Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Tobbebbot 12-16-04, 09:36 AM	My wizard would say: "Knowledge is power, and the quest for knowledge never ends" What would yours be?
MisterD1223 12-16-04, 09:47 AM	My Wizard "If a sleep spell does not render your opponant unconscious. A well plased blow with an ironwood staff will."
Nurgan_the_drunked 12-16-04, 10:09 AM	My Cleric/ rogue : "Wisdom isn't knowing the answers. Wisdom is knowing the right questions"
StinkyNutz 12-16-04, 12:59 PM	My Human Cleric to an arrogant PC elf (who was going on and on about how much better elves are than humans) : "I will accomplish far more in my 50 years of life then you will in 1000". My human barbarian when after being talked at by a super intelligent PC halfling for 10 minutes: "That was a whole lot of words to say absolutely nothing."
Circon 12-16-04, 05:40 PM	Mine: "Direct intervention by deities is a very handy thing." (Champion class of GiantITP.)
Evadyn 12-16-04, 05:55 PM	My Elf Druid to a Fighter "Nature is mysterious; if you don't understand nature then you are not meant to."
Kingside_Bishop 12-16-04, 06:42 PM	Here are a few of mine: "To go everwhere is to know everything." -- Radif Mirge, Artifact Hunter Chaotic Good Human Ranger 4 / Wizard 1 / Rogue 1 / Lasher 3 / Virtuoso 2 / Spellsword 3 / Loremaster 6 "...their magics slide past me, their armies fall before me, and their souls cannot escape my wrath... for I am Death, come to reclaim the Undead.” -- Heretic, Death Come to Reclaim the UndeadLawful Good Human Ranger 1 / Paladin 4 / Fighter 2 / Hunter of the Dead 10 / Shadowdancer 3 “Observe the leaf, young initiate; once it has fallen from the tree that gave it birth, it is able to go wherever the wind needs it. Eventually, it settles into the earth, to nurture and become the tree that gives birth to the next generation of leaves, who will eventually take flight themselves. Each leaf lives through the lives of each other leaf, and so the cycle continues.” -- The Shrouded TaoistLawful Neutral Human Monk 2 / Rogue 1 / Fighter 2 / Tattooed Monk 5 / Chameleon 10 "I don't think of myself as "evil," that's just a label people put on me to make it easier for them to accept my artwork. I serve a neccessary function in society! If I could make ends meat by being a simple performer, I would! But alas, things didn't work out that way... besides, if I weren't here, who would nobles turn to in their hour of desperate need?" -- Ryn Tyrindell, the Dark JesterChaotic Evil Human Rogue 4 / Bard 1 / Assassin 8 / Sublime Chord 1 / Arcane Trickster 6 KemaihamaihaaaAAA!!!(followed by an explosive, maximized, and augmented Energy Ball) -- GokuLawful Good Human Monk 3 / Warlock 1 / Psychic Warrior 2 / Fist of Zuoken 10 / Elocator 4
JustinE12 12-16-04, 11:48 PM	my orphened elf rouge: "I can hardly remember the first ten years of my life, and I wish I could forget the next one hundred" my racist elf: "I always disagreed with my family, I always thought that dwarves were an interesting and amazing people...then I met one of you."
Ninja_Sensei 12-17-04, 10:35 AM	My very wise CG elven cleric: "Our destiny is shaped by the choices we make." - Calamar Eldanil Another member of the party about the same cleric: "One thing you have to say about Calamar... he never says anything in two words that he can't say in ten." - Narion, elven spellsword My Cheyenne shaman (in our Feng Shui campaign): "Come. We go." - Joseph Suneagle
Jalokin 12-17-04, 10:38 AM	Look at my sig, 'nuff said.
CaoSlayer 12-17-04, 02:04 PM	"the enemies of my friends are my enemies" -not a too smart dwarf.
Rinna 12-17-04, 03:41 PM	Another player's flying cat familiar, commenting on her new spell-like ability: "I can make boom." My half kender, half elf sorcerer's reply about his familiar: "So can Dameon, but I clean up after him." Rinna
Cravensson 12-17-04, 04:22 PM	Kirien Cravensson, Gray Elf Eldritch Knight: "Whoa. Sorry about that. Your beard will grow back, won't it?" Tragg Stonebeard, Dwarf Barbarian: "(Insert string of unprintable Dwarf obscenities here)" Crow, Human Ranger/Rogue: "Go away." Brother Bartholomew, Human Cleric of Chauntea: "Moooooooooo!" (*when making Turn Undead check*)
Mirikon 12-17-04, 06:25 PM	My wizard/cleric, who's patron diety is a CE god of Knowledge and War, explaining his faith to another wizard: "Chaos is both the bringer of death and the wellspring of life. Think of the fruit tree. When one prunes the smaller, weaker branches, it is a chaotic event. But, come the spring, the tree grows back, larger and stronger than before, does it not? Civilization is that tree, my friend. It is necessary for the forces of chaos to sow death, to sustain life." My Wizard/Dragon Disciple (the DM eased the prereqs), who was a human male, but died and was reincarnated as a human female, after combat with evil clerics where the claw/claw/bite routine worked wonders: "You know, these clerics don't taste half bad."
Dreaming Bard 12-17-04, 09:39 PM	NG 11-year-old human bard in regards CE Demon "He's not evil...just misunderstood." same guy (his famous catch phrase): "Ohh...storytime!!!"
Sorcerer 12-18-04, 03:14 AM	The villains (promoting a false religion started by an Illithid): "We venerate Whooshy, the god of the mighty wind!" My Sorcerer trying to start a fiight in Ravenloft. "What was that? Woosy, the god of passing wind?" My Sorcerer just before he died in a cosmopolitan underdark bar: "Yuan-ti are living proof that Drow mate with Dueregar." My Warlock, Dante. "Blood is thicker than water. Tastier too."
Ranslare 12-18-04, 01:55 PM	My Half-giant grappler introduces himself by saying " Ranslare Vegas, by my friends call me 'Slam'."
Zonorhc 12-20-04, 08:18 AM	"Dude, that felt awesome." - Braz, CN Male Human, Evo 8, Society of Sensation
Kolakuba 12-20-04, 09:53 AM	We are playing in a age of Netheril campaign, and was sent out by Karsus to kill a Faerim. Most of the archmages doubted our ability, and one of them (I believe it was someone named Sashtaim or something) asked how we were going to kill one. My brash elf barbarian immediately replied; "Archmage, I believe the best way to kill a faerim is to beat him until he is dead!!!"
SilverFoxKnows 12-20-04, 02:34 PM	from Kelta, my Ranger/Druid, formerly a Half-Orc reincarnated as a Human. "I HATE not being able to see in the dark," uttered repeatedly. Kelta to the party rogue- "Michette, make sure nobody's following us." Elf we promised to help- "Why would anyone be following you?" Kelta, after too long a pause- "Just being cautious." Elf- "Ooo-kaayyy"
Kyy'Dakh 12-20-04, 04:16 PM	Low-level interrogated guard working for BBEG: "You're just going to let us go?" My high-level CG Sorc: "Yeah, because I'm a young, idealistic fool... Though lately the emphasis has been on 'fool.'"
cerebus 12-20-04, 07:42 PM	My Abjurer 8/soon to be Rage Mage: "Steal my spellbook, will ya...Hey come back with that! Ah, BUGGER! FIREBALL!"
Nani? 12-21-04, 10:07 AM	My half elf wizard Kira Lantai who spent her life in school and has to make a life after being kicked out due to racism. "That's rude," whenever she is annoyed. After her first encounter with the Drow, "Those are not nice people." "Eeuuh" reaction of 1/2 orc barbarian after she cast grease to slip out of his grasp. "Arrghh....YOU" After our DM ruled that the prestidigitation I used to light grease on fire in the area he was in melee with two guards had caught him as well. “oops, ” All the best, Nani?
Gurthoron 12-21-04, 05:17 PM	My Were-dragon dragonslayer (long story) after seeing a blue dragon and booking after it, as heard by my allies: F**king Blue Dragons Nice doppler affect. Slaughter, my Barghast who wondered around in wolf form all the time: Hey, haven't you ever seen a talking dog before?
eudas 12-21-04, 05:50 PM	"Gold? All my gold's in the cart!" -- Telamon, as he advertises the existence of his riches to every thief within 100' while trotting around the campaign's equivalent of Sigil. eudas
Harsk 12-22-04, 12:06 PM	"Because this left me standing in antimagic with a vampire and a warrior with a big pointy stick, I felt the need to engage in a tactical retreat. There was, of course, a need to create a slight diversion as I did so, but because I couldn’t cast spells, the only real 'diversion' I could manage was squealing like a little girl and flailing my arms." ~Harsk, the 22nd level wizard, explaining his tactical approach to antimagic melee
JustinE12 12-23-04, 02:25 AM	Duelist half-succubus on the subject of power "power is like...my bra strap...its off color and it changes people"
JustinE12 12-23-04, 02:29 AM	idealistic paladin-type (is there any other kind) "theres no such thing as overzealous"
Faustus von Kai 12-23-04, 05:06 PM	Faustus von Kai, 11th level Paladin Saint who feels a nice little diplomacy check should be able to solve anything: "Come now, friend, I'm sure there's some way we can work out a peaceable negotia---" CRACK! As he's flying kicked in the face by a Githzerai. "WELL THEN DIE!" [EDIT] Might I add that after reducing him to negative hitpoints, I stabalized him at -5 and slung him over my shoulders. Shortly after, my goddess called me (so I didn't have to worry too much about the 5 Death Slaads and several other Slaads heading my direction. Limbo sucks for Paladins in that respect) and I returned to the Material Plane where I spent two weeks converting him. w00t! Was rather proud of that, paladinship-wise.
Shadowbane 12-23-04, 08:10 PM	My halfling bard " I am not afraid of the dark, I am simply just uncomfortable in it". Maybe this is one of those, Ya had to be there kinda things. It doesnt look as funny written down.
Mirikon 12-23-04, 10:42 PM	My Warforged Necromancer: I eagerly await the time when I cleanse this world of you fleshy creatures.
Faustus von Kai 12-24-04, 01:03 AM	My Warforged Necromancer: I eagerly await the time when I cleanse this world of you fleshy creatures. That's style right there. Have him form his face into something more skull-like and you've got it beat.
Persephone Imytholin 12-24-04, 05:56 AM	Fighter/rogue, above-the-law agent of the crown, smiling sweetly over her twin swords: "Please don't make me do something you'll regret."
Caiden 12-24-04, 09:10 AM	my dwarven rogue :mad: "**** me off and i'll sneak up on you in the dark when your asleep, cut your throat, and then run away if it doesn't kill you" :mad:
Arkonth 12-24-04, 12:06 PM	Dimune GoldOak my claustrophobic dwarven druid- Caves are natural, caves are good, caves aren't filled with hungry demons trying to rip the flesh from my bones to make soup, caves are not...AHHH! *jumps into fighter's arms and wildshapes into a weasel*
Tzu-Theory 12-24-04, 12:43 PM	Dionysius Vaemyr ~ High-Justicar and Devout Cleric of Helm "Its not my job to judge the damned as Kelemvor, I am just here to arrange the meeting" "It is better to be judged by one than to be carried by six." ~Tzu-Theory
TolbaneNemsoli 12-24-04, 02:34 PM	My Favorite quote from character came from my 2e Fighter/Wizard LG bladesinger elf, Rochan Valruutha, who, after defeating a black knight in an arean duel, and finding out it was the party's paladin (who was a higher level, as all single classed characteres were in those days, and was trying to teach my adimttedly arrogant and somewhat racist elf a lesson). "Sir, if I was a wrong as you say, and your cause was a noble as you say, then surely your God would have seen you prevail today. As you did not, all that we can assume is that your cause was not as noble and as pure as you thought it was. Ponder upon that as your bruises heal." and from my current character, Aza'el Blight, an Elan Psion 20, pw 1 (CN)after seeing several members of his party die while fighting the BBEG: "There is no profit in this..." Hope you like. Tolbane Nemsoli
Jastra of the clawed hand 12-25-04, 04:59 AM	"Death....is a formality" ( spoken in a deep, unsettling voice) Jerthas, Favoured Soul of Jergal
Gneral Kass 12-25-04, 07:27 PM	"That's f**king gross..." -Telean, an old PC drow rogue of mine in an evil campaign when walking in to a room and accidentally witnessing an Illithid party member eat the brain of a Bugbear. "F**king boots..." -Telean (he was rude) after using boots of teleportation to teleport through a cavern wall and directly in front a well guarded beholder nest (yeah, that's how he died too).
Lost Aeons 12-25-04, 09:27 PM	"Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil." Marro, the wizard who dabbles in demonology and occaisonally, demonolatry.
Gadodel 12-25-04, 09:50 PM	"As soon as I finish this glass of milk, I am going to split you into two!" Roric The Barbarian
JackRipper 12-26-04, 08:58 PM	"There is music in silence..." Motto of my halfling bard. He also tended to use this one-liner proudly and with a 'mysterious' voice right after he had ensorcelled another victim with his bardic music combined with subsonic feat. BTW, I like yours, Lost Aeons.
Cursed_poet 12-27-04, 02:56 AM	Trevor Lespart, Vashar Half-fiend Ur-Priest/Fiend of Possession to his two Arch-Ennemies after defeating them and bringing the Apocalypse to the Material Plane: ''You know, we all have a role to play in the Universe, and it was mine to destroye it...!'' :evillaugh
Kolakuba 12-27-04, 04:00 AM	Dionysius Vaemyr ~ High-Justicar and Devout Cleric of Helm "Its not my job to judge the damned as Kelemvor, I am just here to arrange the meeting" Man on fire- rip off, but one of the greatest movie quotes ever......
Iron_Peanut 12-28-04, 02:43 AM	My halfling barbarian Shaug, who wholly refused to drop those two skill points into literacy: - "Wizard! There are letters on this wall!" My brother's dwarf Cleric Oskar, after another party member inquired as to why he was always boozing about when he was a man (well, dwarf) of the cloth: - "I can assure you that the Priesthood of Modadin does not require a vow of temperance. Or poverty for that matter. Now, chastity is not required per say, but had you met any dwarven women you would understand why that particular vow is often taken voluntarily."
Monk_of_Fallen_Star 12-28-04, 12:36 PM	"If Art is the language through which truth speaks to us, then I am the Truth." 5th level Whisper Gnome Illusionist. "If you would tell us what we are up against then we would know!" My roommates Epic Paladin of Freedom to an Ogre Mage moments before the Epic Rogue slit said Ogre Mages throat. Me : "Whats her Charisma?" DM : 17 Me : Describe her. DM : Athletic but supple, long dark hair, emeraldine green eyes... Me : *mutters* DM is meta-gaming to get the Monk laid...... An exchange between me and my DM, after which my Epic Monk became engaged to a Seamstress of the Duchy we had just rescued from a Black Dragon. All of this while the Epic Roge and Epic Paladin of Freedom (afforementioned) were off in the tavern empragnating all of the towns single available woman.
CaptinKebler 12-29-04, 08:31 PM	as my mute ranger/fighter would say "..." wiggles his fingers "..." (darn, not working) after stabing himself in the thigh with his own short sword (Don't worry, I have Quick Draw)
Finnigan 12-30-04, 12:39 AM	My 7th level gnome wizard, Polumetis, while defending a stronghold from siege by orcs: "A ladder, how quaint ... fireball" Not exactly a character quote, but written on a stone wall outside a goblin encampment (in goblinese, of course) "Secret entrance here don't tell anyone"
Avihs 12-30-04, 06:35 PM	My 6th level halfling War/Rogue to the party reguarding the group bards miniature that kept falling off its base... "Ya got a big slot... PARTY TIME!!!!"
Violet Typhoon 12-31-04, 12:15 PM	In my first campaign, the only PCs were two Rogues (or their rough equivalent, it was half 2nd edition and half my own rules). Anyway, I clearly remember the first words that each of them uttered in character, upon entering a tavern with a pretty Half-Elf barista. Russ: "Hey chick, how'd you like to get together?" :ayyyy!: Nythus: "Well, that didn't work." :rolleyes: Those first quotes basically characterized their actions for the entire campaign, interestingly enough.
Temmogen 01-01-05, 12:46 PM	This is from my 10th Level Human Necromancer "All you corpses belong to me, I need the raw material" :rimshot: :tiphat:
Tobbebbot 01-01-05, 03:54 PM	Haven't checked back in a while, but here's another one from my wizard: "I don't kill people, they just like to run into my spells"
LandeM 01-02-05, 01:00 AM	Minotaur character with limited int/vocabulary upon meeting new people "Friend or food"
jens31288 01-04-05, 09:45 PM	"I survive, that is my job and i do it well" -dwarf rogue/barbarian
Kyy'Dakh 01-05-05, 09:47 AM	My CG sorc, after an encounter that involved getting hit with a couple flaming swords (minimized, thanks to AC buffs): "The nice thing about getting hit with flaming weapons is that they instantly cauterize the wounds they cause."
god the giant 01-05-05, 07:05 PM	My giant,God God no understand how all little races different, they all smaller then God anyway.
Daniel _the_Zodiac 01-06-05, 08:51 AM	My misanthropic dhampir fighter Christof: "Your blood will spill on the dusty floor like a lonely stable boy's seed" Gross but very much 'in-character'
Quarterstaff 01-06-05, 09:23 PM	Beef learn to trap check like cute little kenberder -beef being my int4 ogre who rolled a giant ball and chain down the trapped hallway and smashing the stairs and the kenberder being a kendar
Artoran 01-07-05, 01:26 PM	The most memorable quote was after our adventure group were declared Lords of the Lands, and we were visiting with the mayor a small town. The mayor and my minotaur warrior were in conversation, when Zott, the (secretly evil) wizard of the group, suddenly pointed at the mayor and in a sinister voice said "Bow to your lord!" Took a long time before anyone stopped laughing :) Zott later decided that the paladin, the druid of Mielikki(!) and the rest of the good aligned group, wouldent mind if he used vampiric touch on a unicorn, right in front of them. May he rest in peace :D
Lionhearted 01-07-05, 02:05 PM	Kinda off topic cause this happened in a Star Wars campain a PC was killed on a recent mission on corruscant in a encounter with some elite imperial troopers my friend (plays a soldier/hunter): then they came with their guns like kchada. dunck kchada-dunck (moves his arm like he is holding a bazooka) and we like piaowh piaowh (point his finger like a litttle gun) we runned hid even jumped out from windows and they came KCHADA-DUNCK KCHADA-DUNCK and we hid and did our Poiwh Poiwh poiwh rest of us: laughter :rofl: i think you have to see it to laugh at it
Faithless the Wonder Boy 01-07-05, 02:49 PM	Carved into a wall by a captured dwarf upon realizing how powerful the Shining Brethren, a secret society, was: "Beware the Shining Brethren, for they are the hand and we are the glove." An NPC demon-possessed Mummy Cleric's telepathic speech to us (blatantly stolen, but especially creepy since my DM was actually surprisingly good at doing voices): "You will die. Your pleas for mercy will fade out with the stars. Your descendents and your brothers and your sisters will live and die and this world will go on through its savage changes and pitiful developments. This time will pass, and birds will cry in the summer trees around a new kingdom, and these rocks of this tomb will have long fallen, and yet still be rocks - and I, no matter the thick centuries, will go on, an enemy to rocks, kingdoms, summer trees, birds, and every child of every living thing. I am known as Ath-Cain, Prince of Despair, and I shall live forever in the whirling abyss while your souls fade in the blinking of an eye." Chortchna of the Light, a half-fiend Monk in the Shining Brethren campaign: "Have either of you ever died? No? I myself have died many times. It is a purifying experience, a grand experience. Death itself is a beautiful thing, a brilliant light that permeates the consciousness. And then, a darkness begins to creep over it. A negative energy grows and grows, threatening to strangle you, to suck you away from the beauty. It is the truly heroic that manages to keep strong, hold on to the light, and never succumb to the decay that is so normally thought of standing alongside death. Understand, there is death and there is death. I have died, many times, and yet I shall live forever." Morgan Ilissanna, a very snotty (and overly rich) Wizard who liked complaining: "We are in civilized lands now, not in some godforsaken jungle where the only thing that matters is the size of your... blade..." My halfling Sorceror to the rest of the party, after deciding to go and scout first thanks to an Invisibility spell and pretty good Hide/Move Silently scores, and went up a flight of stairs only to trigger an Alarm, a Ray of Enervation (I failed the save, of course), and a hidden panel that knocked me backwards and down the flight of stairs I'd just climbed (cursing loudly the whole time): "Yeah, sure, it's fine. Nothing up there but cobwebs and dust bunnies."
ragnarofburland 01-07-05, 08:20 PM	My Halfling Ranger, after the party had been placed under seperate curses after making the mistake of robbing a witch. Mind you, The Ranger's now blind. "*wizard and cleric in the group arguing....using detect thoughts, since one of them is deaf*...they eventually fall asleep*" Ranger: "I guess I'll keep watch?"
thegreatnoname 01-08-05, 01:52 AM	My level 1 human sorc. He is woke up by the player on guard. "we have company" Another player starts yelling into the darkness for them to show themselves. My character starts yelling come out so i can eat your hearts, I will feat on your flesh, I will make you watch your heart beat it's last time, prepare for a slow death and goes running off into the darkness. A few seconds later the party hears him scream and then yell......"Im ok i just tripped
JustinE12 01-08-05, 02:23 AM	Talone the jealous rogue to paladin after he used lay on hands on Talone's girlfriend, "You keep your filthy hands off of her!"
Finch 01-08-05, 02:55 PM	Oh, sure. We could have just charmed the guy. We could have opened up his brain and simply taken the information without hurting anybody. But no, you had to freak out and kill everybody. -The party Mindbender to my Frenzied Berserker, Sean. I was shot for two points of damage with a light crossbow and failed my will save to prevent a frenzy. I ended up killing the Orc Warchief and half a dozen other Orcs. You destroyed my laboratory, put several students in the infirmary with your "experiment," nearly burned down the Alchemy building and showed a wanton disregard for the laws of alchemy, magic and this land. B+. -Professor Frink Snundleduck, Gnome wizard and professor at the College of the Arcane Order in regards to a student's final examination in Alchemy. We're going to a vampire nest, not a church picnic. So, no. You can't come with us. -Adirond Elter, Cleric and Radiant Servant of Pelor to a newly ordained Cleric who wanted to go hunting for undead.
cerebus 01-09-05, 07:56 AM	"Look it's a Dra--" --one of my player's characters, a druid I think, on the first day of Return to the Temple of Elemental Evil.
kamikaze_951 01-09-05, 09:35 PM	"Look what you, humans, have becomed!" - My Ravenloft character : a 3rd-level Chaotic Good human Ranger witch is a monster hunter. (Quote said in regard of the selfishness of most of the Ravenloft humans). "Emotions are for the weaks, the power of mana reside within the strong willed, the intelligent and the disciplined." - My favorite character : a 3rd-level Half-Blue Dragon/ Half-Drow Wizard (I know it's ****ed up, but I like special characters)
El Salvador 01-09-05, 09:48 PM	PC who warshiped a dragon diety, with a draconic name. When meeting the party for the first time. Party: What's your name, good sir? PC: It's not important. ::Later:: PC: My name is Slartebarghfast! Party: :looloo: PC: I said is wasn't important!
pres_man 01-10-05, 07:11 PM	"Thog sma..., drat! I mean, Thog sma... dang it! Thog distract." -Thog my NPC orc barbarian/cleric of Kord who seems to roll an unusually high number of single digit rolls, even when getting to roll again due to the luck domain.
Kairn83 08-20-06, 03:34 PM	Dialogue between a succubus (who had managed to trick the PC over several sessions into falling for her) and the PC himself, a knight/cleric of Helm who just discovered that his enamored is of the fiendish persuasion. Her: Hell hath no fury li- Me (interrupting): Nor heaven a rage, demon - to the abyss with ye! Or alternatively: "Yield, mercenary, and ye'll have the comfort of a fair trial in the eyes of Helm. Fight and ye'll have naught comfort but a clean death."
PiedmonSama 08-20-06, 06:13 PM	Unfortunately, none of these come from characters I play. "We will make everything metal. Everything will be metal. BLACKER THAN THE BLACKEST BLACK, TIMES INFINITY!" --Dagoth Zanagan, Warlock. Who is in no way totally based on Nathan Explosion from Dethklok Metalocalypse. (This is actually his catch phrase, which he says several times. You have to see my friend do this at the table, veins literally stand out in his neck and he turns red and we all laugh wildly while slowly inching back from him.) "That.... is.... metal." --Dagoth Zanagan. Another catchphrase of his, said after any extraordinarily violent form of death or injury is meted out by or against our party members. "I'll stay in front. I'm tough enough to take whatEEEEERGH!!! CLERIC!!!" --Chet Fezapan, human fighter. He walked into a razor wire that nearly sliced his leg down to the bone in midsentence. (This was a hallway of traps that nearly annihilated our whole party because the Rogue couldn't do his job right.) "As you can see, we're totally inept. Might as well let us go, right?" --Alleria Kanan, Draconic Elf Monk. This was said after our party archer missed the BBEG three times while she was standing in a tree and making a villainous speech. The Half-Ogre Samurai also threw his katana at her, which was spectacularly ineffective. "Try that again. Maybe it will tickle." A talkative Boneclaw who shrugged off pretty much mountains of damage before the party finally brought it down.
Saihtam 08-25-06, 08:48 AM	our party of 5 had to pass a part of a dungeon that had been flooded, so we needed to swim acros a corridor. Our rogue failed his swim checks a few times so we (me + 3 other players) are on one side of the water and the rogue is on the other side (half-drowned). We're discussing what we're going to do. player-quotes are normal, character-quotes are italic. sorcerer : Maybe someone can swim back with a rope and we can pull him through fighter : Ok, I'll go back rogue : I yell at them : Hey, what's taking so long fighter : <Gets annoyed> : I yell back :We're gonna explore the rest of the dungeon, you wait there rogue : I yell back :<puts up his middle finger>
Devlonir 08-25-06, 01:25 PM	My gnome ninja (aka minja or nidget) when he meets a new party member, a dwarf Barbarian named Angus: "Agnus? Isn't that a woman's name?" I don't have to say that the two didn't get along too well after that :P ----- Enialis Nailo, my CN elf fighter / mage / arcane archer after killing a bartender after an argument: Enialis: "It was a mercy kill!" party: "There was nothing wrong with him.." Enialis: "Nothing wrong? With a face like that, dying is a mercy.." For obvious reasons, and because it wasn't the only time he did things like that, the DM decided CE was more his alignment. Thank god we didn't have any real good aligned people in our party.
TheChilliGod 08-26-06, 01:54 AM	Kheldar Shadowstep, Halfling Rogue/Fighter: -"Wow, how'd you get your eyes to glow like that? Are you that scared of the dark?" Errathal, Warforged Fighter/Swashbuckler: -"Flesh is a design flaw." Ylatha'rak, Githzerai Druid/Master of Many Forms: -"Observe this butterfly. It has made the long journey from caterpillar to chrysalis. It has avoided birds and disease, and has managed to find enough food. All in the goal of getting a mate. It may not get one in the end, but is it not still a butterfly? "Now observe us. We are but little caterpillars now, but when we make the journey to become more powerful, regardless of whether or not we fulfill our goal, we will still be something more than we would be if we don't do anything at all. Isn't that worth the journey?" MURK, Orc Fighter: -"Black Goo Make MURK Stronger!"
Xavier_Kiath 08-26-06, 04:05 AM	I like catfolk. Strange considering how I dislike real cats. My DM has limited me to 9 in Age of Worms before I am required to play a different race. I decided to make those 9 a family. Xavier Kiath, Sorcerer: "Stop killing my friends and BURN!" casting Scorching Ray at cleric of Kyuss after the party set off two encounters at once. Died to cleric shortly thereafter. Leo Kiath, Favored Soul of Olidammara: "Why the hell doesn't this party have anyone who can just FIGHT?!" after the encouter where we realised the party's fighter type had not really been replaced after above cleric fight. Leo Kiath, Fighter: "What the ...?!?!?" when he woke up the next morning with all favored soul levels replaced by Fighter 9 (Yes, Olidammara laughed at that one). Whichever member of the Kiath family makes it to the end of AoW: "A cleric of Kyuss killed one of the Kiath tribe, so one of the Kiath tribe killed Kyuss."
JediTyler 08-26-06, 09:29 PM	My Jedi would probally say something along the lines of "He who angers you conquers you." "The single clenched fist lifted and ready, or the open hand held out and waiting. Choose: For we meet by one or the other." "There never was a good war or a bad peace."
Shaggy_Shaggs 08-27-06, 11:23 AM	Djarr, Human Werebear Barbarian... receiving a new greatclub (battering ram) that took four stout men just to carry it out to him from storage: "...Don't you have anything bigger?" after pulling an overmatched samurai ally out of a lethal duel, only for the samurai to commit seppuku afterward: "Idiot! If you weren't dead, I'd kill you!" after meeting a few different versions of himself from alternate material planes: "I was fine with having an evil twin, but did I have to have a flaming gay triplet?" preparing to rescue a frantic adult amethyst dragon from a bunch of carnivorous plants that had the dragon pinned and were draining its blood: "Stop thrashing, you big baby!" words of encouragement in a party of 10 vs army situation: "Oh come on, it's only about three hundred of them. You nine take that battalion, I'll take this one, and if you get into trouble I'll come help you after I'm done here." oft-repeated saying to his rival (a minotaur fighter) in the same party: "You know, it's been far too long since I had a good rare steak."
Lyinginbedmon 08-27-06, 09:07 PM	From my Wizard (Nicknamed the Uber-Mage, or the More-Than-Mage): "If ever you should bear fruit with a deific being, go henceforth to your libraries and take out your dictionaries of all varieties. Then, move to the 'O' section, and rip out the word 'over-protective' that the spawn may never learn of a definition for your treatment of them..." "To long have I stood in the dark whilst my creator wiled away the years confounding the laws of nature, too long have I pottered about with unimportant projects whilst I ensured the imprisonment of a repenting criminal, and too long have I watched his evil walk this earth unchallenged. I'm ready to fight" <-Regarding the 5th plot by the present BBEG (Alabaster) to take over the planet. From the party's Ex-Monk (Now deceased): "If I meet something, my plan will be to pummel it to death. If by some miracle this cannot be achieved, I will use my stupendous speed to outrun the entire party, nevermind the slowest member, the ENTIRE PARTY" "I won't resurrect them, but I'll loot their bodies and put them in funny positions" <-Actually said this in game! "Then what do you propose I do? Just sit around twiddling my thumbs when my own teammates murdered me!" <-After being told by the BBEG that he was assassinated by the party (Not true, but certainly not unlikely...) "Oh, I’m with you Alabaster, they are not going to get away with this! I’ll make them pay for what they did to me!" From the same Ex-Monk (Now 'gone over to the dark side'): "'Pretend I said something honourable'*? What was I thinking, all that was once 'honourable' left this world a long, time, ago" *His last words from his death, prior to being revived as a vampire From the party's Rogue: "Sooner or later, they all have to sleep. If they don't, then hopefully they'll combust instead" From the party's Half-Dragon Fighter: "Don't worry about outrunning the monster, worry about outrunning my blast radius!" From the party's Ranger/Sorcerer/Cleric: "Medic! I need a split personality to heal me!" <After killing a Guard during a rescue operation>"If we get some rope and pulleys, what's the odds we can make him salute whenever someone walks into the room?" <-Again, actually said this in game!
LordMongoose 08-27-06, 11:00 PM	A friend of mine, playing the classic bard with a WIS of six... Bard: "I wander over to the curio shop and go in." DM: "Okay." Bard: "I buy a bong." DM: "Uh... deduct ten gold. You now have a bong." Bard: "Cool! I cast detect magic on the bong!" DM: *rolls dice* *eyes pop open* *rolls again* *swears* "Uh, it's a greater artifact." Bard: "SWEET! I SMOKE THE BONG!" DM: *pulling out of his butt* "As the smoke rises, you see in it a vision of the armies of the Nine Hells. The vision closes in on the commander-" Bard: "Wait. Can they see me?" DM: "Uh, yes." Bard: "Cool! In my drug-addled state, I try to intimidate!" DM: *sighs* "Roll a d20." Bard: *rolls a 20* DM: "...Roll to confirm a critical success." Bard: *rolls another 20* DM: "Okay. You intimidated the entirety of the Nine Hells."
crowclub 08-28-06, 01:42 PM	..."you seen my wife?"... simple Dwarven Fighter.
ForgottenDruid 08-28-06, 05:22 PM	My Half-Elf Druid; 'I'm Neutral on the boundries that i'll never look like you' said to a half-orc
Rillian_Orvenna 08-28-06, 05:59 PM	I didn't say it but a friend of mine's favorite charictor says it all the time Marcus D'Vadalis human two weapon fighter and pompus prick When you see the goblin shout "Yark Bree" then attack. Alan D'Cannith human artificer...and pompus prick(me) What does "Yark Bree" mean? Marcus I'm pritty sure it means I surrender.
Drascin 08-28-06, 06:20 PM	From a Kamigawa-based Campaign: "You spirits have betrayed my people, murdered us in thousands, and sunk the world in suffering... Until now, I didn't really fight back, as I believed in you, in your wisdom, in your eternal knowledge of the world, that you would have some reason. But you know what, "milady"? You've open my eyes. You are nothing but conceited, self-proclaimed gods, with no greater right to rule than mortals. I'm not yielding anymore. You are NOT getting through!" --Shaiss, Orochi Fighter/Ranger/Barbarian to a spirit of death who had come to kill his friends. To the Great Red Wyrm Nylaxtreic...whatever, I can't really remember the name -.-u, after we manage to infiltrate her lair. "Hiya! Are you Nylax? How ya doing? *waves hand happily*" --Drascin, Human (and VERY carefree) Seer Or, from the same character and the party's rogue; Rogue: "I bet you your powers can't get anywhere I can't get myself! Drascin: "I dunno, but it should be fun to try! Any ideas? Rogue: *grins mischivously* Try spying on the princess while she showers! Drascin (who has already done said thing): "Nah, not worth it, she's pretty ugly without all that garment anyway. Rogue: :eek: God, I love that character :P.
Thanqol 08-29-06, 12:10 AM	"Zeal is no excuse. Zeal is it's own excuse." ~Aephero, LN Templar of Hamanu (Dark Sun). *After switching on the Android girl PC in a modern game* "Hey baby, did I just turn you on?" ;) ~Samuelation Sagitatious Solar, Angelic Rogue. "We're not pirates! We're pre-emptive nautical salvage experts!" ~Captain Silver Quick (actual name Tony Gallows). "Hey! I'm... useful!" ~Kamiel the Bard/Seeker of the Song upon gaining the Song of Fire. "Life's like a tavern. It's good for ale and women. It sucks for the fighting and nausea." ~Esred Firefox, half-Dragon Barbarian.
Grey_Mage 08-29-06, 05:17 PM	Taurin Soulseeker- Warforged paladin 3 talking to a party rogue/sorceress: "You said you were going to do WHAT to that gnome for how many gold peices?" "God, whoever you are, thank you for not giving me a sex drive and thus allowing me to use my brain." and of course "You know, I could smite you for that kind of thing but it wouldnt be very nice of me now would it? No? ohwell..." Noimaire- DD level 12 to a small mob of lesser demons: Noi:"YE SHALL NOT PASS!" Demons: *laugh maniacly* really now? Noi: "Seriously, this doors to small for your fat arses to squeeze through, how about I take a little of the sides eh?" *Hefts battleaxe* and of course: Lesser Aasimar Fighter-6 John Renolds: "Why are you asking what were going to call our "party" Is this going to be an anual event or are we going to go cleanse the temple of elemental evil for good this time?"
Wormwood 08-29-06, 09:35 PM	Current CE Rogue to a powerfull mage bend on world domination: "Take over the world? That sound absolutely boring. Taking over the distillery or red light district, those ideas have some merit in them, but the world? That will end up as janitor's job."
Lord_Varos 08-29-06, 10:29 PM	"Have you gained weight?" -Charisma 6 Dwarf Barbarian to a kindly elf maiden bringing him fruit in the woods
Nylkran 09-01-06, 01:34 PM	Before casting an Anti-Psionics Aura spell, (on he researched and the only one in existance. "You think your power is the power of the mind, let's see if you truly have the power of the mind" About the duality of knowledge. "He who knows everything fears nothing, he who knows nothing fears nothing" Darius Redford Fighter 1/Wizard 5/Eldritch Knight 10/Archmage 4 After freeing an Orc, that he knows will alert the other members of his tribe of the PC's location. "He surrendered, and no harm can be done to him, I am no judge, and I not an excutioner. I could have arrested him, but that means he would follow us in our travels, and that would put us in the danger, therefore I set him free" After the party give their arguments on why freeing him was such a bad idea. "Principles are meant to be upheld when it is inconvinient to do so, to do less would be to have no principles. And if it means that I must die in order to upheld them so be it, for a life without them is no life". Ronald Moradin Dwarf Paragon 3/Paladin 4/Divine Crusader 2/Battlesmith 1/Hammer of Moradin 10
zvbxrpl 09-02-06, 04:08 PM	My dwarven Monk/Druid: "I hate these open plains. Get me back underground, where I can hear the hum of the earth." My changeling bard, in reference to the air elemental bound to his lute: "I've always sought to endow my music with the same degree of mutability that the Traveler has blessed me with."
TheAnthroDM 09-03-06, 04:45 PM	"Honor is the only Truth!" - Evil Elven Knight NPC "Shut up! Truth is only what I tell you it is, now die!" - My Chaotic Good Beguiler at 12 HP casting Dominate Person.
Chrono Nexus 09-03-06, 05:46 PM	My human ninja: "I put the kills in skills."
Stolide 09-03-06, 07:44 PM	"So what if it is expensive, difficult, and dangerous. If it works we'll conquer the nearby area!" Vindrin, gnomish inventor on his latest plan to conquer the material plane (yes, he knows it is imposible).
Nickpire 09-04-06, 12:40 AM	A vaneran monk (from OA) to my CN Dragonkin barbarian after I slew half the evil dukes barracks in a fit of rage: "Keth, do you know why people like that keep messing with us? Because you never leave any of them alive to say "Hey, don't mess with those guys!" A conversation between 3 werewolf PC's at a bar in a game I ran: Jack (bartender): Try this, it's great! Callista: <drinks it> Oh god, that's heaven! Omo: No, that's Jack Said by one of my female gamers after arguing about human decency with a paladin: "I'm not human, I'm a woman."
Galamere 09-06-06, 05:44 AM	My old human Rogue/Barbarian, who, for his rite of passage into adulthood, had to find the best material to make a personalized weapon. 'I'll help you fight! If you have shineys...' -Jolan Shard my human Warlock who was dieing of disease and knew it. "I don't know, ask me next week." Followed by a coughing fit. - Frost
Victor_Ograygor 09-07-06, 02:52 AM	My ASSASSIN in forgotten realms Victor Ograygor 13 level Everything I need to know about life I learned from killing smart people
goatboi 09-08-06, 01:21 AM	From a CN Necromancer: I like dead people...besides, you get used to the smell...:twitch:
Dante al'Tronc 09-08-06, 01:21 PM	TN Human Druid Nature must take its course. Though I don't think it'll mind if we help it along.
Foxhengeyokai 09-08-06, 05:55 PM	My Sycthe wielding fighter: If you fear death so much, why do insist on angering me?
Grod_The_Giant 09-09-06, 08:36 AM	one of my player's characters (ugh, the ogre barbarien) 'Ugh belches and picks his nose.' "How i get name? easy. Mom looked at me after i born and said 'him ugh-' and died"
Loto_GoCeraf 09-09-06, 10:17 PM	My character has a bit of the CG naive-nature, so... Loto: "You know, you're kind of bitter." Dable: "Being raised in hell will do that to you." (As the Uluu Thalongh wraps a tentacle around his waist and pulls him toward it) "Crap, crap! Where the hell's the BARD!?" -Loto Go'Ceraf "Am I the ONLY one who HASN'T ****** off these people!?" -Loto Go'Ceraf
dominus_casuum 09-09-06, 10:35 PM	My memorable 22nd-level wizard, Ichabod, with a Wisdom of 4, had some serious quotables. "I'll summon the unholy legions of whomever I please!" -last words "Army? What army? I see no army!" (after the ENTIRE PARTY uses aid another on his Spot check): "Oh, that army." (one time stop filled with widened delayed blast fireballs later): "I see no army!"
Taninger 09-10-06, 02:33 AM	My Innocent(ly Dumb) Half-Celestial Monk in a tavern brawl: "No, no. That's not how you give a punch. *This* is how you punch somebody." Smashes foe through a wall. "Oh no! Are you okay?"
