Post/Author/DateTime	Post
John_of_Ark 05-23-07, 07:50 PM	There may be one of these already, but I can't find it, so here we go. Post your funniest moments in this thread. I'll start off by giving you guys mine: My group chased a thief into a church. I walked in the front doors with my weapons drawn, where a priest walks up to me and asks why I'm brandishing my sword, so instead of being diplomatic about the situation I do the only logical thing to do: Cast Ghost Sound(bear) behind him. While he's freaking out, I run around out back of the church to meet up with our rogue. I put up a wire across the back door so anyone coming out will trip. We see the thief jump out a window and we grab him. The priest hears the commotion, runs outside, and trips on the wire. To make things worse, our fighter was following directly behind him and also tripped, almost crushing the poor priest. Alright, now its your turn. I'll award a :cookie: to any story that makes me laugh out loud.
SpoonNinja 05-23-07, 09:35 PM	Our Bard attempted to jump **into** a treasure Golem and throw his insides far enough away to weaken it. Me, being a Sorc/wiz with 11 str,con,and dex, with a 10 ac and to boot actualy tried to pick up the book titled "Deadly traps and big explosions." Our group took on a/the Render(Not grey render) and we managed to knock it down, and sever it's head. Our bard proptly threw it out the window in a victory kind of way. The Render started to regenerate. And I had no spells to deal with it. We stuffed him in a room with lots of rumble inside and out. We later went in search of the head, which regrew the body, of course. We took him down alot easier than the first time, but this time we just kept him "dead" while we fasioned our "Handy Dandy Render Trap Kit.(tm)" Basicaly, I shoved two large pointed stick in it's eye sockets, we put a small boulder in it's gullet, dislocated it's arms and hog tied it, then our druid Shaped Wood some thicker "cuffs." We drug it back to town for four days, killing it steadily. Then we had the town leader blast it with some good ol' lightning. Me and my in-game-brother, the bard, got shanghaid into bed by this "woman."(Think Hilary clintons face on Arnold's body(when is was actualy in shape), but black and with a mohawk.) They called her Bertha Blackbeared. When one of our party member got killed, he rolled a half orc barbarian, and him and our Dwarf fighter got into a min bar-brawl. They took it outside and after a little while their little scuffle was ended by the Dwarf managing a crit when he two-handed-uppercutted the half-orc in the balls. They shared a couple beers afterwards and became good friend's. the orc is to blame for the Bertha encounter. Also, one more thing about our bard, just because he was the most out there person of the group before he died, he's the only person ive seen take little or no dmg, while wearing only a silk shirt, from the same creature that was dealing lot's of dmg to our full-plated paladin and Dwarf.
Adrez Nesnsid 07-09-07, 06:49 PM	:bump:
SpoonNinja 07-09-07, 09:19 PM	:bump:
Adrez Nesnsid 07-09-07, 10:06 PM	Does anybody know if the old Funniest Moments thread is still in the archives somewhere (you know, the one that was about 50+ pages long)
ghost_image 07-10-07, 12:36 AM	My group has had a few funny moments: 1.We were in a completely pitch black room, and nobody had dark vision... Me(Bard): I cast "light" on one of my cards and fling it into the room. Dm: Roll a d% Me: :confused: oooookay......95 Dm: you have hit a dire rat in the eye, it is constantly losing hp and is always flat footed 2. (New campaign/different party) We infultrated a thieves guild to retrieve someones daggar (a family hierloom). We were all lvl1 and didnt want to fight head on. So we infultrated the kitchens, bribed the staff and poisoned the main course. Our rouge disguised himself as a member of the guild and bound me w/ some shackles from the dungeon (a few members had seen me and would have attacked on sight if I tried to serve the food alone). Rouge: Get in there *gives me a kick* Me (Monk): Grrrr... Guild member #1: Alright ya caught im' Rouge: yeah he was nothin' Member#2: Well, serve the food!!! Rouge: *kicks me again* I put the food on the table and we hastily retreat to the kitchen. We all listen intently to the sounds of the entire guild's explosive diarreah. 3. Another campaign, another party. I was a level 5 pally and my buddy was a level 5 Ranger, and upon opening a door we see "what appears to be an Ice-Devil". At first the ranger automatically wishes to close the door and leave but the pally convinces him otherwise after seeing it was asleep. After moving silently up to it both the ranger and pally attempt a coup de' grace on the devil (after many "are you sure?"'s from our DM). Anywho, after the attack, the DM rolls the fortitude save and rolls a natural 1...the devil dies. DM: *slight pause* "Suddenly what appeared to be an Ice-Devil turns out to be a polymorphed imp!" Well, later on during a short break I talked to the DM Me: "Hey Tom, just between you and me, that Ice-Devil was just an imp in the first place right?" DM: *stares blankly and walks past*
Adrez Nesnsid 10-03-07, 07:22 PM	:bump:
Xper_Iance 10-05-07, 11:31 PM	So the paladin was protecting a village right, with the town gaurd. Now he had two companions; a druid with a wolf and "devilishly handsome" swashbuckler. Now there are lizardfolk besieging the town, there a poor defenses and the the town gaurd is on the perimeter preparing for them to come. The paladin, decides to hide inside a house with a bow and since he couldn't see the defensive line. He was waiting for the lizardfolk to kill the defensive line and rush in before sneak attacking them with an arrow. One of the town guard dies. The rest look llike there almost dead and what the paladin do? "Form a line in front of me! So I can survive." Later on in the adventure he ends up sneak attacking the wolf while its sleeping and forgets to use lay on hands on himself after the druid wakes up and kills him with his bare fists. That was the last time I DMed.
