| Post/Author/DateTime | Post |
|---|---|
| Drackthor02-15-08, 02:16 PM | Day 1, Hello there book, I am Krorsh, but you are my book, so you know that. Krorsh find book on body of elf I slay yesterday. Dumb elf waste many page with dumb thing like "feather fall" and "Grease". Dumb elf! What, he forget that feather falls? Of course feather falls, or bird would look silly! Krorsh decide to fill rest of pages with something meaningful. Krorsh fill book with Krorsh's hopes, dreams, and emotions. Krorsh believe this be good way to fill time inbetween bloodletting and preaching word of Gruumsh. Speak of Gruumsh, Gruumsh is great choice of deity for Cleric. Everyone like Krorsh. Krorsh get free bed wherever he travel. Gruumsh, fill portfolio with War and Culling of Weak and Orcs can't get enough of you! Oh, Warchief say is time for bloodletting. Will write back tomorrow. Good night, book! Day 2, Interesting thought passed Krorsh's mind today. Tiny hooman say to Krorsh "Be smote by the clenzing light of Paylor!". Krorsh ponder who Paylor is while showing Hooman his own small intestine. Krorsh realize, Paylor is a GOD! Krorsh ponder what this 'Paylor' is god of. Krorsh make guess that his portfolio include ugliness and skin cancer, because he have face that not even weak hooman muthur could love, and his cleric keep hitting Krorsh with bright, hurtey light. Krorsh was taken aback by such spell. Krorsh say "Ow! You no use light! Light no fair!" right before beating hooman to death with his own arm, Krorsh fond of arm-ripping, Krorsh believe hooman arm is sufficient for beating hoomans. Well, feasting time, Krorsh sign off now, night night, book! Day 3, Krorsh wonder on topic of Gruumsh. Krorsh realize just how influential Gruumsh is. Pirates take after Gruumsh obviously, they cut out eye and put patch over it, Krorsh find this abstract, albeit stylish. Gruumsh also provide worshippers a god of strength, like Kord, not weighed down by girlish things like 'honor' and 'being good' and 'hey, you there, orc, you am not allowed to take dump inside church of Kord', Kord is too strict. Gruumsh is happy with you as long as you am killing things, Krorsh feel the majesty of Gruumsh every day he consumes the brains of his enemies. Of course, with every Gruumsh discussion, topic come up about Corellon as well. Krorsh realize Corellon is important for pantheeon. Krorsh realize that pantheeon am need god for worshippers that enjoy mates of same gender. Krorsh understands. Really, Krorsh does. Krorsh is curious about usefulness of Mo-rad-un. Like pantheeon need god for alchoholism? Krorsh not think so. Beside, Mo-rad-un is god of Dwarfs. He GIANT Dwarf. Pantheeon need no oxymorons, and with Mo-rad-un, emphasis am are on 'moron'. Krorsh decide to end inner theocratic debate for today. Krorsh write more tomorrow. No getting in trouble while I not write, book! |
| Staver02-15-08, 02:59 PM | This is hilarious! Of course, the fact that after the first few lines, I went back and read the whole thing using the voice of Cookie Monster in my head may have helped, but hilarious anyway. Is Krorsh supposed to be intelligent or ignorant? His spelling and grammar is awful, and yet he gets things like skin cancer and intestines, as well as oxymorons and alcoholism correct. -Staver :rofl: |
| Drackthor02-15-08, 04:25 PM | This is hilarious! Of course, the fact that after the first few lines, I went back and read the whole thing using the voice of Cookie Monster in my head may have helped, but hilarious anyway. Is Krorsh supposed to be intelligent or ignorant? His spelling and grammar is awful, and yet he gets things like skin cancer and intestines, as well as oxymorons and alcoholism correct. -Staver :rofl: Ironically, I base Krorsh heavily off the person you're quoting in the 2nd line of your sig. |
| Drackthor02-15-08, 05:49 PM | Day 4, Krorsh get yelled at by mate. "Krorsh not take out garbage." She say, "Krorsh not at home with baby Krorsh" she say. Krorsh not Cleric of Gruumsh for anger. Krorsh join Clergy of War God for delicious wafers passed around during sermon. Krorsh think to self "Hey, Gruumsh am seem nice guy. Krorsh worship Gruumsh!", Krorsh of course expect having to sacrifice innocents to get into the Church of Gruumsh, but Krorsh not sure why everyone so slow to hug Cleric of Gruumsh. Krorsh considering taking Disciple. Not hoping to mentor, but need someone to take garbage out. Am hope disciple knows how to use rope, am need him to bound and gag wife. She talk so long Krorsh wonder if she has as many mouthes as Beholder has