Post/Author/DateTime	Post
katakraos 07-19-07, 03:39 PM	I'm part amused with, part fed up of the speculation about the 4th edition and its inminent release, so I decided to start my own 4th ed. thread (am I not lovely?) :D so, let`s begin with it... 1. The 4th ed. is foretelling the end of the world as we know it 2. The 4th ed. will kill you, burn your houses and rape your women (in a conanesque way of doing it, i mean) 3. The 4th ed. will make you adore satanic gods, and this time... is for realª 4. The 4th ed. knows it. 5. The 4th ed. will be the most hype torture in hell 6. The 4th ed. is going to wake up Chtulhu and get R`Lyeh over the seas again 7. The 4th ed. comes after the 3rd. ed (mmmm... maybe this is not a fake rumour, after all) 8. The 4th ed. is broken 9. The 4th ed. is not broken 10. If you play the 4th ed., you will lose your Geek License 11. The new editor-in-chief for the 4th ed. will be Chuck Norris :eek: Don`t dare to discuss any of his decisions about the game! 12. The 4th ed. will eat your kydney and spit it up again 13. The 4th ed. will kill you and then resurrect you, only to kill you again 14. The 4th ed. will be released only a month before the 5th ed. 15. And all the splatbooks will be released at once :eek: :rolleyes: Your move...
Blackskullgreymon 07-19-07, 04:16 PM	16. It will no longer use the d20 system, instead favoring the d2 system of miss/crit 17. In Soviet Russia, 4th Edition Plays You! 18. It will not come in book form, but rather in the form of a pill 19. It will have DVD extras to "enhance" the gameplay experience 20. It will be bought and played by all your friends 21. It will be on the PS3 22. It will be teh roxxorz 23. There will be no longer any need to role play, as it comes with actual human beings you can command to fight other human beings in orc costumes 24. Human beings now cost extra
Johnny_Angel 07-19-07, 04:22 PM	25. 4th Edition is a game from the future which has come back in time to save you and help you change history so that you can servive to fight off the oppressive Chic-Robots of the future. 26. The Mullet-Theurge PrC is already broken
Kadasbrass 07-19-07, 04:26 PM	27 Elves will tap for mana in 4th edition 28 WotC will bring back Mono artifacts then get rid of them in 4.5 29 There will be no royal assassin :(
RealSorceror 07-19-07, 04:27 PM	30. 4th Edition will have free pie! 31. The pie is also evil.
Zaver 07-19-07, 04:31 PM	32. When 4th edition comes out all other editions will self destruct, forcing you play 4th edition. This is why people spend so much time talking about it.
Lord_of_Omnipotence 07-19-07, 04:32 PM	33. In 4th edition, people will want to finish their build with odd levels of fighter. 34. The sorcerer will get class features.
Kamin_Majere 07-19-07, 04:33 PM	35) 4th Edition will be made of happiness and cookies. And all BBEG's will be Invisible Christopher Walken
Wiseblood 07-19-07, 04:44 PM	36) In 4e only monks and magic users are playable classes because swords are too heavy. 37)Except katanas which now have reach.
Johnny_Angel 07-19-07, 04:44 PM	35b) Unless you buy the 4.5 expansion, in which Christopher Walken is replaced by Carrot Top.
Wiseblood 07-19-07, 04:48 PM	37)Except katanas, which now have reach. http://images.quizilla.com/M/MrMuffinMan/1050962584_uresFFSeph.jpg
skydin 07-19-07, 04:58 PM	38) it will induce instant TPK...from snu-snu
Zaver 07-19-07, 05:00 PM	38) it will induce instant TPK...from snu-snu :OMG! :D :OMG! :D
katakraos 07-19-07, 06:14 PM	:banghead: Sorry, 4th edition threads make me have major hernias. me too 39. The 4th ed produces major hernias 40. but they will shell you also the Magical Oil Against Major Hernias (only 99.99 $ for you!) :D
Return of the Flumph 07-19-07, 10:28 PM	41. Fourth edition is a registered sex offender.
TyWebb 07-19-07, 10:48 PM	42. The core books for 4th Edition will be released with several variant covers by Rob Liefeld, including one in silver foil. 43. 4th Edition will herald the return of Gary Gygax as primary designer and brand manager. He will come to each and every single one of your houses to ensure that you are playing the rules CORRECTLY. 44. The 4th Edition books will be released on a Tuesday at 8:00 am. Whining about the impending 5th Edition will begin promptly at 8:01.
WizO_Cat 07-19-07, 11:14 PM	Let's watch the use of large lettering, especially when it has to do with scrolling on the board. It makes it hard for other guests to read the posts. Thank you.
Sim_antix 07-19-07, 11:18 PM	35b) Unless you buy the 4.5 expansion, in which Christopher Walken is replaced by Carrot Top. If ICW isn't the secret end boss then it just is not D&D!
Lunas_Argent 07-19-07, 11:49 PM	45. 4th edition core books will cost just $9.99 apiece in this one time, television offer. 46. Supplemental books will be sent to your house once a month for your viewing pleasure. 47. If you do not wish to keep these books, simply return them within 15 days. 48. If you do wish to keep them, do nothing, you will be charged four easy payments of $994.95 for each supplemental book you decide to keep. 49. Cancel anytime by simply sending us your return mailer marked Cancel in Draconic over-language. 50. Call now, operators are standing by.
scienceman47 07-19-07, 11:59 PM	51. Each page shall have inserted between it a new type of cheese slice. Delicious. 52. 4.0 will be written in human blood and bound in human skin. 53. 4.0 will be capable of turning to the right page for rules clarifications, but those rule will be misspelled. 54. 4.0 will not have a thirteenth page, cause its bad luck. 55. All metric. Nuff said. 56. The nun class will be capable of exorcising ghosts, and holds the only proficiency with guns outside of Alterchar feats. 57. 4.0 balancing mechanic ensures red wizards will need food badly. 58. The third alignment axis of tasty. 59. Catgirls as a playable race. 60. Brand new uses for the oft maligned D1 and D7. 61. Fighter renamed Porter. 62. Alternate class features for players wanting to emulate Machoman Randy Savage. 63. Rules for adjucating Thunderdome encounters. 64. Dynamic Angst mechanics. 65. Charts for everything concievable. 66. Charts for the charts. 67. Fat people as a playable race. 68. All divinations will require entrails. 69. Conjuration and transmutation will be the weakest of the magic schools. 70. Sorcerors will be required to have eyepatches.
Lobsopdoy 07-20-07, 12:01 AM	65. 4th ed. will actually come out BEFORE 3rd edition. What have you all been waiting for!? 66. 4th ed. is the key...4th ed. is the gate
Von_Harbringer 07-20-07, 12:14 AM	How do you like my my early warning system? http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/707/trollno3.jpg
skydin 07-20-07, 01:15 AM	67. the instant TPK by snu-snu will be caused by playable catgirl nuns with guns.
scienceman47 07-20-07, 02:27 AM	68. New class feature- Troll Alert and Improved Troll Alert.
