Post/Author/DateTime	Post
High Octane 01-16-07, 05:24 PM	Thats right, put all your quotes that would get a player kicked out of your campaign RIGHT HERE! Please, keep it civil, and dont bark at each other. I'll start... 1. What kind of sleight of hand check do I need to make to steal her virginity without her noticing? 2. I'm playing a chaotic good drow ranger... 3. ...with 2 scimit- *PUNT* 4. If I cant play a cat, I'm not playing! 5. I want to use something out of the BoEF... 6. I have this kobold psion... 7. My character's name? "Nuck Chorris." 8. Why should I have to buy a player's handbook and my own dice? You should buy extras. 9. My character's charisma comes from her enormous breasts. 10. (ANY perverted comment concerning fantasy characters) 11. I want to figure out how I can get both smite good AND smite evil at the same time... 12. *obnoxious voice* My AN-- IS BLEEDING!" (dont ask) 13. (ANY Dave Chappelle ANYTHING here) 14. Hey I LIKED the first D&D movie...
Asadeseth 01-16-07, 05:32 PM	Well you see I made a CE character... Man i can't whate untill my warlock gets dire charm. Can I play a cat girl half-succubi sorcerer? (I've actualy have been asked this more than once)
Loki5654 01-16-07, 05:39 PM	18. I'm showing up in costume. 19. I forgot it was my turn to bring the soda/chips/pizza 20. I borrowed some of your dice.
frasmage 01-16-07, 05:49 PM	21. I cast magic missile at the darkness... 22. I cast darkness at the magic missile... 23. I found this build on CharOps... 24. Who says I have to follow my code of conduct?
TheChilliGod 01-16-07, 05:57 PM	25: Oh yes, I read the module you said we're playing front to back, and I memorized every single room, every single monster and every single trap in there off by heart. And I'll make sure to warn everybody first, don't worry. 26: What do you mean "I'm not allowed to read your notes"?!? 27: If you don't give my character 100000gp and levels in God, I'm leaving! 28: But, according to the RAW, we should have earned exactly this much gold and exactly this much experience! You're making the whole game broken! 29: I want my blackguard to be chaotic neutral so I can play it in your nonevil campaign. Okay? 30: Can I make my character level 1? For roleplay reasons, I don't want anything to do with powergaming to get in the way of roleplaying. 31: Uranium-- *BOOT!* 32: I made a CE Gestalt Psion20//Half-Fiend Drow6/Artificer14 for your non-evil, non-psionic, non-gestalt, non-drow Level 1 Forgotten Realms CS. Okay? 33: But my last DM allowed all of that!
JM 01-16-07, 05:58 PM	34. So, I am playing a doppelganger and I want to shapechange into a dire octopus and grapple the giant. How many arms do I need for leverage and how many arms can I grapple with? How do we play grapple again? Would you look it up please?
Artifact 01-16-07, 06:07 PM	Just one: 35) "Can I name the zombie George?"
High Octane 01-16-07, 06:14 PM	36) If theres any girls there I want to DO them!
freedeath 01-16-07, 06:18 PM	37a) "your girlfriend is hot" 37b) "your wife is hot" 37c) "your mom is hot" 37d) "your cat is hot"
JulesCARV 01-16-07, 06:30 PM	38) I've written some pretty hot Regdar/Tordek slash fiction, in case anyone's interested in giving me some feedback on it. 39) Given my experience with Unknown Armies/Exalted/Seventh Sea/whatever, yes, of course I consider D20 to be an inferior mechanic and D&D to be a stupid setting, but I will nonetheless generously condescend to play with you thick-witted plebeians until I can find a real gaming group. 40) I've been working over the past seven years to learn arcane magic in real life, based on browsing through D&D books, and I've found it to be a mixed bag: I can get some of the spells to work, but most I haven't managed yet.
freedeath 01-16-07, 06:48 PM	39) Given my experience with Unknown Armies/Exalted/Seventh Sea/whatever, yes, of course I consider D20 to be an inferior mechanic and D&D to be a stupid setting, but I will nonetheless generously condescend to play with you thick-witted plebeians until I can find a real gaming group. I love this one! Wayyyyy too many gamers like this (in my experience).
freeholder 01-16-07, 07:01 PM	39. Can you help me make Pun-Pun? 40. Okay I'm a female bard who has levels in perform (strip)
freedeath 01-16-07, 07:09 PM	41) "Ok, where's the pentagram? I brought the chickens."
