Plz review my Background [Archive] - Wizards Community

Plz review my Background [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Jsmit4
08-26-06, 01:45 AM I am about to join a whole new group to play the Age of Worms adventure path. I will have to read my backgroud out to the rest of the group and would like to really impress them. I will be playing a Tiefling 1 Ro / 3 Ranger. I was asked that my background explain why a Tiefling will be looking for an adventuring party to join. Why has he moved away from the evil that is inherent in his race. Why is the character in Diamond lake area (this is a mining town that is sort of the home base for everyone so far). This is what I have. Iam afraid its to much on the steotplical side and any help I would really be thankful for.

Background
I grew up in the ruff Town of Diamond Lake and I learned very quickly that I was not like other children. I have never known who my parents were. While other children went home to their parents, I slept in the back alleys and decaying derelict buildings. I got food were I could but I was always alone. The local churches would look at me and wonder do we help feed him or try to get rid of the evil that I represented. Even other street people would yell and throw things at me. I was an outcast from everyone. I grew bitter and angry. I lost faith in humans and grew very distrustful of people. Then eleven years ago when I was fifteen I met a man who would change my life forever.
I thought to steal some apples from his cart but was caught red handed so to speak. I had never seen anyone move so fast one minute I was reaching for an apple the next I was being lifted off the ground by my collar. I closed my eyes waiting for him to hit me but it never came. Instead I found myself looking into the ice blue eyes of a middle age man with salt and pepper hair. Again I waited for the yelling and name calling to start but he only continued to look at me.
Then he spoke, “If your hungry and want food I can use some help in town. Earn it and I will feed you.” To this day I do not know what he saw in me that others did not but I helped him for three days in town and on the fourth day as he was getting ready to leave he looked at me and said, “I live out in the woods well away from town. If you’re willing you can come live with me. There will always be food and a warm bed for you to sleep in but know this you will work and do as I say when I say it, no back talk. If you can agree to this then you may come.”
I spent the last eleven years with him. He taught me how to track and live off the land, even how to listen to what the animals of the woods have to tell you. I found out that he was the towns’ hidden protector. He would bargain or trade with the creatures he could and fight off the ones he could not.
It is because of him I learned self-reliance and confidence in myself. I knew I was not this evil creature that the town thought of me. I also vowed to myself that one day I would be welcomed and accepted as a member of the town.
Then six weeks ago I awoke to find a note saying that he would be gone for a week or two at the most and that he was sorry for leavening so abruptly and that he left me a gift. The gift is this bow and armor, you see both are magical. They were items that were found by him when he was younger and use to go adventuring. It has been four weeks since he was supposed to be back and I have come back to ask around town to see if anyone has seen him. I must find him he is the only family that I have.
Character Traits:
Standoffish, and distance takes a while to warm up to people but will jump in if he see someone who is being picked on. Has a weak spot for children (who typically are fearful of him). Only fights battles when necessary; doesn't provoke others and takes most insults. Does not hesitate to help out, does so with little or no expectation of reward. He is driven to prove himself to other people so that he can be accepted.

Appearance
He is a 26 year old male who stands at 6'2" and is well built, with broad shoulders. His face is well defined and he could be said to be quite handsome if not for the brooding look that is always on his face. He has long pitch black hair that is tied back into a ponytail. He would pass for a normal human if not for the fact that his skin is all red. Most folks could even over look his strange color but it is his eyes that make people uncomfortable. They are all black with no pupils. Most people can not look into them long because they swear they can see things not meant to been seen in there bottomless depths.
Draegun Fury
08-30-06, 02:51 PM Congratz on a fine and detailed history.

Now, a few things.

Yes, it can be a bit cliche in places, like having no parents, etc. etc.

This can be changed or not, depending on what you want. Perhaps you no your father full well and that is why you left? Of course to take this road you would have to up all the ages a bit.
Ran away at 8.
Met the Old Man at 12 (fifteen actually seems a bit old for this bit).
Lived with him till present.

Really, it is not necesary, but it is an option.

The only thing I really didn't like was the Old Man's dialect, it sounded, for lack of a better word, seedy.

Instead of:

“I live out in the woods well away from town. If you’re willing you can come live with me. There will always be food and a warm bed for you to sleep in but know this you will work and do as I say when I say it, no back talk. If you can agree to this then you may come.”
I spent the last eleven years with him.

Try:

"You see those woods, in lies my home, about a half day's walk, if you need work I can put you up for a while. Just follow the river, she'll lead you to my stead." With that he was gone.
At first I was reluctant to take him up on his offer, but has my hunger grew and the town persisted in its taunts, I decided to follow the river.
That was eleven years ago.