Johnny_Angel 07-20-07, 03:00 AM	44. The 4th Edition books will be released on a Tuesday at 8:00 am. Whining about the impending 5th Edition will begin promptly at 8:01. Unfortunately, this isn't a rumor; I'd be willing to accept it as a fact.
Johnny_Angel 07-20-07, 03:00 AM	71. The commoner is severely overpowered in 4e.
Von_Harbringer 07-20-07, 03:02 AM	68. New class feature- Troll Alert and Improved Troll Alert. Yes :D , But in order to have "Improved Troll Alert !!!", you must reach the PrC of moderator.
Lunas_Argent 07-20-07, 04:00 AM	66. 4th ed. is the key...4th ed. is the gate Are you the Gate-Keeper? I am the Key-Master.
Steely_Dan 07-20-07, 04:40 AM	72.) That 4th edition is not being developed/coming out.
katakraos 07-20-07, 06:30 AM	How do you like my my early warning system? http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/707/trollno3.jpg but we are funny trolls... :D 73. Troll will be a standard race, and with no LA
Warforged Goblin 07-20-07, 07:36 AM	74. All sorcerers gain the feat "Spellfire Wielder" at 1st level, regardless of the campaign setting. 75. Barbarians are required to meet the following conditions: 1 - Must have a one syllable name. 2 - Must weild a two-handed melee weapon. 3 - Must have an Intelligence of no more than 6. 4 - Must have ranks in Craft (floral arrangement). 76. The barbarian's Rage will be replaced with the frenzied berserker's Frenzy. 77. The entire Tome of Battle system shall be stricken from existance, because melee characters can't have nice things. 78. The paladin's code will now included the oft not mentioned "stick up the ass". 79. The fighter class will gains a new feat every level, and they all will suck. 80. The druid will be replaced with the "Wildshapist" base class. 81. "Katana" will be a new base class. 82. Half-orcs and half-elves will actually become viable, non-cliched character races. 83. You won't buy 4th Edition. 4th Edition will buy you. 84. Amazingly, warforged won't be referred to as "magical robots". 85. A commoner can beat a housecat in 4th Edition, but only due to bad dice rolls on the part of the housecat. 86. "Housecat" is now a playable race. 87. The Tarrasque is now a multiclassed monk/druid/warshaper. The only way to kill it is to reduce it to negative hit points, then beat it at a game of "Three Dragon Ante". 88. Chuck Norris will replace Pelor as the new omniscient god. His new favored weapon: Roundhouse Kick. 89. 4.1 Edition will come out no less than a year after 4.0. 4.15 will follow quickly after you've bought all the updated source books.
Joshua Randall 07-20-07, 09:08 AM	Wow, I can't believe no one's done this yet: 90. 4th ed. rules will be sold in the form of randomized booster packs.
Thrivol 07-20-07, 09:16 AM	90. Sourcebooks for fourth edition require you to sacrifice your children just to buy one. 91. 4th edition will require you to put implants into your head "for a more realistic experience," realisitic meaning you die in real life if you character dies. :D 92. Pun-pun is listed as a god. 93. Gygax is listed as a god. 94. A gold great wyrm is tiny size, CR 4, and can TPK any party that isn't at least level 30. 95. New class! Munchkin! 95. Golems are immune to melee and spell damage now. In fact, they just don't take damage at all. 96. Elves have been changed to be happy, 3 foot tall workers. 97. If you attempt to make any house rules, the implants in your brain will fry you. 98. Prestige classes are mandatory from level 6 onwards. 99. Wizards of the Coast have adopted a different playstyle for D&D, one more similar to the Cthulhu roleplaying game. 100. Drow are a player class and have to be chaotic good. 101. New base class! Ultra cool sword user using two scimitars who is trying to overcome the racial prejudice against his character!
Prof. Pacali 07-20-07, 09:26 AM	102) rogues will actually be able to contribute in combat 103) the polymorph rules will still need tons of erratta 104) Metamagic feats will be coin activated 105) The Core setting will be the "My Little Pony" world 106) Lorraine Williams will be a consultant on 4.0 107) It will be written on cunieform tablets 108) Dice will be replaced with chits
Warforged Goblin 07-20-07, 09:51 AM	110. Joshua Randall will not be ignored in 4th Edition. 111. As a mirror to 4E core, every race will have dark, forboding, under-dwelling cousins. The list is as follows: Humans - Underfolk Elves - Drow Gnomes - Smurfneblin (The Sverfneblin are too happy, and have been eaten by a warlock's cat.) Halflings - D'plings Dwarves - Duergar Half-Elves - Drunderfolk Half-Orcs - Below-Orcs or Blorcs All players using Mirror 4E must be CG and rebel against their angst-ridden society. 112. All at-table conversation is considered to be "in-game" in 4E.
zzo38 07-20-07, 10:54 AM	CXIII: It won't be OGL anymore. Everything will be hard to copy. CXIV: It will be GPL'd. CXV: There won't be any base classes, all classes will be prestige classes. CXVI: Spellcasting will be too simple. CXVII: It will quickly be replaced with 4.1ed. CXVIII: It will be DRM. CXIX: There will be a seventh ability score. CXX: There won't be any difference of arcane/divine spells, all magic will be one. CXXI: It will use a hex-grid. CXXII: Spellcasting will be more complicated. CXXIII: Alignments will be entirely different. CXXIV: The alignment system will change to: Left, Center, Right, Justify CXXV: Books won't be available, you will need to view the rules by blu-ray DVD. CXXVI: There are no more hit-points, just alive and dead. CXXVII: Artifacts will be removed.
Lobsopdoy 07-20-07, 11:41 AM	128. Combat will no longer use dice, eschewing them in favour of bingo sheets and dabbers
DoveArrow 07-20-07, 11:59 AM	Wow, I can't believe no one's done this yet: 90. 4th ed. rules will be sold in the form of randomized booster packs. That's because no one thinks it's a rumor. :P 128. Dwarves will be immune to poison, made of adamantine, and be able to move 60 feet as part of a move action, even while in armor. 129. Gnomes will have the favored class of adept, will be able to cast light once per day as a spell-like ability (provided they have an Intelligence of 20), will be able to move 10 feet as part of a move action, and will be considered encumbered if carrying or wearing anything.
Lunas_Argent 07-20-07, 01:08 PM	136. 4th edition will include a chapter on counting for people who want to post things in the "1001" threads, but do things like list the same number twice in one post or read the last post and start the next one about 5 numbers higher or lower than the last post.
Warforged Goblin 07-20-07, 01:54 PM	132. Humor is now banned from 4E. 133. The 4E DMG is made entirely of flan, sweet delicious flan. 134. All characters must code their actions into the special "4E Dungeon Simu-Computer" using only the BASIC programming language. Example: CHARACTER = Torg the Fighter 10 CHARGE 20 ATTACK 30 GOTO 20 135. There are no taverns in 4E. You start in a bookstore, trying to buy 5E.
RealSorceror 07-20-07, 02:41 PM	137. 4th Edition doesn't care about you, or your problems. 138. 4th Edition can only be destroyed with subdual damage, followed by a Wish spell. 139. 4th Ed. is Batman. 140. Bards will still suck at everything. 141. The Complete Warrior Samurai will be the only base class.
