Post/Author/DateTime	Post
arkwind 03-31-07, 03:17 PM	Funniest ingame or gameing table stories !!!!!! Have fun with it!!!
TheAngryFish 04-01-07, 12:08 AM	Well... I decided one day that i would begin battle by yelling at the enemy," I eat babies!!!" (I was a barbarian) So, what happened was we were about to fight some gnolls and I and the gnolls both yell out," I EAT BABIES!!!!!", the gnolls I were so suprised, that after a moment of stunned silence, the adventuring party and the gnolls just walk away from eachother. I thought it was pretty funny.
Escef 04-01-07, 03:40 AM	The party knew they were being followed. After many hours tromping through the wilderness trying to lose their pursuers a raven familiar is sent up to look about for their pursuers. The raven comes back reporting that he couldn't find them. The NPC with the party remarks that he'd be more comfortable if they had been found, then he'd know where the enemy was. Suddenly, one of the players shouts, "They followed the bird back!" As an instant response, before I could say a word, the entire party is rolling spot checks. I had to laugh.
DragonStrife 04-01-07, 09:32 AM	This is really odd. When exploring the PCs stumbled across a room with a white dish, in fact white everything. But the stuff in the dish was a kind of quick silver. As the witches did many experiments, my 1/2 elf fighter with a dex of 18 and a wis of 7 poked the shiny stuff with his finger intently stunning him and his finger started to turn silver. After taking him away, the Cleric did a bless spell and was knocked on her butt, she tried it again and my PC was slowly starting to be able to move. Lots of Garlic was needed to stop the silver stuff from spreading over his entire body. After they escaped outside they where attacked by 6 ghouls how nearly killed the elf druid (he had one hp left) and stunned both dwarfs. There is and will aways be the joke (started by me) of his almost last thoughts being Ooo, jiggly! The silver stuff I'm sure you have guessed was turning him lawful good this gave my DM and the Cleric fits.
Fallenangel359 04-01-07, 10:45 AM	last night while I was DMing, the caster in my group preped a charge of light on one hand, and then simultaneously while poking cast another charge with his other hand... He cast it on the eyelids of the sleeping paladin, after casting it on the inside of the wings of the same paladin (half celestial) The paladin started freaking out, thinking he was being blinded by an outside situation, and covered his eyes with his wings, and it was even brighter, and then the caster dismissed the light spell. The paladin goes back to sleep after screaming top of his lungs. He currently has about 60 hp damage, on a 80 hp character and hasn't slept in a few days. The caster sneaks into his room again, silently, and casts tensors floating disk directly under him during this time, the ogre is filling up a bathtub with vodka from a teacup of endless alcohol the bartender loves poisoning people with, with drow knockout poison So the caster floats him over the bathtub, and then dismisses the disk. He falls into the tub and starts screaming top of his lungs because vodka on large quantities of cuts burns something mean. The guy goes back to bed after this. The caster sneaks into his room again, and casts light on the inside of his wings again, and then uses a feather to tickle his nose, and he slaps himself in the face with his wing trying to scratch it, and it hurts his eyes again due to the light spell Then he gets up and the caster ran down the stairs, the paladin following... crawling the whole way, and started crawling down the stairs, when the caster's cohort which is (this is a gestalt game) is 4 mummy, 4 fighter (ECL 6 for ECL 8 party) bites him by the ankle, and they roll opposed strength checks... the cat somehow won because she rolled a 17 total, and he rolled a 13 total... the cat starts dragging him back down the hallway Hes starting to lose his sanity. Someone went out of their way to find a caster that can cast the emotion spells, and they cast emotion(jolly) So they paid a caster to cast that. So he starts smiling, and casting random spells at random people, and is acting all cheery, while clawing at his own arm making himself bleed, while rocking to and fro... and then the half vampire charmed him, and him being jolly, insane, and sleep deprived, and charmed... lets just stop there
Fencerboy 04-01-07, 02:41 PM	<snip> :heehee
