Whack-A-Mole and Monologues [Archive] - Wizards Community

Whack-A-Mole and Monologues [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
chocobochicken
05-03-05, 10:15 PM I'm attempting to join a local roleplaying group that's running the Legend of the Shining Jewel (http://ucc-online.com/lsj/) campaign, and I'm planning on playing a level 1 lawful-good cleric of Kalek, the lesser god of Crafts.

Enter Cally Releven, a 19-year-old girl who entered into the service of Kalek in the hopes that his divine guidance would assist her on the path to becoming a great blacksmith. She's so dedicated to her blacksmithing that she keeps the Craft ranks maxed out and even uses an oversized hammer as her weapon (warhammer, MWP feat taken). She's strong, tough, sensible, and charming, but she's not exactly the brightest bulb in the bunch (STR 16, DEX 10, CON 14, INT 8, WIS 16, CHA 14). With the Strength and Magic domains, her favorite battle tactic is to cast "Enlarge Person" on herself and start playing Whack-A-Mole on the enemies with her enlarged hammer. In appearance and personality, she's very much like Skuld from the Oh! My Goddess! anime (minus Skuld's insanely high Intelligence score, of course).

However, the biggest challenge with this character will be dialogue. She's still very much a little girl at heart, so she tends to babble on in fast run-on sentences, often saying something humorous with a dead-serious tone because she was too naive to realize it was a joke. I can improvise a little, but to really make this work, my plan is to write up and memorize some random monologues beforehand that I can interject into almost any situation. Some examples include:

"My name is Cally. Cally Releven. Wierd name, huh? My daddy gave me that name. Cally, I mean. Said it's short for 'Calamity.'"

"I'm too accident prone. I get into accidents alot. In fact, my daddy said I started out as an accident."

"I really, really want to be a blacksmith. I don't really know why, because it doesn't run in my family, because my daddy, he's not a blacksmith; he's a gardener. And sometimes he catches the moles eating his vegetables and he gets all angry. But one time, I caught one of the moles peeping out of a mole-hole and I whacked him on the head with my hammer and he stopped eating the vegetables. Actually, he stopped eating altogether. But from then on, whenever daddy said there were moles in the garden, I went out and whacked the moles with my hammer, and we called it 'Whack-A-Mole.'"

"I'm not an adventurer! I'm a blacksmith! ............on an adventure."

You get the idea. So if anyone has spare monologues or one-liners and you feel like sharing the wealth, I'd be very appreciative of anything that can help me solidly deliver this character.
Dynneroth
05-05-05, 06:07 PM It sounds like you have a good grasp on teen girl monologue-ing.
Here are a couple more. The first one is definitely "borrowed," but one of the funniest scenes in a movie I've seen.
"Hi my name is Cally kind of like Kelly except with a 'C' not a 'K' and an 'a' as in 'hat' not 'eh' as in 'met,' but it does end in 'l-l-y' just like Kelly, unless, of course, you spell Kellie with 'l-l-i-e,' then it's just completely different."

"... and that orc reminded me of the time Uncle Gudler came to my daddy's house when I was only seven years old and bent down and asked me with his smelly breath what kind of man I was going to marry when I grow up and I said I was going to marry a blacksmith just like my daddy and we were going to be blacksmiths together and Uncle Gudler started laughing at me and his belly start shaking and his face turned all red and I hit him with my little hammer that my daddy had given me as a present then his face turned all purple and he roared at me and his nostrils flared and I saw the hairs in his nose poking out and I asked him why he had more hair in his nose than on his head and he got even madder..."
chocobochicken
05-06-05, 12:19 PM That's rather amusing, because my wife suggested that very same line, and I thought it was perfect!!

Now if I can only find the context to work in the line, "The BABY was EXPLODING!!!" I'll be all set. :D
Dynneroth
05-06-05, 03:32 PM "The baby was EXPLODING!" Priceless. I'm really glad you knew the reference I was making. Now you need a villain with a big S on his chest. :smirk:
chocobochicken
05-06-05, 03:40 PM A "B" would work just as well, actually.

"I can't trust that guy. He smiles too ugly, and he's got a goatee, and he never looks you in the eye when he talks to you, and he wears too much black clothing, and I just saw him stab someone."

