Post/Author/DateTime	Post
DragonStrife 03-30-07, 01:23 PM	Yes! It is yet another 1001 thread! I in true fashion will be awarding :coolcthul s and :cookie: s to the best after 10 entries. For right now I will be judging though, I *might* give the job to someone else for a little while. Useless items must be unique, no copying. OK, let the contest begin!
RavenGraygem 03-30-07, 05:30 PM	A "Tickle Me Elmo" doll.
SeptimusMagistos 03-30-07, 05:45 PM	Airblade This blade is invisible, intangible, does no damage, is worth nothing, doesn't radiate a magic aura, and may not in fact exist.
Cthulhu3125 03-30-07, 06:42 PM	2). The Helm of Darkness - persistant "deeper darkness" effect, centered on wearer.
Sajek 03-30-07, 07:17 PM	That helmet could be very useful to a devil (can see through darkness). 3. A pair of sunglasses that turn opaque whenever you are in a dangerous situation, preventing you from seeing the danger and thus being afraid of it.
multipleheads 03-30-07, 07:24 PM	A magic ladder with no climbing rungs a rock pillow a suit of armour with gaping holes near all vital organs and arteries
RorixBladewing 03-30-07, 07:31 PM	7) A fighter. Yeah, had to be said.
Damior 03-30-07, 07:33 PM	A paper crown like the ones at burger king, though they are quite valuable in Gielnor
bobothechimp 03-30-07, 07:41 PM	Gnomes.
DragonStrife 03-30-07, 07:57 PM	Just one more and the winners will be awarded the :coolcthul s and :cookie: s!!
drunkendrake 03-30-07, 08:06 PM	The Antibag This bag is not actually a space- anything put into it simply falls out. Nothing can be placed inside it by any way. Anything put inside is instantly transported into the nearest empty space to the bag. -Drake-
supernerd222 03-30-07, 08:11 PM	A rubber chicken with no feet. It is filled with ketchup, tied into a bowline, and has a cork from a wine bottle glued where the belly button would be on a human. With a paperclip twisted into the shape of a heart sticking out of its beak. Oh, and both its eyes have a wadded up kleenex attached. Now that's useless.
DragonStrife 03-30-07, 08:17 PM	:coolcthul s for Supernerd for his chicken and Drake for his antibag a :cookie: for Sajek for his awesome sunglass!
ank 03-30-07, 08:19 PM	11) A concience. 12) A hand of the mage that slaps you every time you use it.
Djinn_in_Tonic 03-30-07, 08:26 PM	13: Laughin' Harry's Bag o' Lard Unsuprisingly, it's a bag of lard. That never empties. And unfortunately, anyone who consumes more than one pound of the lard at any point in time is subject to the tasha's hideous laughter spell, with no save allowed. No one really knows why this is, but what the hey? Cost: 500gp Finding a way to force your opponent to eat a pound of lard? Priceless.
blue_ghost11 03-30-07, 08:53 PM	A paper crown like the ones at burger king, though they are quite valuable in Gielnor You are referring to the paper hats that are worth millions in Runescape, right? Och, don't remind me of that atrocious thing that they call a game!
Cthulhu3125 03-30-07, 08:57 PM	:coolcthul s for Supernerd for his chicken and Drake for his antibag a :cookie: for Sajek for his awesome sunglass! Uhm... I'm sure I'm not the only person who would point out that the :cookie: should actually be going to Douglas Adams.
Djinn_in_Tonic 03-30-07, 08:59 PM	This is true. I demand that Douglas Adams get his :cookie:
DragonStrife 03-30-07, 09:08 PM	Uhm... I'm sure I'm not the only person who would point out that the :cookie: should actually be going to Douglas Adams. Ok, ok. Douglas Adams, you get a :cookie: for your sunglasses!!!
Myree 03-30-07, 09:12 PM	14. A spellbook that automatically applies Illusory Script to anything written in it -- but it never recognizes the writer or anyone they designate as able to read it. 15. A composite bow so strong that it requires a strength bonus of +12 to use and can only be strung with magically created adamantine wire that takes two rounds to restring and automatically breaks after each use.
Djinn_in_Tonic 03-30-07, 09:17 PM	15. A composite bow so strong that it requires a strength bonus of +12 to use and can only be strung with magically created adamantine wire that takes two rounds to restring and automatically breaks after each use. Well, if we're going to those extremes... 16: A 2-inch length of soggy twine Yep. That's all it is.
fun2223 03-30-07, 11:01 PM	Infinate Backpack This backpack sends anything placed within it to a random plane, and replaces it with a Balor. :D :D :D :D OOOOOH I want the squid dude!!!! Cthuhlhu
RorixBladewing 03-30-07, 11:14 PM	Just thought I'd mention that those sunglasses are probably under copyright by the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.
darkdragonk 03-31-07, 12:01 AM	A "Tickle Me Elmo" doll. I am sorry to say A "Tickle Me ELmo" Doll does have a use. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw1DXfeEuUQ I am not completely sure what this use is, Distraction, Weapon (1D6 fire and 8D10 WTF damage) or firestarter.
Myree 03-31-07, 01:07 AM	17. A rope that automatically unknots and recoils itself -- tie someone up, nope... scale down a, uh uh... why, the thing doesn't even burn! 18. (Or maybe it is just a different version of 17) An incorporeal rope and/or blinking rope. 19. Boots of flying that cannot lift more than their own weight. 20. Dehydrated water
DragonStrife 03-31-07, 08:17 AM	OK! :bump: :coolcthul s to everyone one for a magnificent round! And a :cookie: to Myree for his absurd bow, Ank for his magic hand and Djinn for his Bag o' Lard! Yes a three way tie congrats and keep up the good work everyone! Update!!!! Now, please only submit one useless item per round. I will also change the judging time from 10 posts to 6. Finally, I will also be giving high marks to descriptive posts. Thanks!
darkdragonk 03-31-07, 09:40 AM	Powdered Water
Baduk 03-31-07, 09:44 AM	22. The Halfling Crown of Infinitive Wisdom A long long time ago, before the rain and before the snow lived a legendary orc-wizard named Bowbow. In his time all races lived happily together but they did quarrel a lot on stupid things (like who got to dance with the elven princess first at the United Races' Grand Bal Masqué each year) so he decided that of all races the halflings were the wisest so he figured making one of them insanely wise would make them all live truly happily ever after. Bowbow the orc-wizard studied the halflings a long long time (one year to be precise) and noticed that there were small halflings that grew bigger and bigger. Bowbow the orc-wizard figured that he'd make a crown so large (a 100-feet diameter) that only the first halfling to keep growing that big would be truly worth it. He reasoned it wouldn't take very longs since the little buggers grew like weeds. The crafting of The Halfling Crown of Infinite Wisdom took him the rest of his life and he imbued many magical protections on it so as to protect it against shrinking and rust and to lose its shine automaticly (Bowbow didn't like blingbling). Once put upon his or her head, this crown grants the wearer a godlike wisdom. The Halfling Crown of Infinitive Wisdom can only be used by halflings. Halas the young halflings let him down. The Crown of Infinite Wisdom is not entirely useless though because it would attract throngs of Japanese and American tourists if only they'd figure to travel to another place & time... paying with their creditcard.
E. Ravenwood 03-31-07, 01:25 PM	I'm sorry, I just gotta' say it... Bag of Tricks...yeah, I said it!
fun2223 03-31-07, 01:39 PM	I'm proud of myself :) Oxygen Bane Amulet This amulet is always surrounded by 10 feet of vacume that no oxygen can enter. I guess that would be good for undead...
arkwind 03-31-07, 03:27 PM	Sword Of Soup Stirring (+2 on all soup stirring rolls)
SeptimusMagistos 03-31-07, 06:08 PM	Sword of Bane of Ultimate Beast This sword grants +1 to damage rolls made on any half-fiendish, half-celestial, half-dragonic chlorophylic pirate robot alien ninja dinosaur ogre.
DragonStrife 03-31-07, 07:01 PM	All right! Great round everyone!!!! :coolcthul s to Fun2223 for his Oxygen Bane Amulet and Septimos for his absurd sword and a :cookie: for Baduk for his rather lengthly and silly description of the Halfling Crown. All and all a very good round! :thumbsup: to everyone!
Grod_The_Giant 03-31-07, 07:16 PM	Circlet of Incoherency Made long ago by the gnome wizard Fartlegartle, anyone who volenterily places this fake-looking circlet on their head instantly begins speaking complete nonsense (similar to rap music) anytime they try to say something (no save). BTW DragonStrife, congratulations on being one of the only people I've seen to have almost perfect stats for the class they've been sorted as.
fun2223 03-31-07, 07:16 PM	WOW Like OMG 2 prizes!!!!! Ring of spell aiming When the owner of this ring casts a spell, he can point at a chosen target, the spell no matter who is pointed at, will direct the spell to the nearest friendly character to the caster, if the caster is alone, the pointed at target is hit (100% chance). I hope there is another round.
Damior 03-31-07, 08:02 PM	You are referring to the paper hats that are worth millions in Runescape, right? Och, don't remind me of that atrocious thing that they call a game! Its not that bad of a game, its cheap for one thing, I like it. Once you get past the graphics its great. anyway: Flute of healing: When played with a DC 15 perform(wind instrument) check as a standard action 1/day, the user designates a target unconcious creature within 30ft. The target recieves a mental message asking it whether it wants to accept the effects of the Flute of Healing. If it mentally responds no or is somehow prevented from responding, nothing happens. If it accepts it is immediatley affected by the Death Knell spell, with the benefits going to a random thrid creature besides the user and target. If no valid creature is within 30 ft, the target gains the benefits, thouh this is not particularly useful as it is already dead.
gamerlamer666 03-31-07, 08:40 PM	Powdered Water Just add....uhh,umm,What would you add?
Djinn_in_Tonic 03-31-07, 08:47 PM	Brainless Bruce's Bottomless Backpack Most people might assume that this backpack is a powerful magic item, capable of storing any amount of wonderful loot. And they'd be right. Except for one minor detail. While this backpack can hold up to 10,000lbs of gear, the item you want is always at the bottom. Many an adventurer has cursed this "useful" device with their last breath, while searching in vain for that one scroll of disintegrate...which, of course, is buried beneath 4 tons of gold and rope. And, although you might ask nicely, most dragons simply won't give you time to spare. Odd, isn't that? Who knew? Cost: As much as the foolish masses are willing to pay. -The Djinn
DragonStrife 03-31-07, 08:59 PM	BTW DragonStrife, congratulations on being one of the only people I've seen to have almost perfect stats for the class they've been sorted as. *gasp* I never knew I was an endangered species! :eek: In other news, I am insanely tiered, all judging must wait till tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who has posted so far!
fun2223 03-31-07, 09:00 PM	*gasp* I never knew I was an endangered species! :eek: In other news, I am insanely tiered, all judging must wait till tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who has posted so far! Bah. At least read the trap thread... BUMP
HarlequinHelsing 03-31-07, 09:13 PM	Merlin's Mystical Martini Glass This purple crystal glass looks like any other martini glass you might find in the local tavern. Any beverage poured into Merlin's Mystical Martini Glass is subject to a Dimension Door spell, ending in the owner's stomach. In short, it drinks so you don't have to. The owner of the glass is still subject to any adverse effects from ingesting said drink, such as poison or getting totally hammered. Once per day Merlin's Mystical Martini Glass can use Create Water to fill itself, after which the conjured water is Dimension Doored into the owner's belly. Price: Now come on, who would really want one of these?
fun2223 03-31-07, 09:17 PM	A lot of people would.
Djinn_in_Tonic 03-31-07, 09:23 PM	Merlin's Mystical Martini Glass This purple crystal glass looks like any other martini glass you might find in the local tavern. Any beverage poured into Merlin's Mystical Martini Glass is subject to a Dimension Door spell, ending in the owner's stomach. In short, it drinks so you don't have to. The owner of the glass is still subject to any adverse effects from ingesting said drink, such as poison or getting totally hammered. Once per day Merlin's Mystical Martini Glass can use Create Water to fill itself, after which the conjured water is Dimension Doored into the owner's belly. Price: Now come on, who would really want one of these? Very nice. The Djinn likes. :D -The Djinn
StalkerEntreri 03-31-07, 11:17 PM	Navie 100th level wizard, all spells prepared are virtue, maximized, silent, still etc. Immune to all damage, and will never leave elf fighters side
penguinsrule 04-01-07, 02:15 AM	Pearl of Sour (levels 1 through 9): Once per day the owner can recall one sour taste he/she has tasted that day. Short Sword of Hopeless Seduction: This really doesn't need an explanation. And my stats are good for my class(es) too ^_^
ZaratheMad 04-01-07, 03:01 AM	Box of Endless used tissues. Garin's basin of Slug Suarrying (sp) : Users can see the fate of any slug. Mug of Emptiness a D75.8812 (Ok I wan that one...)
Always-Late 04-01-07, 03:17 AM	Flask of Air Enough air to breathe for one round.
DragonStrife 04-01-07, 09:07 AM	It's a jungle of useless items run toward it, run toward it! Ok, I'm still tiered but here is the results for the toughest round yet! First :tiphat: to everyone who posted! :coolcthul s to Grod for his circlet of incoherency and Harlequin for his Martini glass both very descriptive and possibly useless items and a :cookie: to Damior for his absurd Flute of Healing! Keep up the good work everyone!!!:D
Cthulhu3125 04-01-07, 10:02 AM	Potion of Procrastination When a character imbibes this potion, they immediately gain a standard action.
fun2223 04-01-07, 11:12 AM	Cross of Cultist Slaying LOL
ZaratheMad 04-01-07, 01:54 PM	Long sword of Dentist Slaying The level 1000 Antagonsit with the deadly plot to do somthing Horid, who lives in absult sucsion in the tower you *aren't* visting. Dictonary of Mistraslation ( inspired by Monty Python I admit) Harp of Silance Bag of Endless Torta Chips : this magcail idom looks great on paper, but the chips are always stale and with out salsa. Tome of Forgoten indexs: Sadly the writter of this massive volume forgot to indacte wich book belong to what index.
JudgeDeadd 04-01-07, 02:06 PM	Pelvis of Vecna To use this, the user must have his pelvis surgically removed and replaced with Pelvis of Vecna. This permanently makes him lose 2 Dex points, but gives him the special power of adding +1 to any damage roll once per week, but only if the roll is made against a good creature with at least 160 HD.
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-01-07, 03:05 PM	Delayed Danger Detector This small ion stone type object hovers around the user's body, emitting a constant hum that is both relaxing and (after a while) mildly annoying. However, whenever the owner takes more than 20 damage from a single attack the device begins to scream loudly, forcing the user to make a Fortitude save (DC 15) or be deafened for 1d6 rounds. But at least you know that there's an enemy around...a bit late, sure, but still. It could be useful, right? Right? ...damn. Cost: Your sanity. -The Djinn
Sajek 04-01-07, 04:15 PM	Rod of personal detection This is an ornate metal rod. It has a cumulative 5% chance per hour of yelling out the holder's location. This does not mean "adrift on the Sunless Sea" or something like that, it yells out things like "YOU ARE IN A ROOM!" or "YOU ARE IN A FIELD!". It was created by a a blind wizard with Alzheimer's. Ring of Redundancy This ring, when worn, allows the wearer to have one extra ring slot on his body.
DragonStrife 04-01-07, 05:25 PM	Wow. That was a lot of stuff, useless stuff to be exact. Great job everyone you all get a *drum roll* :pumpkin:!!! Sadly, I only can award a few :coolcthul s and:cookie:s. So the :coolcthuls go to Zara for her Bag of Endless Torta Chips and Judge for his Pelvis of Vecna Congrats for your rather useless items! Keep up the good work! The co-getters of the :cookie: are Sajek for his Rod of Personal Detection, and Djinn for his Delayed Danger Detector. Wonderful round everyone, I :tiphat: off to you!
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-01-07, 08:32 PM	The Djinn likes alliteration! The Djinn's Devilish Diversion Device This device has no known function, but provides hours of mind-numbing amusement. After it has been in a character's possession for 24 hours, that character must make a Will save every hour to avoid sitting down and fiddling with it constantly. The save begins at DC 15, but increases by 1 for every successful save made. After a character has fallen victim to the device, he or she takes 1 point of Wisdom damage every hour until a break enchantment spell has been cast on the victim. Cost: Higher than you might think. ----- Of course, that is more of a cursed item, so here's another: Captain Charlie's Charts of Confounding These ship's maps rank among the biggest blunders ever to grace the seafaring profession. Designed to aid navigators with charting courses, they were soon found to have a glaring error: the maps don't comply with reality. Due to the immense magic that went into their creation, they somehow break apart normal mathematical laws, and therefore require extrememly specialized instruments to get correct readings. Without these, the user is always treated as rolling a critical failure on all Profession (navigator) checks. Unfortunately for the navigators, these charts look exactly like normal ship's charts, and, to those who don't recognize them, they seem to function normally...until you're lost at sea, that is. And for the few who do see them for what they really are...well...few ship's navigators carry a ruler with a 13 inch foot, or a compass with 385.2i degrees. And the number who have a sextant capable of taking measurements in both five dimensions and the future is small indeed. Cost: Your sacred honor. -The Djinn
HarlequinHelsing 04-02-07, 12:12 AM	Alright, I've got one. Orb of Minor Telekinesis The owner of this copper sphere can use Mage Hand at will, but may only target the orb with this effect. Price: 903 gp. Weight: 5 lbs. For the record, here's (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/mageHand.htm) the spell description of Mage Hand. Should clear up why this is so damn useless. **EDIT: Fixed weight. Still useless, now stylish.
Magetastic 04-02-07, 12:17 AM	it weighs 6 lbs. and mage hand only works on 5.
TheShortestDM 04-02-07, 12:58 AM	Goggles of Fine-Print Reading Labelled to read fine print, but are actually very strong concave lenses. Best I can come up with while I'm sick. :( Edit: Wand of Attempted Healing Upon use, spawns one bandage about 1 foot long and 1 inch thick, but is already saturated with water.
HarlequinHelsing 04-02-07, 01:06 AM	it weighs 6 lbs. and mage hand only works on 5. Congrats Mage, that's the point. :P Also, it's a magical item, and Mage Hand only works on mundane. So you're basically paying 900 gp over what you should for a copper ball. Useless, no?
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-02-07, 01:49 AM	Honestly, the Djinn feel that it would be even more stylishly useless if it could only levitate itself. The uses for a 5lb floating ball of copper are next to none, but it's definitely far more awesome than a copper ball that just sits there. -The Djinn
Stormonu 04-02-07, 01:54 AM	Bard in a Box This six-side cube appears to be a puzzle box of some sort. However, while the sides can be manipulated by sliding small portions of the designs thereon around, such manipulation does nothing. However, if the user taps all six sides of the box in the center, the pieces automatically begin to slide around in a random pattern and after a minute, the whole opens up to reveal a 1-inch tall bard who promptly plays "The monkey chased the weasel" with song and mandolin. After his dazzling performance, the box shuts and the design pieces return to their original places. The bard cannot be removed from the box, attacked or otherwise harmed. He will not respond to attacks, questions or intimidation. His song has no magical abilities.
Journeyman Samwise 04-02-07, 01:57 AM	Bard in a Box This six-side cube appears to be a puzzle box of some sort. However, while the sides can be manipulated by sliding small portions of the designs thereon around, such manipulation does nothing. However, if the user taps all six sides of the box in the center, the pieces automatically begin to slide around in a random pattern and after a minute, the whole opens up to reveal a 1-inch tall bard who promptly plays "The monkey chased the weasel" with song and mandolin. After his dazzling performance, the box shuts and the design pieces return to their original places. The bard cannot be removed from the box, attacked or otherwise harmed. He will not respond to attacks, questions or intimidation. His song has no magical abilities. I cannot possibly think of a better way to amuse some Stupid Neutral ogres than that box. Edit- Bob Ross' Resplendant Bag of Bipartisanship. A large mass of curly brown hair, oddly smells of paint. When reached into, the bearer pulls out a Donkey or Elephant, once a day. When pulled out, the animal begins to loudly complain about the other animal, for as long as it takes for the players to start throwing gold at it in an effort to shut up. Once it's taken 10% of the total party wealth, it goes back into the bag, distributing the money amongst its' favorite players. (usually the ones that agree with them.) Phillip Glass' Plain Pouch of Pooches. A dull grey bag, from which any number of housepets can be pulled out, from rodents, to cats, to dogs. When pulled from the sack, the animals sit around, staring at boring objects, lick themselves listlessly, or lay down to nap. They're not particularly handsome animals, and after a while, they wander back off into the ether. Really only useful when 12 year old ADD-stricken druids are nearby.
sambudak 04-02-07, 02:02 AM	3.0 PHB. Nevermind-- you can whack bugs with it.
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-02-07, 02:38 AM	Edit- Bob Ross' Resplendant Bag of Bipartisanship. --- Phillip Glass' Plain Pouch of Pooches. Yay! The Djinn has set a standard for alliteration! -The Djinn
Baduk 04-02-07, 07:39 AM	Greedy Cauldron of Thirst At first sight this seems an ordinary medium-sized cauldron of low quality. However it seems empty but it won't allow anything to be put inside it except for water. Once poured in, the water won't come out. Originally made to prevent soup from spilling over the sides, druing its creating process a very thirsty dwarven sorceror was rejected a drink (the witch creating the cauldron was busy creating the cauldron and wouldn't take a break for obvious reasons... drunk dwarves can be mildly annoying) and he mingled in the process. This caused a serious malfunction and made the cauldron take some of the bad temper of a drunken dwarf along with his thirst (not for beer though). The witch didn't noticed its malfunction until she started preparing a vegetable soup for her fellow witches. All the ingredients, except the water, just bounced of the invisible top causing the witch to feel humiliated and throw the cauldron away. Cost: - I bet there's still SOME use but it's still a useless cauldron in the end.
V8122 04-02-07, 08:11 AM	Wieght of paper holding. cost:450,000GP effect:Weighs down paper:D
HarlequinHelsing 04-02-07, 10:47 AM	Honestly, the Djinn feel that it would be even more stylishly useless if it could only levitate itself. The uses for a 5lb floating ball of copper are next to none, but it's definitely far more awesome than a copper ball that just sits there. -The Djinn Well, now that you mention it, I have to agree with you. Time to go edit.
DragonStrife 04-02-07, 10:53 AM	I know I have slacked a little but here are the results, A :thumbsup: all serious post, I know it hard to be serious in a post like this but, for the sake of my sanity(which I might have already lost :looloo:) try. A :coolcthul for both ShortestDM and his mislabeled goggles, and Harleguin for his overpriced orb! A :cookie: for Baduk for the confused Cauldron! Magnificent job everyone! :clap:
Thog_likes_puppies 04-02-07, 03:31 PM	I'm sorry, I just gotta' say it... Bag of Tricks...yeah, I said it! Now, now, the Bag of Tricks has its uses: (Spoilers if you haven't read Order of the Stick) http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0130.html http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0144.html http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0146.html http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0163.html http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0165.html http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0167.html Now, then, the items... :rolleyes: BLADE OF GRASS Description: This sword is favored by low level druids, but may be used by anyone. It somewhat resembles a pile of grass, hay, leaves, and foliage clumped tightly together in the shape of a scimitar. It bursts apart if it successfully strikes an opponent, but deals no damage. However, if the opponent is allergic to grass, it makes them mildly itchy and uncomfortable. THE UNDROPPABLE PEBBLE Description: This is a simple pebble, a couple centimeters in diameter. At first glance, the only thing that sets it apart from a regular pebble is that it glows with a vibrant, reddish-orange light. If picked up between the index finger and thumb, however, the light vanishes from the pebble. The pebble is now permanently wedged between the finger and the thumb. You cannot drop the pebble, and lose the use of the hand that you picked it up with. The only way to remove the pebble from your grasp is a Remove Curse spell or to sever the hand.
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-02-07, 03:54 PM	Oragami Caltrops (I know, I know...no alliteration. I'll hate myself all day :D) These wonderful devices must have sounded great one night at the pub. "Hey guys...get this! We could stop heaving around great honking bags of spiked metal it we made our caltrops out of paper!" And this little pearl of wisdom was greated by many shouts of "Excellent!", a few of "Amazing!" and more than it's fair share of "Errrr-argh-bleagh *thump*" as drunken revelers hit the ground harder than was good for them. However, the result stuck in the minds of a foolish few, who boldly went where no sane mind should go. The result? You hold it in your hand. Beautifully crafted: a true work of the masters...until stepped on, that is. Price: Made by drunks, sold by drunks, bought by drunks...who even remembers the price come morning?
