Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Deagar 12-03-06, 01:42 PM	<<This thread is WizO-approved because it made WizO_the_Hutt spray Diet Dr. Pepper out his nose.>> Everyone seems to be in the dark about 4th Edition, so I thought those of us "in the know" should compile a list of "facts." 1. Minis are required. The new Minis are cast from solid gold and are .89" in base size. 2. People who do not use official Minis will be eliminated via orbital laser. 3. As soon as you go on a spending spree for new books, Wizards will immediately, without warning, release 4th edition. 4. WotC wanted to make 4E twice as good. So the new rules require every check to be rolled twice. 5. Wizards no longer have vanacian casting. However, every melee class now has attacks per day, of different "Attack Levels." 6. All Drow must worship an eight legged creature and be evil. If you you don't follow these rules, your name must start with "d" and end in "rizzt" 7. Forgotten Realms will be renamed "Ebberealms" in order to dodge tricky copyrights. 8. Entire 300 page books will be released about a single magical item in the new, more detailed item format. 9. The marketing research department was replaced by a beholder. The CEO was quoted as saying, "George is very observant." 10. As soon as 4th edition is released, all 3rd edition books will spontaneously combust, rendering them useless.
Bowmore 12-03-06, 02:49 PM	1. Minis are required. The new Minis are cast from solid gold and are .89" in base size. 2. People who do not use official Minis will be eliminated via orbital laser. YOU FOOL! Don't give them any ideas!!:ahem:
Deekin 12-03-06, 03:21 PM	11. If you do not buy the latest books, Big men in black suits will come and force you to buy the latest books. 12. The Rules will not contain any loopholes, however this causes the books to be the size of WLD with Size 3 font and cost as much as a new car. 13. There is no 13 for it is unlucky. 14. The Base classes will only have 10 levels to force you into a prestige class. 15. Gold will be replaced with wealth score 16. Mas Saves will occur at Your con score, not 50 damage. 17. The Core Rules will cover every possible RP Style. 18. Psionics will be part of the core rules. 19. The Socerer will be removed
a_psh 12-03-06, 05:46 PM	20. In the 4th Edition FRCS, Elminster will get yet another makeover. He will more thoroughly resemble Chuck Norris. But with a pipe. And dual-wielding pipes.
anton1066 12-03-06, 05:55 PM	21. Starting wealth has been changed to starting magical items.
fatal error 12-03-06, 05:56 PM	22. 4th edition will use a successes system. Rather than rolling a d20 and adding a bonus, you roll multiple d20s. For every 15-20 you get, you count as having one success. 23. Katana will have their own statistics, no longer derived from the Bastard Sword. 24. Every race can play every class, but each race has its own version of each class, which is always better than the basic version, especially for that race. 25. Every race has its own version of each basic weapon, which is always better than the basic version, and counts as exotic except to that race. 26. Backgrounds will be added, giving bonuses ranging from basic feats, and bonus class skills or just bonuses on skills, to bonus starting wealth. 27. Spell points will be a variant listed in the DMG. 28. Paladins will heal and buff by striking foes, like the Crusader does now. 29. All "Improved XYZ" feats will be abolished, followed by making the maneuvers actually worth using without said feats. 30. Due to the new monster format, the Monster Manual will either double in page count, thus requiring the PHB and DMG do the same, or will have half the monsters. 31. Armors will be balanced against each other, making Studded Leather, Scale Mail, Chainmail, Banded Mail, Splint Mail, and Half-Plate all be useful to certain characters past level 1. 32. Three pages of example situations will be given for each alignment.
The_Mad_Linguist 12-03-06, 06:58 PM	32b. These examples will overlap considerably 33. Pun-Pun will be the new overdiety in the Forgotten Realms setting.
BeefotronX 12-03-06, 08:37 PM	34.) To make room for all those pages of racial class variants will require putting all feats, spells, and cleric domains on collectible trading cards, available in jumbo packs of 36 for $19.99 or booster packs of 5 for $2.99. 35.) The first five Monster Manuals will split monsters up by CR (except for certain groups like dragons that should be lumped together), MMI featuring CR 0-5, MMII CR 6-10, MMIII CR 11-15, MMIV CR 16-20, and MMV CR 21+. These volumes will be released eight months apart from one another. 36.) The new PC sheet will fit on 7 sheets of paper. 37.) The new DMG will come with a CD-ROM chock full of 15-day trial versions of useful DM utilities for in- and out-of-game use, plus a demo of Neverwinter Nights 3. 38.) Pocket editions of the PHB and DMG will be released, but for the first several months of their existence the only way to get them is with an authentic mail-order slip packaged with the special edition of Dungeons and Dragons: The Return of Snails.
Thanqol 12-03-06, 09:05 PM	39) A summary of common WotC-forum answers will be provided in the back of the DMG.
Kolsus_Hayl 12-03-06, 09:29 PM	40) Vital Statistics will no longer be rolled. Instead, players must submit detailed character backgrounds to WOTC, from which stats will be assigned based on game world knowledge and literary merit.
Bowmore 12-03-06, 09:41 PM	41) Did we mention minis? Yes, minis. Lots and lots of them. The game will be designed so you absolutely positively cannot play without them. I don't know how they'll do it, but they'll do it.
*Truean* 12-03-06, 10:30 PM	In response to: ___________________________________ 41) Did we mention minis? Yes, minis. Lots and lots of them. The game will be designed so you absolutely positively cannot play without them. I don't know how they'll do it, but they'll do it. ___________________________________ 42.) Isn't it obvious how they will attempt to force us to use minis? There shall be no monster manual at all. All 4e monster stats shall be taken directly from Minis. As a direct result, the only way to (legally) know what a monster's stats are is to buy the mini. Otherwise, you're helpless because a monster manual has never been printed..... Kinda scary when you think about it....
darkdragonk 12-03-06, 10:44 PM	43). Statistics for how much healf eating a baby heals will be provided 44). there wil be no 4th edition instead there will be the 3.142857142817542857142 edition. 45) this new edition will contain rules form 3 and 3.5 and every think is based on numbers, the books are writtin in binomeal code and the greatest good is Pie
KendallDM 12-04-06, 12:10 AM	46) A preview of the soon to follow 5.0 edition.
Deagar 12-04-06, 12:28 AM	hahah, I especially like 46. 47. All races will have a minimum of 10 subraces. Each subrace will have at least 10 bloodlines. Each bloodline will have at least 10 regional feats. Each regional feat has its own prestige class....
RellenMarn 12-04-06, 12:36 AM	48.) Druids will be given a d12 hit die, all good saves, and Planar Sheperd will be integrated into the base class. 49.) There will be five golden tickets hidden within the new Mini sets which actually transport you to the Forgotten Realms! 50.) Fharlanghn will become a Greater Deity, due to the optimal nature of his Domains.
Gideon_Gideonson 12-04-06, 12:39 AM	51: Every possible spellcasting specialization will have its own class, but none will be better than the wizard. 52: There will be a special Polymorph Handbook that is roughly the size of the Oxford English Dictionary. 53: Said Polymorph Handbook will require an errata within the first week, but the errata will be delayed for...oh...about three years, until a new book is required to update all the old ones. 54: The only classes will be Cleric, Druid, and Wizard, since everything else is weak in comparison 55: Elves will not be allowed to wield greatswords (for anyone who doesn't know, that thread should still be around here somewhere)
Optimator 12-04-06, 12:43 AM	This thread delivers.
RellenMarn 12-04-06, 12:52 AM	56.) Each new splatbook will contain, one UBER PRC (for the Optimizers and their ilk), one falvorsome PRC (for the Roleplayers) and a bucket full of fluff (so they can charge $50 for it). 57.) Punpun will be destroyed, only to leave a subtle opening for the creation of the Golden Goblin, an all powerful Gobbo! This will provide character optimization with a new lease of life, allowing the quest for the Broken Grail to begin anew! 58.) There will be a special edition of each Core book with deleted pages, and blooper classes (I'm looking at you Frenzied Berserker). 59.) Mialee will be replaced with an attractive female Elf Wizard! However, Mialee will appear as the evil Queen of a race of demonic Crickets! 60.) Dwarves will not be allowed to wield Rapiers...
Gideon_Gideonson 12-04-06, 12:55 AM	Obviously there has been a mix up in our sources, RellenMarn. I heard that #59 was in fact: 59: Basing the entire class of Mialee, all wizards of any type are required to take Flaw: Crack Addict in order to cast any spells.
Kolsus_Hayl 12-04-06, 01:07 AM	61) In fourth edition, the DM is always wrong. 62) With fourth edition will come the historic revelation that at the very, very beginning of time, the Forgotten Realms was ruled by a race of hyper-unintelligent, puppy-faced creatures, and by gods they may still be among us!
RellenMarn 12-04-06, 01:24 AM	Obviously there has been a mix up in our sources, RellenMarn. I heard that #59 was in fact: 59: Basing the entire class of Mialee, all wizards of any type are required to take Flaw: Crack Addict in order to cast any spells. Hmmm, do I get a free feat with that? :D 63.) Evokers will gain the special ability illusionary dunce hat at 10th level. To symbolize their inherent inferiority to the Shadowcraft Mage Illusionists.
