Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Galen-Leigh 03-12-05, 08:18 AM	The Biography of Gildas Leigh Forced to flee at a young age with his mother and father from the ravages of the norths cruel creatures. They soon settled in the small Thorp of Boonfarms a congregation of smaller farmer families filling out a population of only 70 in all. Being new settlers they where un-trained, his father having been a farmer and his mother a homemaker, they where defenseless and hoped that no danger lurked by. Life was hard the family being very poor had made several bad deals, and his father had even been suspected of once killing another farmer in the forest calling it "A bad accident" that the man had fallen and landed on his own Hay-fork. It was later found that the family was in-debted greatly to this fellow farmer. The family carrying the shady reputation as bad dealers and his father holding the title of "man-slayer" over his head was rather dis-heartening for young Gildas. The family had no religious inclinations and Gildas's relatives where quite loathsome leeches feigning love till they could steal from there home or walk away with a free meal. His father and mother where quite un-political, his father quoted as saying "What does it even matter? We have no say in anything, so stick to your work dreamy lad and stop reading those damn books all the time." The one good thing Gildas had going for him was that he was the first born son, and was able to freely order and sometimes bully his younger brother and sister into working for him freeing him time to visit with the Thorps retired teacher Ledormis. There he learned to speak Goblinoid and learned a great deal of the areas histories and stories. Information that would prove vital to Gilda's later on in his life when he was kidnapped by a roving band of starving goblinoids. The incident occurred one day as Gildas was surveying for silverpines a few miles in the Misty Wood. The band of several Goblins and Ruuka(Hobgoblins) quickly snatched the young lad up and beat him senseless. Stealing his boots, tunic, and pants he was forced to elad the band nude to Boonefarm. Posting a bounty of food the hobgoblins gathered a few bushels of mushrooms and corn(His mother having to plead with the other farmsteads to help). Using his skill in the Goblin language he was able to over the several days of his imprisonment, lull the goblins and orc into a false sense of security. They un-tied him and allowed him to clean there chambers. Taking his chance he ran out into the bright sunlight. Sprinting as fast as his bruised legs could carry him, rocks flying by his head as he did. Using his knowledge of the local area he fled into a covered hedgerow there he knelt and wept and pleaded with all gods who would hear. He was met with a blinding light and a voice that spoke into his ear "serve the Morning Lord Gildas" then a feeling of rejuvenation and strength swept over him leaving him tall and glowing his muscles rippling and his eyes like angry flames. The orcs and goblins came soon after and Gildas bellowed at them stepping from behind the hedgerow. Holding a small pile of stones and other rocks in one arm he threw them with the other harder then he could believe possible. Orc heads snapped back with sickening pops as the stone collided with forheads and chins and when he exausted his ammo he charged roaring into Melee wrestling a rather gnarled looking goblin to the ground stealing its spear skewering it and fighting off several other goblins before they fled. After the combat had ended he fell down exausted his body returning to its normal size and the pain of his bruises and wounds returning. The last whisps of Lathanders strengthening spell leaving him with a terrible migraine. Before darkness took him he pledged from that day on to serve the Morninglord Lathander till the day he died. Now an adult of 17, his vow to Lathander and his apparent miracle of having survived being kidnapped caused him to leave Boonefarm. Saying goodbye to his parents and siblings, promising to send money when he could. Before he left Ledormis his wisend old teacher approached him and stuffed a rolled parchment into his hands "A map to waterdeep, seek out the Spires of Morning" he said and for the first time Ledormis smiled his old face wrinkling up as he did and he walked away. Gildas set out on the rugged dirt trail wearing his brown tunic, breeches, and weather beaten cloak. "Its time to shine." he said. The road ignored him. to be continued... -Ryan Thomas 2005
