Post/Author/DateTime	Post
cog_n_taz 09-29-07, 08:03 AM	This character is an ECL 10 shaman (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=56521) fire hobgoblin of mine, newly made. his alignment is TN/CN (not sure yet). Anyways, posting his background to see what y'all make of it - Yes, it's very long (word count of 900, I believe). No, I wasn't trying for that in particular, but that's not a problem for me or my group. I want feedback about the quality or lack thereof in the backstory, not the length, 'kay? Thanks everyone! Gorbaz Terull sat on the blackened, obsidian slopes of Wrathfire Peak. Ash rained down around him, as it always did in this place, yet he saw it not. Blasts of heated wind rose from the volcano’s crater itself, blowing around him, yet he felt them not. The winds howled and rocks crashed around him, but he heard them not. Deep in meditation, he thought back, thinking of the life that had brought him here… Wise man, shaman, blessed of Ignus, mighty warrior, healer of the mountain fang tribe. he had many names, naught but hollow titles now, yet they meant so much at the time.. There was a time when he was all of these things – he healed the ill, brought the tribe victory in battle as their enemies burned before their eyes, offered his sage advice freely, prayed to the spirits every day, every night… Those days were past now. There was a time when the tribe was everything to him. When he would have – and indeed did – risk his life for his tribe. he learned his craft from the previous shaman of the tribe, though his name was remembered by none, not even Gorbaz. he was a wise man, harsh, but a good teacher. Gorbaz was his one and only apprentice, as tradition decreed. One day, he had completed his training, risen to the rank of shaman within the tribe. On that day, his mentor’s face had been grim indeed, yet he had never known why. That day, when he went to report to his mentor, all was silent within the hut. A quick search revealed that he was not present. From that day on, he had never seen the old man again. Later, he learned of the brutal tradition of the shamans, the reason why his old mentor had left – The tribe acquired a new shaman either by the current one mentoring another hobgoblin, or by one overthrowing the current shaman. When a new shaman takes the post in a tribe, the old one is forced into exile. his old master had known this, and yet he had mentored Gorbaz to become his own demise. But Gorbaz moved on. There was no point arguing with tradition – what must be done, simply must be done. So it had always been, and so shall it remain, until the end of times. he thought no more of the incident as his days as a shaman begun, casting it out of his mind. All that was until a week ago. Gorbaz had served his tribe for decades, risked his life for them, healed their injured, their sick, offered sage words to tribesmen and chieftain alike. And yet one day, an arrogant young upstart had struck him in the night, landing a grievous wound in his shoulder as he slept. From there, it was a one-sided fight. There was no honour. Yet none can argue with tradition. What must be done, simply must be done. So it had always been, and so it shall be, until the end of time. So it was that Gorbaz was exiled from his tribe the very next day, cast out like some old tool, without a second thought. his entire world had been ripped away from him, and he was left with nothing. At a complete loss, he chose to do the only thing that he could – trek to Flamewrath Peak, a volcano sacred to Ignus, and seek answers there. So it was that he came to these slopes, and for three days, he had been deep in meditation, without food, drink or sleep. he knew not when the ground shook, when the scalding winds blew out of the crater with increased vigor. The eruption was seen by all of the Mountain Fang tribe, a testament to Ignus’s power, engulfing the surrounding forest, scouring it of all life, covering the surroundings in a coating of lava, ash and smoke. A day later, Gorbaz rose slowly from the half-solidified lava. he was unharmed, yet not unaffected. Living flames darted around him, coming off him in sparks and embers. he was wreathed in flames of every colour, dancing around him excitedly. In his hand was something he had not seen before – a totem of gnarled hematite and ruby, covered in Ignan runes. It smouldered in his hand, yet he did not feel the heat. here was a sign, as sure as anything – he was Ignus’s chosen. The lord of this volcano had chosen him and no other, showed him that he was wronged, that he had been just and right all along. For the first time in four days, he turned to look down on the village that held the Mountain Fang tribe. hobgoblins bustled about, moving from building to building, some carrying the prey from the tribe’s latest hunts. It was a scene he had watched a thousand times, every last day… Yet his eyes saw naught but raging flames. Slowly, totem in hand, he walked down the slopes. his cause was a just one, Ignus had shown him as much. he had been wronged, and he sought justice. If there was none in this world, nothing but trial by fire, than he shall forge his own from the fires of his wrath. hatred in his eyes, he glared out at the settlement below. At last, he shall have his long-deserved vengeance. On this day, they shall know of the Flamelord's wrath.