Ragix 01-16-07, 07:46 PM	42) (In the middle of the dungeon) I wanna buy a warhorse! 43) (In the middle of the same dungeon, 10 minutes later) I wanna buy a mighty composite longbow (we play 3.5) 44) (Same player, 1 session later) I lost my character sheet, so I remade it, and now I'm a centaur (was an elf ranger). 45) (Same player, 1 session after that) I'm gonna play a Solar, just give me +0 LA cause then its fair. 46) My character could beat your guy in a fight. So its my turn? What do you roll to attack? These are all true. That person was booted shortly after.
Galeigh 01-16-07, 10:16 PM	47. "I'm going to play a Vow of Poverty Monk with a Belt of Giants Strength I got as a gift"
CyrusDuane 01-16-07, 10:35 PM	48. ...Kender Psion 49. I liked the movie you based this adventure on better. 50. ....Elven Ninja with a Katana 51. Katana with no good reason at all 52. "I basically rolled up the other fighter at the table's character, but I make him look good."
Always-Late 01-16-07, 10:47 PM	53. It can't be overpowered? Anywhey, are we fightin against each other or are we a team? 54. So I thought I'd try playing Pun - *CHAIR*
YamiSouru 01-16-07, 10:49 PM	53: I manifest reality revision to create a giant anti magic field over the entire world! ( i near slapped the player who said this out of princible alone..) 54:so is it alrightif i play a pit fiend? i want to be really evil and stuff. 55: do i geta bonus to hdeing int he shadows because my skin is so dark. (didnt happent o me but it happend to someone else on the borads) 56: I also bought my elf princes undewear. the type for her to know and you to find out. 57: my elf flashes her breasts at the orcs to shock them! 55-57 happend to others on the boards not me. but if any of my players said it i would tell them they know where the door is.
Furry_Thing 01-16-07, 10:51 PM	58. I'm importing my Hackmaster character...
rice830 01-16-07, 11:00 PM	59. Ok, im gonna be running late so can you make my level nine character? 60. Oh, so you get +11 to attack and 3d8 damage? Well I get +21 to tumble! Then im gonna keep arguing for another eight hours! 61. Oh, just a minute guys, i gotta take this call. 62. I want to play my fifth Pyrokinetikist in a row. No psionics? I hate you. Im gonna play a fire Sorcerer. 63. Im not giving you a ride home, you ****** off my character! 64. I get +23 to hide and move silently, so im just going to do that ALL OF THE TIME! 65. Im gonna get drunk, no i fail my saves, and do someone. Dont worry about STI's, i have Immunity to Disease because im a LG Paladin.
High Octane 01-17-07, 10:29 AM	66. My bard has Perform (Macarena)
Ariath Ska'Vhor 01-17-07, 11:11 AM	67. "I want to play a dragon! It's the same CR as everyone else!" 68. "4th level? I wanna buy a vorpal scimitar!" 69. "What do you mean my 2nd level barbarian can't have a gun!?"(medieval campaign) 70. "Got him grappled? Okay, I start taking off my pants..."
JasonOrlandoHawk 01-17-07, 11:28 AM	71. "They see my character walk by naked... w/ a donkey." 72. "Hello, Mr. DM whose name I don't know b/c I've never met you before, but I've invited myself to your game. I've decided to roll up a... (3 minutes of conversation)... that's not fair! I want to play a... (3 minutes of conversation)... but I want to use those books!!! Fine!!! You're doing Core Rule Books only? Then I'll roll up a Psionicist!!!" (Luckily, my very loyal gaming group ran this guy off for me, so I didn't have to.) 73. Mesa want to play a Gungan... 74. Mesa last name Binks!!! 75. I want to play a "Shadow Jedi." 76. "My Barbarian is hungry. I'm killing and eating the wizard's familiar." (Not my game, but one I know of) 77. My Spoon is too big!!! 78. "No." (This response will only get a person booted if they are sitting in my big green comfy DM chair, and I've asked them to move.) 79. Lawful Good Paladin Dragon: "I grab him and shoot lightning down his throat." 80. Eberron's approach to religion is so realistic! 81. It's only the 3rd time I've asked to play a Drow.
