Emory Linwood, the Silver Bolt of Heironeous [Archive] - Wizards Community

Emory Linwood, the Silver Bolt of Heironeous [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Chrono Nexus
02-25-07, 01:09 AM Emory Linwood (The Silver Bolt of Heironeous)

Appearance: With sturdy plate armor and an even sterner expression, Emory comes off as all-business. She walks with the confidence of a trained warrior, and the sign of Heironeous is inscribed on her steel shield.
She has blue eyes, and her hair is tied back in a tight bun. Her mount seems just as well groomed as her, and his baring betrays that he is an animal trained for battle. A silver lance is strapped to his back.
History: Emory Linwood was raised on the outskirts of Ptolus in an orphanage that was paid for and operated by the church of Heironeous. She never knew her parents, and was saved from the streets of Ptolus by Joseph Baker, an acolyte of Heironeous at the age of eight. At the time, she had no proper name, and so Joseph gave her the name Elmora.
As she grew, she learned more about the faith, and she was entranced by the tales of brave paladins, clerics, and heroes of Heironeous. Emory made a determination to become one- a hero worthy of legend- and to help the weak as Joseph and the church had helped her.
Joseph of course was very happy about this, and he began her studies early on… before long, Emory became a scribe. For many years her responsibilities amounted to shifting stacks of papers and stamping forms- but Emory longed for more. Joseph and other officials were unsure of her potential, as a woman, to be a hand of Heironeous in the world, and so she never received proper training as a cleric... but that didn’t stop her. She trained on her own, in the early mornings and during the night, combining her faith and determination into a routine that would prove her true value.
In the fall of her sixteenth year, a great tournament was held in Ptolus. Knights, warriors, and fighters of all kinds participated. With the funds she had amassed over the years from odd jobs, Emory paid the entry fee and for a rental suit and sword. Under the alias of “Emory Linwood” she entered the jousting competition.
Emory did not win- but her skill with the lance and on a horse proved her potential as a cleric and servant of the faith. She was awarded by the church of Heironeous the title of Cleric that she might fulfill their cause of good in the world.
The Silver Bolt of Heironeous: Emory participates every year in the annual jousting tournament, and her reputation at it has lent her the title Silver Bolt of Heironeous. The lance itself is silver, and inscribed with the symbol of Heironeous (a fist holding lightning bolts).
Personality Traits: Emory is both bold and boastful, and not a little bit reckless. Despite her flamboyant nature, she is deeply religious, and looks to Heironeous’s teachings as a guide to living.
Quirks: Emory measures herself by finding people whose power she can respect and challenging them. This could be teammates, monsters, or even figures off the street- the city guard has had trouble with her outbursts in the past, and she has even been arrested for disorderly conduct.

Any ideas on how to improve this? Grammatically, structurally, or otherwise?
Stormbrand
02-25-07, 12:48 PM Personality, aim for at least one full paragraph of 5 lines+.

What class? She worships Heironeous and participates in tournaments, but clearly does not have the temperament for the Paladin class (respect for authority, chaotic behaviour, overcompetitive). Is she a cleric? In which case her use of arms should be somewhat secondary.

Her church is not exactly sexist, so why would her gender be an issue ('potential, as a woman') - chivalry and chauvenism are opposite ends of the scale. And do NOT horseshoe like left-wing and right-wing.

Personality - Include mannerisms, the way she speaks should be distinctive and unique. Think of ways general conversation marks her apart from everyone else.

How does she react to things? Include a paragraph about what motivates her one way or the other.

Appearance - You mention a stern expression, aside from the fact that expressions change, this hints that she has a face. Unfortunately, this is the only clue we have that she indeed has a face. Describe it. Fair skin? Rough skin? Tanned? Smooth? Size of her nose and mouth? Bone structure - is it angular or blocky?

My opinion is that a description is not good enough until you could recognise that person when seeing them in person, by description alone.
Chrono Nexus
02-25-07, 01:48 PM Personality, aim for at least one full paragraph of 5 lines+.

What class? She worships Heironeous and participates in tournaments, but clearly does not have the temperament for the Paladin class (respect for authority, chaotic behaviour, overcompetitive). Is she a cleric? In which case her use of arms should be somewhat secondary.

