Pirate Background *Input needed* [Archive] - Wizards Community

Pirate Background *Input needed* [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Gabriel06
04-17-08, 12:02 AM The Lyrandar family was a powerful merchant family that controlled a fleet of merchant vessels that were responsible for most of the shipping done between Yrin and Aerinthir. The family had power and money enough to spare. They lived like nobels with a large mansion from where they controlled their shipping empire. They even owned their own means of production, a dry dock with some 200 workers and designers and craftspeople that could construct a new ship in little under a month. Everything seemed to be fine on the surface, but like the sea which they controlled trouble is often just below the surface. The current head of the family Balthier Lyrandar, is a lecherous man who has many mistresses. He believes that he has kept his affairs well hidden from his wife, but it became common knowledge when one of Balthiers children, Marquis, walked in one his father while he was entertaining one of his mistresses. Balthiers wife holds her tongue for the time being waiting till she has some actual proof of his infidelity. A child she reckons would be just needs to prove such a thing and use it to disgrace him. Then perhaps with some clever planning she may be able to take over the family and instill herself as the leader of the shipping business.
It was luck that made Lady Lyrandar’s wish come true; for soon after Marquises tenth birthday that one of Balthiers mistresses, Martina, gave birth to a boy, William. When the she came to Balthier with the proposal that he leave his wife and that they could run away together, Balthier laughed at the idea. He told her that the baby was a mistake that he would soon have rectified. The next night in Martina’s room that a tavern owner rented out to her in exchange for her working as a maid and a cook in his tavern, a man dressed in black entered with blade drawn. He stumbled over a chair that wasn’t quite pushed in all the way. It didn’t make much noise but it made enough. Martina was awakened to the sight of the man in black with a dagger in his hands. With the strength that only a mother can possess when protecting her young she darts up out of bed and snatches up her baby and rushes towards the man and pushes him over. She then runs out the door and down the stairs out into the streets. The sound of the struggle alerts several of the patrons below in the tavern and they alert the city guard. The guard arrives just as the man in black is coming down the stairs. They chase him down and capture him. Martina was running through the streets, running where she doesn’t know. When she comes to her senses and the shock of someone trying to kill her, she realizes that the man must have been after her baby not her. That can mean only one thing. Balthier must have sent him, and he wants her and her baby dead. She decided that she must move away from here to keep her William safe.
She went on the run for a year, always fearing that Balthier’s men would be one step behind her no matter where she went. But little did she know that after the first attempt Balthier thought that she would go on the run and that she wouldn’t ever come to him go, besides he had more important things to worry about, like trying to keep the knowledge that he had another child away from his wife.
Meanwhile Martina had finally settled down in a small coastal village. She started to get settled into the life of a barmaid again all the while her boy was growing. twelve years went by and the boy grew into a strong lad who helped out at the docks, tying off ships that would come in and unloading and loading ships. It was a year later late at night that an unmarked ship sailed into the harbor and docked. The port master came up to the ship to see what they were doing arriving so late. Another ship wasn’t due till tomorrow morning. Suddenly he fell over with a arrow buried deeply in his head. Pirates began pouring out of the ship and before the town had a chance to respond the pirates were upon them. It was a quick battle the town guard was caught off guard and didn’t have time to mount a proper defense and repel the attack. The pirates went house to house stealing what valuables were to be found and dragging the people out of their homes and gathering them in the center of town. The pirates made their way to the lord of the town’s house and dragged him out and awaited the captain to arrive.
After the entire town was gathered together the captain made his way into the town. He was a tall man standing well over six feet tall, wearing dark colored cloths with a tri-pointed hat. His most striking feature other then the highly decorated sword that hung from his belt was his eyes. They were as ever changing as the sea, never settling on anything for too long and they were of the deepest blue color. The captain looked over the townspeople eyeing each one individually. He called over some of his men and had them take the men women and older children back to the ship. The rest of the people of the town were interrogated to find if there were any other places where valuables would be kept in the town. They were told that if they cooperated that they would be let go. Pirates however are not ones to keep their word.