Stryffe 01-17-07, 11:48 AM	82. "So I've decided if my character wouldn't be able to bathe under these conditions, why should I."
Morka 01-17-07, 11:55 AM	83. What do you mean, rule-lawyer? Your little-brother's minotaur is way too powerful! A gore attack doesn't make the target prone! Oh, and can you tell him to shut up! 84. Daaave... I'm bore watching the Teletubies on TV... Can I play with youuuu? 85. Are we done, now, with this stupid dragon fight? My character needs to meet the High-Priest of Pelor in that city, 95 miles away, to finally become a Radiant Servant... 86. Are we done, now, talking with this stupid High-Priest of Pelor? I want to see some action!
Silverthumb128 01-17-07, 12:47 PM	87. (This one actually happened) DM: Sohei, what's that? Me: Well, its like a Warrior-Monk, but got different elements from various classes, spells like a Paladin, Frenzy... DM: Wait, how does a Lawful class get Frenzy? Me: I dunno... Its like going Super Saiyan.
R99 01-17-07, 01:08 PM	88: "So, yeah, I brought this d20 modern book. Can I use this bazooka thing here?"
vardock 01-17-07, 01:39 PM	40. Okay I'm a female bard who has levels in perform (strip) combine that with a Girl who comes in costume:dancin: :bow: :ayyyy!: :w00t: 89: "I want to be an elven ranger". not bad at first, but after the fifth time it get's aggravating. 90: I want to be a CN halfling Rogue. 91: the expanded psionics handbook is the greatist. 92: Is there a Brothel in town? 93: Can I be a Kender? 94: my 1 Cha Male dwarven Druid is a Nudeist.
darqmage1 01-17-07, 02:26 PM	95) house rules Shomouse rules! 96) Can I Be a Pirate?! I WANT TO BE LIKE JACK! 97) What's an elf!? 98) DM: You detect a trap PC: I open it anyway! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ********....* 99) I ATTACK THE DARKNESS!!! 100) Is beastiality a feat? *sexy stud from Clerks 2 enters* SS: INTERSPECIES EROTICA ***KO!!!
BlackZed 01-18-07, 02:41 AM	101: (upon successfully buying a Breaker Bottle and returning to the group, true story) Hey guys! I bought this bottle that's magic so it can hold stuff!
Stormonu 01-18-07, 02:55 AM	102: "Can we start at 20th level? Anything lower is just ...boring..." 103: "This campaign is going to continue into epic levels, right?" 104: "I wanna play a half-drow. And I have two scimitars..." 105: "Let me tell you about my 25th level dragon character from my last game..." 106: "Can we use a spell-point system? Vancian magic sucks." 107: "So I rolled this character up before I came over. He only has three 18's, so I figure he's fine." 108: "I'll take the first watch. Okay, DM, I wait until they're all asleep then slit their throats and steal their stuff." 109: "I don't read the rulebooks. I just make my own stuff up. By the way - what's a Base Attack?"
Return of the Flumph 01-18-07, 02:58 AM	102: Can I have a beaver animal companion? Can I write down the speed at which he can chew through wood? 103: (three rounds into dragon boss fight) Can I scribe a scroll of [I]grease[I]? 104: Do I hit the central eye! I want to stun him! 105: Me: A boy runs toward you carrying a message. Player: Can I talk to him? Can I kill him? Can I rape him? Can I turn him into a zombie? Can I talk him into letting me rape him to death so I can raise him as a zombie? Why not? I have five ranks in Diplomacy! 107: Crap, I died...how long until I respawn?
Bowmore 01-18-07, 09:36 AM	115: I want to play a frenzied berserker.
Behaigo 01-18-07, 09:42 AM	107: Crap, I died...how long until I respawn? DM: "Instantly, only it's in heaven/hell."