Foxhengeyokai 09-10-06, 05:23 PM	My Fox hegeyokai cleric/Wu-jen in a homebrew world, Inari is the goddess of the fox hengeyokai : Oh benevolent mother Inari, shed some of your divine grace upon this poor soul and ease his undeserved burden, Remove Curse! Chill maiden of ice and snow, lend me some of your power! Cone of cold! Voyagers from the beyond, rain destructuin upon my enemies! Meteor storm!
Rasputen_Bel_Kuhr 09-10-06, 06:04 PM	A very high level says sternly, seriously, with contained rage "Feel my cantrip!" The same mage. Blood is thicker than water, but so too is mud and wine - and sometimes they are thicker than blood too, this my friend is when you see horrible depravities committed against ones family, when one is wooed into foul deeds or coerced by the dirt one has on him.
xcalaber 09-10-06, 06:38 PM	I once player a Forest Giant Ranger with a strength in the sixties. There were two high level wizards fighting over head. My gaint came up with the brillinat idea of how to get the Arcane Archer into range to sho the one that had zapped him. "I have an idea I'll throw the ranger." the most suprising part, it worked. Now all that needs be said to get my group laughing is 'throw me.'
TheAnthroDM 09-11-06, 03:08 AM	WHAT-THE?! the half-orc cleric "My name is WHAT-THE?!" - Cleric of Grummish "You're names what the?" - Halfing the Rouge "No you say wrong, you must yell WHAT-THE?!" Funny enough at this exact moment a fireball exploded behind the person she was talking to and took out the support pillar, causing it to crash and WHAT-THE?! the great cleric of Grummish, to die. "Ohh... so that's what happens when I empower my fireball" - Mako, Aasimar Sorcerer who threw the fireball. Which was accautly widened but he used empower to mean any type of metamagic. Same Cleric sometimes before Death "WHAT-THE?! was the name of my mother, and her mother, and her mother, and her mother, and her mother, and her mother, and her mother, and her mother, and her mother, and her mother, and her mother..." WHAT-THE?! "How do we get her out of the infinite cycle" Halfing the Rouge "I'll poke her!" - Half Dragon Fighter with 20 Int.
SgtAnjay 09-11-06, 02:46 PM	The party had snuck into the enemy occupied town, snuck through alleys to the enemy headquarters, and then one of the PCs decides to stick his head in an open window. Enemies: There're at the window! PC: Crap! Shut up!
dySWN 09-14-06, 08:52 PM	This is actually more to do with my little brother's character, which I allowed him to make as a lombax (yeah, from ratchet and clank). So, me and my party were sitting around at this table, surrounded by our enemies - we had just taken on the identities of guests at this party commemorating the opening of a new Red Wizard enclave, when suddenly the leader of the bad guys asks the rogue/bard (my little brother's aforementioned caracter) what was going on in the region that he (as in the man he was impersonating) was the leader of. The wizard covertly examined his crystal ball beneath the table and looked at the conditions in the region in question, then used telepathy to relay that information to the rogue/bard... ...who promplty blurted out, much to my cleric's dismay, exactly what the wizard had told him - 'everything looks fine in my crystal ball...' My cleric/techsmith's quote o' the day: "Anything is vorpal if you get it moving fast enough."
Justanofxhobo 09-15-06, 09:04 PM	"What I can't afford to stay here? Aww....." *Thinks to himself* Fine Ill just sleep on the roof!
JulesCARV 09-16-06, 01:30 AM	I posted this before, before some forum reset, but here goes again: "I like to think of myself as a healer, spiritual guide, counselor, and advocate of the oppressed, but mostly I just end up sticking sharp pieces of metal into people, taking their stuff, and calling it a day." -- Jean-Paul of Alvegny, Aundairan half-elf paladin of the Silver Flame
roronmisthawk 09-16-06, 12:51 PM	Sabrion Silverstride, my current PC, to an aspect of tiamat: "you stupid oaf! (to green head) how do you know when your nose is running, you stupid pile of nose puke? (to black head) and you! you and ol' bogey there could mate to create a brown dragon! (to all) look, its tiamats new head, the one that spews poop and urine!" Needless to say, the other PCs were not pleased when another 3 dragons were called!
fullmetal80110 09-17-06, 04:30 AM	My SELFISH warlock "My invocations that hit you arn't misplaced, you are the target" (frequently did it to lawful chars that annoyed my complete chaos)
Satyr_at_heart 09-18-06, 03:15 AM	Van my CN half elf rogue to the LE wizard in the party after he followed him to a bar and got the assasination job he was going to get. "You sure are dumb for a wizard, 1 you trust me to kill and actually split the money with you, 2 you expect to live after this insult to my trade, 3 I paid for your inn stay, so I know where you sleep."
CharlieRock 09-19-06, 07:38 AM	my best friends dwarf monk, after flanking a group of zombies and getting counter-attacked by the ghoul that was in the back : "Zombies don't have fangs!" my fighter (i hadn't been a player for some time) to a captured kobold: "Answer ,or I'll chop you into XP."
Galamere 09-21-06, 01:08 AM	I had a good one recently. My Lancer style character came up against a bunch of fanitical Clerics as our group was trying to escape a city that had been sacked by demons. Them: "In the name of the Sun house! You are under arest! We have had reports that a band of adventurers matching your discription is responsible for releasing this hoard upon us! You will come with us at once! Our cleric: "No! We sware to you that we have come to the city to help! Why else would we have docked in the middle of this madness!" Them: "..." Our cleric: "Becides, if we were here to destroy the city why would we be fighting the?" (We had just taken down a few of the nasties, including a pair of succubi, where my problem arose) Me: "Becides, those one demons were nice!" (I have low Wis...And in his defence the succubus he was dealing with never had a chance to DO anything bad to him, only try and talk him into joining them, quite politely in fact.) Wham! I'm flame striked by the clerics, roll initive.... (and our cleric is trying to strangle me...IRL)
Razilin 09-21-06, 10:06 AM	I was DMing a group consisting of a monk, a wizard, and a half-orc barbarian. The wizard kept dying/being brought to 0 or less hit points virtually every session. It became a running gag. When the barbarian unexpectedly died in battle, the following occurred: Wizard: You want me to help you with that? Barbarian: Shut up! All you ever do is DIE!
Diffan 09-21-06, 08:11 PM	In one encounter, my compainions(a gnome illusionist, a timid female cleric of mystra, and a militant/erragant fighter) and myself(a sarcastic drow fighter) just enter a tight ravine with a narrow, swaying bridge that spans a 200ft. drop. Just as we come to the bridge we hear something stir behind us... -Jared turns, "We should definitly parley..." -the rest of the group turns to see a dozen Raksasha advancing on them. -the gnome without saying a word fires a twin-cast fireball at them causing a great deal of havoc provoking them to attack. -Jared, "What in the nine HELLS are you thinking??!!" -Gnome, "I've been wanting to do that since day one!" he says happily.
Comus 09-22-06, 12:38 AM	"Chance" Matthias (Human Sorc5/Wild Mage2/Fatespinner4): "Of course I'm in a bad mood! I came here expecting to kill a red dragon, and what happens? IT'S NOT EVIL! ******* story of my life." And, later... Me: "...and then we teleport back here with the scroll, and ol' Scaly-butt there *points to adult red dragon* can cast it." DM: "The dragon looks rather angry." Me: I look at it and tell it, "What? You're old, you've got a butt, and it's covered in giant red scales. DEAL WITH IT." Man, he's just asking for it.
theotherdraxen 09-22-06, 11:58 PM	Wizard: You want me to help you with that? Barbarian: Shut up! All you ever do is DIE! :rofl: Oh man, that is too good. Anyway, one of my favorite characters, and Aasimar Marshal/Legendary Leader would introduce himself thus: "I am Codos Iberas, Lieutenant-at-Arms of the Quay military, and Commander of the Silver Shield Legion." Then, as an afterthought, "At your service." When he was first introduced to the group, he was aligned with a human kingdom (patriotic complex character), which was at war with the elves. The party he was joining was composed of one elf, two half-elves, and one human. His first response to them was this: "I can't trust you. After all, half of you are elves."
Vanulf 09-24-06, 08:29 AM	Mathias Silverhawk, Bard on his first encounter as 1st level, to a band of orcs "Not the face" That had the party rolling on the floor and became his catchphrase from then on.
White_Mana_Dragon 09-24-06, 03:38 PM	Lvl 2 Valaner Elf Ninja aligned with House Thuranni Zephyr "I am but a mirage, go about your business" He often misses with his shuriken and hits my party's Drow Scout...EVERY TIME. 1st time: "How on Kyhber did I miss that kobold?!" 2nd time: "Why does one of my shuriken ALWAYS hit Xen'kar?" It's becoming a running joke in my party.
TheAnthroDM 09-24-06, 07:12 PM	My spirit shaman(who liked the druid waaaay to much) after casting a cure spell on our Druid for the fifth time that encounter. We were fighting ghosts. The druid has NO cure spell prepared. "You know if you'd heal yourself for once I could get rid of these spirits" "Great, the only time it helpful to touch me you want to stop"
Dareon 09-24-06, 07:46 PM	My Warlock merchant: "Well, I suppose if most of you want to go, I can go along, just to make sure that if you die your gear can be hauled to the next town." *pause for just a beat too long* "And your bodies, of course, so a priest can perform whatever rites are necessary." Another situation, as we try to activate an ancient magical wall: "Doesn't seem to be dangerous... yet. If some hideous tentacle beast reaches through and yanks the four of you in, rest assured I will not rest until I'm safely back in town telling an intrepid group of adventurers over a tableful of ale." ...Yeah, he's not the most heroic of heroes.
Imzyr 09-26-06, 11:11 AM	Zolikar Kozef: Tiefling (from Thay), Favored Soul of Bane said: "There is a fine line between inspired evil and simple depravity. Let me draw it for you." Bonzai: Dwarf, Battlerager said: "Bonzai!" he was quite stupid and that was all he could say.
Tordek 09-26-06, 01:42 PM	Kutruk Tarr, the half-orc fighter/mage "When in doubt, get on its back and stab it!" "Is it bad if we keep saying Magnar's name? I know Magnar is he-who-isn't-to-be-named, but why can't we say Magnar?"
Vanulf 09-26-06, 03:20 PM	not exactly my character but we had a Dwarf in our old AD&D group in the 80's who would walk around singing "Asmodeus, Asmodeus, Rock me Asmodeus" to the tune of Falco's "Rock me Amadeus" (If you know that song, you are officially old) until one day the DM decided to have Asmodeus show up.
Nessaj 09-26-06, 04:30 PM	we had a Dwarf in our old AD&D group in the 80's who would walk around singing "Asmodeus, Asmodeus, Rock me Asmodeus" to the tune of Falco's "Rock me Amadeus" until one day the DM decided to have Asmodeus show up. :rofl:
Gavin27 09-27-06, 12:11 AM	My Character Alairis of Rillingswood, a sprite wzd/dru/Arcane Hierophant, often argued with the other party druid about the nature of magic. "Arcane and divine magic are simply two branches of the same tree." and, "Fear them? I'm smart enough to know there are things in the world to fear...and wise enough to know sometimes you have to face them anyway."
Arkham00 09-28-06, 02:36 PM	Therion ,Shadowbane Inquisitor ,paladin of Tyr : "This is the Sentence of Tyr !" smiting his enemies with his adamantine long-axe called Sentence.
OldManWinter 09-30-06, 12:46 AM	My druid just before reincarnating a companion "I hope he comes back with a snout!"
MyNameForevermore 09-30-06, 11:42 AM	My Warforged Hexblade upon investigating a graveyard where dwarves go to train themselves with our Human Swashbuckler had a couple of interesting encounters with some zombies. DM: You enter the graveyard, there is nobody in sight except a rotting dwarf woman that stares stupidly at you. Me: I CHARGE! DM: Great, cuz it's totally your turn. Swash: I Charge. DM: You kill the zombie. Me: Damn! A few minutes later... DM: You see another zombie- Me: I CHARGE! DM: Let me finish! Me: I CHARGE!!! DM: It's four times your size! Me: ... I charge?
Eela6 10-01-06, 05:32 PM	"Zerodetus's Planar Theories may have been proved to be defunct, but I still say his treatesies on Planetouched have some merit. If you're going to constantly judge the man on the fact that half of his works were entirely fake and bereft of real research, I can't speak to you as a real scholar." Ah, yes, Logic was not this character's strong point.
Dennssharr 10-01-06, 10:06 PM	One of the great quotables that I can remember was after a young rogue had met his brother the cleric and learned that the cleric was travelling with a man of "questionable" reputation, in other words VERY WELL known. After learning the man's name he ****** his pants. The cleric replied very stoicly, "Come brother, let us change your pants."
Naelk 10-03-06, 04:45 PM	Saem the Human Sorcerer (who specialized in mind affecting and Illusion spells) Saen said " Gah! Crap run!!" I said " What the he** do you mean that the 2 kobold guards have more than 4 hit dice each." after dicovering my sleep spell ... failed. Kaltir Hardthistle 7th level kender rogue " umm .. oops!" or .. " Well! who would of thought that would happen?"... which was usually followed by the group yelling "RUN!".. " HELP!".." F&*%ing Kender!":D
Muddman 10-03-06, 08:08 PM	We're on a boat in the middle of Faerun's biggest ocean when our ship is attacked by pirates. The battle ranges and is nearly over when the monk/cleric decides "I'll just sink to the bottom and run to shore". He was tired and apparently he thought we were on a river, but the DM was clear when he said we were at sea so he wasn't about to correct him for not paying attention. When the battle was over, my sorceror starts looking around for the monk/cleric, so he detects thoughts and scans around until I find him. Scanning surface thoughts I try and find out what he's thinking, to which the DM says, "Strangely confident. Hope I hit the bottom soon, why is it getting so dark, why do my ears hurt." At which point I save him from the pressure with a telekinesis spell.
Joe Outside 10-03-06, 09:25 PM	Cyd Haywend d'Cannith, house Artificer (and generally self-important jerk): "Of course I'm going to take it apart to see what makes it tick. How else do you expect me to make a better one?"
Onikani 10-03-06, 10:23 PM	My third level bard with maxed out ranks in bluff, intimidate, sense motive, and diplomacy (and the negotiator feat) was interragating a prisoner tied up on a bed in an inn. *Takes out his crossbow and aims it at the prisoner's head* "Nothin says diplomacy like a loaded crossbow"
Dorval_Kinsmere 10-04-06, 04:51 AM	My Blue psion to the wizard tyrant after the tyrant took a look at his deep crystal staff, "Well, it wouldn't be fair to say that it doesn't do anything. I just won't tell you what it does because you are intelligent enough to figure it out" the tyrant had ended up in Pelor's house for the spiritually sick after one month.
Admiral_Ayad 10-04-06, 03:17 PM	Ulfgar MacPhearson, my gestalt Arctic Dwarf Totemist//Barbarian/Frostrager killed a shopkeeper to steal some dice from him, then ran away, and his reindeer (arctic version of a horse I suppose) was killed by a dire bear, so he slung it over his back and walked into town again to see a priest, THREW the dead animal down on the ground and yelled "You...priesty! Fix me caribou!!!". The priest refused, and one swing of an axe later, there was a gate in the priest's temple and several ****** off Solars....Ulfgar BARELY made it out alive.
Quandi 10-04-06, 10:25 PM	LN Halfing Monk monk 6/ drunken master 2 "I strive to find enlightment and perfection of mind, body and soul, i also brew a mean ale" "I'm 3 feet of condensed righteous fury !" - lvl 9 human Dread Necromancer after being recruited by his teacher (who turns out to be the campaigns antagonist, unknown to me) to join the evil cult burst through the door into the hall where our crippled (0 hp) Barbarian/Frienzed Berserker lay in the hall. Now with a variety of undead surronding him i said with a smirk: "Good bye,...old friend" the mood was just right and i said it wit just the right tone, creep the **** out of me too - My friends overly naive lvl 2 gnome artificer was charged with the task of trying to open an ancient chest like artifact and when he entered the room to start work he was greeted by 2 robbers attempting to steal the artifact and he walks up to them, hand extended: "Oh are you guys here to help to? my names Migel" This was promptely meet with a eldtrich blast from the warlock among the 2 thiefs - In my new campagin my group was heading down a sewer drain to the opening at the other end, where there was a fglock of pigeons, unbeknownst to them they were trained to guard the area by a wererat ranger living in the sewers The fighters first words were "WTF!!! pigeons are you serious!" as he swing with the broadside of his great sword - Town Guard i was DMing "when in doubt go to the Pub/Inn/Bar/Tarven" - Our half-dragon fighter grappled by a bonedrinker has his con sapped a bit "ahhhhhhhhh hes drinking...my...BONES!!!!!" - After one of the longest fights our ranger goes: "motherf***in order of Kalegoth, motherf***in constructs, motherf***in undead, motherf***in alcoholic (what he called an Atach) motherf***in MOTHERF**KS!!!"
Jenos_Idanian 10-05-06, 05:19 PM	Dwarven Weapon Master "Ma name is Jaster Stonecleaver, small in stature, large in power, wide in vision, narrow in focua. I ha' tha' pow'r ta make yer **** turn blue! Now, who wants somma this!" this MUST be said in the thickest scottish accent possible. This accent began to carry over to the other members of the group which led to a lot of him saying 'Are ye mockin' me?' Gnome Drunken Master 'there is no one taller than the last man standing' Human Warlock with a tendency toward getting smushed by large monsters yet never dropping below 0 hitpoints "I still live!" Human Fighter who made his living as a blacksmith until recently: "Auron Jeth, master of fire tamer of elements" everyone seems to find it very amusing as this a very wizardish introduction coming from a guy in spiked full-plate Elan Psion: '**** Mordenkaiden!' 'Also i can kill you with my brain.'
Solnath 10-05-06, 05:35 PM	So, my little children have been slightly... interesting: My Chaotic Evil Evil Evil Evil Evil Evil Not-so-Evil Warlock called Razaniel (nicknamed Logicbane) at Calimshan port: Port official: "Alright, what's going on? Two people bringing two ships to port at this hour and both ships are pretty heavily damaged... Explain yourselves!" Razaniel: "Err... well... you see..." *panic* "Look behind you!" *points at the port official's right hand and eldritch blasts it away* D'oh. --- Kally, my current main elf girl-druid: To Nero, our party's (now deceased) rogue after he was sexually molested for hours under dominate person by the local crime boss who had a fancy with young healthy men/boys: "Uh... You, um, okay there, you're bleeding from... places." With our female ranger PC, who joined us recently, and an elven "boy" NPC who almost shot ranger's animal companion while practicing with a bow: Ranger: "Be careful with that! You could have killed him!" Kally: "Look, it's not that serious... Put your hand on the mark." Ranger complies, Kally nails ranger's hand to the tree with a well-placed arrow. Ranger: "Aaaah, what are you doing?" Kally breaks the arrow and pulls the hand clear and heals it. "See, it wasn't that serious." --- Half-Dragon powerbuild dervish what-not at Pistis Sofia's celestial home: Sofia: "We will give you a chance to... repent." Dervish: "Oh, I repent alright. Hey aren't those my +5 chaotic unholy outsider-bane scimitars of speed?" *yoinks* *slaughter* --- All time favourite, but alas not my character's comment, but related still: Prior to port-incident: Me (playing Logicbane): Okay, Razaniel interrogates the last living crew member. DM: He's dead. Me: What, how? DM: Uhh... Typhus!
Ryuu_Tenshi 10-05-06, 05:45 PM	Edym el Dimah Elan shaper 5 This is in a Sandstorm-based campaign setting (esque). Long story, but Edym tries to keep his psion-ness a secret from people not in his party and his elan-ness a secret from everyone, primarily becuase he's actually a bioweapon on the run from dwarves He also wishes he was a bard. Thus: Edym: Ohh cute children! I play my sitar for them. Party Gish: ... I make a sunder attempt on his sitar. Edym: What?! Ok, FINE. Clearly, you are an uncultured little swine. *grumbles* Edym: *looks at a wall carving* Interesting. This makes absolutly no sense whatsoever to me. Hey religiousperson, what does this... *turns around to see a brine shrimp looming over him* *brine shrimp grapples* Edym: meep! Edym: *approaching the temple* *sees a gigantic hole in the ground* Me(the player, OOC): Wow, that sounds like an antlion pit. Wouldn't it be funny if like, there was a giant antlion down there? Edym: Hey um... let's avoid that pit. Cleric: *jumps into the pit* DM: A giant antlion bursts out of the sand. Roll initiative. Me(OOC): You're kidding me. DM: No. Edym(IC): I TOLD YOU SO! Cleric: ARGH SAVE ME. And then my favourite from this session: Salt Mephit: TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES BEFORE ENTERING THE TEMPLE! *dehydration cone!* Rest of party: *makes various attack actions against the mephit* Edym: *pauses outside the temple* *thinks* *takes off his shoes and walks in* *waves shoes at the mephit* Mephit: *nods approvingly at him whilst dodging some strike from the gish* Edym: Right. Buisness now. *manifests Astral Construct and joins the fray.*
KaiDcannith 10-05-06, 06:11 PM	My Warforged Artificer, an inventor of sorts. "There is nothing you cant make with some good old scrap metal!"
Quandi 10-05-06, 09:43 PM	My group fighting the rogue wererat boss of last weeks campaign Boss: You will knnow defeat at the hands of Vernon! Tera, monk: wtv Vladd Boss: ITS VERNON! Migel, artificer: shut up Vanessa Boss: ITS FU***** VERNON Phumes, rogue: *cough* closet case homosexual *cough* Boss: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! - In the same session the team was ambushed by the above wererats sister, who was shooting arrow at them and sent her 2 alley cat companions after them, Migel the gnome artificers leans over and says "*pssst* i read in a book once that cats are allergic to fire *wink*" he then casted burning hands later on: "dont worry! i read in a book once that were rats are also alergic to fire!" - migel - another time in an older game Us: "hey bad guys what the f***?" them: "F*** the shut up a**hole" Us: "Oh no you didnt!" - another time Sorcerer doubles back to grab some loot for him self, and when he catches up Party: where were you? Sorc:sry had to stop to tie my shoelaces *makes bluff check* Party: *Sense motive, all but ones fail"... ummmm youre wearing velcro
HatofZarek 10-05-06, 10:18 PM	My ever favorite Teifling Rogue, Zarek "I steal from kings, fight with brigands, and fondel women, But I have weekends off and I'm my own boss." quoting dudley more in Arthur and now for my Human Necromancer Emmanuel, and his Skeleton buddy Murry. upon discovering a staked vampire. "Oh there is no way in the nine hells I'm pulling that stake out... Murry pull out the stake." -Emmanuel
Fithero 10-06-06, 05:49 AM	Elan Psion: '**** Mordenkaiden!' 'Also i can kill you with my brain.' hehe... gotta love firefly :D The party is going dragon hunting, going after a great red. We're all standing outside the cave and they send in the rogue (me) to scout ahead. fighter:"Go see if shes in there." Me:*steps into the archway and gets blasted by a breath of fire, steps back behind the wall, all black with whisps of smoke comming off of him* "yep, shes in there... cough"
Larz_Fang 10-06-06, 06:04 AM	My flesh golem to a human cleric: "I lost my humanity long before I died. Every time I try to sleep I just can't shrug off the nightmares, the memories of my life long time ago, when I was a murderer. Even though I have changed from those days, I just can't forgive myself my crimes."
Larz_Fang 10-06-06, 06:07 AM	My flesh golem, Hortax Doomclaw to a human cleric Herich Nefzen: "I lost my humanity long before I died. Every time I try to sleep I just can't shrug off the nightmares, the memories of my life long time ago, when I was a murderer. Even though I have changed from those days, I just can't forgive myself my crimes."
Roscoe_Greenbottle 10-06-06, 05:25 PM	My evil rouge/assassin halfling "They would have died anyway, I just thought I'd speed it up a little bit" "if you knew what I was planing, You would definintly try and stop me." To my neutral and good allies "Hey, howed you like to be with a guy your size with a little expirience?" to the young keeper of the flame right before being beaten to 2hp by the guards
IrishRover 10-06-06, 11:27 PM	This was in a Traveller game, but is my favorite: The party is in a hostile base--I'm wearing only the equivalent of kevlar, and carrying a plasma submachinegun type weapon. The other four or five party members are wearing powered battle dress--clumsy, but VERY tough--and carrying big fusion guns. We know there's bad guys just past the door, armed with heavy weapons. (A secret base on a distant planet has much in common with a dungeon) I look at my (FAR better protected) companions and say, "Plasma--very dangerous--I'll go first." I procede to slip through the door as it's opening--then it shuts before my companions can come through. They hear the sound of plasma and fusion guns--then the door opens, and I'm standing over the smouldering Zhodani marines. Now, "Very Dangerous--I'll go first" is her favorite quote--and she lives by it. (For all of you who know Traveller, she's a veteran IBIS agent--which means in her case, over 20 year's experiance, but still physically 18 years old.)
Dark_lord_Prawno 10-07-06, 02:11 AM	Why do orcs always find a fascination with my boob? the orcs: :shocked: :drool: :OMG!
Quandi 10-07-06, 02:45 AM	Now i want to refer to my none D&D quote so i guess ill drop one down in my friends mage the awakening i play an Obrimos, theyre like mystic crusaders sort of and the concept/background is pretty much summed up as "unorthodox" priest and his tag line is "I may be a servant of the Divine but I am by no means a saint"
FlimFlam 10-07-06, 09:03 AM	My Cheyenne shaman (in our Feng Shui campaign): This reminds me of my Ninja's and Superspies character (Palladium books). He was a dedicated martial artist, that studied in Tai Chi and 1 other martial art which I forget atm. Anyway, his name was Rofl Mao (get it?) and he didn't speak english too well, I modeled him after Jackie Chan and the only thing he could really say was "I don't want no trouble."
Razor_Burnz 10-09-06, 09:41 PM	this is my most fav and my old gaming groups fav quote Mar'Lark BearClaw CG Barb lvl 7 while fighting in his skibs 2 trolls that were in a getaway cart that crashed n town (long story) hold a rapier with 2 hands which was orins blade "Orin (the party's elf monk) I am Gonna Break this DAMN thing" he also died that encounter :( and aother was from Mar'Lark too a elf who was in a barbarian tribe's mead hall (for reasons unknown) "you come here with no ale and no women folk elf are you sucidial"
TaintedSoulBrokenHeart 10-09-06, 10:01 PM	A character that is quickly evolving into my favorite, developed a nifty catch-phrase. He is a Blue Halfdragon/Human LN Ranger Lvl 14 . The party raids the lair of a dragon...and this dragon just so happens to be my Half-dragons father. The dragon is now critically wounded...the majority of the party has either subcumbed to his might...and alone my ranger and his felldrake companion stare down on the broken form of a once mighty dragon...the creature shuddered...drew his last breath and uttered these words. Dragon: I am Drauthunizuax, the slayer of kings, the bane of mortals, the purveyor of this worlds nightmares, lord of the blue horde of Faldruin, consort of demons, betrayer of Erthunis, and master of the Huinuos Soul Gems (a campaign artifact). Mithranix The Unclaimed (my char): " I am the bastard son of a dragon..." Two magical swords bite into dragon flesh "...and for that you are undone."
Billco 10-10-06, 07:24 PM	My elven thief, Ylin "Let's play a game. It's called Stabbed in the Face. You're it." "Where did I get the gold? This gold right here? My rich uncle died. Very sad. Single tear. Sniff." "Elf dance, elf dance, elf dance."
Ariath Ska'Vhor 10-14-06, 05:16 AM	Ariath, CE Elf sorcerer "I saw him cowering in the corner, we were in a small room...he had no way of escape. He was so weak I could kill him with my bare hands. But I thought a little fire would make for a much more entertaining show. Little did I know the fireball I cast would also hit me. Regret it? with the look on that dead fool's face as he burned alive? HA! Best decision I ever made...." (Sorry that's so long) Kellin, TN Changeling Beguiler "Show my true face? surely you jest...I have no true face, but are there any other faces you'd particularly like to see?" Nielin, LG Aasimar paladin of Pelor "My sword and shield are as much the divine force as the warmth and power of the sun itself!" Etch, CN Warforged Binder "I'm a load of metal wood and stone that summons the near fictional remnants of ancient people to gain power....Well if you say it that way you can make anything sound strange." Malor, CN Changeling Warlock While in an inn trying to help a young woman find a cure for her baby's unkown disease; "excuse me barkeep, have you a cure for..." grabs the baby by the head and pulls it up dangling "THIS BABY!?" baby's mother: "AHHH!!" Malor: "what?" Party's Wizard: *hits me with his staff* Malor: "OW!"
Melee_Strongfist 10-14-06, 07:43 PM	My Monk Daris would say 3 things 1: DODGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2:I knew that... In france 3: FLYING TSUNAMI SIDEKICK!!!!!!!!!!!
Loken 10-15-06, 04:36 AM	i dont think anyone has said this one yet but, my gnome rogue after a wild party to celebrate something said, Dude wheres my airship??!:confused: as he came to where he had tied it up. found out later that it had been stolen by one of the guards who wanted to take it for a spin, round the palace.
Issabella 10-15-06, 09:10 PM	"One or One Hundred, it matters not! Heavens Justice shall be met upon these brigands.....Praise the Lord of War!" Sir Raishe Abadon Al`Seru; priest of Kiri-Jolith
RorixBladewing 10-16-06, 10:00 PM	My new favorite character, a lesser tiefling Monk/Swordsage/Shadow-Sun Ninja; "Good comes not from you bloodline. Good comes not from devotion to a deity. Good comes from those strong enough to resist evil." (In response to the cleric proclaiming his faith in his own philosophy) "Oh, so you're just in love with yourself?" And, my catch phrase; "FLYING KICK!"
memnark901 10-16-06, 11:06 PM	"Your teh worst pirate ive ever heard of!" "AHHH! but you have heard of me"- Raffael "ironhand" simone
DDdreamer 10-17-06, 09:00 AM	my greedy lvl18 wizard "if you think im gonna help, you think wrong, unless you pay me then you think right" my strong lvl9 monk meeting a bunch of bandits "don`t underestimate me, cause if ya do that ya will nevah underestimate someone again" "OK, whose face shall i smash first?" My absent-minded lvl7 fighter "i cant defend the fortress right now im playing tic-tac-toe with myself..."
Orchomenos 10-17-06, 01:01 PM	From a PbP game: Seeing another bedroom where all the orcs are sleeping, Runold, TN cleric of Boccob, prepares his mace. He whispers: "Stupid creatures. I almost pitty them." He then breaks the neck of the nearest orc.
Uberwoot 10-17-06, 04:42 PM	A couple gaming sessions ago, the party's half-ogre (with dump stats to make any fighter proud) asked my character, a priest, just where bunnies came from. The response: "Bunnies come from SIN!" /Woot
The Smartest Lemming 10-22-06, 07:43 PM	I've got to say my favorite character idea was thought up when I decided that I wanted to create an extremely lazy character. I decided to play a wizard, mainly because they had the most spells available for "laziness." My favorite line of his was "Johnson, we're escaping (the characters were in a jail), you should come, it'll be grand." this was said as he was sitting upon a luxuriously plush chair propelled by tensors transparent disk, smoking on a fine cigar, with a glass of brandy being held up before him by a mage hand. The only time he would ever really do anything was whenever he was disturbed from his relaxation, and he only really traveled with his party for the entertainment and the chances at obtaining more luxuries for himself.
A_Wizard_for_Breakfast 10-23-06, 12:31 AM	"You will always remember the day when you met Borrlage Drow-Hammer...if not, particularly, because it was the day you met me." Uttered in response to a vampire's spontaneous combustion at the hands of the party cleric.
Sier_laBeguileuse 10-23-06, 06:01 PM	"Free your slaves now, or I shall strike down upon you with Great Vengeance!" -- A Paladin of Freedom, drunk, addressing pig farmers in regard to their pigs (he had a tendency to refer to his two swords as Great Vengeance and Swift Vengeance while drunk):dancin: :dancin:
angry_RiffRaff 10-24-06, 05:02 AM	"Is that shiny beacon over there even allowed to say stuff like that to me?" (CN Warlock to LG Radiant Servant of Pelor)
I_Cant_Think_Of_A_Name 10-26-06, 12:42 AM	My in comparison small halfling fighter lvl 1 to the rest of the group about watching the city at night to catch the murderer: "You guys watch from the balcony and I'll watch through the window. Assuming I find a stool." By the way the murderer still killed people that night right under our nose. No it's not because I couldn't find a stool!
Scraelig277 10-26-06, 06:22 PM	My ftr/clr of Nerull after facing an army of orcs to the sorcerer in the party: So you fry 'em up and well have a cook out!!! (he's a bit insane):D
Daxen 10-27-06, 03:39 PM	My conjurer when asked why he did not cast certain spells. "I have neither the charm to pluck at heart strings, nor the stomach to pick at bones." When told there is no way out or the like "There are few problems without solutions, and fewer solutions without problems."
Kaldar_the_Summoner 10-27-06, 07:22 PM	Val'ehn Whitestorm, my broody veangence-driven elven antihero- "The cost? I don't give a damn about the cost! Give me that blasted sword or I'll tear you apart!!" Nabodius, my first Binder who was more than a little cocky when he said this to a forest giant: "Wah, wah, wah, we get it, your life sucks. Personally, I find this owlbear corpse more likeable than you." Remember, he had a wisdom of 8. Tamir, my warforged wizard who had reached omniscience after his death, returns as a ghost to bestow his newfound universal wisdom upon his former student: "I'm lawful Neutral!"
Sang-Drax 10-28-06, 07:13 PM	"Every soldier has a black stain in his past" - Sindri Nedved, LN Gish with often evil tendencies.
the_fenris_wolf 10-28-06, 08:50 PM	" You Just Hate Me Cause I'm Black !!!!! ". One of my friends Dritz clone Drow Characters after any time a conversation with an NPC didn't go the way he planned.
the_fenris_wolf 10-28-06, 08:56 PM	One of my high level wizards: (Cast delayed Fireball) Character :"So..... Hows the wife and kids?" Enemy: "Good, Works a B*tch though......" Character: "Good...." Starts whistling and tweedling his thumbs. Enemy: "Yeah....." Sighs BOOOOOOOM !!!!!.
the_fenris_wolf 10-28-06, 09:05 PM	" Wah Wah Wah, Your life sucks, we get it, Can you just shut up so we can kill you ,because in case you didn't notice my horse just fleed thanks to your stupid stoooopid orcs and now i have to run to catch the son of a B*tch " Draws sword. My character interupting a villain who has been monologing for 10 minutes.
pinkbunny 10-30-06, 04:31 AM	"My name is Rika, but my friends call me all sorts of things I prefer not to repeat"
bawb44 10-30-06, 03:51 PM	Human Barbarian to a Halfling Bard: See what happens when you don't roll with it, you end up naked wearing my belt
zvbxrpl 10-30-06, 06:57 PM	Dwarven monk/druid to human warmage: You call yourself a man? My sister has a fuller beard than you! Spellscale sorceror upon being resurrected: My soul itches.
tiejaz 10-31-06, 12:01 AM	Arco Iris, Sorcerer and Rainbow Servant (after casting Rainbow Blast) "Taste the Rainbow!" An unrelated story... I was playing Arkan Celestia, a Human Marshal 7 / Legendary Leader 5, who was rescued by an army that included Werebears. Vyth was the Dragonborn leader of the army. Here was our conversation. Vyth: We are at your command. Do you have any orders? Arkan: I would like for one of the werebears to bite me. DM: NO. ME: Why? DM: I said so. ME: Fine. [looks at character sheet] I cast greater command. DM: NO. [rolls d20.] He saves. One more mention of this, and you will die.
Tjuk 11-02-06, 04:12 AM	My rogue after failing pick lock 3 times in a row, i decided to open a door by using brute force, when charging through the door , getting tripped by a orc that was asleep:" No hert done, landed on me head"
Fithero 11-02-06, 08:50 AM	Disembodied Head of an ancient elven arch-wizard: "I bring a dire warning to you all; the end of the material plane is nigh!" My half-elven rogue: "What....again?" :P Peace
mato_hibiki 11-02-06, 09:32 AM	Upon kicking in a locked door, in a particularly smelly sewer, my 12 Str rogue stares at his party, consisting of an 18 str fighter, a 16 str ranger, a 21 str psi war/monk, and a 15 str sorc, and says- "Do I always have to save you?" The fighter "Why didn't you pick the lock?" "That requires patience." The sorc "What took you so long?" "The sewer water is turning to ice as we speak." The psi war/monk "I'm stronger than you." The ranger "Do I get to kill something?" "The monk if he opens his mouth again." Naturally, the party got trapped in the EXACT same room after I stepped out, and was TPKed by a lich. I returned hours later with the town cleric. Upon revival of the sorc, whom I was crouching beside when he opened his eyes- "I'm going to start taxing your share of the loot if this keeps on happening." The sorc, upon noticing the piles of loot "Why is our share smaller?" "Because clerics don't work for free." The sorc again, upon noticing that mine has nicer stuff in it. "Why is all the good stuff in your pile?" "Because when I asked 'does anybody mind if I take the good stuff?' nobody complained." - "A dragon! You kill it!" "Me? Why me?" "Because if anybody else tries it, they'll die!" "..... Just because I'm so good I seem invincible, doesn't mean you get to abuse it."
Downtym 11-02-06, 11:51 AM	One not from a character of mine: "Do they repent? For if not, then we deliver them into the afterlife of their own choosing. We are not here to save damned. We are not here to play hostage games with goblins and mindless elementals. We are here to destroy evil." - Father Luther of the Church of Mayaheine Because I don't have any quotes written down anywhere, here are two (that are currently unsaid) from a character of mine: "I am fourteen years old. I will never know a life of peace. I will never know the comfort of a soft bed and a caring husband. I will never hear my child's first words. I have given my life - will give my life - in the service of the only commandment that means anything: Destroy the evil which grows like a festering wound upon this land." "This is your gift, from me to you: your last breath." - Victoria, Sword of the Crusade and Commander of the Militas Fas
HaikenEdge 11-02-06, 01:21 PM	A Soul Eater/Assassin: "What I kill stays dead. So be grateful it wasn't I who killed you last time. But your luck's ran out anyways, because you're my job now."
TheAnthroDM 11-02-06, 08:32 PM	This conversation came from two players playing twins, one was a Cleric of Heironeous(LN), the other was a Cleric of Hextor(LN). Their Battle Threat Cleric of Heironeous "By Heironeous's might all you (Orcs/Mages/ect) shall die-" Cleric of Hextor "And know that your torment will not end on this world, for when you are chast down into the low planes, Hextor's servants will be waiting"
Rautherimnon 11-03-06, 05:57 AM	My current character, as sigged: "For some primitive minds, the way of expressing the situation would be a scream of terror. I prefer meteor swarms, however." -Manshoon attempts Fear on Rautherimnon. "A rain of fire upon Waterdeep! How grand a plan, my friend! Rejoice, for their destruction is imminent! Join me in my celebration until I remind you of the existence of Arunsun and Halaster." -Discusses ways to besiege Waterdeep.
InkBlot 11-03-06, 12:44 PM	"I've got a realy bad idea, but it should work. Here, hold the rope." - Ashes O'Hansen, halfling bounty hunter and wizard "It's a classic pikeman formation, just slightly altered to accomodate archers and mages. You two stand behind me, there and there. John, you stand over there. See? This way we form a defensive 'wall' around you guys. Basic stuff, realy." - Sigurd Alteschild, human halberdier, explaining basic formation fighting to the party mage, ranger, and priest "Guys, run away! I'll distract the space pirates with my beautiful dancing!" - Artex Zeloug, delvian priest/exotic dancer (Farscape d20) These are things I've said in-character at the game table, if not spectacularly indicitative of each character's personality.
rastlin_of_the_tomes 11-03-06, 01:16 PM	one of my warlocks: i bet you cant do that again! oh..you can, **** RUN!!!
CaptainPollo 11-04-06, 05:44 PM	My New Cleric: "I'm not a coward...I'm just bravery challanged" (He heals really good thou!)