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
chocobochicken 05-03-05, 10:15 PM	I'm attempting to join a local roleplaying group that's running the Legend of the Shining Jewel (http://ucc-online.com/lsj/) campaign, and I'm planning on playing a level 1 lawful-good cleric of Kalek, the lesser god of Crafts. Enter Cally Releven, a 19-year-old girl who entered into the service of Kalek in the hopes that his divine guidance would assist her on the path to becoming a great blacksmith. She's so dedicated to her blacksmithing that she keeps the Craft ranks maxed out and even uses an oversized hammer as her weapon (warhammer, MWP feat taken). She's strong, tough, sensible, and charming, but she's not exactly the brightest bulb in the bunch (STR 16, DEX 10, CON 14, INT 8, WIS 16, CHA 14). With the Strength and Magic domains, her favorite battle tactic is to cast "Enlarge Person" on herself and start playing Whack-A-Mole on the enemies with her enlarged hammer. In appearance and personality, she's very much like Skuld from the Oh! My Goddess! anime (minus Skuld's insanely high Intelligence score, of course). However, the biggest challenge with this character will be dialogue. She's still very much a little girl at heart, so she tends to babble on in fast run-on sentences, often saying something humorous with a dead-serious tone because she was too naive to realize it was a joke. I can improvise a little, but to really make this work, my plan is to write up and memorize some random monologues beforehand that I can interject into almost any situation. Some examples include: "My name is Cally. Cally Releven. Wierd name, huh? My daddy gave me that name. Cally, I mean. Said it's short for 'Calamity.'" "I'm too accident prone. I get into accidents alot. In fact, my daddy said I started out as an accident." "I really, really want to be a blacksmith. I don't really know why, because it doesn't run in my family, because my daddy, he's not a blacksmith; he's a gardener. And sometimes he catches the moles eating his vegetables and he gets all angry. But one time, I caught one of the moles peeping out of a mole-hole and I whacked him on the head with my hammer and he stopped eating the vegetables. Actually, he stopped eating altogether. But from then on, whenever daddy said there were moles in the garden, I went out and whacked the moles with my hammer, and we called it 'Whack-A-Mole.'" "I'm not an adventurer! I'm a blacksmith! ............on an adventure." You get the idea. So if anyone has spare monologues or one-liners and you feel like sharing the wealth, I'd be very appreciative of anything that can help me solidly deliver this character.
Dynneroth 05-05-05, 06:07 PM	It sounds like you have a good grasp on teen girl monologue-ing. Here are a couple more. The first one is definitely "borrowed," but one of the funniest scenes in a movie I've seen. "Hi my name is Cally kind of like Kelly except with a 'C' not a 'K' and an 'a' as in 'hat' not 'eh' as in 'met,' but it does end in 'l-l-y' just like Kelly, unless, of course, you spell Kellie with 'l-l-i-e,' then it's just completely different." "... and that orc reminded me of the time Uncle Gudler came to my daddy's house when I was only seven years old and bent down and asked me with his smelly breath what kind of man I was going to marry when I grow up and I said I was going to marry a blacksmith just like my daddy and we were going to be blacksmiths together and Uncle Gudler started laughing at me and his belly start shaking and his face turned all red and I hit him with my little hammer that my daddy had given me as a present then his face turned all purple and he roared at me and his nostrils flared and I saw the hairs in his nose poking out and I asked him why he had more hair in his nose than on his head and he got even madder..."
chocobochicken 05-06-05, 12:19 PM	That's rather amusing, because my wife suggested that very same line, and I thought it was perfect!! Now if I can only find the context to work in the line, "The BABY was EXPLODING!!!" I'll be all set. :D
Dynneroth 05-06-05, 03:32 PM	"The baby was EXPLODING!" Priceless. I'm really glad you knew the reference I was making. Now you need a villain with a big S on his chest. :smirk:
chocobochicken 05-06-05, 03:40 PM	A "B" would work just as well, actually. "I can't trust that guy. He smiles too ugly, and he's got a goatee, and he never looks you in the eye when he talks to you, and he wears too much black clothing, and I just saw him stab someone."