Some assistance requested [Archive] - Wizards Community

Some assistance requested [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Iamyourking
02-28-06, 07:35 PM I am soon to join a new campaign, and I have prepared a character backstory. I would like to see if the people of this forum could help me optimize it.

The Tale of Tharos Marblemace

Tharos Marblemace would, at first glance, appear to be an ordinary stone giant. Son of the chieftain of the Bouldercrusher tribe, he was great and strong, with muscles the size of beer kegs and was also possessed of a keen mind, strong personality, and almost unnatural patience and discipline.
These traits saved his tribe when He was standing watch and spotted dozens of hobgoblins marching the steep trail to the tribe caves, he sounded the alarm gong, and as the warriors of the tribe grabbed their weapons, he threw himself into the fray. His quick thinking bought the tribes warriors time to engage the hobgoblins without the orange creatures having the element of surprise and he lead the tribe to victory. As the phalanx of goblinoids tried to escape, he felt a huge burst of strength and pushed a pile of rocks, weighing hundreds of tons, onto the band; only their leader, who was marching at the front, survived. His heroics, combined with his father’s advancing age, allowed Tharos to become the unofficial leader of the band, and upon his father’s death, he became the new chieftain
There was little time for celebration though, for the hobgoblin leader had been able to report back to his master, the semi-legendary fire giant tyrant, Over-King Goleguss. Goleguss desired the elimination of the Bouldercrusher tribe, since news of their survival had spread to the surrounding area and rebellion was erupting among his subjects. Goleguss and a dozen of warriors, quietly advanced upon the unsuspecting Bouldercrushers in the night, as the tribe slumbered after Tharos’ coronation, and murdered them in their sleep. Tharos was the only survivor, and as he lay on the stony ground, pierced by the infernal heat of Golguss’ blade, he prayed for someone, anyone, to come to his assistance.
He was in luck, Turq Manorstone, a traveling dwarven cleric of Kord the Brawler came upon him and was able to stabilize him with healing magic. There was no way for Turq to move him though, for Tharos was almost a ton in weight. He prayed to Kord for assistance, and was rewarded with the arrival of Kord himself, in the form of a twenty foot tall Northman, garbed in furs with a tattoo of Kord’s holy symbol upon his chest. The god of strength picked up the wounded giant in one hand like he was a baby and scooping Turq up in the other hurtled down the mountain at a great rate of speed.
In what seemed like seconds, Kord has brought the two to the dwarven metropolis of Thurzarmurn, to the mighty temple of Kord their. The high priest invoked the mightiest of healing magic, and the life of Tharos was saved. When he awoke, Turq was able to fill him in what had happened, based on his observations, and Tharos knew from the dwarf’s description of how some of the tribe appeared to have been burned alive that it was the work of Golguss. Tharos rose up, feeling much stronger than before, and looked down to see the symbol of Kord appear on his chest in a flash of light. The clerics gasped and fell to their knees, for they knew that the one of legend had come. In the distant past, Kord had appeared at that very temple and had proclaimed that far in the future, he would bring one who would save the world itself, they would know this by the fact that the symbol of Kord would appear on his chest. Tharos, who before had had only slight reverence for Kord, suddenly knew that he would wield the power and strength of Kord and accomplish great things.