ORC_Tuhteth 12-04-06, 02:50 AM	64) Not only will katanas have stats different from bastard swords, but they will be one-handed martial weapons dealing 2d8/11-20/x3 damage. Plus they ignore DR. 65) There will also be a parallel version of 4th edition, "4-B," in which #64 is not true. In edition 4-B, a katana is an exotic two-handed weapon dealing 1d4/20/x2. Plus they break if you hit anything with DR.
CryoSilver 12-04-06, 02:56 AM	66: Druids will not be able to Wildshape or cast spells. This way they're balanced.
a_psh 12-04-06, 03:07 AM	62) With fourth edition will come the historic revelation that at the very, very beginning of time, the Forgotten Realms was ruled by a race of hyper-unintelligent, puppy-faced creatures, and by gods they may still be among us!Hey, it's not any dumber than phaerimm.
Larz_Fang 12-04-06, 03:21 AM	67) Bards disappear, and they get replaced with Minstrels and Wanderers. 68) Monks no longer have alignment restriction, but neither do they have their good unarmed fighting abilities. 69) All evil wizards have a once per day energy blast to nuke their annoying party members.
a_psh 12-04-06, 04:29 AM	70. The game rules will be e-books printed on e-paper that will automatically update themselves with e-errata.
Silverthumb128 12-04-06, 04:43 AM	71) In order to purchase the Monster Minis, your local gaming score will require a 294 word essay in Sylvan, and any mispelling of "H'loi" will awaken the Tarrasque. Like, for reals. 72) DMPC is a 1 level prestige class, whose prerequisite is a $50 bribe, but this prerequisite can be replicated with buffalo wings and mountain dew.
Zumarai 12-04-06, 05:26 AM	I hear they already have 7th edition in Japan. …Of course it's smaller, faster and cheaper.
Raymond_Luxury_Yacht 12-04-06, 05:43 AM	73. Toastytot will replace Heironious.
SilvercatMoonpaw 12-04-06, 10:17 AM	74. Spellcasting classes shall be replaced in the core rules by invokers to better encourage combat and mini play. (Spellcasting shall eventually be released by a 3rd party who does it way better.) 75. Pact magic shall become part of the core rules. 76. Maneuvers and stances shall become part of the core rules. 77. Psionics will still remain a supplement. 78. WotC will forget all about Incarnum. 79. WotC shall release each of the core books in new 160 page blocks. (Each of these blocks shall subtly reference other blocks in a subliminal effort to get you to buy them all.)
Reversefigure4 12-04-06, 04:01 PM	Players will need to be 'tested' in the following ways to confirm they are able to play certain classes: 80) Wizard players must take an IQ test. This will determine their character's INT score. 81) Fighters must lift a certain weight to determine their STR. 82) Bards must seduce X number of women, where X is their CHA modifier. 83) Paladins will recieve "Smite Everything That Isn't Me" as a class feature. 84) Paladins must maintain the new alignment "Lawful Jackass".
Silverthumb128 12-04-06, 04:08 PM	Bards must seduce X number of women, where X is their CHA modifier. Excuse me, I have to go to Hot Topic(needs cheap "The Crow" makeup), then to the local high school. I already have some bad poetry, so I'll have that +20 modifier in no time. :D
Soulkeeper 12-04-06, 04:17 PM	82) Bards must seduce X number of women, where X is their CHA modifier. 85. Apparently 4th Ed has only one class now.
Drammattex 12-04-06, 04:18 PM	86. Gygax's home phone number included for new "Play by Phone" program. 87. The advent of "The d34 System." 88. Actual demonic rituals included on back page of PHB, to get D&D back in the news. 89. More pictures of polearms, of course.
Da Black Cat 12-04-06, 04:26 PM	18. Psionics will be part of the core rules. :rofl: 90. All monsters will be cubes that have lengths that are multiples of five-feet.
Soulkeeper 12-04-06, 04:28 PM	:rofl: 89. All monsters will be cubes that have lengths that are multiples of five-feet. Quick change it to 90, for when Drammattex fixes his!
Da Black Cat 12-04-06, 04:29 PM	Quick change it to 90, for when Drammattex fixes his! Ey! - =P
Doom_Linnorm 12-04-06, 04:38 PM	91: Dragons will be replaced by Dingbats with the same satistics are Dragons have now due to the inability of people to run Dragon encounters. 92: Dragons are now a race of overdeities. 93: The Tana'ri are now nearly extinct, the Obyriths are extinct and the abyss is overun by teletubie clones. 94: Similar to 93 but then Baator which is overun by My Little Pony clones. 95: Yugoloths are now a race of friendly scholars with jackal heads living in Sigil. 96: Dwarves have a new racial ability: Perma-drunk. 97: Gnomes and Halflings have a special racial stat: Anoyingness. 98: Likewise Elves and Humans also have racial stats: Pansyness and Boringness respectivly. 99: Ettercap and Kuo-Toa are now core races. 100: Lizardfolk are now a race of lesser deities. 101: Lycantrophy now only occurs as Were-Rabit.
Deagar 12-04-06, 04:42 PM	74. Spellcasting classes shall be replaced in the core rules by invokers to better encourage combat and mini play. (Spellcasting shall eventually be released by a 3rd party who does it way better.) 75. Pact magic shall become part of the core rules. 76. Maneuvers and stances shall become part of the core rules. 77. Psionics will still remain a supplement. 78. WotC will forget all about Incarnum. 79. WotC shall release each of the core books in new 160 page blocks. (Each of these blocks shall subtly reference other blocks in a subliminal effort to get you to buy them all.) I think you missed the point of this thread Silvercatmoonpaw. You posted Facts not "Facts" :rofl: 102. Books will come in new collectible "Brick" form. Collect them all to create your own book fort. 103. LARPers will be disowned in both a public announcement and in a statement at the beginning of each book. This helps insure players will never leave their book forts for this mythical "Physical Activity." 104. The d20 OGL will be kept, but unfortunately the new d34 will render it incompatible. 105. Chick will be a monster that invades your city and spews forth anectodal facts and misused Bible quotes. Not even the townsfolk will care. 105.12 Revisions and incremental editions will become more frequent as WotC adopts Microsoft's flawless agile development procedure. 106. Instead of developing rules, then art, WotC will develop art, then create a feat/spell/etc. as powerful as the art is awesome. Edit: Doom_Linnorm stole my numbers!
Silverthumb128 12-04-06, 04:42 PM	96: Dwarves have a new racial ability: Perma-drunk. What am I gonna do with the silver pieces I save on not buying booze anymore? :D
Doom_Linnorm 12-04-06, 04:45 PM	Buy booze to get the nearest wench drunk?! What else do you use booze for when not chugging it yourself. Also Deagar ye might wanna edit those numbers. Good boy.
Garlogic 12-04-06, 04:47 PM	103. There will be more than 1 PHB, Basic, expert and immortal ala the old days. 104. The bureacrat prestige class. 105. Alighnments will be expanded to include ethical/unethical and morale/immorale with neutral as the medium still. So you could be a chaotic good ethical immorral fighter.
Doom_Linnorm 12-04-06, 04:51 PM	110: Half-Orcs also get a racial stat: Underpoweredness despite awsomeness.
nightwyrm 12-04-06, 04:54 PM	111. DMs would be made obsolete. All games would be ran by a pre-packaged AI that you need to install into your computer. 112. Upgrades and personality add-ons would for the DM AI would come out once every two months. 113. Core game would come with cyber suits that players need to put on in order to interact with DM AI.
a_psh 12-04-06, 04:56 PM	114. Player's Handbooks will come pre-stained with your choice of beer, Coke, Mountain Dew, or Diety Vanilla Cherry Dr Pepper.
Bowmore 12-04-06, 06:35 PM	111. DMs would be made obsolete. All games would be ran by a pre-packaged AI that you need to install into your computer. 112. Upgrades and personality add-ons would for the DM AI would come out once every two months. 115. Upgrades and personality add-ons will cost $50 apiece. 115b. The upgrades and add-ons required to continue playing the game will cost $75 apiece, and will be released once every two months.
Kadasbrass 12-04-06, 07:05 PM	116) Breweries will be included as a terrain type. 117) In addition to Jello-cubes, the MM will include monsters that will be nicknamed “beer battered shrimp.” 118) The only playable races in 4th edition will be humans and 14 different versions of elves, and half-elves. 119) Humans and elves will be improved, half-elves will be left as they are.
Alpha_Moose 12-04-06, 07:25 PM	120) The books will now be a series of "choose your own adventure" but you have to role a skill check to see what adventure you choose. 121) They will release countless pages of errata after each book to fix even minor spelling and grammar mistakes, but the sarrukh will just be copied and pasted from old editions with a sample build named Pun. 122) They sue Khan the Destroyer for copy-right abuse.
Kadasbrass 12-04-06, 07:35 PM	123) 4th Edition will require 13 years to produce from beginning to end as each and every possible loophole is tested. 124) Each boo will go through a similar process with only 2.5 books being released per year, and a third of a super adventure. 125) The Fighter will be copied and pasted from the PHB 3.5.