Maldin 07-20-07, 03:05 PM	142. (Literally) building on the success of 3.x's "mini's", and after the hostile takeover of the design team by LARPers, 4.0 combat will be based on "maxi's". All combat will be resolved by players wearing collectible costumes. One of the most sought-after "rares" will be the purple dinosaur maxi. I can't wait for the yellow big (carnivorous) bird maxi. Denis, aka "Maldin" Maldin's Greyhawk http://melkot.com ::edit: the answer to life, the universe, and everything, including D&D4.0, this rumor number, and this post number is 42! I guess this foreshadows that 4.2E will be quickly forthcoming::
RoamingArcher 07-20-07, 09:41 PM	143. For every 5 3.x books you turn in, you get one free 4.0 splatbook. 144. Once every 3.x book is collected, the 4.0 books will self-destruct, and WOTC will abandon 4th ed and switch back to 3rd ed. 145. Chaotic Stupid is an actual alignment. 146. Chaotic Stupid is the best alignment from a mechanical viewpoint. 147. The "My Little Pony" Setting encourages Chaotic Stupid roleplaying.
Lunas_Argent 07-22-07, 04:14 PM	147. The "My Little Pony" Setting encourages Chaotic Stupid roleplaying. 148.4E will also include the Smurfs campaign setting, where all curse/swear words are replaced with the word "Smurf"http://www.davelgil.com/korea/smurf.jpg Holy Smurf!!! 149. Papa Smurf will be an epic prestige classhttp://cartuneman.com/new/papa_smurf.jpg150. The base classes are Lazy Smurf, Handy Smurf, Brainy Smurf, Clumsy Smurf, Tailor Smurf, Farmer Smurf, Dreamy Smurf, Harmony Smurf, Painter Smurf, Hefty Smurf, Vanity Smurf, Jokey Smurf, Poet Smurf, Grouchy Smurf, Baker Smurf, Greedy Smurf, Snappy Smurf, Slouchy Smurf, Baby Smurf and Grandpa Smurf 151. This is the Tavern your Dm will start you out inhttp://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2006/diaries/barbarella06/barbarella064/smurf_housealt.jpghttp://www.waynesantos.com/uploaded_images/Smurfette_by_sygnin-732617.jpg ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
Lunas_Argent 07-23-07, 04:07 PM	152. If you stay up all night on Halloween, the Great Pumkin will arise in the pumpkin patch and fly all over the world, delivering 4e core books to all the good little boys and girls. 153. If you buy 4e, your dog will think hes a WW2 flying ace and that his house is a fighter plane!
DoveArrow 07-23-07, 06:31 PM	148.4E will also include the Smurfs campaign setting, where all curse/swear words are replaced with the word "Smurf" Smurfin' smurf. :pbbbtt:
Lunas_Argent 07-24-07, 01:08 AM	Smurfin' smurf. :pbbbtt: My Smurfin sentiments exactly
Lunas_Argent 07-24-07, 01:10 AM	154. And all wizards Must be named Gargamel and choose cat familiars named Azriel.
DrowBattlemind 07-24-07, 01:35 AM	155: In 4th ed, the +17 Monomolecular Bastard Sword of Brilliant Energy Shocking Burst and Thermonuclear Fiery Burst is the only weapon allowed 156: However, in 4th ed, you do not have the weapon proficiency to use it.
Gryllmyre 07-24-07, 01:40 AM	157. 4e will do away with the level based system and make all class abilities accessible through skills and feats. This will be quickly followed by 4.1e, which re-introduces levels to allow access to movement rate. 158. The Vancian magic system will be replaced with a replenishing mana system. Tubes filled with blue water will be supplied, and players will be responsible for blowing the right amount into the pressure balloon for each spell cast, as they sit and watch the mana recharge...
Lunas_Argent 07-24-07, 01:52 AM	158. Actually, all movemnt rates will be done away with as everyone will ride around on segway scooters preset to a speed of 20
Zaver 07-24-07, 02:23 AM	159. 4e has already been released three times but players of 10e view it as the point were every thing went wrong and keep coming back in time to destroy it.
skydin 07-24-07, 02:32 AM	200. 4e is really just a reprint of 1e with new pictures and bigger words in all the wrong places.
Aeltar 07-24-07, 02:53 AM	201. It will exist.
TheAnthroDM 07-24-07, 03:00 AM	202. The forth addition will have only Elves and Humans as playable races, but that's okay because there Core books will contain all 69 elf subraces.
skydin 07-24-07, 03:04 AM	203. countless imature players will make bad inuendo about there being 69 different kinds of elves, and about what all those elves might be doing to each other.
TheAnthroDM 07-24-07, 03:10 AM	203. countless imature players will make bad inuendo about there being 69 different kinds of elves, and about what all those elves might be doing to each other. Oh wow, I didn't even think of that. Nice one Skydin
skydin 07-24-07, 03:17 AM	thank you. being one of those imature players, i couldnt help but catch it and procede to ponder certain images involving it. thats not what i normaly do, just being on message boards in general does that to me.
Rogue Shadows 07-24-07, 10:28 AM	204. It's already been released in Japan, in fact, in Japan, they're on 6th Edition. 205. Psionics are Core. 206. The Forgotten Realms will be abandoned. 207. And Greyhawk will be brought back... 208. As will Spelljammer. 208a. (And maybe Planescape). 209. But the core setting will be Dragonstar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragonstar)
katakraos 07-24-07, 10:49 AM	210 (or whatever) the 4th ed will contain the rumours from number 160 till 199... :rolleyes:
Steely_Dan 07-24-07, 10:58 AM	204. It's already been released in Japan, in fact, in Japan, they're on 6th Edition. Actually, 7th edition. …Smaller, faster, and cheaper.
Warforged Goblin 07-24-07, 11:08 AM	171. XP will only be given to those who cannot count. 172. Knowledge (pop culture), Knowledge (80's cartoons), Craft (blog), and Profession (blogger) are now core. 173. Tome of Battle will not be considered "anime". 174. Holding true to the politics of the Hells, the 4E book "Hell is More Splat Books: Another Guide to the Nine Hells" will give rules for running an election in any layer of Hell. 175. A definitive answer as to whether or not sorcerers are descended from dragons will be printed in Druidic on the inside cover. 176. There will be no Weapon Proficiencies other than "Weapon Proficiency: Improvised Weapon". 177. Real-world physics will be applied to the game, changing from the "fantasy" genre to "non-reality simulation". 178. It will be revealed that ALL core races are actually elven subraces. 179. Player characters are required to periodically stop for bathroom breaks or else suffer from toxic shock syndrome and constipation. 180. There will be rules for toxic shock syndrome and constipation.