Again just a suggestion.
I really like the character description, but I think you need to go into a bit more depth about his eyes.
Also, does your DM know you are giving yourself Magic Items? If not, change that bit right away, otherwise just try to make it a little more dramatic.
If he left you a bow and armor, then wow cool. But if he left you a MAGIC BOW and MAGIC ARMOR, then WHOOHOOO HELL F'KEN YEAH!!!!! *Does Backflip* *Runs out and shoots something!* *Puts on helmt and charges head first at tree* "Ahem!" sorry, you get the point though. Go into detail about the gifts and your reaction.

Perhaps it isn't a happy over the moon, perhaps by recieving such a gift you know deep down in your heart of hearts that whereever he's gone, he isn't coming back?

Just some ideas.

Cheers.
Jsmit4
09-02-06, 01:04 AM Hey thank you for the input. I really like the old man stuff sounds a lot reaer. Is that a word? Anyway it makes it sound like something someone would say to someone else. I will be using it and I will add a footnote to my printed background so thank you very much. I was worried about the way it sounded even my wife said it sounded kinda off lol. I also really need to redo my math lol 15 is really old isnt it. Iam going to tlk with my DM about something with his parents I really didnt know what to do for them. Iam thinking of having it as he knew his dad but he was killed by the villiages after they found out he had a deamon child and having his mother be the deamon. Kinda of a twist you really dont see. The group started at 4th LV so I had money that alowed me to by magic items so I wanted to add them into my background.
Oh before I forget Congrats on the baby girl. Mine is now 19 months and it seems like yesterday that I was holding her for the first time.
Draegun Fury
09-06-06, 10:12 AM Hey, thanks for the kind words on the bub ;)
Congratz on yours too.

I like your history, it is cliche in places, but what D&D character isn't?
If I was your DM I'd have your mother as a major NPC and have her as a recurring villian.

Make your character a key to some great evil.
Then simply work in the other PC's stories to create one giant profecy/revelation that unfolds. Oooh destiny :P ;)

Well, I hope you have fun.

I'm working on an Epic PC at the moment, I've been messing around with the DIRE, LEGENDARY and PARAGON "Templates" and asked myself, what would happen if you added these to a human (I know you can't by the rules, as humans aren't animals, but it is fun to experiment :))