eyes. Well, must go talk to wife now, if Krorsh are survive, Krorsh write again tomorrow. Day 5, Krorsh learn about NEW deity today! Much excite! Krorsh learn of Nerull today. Apparently, he am represent Death. I speak with a cleric of Nerull today. He say to Krorsh, "Nerull is the darkness that extends it's self over you as you take your final breath." Krorsh reply "I am are find that fundamentalist view too noir for Krorsh's taste. Krorsh stay with Gruumsh." Then, for no raeson at all, cleric attack Krorsh! Krorsh finds such extremism reprehensible and am feel no guilt for clawing out cleric's eyeballs. Eyeballs are be proof of Gruumsh, in Krorsh humble opinion. First, they make squuuuiilch sound when you take them out of head,then klerelch sound when you poke them, AND they am taste great! They am gift from above. Note to Krorsh, suggest eyeballs be put on wafers during sermon. Sugar cookies! Krorsh am have to go, kobolds am get uppity, must remember to harvest eyeballs. Squuuuiilch! |
| Terjon of the Blue Rose02-16-08, 01:36 AM | Bravo! Bravo! Encore! Second Encore! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap::clap: :clap: |
| Dakr02-17-08, 07:31 PM | :rofl: Excellent! I specially like the idea of an orc using "albeit" :D Btw, the second quote under your sig is freaking amazing! |
| Drackthor02-18-08, 08:34 PM | :rofl: Excellent! I specially like the idea of an orc using "albeit" :D Btw, the second quote under your sig is freaking amazing! I most certainly agree, however recently I was messaged that someone found it offensive, so I agreed to remove it from my sig. Still though, it was funny stuff. More of Krorsh tomorrow! :P |
| Drackthor02-20-08, 02:18 AM | Day 6, Naughty, naughty book! Bad! You am get blud stains all over cover. How can Krorsh bring book to Half-Orc village raid if all book do is ruin itself. Krorsh truly disappointed, book, you am better then this. But in hindsight, how can Krorsh not bring book? Half-Orc Village raid lots of laughs! Half-Orcs am say "No, we are peaceful farmers. We surrender!" Krorsh not sure what exactly hooman & orc blood do when mixed, but it sure do make good joker! Surrender, what are they think of next? Krorsh gave Half-Orc hug, right after casting Burning Hands, if you am get Krorsh drift. May be funny, but Half-Orc should remember old orcish saying "Never hug Cleric of Gruumsh, they am probably trying to kill you, and am probably gonna do it with burning hands." Orcs very specific when it come to proverbs, Krorsh not share orcish proverb on how to prevent bowel pains. Day 7, As Krorsh dine on lunch of split-gnome soup and roasted dorf leg, tribe wizard cast spell on Krorsh. He say it make me much smarter, and he said it take time to kick in, and it been few hours now. Krorsh am wonder if it work. Actually, Krorsh are starting to feel...a bit...better...in cognitive faculties! Gadzooks! All my life I've spent my devotions on mindless barbarism, when I could have devoted it to mastering the depths of the arcane, curing disease, or a career in politics! Shall I just idle about, dear diary? Nay, not I! From this day forward, I, Krorshtoviarsiun, shall devote my very soul to bettering my mind in ways that will lead to an intellectual enlightment, but why stop there? I could bring forth a renaissance for my entire people! A new dawn for our downtrodden masses! Maybe even rise to become scholars along with the other mortal races! I will bring forth this intellectual utopia! Get away from me, you savage abomination of a wizard! Wait, what did you say? Dispel what?! No! I must continue chronicling my plans to...woah! Did Krorsh am daze off for second there? Much apology book! Anyhow, wizard spell should kick in soon, but while we wait, I are learn hi-larious joke about elf having bowel problems in middle of fancy elf ball! Krorsh hardly stop laughing! Almost make halfling blood that Krorsh was drinking shoot out of nose! Okay, it am start with this elf eating what look like chocolate... |
| Staver02-20-08, 08:03 AM | Ironically, I base Krorsh heavily off the person you're quoting in the 2nd line of your sig. Thog is, by far, my favorite OotS character. Anyhow, this is still hilarious, keep it up!!! -Staver :D |