Bowmore 12-04-06, 07:38 PM	125) The Fighter will be copied and pasted from the PHB 3.5. Sad but probably true.:weep:
leather_book_wizard 12-04-06, 07:51 PM	105. Chick will be a monster that invades your city and spews forth anectodal facts and misused Bible quotes. Not even the townsfolk will care. :ROTFL:
SilvercatMoonpaw 12-04-06, 07:57 PM	I think you missed the point of this thread Silvercatmoonpaw. You posted Facts not "Facts" :rofl: I believe the laughing smiley was uncalled for. :mad: At least a few of the "facts" sounded perfectly legitimate, so I believed this was a combination humor/non-humor thread. To all of you posting a topic that might in any way be non-humorous: it is very helpful if the title contains the word "humor". In fact, I did intend some of those facts to be funny: 74 subtly mentions that combat will be encouraged. Maybe I projected my own feelings about how D&D has too much combat onto other people. 75 and 76 are legitimate, but they also lead up to 77, making them part of its humor. 78 is humorous. 79 is humorous. It's okay if you don't think they're funny. But it really is hurtful to laugh at my mistake.
Soulkeeper 12-04-06, 08:11 PM	126. Feelings will get hurt in the creation process, the project scope will begin to spiral down from there.
SolemnDusk 12-04-06, 08:45 PM	23. Katana will have their own statistics, no longer derived from the Bastard Sword. It's about freakin' time... 127. All creatures-as-characters will have their level adjustments removed. 128. Character creation rules are re-written to start the game at lower-than-average levels, namely around 30-35. 129. Spiked chains will be improved. 130. A combination of Ravenloft and Lovecraftian Cthulu mythos will usurp Greyhawk as the 'default' D&D campaign setting. 131. ERRATA: In response to #130, alter #128 as follows: insert a '1' in front of the '3' in the numbers '30' and '35'. This rule is so that players can survive first level encounters if their DM is kind and just, and if the players roll natural 20's consistently.
Deekin 12-04-06, 09:49 PM	132. The player's Handbook will directly contradicts the DMG. 133. There will be DM section of all splat books and a player's section. 133a. These will of course contradict each other. 134. Wizards will start charging for customer service.
Artector 12-04-06, 09:58 PM	Deekin, your numbers are off. 135. The D12 will be replaced by the D7, poor barbarians... 136. Cheetos will be banned. 136a. As will pencils.
Stormonu 12-04-06, 10:09 PM	137. The PHB, DMG and MM will be sold as book cover base sets with boosters containing 8 pages per booster. 138. Not only will miniatures be required, but they will come undressed. You will need to purchase clothing, weapons and other items seperately, all available in booster packs with stat cards for each. 139. To advance your characters, you have to send in N^2 proof-of-purchases from the latest miniatures set to WotC, where N is the level you are attempting to reach. 140. None of the current campaign sets will be supported in 4.0. Instead, an entirely new campaign world will be devised as the defacto play world. And you cannot play D&D in your own homebrew world or previous campaign sets. You MUST use the new campaign world.
SokenzanMarauder 12-04-06, 10:37 PM	137. The PHB, DMG and MM will be sold as book cover base sets with boosters containing 8 pages per booster. 137 b. The pages will be randomized. -Gene
Drammattex 12-04-06, 11:25 PM	I 104. The d20 OGL will be kept, but unfortunately the new d34 will render it incompatible. Behold the shape of things to come! http://membres.lycos.fr/arjan/num34_01.JPG
thasis 12-05-06, 01:02 AM	22. 4th edition will use a successes system. Rather than rolling a d20 and adding a bonus, you roll multiple d20s. For every 15-20 you get, you count as having one success. 23. Katana will have their own statistics, no longer derived from the Bastard Sword. 24. Every race can play every class, but each race has its own version of each class, which is always better than the basic version, especially for that race. 25. Every race has its own version of each basic weapon, which is always better than the basic version, and counts as exotic except to that race. 26. Backgrounds will be added, giving bonuses ranging from basic feats, and bonus class skills or just bonuses on skills, to bonus starting wealth. 27. Spell points will be a variant listed in the DMG. 28. Paladins will heal and buff by striking foes, like the Crusader does now. 29. All "Improved XYZ" feats will be abolished, followed by making the maneuvers actually worth using without said feats. 30. Due to the new monster format, the Monster Manual will either double in page count, thus requiring the PHB and DMG do the same, or will have half the monsters. 31. Armors will be balanced against each other, making Studded Leather, Scale Mail, Chainmail, Banded Mail, Splint Mail, and Half-Plate all be useful to certain characters past level 1. 32. Three pages of example situations will be given for each alignment. Everything but the success idea is a great idea XD No realy... I realy think it is... of course I could just go out and buy a White Wolf game instead. Haha!
a_psh 12-05-06, 01:17 AM	141. The term "longsword" will still be used to refer to what is really more like an arming sword, leading yet another generation of gamers to grow up with no actual undestanding of European weaponry.
ZeroTakenaka 12-05-06, 08:20 AM	142. You must drink a whole gallon of dwarven ale before each attack or you will expode.
Deagar 12-05-06, 09:08 AM	I believe the laughing smiley was uncalled for. :mad: At least a few of the "facts" sounded perfectly legitimate, so I believed this was a combination humor/non-humor thread. To all of you posting a topic that might in any way be non-humorous: it is very helpful if the title contains the word "humor". In fact, I did intend some of those facts to be funny: 74 subtly mentions that combat will be encouraged. Maybe I projected my own feelings about how D&D has too much combat onto other people. 75 and 76 are legitimate, but they also lead up to 77, making them part of its humor. 78 is humorous. 79 is humorous. It's okay if you don't think they're funny. But it really is hurtful to laugh at my mistake. I'm sorry, Silver, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. :blush: I thought your post was funny. I was just joking that your "jokes" were actually fact. (probably)
Drammattex 12-05-06, 10:24 AM	I'm sorry, Silver, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. :blush: I thought your post was funny. I was just joking that your "jokes" were actually fact. (probably) I got it, Deagar. Silver, I think this is a case of electronic text not translating well; Deagar's meaning was ironic, not critical. Your post really was funny.
SilvercatMoonpaw 12-05-06, 10:26 AM	Appology accepted.
Doom_Linnorm 12-05-06, 10:30 AM	118) The only playable races in 4th edition will be humans and 14 different versions of elves, and half-elves. You do realise this directly contradicts what race related things other people have already laid down. WHAT ABOUT DWARVES WITH PERMA-DRUNK?! :weep:
RobbyPants 12-05-06, 10:38 AM	141) In the new d20 system, all dice will be d20. Hit dice, damage, and percentiles (don't ask ;)). Each level, a PC gains a certain number of d20 dice for HP based on class (wizard = 4d20, fighter = 10d20, etc...). Damage will work the same (dagger = 4d20, longsword = 8d20, 10th level fireball = 60d20).
leather_book_wizard 12-05-06, 01:55 PM	142) Wizards will not be able to gain individuall spells when they gain levels.Instead, they must buy a randomized Xtreme Evocation booster pack when they gain a level.
Artector 12-05-06, 03:33 PM	You do realise this directly contradicts what race related things other people have already laid down. WHAT ABOUT DWARVES WITH PERMA-DRUNK?! :weep: 143. 4.0 will constantly contradict itself, while being completely correct. 141) In the new d20 system, all dice will be d20. Hit dice, damage, and percentiles (don't ask ;)). Each level, a PC gains a certain number of d20 dice for HP based on class (wizard = 4d20, fighter = 10d20, etc...). Damage will work the same (dagger = 4d20, longsword = 8d20, 10th level fireball = 60d20). Oddly enough I quickly figured out how to do percentile dice using D20s....
RobbyPants 12-05-06, 03:35 PM	Oddly enough I quickly figured out how to do percentile dice using D20s.... The only way I can think of is to round to the nearest 5% (1 = 5%, 2 = 10%, etc...).
ventspy 12-05-06, 03:47 PM	144) you must read all rules or Deckers will come and shoot you
epifreak 12-05-06, 04:18 PM	145.) Within 1/∞ seconds of its release, millions of forum hits will be used to decry how the new system sukz, makes roleplaying impossible, and how 2e was the greatest thing ever conceptualized by man or machine.
Artector 12-05-06, 04:27 PM	The only way I can think of is to round to the nearest 5% (1 = 5%, 2 = 10%, etc...). Just roll 5d20 and add them together, you couldn't get below 5... damn... just realized that... at least I was close.
Maghwi 12-05-06, 05:20 PM	146) The D20 system will be replaced by the Take10 system. Since the point buy system was so popular and fair, Wizards decided to go one step further and eliminate all dice. Everything will be averaged. There will be no more mystery in combat, as every action your PC takes will be pre-ordained. No more crying about how a "bad die roll" killed your character! Now players can simply sit back and relax while the DM simply tells them who lives and who dies.
Raxmei 12-05-06, 06:20 PM	Just roll 5d20 and add them together, you couldn't get below 5... damn... just realized that... at least I was close. You can do it with 2 d20. It's pretty similar to the normal way you roll percentile dice. 147) A new axis will be added to character alignment: whether your character prefers chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Paladins lose their powers if they ever eat chocolate. 148) The books of Exalted Deeds and Vile Darkness will be expanded upon with a complete series of alignment books, one for each end of each axis and one for neutrality.
