Does this character background seem cliche? [Archive] - Wizards Community

Does this character background seem cliche? [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Raven Dark
02-15-06, 03:05 PM Below is the character background for Polyras, my Talenta Halfling (N male Evoker 5) character, which I will be playing in an upcoming exploratory Eberron game. His build emphasizes speed and mobility (as mounted mages tend to be). After writing his bio and reading it a few times, I have to ask: Does it seem a little cliche or unoriginal to you? If so, how can I make it...um...not cliche? Thank you for any advice you have to offer.

Appearance: Polyras is small, even by Halfling standards. Still, he carries about him a stern countenance that demands respect from larger folk. He has long blonde hair, sharp blue eyes, high cheek bones, and an athletic frame.

Clothing: Although a true Talenta Halfling, Polyras has long since forgone his ancestral garb in favor of far more effective suits of mithral armor. Much of his clothing carries bits of flare to make him appear more knightly.

Personality: Polyras is a confidant young man who believes that he is one of the most powerful arcanists left in the world. He is not so arrogant as to outwardly boast about his talents, but his overconfidence often causes him to recklessly expend all of his spells quickly in a mesmerizing show of death.

He generally cares little for the plights of others, but has been known to intervene on behalf of the helpless from time to time. This, however, often stems more from a desire to test his strength rather than out of any moral conviction. In general, he is a very kind warrior who speaks only when necessary.

Region of Origin: Polyras grew up amidst the tribes of the Talenta Plains. He has since traveled away from his homeland to broaden his horizons and follow his adventurous dreams.
History/Background: Polyras’ entire family line was wiped out during the Last War and Polyras was left alone to witness many atrocities first hand. The traumatized boy was later adopted by Gharlaan, a traveling wizard from the Wayfinder Foundation. Gharlaan slowly cured the worst of the boy’s emotional scars and raised him as both an apprentice and son.

As Polyras grew up under Gharlaan’s tutelage, he dreamed of becoming a powerful warrior who would decimate his nation’s enemies and avenge the death of his clan. Sadly, he did not reach fighting age until mere days after the war had officially ended. Dejected at the notion that his dreams of becoming an avenging knight may have disappeared with the war, he fell into a deep depression. Still, he was no less determined to make something of himself.

Fearing his son’s self-destructive path of depression, hate, and revenge, Gharlaan used his contacts to help his son find a spot on the next Wayfinder expedition. Realizing that his father was trying to distract him, Polyras went along with his father’s plan in hopes that there may still be plenty of adventure and fighting to be found throughout the stranger parts of the world.

Character Hook: Don’t you worry about my steed’s bite. Worry about mine.
Raven Dark
02-16-06, 05:18 PM :bump:
Radijs
02-16-06, 05:39 PM Its indeed rather cliché. The young hero witnessing atrocities at a young age.
Its almost classic this young antihero theme. I sometimes call it puberty.
Raven Dark
02-16-06, 07:34 PM I was afraid that might be the case. Do you have any ideas on how I might be able to fix it?
Bazcasta
02-16-06, 10:10 PM Fix? What is wrong with cliche? I think it is fine how it is. I find that more often than not, my players have these way out there "original" ideas that are far less fun/entertaining than theses "cliche" ideas. Though, thats just my two coppers.

I really like that Gharlaan name. Can I borrow (read: use forever) it?
Raven Dark
02-16-06, 10:17 PM Fix? What is wrong with cliche? I think it is fine how it is. I find that more often than not, my players have these way out there "original" ideas that are far less fun/entertaining than theses "cliche" ideas. Though, thats just my two coppers.

I really like that Gharlaan name. Can I borrow (read: use forever) it?

If you mean to use the name for a character or line of characters (or in a novel) be my guest. If you intend to use it as an online handle (around here especially) than no.

As for being cliche...I'm an experianced writer. I should be beyond cliche.

In any case, I have made a few changes...mostly to take away the revenge angle. Tell me what you think.

Appearance: Polyras is small, even by Halfling standards. Still, he carries about him a stern countenance that demands respect from larger folk. He has long blonde hair, sharp blue eyes, high cheek bones, and an athletic frame.

Clothing: Although a true Talenta Halfling, Polyras has long since forgone his ancestral garb in favor of far more effective suits of mithral armor. Much of his clothing carries bits of flare to make him appear more knightly. He dons his ancestral garb only when visiting his homeland.

Personality: Polyras is a confidant young man who believes that he is one of the most powerful arcanists left in the world. He is not so arrogant as to outwardly boast about his talents, but his overconfidence often causes him to recklessly expend all of his spells quickly in a mesmerizing show of death.

He generally cares little for the plights of others, but has been known to intervene on behalf of the helpless from time to time. This, however, often stems more from a desire to test his strength rather than out of any moral conviction. In general, he is a very kind warrior who speaks only when necessary.

Region of Origin: Polyras grew up amidst the tribes of the Talenta Plains. He has since traveled away from his homeland to broaden his horizons and follow his adventurous dreams.

