Post/Author/DateTime	Post
twc12 10-05-07, 12:42 AM	Hi I was about to start a regular campaign, but my DM has changed it to Eberron. He wants a medium character bio with some things that will be usable in the campaign. So, here is what I came up with: (sorry about any grammer errors) Raeus Agricolae was born the 2nd child of Grakus Agricolae and Alesdia ir'Feltis Agricolae. Grakus was a rather simple farmer in Breland. His family farm was located on the eastern plains. Grakus took no part in the Last War, but was effected by it. His first wife was Hilena was killed along with his first child Joka when a Warforged band led in the command of Cyre. As one can imagine this brewed a deep hatred not only against Cyre, but also all Warforged, and the House Cannith. After this disaster the land was ravaged and would be unusable for years. His only family was Rikor Ulson of Fairhaven, Aundair. Rikor was running a prosperous business selling imports from foreign land kingdoms. Having good a standing with the House Orien was able to secure passage to the Aundair Capital. Once in Fairhaven Grakus was given an undeserved position handling valuable clients, but soon took to his new job. While working a for his cousin he met a regular customer, a lawyer who obtained land by advising the Royal House on legal matters, Vulhun ir'Feltis. After a couple years Grakus was betrothed to his daughter Alesdia. The family ir'Feltis has heritage of practicing law. They are almost entirely involved in law either consilors, advisors, or diplomats. They are all strict followers of Aureon and care little about any other gods, even the rest of the Sovereign Host. Once Grakus obtained enough capital he started his own business, oddly enough, selling large quantities crops. Soon after their first son was born Aylin, in the year 976YK. Now Aylin is a legal advisor for the House Orien. Two years later, 978YK, Raeus was born. Their last child was born in 981YK Alesdina, who still is in school. Raeus had a very uneventful child hood. He had an unusual postion in that he was able to mix with both the upper class, his mother's side, and the middle class, his own family. He attended school and worked a little in his father's business. After regular school Raeus entered the University of Wynarn in 995YK, to study law. In 998YK, less than year before graduation, Raeus was assigned a small class to tutor. The class consisted of only three students all of which were new admissions to the school. Amoung them was a Warforged, a creature made by Cannith. How was he to teach the Law of Aureon to a being less than a animal, an abomination. He protested and found that the University "respects the members of all intelligent species." Infuriated Raeus left the school. Now he is a knowledgable student with no degree. He hopes to travel to Thrane or even Breland to finish his degree, but maybe Aureon has a high calling for him. He will start as a Factotum(Dungeonscape Book), but the next level I get I think I will multiclass to Cleric. Anyone comments or suggestions? Thanks for taking the time to read through it.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 10-05-07, 01:15 AM	Not bad. Sorry to hear about the pre-mature loss of your previous character too as he had seemed like he had a good start. Now on to the critique. "when a Warforged band led in the command of Cyre" Did what? I know it's kind of a grammar thing but in this case it makes a difference. If they did something big and destroyed a huge area, killing dozens if not hundreds of innocents then it makes sense that the only family your father had left was way off in another nation. On the other hand if it was a small raid and the family was killed in the cross-fire during a minor skirmish over supplies then you had family and friends nearby. I recommend the latter and simply having the move become part of the healing process. That way you still have a family in the middle/lower classes left and can keep your character closer to his original intent. Otherwise the only real family you have is nobles and that's the life you live. It will take something special to take you out of a noble's attitudes and dad doesn't really cut it as he likely will be trying to fit in with his new family.
twc12 10-05-07, 01:55 AM	Thanks I'll add in the skirmish part. That was a lapse on my part meant to put something in there, but forgot.
albinomonkeyking 10-05-07, 04:10 AM	I'm not sure how much fighting there will be in your campaign but your character sounds ill-suited for adventure. A law student would have as much experience on a battlefield as a warrior would as... a law student. As for the character, he is very well made. I think it is interesting and pretty original. My only remark is that of the combat or adventurous attention in the game. He sounds a bit more like a well-developed NPC than a character. Will he have levels of expert? It sucks but it will probably be what a law student would be. As I said, discounting that, good job.