After the captain made his way back to the ship he ordered the ship back out to open water. Martina and William meanwhile were locked in room in the hold of the ship along with the thirty others that were taken. After about a day of sea travel, a large man appeared at the door and told them that they were to assemble on deck. A group of pirates then rushed in with blades drawn and led them up to the deck. On the deck of the great ship, pirates were milling about working on pulling lines and tying them down to lower the sails. All of a sudden a door opened and out from behind the door stepped the captain. Suddenly all activity stopped on deck and the pirates looked up to the captain.
“Back to work you lazy fools” The captain shouted in a gravelly and deep voice. “Welcome to the Dragoneye” Now addressing the townspeople. “Tomorrow we will arrive at Port Undril, where upon you all will be sold as slaves to whoever will take you.”
This caused a stir among the people and some of them demanded that they be released. William became frightened at the prospect of becoming a slave and ideas of escape began to run through his mind.
“So you wish to be released do you?” The captain said with an evil look in his eye. “You heard them lads, they wish to be released, so release them.” The captain said with a laugh. As he did so some pirates came up to the ones that demanded to be released and stabbed them with their swords and then led them over the side of the ship and pushed them over board. This caused some of the women to shriek and one of them fainted. Martina was one of the ones that simply screamed. William however he simply stared with hatred at the captain.” So does anyone else wish to be released then?” the captain said with another laugh.
When no one else spoke the captain had them taken back below deck and locked back up in the room. Martina started crying out of worry for her son and for herself. William went to his mothers side to try to comfort her.
“Don’t cry mother, we will find a way out of here, there just has to be a way out. And we will find it.”
“No William we can’t, if we do manage to escape this room, we will still be on the ship with those, those, murderers. If they find us they will kill us.” Martina said with tear filled eyes.
“But there just has to be a way out of here, if we could hide till we get to Port Undril, then maybe we could escape there.” William reasoned. “I am going to try to find a way out.”
“No William, no don’t go.” Martina cried but it was too late William had disappeared into the shadows of the room.
It was later that night when Martina was awoken by her son William. “Mother, I found a way that we can escape. I found empty barrels that we can hide in. They are sure to unload them to sell them off and get more. We will then be left on the dock or wherever they unload them. Then we can make our escape from there.”
“Oh William that will work for you, but I am too big to fit into a barrel.”
At that moment someone pounded on the door waking several others up. “We will be unloading soon. Make yourselves ready.” And then foot steps can be heard leading away from the room.
You must go William, save yourself.” Martina says to William
No, I can’t you have to come with me” William cried, his eyes beginning to well up with tears
“I cannot. You have to go now before they come and find you.” With that Martina pushed William away from her with tears in her eyes. “Go.”
Full of fear and anxiety, William looked back at his mother with tear filled eyes. He merely nodded and then left. He made his back to the room with the empty barrels. He managed to pry off the lid of one of them, and then climb inside. William then settled down to wait, and wait he did. For what felt like forever he waited. Time passed and he thought that any minute now he would be taken off the ship safely inside the barrel. His thoughts drifted back to his mother and he began to cry again. More time passed, and he began to wonder if he was going to spend the rest of his life here in this barrel. William then heard footsteps. They would be here to unload the empty barrels, he was sure of it. He then heard the lids being pried off the barrels. They shouldn’t be doing that William thought, these were empty barrels, all of them were empty. William began to breathe heavily, his fear coming to the surface. He had to make a break for it, before it was too late. There was still a chance that he could escape. That they would still be at port, and that he could make it to land. There on land he would be safe.
With all of his strength William began rocking the barrel to and fro. It didn’t take long to catch the attention of the pirate that was in the room. As soon as the barrel toppled over William spilled out. The pirate was waiting and as soon as William was on the floor, the pirate was upon him and had him in a tight hold. He was then taken to the captains cabin. The captains cabin was dark, being lit by a single lantern that hung over a table in the middle of the room that was covered with old maps and sea charts. The captain was standing over the table looking over the maps. He looked up when he hear his door open.
