Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Staver 02-05-08, 10:26 AM	Warning: The following story contains a scene of graphic violence and mature situation (attempted rape). Readers sensitive to such matters should navigate away from this thread now. It's not as bad as most people's "How my half orc was created" stories. Secondary warning: this post, and the actual backstory, are both rather verbose, to put it politely :D . Okay, for those of you that are left, welcome! I've been working on a backstory for a fairly new character of mine, and while it has grown in length, I still feel it is lacking in some way. I'm posting it here with the hopes of getting some constructive criticism. First, a note about my character creation process. I start with a concept or two, in this case, I had just read about the Force Missile Mage PrC, and wanted to make one. But to be different, I started with Warmage as the base class instead of wizard or sorcerer. My wife has been playing a Warmage and having a good time with it, so I said why not. It had been a while since I made a female character (and yes I'm male), and felt it was time to make another. Since my current primary character is a big brute of a barbarian, I decided to make my female tall and slender. She would focus more on casting, and resort to sword-and-board as a last resort. For casting, I needed Int and Cha, so I put my good rolls into those stats. I didn't want my character to end up being the party bedwarmer though (we've had plenty of those over the years!), so I decided that even though she is very attractive, she's intelligent and bookish. To reinforce the point, I gave her a negative childhood experience in the backstory, so now she more or less shies away from physical contact. In game, at a fair, someone "goosed" her, and she almost cast Ring of Blades on herself and waded into the crowd to get the perpetrator. I try to use Skills and Feats to give the character flavor, sometimes at the expense of optimization. To reinforce the intelligent angle, I gave her the Able Learner feat. This does help make the most of the few skill points she gets. And then for different, I maxed out her Decipher Script. I don't think anyone in our group had ever used the skill, I figured it was time to try it. To reinforce the whole "force magic" thing, I gave her the Spell Hand feat. Then I worked part of the backstory to explain why she has these things. Ironically, in her very first game session, there was some text no one could read and she was able to decipher it easily. Everyone was very impressed, including the DM, who had not read my character sheet in advance and so did not know I could do that ;) . Second, some notes about our gaming. We play in a homebrew setting, a number of planets connected by Portals (like Stargates). Within this system, everything is possible, including all of the WotC standard worlds such as Eberron, FR etc., although contact with the WotC standard worlds is severely limited. Into this setting, we the PC's are the Champions, general do-gooders who undertake a variety of missions. We start the characters off at higher levels, in this case I was looking at creating a level 11. This I broke down into Warmage 6/FMM 5. She's since gained another level of Warmage. I want to go Argent Savant eventually, still working on prereqs. So now I was faced with two challenges: one was that Warmages are trained at a school. Our game worlds did not have one suitable, so I worked with the DM to make one. I made a kingdom, founded by LG people who value education, I was thinking a splinter group from Greyhawk who worship Delleb the Scribe. Into this kingdom, which I just called The Great Kingdom because I was not feeling inspired, I made The College as a center of learning. It's free to attend, as it is supported by taxes on the nobles of the kingdom. The kingdom has hostile neighbors, as yet undefined, so they have a standing army and training program for it. As a LG kingdom's army, they are big on pomp and ceremony, they'd probably maintain formation in the face of a Meteor Swarm. But if my character were trained at school, where would she get her starting wealth? I backstoried her an income stream, and then decided to "gift" her some of the equipment she actually bought out of starting wealth by character level. I still don't think it's enough, but D&D economics seldom make sense. I'd be interested to hear how others have dealt with this. Do you always start low level, or say that you've adventured the whole time and accumulated the wealth? The other challenge was why someone trained for a specific job would then leave it all and go adventuring. Again I have tried to backstory this, again with mixed success in my mind. So without further ado, here's the backstory of Inga Snorrabraut, Warmage Initiate of the Second Rank:
Staver 02-05-08, 10:27 AM	Please go to post 26 for the current version of the story.
Staver 02-11-08, 07:25 AM	"I laughed, I cried, it became part of me." "Siskel & Ebert give it two thumbs up!" "Better than Gremlins, better than E.T." "Um, what was the question again?" Well, it's been almost a week, and I'm to the bottom of the page with 93 views and no replies. Did I scare everyone away with my warnings? Consider this my one and only :bump: and then I'll let it die. Maybe I'll start a separate thread to discuss the character wealth by level thing. -Staver
Aaarrrgh 02-11-08, 09:11 AM	I think it's good. Don't have any real comments though, I just wanted to say I like it.