| Drackthor02-22-08, 04:56 PM | Day 8, Book, you am never beleeve what are happen to me! Krorsh am invited by Chieftain to sit at Table of Elders at upcoming Solstice feast! Krorsh am giddy with excitement. Although must keep giddiness in check, as giddy orcs am mean most likely civilization-shattering tragedy nearby. What make Solstice so great, book might ask? Well, if book was Orc, book am get beheaded for such ignorance, but book is book, and as such must be coddled. Solstice is a time when Orcs of all tribes come together and celebrate in most grandoise way possible. Violence! Each tribe am get thickest skulled member of their tribe, and we have Orcish joust. Orcish joust use no armor or weapons or shields. Orcish joust include two orcs charging each other, ramming into eachother, and whoever am still standing are winner. If both orcs am fall down, they are both disqualified and subsequently beheaded. Orcs never really get concept of "everybody wins", if they had, Krorsh am probably not have so many unexpressed inner emotions. 2nd competition is drinking competition. Winner gets to drink beer. Orcish drinking competition isn't drinking beer and staying sober, Orcs am hardy, if we do competition to supply whole group of orcs with enough beer to get smashed, orcs have no money to buy weapons! So what do orc competitors drink, you am ask? Dung beetles. Moving on, final competition most honored rite of all. Final competition is between the chieftains of every tribe. Chieftains am each get weapon of choice, and then lowered into massive ceremonial fightpit. From here they am basically beat the hell out of eachother until only one chieftain left. You am are supposed to just knock unconscious, but orcs am willing to sweep a few charges of murder under the rug if it are mean good show. Chieftain that wins gets great prestige among other clans, and his own tribe get first pick of all loot for WHOLE YEAR! Krorsh say little prayer for Chieftain to Gruumsh every night for the past 2 weeks. Very hard to get aid from Orcish War god when you am snuggled into cozy hammock. Well, Krorsh all out of anecdotes for today, will be back tomorrow, and remember book, no getting blood all over you again. |
| Three-Eyed-Penanggal02-23-08, 04:15 AM | I am utterly enthralled! I eagerly await more adventures of Krorsh! |
| Drackthor02-25-08, 02:06 AM | Day 9, Krorsh clan am win! Chieftain of the Bloodletter Tribe be remembered forever! Name of Chieftain Bob will always be said with reverence and awe. Chieftain so happy over victory he put fact that Krorsh almost burn down solstice festival in the back of his mind! Everybody win, book! Life am swell. We are get orcish bards to sing praises of Chieftain, telling of how mighty Gruumsh will remember this day with many a throaty chortle. Of course, bards am get decapitated before encore due to speaking Gruumsh's name out loud, but hey, party am party, right? Day 10, Krorsh am get major assignment! Krorsh to go north and travel the world abroad, but Krorsh pretty sick of wife, so Krorsh travel world without a broad. Krorsh could swear he am hear Most Venerable Shaman Dirgetooth say "Good riddles await, and when buying bread, get a loaf". Am funny how it sound somewhat like "Good riddance, you most-trying oaf." Luckily, Krorsh have strong orcish hearing. Granted, "good orcish hearing" is equivalent of being able to hear explosion from 20 feet away, but Krorsh am sure it mean nothing. Well book, I am bring you with, so tomorrow, we am packing up and heading out, Book & Krorsh will travel world! |
| Drackthor02-27-08, 03:52 PM | Day 11, Gruumsh am give me strength. Chieftain gave me his blessing. Tribe Sandwich-maker prepare napsack full of rations. Krorsh depart today. Krorsh are of course a smart orc, so he prepare agenda wisely. Yesterday I am go into nearest town. Had to travel entire Orcish barrens before I could find a town on the very outskirts. Very depressing that Krorsh neighbors am so close. Ruin property values. As great clan Shaman say "There goes the barren wasteland we am forced to inhabit due to treachery of other gods." Luckily, tribal sorceror cast a permanent disguise on me. I am able to disable it at will, but otherwise it are stay up always. Krorsh like town. People nice to Krorsh. I am head into tavern to find group. Because as every orc know, strength comes from numbers, and 1 is the deadliest number. Krorsh hear whimsical tunes of warmth and fancy that evoke emotions in Krorsh that Krorsh only think about in book. After he am finish performing, Krorsh am start talking to him. He is Half-Elf, but Krorsh is willing to forgive. Bard am agree to join Krorsh! Krorsh am are started developing secret handshake for Krorsh and Bard, as shown on diagram on page 10. But Cleric & Bard can't do job alone. Krorsh found Half-Orc Barbarian as well. It am bring tear to Krorsh eye. Green-skinned person who have no qualms about killing indescriminately! Oh, just like back home! After paying a little, Gnome Rogue said he am provide his services, but didn't talk much after that. Mysterious! Finally, as we am leaving town, we meet Kobold sorcerer, name TikTik! Rogue very suspicious of Kobold, but Krorsh decide that hilarious antics of Kobold sidekick necessary. So now Krorsh lead party of Half-Elf Bard, Half-Orc Barbarian, Gnome Rogue, Kobold Sorceror, and me, Krorsh, Orc Cleric! Whoo hoo! |