Baduk 04-02-07, 04:01 PM	the judge will surely award that one, Djinn. Although... fake calltrops might actually make persuers slow down a bit... :P
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-02-07, 05:45 PM	What, little white pointed things? Maybe if your opponent relies solely on blindsense...but then, why use caltrops anyway? Just get out of range. But if you can make paper look like convincing caltrops, then I suppose they could be possibly useful...until the first guy fails a save and realizes they go *squish* when you step on them. :D -The Djinn
Khadmus 04-02-07, 07:56 PM	Copper Piece.
ank 04-02-07, 09:34 PM	#???) The Gloves of Insatiable Itch These gloves were created long ago, by a druid whos name was lost in the several curses used against him. These appear to be cloth gloves in every way until they are donned by a willing subject. Immediately, fronds of poison ivy leap from the glove and tickle the wearer's hands. The gloves cannot be removed exept by the severing of that arm, or any spell that would remove a curse. A lucky only put on one glove, and these now one-handed men will tell you tales of horror, and to beware the horrible wrath of nature. The itching starts one hour after being put on, and annoys the wearer terribly. But with every scratch, the itching only gets worse and worse as its victims itch even harder. Those who aren't helped soon must suceed a will save (15+1 per every previous successful save) or seek the fastest possible way to end life. Only a true monster would dare unleash such evil into the world, but Orian Poisonoak delighted in watching their effects, and made several before he was hunted down and killed by mostly one handed humanoids.
Thog_likes_puppies 04-02-07, 10:24 PM	DUNCE CAP Description: A dorky, triangular white cap with DUNCE written across the front in bold red for all to see. The sheer dorkiness and humiliation generated by wearing this hat reduces Dexterity by 2, Wisdom by 2, and Intelligence and Charisma by 4.
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-02-07, 10:37 PM	Hmmm...the Djinn regrets to inform you both that the last two items posted can in fact be useful if forced on an opponent, which a grapple check would allow. The truly useless allow no such ways to weasel out (even though most of mine don't follow that anyway...what can I say? Djinns are hypocrits. :D). -The Djinn
Bacon and Eggs 04-02-07, 11:02 PM	Ring of Detect Fire Charges: Unlimited Use: At will, Automatic Range: Touch
HarlequinHelsing 04-02-07, 11:16 PM	The Roaming Gnome This tacky ceramic garden gnome follows its owner everywhere, never more than 5 feet away. While this has no inherent effect for the first few days, after awhile the gnome begins to induce mild paranoia. For every day after the third, the owner of The Roaming Gnome must make a Will save (DC 15, +1 per previous check) or become shaken for 1 minute every time he sees the gnome. If the owner fails his save 3 days in a row, he becomes frightened instead. If another 3 days pass without making the save, he becomes panicked instead. The gnome will follow its owner until he switches travel agents. Once per day, the gnome can use Denounce Travel Myth as a spell-like ability. Price: Free, if you book your flight and hotel together. You can't tell me those commercials haven't given you nightmares before. ...Am I the only one? Really?
Saberus 04-02-07, 11:43 PM	Delayed Detonation Alchemist's Fire This flask of alchemist fire is utterly useless in combat. Once thrown, it detonates in 100d20 hours. Acidbane Acid This alchemical substance is the ultimate corrosive - to acid. It deals 16d6 con damage and 8d6 acid damage to any acid it contacts. While it may damage acid, it has no effect on any other substance, living, incorporeal, ethereal, or undead being. It does no damage to oozes, either. Fuse of Fried Fingers One inch of fast-burning fuse, nothing more. It takes a swift action to burn completely.
Lixith 04-03-07, 03:04 AM	Tome of Literacy
DragonStrife 04-03-07, 09:24 AM	That was a tough round to Judge(one because I just am starting to wake up, two because there was so much idealistic useless stuff to look through)! :pumpkin: s for everyone besides, Bacon and Eggs with hiser Ring of Direct Fire, you get along with Djinn and his Origami Caltrops, the most feared....( no, not a fuzzy pink bunny, sorry):coolcthul, and Ank, you get a :cookie: for your Gloves of Insatiable Itch! Congrats to everyone! PS: hiser means his/her.
ank 04-03-07, 09:39 AM	Hmmm...the Djinn regrets to inform you both that the last two items posted can in fact be useful if forced on an opponent, which a grapple check would allow. The truly useless allow no such ways to weasel out (even though most of mine don't follow that anyway...what can I say? Djinns are hypocrits. :D). -The Djinn Woohoo! Two cookies! (at least until I eat them). By the way, you would be wrong on that last on Djinn. If you read carefully, the gloves require themselves to be donned by a WILLING subject. Unknowing subject is still a willing subject. However, stopping battle and asking an opponent to put on a certain pair of gloves isn't going to go over very well.
CelsiusLunafrost 04-03-07, 12:31 PM	The Rules Lawyer Abilities: 1. Auto hits and crits all fun 2. Any fun that is hit is destroyed 3. Any fun not able to be hit will result in verbal bashing 4. Any fun verbally bashed is destroyed 5. Can find any rule in any book and quote it 6. Only rule not able to be found: GM has the right to change the rules as they see fit. 7. Any game challenged by a rules lawyer is destroyed. -- A rules lawyer challenged this post. -- This post has been destroyed!
Journeyman Samwise 04-03-07, 03:03 PM	Copper Piece. Toss a few hundred in a sack and swing it around, then get back to me.
supernerd222 04-03-07, 03:21 PM	Bracers of General Hairiness. These bracers, when worn, give the wearer a large amount of hair. This eliminates any penalties that may occur from not wearing clothes, grants a +2 bonus to any disgise self checks made to disgise the wearer as a hairy person, and incurs a -2 penalty on all charisma based checks if the wearer is female.
SeptimusMagistos 04-03-07, 05:41 PM	Book of Magic This book is the definitive work on all manners magical. It contains every spell, ritual, and magical item in it, fascilating the use of them. This book is an Atomic Age of magic, far above and beyond the bits and pieces of understanding modern spellcasters possess. There is only one drawback. To use any spell, ritual, or magical item, a single rule must be followed: The spell, ritual, or item cannot cause harm to any creature, directly or inderectly. Obviously, a very cool doorstop.
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-03-07, 06:33 PM	So infinite free remove curses, break enchantments, cure light wounds, teleports, etc? Sign me up. There are numerous ways to abuse that little item, unless your DM is the most anti-player guy out there. Still, it takes a lot of thinking to make it work well, so the Djinn is not sure. Anyway... Frozen Fire This wonderfully imaginative item is a true triumph of both human perserverence...and human stupidity. A few years back, two enterprising mages decided to do the impossible: freeze fire, and have it ready to burn as soon as it thaws out. And lo and behold! They actually managed to make it! The critics were held in silent awe for many days...until a small but crucial matter became apparent. The substance that the mages used to freeze the flames wasn't simple water. And it had a melting point of about 250 degrees. Meaning...yes. The frozen fire could only be thawed in a fire of equal size, for nothing else was sufficient to melt the ice. And, with no fuel to burn and no time to ignite anything, it only burned for a few brief seconds anyway. But still...it was a nice idea, wasn't it? Price: An arm and a leg. Bring your own sword...we won't do it for you. -The Djinn
supernerd222 04-03-07, 09:15 PM	The Ring of Personal Invisibility This ring makes you totally invisible, unless you are within the range of vision of a creature with some form of sight. The Masque of Variable Facial Features This iron mask, which obscures the face entirely, grants the wearer to change their facial features as much as they so choose, granting them a +87 on all disgise checks made against a creature that can see the wearer's face. Removal of the mask invokes an instant regression of the wearer's facial features to normal. Khold's Compass Long ago, a barbarian named Khold developed this navigation device. It points in the direction of the nearest tea biscuit, provided the user has eaten properly so far that day, and posesses enough food for another week. Falling Carpet Invented by a sultan in ages past, this carpet will fall at three times the normal rate of acceleration (29.4 m/s/s), along with anyone and anything sitting on it. Does not work on any plane with any gravity type other than normal, or underwater. The Glove of Pimp-Slapping While wearing this glove, once per day, the wearer may attempt to Pimp-Slap. On a roll of a natural 20, the adjacent creature subject to the slap suffers 1 point nonlethal damage.
HarlequinHelsing 04-04-07, 02:22 AM	The Ring of Personal Invisibility This ring makes you totally invisible, unless you are within the range of vision of a creature with some form of sight. Might be useful against divinations, otherwise maybe not so much.
Bedevere 04-04-07, 04:11 AM	Arrows of healing These arrows cause 1d8 healing to any living being struck. They also deal the usual 1d8 damage from an arrow. They have no effect on undead beyond their regular damage (the healing effect does not occur). No smaller size versions of these arrows can be made, for copyright reasons. (the original creator didn't like halflings, or something like that)
ank 04-04-07, 07:43 AM	Bow of whispersilk This bow was created by a very weak kobald druid and was made out of rare silks. The bow has a strength enhancement of -3, and has a range increment of 10'. Anyone with a strength modifier higher than -3 automatically risks snapping the bowstring 50% of the time. Replacing a spent bowstring requires 1,000 gp raw materials and a Craft(alchamy) or Craft(bowyer) DC 25. If this check fails, you still lose the full 1,000 gp materials, and must instead make a DC 18 fortitude save or die from the deadly vaporous toxin you instead produced.
StalkerEntreri 04-04-07, 07:50 AM	Fall out boy CDs
StalkerEntreri 04-04-07, 07:52 AM	Arrows of healing These arrows cause 1d8 healing to any living being struck. They also deal the usual 1d8 damage from an arrow. They have no effect on undead beyond their regular damage (the healing effect does not occur). No smaller size versions of these arrows can be made, for copyright reasons. (the original creator didn't like halflings, or something like that) That'd be a good torture device Though I suppose my last post could be used for the same reason...hm
DragonStrife 04-04-07, 10:14 AM	Ohnos! his thread is overrun with useless stuff! No,...wait a sec, that's the reason for this thread! Ok! :coolcthul to Celsisus for her Rules Lawyer, and Bedevere for hiser Arrows of healing! Great Job! A :cookie: to Djinn for his Frozen Fire! The absurdness is overly well, absurd! :rolleyes: Wonderfully useless round everyone!
supernerd222 04-04-07, 03:27 PM	Microsoft Wandows This item has the appearance of any other wand, except that it has a symbol on the bottom made of four imperfect squares of colour and the word "Start." When the end with the "Start" symbol is pressed, it is replaced with the number fifty. The start symbol never returns, but the fifty decrements in value with every use of the wand. Furthermore, immediatley after the start symbol is touched, a glowing rectangle will appear on the side of the wand. Within the rectangle, a nonsense word may be written with any acute object, including a finger. This nonsense word will be the activation word of the wand, and to protect the privacy of the user, the wand will not accept any word that does not contain: 1) At least 20 characters 2) Lowercase letters 3) Uppercase letters 4) Numbers 5) Symbols and Operators 6) Cryllic Characters 7) Greek Letters 8) Runes 9) Pictographs 10) Heiroglyphics However, for simplicity, the wand will not accept any word that contains a space. Setting a decent activation word takes 1d20 full round actions, minus the user's intelligence modifier. Once set, it need never, and can never, be set again. Once the activation word is set, any time that word is pronounced while holding the wand, the wand activates. The number on its bottom decreases by one. The user then makes a wish. Anything allowed for a wish spell is allowed for the wish. Then roll 1d20: 1-3: The wand freezes up and never works again. 4-10: The wand freezes up. Only a wish or miracle can make it work again. 11-13: The wand makes a harsh noise and nothing happens. 14: The wand grants the wish in a twisted and unfavorable way. 15-19: The words "404: Wish not found." are seen to appear on the surface of the wand for one round. Then, a list of things that can be done with a prestidigitation spell appear on the surface of the wand, organized alphabetically. Any one of these effects may be chosen. Roll a d20 again and apply the result to this table, rerolling on a result of 14-19. 20: Roll 1d2: 1: the area to a 10 foot radius is filled with illusory pornographic images, which dispel after 1 minute. 2: The wand repeats the phrase "I need an upgrade," every three seconds, until said upgrade is purchased. Upgrades come out every 1d4 months, and cost 1d100 X 1d100 gp. Other than making the wand shut up, they have no effect except turning the wand a different colour. There is a 90% chance that the new upgrade will be incompatible with the wand if the user failed to purchase the previous upgrade. This increases to 100% if the two consecutive previous upgrades were missed. Despite popular belief, this is not a cursed item.
Journeyman Samwise 04-04-07, 03:43 PM	Microsoft Wandows I'm stealing this.
SeptimusMagistos 04-04-07, 06:03 PM	So infinite free remove curses, break enchantments, cure light wounds, teleports, etc? Actually, all of those indirectly harm those who make their money by casting such spells for price. Any action harms someone, whether mundane or magical.
SeptimusMagistos 04-04-07, 06:08 PM	Helm of Same alignment When a character first dons this helm, he becomes the alignment he currently is.
Forgotten_Warrior 04-04-07, 09:49 PM	Here are a couple of my ideas: Unreadable Ring of Teleportation- no one can figure out what this ring does, only that it is magical, when worn it transports the user to the place they least want to be. Gloves of Tarrasque Duplication- nobody knows why they were created, the only thing known is that the user can magically clone the Tarrasque if they are within touching distance. Sword of Ultimate Destruction- a sword that explodes when pulled out of its sheath by a willing user. The invisible eyepatch- an eyepatch that has no magical properties besides the fact that it is invisible. Scroll of Invisible Ink- a scroll that when written upon, will turn the letters invisble, there is no way to make the letters visible again.
HarlequinHelsing 04-04-07, 09:59 PM	Paperweight of Detect Magic Pressing the button on the side of this lead paperweight activates the Detect Magic sensor in the cavity within it. Price: Make me an offer. **EDIT: Thought of another. Armor of Self-Defense This suit of armor becomes ethereal momentarily whenever an attack is directed at the wearer. Because of this, the armor can never be sundered. Price: You can't put a price on something this useful! :incog:
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-04-07, 10:35 PM	Bedroll of the Porcupine Created by an obscure sect of Druids as a defense against predators, these magic items are wonderfully comfortable, and, when inhabited, they grow long spikes to protect the sleeper. However, do to some small malfunction of the spell, the items begin to act up when taken more than 1 mile from a Druid's Grove. In such a situation, the spikes are reversed, tearing into the sleeper and keeping him awake, in addition to ripping his flesh apart. Talk about a wake-up call! Price: If you have to ask, we can't tell you.
darkdragonk 04-04-07, 10:51 PM	Staff of Uberness This staff was created by a bored wizard who wanted somthing instresting to happen It becomes useless if broken or if submerged in water for 30 minutes. Teh user may activate it as a standered action. The effect is instentaneous. When activated roll a D20 1. The user implodes with the effect of a Supernova star 2. The user becomes a Kobold with a viper familiar 3. The user is effected by an enlarge person in one of 2 areas. 4. The is transported to the (d8) layer of the abyss 5. The user becomes Half-Dragon, Half fiend, Half- celestial, and Gains 3 levels in the Ninja and Dread Pirate class 6. The wand Acts as if a Rebituive strike has been used 7. The user becomes naked and All gear is instanly transported to the nearest persons stomach 8. 1d10000000 Enlarged Maximized Fireballs Fly from the Wands Tip 9. Asmodeus becomes the users personal servant 10. User becomes demigod 11. User gains acsess to dialup 12. The User gains 10 wishes 13. The user instantly dies and is effected by a Deathkneel effect as if casted by a 100000 nlevel caster 14. Vol worshippes you 15. The rule lawyer loses abilitie to talk for d10 years 16 An army of Epic RUst Monsters With MONK levels falls under your command 17. The wand grows a head 18. The D20 being used for the roll explodes 19. A random object withen the Users vicinity explodes 20. 1d10000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000000000 Maxedmized, Enlarged, Empowered, Uber, Lighting bolts of Smiting fall down on foe Why is this object useless you might ask? It can only be activated in an anti magic zone.
Thog_likes_puppies 04-05-07, 03:41 AM	Arrows of healing These arrows cause 1d8 healing to any living being struck. They also deal the usual 1d8 damage from an arrow. They have no effect on undead beyond their regular damage (the healing effect does not occur). No smaller size versions of these arrows can be made, for copyright reasons. (the original creator didn't like halflings, or something like that) As said before, they would make a good torture device, but there is a minor flaw: What if, for instance, it heals for 3 but damages for 5? It still does two damage, unless the two rolls are automatically the same. Here are a couple of my ideas: Unreadable Ring of Teleportation- no one can figure out what this ring does, only that it is magical, when worn it transports the user to the place they least want to be. Gloves of Tarrasque Duplication- nobody knows why they were created, the only thing known is that the user can magically clone the Tarrasque if they are within touching distance. Sword of Ultimate Destruction- a sword that explodes when pulled out of its sheath by a willing user. The invisible eyepatch- an eyepatch that has no magical properties besides the fact that it is invisible. Scroll of Invisible Ink- a scroll that when written upon, will turn the letters invisble, there is no way to make the letters visible again. Okay, the two invisible items are truly useless. Flowing with creativity? Not quite. Useless? Indeed! However, if you can convince somebody to draw the sword or put the ring on somebody, it could be deadly, therefore I deem these two items USEFUL. SHAME ON YOU! (Kidding, of course.) My turn: The Unpushable Button When you push this button, great things will happen to you instantaneously. This button cannot be pushed.
Bedevere 04-05-07, 03:59 AM	Invisible eyepatch? I'm wearing two. They'd block line of effect for gaze attacks. Invisible writing on scroll? great for secret messages. I cast detect invisibility. ;) Now for my next entry. Shapeshifting armour. This +1 adamantine full plate grants the ability to wild form as a druid, to anyone who dons it. The level of the ability is the druid level of the wearer. This does not stack. Being a major artifact, the gods themselves watch over it. As such, the Use Magic Device skill will not work on it. Any non druid donning this armour is automatically transformed into a squirrel, as an instantaneous effect.
DragonStrife 04-05-07, 01:04 PM	I have come out from my DM plotting room (my bedroom) to judge and found to my dismay a grove of useless item sprouting! OK, after exploring ( and taking on some Kobolds) I have made it through and will by awarding The :pumpkin: s to Djinn, SuperNerd, Magistos, and Warrior, the :coolcthul to Bederver and hiser Shape-shifting Armour an (idea I might take for my plot, nobles turneed into squirrels is too funny.), and Thog for his(?) Unpushable Button, and the :cookie: to Dragon for his Staff of Uberness! Good job everyone!
DragonStrife 04-05-07, 01:09 PM	:w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t: We made it to page 4!! :w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t:
DragonStrife 04-05-07, 03:54 PM	:bump:
vegetalss4 04-05-07, 05:11 PM	The blade of total destruction this sword flows in the air. anything that i touch i instatly destroed. AND I MEAN ANYTHING
HarlequinHelsing 04-05-07, 05:27 PM	Hmm...I'll need to try harder... *ponder ponder ponder* Ah, I've got it. The Ring of Perfect Diversion. This potent magical ring is a must-have for all thieves, murderers, creepers, etc. The wearer can use Greater Invisibility at will. Using this getaway ability leaves behind a Persistent Image that perfectly mimics the wearer's movements. There is also a 50% chance on activation of the getaway ability that the ring creates a Magic Mouth on the illusion that screams "I'M RIGHT HERE!!", so as to confuse would-be pursuers even more. In addition, should the wearer ever be targeted by Faerie Fire, Glitterdust, or the like, the wearer becomes invisible automatically (as the Invisibility spell). Price: It's not for sale. Steal it and try out the getaway ability, then let me know how it works.
SeptimusMagistos 04-05-07, 05:45 PM	Amulet of Powerful Silence When wearing this amulet, the character can use any Power Word spell once a day without expanding spell slots. However, the necklace also casts silence on the area around the one wearing it.
Forgotten_Warrior 04-05-07, 06:29 PM	The Creepy Kobold Statue: One day, a Kobold wizard decided that Kobolds were under-appreciated in the world. He started to create an item that would show how great and fearful the Kobold race truly was, but he got tired and made this thing. Once a character touches the creepy statue in a dungeon, the statue is bound to them and no one else. It shall always be right next to them when they wake up from any period of sleep. It does not matter what the character does to get rid of this statue (throw it in the sea, destroy it, leave it in a dungeon, send it to another plane of existence, etc.), it will always be next to the character in the morning, it shall also be in perfect condition. If it is stolen, it still regenerates next to the character who picked it up in the first place. The character cannot sell it for the merchants are afraid it will scare away customers, it does not matter how high the character's charisma is, skills and feats will not help either. It cannot be used for decoration because people generally do not notice it. It cannot be used in battle for it crumbles if used as a weapon, there is no chance that it will have any effect on any character. Once the character that picked it up is unable to have it regenerate next to them (death, the passage of time stopped for them, etc.) the statue will appear in a random dungeon to wait for another character to pick it up.
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-05-07, 06:42 PM	Invisibly Intellectual Animated Caltrops These wonderful items were supposed to tip almost any battle in favor of the user. After all, when your opponent cannot see sharp objects littered in his path, he's going to have problems. Especially when they jump about and attack on their own, making it harder to rely on things like blindsight or simple speed. Unfortunately, there were several problems with the design. First off, most shops refused to carry the little buggers, and several brave shopkeepers lost fingers or even arms attempting to scoop them into bags. Not being able to see sharpened spikes when you shove your hand into a barrel of them hurts. In addition, they jump around. Effective? Yes. A good idea? No. For they jump around to much, and, since they are slightly sentient, develop an emotional attachment to their owner. When scattered, most stay with the owner of the item, following him happily for as long as possible, and dancing around him joyfully. Joyful dancing + razor sharp spikes + invisibility = pain. Price: Free! Just reach in and get them!
HarlequinHelsing 04-05-07, 06:50 PM	The Creepy Kobold Statue: :rofl: ... :hides:
darkdragonk 04-05-07, 06:51 PM	Invisible writing on scroll? great for secret messages. I cast detect invisibility Ok you now know there is somthing invisibile on the page, what now?;)
Dragonborn 04-05-07, 07:01 PM	Ok you now know there is somthing invisibile on the page, what now?;) Invisiblity Purge? Dispel Magic?
Forgotten_Warrior 04-05-07, 07:55 PM	Invisiblity Purge? Dispel Magic? If you will look on post #100 it says that there is no way to make the letters visible again. This could mean that it has an anti-magic charm placed upon it. At any rate, magic cannot be used to make the letters visible again. Even if it was possible to see the invisible letters, there were probably several people that wrote on it, your message would be lost among the jumble of letters.
Toast_recon 04-05-07, 08:49 PM	Regenerating scroll When A spell is written on this partchment, it will instantley rewrite itself when used. It is immune to use magic device, and instantly kills anyone attempting to use Use magic device on it.Also no spell like, extraordinary, or supernatural abilities can aid the user in casting the spell on the scroll. This scroll prohibits any spellcasters to use it, but other charecters can feel free to use it. Cost: your reputation. It is free, but anyone who sees you fell for it will laugh. 2nd post:D
ank 04-06-07, 10:17 AM	Amulet of Powerful Silence When wearing this amulet, the character can use any Power Word spell once a day without expanding spell slots. However, the necklace also casts silence on the area around the one wearing it. One word that will send this item to the peak of usefulness: Dracolexi Masters of the power word spells, it is essentially their only weapon to begin with. Mearly sack a 1st level spell, and for one round silence does not affect them. How much does that thing cost? I want one! Worthless Item Pending... This scroll was created using the awesome magic of DragonStrife hiserself. The scroll is absolutely worthless, dissolving in any liquid, providing no nourishment if eaten, unable to be burned for fuel, possessing a hardness of 0, an ac of 1, 1 hitpoint, and is completely unreadable exept for the use of a wish or miracle spell. The words on this scroll are written in a combination of all known languages, and one way or another the user must be able to speak every known language (even secret ones) in order to cast the spell stored inside. Even then, the user must make a DC20 wisdom check to understand the seeming giberish presented in the scroll. Upon activation, the scroll instantly disintigrates and nothing can prevent this effect. It teleports any worthless item found in the vault of the 1001 worthless items thread to the wearer instantly, causing 5d10 damage to the user in the process. Cost: Your Sanity.
Khadmus 04-06-07, 12:21 PM	Toss a few hundred in a sack and swing it around, then get back to me. I meant a single copper piece. I could elaborate, giving it magic to keep it from being tossed in such a bag, raising the price... but I'm too lazy.
DragonStrife 04-07-07, 09:28 AM	Sorry I'm late but here are the Awards... :coolcthul to Harlequin for his Ring of perfect Diversion and Toast for hiser Regenerating Scroll. :cookie: to Ank for hiser Worthless Item Pending (yes I'm subject to flattery) and Warrior for hiser Creepy Kobold Statue(could you cast stone to flesh on it then kill the Kobold to destroy it?) Finally :tiphat: to Djinn for his Invisible Caltops! :pumpkin: s to everyone! ~:dragon: Says "have a good Easter everyone!"~
ank 04-07-07, 10:45 AM	Worthless Item Busy...Please Hold Created when DragonStrife decided to play a cruel April Fools Joke on hiser players, these items are now the solemn bane of all sentient beings. When a scroll of Worthless Item Pending is used to summon a worthless item, there is a 25% chance that this will pop out instead. It appears with all the pomp and cirucumstance that a bright orange and purple jesters cap with shiny bells can. It proceeds to prance through the air merrily around the summoners head until he/she grabs it and places it on hiser head. Any creature that so dons this hat recieves the following message, relayed telepathically in all existing languages. A cool, monotonous female voice enters the wearers head "Worthless Item is currently unavailable, would you like to hold?" Regardless of the response, a clicking sound (much like the hanging up of a reciever) is heard. Immediately, horrible "elevator" music is telepathically sent into the wearers brain. The wearer must make a will save=15 or take one point of temporary wisdom damage for every two minutes of listening to this music. This persists for 1d20 minutes. After which, a different female voice enters the wearers head. "Your request is important to us, please stay on the line." Whereafter the music continues for 4d4 more minutes. At the end of this time, the first operator says. "Your request has been granted, it's been a please serving you today." Whereafter the Jesters cap mecifully leaves and is replaced by the originally queried after worthless item.