Her church is not exactly sexist, so why would her gender be an issue ('potential, as a woman') - chivalry and chauvenism are opposite ends of the scale. And do NOT horseshoe like left-wing and right-wing.

Personality - Include mannerisms, the way she speaks should be distinctive and unique. Think of ways general conversation marks her apart from everyone else.

How does she react to things? Include a paragraph about what motivates her one way or the other.

Appearance - You mention a stern expression, aside from the fact that expressions change, this hints that she has a face. Unfortunately, this is the only clue we have that she indeed has a face. Describe it. Fair skin? Rough skin? Tanned? Smooth? Size of her nose and mouth? Bone structure - is it angular or blocky?

My opinion is that a description is not good enough until you could recognise that person when seeing them in person, by description alone.
Your come off as a little overbearing here. Chauvinism and chivalry do go hand in hand. It's never the princess saving the knight, is it?
I'll take your advice on the description though- it's just that I've noticed many times in fantasy examinations of female characters tend to start with their face, while males' begins with their expression or temperament. I want this character to be recognized for her ideas, not for her features.
Clerical skills in combat are secondary. But a person without proper training martially would be a fool to go out into the dangerous world armed only with Cure spells. Besides, this is Heironeous- the god of valor. Many knights pay homage to him, and knights historically mixed aspects of their religion into their training.
But thanks for the advice anyway, I can improve it.
Stormbrand
02-26-07, 02:39 AM I can see how that reads as overbearing. I will have to disagree about chivalry=chauvinism. Since chivalry is about high standards of behaviour and respect for others, while chauvinism is defined by arrogant contempt for others and the need to 'put them in their place.' My personal belief is insulting chivalry is a form of female chauvinism but that is a debate for somewhere else. Suffice to say I don't see Paladins deliberately stifling others.

What I was thinking of, is that a Fighter, Knight or Paladin would have their history primarily built on their skill at arms. Clerics would begin with their faith, spiritual duties and healing etc. Think about Elmora as a spellcaster as much as a warrior.

Think of the way she talks. How formal? Courtly manners at all? Does her ego make her say too much? Generally brash and talkative, or quiet and withdrawn?

Being deeply religious is a very individual experience, something different for almost everyone, so how does her religion influence her opinions? How do her teachings guide her? Think of different aspects, what is her sense of fair play? Honesty (is she a speak the truth for others type or just straightforward)? What is her interpretation on compassion?

Place a list of priorities of her faith - is she more driven towards punishing the guilty or helping those in need? Think in terms of trial, is she more glory or duty?

About being recognised for her ideas, having ideas is a good start. What are they?
Chrono Nexus
02-26-07, 06:52 AM I can see how that reads as overbearing. I will have to disagree about chivalry=chauvinism. Since chivalry is about high standards of behaviour and respect for others, while chauvinism is defined by arrogant contempt for others and the need to 'put them in their place.' My personal belief is insulting chivalry is a form of female chauvinism but that is a debate for somewhere else. Suffice to say I don't see Paladins deliberately stifling others.

What I was thinking of, is that a Fighter, Knight or Paladin would have their history primarily built on their skill at arms. Clerics would begin with their faith, spiritual duties and healing etc. Think about Elmora as a spellcaster as much as a warrior.

Think of the way she talks. How formal? Courtly manners at all? Does her ego make her say too much? Generally brash and talkative, or quiet and withdrawn?

Being deeply religious is a very individual experience, something different for almost everyone, so how does her religion influence her opinions? How do her teachings guide her? Think of different aspects, what is her sense of fair play? Honesty (is she a speak the truth for others type or just straightforward)? What is her interpretation on compassion?

Place a list of priorities of her faith - is she more driven towards punishing the guilty or helping those in need? Think in terms of trial, is she more glory or duty?

About being recognised for her ideas, having ideas is a good start. What are they?
This is really good advice. Thanks alot!
Things to build on:
How she speaks
How she recognizes authority
Her morals and convictions
Personal Priorities
Religious Practices
Stormbrand
02-27-07, 12:53 PM Novelist, :D

I'm happy to discuss ideas for what you want to build on as well.

If you know any good freeform sites, try them for research. They tend to have detailed characters (because no systems to worry about, they fit all the complex stuff in their characters). So that is another source of ideas.

Contrasting and supporting traits work wonderfully. One paladin I have on a freeform site is downright saintly, but is described as "of an attitude towards giving his foe advance warning similar to that of a trapdoor spider."

