Post/Author/DateTime	Post
TheJackOfSpades 09-24-07, 06:33 PM	Tell me what you think. First, the typed backstory- Half human. Half orc. Half... Something else entirely. My name is Keith. My other name is Halzor. I am not, by any means, entirely humanoid. I was born to an orcish father, and a human mother. My father used to beat my mother to a pulp. I tried to help her, once. I was 10. That's when he started beating me too. My courage inspired my brother to try and help at the same time. He was only 8. Being younger didn't grant him any more protection than it did me. He never beat us when mother was present. That was one thing that she would not let him do. Instead he would wait for her to go out, then have his field day. And the marks? Well we were told to tell mother it was from children at school. She didn't believe us, of course, but it made it a lot harder for her to stand up to him when we were the ones feeding her stories. Truth is, I only lost 1 fight to another child. I was 17 then, my mother being gone for a full 5 years. For a long time I hated her for leaving. Finally I realized it wasn't because of the physical pain, but the pain of seeing us. When I lost the fight my father nearly beat me to death for the disgrace. He probably would have, if not for my brother walking in and taking some of the pain for me. That was the night I met Halzor. I was in my room, tears of anger running down my face, when he approached me. He never lied to me, or tried to decieve me in the slightest. He told me the truth. He was a demon. He could help me become stronger, mentor me. Make sure that this never happened again. He also was honest about his price. He wanted partial control over my body. I don't know why, but I trusted him. Probably because he was honest with me. Doesn't matter. What does matter is that he now resides within me. He is me. The details of who is who are a little sketchy, to say the least. At first it was very obvious, and it still is at times. If I am extremely scared or angry, he has complete control. I give it to him. He does what he has to do to keep us safe. It's the rest of the time that I'm not so sure about. At this point it seems like a shared control of sorts. He'll think something and I'll say it, as though it were my thought all along. Even I don't know at this point. Maybe we've been a part of each other so long that there is no clear line between us. Like I said, often, if he wants control, I give it to him. Other times he takes it. The first time he did it without asking I was scared that he would do it all the time now, and go back on his word. He doesn't. He has only done it twice without me asking. The first was just 3 days after I met him. My father had begun another one of his drunken beatings, with no reason behind it, when I felt my body move itself, and I couldn't stop or change the movement. Within minutes my father was dead. That was when my brother looked at me and said three words that I will never forget. "What are you?" he asked. I told him I wasn't entirely sure, and told him about Halzor. He accepted the response and helped me to drag the body into the woods. The other time that Halzor took control was with no preamble, no warning. I glanced down an alley and saw a man hitting a woman, forcing himself onto her, into her. I didn't even have time to think. Halzor was quicker than I, and the next thing I knew there was yet another body at my feet. This time Halzor and I exchanged a few words. He admitted taking control without my approval, and appologized, but said that he couldn't help himself. I didn't argue, as I would have done the same thing. I made him promise then that he would only kill if the person truly deserved it. He said that this time the person did, and so did my father. I didn't argue. I have given him control more times than I can count; nearly every fight has been Halzor. But he has kept his promise. More than once he has asked me if the person he had just subdued deserved to be killed. The answer was always no, and he accepted that. Everyone I meet I give a chance. Halzor, not so much. He trusts no one. Well, I suppose that's not entirely true. He does trust Jakob, my brother. But he has reason to. Still, it took me far too long to convince him. I haven't even tried to convince him to trust others. Partly because I know he won't, and partly because I know that no one can ever truly stab me in the back. Maybe me, Kieth, but not the other part of me. That was the other condition we agreed on. Anyone who tries to use my friendship to harm me will be killed. So be warned, all ye who associate yourselves with me. For it is not just me who you will be answering to, if the need arises. It is me. And I am not one to play games. What do you think? I decided that I do NOT want the Devil to have any kind of alterior motives. I told my DM that I would not be happy if half way through the campaign I had to fight him. The mechanics of it we are a little shakey on, however, as we don't want the flavor to give an unfair advantage. I was thinking that maybe the Devil is unable to show himself, for whatever reason, and therefor unable to assist in more than just advising. The character will be a half-orc barbarian/warlock, who lets the Devil take control while he is raging. While not raging, the Devil advises and teaches him. This I am using the Warlock class for; taking the incantions "Otherworldly Whispers" (I think that's what it's called) to make for a reason for his knowing things he normally wouldn't. There were a few more I had looked at, but I don't have the book now so I can't really remember them. What do you guys think? Any ideas to throw in, or concerns to be addressed?