b6 03-13-05, 02:10 AM	alright, i will start narrow and broaden out with this post, but only because i feel like being slightly nit-picky up front. (sorry :/) you really need to load this up into Word or some other program with both spelling and grammar checkers, because there are some places where the story bogs down. not only that, but sometimes the hyphens aren't necessary, and that is a bit distracting. however, now that the grammar nazi within me is appeased, i have some much better ctiticism to give you. i think, honestly, that one occasion might not be enough to make a full awakend and believing/devout character. furthermore, i wondered how he knew exactly which god spoke to him? if the god did talk to him, and told him his name, that needs to be specified. that is significant to say the least. however, i have the feeling that this was just the first instance where Gildas felt compelled to honestly pray, and this particular god just happened to have mercy on him and helped. was Lathander a god Gildas had worshipped before? this might be important, regardless of the answer! that said, i think a bit more length (a BIT more) would help you here. you give so much backstory initially that really didn't move anywhere. i know you like it because it's descriptive and shows his family, but this is not about the family; it is about Gildas. tell us more of how he grew to know this god. what happened after he used the might of the god's arm and some common stones? what was the next manifestation? maybe trim up the top, then work in the next "miracle" as you call them. that is my suggestion there. overall, i think it has potential, but there is only one exciting moment in the story, and i think that is why you feel your character background needs more work. when i first read it, i found myself skimming the first 3ish paragraphs just trying to get to an interesting passage. if you do this, too, then there is your answer. show me why this guy is worth my interest. tell me whether his father made it a habit of having "accidents" with his acquaintances. spice it up! if you do that, you'll be fine.
Galen-Leigh 03-13-05, 10:24 AM	thank you SO much! :) You're right, I need to get some more detail and work the grammar. I want this puppy to shine :) edit: I updated spelling and a bit of grammar and fleshed out a few details on the first copy up above.
Galen-Leigh 03-13-05, 02:30 PM	The comment about being bored by the first 3 paragraphs makes sense. Most novels I enjoy start off with ACTION. I'm gonna think up a bit of action...Perhaps describe breiefly something horrific the norths monsters did to cause the Leigh family to move south.
b6 03-13-05, 03:38 PM	so far, the changes look good, though now with a different main character name, much of my post looks silly. :P anyway, keep up the good work, and i like the most recent idea. kick things off strongly, and you can afford a bit of slowness after that. keep going. youre doing well.
Galen-Leigh 03-13-05, 05:09 PM	so far, the changes look good, though now with a different main character name, much of my post looks silly. :P anyway, keep up the good work, and i like the most recent idea. kick things off strongly, and you can afford a bit of slowness after that. keep going. youre doing well. He was originally Gildas....then I realized I registered with Gilden! so..i've been fighting with Gilden and Gildas :D Its really quite silly, but I plan on solving that dispute now...Heads Gilden..tails gildas... /flips coin GILDAS = o
Galen-Leigh 03-13-05, 06:15 PM	Here we go....3..2..1..Action! The Biography of Gildas Leigh "WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!" bellowd out a deep voice in the dark time just before dawn. A series of bells began to ring and Gildas's eyes flashed up causing him to sit up so quick he smashed his head on the bunk above him. His younger brother and sister where already awake screaming. An armored man burst into the cottage and thrust a spear into him and his fathers hands "Fight for your lives, the orcs attack!" the man yelled and turned running out of the cottage. All about the village screaming rang out and fires began to burn. Orcs clad in black seemed to be behind every tree. Gildas ran close behind his father around the house an orc clad in a dark cloak turned and let out a war whoop charging at them with its obsidian bladed axe. Gildas's father shoved him ahead and turned to run leaving Gildas to die with the orc. He would of died had not the first rays of sunlight shone over the hills causing the orc to squint and miss his first attack. Gildas however frozen with fear managed to push his spear forward. The metal head caught the orc under the ribs and the creatures charging speed impaled it. Gildas backed away as it kicked and roared up at him before the life fled from its bleeding eyes. Crys of victory began to go around the small village. The orcs where