Staver 02-11-08, 09:54 AM	I think it's good. Don't have any real comments though, I just wanted to say I like it. Thank you! Thank you for taking the time to tell me you like it. It's really weird when you post something and get no response at all. I couldn't tell if I put everyone to sleep, scared them all off, or they hated it so much they could not say anything nice :D . -Staver
Seflore 02-11-08, 04:21 PM	This was well thought out. I really liked it, it was basically reading a shortened version of a book. I think you didn't get any responses because people thought that it was just to long to read, but they apparently don't know a good story when they see one. :D
Staver 02-12-08, 08:12 AM	This was well thought out. I really liked it, it was basically reading a shortened version of a book. I think you didn't get any responses because people thought that it was just to long to read, but they apparently don't know a good story when they see one. :D Thank you! It's funny, I don't feel great about this piece, and yet I'm getting positive feedback. I came very close to posting this on the Once Upon A Time forum instead of this one, but my last submission there was not well received because it wasn't truly "creative writing", it was a narrative about a character. Talk about lengthy, that one is up to about 48 pages in Word. This one's just into 5 by comparison. Anyhow, I read a lot of fantasy, and so I always try to build my worlds and characters like they do in novels. It's hard mixing those grandiose ideas with game mechanics, but for me, that's a lot of the fun of the game. -Staver :bow:
Staver 02-12-08, 09:05 AM	So let's see, what else can I say about my dear Inga? The bolt of energy that strikes Justin is supposed to be a crude, malformed Magic Missile. It seems to me that yes, a trained spell caster can cast exactly x missiles at y level doing 1d4+1 points of damage each, but until they are trained, I picture a lot of "fizzles". This was a "fizzle", doing maybe 1 point of damage, causing Justin to stumble out of surprise but not get killed. Kids don't have a lot of HP, remember. The name: I took a trip to Iceland last May/June, and at one point I was on a city bus in Reykjavik, and I looked up and saw we were on a street named "Snorrabraut". I said to myself, "that would make a wonderful last name for a character" and filed it away. When it came time to make this Warmage/Force Missile Mage, I pulled that name out. When I decided it was to be female, I went with Inga for a first name because it was simple to spell and remember. Other party members that come up with fancy names always end up with a nickname, I wanted a name that did not require alteration. Once I had the whole Iceland thing going, I tried to slip in a few more references. Her warhorse's name, "Hamur", means "roan horse" in Icelandic. And for an attractive, slender female, I chose some pics of Icelandic model Berglind Icey to represent her. Google Image search her, and you'll see why I was concerned about her ending up being the party bedwarmer! Oh, and a note on Justin: I'm thinking perhaps his family has a dark secret, namely they are born (natural) lycanthropes, probably werewolves. I hinted at it with the low growl he makes. I may run a game or convince one of the other DM's to run a game centered around discovering/dealing with this. -Staver :D
Terjon of the Blue Rose 02-14-08, 06:26 AM	Very not bad. In fact, down right good writing. Good enough that I'm going to nit-pick since I feel like it can stand up to such. I did find it a little bit overkilling with details. That, of course, is only a personal preference however. I like to focus heavily on the character with little interruption for fleshing out the world they live in except as it affects them. Beyond that there were a few details I feel could be improved slightly. Again these are my opinions and what you have works quite nicely whether you use these suggestions or not. The first detail is I think that she joined the warmages a little too easily. Prestige only goes so far and they focus on the one type of spell she had already had a horrible experience with, namely combat magic. I would have had her go off to a more standard wizards' college where her abysmal lack of talent outside the schools of evocation and occasionally abjuration nearly got her booted. Instead she is offered a scholarship as a result of her exceptional talent and sharp mind in another school. The scholarship, however would require her to transfer. She does so reluctantly and mostly because it will help the family to not have her payments burdening them. On the subject of the warmages (sorta) I got the impression they were a fairly new organization. Being so makes it difficult to attach much prestige to them. They seem to be both celebrated and still in their initial creation phase at once. Not neccessarily contradictory but basically needs a bit more explanation. Last detail would be a change I'd make to the incident with Justin. If you really intend to make his family have that dark secret of lycanthropy I would change the insult his father uses. Rather than demon child I'd go with beast. That is to say he refers to her father as "the father of the beast that attempted to murder my son". This leaves it open to her father to refer to the son as "the beast that attempted to rape my daughter" and opens you up to a little extra fore-shadowing of the family secret. It also works well since beast is an insult that family likely fears above all others and so transfers easily to other people. That finishes off the nitpicking at an excellent story. Oh and on the subject of lack of response. First, the story was a bit long so responses are likely to take longer. Second, most people don't nitpick the way I just did and simple good jobs are almost embarrasing for some (such as myself) to write as they suggest little thought on the hard work someone else put in. I know it's not neccessarily the case but I always feel like I need something more to justify a response post. I would also point out that the first post had little to do with the character but rather was on the thought proccess behind her. I would have put that second as it could be (and in my case was) distracting from the story itself. I wound up stopping after the initial post and didn't get back to read the story for several days.
Staver 02-14-08, 09:21 AM	Very not bad. In fact, down right good writing. Good enough that I'm going to nit-pick since I feel like it can stand up to such. Terjon, I am honored that you replied to my post. I've seen your posts all over this forum, and you've always given good advice. I did find it a little bit overkilling with details. That, of course, is only a personal preference however. I like to focus heavily on the character with little interruption for fleshing out the world they live in except as it affects them. Beyond that there were a few details I feel could be improved slightly. Again these are my opinions and what you have works quite nicely whether you use these suggestions or not. I was juggling world-building of the Great Kingdom and the College with creation of Inga. I have another document with notes about the founding of the College, with some details on how it all works, but some of the detail ended up spilling into this document. It was a lame attempt by me to try to show the workings of the College through Inga experiencing them, without it sounding like a Harry Potter fanfic. I will try to tighten that up. The first detail is I think that she joined the warmages a little too easily. Prestige only goes so far and they focus on the one type of spell she had already had a horrible experience with, namely combat magic. I would have had her go off to a more standard wizards' college where her abysmal lack of talent outside the schools of evocation and occasionally abjuration nearly got her booted. Instead she is offered a scholarship as a result of her exceptional talent and sharp mind in another school. The scholarship, however would require her to transfer. She does so reluctantly and mostly because it will help the family to not have her payments burdening them. I agree she joins a little too readily, but I need her to join, for obvious reasons. I can't have her go to another school because the kingdom she lives in only has the one, as far as most people are aware, and I want to keep her innocent of the greater world until she leaves school. One thought I had is perhaps a sign-on bonus, GP or equipment or both. That would give her more reason to join, and help solve my "why does my poor farm girl have like 20,000GP in her pocket and a load of magic adventuring gear?" On the subject of the warmages (sorta) I got the impression they were a fairly new organization. Being so makes it difficult to attach much prestige to them. They seem to be both celebrated and still in their initial creation phase at once. Not neccessarily contradictory but basically needs a bit more explanation. Again, my worldbuiling is really poor, and I have no time line for the Great Kingdom, so I'm not really sure how old the standing army is. It is supposed to have been around for some time, however. Is there anything in particular that made you feel the Warmage Cadre had just been founded? Last detail would be a change I'd make to the incident with Justin. If you really intend to make his family have that dark secret of lycanthropy I would change the insult his father uses. Rather than demon child I'd go with beast. That is to say he refers to her father as "the father of the