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Cardinal_Boz 09-16-04, 08:24 PM

There's a recurring NPC in my campaign, who I've just realized lacks stats of any kind. As I looked through my notes, trying to find out why this guy had appeared so often without having the least scrap of concrete mechanics attached to him, I realized that I'd just been putting it off since I had no idea how to assign his six basic stats. I've since spent about half an hour pondering the topic without coming up with anything conclusive. Perhaps you guys could help me out? ADIUS ADIMALCH "Tell me, doctor... have you ever stood in line at a banking machine behind a person who didn't know how to use it? Or wanted to buy stamps at the post office, and the fellow in front of you wants to know every single way he can ship his package to Istanbul? Or gotten some counter idiot at Burger King who can't comprehend 'Whopper, no pickles'?" "Well... yes... I suppose..." "And how do you feel on those occasions?" "Impatient. Irritated. A little angry sometimes." "Precisely. Because your life is being slowed to a crawl by the inabilities or the inconvenient behavior of others. It's not a rational or considerate attitude to have, but there it is. Now imagine, Doctor, that everyone you work with, everywhere you go... your entire world... is filled with people who can't work cash machines." -Quicksilver, X-Factor #87 Adius: Ah, dear Thornix! It's been awhile. I hope you're well? Thornix: Ur, pretty good. Who's the halfling? Have I seen you somewhere before, kiddo? Adius: That's my party mem- Maggie: Hi! I sold you some fireworks a few days ago; we all have to make a little money on the side, right? Heheh. Thornix: Hah, I know what you're talking about! Adius: Yes, we all must make do. Just the other day I was selling some- Maggie: So, how did my cracklers work out? Just as advertised? Thornix: Better! Trust me, we gave this one elemental quite the surprise. Maggie: Yeah? How about you and your party tell me and my party about it over a few drinks? Adius: Drinks? I HAVE worked up quite a thirst. Where shall we- Thornix: Sounds like a plan. What did you say your name was? Maggie: Margaret Quailfeather, or Maggie. Or the Waywocket Wocket, as the case may be! Thornix: I'm Thornix D. Morrison! Let's go see about those drinks... Adius: But I... I'm here! Adius Adimalch is not, per se, an arrogant elf, nor one inflated with delusions of grandeur. He is merely a rational elf in a world full of idiots, with a fully justified sense of grandeur. Blessed with combined talents of Marlowe, O'Neil (Shaquille AND Eugene), Disraeli and Verdi, he nonetheless finds himself shunted from one low paying, low profile mercenary job to another. Born into the unimpeachable Adimalch family, courtiers of queens and honored battle companions of emperors, he nonetheless finds himself in the company of people insistant on referring to him as "Milky". Where has he gone wrong? What indiscretion has he performed to deserve this life? These are the questions that obsess his waking and unwaking hours. Physically speaking, Adius is about as close to the elven ideal as one could ask for. Lithely muscled, quick reflexed and poised like a marble statue, green haired and black eyes with a smile like a sharpened knife, people nonetheless cough and watch thier feet rather than make contact. Despite the dream physique of fencers and duelists everywhere, he finds himself outmatched and overmanned in almost every straight fight he finds himself in, forcing the poor fellow to skulking back alley tactics and dagger-in-the-rib skulldruggery. His mind is likewise impeccable, with a top-notch education both in scholastic areas and court intrigue reinforcing his rapid, efficient thought processes. However, every comment is met with a puzzles stare or stifled laughter. Imagine Henry V's "into the breach" speech being met with a smattering of polite applaus- imagine Michael Casio patting Iago on the back condescendingly and buying him a consolation round at the local pub. What we have is a man who effectively has The Prince in his mind, but can't find a publisher to take him seriously. If given the chance to play Byrgerac to some suitor, any maiden would be wooed. Out of his own mouth, however, the hapless guy couldn't hire a two-copper piece prostitute. Picture an acquaintance of yours who constantly drivels on and on about UFO conspiracy theories or something like that- you listen to him, sure, politely nodding and muttering agreements absentently once in awhile, but not really listening. Adius is that acquaintance, only he's outlining Don Quixote and is fully aware that you're not paying attention. The people around him view him with a mixture of pity and bewildered amusement. The current queen of the elven kingdom, Avery, sent him out on his current "mission", a vaguely worded quest mainly intended to get the poor boy out for some fresh air. His adventuring party, a terrifyingly chipper halfling alchemist and a dour, obnoxiously cryptic monk, view him as a kind of pet instead of a proper rogue- for his part, he hates the two and its a marvel that the grinding of his teeth hasn't alerted any dungeon delving monstrosities during their frequent mundane crypt crawls. His closest friend, Thornix Morrison (the party's fighter and de facto leader) can't even remember his name half the time, referring to him as Atom Adwell more often than not. Despite his obvious talents, he can't help somehow becoming the least interesting person in any situation. His tragic flaw is that nobody cares if he has one. Adius is not neccesarily a bad person, although he isn't a paladin either. His main concerns are for himself; how can I make some money? what would get me out of this blasted city? how can I get these people to pay some attention to me? He doesn't have any clear mission or motivation other than that. His official mission is so ambiguously worded that he could have just sat around in his backyard for six months and congratulated himself on a job well done. For some reason, he hasn't broken ties with his party, and hasn't asked Thornix if he could accompany his group. He is usually fairly pleasant and polite, if a bit smug, although he occasionally flies off the handle and goes into a brief rant about nobody paying any attention to him, although this is usually when he's deep in the cups- Adius is an angry drunk. When in conversation, he might occasionally attempt to forcibly push himself to the forefront, putting in an unrelated fact or thought of his at a completely innopurtune moment. ("So, yeah, we decided to kill the orcs." "I, I collect rare books you know! I have stacks full! Would... you like some? I can give you some, for free!" "Oh yeah? So did you win? Did you get any orcish treasure?") As his character has progressed, he's gone from a smug and suave elven rake who had the misfortune of slipping unwillingly into the background of any scene, to a rather pathetic figure who is in a constant struggle to maintain any kind of presence. So, that's about all I can think of. His obvious problem is a low charisma, although I can't decide how low to make it. I could see him having anywhere from 4-8... his intelligence, I figure, should be fairly high (14-16 range), and I have no idea about his wisdom. On the one hand, he's extremely creative and can come up with plans efficiently and quickly, but on the other hand he's nearly oblivious to how obnoxious he can come across as. His physical stats, I think, should be decent. As for class, I really have no idea. I'd make him a bard, but he'd be horrible at it and no reasonable party would want to have him. I'd make him a rogue, but it somehow doesn't feel like a natural fit. To top things off, I have no idea what alignment to give the guy. CN? N? NE? CG? I'm stumped. :confused: Adius began as a hopelessly generic haughty elf involved in one of Thornix's alarmingly frequent prison breaks. For some reason, however, the party began to depend on him for various tasks, despite not remembering his name or much else about him. I decided to play off that strange reaction by making him painfully aware of how hopelessly boring people found him, but ironicly never bothered making stats for him. Fortunately, he hasn't been involved in the campaign outside of providing a semi-willing shoulder for party members to angst at, and as one of their more reliable sources of information and jobs. However, the party has positioned itself into sort of a rivalry position with his party, and there's a fairly good chance he'll be involved in some dice rolling in the near future. Any help would be greatly appreciated!