RavingDork 01-18-07, 10:53 AM	37a) "your girlfriend is hot" 37b) "your wife is hot" 37c) "your mom is hot" 37d) "your cat is hot" I can't tell you how many times I have heard ALL OF THOSE from one of my regulars. :weep:
DoctorRomulus 01-18-07, 11:06 AM	My character's name is LANCE SKYWALKER. :rolleyes:
freedeath 01-18-07, 11:39 AM	I can't tell you how many times I have heard ALL OF THOSE from one of my regulars. :weep: Even the cat one? Ewwww.
ShaNagbaImurru 01-18-07, 12:29 PM	Lemme see...I gots a few 110: "I'm gonna butt-rape the dragon!" 111: "GNOME!! GNOME GNOME GNOME GN--~Boot!~ (This seriously happened, when a new player asked how to speak gnome -_-)
RavingDork 01-18-07, 01:31 PM	112.) I grapple the Spider Eater! This actually happened in our group (the player had a barbarian who was NOT optimized for grappling). We kicked him out because he would have been much better off just standing around Power Attacking the beastie with a greatsword. But no! He decided he would grapple EVERYTHING IN SIGHT just to be a jerk. That game also ended in a TPK because we didn't have more support from the our meatshield. :mad:
Artifact 01-18-07, 06:08 PM	105: Me: A boy runs toward you carrying a message. Player: Can I talk to him? Can I kill him? Can I rape him? Can I turn him into a zombie? Can I talk him into letting me rape him to death so I can raise him as a zombie? Why not? I have five ranks in Diplomacy! Is that you, George? :D
MechMage 01-18-07, 06:42 PM	113. "Can I be an antropomorphic lobster based on Dr. Zoidberg?"
ZombieDragon 01-18-07, 07:02 PM	114." I um only believe in one god and he is like good so in YOUR world there can be only one god"... (now that should be enough but .....wait for it......wait....)... "can I play a blackguard ?"
DmofAlterak 01-18-07, 07:56 PM	Number 14. was a good one (Dose anyone like that crazy movie? I mean make a bad movie okay, but don't give D&D a bad rep because you made a horrible movie). 115. FAARRRRT (repeated with facial expressions and the noise not spoken as fart but rather the noise made until the DM (me) canceled the session).
Ace_of_Diamonds 01-18-07, 08:03 PM	116. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Limousine_Liberal 01-18-07, 08:06 PM	117) My character backstory is that he was a Space Marine who was sucked into a parallel dimension. Oh, I forgot, here's a list of the equipment he brought with him: -Powered Battle Armor (AC +12 Max Dex unlimited) -Blaster (Damage 5d10, hits on a successful touch attack) -100 rechargeable batteries for blaster (1000 shots per battery, recharges in sunlight in 5 rounds) -HK-47 This is going to take a while, can I just e-mail you the rest? (That is not all that far off from what one of my players once suggested) 118) I'm not playing in this game unless you let me play this exact build that I found on the CharOp boards. 119) Any refusal to bow to the uber build I want to play is evidence that you are a crappy DM. 120) Diplomacy is like mind control. 121) Bluff is like mind control. 122) Intimidate is like mind control. 123) I want to take Nymph's Kiss from BoED...but my character needs to be LE. That's okay though because Nymph's Kiss has no prerequisites. 124) My character is just playing around, and so will mix saltpeter, sulfur and charcoal and light the mixture on fire. What happens? ... No. You're wrong, that's gun powder, so it explodes. I'm going to put it inside an upturned bell and invent the cannon.
DmofAlterak 01-18-07, 08:26 PM	117) My character backstory is that he was a Space Marine who was sucked into a parallel dimension. Oh, I forgot, here's a list of the equipment he brought with him: -Powered Battle Armor (AC +12 Max Dex unlimited) -Blaster (Damage 5d10, hits on a successful touch attack) -100 rechargeable batteries for blaster (1000 shots per battery, recharges in sunlight in 5 rounds) -HK-47 Dose that mean your character is availble for a Play by post game? You can check out my Star Battles game on the rec room posting games board but it's very strange and not much of a game at the moment. :) Oop! how silly of me. That was 117. not something you just wanted to write...Bummer. 125. IAM THE DM!!
Alten_Freehands 01-18-07, 08:33 PM	Here are some extreme cases I came up with. 118) How long until this campaign ends? I could run this way better. 119) Wow your'e pad sucks and it smells like (arse). 120) Man I have to pee, I don't want to miss anything though. Do you mind if use your'e sink? 121) Dude I got some M-80's can I stick them up your'e pet's butt?