“Well what have we here? A stowaway? No wait, you look familiar. Hahaha, you are from the village that we just took.” The captains laugh seemed to shake the very walls of the cabin.
“Well lad if you wanted to stay aboard so bad why didn’t you speak up?” The captain then walked over to the boy and looked him up and down.
“You seem like you have a strong back lad, you will work aboard this ship till I say otherwise. You will do as I say or you will be pushed overboard. Do you understand?”
“Y-yes sir.” William said. “If I may sir, what happened to my mother?”
“Hahaha, what happened to your mother? She was sold in Port Undril of course. What is your name boy?”
“William, William Flint sir.”
“Aye William Flint, you shall never again leave this ship.”
The first mate of the ship then came into the room and took William back out of the cabin and told him the duties that he would be responsible for. It didn’t take long for William to catch onto the pirate’s life, though he disliked all the needless killing, and the selling of people into slavery. William soon became good at what he was doing and the captain made him the first mate, after the last one was killed on a raid of a village.
It wasn’t long after that, that William started to hate the captain more and more. The way he burned the towns he attacked after the people told him everything they knew. William began to think of ways that he could escape. He then remembered one day he overheard some of the crew talking about how the captain had a magical horn that could create a think fog. William remembered on more then one occasion when they had disappeared into a fog that seemed to come out of nowhere.
It took William another three months of discrete searching of the ship to find this magical horn that the captain possessed. He finally found it in a medium sized box in the captain’s cabin. Now that he knew that the horn existed he had to think of a way to get it out of the cabin and somehow make his escape.
The opportunity presented itself sooner then William would have thought. It was the next week that they were going to attack another ship that was transporting a noble family. When the Dragoneye approached the other ship, pirates immediately began swinging over to the other ship and attacking the crew. It was when the battle seemed to be going in their favor that the captain of the Dragoneye went over to “negotiate” with the other captain. During this time William ran into the captains chamber and grabbed the horn, he couldn’t seem to break the lock that was on the box so he took box and all. He then tucked box under his arm and ran over to the nobles ship in hopes of escaping on a launch during the confusion.
When William boarded the nobles ship, he was admist a large battle. Several members of the nobles crew attacked them, but William managed to fight them off with ease. He circled the deck of the ship, but no launches were to be found. Cursing his luck william decided that he had come this far, he would swim if he had to. He then took out the box with the horn in it. It appeared to have some sort of writing on it that was illuminated by the moonlight. It appeared to say in elven speak of freedom and you shall recieve it. William quick witted as he was, spoke the elven word of freedom. All of a sudden the box began to shake and jump around in his hand. William quickly threw it into the water. Then before his eyes the box opened up and folded out into a boat.
William stared at the magical boat in wonderment, for upon the seat was the horn, with a note placed under it. The shouting of the battle snapped him out of his daze, and he leaped from the ship into the water and climbed into the boat. He read the note and it spoke of how to activate the two different types of boat that could be created. William then began to row away from the boat. Once he was a good distence away, he picked up the horn and began to blow. As he blew a great noise sounded through the night, and a thick fog began to bellow fourth from the horn.
Once William made it to close to land, he spoke the command word to collapse the boat. From here he would swim ashore, so that it would be eaiser to sneak ashore and into town. Once William made it ashore, he escaped into town and he didn’t stop there he moved inland. He had never been that far inland for as long as he could remember. He kept on the move, but he always felt a longing for the sea. He knew that deep down in his heart that he would want to once again sail the seas, but for that he would need his own ship. William thought for a bit as to where the best place to procure a ship. Port Undril came to mind, it was just large enough that he could go unnoticed but small enough to not attract too much attention. William then set out for the long overland journey for Port Undril.
