Post/Author/DateTime	Post
sundance8503 04-04-08, 05:17 PM	Ok, I think I have this thought up. Any comments and suggestions would be wonderful of where I should go from here? Tell me what you think, good or not? :D “A gold dragon nest raided. The parents valiantly tried to defend their eggs but in the end, the group smashed all but one egg in the fight and beheaded both of the adult dragons. The last egg was taken as a souvenir as was the heads of both dragons for a gruesome trophy to be mounted on a wall. The mage of the group had enough intelligence to know that the egg has to be kept warm so they camped for the night and had a celebration. They split the beasts hoard among themselves and drank the wine the rogue packed as a toast for defeating the dragons. Their actions did not go unnoticed, for in the bushes lie in wait a group of defenders who had seen what havoc they caused.” The old, wrinkled man paused in his story as he watched the eager young dragon before his eyes wait in anticipation. “And?” She rested her large head before her Master’s feet. “Ah Lynx I think you know the rest of the story.” “I still like to hear it.” He smiled, “Well, the men snuck upon these dragon killers and raided the camp, for you see the dragons they had killed were the very ones these defenders had watched over for many years. Their fury was to match the greatest of Wyrms! Slashing and kicking and blows landed upon blows!” The man swiped his arms into the air, “The battle only took a few minutes and all of the adventurers but one were lying broken and bleeding and dying on the ground. The Master approached the injured mage with the fury of the dead dragons in his eyes as he asked why they killed his dragons. The mage’s face crumpled as he begged for his life at the feet of this Master. He kicked the man in his face, enough to knock him unconscious but not dead. They searched the camp and found the egg!” “My egg!” The dragon giggled with glee. He nodded and tapped a glittering egg fragment that hung around his neck, “Yes dear one, your egg. They allowed this coward of a mage live. The Master took this most prized treasure and made the journey with the rest of the Temple to the Council of the Five Wyrms. The council was grateful for them saving this egg, even though the rest were gone. For their bravery and honesty, they allowed the Temple the honor of raising a Gold Dragon among them.” He carefully poured another glass of herbal tea for himself and emptied the pot into the large dragon-sized mug the dragon had. “Master, I do wish you would continue!” “And dear Lynx, I wish some of my patience would rub off on you” He gentle patted the dragon’s snout. “ “I am sorry master; I do love this story so.” Nodding, he continued. “Well the Master brought the egg back to the temple and made it one of the monk’s duties to ensure the egg was safe and well kept so it would hatch. The Monk did such a good job, that he was the chosen one to teach the dragon the path of the Order of the Scales. The wyrmling hatched seven moons later. She popped out of the egg, much to everyone’s surprise one day. The Monk cleaned her up and presented the little one to the Elders of the Temple. There was much celebration and joy that day. You bring us great joy Lynx. Story time over; lessons begin. What is the Order of the Scales?” Lynx sighed, “Order of the Scales is a monastic order dedicated on making themselves more like the most perfect species, Dragons. We do not use ‘man made’ weapons, ever. We aspire to have courage and bravery just like the Platinum Dragon himself…” Part 2 Lynx landed with thud in the courtyard of the Monastery. Surrounding her were dead bodies of her family, the monks. They lie broken and burned; a great battle had been fought while she had been gone to collection mountain herbs. She dropped her carry-pack and picked her way through the dead, to maybe find someone living. Her Master was lying against the fountain, barely conscious. She rushed to his aid but found he was beyond her ability to do anything. “Lynx, oh dear one I thought I would die without seeing your face again.” He struggled to lift a hand to the side of her face. “What happened?” Her heart was breaking as she watched him wheeze to breathe. He coughed up a bit of blood, “Mage…came back to revenge us. He was here, slaughtered everyone. They are looking for you Lynx. Leave; leave this place before they come back. They will be coming back…” “No Master, I cannot leave you to them. I will fight and I will kill whoever did this.” “No Lynx!” He gasped in pain, “No, you mustn’t. You must fly away and never come back. They will kill you; or worse, turn you into someone’s play toy. Please, leave. You are the last of us, you must continue the training. You must spread the word.” His wisdom finally settled it’s self into her head for once as she realized that his words were true. She felt like dying right along with her Master but she knew she was to carry on his legacy, his teaching. “Take my pendant.” He struggled to breathe, “It will help you on your quest and help you to remember where you came from.” Carefully she unclasped the egg fragment. “I don’t know what to do.” “My books go get them so these monsters wont burn them. Carry what you can from here. Carry what you need to begin again. Take what you can use, leave nothing for them to destroy young one.” Lynx nodded, “I will Master.” He gazed into her grey eyes, “One request my dear one.” “Anything Master!” “Perform the Wyrm Right for me.” Lynx winced as he asked her to help him leave this world by using her fire breath to char his bones. She was the closest thing he had ever come to one of their ‘Gods’, so to burn in her holy fire was his one wish to depart the mortal plane. “As you request it.” She placed her talon into his hand, “Master?” “Yes?” “I love you.” “And I love you my dearest Lynx.” Lynx took a deep breath and did as he requested. He smiled as he felt the heat wash over his body. A plume of blue sparkling dust exploded from his body and rose to the heavens as his remains charred to the floor. Her wings drooped to the floor and she began to sob. Never had she felt so alone and afraid. Remembering his wish for her to gather the temple’s teachings, she hurriedly began to collect the relics and irreplaceable volumes… D
runestar 04-05-08, 09:30 AM	Well-written, but I cannot help but notice some inconsistencies. It is funny that the dragon would be a disciple of a human monk. Considering that their clan seeks to emulate dragons, you would think that it would be the other way around - they treating the dragon with reverence and seeking to learn from her. I mean - what can a dragon learn from a human about fighting more like a dragon?:P Same goes for the monk class - it was designed for humanoids to fight like humans, and feats like IUS and flurry don't seem to mesh well with a dragon (since they will likely use natural weapons over unarmed strikes), both fluff and mechanics-wise. The gold dragon also seems a tad too human in the way she carries herself, but given that she is still a very young dragon and raised amongst humans, her childish personality and temperament can be excused, I suppose, especially if the monk raised her like a daughter. Also, wyrm "right" should be "rite"...:D So what happens next? The dragon starts seeking out the attackers? Stats and the like?