SephDragoon 04-01-07, 05:06 PM	last night while I was DMing, the caster in my group preped a charge of light on one hand, and then simultaneously while poking cast another charge with his other hand... He cast it on the eyelids of the sleeping paladin, after casting it on the inside of the wings of the same paladin (half celestial) The paladin started freaking out, thinking he was being blinded by an outside situation, and covered his eyes with his wings, and it was even brighter, and then the caster dismissed the light spell. The paladin goes back to sleep after screaming top of his lungs. He currently has about 60 hp damage, on a 80 hp character and hasn't slept in a few days. The caster sneaks into his room again, silently, and casts tensors floating disk directly under him during this time, the ogre is filling up a bathtub with vodka from a teacup of endless alcohol the bartender loves poisoning people with, with drow knockout poison So the caster floats him over the bathtub, and then dismisses the disk. He falls into the tub and starts screaming top of his lungs because vodka on large quantities of cuts burns something mean. The guy goes back to bed after this. The caster sneaks into his room again, and casts light on the inside of his wings again, and then uses a feather to tickle his nose, and he slaps himself in the face with his wing trying to scratch it, and it hurts his eyes again due to the light spell Then he gets up and the caster ran down the stairs, the paladin following... crawling the whole way, and started crawling down the stairs, when the caster's cohort which is (this is a gestalt game) is 4 mummy, 4 fighter (ECL 6 for ECL 8 party) bites him by the ankle, and they roll opposed strength checks... the cat somehow won because she rolled a 17 total, and he rolled a 13 total... the cat starts dragging him back down the hallway Hes starting to lose his sanity. Someone went out of their way to find a caster that can cast the emotion spells, and they cast emotion(jolly) So they paid a caster to cast that. So he starts smiling, and casting random spells at random people, and is acting all cheery, while clawing at his own arm making himself bleed, while rocking to and fro... and then the half vampire charmed him, and him being jolly, insane, and sleep deprived, and charmed... lets just stop there I think you guys should take alaignment panlties so the paladin can smite you... But hm... ok, this is one of our lol moments, most recent one as well: We were inside of a beseiged city, and managed to get on the good side of the town's magic item shop's owner. At this point, I decide to (as the party sorcerer) help the magic shop owner in enchanting our weapons with the apropriate enhancements we will need for the upcoming battle. We were interupted by the sound of soemthing very large stomping towards the building. We head to the door just in time to have the door fling open, and an inevitable (the big one) and 6 warforged show up. We go outside, and leave the shop owner inside. The inevitable has been conscribed by the beseiger of the city, and is leading the troups. It is there to take us into custody. We tell it to go to hell, but it doesn't seem willing to fight us. Finally, getting fed up with it, I cast dragon's breath and hit it. It gets mad, time to roll init. Me and our fighter tie, but he goes first for higher dex. Our barbarian rolls a 1, and is going to be going last. These are the words that I hope I never hear again, "The big guy is mine." He charges, and rolls a 20. Normally, being a construct would help, but he has a feat to critical constructs anyways... so, we now have a problem. He confirms, and then rolls on the critical table. It comes out to a 92, which on the table, is "throat cut, instant death." Our DM is very angry right now. We are all staring at the fighter, who has a big stupid grin on his face. We know, never **** with the fighter. Afterwards, I get init, telekinesis 15 collosal shurikens, chuck them, and kill all 6 of the little guys. Our barbarian is very sad because he didn't get to kill anything, and we all head back inside. From start to finish, the battle took about 10 seconds. We come back in like nothing happened, and the magic shop owner literally shakes in fear of us. The lol moment is the shop owner's reaction to how fast we killed it.
warwinner 04-01-07, 05:39 PM	some creatures i created as a dm an ettin whose two heads were in love with each other A hydra .... well you get the point A vampire disguised as a bar-wench, pc fighter woos her and gets into bed with her [takes off his armour and cloak of resistance] and then .... dragon assassin disguised as paladin comes into wedding of king and leader of paladins, pc paladin who's in charge of security holds him up and following speech follows pc: wait, have i seen you before Dragon assassin: nods head meaning no pc:you must be from the neighbouring church dragon assassin: nods head meaning yes pc: are you mute dragon assassin:ignores and tries to move into the castle pc: [blocks his path ] pc:oh you must have been drinking, don't you know that's against paladin ethics, i'll report you dragon assassin:nods head meaning no pc: then breathe into my face, let's see if you're drunk dragon assassin: hesitates pc: c'mon let's see if you smell right, Breathe into my face dragon assassin: complies ..... Pc's walk into a very hostile and rowdy all orc bar where there is a drinking contest on... The pc barbarian, hellbent on impressing the orcs in the bar lifts the biggest nearly full cauldron on the floor and drinks it up in a gulp All fighting, jostling and drinking in the bar stops, the orcs stare at the barbarian for a brief second And ..... laugh their asses off The cauldron was an orcish phissing pot The player [ a haughty woman] was livid The other players secretly called that barbarian orcpiss drinker after that
Sarrazon 04-01-07, 05:42 PM	Why is chamber censored?
