Post/Author/DateTime	Post
ZeronHitaro 07-10-06, 03:11 PM	Everyone knows that eventually a DM's gotta do something to break a tense mood, and what better way than unexpectantly dropping an odd joke! :D 1. Background: The city of Faylon is holding a spellcasting competition to determine who get's this year's most prestigeous award...and the PCs have won. NPC Wizard: Congradulations dear sir! *hands to metal spheres of gold* I now present to you your gonads. PC: My...what? :twitch: NPC: Gonads boy! Gonads! The thing you've been competing so hard to get! PC: ...I thought I was getting some kind of reward instead of some strange pair of....things. NPC: That is your reward! Are your brains adled? G.O.N.A.D.S. The Great Order of Nationally Acclaimed and Distinguished Spellcasters! Gonads are only given to the best and the brightest! For those who don't catch the bad pun, gonads are those things that barmaidens tend to kick when the PC males get too drunk. ;)
Herald@Large 07-10-06, 04:48 PM	DM: The terrified monk says "Please, noble adventurers! Drive this monster away from our monastery and you shall all meet great reward!" So we kill this thing and are taken in to be introduced to the head of the monastery. His name was Great Reward. (We nearly pummeled the DM to death)
ZeronHitaro 07-10-06, 05:27 PM	DM: The terrified monk says "Please, noble adventurers! Drive this monster away from our monastery and you shall all meet great reward!" So we kill this thing and are taken in to be introduced to the head of the monastery. His name was Great Reward. (We nearly pummeled the DM to death) XD That's classic.
RecycledDM 07-10-06, 06:07 PM	I don't know if it counts as a joke, but.... The party I DM just got through beating a "level boss" BBEG--a thoroughly wicked half-fiend ogre fighter/barbarian wielding a two-handed great falchion. Among his treasure, in a steel lockbox inside a trapped chest, were some strange animal skins, with writing of an unknown language in an odd, shimmery purple ink. Read magic...nada Detect magic...nada Rogue makes his Decipher Script roll...they turn out to be letters from his mommy! (They're actually an intentional plot hook, but boy was that good for a laugh!)
Mathius 07-10-06, 06:56 PM	4. (I think) So we are trawling through the dungeon when we get info that the bbeg is a demi-lich! (we're like lvl10)! So we come up with some huge crazy plan as we get ready to burst into it's inner sanctum and lo and behold we are confronted by the fearsome, the deadly..... Feet, Legs and Waist of a regular Lich! :shocked: We won when it was pointed out to our DM that it's hard to cast spells without a mouth or hands (or a torso for that matter) :doh:
Darkxarth 07-10-06, 07:31 PM	4. (I think) So we are trawling through the dungeon when we get info that the bbeg is a demi-lich! (we're like lvl10)! So we come up with some huge crazy plan as we get ready to burst into it's inner sanctum and lo and behold we are confronted by the fearsome, the deadly..... Feet, Legs and Waist of a regular Lich! :shocked: We won when it was pointed out to our DM that it's hard to cast spells without a mouth or hands (or a torso for that matter) :doh: Still Spell and Silent Spell would have taken care of that tout-suite. Luckily, it looks like your DM either forgot, or was being nice. :D 5. I like creating characters with punny names. Like a semi-pirate smuggler named Hans Olo, and his first mate Chews 'Bacca (he chews tobbaco, or 'bacca, as he calls it).
Archangel_James 07-10-06, 10:43 PM	5. I like creating characters with punny names. Like a semi-pirate smuggler named Hans Olo, and his first mate Chews 'Bacca (he chews tobbaco, or 'bacca, as he calls it).I had an NPC bard who plays Pink Floyd music named Ployd. It was a logical step that his fallen-paladin brother would be named Fink. Fink & Ployd.