| Master_Vega02-27-08, 04:51 PM | Krorsh either has decent intelligence and low wisdom, or low intelligence and decent wisdom... Regardless, this is hilarious! |
| Drackthor02-28-08, 07:06 PM | Day 12, Krorsh's Party are get 1st mission today! We am tasked by local temple of Pelor to destroy nest of gnolls. Krorsh am not huge on helping Pelor, but money am good and killing am gooder. Low-ranking Cleric of Pelor come with us. TikTik yell at Cleric whole time. Every time he start to talk about Pelor, TikTik are cast silence on him. He talk and talk and talk, but we am not hear him. TikTik currently highest on Krorsh's ladder of Importance. Well, two more day travel before we get to gnoll nest. Will write more later. Bye bye! Day 13, Krorsh deeply disappointed in gnome rogue. First, we learn his name am Jimminy Tinkersneak, which by itself am hate-inducing name, but he try to steal from party! Luckily, Krorsh wake up in the middle of theft, and catch rogue dead-to-rights. Tinkersneak am beg for forgiveness, and Krorsh nod lovingly and give him a hug. If you am remember entry from few days back, you am know what kind of hug it was, an wich spell Krorsh am cast on hands beforehand. Krorsh fairly certain Gnome won't be stealing from party any more, but probably best Krorsh am not let him keep watch, because Krorsh am also fairly certain Jimminy are am intending to murder me in my sleep. Krorsh's understanding of TikTik's innate dislike for Gnomes are accruing at alarming rate. Oh, also learned Bard's name, Cheez'zt Large'burden. Krorsh not entirely understand naming process of Elf. Or Half-Elf for that matter. Well, Cheez'zt know lots of stories, so he a blast at campfire, and know how to play Lute, so he able to earn spare money when we am scrapped for cash, as well as lullabies for Krorsh. One more day till we arrive at gnoll place, according to Pelor Cleric. Day 14, Well, cleering Gnoll hive largely uneventful, they am die easy, and not carry much in treasure, a few weapons. But we am find their taskmaster, he are have a few magic items, and now Krorsh have Morning Star that do lots of damage against Good people! Incidentally, Other cleric get too talky and TikTik run out of silences, so we am kill him. He had two magic items on him. We am give ring to Cheez'zt, and he able to jump reelly high and reelly far, so we figure it am Ring of Jumping, and other item was a small cloak, we am give to TikTik, and he cast spells a little better, but also seem to be a little more persuasive, not like he am need it, since Krorsh already great pals with TikTik. When we get back to temple, we am tell them other cleric died fighting good fight, yadda yadda yadda, told Tinkersneak to lift any loose items from the temple on way out, got a few coins, and we are pawn some item to General store, apparently it am shroud of some great saynt. Not really sure what saynt is, or why he so great if he died and elected to wear blanket when he die, but we got alot of money for it, so Krorsh am not ask questions. All in all, Krorsh find today a good day. Krorsh signing off for now, will write tomorrow about Krorsh's great adventures! |
| wolfnamedron02-29-08, 10:44 AM | wow, truly amazing. keep up the hilarious writing! |
| Drackthor03-01-08, 03:40 PM | Day 15, Party am grow bored of this town. Rural charms of small Hamlet no longer effective. Gnome, TikTik, Barbarian, and I went thru town and sacked it. Gnome gather money and anything we can sell, pack all the bags of holding we had to the brim. Barbarian, TikTik and I went around burning houses and killing peasants, constables, mayors, same ol' same ol'. At least fighting guards was a little fun. We am left Tavern intact, and only am kill people in Tavern, left Bartender alive for obvious reason. Cheez'zt slept in and miss raiding. Probably for best, Krorsh think, he probably not too fond of pillaging innocent village. Some people are just different. Probably could am have used his ability to perform though. Group of Paladins arrive in town after we finish destroying it, and as soon as they get there, we am all stop, pause, look