1000 Contradictory things a Paladin WOULD say. [Archive] - Wizards Community

1000 Contradictory things a Paladin WOULD say. [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
General_Ridley
06-04-05, 04:05 PM Things a Paladin would say, but that would also be contradictory to the way Paladin's actually behave.

My example gives a Paladin named Mathias, his rogue friend named Theodore, and a villain that the Paladin is trying to redeem.

Paladin: "Now, one thing you must learn is to listen to other peoples' suggestions and ideas. They have valuable ideas too, and Yours are not the only ones that matter."

Rogue: "Mathias, Mathias! I just had an idea about how to defeat the dragon! We just poison his water. This way, we don't risk death by fighting the dragon head on. If we do die, the dragon will kill everyone, so this is a better idea than attacking head on! How do you like it?"

Paladin: "Theodore, that is a terrible idea for three reasons: 1) I hate it. 2) Poisoning things is not the way to go about eliminating those who are dangerous. 3) Dragons can't be poisoned. Just listen to my ideas Theodore, they always work out better than yours."turns back to the villain to be redeemed "See, take other people into consideration. You aren't the only one in the world that matters."
Prgrmr@wrk
06-04-05, 06:27 PM *Casts detect evil*
That guy is evil! Kill him!
*Kills merchant who has been overcharging for food*
Manyfist
06-04-05, 07:11 PM It's the Adventure of Bob, the Modern day Communist Paladin!

Bob: "Halt!"
Traveling Merchant: "What?"
Bob: "You overcharged me by ONE Gold Piece!"
Traveling Merchant: "So? I have to make a profit"
Bob: "Die evil Captalist scum!!"
**Kills the Merchant, by with Smite Capitalism** :P
Azar the Prince
06-04-05, 07:14 PM ...anyone else getting sick of these 1001 topics? :rolleyes: They're cropping up steadily like vermin! :mad:
Prgrmr@wrk
06-04-05, 07:20 PM ...anyone else getting sick of these 1001 topics? :rolleyes: They're cropping up steadily like vermin! :mad:
You should start a thread called 1001 "1001 topics" I'm sick of hearing about.
:P
Azar the Prince
06-04-05, 07:31 PM Yea, that was suggested by other people. The irony being that thread itself would fail, like so many others.
Dartanel
06-04-05, 09:24 PM You could make a 1001 thread chronicalling all the times people have tried to start a 'commentary on all these 1001 threads' thread.
Mr.Atheist
06-05-05, 12:45 AM The party's main foe (a previous party member gone npc) was evil. He had a curse put upon him that made him good (don't ask). The paladin still wanted revenge for what he did when he was evil. So the paladin is travelling with a n-good cleric, and he tried to convince him to remove the curse on the "foe", even though the "foe" no longer has hostilities.

Cleric:"Why? He is good now."
Paladin: "But really he is evil without the curse. I want you to remove curse so people can see how he really is, and I can slay him."
Cleric: "Isn't that a little evil to purposefully change a good creature to evil so you can kill it by your special code of conduct?"
Paladin: "DO IT! I DON'T LIKE HIM BEING A GOOD GUY!"
HypnoticMonk
06-05-05, 05:11 AM ...anyone else getting sick of these 1001 topics? :rolleyes: They're cropping up steadily like vermin! :mad:

Wizard : "these 1001 topics are spreading like vermin!"
Paladin : "We must stop the spread in order to save the children" :::kills all who post on a "1001 topics" thread:::
Disme
06-05-05, 12:09 PM YOU CHOPPED OFF MY ARM!!!! I'm telling my mommy.
Puritan13
06-05-05, 01:18 PM You should start a thread called 1001 "1001 topics" I'm sick of hearing about.
:P

or a topic called "1001 ways to hijack a thread"
angryman
06-05-05, 11:55 PM You guys do know that paladins aren't supposed to be unreasonable twats don't you? Anyone who plays a nazi-militant freak paladin in my game tends to end up being a "featless fighter" (read- fallen paladin).
Disturbed1
06-06-05, 01:36 AM #(n): "Oh F&^% that! Hes gone and ticked me off now. i dont care if he has said he was sorry. Im gonna F*&^in kill him anyway."