History/Background: Polyras’ entire tribe was wiped out during the Last War and Polyras was left alone to witness many atrocities first hand. The traumatized boy was later adopted by Gharlaan, a traveling wizard from the Wayfinder Foundation. Gharlaan slowly cured the worst of the boy’s emotional scars and raised him as both an apprentice and son.

As Polyras grew up under Gharlaan’s tutelage, he dreamed of becoming a powerful warrior who would be revered by all the nations of Khorvaire for ending the war and bringing peace to all the land. Sadly, he did not reach fighting age until mere days after the war had officially ended. Dejected at the notion that his dreams may have disappeared with the war, he fell into a deep depression. Still, he was no less determined to make something of himself.

Fearing his son’s self-destructive path, Gharlaan suggested that his son find a spot on the next Wayfinder expedition as an escort. Realizing that his father was trying to help him fulfill his dreams, Polyras readily accepted in hopes that there may still be plenty of adventure and fighting to be found throughout the stranger parts of the world.

Character Hook: Don’t you worry about my steed’s bite. Worry about mine.

THANKS AGAIN!
Bazcasta
02-16-06, 11:01 PM I meant as a npc name. Thanks
Raven Dark
02-16-06, 11:17 PM I meant as a npc name. Thanks

Your welcome. Just so you know, it is supposed to be pronounced "GAR-LANE."

Also, what do you think of my 2nd write up?

EDIT: I suppose it can also be pronounced "GAR-LA-HAN" or "GARLA_ANN." :P
Grizzled Gryphon
02-17-06, 04:13 AM Maybe it is cliche, mabye it isn't. In the long run, though, who really cares? If it is interesting to you as the player, then it works. At any rate, wouldn't another way of saying it be "most common"? So, your charactor has a lot in common with a LOT of other adventurers? That is not a bad thing, my friend.

Perhaps, though, you could use that premise, but spice it up a little. Like, he has these nightmares of his entire clan, all cut up and missing body parts, slowly shambling towards him like zombies, with the flames of war raging behind them, chanting over and over "avenge us... avenge us..." Until he wakes up screaming.

Or, perhaps he feels guilt and great shame because he survived the cataclysm that destroyed his clan. And so, he tries to be the greatest warrior ever to prove to his inner demons that he can avenge them. Only, no matter hw powerful he gets, or who he destroys that had anything to do with the death of his clan, those demons are never satisfied... A nice little twist to that could be that there really IS a demon making all this happen, and it is slowly crafting him into the war machine that it wants. Or it is simply doing it to cuase death, destruction, and suffering.