Empirate 11-05-06, 04:07 PM	Was playing a rather scary Saracen fighter a while back - stout, exceedingly weak-willed, not very imaginative. Made for some great deadpan humor (of course he never understood why the others laughed...). We had to leave town quietly and quickly. The others had to fetch some stuff and friends. I was charged by the knight leading the party: "Rashid, you get the gate guards' attention and divert them. We'll be back in a minute!". Rashid, pondering the problem, finally strung his bow and shot two guards off the gate tower. After killing another one, still in the process of finishing the last one, the others came back, saw what was going on, heard the alarm sounding, and dashed out of the gate. Just as Rashid delivered the last blow to the fourth guard, the knight ran up to him and yelled at him. "You were only to divert them!!!" Rashid, standing there spattered with gore, took a look around and said in a mild voice "But my liege, they are diverted." :cool: Also, a rather defining commentary by our party wizard Arthure (who happened to have superhuman intelligence due to story stuff). Arthure talking to Francesco, his rather naive best friend, while on a mission they thought was world-saving. Francesco: "You know Arthure, actually I don't do this to save the whole world; I do it for my friends and my home town. I mean, the world! Who can even imagine the whole world?" Arthure (absent-mindedly): "Well... I, for one..." Francesco (wonder-stricken): "You don't mean that, do you? You can imagine the whole world? At the same time?" Arthure (still absent-mindedly, but getting into the spirit): "...with what else?" :P
Kesuk2k5 11-12-06, 02:34 AM	Ranger to cleric, speaking of a hedonistic hexblade: "He's tough enough. Put an attractive woman on the other side of an adamantine wall and you've got yourself a tunnel."
Candide 11-12-06, 02:01 PM	!@#hole Marshal, talking about his mount: If I die, please see that my fine horse is taken back to my homeland, or put to good use. my snarky Elven Wizard: Alright, make him into glue it is! When the human Marshal "joined" our party(i.e. forced himself into the group): "blah blah blah, I'm important, blah blah, humans are better, etc" Elf wizard: "Ugh another filthy human, where do they get these things? It figures, in a land populated by only dwarves and gnomes we have to happen upon the one meatbag human! UGH!"
FatherJoe 11-12-06, 06:06 PM	My signature says all I wanted to post here. And it all happened in one very gory game (zombie attacks, survive the city, blah, blah, bl....how the f*** did you get that many zombie figures?!). A preist, a metal bat, and about 150 undead between him and his Bible/gate-chain necklace.
EternalSeeker 11-12-06, 10:13 PM	My current rouge to the fighter after just taking out a raging maniake with a great sword. "You should take that sword friend its better than your axe, and magical." ftr "No my axe has served me well, and I don't like greatswords anyways" me picking it up "uh look at this magical sword (waving it around) it would serve you well." failing my wis save "actually you know what I think i'll be using this from now on it's much better than any of my other weapons I dunno why I have these anyways" =p Now my char has 6 wisdom form that damn sword, wont use anything else, had his foot cut off from the damn axe, and was blinded in the last fight from an enemy wizard =p
InsanePsychoRabbit 11-13-06, 08:19 PM	These were all said by my Birdfolk (see link in sig) Paladin by the name of Phoenix Highwind, at school D&D sessions. "I'm a noble gas. How fitting." -after the party wizard cast gaseous form on her "This here is my sword. Her name is Vera. And I think she wants to meet you." (and variations thereof) -To same wizard, who my DM has ruled is evil and has given me permission to kill. Yes, it's intended to be a Firefly reference. "That's what you get for getting mixed up with alcohol. It's the drink of the Devil." -To NPC the DM was introducing, who was grumbling about drinking and some other person...
Timespike 11-18-06, 07:11 PM	Said by a human cleric, through fury-clenched teeth, while making a turning check: "Back. OFF." Said my a Michael Nemerov, my grim paladin during a smite-augmented coup de grace: "DIE!" Said by the same paladin, challenging a creepy bodyguard to a duel to save his friend: "Hiding behind your station is all well and fine. Or we could settle this like men. Said by the same paladin, getting ready to climb a wall of razor-sharp rocks with a passenger he doesn't fully trust on his back: "Just don't eat my brain half way up. We'll both die."
Darth Sephiroth 11-18-06, 08:22 PM	This comes from a game that hopped from world to world through pretty much any D20 system game. The character was a gestault Human Monk:Hexblade who started as a joke designed to emulate power rangers just for the heck of it (Thought he'd end up dead quickly, but survived and still gets used occasionally) and has stuff from all over the place with magic items and a sentient sword that he refers to as his Empress though he's actually dominating the weapon... But he's fun to play and have show up when I'm bored of my other characters due to his LE view of things and the total insanity of what he does. "My Empress orders you to die!" (When fighting the Tarrasque [he'd gained a magical dagger that could summon things with a high enough Perform check and he got a Effigy Radiant Dragon]) "I call on the power of the Dragonzord!" "Face me and know dispair." "Bring it, my Empress wishes to taste your life blood!" (After a Paladin joined the party and threatened him) "Don't tempt me to destroy you, my Empress still has a use for even you!"
TrashCrap 11-19-06, 12:32 AM	My rogue after a single monk brought our whole party near death within 2 rounds and killed one of our npc's "Ill give you one last chance to surrender..."
saihenjin 11-19-06, 03:14 PM	Dwarven Cleric: "Drink the poison or I'll kill you!"
Hoshinokodomo 11-19-06, 04:27 PM	Monk who mainly speaks in gestures instead of words gesturing to the paladin and cleric to follow, as there were mobs ahead. Paladin: What is it Lassie? You want us to come with u??
Adrinor 11-19-06, 05:10 PM	Adrinor Whitefire, human fighter "oh you want me to go first?" Aeliea silverdew, half elf wizard "i dont want to hurt you!" *dodges lightning bolt* "i'm serious!" Krunk, barbarian of the frozen wastes, male human barbarian. "Krunk has no friends, just people who gets in his ways!" Gark, male kobold fighter "i'm not guarding this damn chest anymore!"
Vanulf 11-20-06, 12:10 AM	My wizard to the remaining tribesmen after dropping a bunch of Orcs with a first-level Sleep spell "Surrender now! or I'll slay you as easily as I have your comrades" Quick thinking, but unfortunately it didn't work.
TheAnthroDM 11-20-06, 12:34 AM	Said by the same paladin, getting ready to climb a wall of razor-sharp rocks with a passenger he doesn't fully trust on his back: "Just don't eat my brain half way up. We'll both die." To a mindflayer? Flayerspawn Psychic? O.o?
TheAnthroDM 11-20-06, 12:36 AM	My rogue after a single monk brought our whole party near death within 2 rounds and killed one of our npc's "Ill give you one last chance to surrender..."Priceless
HaikenEdge 11-20-06, 03:11 PM	More recently: NE Assassin, after killing of an important NPC. "He was the bad guy. I could smell it on him. Just be glad I killed him now, and not when he wanted to betray us."
InsanePsychoRabbit 11-20-06, 03:45 PM	I was playing in another campaign (outside of my school), and my two characters (a male fighter and a female sorcerer) managed to get into a huge argument. (Although this argument is about sexism, neither of the charactrers are actually bigoted - it was a situational thing. And i'm not sexist either, I'm female.) It all started when the fighter was trying to bribe these evil dwarves into letting them pass. "We have ale and women," he declares. The paladin moves toward them and they shoot him with crossbow bolts. So then the fighter says, "Stop with the violence! You're going to hurt the women! It took us a long time and a lot of money to bring them here and we don't want our cargo damaged." She proceeds to slap him, and more violence insues. While the rest of the group is fighting the evil dwarves (and the paladin is yelling at the fighter to get his head out of his ass), they continue arguing and hitting each other (or at least trying to, the sorcerer's fox familiar kept biting his hand). It goes so far the paladin tells him "If you lay a hand on her I'll have to take you out." The violence is over and the shouting resumes. It ends in him telling her "We could've avoided this whole mess if you'd just gone along with what I was saying!" Her response was "Then why didn't you TELL me what you would do before you said all of this!? Men, they're all the same!" She storms off while he looks for a wall to hit his head against. Eventually he realized he had no reason to be so angry, and by the end of the encounter they had made up (but not necessarily kissed).
Timespike 11-21-06, 12:40 AM	To a mindflayer? Flayerspawn Psychic? O.o? A woman who had been warped into something like one of those. We never did find out exactly what she was. (Ravenloft game)
Alennox 11-21-06, 02:02 PM	Party rogue, from a distant world we have not heard of, to the rest of the party, following the party monk throwing a portable hole over the sorceror with a Heward's, sending them both to another plane: "Boy... where I come from they teach us to never do that." ---------- My Ranger to NPC Cleric, sitting exhausted in the corner: "You might wanna sit up. We're gonna resurrect God now." ---------- Ranger: "Where'd he go?" DM: "You round the corner to see the street split three ways, and people mingling." Ranger: "Describe the people, one of them might be him!" DM: "You see few soldiers, and a small boy." Ranger, "No, no, **** the boy." Sorceror: "Hold on, there, Michael Jackson." ----------- Sorceror: "I was not born with enough middle fingers." ----------- Ogre Frenzied Berserker: "In my defense, you were a squid." ----------- Orc Paladin: "What in the world would any church want with gold?"
YamiSouru 11-22-06, 02:35 AM	"I won't spend a moment in trial. You dont beleive me? Let me tell you what will happen..." Beguiler after being blamed for someone elses crime. "I Don't know why the silver flame has given me these gifts but I will NOT let you carry out these atrocities in it's name!" Sorceror/favoredsoul of the silver flame/ mystic theurge right before him and his party faced off against a blackgaurd of the silver flame who had made it a point to convert the sorc to his point of veiw about the flame.
Dharan_Aelorothi 11-22-06, 01:19 PM	As seen in my sig, there are some right there... Also: The party Dwarf (and my little brother) DM: Ok, you see Adrol Lorten sitting in the tavern boozing... Adrol: I'm not boozing, I'm getting drunk! My friend's Sorceror to the rogue: "I don't know why we took you here anyway, sneaking is for ******s!" Dharan Aelorothi, my elven ranger to an NPC elven ranger: "What are YOU supposed to be, LEGOLAS?" Dhoran "the Righteous" Hammerforge to a bunch of kinky *****s belonging to a deranged noble: "Ok now, I was raised by dwarves and all, but never have I seen THAT done with a hammer and axe..." Enjoi :P
Aiden_Bautista 11-23-06, 12:56 AM	"Are you gonna eat that?" Grog the half-ogre barbarian to his companion who was initiated in a grapple.
Kitaki 11-23-06, 01:59 PM	I played a good cleric that was all nice and good at healing, I also took the Apostle of Peace PrC. So due to the Vow of Peace I couldn't fight anything but constructs and undead. He was also pretty dumb, so when we encountered a vampire, he didn't know it. The groups Barbarian starts getting really agressive, they have an arguement. I break it up saying "there is no need to fight, we can all be friends here", my party informs me the guy is a vampire, "lets rock you undead son of a b$%^&" PS think an Apu accent on the quoted lines.
Brant167 11-25-06, 09:36 PM	These quotes are from one of my current characters, Thrain. Who is a favored soul of Raziel. -The party along with a handful of militia and gaurds are about to stop a massive army from reaching the gates of a capital city.- (screams with some magical effects to echo his voice their army is circling them) "Please send your comanding officer upfront to negociate your surrender." -After he tracked down the person who killed his brother a former PC-"I am glad it has taken me 3 weeks to find you. It has given you ample oppertunities to repent for your crime-pulls the persons tongue out- that being the case you will not be needing this anymore."
Sphinx_the_unMad 11-26-06, 05:23 AM	"That information is not available at this time" My tiefling diviner just isn't terribly reliable in her old age hehe :lop:
JaiaDrottsingr 11-26-06, 07:34 PM	Blind Elven Rogue: *bumps into something around mid height* Get out of my way dwarf! Red Dragon: That was my foot. *Muffled girly shriek* Okay, fine, it was a dwarf. A gagged dwarf. Blind Elven Rogue: The thought of only an imprisoned and gagged or ungagged dwarf makes me gag in my mouth.
Senopa 11-26-06, 07:46 PM	after a battle with a dragon, my character says: maybe there's a usfull item in his hord.
obrysii 11-26-06, 09:26 PM	"Now! Bow and wear loyalty to me and I shall spare your life." --Xuilcoatl, Gold Dragon Cleric/Walker in the Waste "Bare witness to the true glory of Io . . . May he be more merciful than I" - the same dragon, after using a spell to kill a helpless enemy.
nameless0 11-26-06, 10:08 PM	"All life revolves in a predestined circle of events: birth, life, death, undeath. The very thing you call an abomination is merely the next stage of the very thing you idolize." Dormienta Xulich, dark druid, responding to a remark made by a druid about zombies "Death? Death is only the incubation stage for the most divine occurance, undeath." Dormienta Xulich, speaking about her views on death "There is no power greater than the coin. No image more majestic than the face imprinted upon it; for with enough coin, nothing is out of reach." Nilum D. Inerocatharis
Senopa 11-27-06, 03:04 PM	Never take the most butiful Item in the hord, it's almost always boobytraped. Trust me I'm a dragon. -Buck, 15th level Paladin & partner to Senopa Don't let the Orc cast the spell! -Senopa, 25th level Paladin The woopie custion. wow, oldist trick in the book, and tust me I'm a copper dragon, we wrote the book. -Buck, 15th level paladin & parter to Senopa Do you want me to take this suiken to your face. -Alton, 11th level ranger & parter to Senopa ya got to be kidding me! -Senopa, 25th level Paladin
Revlis 11-28-06, 02:43 PM	My Pally to a devil: "Go to Hell, or I will send you"
Felyndaer 11-28-06, 03:11 PM	"May thy children, and thy children's children to the tenth generaton be cursed with thy famous ugliness!" -Alwyn Benneseph, Arcane Archer
kaoswarrior 11-28-06, 03:46 PM	Fey-Ri sorcerer: "You think I'm scary (points to human tiefling) my brother over there wrestled a dragon." It was true and amusing: level 5 campaign, the fiendish heritage was shared between me and the tiefling (hence the 'brothers' comment) and he had wrestled a polymorphed gold dragon wyrmling in a festival event (he didn't know it was a dragon) He promptly picked up the other 'human' and chucked him out of the ring... so funny.
Carey Z W 11-28-06, 04:27 PM	CG Poker Expert Radiant Servant of Pelor Cleric confronted by a drunk that has repeatedly lost against him and claims my Cleric was a cheater. " Your accusing a man of faith of cheating? Let me tell you why you lost. You had high card of an Ace and a 7, and on the flop (Goes into long statistical equation, ending with the exact percentages, far from in the drunks behavior.)" Drunks Response- *awkward silence* But you always win!!!! Clerics Response- *laughs* Yes. Yes I do. LATER In another poker game, months later in campaign, the drunk walks in and wants to play him again. Cleric- *laughs* I won't take your money son, go and buy a drink instead. Drunk- Play me fool! I'll win this time! Cleric- Your odds of beating me in a game of poker are about the same as the odds of me catching you in a confession booth. Slim to none. Meh, it was funny at the time. (Note- Pelor was the major diety in this campaign.)
Stormbrand 11-28-06, 05:26 PM	My paladin-mage (who was retired at 18th level, and I itch to play him to this day), introducing himself to a commoner. 'Greetings, I am Knight-Overblade Sir Kal'tharnis Ragewinter of the Order of the Champions Vigilant, Leader of the Watchwords and Paladin of Helm. Please, call me Winter. It saves time.' Same character, after a fight with bandits, where he took two prisoner having disabled them with leg strikes from his greatsword. Winter: 'So if you help me find the priestess, you get to walk away from here.' Bandit: 'You are letting us go?' Winter: 'No, I am tying you to a tree and when I get back I am taking you to the proper authorities. The choice is whether or not you are crippled for the rest of your lives.' same character, badly wounded. 'The Hells SHALL NOT HAVE ME YET!' On his way into battle, 'The guilty will suffer!' Again heading into battle against a Cornugon. 'Your. Evil. Dies! HERE!!' To ghosts making a pretty good case why he deserved death. 'Of course I deserve death. Now understand this. There are innocent lives depending on me, and I will NOT abandon them just to sate your bloodlust.'
capeMyrmidon 11-28-06, 07:25 PM	17 y/o barbarian who was just showed up by a cavalier in a sword sparring match over if he has the experience to train the squires. the cavalier is walking away. barb "the only thing worse than being the worst is being the best. for some day some one will be better than you and your name will vanish like the morning fog"
HorusTheHeretic 11-30-06, 05:32 PM	Tiros Berenthar (Me) , human cleric of Pelor to Ulfgar, Dwarven Paladin. "Could you use Lay on Hands on Fumbles? I'm all out of healing spells. Actually, could you *****-slap him while you're at it?" Fumbles had to run screaming into the tomb and trip over the stairs... (Sigh)
AllWillFall2Me 12-01-06, 01:44 AM	I've got a 16th level Mystic Theurge who worships the idea of wealth. Another player introduced a mind flayer character by having him jump on the back of a six-armed minotaur (weird char group) and trying to ea his brain. After the minotaur crushed him in one round, the player begged me to help, so I cast speak with the dead, ascertained he meant no true harm, and rezzed him. I then charged him 50,000 gp for it. When he demanded to know why, I responded: "Any lay priest would have charged a man a fifth of that for this spell in any town, I am no normal priest, you are not a man, we are not in a town, and I could have easily just rifled through your pockets and taken your things, now pay my fee or I'll put you back down." Same char loves to cast Cometfall, asking: "Have you ever seen a comet? They're like giant shooting stars. Have you ever seen one up close?" The minotaur I mentioned earlier once got tired with a conversation: "OK, I'm stealing his face." DM:"make a Sleight of... A strength Check?" Char:(winning easily)"Now, we're going to listen to the guy who can fix what I just did to you." Me:"Thank you for that unorthodox finish."
kaoswarrior 12-01-06, 11:40 PM	My Human, Drow-raised and sworn enemy Gestalt Ninja/Ranger (where all 'animal' effects were replaced with Vermin)... A recurring trap (crushing ceiling) is going off in a room we need to pass, the door on the other side is adamantine - the party are trying to locate a trap trigger when I make a sudden decision... Me: (ooc) Can I see the mechanism lowering the ceiling when it reaces quite low? DM: Yes, you can see a network of chain pulleys. Me: I shoot at the mechanism with my rifle... Adamantine bullet. Everyone is taken aback - suddenly the quiet Spyd'r swings out his rifle and blasts into the room... DM: The bullet tears through the mechanism and the trap halts halfway down into the room. Me: "There... the damn things stopped... now is someone going to do something about that damned door before I walk through it."
TheAnthroDM 12-02-06, 01:57 AM	Other Player: Cleric of WhatHisName Diety of Pranks(homebrew Diety) we travel though the planes a decided to visit WhatHisName on his homeplane, the first thing the Cleric says is "ooo, ooo, I wanna sit on his head!"
Milithor 12-02-06, 10:31 PM	"That was easy." "Any fool can swing a sword." -Isiah Milithor lvl 29 Drow
Fullmetal_Alchemist 12-04-06, 12:29 AM	Ah, i would like to join this. I have some good ones from some characters I have made. My Human Drafire Adept, who saw death, but became blind to save a friend: "We all have our days, but for me...it is just another rat race." My Human Sorcerer who couldn't feel pain, because he couldn't feel nothing at all. "Not even a angel could sing me a lullabye.."
Stormbrand 12-06-06, 04:21 PM	Sir Kal'tharnis Ragewinter again, this time defending the town of Talascar from an orc-ogre-etc horde, this speech was during the preparations. 'Brave folk of Talascar, hear me! It takes courage to stand at these walls as you do! Walls we are strengthening even now. I have brought in aid to reinforce the walls against our enemy. But it is not the walls that will hold them. From these walls, it is we that will hold them. You should know the truth of what you face. They come not for your land, or your treasures, or your town. They come for your blood! Down to the last child! Flee, they will hunt you. Throw down your arms, they will cut you down where you stand. They will come to this town. They will come, and they will die. Stand together and you stand strong! They come for victims, they shall find none in us!'
TroubleWolf 12-06-06, 05:15 PM	I was playing Donk, a half-orc rogue with a 20 strength. He had no ranks in Hide or Move Silently. We were first level, and the BBEG had hired a bunch of local teenagers to guard his caravan while it was parked outside the inn where he was spending the night. We decided to rob it. So there's a 13-14 year old kid guarding this wagon, and a huge half-orc with a sap in his hand strolls right up to him. The kid's eyes get big and round as saucers, and Donk just grins at him and says, "Turn around, please." The kid shakes his head no. Donk frowns, holds up the sap and says, "You really wanna see this comin'?" The kid turns around and closes his eyes tight. I rolled my attack. Nat 20, checked with a 16 - crit!. DM ruled that since the kid's eyes were closed, I counted as being invisible, so I got Sneak Attack. 20 points of subdual damage to the back of his skull. Later in that campaign we came across the same town. This was six months down the road, and we'd forgotten all about it. The DM describes the scene, and says there's a kid in town that Donk recognizes as the one he'd knocked out that night. So the half-orc walks up this kid and says, "Hey! 'Member me?" And the kid goes, "I HAD DOODY FOR BREAKFAST!" I guess when a 1st level commoner takes a hit like that, he gets some pretty serious brain damage.
Spelljammer 12-07-06, 01:12 AM	(Me) Adrian, a Cleric of Ilmater: "In this new Age I'm pretty sure people are open minded enough to accept an interracial couple so's not to make a big deal of it." (A dwarven comrade...who sort of raised Adrian) "Lad, you're in it with a friggin Silver Dragon! I'm pretty sure that qualifies as a Big Deal!!" (Me) Well, it shouldn't be....:embarrass
jaceofwater 12-07-06, 10:09 PM	My little brother had a couple of gems from a while back: PC: I nonchalantly eat the dwarf heads. DM: You're eaten by a grue. PC: Impossible! I eat it back!
Silversheen197 12-07-06, 11:59 PM	From a party I DMed during lunch every school day: Firstly, it is important to know I was evil to our fighter earier in the campagn and he is now extremely scared of deserts...and that's just where the party needs to go. Fighter: "Where are we going now?" Halfling Wizard: "Uhhh...The, uh, 'magical land of happiness?'" Fighter: *Rolls Int check, gets a nat. 1. Me: Confirm a critical failure. Fighter: Another nat. 1. Fighter: "Yippee!!!"
the_taken 12-08-06, 01:59 AM	[slipping the DM a secret note] I light the wagon on fire with my tinder kit DM: The wagon bursts into flames! The photocidal bugs attack! Party Wizard: I cast Light on the fighter! Party Psion: I manifest Baleful Teleport on the fighter, sending him into the mass of bugs. Yes. I was the fighter.
JaiaDrottsingr 12-08-06, 08:49 PM	These are a couple gems that I'd like to put in my stories. Please post if you agree. I'd put you guys in the "Thanks For" lists if you do. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE: Our destiny is shaped by the choices we make. Death....is a formality. There is music in silence. A ladder, how quaint ... fireball. Try that again. Maybe it will tickle. Wow, how'd you get your eyes to glow like that? Are you that scared of the dark? I have neither the charm to pluck at heart strings, nor the stomach to pick at bones. My soul itches.
KOTARfan 12-08-06, 10:27 PM	my fighter" all you are to me is a stain an the wall and a corpe" another when hitting a target"bam you fall down" yet another when casting a flame spell " burn baby burn" lost sword " where in the **** in my ******* sword mother ******, huh where dont make me kill you just give me the ****, give me my ******* sword."
Adolph_Kheebler 12-09-06, 02:48 PM	My duskling totemist with an int of 6 to my party on first meeting. Me god of beasts. You bow. What? You all gods too? My shadovarian assassin to the NE Verdant Prince Fey Epic level druid. Sure I'll give you my soul. Can you make me a shade? My 6th level warlock upon meeting an 18th level druid <blasts a random bird out of the sky> My elf warblade (I named my handle after him. He is the true Adolph Kheebler) talking to a dwarven master armour/weapon smith. Oh isn't he cute with his little toy forge. He really thinks he can make things. Awww. My necromancer after a battle Yes I want that corpse of the death slaad. Why? Umm, ummm...<bluff check=56>...decoration. I'm redoing my bedroom.
oloknotwise 12-13-06, 10:09 PM	Olo Knotwise, Human Cleric of Pelor: "Look to your heart for the answer to your question; look to your conscience for the question to your answer."
Apupunchau 12-13-06, 11:38 PM	Halfling Rogue who walked into a room with a sandwhich and found his allies and a magistrate looking at a dead body. He said these words and then walked out of the room before anyone could say anything. "I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove a thing. The hut burned down all by itself and she was pregnant when I got there." To flesh this out further he actually didn't do anything.
TwoPi 12-14-06, 02:49 AM	My Warforge Monk, after lassoing a red dragon, climbing the rope and riding it around. "How do I get off this thing?"
prozacman 12-14-06, 05:19 PM	coop, the best rogue ever: after missing a guard with his sap, and palming it with sleight of hand: "look, a dragon!" *sapped* after being teleported: "that creeped me right the h*** out!" while working with another rogue, who had no idea what they were doing: "come along novice, i'll show you how to pick the lock" When caught picking a pocket: "he did it!" *points to random person* after disarming a very long complicated trap that had to be set off before it could be deactivated, a room filled with sand and carnivorous beetles.. the party fought them while he disabled the trap, as the door opened to the room after he disabled it. and they killed all the beetles while he was gone: "gods, how many times do i have to save you guys in one day?" Krondor, my cleric. while talking to a shadow being who is chasing a magic key he has: ~give me the key~ "I have a better idea, how bout i give you the finger" *bamf*
Aramist 12-14-06, 08:41 PM	My Half-elf Paladin who is the only lawful characteer in the group: "Are you SURE that this is legal?" Bard talking to an angry goblin: "Yeah, I know, you don't have any wenches right? Have one of mine." *points to one of the girls he is courting AND defending* Sorceror after summoning a swarm: "Time to meet my little friends MWHA HA HA"
Keldarth 12-20-06, 01:04 PM	Aryon, Half-Elf Ranger: "You are safe now". "I don't want to fight you". "It's still not too late for you, sister. Open your eyes. Break free". "One of us will live, and the other will die. Any guesses?" "Run! To the forest!" "Don't move. Wait. Wait. Wait. Now! Jump!" "Wait here. I'll be back in two hours." "Bugbears. Three of them, in heavy armour. Not wounded. They move fast. Two of them carry some weight on their back... See how the tracks change at every step? The weight shifts and moves... they have prisoners, and they're still alive. They're six hours ahead of us. We will have to hurry". "That's quicksand. Don't step on it". "Follow me". Keldarth, Drendali (non-drow non-evil dark elf) Sorcerer "Don't try me". "Those are NOT the fugitives you are looking for..." "Nice idea, my friend. Now, let me do it my way". "See this? It means Demon in the old tongue. It is the mark of power unleashed. Let me show you". After waiting silently the fruitless efforts of his desperate companions, a silent, stilled, precisely cast spell saves the day. One of them asks "Now, I guess you could have done this from the beginning, isn't it?" "Of course, but that would have ended the fun." "Desperate times, desperate measures."
Arianna_Nailo 12-20-06, 06:14 PM	My friend's bard/rogue about my ranger: "We have a love/hate relationship. I love her and she hates me." Same friend on my ranger's thoughts after being eaten by a fiendish dire shark three times: "Eat me once, shame on you. Eat me twice, shame on me. Eat me three times and I am going to kill you." A friend's sorcerer after my fiance's rogue was injured with a weapon that had the ability to drain wisdom. "Excuse me, can you help us? Our rogue's been stabbed retarded." My fiance's rogue to a kobold after having his wisdom dropped to a 3: "Your ears are pretty."
TheAnthroDM 12-20-06, 11:30 PM	Oly the Barbarian after she encountered what our DM described as a giant mechanical teddy bear. "Oly smash or Oly hug?"
chromeraven 12-23-06, 03:44 AM	Ihsan, H-Elf fighter to Roland, my whisper gnome rogue, as several prominent gnomish villagers are staring daggers at only my character: "Why are they all looking at you like that, Roland?" Roland: "I'm really quite attractive by gnomish standards my friend. Let us get back to the caravan, I fear for my virtue."
AMGriffin 12-23-06, 12:27 PM	Sten Kursh (True Neutral Half-Orc Barbarian/Fighter while killing a drow wizard) "You mages are all the same, a blade through the ribs really cramps your style. *Stab*" "Are you so callous you don't even care that this village is being pillaged by Gnolls!?" Valanthe, our elven bard. "Basically." ------------- Kaze Zachan (Human paladin/Champion of Torm) Drusilia (Dwarven Monk): Cast a powerful spell! Kaze: I don't know any above level 2! Drusilia: I thought you clerics were good spellcasters! Kaze: I'M A PALADIN DAMNIT! A PALADIN! ------ Isendir Nefzen (Half-elf Ranger) (After using diplomacy to flirt his way out of trouble) Tomi (Halfling wizard): How do you get out of these things? Isendir: It's all about the ears man. -------- Grug (Ogre Barbarian) Guard: Sorry, but I could not allow a brute like you into the castle... (DM: Make a diplomacy check) Grug: (Makes check...gets a 5) Um... Grug give you shinys *Pulls out a single coin*? Guard: Hah! Not on your life ogre! Grug: *Long pause*...*hits guard in the head*
zvbxrpl 12-23-06, 01:29 PM	These are a couple gems that I'd like to put in my stories. Please post if you agree. I'd put you guys in the "Thanks For" lists if you do. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE: Our destiny is shaped by the choices we make. Death....is a formality. There is music in silence. A ladder, how quaint ... fireball. Try that again. Maybe it will tickle. Wow, how'd you get your eyes to glow like that? Are you that scared of the dark? I have neither the charm to pluck at heart strings, nor the stomach to pick at bones. My soul itches. I'm totally OK with you using "my soul itches." My sorceror would be proud.
I'm not a fanatic 12-23-06, 05:11 PM	Cade, my Jerren (Evil halfling) Sorceror : ". . . Y'know, when you have as many illegitimate children as I do, you tend to think less about sex. . ."
JaiaDrottsingr 12-23-06, 05:12 PM	I'm totally OK with you using "my soul itches." My sorceror would be proud. Thank you!
Radijs 12-23-06, 05:16 PM	My mercenary Santo Dantes: I've got 2 priorities here. One, get paid. Two, live long enough to enjoy the money.
Drendarius 12-24-06, 01:50 PM	My elf druid has mentioned jars at least 50 times. I have a hgue fascination of jars and all the things that could be put in them :D
TrashCrap 12-25-06, 11:07 PM	latest from my rogue: (Archon searching for a stolen artifact): "I know that you do not have the sword, but if need be, I am willing to sacrifice my life AND your lives to get the sword back where it belongs" (Me): "Well where can we stand thats far enough away to ensure that our lives are not sacrificed for your noble cause?"
roninwolf109 12-25-06, 11:31 PM	My CN Human Barbarian to charge attacking Gnoll after it missed its attack roll: "Hey! Thanks! Now I don't have to go all the way over there to kill your a**!" (had already dropped 5 out of 7 of the Gnolls) *NPC Halfling bashes Gnoll and it falls over* "Awwww! D***!" (frowns and looks unhappy) My LG Human Paladin to my friend's Human Bard as she starts stripping in a pub: "Forgive her Heronious. She knows not what she does." Bard's response: "Yes I do!":D
FaithKiller 12-26-06, 10:59 AM	Here are the good ones i have. From my first char a Drow rogue/fightr (more a dirty figher than thief) while conversing with the cleric. Dm:In your room you see some really heavy and good quality blankets Clr:Maybe we should borrow them *winks* Rogue: without thinking No Dm: Thats a rare convertation In the last party i play A NG wiz/fgtr knight in an order our paladin goes alone in a dungeon and fails a riddle so he faces a throne archon Dm: You see a beautiful woman sitting on a throne and wielding a sword that shakes with power Pal:Is she using her [)il[)o to attack me? Dm:NO YOU IDIOT ITS VORPAL Pal: F**k Our chars are living for some reasons to a drow city so my char s taking the chance to ammuse himself Dm:what do you do Me:I'm watching the female drow practising Dm: One chalenge you to a sparing match what do u do? Me:Grapple her The party is infront of some succubus my wiz after rolling a 30+ in knowlege the plains says to the paladin :do you have to smite the ladies? Pal:You know what they are? Me:of course and i know they're fgood in bed just the prob is that they drain lvls :P
VoxPVoxD 12-26-06, 11:11 AM	"For now, there is today, and there is tomorrow, and there is I, a journeyman between the two." -- my Gnomish Tinker
BiteSizedDragonSnack 12-26-06, 06:59 PM	My CG Half Copper dragon Elf, sorcerer extraordinair (his words, not mine ;) ) *to the dwarf* "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? I honestly didn't know your beard was flammable!" *To the paladin* "OK, you go charging full speed ahead into the red dragon's lair. I'll be sure to show up once the dragon has finished digesting you and give the feces a proper burial." *To the paladin* "You know, you'd enjoy life a bit more if you removed that broadsword from your :censored: " "I only need three things in life to make me happy. A pretty woman, shiny gems and spells that make things go boom." "Am I the only one here with a sense of humor?" "Tossing a dwarf isn't as much fun as it sounds. Well. . .the tossing part is fun, but being chased by an annoyed dwarf waving a very large axe isn't very much fun." *To the cleric after being healed.* "You're my new best friend."
TheChilliGod 12-27-06, 01:43 AM	These are a couple gems that I'd like to put in my stories. Please post if you agree. I'd put you guys in the "Thanks For" lists if you do. [...] Wow, how'd you get your eyes to glow like that? Are you that scared of the dark? [...]Sure, go ahead and quote my halfling. So's you know, he said that quote against a vampire who promptly dominated and walloped the spit out of him. Stink-face vampire... Here's a few more; my halfling is my quote-man. "Oh, so that's w-what happened. B-being hit by some poison, losing a-all natural strength, and having to be k-kept conscious by only magical enhancements. Y-yeah, it's h-happened before. I'm g-geting used t-to it now, act-tually." "Hm, this dead guy I'm lying on is actually quite comfortable." "Been having a bit too much of your own spell components, eh?" "How do you like 'em, anyway? Big or small? What, no! I meant the tunnels we're going through!" "Hm, well that plan has it's good points. Simple, Easy enough for you two, and roughly as subtle as a goliath's greathammer.
lycanthrope0 12-28-06, 03:48 PM	great thread heres mine from Lashou Vanderspell human fighter mage, who some how picked up the hobby of cooking "anyone want a steak sandwitch?" as 3 eldritch giants storm into the room
SweetZombieJesus 12-28-06, 04:46 PM	To paraphrase my TN Conjurer, who is right now the most reluctant cult leader ever: "Here's the thing with evil; It's just plain DUMB! I mean, what is the point of great power if you don't have the freedom to use it? That's not power at all. "here's 1000 gold, but you can only use it to buy this +1 short sword." Well, thanks a lot, but I'd rather earn my own 1000, and spend it on what I want! That's the thing with evil - everything has a price, and everybody has a boss. You try to take some initiative, to use your "power man should not know" to really DO something, and they slap you down. Nooo, you get the power you crave, but you'd better spend every waking moment helping Mr. Sinister with his Necromantic Engine or else... Best you can hope for is to be killed by the annoying forces of good. So go forth, and stop worshiping me! It's stupid"
Ocom 12-31-06, 04:19 PM	My little sneaky.. something OOC "I'm not there, Im over in that corner trying to hide." IC "Rest assured wizard, I will protect you with my life" In his little head: "+12 Bluff never hurts" A whisper gnome stares at the dragon's teeth, his small rapier, the dragon's teeth, his rapier again and says: "I think the rapier is getting smaller" IC: "I know i have no heart, but the enemy spellcaster offered double the market price for it"
roninwolf109 01-01-07, 10:02 PM	Here's a good one that happened between my Rogue and an NPC Halfling Cleric a session or two ago: Rogue (being chased by giant zombie): Run! Run! Halfling (peeks around corner of a room he was searching): We're running? giant zombie stomps into doorway Rogue: YES!
justus36201 01-02-07, 02:11 AM	That which can not be solved through words can easily be swolved by fists and blood. Which coming from a Drowmen (which is the mix of deman and drow races) says alot. But according to Slinker who is a kenderling (half kender half halfling) assassin/thief that whick cant be solve by words or blood can be solved through trickerry, and cunning.
justus36201 01-02-07, 02:13 AM	That which can not be solved through words can easily be swolved by fists and blood. Which coming from a Drowmen (which is the mix of deman and drow races) says alot. But according to Slinker who is a kenderling (half kender half halfling) assassin/thief that whick cant be solve by words or blood can be solved through trickery, and cunning.:D
the_taken 01-02-07, 05:33 PM	That which can not be solved through words can easily be swolved by fists and blood. Which coming from a Drowmen (which is the mix of deman and drow races) says alot. But according to Slinker who is a kenderling (half kender half halfling) assassin/thief that whick cant be solve by words or blood can be solved through trickerry, and cunning. :D Why did you just quote yourself?
The Brat Prince 01-02-07, 09:14 PM	My current character in a Firefly d20 game is ship's mechanic and general muscle aboard a lovely little boat called the Charity. In the spirit of the base material, Calvin Maharassa is a snarky little piece of fey-yu. To an empty bank vault (shamelessly stolen from Serenity) "At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime." facing one of his innumerable seemingly inevitable deaths. "I'd just like to point out that I'm way to pretty to die!" "don't worry Captain, everything's shiny back here! just up to my waist in bits of engine that really ought be attached to the rest of it! but don't you worry your pretty little head 'bout it!" *gets hit on the head with a falling bit of engine* "Liu kuoshui de biaozi he houzi de ben erzi!!!" (translation- Stupid son of a drooling ***** and a monkey) "Like the brew? Make it myself. Also pretty good for degreasing the engine, come to think it." the other crewmember (a companion) promplty spit-taked the moonshine across the front of her dress in a decidedly un-companion-y fashion. "Here's to homemade fermentation systems." "Ching-wao tsao duh liou mahng!" translation- "frog-humpin sonofab***h" About to go to a fancy dinner party to steal something (pretty much the only reason we go anywhere actually) "You know I was raised pretty proper, and for the life of me I can never figure out which fork to start with..." The ship's pilot- "Just start at the outside and work your way in. And remember, weapons go to the far right of the place setting."
stuporhero93 01-03-07, 06:39 PM	Ringo my lawful evil ranger/bloodhound: "Yes I'll kill him for you...unless he pays better...."
Corpsekin 01-04-07, 12:35 PM	Paladin in full plate unsing total defense while he waits for his dwarf ally to spend 10 rounds healing-'You can't touch this do do dodo....'
ChudaTogawa 01-04-07, 02:10 PM	Some choice quotes from Calver Scriven, my binder who's strangely wound up the guy leading the people saving the world. Long, long story. -To the resurgent God of Humanity that is bent on conquering the world: Karn: "I am the God-City Karn. Who dares oppose me?" Calver: "I am Calver Scriven, and I do." K: "You are human. I am your god." C: "Yeah, I'm kinda an atheist." -When explaining Pact Magic to someone on a bad day: C: "So, pretty much, I call up things that were once and now never are, from a place that is not, and share my soul with them for a while." Other guy: "You do this for fun?" C: "No, I do it for power. What do you think I am, stupid?" -After having a third conversation in one day with another character walking around with improved invisibility: "What is this, a new fashion trend? All the cool kids are disembodied voices? Great. And I was hearing them back when it was just considered heretical and signs of madness. Now everyone's doing it."
SKAMBANKT 01-14-07, 11:20 AM	My Dwarven fighter10/berzerker10, Tyrion: After head-butting a Prismatic Wall, going insane and killing a partymember, causing the BBEG to kill another two members, recovers his wits and sees what he has done. "Durn, I wish I hadn´t have done that..." -This happens while holding a dagger with one wish in it. POOF! Tyrion headbutts the Prismatic Wall, aces his saves, reaches the BBEG, and with the help of his now living partymembers Offs the bastard in a large way.
Drodain 01-14-07, 12:25 PM	Said by my cleric when he met a new person "You can call me mother, or even mom if you want, because out here I'm the one who kisses your boo-boos and makes you feel better. Plus I'm the only one who's gonna give two ***** about you."
The Jake 01-14-07, 08:07 PM	"These half witted soldiers are not fit for survival. Clearly you are all similarly half witted to agree with them." -- my CG drow wild mage (INT 26) explaining to the other PCs why an army of soldiers deserved to die, knowing they were eating poisoned rations because it was better than starving, relying on us to save them.
Sachiel 01-15-07, 07:15 PM	My spellthief usually in response to someone trying to get her into the sack. "I gotta be romanced first!" -Subira al-Nukmeht
Fatalis_902 01-17-07, 06:43 PM	My Elan kineticist, after becoming angered by his enemies: "Spontaneous not-human Combustion!" Followed by empowered, fire based, max augmented energy power of one kind or another. Also, to any illithids he meets: "I'm going to Ego Whip you to semi-unconciousness, bind you, extract your skull from your head, and beat you to death with it."
