Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Terjon of the Blue Rose 08-28-07, 02:27 AM	Alright. I comment on others characters often enough. Here's your chance to comment on one of mine. Looking forward to some constructive criticism. Its a long read and a little on the standard side but I think it came out quite nicely. On the day Thurt D’Deneith was born he received 3 gifts. His father hired a priest of Dol Arrah to bless his child, his grandfather commissioned a finely made longsword for him, and his mother purchased for him a book bound in black leather which he would use as a journal as he grew. Thurt’s childhood was a strange one for a young man of those days. His father trained him in the sword like other children who prepared for the day they would be called to serve in the last war but he also trained in the art of spell casting with his mother, a powerful sorceress. He studied topics no farmer’s son likely ever would. His grandfather taught him the names of royals, generals, and other powerful figures, as well as the arts of diplomacy and tact. His parents often traveled far from their family home on missions and would take him with. His parents served the Deneith diplomatic corps. They would travel and act as a neutral third party in negotiations between warring factions or even nations. Not only did they help to reach an agreement but they also provided military support to see to it that cease fires were maintained and agreements met. It was on these diplomatic missions that Thurt loved his life above all other times, for during them his parents would spoil him with treats and during the travel time when they were alone would shower him with the love they could not properly show at home. During negotiations he would wander amongst the soldiers. He loved hearing stories from the bannermen and from them he learned the true horror of war but also the glories it held. He came to see his parents as heroes for the peace they brought even if it was sometimes short-lived. I’m turning 10 in a week. Father says by then we’ll be back at home and these two groups of bandits will be back to killing each other over a stretch of worthless forest. I wouldn’t mind sticking around though. I met another boy about my own age who is traveling with one of the bands. Mart, the old banner man dad takes with us wherever we go says he thinks the boy is trouble but I think that’s just because Remmin can change his face. I don’t know why that should be so bad. Mom can do the same thing with her spells after all. Today Remmin showed me a spot in the local caves where the passage gets too narrow for the adults. We’re both small enough to fit in and it leads to a small cave so it’s become something of a secret hiding place for the two of us over this last month. Remmin and I snuck a couple of swords from the armory and I’ve been showing him some of the lessons dad puts me through each day but I don’t think he cares for the sword much more than I do. At the age of 15 Thurt left for Rekkenmark Academy. It was his first time outside his family’s holdings and a bit of a shock to him. For the first time he learned what it meant to be D’Deneith. He learned that being a noble put him a step above the common man. He learned that his lineage entitled him to certain respect and rights. He also learned that noble blood makes for no better of a warrior than common. He learned that, though he had been trained by the best, he was not. His skill with a blade was matched by most of the other students and his skill with a bow was little better. Still when it came to tactics, history, and above all else squad leadership he excelled. Thurt was a natural born leader and the other young men quickly realized that following him would constantly put them on the strongest teams and the fiercest squads. What’s more Thurt had an exceptional skill at finding others talents and putting them to use. He seemed to know instinctively who to put on a stealth mission and who to put on a mission that would need to operate behind enemy lines without orders. By the time he graduated his basic classes at 18 he was almost sad to leave. Got promoted to squad leader today. Old Burr says if I can learn to hold a sword without killing myself or my teammates it woulda happened 2 months ago. Still even he has to recognize that the others trust me. They know I’m the one who stood up to Lt. Greenhilt over that little issue with the food fight. I suspect one or two may be aware that I wound up with a few extra punishments on top of what they got. I’m going to make Hesh my second if Old Burr will let me. He’s not as good with keeping up morale as some of the others but he’s even better than me with terrain analysis. Maybe I can start a rumor he’s a distant relative from a house outcast. Noble blood counts for a lot among many of my comrades here. After leaving Rekkenmark Thurt would again be sent away for more schooling. This time he left for Morgrave University where he would train in the magical arts. Again he found his natural leadership to be his greatest advantage. While his magical aptitude was in no way a mighty force, he learned to hone