Orchomenos 01-18-07, 09:03 PM	Here are some extreme cases I came up with. ... 120) Man I have to pee, I don't want to miss anything though. Do you mind if use your'e sink? :yuck: :ahem: :bigeyes: :banghead: :hides: :blink: :drool: euh...no :shocked: :doh: :looloo: :thumbsdow
High Octane 01-18-07, 09:15 PM	120) Man I have to pee, I don't want to miss anything though. Do you mind if use your'e sink? Fine if next time we're on a road trip I can use your ashtray when I have to go to the bathroom.
Cael 01-18-07, 09:20 PM	Man, you guys meet some weird people. Thankfully, none of that has happened to me except the: "Man, DnD and the whole d20 system don't make sense. It sucks. BESM is so much better, MERP is the schizzle, but I will play because I am a RP junkie. Aw, man, that is just so cheesy. DnD is so full of it. Broken, powergaming cheese with a helping of Parmesan-" *boot*
Alten_Freehands 01-19-07, 12:52 AM	I am a pretty chill guy, I can put up with almost anything. I read the OP and I looked inside myself and had to think about what someone would have to say to get me to kick them out of my house and, forbid them from ever coming back. That's what my warped little brain came up with. Yes I know they are all pretty insane, but I thought that was part of what this tread was about. No they have never happened to me and I've never heard of any of them happening to anyone. I can say that I came up with them all by my lonesome. And yes I know I am krazy for even thinking of something like that.
RellenMarn 01-19-07, 01:51 AM	Player: Well I am planning on going Incantatrix and taking arcane thesis, etc., so I can shoot a quickened, maximized, blah, blah, scorching ray as a 4th level spell and do a guaranteed 400 damage even if they make their save.... DM: The evil Wizard shoot you with a quickened, maximized, blah, blah, scorching ray. Player: I am going to play a Chaotic Neutral... Player: I polymorph into an obscure wierd monster that makes this the equivilent of an 8th level spell...
LifeIshFun 01-19-07, 12:23 PM	(Since no number was posted for the last few quotes, I'll continue on with the numberin'! Woo!!) 122. Player- I have ultimate power! DM (Me)- Umm...and what would that be? Player- Everytime my character kills a monster every woman in a five mile radius has the most powerful orgasm of her life! DM- O_o.... (Granted we all had a good laugh but that gets freakin' annoying after awhile)
mearrin69 01-19-07, 01:35 PM	1. What kind of sleight of hand check do I need to make to steal her virginity without her noticing? Hmmm. I think that would be a slight of phallus check.
Towel_Ninja 01-19-07, 03:46 PM	123. You are by far the worst DM ev... my players all mobbed him for me ^-^ he wanted to be a CE barb that duel wields war axes and have one fire enchanted and the other ice enchanted, both with vorpal...i told him no.
Zephania 01-19-07, 04:09 PM	Hmmm. I think that would be a slight of phallus check. yea, its not a very high check. my old rogue collected virginities...ended up saving our arses as well, imagine that...
invaladuser 01-19-07, 04:31 PM	124. after forgetting what happened last game. and once reminded about what happened. He went on a huge ego trip. "I am the best. I weild a flaming scythe that cuts though them. I go super sayen. And fly at them."
frasmage 01-19-07, 09:23 PM	yea, its not a very high check. my old rogue collected virginities...ended up saving our arses as well, imagine that... I can't imagine how... :thinks:
Count Nerindil Van Seraph 01-19-07, 09:44 PM	113. "Can I be an antropomorphic lobster based on Dr. Zoidberg?" Actually did that, once. Not the anthro-lobster part, but the character was an absolute nobody and kind of zoidberg-esqe. He was actually a really well build character, but I played him like an average Joe. Got his powers (psion) on accident and seemed to use them only by accident. Later our party was hailed as the greatest heros of the modern age. Ol' Spax still had no idea what was going on. Back on topic: 125: Blah blah blah ARMCANNON blah bl- *FACE*. Actually happened. :nonono: ...yeah, that's about it. Great Thread, though.