Darkxarth 07-10-06, 10:53 PM	I had an NPC bard who plays Pink Floyd music named Ployd. It was a logical step that his fallen-paladin brother would be named Fink. Fink & Ployd. :smirk:
aotrscommander 07-13-06, 09:45 AM	6) I ran a pirate campaign where the PCs were searching for the lost treasure of the local nutter (mad old Cap'n Beard's) ancestor. the eventually found the treasure chest which contained: A wooden spindle with a piece of twine wrapped round the centre, with a loop at the lose end. It appears to be some sort of child’s toy. A long-handled gardening implement, like a pitchfork, but with a rectangular piece of metal across the end. A bottle of some alcoholic beverage, unopened, perhaps grog or maybe rum. Yes, the treasure consisted of a yo-yo, hoe and a bottle of rum. It was nearly as funny when the PCs missed the fact they'd got a 5' hoe out of a 2x3x2' box...
AZNsupermarket 07-14-06, 02:10 PM	It was nearly as funny when the PCs missed the fact they'd got a 5' hoe out of a 2x3x2' box... If placed on a diagnol, couldn't that be possible?
EternalZzyx 07-14-06, 02:25 PM	not quite, the diagonal is a little over 4 feet... if my maths is right... we had a standing joke where the most reserved character got followed by a pair of cross-dressing gay dwarves... but that was not that funny... (unless you had the voice...)
aotrscommander 07-14-06, 02:45 PM	not quite, the diagonal is a little over 4 feet... if my maths is right... we had a standing joke where the most reserved character got followed by a pair of cross-dressing gay dwarves... but that was not that funny... (unless you had the voice...) Little under actually...A^2 + B^2 = C^2 or 2x2+3x3 = 13 (the square root of which is about 3.6) I'm fairly sure I checked this when I wrote the quest. I'm picky like that.
hmmmm 07-14-06, 02:59 PM	I had an NPC bard who plays Pink Floyd music named Ployd. It was a logical step that his fallen-paladin brother would be named Fink. Fink & Ployd. :rofl: :rofl:
Comus 07-14-06, 04:15 PM	In every campain I've used, there has been an Inn called the Fanciful Unicorn, with all the wait-staff using terrible valley-girl voices. It has become a running joke, and all the players avoid the place at nearly any cost.
Schmendrick 07-14-06, 07:00 PM	Little under actually...A^2 + B^2 = C^2 or 2x2+3x3 = 13 (the square root of which is about 3.6) I'm fairly sure I checked this when I wrote the quest. I'm picky like that. Let me introduce you to something I think you've forgotten; I like to call it "The Third Dimension." Not accounting for the width of the walls of the box, it's sqrt(17), or a little over 4.
Sikyanakotik 07-14-06, 11:08 PM	Hm, so how big would the box have to be to accomodate a four-dimensional hyperrake, I wonder...
Comus 07-15-06, 12:11 AM	Hm, so how big would the box have to be to accomodate a four-dimensional hyperrake, I wonder... It would have to be a hyperbox, obviously, otherwise it'd be like trying to store a regular rake inside a flat plank of wood (2-dimensional flat, we're talkin' here - and no foldin' the flat plank, ye darn kids). Hm. I reckon a hyperdungeon, complete with hypermonsters and hyperchests might be most amusing to put my players through. O'course, could be rather evil, too. No one said I wasn't evil, though - not after they were trapped on an airship slowly transforming into a terrible monster... while they were over open ocean and couldn't bail out.
Schmendrick 07-15-06, 05:34 AM	You could be a hyperdungeon hypermaster! But seriously, to answer the question, the formula for the length of a diagonal scales quite easily to multiple dimensions. In two, it's sqrt(x^2+y^2). In three, it's sqrt(x^2+y^2+z^2). Etc. However many dimensions you have, the length of the diagonal is always the square root of the sum of the squares. Well, always, as long as you're in normal Euclidean space. And since this is D&D where we have things like magic and demiplanes and all kinds of weirdness, I suppose it's not that important, really.
aotrscommander 07-15-06, 10:24 AM	Let me introduce you to something I think you've forgotten; I like to call it "The Third Dimension." Not accounting for the width of the walls of the box, it's sqrt(17), or a little over 4. *Smack* I really should know better with my engineering training. You're absoutely right of course! My brain must have been asleep. Still, smaller than a 5' hoe. Which was the point.