Damori 01-17-07, 07:03 PM	My human bard, Miguel would say... "ooooh!" Upon finding loot to sell. "Just..one...more" When drinking himself into a coma with one of the party's scouts. He also inspired courage with the mandolin when destroying the inn's latrine. White Chipped: "I love drama, but not when it doesn't involve me. Let's keep moving." The Darfellan I am making would say "..." most of the time. Maybe a "Yes" or "No", but "I don't care" would work better if he has to talk.
LittleCarp04 01-18-07, 01:11 AM	Darvin Greycastle, a Shade Shadowcaster, speaking to the rest of the party after stepping onto the Plane of Shadow, "Fear not friends, for in the darkness your weaknesses shall be hidden. Unbeknownst to most, it is in true light that your weakness is seen."
Azar_of_Faerun 01-18-07, 03:11 AM	Jorn, Paladin of Hoar to an assassin "You're a murderer, you enjoy death. I hope you enjoy your own"
devilin_west 01-18-07, 08:53 AM	My NE human ranger would say," Send the bard through. If he makes it, its safe for us."
Ninja_Sensei 01-18-07, 01:59 PM	The rather cowardly (at the time) cad of a lecherous greedy bard in our FR campaign to a huge plate-mailed half-orc fighter blocking our way into a previously slain dragon's lair, just prior to booting him in the goolies: "You're between me and my money!" (NB: This was the first time he had shown any backbone in a fight.) Same bard to a young barmaid on our way through the Silver Marches: "Have you ever been to Silverymoon? No? Well, I'm the king!" :)
Ninja_Sensei 01-18-07, 02:15 PM	... Our destiny is shaped by the choices we make. ... This humble cleric of Correlon Larethian, Calamar Eldanil, would be most pleased and honured to lend his words to your literary works. (In non-Calamar speak: "Sure! Go ahead." :))
JaiaDrottsingr 01-18-07, 05:19 PM	Ninja Sensei? No, I refuse to believe that I know this many people in and outside of the boards (every single one of my gaming groups have been obsessed with the Aska Ninnn-jah!). Thank you, though. On Topic: These belong to Khaos, the CE Fey'Ri Yes, the party knows she's evil. Why is it that everyone gets a twinkle in their eye when blowing stuff up? No! I am the ENTITY of Insanity! Therefore, you may NOT be CN! *To new player while in-character* The big problem with being the bare Essence of Insanity is that, even though no one understands you, you don't come with the subtitle option of "Thorassic Captions For the Hearing Impaired." Palidans are funny. Yeah, the best part is when they *fall* off a cliff. *In the middle of play* I'M THE SPY! ME! ME! ME! End quotes. With that last one, I'm surprised how many times that by doing that when people were haggling over price with the DM you manage to escape completely through their suspicions. Well, you really fall deeper down, but into a sub tunnel called "Chronically Insane." Plus, if you make an oath to tell the truth, all the truth, and nothing but the truth, you haven't lied.
Orion_Danthyer 01-18-07, 11:22 PM	Just a random one: "Whoever said nothing is impossible has apparently never tried slamming a revolving door."
Istaran 01-25-07, 06:28 PM	Guard: What exactly are you doing in a graveyard in the middle of the night? Sin the librarian: Out of our way. This is official Library business. Guard: ... *lets them go while his brain locks up at the thought.* ------- Random party member: What are you? Sin: I'm a librarian. Random party member: No, I mean what race? Sin: I told you, librarian. Random party member: That's not a race, that's a job. Sin: Being a librarian is a total state of being. It is my job, my race, my gender. I am entirely a librarian. Random party member: *slinks away to escape the conversation* ------- Tora: Hey good looking, want to spend the night with me? Sin: I'm flattered, and I would certainly be interested if I were still a man. But alas, I am a librarian now.
Lord_Mundus 01-25-07, 09:46 PM	Other party member: 'What brings you to this end of Faerun, Moon Elf?' Morganis Szalazar III (NE Moon Elf Rogue/Shadow Dancer/Assassin (with a complex that involves believing he is drow)): *flick of the wrist, rapier through throat 8D6 S.A.* "NEVER call me Moon Elf, scum"...... "any way its none of your business" Party Member: 'gurgle...wheeze' *death*
Max_Graeves 01-26-07, 02:26 PM	My my irish dwarf chaos monk: "Wanker!" My halfling rogue/swashbuckler: "I'm not evil, society's to blame!" "Oh I get it! Prejudice against shorties, eh?!"
Halaku 01-26-07, 06:48 PM	Sentiment shared by many of my characters: "I dread the day I wake up and realize my life is not on the line, because thats the day I am no longer living it."
nighttree 01-27-07, 12:23 AM	New Character....Female Half-Ogre Ranger with the heart of a Pin up girl..... "Come to Mama"
Chrae77 01-27-07, 12:46 AM	My controlling scoundral changling character, after sneaking into a Fated stronghold, disguised as a well-renowned Fated member, spoken to high priest of Olidammara and said Fated members good friend ... "Think of it as charity." Bluff check... FAILED!
AllWillFall2Me 01-27-07, 12:58 AM	A very clever scoundrel char i made (Bard/Ebonmar Infilitrator) Often escapes city guard by deliberately running down dead ends, then: "Well, it seems our little chase is over. Adieu!" Then he pulls himself into his hat, a special bag of holding with a dimension door effect his mother made him. And "you seem to have it all figured out how you'll win this, but you've forgotten one thing." "What?" "My brother is ALWAYS behind you." His brother, a rogue/scout/theif acrobat, then spin kicks the guy in the head. "Hey, you stole my hat!" Whenever he eventually finds he guardsman who takes his hat. Another campaign. Party had a crazy 1/2 ogre barbarian, and a tiefling dropped a darkness spell over the melee. My char, "RUN! He knows no allies in the darkness!"
MattBlacke 02-01-07, 12:20 AM	My NG cleric of Mystra, having just survived yet another close scrape: *sings* "Mystra loves me/this I know/'Cuz Old Elminster told me so..."
LifeIshFun 02-01-07, 12:05 PM	~ Katora Anarion(CG Druid Level 23)Speaking to his younger brother Solvet. "So unlike the Gods of our creation, yet to walk in their shadows and strive to live up to their level of expectation. Should we succeed, eternal bliss. Yet I fear to know what happens if we don't...such is the nature of existance. This is our Blessing, and our Curse." ~ Solvet Anarion (NG Fighter Level 21) Speaking to his elder brother Katora, and the remainder of the party during a seige. "So when they have come to claim us...to draw us away from the mortal coil, how shall we go my friends? Shall we go valiantly into the next life, to grin upon the Fates who predicted otherwise. Or...shall we go kicking and screaming as when we came into the world? Well, I don't know about you but...I am planning to make some noise before I go!"
CainJustice 02-01-07, 01:46 PM	I had a Githzerai smart A__ Fighter/Rogue that would always say "it's only cheating if you get caught" And a magic hating dwarf that said "BAH you sorcerers and your.....umm.....SORCERY!"
Max the Immortal 02-01-07, 02:33 PM	My drow elf mage, when a paladin explains how (as stated in the BoED) evil acts, even when done for the perceived greater good, have repercussions on the outer planes. "F*ck the outer planes!" Lifted and paraphrased from elsewhere: "Living in Menzoberranzan is like being in someone else's dream."
Argo 02-01-07, 05:51 PM	...And i'm not sexist either, I'm female. You know, those two things aren't mutually exclusive. Now, on to the topic at hand: My famed first character, halfling rogue Argolon "Argo" Flivverswitch had taken a nasty spill off a high wall while attempting a getaway after my first thieving job since getting out of prison (read: level 1). My partner on the job, a PC Half-Elf Ranger named Boden stabilized me, scooped me up and proceded to run throughout the city trying to find a cleric. Boden (With gusto): Excuse me, ladies. My friend got kicked by a horse! Where might I find a cleric to heal his wounds? ...Later on... Boden (Getting less confident in his lie): Sir! My friend got... kicked by a horse. Is there a healer nearby? ...Later still... Boden (Barely able to say it): My friend got... kicked... by a... horse! Where's the cleric? ...Even later. Now he's had several close calls with town guards, stashed the loot from the robbery in an alley, and found a Temple of Pelor where we met our third PC, a Cleric... Cleric: Yes, I can heal your friend. What happened to him? Boden: ...horse? ------------------ DM, regarding rolling die for random effects: This is great! I love not having to make my own decisions! ------------------ We came upon a camp full of goblins. We discussed tactics for a long time, until Argo got fed up and left to circle around to far side of the camp to wait for the attack, so I could flank. The plan (decided after I left) was that Boden would mimic an injured animal, hoping to draw a few goblins into the woods to easily thin their ranks. Boden: (makes hurt deer noise) Argo fails Wis check. Starts heading back. Boden: (makes hurt deer noise) Goblins start coming to investigate. Two rounds later Argo (beating the goblins there, but not by much): ("Whispering" loudly) Guys? Where are you? I think there's an injured deer somewhere around here! ------------------ In a game I was DMing, the party payed an NPC Wizard named Myrmylyn to cast stone-to-flesh on the basilisk-petrified Half-Orc Ranger. They didn't have enough gold, and the wizard was the leader of the local chapter of PETMA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Magical Animals). So, as payment, they had to do a rather dangerous job for him (freeing a white dragon from captivity), and upon returning, the Half-Orc, Gell, pitched him some 'tude. Gell: You never told us we were going to be dealing with a dragon!! Myrmylyn: No, yes, I'm quite certain I did. Gell: I never even agreed to go on that suicide mission in the first place! He was guarded by giants! Myrmylyn: Listen, Orc: If it wasn't for me, you'd still be a statue. You're all still alive and no worse for the wear, so put a sock in it, or I'll turn you back into a lawn ornament. ------------------ Another game. My character, the CN Gnome Bard2 Glimrick "Doubletongue" Brangle, had just nearly gotten everyone killed when his compulsion to lie to everyone resulted in the party having to skip town. The best way to do this was through the sewers and we accidentally ran into the local Rogue's Guild. They decided that our pledge to forget about them couldn't be trusted (probably because the party Paladin insisted he would return to sweep them clean in the wrath of Pelor's fire), so they nearly killed us all, but we managed to escape by the skin of our teeth, and (of course) I was the only one not grievously injured (and was, in fact, at full health). Doubletongue: (Laughing) Well, that was a right fun bit o' mischief! Where to next, lads? The day is young! ------------------ Doubletongue had just bluffed the local adventurer's guild into believing we were a different party that had been hired to clear goblins from the mountain pass. We collected the reward and went to the local inn. While there, we MET that other party. That night, I broke into their rooms, and stole all their items. Then, I forged Wanted posters with their faces and names and hung them on the door to the inn. The next morning I grabbed a local guard and told him the wanted men were upstairs. They were promptly arrested. Fighter: ??!! What in the Nine Hells was that about? You won't be doing anything like that again on my watch. Haven't you ever heard that honesty is the best policy? Doubletongue: Honesty is the best policy, but deception works in a pinch.
trickydevl666 02-01-07, 07:36 PM	My Illumian Dread Necromancer, Lasham, decided to read a random person's palm. Lasham: I see death is in your near future... Passerby: Are you really a diviner? Lasham:....no... I'm a necromancer... Passerby: ...Oh...
attackkobold 02-01-07, 08:12 PM	Human monk: "One who accepts blessings without resistance may expect to also receive curses and be unprepared." :cool: KCarl :cool:
Donald_Cannith 02-04-07, 01:12 AM	Gorg bardbarian in a bar being hit on. elven girl:So do you like the view(she says pointing down her shirt) gorg (looking at an everflowing flagon of meade): Id like it betterif you werent in the way
roninwolf109 02-05-07, 02:40 AM	Latest ones from a game I'm currently playing in: NPC Halfling Cleric: "We're adventurers! We obtain the unobtainable! Defeat the undefeatable!" My Human Rogue: "We look the inevitable in the eye and say 'You're evitable!" "What the hell is this?" - famous last words of BBEG. My Rogue snuck up on him and two of his followers, threw some Tanglefoot bags around and took out the BBEG in roughly a round and a half (Go Sneak Attack and my favorite d6s) :D
Zaleth 02-05-07, 12:04 PM	My hubands Kender form of a mercury dragon who uses apples in her hoopak "Apple Sauce!" Making all guards in the town duck or be spattered! The most bone chilling terrfing word ever heard in Kyrnn OPPS! "If your kender says opps!, dont ask just RUN for your life!" I had a saying for my high level Necromancer / High Priestess of Cyric and High Priestess of Lolth. "Trust no only but family but, then again that could get you killed!"
KillFrenzy 02-06-07, 01:38 AM	well heres some quotes from my fighter "Im not drunk! your drunk!" "One day i will kill you all" "Im not gonna kill ya im just gonna turn you into a quadraplegic" "Go fetch my sword-Its head kickin time" "I have many hobbies, like bustin heads and being drunk" My fighter when asked why he is always so insane and happy: "People all around the world live lives of suffering, pain and torment and other peoples suffering brings me joy! thats why im always happy!"
Chrae77 02-06-07, 02:31 AM	I havnt actually played this charcter yet, but i built this catfolk dervish for the sake of saying: "cat, im a kitty cat. *ding* and i dance, dance, dance. and i dance, dance, dance.":D
TwoPi 02-06-07, 05:55 PM	My Goliath Fighter/Warblade "Come get some, I am not afriad of you cle..." Then hold person is cast on him, fails the save and in coup da graced, fails fort save (By 1 argh!) and dies.
Adolph_Kheebler 02-07-07, 12:17 AM	My artificer: "Of course it isn't finished. It doesn't go boom yet."
Aryxbez 02-07-07, 12:34 AM	My 1st character Thoran Torunn, Dwarf Fighter/Barbarian which I still play to this day would say: Eat my Axe! Other quotes of his are as follows there is more skill in wielding a axe than there is a bow Never judge your foe by what he looks, but how he fights I'd rather die fighting than some coward like an Elf! Elves can't craft anything! but bows... but anyone can craft a Bow!
lycanthrope0 02-07-07, 06:02 PM	okay this ones for those JLA fans out thier setup: after playing with a deck of many things for to long i ended up with a 4th level Bodyguard and stuck in a void ( ended up being a time travel thing) so the 4th level bodyguard became my charector. "Darkone, deck of many things im up to speed lets get to buisness"
Jenkins007 02-08-07, 01:15 AM	Wizard turns man's foot into rock, then shapes it, then turns it to a lizard "Let's negotiate.":D
geekling 02-08-07, 11:55 AM	Yrin: "They're not paying me enough for this. Not that they're paying me anything at all, but even if they were. It's not enough for this."
TheWyrmDude 02-08-07, 01:44 PM	"Say NO to drugs!" *punch* - Hectorus Sictum, Crusader, when offered psychadelic mushrooms by a halfling junky.
Seir 02-08-07, 02:02 PM	Sitri the Dark Knight - *leaning against tree twirling dagger* "Mind if I cut you up?"
JaiaDrottsingr 02-08-07, 04:31 PM	*These are quotes from Jaia's triumphant return to adventuring, which he hasn't since the Underdark module was released.* House Gambling Staffmen at Table (I love my DM's idiotic and incorrect names for anything to do with gambling, particularly craps.): Roll d'dice. Jaia: *Swears*. Well, now that I've lost everything, feel free to be murdered and promptly looted, after which you will be treated to a long while of defiling and disrespect. Finally you will be dropped into a quarry after I manage to get a cleric to ressurect you. Mind I ask what diety you serve?
Outsider829 02-09-07, 09:21 AM	My cleric would say: "Hey Mr.Hobo you can have my shoes. And let me take you out for a feast. Oh and heres the cure to cancer (casts heal). No problem man. Go to church." And what the old man doesnt realize is that its all part of my plan to make a legion of hobos and drunks!
Kendrik 02-09-07, 10:43 AM	My friends Paladin to my paladin.. "You can't go around killing every evil undead thing you see. We're paladins" My paladin, referring to my party of morally challenged casters while attempting to negotiate with a necromancer... "I've made so many concessions in this adventure already, I guess I can make one more for you..."
Toloran 02-09-07, 06:37 PM	Group is discussing how to deal with a corrupt offical when my LN Rogue/Umbral Disciple chips in: "There is a time for discussion and there is a time for stabbing people in their sleep. I believe this is the latter."
JaiaDrottsingr 02-10-07, 07:31 PM	This one was just weird. Friend's gnome, who, by saying this, screwed up the entire campaign: What? So I've crafted a walking, talking Doomsday device I illegally imported from Ebberon, and the Chaos Theory may have a few good points but at least I didn't say-- *looks to side* Whoah! An Orange door hinge! *boom*
Sajek 02-10-07, 07:32 PM	"Give us the gems, or my mustache will eat your beard." It's a very long story.
grok_grok 02-11-07, 02:28 AM	" Have I ever told you my uncle's a dragon?" - Shaquelle O' Jack, Confused halfing Sorc " I,... Am,... Already Dead" - The Nameless Warrior who was forced to slaughter his family (I wrote a good 3 pages of background on this guy and love to use him, he's a human swashbuckler/fighter/dervish who uses TWF)
Ravenmore 02-11-07, 08:04 PM	Nordo Swiftfingers, my human CG rogue "Heroes are people who got caught robbing an unpopular guys' house"
Callista 02-11-07, 11:15 PM	"The daughter of Tiamat wants to kill me? I'm honored!" --Kady Small, Halfling Rogue/Paladin
TwoPi 02-13-07, 01:30 AM	"Ok so that takes care of that." The last words of my Sorcerer right before the Frenzy Beserker Orc fails his will save and power attacks me for 92 dmg. I have 25 hit points, then procedes to cleave my animal companion for 102 dmg. This was the first night I played this guy...dang it.
JaiaDrottsingr 02-13-07, 04:42 PM	"Ok so that takes care of that." The last words of my Sorcerer right before the Frenzy Beserker Orc fails his will save and power attacks me for 92 dmg. I have 25 hit points, then procedes to cleave my animal companion for 102 dmg. This was the first night I played this guy...dang it. Do ALL of your characters die? Get a different DM!
TwoPi 02-14-07, 03:08 AM	My DM knows that I like to make characters so Monsters tend to eat me first, and my dice have stage fright it seems. WHen they need to make a roll to save me, they get flustered and die. Though usally they last longer then a week, this was some serious bad luck. The combat killed out cleric, had the other caster charmed and then kidnapped by the enemy and the me killed by a team mate q_q
SquirrelMortis 02-14-07, 07:37 AM	My Vadalis heir who happens to be scared of animals-- "I would love to portray myself as a tamer of wild beasts, yet that would be...inaccurate."
JaiaDrottsingr 02-14-07, 04:31 PM	My DM knows that I like to make characters so Monsters tend to eat me first, and my dice have stage fright it seems. WHen they need to make a roll to save me, they get flustered and die. Though usally they last longer then a week, this was some serious bad luck. The combat killed out cleric, had the other caster charmed and then kidnapped by the enemy and the me killed by a team mate q_q 0_o ... Whoah. That's some ... seriously ... crap-for-crap ... RPG-life, uhm, thingy ... Am I the only one who has almost never died in FR? And come to think of it I've had over two-thousand campaigns that I've participated in. I mean, I've only had around 255 groups, but... Seriously. My level five Halfling rogue killed Klauth (See Writer's Blog link in siggie). No, wait. Klauth killed Klauth.
trickydevl666 02-16-07, 02:17 AM	So... I thought since the first session for the campaign I am in was a big success, I believe that some quoting is in order. Changeling Swordsage: "Can I smell your feet" "More Ale, WENCH" Changeling Rogue: "Loot the Bodies!" Half-Elf Bard talking to a member of House Cannith in Eberron: Bard: "What will you do with the shcema once you get it?" CannithMember: "We will attempt to see if it could be beneficial to the people and we will mass produce it and sell it" Bard: "What if it is a powerful weapon of some sort?" Cannith Member: "Then we would sell it to armies that wish to purchase it" and finally... in response to how our party wished to dispose of the two bodies.... "Chuck 'em"
feraltibbit 02-16-07, 11:27 AM	My CG Half-Elf Druid6/Wizard4/Geomancer10 of Mielikki: "I'm one with nature, one with my diety, one with arcana and I can shove this scimitar so far up your arse you'd think it grew there...DAMN, I'm good!"
Adrian_Crane 02-16-07, 08:57 PM	My NE Drow Fighter/Wizard, using his arranged-upon code to let the party know his next spell is an illusion (so they auto-succeed on their saves, barring really low WIS scores). "MOVE, you idiots!" ...basically, if he insults their intelligence while casting, it means the spell is an illusion. Any other time, he's just doing it for his own gratification. :D
Siduakal 02-16-07, 11:12 PM	My Monk House Deneith Heir: "How much does it pay?" My Male Drow Wizard: "Ugh, I need a bath. I could go for a manicure, if we have time." My Troll Barbarian: "... huh?" (This is his response to any battle plan..)
Fullmetal_Alchemist 02-16-07, 11:50 PM	Human Binder: Hook: "I made so many mistakes, but those errors are mine to bear. A sin is just another word that judges you..."
Adolfo_Mondschein 02-19-07, 04:34 AM	Jereel My Human LN Bounty Hunter. Ranger 1 /Scout 9/ Blood Hound 4 "He's no good to me dead."
bakomusha 02-20-07, 04:25 AM	bendeck sunhold (my TN rpga fighter with a merc bounty hunter build) "money makes the world go round, for enough money i can make it turn the other way." babe ( my LN halfling wizard "avenging pupil" build) "they killed my my master, no he was something more then that, and they shall pay with there lives!" father fenders ( my NG cleric of ilmater " Mother Teresa" build) "order and chaos are just words used to justify ones actions, i however have no need for such things."
Devlonir 02-20-07, 07:58 AM	My lvl 14 human duskblade Adam using dimension hop to teleport a BBEG into an active blade barrier and then casting Halt (swift spell with a one word verbal component) on him to make him auto fail the Reflex Save: "Blend!" Same duskblade at lvl 12, after critting a combo of rapier with blade of blood and shocking grasp (grand total of 18d6 damage) "This is my BOOMSTICK!" Archmage Theodore Tavin the all-knowing, Master of Teleportation, after accidentilly teleporting to a vulcanic island in the middle of the ocean after a teleporting mishap: "Not Again!"
TwoPi 02-21-07, 10:55 AM	"Ah so we finally foudn a use for the bard..." The Hell Bred Pally/Gray Guard commenting on the Bards battle plan for the big city wide battle we went through. The bard had bought an Alpine Horn(think Ricola commericals) and stood on top of the highest building giving every ally(The whole militha) with in 8 miles the bonuses to bard song, which at the time was +5 to hit and DMG he made peons almost worth a damn
The_Basilisk 02-21-07, 05:56 PM	One of my players' characters making a comment on "The Styes" (rotten port city from a Dungeon magazine adventure) "This city is a great zit on the face of the planet that must be popped" -Arlin
ContinuityLapse 02-22-07, 10:26 AM	My half-orc pirate, having fought a baelnorn and three deathless within the space of two days: "F***in' elves, don' know when ta stay dead!"
psilontech 02-22-07, 01:48 PM	Anami, the Changling rogue5/dread necromancer 1 with a thing for negative energy after the new character (I don't remember the class, i think it was 3.0) did some unholy damage, instantly dropping the wizard that was punding our ship with fireballs. "SQUEEEE!!!"(high-pitched squeal) *GLOMP!* (Psst... roll grapple!) :D
JaiaDrottsingr 02-22-07, 04:44 PM	"When the Sands of Time are balanced, the grains that are a lifetime of regret cannot mingle among those that are forever happy on the other side of the hourglass." A surprisingly philosphical outlook on Death, Heaven, and Hell, attributed to my cousin RJ's elf character that is missing an eye. Why are scratched-out eyes the new mullets? I mean, you lose your depth perception, and it's not a guaranteed physical Charisma add, but it does add to Intimidate checks if it went badly. His character only has physical Charisma scores, as he stinks horribly and is just ... weird.
stuporhero93 02-23-07, 12:34 PM	My fire-inclined fighter called Ron who owns a steel torch that never burns out: "Why should we go back and get the army when I can just burn this all down NOW!"
blood_of_vol 02-23-07, 03:07 PM	Ariya, Human Scout: "So, naturally, I stole the crown right off his head. Being the Ogre King and all, he was awfully mad about this, and sent his ogre armies charging after me. I outran them though; it was all good." Noren, Dwarven Cleric of the Stars: (At his coming of age ceremony, in front of the entire clan) "The fabled 'God of Dwarves' does not exist! You are all misguided fools who know nothing of the world around you! The stars know all!" (he was promptly beaten and thrown out into the freezing cold) Stormrazer, Half-Giant Psychic Warrior: "Listen, all we want to know is what those documents contain. If you don't tell us, I am going to have to cut off your leg." Aransar, Gray Elf Beguiler: "You don't know how it feels. The rush of controlling people, submitting them to your will. It feels good." Thraash Bladefury, Human Fighter: "They killed her! They came and tortured her and killed her! I was hiding under the bed when they came. They killed her, I left, and came back, and she was gone. Gone! So now I kill them..." Eberk, Dwarf Cleric of Moradin: "Uh... my resurrect spell isn't working..." (He was supposed to be resurrecting Lidda {who was tied to an evil conspiracy} but it just wasn't working... for some unknown reason)
thaneos2004 02-23-07, 03:38 PM	my drow 11 fighter / 10 tempest would say life sucks my friend wear a helmut
Jayne 02-23-07, 04:20 PM	My Tau Cleric/ Warlock: "By the Greater Good, you shall not perish." (To friends) "Enjoy your stay with the rest of my foes." (To everyone else).
Vanulf 03-04-07, 10:32 PM	Aelbourne the Paladin "Make no mistakes, take an evil weapon and I will kill you" and "I'm a Paladin, I'm supposed to be a self-righteous pr*ck" to the party after insisting that the party redeem any evil items found in a temple to Dispater before using them.
TheWyrmDude 03-05-07, 04:21 AM	Not my character, but an npc of mine: "I try to be evil. Sometimes it's diabolical, sometimes devious, sometimes downright childish. 'Eeeehehee! I'm EVIIIIIL!' or whathaveyou. But even after all my horrible deeds, I have no official title to inspire dread amongst the surrounding areas. You wonder why? Take my weapon for instance: A maul. But not just any maul. I made it myself. You see, I discovered my first wife was less than legitimate with me, and was to bare a child because of it. I could've killed her right there, but no. I let her bare it. I let her go through the intense pain of forcing that illegitimate bastard from her nethers. The midwife wiped him off and held him out for me to hold. The grin on my face was a mix of madness and joy. I held my hands out after making a few gestures, and transmuted the child to a heap of stone. He was curled up, so he mantained a nice shape. I took him to my forge, and for many days and nights, I slaved away at fashioning a magically potent and practical weapon. After more than a month, I was finished. My wife, then recovered physically, was emotionally drained from the incident. Some painful... questioning, brought out the name of her lover, followed by her immediate death. Using every method at my disposal, I found his whereabouts. A traveled to his home, knocked politely on the door, waited for him to come to the door, and caved his skull in with his own child. That is why I have no ridiculous title. Monster is enough for me." --Ecidek Shelrov
kharnethedestroyer 03-05-07, 09:36 AM	The Only Question You Need To Ask Yourself Is "do You Worship Tempus?"
kharnethedestroyer 03-08-07, 12:52 PM	"The service of Tempus is one of honor , coourage, not pride or reward. So I ask you again Do you worship Tempus?" --Kharne the Destroyer before he murdered a high priest of Helm.
Jenkins007 03-09-07, 02:26 AM	Not my character, but an npc of mine: "I try to be evil. Sometimes it's diabolical, sometimes devious, sometimes downright childish. 'Eeeehehee! I'm EVIIIIIL!' or whathaveyou. But even after all my horrible deeds, I have no official title to inspire dread amongst the surrounding areas. You wonder why? Take my weapon for instance: A maul. But not just any maul. I made it myself. You see, I discovered my first wife was less than legitimate with me, and was to bare a child because of it. I could've killed her right there, but no. I let her bare it. I let her go through the intense pain of forcing that illegitimate bastard from her nethers. The midwife wiped him off and held him out for me to hold. The grin on my face was a mix of madness and joy. I held my hands out after making a few gestures, and transmuted the child to a heap of stone. He was curled up, so he mantained a nice shape. I took him to my forge, and for many days and nights, I slaved away at fashioning a magically potent and practical weapon. After more than a month, I was finished. My wife, then recovered physically, was emotionally drained from the incident. Some painful... questioning, brought out the name of her lover, followed by her immediate death. Using every method at my disposal, I found his whereabouts. A traveled to his home, knocked politely on the door, waited for him to come to the door, and caved his skull in with his own child. That is why I have no ridiculous title. Monster is enough for me." --Ecidek Shelrov Why can't you be MY DM?
Jenkins007 03-09-07, 02:30 AM	My elven ranger to human fighter "Just because I'm an Elf, who happens to have an affinity for nature doesn't mean that I can sleep in the tree. I don't care if I'll make a good look out.
TheAnthroDM 03-11-07, 12:33 AM	"I'm not getting sent back to hell just because a Paladin wants me to take away my Archfiend's Blade, so move aside of get ready to explain to Heironous why you got your ass kicked by a antihero." - my NG Hellbred Beserker trying to reason with the Paladin he was engaged in combat with.
The_Deathstalker 03-11-07, 05:11 AM	Evil pirate to PC using a Fullblade "What are you doing in these waters?" PC: "Your mom" and... Pirate: "How can you weild such a large weapon effectively" PC: "That's what she said"
Jear77 03-11-07, 04:03 PM	All of these quotes come from Tayenias Wildrift, Half-Elven Ranger/Bard unless otherwise stated "I can't prove what I'm saying..." (after a 1 on 1 session where some amazing things happened) (after what he told them Halfgan, Elven Ranger said ) "I think you are insane at this moment...please, regain your sanity before the battle." "Watch out, this place is...judiciously trapped." (and later on in that same session) "I think I may be able to jump it if I have a running start...but perhaps I could use some healing first." "There are not many creatures that can make this quantity of ice...and none of them are good news." "I meant no offense with almost choking over it." (being given quite strong dwarven alcohol) "We have company" "Two can play at this game" "not practical." "We've got to stop meeting like this." "There is a dragon in here, also, and all that you see...is his hoard. So, it would not be a good idea to take any of the gold, for if it is missing one piece, it will hunt you to the ends of the earth."
Terjon of the Blue Rose 03-12-07, 04:26 AM	All by Davin Greycastle an Aasimar Warlock Early in game "Why do I act the way I do? Simple. The world owes me and I am collecting on the debt." later "Heaven and Hell clambor daily for my soul. I don't think they would like you talking about stealing it." after revelations putting him on path to good "I know full well the consequences of every act I take. I just hope I can come up with and act whose consequences aren't quite so damning."
Terjon of the Blue Rose 03-12-07, 04:38 AM	George Wallace human Hexblade (high bluff skill) to ogre So you were sent to kill the 3 adventurers right? Well as you can see there is just me here and I'm not 3 adventurers am I? Maybe we should go ask your boss for a better description. Lemme just call my friends. George "Hey guys come on out. He doesn't want to fight!" *2 more characters come out of hiding* Ogre "THREE!!" George "No No No. See. There are four of us. *points to self* One. *points to first ally* Two. *points to 2nd ally* Three. *points to ogre* Four. See what I mean, four."
Terjon of the Blue Rose 03-12-07, 04:40 AM	Iron Warforged Artificer. Upon being asked about why he wore clothes when he didn't need them as a construct. "Humans worry about the effect the elements have on their bodies. I could live forever though... I worry about erosion"
secretbison 03-12-07, 07:35 AM	"I AM BRUCIUS BARBERON, NOBLE BARBER-PALADIN! My blade falls heavily upon the wicked and gently upon the unshaven! Stand before me and be JUDGED!"
Xenthos 03-12-07, 09:24 AM	After being ambushed at the local inn and escaping a besieged town, the party stands upon a hilltop, looking back at the city engulfed in flames. the CG elven ranger "The whole city is ablaze!" the LG cleric "Was it really necessary to throw so many fireballs in a city of wooden buildings?" My CN drow wizard "You said we needed to get out . . . well we're out. What more do you want of me?"
TheAnthroDM 03-14-07, 01:19 AM	13th Page! Quote "I am good, I am evil, I am lawful, I am chaotic. But you sir, are just plain stupid" TN Druid talking to the chaotic evil rogue in our party.
TheAnthroDM 03-14-07, 01:28 AM	"I AM BRUCIUS BARBERON, NOBLE BARBER-PALADIN! My blade falls heavily upon the wicked and gently upon the unshaven! Stand before me and be JUDGED!"Fight any bearded devil's lately?
the_taken 03-14-07, 02:20 AM	"Hah! You have been tricked. It is only the eighth!" - A fighter of mine, when the party's cleric tries to give a count of the number times he'd been killed. Unfortunately, he was killed many, many, many times more.
Vicki Cadae 03-14-07, 02:49 AM	From Leandra, my CE half-fiend bard: "Words are my weapons." "There is a fine line between cowardice and tactics. I will walk whichever side of it returns my daughter to me." And one I haven't used yet, but plan to. Imagine it said in a deep, menacing voice. And a cookie to anyone who knows where it's from. "You want to play? Let's play."
The_Deathstalker 03-14-07, 03:57 AM	Really angry were-polar bear after seeing his brother standing in the middle of the final boss room. "It's already been a bad week. I've nearly been killed from the incompetent medics in this sad excuse for an army not knowing what the words "death poison" mean. I've nearly been killed by a demon possessing a pyro freak with a false arm fetish. Then that same demon tries to possess me, despite the fact that there's already a demon in my head. And to top it all off, I get a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past, come to take my other eye. I've been patient so far, but this is it. If the gods want a visit that much, so be it! I'll drop in on each and every one of you! But you'd better believe that it won't be pleasant for you, before or after my death!" By this point his words are as loud as a roar and his entire frame is shaking in fury. He lifts his blade towards his brother at the far end of the room. "I don't know how or why you crawled out of the grave I left you in, and I really don't care anymore. But you'll have a nice collection of new scars before one of us falls again."
Stormbrand 03-14-07, 02:39 PM	Railtus Anstrun, Angelsworn Paladin of Ydren's Spear, son of less than pleasant baron. "I have never known true fear, or hardship. My next prayer is that on the day that I do, I will face it as gracefully as you." - said to the man who later volunteered to be his squire. "I could say I did not pursue them out of knightly mercy, but in truth I was still outnumbered." - to a young beauty looking for adventure... and bound to get herself killed. "I shall return to face those bandits and ensure that they never harm another! They have preyed on the innocent long enough. Although if the last encounter convinced them to move on that will leave me looking rather stupid." - to the same girl. "You are right. There is an entire world in need of such virtue. Virtue which must begin somewhere." - now preaching. "The pendant? It was a gift from a half-orc named Kurgriss." - convincing an admirer that this was NOT a lady's token. "PICK UP YOUR SWORD AND DIE WITH HONOUR!" - to a duellist begging for mercy... who had been sabotaging the life of a peasant girl who rejected him. "Get. Up." - growled at someone who bowed on one knee upon discovering his angelic nature. Other older hero, Ragewinter. Paladin-Mage of Helm. Served by inevitables. "Are you going to put that down or do I start ripping hearts out?" - remember, this was a PALADIN who said this, to someone holding a weapon. "Then stay with me, and hold my hand. I wont let you fall." - convincing a guilt-wracked sorceress to leave her tower. "Death? Oh no. You don't get to take the easy way out." - said to a ex-dark-cultist attempting suicide-by-paladin. "The worst part of the face of evil is how pleasing it appears." - Or my personal favourite. "Just being human doesn't get a monster off the hook."
ToxicWiz 03-14-07, 04:48 PM	My most recent character, a Gnome Necromancer: "Wait! I need his body intact!" Frequently yelled during combat "Just put it next to the "limbs" sack... err... wheat sack" To a shop assistant loading his cart. And justifying himself to a good cleric: "They were evil orcs attacking any village within 100 miles! they'd kill anyone. Undead my be evil, but i control these ones, so if I use 'em to fight evil, It's a good thing! Isn't that right Murry?" (Murry is one of his skeletons) And finally, his response to a Undead dragon destroying his hometown while he watched form a nearby hillside: "That was the Tavern, and my masters shop... and...and... *getting teary* I sooo want one of those!"
Eled_the_Worm_Tamer 03-14-07, 06:55 PM	"What is law without compassion? Tyrany. What is good without compromise? Virtue." Fighter and aspiring Wizard Owen Tainson sums up the beuaty of neutral good.
kuras 03-14-07, 10:13 PM	My CG character telling the story of our great deads: Me: "And in the end, I, was victorius!" Druid: "You mean WE." Me: "Ok ok, they helped abit."
Ninja_Sensei 03-15-07, 10:15 AM	"Just being human doesn't get a monster off the hook." Oh man, that's so perfect! I may just have to steal that sometime in the future.
Firkling 03-16-07, 11:38 AM	My LG half-elf fighter will say: "Sometimes a my sword can be more sharp than a tongue" "By the power that I give myself, you are sentenced to death"
DarkfireAngel 03-16-07, 12:13 PM	CN Female Sorcerer (read Swindler) Lady Khala Hobo's! Get them away poverty is catching. Where's my money? I would never cheat anyone out of their money. People with no money tend to die and dead people can't go out and make me more money.
CrimsonDeath 03-16-07, 08:40 PM	My wereraven cleric: "FLEE BEFORE THE WRATH OF PELOR!" (Don't ask... Just don't ask...) My fighter, after fighting some kigrids: "I think someone just read my mind." Same fighter, after someone asked the mage if he could render someone unconscious: "I can make him unconscious." Same fighter, when asked why someone would go toe-to-toe with a dragon (as he had done moments earlier): "Because it's awesome." My neanderthal savage bard, after watching the rogue open a trapped secret door: "Do doors normally do that?"
Stormbrand 03-16-07, 09:13 PM	Oh man, that's so perfect! I may just have to steal that sometime in the future. Glad you like it. Feel free to use it. Just what you would expect from someone who has inevitables as permanent agents.
TheAnthroDM 03-17-07, 04:31 AM	Well accautly this is a BBEG for my semi-epic ebberon campaign (yet to be played, but it's part of the script) "Greeting my new cultists, sorry to enterupt you little ritual but if you'd give me one moment to destroy this wretched Lich you can start worshiping me" - LE Shifter Cleric(call himself the Dark Seventh, has delusions of godhood) who then proceeds to use Turn Undead and destroys the Lich Highpriestess of Vol he mentioned, then proceeds to claim he can do the same to Vol herself.
steamboat28 03-18-07, 09:37 AM	Aerryl, my arcane archer when presented with a human archer corps: "Aww, how cute! They have little bows and everything! I hope you taught them how they work." Daron d'Cannith, human artificer (every 10 minutes, like clockwork): "Well, let's just...OW! ONATAR'S FORGE that smarts!" Ego, my warforged paladin (he's new to this "finding purpose" thing, so he's taken solace in logic), when asked what caused the squishy lump in the floor: "I serve the Sovereign Host. The Host is good. Therefore I am good. He opposed me. That makes him, by definition, evil. I smote him. Hard."
fighter_mcwarrior 03-18-07, 12:15 PM	Thrain of Turmish, the dwarven defender: Upon seeing a pack of dire boars BACON!! Why use a horse when you can have an armor plated chariot? I win every drinking contest My rogue/ninja: Sure, you can swing that sword around all you want, but it won't do you any good against a crossbow. To the rulers of Shadowvar I think you want to turn me into a shade, because I can make life difficult for you if you refuse. Oh yeah, and leave my soul alone while you're at it unless you want my wrath. Yes, I am that powerful. Chloe Emyata, emo wu jen: I don't like this. Things like this usually mean something bad is coming. Upon hearing that Calishite bloodhounds were in the area HIDE ME!! They want to drag me back to Calimshan!! After being talked to in a patronizing manner by an elf shopkeep You probably want to rethink that, unless you want to start feeling wooly. Upon seeing an ooze in a pit <freaks out...hides in a corner> I need friends. My life is so lonely. My real name isn't Chloe. I just use it because I think it's a beautiful name and because I don't want my family to find me.
BladestorM 03-18-07, 09:37 PM	My CE Tiefling Rog 5 Wiz 5 Arcane Trickster 10, Galdrin: "Law is for the weak. Strong control chaos."
fighter_mcwarrior 03-19-07, 01:22 AM	Sake (real name Sima Shi-Yu), half-dragon drunken master from Shou Lung: The party is fighting a shadow dragon and it comes to his turn <polymorphs into a hummingbird, then breathes an 8d10 cone of fire> At the beginning of every fight <casts prestidigitation...the song Kung Fu Fighting starts playing> What kind of city is this? There's no Sake to be found!! Drink, drink. You don't need fancy martial arts or sword training to win. With lots of sake and an object within arm's reach, you can bash in their heads like none other.