Ikyotojin 04-01-07, 11:52 PM	High level party finally makes it into the chamber where the silver dragon they are looking for is held in stasis. She was rearing up on her hind legs with her mouth open. Cleric casts the spell to release her from her stasis... and the whole party gets hit by 14d8 of crisp cold silver dragon breath. After the two who get killed get resurected by a scroll the dragon had sitting around (they DID save the dragon, so she was kinda grateful), they figured out that the might want to have considered standing BEHIND The dragon!
DragonStrife 04-02-07, 10:59 AM	High level party finally makes it into the chamber where the silver dragon they are looking for is held in stasis. She was rearing up on her hind legs with her mouth open. Cleric casts the spell to release her from her stasis... and the whole party gets hit by 14d8 of crisp cold silver dragon breath. After the two who get killed get resurected by a scroll the dragon had sitting around (they DID save the dragon, so she was kinda grateful), they figured out that the might want to have considered standing BEHIND The dragon! I have a dragon in one of my games that over her lair there is a sign that says "DO NOT ENTER" and when ever someone comes in with out being invited, she cut off their heads and puts a note saying "read the sign". She is a Silver Dragon as well.
NeoRaven01 04-02-07, 07:25 PM	I can't remember what my DM said, but we were talking before playing and I guess I misunderstood him and repeated what he said to clarify.I thought he said "...and the drow ate your ****."
suparman999 04-02-07, 08:01 PM	....Really.... Just out of curiosity what did he say that you thought was the drow balls comment?
Grod_The_Giant 04-02-07, 08:18 PM	the party had just finished killing a giant squid. It was stuck in a narrow corridor, wagging its tentacles at the party. Anyway, there was a bunch of sundering going on, severed tentacles wound up getting everywhere. So, when the squid is dead... The ogre barbarian picks up a piece and starts to eat it.
Dalmaris_cerebromancer 04-03-07, 11:44 AM	One time while in the middle of a dungeon our fighter who was lvl 15 got his arms cut off by a lvl 10 fighter ogre but our cleric stablized him. We where on our way out to get him healed when a trap we missed and some how got around ealier went off and a wall came up and seperated the fighter from the rest of the group. A weasle came out of the wall a lached onto him. Because he had no arms he could not get it off. Edventualy he died and right after that happened i said why didn't you chrush it against the wall. He said "because my int is only 6". Wow that day sucked for the fighter.
dengarbountyhunter 04-03-07, 05:17 PM	My players almost died against kobolds. Twice. Now that you're back up on your chair, let me explain. The players were chasing a lone kobold when they arrived to a kobold outpost. Lots of kobolds. More kobolds than I should have put them against. Nobody died, but it was close. They almost died another time against kobolds, but it was because they missed 90% of their rolls during that session. It made them angry against the dice, so I said jokingly "it's because you don't roll correctly". I rolled the dice and got a 20. A player did the same thing and got a 2. Nope, they weren't happy that day...
Requiem_VampireKnight 04-03-07, 09:48 PM	Playing a few years back with my ex, one of my PCs was an Ogre Barbarian (because we needed a Tank and a Healer, I ended up playing an Ogre Tank and a Human cleric of Kord). This was her first time at DMing. She was getting sick and tired of my Ogre kicking in the doors of the dungeon and killing anything in the room in no more than 3 rounds (including the Surprise round). Outside of 1 door, she had forbid me from kicking it in and killing whatever lay beyond. I reluctantly complied. The opened the door, killed the krenshar in 5 rounds, while I did nothing. When the fight was over, I asked what was in the room. She said there was a cauldron, a rotting wooden pail, moldy blanket, a stuffed boar in the corner, and some broken pottery. Me: How big is the cauldron? DM: Big. Me: Big enough for an Ogre? DM: (worried look) Yes...? Me: OK. I put the cauldron over my head and charge the stuffed boar in the corner. To this day, Smash the Ogre still wears it as a helmet, and the group almost died laughing.