I now have a LEGENDARY PARAGON DIRE WAR-HUMAN! 56 HD and not a single class level! Needless to say he tough as nails, I like to think of him as the Proto-Human, what mankind would have been had they not fallen from grace.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Jsmit4 08-26-06, 01:45 AM	I am about to join a whole new group to play the Age of Worms adventure path. I will have to read my backgroud out to the rest of the group and would like to really impress them. I will be playing a Tiefling 1 Ro / 3 Ranger. I was asked that my background explain why a Tiefling will be looking for an adventuring party to join. Why has he moved away from the evil that is inherent in his race. Why is the character in Diamond lake area (this is a mining town that is sort of the home base for everyone so far). This is what I have. Iam afraid its to much on the steotplical side and any help I would really be thankful for. Background I grew up in the ruff Town of Diamond Lake and I learned very quickly that I was not like other children. I have never known who my parents were. While other children went home to their parents, I slept in the back alleys and decaying derelict buildings. I got food were I could but I was always alone. The local churches would look at me and wonder do we help feed him or try to get rid of the evil that I represented. Even other street people would yell and throw things at me. I was an outcast from everyone. I grew bitter and angry. I lost faith in humans and grew very distrustful of people. Then eleven years ago when I was fifteen I met a man who would change my life forever. I thought to steal some apples from his cart but was caught red handed so to speak. I had never seen anyone move so fast one minute I was reaching for an apple the next I was being lifted off the ground by my collar. I closed my eyes waiting for him to hit me but it never came. Instead I found myself looking into the ice blue eyes of a middle age man with salt and pepper hair. Again I waited for the yelling and name calling to start but he only continued to look at me. Then he spoke, “If your hungry and want food I can use some help in town. Earn it and I will feed you.” To this day I do not know what he saw in me that others did not but I helped him for three days in town and on the fourth day as he was getting ready to leave he looked at me and said, “I live out in the woods well away from town. If you’re willing you can come live with me. There will always be food and a warm bed for you to sleep in but know this you will work and do as I say when I say it, no back talk. If you can agree to this then you may come.” I spent the last eleven years with him. He taught me how to track and live off the land, even how to listen to what the animals of the woods have to tell you. I found out that he was the towns’ hidden protector. He would bargain or trade with the creatures he could and fight off the ones he could not. It is because of him I learned self-reliance and confidence in myself. I knew I was not this evil creature that the town thought of me. I also vowed to myself that one day I would be welcomed and accepted as a member of the town. Then six weeks ago I awoke to find a note saying that he would be gone for a week or two at the most and that he was sorry for leavening so abruptly and that he left me a gift. The gift is this bow and armor, you see both are magical. They were items that were found by him when he was younger and use to go adventuring. It has been four weeks since he was supposed to be back and I have come back to ask around town to see if anyone has seen him. I must find him he is the only family that I have. Character Traits: Standoffish, and distance takes a while to warm up to people but will jump in if he see someone who is being picked on. Has a weak spot for children (who typically are fearful of him). Only fights battles when necessary; doesn't provoke others and takes most insults. Does not hesitate to help out, does so with little or no expectation of reward. He is driven to prove himself to other people so that he can be accepted. Appearance He is a 26 year old male who stands at 6'2" and is well built, with broad shoulders. His face is well defined and he could be said to be quite handsome if not for the brooding look that is always on his face. He has long pitch black hair that is tied back into a ponytail. He would pass for a normal human if not for the fact that his skin is all red. Most folks could even over look his strange color but it is his eyes that make people uncomfortable. They are all black with no pupils. Most people can not look into them long because they swear they can see things not meant to been seen in there bottomless depths.
Draegun Fury 08-30-06, 02:51 PM	Congratz on a fine and detailed history. Now, a few things. Yes, it can be a bit cliche in places, like having no parents, etc. etc. This can be changed or not, depending on what you want. Perhaps you no your father full well and that is why you left? Of course to take this road you would have to up all the ages a bit. Ran away at 8. Met the Old Man at 12 (fifteen actually seems a bit old for this bit). Lived with him till present. Really, it is not necesary, but it is an option. The only thing I really didn't like was the Old Man's dialect, it sounded, for lack of a better word, seedy. Instead of: “I live out in the woods well away from town. If you’re willing you can come live with me. There will always be food and a warm bed for you to sleep in but know this you will work and do as I say when I say it, no back talk. If you can agree to this then you may come.” I spent the last eleven years with him. Try: "You see those woods, in lies my home, about a half day's walk, if you need work I can put you up for a while. Just follow the river, she'll lead you to my stead." With that he was gone. At first I was reluctant to take him up on his offer, but has my hunger grew and the town persisted in its taunts, I decided to follow the river. That was eleven years ago. Again just a suggestion. I really like the character description, but I think you need to go into a bit more depth about his eyes. Also, does your DM know you are giving yourself Magic Items? If not, change that bit right away, otherwise just try to make it a little more dramatic. If he left you a bow and armor, then wow cool. But if he left you a MAGIC BOW and MAGIC ARMOR, then WHOOHOOO HELL F'KEN YEAH!!!!! Does Backflip Runs out and shoots something! Puts on helmt and charges head first at tree "Ahem!" sorry, you get the point though. Go into detail about the gifts and your reaction. Perhaps it isn't a happy over the moon, perhaps by recieving such a gift you know deep down in your heart of hearts that whereever he's gone, he isn't coming back? Just some ideas. Cheers.
Jsmit4 09-02-06, 01:04 AM	Hey thank you for the input. I really like the old man stuff sounds a lot reaer. Is that a word? Anyway it makes it sound like something someone would say to someone else. I will be using it and I will add a footnote to my printed background so thank you very much. I was worried about the way it sounded even my wife said it sounded kinda off lol. I also really need to redo my math lol 15 is really old isnt it. Iam going to tlk with my DM about something with his parents I really didnt know what to do for them. Iam thinking of having it as he knew his dad but he was killed by the villiages after they found out he had a deamon child and having his mother be the deamon. Kinda of a twist you really dont see. The group started at 4th LV so I had money that alowed me to by magic items so I wanted to add them into my background. Oh before I forget Congrats on the baby girl. Mine is now 19 months and it seems like yesterday that I was holding her for the first time.
Draegun Fury 09-06-06, 10:12 AM	Hey, thanks for the kind words on the bub ;) Congratz on yours too. I like your history, it is cliche in places, but what D&D character isn't? If I was your DM I'd have your mother as a major NPC and have her as a recurring villian. Make your character a key to some great evil. Then simply work in the other PC's stories to create one giant profecy/revelation that unfolds. Oooh destiny :P ;) Well, I hope you have fun. I'm working on an Epic PC at the moment, I've been messing around with the DIRE, LEGENDARY and PARAGON "Templates" and asked myself, what would happen if you added these to a human (I know you can't by the rules, as humans aren't animals, but it is fun to experiment :)) I now have a LEGENDARY PARAGON DIRE WAR-HUMAN! 56 HD and not a single class level! Needless to say he tough as nails, I like to think of him as the Proto-Human, what mankind would have been had they not fallen from grace.