#(n+1): "Being all 'holier than thou' is SO overrated."

#(n+2): "Ni!"

wow, am i ever bored:p

the edit is because i just learned that there is a word that is censored on these boards. I replaced it with "ticked" and it has something to do with urinating....take a guess:p
lowendz113
06-06-05, 03:33 AM You know whats amazing about that "1001 topics" is there are never actually 1001 of whatever they are talking about. I mean my hat would be off to anybody that took the time to write 1001 things about some topic.
Horatio
06-06-05, 07:56 AM Now once there was rogue/swashbuckler (me) and a paladin (my friend) and because of strange circumstances, we had to delay our arrival to the count Edwin by one day and we needed a reason because paladins don't lie (and the count would surely question us about our delay). So we decided that the paladin's mount needed new horseshoes (luckily, he had 9 months old ones).

Blacksmith: Excuse me, why would you want me to delay the change of horseshoes for one day?
Paladin pointing at my character: Ask him, I can't lie.
General_Ridley
06-06-05, 05:12 PM To the 'I hate 1001 things threads' people.

I only asked for 1000 :D
Darth K'Trava
06-07-05, 07:34 PM #(n): "Oh F&^% that! Hes gone and ticked me off now. i dont care if he has said he was sorry. Im gonna F*&^in kill him anyway."

#(n+1): "Being all 'holier than thou' is SO overrated."

#(n+2): "Ni!"

wow, am i ever bored:p

the edit is because i just learned that there is a word that is censored on these boards. I replaced it with "ticked" and it has something to do with urinating....take a guess:p

And masking is against the CoC.
thinkhard
06-07-05, 10:49 PM I play alot of paladins, but when someone else plays one and sucks (cuz i'm good at it, of course :P ):

Paladin: It's wrong to break the law or disrespect authority. Oh man! That guard just robbed that merchant. Time to go vigilante and take the law into my own hands!

(slays guards)