beast that attempted to murder my son". This leaves it open to her father to refer to the son as "the beast that attempted to rape my daughter" and opens you up to a little extra fore-shadowing of the family secret. It also works well since beast is an insult that family likely fears above all others and so transfers easily to other people. Here I must disagree, for two reasons. One is that you assume they don't like their dark secret. Quite the contrary, I want them to embrace it and revel in the power the lycanthropy gives them, so "beast", "animal" whatever would not be an insult. Second, "beasts" don't cast spells, "demons", "devils", "evil spirits" whatever do. What I was trying to do here was to say that yes, in the Kingdom as a whole, there are spell casters and magic, but in a poor farming village, magic would still be kinda taboo. Hrafn plays up on the ignorant villagers fears to help turn them against Inga and her family. Perhaps I did not succeed, I found that one of the hardest paragraphs to write and I've revised it many times already. Any advice to convey my concept better? That finishes off the nitpicking at an excellent story. Oh and on the subject of lack of response. First, the story was a bit long so responses are likely to take longer. Second, most people don't nitpick the way I just did and simple good jobs are almost embarrasing for some (such as myself) to write as they suggest little thought on the hard work someone else put in. I know it's not neccessarily the case but I always feel like I need something more to justify a response post. I would also point out that the first post had little to do with the character but rather was on the thought proccess behind her. I would have put that second as it could be (and in my case was) distracting from the story itself. I wound up stopping after the initial post and didn't get back to read the story for several days. Point taken, perhaps I should have just put the warnings, then the story, and then the though-process post after the story. I don't want to go back and revise the above, so that people who have already visited this thread don't realize stuff has changed, but I will take this advice in the future. Again, thank you for your input, I look forward to more. -Staver :bow:
Staver 02-14-08, 01:08 PM	Okay, I made a quick edit to the troubling paragraph about Hrafn. Changed area bolded: Life was different for Inga after that. While Justin survived, the other children became frightened of Inga and started to avoid her. The fact that Justin started it became eclipsed by the fact that Inga injured him with “wild magic”. Justin did everything he could to turn the other children against Inga and her family. Her brothers became the focus of teasing and sometimes bullying. Inga’s father, Erik, tried to protect them, but then Justin’s father, Hrafn, got involved as well. Hrafn was a powerful man in town, as close to a mayor as they had. It was Hrafn who settled disputes and sometimes dispensed justice in their small community. Hrafn decided to use the townspeople’s superstitions and fears to turn them against the family. His efforts culminated at the next grange supper. When Erik entered, Hrafn was already seated. He saw Erik enter, and said, loudly enough that Erik could hear, “There’s the man that raised that devil child!” No one wanted to sit with Erik, and he went home in disgrace. When he got home early, Inga knew something was wrong. The look on her father’s face confirmed this. She knew without him saying anything that it was related to the trouble she had caused. It hurt Inga deeply, especially since she was still not sure what she had done was wrong. Still, to be safe, she took great efforts to avoid situations where something similar might happen. She avoided the other children as much as possible, and was careful to not summon any energies as she had done on that night.
Staver 02-14-08, 01:44 PM	Okay, another paragraph edit, this time to Inga's admission. Changes bolded: Next, the Board asked Inga a series of questions to help her decide what to study. The King had recently requested a buildup in the military for a new campaign, specifically to the Warmage Cadre. The Board members asked Inga if she would consider such training, and Inga was shocked into silence. She had heard of the Warmage elite forces, and could not believe she might be allowed to join them. The idea of such prestige excited her, but she knew that as a Warmage, she would have to cast spells. She also knew she would have to buy her own armor and weapons, and she had come to the College with only a few gold pieces in her purse. When she expressed these concerns, the Board members again reassured her that spell casting was not evil, and that she would be properly trained to use her talents. They told her that there were not many candidates with her qualifications, and that her talents were sorely needed. There was a special fund available to the Board, and they offered to buy her first set of armor and weapons for her if she agreed to join the Warmages. Sensing the mood of the Board members, Inga felt she had no choice. Reluctantly, she agreed. Once she agreed, the tension in the room broke, and the Board members enthusiastically welcomed her to the College. Their enthusiasm rubbed off on Inga, and Inga felt excited to be there.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 02-15-08, 12:12 AM	First, as always I am glad to see my comments taken in the constructive manner they were intended. Not everyone is prepared for honest critique but you have handled it well. I was juggling world-building of the Great Kingdom and the College with creation of Inga. I have another document with notes about the founding of the College, with some details on how it all works, but some of the detail ended up spilling into this document. It was a lame attempt by me to try to show the workings of the College through Inga experiencing them, without it sounding like a Harry Potter fanfic. I will try to tighten that up. This was more a case of personal preference. You actually did quite nicely and its more a case of I was pointing out a difference of style than suggesting any real need for improvement. I prefer to centralize everything around the character but you were trying to help define her world as well and there is really nothing wrong with that. I agree she joins a little too readily, but I need her to join, for obvious reasons. I can't have her go to another school because the kingdom she lives in only has the one, as far as most people are aware, and I want to keep her innocent of the greater world until she leaves school. One thought I had is perhaps a sign-on bonus, GP or equipment or both. That would give her more reason to join, and help solve my "why does my poor farm girl have like 20,000GP in her pocket and a load of magic adventuring gear?" I was unaware of there only existing one college. It seems a little strange to think that with only one it would focus so intensely. Perhaps the warmages are considered an advanced program within a larger school? She could have entered the core curriculum and been moved up in order to maintain her position. I like the revised version though, and again this goes heavily to personal style, I would have emphasized her sense of being a burden to the family. Of course the new version helps greatly by providing her with a stronger idea of magic to overcome her existing fears and as such there is no real need for more. I still like the idea of her natural strength being highlighted with bribes of scholarship and am glad to see you took that idea into account. Again, my worldbuiling is really poor, and I have no time line for the Great Kingdom, so I'm not really sure how old the standing army is. It is supposed to have been around for some time, however. Is there anything in particular that made you feel the Warmage Cadre had just been founded? Actually I think that may have been more mis-reading on my part. Something about the build-up struck me, initially, as making them newer but it could well indicate strengthening an existing force. Perhaps a bit of earlier foreshadowing of the need for a powerful military force? Here I must disagree, for two reasons. One is that you assume they don't like their dark secret. Quite the contrary, I want them to embrace it and revel in the power the lycanthropy gives them, so "beast", "animal" whatever would not be an insult. Second, "beasts" don't cast spells, "demons", "devils", "evil spirits" whatever do. What I was trying to do here was to say that yes, in the Kingdom as a whole, there are spell casters and magic, but in a poor farming village, magic would still be kinda taboo. Hrafn plays up on the ignorant villagers fears to help turn them against Inga and her family. Perhaps I did not succeed, I found that one of the hardest paragraphs to write and I've revised it many times already. Any advice to convey my concept better? Actually there was no assumption of their disliking their secret. I simply assume they would want it kept secret and beast comes with the possible indication of knowledge. That being said your absolutely correct that demon, etc. is a better insult for the circumstance. It's a question primarily of whether you prefer to fore-shadow the lycanthropy or highlight the villians manipulative abilities within the town. In truth your existing insult lends itself to a better villian should you actually wind up solving this mystery later. It just doesn't lend itself quite as well to actually going back to solve the mystery.