at them, look at eachother, look at them again, and drop to our knees. We am all start bawling our eyes out. Saying that gnolls destroyed town and how we am lose all our loved ones. Sure to be a great story for parties for years to come. Anywho, long story short, paladins believe story and when they turn backs we am kill them. Looted them corpses, found a nice rapier for Cheez'zt. Probably should wake him up. Day 16, Well, we brought Cheez'zt down to cellar and then woke him up. TikTik started explaining how a warband of orcs destroyed the town, and how we fought them as best we could, but there were too many, so we finally retreated into the Tavern cellar. Gruumsh am must be smiling on us, because he am believe us. We decided to proceed on to a larger town. We need to find a map first, so we just decided to take the road north out of town. We been travelling all day, ran into a merchant caravan. Turns out they am on the lookout for bandits! We both runaways! Yay! They pay us to guard them caravan. Sure enough, few hours later, big wave of bandits attacked. We were fighting an fighting till we couldn't fight no more. Bandits started overtaking us. Everything went dark, Krorsh think it am the end, but here Krorsh am, in a prison cell with group. Krorsh not figure out why they not take our items, but hey, Krorsh not gonna argue. We may be imprisoned, but we am well fed, you am not BELIEVE how many cockroaches scurrying around here! Can you say yummy? Well, you are book, Krorsh apologize for expecting too much of you, book. Book can't say yummy, and that doesn't make book any worse then anyone else, and Book never forget that. Ooh, look, bandit coming to cell, look like he carrying something small, rogues carry those alot, Krorsh think, I think they call them saps! Hey, he coming into my cell! Better say hello to Mr. Bandit with a sap. I wonder if he's gonna let us [The entry for Day 16 ends there] |
| Drackthor03-01-08, 08:20 PM | Day 17, Wow. Krorsh am have quite a story for you, book. After Krorsh are wake up, bandits am dragging me down a hallway, by now Krorsh am fading in and out of conscien..consensie...Krorsh had trouble staying awake. They dragging my party right behind me, finally, they drag us into big chamber, sitting on a large chair is what Krorsh think am the head honcho. It am an orc! At this point Krorsh start to figure plan. Ask leader to take group back to cells. Leader-orc nod and have the group taken back. I am drop my disguise spell, and start explaining my story and that Krorsh too am orc. Leader let out hearty laugh and tell bandits to let me go. He are motion for me to follow, I are not sure what to am expect. Finally after loooong walking, we arrive to a village...full of orcs! Am bring tear to eye to see so many of Krorsh people. Krorsh get funny looks from villagers, so I ask what so odd. Leader say the people had no cleric in village. No cleric!?! Craziness! Immediately I begin to preach word of Gruumsh, and figure I need good stuff to sway these people, I am grab human bandit and show Orcs how to really praise Gruumsh. Leader not really mind. Krorsh like leader. The people loved Gruumsh, like any orc should. Whole village start doing all sorts of stuff for me! Finest food available, polishing Krorsh's armor & weapons, and let me tell you, village females VERY big fan of Gruumsh, and village had alot of females. Krorsh not able to walk for 3 days. Gruumsh be praised. One of the tiny orcs, little children, ask Krorsh about spears. Krorsh consider for moment, and then tell little one "Spear am solid choice. Sturdy, strong, good for hunt and harvest eyes. Krorsh more of a Mace-orc, but spear never a sore-sight." Little orc start making his own spear then and there. Apparently, he was son of two villagers, Namer & Shaper, they were Half-Orcs, so Krorsh excuse wierd name. Sadly, it am been a whole week, and party still in dungeon, probably best to return, unfortunately. Leader take Krorsh back to bandit hideout, re-activate disguise, and get party free. Told party Krorsh am know Bandit Leader's father, and was owed favor. Party accepted it, Gnome was suspicious, but who ask him? Krorsh will never forget the little village. It will always have a spot in the Orcish wasteland that am Krorsh heart. Krorsh feel sad, need go kill forest animals. Write later. |
| Chaosepoch03-03-08, 11:36 AM | This should be a blog in its own right |
