1001 bad things to say right before you die contest [Archive] - Wizards Community

1001 bad things to say right before you die contest [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
shalitanior1018
03-30-07, 08:11 PM this a contest to see who can come up with the funniest or stupidest thing you could say right befor you die.i had a thread similar to this before so if it sounds fimilar its not just coincidence.ill send a private message to the winner each time i pick one.ill enter but i can win so if u read ones by me there just there to b funny(even though there probally not)
multipleheads
03-30-07, 08:19 PM 1. Corn?

2. But you said I had 21 hit points (actually happened once:rolleyes: )
shalitanior1018
03-30-07, 08:23 PM i dont care about a penalty,im attacking already
Damior
03-30-07, 08:23 PM 3. Its just a kobold

4. Aw, a fuzzy little rabbit

5. I wonder what this does?

6. How the heck did I acccidently poison my self with an ingested poison?
DragonStrife
03-30-07, 08:26 PM What? But I was in the BATHROOM!
The DM won't let me die
Ooo, Jiggly!( this was nearly a last word by my 1/2 elf fighter.)
multipleheads
03-30-07, 08:35 PM I thought saps dealt non lethal damage! And that's not in the spell description. *coughs* Try reading it right side up

(frequently happens in my games):
Rewind!!
Kearif
03-30-07, 08:44 PM Yeah! I killed the last monster (actually happened, twice, to the same player)
Don't Worry, I'm fire proof so I can swim through lava (character died from crushing damage, no ranks in swim and stength 12)
Cannonball!!! (Followed by the dumbest thing ever said after character death) But you said that the black dragon thing was just a rumor!
Whisper_Swiftblade
03-30-07, 08:53 PM stupid you say? I think i can work with that.

pffft, you think that is the proper way to kill me, slitting my throught is way too painless! Now if I where you guys, I would first nail my fingers to this board here then take that file and... (goes into horribly painful detail on how to make his death painful)

now if you fellows would be so kind as to check my left boot you will find a list of any and all things a care about in this world and how to destroy them to make my suffering truly memerable for all involved...
Djinn_in_Tonic
03-30-07, 09:01 PM "Hey guys...bet you 10gp I can jump that cliff!"

"Just so you all know, I've included you all in my will" (Player of mine once said that to the secretly CE rogue...what a mistake)
bobothechimp
03-30-07, 09:18 PM Give my stuff to the next adventurer that happens to want to join you.
fun2223
03-30-07, 10:56 PM I can fly, I have vestigial wings...
suppertime
03-30-07, 10:56 PM I hope these monsters only eat kosher
M1kh43l_P4r4d1s0
03-30-07, 11:03 PM EEEAGGGHHH!

Saving throw! Now I get to make a saving throw!

After death: Oh, wait... all of my attacks were supposed to be touch attacks! (Acctually happened to my fire elemental sorc. The Drizzt clone bladesinger [revamped to 3.5{with severe brokenation}] then challenged me to actually hit his touch AC [Like I said, broken])
TheAngryFish
03-30-07, 11:18 PM I think I can take a glabrezu (I said it, and did it) I died by a trap on the way out of its lair :bigeyes:
RorixBladewing
03-30-07, 11:23 PM Wait, he's a fighter? Pfft, fighters can't do anything.

Yeah, I've got great saves. Why you ask?

Wait, did you say touch AC?
stargate525
03-30-07, 11:41 PM Don't worry guys, he's not ACTUALLY going to kill us. (said by one of my players before heading directly for the dragon lair that was to be the capstone of the plot arc. Needless to say, he actually did.)
darkdragonk
03-30-07, 11:45 PM But I went to the CharOp boards!!:weep:

"You don't honestly belive the Kender is going to try to steal the crown right of the kings head do you?"
suppertime
03-31-07, 01:13 AM Trust me guys, he doesn't make all his npcs epic fighters, he just says that
Myree
03-31-07, 01:19 AM I think we are on 31 (sorry, only way to keep my own straight)

31. At least we don't have to worry about any more kobalds

32. By the power of Greyskull!

33. Who died and made YOU the king?

34. I feel the need... the need for mead!

35. Whoa, that sounds just like that trap in Raiders of the Lost Arc -- let's try it!

36. Hey, look, a giant space hampster!
smeagol_lied
03-31-07, 07:04 AM 37) Nothing can possibly go wrong
38) there's no turning back now
39) This'll be the best christmas walford's ever had
Rogue Shadows
03-31-07, 09:46 AM 40) Shiney...

41) A wise man once said, "This is the world we live in, and these are the hands we're given."