cloudncali 10-06-07, 01:10 AM	okokok best one: one of my players was an ex palidin, he got bit by a poison spider, we took him to the local prist to get healed, the prist healed him and wanted 5 gold for the service. the player took out a dagger and stabed the prist and then said, "RUN!" we had the entire village looking for us :rolleyes:
FreAkOuTRG 10-06-07, 09:25 PM	From my thread on "What's a DM to do?" Is this the way all campaigns begin? Or is it because this is my first time DM'ing? No, don't answer. It doesn't matter. Perhaps I should begin from the beginning. I've been playing D&D since my freshman year in highschool. I've always figured I would end up DM'ing eventually, but I never thought this kind of campaign existed. Of the four PC's, one showed up without a character, but with a background: "Brought up on a mountain, raised by a bear Taught by my sensei who was losing his hair." This player was also the one who had requested to play a necromancer, previously. He ended up with a dwarf conjuror, and proceeds to drink the hobgoblin warblade under the table (not literally) before attempting to steal his hair (literally, I assume it was for the sensei). Speaking of evil, their was one player that did arrive with an evil character. A bard. That used a "guitar-axe". No matter that the campaign (Pathfinder) was mostly medieval, this character wanted to play a heavy metal bard. You would think that one of these characters was responsible for the aforementioned kitten-punching. Unfortunately, this was not the case. Of the other two characters, one decided he would be a halfling scout. When Father Zantus' cart (see Pathfinder) trundled past, he decided he would attempt to follow it stealthily and attempt to give the evil-eye to the priest just enough to disconcert him. Luckily, he failed, being heard by one of the acolytes. But oh, oh no. That isn't all. I saved the best for last. The hobgoblin warblade. It begins with him a bit put out by his loss to the squishy wizard. At this point, he decides it would be a good idea to play baseball with an adamantine mug and his katana. Following the attack roll of the hobgoblin (whose name, by the way, was Hemorrhage, Hemorrhage the Hobgoblin, from one of my other players mangled attempt to pronounce "Himura") The pitcher manages to roll a natural 1 on his attack roll, so I rule that Hemorrhage hits the mug back into his face. He rolls damage, immediately dropping the commoner. He then turns his attention upon another hapless customer, "dueling" him with religious symbols (I don't quite get that part, but I assumed it was sacreligous). I decide the barkeep has had enough, and so he sends his dwarf bouncer (lvl 3 warrior) to toss him to the street, at which point Hemorrhage makes a string of horrible rolls (he must of rolled 20 times before he got over a 10) Due to his apparently accursed die, Hemorrhage, quite drunk, is now sprawled on the street. His first words: Hemorrhage: Is there anything fluffy around? Though I wasn't quite sure why he wanted something fluffy, I decide that there is a cat mewling two or so buildings down. His next words: Hemorrhage: Cool! I have fluffy-sense! I walk over, grab it, and wear it as a moustache for a disguise. ... He makes an unarmed strike, but rolls like a four, and I manage something in the range of 15 - 19. On the next turn, the cat mauls his face for one point of damage, before Hemorrhage tries to attack it, again failing miserably. Another attack from each character, but this time both hit, as Hemorrhage rolled a 19. Next thing you know, the cat is unconcious, and a little girl pops her head out of her house, see's the cat, and screams. Shortly thereafter, the hobgoblin is engaged in a duel with a city guard (again, level 3 warrior), still holding the cat to his face, convinced that no one would recognize him. Eventually, I just had the goblins attack. Yes, in the hour of our first meeting, we did not manage to get to the fight with the 3 goblins, which was supposed to be the first fight, because it was at that moment that we realized we would be late for the buses if we waited any longer. However, it has given me some ideas on plot points. The cat? Recurring villain. I'm awakening it and giving it levels in rogue, ninja and/or scout. The little girl? High Priestess of something or other (the head DM mentioned that there was an evil goddess of cats. I need to look into it.) I'm going to have fun with this. What do you guys think? I know I'm being to lenient, but then... In our last game, by level 3 we had the makings of a pirate empire. We slaughtered the priests of an evil sect and the crewmembers aboard the raiding ship of another evil sect (who hated the first evil sect). So we somehow ended up with 4 skycrystals (how the airships were powered in this homebrew campaign), one ship and a plot of land. (note: The hobgoblins player was in this campaign as well, playing a xvart cleric. He decided to attach a skycrystal to a surfboard a la Silver Surfer. But enough about that, different campaign) So I suppose it's a matter of perspective.
Dragonturtle 10-06-07, 09:44 PM	I was DMing for a fairly new group, and our third level mage ran out of spells while we were fighting some goblins, then darts while we fought an ogre. He cast invisibilty on himself, and hid behind a rock. This was a tough ogre, and it was making mincemeat out of the characters on the front lines. They almost had it (down to five hitpoints), but by the end there was nobody left except for this mage. He said "I step out and throw a rock at the ogre." Me: "you know that removes your invisibility, right?" Him: "yeah" Me: "okay then" I ruled that a rock would do the same damage as a dart, but that he would be taking a non proficiency penalty on the attack. He threw the rock and got a critical hit and max damage, dropping the ogre. No one died. This was the same mage that soloed two lizardmen on his first adventure ever, and won. In my defense, the party shouldn't have tried to fight the ogre, they've run away before when it was smart. As for the lizardmen, the party could have withdrawn instead of entering the hole, but even though the first four lizardmen nearly killed the fighters, they still went in.
_Bolshack_Dragon_ 10-07-07, 01:20 AM	Okay, so we are on a ship, and we just beat a Kraken. All of a sudden a storm picks up, and it lasts for 2 weeks. We are trying to figure out a way to get out and my Shugenja puts in his two cents. Me(To Druid): Dude, lets summon a bunch of air elementals and have them blow the storm the other way. Rogue: How will that work? It's a storm. Me: Okay then lets summon a bunch of storm elementals. Rogue: And do what, storm it up some more? Me: Then how about Omnimentals? Rogue: Dude, elementals aren't going to help. Me: Yeah, but they are Omnimentals. Rogue: So? Me: Well, they look cool. Rogue: He's got a point.