BlackHalfDragon 07-24-07, 12:24 PM	181. it will become a d10 sytstem 182. it will steal many themes and ideas from popular horror books and movies 183. it will sue its own fan club 184. it will sue the people from whom it stole ideas claiming them as their own and unique 185. then the mindflayers will use psionics to change time back to 3.0 edition
TiwazTyrsfist 07-24-07, 01:55 PM	186. Combat will now be resolved using our new 'intuitive' THAc15 system, in which both high and low armor classes are good, and you are trying to hit the target number 15. 187. The core races will be as follows: Kender, Shifter, Human, Warforged, Dwarf, Half-Dwarf, and Kobold. 188. The core classes will be as follows : Warlock, Knight, Soulborn, Psion, Favored Soul, Elf, Assassin, and Swordsage. 189. Core classes will only have 10 levels. 190. Despite claims to the contrary, the core setting will in fact be Planescape. 191. Ravenloft and Dragonlance will both return, as that is the only logical reason for pulling the third party licenses on them. 192. Chapter one will be entirely on the subject that the plural of Katana is Katana, not Katanas, as it is a Japanese word. 193. Chapter two will be entirely on the subject that there are no katana available in the game, since the setting lacks an oriental culture analog. 194. Chapter seven (equipment) will introduce a new weapon, the curve blade. Curve blades are between two and three feet in length, have a slightly curved single edged blade, always made by a process of metal folding, and do 1d10 dam, crit 19-20/x2. 195. Every dungeon will have a cow level. 196. 4th ed will introduce two new core attributes, Luck and Appearance. Both will be usable in place of any other attribute for any check, based on roll playing. For example, you may use your appearance score as part of a bluff check in place of charisma, on that basis that you're so attractive they don't notice that you're lying.
RobbyPants 07-24-07, 03:00 PM	237) After a rash or complaints, 4th edition will attempt to pull in the reigns on the Druid and overdo it. The result will be something a slightly more powerful than a commoner, with the ability to wildshape into a tiny animal once per week. The animal cannot have a fly, burrow, swim, or land speed. If the Druid uses a prohibited weapon, they self-destruct. (I think that's the right number) :P
LCD2YOU 07-24-07, 03:05 PM	174. Holding true to the politics of the Hells, the 4E book "Hell is More Splat Books: Another Guide to the Nine Hells" will give rules for running an election in any layer of Hell.So they're making Florida part of Core? 238: Tastes great! 239: Less Filling! 240: They're making 4th edition lite. Not as much fun, but better for you.
RobbyPants 07-24-07, 03:10 PM	241) There will be exactly 374 elven subraces published, all with will have either +3 Dex or -3 Con (ability mods go in 3's now too), and will have a name based on either some aspect of weather, astronomy, or woodland wildlife. The list will include (but not be limited to): Star elf Moon elf Sun elf Nova elf Nebula elf Black hole elf Pulsar elf Galaxy elf Planet elf Sky elf Storm elf Wind elf Rain elf Snow elf Cloud elf Partially cloudy with chance of scattered showers elf Tornado elf Hurricane elf Gale elf Maelstrom elf Tsunami elf Pine elf Oak elf Vine elf Bark elf Compost elf
scienceman47 07-24-07, 06:24 PM	242: The new schools of wizard magic are as follows-Zombiement, Rainbowjuration, Chainsawcation, Haberdashery, Mastication, Icecapading, Banana Republiclusion, and Herbs and Spicery. 243: Each of the above schools will be weak to two other schools and strong against three other schools based on abritrary ********. 244: Barber is now a playable class. 245: All classes will be anime, with the exception of the oddball missionary knight. Class features will require that all qualities he possesses must emphasize his exotic "europeoness". 246: To increase roleplay, all battles must consist of 20 minutes of dialogue and powering up. 247: Warm water will change your characters gender, for cheap laughs.
shadzar 07-24-07, 06:42 PM	248: players will want to play psionicists and bards 249: DMs will let them 250: 4.0 will be a balanced system. 251: it will be backwards compatible with everything, including your kitchen sink
Adrinor 07-24-07, 07:02 PM	252: 4th edition is the first edition to also come with a free bowl of ice cream.
Millenia 07-24-07, 07:55 PM	#253) Mordekainen, Elminster, Driz'zt, and all the iconic characters from all the books and all settings will be replaced by King Boranel. He's just that good. #254) Tome of Battle will become core. #255) Speaking of Tome of Battle, all classes will become balanced per encounter in 4th edition.
yossarius 07-24-07, 07:58 PM	256) 4th Ed. will be brought to you in association with Microsoft. 257) In 4th Ed, ability scores will be measured in factional incriments of infinity, thus FINALLY allowing from the accurate stat-ing of Pun-pun, Superman, Buddha, Vishnu, Dr Strange, Jesus, Mr T, Vin Diesel, Invisibile Christopher Walken, Neo, and of course Chuck Norris. 258) The most powerful being in 4th Ed isn't anything listed in # 257. It's Hypno-toad. 259) None of the women in any of 4th Ed's artwork will ever wear chain mail bikinis ever again. 260) 4th Ed will be compatible with every game consule and every type of computer (in that they will crash equally as often on each one). 261) The abreviation for 4th Ed will officially be ADHD&D. The rules will be printed on 3 x 5 in cards. 262) In 4th Ed, Furry will finally be a player race. 263) The only 3.5 compatible book to directly transfer over to 4th Ed? The Book of Erotic Fantasy. 264) The 4th Ed PHB will be guest forwarded by Stephen Cobert. 265) Keep your 4th Ed books away from your D&D books from previous editions, else they will assimilate them. 266) 3rd Ed had miniatures; 4th Ed will have action figures.
Mark_Aged 07-24-07, 08:43 PM	267: 4th edition will have many new short forms. 268: 4th edition PC's will no longer have a BaB, but now a PTHN. 269: 4th edition's AMR will be ERSHaS. 270: 4th edition's AR BSCWE BBB NNTR PHT. 271: 4th edition will no longer have character sheets, rather now have character books.
Bozwevial 07-24-07, 10:15 PM	272. Due to character optimizations from 3.5 ed, Pun-Pun is now a random encounter suitable for characters of 1st level. 273. Political correctness means that there are no longer spellcasting classes of any kind, nor classes with spell-like abilities, or anything that couldn't happen "in the real world", so as not to offend parents. Outsiders are now mutants from the planet Saturn. 274. The tarrasque, in accordance with the above, is now a selectable familiar. 275. Experience points are directly proportional to the amount of sweat, blood, and tears that are shed during an encounter. 276. All monks are now Chinese. No exceptions. 277. 4th edition DMGs come with an eternal wand of charm person, hold person, and fireball only usable by the DM. 278. ...These wands are crafted by Elminster. 279. Characters playing an elf subrace with two weapons that have a base 18-20 threat range, a CG alignment, and two Zs in their name automatically trigger a bomb in the rulebooks. 280. The books are printed with Gary Gygax's blood as an ink. 281. If you read the description of any 6th level evocation spell backward, the 14th letter of every 3.14th word spells out "Kilroy was here." 282. There are detailed rules for alcohol consumption. 283. The book comes with wine to induce realism into these rules. 284. Players now must come up with a detailed and flowery explanation for every action. Those using too few words or words that are too short automatically fail.
shadzar 07-24-07, 10:42 PM	285: the hammer gun will replace crossbows.
