Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Tleilaxu_Ghola 01-15-07, 09:58 PM	I've been developing a character background for the following build. True to the powergamer mentality I made the build before the story, but I think it worked out okay. Race: Lesser Aasimar Build: Paladin of Tyranny 2/Sorcerer 4/Spell Sword 1/Abjurant Champion 2/Tainted Scholar 2 Feats (with 2 flaws) 1. Combat Casting, Necrotic Cyst, Mind over Body 3. Retributive Spell 6. Chain Spell, Practiced Spell Caster* 9. Practical Metamagic (Chain Spell), Arcane Strike* 11. Weapon Focus (Great Sword)* *Denotes a feat gained via Taint. The tainted effects that the character has been subjected to are: Prophetic (mild): Subjected to nightmarish dreams and visions. We've found an alchemical substance which allows me to sleep properly each night, but it requires a dose every night. (Costs 10 gp a day) Delusional (moderate): -2 wisdom based skill checks & wisdom checks. Dead Eye (mild): Roll concealment checks twice, take worst. Shrunken Lips (moderate): -2 on charisma checks and cha-based skill checks. Lich Eyes (severe): Eyes rotten and replaced by green flame, gain darvision 90, but also light blindness (for first round) and dazzled in areas of daylight thereafter. Anyways, that's what's pertanaint for the story. For a full detailed list of the character stats & such click >>HERE<< (http://tsuyoshikentsu.pbwiki.com/Tainted%20Illusionist). Now for the character background, which though given in the link above, I will repeat here: Born Xavier Tharn to two loving parents in the small village of Draneth, Nerothar is far, far removed from his origins. His father, an aasimar and priest of Heironeous, pushed him to become a paladin in his early years. His mother, was the doting type and always showered Xavier with an unending stream of praise. Eager to escape his overbearing parents, Xavier entered paladin training, as a squire to the local knight and boarded at the knight's castle. And so began the second phase of Xavier's life. Under the training of the paladin, Xavier learned basic martial skills. Unbeknownst to Xavier at the time, however, was the fact that his master was not a paladin at all. In fact the paladin was an enterprising elan bard who had decided to spend this century under the guise of a paladin. Nevertheless, the paladin trained Xavier to be a proper paladin. At some point, early on, Xavier discovered his master's duplicity, and this threw his entire world upside down. He guarded his secret knowledge carefully, but it was not long before it ate into his then impressionable mind. He began to question the paladin code and the underlying virtues which it embodied. This doubt slowed his progress and he fell behind the other squires. Wracked with the feelings of failure and doubt, he began to hear a voice in his head, a voice which told him many evil things. This too Xavier hid from everyone else, and guarded carefully, lest he fear they think he was possessed. The voice in Xavier's head was cunning and twisted the paladin code to evil, re-aligning it in a twisted way with the duplicity of the master "paladin." The logic seemed undeniable to Xavier, everything the voice said just made sense. Soon Xavier began to excel in the arts of becoming a paladin. But it was not long before the others detected his inherent evil. Xavier soon found himself in solitary confinement, the paladin's punishment for those who fell from the code. Instead of forcing Xavier to ponder the paladin code, he was now at the full mercy of the voice in his head. The voice began to teach him strange things, magical things. In months of solitary confinement, Xavier refined his newfound arcane power and plotted escape. Eventually, on a cold night under the light of a full moon, Xavier's plan came to fruition. His constant mental dialogue had afforded him an insight into the workings of the mind and when the guard passed by for the midnight shift, he charmed him. After the guard let him out of the cell, he managed, by some unholy luck and the guidance of the voice, to escape the keep. Reveling in the power of magic, Xavier devoted the next several years to developing his powers. He joined a group of like-minded necromancers. Here he finally felt safe to reveal the voice in his head. The necromancers devised a ritual to remove the obvious demonic possession, but they gave Xavier one condition: That he be reborn in the service of Nerull. Xavier was eager to acquiece and was soon baptized into unholy union with the lich god and was reborn as Nerothar D'ukthum. Thereafter, Nerothar