| Drackthor03-03-08, 09:11 PM | Day 18, Gnome caught stealing. Again. Only this time, Jim (Krorsh am nickname him Jim) are stealing from TikTik, as if tension not high enough. Krorsh long awaited hilarity finally ensues. TikTik make joke about Jim's mother, Jim am try to stab TikTik, they start wrestle eachother, Jim stronger then he look, though, he pick up TikTik over his head and throw him. Flew good 20 feet, at least. TikTik hands started to glow red, Jim probably should have paid more attention to that, since Kobold cast big fireball at him. No one argue about who gets to keep all of Jim's things. TikTik very happy tonight, went out hunting by himself and got good catch. Krorsh so proud of him that he got out tribal warpaint, made up of blood and reddish clay from homeland. Lucky I brought some of the clay in backpack! Normally we am use Dwarf, Elf or Human blood, but we used Gnome blood since was only stuff available. Painted up TikTik's face like the strongest warrior in Krorsh's tribe. We let TikTik get best part of the elk he caught. He am sure eat alot for only being 3 feet tall. Krorsh have sneaking suspicion he might have some dragon in him, because he am eat half the elk before we got any. Talked to Cheez't more. Turns out the Large'burden family very well known in elf lands. Apparently his grandfather am very famous adventure who was known for fighting with pair of scimitars. Krorsh wonders what's so special bout that. No accounting for taste, Krorsh supposes. The barbarian been very quiet since Krorsh met him. Only time Krorsh even remember him making any sound at all is when he start beserking. Wierd enough, but when he beserk, he start reciting lymrics. Poems! He howls and snarls and kills foe after foe, but whole time he recites poetry! And it actually good poetry! Maybe all time he spend not talking is used to write poems for battle. Well, Krorsh tired, and pretty full from Elk, and Bard only sing lullaby if Krorsh goes to bed early, so Krorsh ending hear. Enjoy lullaby, book! Day 19, Very interesting thing happen this morning! When everyone wake up, TikTik say he am contacted by his tribe. They say his father am calling him back. So we going back to his tribe with him! Always wondered what it'd be like. Probably best that Jim is dead, or else getting to tribe alive am be difficult. Krorsh find foreign culture a very valuable scholarly pursuit, and am almost as fond of kobolds as am are fond of killing. And for orc, that am say something! Pretty good that we am still in the southlands, or else journey would be very long. Only 2 days travel from where we are. Maybe Krorsh learn about Kobold deity, maybe even get to hunt with Kobold patrols! Oh, killing in whole new environment always fun! Krorsh giddy! Maybe Krorsh get to sit in on legendary Kobold dance-off! They say only Kobold able to truly dance with their spirits! Not big on trying Kobold food, but hey, if you offer an orc Killing, vengeful deities and intense dance competitions or good food, Orc always take the first option! Well, everyone am packing up camp, better go help! |
| Drackthor03-03-08, 09:22 PM | EDIT: Whoops, Double post! >_< |
| Drackthor03-05-08, 02:33 PM | Day 20, First day of Party's trip to TikTik's home. Received a sending spell. Krorsh tribe Shaman am die. Great Shaman he am. He am always play with little child Krorsh, he am are teach Krorsh fun games, and tell fun stories, filled Krorsh head with many mysterious and wunderful things. Krorsh remember Shaman would always give a little of his food to Krorsh when Krorsh went hungry, and Shaman always had wise word for Krorsh. Shaman was wise but smart, kind yet strong, and firm but fair. Krorsh will always remember Shaman for what he was, and that is a great person, Krorsh will remember him as a true elder. Rest in peace, wise Shaman, Krorsh will never forget the teachings of E. Gary Gygax. |
| wolfnamedron03-05-08, 04:51 PM | Wise orc shaman E. Gary Gygax will always be remembered. |
| Drackthor03-07-08, 01:29 AM | Day 21, We am arrive at Kobold village today. First thing when we am arrive, 4 guards am jump at us with spears, yelling things Krorsh not understand. Krorsh already in love with this place. Must talk to Kobold Estate-Lord about renting small Hut here for Summer. TikTik explain we am are his friends and that we ok people. Even the Half-Elf. When Krorsh am say he Cleric, they ask if I are want see their temple! Krorsh immediately agree, and they take me to temple of Kurtelmak. Now, Krorsh a devout Gruumshian, but Kurtelmak not too shabby. He am lord over Kobolds with strict laws that if am disobeyed end with lawbreaker's intestines be devoured by Kurtelmak. Krorsh am think Gruumsh & Kurtelmak am be great friends, maybe someday when Krorsh pass on, he may get to have lovely tea party with Gruumsh & Kurtelmak, and then we can go to Corellon Larethian's porch and throw divine eggs at his divine house. Turns out TikTik's village clerics am reigning champs of Kobold Dance-offs. Krorsh curiosity best him like math do every day, and ask for demonstration. Immediately, every neophyte, adept and cleric in Temple messhall start moving tables against the wall, and, Krorsh kid you not, they am all start dancing in unison. You am not lived until you am see 150 kobolds spinning on their heads in what Krorsh believe to be perfect unity. |
