Critique Character [Archive] - Wizards Community

Critique Character [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Ramrod_The_Wizard
01-15-07, 11:02 AM Well my friend is currently preparing an epic level campiagn in which I will be playing the cleric. He will be a cleric of Clangeddin Silverbeard (Good, Law, Strength, War, Dwarf) and I am trying to balance his combat and healing powers. Thus far the build is Cleric 10/Combat Medic 5/Divine Disciple 5. My main question is for you to analyze my backstory.

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Bjorn was was born in a small mountain fort that looked over the pass that led to the last of the great dwarven kingdoms. The fort was a monestary dedicated to Clangeddin Silverbeard, the stalwart defender of the dwarven people and the symbol of the might of the dwarven armies. One fateful day the mountain kingdom was besiged and all who were unable to fight were sent back to the main city. Being the first in the line of defenses, the inhabitants of the monestary were slaughtered. All who he cared about were murdered. When the dwarves made the counter-attack against the invading hordes Bjorn snuck in and only was armed with an axe he stole from the storerooms. When they finnaly clashed at the ruins of his former home, a great rage engulfed him and he became a terror of blood and steel. He was taken back by a couple of the elder clerics and he was taken in as an orphan.

Through the years he learned to harness his skill in battle and coupled it with a love for all that is good. He was no longer filled with rage, but with mercy and honour. Many years passes and he became more and more influential within the clergy. After many military campigns and examples of compassion for all life, he became the high battle priest of the dwarves. After many years of his duty he began to feel a divine tug to travel the world and fight for the downtrodden and destry evil and malace wherever it may be.

Stories of Bjorn will resonate through several cultures spanning the wide expanses of the material plane. He once saved a village against a powerful frost giant that had been ravaging the countryside. On the peak of a of a great mountain the two great warriors clashed. The battle is said to have gone on for days. As it raged a storm of a magnitude never recorded in the region brewed over the mountain. When the great storm ceased the people emerged from their snowcovered homes to find no trace of niether the giant nor Bjorn.

Many years later he returned to the earthly realms. An exalted aura surrounded his presecne. His is not who he once was, he is the perfect incarnation of what Bjorn was and he wielded a power never seen before by the peoples of the realm. Mountains shook and demons fled his presence, he was the epitome of his ideals. Legends around the world speak of him under many names, but they all have a common theme. They all speak of justice, love, and the empassioned battle against the corruptions of the multiverse.
JulesCARV
01-17-07, 04:43 AM I like it. I don't have PGF or the Miniatures Handbook (are those the sources?), so I'm not sure about the Combat Medic or Divine Disciple, but overall, looks good.

The transition from being enraged to being merciful and good is a bit abrupt, though.
Damori
01-17-07, 07:05 PM Combat Medic as in from Heroes of Battle?

Looks cool to me; truly epic.
Ramrod_The_Wizard
01-17-07, 07:49 PM I like it. I don't have PGF or the Miniatures Handbook (are those the sources?), so I'm not sure about the Combat Medic or Divine Disciple, but overall, looks good.

The transition from being enraged to being merciful and good is a bit abrupt, though.

Yea i know. I wrote it in the middle of the night, so its not as long as it could be, but i didnt think it was incredibly important. Its a great character, and i tried to make him good a combat and healing to combat the fact that the DM is a known power-gamer. Epic+Power Gaming DM= SCARY

Divine Disciple was printed in FRCS and PgtF. Basically you become closer yo your god and eventually become and outsider and some nice little goodies. Combat Medic is from Heroes of Battle and gives all kinds of nice features, such as evasion and spontaneous HEAL. Right now im trying to figure out a PrC continue the game with, but i might just take more cleric levels.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Ramrod_The_Wizard 01-15-07, 11:02 AM	Well my friend is currently preparing an epic level campiagn in which I will be playing the cleric. He will be a cleric of Clangeddin Silverbeard (Good, Law, Strength, War, Dwarf) and I am trying to balance his combat and healing powers. Thus far the build is Cleric 10/Combat Medic 5/Divine Disciple 5. My main question is for you to analyze my backstory. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bjorn was was born in a small mountain fort that looked over the pass that led to the last of the great dwarven kingdoms. The fort was a monestary dedicated to Clangeddin Silverbeard, the stalwart defender of the dwarven people and the symbol of the might of the dwarven armies. One fateful day the mountain kingdom was besiged and all who were unable to fight were sent back to the main city. Being the first in the line of defenses, the inhabitants of the monestary were slaughtered. All who he cared about were murdered. When the dwarves made the counter-attack against the invading hordes Bjorn snuck in and only was armed with an axe he stole from the storerooms. When they finnaly clashed at the ruins of his former home, a great rage engulfed him and he became a terror of blood and steel. He was taken back by a couple of the elder clerics and he was taken in as an orphan. Through the years he learned to harness his skill in battle and coupled it with a love for all that is good. He was no longer filled with rage, but with mercy and honour. Many years passes and he became more and more influential within the clergy. After many military campigns and examples of compassion for all life, he became the high battle priest of the dwarves. After many years of his duty he began to feel a divine tug to travel the world and fight for the downtrodden and destry evil and malace wherever it may be. Stories of Bjorn will resonate through several cultures spanning the wide expanses of the material plane. He once saved a village against a powerful frost giant that had been ravaging the countryside. On the peak of a of a great mountain the two great warriors clashed. The battle is said to have gone on for days. As it raged a storm of a magnitude never recorded in the region brewed over the mountain. When the great storm ceased the people emerged from their snowcovered homes to find no trace of niether the giant nor Bjorn. Many years later he returned to the earthly realms. An exalted aura surrounded his presecne. His is not who he once was, he is the perfect incarnation of what Bjorn was and he wielded a power never seen before by the peoples of the realm. Mountains shook and demons fled his presence, he was the epitome of his ideals. Legends around the world speak of him under many names, but they all have a common theme. They all speak of justice, love, and the empassioned battle against the corruptions of the multiverse.
JulesCARV 01-17-07, 04:43 AM	I like it. I don't have PGF or the Miniatures Handbook (are those the sources?), so I'm not sure about the Combat Medic or Divine Disciple, but overall, looks good. The transition from being enraged to being merciful and good is a bit abrupt, though.
Damori 01-17-07, 07:05 PM	Combat Medic as in from Heroes of Battle? Looks cool to me; truly epic.
Ramrod_The_Wizard 01-17-07, 07:49 PM	I like it. I don't have PGF or the Miniatures Handbook (are those the sources?), so I'm not sure about the Combat Medic or Divine Disciple, but overall, looks good. The transition from being enraged to being merciful and good is a bit abrupt, though. Yea i know. I wrote it in the middle of the night, so its not as long as it could be, but i didnt think it was incredibly important. Its a great character, and i tried to make him good a combat and healing to combat the fact that the DM is a known power-gamer. Epic+Power Gaming DM= SCARY Divine Disciple was printed in FRCS and PgtF. Basically you become closer yo your god and eventually become and outsider and some nice little goodies. Combat Medic is from Heroes of Battle and gives all kinds of nice features, such as evasion and spontaneous HEAL. Right now im trying to figure out a PrC continue the game with, but i might just take more cleric levels.