the magic innate in his blood, a gift from his mother. His teachers and fellow students alike would find themselves drawn to him, providing him with whatever aid he needed. He, in turn, returned their favors. He would accept tutoring from one student and that student would then find themselves gaining access to higher ranked classes for extra study time of his own. He would seek out a teacher and request extra time for a project only to later see to it that said teacher found themselves with a number of positions opening in noble houses looking for private tutors. During his time at Morgrave Thurt discovered a small group known as the Starry Lyceum. A group who believe that the great dragon Syberis still sang the song of creation and that by watching the stars they could almost read what he was doing. Joining this group was a minor blow to Thurt’s reputation which he easily endured. They were a group of scholars, sorcerers, and bards who for the most part were considered harmless eccentrics but the more he listened to their songs and stories the more Thurt could see their claim of an artistic, almost musical, shaping of the universe as true. To top that off he learned that the strongest of them could call upon songs not heard elsewhere. These songs could achieve great magical effects and use their knowledge to access magics that no bard should have known. He dedicated his time here to studying their theories and learning to put them into practice. I can’t believe it. After three and a half semesters here I find out that Remmin made it in here too. I wouldn’t even have known him if he hadn’t made the mistake of keeping that signet ring he took off Mart. He’s still causing trouble but now it seems he’s hiding his reasons for being here and who he is with far greater caution. He claims he needs the training to get into some special Aundarian military squad. They’re some kind of combination of light cavalry and magical capability from what he says. He’s asked me not to let anyone know about where he comes from or what he is. I understand perfectly since we’re in the middle of Breland. I talked to dad and he says that I’m best off staying out of foreign affairs unless I’m being paid to take part in them and minimizing things even then. Still I’m going to have to have Jemmit check the stars and see if our running into each other isn’t some kind of omen. It feels like maybe we were meant to know each other. I know he can’t have a dragonmark, what with being a changeling, but maybe his part of the prophecy is written in mine somewhere… After leaving Morgrave at 21 Thurt returned home. He was received in grand style and with great celebration. He immediately enrolled in the family military and took a rank as a junior officer. He joined the diplomatic corps which were now led as a whole by his father. His career was to be short lived if not undistinguished however. After only two minor missions where he led one of several squads overseeing a cease fire the war was put on hold. Armies everywhere stopped their fighting as news spread that Cyre had been completely and utterly destroyed. Nothing remained of the crown jewel of Galifar and the rulers of the existing nations were afraid. Thurt returned home and was assigned an honor guard of the family’s most elite soldiers which he would act as second in command to during the negotiations at Thronehold. He was one of a dozen units that watched as the rulers of the various nations and delegates, including his father, from various houses signed the historic peace accord. Now with the war over Thurt has retired his commission as a diplomat. He has taken an extended hiatus during which he intends to seek out potential threats to the new peace and eliminate them while furthering his own studies into the stars and their meanings. In case anyone is wondering Remmin (http://forums.gleemax.com/showthread.php?t=918998) will be played by another player when and if we ever get to this campaign. He is going to be a Changeling Knight Phantom who specialized in delivering false orders and disinformation while working behind enemy lines during the last years of the war. http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/eb_gallery/82927.jpg
Fithero 08-28-07, 03:01 AM	A very solid backrgoung, im not up to date on Ebberon, so i probably missed a few things. But here we go- What alignment is he? Although he was noble, it read that he didnt let it go to his head. Standing up for others was a good point, as was not dobbing in Remmin. When you say, "eliminate threats to the peace", what do you mean by that? Will he be an adventurer in general, or will he join an organisation? Perhaps even found one himself, he seems more than capable of doin so. What are his views on Warforged? (Seems stupid since they werent even brought up, but its interesting to see since they play such a major role in Ebberon) Again, good work, as always :P Peace
Terjon of the Blue Rose 08-28-07, 03:17 AM	Reserved! :D :thinks: :confused: Comment reserved? Don't fear hurting my feelings. Character reserved? Feel free to use in you own campaign, though I request PMs letting me know how he works.
