glum fate, and traveled south. Between his interactions with his father and his experiences at the academy, Merle had developed a certain distrust of the nature of people as a whole, and those whom he met along his travels merely confirmed his suspicions. His playful nature gradually grew somber, his faith in others only dwindled. By the time he reached his destination, a small town in the southeast, he had little to say, and cared little know the same of others. Merle was a man of few words -- Not that he was particularly quiet natured, he simply found most people, through faults perceived or real, to be too much trouble to bother talking with. He didn't have a lot of purpose in mind, though he began to realize the futility of his situation upon arriving in the southeast, broke and with little means of defending himself should trouble arise. He still held his curiousity and penchant for the unknown -- perhaps the unknown was the only thing still to offer hope? Regardless, Merle was not without common sense -- he realized the peril of his situation, concluding it would be best to resume his studies of wizardry, or at least find some sort of professional income. He took most travelers he met with a grain of salt -- if everyone was as willing to be dishonest as he was, there was little cause for taking seriously their claims. For the moment, Merle is isolated in the town he's taken refuge in. He's not much of a people person, but, deep down, it's because more than anything else, he's scared that everyone is like he is. He lives day by day, learning what he can from the local library, though he hasn't yet worked up the gusto to seek instruction from one of the town's mages. He spends quite a bit of time at the bar, and though he doesn't necessarily have a taste for alcohol, it is included in his habit of carrying things to extremes. He prefers when others leave him alone, and will rarely reach out to others, though when he does, it is often with cautioin. His negative opinion of human nature is hard to shake, though he treats other species with considerably less hostility, giving them, for now, the benefit of the doubt. (He hails from a primarily human area.) Would he ever find someone whose integrity he trusted completely, he'd be incredibly appreciative of their company; he would love nothing more than to discover people he feels he can trust, and, despite his situation as a loner, is only so because he has yet to find company he considers apt. Deep down, he longs for companionship, and perhaps a greater glimpse into the aforementioned unknown, where he feels he may find the hope he's been searching for. Merle, Human Male, Wizard 1, Chaotic Good Str 12 Dex 12 Con 14 Int 16 Wis 16 Cha 10 (As I said, something just feels a little off; I'm having a little trouble getting into him. Maybe I'm just not in the right mood? Any thoughts would be appreciated.)
Gingerbread Guy 08-25-05, 04:38 PM	Likely the best (and best-written) character concept I've read here in months, if not all year. I agree, though, there's something missing. Usually when I have trouble feeling comfortable in a character's skin, its because I'm not able to immediately comprehend how they'll think and react to events, people, and their environment. When I'm thinking about what to do next with my character, the answer usually comes to me quickly, and I get that "Oh that is SO Merle" feeling that tells me I'm right. Wish I could put it more eloquently than that, but, well, there it is. He seems to have some hopes and fears, and you seem to have his outlook on life down pretty solid, but I don't really see any goals, plans or major (non-social) fears. He's sorta without direction right now (which is fine; a lot of people wander through life without any real direction, but its somewhat uninteresting and ethereal). Honestly, i wish I could put my finger on it better than that.. ~Ginger
exnigma 08-26-05, 02:44 AM	Thanks for the compliments, Ginger :) I think you've hit the nail on the head -- I have yet to get that sense of exactly what makes him Merle, that certain purpose and direction the character should take. I did some thinking today, just setting up situations in my head and trying to place Merle in them, and I'm feeling a bit better about the whole ordeal. I really appreciate the feedback, you seem to know what I'm going through, so thanks :D -'Ex
Need_A_Life 08-26-05, 03:18 AM	I would like to point out that actually writing some of the pranks instead of just telling that they happened and making the reader get under his skin usually makes it more believable. Why did he do as he did, what was his motivation, why did he choose to pull pranks on both teachers and students? etc. etc.