Imatash 04-03-07, 11:12 PM	The Barbarian in the party was whining about not getting his share of magic. The Rogue and Wizard ended up giving him a pair of gauntlets and spectacles. They told him the spectacles are true seeing and the gauntlets are called Gloves of the Brawler. He was very excited. Shortly after that in a rather sticky situation the party was struggling to kill some Harpy Archers. The Barbarian wanted to get close enough to engage the Harpy so he said he would smash holes in the wall so he could climb up on the overhead ledge where the Harpies were. So in an effort to test his new magic items he said he dropped his +2 sword and would climb the wall to get close enough to hit the Harpy with his Gauntleted Hands. He punched away only to hurt his hands. The Rogue said you have to call the magic word Brawler....so the next round he tried again.....Needless to say it was after the second wasted round and several 1d3 damages to his hand that he realized he had been duped. He sat down and cried. Oh, he still has the spectacles and hasn't figured out why the Wizard always casts spells to ensure there is nothing really there when the Barbarian says "all clear" :D Imatash
gullas 04-04-07, 10:20 AM	well the bard in my group summoned an pipe organ in a combat and got himself an full cover with it:D
Mique 04-04-07, 01:46 PM	4th lvl group consisting of rouge, sorc, cleric fighter and ranger. (yes i know very cliche....but the group wanted a well rounded team) anyway we go to clear out a dungoen...expecting undead. (our cleric REALLY wanted to turn undead, and hasent had the chance yet) instead we get gnolls....so we fight them off and end up running into an ambush. the rouge unfortunitly dies during the fight. we still have a few more rooms to clear, and town is about 3 days off, so we decide to clear out dungeon then take the rouge back to get raised. last room we run into a npc chick with a staff. converstation ensues were we learn shes "something of a cleric". at wich point the convo proceeds as... pc cleric: "oh, you must be a really powerful to be here by yourself" npc: "well you could say that" pcc: "our friend was killed earlier.....do you think you could help us?" npc: "what did you have in mind?" pcc: "well we were wondering if you could get her up and going again" npc: "...........................sure....." (at this point the rouge player is rejoicing) npc casts.......animate dead. we all roll init, and the cleric goes first. she "sees" a zombie rising from the ground and attacking cleric: "bad timing....hope our cleric friend can handle this....oh well..." and she turns undead. zombie is destroyed.....its only after that she realized the zombie was actually our now dusted rouge......
CharlieRock 04-04-07, 01:54 PM	A Duskblade in the last adventure slipped and fell on a magical grease puddle. He decided to stay prone and cast a spell. Flame bolt or something. Anyway ,the player scoots back a bit from the table, flops on the floor, and aims his imaginary sword like a sniper rifle. Ka-Floosh!
Ikyotojin 04-05-07, 09:37 AM	Not a RPG thing, but video gaming - God of War. My older son was playing and dodging HUGE red hot boulders in a narrow corrider - trying to get to the next step where he fights the undead sent by Hades to test him. Dead straight faced my 9 year old says "Hmm. Guess Hades has a limitless supply of giant flaming balls to throw around." Took almost an hour before anyone could stop laughing.
RichardAwesome 04-05-07, 02:09 PM	One of our party members "The Extreme Explorer" died before we even knew his name. He walked into the vicinity of the almighty Chub Toad that these frog people worshipped and the chub toad ate him. :)
Ikyotojin 04-06-07, 10:47 AM	Player 1 gets BLOWN out of the tavern by a burning hands. Lands at the feet of player 2. Player 3 (the half orc barbarian) looks down at player 1 smoking and coughing on the ground... looks at player 2 ans asks, "You gonna eat that?" Second time the same line has been used. Still got my son to snork a mouthful of soda through his nose.
FntsyWlkr 04-06-07, 01:27 PM	When my DM was trying to describe a scene, "... three lone figures walk towards you."
DraconsNighthawk 04-06-07, 11:28 PM	DM and one of the female players were doing a scene where the PC was with her NPC boyfriend. The boyfriend was doing nice things, like give her flowers, give her a massauge. It was such a inane scene, that she just said her actions were basically "I take the flowers, I let him massage me.... etc." Then he started to feed her, and she said these immortal words. "I open my mouth to take the meat" 2: One time, my character was in a bar, when a severed head went through the window with some cultist screaming about his lord coming back from the dead. I picked up the head and threw it back at the fleeing man. Four nat twenties on my roll. I knocked him off the horse and killed him from a head. 3: We were in a town that was under a martail law by a bunch of evil councilers. We were in a tavern, and the group was trying to come up with a way to save the town by having the evil group belive the other evil group was betraying each other, thus having them destroy each other. We came up with a brillant plan, (One of the best ever really....). Then the DM causally mentioned that we were in the tavern main hall. And that most likely there were spies. Do we want to reprhase how we made the plan, (Because he liked it, and didn't want it ruined because some random guy heard it) 4: The sorcerer in our Eberron game loves his illusion spells. Because every freaking time we use one for combat purposes, the badguys always roll a one or two. Example: Used a illusion that someone was climbing down a ladder, the Ogre failed his save and rushed towards to crush the weakling. Us being above the ladder then attacked him from above with arrows and scorching rays. Then we attacked a ORc base with illusion of a blue dragon. The wizard would cast lighting bolt, so it looked like a dragon was breathing lighting, and I used ghost sounds to make it sound lkike it was roaring. All thirty of those orcs fialed on thier saves.