Fithero 08-28-07, 03:18 AM	:thinks: :confused: Comment reserved? Don't fear hurting my feelings. Character reserved? Feel free to use in you own campaign, though I request PMs letting me know how he works. Nar... its just so i could get in first :D
Terjon of the Blue Rose 08-28-07, 03:34 AM	Nar... its just so i could get in first :D :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh A very solid backrgoung, im not up to date on Ebberon, so i probably missed a few things. But here we go- What alignment is he? Although he was noble, it read that he didnt let it go to his head. Standing up for others was a good point, as was not dobbing in Remmin. I think CG. He'll be a bard going for sublime cord. He views noblility as more of a mixed blessing. He realizes it puts him above others but also sees it as making him more responsible for them. When you say, "eliminate threats to the peace", what do you mean by that? Will he be an adventurer in general, or will he join an organisation? Perhaps even found one himself, he seems more than capable of doin so. Right now his goal is general adventuring. He will probably join up with one of the adventurer's guilds. He knows better than most how fragile the peace of Thronehold is and his father taught him that no matter how much his house profitted from the war that it was a stupid waste of lives. He wants to prevent anything that could shorten the peace that has been so tenously achieved. What are his views on Warforged? (Seems stupid since they werent even brought up, but its interesting to see since they play such a major role in Ebberon) Dunno that he has any particular thoughts on them. He spent very little time amongst them since Deneith prefers human soldiers. The few he knew would have been soldiers which he likely would have found to be reliable if not terribly motivated. He is a little concerned about the Lord of Blades but he seems like a fairly minor threat at the moment. His biggest complaint on them would probably be that he doesn't know if they can make a place for themselves in a world without war. Of course that's a common enough complaint amongst warforged themselves. Again, good work, as always :P Peace Thanks
Free1983 08-28-07, 04:38 AM	Very well written, so although it was a long read, it was fun reading. I don't remember anything about religion, except that his father rented a priest. As a bard he might be unconcerned about it, but it might add something to the character. Perhaps you could think about a flaw or something. I don't know if you like flaws in your characters, but Thurt is almost an exemplar of good (which is fine by me). It would make your "standard" character, a little bit "non-standard". But a very nice character. I hope you get to play it. Cheers
Terjon of the Blue Rose 08-28-07, 04:47 AM	Another thanks due. I'm gonna have to look at UA and see what flaws are available. I dunno if I want him to have one since he's supposed to give off an air of being a little better than everyone else without being concieted about it. On the other hand if I find one that fits him and has a worthwhile benefit it would definetly help give him a little twist so he feels less like an archetype. Oh and on religion his devotion to his house and the starry lyceum (edited in flavor to focus a little more on the dragon syberis) is more important ot him than actual religion but he follows the sovriegn host in general.
Free1983 08-28-07, 04:51 AM	If the UA flaws suit you, it's swell with me, but you could also look for a flaw that doesn't have mechanical repercussions. An old example is Tordek as described in the PHB. "He's a lawful good fighter, but he's a little greedy too, so if he can justify taking the money, he'll do it." This doesn't mean that he has to roll a will save whenever he sees a corpse to loot, but it might make roleplaying encounters a little more interesting. By the way, I don't know the flaws system of UA, so I was just inventing this example. But by all means, do as you see fit; I think you're up to the job ;) Cheers
Terjon of the Blue Rose 08-28-07, 06:25 AM	ah i see what you mean. As far as that goes he does have a flaw of his own. 2 actually. First he is fiercely devoted to his house and sees it as not only a noble family but also somewhat unrealistically as a family of noble people. Second, having been raised away from the people in academies and noble houses he is a little disconnected and doesn't quite understand how common people set their priorities. He thinks being a noble means others will do what he says. He doesn't fully realize that when people go along with him its because they think he's right or believe in him because he's so used to it. His noble birth isn't something he flaunts but rather something he takes for granted and he can be somewhat shocked when others don't consider it.
JellyPooga 08-28-07, 10:50 AM	I don't really have any comments to make other than to thank you for posting it. It's nice to see a carefully thought out character background as good as that every now and then.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 08-31-07, 01:16 AM	:bump: Only 3?:weep: I suppose I should take it as a compliment since more people tend to post when they think they can improve upon your work. Aaand it was a long read... Still I can't help but wonder if I really should post Remmin's story. I'm waiting to hear back from the other player on what he thinks but I've already got one written up. Oh and thanks for the compliment JellyPooga. Always good to know one's efforts are appreciated.