Forgotten_Warrior 04-07-07, 08:10 PM	(could you cast stone to flesh on it then kill the Kobold to destroy it?) If you will look at post #112, destroying the statue will not help you get rid of it. This would include the method that you have just described. The flesh that you have created would turn back into stone, the statue would heal itself and be right next to you as you woke up. Anyways, on to the useless items! The Magical Mug of Doom: This looks like a large, ornate, stone mug. When anyone tries to drink from this cup they always spill the drink all over their front side. To use this cup you must put 1 liter of water inside of it and recite a magical chant that can bring up to twenty different effects for the user. 1) All hostile creatures in the surrounding area fall over and die. 2) You are transported to the nearest tavern. 3) Summons an army of 3d12 silver dragons that help you to complete the campaign. 4) Summons a chicken suit that melds to the skin of your character. 5) Your character must roll a will save of DC17 or go completely insane. 6) Your character's useless items are transported to the elemental plane of air. 7) Your character may drink from the mug. There are no special effects. 8) The cup explodes and does one point of damage to everything in the surrounding area. 9) Your character gains 10d20 levels. 10) A treasure of 100,000,000,000d20 gold pieces appears. 11) Your character's skin dissappears. 12) The water in the cup forms a bubble around your charater's head until he/she has drowned. 13) The secret of the universe is revealed to your character. 14) Your character gets a +20 bonus to all of his/her stats. 15) Your character may drink from the mug, however, the water has turned to poison. 16) Every faction in the world has a 1,000,009gp bounty on your character's head. 17) Your character finds a copper piece the next day. 18) Your character's head explodes. 19) A flock of birds follow your character around and constantly pick flesh off of his/her body. 20) All of the water in the characters body is instantly sucked out of his/her body and goes into the mug. The reason why this item is useless is that it can only hold a pint of water and cannot be expanded, if expansion is attempted, the mug crumbles into dust.
ank 04-07-07, 08:37 PM	Then you try to cheat, as I would, and put a bag of holding inside the one pint mug. TECHNICALLY speaking, it would work. I'd love to see #13 in an eberron campain...what would the DM say?
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-07-07, 08:42 PM	Happy Harry's Bag o' Lard? In Eberron? Sure. Why not? :D Bob's Backwards Broom This broom appears perfectly normal at first glance...and also at second glance. Which is because it is. Except for one minor flaw, which makes the whole thing a stupid idea. The more you sweep with it, the more dusty the surface becomes. Upon taking the broom away, the dust begins to fade away rapidly, until the surface is just as dirty as it was before. No more, no less. Great fun at parties, or a great gag gift for the wife on Valentine's Day...that's when you'll learn the only real use of this item. Better run, bub. Better run fast. Cause, and call me Mr. Silly, she don't look happy. Not happy at all. Price: Three copper bars, a four month old toad, and the skin of a gelatinous cube. Change cannot be made. -The Djinn
Journeyman Samwise 04-07-07, 09:07 PM	Belvedere's Benevolent Bags. Snaggletooth Belvedere, philanthropic Goblin artificer, was busy late in his study one night, conjuring up a way to make it easier to store and transport food. "The key" he said to himself "Is extradimensional space. But, how to come up with enough space?" He took one Bag of Holding with him into the astral realm, and located another Bag of Holding he left in his lab. Positioning them perfectly, he Recursed them over and over, eventually filling the first Bag to capacity! "I have done it!" he declared "I have created the Infinite Bag of Holding!" He quickly ran back to his lab, and began pulling Bags out of the Bag, only to discover that all subsequent Bags were filled to capacity... With other Bags. Item Description: To all outwards appearance, this bag looks to be any normal Bag of Holding. However, it's filled to capacity with other Bags of Holding. So on, and so forth, ad infinitum. Price: The head of Djinn & Tonic.
HarlequinHelsing 04-07-07, 09:25 PM	Hmm...to alliterate or not to alliterate? Well, I think we all know the answer here. Brian's Bottomless Bottle of Beer This normal-looking beer bottle can be filled with as much ale as the owner so chooses. Any amount will do. This is so accomplished because the bottom of the bottle is a one-way portal to the Elemental Demiplane of Beer. Ale poured into the bottle is stored in the demiplane for safekeeping. Course, you're gonna have to reach the demiplane yourself if you ever want it back. Any liquid besides beer poured into the bottle causes it to shatter and become forever useless. Price: Buy me a drink for it. A shot of whiskey will do, I believe.
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-07-07, 09:30 PM	Belvedere's Benevolent Bags. *snip* Item Description: To all outwards appearance, this bag looks to be any normal Bag of Holding. However, it's filled to capacity with other Bags of Holding. So on, and so forth, ad infinitum. Well, aside from the fact that the Djinn could simply dump the contents out... Bags of Holding sell for...what? About 2,000+ gp? And there are an infinite number of them? Heh. Give the Djinn one of those. :D Price: The head of Djinn & Tonic. That's stupid. No one will ever be able to get one now. Plus the Djinn would get angry. And it's Djinn in Tonic, by the way. HarlequinHelsing? Awesome job, as per usual. The Djinn loves what you come up with...and the Djinn wants one. And you often alliterate. So the Djinn is very pleased. :D -The Djinn
Journeyman Samwise 04-08-07, 04:42 AM	Bags of Holding sell for...what? About 2,000+ gp? And there are an infinite number of them? Heh. Give the Djinn one of those. :D No self-respecting businessman would defraud his customers with products that he knows doesn't wo... ... Crap. Back to the drawing board with this one.
ank 04-08-07, 10:29 AM	Make a similair item with portable holes, give both items to me, and run like ****
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-08-07, 11:50 AM	Oh gods...ank's right! That would be horrible! And AWESOME! -The Djinn
HarlequinHelsing 04-08-07, 01:52 PM	HarlequinHelsing? Awesome job, as per usual. The Djinn loves what you come up with...and the Djinn wants one. And you often alliterate. So the Djinn is very pleased. :D -The Djinn Well, I'll take it as a compliment, even if it means I'm really good at making useless stuff. :) Thanks man, much appreciated.
SeptimusMagistos 04-08-07, 01:52 PM	Mencunian Mush Maker This item appears to be an indestructible black box. Upon closer inspection, a single word-"Mush" is inscribed on one of its sides. Upon any such word being spoken within 1,000 feet of this item, it begins producing Mencunian Mush at the rate of 10 liters per second. The mush is tasteless, can be eaten, but is not nutritious, and will not sustain anyone. It is nearly indestructible, being immune to most kinds of damage (except for disintegration.) It cannot be used to build anything, paint anything, or even smother anyone. The machine is even less destructible than the mush. Price: Few people are willing to pay for it. However, several very annoyed individuals out there are willing to pay any price for the deactivation word.
Djinn_in_Tonic 04-08-07, 02:16 PM	That could actually be useful, Septimus. Although it says you can't smother anyone (which is odd...the Djinn wonder's how that works), it can make a very useful weapon. Let us take a 10ft thick block of steel, with a 2ftx2ftx2ft whole in the middle, into which we insert the Mush Maker. And then the Djinn speaks the command word. In under a two minutes, the pressure will be far to great for the steel to contain, and the resulting explosion of bursting steel will deal immense amounts of collateral damage. Or we stick it into a cube of force. Since force is immune to damage, the density of mush keeps building, as more and more is compressed. Eventually, it becomes a black hole, when it's radius becomes smaller than...what is it? The Djinn forgets the equation, but it is very possible. It can also be a great deterrant for people following you, or a great way to cross deep trenches (fill them up) or sink ships (fill them up as well). Holding one and being swallowed by a monster would be another useful tactic. *Poof!* One monster incapable of swallowing, and probably moving as well. So you see...it's actually quite useful, when you think outside the box. :D -The Djinn
BluPlague 04-08-07, 06:43 PM	Okay, you list is looking a little shabby. The title says 1001, so here are a few more to help you out. Many of the following have been used in my campaigns. It just goes to show how cruel I can be. *Scroll: Create Paper *Potion of Dwarven Kind: Ale *Boots of Self Tying (there's always one barbarian that slows everybody down when it's time for the party to leave) *Assassin's Dagger of Singing (-30 to hide/move silent) *Wand of Summon Swarm: Butterflies (2d6 butterflies) *Scroll of Summon Enemy *Scroll: Water Breathing (okay, this one doesn't seem so bad, but the PC didn't realize you had to use it above water first) *Scroll: Light -"guys what's this word say?" *Glyph of Warding: Erase (self) *Ring (any with non-magic properties. all they do is stop you from using a magic one. See also: Necklace *given to half-orc PC* Sting (From lord of the rings. He spent the entire dungeon trying to find the orcs that were making it turn blue. What a time that was.) *Talking Weapon (stolen from "Color of Magic" it spent the entire fight scene telling the wielder that he swung like a girl) *Torch of detect darkness *Wooden Anchor *Mirror: Scry Self *Hand of Mightous (stolen from "Witches Abroad" The creator didn't bother much with spelling. Everything the wearer touched turned into Glod - a dwarf who lived in the next village, who became rather angry that he kept getting transported, and that there were some many duplicates of himself.) And.... *Drum Roll* I am about give my PC's a solid gold map that must be taken to a lectern in a temple across the continent to activate the power it holds. For those of you who are unaware why this is a bad item, think of it like this. A 4 in x 4 in x 4 in cube (12 cubic inches) of solid gold weighs almost 45 pounds. The map they are about to receive is 1 in wide x 15 in long x 8 inches tall. It weighs if my math is correct, 450 lbs. The PC's are currently in a tavern, and about to speak the command word that turns the paper into said gold map. With everybody watching. This is going to be fun to watch them try to transport it. Especially, since everybody and his brother wants to steal it for himself.
HarlequinHelsing 04-08-07, 06:55 PM	You're a cruel, cruel person, BluPlague. The scroll of Summon Enemy could be useful for quick XP though. Also, I've got a solution to your gold map problem (which is genius by the way, but I'm already getting death threats from my PCs cuz of some of the traps I've set them up against): Tenser's Floating Disk. It's also the reason my gnome wizard awhile back never walked anywhere.
Aise 04-08-07, 06:58 PM	The water clock
Ariath Ska'Vhor 04-08-07, 10:12 PM	Amulet of the angry commoner The wearer of this amulet is automatically the bane of a random level 1 human commoner somewhere on the material plane. The commoner will drop what he is doing and attempt to reach you so he may torture and/or kill you as soon as possible. 1,000gp
BluPlague 04-09-07, 01:35 AM	You're a cruel, cruel person, BluPlague. The scroll of Summon Enemy could be useful for quick XP though. Also, I've got a solution to your gold map problem (which is genius by the way, but I'm already getting death threats from my PCs cuz of some of the traps I've set them up against): Tenser's Floating Disk. It's also the reason my gnome wizard awhile back never walked anywhere. Well done. I like your solution. Unfortunately for them, they don't have a wizard. Sorcerer, yes; wizard, no. The PC has a "I don't like to have to prepare my spells in advance" attitude. My response is, and always will be: "play how/what you like. I'll do my best to challenge you and keep the story moving forward." Just thought of a few more: *Barbarian's note book *Flask of sea water *Kite (red one) -This was actually fun for my dwarf. The king told us we could have whatever we wanted (within reason). The others asked for magic weapons and armor. I asked for a kite. Later, after he converted a traveling wagon into a ship, he painted a skull and cross-bones on the kite and fixed it to the mast. *Most of the items from the Steve Jackson game Munchkin.
WhiteRaven810 04-09-07, 02:26 AM	Short Sword of Hopeless Seduction: This really doesn't need an explanation. Sadomachoist with a blood fetish succubi everywhere just signed in orgasim. Or did you not mean this as some sort of Abyssal *****?
Saberus 04-09-07, 01:04 PM	A 4 in x 4 in x 4 in cube (12 cubic inches) of solid gold weighs almost 45 pounds. The map they are about to receive is 1 in wide x 15 in long x 8 inches tall. It weighs if my math is correct, 450 lbs. Your math is a little off, 4x4x4=64 cubic inches at 45 pounds, therefore 15x8(the 1 is insignificant)=120 cubic inches for a grand total of 84 pounds, 6 ounces. Heavy, but not impossible.
Toast_recon 04-09-07, 03:15 PM	Holy symbol of awesomness! Can't use as a divine focus has no worth can't hurl at enemies to do damage can't be mistaken as a real holy symbol makes a great coaster:D
Gideon_Gideonson 04-09-07, 04:17 PM	Holy symbol of awesomness! Can't use as a divine focus has no worth can't hurl at enemies to do damage can't be mistaken as a real holy symbol makes a great coaster:D Why? You can throw it for damage, just not much. It could be mistaken at a distance. It has a worth of the materials used A cleric of Awesomeness could use it...since clerics can stand for ideals, there's probably one out there. And it makes a coaster! That's useful! If you need a coaster, this thing's your...er...piece of wood and/or metal!
Toast_recon 04-09-07, 04:43 PM	Why? You can throw it for damage, just not much. no you can't, it is a pacifist symbol It could be mistaken at a distance. if you know what a holy symbol looks like, you know what this looks like, you were taught in school. It has a worth of the materials usedit is made of hardened cow pie. A cleric of Awesomeness could use it...since clerics can stand for ideals, there's probably one out there. it has an anti-divine focus spell on it. And it makes a coaster! That's useful! If you need a coaster, this thing's your...er...piece of wood and/or metal!got me there!
BluPlague 04-09-07, 04:54 PM	Your math is a little off, 4x4x4=64 cubic inches at 45 pounds, therefore 15x8(the 1 is insignificant)=120 cubic inches for a grand total of 84 pounds, 6 ounces. Heavy, but not impossible. Oh, thanks for catching me there. I didn't double check my math. Still, the point is they are carrying around an 84 pound block of gold pretty much everybody in town know about it.
V8122 04-09-07, 06:35 PM	+5 whip of non-tripping: Cost as much as a +5 greatsword, but has the inability to trip,Thus, you hit your enemys with a magical peice of rope.
Toast_recon 04-09-07, 06:51 PM	Pascifist's sword this holy sword has been enchanted by a deity and gets a +20 on all damage and attack roles. too bad it is only usable by pacifists, or else you receive a constant pain that makes you not able to do anything but drop it and fall prone in agony.AGONY!
ank 04-09-07, 06:58 PM	Well, can pacifists hack through stone? Otherwise, nice.
Toast_recon 04-09-07, 07:14 PM	'RAA RAA RAA WOO WOO WOO that stone wall's a person too!'
ryuspearhead 04-09-07, 07:29 PM	orb of souls - this clear blue marble orb eats turns you into energy and eats you withen 6 mins. of picking it up , does like 2 damage if thrown orb of useless items - this clear orb of glass can spawn any item off this list , does like 3 damage if thrown broom of gust lv 1 - clears the ground of dust for 5 sec has like 1d3 if used as a weapon
Toast_recon 04-09-07, 07:42 PM	has like 1d3 if used as a weapon Awesome, another weapon with the same damage as a whip!
HarlequinHelsing 04-09-07, 11:27 PM	'RAA RAA RAA WOO WOO WOO that stone wall's a person too!' :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: That's awesome. I might have to sig that.
Myree 04-10-07, 12:58 AM	Gem Of Gotcha -- While not actually a gem in the truest sense of the word, this stone was originally created by the great gnome artificer Spies as a trick on a good friend, Rundolfo. Unfortunately, Rundolfo never really got the joke, and Spies was left wondering exactly why he bothered wasting his time and energy on creating it. Upon touching this virtually worthless stone, the user immediately suffers a 1 HP electrical shock. However, a moment later, the 1 HP (and any subsequent damage related with attempting to use it as a weapon) is automatically healed again, leaving the user wondering if she really felt that or not. If no damage (via shock or otherwise) is sustained, then the healing does not occur either. Even when used as a ranged weapon to try to get someone's attention, the rapid healing left the "victim" confused on whether they even felt anything. The general concensus of all owners since Rundolfo is that the experience leaves them with an unpleasant trust of the stone, wiping out any possible value they ever might have gotten for it.
Saberus 04-10-07, 01:12 AM	Oh, thanks for catching me there. I didn't double check my math. Still, the point is they are carrying around an 84 pound block of gold pretty much everybody in town know about it. Hmmm, useless? It's GOLD! with 100 gp to a pound, that's 8400gp, just in material! Imagine the extra you could get for the engraving of a secret treasure map, which the PCs could just make a rubbing or copy of on a piece of parchment. whaddaya say to a cool 10 grand? And a race to even more treasure! Of, course, I'm willing to bet that they need said original to access the treasure!
SirCaran 04-10-07, 01:23 AM	1. a clerics spellbook 2. winrar installer in a .rar file EDIT: oops, second isn't DnD related but still pretty useless
BluPlague 04-10-07, 05:01 PM	Hmmm, useless? It's GOLD! with 100 gp to a pound, that's 8400gp, just in material! Imagine the extra you could get for the engraving of a secret treasure map, which the PCs could just make a rubbing or copy of on a piece of parchment. whaddaya say to a cool 10 grand? And a race to even more treasure! Of, course, I'm willing to bet that they need said original to access the treasure! Actually they need said original to set on the lectern and cast "mass gate" and "mass planar binding". The promise of treasure is just there as a plot hook to lead the players to activate said original. Basically, setting the book down on the lectern is the final activation. It weakens points on the material plane so that the other side can open gates at those points. Where as a whole lot of demons are looking to enter. The promise of treasure/gold is more convincing it the map is made of treasure/gold. I don't tell my PC's what to do, I make them want to do it. It usually ends up more fun that way. Getting back to the game: *A wizard's sandal - I once had a level one wizard get trapped in a tree by large wolf. I had used all of my spells, and was trying to fend off the creature with the only weapon available to me. The wolf grabbed my arm, sandal and all, and pulled me from the tree. I agreed that due to my own stupidity, it was probably a good idea to re-roll a character. *A druid's iron lung *A rabbit's foot *Amulet of damage resistance 1/- f=on my wizard. -Sure, it protected me from one damage per attack, but chances are there was more to come. All the thing did was mock me. *The king's crown (not necessarily his title. Oh, and he wasn't dead) - "Run Away!" *Any weapon with Lycan-(whatever) on it. - "my attack turns him into a what?"
SeptimusMagistos 04-10-07, 05:35 PM	That one really annoying NPC who talks nonstop, but doesn't give you any plot hooks, and is always surrounded by guards a few levels higher than your party. You know the one I mean.
Gideon_Gideonson 04-10-07, 06:04 PM	Yeah. I normally end up killing those, or mind-controlling them. My DM hates me sometimes :D No character of mine is ever allowed to say "I have an idea" again. Not after the exploding lightning-rail trick :D
Toast_recon 04-10-07, 07:49 PM	Boot of great jumping This bootbcan't be used to walk, but gives you a +70 on all jump checks, Now if only it wasn't scared of heights...:weep:
HarlequinHelsing 04-12-07, 11:03 PM	:bump: Strife, you around? I can take over judging if you want.
Fasius 04-13-07, 10:43 AM	Marlboro Lich Dust That's right. Your all time favorite smoking brand now finally has something for all you thrill-seekers out there! Brought to you in packages of one single cigarette, you will find smoking this to be the ultimate adventure! Now also available in your local ye olde pawne shoppe!
Griff 04-14-07, 01:57 AM	My First Familiar. This mundane yet polished looking rock is useable by any arcane caster normally able to summon a familiar. (this item takes the place of a familiar) the 'My first familiar' has the following ability scores Str - Dex - Con - Int (as familiar) wis - Cha - Hp = (as standard familiar) AC = 9 + familiar natural armour bonus hardness 8. note: the 'my first familiar' gets all special abilitys appropriate to a familiar except the ability to deliver touch spells. Due to the lack of sensory stimulation that a 'my first familiar' can receive a constant sensation of boredom is broadcast through the master and familiars empathic link. cost: 100gp note: selling a 'my first familiar' has the same drawback as dismissing or loosing a standard familiar. (upside: you get alertness ;))
Thog_likes_puppies 04-18-07, 09:28 PM	THE RING OF LLAMA CHARMING (1/day) Once per day, this ring can charm a llama to do anything you command. The range of this item is 20 feet. The range on this item cannot be extended in any way. This item must be worn to be used. This item cannot be used if there is a llama within 21 feet of the wearer.
Toast_recon 04-22-07, 04:40 PM	THE RING OF LLAMA CHARMING (1/day) Once per day, this ring can charm a llama to do anything you command. The range of this item is 20 feet. The range on this item cannot be extended in any way. This item must be worn to be used. This item cannot be used if there is a llama within 21 feet of the wearer. Awwww, and I was so exited. I was about to make an army of llamas. THeir long necks give them the high ground! They would easily overcome an army of aardvarks, but platypuses may give 'em trouble. Their heads would explode from trying to figure out why they are mammals if they lay eggs. What thread is this? Oh, that's right, useless items. winged hat This hat, when worn, can cast fly only on itself. It can not be secured in any way however, and can only support its own weight. The spell ends when the hat leaves the wearer.
ank 04-22-07, 05:22 PM	Perhaps we be needing a new judge?
Toast_recon 04-22-07, 05:31 PM	Perhaps we be needing a new judge? arr, that's right matey! Someone who hasn't posted yet. *comes back wearing a mustache* Toast wins a :coolcthul ,a :cookie: ,a :dragon: ,and a :pumpkin: . Oh and I :tiphat: to him also................Garl glittergold rocks! *comes back without it* I'd like to thank all the little people, cause gnomes kick ass!
Teh_Director 04-22-07, 10:00 PM	First Post! I'll jump right in: Boots of Very Limited Teleportation At the beginning of your turn, these boots telport you into the space you are standing in. Logical Loop of Antimagic Generates a continuos Antimagic Field. Of course the field suppresses this item. wait, wouldn't that make it free to generate the field in the first place? But then it would be suppressed again...Lets just drop it.
Toast_recon 04-23-07, 03:39 PM	I was just kiddding... it isn't a new round yet....
Toast_recon 04-27-07, 09:05 PM	:bump: look, the next person who sees this and has read all of the entries from the last round but has not posted items will judge, otherwise, I am judging and leaving myself out. I vote for Harlequin.
Nathreet 04-27-07, 10:41 PM	Potion of Procrastination When a character imbibes this potion, they immediately gain a standard action. Actually there's a mundane item that lets you imbible potions as a move action. Ok, here's my useless item: Canabane This +5 holy cold iron longsword provides spell resistance of 5 + the character’s level to the wielder and anyone adjacent to her. It also enables the wielder to use greater dispel magic (once per round as a standard action) at the level of the character. (Only the area dispel is possible, not the targeted dispel or counterspell versions of greater dispel magic.) All of these abilities (the enhancement bonus, holy enchantment, spell resistance, and greater dispel magic) only function against Canadians. :D Price: 120,000gp.
Bedevere 04-28-07, 08:28 AM	Talisman of Ingrained Knowledge. This talisman allows any wizard wearing it to memorise the 'read magic' spell without the use of their spellbooks. The only known versions of this talisman all work for the above spell only. As it is technically an artifact, you cannot make a version for any other spell.
Toast_recon 04-30-07, 05:42 PM	:bump: this thread is dying! come on Dragon strife! please, Ibeg of you! the next one who reads this but has not submitted anything, PLEASE judge!
nytemare3701 04-30-07, 05:55 PM	Ring of happenstance Slot: Ring Effect: Whenever anything beneficial happens to the wearer of this ring, it casts suggestion, telling the wearer that the ring is responsible for his/her good luck. Price: Contingent Permanent Suggestion.
HarlequinHelsing 04-30-07, 11:35 PM	Well, hello again everyone! I didn't realize this thread was still alive, otherwise I might've judged sooner. No time right now, but awards will be handed out as soon as I can.
Myree 05-01-07, 01:40 AM	Ring Of Round Judging: Upon activation, the long absent judge will return to tell us all if we are worth the expenditure of almost randomly dispersed electrons. This, in turn grants us each a +1 circumstance ego boost, while simultaneously penalizing us with a -1 to our next ego check as we wonder what we did to deserve being ignored....