Staver 02-15-08, 08:37 AM	First, as always I am glad to see my comments taken in the constructive manner they were intended. Not everyone is prepared for honest critique but you have handled it well. When I put P.E.A.C.H. in the title, I meant it! I was unaware of there only existing one college. It seems a little strange to think that with only one it would focus so intensely. Perhaps the warmages are considered an advanced program within a larger school? She could have entered the core curriculum and been moved up in order to maintain her position. I like the revised version though, and again this goes heavily to personal style, I would have emphasized her sense of being a burden to the family. Of course the new version helps greatly by providing her with a stronger idea of magic to overcome her existing fears and as such there is no real need for more. I still like the idea of her natural strength being highlighted with bribes of scholarship and am glad to see you took that idea into account. Actually I think that may have been more mis-reading on my part. Something about the build-up struck me, initially, as making them newer but it could well indicate strengthening an existing force. Perhaps a bit of earlier foreshadowing of the need for a powerful military force? Okay, bit of history here that may clarify things. I picture the Great Kingdom starting on the west coast of a continent about the size of Australia. One border is coast, the other is two hostile territories. A powerful sorcerer/king, King Roald, launched a massive and successful campaign against one of the territories and conquered it. This brought them into contact with a new territory on the other side, so they still have two neighbors. Seeing how successful Roald was, the two neighbors quickly signed peace treaties and thus began a sort of Golden Age. What was a border keep against the conquered neighbor found itself now useless and isolated. Roald needed men to replace those lost in the campaign, and so he turned this keep into the Academy, a military training school for new soldiers, kinda West Point. During the Golden Age, a later king, whose name escapes me at the moment, build more buildings on the site of the Academy and called them the College. Here the core Knowledge skills were taught, valuing mind as well as body. Students enrolled primarily in one, with varying amounts of exposure to the other. This is to account for different classes getting different amounts of skill points and advancing BAB at different rates. Cute, huh? Anyhow, the Warmage is a special crossbreed of the two schools, and it is considered a special honors course or such. During the Golden Age, the size of the standing army had been steadily reduced to cut costs. Now the current king wants to launch a campaign against the original other neighbor. He has the College/Academy more actively recruiting and training to turn out soldiers quicker. But the intellectuals in the College are happy with the peace, and so they are grumbling about the upcoming campaign.[/HISTORY LESSON] -Staver :)
Staver 02-15-08, 10:00 AM	More creation notes: I had originally intended Warmages to fulfill the function of the Heralds in Mercedes Lackey's Valdemar books, kind of like Texas Rangers for those of you who have not read the series. Then I realized that the abilities of the PrC really didn't fit the job, something like Justicar would be much better for that. Then I wanted the Warmage Cadre to be founded by King Roald, and the reason he was so successful in his campaign against the neighbor kingdom was his use of the Warmages. This would give the Warmage Cadre reason to be proud, "we have a tradition dating back to King Roald...". But it doesn't fit the time line. So my current incarnation is kind of a cross between Glen Cook's Black Company and Steven Erikson's Malazan books, both of which have spell casters and grunts mixing to form a military unit. -Staver
Terjon of the Blue Rose 02-16-08, 01:44 AM	Now everything is making sense. I'd say you've done extremely well on both the start of the world and the character herself. When I put P.E.A.C.H. in the title, I meant it! Not everyone does. I drove at least one poster off the board with an honest critique (and scared a few others by showing the slightest bit of my dark side). Of course he didn't put P.E.A.C.H. but rather sort of asked everyone to tell him how good he was...
Staver 02-16-08, 09:02 AM	Thanks again Terjon. Latest bit of world building: I've decided that the Warmage Cadre needs to be at least 200 years old, and so the College a little older than that, and the Academy older still. Also, there needs to be continuing tension with the original other neighbor territory, and at least one more big battle in which the Warmages turned the tide and became heroes, so their reputation now is deserved. Guess my Golden Age is not going to be quite so perfect... -Staver
Terjon of the Blue Rose 02-16-08, 10:05 PM	Sure your Golden Age is perfect. Just check the local history books.... The ones published in the neighbors land are full of slanderous lies.
Drackthor 02-19-08, 11:43 PM	"Krorsh am find it gritty and realistic, yet not depressingly so. Krorsh give 4 and half skulls."