BluPlague 04-09-07, 02:00 AM	This one was actually kind of cool, in an epic sort of way. But I was laughing. The DM made a device that required the user to roll 2d6. Depending on your roll, you got different outcomes from "stoneskin" to "healing circle" to "inflict wounds" all which happened to the user. The cleric rolled snake eyes. The party watched in horror as it cast "meteor swarm" right above his head. The device bounce from his hand before he died and my dwarf picked it up. Cursing all he could in the cleric's name, I activated the device. Double ones for me. The meteors pelted me, right on top of the cleric's owns smoldering corpse. At first I thought, well this character had it coming, and thought about what my next character would be. As I checked what loot the party could be salvaged from my character to the remaining of the party, I caught a glimpse of my armor. It had been a while since the effect had come in to play, but I sat staring at the DM with an evil smile and cackling laugh. When they finally calmed me down, I showed the party that I'd been wearing my "fire-eater" plate (fire damage = curing). And had brought myself to full health. It gets better. We took the cleric to the temple, and they refused to resurrect him because we didn't have enough gold. I offered to trade the device. The head cleric asked, "What does it do?" and I said, "this." I activated it, and to my surprise, got double ones again, destroying the temple and all inside (lucky the party were at the inn). Hoping that I could help them with healing circle, I tried my odds, and again rolled, you guessed it double ones. The temple got hit with a second meteor swarm, and I took off. I jumped on a ship leaving the port, and the character was never seen in those parts again. He still has the item.
ubernerd666 04-18-07, 11:25 AM	Walking through the forest after hours of fighting/pillaging and we finally get to the town gates and turn around for one lastr look at the forest and it's gone, replaced by farms and buildings. My friend opens his mouth and says, "Now thats what I call industrialization!!:confused: DM: You are walking through the woods and come upon a swamp PC: I do a Spot check...roll... 1:weep: DM: You notice:plotting: that the ground is wet:evillaugh
Ikyotojin 04-18-07, 08:09 PM	Ok, they killed off the ogres and half of the party of NPC's sent to kill them and the other half took off. THEN a few hours later (they couldn't go too far as they were trapped ina blizzard), the pair of adult white dragons come strafing in! The first one flies over and does some serious damage. Before the other one can do anything, the illusionist manages to get past his SR and the dragon FAILS it's save! *POOF* There is a VERY confused bunny flying overhead! He hits a snow bank across the chasm with muffled *PAFF*! The party barely drives off the first dragon long enough to use a couple wall of stone spells to make a rough shelter from it's breath weapon! It flies off to recharge and then! "HOLY CR@P! LOOK OUT FOR THE BUNNY!" The archer (who broke his string with some REALLY lousy rolls the last round) decides to charge the rabbit who is hopping across the bridge that spans the gorge. Did I happen to mention the blizzard? And the first strafing run by the dragon that covered it the bridge with ice? The ice that has a covering of fine soft snow? SLIDE!!!! Right off the edge of the bridge goes a rather embarrassed looking elven archer. The mage hits him with a feather fall JUST in the nick! The knight WALKS out onto the bridge to meet the bunny of doom. The fierce rodent attacks... and actually hits him for some damage. Next round, the knight realizes that the rabbit is only three ounds and punts him over the edge. Scene at the bottom of the gorge - the archer sighs at the end of his feathery fall and starts climbing up. *BONK* on his head lands the squeaking killer. The archer get so scared he shites his trousers and SCRAMBLES up the wall. Now they finish off the dragon and leave the drabbit to fend for itself. The are now terrified of "Revenge of the Drabbit" and either run screaming from every rabbit they see or lob fireballs at it while they run like little girls.