| StackingZerglings03-10-08, 04:16 PM | :OMG! One of the best threads I have EVER seen! This story is absolutly hilarious. Now I MUST play an Orc cleric of Gruumsh. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Keep up the good work :clap: |
| Drackthor03-10-08, 07:36 PM | Day 22, After getting treated for minor concussion when one of Kobold clerics am spin out of control, Krorsh decide to meet up with other party members. Village kobolds say TikTik am unavailable for moment, so Krorsh meet with him sometime later. Cheez'zt apparently been spending time with the Kobold DanceLords and learn a few things, Half-Orc are not making any friends due to him winning every round of Kobold sport called "Bayz bawl", apparently, all you am do is hit small objects for an extended period of time, then run around a field. In hindsight, having 7 foot tall abomination to nature play against Kobolds am probably poor choice when trying to be diplomatic. Luckily, Krorsh to the rescue, as always. Am tell Kobold sorceror (they am call the player who am do nothing but yell at them 'Koach') to make bayz bawl look like a hunk of cheese. While full-blooded Orc am always appreciate a good gouda, Half-Orcs am inherently laktoes-untolerant. Half-Orc strike out 3 times due to innate fear of a moldy Brie, and Kobolds regain their good sportsmanship, Krorsh believe it am inversely proportionate to how much they win. Better go check on Cheez'zt, if he am snap his neck, he am are unable to sing Krorsh lullabies. And if Krorsh not get lullaby, rivers of blood will fill the streets. Write more tomorrow, little book! |
| Staver03-11-08, 08:14 AM | And if Krorsh not get lullaby, rivers of blood will fill the streets. If you ever print t-shirts, there's your first one's text, right there! -Staver :D |
| Drackthor03-12-08, 09:12 PM | Day 23, Kobold Chieftain am walk up to us and solemnly inform us that TikTik gone through ancient ritual and now he am "Draggin' rot". Krorsh raise his fists and cry to the heavens "You win this round, leprosy!". Krorsh greatly relieved to learn that Draggin Rot apparently not mean you am carrying the disease of leprosy. Apparently you am infused with the heritage & power of your ancestors. Krorsh curious why they not just call it Dragon Wrought, but not everyone on same level as Krorsh. Krorsh ask what this ritual do, and Krorsh kinda drift out after they am start talking about how TikTik am now, quote, "a total babe magnet". unquote. Krorsh not sure why he need babe magnet, if Krorsh want lunch, Krorsh break into Nursery and start eating newborns, but Krorsh suppose lunch coming to him makes things easier. Among other things, TikTik now gonna be a better Sorceror. Krorsh thankful, because Gruumsh am not exactly put alot of funding into his Clerics special effects budget. It all about "Rip him heart out" and "sacrifice virgins". What about Krorsh's needs? What about when Krorsh want am shoot multi-colored rays that amuse Krorsh with all the colors of the rainbow in a myriad of warm feelings & death? Alas, Krorsh digest. Now that TikTik finish ritual, he am heading out of village again, on to new things. |
| Terjon of the Blue Rose03-13-08, 12:30 AM | If you ever print t-shirts, there's your first one's text, right there! -Staver :D oh, little ice cream friends! thog delays boredom-driven rampage only for you! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0252.html) |
| Staver03-13-08, 08:15 AM | oh, little ice cream friends! thog delays boredom-driven rampage only for you! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0252.html) I was actually thinking of the OotS t-shirts when I made my post. I own the Thog Evil But Cute tee, and wear it to games from time to time. Oh, and I love Sabine's final line in that strip. Not t-shirt worthy because it depends on the previous two panels to make sense, but really funny nonetheless!!! -Staver :D |