Rogue Shadows 07-25-07, 09:55 AM	266) 3rd Ed had miniatures; 4th Ed will have action figures. I'd buy 'em. --- 286. Campaign settings will be divided into two supergroups: Shoujo and Shonen. 287. The breakdown for Shoujo will be as follows: Magical Girl d20, Harem Manga d20, and School Drama d20. The first available campaign setting will be "M3g4t0ky0: ph34r t3h cut3 0n3z" (so that it has an equal chance of appealing to both Westerners and to the Japanese) 288. The breakdown for Shonen manga will be as follows: DBZ d20. The first available campaign setting will be "Naruto: DragonBall in Disguse." 289. There will be a soundtrack included with the book. This (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQAKRw6mToA) will be the first track. 290. This (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvE6CZNxJpI) will be the second, thus revealing that Wizards has been taken over by a hardcore Dschingis Khan fan. 291. On that note, and ironically given the second song, "Samurai" will not be an available class or prestige class, being perfectly representable by the Fighter class (which will be there and will be the epitome of balance through all levels). However, Shinobi, Yamabushi, Shugenja, and Seiyuu, Big Kaijuu Master, and Maho Shojo will be.
SithGolem 07-25-07, 12:03 PM	#253) Mordekainen, Elminster, Driz'zt, and all the iconic characters from all the books and all settings will be replaced by King Boranel. He's just that good. Indeed he is, but King Boranel does not need that fame. Else he would have it now. 292) In Soviet Russia, 4th edition buys you! I wish...
RobbyPants 07-25-07, 12:14 PM	266) 3rd Ed had miniatures; 4th Ed will have action figures. That's not what I heard. I heard: 293) Replacing the small battlemaps and minis will be a grid that you overlay where you're gaming. The scale will be one five foot square = one five foot square. Each player will represent their PC on the grid. Large and larger creatures will be represented by life-size statues. The game will be intended to be played on a football field. 294) A third axis will be added to alignment, to help remove confusion. There will be three possible selections (per the other two axes): kills-kobold-babies, neutral, and doesn't-kill-kobold-babies. Paladins will not be restricted by this portion of their alignment, thus offering three possible paladin alignments: Lawful Good Kills Kobold Babies Lawful Good Neutral Lawful Good Doesn't Kill Kobold Babies This will finally put an end to the threads about whether or not a paladin can kill inherently evil kobold babies. It can be answered by simply looking at your PC's alignment. 274. The tarrasque, in accordance with the above, is now a selectable familiar. Makes enough sense. Invisible Christopher Walken already has it as his familiar.
TiwazTyrsfist 07-25-07, 02:15 PM	294) A third axis will be added to alignment, to help remove confusion. There will be three possible selections (per the other two axes): kills-kobold-babies, neutral, and doesn't-kill-kobold-babies. Paladins will not be restricted by this portion of their alignment, thus offering three possible paladin alignments: Lawful Good Kills Kobold Babies Lawful Good Neutral Lawful Good Doesn't Kill Kobold Babies This will finally put an end to the threads about whether or not a paladin can kill inherently evil kobold babies. It can be answered by simply looking at your PC's alignment. 295> In addition, a forth choice has been added each alignment axis. This choice is Balance, and it is considered the opposite of neutral. A balance character is compelled to take actions that balance the two extremes of an alignment axis. Thus, in an area where good is predominant, they commit evil actions to balance things out, in an area filled with chaos they are compelled to form a draconian code of laws and enforce them, and if people aren't killing kobold babies they must stomp their little heads.
RobbyPants 07-25-07, 02:28 PM	295> In addition, a forth choice has been added each alignment axis. This choice is Balance, and it is considered the opposite of neutral. A balance character is compelled to take actions that balance the two extremes of an alignment axis. Thus, in an area where good is predominant, they commit evil actions to balance things out, in an area filled with chaos they are compelled to form a draconian code of laws and enforce them, and if people aren't killing kobold babies they must stomp their little heads. Opps! :eek: Forgot that one! I guess paladins will have four viable alignments in 4E. I can't wait to play a Lawful Good Balanced paladin that only kill kobold babies if none are being killed, and valiantlty defends the kobold babies that are being slaughtered.
Warforged Goblin 07-25-07, 02:35 PM	296. In an effort to attract new players, WotC will form an alliance with Pepsi Co, creating the following in-game changes: - Haste is now Doing the Dew - A potion of Cure Minor Wounds is now Crystal Pepsi - A potion of Cure Light Wounds is now Diet Pepsi - A potion of Heal is now Mountain Dew: Code Red - Trail rations have been replaced with Cool Ranch Doritos - The Taco Bell dog is now a familiar. It grants +3 on Fortitude saves - The spell Power Word: Product Placement is the only thing that can kill the Tarrasque
yossarius 07-25-07, 02:59 PM	297) 4th Ed will have biometric controls designed to keep you from copying any of the rules. 298) Like WoTC's every previous attempt to utilize technology to inhance their RPGs, these controls will fail to work more than half the time. 299) Hasbro is eliminating WoTC. 4th Ed will be by Hasbro (because just the name D&D by itself doesn't sound childish enough to non-gamers). 300) 4th Ed isn't even a game anymore; it's an extra-dimensional portal that permanently transports you into alternate planes of existence. 301) 4th Ed rules will be written so precisely that arguements about the interpretation of the rules will become a thing of the past. 302) Under 4th edition, the rules will allow to burn character optimizers at the stake. 303) Every official 4th Ed product will come bundled with ancillary products, such as colognes like "Adventurer Smell", or an official WoTC "Used, Bloody Dagger".
RobbyPants 07-25-07, 03:12 PM	304) Due to the complexity of the rules, prospective players will need to pass a series of written exams in order create their first character. There will be no refund for the PHB if the player fails an exam. The exams will be tougher and more numerous for the DMs. The idea behind the exams will be to screen out any potential problem players and to ensure a full understanding of the game. However, due to inherent loop-holes, it will actually be more likely for such players to slip into the cracks and pass the exams.
TiwazTyrsfist 07-25-07, 03:38 PM	305> 4th Edition will also coincide with the introduction of the new CGL, or Closed Gaming License, program. Having discovered several loopholes in the latest version of copyright law, WotC has successfully retroactively copyrighted the concepts of "Character" "Attributes" "Skills" "Dice" "Rolling" "Crits" "Botches" "Back story" "Class" and "Race". They will be suing all other rpg makers for violating these copyrights. Also, they will be suing casinos that have craps tables for violating the copyright on Dice and Rolling. Also, they will be suing the NAACP for infringing on their copyright on "Race". Finally, purchasing of the books does not confer ownership of the material there in, but rather a license to use it for one gaming series. If you wish to play with more than one group, or to play a second campaign with your primary group while still in the middle of another campaign, you will need to purchase additional copies of the core books for the usage licensing. Hasbro offers it's personal thanks to Microsoft for this last bit.