Bowmore 12-05-06, 06:44 PM	Why do I keep feeling as if a marketing researcher is in this thread? It's unnerving! 149. Equipment is now printed on individual cards, which come in 'starter packs' for 1st-level characters and boosters that contain masterwork, magical, and artifact-level equipment (in ascending rarity). A starter pack costs $75, and each booster costs $25.
MechMage 12-05-06, 06:53 PM	150) Shape changer will be further downsized to a sub-sub-type 151) Humaniod will be reduced to the unmonsterous subtype of monsterous humaniod, and animal will be reduced to the unmagicial sub type of construct 152) Thaco (from 2nd ed) will be reintroduced, but the armor class system will remain as is. 153) Players now start as prestige classes, and must multi-class into core classes. 154) Character sheets must be made out of pre-made words that are bought in randomised packs. 155) There will be an elemental plane for each modern element. 156) The great wheel will be revised to the great double helix. 157) 15 new alienment axises are added. 158) Skill will be changed so that they can be more acurrately described as +1s to atk. 159) WotC gives up on stopping loop holes, instead pointing them out in side bars.
Alpha_Moose 12-05-06, 07:16 PM	154) Character sheets must be made out of pre-made words that are bought in randomised packs. Will it be like those magnate things?
Druid_of_the_storm 12-05-06, 07:26 PM	160. those who do not comply with the above will be raped by a magically summoned mindflayer
Raymond_Luxury_Yacht 12-05-06, 08:11 PM	Addendum to 160. ...named Ted.
Kadasbrass 12-05-06, 08:43 PM	You do realise this directly contradicts what race related things other people have already laid down. WHAT ABOUT DWARVES WITH PERMA-DRUNK?! :weep: It wouldn't be a real thread on 4th edition if it didn't have contradictions. 4th Edition wouldn't be an edition it the players handbook didn't have condradictions ;) 161) Dwarfs will not be added to 4th edition untill the release of the Dwarven Handbook, some 13 months after 4th Edtitions original release. 162) Gnomes will not be included in 4th Edition, but will be added in with the release of 4.5, however half-elves will be forgotten.
Artector 12-05-06, 08:57 PM	163. Half orcs will be reduced to small size and given the ability to breathe fire,in. IF they ever use this ability they will instantly die. 164. Weapon size will be changed. Small weapons will do 1 point of damage maximum. Larger weapons will gain 3 more damage dice.
Orayn, Elvish Blademaster 12-05-06, 09:30 PM	165. The PHB will be released digitally, starting with the "Getting Started" chapter. Additional chapters are purchases via micropayment.
ConclaveKing 12-05-06, 09:55 PM	166: It will actually be called 3.75 167: It will involve trading cards in wich you can't play without them. 168: You will be forced to solve calculus problems just to figure out if you hit. 169: All dieties will be replaced with one got who you have to worship or burn in hell.
Deagar 12-05-06, 10:05 PM	166. You must purchase the chapters in order, including "Getting Started" and how to alignment (15 chapters), and how to adventure, written by Gygax (walk into room, roll d20, 1-10 you die) 167. A new spell will be added called "Win rules argument" so that they can be resolved more quickly. 168. Above spell will soon be broken into 5 spells of different powers, and 5 anti spells, similiar to "Light" and "Darkness" Finding their rules and how they work will take longer then mentioned rules argument. The explanations will be vague, leaving room for argument. 169. To make the game more family friendly, this number will never be mentioned, all dice pools will be made in such a way to never roll any variation of 69. 170. Warforged will have a new type. No longer constructs, they are simply orcs with the "Wannabe Construct" template. 171. With the popularity of the "Wannabe Construct" template, wizards releases a whole book on "Wannabe" templates, including dragons that don't breathe fire and doppelgangers with no shape shifting abilities.
Alpha_Moose 12-05-06, 10:25 PM	172. The new editions will contain real magic as Wizards reveals their plans for world domination.
LordQuazk 12-05-06, 11:14 PM	155) There will be an elemental plane for each modern element. You know, I once made a campaign where the PC's had to hunt down elemental orbs... the first one they found was Boron. 173) Move actions will be called "Non-Standard Mobile Actions" 174) In the 4e PHB, Lemur will become a base race, and Lawyer will finally be a base class.
supernerd222 12-05-06, 11:26 PM	175. To save on paper costs, each "book" will be printed on a Mobus Strip. And still cost $50.
rbodine 12-05-06, 11:31 PM	176. All books will be sold in booster packs of 15 books for $600; the core books will be "rare."
Dark Spy 12-06-06, 12:16 AM	This is the best thing sinch "Best lines ever" 177. All classes other than the Barbarain well be illiterate. 178. Ninja explode if they step on a pirate ship. 178b. Pirates explode if attacked by a ninja.
KendallDM 12-06-06, 02:45 AM	179) The 4th Edition will be a stand-alone, where you open a book and read the page, and decide from the options at the bottom of the page, which then direct you to another page to continue your adventure. Thusly, will the rules and the game be simplified even further. And they can print a whole crapload of books again. 180) It will be a reality TV show. Real swords. Real blood. Real hacking and slashing. Poor wizards, they will believe in real magic, until the sword plunges in... then, of course, everyone will want to be a fighter for once :P.
SilvercatMoonpaw 12-06-06, 07:58 AM	181: Wizards will get smart for once and troll their message boards for the best stuff come up with by other people. (Some of the stuff is seriously fantastic! XD)
Drammattex 12-06-06, 10:09 AM	182. A new action type called "speedy action" will be introduced, which allows characters to act in the middle of another character's/creature's turn. 183. "Throw combatant through window" will be added as a 5th level monk ability. 184. With the inception of 4.0, R.A. Salvatore will receive a commission to write a novel series that makes githyanki sympathetic and cuddly. 185. A third D&D movie will celebrate the release of 4th edition, starring Hillary Duff, Paris Hilton, Kevin Fedraline, and a Wayans brother. Cory Solomon reprises his role as director. 186. The D&D iconics in 4.0 will be switched out for Eric, Sheila, Bobby, Hank, Diana, and Presto.
Richmud 12-06-06, 11:20 AM	185. A third D&D movie will celebrate the release of 4th edition, starring Hillary Duff, Paris Hilton, Kevin Fedraline, and a Wayans brother. Cory Solomon reprises his role as director. Contemplating this one has done permanent damage to my psyche
Downtym 12-06-06, 01:26 PM	You can do it with 2 d20. It's pretty similar to the normal way you roll percentile dice. 400 possibilities maps easily to 100 by dividing the map into 4 chunks - 1-100 would map to a 1,2,3,4, or 5 on the first d20 and whatever on the second d20. So, if d1 = 3 and d2 = 5, you rolled a 45. The basic formula would be: ((((d1 - 1) * 20) + d2) mod 100) which gives results from 0 to 99. On a result of 0, subsitute 100. So, pedantically: d1 = [1, 20] d2 = [1, 20] f(x) = ((((d1 - 1) * 20) + d2) mod 100) { f(x) = 0, 100 f(x) != 0, y } Empirical Example: d1 = 1 would be 1-20 d1 = 2 would be 21-40 d1 = 3 would be 41-60 d1 = 4 would be 61-80 d1 = 5 would be 81-0 (100) d1 = 6 would be 1-20 (101-120) etc. I think this is the way it work. I may be using improper notation, but I seem to remember that being correct notation.
Deagar 12-06-06, 02:58 PM	185. A third D&D movie will celebrate the release of 4th edition, starring Hillary Duff, Paris Hilton, Kevin Fedraline, and a Wayans brother. Cory Solomon reprises his role as director. Sweet, I'm gunna be top fan boy. Anybody wanna help make "My super sweet sixteenth level" fan wsbsite? 187. Downtym demonstrated the level of math DMs will need to know in order to run the game. DMs commit mass sepeku. 188. WotC lays off all employees that show characteristics undefinable by the alignment system. Next day, all employees are rehired, since nobody was left. 189. Just like this thread, the new books will be riddled with obvious errors (since this is really fact 193.) 190. Golden Tickets contest was revealed to be a hoax. As the media and government swarms to WotC demanding an explanation, strangely, nobody is able to find the top 5 board members at WotC. 191. Spraying soda from your nose while laughing will be the new verbal/somatic components of Tasha's Hideous Laughter. 192. Reciting all the Dragonlance novels (in reverse order) will grant you True Ressurection in Ebberron. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) you will find your new life in a Dragonlance. 193. The monster manual will include pokemon and my little ponies.
R99 12-06-06, 04:28 PM	194: Rules will be gurps. 195: Invokers will now get HADOKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at will. 196: Bards will now have a subclass for each and every genre/sub-genre of music ('metal bards will have their own book ther'll be so many). 197: Upon it's release, THE NORMAL PEOPLE WILL START PAYING IT!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 198: Every single role playing potential will be explored, including blind, duel katana wielding drizzt clones. 199: The words 'DnD' will be a word of such sexual prowess and potency that all will swarm upon US!!!!!!! WE SHALL FINALLY BE LOVED!!!!!!! (hey, I can dream:rolleyes: )
Herald@Large 12-06-06, 07:06 PM	200: The tarrasque will be replaced as the "worst monster" by a hideous mating of Barney, the Teletubbies, and JarJar Binks.