Tharos lived at that temple for a year, learning clerical magic and presiding over the dwarven athletic competitions, but he knew that he must not let his tribe go unavenged. Before he left, the priests of Kord presented him with a great warhammer, forged in adamantine and inscribed with runes of strength and power. The priests o had forged it upon hearing the prophecy, and it was a mighty artifact. Tharos ventured out into the wilderness, searching for Mt. Kraagoth where Golguss ruled his domain with an iron fist. Upon reaching the mountain, he saw a large party of fire giants leaving it, with Golguss, easily recognizable by his suit of blackened plate armor and glowing red sword, at their head. Tharos tracked this group for days across the wastelands, careful to never let them spot him. Finally, the band reached a distant snow-capped peak and Tharos lay in hiding outside as they entered a mammoth cavern in the side and the sounds of great battle, punctuated by great roars, filled the air. Finally, the sounds of the clashing ceased and Tharos looked inside, just to feel his heart sink.
The group had slain a majestic silver dragon, at the cost of all but Golguss who was greedily shoveling the dragon’s treasure into a huge sack. Golguss saw Tharos and dropped the sack, preparing to draw his sword, but Tharos was on him in a second, and his mighty hammer sundered the fire giant’s blade. Golguss fell to his knees, begging for mercy, but Tharos showed him as little as Golguss has shown the Bouldercrushers, and smashed his head into a fine gooey paste. Tharos straightened, for his clan had been avenged, when two glows caught his eye. The first was from Golguss’ blade, which began to radiate light in all directions, as it expelled a great orange snake with a humanoid torso. He explained that he was a salamander from the Elemental Plane of Fire named Torch Flamebrother, and the fire giants had forced him to forge the blade, and then imprisoned him in it, to ensure the blade would stay ever hot, full of gratitude the salamander agreed to accompany Tharos, and he turned to the second glow. This glow was from the last remaining dragon eggs, the others having been smashed by the dead giants littering the ground around the dead silver. This egg began to hatch, and too his surprise there emerged, not a silver dragon, but an eagle with a silver dragon’s distinctive crest and argent scales.
Tharos named this eagle Skyslash Farsight and all three of them lived near the now abandoned Mt. Kraagor until Skyslash grew large enough to carry both of them. From there they went to the city of Molto, where it was rumored that all races could live in peace. There, they met the Rakshasa Zzgash Claw, and his bodyguard Acknack and the 4 became friends.
The rumors of Molto were not all true though, in actuality, the city was mostly controlled by the cruel lord Maxmillion, who manipulated the absent minded mayor like a puppet. Tharos was discussing possible plans with Zzgash and Torch, when they heard a disturbance outside. A dozen guardsmen were harassing a mysterious-looking figure in a black cloak and a strange-looking creature, resembling a large lizardman with orange and white stripes. Finally, Tharos could bear no more of it, and he grabbed his hammer, ran outside yelling at the guard to leave them alone. The guard’s were expecting being allowed to pick on a pair of weaponless people with impunity, and certainly weren’t expecting a twelve foot tall person carrying a huge hammer telling them to stop and panicked. As Tharos was helping them, Zzgash was sizing them up, and decided that they could be useful. Using his ability to assume alternate forms, he strode out and began engaging them in conversation. He told them they could stay in his luxuriant manor with the rest of the people and the lizard introduced himself as Nakai Clawgrinder and his mysterious friend as Bug; why he was called bug was revealed momentarily, as he took off his robe, reaveling the insectile form of a Thri-Kreen. They explained that they had had their weapons confiscated due to the new decree that non-humanoids could not carry weapons into the city. Torch promised that he would be able to make them new weapons, and with the monetary support of Zzgash, was able to purchase several bars of fine steel. He worked long through the night and day, forging a set of four short blades for Bug, and a massive falchion for Nakai. The next day, the six made their plan, they would lead a protest march on the capitol building, demanding equal rights from the xenophobic lord. From there, is legend…