Kesthol 10-07-07, 02:48 AM	"I will make sure I beat the gnome. I give you my word." -- LN dwarf fighter-type, to an NPC gnome (reincarnated from an ogre we just accidentally managed to beat), in reference to our party's primary sorcerer, PC 2 (a CN gnome, who got us into the battle in the first place (and did more damage to the party in one round than the ogre did in four)); the dwarf never goes back on his word. *Dwarf grapples PC gnome (+13 grapple modifier vs. ~+1), carries PC gnome; NPC gnome sleeps the PC gnome; NPC gnome proceeds to steal all the gear of the PC gnome while the dwarf, still holding the PC gnome, looks on.* *PC 3: (N Bard) notices that the NPC gnome stole all the PC gnome's stuff, bargains back the armor (and calls it quits with the armor, leaving behind approximately 50-100 gp in gear, clothes, and other possessions).* PC 4: (Kesthol, see sig), offers to help beat the PC gnome (Kesthol took the most damage from the gnome). He is quite pleased at this prospect. The game session ended there; I should have resolution later tomorrow. I am betting against an internal TPK, but it is possible. *** Update *** So the party got ambushed by a lightning storm and an invisible ogre. The gnome ended up dead (and failed the reincarnate saves) before we could settle the beating. :( Oh well.
dragonstalker427 10-07-07, 03:42 AM	once in a late (very, very, late) session I was dming on the fly cuz we just wanted to play, the PCs went into a tavern and, as per usual for at least one of my players characters, every campagin ordered "the strongest stuff you got" the barkeep called for Moe to come serve them "the special stuff". A troll came out of the back room and asked the players what color. the same one who asked for the drinks responded with red, so moe got out a flask of bright red, something that was presumably alchoholic. and what did the silly character do? certainly not the intelligent thing, you know, not drink the bright red unidentified liquid, oh no, he drank it. and proceeded to polymorph into a 3 foot yellow cube with an eye on each of it's five of it's six faces, it could also levitate one ft above the ground and had a large gaping mouth on it's sixth face. Unfortunately the fun didn't stop there. The second character decided to ask moe for a drink, and when asked what color he said purple. I believe he became a humanoid(?) creature made of red mud, technically he was amporhpous but he started out humanoid. The night continued with them drinking various other colors and turning inot various other strange things, eventually the first one drank white and changed back, at this point the second char had reobtained his original body, only made of stone. Then they managed to get into a combat, which meant I had to actually figure out what being stone did to his stats. In all reality this belongs in the 1001 strangest moments, but since it was like 2 in the morning and we had all long since sat down on the purple couch, fallen off of it, rolled underneath it, and started fighting with the dust bunnies. (Something I intend to make an adventure out of one day.) it was actually quite hilarious. Then again, anyone who has ever managed to get on the couch, let alone fall off and roll under, knows how ANYTHING at that point can be completely and utterly hilarious.
Adrez Nesnsid 10-07-07, 08:40 AM	In all reality this belongs in the 1001 strangest moments, but since it was like 2 in the morning and we had all long since sat down on the purple couch, fallen off of it, rolled underneath it, and started fighting with the dust bunnies. (Something I intend to make an adventure out of one day.) it was actually quite hilarious. Then again, anyone who has ever managed to get on the couch, let alone fall off and roll under, knows how ANYTHING at that point can be completely and utterly hilarious. You can Just copy-and-paste it into any other/additional threads you think it would be appropriate in. I'll even put a link here to a good one: 1001 "What The...." Ideas (http://forums.gleemax.com/showthread.php?p=14013949)
annoyinglizardvoice 10-07-07, 12:03 PM	The party enters a small tavern to look for someone. The hard guy and the spellslinger try to get some info out of the patrons. This leaves the rogue/sorceress and the assassin. The party is low on cash so the r/s starts picking a rich merchant's pocket to pay for her booze. The assassin stands next to the r/s (and only her) and anounces she will do the same. Despite the fact that she's not making money as quickly as she expected, the assassin player's constant rolling etc, the r/s player doesn't realise that the assassin is stealing money at all, let alone that it's HER cash that's being stolen. The r/s player was enraged when we told her at the end.
Lord Karsus 10-08-07, 12:31 AM	-My character (Cleric 5 / Morninglord 2) introduces himself to a surly and grizzled captain of the watch. Morninglord Alton Honeywell: "Greetings, sir. I'm Morninglord Alton Honeywell, of the Monastary of the Twin Suns." Captain of the Watch: "And, I'm not impressed." -The funny thing about it was that the DM did not miss a beat when he blurted out that line.
Marvelboy 10-08-07, 04:49 PM	There may be one of these already, but I can't find it, so here we go. Post your funniest moments in this thread. I'll start off by giving you guys mine: My group chased a thief into a church. I walked in the front doors with my weapons drawn, where a priest walks up to me and asks why I'm brandishing my sword, so instead of being diplomatic about the situation I do the only logical thing to do: Cast Ghost Sound(bear) behind him. While he's freaking out, I run around out back of the church to meet up with our rogue. I put up a wire across the back door so anyone coming out will trip. We see the thief jump out a window and we grab him. The priest hears the commotion, runs outside, and trips on the wire. To make things worse, our fighter was following directly behind him and also tripped, almost crushing the poor priest. Alright, now its your turn. I'll award a :cookie: to any story that makes me laugh out loud. Take a look at the "Best Lines Ever" thread in the "What's A Player To Do?" section.
