Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Angered Roach 06-24-03, 01:28 PM	Alright....i'm in the process of creating my first character, and am pretty much done. I want some opinions on this character's back story, some nitpicks, some criticisms, some praise(s?), and even the occasional flame. Alright. Lyle Undereave, halfling Ranger. Lyle served as a protecter of sorts for his town, often patrolling the outskirts, and warning the others of danger, before rushing back off to the battle to help the sherrifs and other Halfling protecters. Once, on of his patrols through the woods, he came upon a beatiful female halfling, standing amidst a beam of sunlight in a gentle clearing, singing to herself atop a smooth stoned rock. Loria Hollybough was her name. She was at first startled by his appearance, almost ready to draw her scimitar, or take off running. Lyle tried his best to ease her fears, throwing down his shortbow and shortswords, and began to converse with her. Eventually, they befriended one another, and Lyle came back to this clearing everday to talk with her. In fact, they even became romantically interested, and at one point, Lyle offered to marry her, which she accepted. One hazy summer evening, the two were spending time together in the forests. But then, the two had heard a strange noise, and were both off to go see what it was. It sounded like someone swinging an axe into some wood, something which deeply infuriated Loriah, and she demanded that Lyle leave her to take care of this on her own. Eventually, she came back...but something was deeply wrong. As she came back, Lyle looked absolutely horrified, and swiftly standing up, he drew his shortbow, nocked an arrow to it, and aimed, completely perplexing her. Little to her knowledge, while she was off, a foul illusionist had cast upon her a spell that made her appear to be a troll, something which Lyle was deeply afraid of, ever since having almost been killed by one when he was little (Which he was saved from at the last moment by a few of the sherrifs). The illusion was so good, that Lyle believed it to be completely true. Now Loriah really WAS a troll. Much to her horror, Lyle let the arrow loose, and then another, and another, absolutely pelting her with every last arrow he had in stock. She fell to the ground, and drawing his two short swords, Lyle dashed forward, leaping ontop of her, and getting ready to stab away, when suddenly, the illusion was lifted. She now was back to her old self, only dying and filled with arrows, and her eyes filled with horror and tears. Her last words were "Lyle....why...". Lyle couldn't believe what he had done. He threw all his weapons into a creek, wanting never again to see them. He took his love's body back to town, the last time he would ever be seen in town. He gave her a burial, and with one tear accidentally dropped upon her grave, ran back to his small home, took out some basic things, and just ran. Ran as far as he could, to get away from the atrocity he had committed. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whatcha think? When I can, i'll give him the Ghostwalker prestige class, from Sword & Fist. Edit: Some things I forgot to mention...which aren't really all that important, or are blatantly obvious, but, I figured I should state them anyway. He'll start off with Giants as his favoured enemy, and also Loriah was a druid. You could probably infer both, but meh.
Mystikal 06-24-03, 04:49 PM	I really like it, good job with the story, few people actually bother coming up with one thats that good.
Angered Roach 06-24-03, 07:08 PM	Ah...I keep running into a snag I could use your all's help on. Every 5 minutes, I keep picking up Lyle's character sheet, and changing the alignment I wrote on there...I need some help deciding what to put down...some things to note about him are..: 1. He's made it a VERY strong point of personal code to not even LOOK at another woman in a vaguely lusty way, much less think about such things. He's already done the most horrid of wrongs to the one he loved. Why spit on her grave? For this...I was thinking something lawful. 2. On the other hand, he's very driven by vengeance, both against himself for not being able to see through the illusion, and for being the hand that slayed her, but also against he, or she, who layed that horrid illusion upon her and drove him to do what he did. This made me think something chaotic. 3. He absolutely abhors evil, and doing evil deeds, even moreso after having one on his head. But at the same time, he has little interest in the greater good, of being generous, or a champion of justice, or at least, not since the incident, though he once did. So I settle on it being something Neutral, though I may be swayed to writing down some sort of Good instead. 4. In addition to his own personal quest to atone for his deeds and avenge his love's death, he also is set upon carrying out the goals Loriah had in life, protecting nature from destruction whenever possible, and this is generally considered a neutral act, so chances are, he'll have SOMETHING neutral. Edit: Typos are Chaotic Evil. Kill!
Tayris 06-24-03, 08:22 PM	That's a great story, I was crying when I read it. You put alot of thought into it. As for your alignment, Lawful nuetral or Lawful evil. I know you said your character abhores evil, but he may not see his actions as evil, even though those around him do.
Mystikal 06-25-03, 10:06 AM	Im no expert but you sound like a chaotic nuetral, but Im not sure I dont do well with the whole alingment jazz, unless its evil or good, nuetral is a little too gray for me which is why I chose it for your character because he really doesn't seem like either good or evil.