HarlequinHelsing 05-01-07, 06:18 PM	I think, instead of having a massive round for two pages of entries, I will divide the competition into one for page 5 and one for page 6 (for me, this is all entries between DragonStrife's last post and Toast_Recon quoting RyuSpearHead. And after that, to avoid confusion, I think I'll judge at Midnight GMT every Sunday. Sound reasonable? Anyway, moving on to the awards. For Page 5: :cookie: to Djiin_in_Tonic for Bob's Backwards Broom. :coolcthul to SeptimusMagistos with the Mencunian Mush Maker. :pumpkin: to Ank for Worthless Item Busy...Please Hold. :gift: to everyone! For Page 6: :cookie: to Toast_Recon for the Winged Hat. :coolcthul to Myree for the Gem of Gotcha. :pumpkin: Teh_Director for the Boots of Very Limited Teleportation. :gift: to nytemare3701 for the Ring of Happenstance.
Toast_recon 05-01-07, 06:55 PM	I'm glad I have a thread to release my slightly-amusing-item buildup. I have a cookie for my sig! *crunch* now I don't maybe I can get another cookie as a replacement *wink wink* NEver mind, it came out the other end nearly unchanged.
Kassil 05-02-07, 07:24 PM	Foxfire's Flamboyant Flaming Fork This fork, created by the rather eccentric Foxfire Kitsune, known more commonly for his spectacularly pyrotehcnic displays that routinely destroy anything within a mile of him, serves one purpose: It spontaneously combusts if held for more than a few seconds. The fire will not spread, deals no damage, and cannot be used for anything of any purpose, but it does, at least, look impressive. It does not produce enough light to see be, aside from seeing the fork itself. The Magnificent Wand of Spam This eternal wand will generate a single can of spam, proof against being opened by anything short of the (missing) tin key or a vorpal blade. Rumors exist of other versions that produce fireproof, waterproof scrolls covered in bizarre advertising. The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch - Except that someone's already used it, so you've got a small heap of ash that smells faintly of brimstone and holy water. The Nerfbat This birghtly colored sword of soft foam makes anyone struck with it feel as if they've lost some valuable power, even though nothing has actually happened. A Yo This is a yo-yo, except that no known method exists to get it to bounce back up. It sits limply at the end of the string once dropped.
Myree 05-03-07, 02:01 AM	YEAH! My ring must have worked! Amulet of Fire Protection Grants Fire Resisitance of 10. Unfortunately, when exposed to heat, it overloads, causing equivalent heat damage to what it just protected you from. Good Conduct Medal Awarded by military leaders to anyone that can last long enough without getting caught in a bar fight or similar altercation. But, being awarded one is equivalent to a curse, making crowds turn unfavorably towards you, usually ending up in a bar fight.
Teh_Director 05-03-07, 06:48 PM	Facemask of Duplicate Self When put on this mask melds into your face, changing it to look exactily like your target! It flows down your throat, making you sound exactly like your target. Best of all, you gain all knolage possesed by your target. You may only target yourself with this item. This gives a +20 bounus to disguis checks made to to pretend to be and act as yourself.
Forgotten_Warrior 05-04-07, 08:31 PM	The Fiendish Fire of Heavy Explosivness- One day, a goblin sorceror with a fiendish sense of humor found a flask of Alchemist's Fire. He enchanted it so that if you throw it, it creates an explosion that is 100ft. in diameter, it automatically kills any creature caught in the blast. Unfortunantly, he also enchanted the flask so it can only be thrown 10ft. If anyone tricks another being into throwing the flask, a Pit Fiend is summoned in front of the trickster and kills him/her. If the Pit Fiend is defeated, two Pit Fiends appear in front of the trickster and will proceed to kill him/her. The number of Pit Fiends will continue to double until the trickster is dead. If someone tricks a creature into tricking another creature into throwing the flask, they get the same Pit Fiend punishment. The process of Pit Fiend punishment will go on until all the creatures who tricked other creatures are dead. It is impossible to make the explosion except by normally throwing the flask, if any magic is used it will fail (this includes magical items). You may not attempt to put the Alchemist's Fire into any other container, even if you did, the magical properties would not go away.
wal9000 05-04-07, 08:57 PM	Bag of Tricks (Mauve): This small sack appears normal and empty. However, anyone reaching into the bag feels a small, fuzzy ball. If the ball is removed and tossed up to 20 feet away, it lands on the ground and sits there, as one would expect a small fuzzy ball to sit. The ball sits where it landed (unless acted upon by a net external force) for up to 10 minutes or until picked up and put back in the bag. It can be given any of the commands described in the Handle Animal skill (page 74 of the Player's Handbook), but will ignore them because it lacks ears, is not sentient, and is incapable of moving itself. The degree of fuzzyness of produced balls is always random, and only one may exist at a time. Up to ten fuzzy balls can be drawn from the bag each week.
wal9000 05-05-07, 01:24 PM	On second thought, mine isn't any more useless than the gray bag of tricks. Oh well. ;)
Kassil 05-05-07, 01:44 PM	Bag of Tricks (OhGodMyEyes Violet) This small sack appears normal and empty. However, anyone reaching into the bag feels a small, fuzzy ball of the same eye-scorching color as the bag itself. If the ball is removed and tossed up to 20 feet away, it turns in mid-air into a dire animal with regeneration: 0 and fast healing: 5 that is extremely hostile to the user and all of his allies, and immune to any form of mind-affecting spells, power, and skills. The type of animal produced is always random, although the bag tends to favor creatures that fly for further aggravation of the user, and up to three may exist at any time. Up to ten fuzzy balls may be removed from the bag per week. There we go. More useless than the grey bag!
SeptimusMagistos 05-05-07, 03:42 PM	Continuing the trend: Bag of Tricks(Sort of Pinkish) When you reach into this bag, you will find very sharp teeth which will immediately proceed to bite you. If you manage to pull out the creature, you will find it extremely toothful. Slaying the creature does not give you X.P. The bag contains an infinite number of such creatures and all of them can exist at once if need be.
Toast_recon 05-05-07, 04:57 PM	Bag of tricks(non descript gray): Upon reaching into the seemingly empty bag you will find invisible and incorpreal creatures that our mute and have no sort of telapthical link. They follow all of your orders and do whatever within your power to help you. This is also known as the bag of imaginary friends.
somethings90 05-05-07, 05:25 PM	Bag of Tricks(Dark Grey) As normal Bag of Tricks(Grey) except the animals attack the user.
Djinn_in_Tonic 05-05-07, 05:30 PM	This thing's still alive? AWESOME! Harlequin...the Djinn is a big fan of your items, and would not like to see them vanish due to your judging. Would you be willing to split up the workload (with the Djinn judging, say, sometime around Midnight (EST) on Wednesdays?). The Djinn is perfectly willing to either judge or not, as you prefer, and he'll have some more items up eventually :D EDIT: Item time! Bag of Tricks (Tie-Dye) This multi-colored physcadelic bag was common back in the 60's, but has since faded from the public eye. When opened, it contains several small, hairy spheres. When one is thrown, it turns into a drugged-up hippi, who immediately proceeds to sit down, pull out a guitar, and begin singing peace songs with a +9 bonus to Perform (Vocal) checks. This effect lasts for 10d10 rounds, after which a giant, glowing portal appears next to the singer. A 1962 VW Bus pulls out of the shimmering gate, picks up the hippi, and does a bootlegger's turn to re-enter the portal and vanish. Makes sense...right? Cost: Who cares, man? It's like...everyone owns everything, you know? Communism, man. That's where it's at. You dig where I'm coming from? AND Bag of Tricks (Translucent) This bag is permentantly closed, and also translucent, which is a shame. For within the bag are such creatures as Solars, Great Wrym Dragons, the Tarrasque, Titans, Avatars of the Gods, and many other powerful allies. Unfortunately, the magic of the bag can only extend so far. In order to constrain the massive forces binding the creatures, the bag must remain closed at all times. Opening it destroys the magic, immediately sending all the enclosed creatures back to their proper place and time. Cost: Honestly, this thing is depressing us. Please...take it. Maybe you'll get it to work... -The Djinn
wal9000 05-05-07, 06:10 PM	Do I get a :cookie: for inspiring 6 bag of tricks entries? ;) Belt of Humankind: The wearer of this belt can understand, speak, and read common (unless he is incapable of vocalizing, illiterate, or otherwise prevented from doing so). He can see as far as a human would be able to see under any conditions, and gains no special abilities because humans don't get any. Djinn, your paisley bag of tricks seems to do about the same thing that my mauve bag does. Am I missing something?
Djinn_in_Tonic 05-05-07, 06:15 PM	Ummm...no. The Djinn in fact overlooked yours completely, and now feels like an idiot :P Goes to show...great minds think alike...AND SO DO OURS! Anyway, the Djinn will edit now :D -The Djinn
Toast_recon 05-05-07, 07:13 PM	djinn is back! does no one set subscribe to thread when post and then check their subscribed threads? It is a great system,Use it! Djinn, you beat me to the translusecent, but I was not going to accent the fact it was translucent. Bag of tricks(incvisible) this bag of tricks is invisible and spits out rocks that are invisible. it spits out thousands of them.You simply touch it( a feat in itself) and it appears somewhere. they usually appear in hallways where toe stubbing is maximal. Catch: The rocks are only tangible to the user!
HarlequinHelsing 05-05-07, 09:55 PM	This thing's still alive? AWESOME! Harlequin...the Djinn is a big fan of your items, and would not like to see them vanish due to your judging. Would you be willing to split up the workload (with the Djinn judging, say, sometime around Midnight (EST) on Wednesdays?). The Djinn is perfectly willing to either judge or not, as you prefer, and he'll have some more items up eventually :D Sounds good. I do believe it'd be better to keep the deadline at Midnight GMT regardless of the day, though. Pretty easy to figure out, since if you scroll down to the bottom of the page it says 'All times are GMT+/-X', and if you live on the East Coast it should say GMT-4 for you. So you can judge all entries between 8 PM Sunday and 7:59 PM Wednesday, and I'll handle the rest. ...Meaning, another useless Harlequin Item, possibly with a sarcastic undertone, in 25 hours!
Toast_recon 05-05-07, 10:11 PM	...Meaning, another useless Harlequin Item, possibly with a sarcastic undertone, in 25 hours! possibly? the orderly chaos of do goody-evil ball this ball heals 10 damage to all creatures who are good, evil, lawful, or chaotic due to good, evil, lawful, and chaotic spells cast on it. the spells also due 10 damage to the opposite allignment....wow....I healed them, then damage them, awesome. Talk about neutrality.
Forgotten_Warrior 05-05-07, 10:41 PM	The Glasses of Sun- These glasses were originally created with the power of the sun so adventurers could see in dark places without all the hassle of holding things in their hands. However, due to magical bumbling the incantation was put on the wrong side of the glasses. A beam of light is constantly pouring out of the inside of the glasses which makes it impossible to trick any creature into putting them on. The creature that does decide to put these glasses on must, at least, close their eyes in three rounds or be blinded forever, or until magic is used to heal them. The light of the glasses can be seen through any material, but is only strong enough to do damage to the eyes if it makes direct contact. The magical light has no heat to it, so you may not burn ants with the glasses.:cool:
Holy_Beholder 05-06-07, 12:30 AM	A lot of these are pretty cool.
wal9000 05-06-07, 08:46 PM	Toaster Strudel of Plenty: When placed in a toaster, this item produces enough toaster strudel for all allies within 50 feet. Too bad there are no toasters.
halflingvampire 05-07-07, 09:51 AM	got this off webcomic... Kevorkian Scarf Upon putting on this ordinary scarf, which looks surprisingly like a blood-pressure cuff, it will expand and cut off your oxygen supply, killing you in 5 rounds if not deflated by a sharp implement (i.e. sword, dagger, etc.)...Very much a dark and evil item...
IrishRover 05-07-07, 11:37 AM	Not quite useless, but close... This is a masterwork composite longbow requiring a strength of 24 or more to use correctly. It is enchanted to +5--but the enchantment only works when the bow is used as a melee weapon. Unfortuneately, the bow is not reinforced for melee use, and is verylikely to break if used for such. (Especially if used by someone of str 24 or higher)
Sir Percival the Gallant 05-07-07, 12:43 PM	I remember something once about an ‘eternal peanut’ and ‘mystical brown coating’ in one of the volumes of the Second-Edition Encyclopaedia Magica.
Kassil 05-07-07, 06:50 PM	SuperClay This ochre-colored substance is a marvelous building material, able to be sculpted into any shape desired and then allowed to harden to a consistency that causes adamantite weapons to shatter on it if it is braced properly, yet remains light enough that an average common could lift an entire cottage built of it. In the default form it's a sphere about a foot across, sealed inside a clear shell. Exposure to anything outside this perfectly sphere-shaped shell causes the entire mass to harden instantly, making it an almost weightless foot-wide sphere of nigh-indestructible material. Vorpal Sphere This sphere has the ability to perfectly cleave anything struck by an edge of it. It cannot be sundered, damaged, or otherwise unmade from a perfect spherical shape. Good luck using the vorpal property. The Bottomless Pitcher An unlimited amount of any liquid can be poured into this extremely ancient-looking ceramic pitcher. None of it can ever be poured out again. Divinations suggest that breaking the pitcher is a very bad idea. Starseed This fist-sized yellow seed, when planted and watered, will blossom into a new star, much like the Sun. The gardener usually has other matters than his crop on his mind at this point, such as being blasted into atomic ash along with the rest of the world. The Perpetual Motion Device This small, perfectly smooth rod never stops turning. Harnessing this motion is extremely tricky given the nearly firctionless surface of the rod. Uncle Bob's Dehydrated Army Inna Bag This is bag is clearly labelled as "Uncle Bob's Dehydrated Army Inna Bag", and it does, indeed, powder derived from an entire army of dehydrated soldiers. Unfortunately, this is not magical powder, and attempts to rehydrate the soldiers will only resulting in a very disgusting mess of organic goop. Stealth Cloak This fantastic cloak turns invisible, inaudible, and ethereal when worn. The user does not, however.
HarlequinHelsing 05-07-07, 11:49 PM	Whoops. I, uh, totally didn't forget to judge yesterday. SO: :cookie: to Kassil with Foxfire's Flamboyant Flaming Fork. :coolcthul to Teh_Director for the Facemask of Duplicate Self. :pumpkin: to Forgotten_Warrior for the Glasses of Sun. :gift: to Djinn_in_Tonic for the Translucent Bag of Tricks. And now it's my turn. The Tome of Infinite Knowledge Hidden within the millions of pages of this book is everything anyone would possibly want to know. However, it is not organized in any fashion, and there is neither an Index nor a Table of Contents. A magical strip of leather sits in the upper right-hand corner of each page. The author of the Tome of Infinite Knowledge intended for the readers to write any keywords on this strip and be redirected to what they were looking for. He never finished it. Several cranky, Diminuitive Sprites hover constantly around the book, and become irritated if you ask them about the search strips, replying only that 'It will be finished sometime.' Price: Free. Just write your name on the cover. Well, gee, I wonder what Harlequin might be attacking with this entry...(Hint for those of you who can walk through walls headfirst: If you're reading this entry, I promise you know what it is.) Maybe another one later. Too much coffee to focus right now.
Raxmei 05-09-07, 03:09 PM	Ring of Magical Invincibility, Lesser. Grants the wearer Spell Resistance 2
smiths_0 05-09-07, 03:45 PM	Mug of summoning This mug has a 99% chance to summon puke or buggers from anykind of creature when you drink from it... it also removes the contents of the glass before the summoned ''drink'' arrives.
HarlequinHelsing 05-09-07, 06:07 PM	And with 2 hours to go before the next deadline (Djinn, you're judging, right?)... Marcus Murdoch's Magical Maple Leaf This face-sized maple leaf remains green year-round. The owner can detect all maple trees within 100 feet while holding the leaf, but only if the owner would be capable of sensing the trees in some way himself. In addition, when the command word is spoken, Marcus Murdoch's Magical Maple Leaf can transform into a maple tree. It does not change size due to this transformation. While in this form, the leaf is capable of producing up to 4 ounces of maple syrup every day. The syrup created is permanent, but disappears if pancakes come within 100 feet of the stuff. (Marcus Murdoch was always partial to waffles.) Should the leaf be damaged in any way, it explodes, covering the owner in sticky syrup (treat as being struck by a Tanglefoot Bag). Price: Bring me some French Toast. **EDIT: By the way, next competition should start at the Toaster Strudel of Plenty.
Djinn_in_Tonic 05-09-07, 08:12 PM	Okay...let the games begin! Not really that much this time...but MAN! The Djinn is in shock! One guy just cleaned house! :cookie: to Kassil for the Stealth Cloak. Pure Genius! :coolcthul to Kassil for Uncle Bob's Dehydrated Army Inna Bag :pumpkin: to Kassil for the Vorpal Sphere :gift: to HarlequinHelsing for Marcus Murdoch's Magical Maple Leaf. Not completely useless, but still got the Djinn to chuckle a bit. :D Now, back to you, Harlequin. -The Djinn
Toast_recon 05-09-07, 08:55 PM	Mirror of REALLY short divination This mirror shows what your face looked like 3 seconds ago. Made for barbarians as a peace offering(they like pretty shiny mirror that copy them!) Stuffed animal of boredom Upon picking up this stuffed animal, Creatures instantly become bored with it and have the sudden urge to consume vast amounts of limburger cheese. Useless to you, but advertising for the cheesesmith... toilet of dependency this toilet is a normal toilet upon approaching it and going in it. But as soon as you are done, your bladder becomes full again, lather, rinse, repeat amulet of farming This amulet gives you total power over corn!!!!zomg!!!! Hand of glory's evil twin This acts as a hand of glory(gives light only to the wearer, effectively a personal light spell) only this gives darkness, only to the wearer. Price: Hand of glory is 1200, but it is 2400 because it needs to be customized:P PS: I don't believe hand of glory is ACTUALLY in dnd, but it is in many other wizarding......things
Kassil 05-10-07, 01:43 AM	Uncle Bob's Bag of Blades This wondrous item contains blades of all kinds, shapes, and descriptions. Unfortunately, none of these blades have any handles, they are exceedingly sharp, and no force can remove them from the bag. The bag may also contain severed fingers and the like from former owners who learned the bag's problems the hard way. Genuine Imitation Gold This is, as it says, genuine imitation gold. It looks like, feels like, and in just about every way appears to be real gold, but anyone can tell that it is only imitation gold.* Firestarter Kit This kit produces a Fireball spell as if cast by a 20th-level wizard when opened, centered on the opener himself. Boots of Elvenkind These stylish boots contain no magic, but they are, indeed, made with real elfhide. WARNING: Wearing these may provoke fits of rage in any elven subspecies. Yes, even drow (because they want them for themselves). Fire Hose This elegant-looking set of hose will spontaneously combust if worn. Headache Pills These marvelous pills instantly give anyone who swallows one a splitting migraine. Mirror of Obsession This mirror appears to be a normal scrying mirror until actually used to scry upon something; at this point a DC30 Will save must be passed, or else the scryer becomes obsessed with the subject of the scrying effort, to the point of killing over it, stealing/kidnapping it, and otherwise behaving as a completely deranged stalker. Kind DMs might allow a Remove Curse to fix this problem. Badge of Observation This badge has two functions: the first makes the wearer blurt out stunningly obvious comments, often earning him or her the title of Captain Obvious, while the other function makes him or her extremely obvious to anyone even glancing in the general direction of the wearer, imposing an absurd penalty to Hide and Move Silently skill checks. Vorpal Trout Every single scale on this fish is possessed of incredible strength and sharpness. Attempting to pick it up, fillet it, or in any way physically interact with it is likely to be a painful and bloody affair for the person doing so. The Vorpal Trout is often blamed for mysterious holes in fishermens' nets that let the whole catch get away. Antipasta This resembles a sack of normal cooking noodles. If ever allowed to mix with regular pasta, however, it detonates rather forcefully. Staff of Stupidity Whoever wields this staff is overcome by an incredible urge to use it to strike anyone who says something the wielder percieves as stupid. Yes, even kings, good friends, children, and anything else that would be really inconvenient/troubling for the party to be found beating senseless. Bag of Bags This coinpouch-sized bag contains a limitless supply of exceptionally frail paper bags, which do not burn hot enough to harm anything, disintegrate entirely on contact with liquid, and instantly tear if used to hold anything or be written upon. A slight breeze is sufficient to shred these bags of paper, making them useless even for concealment. Ring of Inverse Chameleon This ring makes the wearer and his equipment perfectly mimic the surroundings - except in a perfect photographic negative, making it just about impossible to hide due to the stunningly out-of-place colors. Bottle of Lethe This bottle contains the waters of the river Lethe. Unfortunately, the bottle was sealed and enchanted to be impossible to open, break, or otherwise remove the contents of. This is a shame, because the memories of the First True God are dissolved inside the contained waters. +5 Holy Flaming Shocking Vorpal Fnord This incredibly powerful item is a blessed and enchanted fnord, furthermore gifted with the vorpal property. It is, therefore, a true shame that it is, indeed, still a fnord, and as such no one can percieve it save at the instinctive level that compels them to avoid it. Not even the most clueless of kender can observe the fnord's presence, making it a terrible waste of these wondrous properties. Foxfire's Secret Scroll This scroll is widely sought after, as it is believed to contain the magnum opus of the destructive wizard Foxfire Kitsune, a spell rumored to be capable of slaying even a greater deity without fail. Alas, Foxfire's Secret Scroll actually contains nothing more than directions on how to create the eccentric wizard's favorite drink, a blend of chocolate, cinnamon, and coffee. * - Except perhaps for clueless adventurers. Fun and games for all when they try to use it only to be told it is, in fact, merely imitation gold!
supernerd222 05-10-07, 03:12 PM	The ancient key segment of signifigance+7 This intricately carved and worked stone piece is part of an ancient key. Should the rest of the key ever be found, the wielder would have instant access to any part of the multiverse and a +7 on everything. All divinations, rumours, and any other system of information gathering, including conversing with dieties, insists that the other half of the key is sitting quite plainly upon a pedestal in a certain room of a dungeon. But it isn't. In truth the other part of the key never existed. It was all a hoax to make adventurerers mad.
icegodoflunae 05-10-07, 03:44 PM	Cloak of supreme ethrealness: All items and armor on a character become invisible and ethreal, the character however remains solid.
ank 05-12-07, 11:47 PM	Wow, some of these items even have uses that I can think of. Bagpipes of the Dwarf These wonderful bagpipes can be played by anyone, although if anyone besides a dwarf plays them the pipes produce a horrid wailing noise. Additionally, a dwarf must wear a kilt to properly play said bagpipes or suffer the above affect. If there is no kilt-wearing dwarf in the vicinity, you may activate the magic of the bagpipes through the command phrase "You wee little dwarf yee." this is a full-round action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity. One dwarf instantly appears in the nearest open space to the bagpipes, wearing a dangerously short kilt. The dwarf is quite visible, although etheral and with a sanctuary spell requiring a will save of 100 to overcome. The dwarf reaches for the bagpipes, and upon grabing them an anti-magic field forms exactly .0372 inches away centered from the dwarf (allowing him to remain etheral and with sanctuary). He then begins to play the bagpipes with a +30 perform (bagpipes) check. Any tips that the dwarf should earn dissapear and re-appear on his person. The dwarf continues to play for 3d12 minutes and then dissapear, leaving only the bagpipes behind, which slowly empty of air with a whine. Bagpipes of the Dwarf can be activately 1/day. Useful for backround music during an epic battle. Cost: A potato (this item is not intended to offend anyone, and I appologize in advance if it should do so).
SeptimusMagistos 05-13-07, 12:44 PM	Starseed This fist-sized yellow seed, when planted and watered, will blossom into a new star, much like the Sun. The gardener usually has other matters than his crop on his mind at this point, such as being blasted into atomic ash along with the rest of the world. GO to a planet you don't like, cast delayed create water, greater teleport away, laugh maniacally.
Djinn_in_Tonic 05-13-07, 10:06 PM	Boots of Falling Feathers Often (and often fatally) confused for Boots of Feather Fall due to their similiar appearance, these boots will do you no good in an uncontrolled descent. Whenever the character falls more than 10ft, these boots begin to shed feathers at an insanely rapid rate, causing the wearer to be blinded by feathers until he hits the ground. This has the added effect of causing the user to make a Concentration check (DC 20+spell level) to succeed at casting any spell. In addition, the whirlwind of feathers digs into the wearer's skin, dealing 1d6 points of damage per 10ft fallen, effectively doubling the fall damage. Price: Free trials! Jump off this 50ft cliff, survive, and we give you a pair. FREE! -The Djinn
*Grim_Reaper* 05-14-07, 02:47 AM	Ion Stone of Announcing: This slightly green ion stone floats about the characters head. Ever time the user is about to check for traps, make a move silent check, listen at a door, open a door, or enter a room the stone yells out in a very loud voice the characters name and chosen action. The character with the ion stone must a fortitude save DC 15 or become permanently deafened after the first time the ion stone announces the characters chosen action. Every creature with in 10 miles of the ion stone can hear it when it announces the characters action.