Edwin_Durock 10-08-07, 10:21 PM	me (dwarven druid of bast (dont ask....just dear god dont ask)) girlfriend drow dragon shaman. friend. human bard. ive been living in some haunted woods for some time now. the bard and dragon shaman come to my woods trying to learn about a kobald enfestation. so i merily guide them through. me jake (my wolf animal companion) the bard and the (as it was put in character) "Get the purple elf over here would ya" creap up on a hill. the bard explains they need to see much closer to where the kobalds are....so me and jake go wandering off to distract the kobalds (please note this group is just meeting) and we cause quite a commotion at one of the kobolds encampments. Now this is no reason for amusement....but on the way back to the hill we find one kobald with a whip dominating several kobald slaves.....he is blocking me and the wolf from getting to the hills.....so i cast summon natures allie (squid) ON the kobalds face. now there is a rather confused kobald with something attached to its face preventing it from breathing. there is a panicking squid that is unable to breath. and several kobald slaves see their jailer just turned into the physical representation of their god. at this point im informed my wolf's expresion is effectivly :thinks: at it try's to figure out what and why i just did.i walk over and draw my sickle but pause at the kobald attempts to rip the squid off its face. anyone that knows aquatic animals know's squids are rubbery.....and elasticity. it streaches and pulls.....the slaves are scared and running....and even my druid is pausing to reflect how it looks......final note.....anyone else thinking cuthulu?
ptj2500 10-12-07, 03:15 PM	well we were a lot of persons and a dwarf on the team had just ated some red sticks and a little while after we were attacked and he ended up in the sideline and puked and shited at the same time a little while after he were done and we had finished the fight we came to a pool were he washed it of but the pool was magical and blasted it back in his head and made i even worse
Adrez Nesnsid 10-12-07, 07:49 PM	I once described a scene in a chaos-aligned plane using text lifted directly from the song "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds"
TheJackOfSpades 10-13-07, 12:01 AM	well we were a lot of persons and a dwarf on the team had just ated some red sticks and a little while after we were attacked and he ended up in the sideline and puked and shited at the same time a little while after he were done and we had finished the fight we came to a pool were he washed it of but the pool was magical and blasted it back in his head and made i even worse There was NO, absolutely NO punctuation ANYWHERE in that paragraph/disgustingly long run on sentence/unreadable pile of junk. Is a period too much to ask for? Maybe a comma? God forbid you popped out a semi-colon. That is an english teachers worst nightmare. I am going to attempt to make it readable, please bare with me... Well, we had a lot of people, and a dwarf on the team had just eaten some red sticks. A little while later, we were attacked, and he ended up in the sideline regurgitating and deficating at the same time. A little while after, he was done, and we had finished the fight. We came to a pool, where he washed it off, but the pool was magical, and blasted it back in his head and made it even worse. Don't even bother replying back, as I believe I might commit suicide trying to decipher your response. As a side note, I was really, REALLY, tempted to change the "in his head" to almost anything else, but given the intelligence displayed here, I have the sinking feeling that you actually did mean "INTO" his head.
Adrez Nesnsid 10-13-07, 07:52 AM	There was NO, absolutely NO punctuation ANYWHERE in that paragraph/disgustingly long run on sentence/unreadable pile of junk. Is a period too much to ask for? Maybe a comma? God forbid you popped out a semi-colon. That is an english teachers worst nightmare. I am going to attempt to make it readable, please bare with me... Well, we had a lot of people, and a dwarf on the team had just eaten some red sticks. A little while later, we were attacked, and he ended up in the sideline regurgitating and deficating at the same time. A little while after, he was done, and we had finished the fight. We came to a pool, where he washed it off, but the pool was magical, and blasted it back in his head and made it even worse. Don't even bother replying back, as I believe I might commit suicide trying to decipher your response. As a side note, I was really, REALLY, tempted to change the "in his head" to almost anything else, but given the intelligence displayed here, I have the sinking feeling that you actually did mean "INTO" his head. YOU MISSPELLED "DEFECATING" you *******! :D :P .
TheJackOfSpades 10-13-07, 01:35 PM	God damn it! I actually looked up regurgitating to make sure it was spelled right, and started to check DEFECATING and accidently closed the window. At that point I just didn't care, lol. Atleast you knew what word I was going for :-P
Shiftkitty 11-30-07, 08:46 PM	Flying Buffalo's "Desperadoes" was an Old West game that was meant to mimc Hollywood more than history (qv TSR's "Boot Hill"). It wasn't even "Deadlands", it was just "Desperadoes". I don't think it was ever meant to be taken too seriously. Which is where Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum the Wonder Horses come in. One player's desperado, a half-Apache hombre with a strong connection to the land and a strong addiction to picking fights he couldn't possibly win, rode (because nobody could ever really "own") Tweedle-Dee and had scored pretty damn well on his ability to control the horse. His brother, who played his brother/primary antagonist in the game, handled Tweedle-Dum with much less success. The Apache, named Thunder Bow for his tendency to strap dynamite to arrows (good score with it, too), was proudly boasting about his ability to ride Tweedle-Dee to one of the dance hall girls just outside of the saloon. As he would brag, the player would mimic patting the horse's hindquarters. (Quick note: both players are experienced horsemen in real life.) Garth, the Apache's white half-brother, was sitting in his saddle, doing his best to take Thunder Bow's ego down a notch or two. Now, horses don't need to be secured very well if they know their business. You just drape the reins over the rail and they'll stay put if they're well-behaved. Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum were actually behaving themselves this day. It's just that there had been one too many slaps to Tweedle-Dee's hind end. SLAP! Off he went with a snort and a whinny, kicking Thunder Bow into the trough as he left. Garth was laughing his ass off but then decided to show Little Missy how a real man rode a horse. With a sharp kick, Tweedle-Dum spun around and they went after Tweedle-Dee. As Tweedle-Dum caught up to Tweedle-Dee, Garth soon realized that Tweedle-Dee was flipping his head away from him to keep him from grabbing the reins. Garth was in danger of falling out of the saddle as he leaned, so he pulled a great "Horsemanship" roll and set himself so that his left leg was in his right stirrup, and then got his right foot into Tweedle-Dee's left stirrup and grabbed the reins. So now these two horses are racing side by side with a cowboy streched between them. Enter the saguaro cactus... It took the sheriff and two deputies most of the rest of the afternoon to safely unstick him. The horses, having passed on either side of the cactus, continued their run to a small field, ate some grass, then came back trotting merrily.