RobbyPants 07-26-07, 02:14 PM	306) Due to the number of people complaining that spell point systems seem to video-game-like, the Vancian system will remain the standard option. Also, hit points (also quite video-game-like) will be done away with, in favor of a Vancian wound system. For example, a fifth level fighter will be able to sustain three 1st level attacks, two 2nd level attacks, and one 3rd level attack, plus bonus attacks for a high Con score.
zoinks69 07-26-07, 02:19 PM	307) Do not taunt 4th edition. (Can't believe I'm the first to post that).
turalisj 07-26-07, 05:17 PM	308) 4th edition will come out on December 21st, 2012.
Lunas_Argent 07-26-07, 09:50 PM	210 (or whatever) the 4th ed will contain the rumours from number 160 till 199... :rolleyes: LMFARTFOLaughing My F ***ing A ** Right The F *** Off :)
Lunas_Argent 07-26-07, 10:00 PM	308) 4th edition will come out on December 21st, 2012. 309. Whereupon Nerull will open a blackhole in alignment with our planet, our sun, and between them and in perfect alignment with the center of the universe.
Lunas_Argent 07-26-07, 10:03 PM	175. A definitive answer as to whether or not sorcerers are descended from dragons will be printed in Druidic on the inside cover. Is that Futhark or Ogham?
Von_Harbringer 07-26-07, 10:59 PM	267: 4th edition will have many new short forms. 268: 4th edition PC's will no longer have a BaB, but now a PTHN. 269: 4th edition's AMR will be ERSHaS. 270: 4th edition's AR BSCWE BBB NNTR PHT. 271: 4th edition will no longer have character sheets, rather now have character books. #310: there will no longer be any acronyms. 296. In an effort to attract new players, WotC will form an alliance with Pepsi Co, creating the following in-game changes: - Haste is now Doing the Dew - A potion of Cure Minor Wounds is now Crystal Pepsi - A potion of Cure Light Wounds is now Diet Pepsi - A potion of Heal is now Mountain Dew: Code Red - Trail rations have been replaced with Cool Ranch Doritos - The Taco Bell dog is now a familiar. It grants +3 on Fortitude saves - The spell Power Word: Product Placement is the only thing that can kill the Tarrasque #311: In negotiations with Apple for the new iCharGen. 304) Due to the complexity of the rules, prospective players will need to pass a series of written exams in order create their first character. There will be no refund for the PHB if the player fails an exam. The exams will be tougher and more numerous for the DMs. The idea behind the exams will be to screen out any potential problem players and to ensure a full understanding of the game. However, due to inherent loop-holes, it will actually be more likely for such players to slip into the cracks and pass the exams. #312: Those that are interested in playing need a 4.0 in calculus and be a MIT graduate in order to DM. 305> 4th Edition will also coincide with the introduction of the new CGL, or Closed Gaming License, program. Having discovered several loopholes in the latest version of copyright law, WotC has successfully retroactively copyrighted the concepts of "Character" "Attributes" "Skills" "Dice" "Rolling" "Crits" "Botches" "Back story" "Class" and "Race". They will be suing all other rpg makers for violating these copyrights. Also, they will be suing casinos that have craps tables for violating the copyright on Dice and Rolling. Also, they will be suing the NAACP for infringing on their copyright on "Race". Finally, purchasing of the books does not confer ownership of the material there in, but rather a license to use it for one gaming series. If you wish to play with more than one group, or to play a second campaign with your primary group while still in the middle of another campaign, you will need to purchase additional copies of the core books for the usage licensing. Hasbro offers it's personal thanks to Microsoft for this last bit. #313: Will offer a 4th ed OGL on Linux in a tar file.
scienceman47 07-27-07, 02:32 AM	314. In a move so daring and flagrently stupid that the very universe shuddered, WoTC in keeping with its CGL has ripped a bloody hole in the fabric of reality like a wolf gorging on fresh kill, all in an attempt to go back in time and retroactively copyright "temporal parodoxes" before they come into existence. 315.Having in the process bankrupted science fiction writers of ages past by denying them a critical plot device, WoTC has left themselves without any abberations to plaigerize. They have been forced to stat out the beings that slithered out of the mortal wound of the universe. Auras of madness will be an important game mechanic. 316. Another side effect is that opening any 4.0 book releases a incredibly powerful beam of light that turns hair white and rends feeble human minds asunder.
WhiteRaven810 07-27-07, 02:55 AM	192. Chapter one will be entirely on the subject that the plural of Katana is Katana, not Katanas, as it is a Japanese word. 193. Chapter two will be entirely on the subject that there are no katana available in the game, since the setting lacks an oriental culture analog. 194. Chapter seven (equipment) will introduce a new weapon, the curve blade. Curve blades are between two and three feet in length, have a slightly curved single edged blade, always made by a process of metal folding, and do 1d10 dam, crit 19-20/x2. Great, after that we'll just end up with "Curve blade iz uber w!cked!!!!11!1!!!11!!" and "MY cUrve BlAdE STAT FIX!!!!11!!1!!!1!!!!11!" threads where we'll debate until were red, blue, and all kinds of colors in the face about how accurate the curve blade is represented in a paper and pencil role-playing game. 317: 4.0 will allow real life time travel. 318. But your location in time is randomly determined by rolling a d20 after sealing yourself in the capsule. 319. After 4.0's release, Wizards will give Paizo the greenlight to print hardcover editions of "Age of Worms" and "Savage Tide". 320. 4.0 will play like an RTS, a la Age of Empires III. 321. Free Tibet. With each purchase of a set of all three core 4.0 books.
Warforged Goblin 07-27-07, 07:01 AM	321. Free Tibet. With each purchase of a set of all three core 4.0 books. 322. Each of the three Core books will be split into multiple volumes, not unlike an encyclopedia. "PHB 4.0: Starting stats STR - DEX" will be the first of these to come out. 323. Making up rules "on the fly" is against the CGL and is now prohibited. DMs must wear an ankle bracelet that delivers a "mild electric shock" any time they think about doing this. 324. 4th Ed. can cure cancer. 325. 4th Edition will herald a D&D movie that doesn't suck.
lastknightleft 07-27-07, 09:41 AM	326) 4th Ed. will be recalled because too many housepets have been dying
RobbyPants 07-27-07, 10:03 AM	327) 4th edition will not be written by humans, but rather, by all-powerful omnicient computers. These computers will come up with a perfectly balanced, flawlessly executed system that will drastically speed up and simplify gameplay with unparalleled realism. Unfortunatley, to keep anything from being lost in translation, it will be printed in binary. You will need to purchase a separate parser to read it in a timely fashion. Also, these computers are working on a race of terminators, that will either take over the world or, failing that, destroy all pre-forth edition material.
Von_Harbringer 07-27-07, 10:14 AM	327) 4th edition will not be written by humans, but rather, by all-powerful omnicient computers. These computers will come up with a perfectly balanced, flawlessly executed system that will drastically speed up and simplify gameplay with unparalleled realism. Unfortunatley, to keep anything from being lost in translation, it will be printed in binary. You will need to purchase a separate parser to read it in a timely fashion. Also, these computers are working on a race of terminators, that will either take over the world or, failing that, destroy all pre-forth edition material. :heehee Then after release the debugging and patches will be developed.