Staver 02-20-08, 07:45 AM	"Krorsh am find it gritty and realistic, yet not depressingly so. Krorsh give 4 and half skulls." Thank you Krorsh, and welcome to my thread! Would you care for some eyeballs? They're fresh! -Staver :)
Staver 02-20-08, 07:46 AM	So the long weekend is over, and I'm still mulling over the situation in the Great Kingdom. I want a total of three neighboring territories, at least two of which need to be considered "evil" to justify the Great Kingdom being hostile toward them. Remember, the Great Kingdom is essentially ruled by paladins, very very Lawful Good. I think one area should be Goblins, as they form large groups and I think the continent would be considered Temperate Plains. I think this would be the territory King Roald conquered. So now I need the other two. Any help would be appreciated. -Staver :D Edit: I think I can manage Temperate Hills as well, so a few bands of Orcs living in the hills and mounting raids from time to time would be a good, determined enemy that would be hard to make a lasting treaty with because the tribe leaders keep changing. That could be the other, original neighbor. Two down, one to go!!! More humans? Evil humans?
Staver 02-20-08, 01:36 PM	Okay, trying to build on my ideas of worldbuilding above, I have inserted the following text as the new third paragraph in Inga's backstory: One event Inga always looked forward to as a child was the arrival of the King’s Herald. Twice a year, one these bards employed by the King would come to the town. He would collect any news the town had to offer, including records of births, deaths and marriages. Then he would deliver a summary of news from the rest of the kingdom. Most of the news was usually about the latest border raids by the Orc tribes. Since Inga’s town was about as far away from the Orc border as one could get in the Great Kingdom, the townsfolk considered this news as little more than entertainment, but great entertainment it was. The town tavern was always packed to capacity and then some when the Heralds relayed their news. The Heralds were always very skilled at story telling, and their stories of valiant soldiers and skilled Warmages driving back the Orcs with sword and spell usually left the town boys eager to run off and join the King’s army. If I get too many edits going, I may end up reposting the whole story. I need to edit to focus more on telling the story from Inga's POV, rather than dropping back to narrator mode. Edit 2: I realized this morning that I think I've inadvertently created the first land-grant university (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Land-grant_university) in a D&D setting, minus the cooperative extensions. Oh well, maybe my next enlightened king will found the extensions. Edit 3: Terjon, I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really not sure how to reply to your post. I think you're implying that the Great Kingdom has a disinformation campaign about how wonderful things are. Things really are pretty good, and they would not use techniques like that. -Staver :D
Terjon of the Blue Rose 02-21-08, 01:23 AM	Actually I was halfway between being a wisenheimer and being serious. There's no reason for a kingdom, even a good-aligned one, not to represent themselves as being the height of civilization. Most people do exagerrate their own acheivments and downplay their failings to some degree or another. However both looking back at the statement I have an idea for your second evil kingdom. It's less evil than chaotic/jealous but... Make it a chaotic place full of danger due sharing far more borderland with the orc nation and a great deal of internal strife. This kingdom has a tendency to look at your Great Kingdom with a great deal of jealousy and is always trying to tear them down. Their arristocrats mock your noble ideals as tyrannies and their commoners consider your general populace weak since many people can go their whole lives without ever having to place those lives in jepordy. An old rival they hate you more for having acheived what they can't than for any actual failings of yours.
Staver 02-21-08, 08:13 AM	Actually I was halfway between being a wisenheimer and being serious. There's no reason for a kingdom, even a good-aligned one, not to represent themselves as being the height of civilization. Most people do exagerrate their own acheivments and downplay their failings to some degree or another. However both looking back at the statement I have an idea for your second evil kingdom. It's less evil than chaotic/jealous but... Make it a chaotic place full of danger due sharing far more borderland with the orc nation and a great deal of internal strife. This kingdom has a tendency to look at your Great Kingdom with a great deal of jealousy and is always trying to tear them down. Their arristocrats mock your noble ideals as tyrannies and their commoners consider your general populace weak since many people can go their whole lives without ever having to place those lives in jepordy. An old rival they hate you more for having acheived what they can't than for any actual failings of yours. I like it!!! I had come up with something like a human barbarian empire, maybe ala Genghis Khan, but I just wasn't feeling it. It could be cliche' really easily. But if I make them civilized, just not as prosperous, and jealous, that works really well. Not everyone can be openly hostile! I especially like the idea of more border with the Orcs. This will open up the possibility of half-orcs living in the other kingdom, whereas the Great Kingdom would never allow such things to happen. Also, some black-market trading between the other jealous kingdom and the Orcs. Very nice. Got an idea for a name? I'd be happy to use your name to honor your contribution. Thank you for your continuing support Terjon. I expect a major edit to two paragraphs of the story by the end of the week. I also want to insert a paragraph. Once I've got this all ironed out, I may repost the whole thing. -Staver :D
Terjon of the Blue Rose 02-22-08, 02:28 AM	Your kingdom is simply The Great Kingdom right? Why not then simply refer to them as The Midlands. You may want to come up with a name they refer to themselves by but I like the idea of it being a union of states that haven't truly united yet. This would also help to explain the chaos of common life and be a major reason they have failed to acheive the strength of The Great Kingdom. You probably have one nation dominating several others who considers themselves the true rulers of all of The Midlands but in reality only truly holds influence in the lands closest to them. This would be the greatest source of rivalry for your kingdom. PS no need to use a name of my choosing. Just make their flag a Blue Rose on a field of another color (I like white or a lighter blue) after their High Lord, Terjon.