Count_Dookie 11-30-07, 11:42 PM	last time I was dming, my group was walking down an empty hallway and found 2 goblins. They fought and killed them both and then one of them asked a stupid question and this was the following conversation him"I search the room" me"youre in an empty hallway" him"well I seach the hallway" me"fine, you find two chests" him"I open them, whats inside?" me"goblin organs. what part of empty hallway dont you understand?"
Tuah 12-01-07, 02:06 AM	The party stands outside a large building which they have to infiltrate. Two guards stand just inside the door. They look tough. And by tough, I mean an RPGA level 4 encounter, and I'm a level 1 sorceror with 4 level 2's to back me up. I ready Dancing Lights and a few Ghost Sounds. PCs: "HELP! They're after us!" Guards: "Who is?" Rogue: (Bluff 17) "I don't know, they came out of nowhere, and they're about to come kill us all!" Guards: (Sense Motive 19) "Are you trying to mess with us?" Sorceror: *casts the spells. Shouting can be heard* Rogue: (Bluff 27) "There they are!" Guards: (Sense Motive 2) "Huh... I guess you're right. Let's go save the villagers!" We enter, slam the doors shut, and bar them. And run into two more.
wizard of Newfoundland 12-01-07, 01:23 PM	last time I was dming, my group was walking down an empty hallway and found 2 goblins. They fought and killed them both and then one of them asked a stupid question and this was the following conversation him"I search the room" me"youre in an empty hallway" him"well I seach the hallway" me"fine, you find two chests" him"I open them, whats inside?" me"goblin organs. what part of empty hallway dont you understand?" LOL that is one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time!
holybarbarian 12-02-07, 04:09 AM	My DM, being the machiavellian genius that he is, decided that the evil sorcerer would have a train set in his lair. Except instead of trains, he'd have zepplins. Me (dwarf fighter): are they hydrogen or helium? DM: figure it out Me: alright, i set a stick on fire and poke one DM: um... make a reflex save (fail) you take 2d4 fire damage, and you are deaf Party: Idiot. i gather the zepplins on a string and carry them around with us for the rest of the tower; i try to find a use for them, using them to open chests and such for no real reason. so, we go into a room with a bunch of cats in cages. we much around, do our thing, but when we leave a large demon hellcat busts out of its cage and attacks us. As in all good stories like this, i've been failing every roll miserably, even attack rolls with a significant bonus. DM: alright, ur up Monk! (long joke, means me) Me: say, how close am i to its head? DM: err, you're in melee range, why? Me: i reach back, grab the zepplins, and smash them in its face! DM: ...WHAT! Me: it would totally work, its right there! DM: umm... give me an attack roll- no way you are proficient in blimp flail, take a -4 Me: ...CRIT! DM: .... how many blimps? Me: i still have 4, so thats 8d4 damage, and its deaf DM: (rolls) doesnt matter, its dead... Party: what?
Nerick_Zinekamcen 12-09-07, 07:25 PM	This is my favorite DnD story ever! http://www.dndadventure.com/html/articles/gaming_stories.html It's the first one about the Gazebo
Iabes_Q_c_a_Mahorella 12-10-07, 01:57 AM	My DM, being the machiavellian genius that he is, decided that the evil sorcerer would have a train set in his lair. Except instead of trains, he'd have zepplins. Yup.... that's me. So this is where you hide the fun stuff, eh? subscrib'd.
holybarbarian 12-10-07, 01:06 PM	Yup.... that's me. So this is where you hide the fun stuff, eh? subscrib'd. just because everything i do is hilarious doesnt mean u need to stalk me online!
Ruleroftheblind 12-10-07, 03:34 PM	I once had a player playing a two-headed treant, McNeville and McNorbert were his names. He carried with him a huge-size spiked chain with a spiked statue of Garl Glittergold on one end. With his normal reach plus that of his weapon's he decided to bring hell to a nearby orc army that had been planning an attack on the elven village in the forest where he lived. One hundred orcs lost their lives that day to the sounds of Scottish accented and Irish accented voices crying out, "GAAAAAAAARL GLITTERGOOOOOOLD!!!!!!!" as the tree trampled through the ranks swinging. On a different occasion my players were traveling through the sewers under a city. They were trying to find there way to the military orc outposts that had been built in the city when the orcs took over. At one point, our rogue found a grate above him and looked up. I had him make a fortitude save because the sight above him was that of an unusually fat orc wearing a loin cloth standing above the great. "Why do I need to make a fortitude save?" he asks me. "IT'S ORC JUNK!"
theblackpiece 12-11-07, 02:23 PM	wow! that made me laugh out loud...
Ruleroftheblind 12-11-07, 02:47 PM	Just recalled one more. I had run a little prequel/intro session with one of my players the night before. During which time he had encountered a broodling kython (which are poisonous for those of you who don't know), he fought it off with relative ease. The following day I was running a little prequel/intro session with the barbarian character, it took place in the same stretch of forest. Upon stepping into the clearing where the kython had been slain, the barbarian realizes he hasn't eaten that day. Seeing kython's less-than-fresh-but-still-edible-to-a-barbarian meat lying unattended in front of him, he plops down and digs in. Failing his fortitude save he is soon poisoned and wastes the rest of the day lying on the forest floor hoping for the best.