Steely_Dan 07-27-07, 10:19 AM	323. Making up rules "on the fly" is against the CGL and is now prohibited. DMs must wear an ankle bracelet that delivers a "mild electric shock" any time they think about doing this. Well I've already had the WotC Ninjas repel down from the ceiling to stop me house-ruling a situation.
RobbyPants 07-27-07, 11:42 AM	Robot ninjas, actually, but ninjas none the less.
Warforged Goblin 07-27-07, 11:54 AM	328. 4th Edition will have the PrC "WotC Ninja". The prereq: 5th level Rules Lawyer.
yossarius 07-27-07, 03:27 PM	327) 4th edition will not be written by humans, but rather, by all-powerful omnicient computers. These computers will come up with a perfectly balanced, flawlessly executed system that will drastically speed up and simplify gameplay with unparalleled realism. Unfortunatley, to keep anything from being lost in translation, it will be printed in binary. You will need to purchase a separate parser to read it in a timely fashion. Also, these computers are working on a race of terminators, that will either take over the world or, failing that, destroy all pre-forth edition material. 329) 4th Ed will require VR systems that port physically into the back of players heads. These will be necessary to play the game and interpret the rules, and there will far too much information to understand the rules. After a while, you won't even see the rules anymore, just the artificial constructs they represent. Buckle your seat belt Dorothy, because Kansas is going bye-bye.
warwinner 07-27-07, 03:36 PM	330] 4th edition will be followed by 4.20 ed, 4.43 ed and 4.51 ed 331] Many People will faint and die when 4th edition is actually confirmed 332] There will be angry mobs of d&d 3.5 fans destroying everything, the day 4th ed is confirmed 333] 4th Ed will be confirmed on doomsday 334] 4th ed will have underpowered fighter and overpowered wizard base classes 335] They'll do away with vancian magic and implement a real world magic system after consulting with houdini's spirit through the speak with dead spell
RobbyPants 07-27-07, 03:42 PM	329) 4th Ed will require VR systems that port physically into the back of players heads. These will be necessary to play the game and interpret the rules, and there will far too much information to understand the rules. After a while, you won't even see the rules anymore, just the artificial constructs they represent. Buckle your seat belt Dorothy, because Kansas is going bye-bye. Only if you take the red pill first. :P
scienceman47 07-27-07, 05:33 PM	336- if you win at DnD, WoTC comes to your house and whisks you away to fight actual monsters.
Corpus 07-27-07, 06:36 PM	ops
zzo38 07-28-07, 02:01 AM	CCCXXXVII: Hit points and stuff written in roman numerals. CCCXXXVIII: Overpowered fighter and underpowered wizard classes. CCCXXXIX: There will be no 4th edition. CCCXL: D&D will be abandoned and they will work on d20 NASCAR instead. CCCXLI: It will be made by a different company than WoTC. CCCXLII: Player characters cannot die. CCCXLIII: They will add additional types of dice, such as d7 and d13. CCCXLIV: You will have to print the book from your own computer because it will no longer be sold. CCCXLV: Armor Class and Difficulty Class will be selectable character classes. CCCXLVI: Multiclassing will be removed. CCCXLVII: Multiclassing will be required. CCCXLVIII: It will be licensed under the terms of Creative Communism. CCCXLIX: All magical items will be cursed. CCCL: Magic won't exist anymore it will be replaced entirely by psionics. CCCLI: The player will have to actual play a music on an instrument to be a bard. CCCLII: There will be over 200 base classes. CCCLIII: Each class will be its own book. CCCLIV: There will be no classes or races anymore. CCCLV: Instead of rolling d20 you roll d12+d8 and add them together. CCCLVI: All wizards must wear monocles. More powerful wizards must wear more monocles. CCCLVII: The company will go bankrupt just before they were about to release the 4e books. CCCLVIII: There will be no weapons. CCCLIX: Human will be LA+1. CCCLX: The books will have music. CCCLXI: Elimination of the DM. CCCLXII: They will omit the table of contents. CCCLXIII: A round will now be 5 seconds instead of 6 seconds. CCCLXIV: All characters will be gestalt. CCCLXV: There will be only 4 ability scores instead of 6. CCCLXVI: There will be 20 ability scores. CCCLXVII: There will be no more XP. CCCLXVIII: The book will contain a lot of errors. CCCLXIX: Three chapters will be based entirely on philosophy. CCCLXX: You get only one hit point at each level.
Lunas_Argent 07-28-07, 03:45 AM	371. d20 Modern will be renamed its true name, "Dungeons and Dragons Modern" 372. Upon which, it will be sent on an epic journey, facing many hardships and unparalleled perils, but will return stronger and wiser.
turalisj 07-28-07, 05:03 AM	373: Upon release, dungeons and dragons the movie 3 will be released. It's cast will include everyone from Jim Carey to Vin Diesel.
Zephyrus/Sonet 07-28-07, 06:35 AM	289. There will be a soundtrack included with the book. This (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQAKRw6mToA) will be the first track. 290. This (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvE6CZNxJpI) will be the second, thus revealing that Wizards has been taken over by a hardcore Dschingis Khan fan. :eek: :eek: :eek: 374: Due to the high concentration of Dschingis Khan into 4ed, scientists have determined it shall be the single greatest combination of cookies and win the world has ever known, with DnD becoming the world's foremost pastime, surpassing even a certain 'self-indugent pleasure', as people across the globe put on their funny hats and dance to determine attack rolls (because dice were just boring.
Rogue Shadows 07-28-07, 10:40 AM	374: Due to the high concentration of Dschingis Khan into 4ed, scientists have determined it shall be the single greatest combination of cookies and win the world has ever known, with DnD becoming the world's foremost pastime, surpassing even a certain 'self-indugent pleasure', as people across the globe put on their funny hats and dance to determine attack rolls (because dice were just boring). :eek: The thought of dancing to determine attack rolls deserves a flash or gif or something incorporating Dschingis Khan, but I don't have the skill. Any volunteers? 375: I AM THE BLACK LOTUS! 376: The official magic words for each spell with Verbal components will be included in the spell description. 377: Curiously, all magical words are as follows: "d00d, i pwnz3d j00!!1!!111! n00b!!!!111!1!!!" 378: Each copy of the Dungeon Master's Book of Primordial Knowledge from Before Time was Time will come with a foam bat for beating annoying players. 278: On that note, the Dungeon Master's Guide will be renamed Dungeon Master's Book of Primordial Knowledge from Before Time was Time. The Player's Handbook will be called The Tome of Infinite Potentium, and the Monster Manual will be called The Scroll of Ow. 279: A splatbook series, similar to the "Complete" series, will be released. It will be called 1001 Ways to Give your DM an Anyeurism 280: A splatbook series, similar to the ongoing Monster Manual series, will also be released. it will be called 1001 Ways to Kill your Players (not their Characters) for Giving you an Anyeurism. They will be metal, spiked and attached to a chain.
turalisj 07-28-07, 12:25 PM	382: The new monster manual will have only 4 monsters, but will have everything from thier environment to their breeding habits listed, and will be 300 pages long. 383: The new players handbook will have only four classes, 15 skills, 10 feats, 4 weapons, and still be 300 pages long due to the immense fluff. 384: There will be enough fluff in each 4th ed. splatbook that you can drop them from a 40 story building and they will bounce back up. Yeah.... I really don't like the immense fluff they started to add....