went on as an evangelist for Nerull and even crusaded with several other members of the faith. Nerothar learned to mix the powers of steel and magic during this crusade. One day fateful day, the wayward son decided to see his birth parents. He rode into town with his fellow dark knights. After a brief spat, Nerothar was soundly disowned and banished from his father's presence, who was more than a match for the young Nerothar. As Nerothar traveled from the village gates, he was greeted by image of a power fiend. The fiend claimed that he represented Hextor and was pleased with Nerothar's fall to evil. He offered a gift of great power to Nerothar should he slay his father, the priest of Hextor's hated half-brother Heironeisis. Given the recent spat and his long resentment against his father for forcing him into service as a paladin, Nerothar was eager to fufil the wishes of this fiend. So he quickly fled to gain the assistance of his old necromancer friends and paid them to construct a powerful undead strike force. Returning as fast as he could, on his new undead steed, Nerothar struck his birth town in the dead of the night. Confusion and choas ensued, but it wasn't long before Nerothar had his father at death's door in his hands. It was here, that Nerothar committed his first great evil and slayed his father. Even as the blood of his father dripped down his eager hands, something strange happened. Nerothar was never able to recall, but the next thing he remembers is a great explosion and being knocked flat on his back. He remembered the screams, the awful burning sensation, and lastly something which felt like a thousand stones being piled on top of him. Nerothar awoke to the care of Naomi, who had found his body surprisingly intact, amidst a smoldering ruin of Nerothar's birth village. Most bizzare is the fact that while the other corpses around Nerothar were fresh, he reeked of decay. It may have been the residue from his undead mount, but it persisted despite Naomi's attempts at cleansing him. After a while it soon became clear the source, Nerothar was going blind because the eyes were slowly rotting out of his head. Able to walk, but unable to see, Nerothar became an embittered man, cursing constantly under his breath. Then one night he heard the voice of the fiend, who had bartered with him earlier. The fiend offered the blessing of sight as payment for the slaying of his father. Nerothar bitterly accepted and fiend burned out the rotten remains of his eyes, replacing them with infernal green flames. Having cooled off somewhat, Nerothar learned to focus the tainted evil within him. As Nerothar again grew powerful in evil, he began to hear the same voice that he heard so long ago as a child. Except now it was garbled and distant. The voice plagued his dreams, filling Nerothar's mind with a net of lies and half-truths and improbable prophesies. Seeking a cure, Nerothar came across Venineer who prescribed him a simple treatment of Carthagu tea. The maddening nightmares were abaited so long as Nerothar took the drug. And so you see Nerothar today, a man seeped in evil, wracked by maniacal voices, and yet somehow held from insanity by sheer willpower and a drive for more power. He's currently seeking other brothers in his tainted lore. Character Behavior at a Glance: Nerothar may be a bitter, spiteful creature, but he's lawful to a tee. He has a commanding personal presence and keen wisdom, not to mention a powerful command of magic. He's always looking to gain the most of any given bargain, and exacts painful payment for his services. In combat he's agressive and loves to use death effects, particularly his signature spell: phantasmal killer. Right, so if you managed to read all or a part of that long story, this is what I'm looking to get out of the wise masters here on the CD boards: Does the story work, ie is it believable? Does the story provide sufficient motivation for a race with good-aligned tendancy to swing in the complete opposite direction? Besides better writing skills (I know it could be written better), what would you do to improve the content of the story? I thank you all in advance for any comments, I know reading this will require more time and energy than is usual.
Tleilaxu_Ghola 01-16-07, 07:40 PM	Meh, close enough to 24 hours. :bump:
Tleilaxu_Ghola 01-18-07, 08:07 PM	1 more try... :bump:
Herobane 01-20-07, 05:44 PM	Uh, dude? There's too many classes. I mean, three classes is going too far, but you've got like, more classes than the party paladin has bumps on his head from saying stupid stuff.