Nerick_Zinekamcen 12-14-07, 10:08 PM	This is the Funniest thing that ever happened to me (well the rogue) The party was made up of me (a Paladin named Enilix) and my friends brother(Rogue/Assasain named Murtalap) He was also chaotic evil (but my paladin didn't know that.) Murtalap recently finished buying out the town (so he was essentially in charge(his dream from day 1)) The town was named Darkos after the founder. Well later in the adventure we went through a mysterious portal, and found a caravan of explorers. The following conversation went like this: Murtalap: I want to rob the explorers. Enilix: That would be wrong and dishonest! DM: That, plus the fact that you'd be seen. (Explorer): Make sure all the gold's still in the bags of holding! Murtalap: Fine, I poison my weapon and charge the camp. Enilix: Not while I'm around! I grab the rogue. DM: Make an attack roll Enilix: (7) DM: Sorry, you miss the rogue. Murtalap: I slaughter everyone in camp. DM: you succed everyone is dead. (Explorer): (returning from the woods) I can't beleive it. You killed Darkos! Murtalap::OMG! (in both game and in real life) Enilix: I knock him out with my mercifull longsword(My paladin was a pacifest) DM: you succed he is lying on the ground Enilix: I place him in a tree for safekeeping DM: O K (The rogue wakes up becoming a human sacrifice to an assasin worshiping nerull)
_Bolshack_Dragon_ 02-11-08, 09:47 PM	Vampire: By the way, I'm a Druid fighter from the south Bard: Not a Rogue/Assassin? Vampire: no Bard: hmmmm Vampire: with one level in rogue, just for the first SA Bard: Oh, okay.Did you just take Fighter for the Bonus Feats? Vampire: Sorta Bard: Ha Vampire: haha, hey, can you keep a secret? Bard: (aside) I don't have any ranks in bluff Vampire: what was that? Bard: go ahead though Vampire: I am not a druid fighter Bard: *gasps* Vampire: Cleric Bard: A Vampire Cleric!? That's weird. Vampire: Hey, we undead that live so long weren't graced with those nifty new luck feats now were we?
_Bolshack_Dragon_ 02-11-08, 10:03 PM	A wizard just stopped two rival gangs from getting into a fight with a warding spell of sorts. Wizard: Now you guys better keep straight, or next time you might just find your selves in the middle of a fireball.(Turns around and walks off) Rogue: (backs off slowly, yet confidently, waving his hands at them spookily)(whispers) Fireball
Mr_Seth 02-13-08, 07:40 PM	"Night falls..." "CLANG!rattlerattlerattleclinkclangCRAASH !" "....oooowch!" "..and then, sometime later, the sun goes down."
Shiftkitty 02-13-08, 09:26 PM	"Night falls..." "CLANG!rattlerattlerattleclinkclangCRAASH !" "....oooowch!" "..and then, sometime later, the sun goes down." :LOL: Okay, if you're going to be that way... A guest DM paraphrased the late, great Spike Jones, describing the setting thusly: "As the sun pulls away from the shore, and your boat sinks slowly in the west..." I had my go once, quoting a Laurel & Hardy movie: "The night was dark. They usually are."
Satyrus 02-14-08, 12:18 AM	Ok so I was running a mini-session for two of my friends. They were playing a pair of half-orcs, one a fighter while the other was a barbarian who had 20 strength and they were both level 3. They start by walking into a village in which everybody is panicking and running around. After trying to get ahold of someone to figure out what's going on but having no luck becasue all the villagers are yelling incoherently about dying. They get very frustrated and proceed to slaughter the inhabitants to get information out of them. Of course that only made them more panicked and everyone that lived fled the village. At some point during the slaughter the fighter climbed onto a roof and only managed to dodge lightning when he failed a balance check. This becomes important later. The last person they kill is a midget(yes I know they technically don't exist in DnD) who also has repercussions later. Anyway after scaring off the entire populace they decide to go after a group of goblins that they think are what caused the villagers to panic, why they did this after killing half the village I don't know. Anyway they come to the goblins lair which is hidden and decide to wait for the goblinds to show themselves. They take shelter in a nearby cave and start a fire. Bored the fighter decides to use his Craft(Wagon) skill(don't ask) and makes a wagon out of wood. Then they both go hunting making a pair of wolfhide pillows and stuffing them with owl feathers. They go to sleep in the wagon, without putting the fire out. They wake up the next morning to find they've burned down half the forest and they find signs of goblin activity so they decide it's not safe to sleep on the ground. So they try the trees, neither of them having climb or balance checks that were particularly good, especially with the fighter's heavy armor. They spend the next WEEK climbing the tree to go to sleep failing there checks, falling from said trees and taking damage which they then had to sleep to regain HP. They stayed at consistently low HP until they find more goblin prints and for some reason they choose now to panic. So instead of walking back they go hunting to capture animals to pull the wagon. They catch two deer, a moose and an elk and hook them to the wagon. They quickly drive the team far away until they need food and find a small pond with berry bushes around it. The fighter decides to try fishing and gets a tug, he makes a strength check opposed by whatever he caught and gets pulled in since he refuses to let go. The barbarian, standing next to him makes a reflex save to grab him and suceeds only to fail his strength save, even with a +5 and gets pulled under. After another round barbatian lets go gets a footing in the bottom of the pond and grabs the fighter again. This time he manages to drag both the cleric and his catch out of the water, which ends up being a shark. The fighter decides to make a cape out of its skin and it's now one of his favorite items. After this they become paranoid again and decide to move on hitching up their deer, elk, and moose and heading off. At dusk they check to see if anythings behind them and both fail a listen check and believe the goblins have chased them all the way(they never actually saw any of the goblins in this campaign) and decide to drive