Uberwoot 09-29-07, 10:06 AM	I would say that the story itself is among the better I have seen; it's very original and, in fact, downright inspiring. You might want to go through and make sure it's written in a single tense and perspective. Generally I like backstories to have more detail about the character's former life and his interactions with society, but the style of this story (focusing on the wrong done to the character) skirts that nicely. My only other concern is that this story in its current form seems to want resolution before a conventional adventuring career can begin (maybe that's not what you're looking for, but for the purposes of this comment I will assume it is). The end of the story tells of his desire for vengeance against his readily accessible former village; it seems that the execution of his vengeance could be included in the story to accelerate the character's acceptance of a conventional adventuring career. Or, perhaps the village could be consumed by the fires of the volcano itself as the fires of Ignus exact retribution on the Gorbaz's behalf? In any case, resolution might give room for considering the good parts of his former life and perhaps some minor regrets. Just a few thoughts. Again, I want to emphasize that I like the story. /woot
cog_n_taz 09-29-07, 11:39 AM	Thank'ee kindly, sir. Basically, here's the deal - he goes to the village, which is, together with its occupants, utterly consumed in a storm of fiery burnination. At the end of it, he's thinking "yes, but what now?" At that point, the party comes along. he will tell them a modified truth (closer to the truth than a lie), play himself off as the lone survivor of some disaster, or some such. he will basically act as he did before as the village's shaman, only this time, his "tribe" is the party, in a way. In this way, he takes to adventureing as a new way of life, and looking after the party while serving the spirits as a new purpose.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 09-29-07, 11:50 PM	Very nicely done. Well told, especially for a story of being chosen by a god. Still I have to comment that it tells me almost nothing of Gorbaz himself. It tells of a moment of change in his life and a little of what he was before. It does not however give me much to go on with who he is now. True we know he wants vengeance but past that easily accesable goal we know nothing of who he will become. Of course that can still work if that's what you plan on doing with your part of the campaign. Telling the story of his growth from this moment on.
cog_n_taz 09-30-07, 03:19 AM	Good point, and yes, that was my intention. Basically, that is the only thing in his head right now (thank you, mild possession by Ignus, there's a caring god/spirit). The funny thing is that, while he may distrust more or less everything to some extent now, under all that, he's still a pretty decent guy. As for what happens after this story, well, read my last post ^_^ Also, thank you. A positive comment on something I write, that's nice. But coming from you...wow. P.S. he's not, in fact, chosen by his god/spirit, even though he may have a closer connection than most. No, that's mostly delusion - Ignus gave him all that power/possessed him due to a single reason, which can be summarized as "hey, a chance to burn things, awesome!" Moral of the story? Never ask a volcano god for personal advice.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 09-30-07, 05:59 AM	Also, thanks you. A positive comment on something I write, that's nice. But coming from you...wow. You've done quite a bit of nice work on these boards. I think after I killed that one poster over his saint story people got the wrong impression. I'm a really nice guy. Really. CMON BELIEVE ME. If you don't believe I'm a nice guy I'll destroy your half of the universe.
cog_n_taz 09-30-07, 09:25 AM	No, that's not what I meant. Frankly, that thing was a novel, not a background. No, my impression hasn't changed, just saying it's an honor to get a review like that from the best background writer on these boards. Edit - Eh? I've been sigged? Come on, it wasn't that funny.