Toran_A_Sunder 04-18-07, 08:33 PM	Friend is running the World's Largest dungeon. The party gets split up and my character, Frogue Scoutbuckler (a gestalt, multiclassed fighter/rogue/scout/swashbuckler) and my team mate playing...something... Halfelf sorcerer I believe, end up in a room that has a smaller room in the middle. I move silent to slowly crack the door open and peak in. I see 3 sleeping orcs and one orc on watch, his back to me. I sneak in and attempt to kill him and...fail. I bolt it out the door and grab the half elf and we go hide around the corner. Two of the orcs show up moments later and the one on watch that I attacked yells at me "Why did you attack us?" My character stutters "Uuh...uuh." And I respond to the DM that I quick draw my rapier and stab the orc in the throat. I crit. He looses his head. My DM's face: :eek: We quickly dispatch the other orc before the other two orcs show up behind us. They see their slain comrades and look at us dumbfounded. Before they say anything the half elf tells them that it was a group of drow who just attacked their friends, and we drove them off but if they hurry they might find the drow. Bluff check...succeeds...ridiculous number. My DM's face: :OMG! They run off to find the drow that don't exist. A couple of hours later we end up coming across the orcs. They look angry. I ask "Did you find the drow?" They angrily shake their head. "Well I think I saw them run through that door there. Quick hurry!" Bluff check...succeeds...ridiculous number. My DM's face: :surrender We never see the orcs again. :D
Holy_Beholder 04-18-07, 10:40 PM	Okay, so this one isn't as funny. All three of my players were being attacked by some regenade elves, and one of them took out an elf with a mounted charge. The other was riding away, and that character had no ranged weapon, so he sticks his hand in the saddle bag to find one. Having not expected this, I take the first object I see, a frying pan. So he hurls the frying pan as an improvised weapon, rolls a 20, rolls another 20, rolls another 20, and does an instant kill against the escaping elf. Since then, he has carried around three weapons. A +2 longsword, a +1 acidic short sword, and a +1 flaming frying pan. Yes, he took the feat, Exotic Weapon Proficiency Frying Pan which I allowed, due to the fact that his character would have in real life be a master frying pan thrower. He also took several ranks in Profession Cooking, allowing him to cook almost anything. You had to be there for the real humor, but this is some what funny.
Escef 04-19-07, 01:38 AM	The knight WALKS out onto the bridge to meet the bunny of doom. The fierce rodent attacks... Rabbits aren't rodents. :P Seriously, look it up.
Ikyotojin 04-19-07, 10:27 AM	Rabbits aren't rodents. :P Seriously, look it up. Shhhh... this is DND... Facts should never come into it! ;)
Zaleth 05-16-07, 02:33 PM	I currently DM for my teenage kids and a friend of thiers. Thier friend plays a fighter who was getting beat by a tree in a forest. When the tree let him go he proceeded to throw a dagger screaming at it. The trees roots crushed his feet to the point they were almost broken and he was in pain, his twin brother one of my sons felt all of it because of thier link so the fighter decided to ball up his fist hitting himself so hard between the legs he ruptred something just so his twin would feel it. The visual of this around the table had us in tears of laughter for at least 10mins which wasnt as bad as when I told the fighter his twin didnt feel the last thing he did. :rofl:
Heruen 05-16-07, 04:26 PM	I was once DM ing for my family, and they walk into this cave. they are immediatly attacked by 10 baby orcs and before they can do anything, the lead PC, a dwarf, took 4 points of damage and one orc had accidentaly knocked two of his companions.
rex_subterrae1008 05-18-07, 10:59 AM	The very first time I played D&D, which was about a year and a half ago, I was playing a halfling rogue, and a friend, who was also playing for the first time, was an elf ranger... We were in a tavern, and I decided to order the largest thing of ale they had there... I ended up with a whole mug of ale the size of myself! The town was soon after attacked by orcs, but they didn't notice me because I had fallen in the mug! The second time I played that rogue, he ended up dying by being humped by a 20-foot tall Cerberus... (Our DM that time was also playing a god of most of Hell who was our "tour guide", so to speak... I think he had that fate planned for me the entire time...)
Prof. Pacali 05-18-07, 11:41 AM	In a recent game, my Sorceror cast charm person on a defeated hobgoblin, in order to get him to tell us about the location of a hobgoblin army. The hobgoblin agreed after I made my opposed charisma check, and asked me to come to the top of a ruined tower. Once up there he offered me the chance to join the hobgoblin army, if I would fireball the party. I politely declined, and repeated my request that he tell me the army's whereabouts. This time I failed the opposed charisma check, and he beat me on initiative, and bullrushed me off the tower. I fell thirty feet, and only survived because the DM rolled low on the falling damage. The DM defended his action by saying that's what an evil person would do to a "friend" who wouldn't join his cause. The rest of the players were laughing louder than the hobgoblin when he saw me hit the ground. Needless to say the hobgoblin didn't last too long.
The_Unfan 05-18-07, 11:48 AM	I know a group of people who seemed enthusiastic about putting the Oriental Adventures book to good use... I find that pretty rofl worthy.