Uberwoot 10-05-07, 10:34 AM	Three quarters of this story is about your character's father. That, in my book, is a problem- unless your character is cut in the mold of his father. As a matter of fact, in the story, the only shred of personality I can find that pertains to Raeus (or even his father) is racism against warforged. You really should avoid such a one-dimensional character. When dealing with warforged, your character will be a hindrance to the party, and the rest of the time he'll be a light fixture. Or perhaps a plant. One statement in particular bothers me: Raeus had a very uneventful child hood. Your story needs some personality development, and this seems like a good place to put it. I think you should plug in either some explanation of his human learning experiences or a few stories that summarize a few key character traits. As it is, I don't really know what direction you want to go with the character, so I'll leave it at that for the moment. /woot
twc12 10-05-07, 06:23 PM	Thanks for the advice Woot and AlbinoMonkeyKing I'll put together a revised version tonight and try to add some personal experiences and expand more of Raeus' background. As for the fighting aspects of the character at the start of the campaign he will be either an expert or factotum, then move into a new class maybe cleric or rogue. He'll depend more on intelligence and charisma rather than strength and constitution in any situation. But, when he is forced to fight he'll have a rapier and a couple of feats to make him capable of doing a little damage.
twc12 10-05-07, 10:36 PM	I tried to use the "hide" style from one of Terjon's posts, hopefully it works. This is a rather thorough revision. Its long, but if you have the time please read it and post some comments and suggestions. Raeus Agricolae was born the 2nd child of Grakus Agricolae and Alesdia ir'Feltis Agricolae. Grakus was a simple farmer in Breland. His family farm was located on the eastern plains. Grakus took no part in the Last War, but was affected by it. Grakus was outside is house preparing to plant for the next season when a Cyre scout party comprised mostly of Warforged came to his farm. Just as they arrived a Breland patrol appoarched, Raeus gathered his family and ran to his house. He heard thundering explosions and clashing blades outside, his wife Helina panicked. She ran toward the door with their baby girl just as it blew in, instantly killing them instantly. After this horrific event he buried his wife and child. Grakus needed to move, somewhere without the memories. His only family was Rikor Ulson, his cousin, in of Fairhaven, Aundair. Rikor was running a prosperous business selling imports from foreign kingdoms. Having good a standing with the House Orien was able to secure passage to the Aundair Capital. Once in Fairhaven, Grakus was given an undeserved position handling valuable clients, but soon took to his new job. While working a for his cousin he met a regular customer, a lawyer who obtained land by advising the Royal House on legal matters, Vulhun ir'Feltis. After a couple years Grakus was betrothed to his daughter Alesdia. Almost every member of the ir'Feltis family does something involving law; either counselors, advisors, or diplomats. They are all strict followers of Aureon and care little about any other gods, even the rest of the Sovereign Host is mostly ignored. Once Grakus obtained enough capital he started his own business, oddly enough, selling large quantities crops. Soon after their first son was born Aylin, in the year 976YK. Aylin is a legal advisor for the House Orien. Two years later, 978YK, Raeus was born. Their last child was born in 981YK Alesdina, who still is in school. Raeus had an unusual position in that he was able to mix with both the upper class, his mother's side, and the middle class, his own family. Raeus attended a good school in the city, while living at home. At school he trained mostly in rhetoric. After classes he would return home to help his father running business. He spent all the spare time he had in the University Library. The only time he would leave the big city was when he visited his grandfather's estate in the countryside. He was exposed to his grandfather's security force made up of Last War veterans. The older soldiers would let him hang around the barracks complex and taught him some simple swordplay, while telling him fabulous war stories. After regular school Raeus entered the University of Wynarn in 995YK, to become a lawyer. At the University he studied Law, History, and was an active member of the fencing team. He excelled at all of his studies, but most enjoyed debating in the mock courtrooms. In 998YK, less than year before graduation, Raeus's father, Grakus became ill. He was taken to the local doctor's but there was nothing they could do. He pasted early in 998YK, leaving Raeus, Aylin, Alesdina, and his wife alone in the city. Raeus's mother and his sister moved into the ir'Feltis estate. Raeus was devastated by his father's death. He spent night after night in the Temple of Aureon, praying for answers. Raeus didn't know what to do, should he continue school, he was already behind for this year, or should he search for some higher meaning in life. He canceled his school enrollment. This left him as a knowledgeable student with no degree. He packs his bags to go and prepares travel the world, with the War over he could travel easily. He has nothing particularly that he is looking for, but a simple life as a lawyer is not it. Thanks look forward to hearing from you guys.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 10-05-07, 11:12 PM	An excellent revision. Nice to see the others' comments taken well. Sounds a little more like a bard at this point. Max ranks in perform oratory or speech. I'd look for a direction to point him in though. If he didn't pick up dad's old attitudes so much in this itteration he probably should go for a family search. He knows he has another family that dad more or less left behind. A vague notion of finding them provides a better hook for a dm and putting you into an adventure. Alternatively a pilgramage to Aureon's temples works nicely. Wandering looking for a vague something just doesn't provide much to work from. The only other point to add in would be a little more on his reactions. Tell how he felt about his time training with the soldiers or in the stacks of the library. That he spent time there tells us a good bit but his reactions to these places and people would tell us even more.
