Post/Author/DateTime	Post
kaizer_soatze 10-19-06, 10:19 PM	just post funny dnd jokes basically or storys 1 your pc says i shoot the demon with my sword (acctually did) then rolls damage
kaizer_soatze 10-19-06, 10:20 PM	Gah need spell chek
stargate525 10-19-06, 10:58 PM	2. a housecat stands a cecent chance of killing a common peasant. 3. powerful characters can easily survive falls of thousands of feet.
Tempest Stormwind 10-19-06, 11:05 PM	4. Falling speed is assumed to be instantaneous. This does not appear to have any drawback on acceleration. 5. Knowledge DCs when it comes to IDing a monster. It is easier to identify an obscure buttefly species than it is to ID a bear. It is nigh-impossible to ID powerful, legendary creatures (such as the Tarrasque). 6. See the Tleilaxu Ghola quote in my sig. Follow that link.
cog_and_taz 10-20-06, 02:19 AM	10 foot poles fit in backpacks. why?
Azezel 10-20-06, 04:24 AM	The one I always use to explain that DnD rules are at best an aproximation, and always an abstraction is that a pickaxe is not actually capable of overcoming the hardness of stone. (Obviously a high STR will help, but...)
Caerulius 10-20-06, 07:40 AM	Its always fun to destroy tanks. With swords.
FnordBear 10-20-06, 07:56 AM	I always found it funny that RAW you cannot die of starvation or thirst. You just keep taking non-lethal damage. Starving Man: I'm starving, please help me! Give me food! Paladin: Here you go good peasant. *lay on hands* Starving Man: I'm healthy now...but still hungry! Paladin: Don't worry good peasant, starvation isnt lethal! Go with Pelor!
aotrscommander 10-20-06, 08:21 AM	11: The statistics of almost the entire universe is defined in 5% increments. 12: Every soldier/warrior/fighter/martial person in the world knows how to use a staggering array of weapons, even if they've never picked one up before in their life. Same applies to armour. 12a: Druids are proficient with armour they are prohibited from ever wearing. 13: Two unarmoured average commoners have only a 55% chance of been being able to grab each other, let alone punch each other. 14: Everything in the universe can make a 5' step, regardless of how big or small they are. 15: Barbarians can never be organised. 16: Every one of the same species has the same running speed, unless they are a Monk or a Barbarian. 17: Economics. 18: Many force effects, despite being able to damage constructs, plants, animated Undead and earth subtypes, cannot be used on trees, swords or fragile glass chandiliers. 19: No matter how many fireballs you cast in the forest, you can't ever set it on fire. 20: There are more carniverous monsters than things for them to eat, including villages. 21: Despite being immensely long-lived, the other races alwasy fail to out-compete humans. 22: Despite being long-lived with slower breeding rates, every other race part from humans has several to dozens of subraces. Humans have virtually none, despite 'adaptability' being their main selling point. 23: The sling, despite being a weapon that requires a lot of skill to use, is classified as a simple weapon. The greatclub, which is a big stick with nails in it, and the use of which is about as straight-foward as you can get, is classified as a martial weapon. 24: Everyone in the universe can be catergorised into distinct types and groups. 25: The best crossbow in the world is incapable of inflicting as much damage as a strong man's long bow, even with the same equipment parity. And the long bow shoots faster. 26: Weight has no effect on falling speed and damage; a fall of 30' is survivable by the average horse or elephant, despite the fact than an actual fall of this height would probably kill a horse and cause and elephant to splash.
SunTzuWarmaster 10-20-06, 09:08 AM	27. The world scales with the character. A level 1 fighter and a level 12 mage set out from the same town to the next. The mage gets more than 12x the experience and gold. Despite the fact that the mage picked up 20,000 gold on the way, the next town has a net wealth of less than that (what? they never bothered to kill the 4 encounters worth 20,000 that have been sitting there the last year?).
RobbyPants 10-20-06, 09:14 AM	28) It was my brother's first time playing. One of his PCs languages was Abbysal, so he liked saying off handed things in it, so people didn't know what he was saying (insults and stuff). One time, he actually said "I laugh in Abbysal"! :evillaugh - I wonder what that sounds like? ;) Muwahahahahaaaaaaa!
Despana 10-20-06, 10:27 AM	29) Due to the explanation of Hit points being more a person's ability to avoid and absorb damage instead of raw ability to keep operating with sucking chest wounds, as a person levels up they become more and more resistant to healing. 30) Given enough peasants you can make a bucket travel around the world in 6 seconds.
Thiez 10-20-06, 10:33 AM	The Thief Acrobat from Complete Adventurer can drop to the floor and stand up an infinite number of times in 6 seconds, which, in theory, could be used as an energy source (heat production from friction with the air).