Please tell me if you think there is any changes I should make.

Edit: Ok, thank you for the help, made some edits
Harrow Blade
03-01-06, 09:39 AM Seems to be a high powered character you have there. Are the salamander and giant eagle PCs or something else?

You end your story with you traveling to a city of a peaceful nature and meeting other people having completed your quest for vengence. It seems to mne that you are ready to retire rather than take up another adventure. What is going to motivate your character to leave the city? perhaps you find out that a young child of your tribe escaped only to be made a slave by the gnolls, it is now up to you to save the child.
Other than that it seems like a good background to me.
Iamyourking
03-01-06, 09:44 AM The salamander is another character. The eagle is my special mount/cohort, and the adventure has started now, so stuff is happening.

Thank you for the compliments.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Iamyourking 02-28-06, 07:35 PM	I am soon to join a new campaign, and I have prepared a character backstory. I would like to see if the people of this forum could help me optimize it. The Tale of Tharos Marblemace Tharos Marblemace would, at first glance, appear to be an ordinary stone giant. Son of the chieftain of the Bouldercrusher tribe, he was great and strong, with muscles the size of beer kegs and was also possessed of a keen mind, strong personality, and almost unnatural patience and discipline. These traits saved his tribe when He was standing watch and spotted dozens of hobgoblins marching the steep trail to the tribe caves, he sounded the alarm gong, and as the warriors of the tribe grabbed their weapons, he threw himself into the fray. His quick thinking bought the tribes warriors time to engage the hobgoblins without the orange creatures having the element of surprise and he lead the tribe to victory. As the phalanx of goblinoids tried to escape, he felt a huge burst of strength and pushed a pile of rocks, weighing hundreds of tons, onto the band; only their leader, who was marching at the front, survived. His heroics, combined with his father’s advancing age, allowed Tharos to become the unofficial leader of the band, and upon his father’s death, he became the new chieftain There was little time for celebration though, for the hobgoblin leader had been able to report back to his master, the semi-legendary fire giant tyrant, Over-King Goleguss. Goleguss desired the elimination of the Bouldercrusher tribe, since news of their survival had spread to the surrounding area and rebellion was erupting among his subjects. Goleguss and a dozen of warriors, quietly advanced upon the unsuspecting Bouldercrushers in the night, as the tribe slumbered after Tharos’ coronation, and murdered them in their sleep. Tharos was the only survivor, and as he lay on the stony ground, pierced by the infernal heat of Golguss’ blade, he prayed for someone, anyone, to come to his assistance. He was in luck, Turq Manorstone, a traveling dwarven cleric of Kord the Brawler came upon him and was able to stabilize him with healing magic. There was no way for Turq to move him though, for Tharos was almost a ton in weight. He prayed to Kord for assistance, and was rewarded with the arrival of Kord himself, in the form of a twenty foot tall Northman, garbed in furs with a tattoo of Kord’s holy symbol upon his chest. The god of strength picked up the wounded giant in one hand like he was a baby and scooping Turq up in the other hurtled down the mountain at a great rate of speed. In what seemed like seconds, Kord has brought the two to the dwarven metropolis of Thurzarmurn, to the mighty temple of Kord their. The high priest invoked the mightiest of healing magic, and the life of Tharos was saved. When he awoke, Turq was able to fill him in what had happened, based on his observations, and Tharos knew from the dwarf’s description of how some of the tribe appeared to have been burned alive that it was the work of Golguss. Tharos rose up, feeling much stronger than before, and looked down to see the symbol of Kord appear on his chest in a flash of light. The clerics gasped and fell to their knees, for they knew that the one of legend had come. In the distant past, Kord had appeared at that very temple and had proclaimed that far in the future, he would bring one who would save the world itself, they would know this by the fact that the symbol of Kord would appear on his chest. Tharos, who before had had only slight reverence for Kord, suddenly knew that he would wield the power and strength of Kord and accomplish great things. Tharos lived at that temple for a year, learning clerical magic and presiding over the dwarven athletic competitions, but he knew that he must not let his tribe go unavenged. Before he left, the priests of Kord presented him with a great warhammer, forged in adamantine and inscribed with runes of strength and power. The priests o had forged it upon hearing the prophecy, and it was a mighty artifact. Tharos ventured out into the wilderness, searching