Ian0311 03-19-07, 06:52 PM	My neutral good fighter, carrying a young girl and being told by a dwarven party member to leave her behind, "Oh yeah, it isn't just height that separates us and dwarves; humans wouldn't abandon children, dwarven or otherwise." The aforementioned dwarf after being asked about a bouncer, "That wasn't a half orc, that was a pit demon that escaped from the darkest outer planes to destroy all that's fun about drinking." My fighter again, "Yeah, but she kicked your butt."
MrCelsius 03-30-07, 12:52 PM	Rama Kergani, Chaotic Good Rogue, rushes breathlessly from the temple of St. Cuthbert, hurriedly answering her sister Tera's weary, questioning glare: "I found something in the secret room!" *Tera glares expectantly* "I think it has religious significance!" *Tera continues to glare as a soft rumbling begins* "...I probably shouldn't have stolen it!" *Tera opens her mouth to speak, but is drowned out by a crash of thunder as the ground begins to quake* :gah::gah:
Sharpened_Soul 03-31-07, 12:29 AM	Without focus, our great world would be anarchy. No one would accomplish anything. -Rein, L/N human warblade Yeah, but at least we wouldn't have to have these clothes on. -Daath Atropos, C/N human wizard (evoker)
Bull's eye 04-02-07, 10:57 PM	My Alcoholic Radiant Sewrvant of Pelor: In a voice like the Knights who say Neep from Monty Python: "My Brother I forgive your sins." Then crushes them with his heavy mace.
jaceofwater 04-03-07, 11:47 AM	(This exchange took place out of character) Paladin: You ditched me! It was totally uncalled for! Me: I didn't trust you, and I certainly wasn't going to take you with me. Paladin: There was no reason whatsoever not to trust me. Me: I don't trust paladins. Paladin: Your character is paranoid! I'm not going to kill you! Me: I'm wanted for treason, I'm a professional graverobber, I run the largest and most powerful thieves guild in an entire city, and I'm about to go smuggle an entire city's worth of people out of the country. Paladin: Okay, I would have killed you. But you still shouldn't have ditched me.
Drunk_Yoda 04-03-07, 07:03 PM	I have two memorable chracters, one is the one in mi sig which was a CG Fighter/Dragon Disciple/Sorceror Level 18. The second was a CN Half-Giant Psychic Warrior/Barbarian/Frenzied Berserker level 26 called Cassius Blackwillow: "I AM DEATH AND DESTRUCTION, I AM THE GOD OF ANNIHILATION!!!" My new LN Monk/Cleric of Wee Jas level 4 called Gregor Deidritch: "I am a servant of Wee Jas, in her name I shall judge you"
robi300 04-05-07, 05:33 PM	My social rogue after the stupid Barbarian run into a town we where scouting yelling "ME FIND SMASH" "Next group I am in everyone has to speak in sentences consisting of more than three words"
CrimsonDeath 04-05-07, 06:49 PM	My Warforged fighter: "I have not chosen a gender. Those Warforged who have... What is the word?... Oh, yes. They creep me out."
Darth Krieg 04-05-07, 07:27 PM	My half-elf swordsage (specializes in desert wind and tigerclaw) when confronted with a ridiculously strong opponent would say: "I got this"
SilverFullmoon 04-06-07, 11:51 AM	My N/G Wizard 15/Sorcrer 20 when confronted by another low level mage in a particule adventure: "Oi, another putz with a fireball?" ________________________________________ _________ A Minotaur C/G figher 12 (who is 7'8, and 530 lbs, with a HUGE axe) to a another fighter w/ a broadsword: "You really want to see who hits the hardest?"
CoolPirate 04-06-07, 02:09 PM	I had a half gold dragon paladin wielding a Flaming flail. We were facing a group of Zombies and my character ran it screaming "Eat my TASTY flail!!!" My DM ruled from then on "Tasty" was my Flails activation keyword!
OrentheAwakener 04-06-07, 10:58 PM	To quote my tiefling sorcerer "Don't worry...I've got friends in low places"
RCypher 04-09-07, 09:11 AM	Through a laborious string of circumstances, it looked to my druid like he was the only one doing any fighting. So after pushing the beholder off the top of him, he stood and, arms held out in disbelief, exclaimed "Aah ooh eh oooh!" That's ape for "Hey, what the hell!"
CrimsonWyvern 04-09-07, 10:35 PM	Gorgi's quotes: (Some haven't been used yet, but are very likely to be used so long as Gorgi doesn't get killed.) Gorgi will crush you now! Gorgi believes that if you so much as touch another civillian, Gorgi will have to crush you like bug, yes? Gorgi and his comrades believe that you might have needed assistance. Gorgi suggests that you rethink strategy. What is with creepy comrade with goutee? (Refering to party LE wight, using a Hat of Disguise.) Gorgi finds this distressing. Gorgi would rather not harm any of them, and I would rather not have to stop comrades and guards from attacking civillians. Does Gorgi recognize you? (First session with Gorgi, and refering to the CN Elven Half-Red Dragon PC that sticks out like a sore thumb that he had previously met and wasn't very impressed with the first impression. Gorgi actually did forget the Half-Red Dragon.) Pointy Eared Red Half-Dragon sticks out like sore thumb, yes? (First session, refering to same Half-Red Dragon.) Is possible that vampire-thing is not evil, yes? (First session, talking to CG Kenkou Anti-Undead Ranger PC, about CN Half-Fiend Vampire PC.) Is Gorgi only person who doesn't see, how-you-say, irony in situation? (In reference to the Kenkou PC working with the Wight PC, who he detected as undead, in order to hunt the Vampire.) Gorgi believes that you may have, how you say, underestimated him. Nighty night. (Just got hit with Drow sleep poison, on first session, in huge battle between Drow and a town. Unfortunately, there was still plenty of fight left for him to get involved in.:mad:) (Truth be told, Gorgi has a lot of quotables that are a lot better if you were there when the situation arose.)
Lanoitakude 04-10-07, 02:32 AM	Some of my own and friend's characters: Brarrius Cottus (LG Crusader of St. Cuthbert): "No one is above the law, not even a god!" *to evil cultists hanging around a building* "Disperse, heretics..." William DiNoir (NE Cleric of Afflux): (in one form or another, William always says something like this...) "You think he's cool, eh? Want me to turn him into a zombie for you? It'll only cost you 200g!" "Hey, it's not my fault, how was I supposed to know that placing a Curse on the dwarf would cause a disturbing sex scene involving him and the elf!!?" "[Evil] spells prohibited?! Outlawed!? OH COME ON!" Joseph (CN Psion-Shaper, who has died at least 4 times, but always finds a way to come back) The party just defeated a Demon Prince who was gaurding a powerful artifact called The Demon Forge (destroys anyone or anything tossed into it, body and soul, permanently), and were debating using it for their own purposes. "We have to destroy it. One day, somehow, I'm gonna end up in that forge. I don't know how it's going to happen, but it will."
Eled_the_Worm_Tamer 04-10-07, 01:04 PM	My Gish charicter Owen Tainson from a solow campeghn after a days questing in wich his Cleric of mystra companion had used her deyitys favored weapon (Shiriken) doing exactly 2 hp damage total. 'Dearest Mystra, mistress of the Weave, laidy of all spells... I have been your worshiper only a breif time, and a soldier far longer, but already I feel compelled to ask a boon of you, not for me, but for your clergy. Please, in the name of the weave, your chosen and all else you love, please my liady mystra, find the wisdom in your heart to favor a weapon more dangerous than a blasted snowball!'
Zodiaq7 04-11-07, 01:24 PM	"You're telling me after weeks of research, hundreds of gold spent, and a months worth of saddle sores to find this portal, those six other jerks just rode by and blew up the place, DAMN YOU, YOU TINY RED ROBED BASTARD!!!" -Ian, 3rd Level Human Paragon Yeah, I made myself as a character having been sucked into the through "The Ride". I ran in the opposite direction of the other six, and it's a running gag that they are foiling MY way home as well as their own.
GraveDigger 04-11-07, 02:33 PM	My Wizard "Ooo no! What ever shall I do?! I can't cast Evocation spells, oh mystra help me! How ever shall I defend myself?! ... Sick em mr fluffles.." (Out of the alley way walks a charmed lvl7 minotaur fighter)
ThyFrogCatcher 04-11-07, 03:47 PM	My Aasimar Favored Soul to a group of Centaur "Where your Scout Gnoll's ordered to attack us, before my friends slaughter them? or... WAIT! I mean slaughtered in Self-Defense...."
Lardalish 04-11-07, 06:20 PM	Half-dragon Barbarian who created a hord of demigod barbarians: "OOPS!"
Alpha_Moose 04-11-07, 07:06 PM	After the Paladin in our party was effected with an alignment reversal curse: "Oh, I'll just use my Lay on Hands." Then he stabbed the computer hacker from the future. Then my Ranger pulled out a gun and a longsword and said to both him and the Bard: "I don't care! I'll kill both of them!" as the Rogue tried to tell him that they were just cursed and he could reverse it.
Kingfisher 04-11-07, 11:01 PM	"Good luck" Vice Klightervus, Hexblade Shadowdancer
Sthoryn 04-12-07, 12:16 AM	.... wow. ummm. WOW.
JaiaDrottsingr 04-12-07, 05:11 PM	Here's one my favorite character (in this group) said, "I may be the size of a seven year old, may have hatched from an egg, I might have a freakish ancestry, but I'm cute and cuddly, ***mit! Burn!" Then Ry (the player, not the PC) set Ri's (the character) fire blast (Improvised off fire breath. A cute part dragon with Halfling descent shouldn't have to burn her throat) on her in-party nemesis, Jammaca. This is an encounter between Jammaca's player (Elliott) and I, Me: So, you become engulfed in an ocean of fire, just because you tripped over her. You fall over and you hear a beeping very resemblant to Legend of Zelda. You have one Health point left. Whaddya do? Elliott: "I sizzle." Since that encounter, Jammaca constantly sizzles, and on the rare ocassions when he defeats a monster face to face (he's a short distance archer), they smell something burning.
Alpha_Moose 04-12-07, 05:29 PM	.... wow. ummm. WOW. Is that in response to my comment? If so, yeah. My games go kinda crazy. My character was also a werewolf!
BlackWeasel 04-14-07, 10:35 AM	My surprisingly intimidating psychotic black halfling paladin to a convicted criminal he was holding up so he didn't strangle on the noose: Right, if you hold back anything, i'll withdraw my pardon and let go. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll let go. If you forget anything I'll drop you. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, scum. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll let go.
Aetheryn 04-14-07, 11:23 AM	"So...where exactly do you paladins lay your hands when ya heal...pfft, and they call us evil." --My rather annoying Blackguard. As for what I mean by that, use your imagination...
Kanne 04-15-07, 09:49 PM	My friend Plays a Womanizing Psion who tries too hard to get the ladies. we're scailing a cliff face infested with Orcs to reach the next town. he casts Levitate on himself and acts like an elevator for the female Npc we're escorting. Brock(player): i get Dani (the npc) to sit on my lap and we ride up the cliff, while going up i start jirating my hips. Dm: ok../ Dani asks "is Levitate is normally this bumpy?" Seth(brocks Character) "Sorry baby thats just how the spell works ;)"
Darth Krieg 04-15-07, 11:14 PM	here's the set up. my dm makes a bad call and states that 50 count'em 50 werewolves all filter into this 15 by 15 foot courtyard type area. i'm in the center at the time, the rest of the party is in the upper balcony area shooting at them. I'm a swordsage, my turn comes around so i use deathmark and blow them all up. afterwords my Swordsage says: "Apple-sauce, *****."
Sthoryn 04-16-07, 02:50 AM	"Apple-sauce, *****." I've gotta know what's behind the stars!
TheAnthroDM 04-16-07, 04:29 AM	My Psionic Artificer who must repeat the same phrase as long as she is not in danger while the Magic Artificer fixes her Amulent of Magic Circle Against Evil "There is no quori in my head, there is not quori in my head, there is not quori in my head, there is not quori in my head, there is not quori in my head.." "Make a will save" - DM "A quori's in my head!" Then I remembered Chosen don't get will saves against possession, and the changling telepath just wanted to shut me up.:embarrass
Ront Iron-Roar 04-16-07, 08:25 AM	This was an NPC Dread Necromancer I played once. The party had been caught by a vampire who was luckily full at the time so they were put in these hanging cages. Luckily the Necromancer managed to gain control of a ghoul. Dread Necromancer:"Hey buddy get up here and let me out!" Ghoul: "I can't it's to high and I can't jump up there." Dread Necromancer getting frustrated:" It's too high! My head fell off! The maggots have chewed through my leg! He's got a holy symbol! You undead are all the same! All those powerful negative energy based abilities and physiology but no umph to use it! C'mon you already died once so what if you die again?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As for personal PCs I've played. "As you know I'm a half-orc miss. So you know very well I'm generally not allowed to step foot on public property." Ront Iron-roar, Half-orc Fighter's retort to a diseased prostitute trying to get into his pants and his purse. "I had to find out the hard way that dragons are easier to fight in the inside then outside." Ront telling the story behind a particular scar. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You'll never know how good it feels to have such a simple spell accomplish so much if you keep throwing around fireballs and lightning like that." Gabriel Flint Glimmerstone, Gnome Illusionist to a Human Sorceror after killing a mess of Orcs with a rampaging Remorhaz and then causing the brute to throw itself off a cliff after using two Silent Image spells. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here are a few quotes from friends of mine. After taking levels in Impure Prince my Brother's Half-Daelkyr char Jyre ends up attracting and having a Stormstalk attached to him while he was asleep. Here was the following dialogue the next morning in telepathy. Jyre:"Wuh? What's this on my arm? Another symbiot? But, I don't remember attaching you." Stormstalk:"I don't remember either but isn't it great?!" Jyre:"I don't have to buy you a drink do I?" After being forced to do a series of quest through a Geas spell and fighting against the advances of the demon inside of him my friend's Sorceror gets to have some fun with the supposed Sirines that had enslaved the party. Well in the middle of the bedrock the Sirenes (All three of them.) reveal thier true forms as Hags. After making a few Fortitude saves and the Sorceror screams the demon asks in his head. "Now can I take control?" Hours later the Sorceror walks out with a wild look in his eye and a few clawmarks on his body. He seems quite happy and he's whistling as he limps away. Sorceror:"Okay you've had your fun. Now, I need to have control of my body back. I think I'm bleeding in a few spots I'd rather not have the other guys see." Demon: "Awww c'mon that was fun. You never let me have any fun anymore. Besides if I were you I'd be more worried about your mental well being. I've been inside you head for a while and I think there are several issues you haven't resolved with your missing father."
Darth Krieg 04-16-07, 01:35 PM	I've gotta know what's behind the stars! you know, just think.
CrimsonDeath 04-16-07, 04:18 PM	I've gotta know what's behind the stars! Maybe they were lady werewolves? Anyway, my contribution: PC sorceress: "There's a redheaded dwarf throwing Mordenkainen's Disjunction all over the place!" my fighter: "...Do I need to get a mop?"
Zousha_Omenohu 04-21-07, 04:34 PM	My Human Wizard, "TEELY! This isn't the time or the place!" - trying to keep the hyperactive Kender under control. "I need a smoke!" - upon recieving an ominous riddle to research
3point14159rate 04-27-07, 12:32 AM	We had a couple of good ones in the same night a few weeks back: Demetrius, my friend's Paladin, to the corrupted ex-priest of the paladin's god, who had -incidentally - had one arm burned off by cultists, and was pointing a crossbow at the Paladin: "Put down your arms!" When the priest screamed in rage and charged the paladin, we all had a good chuckle. Luca, my Monk/Cleric, on recieving a gift from a young lady. The gift was her inn room key. I was justifying my actions to the incredulous party: "I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm going to take what ever she offers. If she wants to make me a sandwich, I'm going to eat it." -3.14159rate
Loki_Doorslayer 04-27-07, 12:24 PM	my barbarian would say "That door just offended me! It must Die!!!!!!":fight!:
boggler65 04-27-07, 01:00 PM	Malakai, my Drow Necromancer, when taunted by an abrasive celestial whom he has just threatened: Celestial King: "You're a fool, not only are you incapable of "kicking our asses" but I doubt you could so much as kick your own ass." Malakai: "I'll have you know that not only have I kicked my own ass, but I've kicked said ass outnumbered 3 to 1." (Malakia had previously faced three perfect Illusory versions of himself which he was foolish enough to attack, which enabled thier retalitory attacks to affect him, defeating them through some reduce person spells and the use of a belt of giant strength +6 and a flaming greatsword that he stole off of a fighter PC after killing him on a whim.) He then proceeded to shout the command word to a folding boat which he had presented to the Celestial as a gift, trapping him underneath it and releasing three very nearly suffocated, badly wounded, and incredibly ****** off hill giants which he had tricked into serving as oarsmen on the vessel; who vented their frustration by beating the helpless King and his queen to death, and attacking their guards. Which provided Malakai the opportunity to escape by mentally dominating an imprisoned nightmare and fleeing the scene. Several game weeks later Malakai was captured by a demented band of 57 halfling bandits, who beat him, stole his equipment, and cooked his newly subjugated nightmare mount for a feast. Unfortunately for the halflings the nightmare meat made them all ill, and the DM had forgotten that I still had all of my spells from the previous day. A well placed mage hand spell got him out of the prison. Recovering his gear he strolled around humming merrily while killing the ill halflings in various ways. On a whim he decided to get a little symbolic revenge (he was really attatched to that nightmare) so he picked up one of the halflings and bit him in the leg. Whereupon he discovered, for reasons known only to my DM that the blood of a creature who has ingested nightmare meat gets you really, really, really HIGH. Malakai: .... whoa... damn... this is better than genocide... several hours later, after regaining conciousness, he proceeded to drain the dead and dying halflings of their blood, bottle it up, lace some tobacco with the blood, and smoke it, thereby creating a brand new drug. After coming down from another trip he proceeded to laugh manaically while singing.... Malakai: I'm A PIMP! *Malakai promptly retired from adventuring, abandoning the campaign and became the regions premier dealer of mind altering substances.*
SD 04-27-07, 07:36 PM	Carilden Bitteraxe: "Avast, we be helpin' ye fend off ye scurvy invaders. Batten the hatches!" DM: "You're a dwarven barbarian/cleric who's never been near water or on a ship. You can't have a pirate accent." Carilden: "Arr, says ye." I'm bad at Scottish accents, so I just figured, screw it. Best Eberron session ever.
Loublin 04-30-07, 07:30 PM	we were in a drow city looking for or captured beguiler calhoon: we might have to trade them somthing for hrim Gutzu: how about Rosie she has collateral written all over her. Rosie is my ADHD hyper flirt half elf.
Elhros 05-01-07, 10:38 AM	First I'll quote my wizard Adun. A sexist, racist, Tobbaco Addicted, elitist, power mad Wizard with a heart of Gold. While exploring a strange dungeon of an old god at level 1, he discovers that they've all some how managed to end up on a different plane of exsistance after touching a strange orb. Adun, the only one who passes the Knowledge check, privy to this information, and his allies are fighting stone monsters in another room. Placing the oak pipe he constantly carries in his mouth he takes a puff of tobacco, slinks through a solid stone wall with his palm through the other side to fire a magic missile at one of the creatures. With a yellow grin he spouts "It appears we've left our plane of exsistance for the moment" Looking at the dumbfound faces of his collegues he can already guess what is on their minds. "Well it appears we've discovered a new plane of Exsistance, and I think I know what to call it, how about the Adun Plane?" ----------- "Women aren't people, they're just things the gods made for our amusement." ----------- A female half celestial has been in our group and constantly seems to be indanger and need of assistance. The celestial named Saeyah (A paladin of ecl to my own) is present to this conversation after we save her from yet another demon horde trying to abduct her, and Adun doesnt appear to care whether she hears him or not. "Look I'm just saying we should leave her behind, the only thing she contributes is another skin to save and you meat sacks are supposed to be doing that for me" Alric one of our numerous melee fighters. "Oh come on she isnt that bad, when she charges down with those wings of hers she does alright, and she can heal" Adun, "Pfft, I can fly and so can Mathias (Our Cleric) right Mathias?" Mathias, "I'm Mathias!"(Player not Present) Adun, "Yes, Yes you are" Alric, "..." Saeyah grabs him by the scruff of his robes (my DM starts jumping around and emulating it over dramatically and I'm pretty sure he'd actually hit me if I pushed it) Saeyah "I'll beat the @#$@ out of you if you keep talking" (Basically what she said) Adun, being lifted off the ground by his scruff blows smoke into her face and with a toothy yellowing smile. "You could try... but then you dont have anyone who can make things go boom for you" ---------- ---------- Dior, A monk I made who was completely modeled off the Song "I'll make a Man out of you" From Disney's Mulan. :D After the party bard "Tricks" a red dragon into racing Dior down a river of blood to the next town to give the party time to get in place to kill the beast. The dragon easily out manuevers me of course, but half way down river, I turn around and head back. The dragon swoops in moments later and throws me into the river. When I resurface I find I've been transported to hell... Wading to the shore I notice an army of demon in the distance lining up to exit through this river of the damned and one demon(A Satyr) takes notice of me. I hear a roar in the distance and jump back in the river to escape, after a few tries of diving in the blood river I finally resurface in my own world. Meanwhile, the party has been fighting this dragon, one of our warriors has fallen because had very little HP to begin with. But the dragon has taken heavy damage from a Warmage. I resurface, caked in coagulated blood and scream something incomprehensible, being in a rage I charge the dragon and kill him with a charged unarmed critical. Bard w/ bad ideas"Dior where did you go?" "Hell... I dont know..." Warmage "Erm... you were down there for a long time, and it looks like our friend is toast..." I make a check to see what I knew about the demons in hell and pass. "There are demons lining up to cross over to our plain of exsistance, I guess we'd better stop them" Warmage"Wait, you went to hell?" "Yeah, it'll make a man out of you" Then I hopped on my friends computer and played the I'll make a man out of you song I downloaded on LimeWire. SHUTUP I'M FUNNY
Master_Vega 05-01-07, 11:18 AM	"If we go through with this, our military careers are over... I don't really care; I'm just putting it out there for any of you who might." - Cormick Aodh, Psion (kineticist) 14/Fighter 2/Rogue 1. The party then proceeded to make a very well-planned prison break to spring a friend from the country's toughest prison. "Look up, damn you!" - Vega Cetori, Fast Hero 7/ Sharpshooter (class from Star Wars) 2/Smart Hero 2/ Soldier 2 My character said this after waiting fifteen tense minutes laying on a catwalk at the top of a hanger, waiting for his teammates to sneak out of a ship. He wanted one of the guards to look up so he could put a beam through the alien's head.
Radijs 05-01-07, 12:15 PM	Millitary type: "Feh running's for mercenaries!" Santo(mercenary): "Well yeah." And: "You want to rescue her? Why? Nobody's paying us." "Repeat after me: Revenge pays poorly." "How much are you going to pay me to commit all these questionably legal acts?" "You had me at 'I can pay'."
Rathmun 05-01-07, 10:40 PM	In a game I'm DMing a Zenith caste Solar had just finished shredding a small group of barbarians using a warstrider (kind of like a cross between a mech and powerarmor) that he had summoned through the spell 'God Forged Champion of War' He turns to his familiar and asks "Scruffles? Do you know how to get out of this thing?"
magikot 05-02-07, 06:34 AM	Aldorius Killraven M Hum Wiz 9 "I stopped trying to understand magic years ago." "Look, I just cast the spells, I never said I knew how they work!" Both uttered during the same session when the elf barbarian kept asking me questions about a book we found that had the nasty habit of animating any corpse within 15 feet of it as a morgh...
Fenokar 05-02-07, 12:27 PM	*After, surviving 6 poisoned drow crossbow bolts.* "Humm, you seem to have lost your tooth picks..." *Throws a large javelin, impalling 2 drows to a tree* "...Here, have mine!" To other PC's barbarian, punching a helpless ogre mage, having lost his weapon. " Here use this, it'll be faster." Gives large maul to other pc, who collapses under weight. "Allow Me!" Smashes ogre mage over the head, with a sastifying thud. Fenokar, Half-Ogre Barabrian/fighter
tubaman527 05-03-07, 05:29 PM	My dwarven Paladin to an upset farm girl "You're father may be dead, but don't worry, we've got the situation under control" I gave up being the face of the party after that and played a barbarian
Phase 05-04-07, 02:44 AM	Necro cleric - "Mercy is for the weak, and I am strong"
CrimsonDeath 05-04-07, 04:40 AM	My half-orc orphan Ardent who worships Tempus: "So what if we die? You we our lives for free."
Fell 05-04-07, 08:24 AM	Fell the Clanless, my Human Barbarian (and a reluctant leader): "How can one speak for many?" My friend's character "Captain Miguel" "Lifeboats are for people who have something to live for." Just a few that were hilarious to me.
Varthalon 05-05-07, 09:45 AM	Teleport The mage Varthalon. (the word "Teleport" is the trigger word for his contingent Greater Invisibility spell... many is the party and even the DM that though I was fleeing the battle when I'd say that and then take my figurine off the battle map). What happens in hepmonaland stays in hepmonaland After a scenario of Living Greyhawk set in Hepmonaland where the dice were SERIOUSLY against us all night. Mwahahhaaaha(hic)hahahhaaa Manic evil laughter spoiled by a hiccup in the middle of it. Back foul creature of the night. Back! I have chicken feathers! A fighter confronting a vampire boldly with a fist full of chicken feathers (rolled a natural 1 on his knowledge religion check to find out what was useful against vampires and determined that vampires were highly allergic to and afraid of chickens.)
Jalx 05-05-07, 03:04 PM	Me (The party rogue) Upon having a terribly locked and trapped door defeat me, said to the party fighter/heavy hitter "Thies, open this door!" (To which he would wield his greatsword) Upon encountering a hoard of orcs "Thies, open these orcs!"
Voondaba 05-06-07, 08:49 PM	My druid "Nature is as deep as the deepest ocean, thick as the thickest forest, and thin as the air in the stratosphere," *person listening takes a bite of a fruit he is holding* "also, that fruit will give you terrible dirrahea."
Ack 05-07-07, 02:44 AM	A d20 Modern character of mine, whose nickname was Mad Dog; he's used to facing off vampires with a silver-edged greataxe. Unbeknownst to the others, he's a natural werewolf, and next level will give him the ability to shapechange to hybrid form. And he has Frightful Presence. 'Scary' is an understatement.. :D His opinion on cultists: "With people like these, the only consideration I'm gonna give 'em is whether I get 'em on the first hit or the backswing." "When it comes down to the crunch, don't be the one that gets crunched." (The group is faced with a monster that's clearly too big and bad to take down. My character, who never backs down from a fight, is having the time of his life holding it off; for its part, it is having trouble hitting him. The rest of the party gets clear, and the commanding officer ordered my character to break off.) "But sir! I'm haven't finished yet!" "When it comes down to it, there ain't no justice. There's just us." (One of the PCs likened him to a Mafia enforcer.) "Mafia enforcer? What the hell do I want to look like one of those pansies for?" "Friggin' vampires. Not dead enough." (Tests the edge of his axe). "Not yet anyway." ------------- Arak Stronginthearm, dwarven Strong 5/Paragon 2 (adapted by the GM). Uses an enchanted +1 war-axe as a preferential weapon. (Going through a dungeon, we encountered a hydra-type critter living in an acid pit. It tried to grab my character. After one or two tries, I realised that my character had more heaving power (Stronginthearm isn't just his name...) and grabbed the tentacle. I then rolled fairly well and heaved it right out of its acid pit.) "Bet that never happened to ya before." (Temporarily considering dragging it with us.) [OOC jokingly] "It followed me home - can I keep it?" (Being chased by a stone golem through the dungeon (after it hammered two party members to pulp), Arak led it through a boulder trap room (where it triggered the boulder) and then into the acid pit room. As he did so, he removed the keys from the ring the characters had stolen from the golem, and replaced them with keys he had on him. When it entered the room, Arak was on the opposite side of the pool with the keyring. "Here boy! FETCH!" (throwing the keyring in the acid). (It worked. :D) ------------------- Another dwarf character of mine had been hit by a Thunderstone, then caught in the effect of a Colour Spray and blinded, and finally hit with a flask of Alchemist's Fire. One of the other PCs (who was also deaf) said out of character, "Oh, we're really in trouble now!" I replied (also OOC): "My character is blind, deaf and on fire. I think I figured that one out for myself!"
Matherdon 05-07-07, 02:40 PM	My now deceased Rogue/Assasin Ratface, on a rooftop overlooking the rest of the party and some plauge-wridden mindcontrolled mutated beggars whispering: "Nerull! Make my arrows strike true." *releases an arrow down in the alley*
godbeepit 05-07-07, 10:01 PM	my nice human fighter with his 6 int rolls into a graveyard "Obviously, the halfling is cartwheeling towards the center of the necropolis because it will be the obvious power center for any necromancer. I mean, naturally someone who is perverse enough to believe himself to be so great as to fight against death itself he will obviously be so egomaniacal as to also think himself the greatest thing in the whole necropolis. Therefore, the logical conclusion is that the necromancer will have definitely based himself in the direct center of the graveyard. But I don't know that because I'm not metagaming and I only have six Intelligence.. deeerhhhhuuuuhh?"
GuyrtheadamantineOne 05-08-07, 08:41 AM	My warforged warblade:Watch my armblade while I drill my foothammer in your ass! My dread necro:Wanna travel, see the world and fight under my humble command? Just die right there right now.
GuyrtheadamantineOne 05-08-07, 08:48 AM	warforged warblade:Iron will means reason with steel.
Foryst 05-08-07, 01:25 PM	Tiefling Swordsage (after rolling a nat 20 on a Sense Motive versus a Beguiler): "I'd trust my grandparents before I trust you, and they live on the lower planes." Sometimes things just work out. :D
Altyrium 05-08-07, 05:34 PM	my wizard after the parties leader failed his dip check to get us into the dukes party "when diplomacy fails, my friend, destruction begins" launches fireball at the guards. "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HOW DO YOU LIKE MY DIPLOMACY NOW EH?!!!!!"
Candin 05-08-07, 09:01 PM	We were spelunking in some organizations fortress and got stuck in a room with two doors. On we came in, and one on the wall to the other side. Our group at the time didn't have a rogue, so we're working on the other door (we're notoriously afraid of doors) when we hear "Leave this place or die!" My wild mage, who, despite having a rather strong intelligence score, yells "I will not trade words with a magical door!" Turns out a couple of baddies came into the room and were standing behind us. We noticed 'em, and began negotiations to get what we were looking for without destroying everyone. My sorcerer still referred to their leader as a "magical door" during the bartering, despite her obvious humanoid extremities (:
BloodDragon 05-09-07, 02:33 PM	Jitters the Mystic Theurge (Archivist): "I know that! At lest I believe so... Hold them off while I refference something first." Ril the Alchemical Rager: "I've got just the thing fo- Who said that?" Dean the Shadow-Dancer/Rogue: " 'Names Dean. Dean the Dark! ... and I use to be human." ~Says the short statured Kobold
Tusalu 05-13-07, 12:33 PM	My wizard: "All right, in this combat I cast sleep once, Hold person twice and magic missile four times, all to save you. You owe me 4750 gp!"
DLyon 05-13-07, 09:21 PM	Paladin and nephew to the King to a chap who was trying to have him arrested as a traitor: "You will remember your place! I am the Duke!"
AffableDoomwalker 05-14-07, 06:34 AM	My bastard of a character, James "Goldenboy" Roy (Level 4 LN Aasimar Cleric of Helm) has had a few good ones... "I take it this means you don't want to talk?" - After rolling several 20+ diplomacy rolls against a group of goblinoids, and subsequently having ten javelins chucked at him (every one of them missed, hilariously enough). "You really, really should have considered the diplomatic route... but since I'm in a good mood, we can consider the javelins an offering of peace, you cotton what I'm saying?" - Whilst sitting on the chest of the hog-tied Hobgoblin that was leading the now-decimated javelin-happy goblin warband. Knocking on a door - "Hello, is anyone in there?" - I open it, and before I get a look inside, we hear three whispers, suddenly the hallway becomes pitch black and we're engulfed in magical darkness, we hear blades being drawn - "Hrmmm, well, thankfully I can do this..." - I cast my Daylight special ability inside the room, four Drow are now screaming in pain - "... well, that's convenient." A conversation between my buddy's character George Justice (I kid you not... Level 5 LG Human Paladin of Helm) and my character. We'd just apprehended some "rogue elements" in the kingdom we were sent to aid. Captain of the Royal Guard: Well then Roy... they aren't talking, so what do you propose we do with these prisoners? James Roy: Well sir, we could... torture them to get the information we need. George Justice: What?! Surely you can't be serious; I refuse to allow such detestable and heinous actions in my presence! JR: I'm dead serious, and if you don't want to watch, then you can stand guard outside. GJ: You're the sickest Aasimar I've ever met. JR: I'm the only Aasimar you've ever met. Oh, you know, we could execute them, and with the help of a more experienced clergyman, I could use my powers to speak to their spirits! Then we could bring them back to life and... GJ: [interrupting] I don't know how you're still a priest. JR: I don't think Helm will mind. CotRG: I'll get the tools. All the while the prisoners are watching this unfold :D
Shadowkire 05-15-07, 02:37 AM	This was my character when we still let people with no sense of suspence, creativity, or originality DM our games: "If we are asked to fight one more super powerful unstoppable unholy being that has been plotting the destruction of the world I will kill you guys to get on its good side and use your equipment to pay for a mansion."
JaiaDrottsingr 05-15-07, 04:54 PM	Bop It! *Whacks enemy on head.* Twist it! *Breaks enemy's neck.* Pull It! *Steals enemy's equipment.*
Pariah_ex_mortis 05-16-07, 11:28 AM	"Everything in this world is but a roll of the dice.." Alakazar Blackstone C/G wildmage gambler "Silly little man, don't you realize that by being a lich I will live forever? Sadly I can't say the same for you. Good bye." Zulkir Farheed Redwizard Lich "Come here my child, and behold the wonders I have wrought." Shaista P. Martini, L/E Thrallherder to the Paladin of Pelor he just Dominated.
Westbound 05-16-07, 11:06 PM	I was playing Shadowrun last week, and my character is a former spy. Anyway, he had a bag that he uses when he goes on jobs, and it had, among other things, one of his favorite pistols in there - a ivory handled, nickel-plated Ruger Super Warhawk (a very big gun), complete with a Smartgun system on it. He was determined to get his stuff back. The bag contained a bug in it that allowed him to track it down, and from there he determined that a local gang broke into a coffin-hotel locker where the bag was located, took off with the bag (among other patrons belongings), and split the stuff inside. Aside from the pistol, which contained no ammo, there was some clothes, a flashlight, and some medical stuff. I and my friend, a combat mage, tracked down the gang - known as the Halloweeners, which I've had problems with before. I knew one of the gang leaders, and found my pistol on one of his bodyguards. He claimed the gun belonged to him. After I beat him down and a couple of his friends, I pulled the pistol from his hands and said to the gang leader, "This gun is mine. The rounds in there belong to him. When he wakes up, tell him he can come back for them...anytime."
CrimsonDeath 05-17-07, 03:25 AM	My Warforged Fighter, an aspiring officer in the mercenery company our party works for, was leading its first mission. One of the characters opened a door and set off a trap. My character asked who thought they could deal with traps, and the Rogue/Shadowdancer was the only one who volunteered. It pointed at her and said: "Until further notice, nobody but her is authorized to open doors."
Azire 05-17-07, 11:32 PM	So my character and the rest of our party are in the castle eating breakfast. Our paladin walks up and says "My wife is pregnant." My character, a very promiscuous ranger looks at the paladin and asks somewhat absent-mindedly "Its yours, right?" This statement earned my character a slap upside the head from the paladin's mother in law, and a fork hurled across the room at him from an epic fighter... that was not a good day...
Sean, THe Incompotent 05-18-07, 04:53 PM	I would like to see that paladin get through my WALL OF BABIES ::casts greater image:: -Tobias my favorite character-
Sargon 05-19-07, 02:49 AM	My Necromancer Lich. "The Dead are perfect slave labor, they are easy to acuire, have no maintance cost, and work tirelessly."
Gralphid Blackstripe 05-20-07, 04:54 PM	NG Sorcerer, specializes in enchantment spells: "If you don’t choose to serve the light, I will make you serve the light"
+4_vorpal 05-21-07, 10:50 PM	Tarah Halfling Loviatarian Monk "Trust me this will hurt you far more than me." Halbrin Half-Ogre Rogue(Actual quote after attempting a hide check and failing.) "I'm just a rock!" Yojimbo Iji, Human Samurai/Iaijitsu Master "You waste much energy with your attacks, Strike once, strike clean and make them remember it."
amatulic 05-22-07, 12:53 AM	My first bard would say nothing but show off his Instrument. My second bard would wink and wiggle her hips. My dervish would say after a victory: "The universe is unfolding as it should." In fact, he also said this after falling in love with and bedding my bard. My scout/forsaker isn't a man of words. If it's alive, he'd shoot it. If it's magic, he'd smash it. My kender would run up to a monster and insult it: "Not very well hung, are you? No wonder you can't find a mate. Just as well. Friends! Kill it before it breeds!" -A
MattBlacke 05-22-07, 01:07 AM	My NG Cleric of Mystra trying to to explain how my Heward's haversack will keep the two wine bottles our LG Monk/Drunken master found safe from harm: Monk: It won't weigh you down or risk breaking? Me: It's an extra dimensional space. THey'll be perfectly safe until I take them out. Monk: :uh-huh: :confused: Warlock: You could punch this forever and the winebottles will never risk breaking. The backpack's magical. Monk: Oh! Why didn't you say so? Me: I...did....:blink:
Zalakhiel 05-24-07, 05:02 PM	"Fear not fools, for it is after death that you shall be honoured... As my minions of the Dark!" Zargon "the Necrobutcher", Dread Necromancer. "The time is here... The time is now... You do not belong here. Your presence is denied. I shall scatter you to oblivion." Zalakhiel, Overdeity of Fate and Darkness.
Druid_of_the_storm 05-24-07, 08:51 PM	Banor/Barbarian "guess where this is going" *holding a tree while in destructive rage* Jin/warmage "Well I got the *******s*passes out while puffing smoke*" (just ran into a hopeless melee situation and dropped a cometfall on himself) Harrow/cleric of nerull "Tell the archdemon on the 205th layer of the abyss that he still owes me 20 silver" Shaben/rogue "I swear it wasn't me this time" Gren/ fighter "I will drink your blood from your own...ah **** I missed!!"
AffableDoomwalker 05-25-07, 06:18 AM	A quote from "Father Fred" my recently-gone nuts, Catholic Priest, 1920s Call of Cthulu character. "Holy ****."
redodysseus 05-25-07, 11:25 PM	My Loremage "Have you ever heard about the flesh eating pixies of the Zolroth forest." A Story. "In the most beautiful land in the world lived the most beautiful and fairest girl. Rhadamanthys, the most vile demon prince, knew that he had to possess this most beautiful and fairest of all girls. So he kidnapped her. Now one would think that he wished to perform the most hideous, obscene, and torturous acts on her to satiate his most vile nature. However, being a particular loathsome demon prince he had a more sinister plan. He kept the most beautiful and fairest of girls in a fairylike room, dressed her in pink chiffron, and gave her cute cudely animals to play with. Then he forced his demon servants to play croquet and dress-up with her and attend her tea parties. The more they howled and begged to stop playing nice with so they could rip her guts out, they more he forced them to be nice and play her sweet, childish girl games. Thus did he prove that he was master and the most vile demon of them all."
TheAnthroDM 05-26-07, 01:16 AM	"If I can't have it niether can you!" - Jimari, Halfing Bard before smashing the Mirror of the Cold Land which eventually resulted in a TPK.
the_francat 05-26-07, 06:57 PM	my part cat,part lizard barbarion: "Here puppy come here.:evillaugh"
JaiaDrottsingr 06-12-07, 08:40 PM	Why be a hero when you can get paid? Jammaca's only upstaging of Ri. This happened in the last session we played before I left Britain for the summer.
warwinner 06-12-07, 10:48 PM	My current Human warlock Messenger: The paladin's are coming to town Warlock:What a depressing thought I won't be able to kill anybody while in town.What a depressing thought Oh joy, now i'll be fighting angels ! ArchWizard:you are a mage, what spells do you cast ? warlock: you know, the last all day spells Archwizard:Ah, persistent spell - isn't it wonderful ? Fortune teller: you'll go to heaven.The angels will sing songs to you.Your ancestors will be there to hear your stories.You will live happily with friends and family forever Warlock: What a depressing thought
cheetachaser 06-13-07, 03:40 AM	My Monk, and it is in my Signature. My Viking Warrior: Let me try. Mage: You Idiot... there is no possibility of you completing a puzzle that would take me days... Me: Finished. Gaurd#1 below my Rogue: Is it raining? Guard#2: No... *looks over, and takes a whiff* That's Pi**! Gaurd#1&2: *look up* Me: How's the weather down there?
mettyc 06-13-07, 02:31 PM	My very drunk wizard being mugged: "M'gic missssill! why dint that work? oh well, thats the affluence of incahol" <falls asleep> Same character after getting into an argument with our esteemed halfling swashbuckling leader, Pedro del Minuto. "by any chance is there are direct link between the size of your body and the size of your pe-AAGGHH! he has a sword, get him away!"