twc12 10-05-07, 11:42 PM	Yeah once I got done revising I wasn't sure where to take it next. Does a bard follow a diety? And must a bard always sing? Or can he simple recite his spells with a great oratory skill? I'll expand on the characters thoughts in version 3.0
Terjon of the Blue Rose 10-05-07, 11:53 PM	Anyone can follow a diety and most do. Bards just don't get any power out of it. His spells all have a verbol component but don't require any particular skill set. His Bardic Music can use any perform skill. Some prefer instruments since they can get a magic one later others prefer their voice since they don't need their hands for it. Oratory, song, speech, epics, etc. all work on the voice and all work for bardic music.
Uberwoot 10-05-07, 11:54 PM	First off, I'll have you know that what you wrote wasn't long. Long is like the stuff Terjon writes. ;) More to the point however, I'd like to say it's a good revision. The story still doesn't portray a lot of personality, but it at least does give a few examples of how he reacts in various situations- he's definitely a vapid learner, which is very befitting of a Factotum. Or a bard, for that matter. As Terjon mentioned, a bit more focus on his feelings and reactions would help you get a better feel for how to play the character. Neither a bard nor a factotum requires devotion to a particular deity. Quite to the contrary, my opinion is that both classes tend toward strong self-reliance, but don't shun the reverence of deities either. I don't believe the character's backstory quite fits the bard class, and would recommend not pursuing it over factotum (not to mention that the factotum performs better at just about every role better than the bard). However, to alleviate your concern, the bard is theoretically allowed to use various forms of the perform skill (including oratory) for his bardic music. Looking forward to 3.0. /woot
Terjon of the Blue Rose 10-06-07, 01:17 AM	Hey! No fair! Thurt may have been 3 pages long but Remmin was only 1 1/2.:cool: I had thought it lent more towards bard with the time now given amongst soldiers and with lawyer being a fairly charismatic position but I don't really know the factotum. My impression had been it was more of a cloistered away-from-the-world-in-musty-tomes class but that's just from vague recollections of references on the boards. As far as mechanically speaking though, well... it would be hard to do worse than bard.
twc12 10-06-07, 02:07 AM	As promised the new Raeus Agricolae v3.0 I think I might have a final version here. Like Woot sugested, I expanded a lot on the childhood, fathers death. I tried to give a more personal feel (I'm having a bit trouble with this). I went with Terjon's bard suggestion I think the bard character will give me more of a fun character to play. Sorta fits better with the idea I had in my head (Intelligent, with a high Charisma), rather than a factotum would (he's smart, but not antisocial). I also took your idea of a quest for his heritage. Give it a read if you can stand a third trip through my ramblings :) (Skip the first part I made no changes to it) Raeus Agricolae was born the 2nd child of Grakus Agricolae and Alesdia ir'Feltis Agricolae. Grakus was a simple farmer in Breland. His family farm was located on the eastern plains. Grakus took no part in the Last War, but was affected by it. Grakus was outside is house preparing to plant for the next season when a Cyre scout party comprised mostly of Warforged came to his farm. Just as they arrived a Breland patrol appoarched, Grakus gathered his family and ran to his house. He heard thundering explosions and clashing blades outside, his wife Helina panicked. She ran toward the door with their baby girl just as it blew in, instantly killing them instantly. After this horrific event he buried his wife and child. Grakus needed to move, somewhere without the memories. His only family was Rikor Ulson, his cousin, in of Fairhaven, Aundair. Rikor was running a prosperous business selling imports from foreign kingdoms. Having good a standing with the House Orien was able to secure passage to the Aundair Capital. Once in Fairhaven, Grakus was given an undeserved position handling valuable clients, but soon took to his new job. While working a for his cousin he met a regular customer, a lawyer who obtained land by advising the Royal House on legal matters, Vulhun ir'Feltis. After a couple years Grakus was betrothed to his daughter Alesdia. Almost every member of the ir'Feltis family does something involving law; either counselors, advisors, or diplomats. They are all strict followers of Aureon and care little about any other gods, even the rest of the Sovereign Host is mostly ignored. Once Grakus obtained enough capital he started his own business, oddly enough, selling large quantities crops. Soon after their first son was born Aylin, in the year 976YK. Aylin is a legal advisor for the House Orien. Two years later, 978YK, Raeus was born. Their last child was born in 981YK Alesdina, who still