| Drackthor03-13-08, 04:14 PM | I was actually thinking of the OotS t-shirts when I made my post. I own the Thog Evil But Cute tee, and wear it to games from time to time. Oh, and I love Sabine's final line in that strip. Not t-shirt worthy because it depends on the previous two panels to make sense, but really funny nonetheless!!! -Staver :D I've got "Eat, Eat, Eat The Delicious Saaaandwich!" "Get away from me." & the line from Creature in the Darkness talking about how he'll season the corpses of The OoTs. |
| Terjon of the Blue Rose03-13-08, 11:46 PM | I am going for "I Killed a PC and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt" since I managed to kill the party monk on a save or die. Was planning on sacrificing minnions but I feel a need to celebrate that momentous occasion |
| Drackthor03-17-08, 10:21 PM | Day 24, Well, Krorsh am moderately bummed out. Cheez'zt am forever cast away life of the bard. We am stumble upon small human village, no big deal, until apparently some kind of Vargouille or Hag in disguise am jump out in front of us and begin wailling, howling, screaming, ears bleeding, Krorsh am throw heavy mace at demon, bingo, right in the face. It am knock the monstrosity out. We am let villagers know that we am slay their demon, when town mayor tell us they am not have demon. When Cheez'zt ask who we just fought, Mr. Mayor say we fought little human bard girl, or what Krorsh consider horrific mockery of what a bard is, named "Hanna Mawntana". Krorsh composing letter to send back home to warn of new breed of demon. So one escape from angry mob of villagers later, we make camp in the forest, until we hear a rustling, it go away and Krorsh figure it safe, and right as Krorsh start to daze off, Elf come into camp and start stealing things! Krorsh leap up with fury and cry "Elf not take Krorsh's life savings! Not again!" and tackle Elf to the ground. Turns out he am a "Drow". Like Elf, but Dark-skinned. We made deal with Drow, we kill him, or he joins party. Long story short, we am get new party member. Krorsh not ecstatic about 2 elves in party, but Kobold and Half-Orc balance things out to a degree Krorsh am find satisfactory. And of course, Krorsh favorite party member, Book! |
| Drackthor03-24-08, 01:44 AM | Day 25, Half-Orc Barbarian am never talk. New Drow never talk. Between Cheez'zt, TikTik, and Krorsh, we am have to talk for 5 people. Krorsh not really sure how, but Cheez'zt suddenly forget how he am perform bardic abilities, but now wizardry am like his bread and butter. Krorsh find this to be suspicious, and if Krorsh life was novel, it am be dubious plot device indeed. We heard from a Goblin Outpost that local city have big competition, and everybody want to go check it out. We arrived in no problem, and Krorsh respect for humanity skyrocket. Apparently, this am Knight competition. And apparently, Human word Knight mean throw lot of metal on dumb sucker and have him charge other dumb sucker with a long stick! They do it all on horses, and between the high impact wounds and bloodthirsty cries of audience, it am bring back fond memories of Krorsh's 14th birthday. Krorsh, Cheez'zt and Half Orc participated in Team Brawl and we am win easy. Silly humans, weak little spine goes krruunch and all you am need do is slam them backs over your knee! While Krorsh find Elf brawling method of dodging and wearing opponent down with light punches to be much too uncivilised, Krorsh am remind self that some cultures am just wierd. Half-Orc am grab little Human by legs and spin him around, then let go! Whoosh and splakrrtch! Stone wall and human anatomy am combination that bring throaty chortles to Krorsh for years to come. While TikTik didn't manage to win the competition for arcane, he am get 3rd place, 1st place winner shocked to find his entire immediate family brutally murdered, along with all his in-laws and people who had talked to him recently, many of which were am found dead from blood loss from stab wounds from below the kneecap. By Gruumsh, Krorsh think TikTik the best thing a Not-Orc can get. Krorsh assure you that you am would win if they had Book competition, Book. You am not feel left out. |
| elliott2003-24-08, 10:14 AM | this thread is made of epic win. |
| Drackthor07-20-08, 09:58 PM | Huh. I stumbled on this while I was looking around my bookmarks, and I was thinking about starting this up again. Though it has been a long time... Should I leave it be, or revive it? |
| Master_Vega07-20-08, 11:29 PM | I, and several people I know in person, would enjoy it if you revived this thread. I'd be sure to notify them as well. :P |