Staver 02-22-08, 08:44 AM	Okay Terjon, you've got it! While not completely mentioned in the backstory, I will add these notes to my worldbuilding document. With that, here is the new, revised edition of the story. There are minor edits throughout, including correcting an error I missed earlier. Our game world has 15 months of 28 days each, so half a year is 7.5 months not 6. Oops! Inga was always a slightly odd child. While very attractive, she was an avid reader, and a quick learner. She was not above physical activity, however, and she kept her slender form fit. Her quick learning gave her ample time for both, and life on the farm did not allow idle hands. Inga’s mother, Uma, had had some difficultly in birthing Inga. It was six years before she had another child, but only a year before she had a third. Inga then had two brothers, Wulfgar and Bjorn, and she helped her mother raise them. Uma was glad for the help, because she had lapsed into ill health again after giving birth to Bjorn. Inga's father, Erik, ran the farm, and he looked forward to the boys growing up so they could help. Inga had many friends among the other farm children, and she was a happy child. One event Inga always looked forward to as a child was the arrival of the King’s Herald. Twice a year, one of these bards employed by the King would come to the town. He would collect any news the town had to offer, including records of births, deaths and marriages. Then he would deliver a summary of news from the rest of the kingdom. Most of the news was usually about the latest border raids by the Orc tribes. Since Inga’s town was about as far away from the Orc border as one could get in the Great Kingdom, the townsfolk considered this news as little more than entertainment, but great entertainment it was. The town tavern was always packed to capacity and then some when the Heralds relayed their news. The Heralds were always very skilled at story telling, and their stories of valiant soldiers and skilled Warmages driving back the Orcs with sword and spell usually left the town boys eager to run off and join the King’s army. When Inga was around twelve, she noticed that one of the boys looked at her differently than the others. Justin was his name, and there was a hungry, almost animalistic look in his eyes. It scared Inga, but aroused a curious feeling in her as well. When he asked her to come by his parents’ barn one night, she agreed. She slipped out of the house and across the fields to the barn. Justin was waiting, his eyes glowing in the light of a lantern. He moved to hold her, and started touching her in ways she had not felt before. At first, she gave in to his embrace, but then he tried to unknot her tunic. She pulled away from him, and asked him to stop. He growled, low in his throat, and lunged for her. Inga screamed and flung her arms out in front of her to protect herself. A bolt of energy formed in the air before her. It flew at Justin and struck him squarely in the chest. He fell forward, but before he hit the floor, Inga was out the door and running back across the fields. Life was different for Inga after that. While Justin survived, the other children became frightened of Inga and started to avoid her. The fact that Justin started it became eclipsed by the fact that Inga injured him with “wild magic”. Justin did everything he could to turn the other children against Inga and her family. Her brothers became the focus of teasing and sometimes bullying. Inga’s father, Erik, tried to protect them, but then Justin’s father, Hrafn, got involved as well. Hrafn was a powerful man in town, as close to a mayor as they had. It was Hrafn who settled disputes and sometimes dispensed justice in their small community. Hrafn decided to use the townspeople’s superstitions and fears to turn them against the family. His efforts culminated at the next grange supper. When Erik entered the tavern, Hrafn was already seated. He saw Erik enter, and said, loudly enough that Erik could hear, “There’s the man that raised that devil child!” No one wanted to sit with Erik, and he went home in disgrace. When he got home early, Inga knew something was wrong. The look on her father’s face confirmed this. She knew without him saying anything that it was related to the trouble she had caused. It hurt Inga deeply, especially since she was still not sure what she had done was wrong. Still, to be safe, she took great efforts to avoid situations where something similar might happen. She avoided the other children as much as possible, and was careful to not summon any energies as she had done on that night. As soon as Inga reached fifteen years of age, her parents sent her to the College. They figured she would do well there, and it would get her away from Justin’s hatred. While there were other finishing schools, they charged tuition and room and board that the family could not afford. They were sad to see her go, but they hoped life would return to normal with her gone. Inga was willing to do anything to try to fix the damage she had done. The College Admissions Board ran the standard battery of tests on Inga. They tested her physically, and found her slightly above average. They tested her mentally, and found her to be very intelligent. Then they tested her for magic, and found she was a natural spellcaster. What was more, she seemed to have a strange natural affinity for Force magic. Inga was very upset with this news, having worked so hard to avoid the use of magic. One of the Board members noticed Inga’s agitation, and asked what was wrong. Inga explained that she had gotten in trouble in her hometown for using magic. The Board quickly reassured her that it was okay to use magic here, and that her instructors would help her learn to control her abilities. Next, the Board members asked Inga a series of questions to help her decide what to study. They reviewed her test results, and asked Inga if she would consider training to join the Warmage Cadre. Inga was shocked into silence. She had heard of the Warmage elite forces, and could not believe she might be allowed to join them. The idea of such prestige excited her, but she knew that as a Warmage, she would have to cast spells. She also knew she would have to buy her own armor and weapons, and she had come to the College with only a few gold pieces in her purse. When she expressed these concerns, the Board members again reassured her that spell casting was not evil, and that she would be properly trained to use her talents. They told her that there were not many candidates with her qualifications, and that her talents were sorely needed. There was a special fund available to the Board, and they offered to buy her first set of armor and weapons for her if she agreed to join the Warmages. Sensing the mood of the Board members, Inga felt she had no choice. Reluctantly, she agreed. Once she agreed, the tension in the room broke, and the Board members enthusiastically welcomed her to the College. Their smiles made Inga feel better, and she began to smile as well. Her happiness was to be short-lived, however. Most of the Warmage Trainees were young men, in their 20’s. They could not believe that such a young and skinny girl could be one of them. It took her a little longer than most to start her magic training successfully, but once she began, she quickly excelled. Her magic instructor was able to focus her affinity for Force magic into a spell-like ability to cast three simple Force spells once a day each. Inga did exceptionally well in her other studies as well. The other Trainees grew jealous of Inga’s ability to learn, even though she was only passable at weapons training. She found herself socially outcast again, but at least this spared her from the type of attention Justin had given her. In her despondency, Inga turned again to reading. She spent almost all of her free time in the vast College library, reading whatever struck her fancy. Late one night, she found an old tome sitting open