Post/Author/DateTime	Post
webgear68 03-04-05, 04:57 PM	i wrote this a character background for my dm and was wanting some outside feedback on how to improve it. i normally don't write like this so anything suggestions or criticism is welcome and appreciated. The Aries Arcanum so you know is a magic school based in greyhawk and a group devoted (non-religously) to the recovery of powerful magic items and artifacts. while similar to the harpers of forgotten realms books it is more magic oriented. Edit smilies divid paragraphs so here it is Journal of Turial Stormclaw, :confused: I am a Turial Stormclaw, of the house Stormclaw. Stormclaw was a noble house before it was destroyed by a mysterious force, I am the only member of my family left alive that I know of. This mysterious force Murdered my family in their sleep almost nothing remained to identify them by. With my home gone, my family eradicated, my very existence a possible threat to those who destroyed my family I fled the ruins of my once proud and noble home. :confused: While out traveling on some family business, I received a sending from my uncle “We are in grave danger return haste, forget your mission, beware of attack when least expected. If all is lost seek Aries Arcanum in Grey hawk.” I was only a day and a half ride away. I swung my horse around explained what was happening to the caravan leader and purchased a spare horse. I planned to travel as fast as possible even if I had to run a horse into the ground. A summons like from my uncle was unheard of and truly bared ill tidings. I traveled all the rest of the day and ran the horses all thru the night. I reached home near dawn’s break. :confused: The house was chillingly silent and dark. I shuddered as I entered my family estate, calling the names of my father and uncle I received no answer as my voice echoed thru to manor. What I saw that night would forever haunt my dreams, the bodies, those that I could find, were slashed, bloody and twisted in the grimace of a painful death. In some places all that was left was a bloody smear or reddened bones as if the flesh had been suddenly and violently stripped from my family members. I could tell they were family from the grisly jewelry that they still wore. I found my father in his room, he had numerous slash marks and stab wounds upon his body, yet the image that will stay with me forever will be his eyes glazed over in death. I noticed then that he still wore his weapon on his fore arm, The Stormclaw, the ancient family heirloom from which our name came, passed from father to son or daughter in some cases. I removed the weapon from my father and started to leave my home. :confused: On my way out I retrieved a few items and a good amount of gold, as I did this I realized with a start that their were no bodies of the attackers anywhere I had been in the manor. I cast a spell of disguise and entered the village finding the captain of the guard an old friend of mine, I explained who I was and gave him and ask that he give my family a proper burial. “Burial, Sir?” the captain said puzzled. “you mean you do not know?, my family was attacked last night, as far as I can tell they are all dead.” I said bewilderedly. “Dead? what happened we heard nothing last night” he replied in shock. I calmly responded “I do not know but I must leave quickly, here take this gold and give my family the burial they deserve. If ask I died here it is not safe for me here anymore, keep this secret till I such time that I return.” “yes, my lord, I swear it, but keep your you’re your money will come in handy” He said solemnly. :confused: I used my recovered magic and underworld connections to get me out of the city undetected or so I thought. I traveled to mighty city of Grey hawk via caravan disguised as a common trader. I traveled always looking over my shoulder for some unforeseen threat. During this time, I made friends with a man named Novak. Novak seemed a good man, yet often secretive about his past life, while I could understand his attitude it made me curious. Little did I know what was truly going on. After traveling for many days, the caravan came under attack by a band of orcs, the battle did not last long as we were always on guard against brigands of one sort or another. I decided then that I would have to reveal my powers. Novak and the caravan guards attack the outnumbering orcs, I was amazed at Novak’s skill with a dagger, he alone killed four orcs. The battle was fast and furious with several orcs dead and with only minor wounds among the guards and me nearly out of spells. :confused: We traveled the rest of the way to Greyhawk without incident. After entering the city, Novak ask me where I would be staying, I responded I didn’t know yet as I had never been here before, he highly recommended a tavern known as the Wild Boar inn. I thanked