Richmud 12-06-06, 07:31 PM	200: The tarrasque will be replaced as the "worst monster" by a hideous mating of Barney, the Teletubbies, and JarJar Binks. Why must you hurt my poor fragile mind so much
Transit 12-06-06, 07:36 PM	201: The monster art in the 4E monster manual will be "scratch-n-sniff"
Alpha_Moose 12-06-06, 08:14 PM	198: Every single role playing potential will be explored, including blind, duel katana wielding drizzt clones. Hasn't that already happened? 202. The example party will be a warforged psion with a raptor mount, a human ninja pirate, an elf wizard/ranger/bard/druid, and an anthropomorphic fox sorcerer. Oh, and they all duel-wield katanas.
Artector 12-06-06, 09:42 PM	Hasn't that already happened? 202. The example party will be a warforged psion with a raptor mount, a human ninja pirate necromancer, an elf wizard/ranger/bard/druid/cleric, and an anthropomorphic fox sorcerer. And the 1st level kobold expert. Oh, and they all duel-wield uranium mecurial katanas. Changes made in bold. Hope you like them. ;D Edit~ I'll post below Otto, then he won't have to re number.
Otto the Bugbear 12-06-06, 10:01 PM	I'll re-number these later if need be. 203. New bard instrument is allowed: One man band. 204. There is now a Gnomish god of heavy artillery. 205. The bard will be required to spend all skill points on 1pt professional skills. 206. Synchronized panicking is a required feat. 207. A monk's lips may not be in sync with his words. 208. Cliche NPCs will self-combust. 209. Ogres are kosher. 210. Frenzied berzerker will be renamed Collateral Damage Man. 211. Drow will be described as "good eatin'". 212. Polka is now the official D&D marching music. 213. There will be a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino. 214. Rules will allow a druid to summon 50,000 Blue Whales. 215. When low on hit points you must announce it by describing your character thusly, "The green elf needs food badly." 216. Valley speak is now an official language. Especially if you're the paladin. 217. Any zombies not shot in the head will act as if they are a zombie from Twilight 2000. 218. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is the whip. 219. You will be required to kill off all the vampires in the LARP when they are terminally stupid. 220. The rules will recommend that the backup trap handler is whoever has the most HP at the time. 221. There is a new skill: 'improvised cooking' 222. There will be black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents. 223. Gnomes will have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows' 224. Gnomes will have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes. 225. Gnomes will have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand' 226. Kender are restricted to decaf. 227. All bards know how to play Inna Godda Davida on marachas. 228. Before facing the dragon, must first glaze the elf. 229. If you roll well enough, a squirrel can carry a horse and rider at full sprint. 230. All Paladin's battle cries are "Good for the Good God" 231. There is a Summon Bimbo spell. 232. There is a Kung Fu manuever "McGuire Swings For Bleachers" 234. Bards receive a new spell: Annoy 235. Clubs are renamed "Ceremonial Whoopass Stick." 236. All thief's battle cry will be, "Run And Live" 237. Or "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps" 238. When accepting a challenge for a duel, you are no longer required to allow the other guy time to find a weapon. 239. Pictures of an ex-spouse is now an acceptable backup weapon. 240. Gnomes like big butts and he cannot lie. 241. There is now a dwarven katana. 242. Bards now get a bonus to perform if obviously not wearing anything under their tabard. 243. All elves are named Legolam. 244. Swashbuckling fops must take the flaw Dark Secret: Not Gay 245. A wet towel is now a weapon. 246. Weapon shops will be named "Bloodbath and Beyond" 247. Ancient kung fu masters will be based on either Gene Simmons or Bluto Blutarski. 248. Players are allowed to make up polearms. 249. Anyone that uses the wish 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true' will be punched in the throat. 250. New skill: Perform (Speed Polka) 251. There is a +1 Longsword, +5 against party members, for 10 gold pieces. 252. New Spell: Polymorph (Abe Vigoda form) 253. New Feat: weapon proficiency (cat). 254. New bard excluse skill: Jack Nicholson soliloquy. 255. Only allowed to kill another party member with a boomerang once. 256. New paladin alignment requirement: Lawful A nal. 257. Any list of instructions must contain: 3. "Kill Phil, Sorry Phil" 258. Dwarves count as burrowing animals. 259. New sub-race: Polka Gnomes. 260. New feat: "Death Blossom" 261. The King's Guards official name is "The Royal Order of the Red Shirt" 262. Druids start play with a scorching case of lycanthropy. 263. Extra experience points if the mere thought of it costs the other characters sanity points. 264. All busty tavern wenches know kung fu. 267. New armor: pleather armor. 268. Hobbits have Norse ancestry. 269. New racial ability: Gnomish Deathgrip, (it involves tongs). 270. Halflings gain racial bonus with flamethrower. 271. Can now gain a luck bonus for rubbing the monk's head. 272. Not allowed to rub any part of the elf chick for any reason. 273. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is the first option. 274. What ever monster we just killed is tonight's dinner; no more carrying rations! 275. New dire monsters based on toy dog breeds. 276. Character must be named 'Xagyg' or any anagram thereof. 277. Called shots allowed, but only to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans. 278. New bard class ability: Roadies. 279. Elves must be played with a scottish accent, and dwarves with a cajun accent. 280. Tourretes added to the list of flaws. 281. Rangers can duel wielding small animals. 282. Characters may steal their own soul for extra power. 283. You are too sexy for the elf, too sexy for the elf, so sexy myself. 284. The following weapons are now legal choices in a duel: Steamroller, Nerve Gas, Landmine, Midget. 294. New paladin heraldry: the smiley face. 295. Dwarves must adopt the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, while speaking with a cajun accent. 296. If the party always starts the adventure in a tavern, the bard may opt to start in a brothel. 297. New prestige class: Drizzt Slayer. 298. No matter your alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a-okay. 299. Elf chicks are all easy; you never hear about a half gnome do you? more in the morning.
Artector 12-06-06, 10:29 PM	260. If a critical is confirmed the player must do the chicken dance.
Otto the Bugbear 12-06-06, 10:37 PM	260. If a critical is confirmed the player must do the chicken dance. Sorry Artector, I added more. Computer problems mean I had to submit, and edit so I didn't get the black-screen-of-high-blood-pressure-induction.
WhiteRaven810 12-06-06, 10:48 PM	6. Valley speak is now an official language. Especially if you're the paladin. You, like, just wrote, like, the flavor for my next PC. Like, oh - my - God, thank you so much, like you know, whatever. 239. Pictures of an ex-spouse is now an acceptable backup weapon. You mean there not already? 297. New prestige class: Drizzt Slayer. I can actually see it. Favored Enemy -- Drizzt Clone. Suppose I should contribute. 261. In 4.0, the house cat guts you. 262. Warforged will have a +2 bonus to Perform: Dance (the robot).
Ogre4Hire 12-06-06, 11:07 PM	263. Paladins will have vastly more powerful class features. However, you require UN approval in order to use them. 264. And the Paladin's Code of Conduct will be replaced with the Geneva Conventions. 265. There will only be a single, generic monster in the Monster Manual named Bob. The rest of the Monster Manual will be filled with templates that can be applied to Bob.
Alpha_Moose 12-07-06, 12:07 AM	Changes made in bold. Hope you like them. ;D Nicccccccce.
Larz_Fang 12-07-06, 04:04 AM	266: WotC will finally release the d3! Created by none other than forum member Larz_Fang, later to be WizO_Larz! :D
Thanqol 12-07-06, 04:06 AM	265. There will only be a single, generic monster in the Monster Manual named Bob. The rest of the Monster Manual will be filled with templates that can be applied to Bob. Wow.
Otto the Bugbear 12-07-06, 07:55 AM	Oh - my - god! You guys are, like, way off. I went to, like, 299!
Larz_Fang 12-07-06, 08:08 AM	Oh - my - god! You guys are, like, way off. I went to, like, 299! Oh, very well then... *ninja edit* There! Now mine is #306. Everybody edit!
Deagar 12-07-06, 08:11 AM	HAHAH, the numbering is 266, but we have 311 facts :rofl:
SunTzuWarmaster 12-07-06, 09:15 AM	312? a full one half of the DMG is a vastly detailed city that no one will use. Oh, wait, they already did that.
Drammattex 12-07-06, 10:31 AM	312? a full one half of the DMG is a vastly detailed city that no one will use. Oh, wait, they already did that. Aw, SNAP!