Chrysalis 05-14-07, 03:51 AM	The hat of Gaydar This fantastically sequined and glittered hat, with half a pink flamingo and bowl of waxed fruit, detects gays up to 50 feet. There is a 50% chance that instead it detects the wearer.
Gideon_Gideonson 05-14-07, 04:11 PM	Boots of Falling Feathers Last entry in this contest, Harlequin...just as a heads up. :D
HarlequinHelsing 05-14-07, 06:01 PM	Actually Gideon, that entry's about 2 hours over deadline, but since Djinn is judging the next round I'll go ahead and include it in this one. Alright, let's do this. Kassil continues to churn out a seemingly endless supply of useless items, but can he hold onto his superiority? Turns out he can, for the most part. :cookie: to Kassil for the Ring of Inverse Chameleon. :coolcthul to Djinn_in_Tonic for the Boots of Falling Feathers. :pumpkin: to Kassil for the Vorpal trout :gift: to icegodoflunae for the Cloak of Supreme Etherealness. Gilmour's Great Guitar of Godliness This electric guitar holds the power of the gods. Once plugged into a Allman's Amazing Amplifier of Ascension (see below), any character succeeding on a DC 30 Perform (string instruments) check ascends to godhood, gaining a divine rank equal to their character level and all the powers associated with it. The guitar also gives a +30 bonus on all Perform checks, but the guitar must be plugged into Allman's Amazing Amplifier of Ascension for these effects to be used. Price: $32.50 at Ticketmaster. Allman's Amazing Amplifier of Ascension This unbelievably powerful amplifier will only function if Gilmour's Great Guitar of Godliness is plugged into it. However, the power created between the guitar and the amp is too much for any machine to bear, and the amp overloads and shorts out if Gilmour's Guitar is plugged into it. The amp does not function for any other electric guitar. Price: Too much for you.
Chimera245 05-14-07, 10:05 PM	+1 Boomerang of Returning For the price of a +2 weapon, this +1 weapon returns to you after you throw it. +1 Vorpal Guillotine For the price of a +6 weapon, this execution tool magically severs the head of its target if you roll a natural 20. +1 Flaming Burst Fire Extinguisher Deals extra fire damage to anything it hits. Might set combustibles aflame. +1 Grenade of Returning Pull the pin, and throw it. If it misses its target, it returns to you, and lands on the ground at your feet. Bag of Tricks (your favorite color) If you reach in, you feel a small fuzzy ball. At the same time you feel a creepy giant hand mess with your hair. If you pull out the ball and throw it at the ground, you are pulled by the creepy hand back through a magic portal behind you. on the other side of the portal is the spot you threw the fuzzy ball. When you exit the portal, you land flat on your face unless you succeed on a DC 25 tumble check. You may mentally give yourself any of the commands listed under the Handle Animal skill.
Chimera245 05-14-07, 10:12 PM	Bag of Tricks (calico) <insert standard bag of tricks text here> If you throw the ball at the ground, an ordinary housecat appears, shouts out your deepest, most closely guarded secret for all to hear, and then runs off.
merric101 05-15-07, 02:00 AM	Belt of thought detection. It detects your thought so that when ever you think of something, the belt tells you. uh wait, but doesnt that make it very, very, very useless? I mean doesn't it?
Chrysalis 05-15-07, 12:42 PM	Ring of hiding This ornate ring is activated by closing the eyes, stoppering the ears and shouting in a loud voice repeatedly "You can't see me! Lalalala!" The spell stops if the wearer opens the eyes, unstoppers the ears, or stops shouting. The Drag-on-Scarf This fantastically coloured scarf of many dragons scales is the natural counterpart to a hat of disguise. With the scarf one will always look excessively flamboyant if not a bit tacky. Clothing becomes fantastically clashingly coloured and of unusual textiles, women find themseles with suggestively short hair accentuated with enormous ruffles and bows in their workmanlike clothing. Men discover their hair to be fantastically adorned their coquetishly revealing dress to accentuate their masculine features. For this reason the little known edict was passed that wizards should not be allowed to make magical items that make fashion statements.
Kassil 05-16-07, 02:05 AM	Belt of thought detection. It detects your thought so that when ever you think of something, the belt tells you. uh wait, but doesnt that make it very, very, very useless? I mean doesn't it? You would think so, but I know a lot of people who could use outside confirmation of their brains functioning, because none of the rest of us are sure... And on to the uselessness! Coin of Indecision This plain copper coin is marked with a kobold on one side and a kitten on the other. The magical aura of it suggests that it can be used to help divine the answers to questions, but in truth the enchantment is merely another of Foxfire Kitsune's annoying tricks. Whenever the head or tails side of a coin is called for the purpose of making a decision, the coin will land on edge, disappear into a crevice, or otherwise manage to fail to offer a useful result. This includes bets made on what will happen; attempts to bet on the coin landing on edge, if kobold and kitten are also being bet on, will simply cause the coin to vanish in a puff of sulphurous smoke. Carl's Cryptomantic Casebook This inch-thick tome contains the result of a lifetime's research by the great cryptomancer Carl Callaway, holding numerous spells, rituals, and item creation methods dealing with ciphers, codes, and other obfuscating objectives. Unfortunately, Carl was an epic-level mage when he created this work, and the book itself was his first epic creation, being magically sealed with a clever cryptographic code that even the God of Knowledge has never been able to unlock. The same spell makes the book effectively weightless and essentially indestructible. Good luck using it! Rigel's Ring of Optimum Obscurement This fantastic ring clouds the wearer's vision, making it seem as if he is standing in the middle of an incredibly dense fog at all times. It has no effect on anyone else. Eve's Excellent Epee This dueling blade has been enchanted so that it is impossible to hurt anyone with it; the blade is infinitely flexible, and will support absolutely no weight despite being essentially invulnerable, but will slip effortlessly to spring back into shape once and danger of anything being harmed is past. It doesn't even look impressive. Cap of Contraception This cap, if worn by a user who knows exactly what it does and who speaks the command word of his own free will without any form of compulsion, will retroactively alter time so that the user was never born. Some say that a never-born emo wizard was responsible for this. Blade of Infinite Sharpness This blade is infinitely sharp, and as such cuts through anything and everything holding it, including the metal of the pommel, any sheathe, belts, hands, armor, force fields, divine interventions, and noble intentions. It was last seen on a rapid trip through the crust to the center of the world. Scots Tape This marvelous clear adhesive tape will only function to bind together individuals who hail from Scotland. Duck Tape This silver-grey adhesive tape can only be used to adhere ducks to objects. Boots of Springing These marvelous boots instantly teleport whoever wears them to the bottom of the nearest spring and firmly anchors them there unless they can make a DC30 Strength check to escape the boots. Bit Bucket This peculiar wooden bucket is constantly filled to the brim with bits of refuse, ranging from scraps of rotten gristle, crumbling bone, stale bread soaked in various unhealthy things, spoiled cheese, broken quill tips, chipped-out fragments of weapons, and parchment pieces soaked in various vile liquids. Everything Inna Jar This is everything, contained in a jar. This does, in fact, include the party. Breaking the jar may not be a wise move. The Center of Everything This small stone is the geographic, planar, spiritual, psychological, and metaphysical center of everything. Unfortunately, as it looks like a common rock, no one is ever likely to realize this, and oftentimes the center of everything has been used in halfling skiprock contests.
NaeraBlueshadow 05-16-07, 12:23 PM	a ring of flatus simion it summons a over hyper monkey that jumps on the summoners head and farts in their face before dissappearing.
HarlequinHelsing 05-17-07, 10:39 PM	Rise, Rise, O Thread! Djinn, you around? If you aren't, then could Toast_Recon fill in?
Djinn_in_Tonic 05-17-07, 11:05 PM	Sorry! Sorry! The Djinn fell asleep early yesterday, due to an extended period without sleep. He apologizes profusely. Anyway... :coolcthul to Kassil for Scots Tape! (he probably would have won more, but the Djinn felt he probably should share the wealth) :cookie:to HarlequinHelsing for Gilmour's Great Guitar of Godliness and Allman's Amazing Amplifier of Ascension :pumpkin: to *Grim_Reaper* for the Ion Stone of Announcing ("I GOT A 4!" for those of us who read OOTS :D) :gift: to Chimera245 for the Bag of Tricks (your favorite color). It could have been better thought out, but the concept is hysterical :D -The Djinn
Aricomus 05-18-07, 12:19 AM	Ring of Divisibility When worn, the user is able to be cut into two halves.....
Kassil 05-18-07, 04:18 AM	Ring of Aphasia This ring made from copper wires twisted around each other afflicts the wearer with the speech defect known as aphasia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphasia). They, however, will fall under the delusion that everyone is just making fun of them for some reason. Foxfire's Everclear Mug This mug is always completely spotless, never needing to be washed or otherwise cleaned. Yes, that means it outright rejects having anything put into it, by way of a powerful forcefield sealing the top. Ring of the Ourborus This marvelous ring, shaped like a snake swallowing its own tail, magically contorts the wearer so that his tail, or feet if he lacks a tail, are stuffed in his mouth and his body takes a ringlike shape. He remains like this for as long as the ring is worn. Prank Spellbook This resembles a normal wizard's spellbook, except that the spells in it are all fake, the pages are covered in itching powder, the binding squirts small amounts of tepid water at anyone opening the book, and placing a hand on the front and back cover at the same time elicits a minor, unpleasant shock much like a joybuzzer. Rumored to have been devised by Foxfire Kitsune to keep people from wanting to see his real spellbook. Mailer Daemon This three-inch-tall copper sculpture of an arcanoloth will inform the bearer if any mail he sends out is delivered to the wrong place and must be returned. Unfortunately, it does nothing else, and will periodically notify the bearer again if the mail happens to remain at the wrong place. The default notification rate is five seconds. Volpar Brade This appears to be a vorpal sword. Unfortunately, due to difficulties in translation, it can't even be used as a normal weapon. Ring of Call Waiting Anyone who casts a Summon spell while wearing this ring will find that the spell will not actually complete until there is no longer a need for the summoned creature. Garden Hose These leggings are magically covered in lush green moss. Rod of Wondering This wand, when activated, will cause the user to wonder exactly what he thinks he's doing, and if using this wand is really the best use of his time. There is no other effect. Compact Disc This is a compact version of Tenser's Floating Disc, sized so that it might be of use to an ant. Maybe. A Bottle of Summer Whine This appears to be a bottle of fine summer wine. When opened, however, it turns out to be a bottle of summer whine, afflicting everyone in earshot with a horrible whining noise in their ears that persists until they get some sleep.
rex_subterrae1008 05-19-07, 01:39 PM	Prank Spellbook This resembles a normal wizard's spellbook, except that the spells in it are all fake, the pages are covered in itching powder, the binding squirts small amounts of tepid water at anyone opening the book, and placing a hand on the front and back cover at the same time elicits a minor, unpleasant shock much like a joybuzzer. Rumored to have been devised by Foxfire Kitsune to keep people from wanting to see his real spellbook. Actually, this could have a use... http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=848357&page=2
shalitanior1018 05-19-07, 05:32 PM	ring
zzo38 05-19-07, 06:06 PM	Scrolls Scroll of melee: This is a magical scroll that can be used as a melee weapon. Scroll of really awful poetry: This scroll can make you die of boredom of reading the really awful poetry. Has no effect on barbarians because barbarians cannot read it. Scroll of debugging: You can view all of the internal variables in the game. Scroll bar: This kind of scroll is sold in bars. You can scroll up and down to view the rest of this document. Scroll of cure blindness: If you read this scroll while blind, your blindness is cured. This affects only the reader of the scroll, not anyone else. Potions Potion of melee: This potion can be used as a melee weapon, but only once because after you use it once it shatters. Potion of boozed bozos: 50% chance of becoming permanently drunk and set all ability scores to 1, the other 50% chance of you getting one wish. If thrown it turns someone else into a random potion. Potion of Imakuni?: If you drink it then you are a little bit confused, if thrown at another creature then you become very confused, but it has no effect on the other creature other than the shattered glass injuring them. Poison of healing: This is both poison and healing, so it has both effects at once. Wands Wand of pure irony: This wand is made of pure irony and it has 50 charges. If you use 1 charge then it turns whoever it touches also to pure irony. Wand of iron pants: If you zap the wand at someone who is wearing pants then it makes their pants fully ironed and also fully made of iron as well. Fully ironed is a instantaneous effect and made of iron lasts for 24 hours. Plutonium wand: If you are carrying this wand then you will suffer from radiation sickness. Wand of pure iron pants: This is like the wand of iron pants but it is made of pure irony. Wand of single step: You can take as long as you want to make a single step for as long as you want. Only usable once and then it explodes. Wand of AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!: Makes everything into "AAAAAAAAAA!!!". Books Book of books: This book explains the purpose of all of the other books, including this one. Book of corruption: Makes the target corrupted! It also makes you evil and 50% chance of you corrupted as well. Look at "Heros of Horror" book or ADOM game (DM's choice) to see how this works. Book of "How to turn yourself into a small slug": It lets you cast the corresponding spell on yourself even if you aren't a spellcaster. Book of lead: This book is made completely out of lead. It is very heavy to carry (fills up your entire carrying capacity) and can cause lead poisoning. IBM manual: Whoever reads this book becomes permanently confused. Only Wish, Miracle, Reality Revision, or a similar effect can get rid of it. Weapons Dagger of breakfast: You can use this dagger to cut your food, and then you eat the dagger for breakfast and throw away all of the food because you didn't do a very good job of cutting it. Arrow of bad luck: +100 to hit and +100 to damage, but it always misses no matter how accurate you are or what the opponent's armor class is, and you miss even if you make a critical hit. Fork of too much power: This weapon is really small and hard to hit with, but if you manage to stab someone with it, it does 9999999999399099999946999999999979999999 9999259909999459999999299999999634999999 2 damage and keeps doing this much damage to the enemy every milisecond until you pull it out. Then it does 500000000 damage to all enemies within 1000 ft of the monster you stabbed. This fork is also good for eating rice. WARNING: The "Scroll of melee" and "Potion of melee" can be used as melee weapons. Wearable Items Boots of wine: These boots are full of wine so when you wear them your feet will be full of wine and it will make your feet drunk. If you are a dwarf then you can walk normally if your feet are drunk. Girdle of pure irony: This is a +1 girdle made of pure irony. Girdle of nice flowers: This girdle is good if you want to look nice because it is full of nice flowers. Belt of suicide: If you wear this belt then you can commit suicide. Artifacts Artifact of artifact: This is the oldest and most ancient major artifact (actually the oldest of *any* artifact) ever existing. Its function is completely unknown and mysterious, even to its creator (if it had one). Mysterious potion: This potion is an artifact, but no-one has ever used it, as it cannot be picked up by any method. Bell of death: Whenever you ring the bell, someone you don't know will die. Extra Edible bomb: This is a bomb that is good to eat, but after you eat it you will explode and DIE. Stone of irony: This just looks like a normal stone to everyone except you. If you look at it closely enough then you can figure out that it is actually made up of pure irony. Mailbox of illiteracy: It is hard to read the mail in here, especially if you are illiterate. Some of the mail says "Illiterate? Write for free help." and so on. Gravity picks: This item lets you break the laws of gravity. It cannot be used by lawful people.
Secrets Untold 05-19-07, 07:32 PM	Parcel Weapon Enhancement A parcel weapon, when drawn, turns into a brown, paper-and-twine wrapped box, which can not be used as anything until a 41gp postage fee for the attack is payed. After the fee is payed, the attack is resolved normally. Cost: +1 Bonus <Yeah, it can be used as a weapon, but think about this, you're paying a +1 bonus fee to lose all of your money by attacking. USELESS> Subpar Weapon Enhancement A subpar weapon functions exactly like a normal weapon, with the following changes. 1) The weapon is made of an impractical material (a quarterstaff made of string, a greatsword made of salmon fliet, etc.) 2) The weapon deals 1d1 damage, plus any other modifications from strength or enhancement. 3) Range is halved, and a weapon cannot be thrown. 4) Ammunition automatically is destroyed. 5) The weapon cannot critical hit, or auto-hit 6) All damage reduction applies to it, even if it shouldn't (ie. Damage reduction 5/cold would still affect and icy subpar weapon) 7) The weapon cannot be used in a "awesome point"-type maneuver. EVER! Price: +5 Bonus <Best weapon ever for this contest, aside from the airblade>
Forgotten_Warrior 05-19-07, 11:38 PM	The Scroll of the Language of the Druids of the Order of the Bigger Order of That One Place: This scroll will allow anyone who reads it to have a minimal understanding of the secret language that only druids know. Unfortunantly, this scroll is written in Druidic. Price: You must find DragonStrife!
Astron the Wizard 05-20-07, 04:26 PM	The Sacred Bone of Whence Those who touch the holy knob will be able to blink constantly. Those who kiss the sacred spots will gain relief from one thing that irritates them on a Thursday. Those who point at the Blessed crack will become great at making sandwiches that include manayse. Those who press their noses against the bitten middle will be granted the gift of Enternal Disease (Measles). No one really knows what it's a relic of or why it's sacred.
HarlequinHelsing 05-20-07, 09:15 PM	Well, I do believe it's about that time again. Winners for this half-week are: :coolcthul to Kassil for the Ring of the Ourborus. :cookie: to Forgotten_Warrior for his entry, whose name I am too lazy to type out. :pumpkin: to Kassil for the Ring of Call Waiting. :gift: to Secrets Untold for the Parcel Weapon Enhancement.
Forgotten_Warrior 05-22-07, 02:17 PM	Did you give me a cookie because of the price? The Mouthpiece of Arthemis Glasse: Arthemis was a simple boy from the country, but he got tired of his drab life and left for the city. He learned to be a mage, but never learned to properly enchant items. One day he was challenged to a fight by a dwarven fighter, for protection he tried to create a mouthguard that would allow him to shoot fire out and scare the dwarf. The only material that he owned that could stand up to flames was glass, so he tried to enchant the glass to where it wouldn't break. Once he and the dwarf started to fight, he opened his mouth and used the mouthpiece. The fire came out backwards and cooked his innards, while his mouth closed to shut the fire off, he closed too hard and broke the mouthpiece into tiny fragments. Needless to say, poor Arthemis died that day. Eventually, the fragments ended up with a powerful sorceror who put them back together. He tried to put it in backwards so it would breathe out fire in the right direction, but it slipped into his throat and he choked on it. After this, his home was raided by a Goblin lich and his party. The lich saw the mouthpiece (the servants of the sorceror got it out of his throat and put it on his desk as a memorial) and decided that he would trick mortals into killing themselves, so he placed a spell on it that makes anyone who sees it want it so badly, they would give anything for it. However, after he set the curse he looked at the mouthpiece and failed his reflex save, now you might say this wouldn't be bad for a lich, but he was wearing his phylactery and continually regenerates next to the mouthpiece, always with his eyes on it.
SeptimusMagistos 05-22-07, 05:46 PM	Scents of humor Anyone smelling this flower laughs briefly as a free action.
HarlequinHelsing 05-22-07, 05:51 PM	Did you give me a cookie because of the price? That, and the absurdity of the Druidic Language holds a special place in my heart.
Forgotten_Warrior 05-22-07, 06:35 PM	You know, I'm kind of worried about DragonStrife, he hasn't posted in a long time. That, and the absurdity of the Druidic Language holds a special place in my heart. The Coat of the Cold Tavern, That Druids Wear: You can only put this coat on while you're in a warm tavern, you will feel a bit chilly. Oh, and for HarlequinHelsing the coat has it's tag in Druidic.:D
Bacdednosm 05-22-07, 06:53 PM	Wand of Total Annihilation: upon use, everything in a 500 foot radius from you that has the same alignment as you or anyone in your party has Disintegrate, Power Word Kill, Slay Living, and Metor Swarm cast on them. A successful fortitude save (DC 70) negates all effects
Kassil 05-23-07, 05:56 AM	Stray Ring This enchanted ring will cause the wearer to tend to go wandering off away from any group, gathering, or other such thing they happen to be part of, almost invariably into the most hazardous possible location. (There is evidence that perfectly normal rings can spontaneously develop this trait if left on important NPCs, which may explain the tendency of such to need rescuing by adventurers.) Ripcord of Destiny This short length of cord, with a wooden handle attached, can be yanked vigorously by anyone with PC class levels at any time; they are instantly Teleported to a farm somewhere in a nameless thorp, with all of their class levels converted to levels as a Commoner specializing in farming; their equipment is converted into farm equipment and livestock at a ratio of 1 SP for every GP of value. Pokeball This garish red-and-white ball may be thrown at someone as a ranged attack; if it strikes, the victim will feel as if they have just been firmly poked somewhere inappropriate. Crazy Glue This magical glue may be used to adhere raving lunatics together. Immateria These small, colorful stones contain spells of epic power. Unfortunately, they exist solely on the Ordial plane, which no one can figure out how to access, and as such they existence is immaterial to anyone who might want their power. Rod of Lordly Blight Anyone who attempts to use this rod is afflicted with a disease rumored only to plague royalty. Sausage Inna Bun Anyone consuming one of these dubious-looking sausages in a withered-looking bun and the accompanying condiments gains a +2 circumstance bonus on Fortitude saves for one hour. This is balanced out by a -2 penalty to Fortitude saves for the next hour due to extreme nausea, however. Flip-Flips These enchanted sandals, if worn in a pair and in sufficient numbers to cover all of a creature's feet, grant the wearer triple their normal Move rate and the ability to walk on water. They can only be worn on the correct foot, and they all seem to have been designed for the left foot; no amount of research into the enchantment process can fix this flaw. Foxfire's Famed Fire Fountain This looks like a decorative waterfall, expect that instead of water, flames erupt from it; much like the Flamboyant Flaming Fork, these flames are too cool to ignite anything, too dim to see by, and generally useless for anything but looking vaguely impressive. Uncle Bob's Big Bag-o-Dice This small sack contains a number of oddly-shaped dice. Anyone picking it up must pass a DC20 Will save or be compelled to roll some of these dice before any significant action. This is a free action every round, although the compulsion makes the roller believe the numbers on the dice affect their actual outcome. ("Argh, no, not a natural one! I'll never hit him with that!")
HarlequinHelsing 05-23-07, 06:15 PM	Sausage Inna Bun Anyone consuming one of these dubious-looking sausages in a withered-looking bun and the accompanying condiments gains a +2 circumstance bonus on Fortitude saves for one hour. This is balanced out by a -2 penalty to Fortitude saves for the next hour due to extreme nausea, however. I love you.
Kassil 05-23-07, 08:29 PM	I love you. I was looking at the heap of discworld books on one of my shelves, and wondering exactly what the most useless item I could find in there would be. Dibbler was the first thing to spring to mind.
Djinn_in_Tonic 05-23-07, 09:29 PM	Well, as there are only four entries and the Djinn would like to avoid giving Kassil millions of awards (no offense, but winning once per cycle seems sufficient :D), he feels it best to simply add these to the next judging. That okay with everyone? -The Djinn
skydin 05-23-07, 11:45 PM	if its been said before, too bad SPORK
Evil DM Mk3 05-24-07, 07:21 AM	Dice of Death: These otherwise perfectly normal dice have ghost touch and belong to the grim reaper. He is looking for them. Die the Deaf: This otherwise normal welshman is deaf. Dice of Deaf: These dice cannot hear. Die the Death: This otherwise normal welshman is dead.
Astron the Wizard 05-24-07, 03:23 PM	Dice of Death: These otherwise perfectly normal dice have ghost touch and belong to the grim reaper. He is looking for them. Actually, these would be very helpful. Just stick them in your opponent's stronghold and wait for pandemonium.
HarlequinHelsing 05-24-07, 05:34 PM	Well, as there are only four entries and the Djinn would like to avoid giving Kassil millions of awards (no offense, but winning once per cycle seems sufficient :D), he feels it best to simply add these to the next judging. That okay with everyone? -The Djinn Mmm...Sure. Hey, Djinn, to simplify competitions and most likely get more entries too, do you wanna switch off judging every week instead of every half?
Nidair 05-24-07, 06:02 PM	This reminds me of some item a sadistic DM once gave me. It was called Seradin's Chain Mail of Teleportation This obsidian-colored shadow chain mail +2 is engraved with various runes. Aside from giving the wearer a deflection bonus to its armor class, he or she can also command it to greater teleport. Doing so takes a free action but can only be once once per 4 rounds. Strong Conjuration; CL 13th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, greater teleport, Price 52,260 gp; Cost 26,130 gp + 2,090 XP Note: the greater teleport ability affects only the armor. The spell does not teleport the wearer.
DX2052 05-24-07, 06:04 PM	Ducktape, rubber bands, paper clip and string Might be useful for Mac, but not for you
nytemare3701 05-24-07, 11:58 PM	Bands of Infinity These powerful bands give you infinite cosmic power at a price. It isn't able to be used. you are fully aware of the power granted, but completely unable to utilize it. annoying, eh?