him for the advice and directions and went on my way. The Wild Boar inn turned out to be a fairly nice inn as inns go of course. I rented a room for a week at a reasonable price, had some food and sat around for a while before retiring to my room. I decided to clean up after my travels with the caravan. :confused: Now the thing to know about sorcerers is never, attack them while their awake or being hunted. As I was lying in the bath I heard a muffled noise, and felt a cold draft as if someone had opened the window. I quietly cast a spell to protect myself and readied myself for combat. I had only to wait another moment as the shadow of a figure appeared in near my bed. I cast my spell and stood up out of the tub. The bolt I launched hit the shadow with a small thunder clap and a groan of pain. I strode calmly in to the room and cast another spell at my assailant. My concentration was broken though by the glimmer of a dagger hurtling toward me. I quickly tried to dodge the missile, but ended up with it stuck in my shoulder as I crashed to the floor. Then another spell hurtled across the room hitting my assailant, but it was not mine. A figure clothed in royal blue stood in the doorway, smoking finger pointed at a limp body sprawled across the floor. I quickly examined my wound and was shocked to see an all to familiar dagger sticking from my shoulder. :confused: “Novak” I grimaced “What grudge did you bear against me?” “Probably none Turial, he has the look of a trained assassin about him” the figure in the doorway responded, “come let me see to your wounds and we shall talk.” After tending to my wounds and getting dressed as I had been in the middle of bathing when the attack came. My rescuer and I talked, he introduced himself as Raadi. The sending my uncle sent to me the day of the attack was not the only one it seems. Raadi was an apprentice and initiate of the Aries Arcanum, he had been given the task of keeping an eye out for and on me. he had also been told where I was staying that night by one of the masters. It seems he saw me come in and recognized my exotic weapon I had, which marked me as the last Stormclaw. When he heard the thunderclap of my first spell he came running thinking I was in danger. I explained to him all I knew about the destruction of my noble house and my journey to Greyhawk. “Novak knew you were in that caravan and chose to take his time to kill you” Raadi stated, “The Aries Arcanum can help you and hide you till such a time when we can figure out what is going on”. Thus my apprenticeship at the Aries Arcanum began.
Harrow Blade 03-05-05, 01:47 AM	Your Back story has great elements that a DM can use as adventure hooks and a way to story drive an adventure. I take it you are playing a Sorcerer but were the rest of your family also Sorcerers? You start by saying that your family was killed by a mystertious force but then go onto say that your existance threatens those responible for thier deaths. This seems a little ambiguous. I would suggest that you decide on who or what killed your family and how. Did your family have a powerful enemy, were they practicing powerful magic that may have back fired? Another point that seems a little inconsistant is your uncle sends a missive to you but you have already said that you were the last surviving member of your family. Did your uncle wake to the slaughter and have only enough time to warn you and his contacts in Greyhawk or did have warning? If so why was everybody killed in thier sleep? The story of how you reached Greyhawk is fine, I would just suggest a little proof reading as some words seemed to be missing but that is a minor aspect. My only other peice of advise is figure out how this event has impacted your character. Does it drive him to seek revenge, to find out who is responsible or is he suddenly fearful of the world hiding from the unknown enemy. What are his goals, is it to become a leader amongst the Aries Arcanum or to enlist thier aid in solving his mystery? A great Idea and first attempt :) P.S. what is the Stormclaw and what does it do? Is it similar to the Wyvern Spur of the forgotten realms novels with the Wyvernspur Family? (I belive it may have been in the books about Azure)
webgear68 03-05-05, 09:39 AM	yes i got the Stormclaw from wyvernspur idea in azure bonds and it is more of a weapon like one i saw the in one of the dnd books can't remember which thou think it was called the beast claw so it is basiclly a fancy spiked gauntlet. uncle died in slaughter but had warning i think is how i am going to play it. not sure on the main enemy yet simply because the more powerful the enemy the more likely i will end up fighting them. so not sure as what i will be able to kill they will probaply end up being a group of assassins hired by one very wealthy person. thanks for the advice any more?