is in school. Raeus had an unusual position in that he was able to mix with both the upper class, his mother's side, and the middle class, his own family. Raeus attended a good school in the city, while living at home. At school he trained mostly in rhetoric. The most exciting part of his day was when he would stand at the front of the class and debate others. He had a gift with words, almost as if they came to him without effort. He would vigorously press his arguments with passion, and intellect leaving his opponents defenseless. After classes he would return home to help his father running business. He spent all the spare time he had in the University Library. At the Library he poured over hundreds of books all sorts of subjects; magic, law, adventure, history, divinity. All of this helped him add to internal database of verbal weapons. The only time he would leave the big city was when he visited his grandfather's estate in the countryside. He was exposed to his grandfather's security force made up of Last War veterans. The older soldiers would let him hang around the barracks complex and taught him some simple swordplay, while telling him fabulous war stories. The soldiers had seen the best of their days, fighters of a prime age were hard to come what with the war still raging across the land. They all had stories of glorious battles and heroic conquest. Raeus enjoyed their stories even if he knew they weren't entirely true, he had a talent for picking up on lies, these men were decent soldiers but not the powerful warriors their tales were about. After Raeus finished rhetoric school he entered the University of Wynarn in 995YK, to become a lawyer. Law fit well with his family traditions and he seemed to have the perfect skills for it. At the University he studied Law, History, and was an active member of the fencing team. He excelled at all of his studies, but debating in the mock courtrooms was the highlight of everyday. His skill continued to grow, he was always ten steps ahead of them. By the time they finished their opening statements Raeus could visualize every move that would be made. In 998YK, less than year before graduation, Raeus's father, Grakus became ill. He was taken to the local doctors, House Jorasco Halflings, said to be the best, but there was nothing they could do. He pasted early in 998YK, leaving Raeus, Aylin, Alesdina, and his wife alone in the city. Raeus's mother and his sister moved into the ir'Feltis estate. Raeus was devastated by his father's death. He spent night after night in the Temple of Aureon, praying for answers. Raeus didn't know what to do, should he continue school? He decided the to canceled his school enrollment. Raeus knew one thing, he didn't want to spend his life arguing logic in court in the service of others. This left him as a skilled orator with some training with a rapier. His father's death was so sudden there was no time to really say good bye. Grakus never talked much about his life before Fairhaven, it was like he started a new life to get past his traumatic past. Raeus had always planned on finding out more about his father's family, but never thought it was a pressing matter. He wanted to find out about his father's past, he doesn't even know if he has anyone one of relation living in Breland. He checked with the Fairhaven Sivis office , but this led to more questions. Name: Grakus Joranus Agricolae Place of Birth: Aranti, Breland Father: Kalistos Joranus (Deceased) (Name does not appear on any other record) Marriage: Helina Nautis (Deceased), Alesdia ir'Feltis Children: Nahgrin Joranus (Deceased), Aylin Agricolae, Raeus Agricolae, Alesdina Agricolae Property: 32 Acres NE of Aranti (Abandoned) (Currently a possession of the Brelish Crown) Now he had a direction to follow at least. But the papers were odd. Why the change in name? How could they not have a name for his mother? How can the records be so incomplete? The House Sivis is supposed to meticulous in the data keeping. Raeus packed his things and obtained papers for travel from the House Orien, he is heading for Breland hopefully there he can find some answers to the many questions he has. Please post anymore suggestions you have, you guys have really helped to develop this character and anymore advice would be greatly appreciated(SP?). Thanks
Terjon of the Blue Rose 10-06-07, 02:17 AM	Know that when I say this you have officially done well. The biggest complaints I can give are on a few turns of phrase. Internal database is a bit jarring in a fantasy context. It's not wrong, just jarring. Rhetoric school is almost meaningless. Give the school a name and have him major in something along the lines of public speaking. I think your character will be a lot of fun to play. He has some real definition to him now. I hope you get into the actual game with this one as you defintely have something worthwile.
Uberwoot 10-06-07, 02:25 AM	Finally, I have good reason to care about your character. Bravo. May you have many fun times with Raeus. /woot