on a table. It was an illuminated manuscript detailing the religions of a place called Eberron. She had never heard of such a place, but the pictures grabbed her attention, so she sat and began reading. The classic struggle of good versus evil was embodied in The Sovereign Host and The Dark Six. As was typical in any pantheon, each deity was concerned with specific parts of the universe, called Domains. One of the Host, a deity named Aureon, had Force as a Domain. None of the deities she was familiar with had such a Domain. Her studies in the College had also labeled Force spells as Arcane magic, not Divine. Yet the manuscript described clerics of Aureon casting spells Inga herself knew. Once Inga had learned all she could from that manuscript, she worked with the librarian to find anything related. The librarian was a kindly middle-aged man named Snoenddyn. He knew how much time Inga spent in the library, and he thought very highly of her for it. He helped her search, but all they found was a very old scroll, written in a language no one knew. A note attached to the scroll said that the scroll was about Eberron. Inga decided to try to decipher the scroll, and set about learning how to decipher unknown languages. She discovered she had a knack for it, and quickly deciphered the scroll. Unfortunately, it was just a description of someone’s journey through a city called Sharn. The author spoke of towers and coaches that traveled the sky. While this was quite fanciful, it did not mention the Host at all. Inga was disappointed. She had written her translation on parchment, and she gave it to Snoenddyn when she returned the scroll. He was very impressed with her work, and asked her if she would like to help with other unknown texts. She said she would love to. From that moment on, she spent much of her free time deciphering old books and scrolls. Some of these turned out to be quite valuable, and Snoenddyn was able to give Inga money for her work. Since students had to buy their own gear, she was glad for the money. She was very careful with her spending, and did not tell anyone else about this wealth. She considered sending some of the money home, but realized her father was too proud to accept. One good thing about life at the College was that one did not have to wait for news; Heralds came and went almost daily. There was plenty of gossip as well, which even an outcast like Inga could overhear. She learned that the situation with the Orcs was much worse than she had believed. The King was building up the army to deal with the problem, but the rugged hill country the Orcs controlled rendered the King's cavalry ineffective. His plans were to rely heavily on the Warmage Cadre to tip the scales, but there were still not enough Warmages for the planned offensive. Inga now understood why the Admissions Board had pressured her to join the Warmages. After two years of study, Inga demonstrated mastery of the Persistent Blade spell, and its use in combat. This meant she was ready to graduate from Warmage Trainee to Warmage Initiate of the First Rank. Her instructor organized an Initiation Ceremony, with all of her classmates in attendance. Inga had been to such a ceremony before, when other classmates ahead of her had reached this point. It was supposed to make the new Initiate feel welcome into the ranks of the Warmages. For Inga, it had almost the opposite effect. As the center of attention, the ceremony seemed much longer and more elaborate. She felt overwhelmed, and she was painfully aware of the dark looks several of her classmates were giving her. Finally, the ceremony ended, and the instructor drew forth a long gleaming wood box. He flipped back the hinged lid to reveal a dagger in a belt sheath. Inga knew from past ceremonies that this dagger was very ornate, and its blade silvered. The symbol for the Evocation school of magic was worked into the small pommel. It was lightly enchanted as well, making it functional despite its decorative appearance. Its primary purpose, however, was to be used as a focus for subsequent castings of the Persistent Blade spell. They had used cheap silver practice daggers that were property of the school to learn the spell. This dagger was for Inga to keep, and to wear on her belt at all times. Anyone in the Great Kingdom would recognize her as a Warmage Initiate by that dagger, and later her rank by the color of the tassel attached to the tip of the dagger’s sheath. News from the Heralds continued to get worse. Evidence was found that one of the Midlands states was actively trading with the Orcs. While this did not violate any of the treaties in place, it meant that the Orcs were better equipped than they might have been otherwise. Inga continued to study for three more years, and continued to demonstrate mastery of new skills. When it came time for her to take her second Advanced Learning course, she chose the tricky Chain Missile spell. She mastered it easily, and earned her Second Rank. They were about two months into the time between Tassel Ceremonies, so Inga would have to wait for over five months to get her white tassel. By then, others of her classmates would have achieved tassels of their own, and they would all be recognized together. Inga knew that Warmage Initiates of the Third Rank, or second tassel rank, received blue tassels. Fourth Rank, or third tassel rank, received gold tassels made with real gold thread. Very few had achieved Fourth Rank in the roughly two hundred years the Warmages had existed. Inga’s primary instructor was one of them. It was only a matter of time before Inga’s abilities came to someone’s attention. Radsulroth the Evoker was a very powerful sorcerer, and the oldest member of the College’s faculty. He had a reputation for being merciless to his students. Many whispered that what he evoked the most of was fear. Shortly after the Tassel Ceremony, Radsulroth approached Inga. He demanded, more than asked, her to study under him. He promised to show her some of the keys to Force magic that few knew. She was terrified, intrigued and excited at the same time. Since the College’s curriculum was very free form, it should have been easy for Inga to accept his offer. However, since the need for trained Warmages was great, the faculty tried to argue against it. Radsulroth simply told them it was worth it, and they let her go. Radsulroth occupied a large suite of rooms in the faculty dormitory. Almost every square inch of space was piled with clutter. Most of it was books, but there were great piles of other things as well. Radsulroth made it clear that Inga was not to touch anything without his permission. It was here that Radsulroth gave Inga her lessons. Study under Radsulroth was every bit as demanding as Inga had feared. He taught her how to make more missiles of Force than any normal spellcaster could at once. He taught her how to create them without having to move her hands. He taught her how to mix other types of energy with the pure Force energy. He taught her how to slip these missiles past Shield spells and devices. Most importantly, he subjected her to almost constant bombardment with missiles of his own. She learned how to bring up her own Shield instantly, and finally how to bounce the missiles back at Radsulroth. Once she had demonstrated this ability, he simply returned her to class. He never once congratulated her, or praised her in any way. She had lived for around four years in constant fear that she was not doing something right. Yet when Radsulroth told her to go back to class, he smiled at her. No one in the College had ever seen him smile. It was then Inga knew she had done well by him. Returning to class was not as easy as Inga had expected. Her classmates, already jealous of her rapid advancement, now called her Radsulroth’s pet, or worse. In addition, she found herself restless and her mind wandering more and more. Her instructor was quick to notice, and suggested she see the councilor. The councilor listened