42) Spider orgy*

*Don't ask.
M1kh43l_P4r4d1s0
03-31-07, 09:59 AM 40)42) Spider orgy*

*Don't ask.

Spider Orgy?
zvbxrpl
03-31-07, 02:54 PM 43.) No! A sword! My one true weakness!
44.) Is that supposed to hurt?
45.) I wonder if gelatinous cubes taste like lime jello...
46.) Leshay are to elves as elves are to humans? They must be a bunch of total sissies! CHAAARGE!
arkwind
03-31-07, 03:05 PM 47) Ill Grapple the grey ooze thing !!!!
48) But im Sir Gordan the Brave !!!
49) What do you mean i miss!!!
50) Bet you 20gp i can get with that bar maid
51) What do you mean 14d6!!
52) Ill fight you for her!!
53) ill spill a little on my hand to see what it does
54) cool a sword made out of peoples hands
Rogue Shadows
03-31-07, 05:01 PM Spider Orgy?

Ugh...

So a drow shadowcaster (player 1) and goliath barbarian (player 2) are sneaking around a drow House trying to rescue the brother of a powerful drow princess. Along the way they recruit a kobold sorcerer-slave (player 3).

Kobold sorcerer-slave needs to distract some guards, including a drow, so that the shadowcaster and the barbarian can sneak by. Rolls a 20 on his Bluff check. I say he succeeds.

Immediately says that he distracted them by saying that there was a spider orgy going on down the hall.

Laughs are had, whatever.

Problem is, that player ran that joke to death, and so did everyone else. I mean, to death. I have heard "mmmBop" less times then I have heard that joke, and it really began getting on my nerves. And most everyone else's, too. This stretched out over several sessions.

So finally:

Me: Next person to say "Spider Orgy" gets Wrath of the DM'd.
Player who originally told the joke: Spider orgy.
Me: You take 30000d20+30000 damage. Fort save DC 20 for half. Anyone else? Didn't think so.
SeptimusMagistos
03-31-07, 05:53 PM "For as long as the universe will exist, I will always be there, to right all wrongs, to defeat all evil, and to cause darkness to flee before light. May the evildoers flee before me and the powers of purity that I represent. I am Light Incarnate! I am the servant of my deity! I am JUST JOHN!!"