KedynCrow 06-13-07, 04:13 PM	My Human Ranger "Croaker" to my friend's Dwarf Fighter "Magnus Battleforge" on tactics before the first battle of Shepherd's Hill (A scant mile away from Croaker's home town" "I don't care how many of them it'll kill. You AREN'T burning down MY forest." Gah...dwarves.
cheetachaser 06-13-07, 04:23 PM	My Barbarian: You will all die! *group of stronger looking NPC's walk up looking cocky* My Barbarian: Eventually, I meant to say you will all die eventually!
Bone_Yard 06-13-07, 09:11 PM	Rico the incredibly annoying halfling sniper "Holly crap your ugly i'm doin you a favor shootin yah"
Master_Vega 06-13-07, 10:29 PM	My psion after rolling an intimidate (demoralize) check against someone boarding his friend's ship: (20+19 ranks +1 Cha = 39) *points his katana at the aquatic lizard man and calls in the scariest voice imaginable* YOU! Lizard man: (11+5 lvl +/-? Wis = 16 +/- Wis) *blinks, almost wets self and goes to attack my duskblade ally... who is in much better shape at the time* The best part: I was out of psipoints save for the seven I saved for psionic dimension door. :P
Infinitive 06-14-07, 01:57 PM	Okay, this is going to take a little setting up. We're playing in the Dragonlance setting, and were tromping through a bog somewhere. We had encountered several huts in the bog, and in each was a table with a small figurine on it. Touching the figurine invariably turned into a nasty undead for us to fight. Thus, when we cane to yet another hut, the party fighter turns to the party kender. Fighter: "No touchie. If you touch anything in that hut, I'm going to garrote you with your own intestines." Kender: "Cool! That's just plain creative." So, after some chuckling, the party enters the hut. As expected, there is a table, and on the table a ruby bat. Everyone glares at the Kender one last time, and we set to searching the room. A few moments later, there was a muffled scream from behind us, which was suddenly cut off. We turned around. (The DM was cackling at this point) As expected, the ruby bat was missing, and the Kender was doing his best to look innocent, with his hands behind his back. Fighter: "Where's the bat?" Kender: "What bat?" Fighter: "The one that was on the table." Kender: "Oh. Er." Cleric: "Give me your bag." The kender hands over his bag of holding, and the cleric peeks in. He sighs, looks up, and says to the rest of the party: Cleric: "Great. We now have a vampire in a bag of holding. Anyone know the way to the nearest temple of Paladine?"
DeuceEsMachina 06-14-07, 04:42 PM	Two members of our gaming group are constantly arguing, and it all came to a head one session as one of them was heatedly trying to make his point. My character, the human warmage, finally had to jump in ME: "You know what? I wish I had a cookie for you-" DM: "A magical wish-cookie appears in your hand." Me: ".......Dammit." Playing 2nd ed. I had a character with 5 attacks/round - first roll came up natural 20, and the next, and the next, and the next. Finally, after the astonished remarks of the other four players faded to a reasonable level, one of them known for putting safety pins through his eyelids said - "If you roll one more twenty, I'll cut off my thumb." My response - "Deal." Roll, roll, roll - and the dice came up.... 19! I almost had me a new thumb.
Brotter_Lutgehr 06-14-07, 10:11 PM	Saint Glima Beren "Cloak" "Ol' One Arm" "The Selfless One" NG Gnome Wizard 10/Apostle of Peace 10 "There never was a good war or a bad peace"
vineyard 06-15-07, 12:37 AM	my assassin, Saablic Tan "If theres a nightmare.....I'm there."
Altyrium 06-15-07, 03:32 AM	hahaha, in this one game i was playing i had a crazy half elf sorcerer with a love of explosions, and he'd gotten separated from the rest of the party via a crafty trap door and poor reflex save(8 just didnt do it) well anyways, wandering through the dungeon alone, i finally find a door thats locked, and so i peeked through the keyhole and saw "green warty flesh" i immedietly thought troll, BURN! so i cast a fireball spell, and i manage to get it through the keyhole(nat20 on roll, thank god!) and i hear a boom and screams. the door flies off down the hall and theres a very burnt troll, and a very burnt party....... the troll was actually a good troll, well, and enchanted troll, so mindclouded from the party telepath that he didnt even know he was a troll! so he's dead, druids wolf is dead, druids hurt, rogues fine, fighters sizzling, and the psion is a crispy hunk of charcol..... the party stared daggers at me, to which my only response was "what? i like it extra crispy" with a shrug
xanthor 06-16-07, 03:08 AM	I had a Fighter 2/Bard 4/Dragon deciple Named Raith Jinn. He was seperated from the party, and showed up while a green dragon was kicking the crap out od the party and ranting how he calculated every odd possible. I leapt down from hiding and in a massive blow dealt a massive damage blow. I rolled to my feet, my wings flaring, and witha growl said "Yeah, Well I'm the Wild Card." (The bard in him had to be dramatic) In my last game, a Wild Mage, while fighting a lich looked directly at his rotting corsp, and after dispelling back to back spells, said "You know....I don't think you're a real lich." It was funny at the time.
Altyrium 06-27-07, 12:38 AM	this is just before a battle with a psion, my wizard was alone and we were fighting a group of psi-suppremists who thought that magic was useless and shouldnt exist. Psion: Magic is just a crutch for those too weak willed to master their own minds! My Wizard: Well, crutches can be used to smash in someones head you veiny headed freak(the psion had lots of veins popping out of his bald head)
TheAnthroDM 06-27-07, 03:47 PM	From a recent, short lived campaign: LG Nightmare Spinner talking to LG Paladin after a night of hard drinking. "So basically you can scare the pants off of any creature that's not a Paladin or another Nightmare Spinner?" Paladin "Basically" Nightmare Spinner "Finally! A wizard that I LIKE!" Paladin embraces the Nightmare Spinner.
vulgartheswift 06-27-07, 09:47 PM	My Elf Wizard Vulgar (Such a ressemblance) "Being angry is like being drunk, you dont know what you're doing, and you dont know what you are saying."
Ack 06-27-07, 10:16 PM	Out of character, but talking about them: "When I found out your character's nickname was Shiv, I resolved to stay on her good side."
Steelo_Mcbuff 06-28-07, 07:35 AM	My Human Ranger "You know if it wasn't for all the zombies, this would be quite the nice village"
cheetachaser 06-29-07, 01:10 AM	Vampire: I rather like this village... The day is nice and bright, the sun nice and gone...
Mugulord 06-29-07, 04:34 AM	My cleric of olidammara, during a conversation with A. Npc: NPC: Who is you're parties' leader? PC Sorc: We're sort of a democracy Me: I thought we were an autonomous collective!
the_narrator 06-29-07, 04:02 PM	My Ranger/ Rogue, while discussing a plan of action regarding a certain Count that we feel needs to be put into his place. Me: Let's just do what I always say we should do: Murder him in his sleep and then steal everything from his house that isn't nailed down and burning. Paladin: -Shocked!- Me: Er, I mean, let us "peacefully aprehend" him and "try him in a fair court of law" while "leaving each and every one of his posessions in his home" which will "deffinitely not be on fire".
pokie 06-29-07, 04:05 PM	War. War never changes.
pokie 06-29-07, 04:06 PM	I would like to see that paladin get through my WALL OF BABIES ::casts greater image:: -Tobias my favorite character- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :dancin:
boxter 06-29-07, 06:17 PM	Chaotic Evil Lich Necromancer "You dare oppose me? So be it, you will see what you get, but be warned for I know no...umm" *Takes out dictionary, flips through the pages* "...mercy! I know no mercy"
Underdark_Tourist 06-30-07, 11:02 AM	My Deepwyrm 1/2 Drow: "You know how I know it sucks to be a Drow? Because I am one. Well, mostly."
CrimsonDeath 07-01-07, 02:10 AM	My nine-year-old Kobold Warlock, when asked since when he could use magic: "Since I was five."
JaiaDrottsingr 07-01-07, 01:29 PM	I got sent these over email: Ry: Kobolds are overrated. Jammaca: So are multiracial beings. Ry: But those can kill you. Jammaca: And kobolds serve what other purpose? Ry: Annoyance. Jammaca: So? Ry: SHUT UP!! Jammaca: *Sizzles.* Jim: What do you do? Unnamed Cleric: I heal things. Jammaca: You mean like a palidan's sexuality? Cleric: Almost. But I fix things with less trauma involved. Ry: Too bad. Now you have to die. Cleric: What's that smell? Jammaca: *Sizzles.* GrouchoRy: I bet for the first year of your life, your father threw rocks at the stork. Jammaca: Actually he began to worship pagan gods and sacrificed himself out of misery. Why?
uchit 07-01-07, 01:41 PM	I am an undead, i know of our shortfallings, and as such, all of my bretheran must die.(Aiken, lordly Lich) WHY???(Gizen, six armed dancing queen) Hey, i'm trying to act cool, is it so hard to want to find an excuse to us a certain someones new +5 undead bane, flaming burst longsword..... JEEZ!!!(Aiken, lordly Lich)
sleepydeath 07-02-07, 12:04 PM	my evil gnome beguiler/shadowcraft mage failed a safe against read thoughts against an npc that tried to find out what my intentions are. me thinking: "I must think somethink...... non evil..... uhm.... I AM A GNOME!!! HURAAAAY!" :bigeyes: npc: :uh-huh:
cheetachaser 07-02-07, 12:37 PM	My Halfling Rogue pretending to be a child pretending to be a halfling rogue so he could get away from a heist, "Look at me! Maffer Blue Hand! Greatest Theif of all Time!" (nobody looked) Rule Number 1: Unless they know what you look like... no one will beleive you are you if you are famous. Rule Number 2: You are always at least twice as tall as you are.
Pakiti 07-02-07, 02:00 PM	My wizard lore has a SERIOUS memory problem (how he keeps the spells in his head, we don't know) Anytime anyone says his name, he replies: "Who?"
roarofthewild 07-03-07, 03:11 AM	My bard. ""woohoo plot-device"" My cleric. ""Oh that so sad oh well"" My druid. ""Do hear that that the savage scream of nature""
roarofthewild 07-03-07, 03:40 AM	this wasn't my but I still love it Barbarian who failed against a fear effect ""The bunnies get them off"" brother: he going in to rage group: What the F@#$ why are you going in to rage. brother:he thinks if he rages they will go away
peteyrock 07-03-07, 12:40 PM	A faerie dragon familiar: Look, boss. I know you can't fix ugly, but you can fix stinky... wizard: :mad: faerie dragon: I know you don't like it. But, I'm just throwing it out there. A bath shouldn't be a rare thing. wizard: :headexplo faerie dragon: Like I said, just throwing it out there. You don't have to catch it. You can throw it right back... Okay. Honesty sure feels good, doesn't it? EDIT: Need to throw this one in there too. dwarven cleric: Ah! Shock Lizards. Run! human fighter: Stupid things... Waking me up. dwarven cleric: No! Get away from the lizards! shock lizard: *squish* human fighter: Ha! Got one! 10 shock lizards: *zap!* human fighter: *dead* player of dwarven cleric: Please let the table be aware that I have no way of resurrecting anyone at this time.
TheWhirlingDeathaxe 07-03-07, 01:24 PM	A party of 3rd level characters is joined by Ixiqual, a first level elf wizard. While galavanting through the woods we encounter an owlbear protecting its nest. Fighter#1- "I charge! RAAAAWWWR!" (whiff) Fighter#2- "I charge as well! RAAAAAWR!" (whiff) Monk- "charge with a stunning fist! RAAAWR!" (whiff) Ixiqual- "charge with my staff! RAAAWR!" Rest of the party - "noooo you fool you have 5 hit points!" Ixiqaul proceeds to roll a natural 20.....3 times in a row. By our old house rules, confirming a crit with a 20, followed by another confirmation = instant death. Ixiqual-"You guys are a bunch of catfolk." makes a good sig.
Staver 07-03-07, 01:42 PM	A party of 3rd level characters is joined by Ixiqual, a first level elf wizard. While galavanting through the woods we encounter an owlbear protecting its nest. Fighter#1- "I charge! RAAAAWWWR!" (whiff) Fighter#2- "I charge as well! RAAAAAWR!" (whiff) Monk- "charge with a stunning fist! RAAAWR!" (whiff) Ixiqual- "charge with my staff! RAAAWR!" Rest of the party - "noooo you fool you have 5 hit points!" Ixiqaul proceeds to roll a natural 20.....3 times in a row. By our old house rules, confirming a crit with a 20, followed by another confirmation = instant death. Ixiqual-"You guys are a bunch of catfolk." :cheer: :heehee Good one! -Staver
pbradley179 07-03-07, 08:36 PM	Stark, Raven Knight in Castle Ravenloft: "I've been hunting his kind, the vampyre, for years, and I know one thing: He'll attack at night." Entire group pauses... Galen, Magknight: "That's because he's a VAMPIRE, you dork." Walker Dark, Chain-wielding Ranger: "Can you even use a repeating crossbow?"" Galen: Ehn, if I can poke them with it, I'm probably not going to miss. Walker: Crosses a bridge we're all afraid of. See? No Probl- DM: A rock falls on you, pushed from the catle parapets. Walker: And... I... die. I even say that in character. No, wait, I say Fish. I figure that will haunt you cowards for all time: Why did he say fish? Stark: We'll probably ask you later, when you're undead and TERRIFYING us. DM: ... "and the monk assassin goes next, he hits as well... gets a critical"... Owen, Stonecutter Druid: I look down at the three crossbow bolts in my chest, and look up going "Why would you DO that?!" Then, IMMEDIATELY, that monk comes up and KICKS ME directly IN THE BOLT, shoving it deeper in my body. And... I... die. Galen: Ooooh! *winces*
pbradley179 07-03-07, 08:43 PM	And one last kicker: C-101, Warforged Juggernaut, pulls himself out of the wreckage of the marketplace stall, and returns to the fight: "Hey, they're selling the new model wands of Cure Light here!" Owen: "Man, this mall's got EVERYTHING."
MattBlacke 07-04-07, 12:08 AM	From the unexpectedly last meeting of our now aborted campaign. :weep: Warlock *in invisible scouting mode, using Message to relay info back to the rest of the team* {whisper}"I see a Minotaur and a Centaur ahead. I recommend a full front assault." Mineral warrior Fighter: {whisper} I just want to get in there and hit something. [Me] Cleric:{whisper} That IS a full frontal assault. Took us ten minutes to stop laughing. Man, am I gonna miss that game. :(
Deladrion Garthin 07-05-07, 02:50 AM	Not quite a quote, but a snippet of a conversation: My psion companion: "What do you call it when a bunch of people are killed?" My evil Lizardfolk fighter: "Um ... a day?"
LifeIshFun 07-05-07, 03:01 PM	"Bring me that wolf's heart!" - My CE Fighter, who was convinced that eating the hearts of his enemies would give him strength. Turned out the wolf in question had heartworms... -_-
SombraStewart 07-05-07, 06:15 PM	After an odd end to a practice duel: Observer: Your greed will get you killed one day My epic rogue: It already has. Four times. Observer: You didn't learn? Rogue: It usually turns out better than that.
Alexeduardo 07-06-07, 03:47 PM	my hateful ranger'll say something like: "A half orc is someone who's dad likes to rape humans"
CrimsonDeath 07-06-07, 04:20 PM	My half-orc Ardent: "Say whatever you want about my parents. I never met 'em."
Saurus33 07-07-07, 10:25 PM	My CE Dread Necromancer: "Let nothing hold you back. If you do, you admit your fears are more powerful than your ambitions".
Alpha_Moose 07-07-07, 10:57 PM	This was something that I found myself saying a lot while playing an Artificer: "There's a spell for that" I didn't even try doing things any other way after a while.
LoneStranger 07-08-07, 01:21 AM	This was said by the Warforged Scout in the Eberron game I'm in: "I sheathe my ingot" He was using a 20 pound iron ingot we had found before to bash a hole in a wall that was part of a trap.
Custom_Gamer 07-08-07, 04:46 PM	Star Wars Dark Jedi on board a sith battle ship: Hey look reenforcements. Where'd they come for. Pilot: Sir they are charging weapons. Me: Oh, Goody. Wait they're aiming for us. *death* Common Quote for my mandalorian jedi pirate: Crewmember: What is it we do again? Me: we protect the helpless by killing the rich and giving to ourselves so we can protect the helpless by killing the rich......only faster
OatsMalone 07-08-07, 05:38 PM	"Magic works in mysterious ways!" ~Cyril Alexander, a Human illusionist, bluffing about why he had scratch marks all over his chest after returning from a night of love with a liontaur. +6 in bluff is not enough. "Other than being the dark grand-spawn of an evil god (Tiamat), I'm exceptionally normal." ~Cyril Alexander.
Shinyness 07-09-07, 10:00 PM	Our party has been trapped, captured and imprisoned by high-level natives on a lost island. Native Chief: You're lucky we found you. The other tribe on this island are all cannibals. Fortunately, we're vegetarians. My Bard: I strongly support that lifestyle choice. Trapped by Dire Tigers, our Hadozee Scout is steadily gliding from treetop to treetop as the beasts rip apart the trunks beneath him. They're circling the clearing towards us. Fighter: [Does quick calculation] We're going to need more trees.
NightHawkFalconis 07-11-07, 08:34 PM	Vadri'tarel Ondelliosaru, level 3 CN male elven fighter {hightly eccentric}: Battle cry: "It's bathtime for you, buster!" (came about after being drenched by a water elemental) Battle cry when fighting halflings: "It's time to toss the salad!" Actual in-game quote: "Uh... hey, little girl. We just killed your daddy!" *smile* Xeran Kelozzir, level 12 CN male drow rogue: "Plate mail... oh, good." (in response to having several suits of armor dumped on him to go sell) "Wave it around and scream 'hocus-pocus' or something." (in response to being asked if he knows how to use a particular magic item) "Welcome to our happy, little party. Now you're doomed with the rest of us." (welcoming a new party member) "And what kind of people are looking for us? Old people." (in response to being watched by an old woman, who turned out to be a gnome arcane trickster in disguise) "Is she a trap?" (same old woman/gnome) "Okay, I didn't quite SAVE the children from the burning orphanage. *music*But I didn't start the fire. */music*" (trying to convince the silver elf of my virtue and failing a bluff check) Other Players: Kelvin: "I'm doing a wheelie on my horse!" ("wheeling" his horse around) Kelvin: "Well, he IS Gimble." (referring to his bard cohort's ability to make epic check DCs at level 8, and we were wondering how he had become so proficient at his craft) Kelvin: "An archwizard is having trouble finding us. A gnome running a shop in the middle of Bumble**** is NOT going to find us." (in response to Xeran's concerns about leaving the old woman/gnome's brother alive) Kelvin: "Woof." :embarrass (forgetting that he had shifted out of dog form) Xavier (OOC): "I deal 176 damage." /// DM: O.o;;;; Kelvin's "secret handshake" for the Order of the Silver Dragon (created by Steve): Person 1: (shows brooch/pin) "Pin." (points flat palm toward target and twists hand) "Hand spear." Person 2: (hands on hips) "Well, that was stupid." Person 1: (shrugs) "I guess it works."
NecroBobb 07-13-07, 01:58 AM	"Those that willfully refuse salvation deserve death...they will not save themselves, so neither will I." -Said By Savior Grade, Falling Favored Soul.
Secemena 07-13-07, 10:24 PM	My warforged Monk 'Marsh' "Have you seen my Human?"
cog_n_taz 07-14-07, 03:06 AM	Well, a while back, the party paladin of heironeous was preaching to my favored soul of heironeous (CG. Yes, I know it breaks lots of rules, but the DM allowed it), seeing as he had met the guy for the first time. My response was thus... "heironeous? Yeah, he can be a bit uptight sometimes, but he's really a decent guy once you get to know him". I don't think the paladin ever fully recovered from that one...
ArgulFraster 07-16-07, 12:55 AM	Argul Fraster, 6th Level Favored Of Erentei (sorcerer) "Ooh, shiney!" OOC: "I go to the dump to look for random stuff." When attacked by Fiendish Gelatinous Cube: "**** **** **** **** **** ****..." Repeatedly, while casting Fireball and throwing vials of Alchemist's Fire with the help of our party's Dwarf Ftr2Brd4. Ironically it didn't hit us once. Imeowtep, 2nd-Level Cleric of Bast "But I wan' iiit!"-Arguing with the Dwarven Fighter, attempting to haggle for an item, holding the dwarf's Masterwork Dwarven Ale hostage (we had just finished a small war in the bar of a brothel. There was all sorts of loot.) Battle Cry: "HOLY WATER WHACKERRRRR!" (He uses an aspergelium.) Dexeret, my first character (Elven RGR2), now deceased due to attacking a dragon-man "This is my friend! He's a weretiger!"-To leader of town's fighting guild
psychoticbarber 07-16-07, 10:43 PM	"Why defeat an enemy when one could just...redirect him?" --Martin Pale, LE Enchanter Enchanter 3/Master Specialist 9/Mindbender 1/Archmage 2 (Edit: Spells only in Enchantment, Illusion and Divination schools, no other schools were used)
Drow64 07-17-07, 12:57 AM	"Shake your groove thing now!" -Arvius Firele, Female N Drow Bard "How much web could a spiderweb web if a spiderweb could spider web?" -Illithar Firele, Male N Drow Wizard "Yes, I realize the irony." -Tarvus, Male NG Wraith Cleric of Pelor "Quit whining and just appraise it already." Skaroq Nasker, Male LG Half-orc Sorcerer
ArgulFraster 07-18-07, 10:39 PM	This is one of my favorite characters, Silvertone The Druid-Wizard. He's a bit of a stoner and favors Magic Missile and Entangle. He has some of the best quotes from our campaigns, despite the fact that he's an NPC. "Duuuude..."-Opinion of the universe in general One time Argul, my pyromaniac felinian Sorcerer (favored of Erentei houseclass modded) decided to take Silvertongue up on the offer to smoke. The party's Dwarven Bard/Fighter took a hit. Nothin' happened. I took a hit and rolled a Nat. 1. The two of us started hallucinating and, by proxy, singing the Badger Song. It ended when the party Fighter, Gabriel, raised his Greatsword and yelled "Snaake! Snaaake! Snaaake!" Early on in the game, when we were all 2nd-level, I said of Silvertongue, "He knows enough to grow his weed and enough to light it." It's not too far off the bat either.
Drow64 07-19-07, 02:53 PM	Beeeeep beepbeepbeep CLICK whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... -Missle-8, Warforged Cleric of Mecharius IF kobold_sorcerer casts <magicmissle> THEN cast <re: protectionfromenergy> IF orc_patrol <ECL=under_5> THEN choose option: <attack=greatsword> IF unkown_enemy <CR=epiclevel> THEN flee_in_terror IF enemy <username="Large_Monstrous_Spider"> THEN get <username="Illithar_Firele"> -Missle-8 going over his programming
The Gel Man 07-19-07, 05:11 PM	Ty Fervor "I'm the 109th greatest sword in all Faerûn!" ...said at fighter level 5 "If you guys are to afraid I'll take on the dragon myself" ...then i'd a least move up to the 105th greatest sword in all Faerûn!" luckily he never found it "It actually does taste better warm, a tad spicy" ...after a ****** off bartender gave him a mug of a yellowish liquor he dubbed 'dragon ale' "I haven't been to Waterdeep in a while I'll have to check the standings" ...in response to the same bartend telling him he'd heard he was the 112th greatest sword in Faerûn. "I thought there were only three" ... Ty explaining why he ran into a room containing 4 ogres way ahead of the party, they barely managed to rescue him. and before you ask, his wisdom score was 7.
Meat_Grinder 07-20-07, 09:07 AM	My Gnome Techsmith: "Oi, this thing is just a prototype! And it certainly ain't my fault that you people have to jump in the way every time I fire it!" After the third time he had shot his allies in the back with his modified repeating/double-barreled crossbow. :D My Knight/Knight Protector: "Come now, you filth! If you dare to attack us you will have to taste my blade! Victory shall slip between your fingers this day, for I am Sir Bergrad of Haerintil, wielder of the King's Sword and the bane of your kind! Come now, face your inevitable doom! My sword will drink your blood!" Taunting the Orc/Barbarian army attackin the northern region of his kingdom. (It was a homemade campaign setting)
Shiro_Nezumi 07-24-07, 02:05 AM	My wererat ninja: Hey, you gonna eat that halfling? :drool:
Adolph_Kheebler 07-24-07, 02:27 AM	Korsashlan, Aquatic Elf Druid: "It looked like one of those midget land elves" Essdagnir, Sun Elf Psion "23,000 GOLD! How the hell did he manage to rack up a debt of 23,000 gold in one night?!?!?!?" said in response to being sentenced to pay the single night debt to the church of Sune of a guy he robbed Uthnark, Duskling Totemist with Int 6 "You no bow? Oh, you all gods too." "You must be child god" to the party halfling rogue
SirKaid 07-25-07, 04:18 AM	So I'm running a campaign where the party has been thwarting my best laid plans. My most devilish traps sidestepped, my most vicious monsters slain. This wouldn't be a problem other than the fact that they had the gall to complain that everything was too easy. This made me snap, so I sent a dragon several CR stronger than anything they had yet faced at them, with 20 fighters blocking the hallway to leave, and a 100 ft cliff as the only way out. In the process of them killing the dragon, two party members died. The two that were left were Kreg, a warforged ranger, and Ceylon, a human paladin. They decided that the only way that they could get out to rez the two deaddies would be to chop off a body part from each and then climb down (they were slightly pressed for time, as the fighters were slowly breaking down the door.) So, they chopped off one hand from each of the bodies. Kreg: (picking up the two severed hands) What sound do dead friends' hands make clapping? This! (flop flop flop) Now, the player made the motions of holding the severed hands at the wrists and flopping them together. Even better, though, was that the paladin (in game) thought that it was hilarious and fell prone just as the fighters broke down the door. They were only barely able to escape with their lives. To this day, if any of us make the "flop flop flop" gesture, we all break out laughing.
Aramil_Silvermoon 07-25-07, 05:05 PM	my elf druid thamior nailo "may the winds protect and guide you" my half ogre barbarain "Rage" and his great sword "Pain" "Pain hurt you! Rage kill you!" human warrior "i can crush an army of kobalds like ants, the bad news, they dont have an army of kobalds, they have a red dragon!"
Bloodsoul 07-25-07, 11:08 PM	My chaotic-evil human Archmage, Quintessa: "How absolutely laughable." "You have a very irritating face." "That look suits you well." ...honestly these actually come from Soul Calibur III where I first made her, but with all her Charisma and haughtyness I'm dieing to use them.
fuzzycrusader 07-29-07, 03:10 AM	Makoma, Half-Elf Hexblade "I do dirty work for dirty people"
Flmblm 07-29-07, 10:03 PM	One one of our games, we roughed up somebody's boat quite a bit, and the captain asked us to repair it. My gnome rushed in equipped with only a hand axe, laughing maniacally. The captain actually paid the other party members to stop him. In that same campain, me and the party fighter made holes in the same boat to get all the canons to one side, and the only thing they said to the captain was: "Not my boat, not my problem"
black2 07-29-07, 10:05 PM	"The word of the king is for twenty years, the song of the bard is for eternity." Kaj the Bard
ImABanana 07-29-07, 10:39 PM	Our Druid/Cleric was a Children of Winter, and was killed by a vampire, so I just said "Its ok, he was a Children of Winter, he would have wanted to die." I was a Githyanki Fighter/Rogue. This character also reffered to Warforged as magic toasters, and would make sure every warforged knew what he thought of them.
black2 07-29-07, 11:24 PM	Some warriors prefer the muck of the battlefield, some rougues prefer thier vaults filled with gold, but I prefer the stability of a ship's hammock. Kaj the Bard. :D
black2 07-29-07, 11:33 PM	"Frost worms can not possibly be beaten by 3 people." Said by an overcondfident captain of the guard. 2 days later. Door gets kicked in and pincer of Frost worm gets thown onto his desk. "Yeah I thought so." Says my bard and storms out of the room.
black2 07-29-07, 11:46 PM	Imagine this: Jungle island, overgrown reptiles (Yes dinosaurs) 3 party members heading down the hillside to the lakeshore below and in the attempt to avoid the enlarged T-Rex on the ridge above. Unsuspecting herd of Ankylasaurus gets attacked by said T-Rex who clubs one down the hillside. The one character who has a decent spot check did not spot the tumbling Ankylasaurus. Looking at his 2 companions who are diving out of the way "Where are you guys going?" Thump, thump, thump. He turns around and smack! Ankylasaurus tail turns him into a golf ball, and our companion finds the shortest/most painful way down the hill.
Passivearmada 07-30-07, 11:17 AM	"Do not worry, my friends. Death is but a mere inconvenience." -Jebro Featherstone as he lay dying. CN Gnome Bard/Rogue. "I spare you simply because I pity you, and to kill you would do nothing for me or you. But if I hear that anyone knows of this, I will find you. I will kill you, and your family. And yes, it will hurt. Are we on the same page now?" -Shaevron the Shadow as he releases a prisoner from a cell in a dungeon/library where he must assassinate a wizard. NE Elf Rogue/Assassin.
Gargarios 07-30-07, 02:29 PM	"The forests are full of em, the towns are full of em, the skys are full of em, the seas are full of em, and even the Underdark is full of em! You just cant get away from those dang pointy-eared, pale-skinned, anerexic, weird-eyed, snobish, gold-wasten' elven scum!!!" said Jorvik Blackhammer (10th level Sheild Dwarf Fighter) to another dwarf, after being saved by a group of elves from a pair of Ogres.
Gargarios 07-30-07, 05:04 PM	"An Empire stands as long as the merchant scale does, but in the scale is a bloody sword on one side and a pile of gold on the other" said Gargarios (LN Male Human Fighter 13)
black2 07-31-07, 09:23 PM	My Abjurer 8/soon to be Rage Mage: "Steal my spellbook, will ya...Hey come back with that! Ah, BUGGER! FIREBALL!" I love this one!:D
LordYawgmoth 07-31-07, 10:01 PM	Nameless Grunt: Sir, I'm sorry to tell you this, but the prisoners have escaped! Yawgmoth: :kills grunt: I know you are. Yawgmoth: The pain and suffering of others makes my blackened, shriveled heart alive with glee.
Highfather 07-31-07, 10:36 PM	Ashael Dios, The Shell of a god. "Try to understand, I do not wish to kill anymore."
bane_of_cuthbert 08-01-07, 11:21 AM	My smart-mouthed Ranger/Hellbreaker dsicussing strategy with the party just as a Pit Fiend steps from a portal into the room "Huh, speak of the devil."
FponkDamn 08-03-07, 10:03 PM	A Grey Guard of mine, Worshipper of a god of Absolute Law, prayed every morning while putting Righteous Aura on himself (a spell that, if you die, causes you to explode in righteous fury and tons of damage). He would use the official prayers of the church of his god in every other case, but he always started his mornings with that spell and prayer of his own devising: "Lord Sternus I, must justice do. Lo villains try, to strike me true, Your callous eye, shall see me through. So should I die, let them die too." - Johnny
SengerOrbcressen 08-04-07, 06:04 PM	My wizards favorite quote is: "A well placed displacer beast shall displace the most strategically placed minds." You may think its nonsense, but if you think about it, it isn't.:invasion:
godbeepit 08-05-07, 12:41 AM	All right so we're playing an evil game. The cleric has successfully gone espionage all over this other church thats mildly evil. That church controls undead but for order rather than evil. The druid is newly introduced now and needs to make friends in the church and go along with the cleric. My character is a dread necromancer, fully clad in robes of a god very much similar to Nerull. Holy symbol hanging out, holy symbols stitched into every surface imaginable on his robes, Tomb-Tainted Soul. You get the picture. Cleric's player: "Diplomacy check to blend in to this church?" Druid's player: "Diplomacy check to gain access to a back room?" My player: "Diplomacy check to not be a heathen..?"
Combichristian 08-05-07, 09:31 PM	An Orc Barbarian of mine said this upon meeting a group of 2 bugbears, 4 hobgoblins, and about 16 goblins...."zug zug"....then they proceeded to attack me and my friends orc barbarian. we nearly had them all (both of us at level 1)
Varthalon 08-05-07, 11:20 PM	Suddenly pointing at the pretty young lady stirring a cauldron of stew... "She's evil... and there's evil in the cupboard too!!!" ((the young lady turned out to be a disguised Hag with a couple of devils hiding in the kitchen's storage cabinets to help her spring her trap... fortunately my cleric still had a detect evil up from the parties search of the last room)).
Vladbat 08-07-07, 10:45 AM	My full plate wearing sheild carrying Dwarven Cleric: "Dwarves don't climb!" He unfortunately died while I was away when one of party decided they should all climb that rope.....
Nox_Noctis 08-07-07, 07:15 PM	Warforged: "I am an abomination, a mockery of the creator, unfit to live, and not worthy of death. My fate shall be to wander eternally and repent for my unforgivable transgression that is my blasphemous existence. I will have no sleep to grant me precious moments of solace, only awareness of my mechanical body to haunt my waking mind, and never will my debt be repaid, such is my destiny. To do this, all that violate the will of the creator must be punished, and I shall deliver them their divine judgment. Do not stand in my way." He seeks out those that tamper with the natural order[creating living machines, etc.] and the things they create or manipulate and kills them as part of his 'crusade' of penance for being one such device.
ArgulFraster 08-08-07, 03:43 PM	Not a D&D Character (though he DID inspire a god of mine) "We all need love. Or explosives. I'll settle for explosives."-Erentei Karasthein
CrimsonDeath 08-08-07, 09:11 PM	My Fighter (Int 14/Wis 8/Cha 8, so he was probably quoting someone else): "When dragons fight, it's the forest that burns."
Xeorsos 09-12-07, 05:53 PM	My Wizard, pursuing a modified Rainbow Servant PrC: "I'll never let the mere fact that I am an Arcanist stop me from reaching a connection with true divinity. After all, the laws of physics never stopped me from plucking extraplanar entities from their respective planes."
meto30 09-13-07, 01:10 AM	"True faith is unquestioning." - Chaplain Marlon, male human lv7 fighter / lv4 cleric / lv1 rogue / lv4 blackguard "Burn the Faithless. Purge the Demon. Kill the Unclean." - David Thule, male human lv10 fighter / lv5 weapon master "Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die." - Letorne Mk V, warforged lv17 fighter
CrimsonDeath 09-13-07, 04:14 AM	"We're actually very nice. He's just not all that bright." ~my Neanderthal bard, about an ally, trying to placate some angry pixies.
ArgulFraster 09-13-07, 10:00 PM	This one I came up with recently. "Cogito ergo sum (I think, therefore I am). By that token, you don't exist."
smellyhairyhippie 09-14-07, 06:05 PM	"I'm a very pious man you know. I attend church twice a day. I go out and smash greenskins in the morning, come back for a drink in the afternoon then go back and do it again in the evening. Wait you said church? Oh, i pray on the go..." Dwarven Cleric of Thor
Mr_Seth 09-14-07, 07:16 PM	"...I'm rock." "Let me try." "You know how to do that?" "No. But give me ten minutes and I can probably give it a whack." -Glordin Alirheim, Dwarf/Rock elemental fighter... a fellow whose propensity for reading everything within reach gave him twice the normal amount of skill points for a fellow of his profession by 16th level. "Ooh. Joo're vone naschty... vengeful... sonnuva xort. (a beat) I kin respect that!" "I's got jus' de t'ing... A DIRE CHIHUAHUA!" "Hm, yis. I suppose a vay to send messages... from place to place, discretely... somet'ing like a perm'nent two-way missive, dat you could turn off an' on... naaaaaah. Den you'd jus' get annoyin' salesmen alla de time." -Bottis the Orange, Jagermonster transmuter, obsessed with creating new magical creatures... in the last quote, stumbling over the concept for a telephone and discarding it.
KnightoftheWhiteRose 09-15-07, 03:48 AM	its in my sig.:D
Ahriman_The_Black 09-15-07, 11:57 PM	"Unstable? Such words I can expect from a creature that lacks the vision as I have. When I complete my greatest weapon, you below all will bow to my greatness!" - Lumpin Awesomelazer, Gnome Weapons Inventor, hours before his doomsday plane destroying weapon backfired sucking him into a black hole, wiping him from existence (and time). "Peace be with you, and let those who deny the place of peace learn of our power." - Jeriah The Holy (formally Jeriah the Poor), Human Non-Violent Cleric. What he says before he casts "End of Strife" (I think thats the spell, the 9th level cleric one that hurts anyone that fights).
Galactusbryant 09-16-07, 09:46 AM	"If brute force isn't working you're not using enough of it." "I have a hammer." To all most any problem. Human cleric of Thor.
Lyrebyrd 09-18-07, 01:11 AM	Shai Lethe - CN half-demon ranger whose human and demon sides are fighting an internal battle for dominance - and she hasn't realized it yet. Favoured enemy: Evil outsiders. "If by becoming like a demon I can better hunt and kill them all, then so be it. And when there are none left, then the Lady Death may take me." Ieasha na'Saara ka-Mehnit - CG half-janni spell-thief with little knowledge of outside cultures than her own nomadic lifestyle. "Are foreigners always this dumb, or just you people?"
Kairn83 09-18-07, 11:40 AM	Sebius Kaeviler: Necropolitan Dread Necromancer 10, has a nasty habit of isolating and taunting. Scenario: Upset a vampire in the previous game who had just hunted us down for a bit of payback. Vamp: "You dare to think you could rob the dead and escape with your lives?" Sebius: "Actually, I gave my life some time ago - though the remnants of yours looks quite promising. Thank you for volunteering toward our cause." *rebuke/control*
herceg 09-19-07, 01:26 AM	"True faith is unquestioning." - Chaplain Marlon, male human lv7 fighter / lv4 cleric / lv1 rogue / lv4 blackguard "Burn the Faithless. Purge the Demon. Kill the Unclean." - David Thule, male human lv10 fighter / lv5 weapon master "Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die." - Letorne Mk V, warforged lv17 fighter These seem quite familiar to me... nevermind. The Emperor protects!
Fithero 09-19-07, 02:28 AM	"Defeating a foe without killing them is the true test of skill." Vincel - Chaotic Good Barbarian of Kord.
CrimsonDeath 09-19-07, 03:21 AM	"I shall thank you to call me a 'priestess'. What a necromancer merely knows, I understand." ~Paine Bloodweaver, Spiker cleric
darkhunter2007 09-19-07, 09:48 AM	My future character will say: "Weed is bad, it makes you see things which arn't real!"
Terjon of the Blue Rose 09-20-07, 02:21 AM	I dip my quill in poison I place my sword to page My voice has turned to daggers Your triumphs form my rage I tear down great achievements Your creation, too, in course I find my greatest art In destroying art of yours CE Bard/Cleric of Destruction (I so want to make a bard the major villian in a campaign)
CrimsonDeath 09-20-07, 04:12 AM	Very nice Terjon. Delicious even.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 09-20-07, 06:31 AM	Very nice Terjon. Delicious even. :ayyyy!: Sorry but there is no "bows humbly" smiley.
Griff 09-22-07, 10:04 AM	In a large city our evil party wanders into a tavern for an arranged meeting... Winter, my Elven Dread Necromancer waits impatiently for our contact with the party Warlock... Meanwhile the Druid decided that he didn't like the bartender's attitude and before we know it there is a great big bear tearing someones face off... Winter (to Warlock): *sigh* "See, this is why we can't go anywhere nice." ----------------- Different campaign, the day after a long harvest festival of drinking and partying the party druid/rogue finds my Crusader of Olidimarra who is a mineral warrior (essentially living rock) Druid/Rogue: *groan* "hey there you are, why ishnt you hungo'er?" Me: *looks down* "... Im made of stone dude."