Terjon of the Blue Rose 09-06-07, 12:46 AM	:bump: One last time. Mostly because I'm putting up Remmin to go with him
Terjon of the Blue Rose 10-05-07, 01:18 AM	Ya know what to heck with it. :bump: I'm already at the bottom of page five after all.
twc12 10-05-07, 01:52 AM	Wow, that was great. The long read was well worth it. So, I really have no ideas. That was impressive. Just reading that gave me some ways to improve my own. Thanks. Sorry I have no ideas.
Alodar_Advo 10-05-07, 06:30 PM	Well that back story is a work of art. I'll try to find more time here this weekend to digest it and comment on it. The only comment I can come up with right now, is I wish I still lived in KoP because I'd be begging to join your group, that has such a commitment to roleplaying.
Master_Vega 10-05-07, 07:07 PM	Great writing. One thing I'm seeing is that his flaws are a bit subtle, and will only become apparent if the GM decides to play on them (taking control of Thurt's family and having some of them involved in bad things, for example.) It didn't seem in the OP that Thurt thought himself superior to the common man, at least not after his schooling. And with how charismatic he is, people might obey him regardless of whether he is a noble (he might just sound like he knows what he's doing for instance.) Maybe I missed something. :P Also, was Sir Greenhilt a reference to Order of the Stick, by any chance? :P
Terjon of the Blue Rose 10-05-07, 10:58 PM	The flaws are meant to be subtle. The GM would be able to play on them but I kinda wanted to make him a little bit difficult to see in a negative light. He should hold himself to a higher standard and so do everything in his power to hide any flaw of his that he becomes aware of. Yes I did steal Greenhilt out of Order of the Stick. Call it a walk-on. And for Alodar. My group is moving in the direction of one I could play Thurt in but really its a fairly laid back set of people. We don't take the game that seriously most of the time. Still I'm pushing them more towards the role-playing aspect slowly but surely. Besides you're only about 300 miles away give or take.
LadyLindis 10-08-07, 01:40 PM	Since most everyone has already given you the constructive critisim I'll just give another well-deserved compliment to your writing. :P Great writing, Terjon.
Alodar_Advo 10-08-07, 10:25 PM	Do you know where your DM is going to take your campaign? There is something we're requiring of our players for the campaign that is starting this month, and that is for the characters to have both short term and long term goals. These goals much be achievable and realistic. For the most these goals should be physical in nature; "Enter into Wardens of the Woods Druidic Society" and not "be more kick@ss". "Protect the bear cub until it reaches maturity." "Learn to read and write." These are some of the short and long term goals of Kuruk. Perhaps Thurt could benefit from more described goals. Naturally this would require a willing DM. Perhaps he already knows of a threat to the peace, and would make that his first target, of either regime change or elimination of the threat. Does Thurt require making his wealth or gaining title independently of his family? Would traveling away from his homeland allow him to be truely tested? Would he like to take on a student that he could teach his bardic ways? Is it going to be just the two of you in this campaign or are their others? Have you considered how you would react to others in the group, and mostly if someone else is playing a more leadership styled class.. aka Knight or Paladin? I'm mostly grasping at threads here, it seems pretty solid. Is there any aspect in general you'd like more specific feedback regarding?
Terjon of the Blue Rose 10-12-07, 01:38 AM	There are indeed others in the campaign. One is currently looking at duskblade and warlock the other I'm not sure of. Thurt's long term goal really is as broad as protecting the peace established by the treaty of thronehold as he really does believe in it. He grew up around people who died in the last war on a regular basis and most closely with his parents who spent most of their time establishing temporary peace. He would certainly prefer to continue this tradition while growing within his family rather than trying to form a new power base outside it. As far as where the DM is taking the campaign. yeah... Thurt probably won't be able to rely on his family as much in the later campaign as he is used to. We likely won't be on a continent where his family has any real existance by the end of the game. The begining however will probably see him using his favored in house feat a lot.