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Hey guys [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
bjdaredevil01
07-07-07, 09:53 AM Hello,

Need feedback for this story. Is it good enough or can i add stuff to make it better. Calenir a Elven Sorcerer game is homebrew but set in the world of Forgotten Realms. That being said is also a mixture in storyline of Dnd/Dragonlance/Final Fantasy very, very fun game best game i ever been in....then again i'm very new to the DnD only been in 4 campaigns and all lasted very shortly.

Calenir story started with some ideas i had an with much help from some of you guys in this forum well i been in 5 sessions or so and wanted to ask to see if we can improve his story a little further.

*I was born in Elven City, much different from the rest of the kids, since I was born with pitch black hair. My name is Calenir. Growing up, learning the ways of Elven magic, I had trouble controlling my powers. I found out later this was due to my magic powers being a lot stronger than your average Elf. I am able to read and detect magic with very little effort. Also I discovered at a young age that I can communicate with my fellow classmates, without words. One day our class went to the outer part of the forest to practice our abilities. With little effort, fire shot from my hands. Unfortunately, due to my lack of control, I unintentionally burned down a section of the forest. But that was the day the Wizards realized I was no ordinary child, and took interest in me. My quest for knowledge would begin. What they tried to teach me, was very boring to me. Reading was the worst of all, since there was no point to it. To this day, I don’t know how I know spells, I just do. They come to me, sort of like dreams, but I’m awake. Magic has always been with me, it’s almost effortless.

A few decades had passed with same results. Teachers would hear of me and want me as their pupil. But the result was always the same. They would quit out of frustration. They couldn’t teach me anything, or at least they didn’t think they could. What I realized was that I was learning from just being around them. I wasn’t stealing their powers, they would just come to me. All I wanted to do was train, and practice my powers, not learn. Of course this didn’t sit well with them, and they would eventually quit. This would lead to my demise.

One day in my youth, after a marathon training session, I returned home to my parent’s home. After a hardy supper, exhausted, I went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night, lungs filled with smoke, coughing. The entire house was on fire. I should have reacted immediately, but I was mesmerized by a shadowy figure. The figure was in my doorway, then turned and disappeared into the flames. I felt as if I was under a hypnosis spell. When my focus returned, I rushed to my parent’s room desperately trying to wake them to no avail. The fire was engulfing the house, so I didn’t have much time. I don’t know if the Shadow figure did something, or if I was just too scared, but I didn’t even attempt to use my magic. I grabbed my Mother and dragged her out of the house to safety. As I went back to retrieve my Father, a huge tree branch fell and blocked the doorway. I summoned all my strength and grabbed the flaming branch and moved it. The pain was unbearable, but I had to save my Father. Shielding my face from the flames, I dragged my Father out of the house. When I looked at my hands, they were severely burned and mangled.

Despite my best efforts, the town Cleric told me that my parents had passed away. That will haunt me for the rest of my life. But he did inform me that my hands would heal to be used again. But the scars and the rugged skin would stay forever, as a reminder. Since most of the town people knew about the incident in the woods, they were quick to judge me. Enough voices proclaimed that I should be vanquished from our city. So I was thrown out of my home town for murdering my parents. Where do you go? Who do you trust? I was just a kid. Did I really kill my parents? And what, or who was that figure in my house? This is what I must find out.
bjdaredevil01
07-07-07, 10:01 AM Elf-Sorcerer LvL 3
Chaotic Neutral

Rolls where 5d6 drop 2
(this stats include racial mod)
11 Str
19 Dex
13 Con
14 Int
14 Wis
18 Char

First feats:

Enchew Materials (Dm cares about materials)
Point Blank Shot

Spells:

0-Detect Magic, Detect Poison, Read magic, Ghost Sound, Message
1-Charm Person, Mage Armor, Magic Missile

For those who took time to read my post thanks is a bit long but hopefullyenjoyble enough for you guys to finish. If you guys can suggest how to finish or polish the story i will apriciated. Also if you have any suggestions to add to the story, i'm open eyes and ears. Thanks for your Time
warwinner
07-07-07, 10:09 AM Isn't it the dm, who decides if to advance your story ?
Or can you advance your own story ?
bjdaredevil01
07-07-07, 10:15 AM Oh i meant more like adding or concentrating in what is written here. I just want to have a well done back story because the Dm asked me to work on it so i can developed my character a bit further. Since i'm knid of new i understand all the rules and how to play he just want to help my roleplaying since i'm a bit shy about it. There i changed the word advance with improve

Also i would like to had that everyone in the Party think Calenir is insane. I talk to my shadow and think He is a real person, at night he(my shadow)finds a place to sleep and i don't see him again until the next sun ligth. The Dm liked this so much that he plays the Shadow part for me.
warwinner
07-07-07, 10:21 AM Given your background
Be scared of fire and shadows/shadowy forms
Or be the other way, unhealthy obsession with fire, shadows/dark clothing

Try to hide your hands always and don't expose your hands, wear gloves or something

Have nightmares when you try to do the elven meditation
bjdaredevil01
07-09-07, 11:12 AM I will use the shadows and nightmares thanks for feedback
bjdaredevil01
07-10-07, 02:57 PM I'm bumping this because i revised the background story i created from help in the forum of 2 different post. Any feedback would be aswome...:D