Von_Harbringer 07-28-07, 02:45 PM	378: Each copy of the Dungeon Master's Book of Primordial Knowledge from Before Time was Time will come with a foam bat for beating annoying players. Really? Now that would be something I would buy! :D
TiwazTyrsfist 07-28-07, 06:37 PM	385: The core campaign setting will be an amalgam of the material of the Sandstorm, Frostburn, and Malestrom splatbooks. 386: New rules will explain how deep high heat dessert is able to be coterminous with Glacial landscapes. 387: They will make anyone with a knowledge of physics cry blood. 388: Errata will be issued on this topic. The errata will be "A wizard did it." Oddly, this will molify all complainers, and make everyone happy. 389: Were-Camels and Were-Dolphins will be introduced as PC races, with no LA. 390: Llamas will feature prominently in all 4th edition books.
yossarius 07-30-07, 08:52 PM	391) 3.5 Ed runs on alcohol, and emits pollution. 4th Ed runs on pollution, and emits pure oxygen with a pine scent.
nightside_samurai 07-30-07, 11:43 PM	391) 4th Ed can't count past 391 393) It can also learn and evolve. 394) And just like we've learned in the movies, anything that evolves will kill us within a few days. Because evolution is fast like that. :D
Maldin 07-31-07, 12:29 AM	395) 4th Ed can sense fear. Never EVER turn your back on it! 396) 4th Ed will come in an attractive travelling case, and have the words "Don't Panic" written in large friendly letters on its cover. 397) 4th Ed will come with its own collector fanboys prepackaged in blister packs. 398) 4th Ed will herald the 2nd coming... of what? That will be announced on the new Digital Initiative for loyal subscribers only. 399) 4th Ed will be used as a script for the next sequel to the ever-popular Dungeon and Dragons movie... to be produced by Roger Corman, shot over a weekend in Tijuana, for the cost of a small loaf of bread and a can of sardines. 400!!!) 4th Ed will be.... inevitable! Bwaaahahahaah!!!!! Denis, aka "Maldin" Maldin's Greyhawk http://melkot.com (Which won't be 4th Edition any time soon)
Rogue Shadows 07-31-07, 12:42 PM	401) The chief export of 4th Edition is Pain 402) 4th Edition's tears can cure cancer. Too bad 4th Edition's never cried. 403) Guns don't kill people. 4th Edition kills people. 404) The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. 4th Edition 3. Cancer 405) 4th Edition is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
RobbyPants 07-31-07, 01:27 PM	So, 4th edition is secretly Chuck Norris (http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/)???
Warforged Goblin 07-31-07, 02:17 PM	406. 4th Edition is publicly Chuck Norris. 407. 4th Edition's core setting will be called Oeberrun, and it's most powerful NPC will be a spellfire wielding warforged cleric of Pelor. 408. 4th Edition is really the Ravenloft setting.
Sakaki22 07-31-07, 03:21 PM	409. 4.0 will not have sourcebooks, only monthly magazines. It will come in two different versions: Dungeon will consists of prewritten adventures, monster stat blocks, magic item tables, new deities, variant rules, and so on, and so forth. Dragon, on the other hand, will be filled with classes, prestige classes, races, spells, feats, and skills for the day to day lives of adventurers. Each issue will cost $14.95, with yearly subscriptions of $150.00 for either magazine, or $250.00 for both. The game will consist of no other books, CDs, miniatures, or accessories. You are not allowed to borrow, copy, or redistribute any information in any magazine: to use something, you must own the EXACT issue it came in. 410. The Fighter class will now the the symbol of perfect balance, with every good save, d12 hit die, and a feat every level. 411. The feat system will be replaced with an skill system in 4.5, unfortunately, and the Fighter class will not be updated.
s4ndm4n 08-07-07, 01:57 PM	17. In Soviet Russia, 4th Edition Plays You! I fed up with those "Soviet Russia" Cold War jokes.
Rogue Shadows 08-07-07, 02:04 PM	I fed up with those "Soviet Russia" Cold War jokes. ...oh Hells, I can't resist. "In Soviet Russia, jokes fed up with you!"
RobbyPants 08-07-07, 02:28 PM	412) The DMG will include OoC game-managing advice, indluding proper etiquette and use of folding chairs and hammer guns. I fed up with those "Soviet Russia" Cold War jokes. It's not a Cold War joke. It's a Yakov Smirnoff-esqu Russian Reversal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_reversal).
hjones 08-07-07, 05:52 PM	256) 4th Ed. will be brought to you in association with Microsoft. If DnD was brought to us by Microsoft we would be playing a game with the following characteristics: -For no reason whatsoever, game sessions would crash... Twice an evening. -Every time they came out with a new sourcebook, you would have to make a new character. -Occasionally your character would die for no reason. You would have to stop play, dispose of you character sheet, get a new one and re-make your character before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. -Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a standard action would cause your dice to stop rolling and refuse to work, in which case you would have to buy new ones. -Macintosh would make a game that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as easy to learn and be balanced - but would only be available in 5% of the gaming stores. -The Dungeon Masters Guide will be replaced by a single "This Game Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning message. -Your dice would ask "Are you sure?" before rolling. -Every time a new rule was introduced players would have to learn how to play all over again because none of the other rules would operate in the same manner as before. -You'd have to press the "Start" button to end the game and stop playing for the evening.
samuraibobx 08-17-07, 12:37 AM	413) Lawyer will now be a core class. It's main class feature will be "Sue" and is activated by yelling "Objection" and poointing at the DM in a threatening manner. At which point, the psychic sister of your mentor will channel her spirit and give you an insta win, thus, permanently winning D&D. It can be used at will as an immediate action, followed by a kick to the shin.
Lunas_Argent 08-17-07, 01:01 AM	"In Soviet Russia, jokes fed up with you!" LMFARTFOLaffing My ****in Ass Right The **** off
Robespierre 08-17-07, 02:21 AM	It's a Yakov Smirnoff-esqu Russian Reversal Who became popular in, and because of, the cold war. 414. The Lawyer will be able to use its Sue ability once per day per character level. It gains a bonus equal to the characters Knowledge (Class Feature) skill rank.
shadzar 08-17-07, 02:58 AM	415. Grognards will like/welcome it.
WhiteRaven810 08-17-07, 08:44 AM	416.A "1,0001 Rumor's about 5th Editon" thread has already been started. 417. NASA found 4th edition on Mars, while exploring a crater. 418. 4th edition core will be complete with missing pages, pizza stains, warping, and torn pages, at no extra cost. 419. Forth edition will make me want to throat punch a kitten. 336- if you win at DnD, WoTC comes to your house and whisks you away to fight actual monsters. Thank you. 420. This will anger Jack Chick.