to Inga’s story, and then sat back to ponder the situation. After a while, the councilor suggested that perhaps Inga should study abroad for a while. Inga knew there was no other place in the Kingdom she could continue her Warmage training, and asked the councilor what she meant. The councilor said that real life was still the best instructor. Perhaps it was time for Inga to leave school and enter active service. Inga thought for a moment, and then thought about the talk that was all over the school about the coming war. People were saying that the current King was no King Roald. His timing was terrible, and his strategy was ill conceived and doomed to fail. Losses were expected to be high, especially among the Warmages. Dangerous talk to be sure, but it planted seeds of doubt in Inga’s mind. She imagined herself and her classmates on a battlefield, being slaughtered by sword and spell. She knew her classmates disliked her, but the thought still almost made her sick. She emphatically told the councilor she was not ready. The councilor was surprisingly sympathetic, and reviewed Inga’s file for a while. In the end, the councilor suggested an alternative. Word had reached the Great Kingdom of a glorified band of adventurers known as the Champions. They got involved in all sorts of situations, and had many different skills and backgrounds. While their methods were sometimes unorthodox, they generally upheld the law and accomplished their objectives. Perhaps some time solving real world problems would help Inga regain her sense of purpose. Inga thought for a moment. She had learned about the existence of other worlds in class, and about the Portals that linked them, but she had never been out of the Great Kingdom. Given the choice between staying here and being pressed into service or going abroad and facing the unknown, the unknown looked much better than it might have otherwise. She agreed to try it out. Inga spent the next several days preparing to leave. First, she went to speak with her instructors. She explained what she was going to do, and they gave her practice drills she could perform while traveling. Next, she went to speak with Snoenddyn and Radsulroth. While Snoenddyn was rather sad to see her go, Radsulroth was positively ecstatic, and swept her off to his rooms. Once there, he started rummaging around, periodically throwing things into a pile over his shoulder. He kept muttering things, such as he knew she was destined to be more than cannon fodder. After a while, he stopped and came over to the pile. He told Inga that this was magic gear from his adventuring days, and she could take what she wished. When she looked surprised, he said that he had not always been a grumpy old man. Inga laughed. She had no idea what half of the items were, so Radsulroth helped her. Inga commented that she did not think any of the clothing would fit her. Radsulroth reminded her that magic clothing resized itself to fit the wearer, and handed her a pair of gloves. Sure enough, after Inga put them on, they stretched in some places and shrunk in others to conform to her hands. She asked what they did, and Radsulroth said they would let her push an enemy away once per day. She thought of Justin, and wished she had had those years ago. As they went through the pile, Radsulroth explained the limitations on wearing magic items. One could only wear a certain number of items on different parts of the body, and have them function correctly. He then went on to say that he had not personally used all the gear piled before them. Some of the items were gifts; others were treasure from adventures. Some he had acquired strictly to study how they functioned. Radsulroth handed Inga Everlasting Rations and an Everfull Mug to keep herself fed, and a Magic Bedroll to sleep in. Then he gave her a Spool of Endless Rope with a collapsible grappling hook attached. He added a Ring of Protection +1 and a Vest of Resistance +1. Radsulroth assured her that these were all common items for adventurers. Inga selected a Spellsink Scarab, Bracers of the Entangling Blast and the Repelling Gauntlets she had tried on. She also took a Memento Magica, which would allow her to remember and cast a spell again. When Inga started to worry that she was taking too much, Radsulroth told her not to worry. None of these items was particularly expensive, at least not as far as magical adventuring gear was concerned. The next morning, Radsulroth showed up at Inga’s dorm room and told her they were going shopping. They went to the College store, which was a sprawling complex of buildings. Based on what Inga already had, Radsulroth helped her round out her adventuring gear. Most of what they bought was mundane, but Radsulroth insisted on adding some magical potions. He then gave her an impromptu lecture on the importance of potions to adventurers. Inga spent the next day at the stables. When the stable master saw that she was a Warmage of the Second Rank, he became very helpful. He directed her to an unclaimed bay roan stallion named Hamur. Hamur seemed happy enough with Inga’s presence, and Inga agreed to take him. The stable master asked if he were to be outfitted with magical or mundane gear. Inga had to think for a moment, and then asked what magical gear was available for horses. The stable master was careful not to roll his eyes, and patiently began listing some common choices. She chose Horseshoes of Speed and an Everlasting Feedbag. She got a mundane riding saddle with saddlebags, and a bit and bridle. The stable master provided a blue velvet and gold thread caparison with the emblem of the Great Kingdom. He set aside the matching lance pennant because Inga did not use a lance. Since Inga was going alone, he also did not offer her a guidon, or military banner. The King’s Army was very fond of all manners of pennants, banners, streamers and the like. After Hamur was properly equipped, Inga spent the rest of the day practicing with him. Back in her room, Inga took inventory of what she had. She laid out her armor, shield and weapons, including her dagger. She already had a magical backpack and scroll case she used for carrying school supplies. She emptied them, and then began sorting Radsulroth’s gifts and their store purchases. Once she had everything organized, she packed most of it into the backpack. Looking around, she then decided to pack the latest book she was deciphering for Snoenddyn. She packed blank paper into her scroll case, and packed an inkpen, ink and her portable desk into the backpack. This would allow her to continue her work in the field, and allow her to take notes if she wished. Before she left, Snoenddyn found her and gave her a gift. It looked like a book to Inga, but Snoenddyn said it was magical. He called it a Tome of Worldly Memory, and said it could assist her knowledge of a variety of topics. Inga thanked Snoenddyn, and added the Tome to her gear.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 02-23-08, 02:52 AM	Congratulations Staver. Your story officially qualifies for being held to standards I usually reserve for myself. And what's more it rates an excellent. :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
Staver 02-23-08, 11:20 AM	Congratulations Staver. Your story officially qualifies for being held to standards I usually reserve for myself. And what's more it rates an excellent. :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :bow: Thank you, and thank you for your help! I knew the story needed something, I just wasn't sure what. I feel a lot better about it now. -Staver :D Edit: My DM just finished reading the story for the first time, caught three typo's, and planned a game around something in the story. Very cool!
Drackthor 02-25-08, 05:02 PM	Congratulations Staver. Your story officially qualifies for being held to standards I usually reserve for myself. And what's more it rates an excellent. :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: Humble as always, Terjon. ;)