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
bjdaredevil01 07-07-07, 09:53 AM	Hello, Need feedback for this story. Is it good enough or can i add stuff to make it better. Calenir a Elven Sorcerer game is homebrew but set in the world of Forgotten Realms. That being said is also a mixture in storyline of Dnd/Dragonlance/Final Fantasy very, very fun game best game i ever been in....then again i'm very new to the DnD only been in 4 campaigns and all lasted very shortly. Calenir story started with some ideas i had an with much help from some of you guys in this forum well i been in 5 sessions or so and wanted to ask to see if we can improve his story a little further. *I was born in Elven City, much different from the rest of the kids, since I was born with pitch black hair. My name is Calenir. Growing up, learning the ways of Elven magic, I had trouble controlling my powers. I found out later this was due to my magic powers being a lot stronger than your average Elf. I am able to read and detect magic with very little effort. Also I discovered at a young age that I can communicate with my fellow classmates, without words. One day our class went to the outer part of the forest to practice our abilities. With little effort, fire shot from my hands. Unfortunately, due to my lack of control, I unintentionally burned down a section of the forest. But that was the day the Wizards realized I was no ordinary child, and took interest in me. My quest for knowledge would begin. What they tried to teach me, was very boring to me. Reading was the worst of all, since there was no point to it. To this day, I don’t know how I know spells, I just do. They come to me, sort of like dreams, but I’m awake. Magic has always been with me, it’s almost effortless. A few decades had passed with same results. Teachers would hear of me and want me as their pupil. But the result was always the same. They would quit out of frustration. They couldn’t teach me anything, or at least they didn’t think they could. What I realized was that I was learning from just being around them. I wasn’t stealing their powers, they would just come to me. All I wanted to do was train, and practice my powers, not learn. Of course this didn’t sit well with them, and they would eventually quit. This would lead to my demise. One day in my youth, after a marathon training session, I returned home to my parent’s home. After a hardy supper, exhausted, I went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night, lungs filled with smoke, coughing. The entire house was on fire. I should have reacted immediately, but I was mesmerized by a shadowy figure. The figure was in my doorway, then turned and disappeared into the flames. I felt as if I was under a hypnosis spell. When my focus returned, I rushed to my parent’s room desperately trying to wake them to no avail. The fire was engulfing the house, so I didn’t have much time. I don’t know if the Shadow figure did something, or if I was just too scared, but I didn’t even attempt to use my magic. I grabbed my Mother and dragged her out of the house to safety. As I went back to retrieve my Father, a huge tree branch fell and blocked the doorway. I summoned all my strength and grabbed the flaming branch and moved it. The pain was unbearable, but I had to save my Father. Shielding my face from the flames, I dragged my Father out of the house. When I looked at my hands, they were severely burned and mangled. Despite my best efforts, the town Cleric told me that my parents had passed away. That will haunt me for the rest of my life. But he did inform me that my hands would heal to be used again. But the scars and the rugged skin would stay forever, as a reminder. Since most of the town people knew about the incident in the woods, they were quick to judge me. Enough voices proclaimed that I should be vanquished from our city. So I was thrown out of my home town for murdering my parents. Where do you go? Who do you trust? I was just a kid. Did I really kill my parents? And what, or who was that figure in my house? This is what I must find out.
bjdaredevil01 07-07-07, 10:01 AM	Elf-Sorcerer LvL 3 Chaotic Neutral Rolls where 5d6 drop 2 (this stats include racial mod) 11 Str 19 Dex 13 Con 14 Int 14 Wis 18 Char First feats: Enchew Materials (Dm cares about materials) Point Blank Shot Spells: 0-Detect Magic, Detect Poison, Read magic, Ghost Sound, Message 1-Charm Person, Mage Armor, Magic Missile For those who took time to read my post thanks is a bit long but hopefullyenjoyble enough for you guys to finish. If you guys can suggest how to finish or polish the story i will apriciated. Also if you have any suggestions to add to the story, i'm open eyes and ears. Thanks for your Time
warwinner 07-07-07, 10:09 AM	Isn't it the dm, who decides if to advance your story ? Or can you advance your own story ?
bjdaredevil01 07-07-07, 10:15 AM	Oh i meant more like adding or concentrating in what is written here. I just want to have a well done back story because the Dm asked me to work on it so i can developed my character a bit further. Since i'm knid of new i understand all the rules and how to play he just want to help my roleplaying since i'm a bit shy about it. There i changed the word advance with improve Also i would like to had that everyone in the Party think Calenir is insane. I talk to my shadow and think He is a real person, at night he(my shadow)finds a place to sleep and i don't see him again until the next sun ligth. The Dm liked this so much that he plays the Shadow part for me.
warwinner 07-07-07, 10:21 AM	Given your background Be scared of fire and shadows/shadowy forms Or be the other way, unhealthy obsession with fire, shadows/dark clothing Try to hide your hands always and don't expose your hands, wear gloves or something Have nightmares when you try to do the elven meditation
bjdaredevil01 07-09-07, 11:12 AM	I will use the shadows and nightmares thanks for feedback
bjdaredevil01 07-10-07, 02:57 PM	I'm bumping this because i revised the background story i created from help in the forum of 2 different post. Any feedback would be aswome...:D