Grandpa Gamer 07-15-06, 10:50 AM	When my adventurers run into another party (planned or random-generation), I always introduce the others as "The FotherMuckers" :devil:
Silverthumb128 07-15-06, 11:00 AM	Still, smaller than a 5' hoe. Are we talking about Halflings, now? :confused:
Aeolus91 07-15-06, 04:14 PM	Are we talking about Halflings, now? :confused: :rofl:
AZNsupermarket 07-16-06, 12:11 AM	Let me introduce you to something I think you've forgotten; I like to call it "The Third Dimension." Not accounting for the width of the walls of the box, it's sqrt(17), or a little over 4. exactly what I was thinking. Okay it wasn't possible, but it was close enough so it wouldn' be terribly funny. But I like the idea that the treasure isn't what's in the box, but the box itself. They were bringing back a miniature TARDIS. LOL ;)
Dark Stryke 07-16-06, 01:27 AM	Oh, I have a bunch of horrible puns and jokes. Backstory: The party has slain an evil though utterly incompetent necromancer, who cast a dying curse on them. The curse was supposed to keep bringing him back to haunt his killers until such time that all his enemies were defeated. The curse instead brought him back inhabiting the axe that slew him. So now he travels with the PCs (because they can't get rid of him! No matter what happens, the axe appears beside the owner's head every morning, even if they sell it, which they only tried once because they're good aligned), trying to slay all his enemies. He (the axe) has decided his enemies are the ones who told him about the curse, a cabal of evil wizards he formerly associated with. Since the PCs are trying to bring these guys down anyway, this is not a problem, and the axe has become one of the most enjoyable characters in the party, given his horrible humor and exagerated insanity. Anyway, onto the jokes. Wizard PC: I'm getting real sick of you, Entresi! Shut up or I'll cast Dispel Magic on you! Entresi (the axe): No! Don't do that! I might die! Wizard PC(confused): Uh... no, it wont kill you. It'll only suppress the magical properties. And technically you've already died. Twice. Entresi: Yes but... THE THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM! *The owner of the axe casts Enlarge person on himself* Entresi: Haha! I feel like a big man today! *Owner of the axe crits with the axe* Entresi: I do believe my sharp wit will leave you in stiches!
Grandpa Gamer 07-16-06, 11:20 AM	Spear me the details! What an arrowing story! Bow down before me! Sword'a makes you wanna puke! Axe and you shall receive! Why, it's a quarrel to nine! :evillaugh
TeediousPrime 07-16-06, 02:38 PM	Morning breaks. It takes you until noon to fix it. (K)Night falls. He looks pretty mad about it. It's holy symbol, not cymbal. I used to play a Dwarf that carried a very large hammer around. Any time I ended a battle with one I would say one of the following: "Can't touch this, *****!" "Time to play the game!" (Bonus points for anyone who gets that) "You got nailed!"
AZNsupermarket 07-17-06, 01:13 AM	I used to play a Dwarf that carried a very large hammer around. Any time I ended a battle with one I would say one of the following: "Can't touch this, *****!" "Time to play the game!" (Bonus points for anyone who gets that) "You got nailed!" How bout (while drinking dwarven ale): "Let's get hammered!"
rudie 07-17-06, 02:41 AM	(listening to a random playlist, particle man comes on) dm: there is a cave, there seems to be a little sign of someone living in the area player: lets all sneak other player: why player: because they MIGHT BE GIANTS! party: ..... hope you get the joke.. :P
maynardjkeenan 07-17-06, 05:30 AM	All my players were joking around and really not focusing on the roleplaying, so I came up with the best slogan ever..... Ever...... One, two, three, RPG! Let´s just say the rest of the session was in shambles..
ArchonJohn 07-18-06, 11:57 PM	My next game will involve a plot device. I'm not joking. An actual plot device... like with a lever and all. It's awesome.