fleeing as dawn appeared. Gildas slumped down and lay in a pool of sunlight stunned as he looked at the cottages afire and the corpses of both orc and human all around. Darkness took him. Soon after this the Leigh family decided it was time to move on. They settled in the small Thorp of Boonfarms a congregation of smaller farmer families SE of Waterdeep along the outskirts of Misty Forest. The apopulation was small consiting of only seventy people in all. His father who Gildas loathed ever since the encounter with the orcs had carried on his cowardly ways. He'd been suspected of once killing another farmer in the forest calling it "A bad accident" that the man had fallen and landed on his own Hay-fork. It was later found that the family was in-debted greatly to this fellow farmer. The family carrying the shady reputation as bad dealers and his father holding the title of "man-slayer" over his head was rather dis-heartening for young Gildas. The family had no religious inclinations and Gildas's only spiritual guide was the rising sun. A symbol he had come to associate with safety, warmth, and life. relatives where quite loathsome leeches feigning love till they could steal from there home or walk away with a free meal. His father and mother where quite un-political, his father quoted as saying "What does it even matter? We have no say in anything, so stick to your work dreamy lad and stop reading those damn books all the time." The one good thing Gildas had going for him was that he was the first born son, and was able to freely order and sometimes bully his younger brother and sister into working for him freeing him time to visit with the Thorps retired teacher Ledormis an old man with a heavily wrinkled face that lived in a small cottage on the outskirts of the settlement. There he learned to speak Goblinoid and learned a great deal of the areas histories and stories. Information that would prove vital to Gilda's later on in his life when he was kidnapped by a roving band of starving goblinoids. The incident occurred one day as Gildas was surveying for silverpines a few miles in the Misty Wood. The band of several Goblins and Ruuka(Hobgoblins) quickly snatched the young lad up and beat him senseless. Stealing his boots, tunic, and pants he was forced to elad the band nude to Boonefarm. Posting a bounty of food the hobgoblins gathered a few bushels of mushrooms and corn(His mother having to plead with the other farmsteads to help). Using his skill in the Goblin language he was able to over the several days of his imprisonment, lull the goblins and orc into a false sense of security. They un-tied him and allowed him to clean there chambers. Taking his chance he ran out into the bright sunlight. Sprinting as fast as his bruised legs could carry him, rocks flying by his head as he did. Using his knowledge of the local area he fled into a covered hedgerow there he knelt and wept and pleaded with all gods who would hear. He was met with a blinding light and a voice that spoke into his ear "serve the Morning Lord Gildas" then a feeling of rejuvenation and strength swept over him leaving him tall and glowing his muscles rippling and his eyes like angry flames. The orcs and goblins came soon after and Gildas bellowed at them stepping from behind the hedgerow. Holding a small pile of stones and other rocks in one arm he threw them with the other harder then he could believe possible. Orc heads snapped back with sickening pops as the stone collided with forheads and chins and when he exausted his ammo he charged roaring into Melee wrestling a rather gnarled looking goblin to the ground stealing its spear skewering it and fighting off several other goblins before they fled. After the combat had ended he fell down exausted his body returning to its normal size and the pain of his bruises and wounds returning. The last whisps of Lathanders strengthening spell leaving him with a terrible migraine. Before darkness took him he pledged from that day on to serve the Morninglord Lathander till the day he died. Now an adult of 17, his vow to Lathander and his apparent miracle of having survived being kidnapped caused him to leave Boonefarm. Saying goodbye to his parents and siblings, promising to send money when he could. Before he left Ledormis his wisend old teacher approached him and stuffed a rolled parchment into his hands "A map to waterdeep, seek out the Spires of Morning" he said and for the first time Ledormis smiled his old face wrinkling up as he did and he walked away. Gildas set out on the rugged dirt trail wearing his brown tunic, breeches, and weather beaten cloak. "Its time to shine." he said. The road ignored him. to be continued... -Ryan Thomas 2005 March 11