Otto the Bugbear 12-07-06, 10:28 PM	313. Wish will now include the option "I wish we were playing another game." 314. Characters will be encouraged to to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch. 315. All characters now get d34 HP a level. 316. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed. 317. Players will be encouraged to cast haste on the king during a long winded speech to get him to hurry the hell up. 318. New Halfling God ... of groin shots. 319. Druids can be ordered to transform and roll out. 320. If the other party members forget to take any food prep skills, you are allowed to let them starve to death. 321. New cleric domains: Wet T-Shirts, Atheism, Keggers 322. New wish option: Characters can now wish that nobody else gets wishes. 323. Gnomes will have a racial bonus in bobsled. 324. When the DM forces the plot, the books will make choo-choo noises. 325. Other characters must yell "FREEBIRD" every time the bard makes a perform roll. 326. Rock is a dwarven delicacy. 327. Log is an elven delicacy. 328. Half-ogre will be encouraged to surprise the halflings with spontaneous games of dodgeball. 329. Laughter is the best medicine; it now restores hit points. 330. Dwarves are claustrophobic. Elves are agoraphobic. 331. When enemies blink it gives an attack of opportunity. 332. Called shots are now instituted, but only with seige weapons. 333. New physical traits: "Well Hung", "Busty" and "Heart Shaped Ass" 334. A gimp suit counts as leather armor. 335. Invisibility becomes permanent when cast on random household items like car keys, tea sets and bear traps. 336. Gnomes can save points on the ride skill simply by asking for piggyback rides everywhere. 337. Bards start the game with a highly contagious deadly disease. 338. Halfling Paladins represent the Lollipop Guild. 339. New wizard specialization: Pinball. 340. Druids can summon 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha. 341. A wizard can make a special opposed intelligence check. If he rolls high enough, he can make the other guy's head explode. 342. New spell: Power Word, Beer Me. 343. New wizard familiar option: Belgians. 344. Monk's battlecry must be: "Round 1: Fight!" 345. No matter how well you roll, the Quack skill is not a substitute for the Doctor skill. 346. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed. 370. What happens in Sigil, stays in Sigil. 371. If you ask nicely, the elf can put a good word in with Santa. 372. The titles "Viking" and "Obstretrician" are mutually exclusive. 373. Magic items will have super easy commands words like 'is' or 'the' and activate when you say them. 374. Ninja are required to use harpoons, regardless of what the ninja fanbois say. More tomorrow :devil: Cheers Otto :)
Larz_Fang 12-08-06, 04:28 AM	Damn, I didn't notice that. *another ninja edit*
Illanir 12-08-06, 10:33 AM	[QUOTE=Drammattex;10836215] 185. A third D&D movie will celebrate the release of 4th edition, starring Hillary Duff, Paris Hilton, Kevin Fedraline, and a Wayans brother. Cory Solomon reprises his role as director. QUOTE] GAHHHH!!! Must go bleach mind...:mymy: Also, in reference to the "bards must seduce X number of women with X being your charisma bonus"...what if you are a female bard? One last thing: looks like someone found the "1116 Things I Will Not Do When Role Playing"...NOT THAT IS A BAD THING!!!! That always makes me laugh when I need it...:D
TheDarkestOfAngels 12-08-06, 11:23 AM	[QUOTE=Drammattex;10836215] 185. A third D&D movie will celebrate the release of 4th edition, starring Hillary Duff, Paris Hilton, Kevin Fedraline, and a Wayans brother. Cory Solomon reprises his role as director. QUOTE] GAHHHH!!! Must go bleach mind...:mymy: Also, in reference to the "bards must seduce X number of women with X being your charisma bonus"...what if you are a female bard? One last thing: looks like someone found the "1116 Things I Will Not Do When Role Playing"...NOT THAT IS A BAD THING!!!! That always makes me laugh when I need it...:D Then the female bard would have to think very progressively.
High Octane 12-08-06, 11:33 AM	375. Chuck Norris created 4th edition by roundhouse kicking a 3.5 PHB just right.
Nived 12-08-06, 11:50 AM	376: The Core Classes of 4th edition are as follows. Ninja, Pirate, Cowboy, Viking, Knight, Astronaut, Dinosaur, and Robot.
Kadasbrass 12-08-06, 12:51 PM	I think we've gone from "Facts of 4th edition" to "The 'things weren't allowed to do in 3rd edition' but can do in 4th edition" thread.
Drammattex 12-08-06, 01:11 PM	376: The Core Classes of 4th edition are as follows. Ninja, Pirate, Cowboy, Viking, Knight, Astronaut, Dinosaur, and Robot. Wow. Where can I get this game again?
skydragonknight 12-08-06, 01:18 PM	104. The d20 OGL will be kept, but unfortunately the new d34 will render it incompatible. 377. You will also be allowed to take 17 on skill checks. 106. Instead of developing rules, then art, WotC will develop art, then create a feat/spell/etc. as powerful as the art is awesome. 378. Elves will receive a -4 racial penalty to Charisma, as their stats are based upon Mialee. 123) 4th Edition will require 13 years to produce from beginning to end as each and every possible loophole is tested. 379. Wizards of the Coast will finally let Character Optimization Board members preview their work, find every possible loophole and offer suggestions on how to fix them. I'll re-number these later if need be. 214. Rules will allow a druid to summon 50,000 Blue Whales. 214b. They will be summoned in mid air along with an equal number of Flower Pots that think "oh no, not again!" If we knew why the flower pots thought this we would know a lot more about the universe than we already do. 234. Bards receive a new spell: Annoy Spell-like ability actually, usable at will. 253. New Feat: weapon proficiency (cat). 253b. EXOTIC Weapon Proficiency(cat), which Barbarians get as a bonus feat at 1st level. It will deal 3d6 scratching and clawing damage and can be wielded like a spike chain. 281. Rangers can duel wielding small animals. 281b. Rangers can also take Exotic Weapon Proficiency(cat) instead of Track at 1st level. 340. Druids can summon 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha. 341b. as well as tactical airstrikes... 374. Ninja are required to use harpoons, regardless of what the ninja fanbois say. 374b. Ninjas are also required to be mammals, fight ALL the time as well as flip out and kill people. 380. Druids will be broken down into two subclasses: one that casts spells and one that wildshapes. 381. When clerics ask for daily spells the DM rolls based upon the characters role-playing. If the role is higher than the characters role-playing ability, their god(or ideal) says "No." 382. Bards will be replaced by the Chamelion PRC from Races of Destiny, expanded to 20 levels.
Deagar 12-08-06, 01:52 PM	383. Druids will be advertised as a class with multiple capabilities, but will be shoe-horned into healing at level 20. 384. Taking the "What can we learn from World of Warcraft" mentality a step further, you now have weapon speeds of a couple seconds. Complicated math is required to find out how many attacks you have a round. 385. Cat Master will be able to take 10' steps between cleaves, have +5 to crit range, and be twice the liability of a Frenzied Beserker. 386. "Complete Party Killer" will be released 387. You will be able to buy gold and high level characters off of Ebay, they will still be imaginary money. 388. The cast of Lord of the Rings will be used as the racial pictures in the PHB. 389. Traps were too easy to detect at level 1, so they start at dc30, just like DDO.
Drammattex 12-08-06, 02:50 PM	374b. Ninjas are also required to be mammals, fight ALL the time as well as flip out and kill people. I have ten billion Dragonblade Ninjas from the Deathknell set, which is braggable.
Rickiel 12-08-06, 03:17 PM	390: Raz will be completely unable to exist in the 4th Edition rules. 390b: However, Raz is waiting patiently for the top-shelf rules of 7th edition and at that point will be considered on equal ground with Elminster and Raistlin. 391: Players with huge egos concerning their characters will be obliterated via orbital death satellites. :bigeyes:
Artector 12-08-06, 03:30 PM	392. The default campaign setting will be space based. However everything will take place on planets. 392b. There will be no rules for anything happening on planets. 393. Black Holes will be CR 1/2 creatures.
Doom_Linnorm 12-08-06, 04:00 PM	390b: However, Raz is waiting patiently for the top-shelf rules of 7th edition and at that point will be considered on equal ground with Elminster and Raistlin. 391: Players with huge egos concerning their characters will be obliterated via orbital death satellites. :bigeyes: You mean he's not already? and can I come to your funeral, where I will pray for a few moments and then laugh maniacly as I will steal the intellectual property that is Raz and write countless stories about him and a pigmy azure dragon on their quest to pyss off Khael.
RobbyPants 12-08-06, 04:05 PM	394) Along with mithirl, adamantine, and cold iron, there will be a special material called uranium, which is particularly useful for bludgeoning and slashing weapons.
MechMage 12-08-06, 04:09 PM	214b. They will be summoned in mid air along with an equal number of Flower Pots that think "oh no, not again!" If we knew why the flower pots thought this we would know a lot more about the universe than we already do. Read Life, the Universe, and Everything You will know alot more about the universe than you already do. 395) Pun-Pun will be even more possible. 396) Soon after cats are used on a large scale, wizards will put out Complete Dog
Doom_Linnorm 12-08-06, 04:18 PM	397: Wizards will take a leaf out of Nintendo's book and include as new items: Healing Mushrooms, Ressurection Mushrooms. 398: New core feats will include: Pull and Toss Turnips, Jump Attack, Improved Jump Attack, Devestating Jump Attack and Overwhelming Jump Attack. 399: Plumber will be a new Prestige Class in the DMG. 400: Dragon Turtles will be Large Size and have flaming orange hair and fire breath, they are also all neutral evil. 401: The Plumber prestige class also has favored enemy: Dragon Turtle. 402: All apes wear neckties, baseball caps, ponytails or have a cane, beard and glasses. 403: Yoshi's will be statted amongst the Dinosaur entry in the MM.