Uberwoot 09-24-07, 10:06 PM	I want your character to have my babies. The style of the story is very fitting for the content. It is, in essence, an explanation of that which is not fully understood, even by its source. My biggest complaint is that the character doesn't necessarily show a lot of emotion or depth through the narrative. I have only two sticking points. The first is the unusual nature of a domestic relationship between an orc and a human. Keith describes his parents as living together in a civilized (well, sort of) way (kids going to school, having a home together, etc.). This may be perfectly acceptable in your campaign, but given the usual nature of orcs in a usual campaign, this is extremely out of the ordinary. More likely, the orc (possibly a weak one who could not obtain the attentions of any other mates) kidnapped a woman and kept her as a domestic servant and also used her for his personal pleasure. My second sticking point is a demon who takes control for the purpose of killing a rapist. (Side note: is it a demon or a devil? You refer to it both ways during the narrative.) A demon should have no particular moral interest in the prevention of rape. Perhaps it's not a real demon? Possession is more characteristic of incorporeal undead, after all. Just a few thoughts. Reading over my own post, it seems very fragmented, so I'm not sure how helpful it is. /woot
TheJackOfSpades 09-25-07, 10:18 PM	It is, in fact, a Devil. When I was writing I wasn't fully clear on the difference, but now I know. I agree with the whole school thing, that was more a modern implication, and, more so, a slip. I do like your idea of mother being kidnapped, I think I will use that. And I really appreciate your saying I had a good idea, it actually made my day, lol. Thanks Woot. (and the appreciation comes from you being well known to critique well, not just any other poster)
Uberwoot 09-26-07, 12:08 AM	I have a reputation? Anyway. I wouldn't say it was a good idea unless I thought it to be exactly that. Of course, I am somewhat partial to characters that are just a little bit crazy. Hope you get good mileage out of that advice. /woot
Terjon of the Blue Rose 09-28-07, 12:02 AM	I like it. Uberwoot made a few good points and I'd like to hear a bit more about how you got a devil that takes on a role as guardian. Of course that's a story unto itself. Perhaps it spent time on Mechanus? Its lawful nature taking a stronger hold over it it becomes a viscious guardian creature rather than an avatar of evil? Either way it's certain that your character thought he was making a faustian pact and came up with something better. It makes for an interesting twist on the usual possesed story. Good job.
TheJackOfSpades 09-29-07, 11:37 AM	Aww shucks *blushes*. Seriously though, the only thing I could come up with was that maybe the Devil, when he was too young to defend himself, got tortured by some parental figure, or just beat on. That would explain why he helped me out, but other than that I'm drawing a blank. Any ideas accepted.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 09-29-07, 10:48 PM	Really I don't think devils have "parents" per se. More they are spawned by the plane of their existance directly. Or maybe promoted evil souls. You could go with time on mechanus as suggested earlier. You could also make it a demon of vengeance who simply chooses evil targets. Perhaps the best option though is that your demon was once a random slayer. It killed whatever it could find in whatever form it could take. It was in turn a hunted thing. Priests and paladins sought this nameless evil with an unmatched fervor. Then one day it realizes that only some of its slayings inspire such emotion. While in possession of another it kills a man, not because he is attacking a child but because he is the first thing your devil sees. As it turns upon the child it is interupted by a charging paladin. The devil is confused when the paladin allows his murder to go unpunished. In time though he comes to realize that it was the target that mattered to the mortal. He had killed an evil, abusive man and now he knows. "I can kill all the evil mortals I desire and there will be no hunt. I can revel in their deaths and pure souls will take the taint of my presence. That is enough for me. I will now choose targets from only those there are no repercussions to killing." It leaves the devil still a thing of evil but allows it to take on a controlled form. Hopefully it works for you.
TheJackOfSpades 09-30-07, 12:53 PM	Really I don't think devils have "parents" per se. More they are spawned by the plane of their existance directly. Or maybe promoted evil souls. You could go with time on mechanus as suggested earlier. You could also make it a demon of vengeance who simply chooses evil targets. Perhaps the best option though is that your demon was once a random slayer. It killed whatever it could find in whatever form it could take. It was in turn a hunted thing. Priests and paladins sought this nameless evil with an unmatched fervor. Then one day it realizes that only some of its slayings inspire such emotion. While in possession of another it kills a man, not because he is attacking a child but because he is the first thing your devil sees. As it turns upon the child it is interupted by a charging paladin. The devil is confused when the paladin allows his murder to go unpunished. In time though he comes to realize that it was the target that mattered to the mortal. He had killed an evil, abusive man and now he knows. "I can kill all the evil mortals I desire and there will be no hunt. I can revel in their deaths and pure souls will take the taint of my presence. That is enough for me. I will now choose targets from only those there are no repercussions to killing." It leaves the devil still a thing of evil but allows it to take on a controlled form. Hopefully it works for you. Actually, I really, really like that. It keeps the mechanics of Devils being evil, plays on their Lawful nature (only attacking a specific form of target) and gives him the apperance of being good. Do you think that enough of this, after a while, would actually move the Devil to LN? Maybe even good, at one point? Eventually he stopped looking at it as killing for fun (I mean, that's gotta get old, right?) and starts enjoying the feeling he gets of stopping one from doing an evil deed to one who doesn't deserve it? Either way, thanks for the addition. I'll be sure to present it to my GM as my own idea, and steal the credit. ;-).
Alodar_Advo 10-02-07, 10:22 AM	you have already had some great ideas offered to you, so I'll just add some random thoughts. Can Devils have gender? Is your Devil female? I sort of disagree with handcuffing the DM with regards to your possession. What are the drawbacks of being possessed? There is ALWAYS a price for making a deal with a (the) devil. I hope that helps.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 10-03-07, 11:29 PM	Feel free to present it as your own. As for whether sufficient time can convert your devil to nuetral or evil it depends heavily on whether your dm determines good/evil by act or intent. Devils most certainly can have gender thus the succubi/incubi and erinyes.