When William reached Port Undril, he knew immediately that it was a bad decision. The city was in the middle of a power struggle, the two main groups were fighting for control of the city. William went to the docks to scope out the ships, seeing which one he may take a fancy too. William went to a tavern to rent a room for the night, when he went to bed his thoughts drifted to his mother. It had been just ten years ago that she had been sold in this very city. With that last thought William shot up from bed. He may be able to find out some information as to what happened to slaves sold in the city, and maybe, just maybe if he was lucky he may just find out what happened to her.
With that William jumped out of bed and went outside and went down to where he went to sell slaves when he was part of the Dragoneye’s crew. The man in the back of the tavern immediately recognized him as the first mate of the Dragoneye. William denies that he is the first mate, but the man’s memory was too sharp. William sensing defeat came clean and admitted that he was once the first mate of the Dragoneye, but he was no longer. When the man tells William that he has no contact with those that buy merchandise from him, William becomes disgusted. The conversation ends with William walking away in anger.
The slave dealer, unbeknownst to William is actually an agent of Hand of the Understar. He also knows the captain of the Dragoneye well, and that if his first mate left alive....things didn’t go well for the captain. When Eledri was found slain, the slave dealer knew whom he could blame the death on. William must have somehow found out who he worked for and he must be behind the murder...
Stormbrand
04-20-08, 03:43 PM Break your work up into smaller paragraphs. An amorpheous blob of text is very hard on the eyes.

Once you've done that it will be easier to read and thus comment on.
Drackthor
04-23-08, 12:05 AM Break your work up into smaller paragraphs. An amorpheous blob of text is very hard on the eyes.

Once you've done that it will be easier to read and thus comment on.

Agreed. I got up to the part where he found out about a magical horn that summons a fog before I couldn't keep reading.
VampyresThrenody
04-24-08, 10:55 AM I've found that the best way to keep interest is only half words. The other half is presentation.

Find a way to make all paragraphs short as hell for a forum write up. Break them up whenever it seems to make sense, more then say 5-6 lines and its too long.

Also bolding, coloring, italics and underlines all make reading easier. I think its the breakup of monotony that helps this.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Gabriel06 04-17-08, 12:02 AM	The Lyrandar family was a powerful merchant family that controlled a fleet of merchant vessels that were responsible for most of the shipping done between Yrin and Aerinthir. The family had power and money enough to spare. They lived like nobels with a large mansion from where they controlled their shipping empire. They even owned their own means of production, a dry dock with some 200 workers and designers and craftspeople that could construct a new ship in little under a month. Everything seemed to be fine on the surface, but like the sea which they controlled trouble is often just below the surface. The current head of the family Balthier Lyrandar, is a lecherous man who has many mistresses. He believes that he has kept his affairs well hidden from his wife, but it became common knowledge when one of Balthiers children, Marquis, walked in one his father while he was entertaining one of his mistresses. Balthiers wife holds her tongue for the time being waiting till she has some actual proof of his infidelity. A child she reckons would be just needs to prove such a thing and use it to disgrace him. Then perhaps with some clever planning she may be able to take over the family and instill herself as the leader of the shipping business. It was luck that made Lady Lyrandar’s wish come true; for soon after Marquises tenth birthday that one of Balthiers mistresses, Martina, gave birth to a boy, William. When the she came to Balthier with the proposal that he leave his wife and that they could run away together, Balthier laughed at the idea. He told her that the baby was a mistake that he would soon have rectified. The next night in Martina’s room that a tavern owner rented out to her in exchange for her working as a maid and a cook in his tavern, a man dressed in black entered with blade drawn. He stumbled over a chair that wasn’t quite pushed in all the way. It didn’t make much noise but it made enough. Martina was awakened to the sight of the man in black with a dagger in his hands. With the strength that only a mother can possess when protecting her young she darts up out of bed and snatches up her baby and rushes towards the man and pushes him over. She then runs out the door and down the stairs out into the streets. The sound of the struggle alerts several of the patrons below in the tavern and they alert the city guard. The guard arrives just as the man in black is coming down the