Magon 12-08-06, 05:23 PM	404: spellfire will be a normal and interatet deat in the core books. also, it will be about a brownie :censored: in cakes
Alpha_Moose 12-08-06, 05:31 PM	382. Bards will be replaced by the Chamelion PRC from Races of Destiny, expanded to 20 levels. 382b. And will oddly be the most balanced class that exists, while people will ask about how to nerf the Fighter and what you can do to make the Druid able to help out the party.
High Octane 12-08-06, 05:39 PM	340. Druids can summon 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha. Otto :) MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE! MI-INE!
Reversefigure4 12-08-06, 06:23 PM	405. The 3 Core books will only deal with how to handle problem players and problem DMs. Rules will be put in suppliments instead. We have to get the important stuff out first. 406. In a new multi-level marketing strategy, all books will reference each other. Base classes in the PHB will only be references to the right page numbers in Complete Monk, Complete Bard, etc. Complete Monk will then refer you to pg 95 of Complete Monk Feats to see feats you could take for your monk. 407. Gender rules will be put in place again giving men +2 STR and women +2 CHA. The National Organisation of Women will protest until errata is released that reaches their standard of equality: +247 to all female's stats. 408. Even when the above happens, the majority of characters will still be male. 409. The terrasque will become a PC race, with LA: + Foolish DM. 410. Complete Alignment will have 9,703 pages dedicated to finally solving the alignment debates. There will still be people wanting to know if their half-fiend Paladin can successfully eat orc babies on Shrove Tuesday.
High Octane 12-08-06, 06:46 PM	408. Even when the above happens, the majority of characters will still be male. Ba-ZING!
Otto the Bugbear 12-08-06, 08:09 PM	411. Bards will be required to blow all their starting funds on hookers and booze. 412. Bards will be required to skip to the BBEG dressed like a singing telegram. 413. Warmages will be forced to substitute accuracy with enthusiasm. 414. A Player's marital status will affect their character's fear checks. 415. All monks use moves based off Jackie Chan movies. 416. The Player's Handbook will contain an entire chapter on various ways to bribe the DM to go easy on the characters 417. The Player's Handbook will contain an entire chapter on various ways to annoy the DM. 418. New cleric domain: HMO. 419. The Paladin entry will begin with "A little less lawful, a little more good" 420. Ninjas are ablative. 421. New monsters: Styrofoam golem. 431. New spell: Tasha's Uncontrollably Hideous Sister 432. 1st night watch is for accordion practice. 433. 2nd night watch is for starting up pick up rugby games with wandering monsters. 434. 3rd night watch is clothing optional. 435. The alignment of 2 years olds is automatically Neutral Evil. 436. All samurai must wear a Mullet 437. Halfing mating rituals include beer can crushing, power belching, and Lynyrd Skynyrd trivia. 438. Beer Boy is not an acceptable hireling for the dungeon crawl. 439. After a bloody battle, the barbarians will be required to lie down and make carnage angels. 440. New called shot target: self esteem. 441. Iron rations will consist of ramen, spam and beer. 442. Armor gives monks no benefit, so they are not required to wear anything. 443. The wishes granted by a Ring of 3 Wishes must involve Alpacas. 444. Fellow PCs provoke an attack of opportunity from making a stupid comment. 445. New school of magic: Rectomancy 446. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if they take advantage of this ability, they lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it? 447. New spell: Tensor's Herniated Disc. 448. Find Familiar scrolls are a legitimate substitute for the hunting skill. 449. The answer to 'who's got point?' is fireball. 450. Paladins make poor vikings. And vice versa. 451. Audible Glamour can be used to trick the cleric into building an ark. 452. Gnolls will fall for the fake ball trick over and over and over and over.... 453. New alignment: Sarcastic Good. 454. Paladin't lose Detect Evil, but gain Evildar instead. 456. New spell: Teleport Without Pants. 457. The dwarf's axe has a 50/50 chance to go off "accidentally" when cleaning it, especially near the elf. 458. New spell: Mordenkainen's Dysfunctional Family. 459. New monster: Balloon Animal Golem. 460. Ninjas come in bulk, and you can get them with a discount. 461. Sorcerers can now tap a keg for mana. 462. New alignmetns: Chaotic Angry and Neutral Hungry 463. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is a gnomish expression of affection. 464. New magic item: The 1.1 Ring. 465. Fighter gain Perform, but only so they can hammer dance after each fatal critical hit. 466. New monk martial art: Tai Kwan Doberman. 467. Half-Orc barbarian tribe's trial by combat ritual is best described as "Calvinball with axes" 468. A paladin's job is to enforce happiness. 469. Monks make 3 Stooges sounds in combat. 470. Taking the orc warlord's skull as a trophy is acceptable. Not as a hand puppet. 471. Sending the villain a nymph stripper only works once. 472. Even if the rules allow it, Paladins can't serve the god of obituaries. 473. The back up trap handler is the guy with the lowest INT. 474. Elves respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners. 475. New spell: Polymorph Mother-in-Law. And yes, I did find this site... 850 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG. (http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html) Credit where credit is due. Cheers Otto :)
skydragonknight 12-12-06, 06:50 PM	473. The back up trap handler is the guy with the lowest INT. 473. The back up trap handler is the guy with the lowest INT. Initiative. :devil:
Reversefigure4 12-12-06, 09:01 PM	476. Bluff, Diplomacy, and Intimidate will be clarified so they cannot be used against party members. 477. However, the new skill "Screw Over Party" will force PCs to believe absolutely anything the speakers says, including "No, I didn't steal your pants. Oh, these pants? They're new." 478. The above will only be a class skill for the Rouge class, who has an alignment restriction of Chaotic Stupid, requires the character to dress in a shade of red, and has a code of conduct that demands you steal anything that isn't nailed down. 479. WOTC will realise many alignment restrictions in 3.5 are silly. In 4.0, all Bards and Barbarians must be Lawful, and Monks must be Chaotic. This will be heralded as an example of "listening to our customer's needs". 480. The new system of point buy will require you to buy points off the DM, at $1 apiece. 481. Alternatively, players may generate stats by rolling 4d6 drop the lowest, then pay the DM that amount. 482. Long debates will rage about which method is better.
TheCheeseWiddler 12-12-06, 09:11 PM	483. Elmer Fudd will personaly make you a pot of stew with the purchase of 40+ books at once. -Ky:f:
supernerd222 12-12-06, 11:02 PM	484: The PHB will start thusly: "Creating Your Character 1: Get a computer 2: Do the Druid's Grove character test. Do NOT lie. 3: Play whatever comes up. If you are unhappy with this, you will have to wait for the 4.0 PHB to come out. This is estimated to be within the decade. It will cost somewhere around $250.
Larz_Fang 12-13-06, 04:53 AM	485: Anyone who misspells the word 'Rogue' as 'Rouge' will be eliminated via orbital death ray AFTER he has been forced to spend all of his money to D&D.
LordofIllusions 12-13-06, 11:07 AM	486. 4th Edition will be simply the appetizer for the main course, which is 5th edition; which shall be released approximately 15 minutes after 4th edition hits the shelves. 487. WotC will take this obviously comical thread about 4th edition to mean that consumers actually want a 4th edition. Subsequently, this very thread will be printed inside the core rulebooks of 4th edition, as new rules, in order to make the page count larger so that WotC can charge more money for the rulebooks. 488. 4th edition will outlaw everything that D&D is based on(i.e. sacred cows) in order to make WotC feel like they have actually created something instead of what they have done which is to ruin Gygax's creation with pro-player products. 489. WotC will try something dumb(and call it revolutionary) like making D&D 4E not require a DM or players. ~~~
Laowai 12-14-06, 03:34 PM	"130. A combination of Ravenloft and Lovecraftian Cthulu mythos will usurp Greyhawk as the 'default' D&D campaign setting." tbh, i'd love this...
RobbyPants 12-14-06, 03:43 PM	490. In Soviet Russia, 4th edition plays you!
serch 12-14-06, 07:27 PM	491) In 4 ed PCs play you. I couldn't refrain :P
Deagar 12-15-06, 01:03 AM	492. There'll be a D&D movie as good as Lord of the Rings. Unfortunately, it never will be released because of some stupid legal battle over who owns the rights to "Spine of the world mountains" or some other such cliche.