pyro_cat 01-21-07, 12:45 PM	Uh, dude? There's too many classes. I mean, three classes is going too far, but you've got like, more classes than the party paladin has bumps on his head from saying stupid stuff. Huh? Every single one of those classes is thematically linked around a roleplaying character concept that is properly expressed by the abilities granted by the PrCs and base classes chosen. I see nothing unacceptable about the fact that character he described in backstory has those class levels. Secondly, from a mechanical standpoint, the character is clearly a gish; a combination spellcaster/fighter, which will necessesarily include a large number of classes and prestige classes to generate the competency in both areas to fulfill the desired party role. It would be foolish of him to mechanically weaken his character because of some arbitrary decision you made about the acceptable number of classes for a character. Finally, it was made clear that the levels were acceptable for the game in the first post with the awknowldgement of the variety of classes. Your game isn't everyone's game. Sorry if I sounded confrontational, but post something useful, or don't post anything at all. This is a bit of a sore point for me. As for the story: Is the alignment of the Elan Bard important? Did he plan for your character to secretly fall? It seems like this persona could be a fascinating reoccuring character; a sort of subtle, manipulating (the possibly unintentional) influence on your character. Maybe he comes back to save Nerothar from himself? You could talk to the DM about this. You mention Nerothar was rescued by someone named Naomi, but I see no elaboration or explanation as to who this is. Deliberate? Likewise with Venineer. The original voice in Nerothar's head from his childhood is a fascinating subcharacter and plot device. Have you fleshed it out more? Seems like it would be the perfect way to introduce a surprise twist to your character and his story. Who could it be? A god? A fiend? His secretly evil and telepathic mother? The Elan bard? Himself? There are countless options; I personally believe you should explore this more. Is Nerothar still in the service of Nerull? If not, when did he strike off on his own? This isn't clear, but is very important. After his intial encounter with his father as an agent of Nerull? After he was seriously wounded and nursed back to health? Upon the completion of his deal with the fiend; restoring his sight? Or later? If he's no longer in the service of Nerull, we need some motivation here. I hate the whole "ultimate power" thing. It seems like a character with as convoluted a past as Nerothar would have more complex motivations. Does he have any redeeming traits? I've always found they're essential for any character; villian, hero, antihero, or simple NPC. Maybe he has affection to a cause, person, or ideal. Maybe he has an internally inforced code of conduct. Finally, I think you need some way to reconcile the clear insanity with a lawful nature. Sure, there's no way that insanity and lawfulness are mutually exclusive, but I feel like it needs some extra clarification; at least moreso than sanity and lawfulness would. All in all this is a decent story which is generally interesting to read, as well as being thematically coherent and linear in plot.
Tleilaxu_Ghola 01-22-07, 02:52 AM	First, let me say thank you for responding. Your response is very helpful. As for the story: Is the alignment of the Elan Bard important? Did he plan for your character to secretly fall? It seems like this persona could be a fascinating reoccuring character; a sort of subtle, manipulating (the possibly unintentional) influence on your character. Maybe he comes back to save Nerothar from himself? You could talk to the DM about this. Interesting idea, I hadn't given it a second thought. The Elan bard could very well have tried to manipulate Nerothar, but I think that's unlikely. What caused Nerothar's fall was a combination of his drive to maintain secrets. Secrets eat away at him, yet he bottles them up. Once he found out the bard was not really a paladin, he internalized the knowledge and it became a source of distrust -- "if my master is not who he says he is, well what is this?" You mention Nerothar was rescued by someone named Naomi, but I see no elaboration or explanation as to who this is. Deliberate? Likewise with Venineer. These are two other party members. Naomi is one of the more benevolent characters in this campaign which is strictly non-good. Venineer is basically a drug dealer and "herbologist". The original voice in Nerothar's head from his childhood is a fascinating subcharacter and plot device. Have you fleshed it out more? Seems like it would be the perfect way to introduce a surprise twist to your character and his story. Who could it be? A god? A fiend? His secretly evil and telepathic mother? The Elan bard? Himself? There are countless options; I personally believe you should explore this more. It was originally designed to be a fiendish possession, and it was removed by the necromancers. However it now haunts Nerothar again, and fills his mind with these prophetic dreams. My best guess is it's a Quori demon who was banished back to the dreamscape, but has somehow managed to rekindle a connection to Nerothar's tainted mind. Not sure about that. That's how I had it in mind originally. Your ideas are great though, I especially like the prospect of it being his mother. Very interesting. It might fit into the story a bit better, as his mother was slain in the explosion that tainted him. That would explain why her voice is no longer clear, but distant and garbled. Is Nerothar still in the service of Nerull? If not, when did he strike off on his own? This isn't clear, but is very important. After his intial encounter with his father as an agent of Nerull? After he was seriously wounded and nursed back to health? Upon the completion of his deal with the fiend; restoring his sight? Or later? He's