stairs. They chase him down and capture him. Martina was running through the streets, running where she doesn’t know. When she comes to her senses and the shock of someone trying to kill her, she realizes that the man must have been after her baby not her. That can mean only one thing. Balthier must have sent him, and he wants her and her baby dead. She decided that she must move away from here to keep her William safe. She went on the run for a year, always fearing that Balthier’s men would be one step behind her no matter where she went. But little did she know that after the first attempt Balthier thought that she would go on the run and that she wouldn’t ever come to him go, besides he had more important things to worry about, like trying to keep the knowledge that he had another child away from his wife. Meanwhile Martina had finally settled down in a small coastal village. She started to get settled into the life of a barmaid again all the while her boy was growing. twelve years went by and the boy grew into a strong lad who helped out at the docks, tying off ships that would come in and unloading and loading ships. It was a year later late at night that an unmarked ship sailed into the harbor and docked. The port master came up to the ship to see what they were doing arriving so late. Another ship wasn’t due till tomorrow morning. Suddenly he fell over with a arrow buried deeply in his head. Pirates began pouring out of the ship and before the town had a chance to respond the pirates were upon them. It was a quick battle the town guard was caught off guard and didn’t have time to mount a proper defense and repel the attack. The pirates went house to house stealing what valuables were to be found and dragging the people out of their homes and gathering them in the center of town. The pirates made their way to the lord of the town’s house and dragged him out and awaited the captain to arrive. After the entire town was gathered together the captain made his way into the town. He was a tall man standing well over six feet tall, wearing dark colored cloths with a tri-pointed hat. His most striking feature other then the highly decorated sword that hung from his belt was his eyes. They were as ever changing as the sea, never settling on anything for too long and they were of the deepest blue color. The captain looked over the townspeople eyeing each one individually. He called over some of his men and had them take the men women and older children back to the ship. The rest of the people of the town were interrogated to find if there were any other places where valuables would be kept in the town. They were told that if they cooperated that they would be let go. Pirates however are not ones to keep their word. After the captain made his way back to the ship he ordered the ship back out to open water. Martina and William meanwhile were locked in room in the hold of the ship along with the thirty others that were taken. After about a day of sea travel, a large man appeared at the door and told them that they were to assemble on deck. A group of pirates then rushed in with blades drawn and led them up to the deck. On the deck of the great ship, pirates were milling about working on pulling lines and tying them down to lower the sails. All of a sudden a door opened and out from behind the door stepped the captain. Suddenly all activity stopped on deck and the pirates looked up to the captain. “Back to work you lazy fools” The captain shouted in a gravelly and deep voice. “Welcome to the Dragoneye” Now addressing the townspeople. “Tomorrow we will arrive at Port Undril, where upon you all will be sold as slaves to whoever will take you.” This caused a stir among the people and some of them demanded that they be released. William became frightened at the prospect of becoming a slave and ideas of escape began to run through his mind. “So you wish to be released do you?” The captain said with an evil look in his eye. “You heard them lads, they wish to be released, so release them.” The captain said with a laugh. As he did so some pirates came up to the ones that demanded to be released and stabbed them with their swords and then led them over the side of the ship and pushed them over board. This caused some of the women to shriek and one of them fainted. Martina was one of the ones that simply screamed. William however he simply stared with hatred at the captain.” So does anyone else wish to be released then?” the captain said with another laugh. When no one else spoke the captain had them taken back below deck and locked back up in the room. Martina started crying out of worry for her son and for herself. William went to his mothers side to try to comfort her. “Don’t cry mother, we will find a way out of here, there just has to be a way out. And we will find it.” “No William we can’t, if we do manage to escape this room, we will still be on the ship with those, those, murderers. If they find us they will kill us.” Martina said with tear filled eyes. “But there just has to be a way out of here, if we could hide till we get to Port Undril, then