for Mt. Kraagoth where Golguss ruled his domain with an iron fist. Upon reaching the mountain, he saw a large party of fire giants leaving it, with Golguss, easily recognizable by his suit of blackened plate armor and glowing red sword, at their head. Tharos tracked this group for days across the wastelands, careful to never let them spot him. Finally, the band reached a distant snow-capped peak and Tharos lay in hiding outside as they entered a mammoth cavern in the side and the sounds of great battle, punctuated by great roars, filled the air. Finally, the sounds of the clashing ceased and Tharos looked inside, just to feel his heart sink. The group had slain a majestic silver dragon, at the cost of all but Golguss who was greedily shoveling the dragon’s treasure into a huge sack. Golguss saw Tharos and dropped the sack, preparing to draw his sword, but Tharos was on him in a second, and his mighty hammer sundered the fire giant’s blade. Golguss fell to his knees, begging for mercy, but Tharos showed him as little as Golguss has shown the Bouldercrushers, and smashed his head into a fine gooey paste. Tharos straightened, for his clan had been avenged, when two glows caught his eye. The first was from Golguss’ blade, which began to radiate light in all directions, as it expelled a great orange snake with a humanoid torso. He explained that he was a salamander from the Elemental Plane of Fire named Torch Flamebrother, and the fire giants had forced him to forge the blade, and then imprisoned him in it, to ensure the blade would stay ever hot, full of gratitude the salamander agreed to accompany Tharos, and he turned to the second glow. This glow was from the last remaining dragon eggs, the others having been smashed by the dead giants littering the ground around the dead silver. This egg began to hatch, and too his surprise there emerged, not a silver dragon, but an eagle with a silver dragon’s distinctive crest and argent scales. Tharos named this eagle Skyslash Farsight and all three of them lived near the now abandoned Mt. Kraagor until Skyslash grew large enough to carry both of them. From there they went to the city of Molto, where it was rumored that all races could live in peace. There, they met the Rakshasa Zzgash Claw, and his bodyguard Acknack and the 4 became friends. The rumors of Molto were not all true though, in actuality, the city was mostly controlled by the cruel lord Maxmillion, who manipulated the absent minded mayor like a puppet. Tharos was discussing possible plans with Zzgash and Torch, when they heard a disturbance outside. A dozen guardsmen were harassing a mysterious-looking figure in a black cloak and a strange-looking creature, resembling a large lizardman with orange and white stripes. Finally, Tharos could bear no more of it, and he grabbed his hammer, ran outside yelling at the guard to leave them alone. The guard’s were expecting being allowed to pick on a pair of weaponless people with impunity, and certainly weren’t expecting a twelve foot tall person carrying a huge hammer telling them to stop and panicked. As Tharos was helping them, Zzgash was sizing them up, and decided that they could be useful. Using his ability to assume alternate forms, he strode out and began engaging them in conversation. He told them they could stay in his luxuriant manor with the rest of the people and the lizard introduced himself as Nakai Clawgrinder and his mysterious friend as Bug; why he was called bug was revealed momentarily, as he took off his robe, reaveling the insectile form of a Thri-Kreen. They explained that they had had their weapons confiscated due to the new decree that non-humanoids could not carry weapons into the city. Torch promised that he would be able to make them new weapons, and with the monetary support of Zzgash, was able to purchase several bars of fine steel. He worked long through the night and day, forging a set of four short blades for Bug, and a massive falchion for Nakai. The next day, the six made their plan, they would lead a protest march on the capitol building, demanding equal rights from the xenophobic lord. From there, is legend… Please tell me if you think there is any changes I should make. Edit: Ok, thank you for the help, made some edits
Harrow Blade 03-01-06, 09:39 AM	Seems to be a high powered character you have there. Are the salamander and giant eagle PCs or something else? You end your story with you traveling to a city of a peaceful nature and meeting other people having completed your quest for vengence. It seems to mne that you are ready to retire rather than take up another adventure. What is going to motivate your character to leave the city? perhaps you find out that a young child of your tribe escaped only to be made a slave by the gnolls, it is now up to you to save the child. Other than that it seems like a good background to me.
Iamyourking 03-01-06, 09:44 AM	The salamander is another character. The eagle is my special mount/cohort, and the adventure has started now, so stuff is happening. Thank you for the compliments.