Eldariel 05-18-07, 08:28 PM	Well, this one was pretty much just weird dice luck, but I still got to write it up. 2-character party, Human Warlock and Elf Dervish (10th level) went sleeping into an inn, separate rooms, of course. At night, the Warlock is attacked by Andreas, Human Fighter (5th level). The Fighter, being lawful and all, wanted to awaken his victim and kill him in a fair fight and thus he obviously yelled in the Warlock's ear to wake up and just mentioned that a 'Warlock killed my family' before attacking. Now, the next rounds of combat were the most bizarre I've ever seen in my life: Andreas obviously has a surprise round, attacks, critical, goes through, Warlock says 'Ouch!' and decides to fry the bastard before it tries anything more. Warlock wins the initiative, uses a charge of Eldritch Admixture-gloves and Maximize Ability-feat to fry the bastard in one shot, since he can only miss on a natural 1. The next 3 rounds in combat all include Warlock rolling a natural 1 and the avenger Andreas rolling a critical hit! Apparently Gods do side with the righteous after all. Eventually the Elven Dervish (who apparently has great ears as he managed to hear the silently moving Fighter through a stonewall in sleep, while the Warlock noticed nothing) came to solve the sitiuation (Andreas ended up dead since he wasn't interested in the fact that this wasn't the same Warlock as the one that had killed his family), but the Warlock was left mentally scarred for life. Anyway, when the Warlock rolled the third 1 and the Fighter confirmed the third Critical, we couldn't help but burst out laughing (except the Warlock-player, who was very much trying to keep his head from exploding). Oh, and once our party forgot to dismiss a Wall of Force used in a main street of Baldur's Gate to capture some thief. People bumping to invisible obstacles continued to cause confusion throughout the day. Oh, and one more; due to a Polymorph-spell partially succeeding and a weird starting location for a campaign, our party ended up being a walking tree (Woodling) and a sheep wandering around a 'city' in the Abyss. That must've been rather peculiar to watch.
Danflor 05-19-07, 11:12 AM	My characters had these amazingly powerful items and weapons that could deal increadible amounts of damage. At the climax of an adventure and a cataclysmic explosion, the PCs were left with a rod of mundane Items.
TimelordSimone 05-19-07, 11:29 PM	Last time I DMed, my party were being all sneaky, trying to avoid the city guard (for a reason I forget). The party cleric was hiding in a tree. The others didn't hide as well, and ended up in a fight with some guardsmen. The cleric, on his turn, jumps from the tree, gets his foot caught on a branch, smashes into the ground with an almighty crash, and promptly gets hit with a mace. Also.. (same player) was stealing from a fellow player character. Unfortunately, said character was roused from her sleep from the noise he was making. He decided to jump out the window. The closed window. That he easily could have, you know, thrown his dagger at it first. That he could have thrown anything at first. He fell a long way then. And nearly died. And promptly got turned into a cat. (long story)
Silas_Dragonborn 05-20-07, 04:12 PM	Embaressingly i have quite a few of these. In the Eberron campaign i was DMing the party ranger was looking for a police officer called "Nobby Nobbs" (yes i pinched it from terrry pratchett, the adventure was off the fly and i was short on names). Proceeding to the largest gathering people he could find he had the wizard cast shout on him and shouted "I'm looking for Nobbs!" (this was done accidently). Not only did he embaress himself greatly but also caused sonic damage to a number of people and was arrested. In my first campaign ever, second edition. I was playing a paladin. DM: Rounding the corner into the clearing you see some rocks and a nice clear pool. PALADIN: Is there anything in the pool. DM: in the pool you see... FIGHTER: (interrupting)Four Dwarves in a submarine! REST OF PARTY::confused: At first it wasn't funny but after wondering why the hell he said it, it became hilariously funny. Another Eberron. This time we had a party with a cleric hateing wizard. His life goal was to urinate in the font of every church on the continent (he was slightly mad as well). Well, after a particularly vicious dungeon the party had to pay for the healing services of this church, but before hand the rest of the party of the party were told to disatract the clergy while the wizard fulfilled his mission. This they did. The party were then taken inside and, being the evil person i am, were annointed from the font of cure light wounds. It wasn't until after they'd been healed that i told them two things: A) where the water came from and B) that they'd just paid to be annointed in the wizards urine. THEY were not amused. I found it immensely funny.