If I think of any others, I will post them, too. Let me know if you like any of these, or if they spark sometwisted and demented ideas of your own.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Raven Dark 02-15-06, 03:05 PM	Below is the character background for Polyras, my Talenta Halfling (N male Evoker 5) character, which I will be playing in an upcoming exploratory Eberron game. His build emphasizes speed and mobility (as mounted mages tend to be). After writing his bio and reading it a few times, I have to ask: Does it seem a little cliche or unoriginal to you? If so, how can I make it...um...not cliche? Thank you for any advice you have to offer. Appearance: Polyras is small, even by Halfling standards. Still, he carries about him a stern countenance that demands respect from larger folk. He has long blonde hair, sharp blue eyes, high cheek bones, and an athletic frame. Clothing: Although a true Talenta Halfling, Polyras has long since forgone his ancestral garb in favor of far more effective suits of mithral armor. Much of his clothing carries bits of flare to make him appear more knightly. Personality: Polyras is a confidant young man who believes that he is one of the most powerful arcanists left in the world. He is not so arrogant as to outwardly boast about his talents, but his overconfidence often causes him to recklessly expend all of his spells quickly in a mesmerizing show of death. He generally cares little for the plights of others, but has been known to intervene on behalf of the helpless from time to time. This, however, often stems more from a desire to test his strength rather than out of any moral conviction. In general, he is a very kind warrior who speaks only when necessary. Region of Origin: Polyras grew up amidst the tribes of the Talenta Plains. He has since traveled away from his homeland to broaden his horizons and follow his adventurous dreams. History/Background: Polyras’ entire family line was wiped out during the Last War and Polyras was left alone to witness many atrocities first hand. The traumatized boy was later adopted by Gharlaan, a traveling wizard from the Wayfinder Foundation. Gharlaan slowly cured the worst of the boy’s emotional scars and raised him as both an apprentice and son. As Polyras grew up under Gharlaan’s tutelage, he dreamed of becoming a powerful warrior who would decimate his nation’s enemies and avenge the death of his clan. Sadly, he did not reach fighting age until mere days after the war had officially ended. Dejected at the notion that his dreams of becoming an avenging knight may have disappeared with the war, he fell into a deep depression. Still, he was no less determined to make something of himself. Fearing his son’s self-destructive path of depression, hate, and revenge, Gharlaan used his contacts to help his son find a spot on the next Wayfinder expedition. Realizing that his father was trying to distract him, Polyras went along with his father’s plan in hopes that there may still be plenty of adventure and fighting to be found throughout the stranger parts of the world. Character Hook: Don’t you worry about my steed’s bite. Worry about mine.
Raven Dark 02-16-06, 05:18 PM	:bump:
Radijs 02-16-06, 05:39 PM	Its indeed rather cliché. The young hero witnessing atrocities at a young age. Its almost classic this young antihero theme. I sometimes call it puberty.
Raven Dark 02-16-06, 07:34 PM	I was afraid that might be the case. Do you have any ideas on how I might be able to fix it?
Bazcasta 02-16-06, 10:10 PM	Fix? What is wrong with cliche? I think it is fine how it is. I find that more often than not, my players have these way out there "original" ideas that are far less fun/entertaining than theses "cliche" ideas. Though, thats just my two coppers. I really like that Gharlaan name. Can I borrow (read: use forever) it?
Raven Dark 02-16-06, 10:17 PM	Fix? What is wrong with cliche? I think it is fine how it is. I find that more often than not, my players have these way out there "original" ideas that are far less fun/entertaining than theses "cliche" ideas. Though, thats just my two coppers. I really like that Gharlaan name. Can I borrow (read: use forever) it? If you mean to use the name for a character or line of characters (or in a novel) be my guest. If you intend to use it as an online handle (around here especially) than no. As for being cliche...I'm an experianced writer. I should be beyond cliche. In any case, I have made a few changes...mostly to take away the revenge angle. Tell me what you think. Appearance: Polyras is small, even by Halfling standards. Still, he carries about him a stern countenance that demands respect from larger folk. He has long blonde hair, sharp blue eyes, high cheek bones, and an athletic frame. Clothing: Although a true Talenta Halfling, Polyras has long since forgone his ancestral garb in favor of far more effective suits of mithral armor. Much of his clothing carries bits of flare to make him appear more knightly. He dons his ancestral garb only when visiting his homeland. Personality: Polyras is a confidant young man who believes that he is one of the most powerful arcanists left in the world. He is not so arrogant as to outwardly boast about his talents, but his overconfidence often causes him to recklessly expend all of his spells quickly in a mesmerizing show of death. He generally cares little for the plights of others, but has been known to intervene on behalf of the helpless from time to time. This, however, often stems more from a desire to test his strength rather than out of any moral conviction. In general, he is a very kind warrior who speaks only when necessary. Region of Origin: Polyras grew up amidst the tribes of the Talenta Plains. He has since traveled away from his homeland to broaden his horizons and follow his adventurous dreams. History/Background: Polyras’ entire tribe was wiped out during the Last War and Polyras was left alone to witness many atrocities first hand. The traumatized boy was later adopted by Gharlaan, a traveling wizard from the Wayfinder Foundation. Gharlaan slowly cured the worst of the boy’s emotional scars and raised him as both an apprentice and son. As Polyras grew up under Gharlaan’s tutelage, he dreamed of becoming a powerful warrior who would be revered by all the nations of Khorvaire for ending the war and bringing peace to all the land. Sadly, he did not reach fighting age until mere days after the war had officially ended. Dejected at the notion that his dreams may have disappeared with the war, he fell into a deep depression. Still, he was no less determined to make something of himself. Fearing his son’s self-destructive path, Gharlaan suggested that his son find a spot on the next Wayfinder expedition as an escort. Realizing that his father was trying to help him fulfill his dreams, Polyras readily accepted in hopes that there may still be plenty of adventure and fighting to be found throughout the stranger parts of the world. Character Hook: Don’t you worry about my steed’s bite. Worry about mine. THANKS AGAIN!
Bazcasta 02-16-06, 11:01 PM	I meant as a npc name. Thanks
Raven Dark 02-16-06, 11:17 PM	I meant as a npc name. Thanks Your welcome. Just so you know, it is supposed to be pronounced "GAR-LANE." Also, what do you think of my 2nd write up? EDIT: I suppose it can also be pronounced "GAR-LA-HAN" or "GARLA_ANN." :P
Grizzled Gryphon 02-17-06, 04:13 AM	Maybe it is cliche, mabye it isn't. In the long run, though, who really cares? If it is interesting to you as the player, then it works. At any rate, wouldn't another way of saying it be "most common"? So, your charactor has a lot in common with a LOT of other adventurers? That is not a bad thing, my friend. Perhaps, though, you could use that premise, but spice it up a little. Like, he has these nightmares of his entire clan, all cut up and missing body parts, slowly shambling towards him like zombies, with the flames of war raging behind them, chanting over and over "avenge us... avenge us..." Until he wakes up screaming. Or, perhaps he feels guilt and great shame because he survived the cataclysm that destroyed his clan. And so, he tries to be the greatest warrior ever to prove to his inner demons that he can avenge them. Only, no matter hw powerful he gets, or who he destroys that had anything to do with the death of his clan, those demons are never satisfied... A nice little twist to that could be that there really IS a demon making all this happen, and it is slowly crafting him into the war machine that it wants. Or it is simply doing it to cuase death, destruction, and suffering. If I think of any others, I will post them, too. Let me know if you like any of these, or if they spark sometwisted and demented ideas of your own.