KIDS 09-22-07, 01:29 PM	"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" - Lani Elais Bloodsong, my NG elf priestess of myhriss concerning prisoners "Allright I'll pay some attention to how much I eat" - Cannonball, my gnome barbarian with 20 CON and a weight problem. (later) "What? I ate only ten, what did you think I was gonna do?" "What are you doing? It's a dog, not a dragon for gods' sake!" - Mephala Tidwell, my human bard concerning her level 2 party that had surrounded a dog and all did total defense/5-foot step away "One could have avoided a whole lot of trouble if he had had the wisdom to stay in his room" - Sin'Dall, my elf ninja/druid, concerning the recent shipwreck of his company
cog_n_taz 09-22-07, 07:21 PM	hmm... from a certain warlock/hellfire warlock lich (NE) of mine, than. he was killed by the opposing good army in the course of a fight, and came back 4 days later to wreak havoc once more. The enemy commander came to parley with him, and the beggining of the conversation was as follows. "So... I thought I killed you, and yet here you are, less than a week later, butchering my men again. Why?" "No rest for the wicked, sir. It's a hard job, but at the end of the day, someone has to do it. So, did you come for coffee and small talk, or wrath and hellfire? Don't worry, I can work with either." Or against a certain paladin... "I do not fear death, warlock." "Really? Well than, it's high time I got creative, isn't it?" Or from a cowering fighter.. "You're going to kill me, aren't you?" "Kill you? No, I intend to be rather more...inventive than that." Or when the BBEG said that he discovered their whereabouts thanks to the bard... (shoots a weak hellfire blast at the bard) "Continue." Or when asked who/what he is, on one occasion.. "I'm the one that stabbed your worst nightmare in the face, left it to bleed to death, and set fire to its corpse. Start running now, and I'll give you a 10 second head start, not that it'll help you. Then again, I might just kill you now, who knows?" My favorite is from a CN summon-monkey sorcerer of mine. he summoned an iron golem he made beforehand (a drawmij's instant summons type deal) to deal with a few bugbears. Overkill, I know. So, as the huge golem lands between them, clouds of dust swirling around it, they hear a single line from the sorcerer before they're beaten to a pulp. "En Garde, suckers."
Fenrir_Greyback 09-23-07, 01:24 PM	Half Elf Rogue to my mostly lawful good party ( We have three other chaotic characters who are both CG, I'm CN and the other 6 people are LG) "You can't take from me what I rightfully stole!"
eleyas 09-23-07, 02:23 PM	My true neutral elf rogue/druid to the stupid dwarf who kicked in the door: What the bloody hell do you think you are doing, you could of scared off people to steal from to the arrogant wizzard: thats fine try and hit me with magic missle ill just turn into rat and run through the crack in the wall To the hunter: Hahahaha thats not what the wolf says
Karsil_Draken 09-24-07, 06:23 PM	In a large city our evil party wanders into a tavern for an arranged meeting... Winter, my Elven Dread Necromancer waits impatiently for our contact with the party Warlock... Meanwhile the Druid decided that he didn't like the bartender's attitude and before we know it there is a great big bear tearing someones face off... Winter (to Warlock): *sigh* "See, this is why we can't go anywhere nice." My total favorite "Because this left me standing in antimagic with a vampire and a warrior with a big pointy stick, I felt the need to engage in a tactical retreat. There was, of course, a need to create a slight diversion as I did so, but because I couldn’t cast spells, the only real 'diversion' I could manage was squealing like a little girl and flailing my arms." ~Harsk, the 22nd level wizard, explaining his tactical approach to antimagic melee Second best... the funny part stressed by the fact that an EPIC level hero runs like a little girl... "Well... I ain't a "more than one pair of shoes" kinda guy..." "Now I can't stand people B'll Sh*tt*ng me... and I have yet to find a better remedy than this DL-44" I understood this thread as to be describing your char with a quote... my Star Wars character Tait Ganner, a former law enforcement, now second in command on a 12 man pirate vessel, a mean man with a Blaster Pistol, whos biggest dream is a ranch on Dantooine: ...Karsil
mathew99 09-26-07, 01:00 AM	my monk: " Can't touch this! " says as he stuns then staggers his opponent.
Talaisan 09-26-07, 10:37 AM	Revan Lightfoot, anthro housecat cat burglar, on seeing the (not so) false prophet of apocalypse being escorted to his death by a few hundred elite infantry and cavalry, turns to the druid and says : "You still got that summon swarm spell? Great. Let's start a riot." ...which proceeded to go horribly wrong, and make the DM cry.
Winged_Edge 09-26-07, 01:19 PM	The character was a twisted elf who ran a Banite stronghold - This is what he said to his cheating wife. Him: "You must realize, I've killed people who were standing next to someone who looked at me wrong. Nothing personal..."
Deadlypudding 09-27-07, 02:14 AM	My Religious Tough/Daredevil Kirby Ashmore would say: "I've made my peace with God, you better make yours and quick!" Before crashing his car head on with another.
pigknight 09-28-07, 03:29 PM	Zane, LN Human Gesult Cleric of Death and Cold/Fighter- "Stupid Paladin I'm not evil, just because I wear black armor with runes and skulls, have a runed greatsword and have skeletons follow me does not mean I'm evil. Sorry I killed you."
olpolok 09-28-07, 10:16 PM	My elf fighter who was the squire of a Half-Dragon paladin both of them faithful worshipers of Bahamut. "I am like the moon...I don’t have a light of my own… yet I shine reflecting the greatness of the sun."
Rinaldo 09-29-07, 04:36 AM	My NE cleric of Nerull, trying to bribe some orcs. Cleric: "Here's 100 gold" Orc: "What else you got?" Cleric: "Uh . . . I got these girls here." *points to the prostitutes that he killed with his death touch ability and then raised as zombies* Orc: "Ugh! They smell kinda funky" Cleric with 27 on the bluff check: "Oh they just need a hot bath" Orc: "Ok" My moment of glory right there :cool:
Dravda 09-30-07, 04:53 AM	A bad druid I DM'd for: "**** nature!" -Count Dravda
Naze 09-30-07, 07:51 PM	Kael Perith (elven Ranger/Wizard/Eldritch Knight): "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but fireballs really kill people." Ghostkiller (half elf Ranger/Assasin), after sending Kael off a cliff shortly after: "Oh lovely lady Perith, the ground, the ground is calling."
The_Shaman 09-30-07, 08:05 PM	Khemalee, half-elf necromancer "People thought I was weird, and the only free thing I ever got was breathing space as everyone kept on the other side of the street." "What's the big deal? Eventually, we're all dead anyway." "Yoghurt, if you have some. I'm thirsty, and it's too early to get properly drunk." Ayden, human ranger "If it's worth remembering, it's not worth forgiving." "Great going, Aulm. Don't they teach you anything in wizard school?" "Hoar take his black heart. If he doesn't, I will." Hkil, dwarf rogue "Vergadain willing, I can get something out of this mess yet." "If I have any more bad luck, I deserve to get an elegy in my honor."
INeedNoSalt 10-01-07, 12:00 AM	"My my doll! That's my ******* doll!" - Shaji Riilen, watching as Annie the AI of the Journey's End firebombed a planet from orbit. The quote isn't from my character, but it's about her. =D
RollaD20 10-02-07, 02:39 AM	my dragon shaman describing a metallic wyrmling: Aww...look how cute it is!! Can we keep it? the parties evoker: no. me: why not? sorcerer:because, you already have the draconic mount, draconic cohort, and dragon touched feats. how much more do you NEED? royal rogue: Dont look into its eyes Cinocard (me) its just TOO cute...suspicious... *i am at this point arranging to become a dragonkith with it already being the moron i am* bard: NO dont do- *i am engulfed in fire as the wyrmling unpolymorphs into a wyrmling red dragon and a caster steps from the shadows* *i die*
Merlain 10-04-07, 12:42 AM	"A Time Machine, eh? No, we can come back to tomorrow later. First, I need to do some Shopping." Grom, LN Human Fighter/18, in response to an unwise DM plot. "Sorry. Should have told you guy's I have a... little problem." Feldur CN Gnome Rouge/12, after gambling away the party's entire funds on a "Sure thing." "Gurrrk!" Feldur CN Gnome Rouge/12, being strangled by penny pinching Cleric about two seconds later.
Bobfred21 11-04-07, 08:06 PM	Street Thug: Give us all your gold and you're weapons. Duke (Me): Alright, but I'm going to have to give it to you the hard way. *Draws sword* We all slept at an inn and in the morning each of us found a mysterious note under our pillows. The notes were all dramatic and enigmatic and what not, but because the barbarian couldn't read, someone had to read the note to her. The note said something: The time is approaching. Your skills will be needed and you must answer the call, the fate of the world hangs in the balance. So the barbarian asks the halfling to read it. The halfing reads: "The time is approaching. Your skills will be needed and you must sleep with the halfing, the fate of the world hangs in the balance." The barbarian of course doesn't believe the halfling who's been trying to get down her pants so she goes to the next room to ask the sorceress. Sorceress (who overheard): "The time is approaching. Your skills will be needed and you must sleep with the halfing, the fate of the world hangs in the balance." It's become a running gag in our group now, everytime there's writing and one of the characters reads it out loud so the barbarian knows what it says there's always a "And (Barbarians name) must sleep with the halfling." Thrown in/incorporated into the message. It's quite funny.
Shiftkitty 11-05-07, 03:49 PM	I had a 2e PC who was a bit of a fanatic when it came to freedom. He vowed he would never let his knee touch the ground in the presence of anybody. His most famous line, and the one that led to his downfall was "You'll never make me kneel!" This was said to Matron Mother Baenre... in the Baenre house chapel... in front of her family... during a ceremony celebrating a victory over another house. The Colonel had a very high INT. Sadly, this was backed by a barely-average WIS, and he had never encountered the drow before. He spent the next few years kept in a cage as Gromph's pet. Matron Mother Baenre would have given him to Quenthel, but "she tends to break her toys too quickly." His knees still hurt from when he was slammed to the floor "...in the presence of your Mistress!"
Operation_Shoestring 11-05-07, 05:36 PM	"Uhm, Hello? I'm a Paladin of Olidammra. You know, the God of Theives? I will damn well steal whatever I need to protect the innocent, and you will by the gods help me." -Character with levels in "Paladin of Freedom" from UA.
carl_brisgamer 11-09-07, 07:49 AM	Quotable quotes by Todger, Lord Rockfondler, CN Gnomish Wizard: "Beware, for I have untold arcane powers at my finger tips!" "So (PC Name) you think we should do (plan A)? Well, as I recall from past experience you are usually wrong, I think we should go with (plan B). I thank you (PC name) for your contribution to the decision-making process!" "What do you mean you THINK something is ABOUT to attack the camp? I'm going back to sleep, wake me when you have something more definitive!"
Talaisan 11-09-07, 11:07 AM	Rothgar 'Lucky' Schwarzsee, the one-eyed, scarred all to hell dwarf rogue. "Are you sure we can't set them on fire?" - in reference to a goblin warren. After exploring one room to many, and running into the hobgoblin chieftan, his cleric companion, a half dozen guards and some evil tree looking thingy... the rest of the party books it out of the room and starts sowing caltrops across the hallway. "Come back here you *duck* pansies!" After surviving that fight and almost singlehandedly killing both named characters, at exactly 0 hit points for the final blow, he drops to -1... "I think... I need to sit down now." Yeah, a side note to that. the DM said if I keep up that kind of stuff until 5th level, I get to make a legacy weapon. Woot!
Terjon of the Blue Rose 11-10-07, 04:01 AM	Rothgar 'Lucky' Schwarzsee, the one-eyed, scarred all to hell dwarf rogue. "Are you sure we can't set them on fire?" - in reference to a goblin warren. After exploring one room to many, and running into the hobgoblin chieftan, his cleric companion, a half dozen guards and some evil tree looking thingy... the rest of the party books it out of the room and starts sowing caltrops across the hallway. "Come back here you *duck* pansies!" After surviving that fight and almost singlehandedly killing both named characters, at exactly 0 hit points for the final blow, he drops to -1... "I think... I need to sit down now." Yeah, a side note to that. the DM said if I keep up that kind of stuff until 5th level, I get to make a legacy weapon. Woot! If you're character either has or soon aquires an adamantine spiked guantlet you can tell your DM that I'm draw up stats on Rabbit's Foot. Ah the adamantine spiked guantlet... a light weapon that bypasses hardness, never needs to be drawn, can't be disarmed, and to top it all off its a rare DM who will attempt to sunder it since most can't explain why the rules don't cause you to take damage (of course a few put your hands at risk as a house rule but it has great HP and hardness for a light weapon anyway). I always wanted one with the defending enchantment.
Talaisan 11-13-07, 10:03 AM	If you're character either has or soon aquires an adamantine spiked guantlet you can tell your DM that I'm draw up stats on Rabbit's Foot. Ah the adamantine spiked guantlet... a light weapon that bypasses hardness, never needs to be drawn, can't be disarmed, and to top it all off its a rare DM who will attempt to sunder it since most can't explain why the rules don't cause you to take damage (of course a few put your hands at risk as a house rule but it has great HP and hardness for a light weapon anyway). I always wanted one with the defending enchantment. I'm thinking of hanging a rabbit's foot by a short chain from the pommel of his short sword. But as a rogue, picking up any decent skill with a spiked gauntlet would be hard. Hell, I had to level up as a fighter just to help ensure I stay alive long enough to hit legacy.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 11-15-07, 12:01 AM	I'm thinking of hanging a rabbit's foot by a short chain from the pommel of his short sword. But as a rogue, picking up any decent skill with a spiked gauntlet would be hard. Hell, I had to level up as a fighter just to help ensure I stay alive long enough to hit legacy. :confused: Your DM putting some kind of skill penalty on it? Shouldn't be more than a move action to remove the thing anyway. After all you're only wearing one guantlet not two (insert Michael Jackson joke here). I wouldn't think it would make things that much more difficult for you.
Master_Vega 11-15-07, 01:11 AM	My cyborg marksman, Vega Centori, again: *shoots a nearly-invisible sniper out of the sky* "Damn amateurs..." Two sentence conversation after Vega sent a single railgun round through two targets in a line: Friend in the fray, only one to get a visual besides Vega: "Niiiiiice!" Vega, surprised it worked: "I'm glad someone saw that..."
Adrian_Crane 11-17-07, 01:36 AM	I rolled up a gnome Artificer, Bindle Ramblenoggin, in a FR game we just started. I was originally going to play a longtime character I'd developed but never used, and went with the gnome on a whim. Lately, I'm becoming more and more tempted to switch back, but it's hard to pass up as Bindle is quite entertaining. He has 8 Wis and a Kender-like approach to technology, so it's an excuse for all manner of zany behavior. We're fighting our way through a strange sort of tower, there's a war going on inside though we never see it in progress (most natural 1s EVER on Listen checks. The entire party failed to hear a -10 DC BATTLE GOING ON IN THE NEXT ROOM). We came across some bodies, and all of them were dressed in blue armor. Later, we get to a door with red glowing runes, then come to another one. Bindle: "Hmm. So where's the BLUE base?" Me, OOC: "Gnome Artificer has the flag." :dancin: DM and group: *snorting soda out their noses* :rofl: ...I was awarded bonus XP. :D Later in that adventure, we get to a room with Golems being crafted. Bindle immediately checks the bookshelf for traps, then loots the construction manuals. He grabs an important looking book that says "Property of Auron Shadowfire" and succeeds on both his Will and Fort saves not to have Bad Things happen when he reads the cover. I take 20 to Search it for magic traps since I already know from my first check that SOMETHING is there. DM: "You get the idea it's trapped with something far beyond your level." Me:*ponders, finishes looking at the rest of the room. The matter seems forgotten. Then after we're done checking everything...* Me: I prepare to open the book Ranger: I wedge myself under the Golem crafting table Rogue: I run to the corner and curl into a ball Favored Soul: I back away to the far side of the room with my shield in front of me. DM: *head in hands* Roll a Fort save. You need a 20. (Well, maybe I have an excuse to switch characters now...) Ranger: Use this dice. *hands me one he's been rolling well with* ... ... 20. Party: :OMG! So it seems the Gnome is still with us, at least until the next shiny gadget. :D Incidentally, it was a high level Flesh to Stone trap, so they would have all been fine.
CrimsonDeath 11-17-07, 03:42 AM	My Warforged Fighter, describing an encounter he and his Humanoid allies were in earlier: "We were damaged, but we were able to repair ourselves."
JaiaDrottsingr 11-18-07, 09:24 PM	Ri to an awakened zombie: "So, what are you, a lawyer or a telemarketer?" Jammaca to an angry hoard of catfolk: "I didn't sleep with your king's youngest daughter because I'm an infidel, nor was it an invitation to kill me. Think about why I did it. Petting a girl feels good. Petting a cat feels good. Petting a catgirl had to have felt really, really good." Gary before enshrouding the enemy with flames: "The people in the party feelin' hot! hot! hot!"
Talaisan 11-19-07, 12:32 PM	:confused: Your DM putting some kind of skill penalty on it? Shouldn't be more than a move action to remove the thing anyway. After all you're only wearing one guantlet not two (insert Michael Jackson joke here). I wouldn't think it would make things that much more difficult for you. Well, there's a difference between being able to use something, and using it well. I've already got Weapon Focus with the shortsword, so if I pick up a gauntlet, it'll be somewhat of a wasted feat. And... it really doesn't fit the character. He's atypical for a dwarf as it is (no axe in sight! nor a beard!). Regardless, it was the shortsword used to do the deed, and the shortsword that shall be known for it.
Druss_of_The_Sword 11-19-07, 11:47 PM	Dwarf Warblade-"Lerooooooooooooy Jenkins!!!!!" Halfling Cleric--starts singing- "What would my god pelor do if he were here right now, hed make a plan and hed follow through, thats what my god pelor do!" Half Orc Barbarian-"Move aside let me see"*threatens with greataxe and looks at tome* -OOC:DM what does it say? DM starts reading it off, STOP!-IC:"I forgot i cant read." Human Rogue-"Your name is Tim, you owe me 3000 gp, and your married to that man over there*points to half-orc that NPC has never seen before*." -rolls bluff check- NPC"alright here, come on home honey"
Talaisan 11-20-07, 11:13 AM	Human Rogue-"Your name is Tim, you owe me 3000 gp, and your married to that man over there*points to half-orc that NPC has never seen before*." -rolls bluff check- NPC"alright here, come on home honey" And this is why natural 20s should have at least a small reality check built in. How in the heck would anyone believe that, no matter how smooth the rogue was?
CrimsonDeath 11-20-07, 12:14 PM	And this is why natural 20s should have at least a small reality check built in. How in the heck would anyone believe that, no matter how smooth the rogue was? Well, a Bluff check that absurd likely has an elaborate, befuddling story built into it. And even the target won't believe it for long (that's written right into the Bluff skill). Also, natural 20s don't enter into it, since there is no automatic success or failure on skill checks or ability checks.
Dravda 11-21-07, 12:50 AM	After hiking for days straight to reach a goal, everyone was taking nonlethal damage like CRAZY and wanted to stop except my char: "If it doesn't kill me, it can only make me stronger!" -Count Dravdad
smeagol_lied 11-26-07, 03:58 PM	Cade R'sath, ex-paladin/rogue: Have you met my friend? Her name is Stabitha. *stab* Zurrek R'sath, paladin/rogue/shadowbane inquisitor: Evil doesn't fight fair. Why should we? Cal R'sath, paladin: I'm a paladin, I AM divine intervention.
cat_god 11-26-07, 08:56 PM	My female paladin: "Boobitoes? What's that mean?"
Jager Mage 11-28-07, 03:17 AM	In the Shackled City game that I'm playing in, a few weeks ago, uttered by Decius Ardosha, Rogue1/Paladin5, going into Shadowbane Inquisitor, when walking into the Tipped Tankard and demanding to see the cook. Cook walks out of the kitchen. "Can I help you?" "Don't forget to ask about the eggs." whispered Tyrone, Wu Jen/Cleric of Wee Jas, in reference to answer to a question from a divination spell. I point at the cook. "DO YOU HAVE ANY EGGS ON THE STOVE?!?!" Cook looks confused. "No...." "Very well. Go back to the kitchen." All of that took place after I and the party walked into the tavern, stood in the middle of the room, and I got everyone's attention by beating my halberd handle on the floor. "I'm looking for information on <insert name of NPC here>. I have reason to believe that some here goes by the name of <insert other NPC name here>. No one leaves here until I get the information I seek. Or rather, no one leaves here alive." After speaking with the cook for a few moments, I walk back out into the middle of the main room of the tavern. Everyone was trying really hard to look at me without actually looking at me. I looked around the room, a suspicious expression on my face. I pointed, and shouted to the whole room, "GIVE ALMS TO THE POOR!" The DM said that whenever anyone that was inside the tavern sees me around town, the will immediately begin throwing money at the nearest alms collection box.
Talaisan 11-28-07, 02:17 PM	Jager_Mage, your Signature wins. Not sure what it wins, but it wins. "I don't need a plotline..." I'm gonna use that one at some point. Probably the next time our DM gets inspired by Wheel of Time. Again.
Quandi 11-28-07, 10:33 PM	Well i have a new from just the other week. Well our party had just snuck into a chruch that was devoted to an evil demigod were trying to overthrow and prevent fomr being resurrected. We were in the recpetion area that divides the giant oak doors with the area with the puews (the seats :P ) and we had a blueprint that showed a staircase all the way across the great hall, problem was the were a handful of elite guards and clerics so we tried stealthing it. We had one character who could go invisible, another who could teleport and one who could go eathereal, that just left my hulking bruiser. The party leader then looks at me quizily implying "how are we gonna get HIM over there" to which my character responds "Are you doubting my ability to plow though ****?"
Jager Mage 11-30-07, 12:16 AM	Jager_Mage, your Signature wins. Not sure what it wins, but it wins. "I don't need a plotline..." I'm gonna use that one at some point. Probably the next time our DM gets inspired by Wheel of Time. Again. Thanks. The plotline thing was said in jest to my DM one time, when we were all just screwing around. The room went silent and then erupted in laughter. So it stuck. The DM was Tallthulu, from the earlier quote. The "Innocence proves nothing" and the like are from Warhammer 40K
SpudMaster 11-30-07, 11:42 AM	Zeem Troll - fighter 3 Int 6 (or lower) Cha 6 - str 32 upon Leaping out of the snow embankment (earlier then we had planed) Zeem attacks the first critter in reach and with a big grin yells out. "snow Buuuuuush" from this time forward anytime we want to set up a trap we have to tell zeem its going to be a snow bush so he knows to hide
LordYawgmoth 12-02-07, 08:05 AM	Yawgmoth: Whew, we finally defeated those splicers. Oh, wait, there's one more........ Splicer: *whimpers* Please don't kill me! What did I ever do to you?? This is madness! Yawgmoth: *gets a crazy glint in his eye* Yawgmoth: Madness? THIS........IS........RAPTURE!!!! *kicks the splicer off the ledge* Esmeralda: I'M NOT AS THINK AS YOU DRUNK I AM! Xala: Whatever you say, Aleparishilton. Whatever you say. ((((My familiar, Xala, is a flying snake with a snarky sense of humor; she always calls people by the first few letters of their name, with the name of a random celebrity attached on the end))) Yawgmoth: Long ago, I learned that fear was the most basic and primal of mortal emotions, and thus the easiest to control. I have spent a lifetime studying the crafting of it, learning how to shape fear in creatures such as yourselves like how a potter shapes clay. In many ways it is my artistic talent, though it is a morbid one. Yet, as hard as I worked, I cannot seem to shape fear in you, even after you plumbed the horrific depths of my sanctum. Why is that? I feel as if I should remedy this.
Dei 12-02-07, 01:11 PM	My psychic warrior was down to 2hp when fighting some kind of half-construct BBEG who was next in the initiative order, instead of retreating he threw himself at it and managed to strike the killing blow. He had a very Spartan mindset when it comes to death and when asked why he stood and fought instead of retreating to possibly heal himself this was his reply: "If I had died I would have been able to face my fellow champions in Kord's hall and tell them. "I died in a battle that took place in a great silver dungeon floating in space above a planet on the other side of the Sun from my place of birth. A battle against a thousand year old magical demon-construct that threatened both planets with total annihilation." When am I ever going to have a chance to die in a battle that will top that?"
Shadojack 12-04-07, 04:45 PM	My monk to a younger initiate. "Life is energy, energy is power, learn to harness it, control it, master it, and there is no telling what you may accomplish." :monk:
the_taken 12-04-07, 06:25 PM	My monk to a younger initiate. "Life is energy, energy is power, learn to harness it, control it, master it, and there is no telling what you may accomplish." :monk: "Magic Missile?"
JaiaDrottsingr 12-04-07, 09:50 PM	Worst Pickup Line Ever: "I happen to like girls that associate with the wrong type of people." Best Response: "Of course you do. How else are you gonna get lucky, being the wrong type yourself?" ~ Jammaca and Ry, first session ever. "I think I found one of the d4s! Ouch! It was a thumb tack..." ~ Gary (Player's name, not a character) regarding the third d4 lost (we lose caltrops often, and it has become an injoke). Most Irrelevant Last Words Spoken: "Why do I taste Ketchup?" *Ketchup & Cheese covered d4 lands on BBEG.* ~ Da'Oarg, the BBEG, after the d4 landed in Suzette's dinner. (We panned that bowl like we were panning for gold, and we still didn't find it. Suzette didn't eat a bit of it anyways, but none of the others let her near their dice the next session.)
Shadojack 12-04-07, 09:56 PM	"Magic Missile?" For you standard crude and clumsy Mage, perhaps. My fighter/thief to a preachy cleric. "You want to change the world priest? Get off your knees and on your feet!"
Armarant 12-04-07, 11:14 PM	My Cleric/Temple Raider of Olidamarra/Fortune's Friend said this to my teammate while breaking into a forgotten tomb and trying to disarm a flame trap: Cleric of Kord: "Have you actually raided a tomb before?" Me: "Well... there was that one time." Cleric of Kord: "...and you knew what you were doing?" Me: "Well... I knew what I was doin' well enough to get out. Can't say much for the rest of my group." Cleric of Kord: *bows his head* "Kord, help me..."
Apocalypse_Child 12-06-07, 03:20 PM	"Fer th' Luvva th' Gods. Yer drag me all th' way out here an' there ain' even nuffun ta lay th' righteous smite on? Yer kiddin." --Aeris Carver, Holy Warrior of Azgroth, after going to an ancient evil temple and finding it empty (On top anyway) "WAAAAAAAAAHAH! BESSIE! BERTHA! IT'S TIME TA LAY TH' RIGHTEOUS SMITE!" --Aeris Carver, Holy Warrior of Azgroth, after the wizard found the trapdoor. She's talking to her longsword and shield. "War is my art and religion. Fluidity of motion, and the eye for openings are key. Of course, if you can get it over with with just a dagger to the face before they notice you, that's even MORE key." --Ravyn Curare, head assassin of Spellweaver. "I suppose I could have been one of those insipid villains, cackling away in their black towers, plotting the destruction of the multiverse, but really, it's been so overdone it's cliche. Besides, if I destroyed the multiverse, I'd lose my target market which helps me afford to do even more insidious things. Like sell stock options. Muahaha." --Mordred D'Loessian, Lawful Evil Master of Spellweaver College, and ruthless capitalist.
Altyrium 12-06-07, 03:44 PM	"I suppose I could have been one of those insipid villains, cackling away in their black towers, plotting the destruction of the multiverse, but really, it's been so overdone it's cliche. Besides, if I destroyed the multiverse, I'd lose my target market which helps me afford to do even more insidious things. Like sell stock options. Muahaha." --Mordred D'Loessian, Lawful Evil Master of Spellweaver College, and ruthless capitalist. i loled so hard at that!
DM_Shonuff 12-06-07, 04:28 PM	Jeggred LE Elven Vampire (and prince of city) "You aren't overly fond of your heart -inside- your chest, are you?" Morrenvindal CN "The Loon" : "Do you hear the voices too? because they tell me to tell you..hello." (thank you Dawn of War) Nevile CG Ranger facing a charging hill giant "Look at it this way, he could be wielding the battlerager." Archibol Barrisol CG Bard "Lo, do I toss my mortal shell into the maw of the Abyss, I must ask..."Abyss, Do you ever brush thy teeth? Whew." Archibol Barrisol CG Bard "Why is it whenever something needs killed you want -me- to help? SOMEONE needs to write this stuff down to tell your kids." Archibol Barrisol CG Bard "You know...you are still pretty tough, in all that armor, being a guard...with the open face helm and all..but i got a secret for you..KNIFE IN THE EYE! *stab to the face with dagger of wounding*
Talaisan 12-07-07, 12:05 PM	A long time ago. Cleric the Cleric (my first character. Gimme a break, I was like 8). "It's... it's a giant mosquito. And it's SUCKING OUT MY HEART!" *dies* Yes, it was a stirge. And in their infinite wisdom, the rest of the party tried to kill it while it was attached. The dwarf did the job. With an axe. 1st level characters in 1st edition DnD. Very high mortality rates...
Gloomweave 12-07-07, 05:36 PM	My wizard " I will have the Falxugon. I will trap him and bind him. I will Know his name and rule his fate."
Shadojack 12-07-07, 10:21 PM	1st level characters in 1st edition DnD. Very high mortality rates... Say it again brother, say it again! Just kept a stack of blank character sheets around in my folder. Knew I was gonna need them anyway.
JaiaDrottsingr 12-08-07, 09:43 AM	Evil Paladin NPC: "Man that Smites..." After being hit with a Sword of Holy Smite, owned by the party monk. Evil Paladin NPC: "Holy Smite!" After seeing what the Monk PC did to his toilet (Chopped it up into little tiny pieces with the SOHS).
Farmer42 12-10-07, 06:06 PM	John Masterson Human Chaotic Decent (He bounced between CN and CG a lot) Rogue/Dungeon Delver (Same character as in my sig, but much earlier in his life) Failed to find a shadow evoked fireball trap: Illiusionist-That wasn't real, you know. Masterson, looking at the smoking cleric-Tell that to him. After running from a horde of demons and devils only to end in a church that starts plane hopping: Masterson *Long string of cursing* Magic *Long string of cursing* Planes *Long string of cursing* Magical Planes *Long string of cursing* Sorry padre (to the nearby priest) Failing to find a double reverse gravity trap, but making his tumble checks and being the only party member to not take sever damage: Masterson-Oops. When the LG Cleric come back the first time Masterson works with Azmodeus: Cleric-I made a deal with the devil. Masterson drains a bottle of whiskey-Thats cute *hits himself with a wand of detect evil and looks at the overpoweringly evil contract and falls over*
Tyonisius 12-11-07, 12:13 AM	Quotes from my Dwarven Bruiser (Homebrew class): (To an bad guy meant for interrogation) "Tell me what I want to know, and I'll let you go." (short pause) "Better yet... don't tell me anything and I'll beat you unconcious and we can start again in the morning." (To the same bad guy after he spilled the beans and had been untied) "I said I'd let you go. I never said they would." (Pointing to the rest of the group.) "All I need to know is... does she have a beard?!?!?" "Well... what about long hair? I can always comb it down over her chin." "I've got a plan.... CHARGE!!!!" "I'll be back in a bit. The kegs empty."
Mad_Jack 12-11-07, 07:02 AM	The same as Tyonisius, after my rogue (in a party with 2 paladins) made a deal to let the bad guy go in exchange for ratting out his bosses, only to have the guy get immediately re-captured five minutes later by the rest of the party who were waiting outside... "I only promised that I'd help you escape, and to not turn you in to the city guard. <turns to paladin> And I'm keeping both those promises...I've helped you escape, however briefly, and I'll be on the other side of town in the tavern enjoying a cool drink when they turn you over to the guard." The party consisted of 7 peeps - a male pally, a female pally/cleric, a fighter and a wizard (all in service to the church of Tyr), and my CN smart*ss spiked-chain rogue and two others... The church sent us on a mission to another country to lay the holy smack down on some slavers who'd made the mistake of < typical bad guy behavior>ing a future high priestess of Tyr. They sent us cuz the slavers had a deal with the local gov't, and the church couldn't officially do anything about it. However, when we got to their hideout, there were like five dozen of them. Rogue (after taking out the outer guards):"I've taken care of the guards." Cleric (with horrified look on her face): "You murdered them in cold blood?!?" Rogue: "No, I whispered their list of crimes in their ears and informed them of their punishments before I cut their throats and sent them to Tyr's justice..." Cleric: (stunned horrified silence) Rogue: "You truly believe I would do such a thing? I merely knocked them unconscious so that you may execute them for their crimes later." Rogue to pally(surveying the hideout after getting past the outer guards): "This may require a bit of... finesse..." Pally: "And have you any suggestions, thief?" Rogue: "Ah... Kill them quietly?" A discussion ensued in which the pally and my thief agreed on something for possibly the only time in history - we weren't going to take them back to the corrupt city leaders...(the pally cuz he was a hellfire-and-brimstone-justice-is-served fanatic, and me cuz wasting them was less likely to get us all killed.) Wizard: "We're just going to attack them all, milord?" Pally: "They've committed atrocities, crimes against the laws of man and against Tyr. Our Lord Tyr has judged them and decreed their just punishments." Wizard: "Shouldn't we seek aid to bring them to justice? What of their trials?" Pally: "The rulers of this land are corrupt, in league with this filth, ignoring their own laws when it profits them to do so. They will not see justice done. If we cannot bring these men to justice, then we will will bring Our Lord's Justice to them." Wizard: "But what of prisoners, milord? What if some of them wish to surrender?" Pally: "Let them surrender to Tyr when they meet him." The kobold sorc/rogue (after the plan was devised): "We kill them good now, boss?"
HolyWars 12-16-07, 06:51 PM	Said by my wizard (cant remember his name for my life) to the BBEG (a drow priestess) whom my DM claimed had no weaknesses and would be a very, very hard fight. Wizard: I belive I have discovered your weakness. BBEG: Indeed? And what might that be, foolish male? Wizard: 600d6 points of force damage TO THE FACE! *proceeds to throw a book enchanted with 100 explosive runes at priestess, followed by a quickened erase and a voluntary fail* More in chanracter: Wizard: A fireball? If i must...but it is so crude. But I would prefer a more subtle method...
Ratpick 12-18-07, 03:44 PM	My Half-Elf Bard (it's been such a long time since I last played him, I've forgotten his name) when questioned by his friends on how he'd turned up in Sigil when they'd left him on the Material Plane (I was away from the previous game): "Well, though it's an interesting story in its entirety, I shan't bore you with the details. Let's just say that it featured a freak portal to the Elemental Plane of Water and an assload of salmon."
Guardian1 12-21-07, 12:19 AM	My old Wheel of Time character who, became a Warder for a male channeler (those of you familiar with the series know what this means): "I'm a bodyguard for a crazy man." Another one from the same character: "Master, wait up!" From a different character of mine, 1/2-orc who was a walking armory: "You need weapon? Me probably got something you could use."
Shadojack 12-21-07, 06:12 PM	Not my quote, but from another player the first time we played Ravenloft. Player 1. Great it's a Vampire! Player 2. How do you know? Player 1. Lets see, we've got fortune telling gypsies, a carrige that drives itself, bats, wolves, a big spooky house, gargoyles, stormy night, thunder, lightning, and fog. All we need is the damn organ music! And the slaughter commenced :evillaugh
Shiftkitty 12-22-07, 08:08 PM	The party consisted of a barbarian, a foppish rogue, and two wizards. They were facing off a party of hill giants, stone giants, and one cloud giant. When I say a "party of giants", I mean they had disrupted the drunken revelry and got 26 giants and one cave bear a tad upset at them for breaking up their carousing party. One of the wizards, a drow, of course, did the normal drow thing of self-preservation. He turned invisible, then cast spider climb and scrambled up into an obscure corner of the giants' fortress while the rest of the party squared off against the giants. It was a major battle, with the barbarian alternating between fighting for his life and jabbing the nooks and crannies in the ceiling with a big stick, looking for "that damned spider-elf". He finally nailed the drow square in the privates, causing him to drop to the ground and reappear. The drow came up and then hit the giants with a maximized chain lightning spell, which the remaining giants failed their saves against. With the party surrounded by smoking giant corpses and glaring at the drow, the drow casually said "What? I do my best thinking when I'm invisible." FTR, this is my first shot at attempting a campaign where the entire party is chaotic. They aren't CG, they're either CN or CE. We're going to let the second part of the alignment evolve as the game progresses.
Angelic_Demon 12-23-07, 02:43 AM	Playing a Shinobi, with Aisuferu as a Bloodline (With an ice needles Jutsu). Meta: "Aww, Damage Reduction 10? To piercing, you say?" (Evil grin) Character: "8 ice needles against your HP...and my minimum damage is 56 damage if I hit. Feel lucky?"
Pillow_Pants 12-23-07, 02:58 AM	My Dwarven Druid (Worshipper of Bosephus, God of Camels) "Mighty Bosephus, rain thy acidic spittle down upon the heads of the infidels and various other doodyheads!" My Half-Celestial Paladin of Freedom- "Just because my dad likes to glow with holy light and be all angelic doesn't mean I have to be good. Oh wait, yes it does!" "Sometimes I think I was born for a reason, like some great destiny to fulfill." *Shudders* (Thinks a destiny is way to constricting)
JaiaDrottsingr 12-29-07, 10:46 AM	This one from a friend's. Aydane- Warrior Extraordinare/Town Drunk "It was juthst me, my truthsty thword, against theventeen THOUSAND Orcth, every one holding nineteen axthesth, but I vanquished them all!" *Urp.*
Shiftkitty 12-29-07, 10:27 PM	One of my old players clearly did not grasp things as well as he thought, as evinced by these two classic lines from the SciFi chapters of my campaign, "The Forever Game"; DM: You see an F14 sitting on the tarmac. The cockpit is open, but the plane is clearly shut down. Nobody is around. ROB: Cool. You guys wait here. I'm gonna go fire that puppy up and bring it over. US: IT'S AN F14, NOT YOUR MOM'S STATION WAGON! In another game, a nuclear missile struck its target, taking a major city down in a mushroom cloud. DM: I need to know where your characters are. US: Bunker, curled up in the fetal position and crying for mommy. ROB: I went in close, about half a mile away, watching it through binoculars. (You know, I hear that's a really good way to have the intense light burn holes through the back of your head assuming you don't get vaporized...) I would have put that last one in the "Character's Tombstones" thread, but this guy died so stupidly that we thought it best not to mark his grave lest someone dig him up and resurrect him. In fact, at half a mile, I'm not sure there'd be anything left to bury.
Kraik 12-30-07, 10:15 AM	In the game i used to DM (just finished the campaign) a friend of mine played a rogue/assassin called medive. It wasn't so much a saying or a quote, but each time he wanted to do something like kill somebody, he gave the same evil grin, and i knew straight away what he was thinking, it was like "i don't even need to say anything and you know what I'm doing" kinda thing. Each time he did it, my face dropped and i put my hand to my forehead, i just knew what was coming.
Fenrir423 12-30-07, 09:21 PM	After a city guard asked my Chaotic Evil Half-Ogre Barbarian to give up his axe after committing a crime: "I could give it up, but it would just make killing you slightly more difficult and endlessly more enjoyable... you know what, take it."
kimli 01-08-08, 04:56 PM	One we are using right now is, "Ancient magic? Certain death? We're in!"
Istesrillith 01-10-08, 01:22 PM	One of our sessions. "Grow better ears human." my drow ranger on failed listen checks (Five minutes later...) DM: Spot checks. Fighter: Crap, I got a 7. DM: You see nothing. Drow Ranger (Me): What is it now, human? Are you so inferior? Your species hasn't adapted to have ears and eyes yet? Well go evolve faster! Fighter: Did you just insult the human race? Me: Yes, I suppose I did. Perhaps you could add a brain to your fast growing list of "Things Humans Have Yet to Evolve" along with better ears and eyes? Yes, I think that would do you worlds of good. Hehe I got 50 xp for that one. Paladin to a vampire at a big ball: ""Looked in a mirror lately?" "No? You look really sick and pale, maybe you should get some more sun?" "Have tried the garlic noodles, they're excellent?" "Between you and me, that hot elf chick over their with the nice neck has been checking you out all night, why don't you go over there and give her a nice love bite?" "Well I'm sorry you're not having a lively time. *moves to pat on the back* Might I offer a few words of condolence? *pats on the back* LAY ON HANDS @#$%&!
tejis 01-12-08, 09:38 AM	My psion was standing next to the 1/2 orc monk when the monk was hit by an insanity affect which caused him to start wailing on me. After him playing beatface with me I responded with psychic crush. When the monk woke up he was back to normal and looked at me and says "What happend to you?...oh yea I beat you up with my big meaty fists...why is there blood coming out of my ears." The bard responds "He beat you up with his big meaty mind."