Think of something the character could do at the gaming table that stops everyone dead.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Chrono Nexus 02-25-07, 01:09 AM	Emory Linwood (The Silver Bolt of Heironeous) Appearance: With sturdy plate armor and an even sterner expression, Emory comes off as all-business. She walks with the confidence of a trained warrior, and the sign of Heironeous is inscribed on her steel shield. She has blue eyes, and her hair is tied back in a tight bun. Her mount seems just as well groomed as her, and his baring betrays that he is an animal trained for battle. A silver lance is strapped to his back. History: Emory Linwood was raised on the outskirts of Ptolus in an orphanage that was paid for and operated by the church of Heironeous. She never knew her parents, and was saved from the streets of Ptolus by Joseph Baker, an acolyte of Heironeous at the age of eight. At the time, she had no proper name, and so Joseph gave her the name Elmora. As she grew, she learned more about the faith, and she was entranced by the tales of brave paladins, clerics, and heroes of Heironeous. Emory made a determination to become one- a hero worthy of legend- and to help the weak as Joseph and the church had helped her. Joseph of course was very happy about this, and he began her studies early on… before long, Emory became a scribe. For many years her responsibilities amounted to shifting stacks of papers and stamping forms- but Emory longed for more. Joseph and other officials were unsure of her potential, as a woman, to be a hand of Heironeous in the world, and so she never received proper training as a cleric... but that didn’t stop her. She trained on her own, in the early mornings and during the night, combining her faith and determination into a routine that would prove her true value. In the fall of her sixteenth year, a great tournament was held in Ptolus. Knights, warriors, and fighters of all kinds participated. With the funds she had amassed over the years from odd jobs, Emory paid the entry fee and for a rental suit and sword. Under the alias of “Emory Linwood” she entered the jousting competition. Emory did not win- but her skill with the lance and on a horse proved her potential as a cleric and servant of the faith. She was awarded by the church of Heironeous the title of Cleric that she might fulfill their cause of good in the world. The Silver Bolt of Heironeous: Emory participates every year in the annual jousting tournament, and her reputation at it has lent her the title Silver Bolt of Heironeous. The lance itself is silver, and inscribed with the symbol of Heironeous (a fist holding lightning bolts). Personality Traits: Emory is both bold and boastful, and not a little bit reckless. Despite her flamboyant nature, she is deeply religious, and looks to Heironeous’s teachings as a guide to living. Quirks: Emory measures herself by finding people whose power she can respect and challenging them. This could be teammates, monsters, or even figures off the street- the city guard has had trouble with her outbursts in the past, and she has even been arrested for disorderly conduct. Any ideas on how to improve this? Grammatically, structurally, or otherwise?
Stormbrand 02-25-07, 12:48 PM	Personality, aim for at least one full paragraph of 5 lines+. What class? She worships Heironeous and participates in tournaments, but clearly does not have the temperament for the Paladin class (respect for authority, chaotic behaviour, overcompetitive). Is she a cleric? In which case her use of arms should be somewhat secondary. Her church is not exactly sexist, so why would her gender be an issue ('potential, as a woman') - chivalry and chauvenism are opposite ends of the scale. And do NOT horseshoe like left-wing and right-wing. Personality - Include mannerisms, the way she speaks should be distinctive and unique. Think of ways general conversation marks her apart from everyone else. How does she react to things? Include a paragraph about what motivates her one way or the other. Appearance - You mention a stern expression, aside from the fact that expressions change, this hints that she has a face. Unfortunately, this is the only clue we have that she indeed has a face. Describe it. Fair skin? Rough skin? Tanned? Smooth? Size of her nose and mouth? Bone structure - is it angular or blocky? My opinion is that a description is not good enough until you could recognise that person when seeing them in person, by description alone.