on through the night. They crash the wagon and several of the animals are injured and no longer able to pull the cart. So they do the only logical thing. Put the animals in the wagon, harness up the barbarian and have him pull the wagon to town? :confused: Their arrival was one which stood out as a hulking half-orc harnessed to a wagon carrying two deer, a moose, and an elk while he's being whipped by the fighter. :eek: Anyway they decide they'd better tell the leaders of the town about the "deadly goblin force" but when they get inside they are spotted by a villager who declares "Those are the two that killed by brother's sister's nephew's midget uncle!" They were arrested and over a dozen other people with similar lineages from the village testified aginst them. Everyone wa related to this midget. Their sent to jail where they come into the acquaitence of the now infamous "Twitchy". A human rogue, he was also at the village in the beginning of the adventure and was struck by the lightning that missed the fighter. He's an epic-level rogue(not that the players knew it at the time) but is now mentally unstable. I think one of the conversations with him went as follows. Fighter: Twitchy, will you help us get out of here? Twitchy(In jail cell):Get out of where? Fighter: Out of the jail cell were in can you get us out? Twitchy: I like cupcakes. Fighter: ... Ok will get you some cupcakes when we get out, ok? Twitchy: Ok Fighter:... Fighter: Can we get out now? Twitchy: Get out of where? This goes on until they finally convince him to break out which he does in a heartbeat and then the conversation finishes. Fighter: Ok, good job Twitchy I'll get you those cupcakes later. Twitchy: I hate cupcakes! They also freed all the other prisoners in the jail and led a prison break. After a while they were faced off with a group of lightly armored guards and the only distinguishing factor was that the guards wore helmets. Fighter: Twitchy, only kill the men with helmets, ok, only the people with helmets. Twitchy: OK Of course as soon as he's unleashed he proceeds to kill a guard by stabbing him in the throat while running up him doing a triple backflip and stabbing a pair of guards in one round. The players expression was something like this:OMG! Then one of the escapees kills a guard and dons his helm as a trophy. Both players cringe and in ablink Twitchy jumps across the room and kills him in one blow. The adventure ended with them sending the escapees to sac city hall while they quietly escaped. ;) I haven't brought Twitchy back yet but I'm sure he'll make a reappearence soon.
nivlac_calvin 02-18-08, 02:05 PM	This was an encounter between a NPC (CN cleric, trickery and chaos) joining my lone PC (CN fighter) PC ooc: I peak through the door DM (Me) ooc: you see a cleric, *rolls*, he spots you. PC ooc: I open the door all the way. NPC ic: Be thee friend or Foe? PC ic: Define friend and define foe. NPC ic: Do you want to kill me? PC ic: Depends, how much gold do you have? They are now great friends
Shiftkitty 03-14-08, 09:16 PM	Currently on break for a pizza run. This started out as the third party "War of the Burning Sky" campaign. My players, being who they are, have wandered completely off course. No problem, we're having fun so who cares? It's now a matter of survival on the front lines of an against-all-odds war. (For those of you who've seen the WotBS campaign, you know the background so I'll spare you the details. Suffice to say the bad guys may win the war.) Anyway, the good guys are working their way back to the lines after a failed mission to find help for the Shahalesti nation. They've been fighting for every mile of ground and the party has come across their latest encounter, a farm house with a small shrine to one side. It's obvious by the carnage that the farmer's family doesn't live there anymore. Time to attack. After all, they need to rest and there are no inns around. As they move in, three PCs, the fighter, cleric, and rogue, discover and engage the goblins hiding near the shrine. It's nighttime, so darkness is playing hell with the human members of the party. The elf wizard, however, makes a spot check for movement just across a creek and closer to the house. He jumps the creek (first time he's ever made a jump check successfully) and detects a pair of kobold archers, whose attention is on the goblins, waiting to see how the fight goes. So Tannen (NG Wiz2) decides to sneak around the farmhouse and come up behind the kobolds, ready to send a burning hands spell up their scaly little backsides. Would have been fine if I hadn't hidden a dekanter goblin in the shed. While Tannen is sneaking up on the kobolds, the dekanter goblin is sneaking up on Tannen. Right by the farmhouse window, Tannen takes a moment to peek in and see if there are more threats inside. He sees 2 hobgoblins and an orc. That was when the dekanter goblin sprung. SOOOOO.... Right outside the front room window, Tannen is in a life-or-death struggle with this psycho dekanter goblin who's trying to gore him. He hit the thing with burning hands and was getting his elfy butt handed to him on a platter by this little SOB, and Tannen's player remarked "So much for being quiet. I bet I just alerted those guys!" Well, I had already decided the bad guys were playing cards and arguing over whether or not someone was cheating (they all were). They failed to notice anything unusual, even with all modifiers in place. So imagine this scene, two hobgoblins and an orc playing cards, growling at each other about who's holding cards, dealing from under the deck, etc. In the background, just outside the window, an elf is getting torn apart by a dekanter goblin, cussing and screaming all the way. Finally the elf comes up, swinging his q-staff like a club until the dekanter goblin hits the ground. A few more swings put the dekanter goblin out of commission for good, and the orc and hobs remain oblivious... Meanwhile, the rest of the party has already dispatched the goblins and is just mopping up with the last kobold. Tannen, torn to pieces with his q-staff looking like a broken baseball bat comes up. The fighter asks "What the hell happened to you?" Tannen fell to the ground with 1 hp left. The party hadn't even noticed that he had gone off to investigate anything.