Aricomus 01-19-07, 11:02 PM	126: my monk is gonna max out his ranks in Perform (Peanut-Butta Jelly Time!!!!!!!) 127: I wanna play a Catholic LE cleric (of yahweh of course) who casts slay living on anyone who refuses to convert to my religion!!! (no offense to any catholics out there im catholic too i just thought that one was really funny)
Zephania 01-19-07, 11:37 PM	I can't imagine how... :thinks: BoVD...knowledge relgion checks in sacrifices, +1 on the check for a virgin...streched it a bit, but it was awesome none the less...see heroic deaths thread for the whole story
stefan_mi 01-20-07, 12:48 AM	I think the worst thing I heard came in the form of an email message. A player wanted me to give HIM my DMing notes of the adventure I had written so he could take over the campaign I had made and run it properly. He also wanted to run it at my house. He graciously offered me the chance to roll up a player character and join the group. When I told him that I really didn't want to be a player in the campaign I had designed he didn't bring it up again.
Alten_Freehands 01-20-07, 10:29 AM	:bump:
metamind 01-20-07, 11:23 AM	120) Man I have to pee, I don't want to miss anything though. Do you mind if use your'e sink? If my group gets way into the game, I don't mind them using the sink as long as its number one and they take the dishes out first. ...What?
Critical_Failure 01-20-07, 05:21 PM	If my group gets way into the game, I don't mind them using the sink as long as its number one and they take the dishes out first. ...What? firm but fair NUMBER: can i play a (race with no aquatic modifications whatsoever) in your deep sea campaign if i use a snorkel?
MagicMouth 01-20-07, 05:46 PM	12. *obnoxious voice* My AN-- IS BLEEDING!" (dont ask) I got that one... I feel dirty inside.
High Octane 01-20-07, 05:58 PM	I got that one... I feel dirty inside. Yeah...me too.....*cries*
Count Nerindil Van Seraph 01-20-07, 06:09 PM	Yeah...me too.....*cries* Back to therapy for me, too.
Asadeseth 01-20-07, 06:37 PM	127: I wanna play a Catholic LE cleric (of yahweh of course) who casts slay living on anyone who refuses to convert to my religion!!! (no offense to any catholics out there im catholic too i just thought that one was really funny) Sounds like a player that dosen't like catholics and is simply trying to pertray his version of them in the game. Try to do this in a game I'm in and in and I'd probable rip his head off, or make an int 8, Wis 12 druid of... eh dosen't mater. But yhea sounds like something I would nip in the bud fast.
drakkonflye 01-20-07, 11:18 PM	"I can run this game better than you've been doing! I know more about the rules, more about the setting, and more about what the players want than you ever will!" Uh huh...yeah...right... Actually had this happen. Mind you, it was a campaign setting of my own creation, using various books of my own choosing, and playing with a group of players who also played in a few of my other games and had been gaming with me a lot longer. BOOT And booted his little friend who started the whole thing, too, by prompting the guy to go ballistic just because I wouldn't let him bring in a level 20 wizard with every conceivable item creation feat in the game and any magic item he wanted by spending his "starting money" to buy at item creation costs.
Ace_of_Diamonds 01-21-07, 08:01 AM	If my group gets way into the game, I don't mind them using the sink as long as its number one and they take the dishes out first. ...What? I suppose it depends on the place. Where I live, it's an extra 5 feet to the bathroom door. They're welcome to leave the door open so they can still hear me.
V8122 01-21-07, 08:50 AM	Hi! I wanted to join the game! My characters a CE rou-*BOOT* This actually happened. The bad part is, two other rouges were already there-and he KNEW THIS!!!!:help:
Return of the Flumph 01-21-07, 09:14 AM	132: "But my god is the only real one...how come he can still cast spells?"