Myree 05-25-07, 02:40 AM	Socks of silence These normal appearing woolen socks completely eliminate all sound made by the wearers feet. Unfortunately, they cannot be worn without shoes or boots, which they have no effect on, plus they have a strange smell that only the wearer can detect, make your feet really sweaty, itch horribly, and are extremely tattered and worn already. Crystal Mouse This transparent mouse has an excessively long tail. If the end of the tail is touched to a Crystal Ball, the owner can now drag the mouse around the table top to change what they are gazing at slightly left, right, up, or down, instead of just "willing" it to change one of these directions. Once connected, not moving the Mouse occassionally while gazing into the Crystal Ball will cause the image to go black with a strange colorful shape moving around inside -- this goes away once the mouse is moved again. The mouse can be disconnected again easily, but any attempt to gaze into that Crystal Ball again without it attached will only allow the wearer to see some strange wording about "Device Not Found".
erendor the True 05-25-07, 02:55 AM	In the interests of creating something that is useless but /not/ cursed.... Damn, this is hard... Doubly so because all my good ideas have probably already been said (dehydrated water?)... And even more so because I know how easy it is to make something 'useless' have a use. 9/10 items I've seen in this thread I could at least have some fun with. Saddle of Summoned: Summons a horse underneath itself. Will not summon a horse if it is already placed on one. Requires user to be astride the saddle, mounted on a horse, to activate. Crumbles to dust after five minutes of riding.
Myree 05-25-07, 11:14 PM	Wand of One Der Upon speaking the command word, a Magic Mouth appears at the end of the wand and loudly says in Common (but with a corn-ball accent) "DER!" Shatter resistant Mirror of Non-Reflection Made to avoid accidental breakage, this otherwise normal mirror was created out of a safety-coated material so that if it is broken, it crumbles into harmless small pieces that then turn to sand, and finally vanish altogether. An unfortunate side-effect was that this material does not reflect any image or effect. It really looks like it could have been a nice mirror -- kind of like what it would look like if you were to paint a picture of a mirror -- if only it actually worked like one.
rex_subterrae1008 05-26-07, 10:37 AM	A psionic sandwich... http://boards1.wizards.com/showpost.php?p=8570529&postcount=31 lol
HarlequinHelsing 05-28-07, 01:46 AM	Rex, that ain't useless at all. Best damn character optimization(?) I've ever seen. :) Anyway, wow! Lots of entries this time. Here we go: :coolcthul to Myree for the Socks of Silence. :cookie: to Kassil for the Ripcord of Destiny. :pumpkin: to SeptimusMagistos for Scents of Humor. :gift: to Myree for the Wand of One-Der.
captaincurran 05-28-07, 12:40 PM	dunno if this was done already, got tired of reading after the second page cuz i gotta go soon. but my entry for the current round: Sword of Collapsing. this short sword's blade receeds into the hilt when the slightest pressure is applied to the blade. The Hilt is small enough to be easily conceled in a user's palm
rex_subterrae1008 05-29-07, 09:08 AM	Rex, that ain't useless at all. Best damn character optimization(?) I've ever seen. :) Well, it is if someone decides to eat you... lol.
Kassil 05-30-07, 03:49 AM	Ring of Endless Companionship This ring creates an illusion of an attractive person of the wearer's preferred race and gender, which only manifests in visual and audio form to the wearer; the illusion draws upon the wearer's deepest desires, creating the illusion of a perfect match. However, nothing can give this illusion more than visual and auditory existence; the illusion also will not shut off or go to sleep, which can rapidly drive the wearer up a wall, particularly given that any attempt to remove the ring results in a curse... Leaving the illusion forever bound to the wearer, only warped into an angry stalker rather than a perfect match. Pan's Pipes These panpipes belong to the god Pan; as befits a divine artifact, they contain a truly prodigous amount of power. However, if ever played, they immeadiately summon Pan himself - who is known to be a bit of an indiscriminate lecher... The Black Sword This sword is forged from the purest essence of the color black, and can cleave through anything that is a true pure white effortlessly. Against anything else it's about as useful as you might expect something crafted from a nonphysical concept to be.* Siren's Supreme Slingshot This slingshot can fire anything loaded into it at velocities that challenge the laws of physics, approaching lightspeed almost the instant the weapon is fired. Unfortunately, the Strength score required to draw the slingshot's supremely strong elastic material is rated in scientific notation; Pun-Pun would be able to use it, but it is quite doubtful anyone else could. Wings of the Penguin This set of artifical wings are heavily enchanted, and analysis seems to suggest that these are magical wings of flight. Unfortunately, the mage responsible for them lived in the far south, where the only birds around were penguins, and so any attempts to fly with these wings inevitably result in an awkward bellyflop as if the wearer was trying to slide across the ground on their stomach. Discus of Determination Anyone holding this soft, cloth-covered wooden discus will feel exceptionally confident. This does not dispel fear effects, and the sense of personal confidence is the only effect the discus offers. Wand of Blunder Anyone wielding this wand when they speak the command word will find themselves tripping over unseen objects and making prodigous amounts of noise, running into walls, and making other spectacular blunders. Technomantic Pistol of Ultimate Power This incredibly advanced high-sorcery weapon is a small pistol; when powered up, it can fire a beam capable of punching a hole clear through a raging templated tarrasque, an atropal, or just about anything else with apparent ease. Unfortunately, the power pack is drained, and the sorcerous knowledge of how to construct a new one or recharge this one is several hundred thousand years into the future. Accretion Ring Anyone who dons this ring is transformed into a black hole, which promptly behaves as black holes are wont to do. Uncle Bob's Bag of Stored Space This bag contains an infinite amount of space that can be pulled out and added to the world. Given the already impressive size of most planes, this doesn't tend to have much effect when the user draws out a single handful of space, which is then evenly distributed across the whole of the plane. * - Yes, I know about the argument that black and white are merely the presence/absence of color. I do not particularly care.
DragonStrife 06-04-07, 02:54 PM	:mymy: I have been gone for FAR to long......... ( Right now I'm in such a state of shock, I don't know what to do)
HarlequinHelsing 06-04-07, 05:46 PM	STRIFE'S BACK!! Don't know what to do, eh? Well, for starters, I'll let you judge...;)
skydin 06-04-07, 08:37 PM	Pan's Pipes These panpipes belong to the god Pan; as befits a divine artifact, they contain a truly prodigous amount of power. However, if ever played, they immeadiately summon Pan himself - who is known to be a bit of an indiscriminate lecher... thats not useless at all, at least with my players (and myself). i may just have to get me one. as for the others... spoon of ultimate death this spoon is enchanted by a race of immensly powerful beings that through early godly mistakes, were born as powerful as any of they, and quickly grew stronger. in fact, these Demons (note the capital D, means their different from regular demons-lower case d) had so much power that it would leak out and drasticaly change whole solar-systems in which they lived, as their alignment dictated. these quickly fought each other to extinction, but their artifacts remain, normal objects that they made with near infinite power, without noticing the expendature in the least. the spoon of ultimate death is magicaly enchanted to kill any creature whose skin it peirces instantly, completely destroying their soul and granting the weilder all the expirience and powers that creature had. however, the spoon is the size of 23 colossal creatures combined, weighs as much as the world its on, and has a rubbered edge for safety.
Kassil 06-05-07, 06:00 AM	thats not useless at all, at least with my players (and myself). i may just have to get me one. You say that now, but will you when the randy goat god is done having his way with you and then leaves with his pipes?
Illithid_Tentacles 06-05-07, 07:19 AM	Immovable Rod, Greater Unlike a normal Immovable Rod, which moves with the universe to remain at a realative point in space (e.g., four feet above the ground, or wherever else it might be activated), a Greater Immovable Rod does not, meaning that when activated, it immediately "zooms off" (relatively, of course. In actuality, the planet the person activating it is on is simply travelling away from the center of the universe, while the rod remains stationary) at the speed of light. This has lead to the loss of fingers, hands, and occasionally heads by those who attempt to use this item without fully understanding it's function. Whirlwind of Messing When inactive, this appears to be a small greyish sphere, about the size of a marble. When activated by the command word, it becomes a foot-high whirlwind that sets about picking up all the dirt, slime, grime, mold, twigs, dried leaves, insect eggs, and anything else unpleasant in the area in itself and depositing it on the person who activated it. The accumulated filth can be removed normally, but if not actually destroyed in some manner, it's simply swept up by the whirlwind again and redeposited. Once activated, the whirlwind becomes bonded to the one who activated it, and will continue it's function for as long as he remains alive. Brooch of Audible Thoughts A normal looking cloak pin. While worn, it causes the wearer to literally speak whatever he's thinking, as loudly as possible (e.g. "MY ASS ITCHES!"). Created in an attempt to get an assassin to confess, it was discovered that the item works TOO well, and will actually cause the person wearing it to speak everything he is thinking, or has ever thought, in the order of least to most significance.
BrakkTheBarbarian 06-05-07, 01:42 PM	Pushnell’s Picayune Parchment of Pocketchange This impressive looking and obviously magical map leads its owner, through the most arduous and dangerous route possible, to the smallest cache of unclaimed "valuables" available within a 1000mi radius. Users will be led through the bowels of hell to a myriad of dropped and forgotten copper pieces.
baby_kamikaize_kobold 06-05-07, 04:24 PM	Spell book with explosive runes on any spell above cantrips.
rex_subterrae1008 06-05-07, 05:12 PM	Spell book with explosive runes on any spell above cantrips. I wouldn't say this one is completely useless... It could be useful in keeping your actual spellbook safe... Now, if it were a spellbook only sorcerors could use, it would really be useless... lol.
Fencerboy 06-05-07, 10:42 PM	May I join? Anyways, here goes: Sorry if I duplicate something... Pendant of Pending Abilities This ugly, lime-green stone on a gold chain is rumored to be magical. However, any who attempted to ascertain its abilities were notified, on a small piece of blue paper produced from the stone, that its application for all-powerful abilities had not yet been processed by the Magical Artifacts Guild (MAG) ~~ Can Opener Invented by the Lantanese, it is totally useless until they invent cans... ~~ Ring of 97.4 Wishes This is perfectly useful, provided you need a useless ring. You see, it has 97.4 gems on it, each the size of the head of a pin. Its creator, Ixjapwindlertaklindortfardowqua Juandulio, thought that the gems were too small to hold a wish with much potential. Therefor, he wished the wishes upon casting, and each one, when used, performs like a spell of Caster Nose-cleaning. Never worry about boogers again! Highly useful...
DragonStrife 06-06-07, 07:23 AM	Can everyone here say "Tests that if you do not pass you will fail the class"? That's what I have been studying for, doing, and recuperated from the past 5 weeks. Anyways, I'm back! Thank you to Harlequin for judging the rounds! Congrats you get a :cookie: with sprinkles! Illithid gets a :cookie: as well for hiser whirlwind Brakk get a hard to spell :coolcthul for his(?) Parchment of Pocket change Kamikaze get the not so hard to spell :pumpkin: for hiser Spell Book and last but not least... Fencerboy gets a not hard to spell :gift: for his RIng of 97.4 wishes! Great round everyone it's good to be back! PN: As long as Me or another judge hasn't judged the round you can still enter that round.
Johnny_Angel 06-06-07, 07:31 AM	useless items? hmm... Brick Boat Square Wagon Wheels Bladeless sword
merric101 06-06-07, 02:47 PM	Had to be done. Bag of tricks.
SirSalmon 06-06-07, 04:06 PM	Can 'o' Nothing. An empty tin can with holes in the bottom that leaks out whatever liquids are put in it. If something (non-liquid) is put in the can, it is instantly transported into your pancreas.
Fencerboy 06-06-07, 05:12 PM	Thanks, DragonStrife! 1987 Calendar This has a few birthdays of obscure people on it, but it doesn't even have cool pictures. It has the World Association of Sparrow People, along with their Sparrow Soulmates on it. Ugh. Belt of Miniscule Intelligence This is a world champion wrestling belt. 'Nuff said. Polished Diamond This highly polished diamond is, actually useless, unless you enjoy glass diamonds that are busted. Should I have put that in the title?
Nidair 06-06-07, 05:42 PM	Armguards of Annoying Arcane Almightyness These golden bracers will empower, maximize, quicken, still and widen any arcane spell below 4th level you cast. Regrettably, this effect only works when worn by a member of a race that begins with an A, with a name that begins with an A, and a class that begins with an A. It also only works on spells that begin with an A from a school that begins with an A. Perhaps it should be 'Almightylessness'.
Sergikins 06-06-07, 09:55 PM	Book of Pi A book with every single digit of pi, as long as you read long enough. A DC 314 will save is required to not read it.
Cur1337 06-06-07, 10:15 PM	the Everfish This seemingly ordinary Fish is rarely found in water, despite this, the Everfish is always wet as if just removed from water. Upon holding the Everfish for 1 round you must make a DC 30 Will save or become fanatically devoted to it's worship and are affected as the Suggestion spell to convert all sentient creatures you meet.
KedynCrow 06-06-07, 11:46 PM	Saltshaker of Endless Pepper Crafted by an evil genius with plans for world domination, this unassuming little salt shaker appears completely normal. It's even marked with the little "S" for crying out loud. However, turn this baby over and a torrent of freshly ground black pepper billows out like a flood of fly feces, ruining whatever food was to be salted... How this particular genius planned on dominating the world with this thing, we'll never know.
Shiggles 06-07-07, 08:00 AM	Wand of Failing This wand can only be used by a Use Magic Device check. It has unlimited charges. It causes anyone activating it to automatically fail their Use Magic Device check on it. It has a curse that cause it to weigh nothing, be unsellable, untraded for anything, is unable to be cannibalized for other materials, and unable to be dispelled, uncursed, or altered in any way, shape, or form from it's originally state (unless it makes the change itself, see below) . Also, it deals no damage and in absolutely no way adds a benefit or liability to any situation you can possibly conceive. If by some unimaginable means you find a purpose for it (i.e. maybe... um... use it as a distraction for noise by throwing it into the bushes), it immediately casts amnesia on the possessor (before such action is taken), blocking out such thoughts. Furthermore, it then finds a counter action to defeat such purpose (i.e. from previous example, no longer make sound), in case such thoughts about that purpose are arise again.
DragonStrife 06-07-07, 06:19 PM	Thanks, DragonStrife! Your very welcome! :angel: I love praise By the way 2 more entries till this round will (hopefully) be judged! Note: The previous thing about a round ending when ever it's judged still stands so Don't Panic
Aaarrrgh 06-08-07, 06:20 AM	Goblin Army Knife Created by a goblin artificer who wanted a way to stop having to carry all his tools around. The item is a simple handle with a button on the side. Whenever the button is pressed, a tool of some kind appears and is attached to the blade. However, unless you spoke the correct activation word, it will only create tools that are of no use for you. Problem is, the artificer didn't tell anyone else the command word before he died...
kaudrim 06-08-07, 07:11 PM	First of all good to see Dragon strife made it back. CAn't think of anything right now but I will be back.
Toast_recon 06-08-07, 07:46 PM	Goblin Army Knife Created by a goblin artificer who wanted a way to stop having to carry all his tools around. The item is a simple handle with a button on the side. Whenever the button is pressed, a tool of some kind appears and is attached to the blade. However, unless you spoke the correct activation word, it will only create tools that are of no use for you. Problem is, the artificer didn't tell anyone else the command word before he died... Ummmmm, Use magic device, nuff said Portable Popcorn maker! This Popcorn makes some of the BEST popcorn you ever tasted. So, does anyone have 3 double AA's? Anyone? Ok, I'll just cast lighting bolt to power it. Poof! Darn fuses. NEver mind, I'll just need a new fuse. I'll pay a visit...to the nearest radio shack......Darn it!
DragonStrife 06-09-07, 08:20 AM	First of all good to see Dragon strife made it back. CAn't think of anything right now but I will be back. Of course I'm back and happy to be back. You did think I'd be gone forever did you? On another note, I have (I know some of you will think this sad) but I have just found the Castle of Fun! On a different note I'll try to judge at noon today, but I'll judge today no matter what.:cool:
Forgotten_Warrior 06-09-07, 09:48 AM	Hooray! DragonStrife is back! Seymore's Slippery Saddle of Snot: Long ago, a mage named Seymore was trying to learn how to ride a horse, but it was too hard for him and he decided to make a magic item. Unfortunantly, he sneezed during the enchantment and now we have this gross thing. It is perpetually covered in ooze and any attempt to ride on it will fail, you can't even hold it because it is so slippery. You can't trick anyone into using it because they can see the ooze, even if they wanted to pick it up they couldn't becuase of the ooze. What can it do? I guess it could make your hands feel a little slimy after an attempt to pick it up.
rex_subterrae1008 06-09-07, 11:59 AM	Hooray! DragonStrife is back! Seymore's Slippery Saddle of Snot: Long ago, a mage named Seymore was trying to learn how to ride a horse, but it was too hard for him and he decided to make a magic item. Unfortunantly, he sneezed during the enchantment and now we have this gross thing. It is perpetually covered in ooze and any attempt to ride on it will fail, you can't even hold it because it is so slippery. You can't trick anyone into using it because they can see the ooze, even if they wanted to pick it up they couldn't becuase of the ooze. What can it do? I guess it could make your hands feel a little slimy after an attempt to pick it up. Hmmm... A Slip&Slide!!! lol
DragonStrife 06-09-07, 06:40 PM	Huzza! As many of you have noticed I've been back! Now on to the judging of a spectacularly useless round. :cookie: for FW and his Saddle-o-Snot(can't you use the Hanky of Snotlessness on it?) :coolcthul to Toast's Popcorn Maker(you might want to look for a current bush :tongue: ) :pumpkin: to Shiggles for hiser's Wand of Failing and :gift: to Aaarrrgh for hiser's Goblin Army Knife! Thanks to everyone! (I'm starting to run out of puns...)
Aaarrrgh 06-10-07, 03:01 AM	Orb of Everburning Flame This orb, big as an orange, is completely made out of flames. The fire is magical, and will never stop burning. Also, it's hot enough to burn or melt every known material. Yes, everything. Try to take it with you, if you dare! I should add, for your information, so you don't do anything stupid, that the high levels of energy stops magic from having any effect on the orb.
RatSwarm 06-10-07, 03:29 PM	Flask of vast air holding This normal looking flask was made by some wizard that wanted a way to breath under water. (He didn't know about the water breathing spell for wich he lived under a rock) Wean the stopper if taken off this flask, All air around the flask is then suck up into the flask and put in a space that doesnt fill up. The only problem is that, wean the stopper is taken off, it enlarges and cant be put back on, making the flask end up sucking all of the air of the current plane that your are on in a matter of minutes.
Nidair 06-10-07, 05:18 PM	What's keeping that orb from falling through the entire plane, I wonder?
Aaarrrgh 06-10-07, 05:43 PM	It's made of energy, and contains no matter. So it's unaffected by gravity. Which of course means that if it's on a spherical, rotating, moving planet, such as earth, it would just dissappear out os sight really fast... You know what? It probably does. Fwooosh, all the way to center of the plane. That's how useless this item is!
rex_subterrae1008 06-11-07, 09:15 AM	a Warforged druid... (I know, technically not an item, but still...)
DragonStrife 06-12-07, 06:59 AM	:bump:
rex_subterrae1008 06-12-07, 09:09 AM	The Mirror of Superstition It's a regular mirror in every way, except that as soon as anyone looks at their own reflection in it, it shatters... Everyone knows that breaking a mirror means 7 years of bad luck... What many people don't know is that breaking a mirror by simply looking at it is 77 years of bad luck!!! lol.
RobbyPants 06-12-07, 12:59 PM	a suit of armour with gaping holes near all vital organs and arteries Chainmail bikini? :P
rankrath 06-12-07, 01:14 PM	Eye of unlocking once per day, this stone eye can be used to unlock any lock with an open lock DC of <15. Created by a wizard who kept loosing his keys.
Toast_recon 06-12-07, 03:08 PM	and this is useless because......
rex_subterrae1008 06-12-07, 04:18 PM	and this is useless because...... I was wondering about that as well... I think it's only useless in a party full of rogues and spellthieves...
stoicfaux 06-12-07, 04:34 PM	Chainmail bikini? :P Chainmail bikinis are cosmetically functional.
Bone_Yard 06-12-07, 04:56 PM	A soggy cardboard bax that smells like cat feces
Toast_recon 06-12-07, 05:29 PM	And you call it! Litter box! Aka **** pit. Aka doody....box...I'm out. Potion of counterspell! Drink this potion and you are automatically considered unwilling for the next spell cast on you! great if you want to save that extra free action!
Bigoaks 06-12-07, 06:20 PM	I got two useless items: Firstly an intelligent omniphobic sword with an insanly high ego score, they can't even throw it away as they will be scared of the sword/scabbard :P Secondly, a magic shoelace of tripping: you need two of them one for each boot then they will tie together and stay that way permanently, could be useful if you are able to steal your enemies shoes but not really very helpful :D
Toast_recon 06-12-07, 06:45 PM	first one seems like a curse more than a useless item... but so do half the items here! Credit card of spending Can be used at any store. Spend now! Pay later. 2000 gp limit interest rate 80% per adventure
rankrath 06-12-07, 09:42 PM	and this is useless because...... Typo, suppose to be <15
rex_subterrae1008 06-13-07, 09:09 AM	Credit card of spending Can be used at any store. Spend now! Pay later. 2000 gp limit interest rate 80% per adventure Hmmm... Not only useless, but pure evil too!!!
Toast_recon 06-13-07, 02:07 PM	Typo, suppose to be <15 I suspected this much. JUst pointed it out so peopke could be aware of this and to make sure I was right and there wasn't some deeper and more amusing meaning. Good show. AS for the comment on my card, well, it's just like me. I'm not only useless but pure evil too! Wait, that didn't come out right. THe fine print is the really evil part. Just wish I could make it finer... By the way did you notice the new search engine! See how our thread may have made a difference!http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=819185&page=7 Check out post 201
Teh_Director 06-13-07, 09:56 PM	I am wayyy behind the time with this one. Bag of tricks, Prismatic Dragonhide Once it occurred to a very long lived Great Wyrm Prismatic Dragon, Precursus, that, despite his long life, he could never see everything in the world, as he wanted to. To combat this, he bound his essence to a bag made of his own hide. Inside it is a fluffy ball of ever-shifting colors. When thrown on the ground it summons a Great Wyrm prismatic dragon, which will obey the spoken commands of the user. However, what the user doesn’t know is that this is just a very sophisticated illusion. If any creature tries to do something that would cause physical contact with the dragon, including attacking it, moving into its space, or even throwing something at it, an irresistible Suggestion is planted in their minds to not take that action. Even traits like mindlessness don’t work. The affected creatures do not lose their action. Any spell cast at the dragon fails (or fails to affect the dragon’s squares if an area spell.) if the user tries to give the dragon any command that would require it to affect something physically of magically, the dragon just gives him or her a puzzled expression. The dragon’s frightful presence does not function. It cannot be ordered to make checks (skill or otherwise) that would affect another creature or object (including Intimidate). After activation the dragon follows the user everywhere. If the user dies, it “attaches” itself to the next creature with intelligence 5 or above it sees. This creature is affected just like the original user. If the user goes anywhere the Colossal+ creature cannot follow, the dragon begins to bawl, which usually results in a mob of angry people seeking to shut it up. (Bear in mind that the dragon can take any alternate route available to reach the user, and never fails to find the passageway, whether it be mundanely or magically concealed. Being an illusion, it can move through water as easily as sky.) Anyone hearing the cry knows who the user is, that he or she is responsible for the noise, and where to find him or her. The crying is waaaaayyy to pathetic for anyone to be intimidated by it. In fact no one ever seems alarmed by the dragon, thanks to a charm monster spell, cast on everyone in line of sight of the dragon, except the user. This continues for a year and a day. After that time, a new ball appears in the bag (which, by the way, is only destroyable by the breath of a Prismatic Dragon Adult or older). Additionally the next creature trying to physically enact with the dragon, or cast a mind-affecting spell on it, does not receive the suggestion. Instead, the dragon dissolves into a prismatic mist, which encircles the creature, destroying it and using its soul energy to form a new Bag. In as a uselessness failsafe, the dragon Precurseus still exists as a ghost dragon, seeing everything his illusions see. As he intendeds them only to be watchers, he does not take kindly to them being used to affect events. He usually “rectifies” this by seeking out and destroying every creature involved in the event. This is a creature with a CR of over 60, after all. Precurseus can only be “put to rest” by the destruction of all the bags. Since this creature doesn’t particularly want to move on, this is harder than usual.
vineyard 06-14-07, 01:47 AM	Powdered Water what about powdered powder?
vineyard 06-14-07, 01:48 AM	A magic Button-hole.....nuf said.
Toast_recon 06-14-07, 08:02 PM	an edit couldn't accomplish the task of submitting your idea 1 minute after your first post? Trash Bag of holding: REVISED(either I thought of this before or it was posted and I read it. Sorry if the latter is true.) A normal bag of such proportions would hold 80 pounds of material measuring 18 cu feet. This bag, however, contains a demiplane. This demi plane measures 9 cu feet and can hold 40 pounds.