Raymond_Luxury_Yacht 10-20-06, 01:18 PM	10 foot poles fit in backpacks. why? They don't. The one I always use to explain that DnD rules are at best an aproximation, and always an abstraction is that a pickaxe is not actually capable of overcoming the hardness of stone. (Obviously a high STR will help, but...) Pickaxes deal double damage to stone, on account of them being designed for that purpose.
RobbyPants 10-20-06, 01:55 PM	29) Due to the explanation of Hit points being more a person's ability to avoid and absorb damage instead of raw ability to keep operating with sucking chest wounds, as a person levels up they become more and more resistant to healing. I love it! Yeah, HP can be one of the most abstract concepts. Either you have to believe that experience somehow makes you incredibly tough, otherwise as Despana put it, resistant to healing. :doh:
FnordBear 10-20-06, 02:09 PM	Lets also not forget some other favorites If you have a bonus to intelligence you by default know multiple languages. (I dont know about you but I do good mangling the 1 I speak :) Casters of vast and epic power can still only cast 6 cantrips per day. A barbarian that can take a treetrunk through the gut without fllinching can still be incapacitated by a spider on a failed fort save. In a world where Elans exist (having the racial trait of basically living forever baring ilness/injury) people still resort to lichdom rather than a simple polymorph in to a race that lives forever by default. Dragons seem to breed with nearly anything (not really earthshaking or all that strange compared to other D&Disms, but I find it amusing none-the-less) There are litterally hundreads of sapiant, tool-using species with languages and cultures of thier own, yet over half of them are considered "monsters" by 90% of the rest of the world. Gelatinous Cubes, nuff said.
Tempest Stormwind 10-20-06, 03:18 PM	If you have a bonus to intelligence you by default know multiple languages. (I dont know about you but I do good mangling the 1 I speak :)Yes, but do you live in a society surrounded by multiple cultures and languages, generally looking like Mos Eisley? I'm reasonably intelligent (IQ tests vary for me, but I'm usually between 145 and 165), and I can pick up essentially any Latin-based or German-based language if I'm surrounded by it for about a week (and promptly lose it later). I do this knowing only one language fluently, due to growing up in a monolingual society (technically, Canada's bilingual, but I live in the redneck conservative province who frequently tells the bilingualists to do something to themselves which is physically impossible).A barbarian that can take a treetrunk through the gut without fllinching can still be incapacitated by a spider on a failed fort save.That isn't what Hit Points represent. He could have DODGED the tree trunk completely and it would have deducted from his hit points (if you've played SWd20, vitality points are exclusively this, while D&D HP are like that but also include damage. If you don't believe me, look at Complete Warrior -- "Duels are often fought to first blood (10% of total hit points)...").In a world where Elans exist (having the racial trait of basically living forever baring ilness/injury) people still resort to lichdom rather than a simple polymorph in to a race that lives forever by default.Polymorph won't grant you that and doesn't last forever, while becoming an elan normally requires petitioning the Cullers, who might reject you. Lichdom's entirely self-policed by comparison. (The only other immortal race, killoren, are spontaneously generated by nature.) Other than those, though, I agree with you.
fatal error 10-20-06, 04:44 PM	Casters of vast and epic power can still only cast 6 cantrips per day. They could use higher level slots to cast 0-level spells. Dragons seem to breed with nearly anything (not really earthshaking or all that strange compared to other D&Disms, but I find it amusing none-the-less) Or it could be said that whenever dragons breed with other creatures the draconic blood is obvious (I presume you are alluding to the Half-Dragon template, not sure where the rules about Dragons breeding with other races is). There are litterally hundreads of sapiant, tool-using species with languages and cultures of thier own, yet over half of them are considered "monsters" by 90% of the rest of the world. If bears could use tools, but also attacked you at first sight and formed bands to raid your towns, wouldn't you call them monsters?
Prime32 10-20-06, 05:41 PM	Don't forget #39: Your sense of hearing gets better as you age #40: A character with supreme cleave can circle the earth multiple times in one round if enough commoners stand in a line. #41: Epic levels... #42: If an evil cleric heals an evil blackguard, it's a good act. Oh, and the fall speed of an object doesn't depend on its weight, just its shape. Galileo proved that.