Tusalu 01-21-07, 01:38 PM	26: What do you mean "I'm not allowed to read your notes"?!? One of my players do that
CelsiusLunafrost 01-21-07, 03:40 PM	133. G.M: The Cleric says, "Welcome to the temple of Palor." Player: "I wanna Sense Motive, he could be hideing something." G.M: (odd look) Okay, he's not a liar, its really is the temple of Palor. Anyway, The Cleric says "How may I help you?" Player: I wanna Sense Motive, does he REALLY want to help us? 134. If I want to disarm his manhood, what is its size modifier. Ha ha..small. (--can I sense motive) 135. If a virgin was wearing a ring of regeneration... 136. I'm not going to argue with you "G.M.", you think you know everything. 137. (this actually happened) Player to G.M: You are aware that guards can not attack the first thing that enters a room, even if they have a held action to do so, as long as we know they are there. Initiative starts right as we enter. And you can't hold an action if there is no Initiative.
leather_book_wizard 01-21-07, 04:05 PM	133. G.M: The Cleric says, "Welcome to the temple of Palor." Player: "I wanna Sense Motive, he could be hideing something." G.M: (odd look) Okay, he's not a liar, its really is the temple of Palor. Anyway, The Cleric says "How may I help you?" Player: I wanna Sense Motive, does he REALLY want to help us? I can see why he thinks the cleric was Bluffing. He noticed that the cleric spelled "Pelor" with an A.
TheDarkLord 01-21-07, 04:22 PM	While these two wouldn't get the player booted, they might get him shot :D. 1. Can I sleep with your Wife? 2. Can I sleep with your Kids?
R99 01-21-07, 04:38 PM	140: Can I sleep with you?
roninwolf109 01-21-07, 05:01 PM	Player:"Can I have a rocket launcher?" DM: "No." Player:"Can I have a .50 sniper rifle?" DM:"No." Player:"What about grenades? Can I have hand grenades?" DM:"NO. NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP ASKING!" Player:"....Can I play a Troll with a Belt of Giant's Strength +6?" DM:*begins pulling hair out in large clumps*
Count Nerindil Van Seraph 01-21-07, 05:03 PM	140: Can I sleep with you? Depends on the player... Mmmm...
stargate525 01-21-07, 05:12 PM	142: P: Can I buy a boat? DM: No, you dolt. P: But I want a boat! DM: We're in a landlocked country... fine. You can buy the boat, but you need to pay double for it and pay the docking fee of 5gp a week or it's gone. P:...ok. 143: (no one will get this, but oh well) I'm hinkel, he's finkel, and were the dinkledorfs...*PUNT*
CelsiusLunafrost 01-21-07, 05:23 PM	I can see why he thinks the cleric was Bluffing. He noticed that the cleric spelled "Pelor" with an A. Make this # 144.
Artector 01-21-07, 05:39 PM	140: Can I sleep with you? Depends on the player... Mmmm... Exactly what I was going to say. Suppose I shoud contribute.... 145. ****** ***** *** **** ******* **** ****** **** you! (Don't ask me, I'm just saying, long lines of useless profanity directed at me) I'm pretty leinent considering.
Dm_Farble 01-21-07, 07:30 PM	I actually heard this from one of my lvl 9 players. "Hey, how do you get up a lvl?''
metamind 01-21-07, 08:46 PM	ITS OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAND!!! (don't ask)
Nived 01-21-07, 08:52 PM	If one player gets my goat... it's the lone wolf... these are always the warning signs... 148: My character is an orphan... 149: He's self trained... 150: He's a loner... 151: ... doesn't need anyone. Thank you but we're playing a group game, you want to make an antisocial loner that has 'no need for the party or friends' you get to sit in the tavern while they have an adventure.
metamind 01-21-07, 08:57 PM	First off, all the players in my group (except me) are obsessed with Naturo. :twitch: 152: Believe it! 153: A thousand years of DEATH! 154: Can I use my variant monk? 155: Can I use my variant ninja?
Ace_of_Diamonds 01-21-07, 10:23 PM	156. Can we watch [insert anything here, really... the game, any TV show, any movie] while we play?
BobZila 01-22-07, 11:30 AM	This happend while playing a EPIC level game. The soon to be booted player was a Wizard. 157. Why would they attack me? I'm just a old man with a staff. 158. The guards asked us to leave our weapons. Wizard: you wouldn't remove a old man his walking stick?
Stormonu 01-22-07, 11:38 AM	159. Player whips out a gameboy, psp or other such hand-held computer game in the middle of the game.