Myree 06-14-07, 11:27 PM	First, in response to Toast_recon's earlier comment -- if this is true, we ALL owe Harlequin BIG TIME! Then again, similar comments have been made in MANY threads before -- this one just had a more vorpal edge to it. Now, as for a contrib... hmmm... Drum of Conun This seemingly normal percussion instrument has baffled sages through the ages. They can all tell that it has some great mystical power, but as of yet, through any manner of research, testing, and magical diviniation, all that they have been able to deduce is that it was made by someone named Conun, and that it is a Drum. But what the Conun Drum does still puzzles them. Prune of Somethingforbrains This item originally started out as a Plum of Knowledge. Unfortunately, it was left exposed to the Kiss of the Sun, which stole it's juicy knowledge, leaving just a dried out husk of it's former self. And not a very attractive, flavorful, or appealing husk either. Why, I can't even think of a reason why someone would even consider eatting it. However, if someone or something were to eat it, the imbiber would be rendered helpless to normal activity -- she/he/it can think of nothing but finding a place to relieve her, him, or itself. And when she/he/it does, the smell would probably be enough to knock them out and cause anyone else to avoid the area.
Trizap 06-15-07, 03:20 AM	a Pillow of Steel its a pillow of steel, its not comfortable at all
ServanWolf 06-15-07, 04:10 AM	Dwarvan Beer Mug This mug has been created be a travelling dwarf, who hated to pay for his beer. It looks like a normal great mug of a pint, that is closed with a bell jar. When you opens it it is fulled with a good dwarvan beer of your choice, and will always been filled with beer. CL 5th, Create Food and Food, Purify Foor and Drink, Craft Wondrous item, Dwarf
D10 06-15-07, 04:55 AM	a wand of remove deafness, the activation method is sticking it on your ear ... too bad it doesnt fit... ever
Toast_recon 06-15-07, 12:26 PM	First, in response to Toast_recon's earlier comment -- if this is true, we ALL owe Harlequin BIG TIME! Then again, similar comments have been made in MANY threads before -- this one just had a more vorpal edge to it.*snip* I am sorry, I have not quite woken up yet(it's 12:20 here but it is the second day of summer and I just woke up) Are you speaking of my comment on the editing of posts or of my comment on how my item may have been posted before. either way, I don't quite follow. You also seem to say I mixed some hostility in there( I NEVER intend to. Anyone who Detects hostility will die!!!;) ) Which I have no intent of doing. If came off hostile to vineyard then I am deeply sorry and meant nothing of the sort. THen again, If you were talking about something completely different, I apologize for wasting your time. Sarcasm sounds harsh on message boards. It is the truth. IT is just a risk I have to take.
skydin 06-15-07, 05:50 PM	Dwarvan Beer Mug This mug has been created be a travelling dwarf, who hated to pay for his beer. It looks like a normal great mug of a pint, that is closed with a bell jar. When you opens it it is fulled with a good dwarvan beer of your choice, and will always been filled with beer. CL 5th, Create Food and Food, Purify Foor and Drink, Craft Wondrous item, Dwarf thats not useless at all, you get water, and fun things happen when your drunk
Myree 06-15-07, 06:51 PM	Toast_recon -- I was responding to your post #303, which in turn was referring to the recreation of the Search function and Harlequin's "Useless Item" contrib. Sorry I wasn't clear (hey, I can claim the same hours you can, I'm afraid). I wasn't detecting or replying to hostility of any kind -- merely trying to post a comment on how we have ALL suffered the same frustration on the boards. As I said, no offense intended, and truly sorry I wasn't clear. And while I didn't mean it (well too much anyway ;-), I do still say someone has got to standardize a quotation to use to denote sarcasm easier. Because, if there was one, I'd use it now to say something like: <sarc> Hey, is it my fault you post so much?</sarc> See, now THAT is sarcasm, because I would NEVER want to give you the impression I didn't appreciate your contribs. You've had some good stuff! Now, for something completely different: Trizap, it may APPEAR useless, but I can think of a party of amazons crashing in for a massive Pillow Fight there. ;-) OK, now I feel guilty enough for another contrib ON TOPIC, so let's try this one... Parchment of Confusion Intended as a method of passing secret missives, something went wrong. Now, whenever a message is written on this parchment and a command word spoken, the intended message is hidden behind an Illusionary Script. The problem is that when the proper password is given, the intended message returns, but with key portions changed. There is now no possible way to properly recall the original message. Worse yet, it isn't OBVIOUSLY confusing -- it appears perfectly normal but with key portions confusing out of context and certain words replaced with antonyms or Nouns replaced with ambiguous pronouns. Let's face it, in general it just looks like one of my posts....
DragonStrife 06-16-07, 08:46 AM	I'll be judging later today because I'm too tired right now, but by the looks of things everyone has had a very, productive, unproductive round. oh and :bump:
Bigoaks 06-17-07, 12:28 PM	bump :P
Peregrine_Wolf 06-17-07, 12:56 PM	Sword of Stabbingness This +3 Wounding Vorpal Longsword is cursed so that, it may not be removed from the hand of whomever picks it up other than by dipping your entire arm into a large pile of Wererat feces. Every 5 minutes, the sword makes a touch attack on the wielder of the weapon at the wielders highest attack bonus. This item also gives off no aura of magic or anything like that when a detect magic, evil, good, law, chaos, etc spell or ability is used on or near it.
DragonStrife 06-17-07, 06:17 PM	I know I'm late but Dads' day is today and I was shopping yesterday. Ok, here are the results! :cookie: to Teh-Director and his Bag-o-Tricks quick question though, what would happen if you ate the fuzzy ball? :coolcthul to Aaarrrgh and his Orb of Everlasting Flame. :pumpkin: to Peregrine and hiser Sword of Stabbyness and finally a :gift: to Rex for his Mirror-o-Superstition! A very good round everyone!
Aaarrrgh 06-20-07, 05:09 PM	Figurine of Dropping A small figurine, resembling a fairy. It has a weak magic aura, but it doesn't seem to do anything. Mostly, people will put it in their pocket to examine it closer at a later occasion. Mostly however, they never find it again. This is because it has been enchanted with a spell that causes the bearer to drop it. The reason behind this is unknown, but it was probably a prank by some students at a magic academy somewhere. (Also: :bump:)
Toast_recon 06-20-07, 06:42 PM	Alas, my talent has been squandered yet again(yesm I just played the guilt card;) ) Breath of fresh air Need oxygen? This bottles contents are 20% oxygen! You could live your whole life breathing only our product. And it comes in a convenient 2 liter package(ignore the sprite logo) Free refills! Price:100$ for first filling.
Teh_Director 06-20-07, 08:17 PM	[QUOTE=DragonStrife;12761337] quick question though, what would happen if you ate the fuzzy ball? [QUOTE] you'd get horrible indigestion, then the ball would, erm, come out the other end, intact Reddish-Brownbeards Accursed Eyepatch of Blundering Blindness This eyepatch makes the wearer blind in the eye it covers. This effect ends when the eyepatch is not worn Treasure Map of the Forgotten Seas This map points to priceless sunken treasures. Unfortionatly, everone who reads or hears the information on the map forgets it one round later, and wonder what they were doing before.
Toast_recon 06-20-07, 10:24 PM	I understand now! Myree, your post makes total sense now! (it was late when I read the first and second ones.)
Mai_ariti 06-21-07, 10:55 AM	Cloak of the Shadow This cloak casts a giant shadow that obstructs your view of whatever you are trying to look at. This shadow is not visable to any one else and will haunt you even in the dead of night. It foils Darkvision and creates a one-way wall of force around you pointing in to stop blindsight which also keeps you from touching the ground foiling Tremorsense (it is not enough to keep you from sinking into water either). Finally, should you ever look at a creature that has a gaze attack, the cloak eliminates the shadow around the eyes of the creature and shouts 'Hey, look at that!' The wearer and all allies in earshot must make a DC 40 will save or look at the creature in the eyes directly.
Mai_ariti 06-21-07, 11:03 AM	Perpetually Lost Glasses These glasses are always on your face. Furthermore, you cannot ever percieve these glasses and they are completely invisable and intangable to you. Every morning you have to make a DC 30 Search check to cinvince yourself that the glasses are, in fact, lost (otherwise you have to spend an aditional hour looking). After this you have to endure the rest of the party saying 'They're on your face' even though you know perfectly well they're not. Aura: Strong Stupidity
rex_subterrae1008 06-22-07, 11:55 AM	2-D Glasses: They work like 3-D glasses, but make everything look two-dimensional... The dungeon looks like just a map, and all characters look like a bunch of numbers written on paper... lol.
Drayson6 06-22-07, 11:09 PM	Something really useless? How about a thread that mentions useless stuff like what you guys are saying (P.S. Dude, having 2D glasses would be awesome, it would feel like you're in a cartoon :))
rex_subterrae1008 06-23-07, 09:09 AM	Something really useless? How about a thread that mentions useless stuff like what you guys are saying (P.S. Dude, having 2D glasses would be awesome, it would feel like you're in a cartoon :)) Actually, it's a parody of the fact that all d&d characters are really numbers on paper... lol.
Drayson6 06-23-07, 11:01 AM	Actually, it's a parody of the fact that all d&d characters are really numbers on paper... lol. what?...:(
Myree 06-24-07, 02:09 AM	Charles' Ray of Blindness Wand Created by the Great Bard, with a successful ranged touch attack, this wand blinds the target. Unfortunately, as long as it is held, the wielder is also completely blind, making a successful ranged touch attack virtually impossible (except by complete luck and a Natural 20, of course). Maybe the odds would be improved if you waved your head back and forth? Also, still no confirmation of the bard making a similar wand for his occassional partner Stevie -- but this one a Wand of Wonder.... or was that Wander?
Aaarrrgh 06-24-07, 04:39 AM	Charles' Ray of Blindness Wand Created by the Great Bard, with a successful ranged touch attack, this wand blinds the target. Unfortunately, as long as it is held, the wielder is also completely blind, making a successful ranged touch attack virtually impossible (except by complete luck and a Natural 20, of course). Maybe the odds would be improved if you waved your head back and forth? Also, still no confirmation of the bard making a similar wand for his occassional partner Stevie -- but this one a Wand of Wonder.... or was that Wander? Blindsight? I mean, there are blind characters who could find this really useful, together with the quote: "Lets do this my way!"
B4_life 06-29-07, 01:10 PM	Longsword of illumination[/b] When near to a lighting source, this item will transform into a powerful infrared source. Hole. portable hole in a piece of fabric. no magical effects. Wand of transmutation. when trying to cast anything with the wand, it transforms into a rubber mouse. Arrow of returning. Once fired, this arrow will return to it's owner. if it hit, it pierces it's target and comes out through the other side. Special: this arrow cannot be caught or deflected using the catch or deflect arrows feat. (for those that dont understand, it will go through the bowman again and again and again, since it will go through him, go out, then come back to him, etc.) Boots of heavy load Makes the wearer able to sustain 25 lbs more before switching from light to medium load, and 50 more from medium to heavy load. Weighs 100 lbs. thats all ive got for now.
Remmer 06-29-07, 05:47 PM	Nupinator Button When pressed, this small red button set in a 1 square inch base of plastic removes Pun-Pun from existence instantly, permanently, entirely, eternally, and retroactively. Note: the Nupinator Button can only be used in low-power games.
B4_life 06-30-07, 12:13 PM	Let's keep this alive, shall we? Rock or +1 awesomeness A rock you picked up on the ground. it contains magical powers that make it unable to be thrown, but give +1 in every awesomeness check to the one who carries it.
Myree 06-30-07, 04:14 PM	Horseshoes of Bandini Related to Horseshoes of Zephyr, these magical shoes allow the mount wearing them to avoid stepping into any muck. Instead, an oval impression forms, allowing the hoof to stay above it. This has proved quite effective in quickly traversing a thoroughly muck filled area, but when traveling on an area only partially muck filled, they cause an uneven gait which has a cumulative chance of laming the steed, with the rider needing a successful ride check to stay mounted. And if only a single hoof encounters a small pile of road apples, the buffering space will cause the surface to become slipery, increasing the odds of a damaging fall and sending greenish-brown material flying in all directions. They have no effect on any material other than fecal matter from the same kind of creature currently wearing them. (Can't tell how I spent the morning, I bet)
HarlequinHelsing 06-30-07, 05:13 PM	By the way did you notice the new search engine! See how our thread may have made a difference!http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=819185&page=7 Check out post 201 :rofl: :rofl: I forgot about that one. Glad I could help make a difference! :D
DX2052 06-30-07, 10:32 PM	Denton's glasses Stops the suns rays from harming the users eyes, Only works at night and only functions if the user's vision is augmented in some form (such as darkvission/lowlight vision or true seeing.
Adrez Nesnsid 07-01-07, 12:04 AM	Well, if we're going to those extremes... 16: A 2-inch length of soggy twine Yep. That's all it is. Simpson's Individual Flood Preventors! (http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_scripts/string.asp)
Lordovundead 07-01-07, 12:14 PM	nothing: nothing is useless
Gentlemanic 07-01-07, 12:35 PM	Goggles of plant vision: These goggles must be worn for 24 hours to be used by the wearer. They completely obscure the wearer's vision, blinding him effectively. Once per day they can be activated to snap open, allowing the wearer to see for one minute. During this minute the wearer receives a +1 on all spot checks spotting for plants. This has no effect on plant creatures. Lamp of the dead: When held by a dead creature this lamp sends out shadowy illumination in a 5 feet radius. The lamp of the dead doesn't function in the hands of a undead creatures.
Kelmourne 07-01-07, 05:15 PM	Blood transfusion of wonder: Subjects the user of this one use item to the effect of a rod of wonder on hiser self every round for the rest of that characters painful and confusing existence.
Adrez Nesnsid 07-02-07, 12:38 AM	Lamp of the dead: When held by a dead creature this lamp sends out shadowy illumination in a 5 feet radius. The lamp of the dead doesn't function in the hands of a undead creatures. It could still be useful for lighting a crypt of mosolueum
Waldo_di 07-02-07, 02:19 AM	A two handed wiffle bat that grants improved shield bash and TWF this sword will only grant these powers if used in two-handed bat.
Gentlemanic 07-02-07, 12:36 PM	It could still be useful for lighting a crypt of mosolueum Well, you'll need lots of them because of the weakness of the light.. But well, aye, it has one use.
metamind 07-02-07, 01:24 PM	A whet stone. When was the last time you needed a whet stone?
Lelander_the_L 07-02-07, 01:48 PM	You are referring to the paper hats that are worth millions in Runescape, right? Och, don't remind me of that atrocious thing that they call a game! thank you A tiki statue that screams until your deaf when ever you move it
Aaarrrgh 07-02-07, 05:17 PM	A whet stone. When was the last time you needed a whet stone? That depends on the stone. If it is a whetstone, then my answer is: the last time I needed to sharpen a knife.
Nidair 07-02-07, 06:03 PM	The Staff of Ultimate Enhancement This staff will maximize and widen all of you spells as well as granting you double the amount of spells you can cast each day. You also are immune to ability score damage and level drain, and you do not need to rest longer than 5 minutes to regain your spells. The staff also allows you to cast Meteor Swarm at will (which is maximized and widened by the staff's power itself). Why is it useless? Because the entire multiverse will be after you and whoop your behind...
Mai_ariti 07-03-07, 12:00 PM	Wand Grip of Accuracy This wand grip automatically casts True Strike for the touch attack to hit with the spell in the wand at no extra cost. The down-side? It only functions if attached to a wand of Magic Missle.
B4_life 07-05-07, 12:43 AM	:bump:
rex_subterrae1008 07-05-07, 09:13 AM	Hand/Eye of Ancev- the eye and hand of Vecna's twin, Ancev... They work like the Eye/Hand of Vecna, except they fall off as soon as they get attached... Flame Tongue- Forget the sword, this is simply a tongue that's on fire... (aka Tongue of Ancev) All it does is burn the inside of the mouth, and make it so noone understands what is being said...
Myree 07-07-07, 08:33 PM	Communicator of Veri-zon Said to allow users to instantly contact each other over any distance. It is rumored that the command phrase is "Can you hear me NOW?" The problem is, they only seem to work within a certain distance of one of the towers created by the wizard of the same name, and as of yet, none have been found.
rex_subterrae1008 07-09-07, 09:23 AM	One sided dice... Need I say more? lol.
Myree 07-09-07, 11:43 PM	Actually, rex_subterrae1008, I've found them QUITE useful. Then again, I use a marble for this, and when I break it out, the players all get this funny look knowing their luck has just run out... hmm... let's see if they notice you....
ghost_image 07-10-07, 01:03 AM	Blessed Berry No special properties Yup, just a berry I hate elves with a sense of humor
Myree 07-11-07, 12:33 AM	Sorry, I should have included one in my last post. Shoes of Elvenkind Not to be confused with the more famous magical boot, these are simply shoes with pointy toes that don't fit anyone of any species, except maybe those Northern Elves who make toys that I've heard legend of. Yep, ghost_image is right -- ya gotta hate elves with a sense of humor.
B4_life 07-13-07, 12:53 AM	:bump: PLEASE, dont let this thread die!
Myree 07-15-07, 09:41 AM	The Cartographer's Ultimate Map Designed to solve the problem of always needing to stop and map, this magical parchment sketches out in perfect detail everything surrounding the bearer. As the map is moved, it automatically "scrolls off" the part behind the bearer to make room for the new details still being discovered. The only problem is to make that much detail fit, they made the scale of the 2' X 3' map to be roughly 3"=1' -- so, you can map out about 8' X 12'. However, it only maps things that the bearer knows about, so that secret door or trap stays that way until discovered. Oh, and did I mention that to make it "easier to read", they didn't bother to fix a side to true north, so "UP" is whatever direction you are facing -- but it does have a bed red arrow in the middle that says "You Are Here".
shalitanior1018 07-15-07, 07:40 PM	potion of raise dead(if your dead how can you drink it):ghosted: helm of slay living,you put it on and die:eek:
DragonStrife 07-15-07, 08:16 PM	Wow I'm I late or what? Thank Aaarrrgh for reminding me to judge. Here are the Prizes! :cookie: for B4 and hiser wand of transmutation. Imange if a wizard used this and had a cat familiar :D :coolcthul for Remmer and hiser Nupinator button. a :gift: for Myree for hiser's Horsesshoes of Bandini (I guess you know horses pretty well. My horse probably has these shoes :P) Finlay a :pumpkin: for Waldo and his two handed wiffle bat. Long round everyone!
DragonStrife 07-20-07, 08:11 PM	Remember People don't try this with out dragon supervision! :D :bump: :D
D_and_Dude 07-20-07, 10:41 PM	A bow without any arrows. What could be more useless?
Myree 07-24-07, 02:17 AM	Half of one feather used to fletch the arrows for the bow -- THAT would be more useless -- at least the bow could be used as a club or firewood. But, that isn't a REAL post, just a smart-alec comment. Now, as for a REAL post... hmm... The Wonderous Complete Set of Encyclopedias This magical set of books contain virtually all knowledge accumulated for the specific world they were created on. They are also enchanted to never burn, rip, tear, or give so much as a paper cut. They will even float (but only enough to support their own weight). Once the correct knowledge is located, the reader gains a +1d20 circumstance bonus to any knowledge check. However, the complete set is made up of approximately 1500 volumes (so far it has been impossible to count due to a constant shifting in the stack), each volume weighing approximately 15 pounds each. Each is also somehow connected in such a way that only one volume can be examined at a time, and never taken more that 3 feet from the remaining volumes. Due to the constant shifting plus a flaw in the indexing, it also takes 1d100 days of searching to find the specific book containing the desired piece of information, followed by another 1d20 days to find the specific piece of data of immediate need. There is also only a 1% chance that the information, once found, would apply equally between the world on which it was created and the one in question. If it doesn't, then the knowledge bonus the reader would have gotten is actually treated as a penalty instead.
DragonStrife 07-24-07, 08:47 AM	:bump:
B4_life 07-24-07, 10:34 PM	yay, cookie! :D Wand of illusion summons the illusion of a creature of size diminutive or less. one charge.
rex_subterrae1008 07-25-07, 09:08 AM	Returning Ball- a ball that comes back to you, but only if it's thrown straight up... Staff of Forgetfulness- makes whoever it touches forget everything... unfortunately, it has that effect on its holder as well...
DragonStrife 07-25-07, 12:57 PM	:bump: :P Hey! that smiley has a funny hat! Get 'em!
rex_subterrae1008 07-25-07, 01:24 PM	:bump: :P Hey! that smiley has a funny hat! Get 'em! Hey, mind if I use that in my sig?
DragonStrife 07-25-07, 03:42 PM	Hey, mind if I use that in my sig? Nope not at all!:D
rex_subterrae1008 07-25-07, 04:33 PM	Hey, mind if I use that in my sig? I'm kind of collecting funny quotes from across the Forum... lol.
halflingvampire 07-25-07, 08:00 PM	Gigli Script Any creature that reads this will not only lose 3d12 points of intelligence, but will also become insane, owing to the idiocy of the script. They will also have a geas placed on them upon reading this, which ignores all spell resistance, the geas being to kill the writers of the script. They will then kill themselves (Will save DC 50 to resist)
HerbalTea 07-25-07, 08:08 PM	The Hose This appears to be a normal six inch long and two inch wide rubber tube through which liquid can pass through. However, when someone picks up the tube and looks through it, they see that water has passed through this before! It can be used as a device to allow water or water-like liquids to travel through three times a day. After the third use, The Hose self-destructs, dealing 30d6+10 damage to anyone within a non-existent radius.
DemonicPenguin 07-25-07, 11:07 PM	Scroll of Exact Illusion Creates an illusion of exactly what is happening, in the exact same place. It follows all movement, so you can't even tell that it is there! You might have one cast on you at this very moment and not know!
DragonStrife 07-26-07, 11:36 AM	:bump:
Gunz 07-26-07, 01:12 PM	Scroll of Exact Illusion Creates an illusion of exactly what is happening, in the exact same place. It follows all movement, so you can't even tell that it is there! You might have one cast on you at this very moment and not know! And everyone who sees the area must make a DC 25 will save to notice that there is actually an illusion there. I think I could drive my PC's nuts with one of these. "But, what is the illusion?" - "As I said, it shows exactly the same as reality." - "Wow that's weird... waaaait a minute, *insert brilliant/insane conclusion about some devious plan which I couldn't possibly come up with myself* ! OMG!" - "Damn, you're on to me!" Players are fun, they make the adventures I prepare for them.
DragonStrife 07-27-07, 10:06 AM	This is so I can find the tread *grumbles* :bump:
rex_subterrae1008 07-27-07, 10:34 AM	This is so I can find the tread *grumbles* :bump: If you have trouble finding the thread, all you had to do was subscribe to it...
DnDsnd 07-27-07, 01:12 PM	Cheese of anti aging. Just doesn't get worse than that
DragonStrife 07-27-07, 04:49 PM	Hey everyone I'm going to be till 8/5 so please keep the thread going! Oh and :bump:
Chardre 07-28-07, 03:43 AM	Refilling potion of forgetfulness Upon drinking the user forgets that he drank it. Potion refills.
Aaarrrgh 07-29-07, 05:11 PM	Vanishing Greatsword A beautiful sword that looks like a real masterwork. When you lift it, it feels perfectly balanced just heavy enough to deal real damage without being difficult to use. However, when something touches the edge of the blade, it vanishes, leaving the wielder with an empty handle.
Myree 07-30-07, 12:32 AM	Nolzur's Mythical Pigments Believed to originally be an early version of the great wizard's later masterpiece, this set of magical pigments and brush allows the user, with a successful skill check of DC25, to create any object of any value that they desire. However, to anyone but the user, the item is completely invisible (no way of detecting) and incorporeal. Most users will believe that this can be a great benefit, until such time as they try to use, display, or sell an item created in this manner. It is even rumored that one famous set of tailors was able to use it to create magical garments for a distant monarch, though what became of them afterward is still up for debate.
Callix 07-30-07, 05:18 PM	Boccob's Magical Grammar. Often found in magical libraries, this book appears to be an erudite tome on magical theory. In fact, it is a treatise on grammar in all languages. Anyone who begins reading it is compelled to complete it (no save). After reading it, the reader is forever after only able to speak in grammatically correct, complete sentences. And no split infinitives. The DM arbitrates what qualifies as grammatical. Finally, a way to pick up a player's grammar when they're playing someone with 20 Int.
rex_subterrae1008 07-31-07, 09:10 AM	Boccob's Magical Grammar. Often found in magical libraries, this book appears to be an erudite tome on magical theory. In fact, it is a treatise on grammar in all languages. Anyone who begins reading it is compelled to complete it (no save). After reading it, the reader is forever after only able to speak in grammatically correct, complete sentences. And no split infinitives. The DM arbitrates what qualifies as grammatical. Finally, a way to pick up a player's grammar when they're playing someone with 20 Int. That'd be funny if it's found by a barbarian... lol.