Then the paladin got hit by an obscure save-or-die evil spell and had his soul shredded.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
shalitanior1018 03-30-07, 08:11 PM	this a contest to see who can come up with the funniest or stupidest thing you could say right befor you die.i had a thread similar to this before so if it sounds fimilar its not just coincidence.ill send a private message to the winner each time i pick one.ill enter but i can win so if u read ones by me there just there to b funny(even though there probally not)
multipleheads 03-30-07, 08:19 PM	1. Corn? 2. But you said I had 21 hit points (actually happened once:rolleyes: )
shalitanior1018 03-30-07, 08:23 PM	i dont care about a penalty,im attacking already
Damior 03-30-07, 08:23 PM	3. Its just a kobold 4. Aw, a fuzzy little rabbit 5. I wonder what this does? 6. How the heck did I acccidently poison my self with an ingested poison?
DragonStrife 03-30-07, 08:26 PM	What? But I was in the BATHROOM! The DM won't let me die Ooo, Jiggly!( this was nearly a last word by my 1/2 elf fighter.)
multipleheads 03-30-07, 08:35 PM	I thought saps dealt non lethal damage! And that's not in the spell description. coughs Try reading it right side up (frequently happens in my games): Rewind!!
Kearif 03-30-07, 08:44 PM	Yeah! I killed the last monster (actually happened, twice, to the same player) Don't Worry, I'm fire proof so I can swim through lava (character died from crushing damage, no ranks in swim and stength 12) Cannonball!!! (Followed by the dumbest thing ever said after character death) But you said that the black dragon thing was just a rumor!
Whisper_Swiftblade 03-30-07, 08:53 PM	stupid you say? I think i can work with that. pffft, you think that is the proper way to kill me, slitting my throught is way too painless! Now if I where you guys, I would first nail my fingers to this board here then take that file and... (goes into horribly painful detail on how to make his death painful) now if you fellows would be so kind as to check my left boot you will find a list of any and all things a care about in this world and how to destroy them to make my suffering truly memerable for all involved...
Djinn_in_Tonic 03-30-07, 09:01 PM	"Hey guys...bet you 10gp I can jump that cliff!" "Just so you all know, I've included you all in my will" (Player of mine once said that to the secretly CE rogue...what a mistake)
bobothechimp 03-30-07, 09:18 PM	Give my stuff to the next adventurer that happens to want to join you.
fun2223 03-30-07, 10:56 PM	I can fly, I have vestigial wings...
suppertime 03-30-07, 10:56 PM	I hope these monsters only eat kosher
M1kh43l_P4r4d1s0 03-30-07, 11:03 PM	EEEAGGGHHH! Saving throw! Now I get to make a saving throw! After death: Oh, wait... all of my attacks were supposed to be touch attacks! (Acctually happened to my fire elemental sorc. The Drizzt clone bladesinger [revamped to 3.5{with severe brokenation}] then challenged me to actually hit his touch AC [Like I said, broken])
TheAngryFish 03-30-07, 11:18 PM	I think I can take a glabrezu (I said it, and did it) I died by a trap on the way out of its lair :bigeyes:
RorixBladewing 03-30-07, 11:23 PM	Wait, he's a fighter? Pfft, fighters can't do anything. Yeah, I've got great saves. Why you ask? Wait, did you say touch AC?
stargate525 03-30-07, 11:41 PM	Don't worry guys, he's not ACTUALLY going to kill us. (said by one of my players before heading directly for the dragon lair that was to be the capstone of the plot arc. Needless to say, he actually did.)
darkdragonk 03-30-07, 11:45 PM	But I went to the CharOp boards!!:weep: "You don't honestly belive the Kender is going to try to steal the crown right of the kings head do you?"
suppertime 03-31-07, 01:13 AM	Trust me guys, he doesn't make all his npcs epic fighters, he just says that
Myree 03-31-07, 01:19 AM	I think we are on 31 (sorry, only way to keep my own straight) 31. At least we don't have to worry about any more kobalds 32. By the power of Greyskull! 33. Who died and made YOU the king? 34. I feel the need... the need for mead! 35. Whoa, that sounds just like that trap in Raiders of the Lost Arc -- let's try it! 36. Hey, look, a giant space hampster!
smeagol_lied 03-31-07, 07:04 AM	37) Nothing can possibly go wrong 38) there's no turning back now 39) This'll be the best christmas walford's ever had
Rogue Shadows 03-31-07, 09:46 AM	40) Shiney... 41) A wise man once said, "This is the world we live in, and these are the hands we're given." 42) Spider orgy* *Don't ask.
M1kh43l_P4r4d1s0 03-31-07, 09:59 AM	40)42) Spider orgy* *Don't ask. Spider Orgy?
zvbxrpl 03-31-07, 02:54 PM	43.) No! A sword! My one true weakness! 44.) Is that supposed to hurt? 45.) I wonder if gelatinous cubes taste like lime jello... 46.) Leshay are to elves as elves are to humans? They must be a bunch of total sissies! CHAAARGE!
arkwind 03-31-07, 03:05 PM	47) Ill Grapple the grey ooze thing !!!! 48) But im Sir Gordan the Brave !!! 49) What do you mean i miss!!! 50) Bet you 20gp i can get with that bar maid 51) What do you mean 14d6!! 52) Ill fight you for her!! 53) ill spill a little on my hand to see what it does 54) cool a sword made out of peoples hands
Rogue Shadows 03-31-07, 05:01 PM	Spider Orgy? Ugh... So a drow shadowcaster (player 1) and goliath barbarian (player 2) are sneaking around a drow House trying to rescue the brother of a powerful drow princess. Along the way they recruit a kobold sorcerer-slave (player 3). Kobold sorcerer-slave needs to distract some guards, including a drow, so that the shadowcaster and the barbarian can sneak by. Rolls a 20 on his Bluff check. I say he succeeds. Immediately says that he distracted them by saying that there was a spider orgy going on down the hall. Laughs are had, whatever. Problem is, that player ran that joke to death, and so did everyone else. I mean, to death. I have heard "mmmBop" less times then I have heard that joke, and it really began getting on my nerves. And most everyone else's, too. This stretched out over several sessions. So finally: Me: Next person to say "Spider Orgy" gets Wrath of the DM'd. Player who originally told the joke: Spider orgy. Me: You take 30000d20+30000 damage. Fort save DC 20 for half. Anyone else? Didn't think so.
SeptimusMagistos 03-31-07, 05:53 PM	"For as long as the universe will exist, I will always be there, to right all wrongs, to defeat all evil, and to cause darkness to flee before light. May the evildoers flee before me and the powers of purity that I represent. I am Light Incarnate! I am the servant of my deity! I am JUST JOHN!!" Then the paladin got hit by an obscure save-or-die evil spell and had his soul shredded.