ConnerTheDarkOne 01-12-08, 08:39 PM	my character earlier in the game, at 9th lvl, when faced with 100,000 orcs and 7 unnamed 'demons'..."let's put the gunpowder in the tunnels!" then after doing that "now, how to set of hundreds of kegs of gunpowder without hurting myself..." then an NPC makes anoter NPC's crossbow rangeless and do 5d10 damage i shoot the barrels and kill more than half the orcs, luckily the demons got bored and killed ost of the rest off, then we made our meatshield stand there while we gave him over 30 mage armor spells (thank the gods for DM's who don't read the spells all the way through) and he killed all the demons
ConnerTheDarkOne 01-12-08, 08:41 PM	same character about 50 levels after, used a ring of 3 wishes to get a floating castle only to have a giant...thing blow it up and take residence "Auron, come help me kill this thing, will you?" ironically auron killed it in 2 hits, and it realeased SIN(from final fantasy X)which proceeded to destroy worlds until wee teemed up again, and i died
Newpaintbrush 01-14-08, 04:36 PM	"Thokk SMASH!"
HiQKid 01-14-08, 11:01 PM	I can’t guarantee that these are all actual quotes; they are, however, close enough to the spirit of each character to be accurate (At least in my opinion). Nathaniel --- A changeling Psionic rogue and spymaster, he retired and became a vigilante, training a small corps of young people to work with him. “You want the truth, my disciples? ‘Tis a horror beyond the ken of men, the truth is. Who… What am I? An outcast, a unique terror born of a mad monster who walks in the shapes of men. A shape shifter, a liar, a thief… And yes, perhaps a hero. A hero who was caused both good and ill, happiness and sorrow. But I see now that the world needs me. My friends have retired, have allowed the monster who conceived me to flee… But I cannot obsess over him (It?) any longer. Now I have a new purpose. To clean this city, so buried in grime. To enlighten this city, that has lived so long in darkness. To free this city, trapped in the grip of evil. And yes, if necessary, to burn it down and start anew, rescuing that which is worthy or innocent. Do not concern yourself with my past, or yours. I have no name, now. No past… no future… no fear! I am only… The Tiger, as are you all. The Tiger that stalks the night and strikes fear into the heart of criminals and those who would do evil. You have proven yourself, you have been tested, you have… Nothing left, but hope… And vengeance. We have no names… Need no names. I am… We are… Only The Tiger! And tonight we hunt!” Norasian “Sparkler Seras” D’la’Seras --- A Star Wars character. He’s a noble whose family was killed by imperials… But he cannot let go of his hedonistic streaks. He’s a consummate ladies man (and on occasion a man’s man as well), avid enjoyer of fine food and drink, and master gambler/card counter. Who trained all of his followers to do the same, and then began to strike at casinos tied to the empire. Called Sparkler because of his custom fire-work shooting blasters and love of explosions. Kind of like Robin Hood. Maybe. Sorta. “Hah! Tonight, my friends… We eat, drink, party like kings. And we do it on the empire’s funds. Tomorrow? Tomorrow we’re gonna take this imperial-scum funded casino for all it’s worth… Remember your training, the practice. Don’t take chances, but enjoy yourselves. And remember, the rebellion isn’t just guns and bombs and fighter pilots. The rebellion is cunning and intelligence, undermining everything the empire has. And who cares if we enjoy ourselves while we fight the good fight? For freedom! For the rebellion! For a good cigar and a well made martini!” Sir Cassius “Von Boferl” Demonsbane --- A crusader whose father (a king) was tricked into loving a demoness witch. Her son ended up opening a gate to the hellish underworld and taking over. Cassius went into hiding, ended up in another world, met some people and swore to protect them, got turned into a dwarve made entirely of stone… Got corrupted by an evil god, threw off this god’s control, and got blessed by the gods of good to fight his half-brother. ---Seeing that at least someone here is familiar with Wheel of Time, the other world Cassius went to was the wheel of time. The child is a warforged who was reborn as an aiel girl and became a channeler. But because she was still 1/2 the other character as well, she betrayed her heritage and joined the dark one... In fact we helped to free him. But I am basically her warder. The wolf caller is a (PC) wolf brother we met. “Child, I have sworn to follow you to the ends of the earth! But this is too much… The price too high… But if you take this path, know this. Moradin, Pelor, Bahamut! All gods of light and justice! Here me now, before the gods, young one… The damnation you bring is in your hands. Let all ruin rest on your shoulders, and we can proceed. Do what you will, but mind what comes. I can only pray for the best.” “NOW IS THE TIME! No longer will I tremble beneath a foul lord… Gods, shine upon me, for I go to cleanse the land. Child reborn and wolf caller, I sense still goodness within you. If you shall walk with me, seek the light and prepare for battle. For I will die, must die… Must sacrifice my life to remove his taint. And someone must remain to guide my people. You are wise… Trained to be wise… Remember that which you have forgotten. Embrace that which lies buried.” “Brother! Deceiver, demon child! No longer will you and your foul servants ruin my home and slaughter my people. I have armored myself in the stone of the earth, been purified and reborn by the great dragon, even blessed by the gods! I bear the holy blade and the thousand burning anointments… Tonight, I shall be death to that which cannot die, Light to the which is born of shadow, Holy Fire set to the fuel of your soul. My blade shall crush your body and my light will purify your soul. This Ends Now!” I hope you enjoy. And if I come up with more, I'll put 'em up.
BlackDragon71425 01-16-08, 01:50 AM	These aren't my characters, but they're pretty funny. Malaran, Half blooded Daelkyr Favored Soul of Kyber, convincing a downtrodden pixie that we wouldnot die in a fight against a Warforged Titan: " Don't worry, we have a bunch of smart people, and I'm a mass murderer, so we'll be ok." Conversation between silvergrasp the Arenal Elf and (can't remember name) the gnome bard, on an attacking Half Farspawn Blue dragon: Gnome Bard: I want that dragon outta my sky! Elf Rogue: Your sky? You're the furthest thing from it! And finally, my friends lvl 9 Human Hexblade to a Skull Lord and his disease-ridden hobgoblin companion trying to break a serial killer from the gallows: " I'm full of rage and hate. I am ready to use both." Hefts adamantium bastard sword.
Guardian1 01-19-08, 12:35 PM	I can’t guarantee that these are all actual quotes; they are, however, close enough to the spirit of each character to be accurate (At least in my opinion). Nathaniel --- A changeling Psionic rogue and spymaster, he retired and became a vigilante, training a small corps of young people to work with him. “You want the truth, my disciples? ‘Tis a horror beyond the ken of men, the truth is. Who… What am I? An outcast, a unique terror born of a mad monster who walks in the shapes of men. A shape shifter, a liar, a thief… And yes, perhaps a hero. A hero who was caused both good and ill, happiness and sorrow. But I see now that the world needs me. My friends have retired, have allowed the monster who conceived me to flee… But I cannot obsess over him (It?) any longer. Now I have a new purpose. To clean this city, so buried in grime. To enlighten this city, that has lived so long in darkness. To free this city, trapped in the grip of evil. And yes, if necessary, to burn it down and start anew, rescuing that which is worthy or innocent. Do not concern yourself with my past, or yours. I have no name, now. No past… no future… no fear! I am only… The Tiger, as are you all. The Tiger that stalks the night and strikes fear into the heart of criminals and those who would do evil. You have proven yourself, you have been tested, you have… Nothing left, but hope… And vengeance. We have no names… Need no names. I am… We are… Only The Tiger! And tonight we hunt!” Norasian “Sparkler Seras” D’la’Seras --- A Star Wars character. He’s a noble whose family was killed by imperials… But he cannot let go of his hedonistic streaks. He’s a consummate ladies man (and on occasion a man’s man as well), avid enjoyer of fine food and drink, and master gambler/card counter. Who trained all of his followers to do the same, and then began to strike at casinos tied to the empire. Called Sparkler because of his custom fire-work shooting blasters and love of explosions. Kind of like Robin Hood. Maybe. Sorta. “Hah! Tonight, my friends… We eat, drink, party like kings. And we do it on the empire’s funds. Tomorrow? Tomorrow we’re gonna take this imperial-scum funded casino for all it’s worth… Remember your training, the practice. Don’t take chances, but enjoy yourselves. And remember, the rebellion isn’t just guns and bombs and fighter pilots. The rebellion is cunning and intelligence, undermining everything the empire has. And who cares if we enjoy ourselves while we fight the good fight? For freedom! For the rebellion! For a good cigar and a well made martini!” Sir Cassius “Von Boferl” Demonsbane --- A crusader whose father (a king) was tricked into loving a demoness witch. Her son ended up opening a gate to the hellish underworld and taking over. Cassius went into hiding, ended up in another world, met some people and swore to protect them, got turned into a dwarve made entirely of stone… Got corrupted by an evil god, threw off this god’s control, and got blessed by the gods of good to fight his half-brother. ---Seeing that at least someone here is familiar with Wheel of Time, the other world Cassius went to was the wheel of time. The child is a warforged who was reborn as an aiel girl and became a channeler. But because she was still 1/2 the other character as well, she betrayed her heritage and joined the dark one... In fact we helped to free him. But I am basically her warder. The wolf caller is a (PC) wolf brother we met. “Child, I have sworn to follow you to the ends of the earth! But this is too much… The price too high… But if you take this path, know this. Moradin, Pelor, Bahamut! All gods of light and justice! Here me now, before the gods, young one… The damnation you bring is in your hands. Let all ruin rest on your shoulders, and we can proceed. Do what you will, but mind what comes. I can only pray for the best.” “NOW IS THE TIME! No longer will I tremble beneath a foul lord… Gods, shine upon me, for I go to cleanse the land. Child reborn and wolf caller, I sense still goodness within you. If you shall walk with me, seek the light and prepare for battle. For I will die, must die… Must sacrifice my life to remove his taint. And someone must remain to guide my people. You are wise… Trained to be wise… Remember that which you have forgotten. Embrace that which lies buried.” “Brother! Deceiver, demon child! No longer will you and your foul servants ruin my home and slaughter my people. I have armored myself in the stone of the earth, been purified and reborn by the great dragon, even blessed by the gods! I bear the holy blade and the thousand burning anointments… Tonight, I shall be death to that which cannot die, Light to the which is born of shadow, Holy Fire set to the fuel of your soul. My blade shall crush your body and my light will purify your soul. This Ends Now!” I hope you enjoy. And if I come up with more, I'll put 'em up. Bravo, bravo:clap:. By "him", I assume you mean the Dark One. If that's the case, then why?! Every Wheel of Time fan knows what went down the first time that happened. Another quote from my Warder. This one came about during a sequence where our characters, for some reason, had to travel through the Ways (think of a cross between the Arcane Sanctuary from Diablo 2 and the Ethereal Plane). During that sequence, we ended up getting attacked by a few darkfriends (mortals who had sworn themselves to the Dark One) and a myrrdraal (really nasty extraplanar servant of the Dark One). Dring that fight, my warder ended up dangling by his hands from a ledge. Here's the quote: "Master, your faithful warder needs your help"
EddieVinci 01-21-08, 01:12 AM	Shade-Tail (awakened Squirrel Scout 10) Chit-chit-sqeek-chit, A**Holes! ~battle cry These nuts shall kill you! ~secondary battle cry Yeah... you missed me. ~Against the BBEG who rolls anything less then a 19 (got to love a dex mod of +18)
Lichtouch 01-21-08, 02:34 PM	"As a servant of Saint Cuthbert, it is my duty to uphold the law. As the ruler of this city, it is my duty to create the law. And you dare accuse me of being unjust?" This is a NPC I had as a DM, known as the "Lord Cardinal". He was the religious, political and military leader of a town. He said this shortly before he challenged the party to mortal combat. It was a 12th level cleric versus a 7th level party. I told them it would be an almost impossible fight but they just shrugged and said that the Lord Cardinal was a corrupt bastard and they'd fight him to the death. They won the battle by a landslide and had to run from a zealous lynchmob composed of everyone in the entire town. Possibly my favourite adventure.
smeagol_lied 01-21-08, 04:42 PM	A three way rapier duel on a polar ice cap, between Cade R'sath (human rogue), Dirk Torkan (human swashbuckler and Cade's rival), and an (the?) aspect of Levistus. The dialogue is told through a web of steel and tumble checks. Levistus: You mortal fools will never win. You cannot hope to solve your petty rivalries and foil my plans at the same time! Dirk: You know, devil, you should really pay more attention to where your sword is... Cade: And where your opponents are... Dirk: Because, for example... Cade: We are now on either side of you... Dirk: And no matter how fast your blade... Cade: Or cold your blood... Dirk: You cannot hope to defend against two such skilled swordsmen from such a disadvantageous postion. Cade: *sneak attacks Levistus through the back* So styx that in your pipe and smoke it.
reaver304 01-21-08, 11:51 PM	yeah, Gloredhel half elf fighter(archer) "who... ME?, I'm awesome!"
Oz_Bodkins 01-22-08, 02:08 PM	Good role playing often ends up like a good movie and seemingly spontaneous one liners a la a Arnold or Stallone movie. A quip. It seems though more have Shakespearean like sonnets prepared. The less prepared and more natural the saying the better the role playing was. Just a humble thought. Across the years too many wonderful inane things have been said, but the one that comes to mind off the top of my head was said by a fool hardy hero to the town’s priest right before leading another silly crusade to save a town: “Warm up the healing potions, we’re coming back bleeding” The player didn’t have it prepared, it just came to his mind.
smeagol_lied 01-22-08, 02:10 PM	Good role playing often ends up like a good movie and seemingly spontaneous one liners a la a Arnold or Stallone movie. A quip. It seems though more have Shakespearean like sonnets prepared. The less prepared and more natural the saying the better the role playing was. Just a humble thought. Mine was less from a game, and more a D&D based story. Cade and Dirk have never fought Levistus. Or each other. Or anyone else. I don't have enough D&D games.
Shiftkitty 01-22-08, 03:13 PM	Good role playing often ends up like a good movie and seemingly spontaneous one liners a la a Arnold or Stallone movie. A quip. It seems though more have Shakespearean like sonnets prepared. The less prepared and more natural the saying the better the role playing was. Just a humble thought. Across the years too many wonderful inane things have been said, but the one that comes to mind off the top of my head was said by a fool hardy hero to the town’s priest right before leading another silly crusade to save a town: “Warm up the healing potions, we’re coming back bleeding” The player didn’t have it prepared, it just came to his mind. I agree that a quote should be a lot shorter than some of the essays I've seen posted here, but you have to admit, RP-wise, sometimes it befits a character to make such speeches. While playing the NPC role of Banastre Tarleton in a brief game based on "D&D Meets the American Revolution" or "Dungeons and Dragoons", I made up a spur of the moment speech as to why the rebellion was doomed to failure. It was too long to memorize, but iit did get written down right afterwards before I could forget. But I do agree, the best quotes are usually the shortest. I don't recall much about the session, but the DM spurred the party into action by having an old friend of one of the party get murdered. Our course of action was obvious, and the fighter summed it up thusly "What's a friend for, if not to avenge your untimely demise?"
Apocalypse_Child 01-23-08, 01:39 PM	"When Mordred D'Loessian was a younger man, fresh out of Mage College, the story goes, he came across a wizened old monk sitting at a crossroads. Mordred talked of many things, of his dreams and aspirations, and his recent successes in the world, and how he attained them through various, ruthless means while the monk listened. The monk looked at Mordred, not judging, yet observing with a measure of compassion. 'My young friend,' he said, 'You have done much in your short time on this earth, attained many things men have long dreamed of. Yet what does it profit a man, if he gains the world and loses his soul in the process?' To which Mordred replied; 'Why, it profits a man the world, of course,' And set off on his way. And he never returned to that crossroads again." --Orpheus Silversong, Premier Bard of Exultia. Orpheus was always good for exposition.
BlackDragon71425 01-27-08, 01:54 AM	This takes place in Black Pit in Breland. The minion of a Necromancer, who is a dread Necromancer has just summoned a Mountain Troll Skeleton and is preparing to flee the pit via a bucket lift. Bubon steps into the bucket, kicks the winch and says as the bucket ascends quickly up the side of the pit: "This is not the last you've heard of Bubon of the Plague!" Simon the Warlock eldritch blasts the rope pulling the bucket lift up. Bubon takes 6d6 falling damage and is then shot Rambo style through the face with an arrow. Makakia the Hexblade snidly remarks: "Last we've heard from who?"
Shiftkitty 01-27-08, 01:28 PM	Daak, a warrior, is blocked from his estranged son, whom he has only recently found in a near comatose state in a dungeon. He is blocked by a pumped up gargoyle and the two have been slugging it out as Daak is trying to rescue his son. Daak is down to his last hit point, the gargoyle is at a little over a hundred. It's Daak's turn. He has three attacks. What followed was some great die rolling (we consider any natural 20 a ciritical, no comfirmation, houserule): Daak: GET AWAY(roll criticial hit, maximum damage, x3 modifier) FROM MY (roll critical hit again, maximum damage again, x3 modifier) SON! (roll, die off table, before the die stops rolling, the player shouts "I'll take it!" critical hit, rolls maximum damage, x3 modifier...again!)
Guardian1 01-29-08, 11:46 PM	Daak, a warrior, is blocked from his estranged son, whom he has only recently found in a near comatose state in a dungeon. He is blocked by a pumped up gargoyle and the two have been slugging it out as Daak is trying to rescue his son. Daak is down to his last hit point, the gargoyle is at a little over a hundred. It's Daak's turn. He has three attacks. What followed was some great die rolling (we consider any natural 20 a ciritical, no comfirmation, houserule): Daak: GET AWAY(roll criticial hit, maximum damage, x3 modifier) FROM MY (roll critical hit again, maximum damage again, x3 modifier) SON! (roll, die off table, before the die stops rolling, the player shouts "I'll take it!" critical hit, rolls maximum damage, x3 modifier...again!) :blink: :OMG! Fellow players, I think we have a new Dice Jesus. What are the odds of that?
mikeloop86 01-31-08, 11:13 PM	...So styx that in your pipe and smoke it. Epic win there :D :clap: :rofl: :bow:
Need_A_Life 02-02-08, 07:55 AM	Me: Dubbed "Law-girl" as no one has inquired to her name or profession. All people know is that I have an aura of law, and that I am adamant in that the law must be upheld. Has taken over leadership position without much complaint, probably because it's unofficial. Thorstein: Military officer and the official leader of the group. A good fighter, who faces his enemies honorably, however seems to be at a loss when things cannot be solved through brute force. Facing a group of devils, with a large-sized undead minion with some vicious claws. There's a portal obviously leading to another plane behind them. Thorstein: "Where is the archmage? We've come to kill him." Devils: "Ah... he's not in this place." Thorstein: "He's behind the portal, isn't he? I sw-" Me: *calmly* "We seek the archmage. He is suspected of willful treason, leaving debts unpaid, animating corpses from outside own lineage, terrorism and obstructing justice. I have merely come to clear up the matter" Devils: *DM caught off-guard* "Well... that is unfortunate, however-" Me: *interrupting* "I have not come to speak with you, but rather the Archmage. I insist that you inform me of his whereabouts." Devils: "He is no longer subject to your laws, he's our thrall now." Me: "Ah, but thralldom does not exist under your country's laws, thus he cannot be your thrall unless he is subject to our laws." Devils: "Nevertheless, that is what he is." Me: *smiles* "In either case, the punishment for not keeping your thrall under control befalls you. Do you admit your guilt?" Devils: "Eh... we-- I mean," *A fight breaks out* Not a literal quote, but an approximate one... and a lot of OOC questions removed, but nevertheless the exchange...
Living_Chaos 02-03-08, 06:10 PM	Halfling Rogue (Tib) vs. Half-Orc Barbarian (Bruce), "It's not the size that matters, it's how you use it. Thankfully for me you won't get to use that big sword of yours, my small one just pierced 3 vital nerves and your slit your wrists." Changeling Rogue (Ronin) vs. Human Sorcerer/Blood Magua (Amelia), "God that stings! I'd kill, you right now, if watching you hop around while casting hadn't given me an orgasm." Illumian Duskblade (Rado) vs. Drow Fighter (Delminar), "What? You expected me to yell, "Lightning Bolt!" Right? Too bad."
Shiftkitty 02-03-08, 10:22 PM	Warforged character, War Story, after having just made his save against a disintegration spell thrown by a desperate wizard down to his last four hp, and right before capping the wiz with his Jaws of Death attack to the wiz's head. "That wasn't very nice!" (Chomp!)
Talaisan 02-05-08, 03:29 PM	Playing through Red Hand of Doom, with just a pair of Gestalts: A Human Paladin/Ranger and a Warforged Barbarian/Cleric (of DEATH). HPR - Is that a manticore? WBC - Not in... thirty seconds. 5 rounds later it was a bloody smear in the courtyard, courtesy of a raging warforged bullrushing it off of a third story tower. WBC was not in good shape. HPR - *lays on hands* Thirty seconds. Nice call. Got anything to add? WBC - I'm goin' to disneyland... HPR - Right. Less Talky-talky. More pingpong. I am never DMing after movie night again. EDIT : Post #666! Woot!
Sir_Chivalry 02-05-08, 11:17 PM	-Dorian Lancaster(human ranger) to Paladin: "Hey! Hyped up healer! Are you going to heal someone like the useless replacement for a potion you are, or are you going to just stand there praying?!?!" *Spits on the ground as he fires arrow* "Useless preachy windbag." -Amelia (my recuring BBEG in the game I run): Mister Altair, I do believe we are becoming a bit too formal. What would you say to a sugared rose petal?
Senor_Galdakahn 02-07-08, 03:44 AM	Not my quote but when the character was directly refered to as a thief his reply was: "Thief? Im no thief, im merely a wealth redistributer" My bard has also said when asked why he wasnt singing "Screw you, I dont know you guys"
NatanaX 02-07-08, 05:33 PM	"Of course I'm a spy, but it doesn't mean I'm a traitor, I'll fight just as hard for you as I would my government, probably harder since they just sign my paychecks and you provide me with the endless amusement I need to get through my day." Merik Akatova, spy, mercenary, irritating joker.
Dreadknight10 02-08-08, 02:05 PM	My Fey'ri fighter after pulling his sword from the paladin "What do you mean Violence doesn't solve a thing? I am no long bored."
pigknight 02-09-08, 11:31 PM	Two of my NPCs that I use for comic releaf: Sir Kennidith: *Gets killed* Sir Stanford: "Oh milord thou hast slain Sir Kennidith!" Archmage Hyle: "Ye dastards!"
Divisionbyzer0 02-11-08, 02:00 AM	Former ferral Half-Orc, now full orc barbarian / ranger / paragon, Ock Grimtooth, on his finding by orc tribes, and on his tribute to Gruumsh: "when skirmishers found Ock all diced up dyin' in the bush, seein' Ock who looks like them, who had vengeance and spilled blood of those who spilled lifeblood of his pack, they says this an Omen. They says only by the penetrating eye and vision of lord Gruumsh that they were led to Ock Grimtooth, lost son of Zorag Grimtooth, one who brought tribes together against deception of the human filth ... when we came back to camp, they took white hot iron, branded Ocks back with the Eye. Through Ock's pain the tribes' connection grew stronger with their lord Gruumsh Later, then they tell Ock his mother executed by the humans, just one more human treachery that crystallize Ock's hatred of the humans and their rotten civilization. Now, I, Ock, pay tribute to Gruumsh: by his Eye I have survived; by his cunning I have fortune on hunt; by his ferocity I have strength in battle"
justicar347 02-15-08, 10:12 PM	"Dispute setled," -My warforged frigher named Arbitor after he defeated any opponent. "From now on you may call me...Tink, The Hero," -my halfling character after he saved the whole party from when they were paralysed by carrion crawlers. "What, she was hot," -My artificer when everyone was staring at him for trying to seduce a medusa NPC.
Pillow_Pants 02-16-08, 10:06 AM	Ug, Neanderthal Saint and Monk who is deathly afraid of snow.- "That not against the law in Ug's country, Ug swear!" "Ug sanctified, Paladin not impress Ug with his holyness" "Just because Ug not grasp syntax and grammar not mean Ug stupid!" INT 10 "The funny thing is, I can speak any language, and common is the only one I have that problem in. . . " (spoken in a british accent)
Shiftkitty 02-16-08, 08:01 PM	Stormbringer, elf fighter 15, after seeing that his share of the treasure came to far more than he had calculated back in the dungeon: "I'M GOING TO BLOOMINGDALE'S!"
superking 02-18-08, 03:57 PM	Human Bard, a bit of a flashy lady's man. "Your heroism will live forever in the form of a song, spread to the world from my finger tips and these....lips."
Namer_and_Shaper 02-18-08, 04:09 PM	Opus the Ambassador, in a bar in Sigil, before his untimely death: "Perhaps the Lady represents mental pain...and she gets power from the fractions, people who say why?...But worshippers wouldn't offer this, worshippers never question..." Colonel Ixibar, "retired" soldier of the Blood War one late night: "It is not awake, it is dreamless and without heartbeat, yet, I do not sleep, because their is a shadow behind me and infront of me, my eyes wander, his eyes wander, I am the we are the monster, and I am watching you."
Shiftkitty 02-18-08, 07:05 PM	Stormy the Elf's player was known for being easily distracted. I was describing what the party saw in a particularly yucky situation. My question to myself was "Will they reach into a loaded toilet for a few gold pieces?" So I described a medieval fantasy toilet, with murky, kinda brownish water, and the muted glint of a handful of gold at the bottom. This is where Stormy's player got distracted by something and didn't hear me say "There are also some vile-looking turds floating around." Stormy's immediate response? "Cool! I grab them and start shoving them into my pockets before anyone else can!" You can imagine everyone else's expressions... :yuck: :uh-huh: :twitch: :blink: :looloo:
JaiaDrottsingr 03-18-08, 09:25 AM	:bump:
shogunboy0 03-19-08, 12:59 AM	My CG Wood Elf Ranger telling a silver flame about good (I am also a silver flame) As long as you don't impede the freedom of others, you can still help if it also keeps their freedom. Made a LG Healer into a CG by saying that, and convinced a LE to go try out the silver flame.
Sakon22 03-19-08, 03:13 AM	Codex, NG Warforged Artificer/Cleric of Onatar gestalt casting heal light wounds: "Lord Creator, help me save this fleshling. Give me the strength to repair the damage he has sustained. Let him function once more." Followed 'coincidently' by a natural one on the heal roll. Apparently Onatar was not pleased by my play of words :D
Gleemarek 03-23-08, 03:28 AM	This was recent and I Found it quite funny They raise their hands and glow for a moment, absorbing the magic "You are just like your father, cowardly and weak." "You beleive me to be weak"? *A few archaic signals are used* "You beleive me to be... cowardly"? "Try this then" *Using a binding spell targeting the nearest magic user, the Delayed Blast Fireball (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/delayedBlastFireball.htm)rains down upon the target* "I beleive the correct term is Strategically Defensive"
Paul_V 03-26-08, 11:00 PM	Neutral Good Half-Celestial Ranger/Healer/Abjurer: "I don't trust you and I probably never will. Now, having said that, let me take a look at your wounds." "Freezing Sphere? Checked. Cone of Cold? Checked. Ice Storm? Checked. Polar Ray? Checked. Wall of Ice? Checked." *A PC stares at him* "What? I like ice!" "No, you cannot touch my wings. It tickles." "No, there is no such thing as 'too much protection'. Now, stand still, I need to cast Prismatic Wall in a way that doesn't overlap with the Prismatic Sphere." "I don't believe her weeping widow act." PC: "WE'RE IN THE AREA OF A ZONE OF TRUTH SPELL!" "Oh, right." "I prepared Wail of the Banshee and True Resurrection this morning. One more insult and I'm sending you to Limbo and back before you even realize you're dead." And the best one: "Don't worry, I have a contingency plan."
The_Shaman 03-26-08, 11:13 PM	Fel, Storm Elf telepath to his prycristal: "You blaspheming creeps me out on more levels I'd want to consider"
Master_Vega 03-30-08, 10:39 PM	Not my character, but it's still very funny to my main gaming group: "They're Halfling Carts..." -- Ansaw, Human Duskblade, while giving our Halfling Soul Bow his telescope back (failed Knowledge checks for the win!)
Bloodofgods 04-02-08, 05:39 PM	Level 11 Monk in a campaign with lots of optimizers Player 1 (Monk): "Yeah yeah yeah, you wizards can fly, destroy towns, kill hundreds of innocents, and raise the dead, but don't ever cross me again.." The Player then punched the Wizard in the face, rolled critical damage, and at the time rolled max damage, which considering he had spent all his money on monks belt, ring of fang, improved nat attack, and superier unarmed strike was enough to take the wizard from full hit points to -23. :eek: Player 1 (Monk) looking at the wizard with a broken jaw and nose: "You might best me in every way, but when I catch you all of your power can do nothing to save you" That was easily the most fun i've ever had playing any character. We all decided to fight, and I have no idea how but every single fight the monk won. IT was insane, can you say a roll of 18-20 on every single save and attack=dead barbarian cleric and wizard =)
Bloodofgods 04-02-08, 05:44 PM	Not Mine but A Peaceful Paladin of Ours ON the King's Response in going to war Paladin: "You can no more win a war, than you can win an earthquake" One of the best anti war quotes in the game i've ever heard
TheGeek 04-12-08, 03:05 PM	Warforged rogue, on a very high bluff check: "Hello, Good Sir Kobold, my company has become aware that your underground establishment is made of a very flammable rock--You see, granite is quite possibly the most volatile materials in existence. We, however, would like to see you and yours protected, so for a low, low, price, we can guarantee you top-quality fire insurance."
Silverswordmaster 04-12-08, 05:02 PM	SWRPG Soldier Rath Ti'Kitsuni before going insain in combat: "LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO OOYYYYYYYY JEEEEEEEEEEKKKIIIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSS S..." He then killed himself, and a group of elite stormtroopers and their commander, and said before he died, "At least I have chicken!" I acually did that in game. I love Free Actions :)
Soulless_Enigma 04-13-08, 06:55 AM	Edge, the psychopathic warforged barbarian: "You'll never understand it... not how it rises, not how it burns!" "Kill... rend... and destroy!"
Shiftkitty 04-13-08, 10:35 AM	Last night's game in my war campaign involved Tannen, an elven wizard, delivering a brutal, killing blow that tendered a messy demise to one of a few mid-level villains. The party has realized that the BBEG of the whole campaign now knows who has been thwarting her plans, and they're "knee-deep in the kim chee" now. Accepting that it's now an all-or-nothing game, they've decided to take the hidden tunnel that the BBEG's minions have apparently been using to haul prisoners away to whatever hideous fates have been awaiting. As the party was considering this notion, Tannen tied a headband on in total "Rambo" style and changed his name to an odd tribute... TANNEN: (hissing through gritted teeth) Call me...BLACKLEAF! (After the game, the player said he decided that Blackleaf deserved a chance to be a hero, not just a propaganda device in a strange little comic book. Salud!)
mOxMoNgEr1337 04-14-08, 02:57 AM	I love non-spellcaster people, they make exellent meat shield! -Aust, Arogant Elf Sorcerer
Soulless_Enigma 04-14-08, 02:34 PM	Centimanus, my vengeance driven 'forged soulknife: "He made us suffer. Made me suffer. Now he shall pay back every last agony in his screams. It's a real pity he doesn't have a long enough natural lifespan to pay the debt back in full. Best make the most of what I've got, though." Iron Seige, my Soulbound Iron Golem Fighter: "I have known only aeons of war. I have fought for so long even my name is forgotten to me. My past life is so long ago, even gods forget the era. I have only battle and my travels left. But where does one go after one has seen the darkest horrors of the Hells and the most blinding glories of the Heavens? Acheron. I always return to Acheron. It is my kin in profession, attitude and composition. In Acheron, I can loose myself for some few centuries." Because I always forget some...
Bladestar 04-14-08, 06:27 PM	Snick, insane CN halfling fighter/sorcerer who was raised by Slaadi Said when someone asks why he did something "Why not?"
ArgulFraster 04-14-08, 09:19 PM	This is from a Redwall MUCK character I'm considered converting to D&D stats, on the uncertain art of Fortune-Telling (remember, Redwall is a Dead Magic plane). Rhaxyn is a wildcat with claims of tiger blood, who has recently met a female ermine and talked her into not only sharing her fire (after lighting it with a small drop of found Ancientss Fire (think Alchemist's Fire) but also some of her food for nothing more than a sharpening of her weapons. Rhaxyn continued paying attention to the food, speaking offhand. "Oh yes. There are many ways to tell the omens that will befall one, from the Cards so popular in Southsward, to the Relics so popular among old vixens, to many more. I have heard tell of omens in the flights of birds, and in their organs, and sometimes in the screaming, chest-split death of somebeast unlucky enough to ire the entrail-readers of the far West." Taking the fish from the fire, he carefully cut it into slices, settling the bones on the cloth and the deboned meat on a flat, clean rock. "But not all of them can be certain, and all must be taken with a grain of salt. Such a shame all other magicks come to naught." The fish carefully divided, the cat took the head and tail, handing the sliced meats to the ermine. "I have a small deck of the Cards, but no art of their reading, and no knowledge of what they say. And I have tried to divine my fate from the slit bellies of my foes, but nothing has ever become clear but the fact that I have won."
taylors005 04-14-08, 11:38 PM	my rilkan fighter/rogue/swashbuckler "no, no, we boarded your ship to steal your cargo." to some very confused pirates.
DarthWyyrlok 04-16-08, 04:43 AM	My LE Paladin of Tyranny: :devil: "Whatever cruelties you would try to attribute to Hextor are meaningless. The Church gives you order, stability, and peace. Hard labor and enforced laws are merely a byproduct. Now kneel and ask forgiveness of Hextor for your rebellious words before he has me cut your head off."
eepop 04-17-08, 11:55 AM	Aman, "Cleric" of Aman Aman: "Where is your god now?" Orc: *Grunts* "I know, really..." Aman: *Turns his head to his companions* "Where is YOUR god now?" Companions: *Looking at Aman* "Right here." Orc: *Shocked* Aman: "Cast off your false gods. They care little for you. They spend all their time on another world, doting on themselves, with all concern only to their own safety. Where do you want your god to be when you need him?" *Reaches out hand to the orc to help him up.* Orc: "Right here."
Anearysm 04-18-08, 07:32 PM	Zal, CG Rogue/swordsage, while his paladin friend James is using lay on hands to heal himself. "James is touching himself again!"
Blazanar 04-19-08, 12:04 AM	My Warlock/11 (currently in the demonweb pits!) also likes to be in a kolbold form. miep miep. master what is currently wrong? (acts so drow think hes a slave to past thorugh black gates) the dwarf: shut your mouth little one... my warlock: shut up dwarf!!! the drow renegade: what a dwarf and his comrades? ***COMBAT BEGINS***
Reddrakk 04-20-08, 04:50 PM	My monk at level 1, after the badly injured party just lost a fight to turn the fighter's mount into emergency rations: "This foe is beyond us, let us appease it with oats."
Master_Vega 04-20-08, 11:38 PM	"Take care, nephew." -- Veird MacLaudwen (dwarven kingpin to one of the PCs. This caused everyone but me and the player in question to turn towards the player of the PC. 'Twas perfect. :D )
Silverswordmaster 04-24-08, 05:28 PM	Another great thoughts from the Silverswordmaster. "Well thats the tip of the iceing." -- sighed by a annoyed warrior PC.
Nightfallen 04-25-08, 11:54 PM	Lol, these are most likely ganna be alot better then mine, but I wanna give it a try. Moon Elf PC, villaged burned down before his jurny. "My eye's have been opened, I have seen the one's who have destroyed my village. I shall destroy all who was involed." - Renizar, Quote after his village was destroyed.
The Brat Prince 04-26-08, 12:26 AM	Alright, I'm simultaneously playing in three different campaigns and all three of my characters had rather brilliant moments this past week... Adam Call (d20 Future Android Fast Hero 3/Strong Hero 3)- "I apologize sir, but your inane prattle simply does not compute. Please try restating the previous in a manner that is less...well...stupid." Karvash Varshakni (Eberron Half-Ogre Hulking Hurler)- *on an ancient ruin deep in Xen'Drik* "Looks like a nice place full of history and all that...when do I get to the smashing?" Hanahori Miyoko (homebrew Feudal Japan-esque world Samurai 12)- *sighs* "Milady, you are a staggering insult to all women of our great land. Were I not honor-bound not to, I would personally take it upon myself to beat some semblance of dignity and poise into you. As it is, I'll just have to settle for this..." *sets fire to all of the hideously gaudy frippery in the noblewoman's wardrobe*
EddieVinci 04-27-08, 11:12 PM	Curtis Claymore, Scottish monk-fighter: "If you run, you die... If you stand and fight, you die first!" - battle cry "Where are a couple gnomes, three kegs of black powder and a copy of PlayDrake when you need them" - on how to kill a young adult White dragon. " hey Spoon? I have some good news and some bad news... the bad news is that we sold you to orc slavers in exchange for our lives... the good news is I saved a bunch of money by switching my cart insurance to Drayco..." - to Spoon, a human fighter al'a Dog Soldiers, about his new life style.
LordYawgmoth 05-03-08, 12:06 PM	My main character is an Aereni elf sorcerer named Yawgmoth d'Vol, son of Erandis d'Vol and some unknown dark entity. He ascended to lichdom and demi-divinity, but he lost it somewhere along the line, and now wants to retrieve it. He has a wicked sense of humor, and believes that Dark Is Not Evil. Yawgmoth's still unquestionably dark, but he has standards. He never harms children, and he thinks the world would be a lot better off if they just caved in and let him establish his dream of a worldwide Magocracy. :P Some quotes: "The bigger they are, the more valuable they are to nature's scavengers." "Boggart orgies are a vital part of the Cult's existence- Hell, without them, production would be half as good as it is now! Not that there's anything wrong with that." "Walk away, you stupid little dragon. Walk away from the Puppetmaster, the Lord, the one true master. Run like the fox you are!" *calls his female necromancer lover* "Greenmage, darling, if you spot a dragon wandering near Nephandir, shoot it on sight and dump its body in the magma pits. Thanks in advance!" "Get out of here, Kyil! Out, now! You may be a boggart, but that's no reason to disappoint me with faulty information! And bring me a FIVE-YEAR-OLD CHILD! A five-year-old will easily be able to decipher this. Plus small children make wonderful assassins. Kind of like flamingos, but they're devilishly hard to train."
Kuroimaken 05-05-08, 04:42 AM	This one requires a little background. Characters were in a gypsy camp. Party consisted of a Bard, a Barbarian, and a Paladin. My Bard, Malek, chatted up one of the gypsies and she read the cards for him. She found out the party was going to face a great loss in the future, and she was worried it'd be me. Minutes later, we're called to the main tent by the gypsies' leader. She was an old lady who claimed she couldn't stand 'ordinary' people, and she offered us a draw from the Deck of Destiny (similar to the Deck of Many Things, but different effects). She said the Deck was fickle: if we drew high cards, we'd be rewarded, but if we drew cards from the middle range we'd be screwed. So, when he saw their hesitation, he made the first good remark of the night: "And here I thought Paladins were immune to fear." Everyone decided to draw. The Paladin then commented there were enough aces in the Deck for everyone. My Bard's response: "I know there are enough for me." Everyone drew high (Malek drew the highest of all, a King and a Queen), and after that everyone was allowed to ask the gypsy leader a question. Mine was, obviously, which one of us was going to die. She said it was one of the NPCs following our group. Then, after we left the tent, I talked to the gypsy who had previously read the cards for Malek: "I have good news for you!"
The Brat Prince 05-05-08, 01:41 PM	Hanahori Miyoko (homebrew Feudal Japan-esque world Samurai 12)- *witnessing the wonders of clockwork technology for the first time as an 'engineer' demonstrates his array of clockwork toys.* "By the Twelve Kami! You've created life! Tiny, tiny, whirring, clanking LIFE!"
Aethios 05-06-08, 03:16 AM	Abel (6th level Dwarf Paladin): "So, what does that text on your wrists say?" Hurin (3rog/2ran/1st level human assassin): "Why the inquiry?" Abel: "Curious, I guess. It's not often I've seen such calligraphy so well done." Hurin: "Right wrist says 'Greed', the left means 'Generosity'." Abel: "Interesting... any deeper--" Hurin: "The way I figure it; right is wrong, and the underhanded are the truly virtuous. Take that however you will, friend."
FavoredSoulofNothing 05-08-08, 10:41 AM	My werewolf 3/The wolf (lycanthrope) 2/The Dire Wolf (lycanthrope) 6/ Ranger 5: would say: (after sticking his silver & cold iron greatswords into you) "well my friend, do the blades look half in or half out of your side to you?