Mai_ariti 07-31-07, 09:40 AM	How is a barbarian going to find it? What's he doing in a library if he's not burning it down?
rex_subterrae1008 07-31-07, 09:49 AM	How is a barbarian going to find it? What's he doing in a library if he's not burning it down? Maybe he was just looking for treasure, and saw this big building, and thought, "Big building, big treasure! Maybe even big AXE!!!" lol.
zook1shoe666 07-31-07, 10:05 AM	ROFLMAO!!!!!! this is one of the funniest threads i've ever seen!!! thanks for the laughs
rex_subterrae1008 07-31-07, 10:09 AM	ROFLMAO!!!!!! this is one of the funniest threads i've ever seen!!! thanks for the laughs No problem... lol.
Chardre 07-31-07, 06:02 PM	Castle of Throwing Need I say more? Bag of Illusions A leather bag with a hole in the bottom. Creates illusory duplicates of everything placed inside. Gloves of mage hand This pair of unique silver gloves allows its wielder to use mage hand at will. This ability only works on objects within five feet of the user and is dispelled if the object moves more than five feet from the user. This effect does not work unless both gloves are worn and if the user has at least 10 strength. For full effectiveness both hands must be free.
Myree 07-31-07, 08:52 PM	Deck Of One Thing This magic deck of seemingly ordinary playing cards allows the user to pull 52 consecutive times. Once finished, they have a complete set of playing cards. If less than 52 draws are made, the cards simply vanish. BUT, these are not just ANY playing cards -- no, these are TRANSPARENT playing cards, which allows anyone viewing them to see both the front and the back at the same time.
TheDarkDragonLord 08-01-07, 12:12 AM	Dagger of Yin and Yang-- When a creature is stabbed with this item, roll 4d20 for damage, 1-20x492 critical. After calculating damage, and, probably, death, it's special effect kicks in. The victim of the attack is... A) Revived, as through True Ressurection (No level loss, or xp loss) B) Returned to the health they had before the stabbing. Weight- 82 lbs. Must be drawn and wielded with two hands. Price- Whatever you have in your pocket, and a please (If you're evil) and a curse upon my family (if your good).
stargate525 08-01-07, 12:57 AM	Dagger of yin and yang = easy, cheap, and fast way to blood magnus. Not useless at all.
Chardre 08-08-07, 07:41 PM	Staff of Ice This glamorous, well crafted staff at first appears to have no special qualities. Its abilities are unknown to all but the brightest scholars. Adventurers can wave it around, mutter all kinds of pointless incantations, but it never produces any results. This item's true power is unleashed in temperatures above zero degrees celcius. After twenty minutes of such exposure, this staff transmutes itself into a pool water of equal volume (2 litres). This water is non-magical in nature and cannot be safely drank.
Adrez Nesnsid 08-08-07, 08:28 PM	Has anybody mentioned Gleemax yet? :D
justin_byrne 08-08-07, 10:03 PM	orb of -humming- nothingness: A marvelous device that floats around the users head, totlaly incorpreal and undetectable to anyone but the user, infact, if the user tries to persuade anyone that it is there the orb will use its bluff skill +100000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000 to perswade the person otherwise. It cannot be touched, controlled or manipulated by the user...... it just floats there....... forever..... oh and it hums....... but only the user can hear it........ and it cannot be forced onto another person.......... it just apears...... happy?
Tedronai 08-09-07, 01:50 AM	seems like a great motivational tool to inspire an arcane caster to learn Mordenkainen's Disjunction... Staff of Animal Stupidifying This staff has the power to render any number of creatures nonsentient as often as the user desires, with no save, dropping their intelligence to 1D2 (this has no effect on creatures with no intelligence score, or an intelligence score lower than 3), but can target only animals. (note that any creature otherwise classified as an animal but possessing an intelligence of 3 or higher are actually classified as magical beasts) If ever burdened with more than it's own weight, this staff shatters to pieces, destroying itself due to it's fragile construction, but causing no harm to the holder, their items, or anyone or anything in the vacinity. It is constructed of a completely inert substance similar to perfectly stabilized ectoplasm but unable to be put to any other use. If dealt any amount of damage, the material simply vanishes, returning from whence it came.
Aloki 08-09-07, 02:25 AM	Pen of Writing This seemingly normal pen, is just that, a fountain pen and/or quill, depending on the setting. It will only accept the Ink of Supposed Writing Ink of Supposed Writing Clear ink, basically water, except that if drunk, the drinker suffers 100d20 damage, but only if they willingly drunk it, if they are forced, nothing happens, it is treated as water. When used with a Pen of Writing, only the writer can see the ink. If used to write in a spellbook, the ink vanishes, and cannot be seen and/or brought back by any means, even a Wish or Miracle
Xavorin 08-14-07, 05:43 PM	Lawyer-on-a-stick This item radiates a powerful aura of idiocy. It is, in fact, a simple stick onto which a lawyer-doll has been stuck. When thrown onto the ground and the command word spoken, a pair of magical knight-lawyers appear, ready to sue anyone who attacks you. Once per day, as a swift action, you can call a lawsuit upon any organism that attacks you. All combat is halted immediately while a suitable judge is found and charges are pressed. The trial takes 1d6-2 (minimum 1) years to be resolved. To win your lawsuit, you make a prosecution check: Roll a d20, and add the number specified by the power-level of the stick (+5 for lesser, +12 for greater, and +20 for best). The defendant makes a defendant check, by rolling a d20 and adding their Profession (Lawyer) modifier (if any). If the defendant has no ranks in Profession (Lawyer), the court appoints the defendant a lawyer. This lawyer grants a bonus equal to the bonus the prosecution gains on their prosecution check. If the result of your prosecution check is greater than the result of the defendant check, you may sue for a variety of compensations. Typical compensations are money, an immediate end to all hostilities, and magic items. Cost:10,000 gp (Lesser); 20,000 gp (Greater); 50,000 gp (Best). This item cannot be created, and spontaneously appears in random places at random times. (Sorry to any lawyers out there. I made this with the OOTS lawyers "Mr. Jones" and his "associate" in mind. http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0268.html)
Callista 08-14-07, 10:18 PM	The Chest of Duplication This is a wooden chest which, when an item is placed inside it, creates a replica of the item. The copy is the same as the original in all respects, magical and mundane; if the original is flawed or cursed, so is the copy; if the original is a powerful item, even an artifact, so is the copy. In fact, the copy is so exact that any magical effects which depend on the existence of the item immediately work for the copy as well--for example, a scrying spell targeted on the item or a magical effect that affects the possessor of the item. The chest is an extradimensional space that can hold any item placed inside it, as long as that item can fit through the mouth of the chest (which is 3 feet by 6 feet). No spell or ability--not even Wish or Miracle--can determine whether an item is a duplicate or the original. A copy placed inside the chest will be duplicated as normal. There is no limit on the number of duplications of an item possible. If a creature is placed inside, the creature and any equipment it can carry (up to maximum load) are duplicated, along with any powers, abilities, skills, memories, etc. which the original creature possesses. The new creature possesses a soul completely identical to the original's. An incorporeal or ethereal creature or item is duplicated as normal. The duplicate also possesses these qualities. A creature placed into the chest feels no particular sensation as it is duplicated. The duplication takes 1 round, during which the lid of the chest must be closed. Afterwards, the duplicate can be easily pulled (or step out of) the chest. The original is irrevocably destroyed during the duplication process.
Myree 08-23-07, 01:59 AM	Garder of Giant Strength This belt-like device with 4 suspended clasps is used to hold up any form of stockings or hose onto a bipedal creature. When fastened around the waist and all 4 clasps are fastened to some form of material, the magic of the item is invoked. Unfortunately, due to a problem with the enchantment, they are unbelievably strong, tending to rip apart anything they are attached to. In the process, they tend to snap back at the wearer, causing 5d12 damage, plus 1d6 reduction to Dexterity and Intelligence for the following 1d6 rounds from the excrutiating pain inflicted to certain local regions.
Chardre 08-23-07, 03:59 PM	Chest of Artifact Creation Truly one of the most legendary and powerful devices created by mankind. Any magical or mundane item placed inside the chest will immediatly be transformed into any artifact of your choice. You simply place the item inside of the chest, close the lid and in thirteen hours the item is transformed into your specified artifact. To protect this item, its creators placed a curse upon it that would destroy every item created by it in the event that the chest was damaged. Unfortunately there is one fatal flaw in its design, when an item is placed inside it and the lid is closed the chest automatically locks. This lock is magical in nature and can only be opened by an antimagic field, which unfortunately also undo's the effects of this item.
ShylocktheAscendent 08-24-07, 04:20 AM	Helm of Listening: a paper thin helmet which drowns out local sounds in order to focus one's hearing on other things, most notably the sound of one hand clapping, or a tree falling in a forest where no one can hear it. Wand of Pointing: at will enables the user to use it to point at things.
Myree 08-27-07, 06:59 PM	Iron Bands of Bizzaro This special version of the standard item is only useable by an Epic Level Lawful Good Paladin that is already max'd out on all abilities, plus having gained the at-will spell-like abilities for Fly, X-Ray vision, Haste, Scorching Ray, Gust of Wind, Cone of Cold, and Stone Skin, plus damage reduction 50/Kryptonite. It is then usable only against his identical Chaotic Evil Blackguard twin/clone.
Myree 08-30-07, 04:09 PM	Rod of Lordly Mite Upon calling forth the power of this rod, the wielder immediately starts feeling a strange itching sensation. This feeling is caused by the summoned insect now inhabiting a nether region of her/his body. If left untreated, this mighty mite will begin summoning followers at a rate of 1d20 per hour, until such time as she/he is reduced to a twitching mess, or the infestation is somehow removed.
rex_subterrae1008 08-30-07, 04:51 PM	A solar-powered flashlight that only works on the Plane of Shadows...
Zousha_Omenohu 08-30-07, 04:56 PM	Peanut Butter Honestly, what use do adventurers have for peanut butter?
Council_of_Puppets 08-30-07, 10:12 PM	Bag of Crickets: Similar to Bag of Tricks, white in color. There is a 100% chance of pulling a handful of crickets out. The bag is useless. Well, maybe once in a while in the REALLY boring parts when everyone else is talking to an NPC and you're playing THROG da broozer. Then you can at least have something to smash. They make cricket noises. (OOC recommendation: have a CD player with a recording of crickets. Whenever you use the item, press play and annoy the hell outta everyone else.) Belt, Skunk's: You wreak. And you can't take it off. Congrats. Boots of Riding and Singing: The boots give a +0 on all ride checks. But they're good at it (giving the +0). In fact, these boots are so good, they give a +0 to all skills. But they didn't want to call them Boots of riding, moving silently, hiding, performing, knowing, appraising, searching, listening, climbing, spotting, etc. Additionally, the boots sing. Really loudly. Really badly. All the time. Make a will saving throw every minute while wearing the boots, if you fail, nothing happens, but if you succeed, you don't get the penalties of the failure. Which were nothing. The DM just wants to drive you crazy by making you roll the dice every IC minute. Moving silently is impossible and everything within 1000000 feet automatically hear you. Brooch of Wielding: You can wield a combination of items as if you had a number of hands equal to the number of hands you have. Carpet of Crying: The moment a character steps on the carpet, it begins bawling (the carpet, not the character). This could serve as an alarm system, but a REALLY annoying one. The one that won't shut up when you give it food or cuddle it. It doesn't stop crying for 24 hours. Cubic Mate: Every good adventure involves a damsel in distress and a dragon. This time, the damsel's a cube... that attracts dragons. Have fun. Horn of Frog: When you blow in the horn, it emits a noise not unlike that of a croaking frog. (I got bored...) EDIT: Some of these may have been done, sorry.
Orion_Danthyer 08-31-07, 12:50 AM	Mordenkinans Beating Stick of Beauty Every hit increases the targets Cha by 1, but reduces your Int and Max Hp by 20 each blow. and bolas, they are just dumb, you need to take a feat to use them without a problem, and they are just dumb.
rex_subterrae1008 08-31-07, 09:06 AM	Peanut Butter Honestly, what use do adventurers have for peanut butter? For getting the dragon's mouth stuck shut... lol.
Zousha_Omenohu 08-31-07, 10:41 AM	I see it now... The adventurers stare up at the red great wyrm up ahead as the fighter looks sadly at the jar in his hand. "We're gonna need a bigger jar."
rex_subterrae1008 08-31-07, 12:48 PM	I see it now... The adventurers stare up at the red great wyrm up ahead as the fighter looks sadly at the jar in his hand. "We're gonna need a bigger jar." I have to sig that!!! lol.
Chardre 08-31-07, 09:54 PM	Bracers of Nimbleness This set of plain leather bracers appear to be mundane... to the untrained eye. In fact, there is a large chance that the wearer might not even know of its abilities before he rids himself of it. This rare item bestows a +2 enhancement to its wielder's strength and dexterity, as well as granting the ability to make one turn (up to 90 degrees) during every charge. Unfortunately the wearer of the Bracers of Nimbleness is fatigued the minute he puts them on.
TotallyGenericName 09-03-07, 02:42 PM	A Bard!:D Tome of Ultimate awesomeness A red leatherbound book lays in front of you. The title in inch high letters says The Tome of Ultimate Awesomeness. You open it and begin to read. It takes 2d10+2 hrs of reading to finish the book. Once you have read the book, it has just wasted 2d10+2 hrs of your time. It has no other effects.
Myree 09-07-07, 11:57 PM	Ear Cuff of Ipod These small magical cuffs clip onto your ears, allowing the wearer to hear what seems to be pleasant music. However, while wearing them, you are unable to hear anything else, and all concentration and spot checks are made at a -2 penalty. Anyone within 100' can also hear some sort of strange buzzing sound, making hiding impossible. After wearing for 1d20 rounds, they go dead and are completely worthless from that point forward... but there are rumors of a better one coming along real soon at a lower price...
Chardre 09-09-07, 06:19 PM	A Bard!:D You fool! Bards rock. Now for my entry: Flaming Burst Twig A normal twig with the flaming burst ability. When it scores a critical hit, it instantly combusts (before damage) Cost: 8251gp
Prince_of_Murder_Kinghall 09-09-07, 10:52 PM	Helm of fire warning. This helmet warns the user of any fire that might be on him or his clothing by projecting a huge image of the word "fire!" in front of his face. It also warns others know that he is on fire by high lighting the area with magic fire. Anti anti magic wand allows the user to disspell an anti magic field as on he is in range of said field.
Salla 09-09-07, 10:55 PM	An Elf. :D
B4_life 09-09-07, 11:02 PM	Salla :D
Paul_the_Wander 09-11-07, 07:27 AM	Here's my idea of a particularly useless item, I’ve not being playing DnD very long but I carn’t think of any situations you could use this in. The Leather Armour of Self Protection. This suit of leather armour grants a +100 bonus to AC but only against attacks made by you to yourself. Against attacks made by any one else it grants no bonus to AC at all.
Thalador 09-11-07, 08:11 AM	most useless magic item would have to be........ a ring of three wishes made out of copper with no wishes left.
rex_subterrae1008 09-11-07, 09:05 AM	Here's my idea of a particularly useless item, I’ve not being playing DnD very long but I carn’t think of any situations you could use this in. The Leather Armour of Self Protection. This suit of leather armour grants a +100 bonus to AC but only against attacks made by you to yourself. Against attacks made by any one else it grants no bonus to AC at all. "I attempt to commit suicide." *rolls* "You miss." lol.
DADRA 09-12-07, 03:53 PM	A Half-Orc in my last campaign had a returning crossbow.....Not a returning bolt crossbow. He actually did more damage hurling the crossbow and having it return.
Chardre 09-13-07, 10:25 PM	Here's my idea of a particularly useless item, I’ve not being playing DnD very long but I carn’t think of any situations you could use this in. The Leather Armour of Self Protection. This suit of leather armour grants a +100 bonus to AC but only against attacks made by you to yourself. Against attacks made by any one else it grants no bonus to AC at all. It would be quite usefull against the death urge power.
rex_subterrae1008 10-05-07, 05:28 PM	My high school had a book called "How to Read"... It was 2" thick... lol. A book readable only by a non-multiclass barbarian... lol.
Xper_Iance 10-05-07, 11:36 PM	Toothpick of Backstabbing Whenever you sit down and eat then try to pick your teeth with this toothpick it tries to stab your tongue. Paladin douse him in wine and send him into battle then fireball, it's what he's good for.
rex_subterrae1008 10-29-07, 10:35 AM	A non-returning boomerang... Can anyone say "stick"? lol.
zook1shoe666 10-29-07, 10:48 PM	A non-returning boomerang... Can anyone say "stick"? lol. ROFL! 1x returning shuriken (doesn't repair itself if you miss, just flies crappier each time)
DonThelonious 11-26-07, 03:38 PM	Hmmm.... I do believe I like this thread. :plotting: Raise :bump: THREAD! It lives again.
my_appendix_blew_up 11-26-07, 08:15 PM	MoonRose Armor, same as moon ivy, but with suprisingly red flowers (-17 to hide checks) and lots of thorns (-10 check penalty, and -700 to move silently because whenever you move you scream loudly). This armor counts as a "Halloween costume of doom" which there is no proficiency feat for, so you always suffer the check penalty to attack rolls. costs 2cp, perfect for armoring that bard that got all of their stuff stolen by a rogue. woot.
BarivusTheFearless 11-27-07, 12:02 PM	A dragon with a phobia of fire.
rex_subterrae1008 11-27-07, 01:17 PM	A dragon with a phobia of fire. Well, that kind of depends upon the type of dragon, as not all dragons breathe fire... White dragons breathe ice... :)
Aaarrrgh 11-29-07, 11:19 AM	1x returning shuriken (doesn't repair itself if you miss, just flies crappier each time) The worst thing with this would be trying to catch it as it flies back at you...
maxt60 11-29-07, 01:30 PM	Ring of Ignorant Invisibility This item looks like nothing more than a simple, white gold, ring. But, when a finger is inserted, that person is immediately & permanently drained of an amount of intelligence that would reduce the total to 1. Also, upon insertion, the finger becomes permanently invisible. With both effects activated, said person immediately become extremely distressed as if there finger had been cut off and stolen. The only way to remove said ring is by the use of remove curse. This ring cannot be forcibly placed on any other person and cannot be taken off until remove curse has been cast. Other than for pranks, this item is totally useless. (Edit) - Italics suck.
zook1shoe666 11-29-07, 04:49 PM	The worst thing with this would be trying to catch it as it flies back at you... watch your fingers when you do ;)
rex_subterrae1008 11-30-07, 09:05 AM	watch your fingers when you do ;) Yeah, so you can find them when they get sliced off, so you can try to reattach them later... lol.
zook1shoe666 11-30-07, 12:29 PM	Yeah, so you can find them when they get sliced off, so you can try to reattach them later... lol. but not if the shuriken is covered in diseased crap for the undead or oozes you previously hit with the shuriken before you grabbed it ;)
rex_subterrae1008 11-30-07, 01:03 PM	but not if the shuriken is covered in diseased crap for the undead or oozes you previously hit with the shuriken before you grabbed it ;) Well, in that case, you'd better be good at deflecting prjectiles... lol.
zook1shoe666 11-30-07, 11:39 PM	Well, in that case, you'd better be good at deflecting prjectiles... lol. haha. yeah
golden_dragon 12-01-07, 10:27 AM	a magical monkey companion that throws dung at his keeper every 5 rounds doing 1d4 damage and a DC check of 20 to resist being knocked unconcious for 1d8 rounds. :plotting:
rex_subterrae1008 12-01-07, 10:33 AM	a magical monkey companion that throws dung at his keeper every 5 rounds doing 1d4 damage and a DC check of 20 to resist being knocked unconcious for 1d8 rounds. :plotting: Sounds like a typical monkey familiar to me... lol.
zook1shoe666 12-01-07, 11:16 AM	a magical monkey companion that throws dung at his keeper every 5 rounds doing 1d4 damage and a DC check of 20 to resist being knocked unconcious for 1d8 rounds. :plotting: is that in addition to the Fort save vs. Filth Fever?
rex_subterrae1008 12-01-07, 11:36 AM	a magical monkey companion that throws dung at his keeper every 5 rounds doing 1d4 damage and a DC check of 20 to resist being knocked unconcious for 1d8 rounds. :plotting: Hmmm... Give it to a bunch of kobolds, and watch the fun... lol.
Lord_of_Vain 12-01-07, 11:45 AM	Hmmm... Give it to a bunch of kobolds, and watch the fun... lol. Hey man, don't talk about kobolds like that. They're actually really cool guys.
rex_subterrae1008 12-01-07, 12:40 PM	Hey man, don't talk about kobolds like that. They're actually really cool guys. Well, some are, but not all... Besides, i was going to give them the monkey, so they could give the monkey to someone else, and so on... lol. Who knows, maybe it'll make it's way to the Tarrasque...
TheFrohmen 12-02-07, 01:14 AM	Well, some are, but not all... Besides, i was going to give them the monkey, so they could give the monkey to someone else, and so on... lol. Who knows, maybe it'll make it's way to the Tarrasque... One name.... PUN-PUN!!!:dancin: :dancin: :dancin: :plotting: :plotting:
holybarbarian 12-02-07, 04:34 AM	Banana-phone sadly, there aren't any phone jacks in D&D, and the preservation process makes the banana inedible
Tuah 12-02-07, 08:48 PM	Air Guitar This instrument is magically summoned as a swift action immediately when a player puts his or her hands where they would be on the guitar. It is intangible, and invisible, and sounds like the character's voice saying "nah nah nah", to the tune of a song. This item may be summoned by any character and has no limit to being summoned.
Aaarrrgh 12-04-07, 10:00 AM	Well, in that case, you'd better be good at deflecting prjectiles... lol. Well, that doesn't matter, does it? It's a returning shuriken, so if you dodge or deflect it, it will fly off a short distance, turn, and hit you anyway...
zook1shoe666 12-04-07, 06:45 PM	Well, that doesn't matter, does it? It's a returning shuriken, so if you dodge or deflect it, it will fly off a short distance, turn, and hit you anyway... ROFL!
Srath 12-13-07, 12:13 AM	Rope of Exhaustion A Rope when used for climbing it grows longer when your half way up, and when you try to go down it gets shorter and if you try to go back up it grows longer.
Teh_Director 12-14-07, 04:03 PM	Horn of the Mythosaur The Mythosaur is a legendary creature with the body of a brontosaurus, the head of a t-rex, the horns of a triceratops, and the tail of an anklyosaurus. A wizard who was fascinated by this beast devoted his entire life to crafting this item. When blown, it casts spells to call the Mythosaur to you. The only problem? Well, this Mythosaur is a, well, myth :confused: . It doesn’t exist. What the horn does do, however, is create a high wailing call. This makes any dinosaurs within earshot to turn hostile as they recognize a cry for aid in their own language mixed with the calls of their natural enemies. This does not extend to any of your companions unless they attack the dino or do some other hostile action. Rock of Retreating Riches This is a large solid gold bolder. It is encrusted with magic items and gives off strong magic. As soon as a character notices it, it picks itself and begins to drift away at 30 ft. per round. In addition, it moves upward 5 ft every minute. However, if a character gets within five feet of it, it teleports 5 ft in the opposite direction. Anything that would slow it down, like a net, or break it, like an irate PC’s fireball winks out of existence until the rock moves on, then continues on its normal course (right into the friendly merchant stand). This rock is invisible, intangible, and otherwise undetectable to anyone but the PCs. NPCs don’t precive the winking out, either, except for a small slowing of things as they pass through the “empty” air.
rex_subterrae1008 12-22-07, 04:16 PM	A plastic knife... Seriously, have you ever tried cutting anything with one? lol. Not an object, but an activity... Wheelchair Soccer!!! lol. Or Wheelchair Football (American football) :)
Tetsubo 12-23-07, 11:20 AM	I had a ring in a dragon's horde once: it was an invisible gold ring.
ArgulFraster 01-21-08, 09:18 PM	Sword of Swordery This sword is entirely normal. However, any fighter with an Intelligence under ten is immediately compelled to possess it. Once said fighter posesses the sword he will immediately begin plotting how to attach it to another sword with a length of chain.
reaver304 01-22-08, 12:52 AM	negative Gravity caltrops... QUICK STOP THE GAURDs *chucks the caltrops and watches as they fall up sailing into the atmosphere*:eek:
rex_subterrae1008 01-22-08, 09:03 AM	Sword of Swordery This sword is entirely normal. However, any fighter with an Intelligence under ten is immediately compelled to possess it. Once said fighter posesses the sword he will immediately begin plotting how to attach it to another sword with a length of chain. Which brings us to our next item... SWORDCHUCKS!!! lol.
AppleSJ511606 01-22-08, 01:16 PM	Thumbell's Magical Lantern of darkness The closer this lantern approaches darkness the more darkness it radiates towards that darkness making it...more dark between the lantern and the actual darkness. The darkness radiating from this lantern the closer it is brought to the actual darkness. ...nobody is really ever sure if this lantern is actualy working, but all high level wizards happen to know that it actually is, and yet they all sell it for a steep price
rex_subterrae1008 01-26-08, 09:12 AM	Again, not exactly an item per se... A one-way dead-end street... lol.