Keevo_Darkwood 10-20-06, 06:50 PM	23: The sling, despite being a weapon that requires a lot of skill to use, is classified as a simple weapon. The greatclub, which is a big stick with nails in it, and the use of which is about as straight-foward as you can get, is classified as a martial weapon. I agree with the sling's classification, but you're right about the greatclub. The two maces, OTOH, despite their being associated with the more martial-oriented classes, are Simple weapons as well. :confused: 25: The best crossbow in the world is incapable of inflicting as much damage as a strong man's long bow, even with the same equipment parity. And the long bow shoots faster. ...unless, of course, you've got a gem like Van Helsing's crossbow. For those who haven't seen Hugh Jackman play the title role in the movie Van Helsing, his sidekick had designed for him a crossbow that, unless it's in single-shot mode, shoots like a submachine gun. :D If bears could use tools, but also attacked you at first sight and formed bands to raid your towns, wouldn't you call them monsters? Not necessarily. To borrow a line from a fairly recent Dennis Miller comedy performance, though....I would call them a group of beings who were unlucky enough to've drawn the golden Wonka ticket in the a--hole lottery (Dennis Miller said this of Saddam Hussein; the sapient bears would undoubtedly suffer the same fate here.) Don't forget #39: Your sense of hearing gets better as you age Ehhh?? What's that you said, sonny? :P #40: A character with supreme cleave can circle the earth multiple times in one round if enough commoners stand in a line. I might be mistaken, but I think it's been clarified in errata somewhere that one can only take 5' steps while Supreme Cleaving up to the limit of one's movement rate. Still, that's a nice anime-style image, given that I first saw the Supreme Cleave ability listed for the Master Samurai PrC in Sword and Fist. :cool: Oh, and the fall speed of an object doesn't depend on its weight, just its shape. Galileo proved that. ...and the presence of air. One of Galileo's students countered the "weight doesn't matter" argument with a demonstration of dropping a hammer from one hand, and a feather from the other. The hammer obviously hit the ground first; Galileo later determined that air resistance was the important factor for the difference between the hammer and feather. I could be mistaken, but I think this was proven on one of the manned lunar missions; one of the astronauts tried this demonstration on the moon, and the feather fell just as fast as the hammer.
TwiddleStootch 10-20-06, 07:03 PM	18: Many force effects, despite being able to damage constructs, plants, animated Undead and earth subtypes, cannot be used on trees, swords or fragile glass chandiliers. 23: The sling, despite being a weapon that requires a lot of skill to use, is classified as a simple weapon. The greatclub, which is a big stick with nails in it, and the use of which is about as straight-foward as you can get, is classified as a martial weapon. Those two are going in my sig!
aotrscommander 10-20-06, 07:32 PM	Those two are going in my sig! Sigged twice in one day!? Cool! To quote the Cat: "When you're hot, you're hot!"
Naragonth 11-09-06, 11:08 PM	This is 42 right...? 43: A character can take massive swipes from a sword full on, and be healed later without so much as a scar to show for it, and important parts of a body (arteries, arms, neck, heart) can only be hit if they are targeted. 44: A collosal dragon, despite being the size of a small castle, can die from being stabbed many times with a sword that in relitve size is like being stung by a very vicious bee. And it doesn't even inject venom for the dragon to have allergies too. 45: People stay dead, even with reserection. 46: The whole goblins have 5 gold peaces, iquivelent of a year of work for a peasent' deal.
Myree 11-12-06, 12:27 AM	47. With all the intelligent, magic using civilizations that have existed, nothing ever truly "advances" -- it's like necessity, the mother of invention (or laziness, which describes the father :D ) just takes a holiday in the world where great heros are out to make the world a better place on a daily basis. In fact, it is getting WORSE! Oh, ANCIENT civilizations were capable of creating powerful artifacts, but no chance of that today! And THEY were able to build great castles, cities, and dungeons, but almost all of them were left in ruins for later generations to scavenge. And if they had all that great power -- howcome they couldn't use it to protect themselves in the first place? Are the Gods truly working against us all now because THEY are that paranoid??? 48. No matter how long the creature has been locked in that room, there is almost never a pile of food, a pool of water, or a pile of droppings equivalent to it! I mean, yeah, if the DM adds it for some specific purpose it's there, but otherwise it must be extra-dimensional. 49. The standard BBEG can spend a lifetime accumulating power and henchmen and building his defenses to protect himself against ANY THREAT -- well, any threat but a party of adventurers that always seem to show up at the worst possible time to spoil everything. "...AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, TOO, IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU MEDDLING HEROES!" 50. The sense of smell is the least appreciated warning we have. Unless the description specifically says something like the troglodyte has attack worthy stench, nothing really has any scent at all. You'd think while the rogue was listen at the door, the Barb would be sniffing out all that extra-dimensional dung or something...
Carai_al_Caldazar 11-12-06, 10:16 AM	51. IRL... attacking a single target with multiple persons needs coordination, communication and training. Second, for maximum effecientcy can be done with a max of 3 persons. With more (or with less and not properly trained) attackers will run into each other, hinder eachother in the attacks and are likely to hit eachother. In D&D 8 creatures can attack simulatiously with various weapons and with a +2 bonus. 52. Surprise round is cosidered a standard action and a coup the grace (sp?) a full round... This means you can't coup the grace in a surprise round. The strange thing is that you could study your opponent, drink a cup of coffee, etc (you get the point) and still aren't able to deliver a coup the grace as a surprise???