Gold Halberdier 05-21-07, 06:24 AM	In the game where everyone was playing a rogue or multi-classed rogue except me, we finally came across a locked chest. Perodus (Aristocrat-Rogue): Ah, Dumont, I'm sure that this will be no problem for you! :D Dumont (Cleric/Rogue Archaeologist): :mad: Hmph! I should think that you would be more adept at opening locks than I. :embarrass: Perodus: :confused: I see. Perhaps you can do something about this, Dessa? :rolleyes: Dessa (Lawful Fighter/Rogue): I've no reason to know things about locks. :noway: Xilonel (Bard Archer): :cool: I'll take care of it. *pulls out lock picks, picks lock, opens chest* :rimshot: Same party, later.... Dm Summary: "So, the Fighter hanging from a rope in the center of the shaft above the floor of the lower corridor. You give the barrel of water a good kick before pulling yourself up above the level of the lower corridor. With the mirror and scrying spell you rigged up earlier, you all can see the barrel rolling slowly down the corridor, setting off two pressure plate traps that send darts whizzing harmlessly at head level, missing the barrel completely, and a trip-wire that utterly fails to impede the barrel at all. Finally it rolls off the ledge a hundred feet down the tunnel. A few moments later you hear a splash. Right after the splash you see a nearly-invisible wall of force form on the nearby wall and begin to move slowly down the corridor, creating an interesting whistling noise as the air is compressed in the tunnel and escapes through tiny holes in the stonework. In the course of about three rounds, as if it were designed for maximum dramatic effect and PC Panicking, it reaches the distant ledge, pushing many centuries of accumulated dust into the water below before reaching the far wall and disappearing in an anti-climatic poof." We all about died... the Barrel rules all. Later on in that Dungeon crawl we came across some Animated Doors that would slam attack anything alive that came within reach, or anything heavy that rolled into them. We rolled the barrel into them only to have it come right back at us and bounce off Dumont before it lost momentum. Dessa: it's like pinball! Quotes: Dm: And in conclusion, dungeon crawls will no longer be classified as side treks, but as major archaeological expeditions. NPC Merchant who gave is paying for expenses for this dungeon crawl: Food, Shovels, Anti-toxin... What? 500g for broken barrels??
Phylok 05-21-07, 10:59 AM	Oh I could tell so many. We were in the tomb of horrors, it was me playing a fighter, my friend playing a Paladin, and the other members of our party meeting up with us. Party member: So what did you guys do Me: Well we have been through hell and back. Paladin: Hell and back?!! Mother F***** we still here! Different game, we were in Ravenloft trying to get out of it. We had found a wizard tower wish a mage who had been a real pain. Once again our Paladin was the culprit of this bit of mischief, this time it was played by a different character. As the wizard was summoning a demon, our paladin sneaks up behind the wizard, and bangs his helmet on his metal shield in the middle of the summoning spell....All we could hear from the tower were the screams of the wizard.
Urthred 06-21-07, 01:40 AM	ok ive got a few in my first campeign i was playing a human hexblade and my two buddies were both playing dwarves 1 a cleric another a monk well were walking through the woods and my character makes some comment about being the only one to escape if we fell into a pit, well shortly later we get in a fight with a tiefling and it runs off and i go chasing it only to fall into a pit and wind up unconcious with two dwarves standing above me lowering a rope. anothertime i was playing a lich and had made an airship (balloon strapped to a sailing ship) and was flying in for the first time after having spent tons of money on it well i got in a fight with a pack of wyverns and everyones going oh their gonna pop the balloon well i manage to keep them off with some spells only problem was i was concentrating so much on protecting the ship i wasent paying attention to where i was going and crashed into a mountain. and another time.... our barbarian had raised an army and was preparing to take to ship on a year long trip to take over some island nation he got everyone equipped and load and set sail without a hitch only to die halfway there because he forgot to buy food for the trip. my group does stupid things.
lunoc 06-21-07, 09:59 PM	ok, my first time playing i was a fighter who was a viking and constantly worshiped thor(if i criticaled i would do extra damage from lightning) . i had several strange things happen to me 1 i got trapped under a door that had been knocked down. when i through the door off me i threw the little orphan that was walking on it. 2 in an ensuing fight in the street with the attacking wizards (including the bbeg for the next like 10 adventures) i got frustrated and threw my warhamer at the bbeg, well it hit him and three rolls later he was lying on the ground dead (the hamer was struk by lightning at the moment it hit him (3 crit+d20 lightning damage) and his head exploded me:so what happens now dm: :twitch: needless to say he never gave me that bonus again 3: i was in the woods sleeping when i was woken up by clanking. i rose to see that a chain golem had killed the mage i was traveling with. i freeked and threw both my hammers ( i got a new one as thanks for killing the wizards) and criticaled with them it sent the golem flying. 4: the noise from the fight atrackted a wandering bladeling and i almost died in the fight :uh-huh: that charracter is now a npc in all my campains oh and he was lv 1 for all these