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
General_Ridley 06-04-05, 04:05 PM	Things a Paladin would say, but that would also be contradictory to the way Paladin's actually behave. My example gives a Paladin named Mathias, his rogue friend named Theodore, and a villain that the Paladin is trying to redeem. Paladin: "Now, one thing you must learn is to listen to other peoples' suggestions and ideas. They have valuable ideas too, and Yours are not the only ones that matter." Rogue: "Mathias, Mathias! I just had an idea about how to defeat the dragon! We just poison his water. This way, we don't risk death by fighting the dragon head on. If we do die, the dragon will kill everyone, so this is a better idea than attacking head on! How do you like it?" Paladin: "Theodore, that is a terrible idea for three reasons: 1) I hate it. 2) Poisoning things is not the way to go about eliminating those who are dangerous. 3) Dragons can't be poisoned. Just listen to my ideas Theodore, they always work out better than yours."turns back to the villain to be redeemed "See, take other people into consideration. You aren't the only one in the world that matters."
Prgrmr@wrk 06-04-05, 06:27 PM	Casts detect evil That guy is evil! Kill him! Kills merchant who has been overcharging for food
Manyfist 06-04-05, 07:11 PM	It's the Adventure of Bob, the Modern day Communist Paladin! Bob: "Halt!" Traveling Merchant: "What?" Bob: "You overcharged me by ONE Gold Piece!" Traveling Merchant: "So? I have to make a profit" Bob: "Die evil Captalist scum!!" Kills the Merchant, by with Smite Capitalism :P
Azar the Prince 06-04-05, 07:14 PM	...anyone else getting sick of these 1001 topics? :rolleyes: They're cropping up steadily like vermin! :mad:
Prgrmr@wrk 06-04-05, 07:20 PM	...anyone else getting sick of these 1001 topics? :rolleyes: They're cropping up steadily like vermin! :mad: You should start a thread called 1001 "1001 topics" I'm sick of hearing about. :P
Azar the Prince 06-04-05, 07:31 PM	Yea, that was suggested by other people. The irony being that thread itself would fail, like so many others.
Dartanel 06-04-05, 09:24 PM	You could make a 1001 thread chronicalling all the times people have tried to start a 'commentary on all these 1001 threads' thread.
Mr.Atheist 06-05-05, 12:45 AM	The party's main foe (a previous party member gone npc) was evil. He had a curse put upon him that made him good (don't ask). The paladin still wanted revenge for what he did when he was evil. So the paladin is travelling with a n-good cleric, and he tried to convince him to remove the curse on the "foe", even though the "foe" no longer has hostilities. Cleric:"Why? He is good now." Paladin: "But really he is evil without the curse. I want you to remove curse so people can see how he really is, and I can slay him." Cleric: "Isn't that a little evil to purposefully change a good creature to evil so you can kill it by your special code of conduct?" Paladin: "DO IT! I DON'T LIKE HIM BEING A GOOD GUY!"
HypnoticMonk 06-05-05, 05:11 AM	...anyone else getting sick of these 1001 topics? :rolleyes: They're cropping up steadily like vermin! :mad: Wizard : "these 1001 topics are spreading like vermin!" Paladin : "We must stop the spread in order to save the children" :::kills all who post on a "1001 topics" thread:::
Disme 06-05-05, 12:09 PM	YOU CHOPPED OFF MY ARM!!!! I'm telling my mommy.
Puritan13 06-05-05, 01:18 PM	You should start a thread called 1001 "1001 topics" I'm sick of hearing about. :P or a topic called "1001 ways to hijack a thread"
angryman 06-05-05, 11:55 PM	You guys do know that paladins aren't supposed to be unreasonable twats don't you? Anyone who plays a nazi-militant freak paladin in my game tends to end up being a "featless fighter" (read- fallen paladin).
Disturbed1 06-06-05, 01:36 AM	#(n): "Oh F&^% that! Hes gone and ticked me off now. i dont care if he has said he was sorry. Im gonna F*&^in kill him anyway." #(n+1): "Being all 'holier than thou' is SO overrated." #(n+2): "Ni!" wow, am i ever bored:p the edit is because i just learned that there is a word that is censored on these boards. I replaced it with "ticked" and it has something to do with urinating....take a guess:p
lowendz113 06-06-05, 03:33 AM	You know whats amazing about that "1001 topics" is there are never actually 1001 of whatever they are talking about. I mean my hat would be off to anybody that took the time to write 1001 things about some topic.
Horatio 06-06-05, 07:56 AM	Now once there was rogue/swashbuckler (me) and a paladin (my friend) and because of strange circumstances, we had to delay our arrival to the count Edwin by one day and we needed a reason because paladins don't lie (and the count would surely question us about our delay). So we decided that the paladin's mount needed new horseshoes (luckily, he had 9 months old ones). Blacksmith: Excuse me, why would you want me to delay the change of horseshoes for one day? Paladin pointing at my character: Ask him, I can't lie.
General_Ridley 06-06-05, 05:12 PM	To the 'I hate 1001 things threads' people. I only asked for 1000 :D
Darth K'Trava 06-07-05, 07:34 PM	#(n): "Oh F&^% that! Hes gone and ticked me off now. i dont care if he has said he was sorry. Im gonna F*&^in kill him anyway." #(n+1): "Being all 'holier than thou' is SO overrated." #(n+2): "Ni!" wow, am i ever bored:p the edit is because i just learned that there is a word that is censored on these boards. I replaced it with "ticked" and it has something to do with urinating....take a guess:p And masking is against the CoC.
thinkhard 06-07-05, 10:49 PM	I play alot of paladins, but when someone else plays one and sucks (cuz i'm good at it, of course :P ): Paladin: It's wrong to break the law or disrespect authority. Oh man! That guard just robbed that merchant. Time to go vigilante and take the law into my own hands! (slays guards)