LifeIshFun 01-22-07, 12:05 PM	160- (In character creation) Player:Hey Katora...man, how do you spell phylac-- Katora (DM):No! Nooo, before you even begin...no! (I then procceded to kick the kid out of the house, as he continued to whine and moan about the whole ordeal) 161- (Same group of players, sans the Lich-wanna be, and adding in a friends significant other) Player's Significant Other: Hey, can I be a half-Daemon werewolf? Katora: Wait...what? Erm, no, it's just base races PSO: Really? Hmm...what about a half-Celestial faerie look I already wrote up her character sheet! Katora: Damn it...where is my lighter? (An hour later) PSO: Why do you keep torching my character sheets?! Katora: Don't think of it as torching, just...think of it as mythical abortion... PSO: ~Sigh~ Then can I be a Illithid? -Boot-
RobbyPants 01-22-07, 12:21 PM	12. *obnoxious voice* My AN-- IS BLEEDING!" (dont ask) If I'm getting the same refernce, are you talking about Don Herztfeldt's cartoon Rejected? That thing is funny on so many levels.
stargate525 01-22-07, 01:33 PM	158. The guards asked us to leave our weapons. Wizard: you wouldn't remove a old man his walking stick? If the wizard was 60-70 I would see it as a valid complaint. Never, ever, try doing this when your character is 24. I tried, I almost failed. Luckily enough I was a bard and said all my stories were carved on it.
Shiikeras 01-22-07, 03:35 PM	162: Player: How do I win? Tell me! C'mon I gotta win!
calder 01-22-07, 06:36 PM	48. ...Kender Psion 49. I liked the movie you based this adventure on better. 50. ....Elven Ninja with a Katana 51. Katana with no good reason at all 52. "I basically rolled up the other fighter at the table's character, but I make him look good." .....Elven Ninja witha Katana .....Drow with a Katana .....Elven Ninja with a Katana .....Drow Ninja witha Katana .....Elven half Drow with a ..... see the pattern....it's amazing that a game that requires so much imagination can attract people that don't....
Shiikeras 01-22-07, 07:58 PM	163: Can my CG Drow ranger use katana swordchucks instead of scimitars?
Hroth 01-23-07, 10:22 AM	59. Ok, im gonna be running late so can you make my level nine character? Don't see why this is a problem. I mean, it seems players are always trying to make bigger and better characters that can drop an ancient red dragon in one shot so why not get the other players together and let them help out in making this level 9 character that will only hit a creature with an AC of 1 on a Natural 20 :ayyyy!: (and even then only be able to do a point of damage!) :devil: As for things that will get a player booted, I really haven't booted any players yet. I had one player that wanted an elephant (pink at that :rolleyes: ), and I finally found information on how to do war mounts (and thus give him the elephant, also sell him some pink paint ;) ), but apparently he got bored with the game and quit, so no need to worry about elephants.
R99 01-23-07, 12:18 PM	164: So, yeah, I was reading this book. Can I play... 165: So, yeah, I was reading the Bible. Can I play... 166: So, yeah, I was reading this comic. Can I play... 167: So, yeah, I was reading DiscWorld. About "The Luggage"... 168: So, yeah, I was reading this GURPS book... 169: (In a temple/library/tavern) MOSH PIT!!!
Ramses III 01-23-07, 03:10 PM	If I'm getting the same refernce, are you talking about Don Herztfeldt's cartoon Rejected? That thing is funny on so many levels. Great, now you've gone and told them. Now they're going to look it up on the inter-web and watch it. Do you realize the damage you've done? They just finally let the last batch out of the asylum!!! 170: Can I play a wemic? (One of my friends asks this repeatedly at the beginning of every campaign.)
R99 01-23-07, 04:12 PM	171: "As the son of God..."
metamind 01-23-07, 04:19 PM	nothing here. Just wanted the 100th reply.
Leo 01-23-07, 05:56 PM	If the wizard was 60-70 I would see it as a valid complaint. Never, ever, try doing this when your character is 24. I tried, I almost failed. Luckily enough I was a bard and said all my stories were carved on it. Hey, by most races, 60-70 isn't that old:P
keith187 01-25-07, 04:32 PM	What kind of check would I need to make to get my evards black tentacles to have their way with the barmaid?
R99 01-26-07, 11:39 AM	173: I'm sorry about the Drizzt clone in the last campaign, but this one's different. He has lightsabers.