Chrono Nexus 02-25-07, 01:48 PM	Personality, aim for at least one full paragraph of 5 lines+. What class? She worships Heironeous and participates in tournaments, but clearly does not have the temperament for the Paladin class (respect for authority, chaotic behaviour, overcompetitive). Is she a cleric? In which case her use of arms should be somewhat secondary. Her church is not exactly sexist, so why would her gender be an issue ('potential, as a woman') - chivalry and chauvenism are opposite ends of the scale. And do NOT horseshoe like left-wing and right-wing. Personality - Include mannerisms, the way she speaks should be distinctive and unique. Think of ways general conversation marks her apart from everyone else. How does she react to things? Include a paragraph about what motivates her one way or the other. Appearance - You mention a stern expression, aside from the fact that expressions change, this hints that she has a face. Unfortunately, this is the only clue we have that she indeed has a face. Describe it. Fair skin? Rough skin? Tanned? Smooth? Size of her nose and mouth? Bone structure - is it angular or blocky? My opinion is that a description is not good enough until you could recognise that person when seeing them in person, by description alone. Your come off as a little overbearing here. Chauvinism and chivalry do go hand in hand. It's never the princess saving the knight, is it? I'll take your advice on the description though- it's just that I've noticed many times in fantasy examinations of female characters tend to start with their face, while males' begins with their expression or temperament. I want this character to be recognized for her ideas, not for her features. Clerical skills in combat are secondary. But a person without proper training martially would be a fool to go out into the dangerous world armed only with Cure spells. Besides, this is Heironeous- the god of valor. Many knights pay homage to him, and knights historically mixed aspects of their religion into their training. But thanks for the advice anyway, I can improve it.
Stormbrand 02-26-07, 02:39 AM	I can see how that reads as overbearing. I will have to disagree about chivalry=chauvinism. Since chivalry is about high standards of behaviour and respect for others, while chauvinism is defined by arrogant contempt for others and the need to 'put them in their place.' My personal belief is insulting chivalry is a form of female chauvinism but that is a debate for somewhere else. Suffice to say I don't see Paladins deliberately stifling others. What I was thinking of, is that a Fighter, Knight or Paladin would have their history primarily built on their skill at arms. Clerics would begin with their faith, spiritual duties and healing etc. Think about Elmora as a spellcaster as much as a warrior. Think of the way she talks. How formal? Courtly manners at all? Does her ego make her say too much? Generally brash and talkative, or quiet and withdrawn? Being deeply religious is a very individual experience, something different for almost everyone, so how does her religion influence her opinions? How do her teachings guide her? Think of different aspects, what is her sense of fair play? Honesty (is she a speak the truth for others type or just straightforward)? What is her interpretation on compassion? Place a list of priorities of her faith - is she more driven towards punishing the guilty or helping those in need? Think in terms of trial, is she more glory or duty? About being recognised for her ideas, having ideas is a good start. What are they?
Chrono Nexus 02-26-07, 06:52 AM	I can see how that reads as overbearing. I will have to disagree about chivalry=chauvinism. Since chivalry is about high standards of behaviour and respect for others, while chauvinism is defined by arrogant contempt for others and the need to 'put them in their place.' My personal belief is insulting chivalry is a form of female chauvinism but that is a debate for somewhere else. Suffice to say I don't see Paladins deliberately stifling others. What I was thinking of, is that a Fighter, Knight or Paladin would have their history primarily built on their skill at arms. Clerics would begin with their faith, spiritual duties and healing etc. Think about Elmora as a spellcaster as much as a warrior. Think of the way she talks. How formal? Courtly manners at all? Does her ego make her say too much? Generally brash and talkative, or quiet and withdrawn? Being deeply religious is a very individual experience, something different for almost everyone, so how does her religion influence her opinions? How do her teachings guide her? Think of different aspects, what is her sense of fair play? Honesty (is she a speak the truth for others type or just straightforward)? What is her interpretation on compassion? Place a list of priorities of her faith - is she more driven towards punishing the guilty or helping those in need? Think in terms of trial, is she more glory or duty? About being recognised for her ideas, having ideas is a good start. What are they? This is really good advice. Thanks alot! Things to build on: How she speaks How she recognizes authority Her morals and convictions Personal Priorities Religious Practices
Stormbrand 02-27-07, 12:53 PM	Novelist, :D I'm happy to discuss ideas for what you want to build on as well. If you know any good freeform sites, try them for research. They tend to have detailed characters (because no systems to worry about, they fit all the complex stuff in their characters). So that is another source of ideas. Contrasting and supporting traits work wonderfully. One paladin I have on a freeform site is downright saintly, but is described as "of an attitude towards giving his foe advance warning similar to that of a trapdoor spider." Think of something the character could do at the gaming table that stops everyone dead.