Cartigan 03-14-08, 09:49 PM	I'm playing a Dwarven Knight in an Age of Worms campaign, and near the start, there is this flooded section of dungeon and everyone is like "Well, you can hold your breath for long enough to explore it." So I stroll off into the pitch black water (lucky I'm a Dwarf) after holding my breath. Since I'm the only one that can properly play submarine, everyone else is hanging around at the top of the stairs to the flooded area just looking in. During my stroll, I run into a dead body that also happens to be a member of the living dead. So the thing pops up and starts lurching towards me. So what do I do? I start hauling it back to the exit of the flooded area with a zombie on my tail. Imagine, if you will, that you are the rest of my party. You have been standing around for a minute or so staring into completely dark water whistling tunes and then you notice something. The water becomes disturbed and there are some bubbles and then *bam* the soaking wet Dwarven Knight mostly literally bursts out of the water like a crazy Godzilla movie and he runs past you screaming something fairly incoherent. And you have no idea what is going on until a zombie shambles up a short time later. Crazy scene.
scum117 03-15-08, 03:25 PM	So our party had an encounter in the desert with a Fire Elemental sitting in a pool of lava. Near the end, our rogue decides to deliver an "awesome" killing blow. So what does he do? "I run full speed and dive at the fire elemental, swinging my sword to destroy him!" At this point, I said "But what about the lava?" We all laughed, and the DM tried to make him roll swim checks/damage for the lava. Needless to say, he "died" in a matter of seconds. But thanks to some quick thinking and amazing dex checks, we pulled his body out and the DM let him keep the character alive. Alive, but with basically no senses, or movement of the limbs. So we carried him on a stretcher while all he could do was talk. This was used as a device to get sympathy from villagers for a while, though eventually he was cut in half by a berserk minotaur when we were ambushed. Axe went right through the stretcher. It was amazing.
Gadren_Stoneblood 03-15-08, 08:50 PM	Once upon a time... There was an unfortunate dwarf who rolled rather poorly. The poor guy. There was a crack in the dungeon wall and the dwarf went to examine the crack (who knows why, his search skill was terrible). The wall was glowing with a blue light. Dwarf: "I'm gonna go search the crack an' see what I can." *roll-1* "Uh... well, there's a blue light." Eventually, they broke open the wall and were set upon by a gang of goblins. Well done. Following this, the adventurers found a gem glowing with a red light and emitting a strong evil aura. The dwarf was a cleric, so they gave the gem to him for a knowledge(arcana) check. Dwarf: "Well, let me see the blasted thing!" *roll- another 1* "Erm... lemme see..." *licks the gem* "Oh, yeah! It tastes like cinnamon." He wrapped the gem in a cloth soaked with holy ale (yes, he blessed his ale) and took it to the local monastery.
Ariakus 03-15-08, 11:53 PM	I was playing a low level elven Sorcerer of CN alignment...and he was going underground with a drow priestess of Lolth (CE I believe), and a CN half orc barbarian. Well the player of the barbarian was brand new to te game, and was not exactly the smartest of people either...so the combination of green and not-so-bright created quite the funny mental image... DM: The tunnel opens into a wide room, dark to say the least. Only the drow and half orc can see in far enough to know the floor and ceiling are riddled with stalagmites and stalactites. A great natural column is centered in this room with a rough corridor 20' wide from wall to column to pick your way through stalagmites. But before Obah(the barbarian) can determine a direction to go, he is struck but a slight flesh wound as a crossbow bolt dings his forearm. Looking forward you see 3 Duergar...1 is reloading, another is aiming at you...and the 3rd heads to your left and vanishes from sight... Obah: I take elf's torch and start lighting my packs of oil and throw them at sneaky dwarf! DM: You begin lighting the oil... Obah: I throw them trying to hit the dark dwarves! DM: Your flaming missiles do not seem to hit anything, but illuminate the room in it's entirety, the room is exactly what you had thought, a circular path around a natural column... but now 2 Duergar are firing from cover and the 3rd is nowhere to be seen... Obah: I keep throwing fiery oil! DM: The traversable area is now alit in flame, and there is no way to get to the evil dwarves firing at you without severe burns. Obah: I take my waterskin and put it on my head and run through the flames with axe held high!!!! This had to be the funniest thing any of us, in a long history of gaming, have ever pictured...a 300lb half orc barbarian with goblin skulls tied to his belt as trophies and muscles popping practically through the skin...running through the fire with a waterskin on his head for protection !!!!! LOL He thought the waterskin was some sort of "skin" of water that covered him and protected him from flame!!! We rolled for a good 15 minutes before we could continue playing again...
Shiftkitty 03-16-08, 02:15 PM	OMG, don't let Obah encounter any gazebos...:D If you haven't read it yet, the link is back a few posts.
saisixdude 03-17-08, 12:30 AM	My party was suppose to sneak into a small castle steal/recover a map for the prince. Wellllllllllll what happened was we snuck in was spotted (we are newbs and our rouge was even more of a newb) so we then proceed to kill the guards, the captain of the guard (who killed my brother) then got the map, burned the castle, and hurried to the prince. Then next day the prince comes back shocked and PO'd because we killed everyone and burned his castle down...........................so we left him hanging upside down from a tree with his pants down. The funny part is that we are all CG LG or NG. (and the prince was a good guy)
Rictras_Shard 03-17-08, 11:41 AM	Years ago, I reffed a game in which half the group was made up of my veteran players, and the other half was a group of youngsters who were relatively new to rpgs. In the first game, one of them decided to buy a chicken for a pet, then bought a girdle, which he then put on said chicken. I was quite curious about this, but didn't say anything, as I didn't want to take a chance on embarassing a new player. For several games, everytime there was a dangerous situation, he would point out that his chicken was wearing a girdle. Finally, I could take it no longer, and asked him just what the heck the point was. Turns out, he thought a girdle was chicken armour...