still in service of Nerull. He just left the crusade because, well it just kind of fell apart. Kind of like a high school garage band. If you need more specifics than that, I guess you could say it was because Nerothar didn't fully agree with the methodology of the crusade. It was too chaotic and Nerothar's a very lawful person. Nerothar was not wounded by his father, he was merely rebuked and disowned. His father must have used a powerful display of magic. Nerothar knows when to pick fights and when to slink away, this time he just decided to bide his time. That's when the fiend got him and the fiend accelerated him into a revenge plot that may not have taken place had the fiend not shown up. I'd say this fiend has a vested interest in the destruction Nerothar is capable of sowing. The fiend was originally intended to be tied with the voice that Nerothar hears, making Nerothar kind of a pawn to unseen infernal forces. If he's no longer in the service of Nerull, we need some motivation here. I hate the whole "ultimate power" thing. It seems like a character with as convoluted a past as Nerothar would have more complex motivations. He's still in the service, so to speak. Not like there are many shrines to Nerull outside of Necromancers' cabals, but Nerothar intends to sow the seeds of evil and recruit as many to his god as possible. Nerothar clings to religion as one of the few stable things in his life and it grants him purpose. Without his faith he'd probably succumb to the unending torrent of demensia that he suffers from. Again, this could be by design of infernal forces backing Nerull. In keeping him in mental anguish they have crafted a powerful tool. I tend to DM more often than play... so I usually look at PCs as pawns, rather than motivating forces. Does he have any redeeming traits? I've always found they're essential for any character; villian, hero, antihero, or simple NPC. Maybe he has affection to a cause, person, or ideal. Maybe he has an internally inforced code of conduct. Very good question. He's extremely lawful and that's something redeeming, in my opinion. His devotion to Nerull is something redeeming as well. It illustrates a capacity for trust and devotion in something other than himself. Finally, I think you need some way to reconcile the clear insanity with a lawful nature. Sure, there's no way that insanity and lawfulness are mutually exclusive, but I feel like it needs some extra clarification; at least moreso than sanity and lawfulness would. The explaination is simple to me. Nerothar is almost artificially lawful. He's walled up the insanity by layer upon layer of lawful, almost compulsive behavior. It's not perfect, of course. But when the two clash, he tends to release it as a torrent of violence. Again, almost as if he'd been designed this way. If his purpose is to be a tool of destruction for higher powers, then I'd say those higher powers are doing a damn good head job on this guy. All in all this is a decent story which is generally interesting to read, as well as being thematically coherent and linear in plot. Thanks!
pyro_cat 01-22-07, 02:56 PM	...Nerothar is almost artificially lawful. He's walled up the insanity by layer upon layer of lawful, almost compulsive behavior. It's not perfect, of course. But when the two clash, he tends to release it as a torrent of violence. Again, almost as if he'd been designed this way. If his purpose is to be a tool of destruction for higher powers, then I'd say those higher powers are doing a damn good head job on this guy. Interesting aside: I've always found the "at the whim of the universe" archetype to be particularly elegant, and though the introduction of clear individuals kind of reduces the elegance that's inherent in the concept of lack of control, manipulation is a great storytelling and roleplaying tool. Specifically, being manipulated by dark forces adds a lot to the feel of a character. A clearly powerful character serving as the unwitting and unwilling pawn of dark forces creates a helplessness that combines with clearly extraordinary attributes and leads to wonderful "man vs self" conflict which, in essence, exists soley seperate from the conflicts between said character and his manipulators. (wow... run-on sentence much?) I think this internal stuggle is basically a requirement in the well-developed protagonist. Without inner conflict there is no motivation, in a sense. A character at peace with himself is, by extension, at peace with the world, and thus has no part in a D&D game. I guess you could argue that, though. Regardless, when it comes to your character and the fact that he's being pulled to and fro by agents of evil, I feel as though though there's one last thing that needs to be addressed before you've created a personality that can have a lasting impression on the game world. That last thing, in my opinon, is the why behind it all. There must be some sort of reason that explains why he's been an object of such attention. Of course, if you want this to be relevant to the campaign, you need to cooperate with the DM on this, but your character almost strikes me as an "unaware antichrist" (I love that phrase.... hereby copywrited) who is blessed with great power and guidance from ancient and wise evils. Even though he is unaware of his signifigance in the cosmos, other, more aware primal evils are positioning themselves in his life; knowing that he holds keys to universal balance, and looking to establish themselves as his patron. It's an old, common character concept... but it just works SO well. So my final suggestion is this: look at the bigger picture (as big as you can) and come up with a "why". It's important to look at your characters from a literary sense, because they are, after all, actors in a story.
Tleilaxu_Ghola 01-22-07, 08:50 PM	Very, very good points, pyro_cat. I'll be sure to bring that up with the DM and see what he says. I must say I'm impressed with your character analysis and I appreciate your assistance.