Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Dorian_Gray 05-12-06, 04:44 PM	For an upcoming campaign, I have written up a lurk (from complete psionic), and was wordering what you guys thought of my backstory, any and all critique is accepted: Dorian Gray Backstory Physical Description Dressed completely black trimmed in red, Dorian does not look particularly friendly. Combined with a well crafted short-bow and quiver that hangs on his back, he certainly does not look like a man you might want to meet in a dark alley. At his left side hangs a quality, leather-wrapped sheath, although no sword is visible. On his belt hang two leather bags, one clinks with gold, while the other one is filled with multiple small crystals. The purpose of these escapes all but those who understand psionics. Under his black clothing, one can also hear the gentle clinks of well made mithral chain-mail. Personality Dorian is an honorable individual, never killing innocents, and not fighting unless necessary. Despite his honor, during combat he is absolutely ruthless, aiming for weak points regardless of fairness. His fighting style also is not what many would consider honorable, since he does not evenly trade blow for blow, as a foolish paladin might. Instead, he darts in and out of combat, landing blows as opportunities present themselves. Outside of combat, he is fairly quiet, and even rather shy, unless he feels strongly about an issue, in which case he is quite forceful. He has a few friends who he trusts unconditionally, such as the Nightwatch captain, but aside from that small group, he is generally cynical and distrustful. Some say that all men are artists in some field or another, if that is the case, Dorian’s art is death. Biography Dorian Gray grew up in a rather poor village near the outskirts of Halcyon. His family was poor, but very strict in terms of morals, and raised him to be honest and honorable. Nevertheless, he had a talent for getting into places where he was not supposed to be, which was even worse due to his incredible intellect and capacity for detailed planning. Eventually, he was caught by his father as he returned from his latest escapade. Needless to say, his father was not thrilled, and disowned Dorian. Dorian moved into the city, and swore to be moral for the rest of his life. As he lived in the city, his sneaky tendencies began to reappear, and before long, he was back to sneaking about. Now, however, he became a vigilante of sorts, tracking down and turning in or killing criminals. Eventually, confident in his skills, he attacked a powerful telepath who had dominated several city guard and ordered them to assassinate an important political figure, which led to the death of a popular politician and the prompt execution of the innocent guardsmen. The telepath, however, fought back harder than Dorian had expected. After a long and difficult fight, the telepath defeated his would be assassin through a massive attack on Dorian’s mind and consciousness. The telepath escaped, leaving Dorian on the verge of death, and by a pure miracle, Dorian lived. Dorian has since become very wary of mindcontrol and telepathy. After this affair, Dorian began to notice signs of a strange talent inside himself, he could focus like never before, and learned to hypnotize himself. Apparently, during the fight, a small fraction of the telepath’s power had been transferred to Dorian. Now, Dorian learned could detect hostile intentions around himself, see through touch, and do all sorts of incredible things. He also gained some martial talent, becoming able to destroy intelligence through a physical blow, among other things. He even acquired a deep red crystal rapier which he could force to resonate destructively with the sheer force of his will. With his newfound talents, he became a fearsome vigilante, assassinating the most untouchable opponents, such as mafia bosses, and notorious assassins. During his rise to infamy, he caught the attention of the nightwatch, who offered him membership. He joined happily, and quickly rose through the various ranks to become a vital member. Eventually, he got to fight alongside the captain himself. Notes: 1) The night watch captain is another player who I have great synergy with. 2) The reason he has a sheath but not a rapier is because he keeps it hidden with dimensional pocket. 3) The deep red crystal rapier is really just deep crystal, its just that I think red crystal looks cooler than the conventional blue. 4) Please don't lynch me for the uncreative name, it was originally an Elan, and I was playing off the immortality. The race changed, but the name stuck. Thanks for the critique, Dorian Gray
OrionNo9 05-12-06, 10:17 PM	Very good backstory, I would surgest through that you exsplain why his father disowned him a little better, because as you have it, he was disowned for sneaking around, which seems a bit harsh and unbeleive; unless he saw something he was not surpose to, or something else.