maybe we could escape there.” William reasoned. “I am going to try to find a way out.” “No William, no don’t go.” Martina cried but it was too late William had disappeared into the shadows of the room. It was later that night when Martina was awoken by her son William. “Mother, I found a way that we can escape. I found empty barrels that we can hide in. They are sure to unload them to sell them off and get more. We will then be left on the dock or wherever they unload them. Then we can make our escape from there.” “Oh William that will work for you, but I am too big to fit into a barrel.” At that moment someone pounded on the door waking several others up. “We will be unloading soon. Make yourselves ready.” And then foot steps can be heard leading away from the room. You must go William, save yourself.” Martina says to William No, I can’t you have to come with me” William cried, his eyes beginning to well up with tears “I cannot. You have to go now before they come and find you.” With that Martina pushed William away from her with tears in her eyes. “Go.” Full of fear and anxiety, William looked back at his mother with tear filled eyes. He merely nodded and then left. He made his back to the room with the empty barrels. He managed to pry off the lid of one of them, and then climb inside. William then settled down to wait, and wait he did. For what felt like forever he waited. Time passed and he thought that any minute now he would be taken off the ship safely inside the barrel. His thoughts drifted back to his mother and he began to cry again. More time passed, and he began to wonder if he was going to spend the rest of his life here in this barrel. William then heard footsteps. They would be here to unload the empty barrels, he was sure of it. He then heard the lids being pried off the barrels. They shouldn’t be doing that William thought, these were empty barrels, all of them were empty. William began to breathe heavily, his fear coming to the surface. He had to make a break for it, before it was too late. There was still a chance that he could escape. That they would still be at port, and that he could make it to land. There on land he would be safe. With all of his strength William began rocking the barrel to and fro. It didn’t take long to catch the attention of the pirate that was in the room. As soon as the barrel toppled over William spilled out. The pirate was waiting and as soon as William was on the floor, the pirate was upon him and had him in a tight hold. He was then taken to the captains cabin. The captains cabin was dark, being lit by a single lantern that hung over a table in the middle of the room that was covered with old maps and sea charts. The captain was standing over the table looking over the maps. He looked up when he hear his door open. “Well what have we here? A stowaway? No wait, you look familiar. Hahaha, you are from the village that we just took.” The captains laugh seemed to shake the very walls of the cabin. “Well lad if you wanted to stay aboard so bad why didn’t you speak up?” The captain then walked over to the boy and looked him up and down. “You seem like you have a strong back lad, you will work aboard this ship till I say otherwise. You will do as I say or you will be pushed overboard. Do you understand?” “Y-yes sir.” William said. “If I may sir, what happened to my mother?” “Hahaha, what happened to your mother? She was sold in Port Undril of course. What is your name boy?” “William, William Flint sir.” “Aye William Flint, you shall never again leave this ship.” The first mate of the ship then came into the room and took William back out of the cabin and told him the duties that he would be responsible for. It didn’t take long for William to catch onto the pirate’s life, though he disliked all the needless killing, and the selling of people into slavery. William soon became good at what he was doing and the captain made him the first mate, after the last one was killed on a raid of a village. It wasn’t long after that, that William started to hate the captain more and more. The way he burned the towns he attacked after the people told him everything they knew. William began to think of ways that he could escape. He then remembered one day he overheard some of the crew talking about how the captain had a magical horn that could create a think fog. William remembered on more then one occasion when they had disappeared into a fog that seemed to come out of nowhere. It took William another three months of discrete searching of the ship to find this magical horn that the captain possessed. He finally found it in a medium sized box in the captain’s cabin. Now that he knew that the horn existed he had to think of a way to get it out of the cabin and somehow make his escape. The opportunity presented itself sooner then William would have thought. It was the next week that they were going to attack another ship that was transporting a noble family. When the Dragoneye approached the other ship, pirates immediately began swinging over to the other ship and attacking the crew. It was when the battle seemed