Karkamal 12-15-06, 01:37 AM	493. negative energy will damage undead 494. positive energy will damage lawyers 495. there will be a deity called "Ftwenty the mighty all powerfull sacred icosaedrum" domains metagaming, powergaming, multiclassing and lemonpie. 496. the last page of the core bulerook XII will have written "all your characters are belong to us, you have no chance to natural 20, make your will rolls"
Pallando97 12-15-06, 09:25 PM	Just roll 5d20 and add them together, you couldn't get below 5... damn... just realized that... at least I was close. Using d20s for percentile dice is pretty easy and it's the only way I roll %. Just take two d20s and designate which one is "high" and which is "low." The high one is the tens digit, and the low one is the ones digit. If you get 11-20 on one of the dice, ignore the tens digit. For example, if your "high" die is a 19, and the "low" is a 5, it is a 95% (since you ignore the 1 in the 19). Or if your high die is a 3 and your low is a 14, it comes out to be 34%. Pretty simple. If you roll two numbers ending in 0, which would be any combination of 10 and/or 20, it is a 100% Finally, the way to get single digits is if your high die is a 10 or 20, since then the tens digit would be zero. For instance, if your high is a 10 and your low is a 12, it is a 02%, or 2%. And that is my 2 cents. :)
Raymond_Luxury_Yacht 12-15-06, 11:26 PM	Using d20s for percentile dice is pretty easy and it's the only way I roll %. Just take two d20s and designate which one is "high" and which is "low." The high one is the tens digit, and the low one is the ones digit. If you get 11-20 on one of the dice, ignore the tens digit. For example, if your "high" die is a 19, and the "low" is a 5, it is a 95% (since you ignore the 1 in the 19). Or if your high die is a 3 and your low is a 14, it comes out to be 34%. Pretty simple. If you roll two numbers ending in 0, which would be any combination of 10 and/or 20, it is a 100% Finally, the way to get single digits is if your high die is a 10 or 20, since then the tens digit would be zero. For instance, if your high is a 10 and your low is a 12, it is a 02%, or 2%. And that is my 2 cents. :) Only problem is that you do not get an even distribution.
Ghenesh 12-15-06, 11:48 PM	LOL, greatest thread ever. My two cents: 497. Fighter is now a Prestige Class... two levels long. 498. Swashbuckler is now a Prestige Class... three levels long. 499. Sorcerers have class features. 500. WotC will implement Normal Base Save Bonus. 501. Epic rules will not suck. 502. Divine Power will not be re-edited.
theotherdraxen 12-16-06, 12:32 AM	497. Fighter is now a Prestige Class... two levels long. I thought the fighter was a 20 level prestige class with no prerequisites... 503. Dr 10/- will be redefined as DR 10/Chuck Norris
CaoSlayer 12-16-06, 02:26 PM	504)New skills added: Breath (con), Walk(dex), Eat(dex), Spot get renamed into See and listen to Hear. 505)humanoid cat race included on player handbook or monster manual with low LA. 506)Paladins become Cruzader a loses aligment dependent powers. 507) besides being a godless cleric you can be an urban druid. 508)Bards will get good bab, d8 for hp, 8 skill points per level and level 9 spells... people will still complain about being underpowered. 509)Magic the Gathering system becomes d&d spellcasting; schools are changed to white, black, blue, red and green.
EvilPheemy 12-16-06, 02:47 PM	510 - Just Prior to design of D&D4, Hasbro will buy both Games Workshop and Blizzard, merging them with Wizards of the Coast to create Hazzard Workshops on the Coast. All staff will be laid off in favor of automated miniature factories and decision-making AI algorithms normally used for mobs in MMORPGs. The result will be that D&D4 will require a $50 monthly subscription, unassembled, unpainted Miniature Booster packs imported from England for $75 per blister or $200 per boxed set, and a $7000 dedicated workstation/ VR rig hardwired directly to Regional HWotC Beowulf clusters. There will be no "Official" campaign setting, but rather the sole environment (under pain of death) will become "The Old Forgotten World of Eberron's Empires".
Artector 12-16-06, 03:25 PM	511. All DND books will be made out of hemp. The government will ban them immediatly, starting the Coporate Wars! 512. Dwarves will breathe fire. This is in no way related to Dragons, or beer.
Ryusage 12-16-06, 05:39 PM	44). there wil be no 4th edition instead there will be the 3.142857142817542857142 edition. We're already at 3.5:confused: How could we go back 0.357 editions?
Artector 12-16-06, 05:55 PM	44). there wil be no 4th edition instead there will be the 3.142857142817542857142 edition. Back in elementary school I knew that was the worst idea ever. 22/7 is wildly inaccurate.
Larz_Fang 12-18-06, 03:22 AM	I think the poor chap just randomly pressed all buttons until he got tired and decided to quit to that. Let's see what I would have written: first, "3." then just random numbers. 3.2176546527457521279974528589452 How very odd. :confused:
Thanqol 12-18-06, 03:43 AM	...
Otto the Bugbear 12-18-06, 12:12 PM	513. Two minutes after 4th edition is announced, people will start rumors about the impending 5th edition. 514. Two seconds after people start rumors about the impending 5th edition, someone will replace the '5' with a '$'. That person will then think themselves clever. :rolleyes:
OperKOT 12-18-06, 03:30 PM	will spontaneously combust, rendering them useless Nooo, they'll burn in your hands!
Artector 12-18-06, 04:57 PM	I think the poor chap just randomly pressed all buttons until he got tired and decided to quit to that. Let's see what I would have written: first, "3." then just random numbers. 3.2176546527457521279974528589452 How very odd. :confused: Except the number he placed was very close to the actual division of 22/7. Here's what my computer gives me: 3.1428571428571428571428571428571 Here's what he had: 3.142857142817542857142 Differs past the 28, so its possible they were random, but I have doubts. It doesn't matter, a friend and I had been discussing it.
Larz_Fang 12-19-06, 04:33 AM	Except the number he placed was very close to the actual division of 22/7. Here's what my computer gives me: 3.1428571428571428571428571428571 Here's what he had: 3.142857142817542857142 Differs past the 28, so its possible they were random, but I have doubts. It doesn't matter, a friend and I had been discussing it. Wow, that's creepy... :hides:
One_WingedAngel 01-09-07, 11:02 PM	:bump: 515. New races will be "Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow" 516. Core classes will be "Wizard, Warrior, Archer, and Valkyrie" 517. All classes will have infinite ammo, for game balance
Beckertron 01-09-07, 11:40 PM	Except the number he placed was very close to the actual division of 22/7. Here's what my computer gives me: 3.1428571428571428571428571428571 Here's what he had: 3.142857142817542857142 Differs past the 28, so its possible they were random, but I have doubts. It doesn't matter, a friend and I had been discussing it. Um, why cant we have 22/7 Ed.? 518. To speed up gaming, the PHB will include 11 pre-made characters to begin play with, they will all be bards
Larz_Fang 01-10-07, 02:58 AM	518. To speed up gaming, the PHB will include 11 pre-made characters to begin play with, they will all be bards No no, bards are going to be dumped.
Brightblade 01-10-07, 04:30 AM	519: 4th edition will play itself. No more need for bothersome dungeon masters! No more need for bothersome players! Watch as it arbitrarily vetoes the characters you create, rolls its own, plays the game and balances the rules to its own preferences based on the outcome of its own pregenerated adventures! Marvel at the way 4th edition's powerful AI finds the most effective means to generate experience and gold for itself and power games better than you ever hoped you could. Watch as it cooks, cleans, chops, slices and dices vegetables, and devises brilliant and efficient plans for world domination! Watch as it completes those plans and then passes world laws making you and your group of gaming buddies outlaws! Watch as it has you captured, thrown into.....A DUNGEON.....and then provides you with the company of a REAL LIFE DRAGON! You can't beat that kind of power kids! Buy your copy NOW!
Sphyre 01-10-07, 05:03 AM	520) Paladins code of conduct is 965,694 pages long, detailing every single conceivable situation in which they could possibly lose their powers. As a general rule of thumb, whenever someone, anyone, even the kid off the street questions the morality of a Paladin's actions, he loses his powers. 521) Alignment system reworked. Now it's even more ambiguous, and simply by having an alignment people get bonuses against you. CG no longer exists, and is replaced by "the diet coke of evil" 522) Kender are now a PHB race 523) Called shot system to add realism. 524) New stat: Luck! People wanted a stat for it, and wizards listened. No information has been disclosed on it's mechanics. 525) Special 4th edition dice will be used for mechanics. The most used dice will be the d5, d7, d9, d11, d13, d15, and d(2^32582657)-1. The d(2^32582657)-1 will be replacing the d20 in terms of common mechanics. (I just did a quick search, and as of some date in 2006, it was the largest prime number known with a total of 9808358 digits.) 526) New diseases!: Cancer threats! 527) New Lawyer template for BBEGs! Motivate your PCs to actually kill him!
Sledgerosaur 01-10-07, 01:05 PM	btw i have a REAL d3. does that mean im in 4th ed? http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=tbn:pb5zw8krUyZPcM:http://d89156.i50.quadrahosting.com.au/images/chxxt0316.jpg 528) magical liopleurodons are a core race 529) all races are la+0, to be fair
Szatany 01-10-07, 01:22 PM	530: In order to balance the fighter, he will have only 5 bonus feats overall. 531: Every feat will have an example NPC after it. 532: There will only be one ability score, but it will have 6 subscores.
Larz_Fang 01-11-07, 05:00 AM	btw i have a REAL d3. does that mean im in 4th ed? http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=tbn:pb5zw8krUyZPcM:http://d89156.i50.quadrahosting.com.au/images/chxxt0316.jpg Nope, mine is going to be much stranger.