Fithero 10-01-07, 06:33 AM	I very much like the focus youve put on the tribes tradition, aswell as Gorbaz's efforts to stick to it. I'd like to know what had happened to the shaman that trained Gorbaz, and if any of the other tribe members survived his attack on them. Which brings me to my next point. If he is such a stickler for tradition, why did he take it so hard that he got booted from the tribe? Shouldnt he have just accepted it and moved on? Also, i dont think going down there and torching the joint is a logical reaction for Gorbaz to take, just for being exiled. Although i have an alternative- Gorbaz returned to the tribe in an attempt to convince his old fellows that he was had been chosen by Ignus and it was his right to be the shaman. The shaman that booted him out saw him comming to the camp and roused the tribes warriors and told them that Gorbaz had been taken over by some sort of vengence spirit, and was returning to kill them all. The warriors attacked, Gorbaz defended, warriors + most of village were destroyed. But the young upstart shaman that atttacked him during the night managed to escape and now plots against Gorbaz for destorying the village. I dunno if thats what your looking for, but it seems a bit better than the child-like reaction he originally took. Hope this helps. Peace
cog_n_taz 10-01-07, 06:39 AM	That's the thing, see. he didn't think it happened to him, and when it did, he wasn't vengeful, just at a loss as to what to do. See, his entire life was basically swept away from under his feet, and he had no idea what to do. he went to his god (the main one for him, anyway), and looked for answers. Ignus, being a CN fire spirit, just thought "cool, a chance to burn things!", gave him big power (a few instant shaman levels), nudged him in the direction of exacting fiery burnination, and sent him on his not-so-merry way. So no, he wouldn't have normally acted like that. As to what happened to his mentor... the guy was old, not that powerful, and alone in the wilderness. It's up to your imagination, but I was kinda implying that he just wandered off and died somewhere.
Alodar_Advo 10-02-07, 12:06 PM	Great story, well written. I'd like to give you my ideas, for what they are worth. I agree with Fithero about a wiseman who respects the tribal traditions taking vengeance on those who followed the traditions. What if Gorbaz took to the Volcano, and did his meditation and Ignus gave him this power and told him to exact his revenge... but Gorbaz resisted. Gorbaz respected the traditions and knew that actions such as these would overthrow the system that has worked for thousands of years... While Gorbaz was having this internal struggle verses Ignus want for fiery burnination (nice strongbad reference), the tribe's new Shaman showed up to finish the job. The new Shaman brought the tribe's bravest warriors with him to capture Gorbaz. Gorbaz does not fight against these warriors that he knows so well, and accepts to be taken to the village... he doesn't yet know why he is being taken, however, Ignus rejects Gorbaz for his 'weakness'. Once at the village, he realizes the new Shaman has ignited the entire village against Gorbaz... blaming the recent famine, the loss of the battle vs (whatever enemy) and basically causing a riot ready to rip Gorbaz apart. The new Shaman's intentions could be one of many things... to make sure that his ascent to Shaman stasis is complete, by the killing of the old Shaman, perhaps he is the grandson of the old Shaman and wants revenge for overthrowing his grandfather (children might not understand the reasons when young, did not realize his grandfather taught his own replacement and stepped down voluntarily) The new shaman and his closest followers attack... beat him to a pulp... and tie him to a stake to burn him alive... (uh oh... bad idea)... Ignus comes to Gorbaz one last time... shows him the error of his ways, respecting these weak creatures... honoring their traditions of burning their elders alive... and offers Gorbaz one last chance to accept the power given by Ignus and burn this village to embers. Reluctantly, Gorbaz agrees... turning the fire under his feet... to a blazing inferno of vengeance. Though he meant to only kill those who wanted to destroy him, his power got out of control, and filled with rage he killed everyone in the village. He tells himself that he allowed Ignus too much control over him, and regrets killing those of the village that have always been his friend... they didn't want to kill Gorbaz, but had simply been present at the time. He has been given this gift by Ignus... but swears to control it in the future... has been given truely a gift... but horrible burden as well. I hope that helps.
cog_n_taz 10-02-07, 09:32 PM	Thank you, genius, for all your work. I suspect his backstory will be going through an overhaul at some point. Thanks again!:)