to be going in their favor that the captain of the Dragoneye went over to “negotiate” with the other captain. During this time William ran into the captains chamber and grabbed the horn, he couldn’t seem to break the lock that was on the box so he took box and all. He then tucked box under his arm and ran over to the nobles ship in hopes of escaping on a launch during the confusion. When William boarded the nobles ship, he was admist a large battle. Several members of the nobles crew attacked them, but William managed to fight them off with ease. He circled the deck of the ship, but no launches were to be found. Cursing his luck william decided that he had come this far, he would swim if he had to. He then took out the box with the horn in it. It appeared to have some sort of writing on it that was illuminated by the moonlight. It appeared to say in elven speak of freedom and you shall recieve it. William quick witted as he was, spoke the elven word of freedom. All of a sudden the box began to shake and jump around in his hand. William quickly threw it into the water. Then before his eyes the box opened up and folded out into a boat. William stared at the magical boat in wonderment, for upon the seat was the horn, with a note placed under it. The shouting of the battle snapped him out of his daze, and he leaped from the ship into the water and climbed into the boat. He read the note and it spoke of how to activate the two different types of boat that could be created. William then began to row away from the boat. Once he was a good distence away, he picked up the horn and began to blow. As he blew a great noise sounded through the night, and a thick fog began to bellow fourth from the horn. Once William made it to close to land, he spoke the command word to collapse the boat. From here he would swim ashore, so that it would be eaiser to sneak ashore and into town. Once William made it ashore, he escaped into town and he didn’t stop there he moved inland. He had never been that far inland for as long as he could remember. He kept on the move, but he always felt a longing for the sea. He knew that deep down in his heart that he would want to once again sail the seas, but for that he would need his own ship. William thought for a bit as to where the best place to procure a ship. Port Undril came to mind, it was just large enough that he could go unnoticed but small enough to not attract too much attention. William then set out for the long overland journey for Port Undril. When William reached Port Undril, he knew immediately that it was a bad decision. The city was in the middle of a power struggle, the two main groups were fighting for control of the city. William went to the docks to scope out the ships, seeing which one he may take a fancy too. William went to a tavern to rent a room for the night, when he went to bed his thoughts drifted to his mother. It had been just ten years ago that she had been sold in this very city. With that last thought William shot up from bed. He may be able to find out some information as to what happened to slaves sold in the city, and maybe, just maybe if he was lucky he may just find out what happened to her. With that William jumped out of bed and went outside and went down to where he went to sell slaves when he was part of the Dragoneye’s crew. The man in the back of the tavern immediately recognized him as the first mate of the Dragoneye. William denies that he is the first mate, but the man’s memory was too sharp. William sensing defeat came clean and admitted that he was once the first mate of the Dragoneye, but he was no longer. When the man tells William that he has no contact with those that buy merchandise from him, William becomes disgusted. The conversation ends with William walking away in anger. The slave dealer, unbeknownst to William is actually an agent of Hand of the Understar. He also knows the captain of the Dragoneye well, and that if his first mate left alive....things didn’t go well for the captain. When Eledri was found slain, the slave dealer knew whom he could blame the death on. William must have somehow found out who he worked for and he must be behind the murder...
Stormbrand 04-20-08, 03:43 PM	Break your work up into smaller paragraphs. An amorpheous blob of text is very hard on the eyes. Once you've done that it will be easier to read and thus comment on.
Drackthor 04-23-08, 12:05 AM	Break your work up into smaller paragraphs. An amorpheous blob of text is very hard on the eyes. Once you've done that it will be easier to read and thus comment on. Agreed. I got up to the part where he found out about a magical horn that summons a fog before I couldn't keep reading.
VampyresThrenody 04-24-08, 10:55 AM	I've found that the best way to keep interest is only half words. The other half is presentation. Find a way to make all paragraphs short as hell for a forum write up. Break them up whenever it seems to make sense, more then say 5-6 lines and its too long. Also bolding, coloring, italics and underlines all make reading easier. I think its the breakup of monotony that helps this.