Spikes01k 11-12-06, 11:54 AM	53. It doesn’t matter how big you are and your weapon, your weapon never gives you more than your standard reach unless it is designed to. Think about it. A great Sword for a Gargantuan monster will only give you the same reach as their hand or natural claw attack.
rivaltuna 11-12-06, 07:24 PM	back when I used hand drawn maps... Stuffed Crust stalagmites :D
Aeolus91 11-12-06, 07:54 PM	Sorry to not contribute for right now (i'll come back and edit this post with some sort of meaningful reply later) but for the love of God change this thread title somebody! It hurt my brain cells just to read it! Rawr! :dragon:
Count Arioch the 28th 11-12-06, 09:33 PM	#42: If an evil cleric heals an evil blackguard, it's a good act. Note that it doesn't say that in any D&D book ever printed, I don't know where Prime is getting that from.
Prime32 11-13-06, 04:59 PM	Channeling positive energy is a good act.
Richmud 11-13-06, 05:48 PM	Channeling positive energy is a good act. Untrue, if that were the case then all cure spells would have the good subtype and therefor they would be uncastable by evil clerics, but it isn't so they aren't, and theres nothing weird about an evil cleric healing a blackguard.
Alcari Ambaron 11-13-06, 06:21 PM	55) or something Slaughtering a tribe of goblins is a great thing to do, even if they never bothered anyone. 56) No matter how many fingers you have, you can only wear two rings. 57) The rogue can jump down a cliff, make a triple backflip with double corkscew (DEX, tumble), land perfectly on his feet and die. The fighter can float down like a brick and live. 58) A dagger costs approximatly half a year's pay 59) A longspear (a long pointy stick) costs as much as 50 chickens, or 5 goats, or a pounds of silver. 60) a horse is a 10 by 10 ft. Don't know if you've ever seen a horse, but they're not square :) In D&D 8 creatures can attack simulatiously with various weapons and with a +2 bonus. If you add a second layer of reach weapons, you can get up to 15 people attacking one target.
High Octane 11-13-06, 07:02 PM	...and the presence of air. One of Galileo's students countered the "weight doesn't matter" argument with a demonstration of dropping a hammer from one hand, and a feather from the other. The hammer obviously hit the ground first; Galileo later determined that air resistance was the important factor for the difference between the hammer and feather. I could be mistaken, but I think this was proven on one of the manned lunar missions; one of the astronauts tried this demonstration on the moon, and the feather fell just as fast as the hammer. Apollo 15 I believe.
Azezel 11-13-06, 08:03 PM	55) or something Slaughtering a tribe of goblins is a great thing to do, even if they never bothered anyone. Goblins are inherently Evil, more than 99% of them are Evil. Trust me, they have done something, even if you don't know what it is. That is just they way they are. 56) No matter how many fingers you have, you can only wear two rings. One may wear as many rings as one desires. However, one may only benefit from a maximum of two rings. (Unless one crafts a ring-shaped wonderous item that takes up no body slot, then, the sky is the limit). 58) A dagger costs approximatly half a year's pay. You are wrong. A typical commoner can expect to make anywhere between one and four gp per day after expenses. 60) a horse is a 10 by 10 ft. Don't know if you've ever seen a horse, but they're not square :) No-one said they are. 3e does not use facing rules. The horse exists as a Copenhagen macroscopic quantum probability within that 10X10 square. At any given moment the horse might exist in any part of that square, but is only resolved when observed. Intil then, it faces in all possible directions, and therefore cannot exist in an area narrower than a horse is long.
Dark Stryke 11-13-06, 08:41 PM	You are wrong. A typical commoner can expect to make anywhere between one and four gp per day after expenses. Where'd you here that one? According to the DMG page 105, table 4-1: Prices for hireling services, a mercenary leader can expect to make 6sp per day, if employed by the PCs, some of the most wealthy people around. If he coud make between one and four gp each day as a farm hand, why on earth would he be risking his life as a mercenary?! And sure, this table talks about if the mercenary were employed by the PCs, but if their rates were so much lower than another employer, why would he take the job? No, the average peasant makes 1sp per day, which translates to about 3gp per month, which is just a bit more than enough to live if you are self sufficient (see the DMG, page 130, the sidebar entitled VARIENT: UPKEEP. Look under the heading self sufficient) Sorry to break it to you, but you are wrong. As a side note, I fully agree with you that commoners should make more, especially since the average tribal goblin has way more gold than that.
SunTzuWarmaster 11-13-06, 09:52 PM	http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=719384 61 - In most campaigns, quests wait for you to complete them, as if the people don't notice the Red Wizards guild until you do.
Raymond_Luxury_Yacht 11-13-06, 10:55 PM	Goblins are inherently Evil, more than 99% of them are Evil. Trust me, they have done something, even if you don't know what it is. That is just they way they are. Alignment: Usually neutral evil I'm sorry, play again?