Post/Author/DateTime	Post
fiendkiller 04-06-08, 07:19 PM	If you were a BBEG, what would you do and not do? 1. I will not tell the hero why I hate him before I kill him. 2. I will not have a big red self destruct button on my doomsday weapon. 3. I will let my soldiers finish off the heroes. I don't have to do it. What else?
RPJesus 04-06-08, 07:44 PM	I will have a floating castle, and have my throne room filled with lava. Ooh, and have giant portraits of myself all over the place.
dragonmarkshadow 04-06-08, 07:48 PM	I will not tell my captives my entire plan in a angry rant ended by maniacal laughter!:D
dragonmarkshadow 04-06-08, 07:56 PM	I will not forge my rings in the fires of Mt.Mordor.
LivingShadow 04-06-08, 09:25 PM	Do not give your subordinates free reign on anything. Do not let said subordinates anywhere near your ultimate power source. Do not advertise that you are trying to take over the world. Do not attack random villages just for the fun of it.
RabidPirateMan 04-06-08, 09:58 PM	I will not send my weakest minions to destroy my foes, and continually send progressively stronger foes in a timely manner. If the kobolds don't succeed, i'll send the elder black dracolich.
Orzhvo_Patriach 04-06-08, 09:59 PM	follow the Evil Overlord List, and follow it well Remember that too much overkill is never enough always have a backup plan and stay out of my way
Captain_Madrick 04-06-08, 10:14 PM	I will remember that killing my enemies does not have to involve an elaborate device, with which they have adequate time to figure an escape. A simple sword through the heart is fine. No shame in that. I will not underestimate adventurers. I will not keep an extremely lucrative hoarde in my lair to draw money-seeking adventurers.
Shadowshimmer 04-07-08, 07:30 AM	If I am a Witch and the only way I can die is by getting hit with a bucket of water, you better believe that if any one brings a drop of water in my castle, they are deader then a doornail. I will not talk and talk when the party is in a dangerous position. I will just kill them. "If you are going to shoot, shoot don't talk about it." When my minions start getting killed and the party kills my ultimate bodyguard, I am running for the hills. I am not going to stay under the delusion that I can win.
fiendkiller 04-07-08, 02:12 PM	I will not have two bodyguards. I will have an army of 'em! If I have downed an enemy, I will shoot him several times in the head before dropping him into a volcano with fireproof sharks.
DemonEye 04-07-08, 04:10 PM	I will make the ragtag adventurers follow someone they only think is the villain, just so I can kill him/her for no reason but to demonstrate how much of a badass I am. I will also have a VERY fine pair of boots. A pair that i'll feel awesome stepping on the necks of my expendable minions in. But if I am a lich, I will not leave my phylactery unattended.
Zombie_Babies 04-07-08, 04:25 PM	I will have a floating castle, and have my throne room filled with lava. Ooh, and have giant portraits of myself all over the place. I sure hope the portraits in the throne room are lava-proof. And you probably should be as well. ;) I will scry the party when they fight my minions to see their tactics myself. I will prepare for fighting them with that information. For a period of three days to one week, I will Scry and Nightmare the PCs before I attack them. I will bring more men to the fight than my enemies do. I will flee before death, using Contingencies and the like. If I am forced to flee I will start attacking the parties' family and friends to misdirect them from my true goal. Grieving and overly enraged adversaries rarely think clearly, which is also a bonus. I will use hostages fairly frequently. When the party is used to seeing them, I will use disguised minions to fight the party members when they attempt to rescue them. I will use every ounce of evil forethought to thwart my enemies' every move.
Silverthumb 04-07-08, 04:42 PM	I will kill them. All of them. If I need information, I can always resurrect them later. I don't take chances.
Zombie_Babies 04-07-08, 04:52 PM	I will kill them. All of them. If I need information, I can always resurrect them later. I don't take chances. Not the best plan. They don't have to choose to come back and they know who is trying to bring them back. Kill them then Speak With Dead. Not 100%, but at least you will be able to talk to them. In reality, you need to go after their loved ones to force that sort of compliance. Or trick them into cooperating. Spies, double agents and the like. Sure, killing them is fun and simple, but it's just not always the best first strike plan. Now, killing one of them, trapping his soul and then parlaying for information may work. And it's more evil. Especially when you give them the wrong gem after you get your information. ;)
Orzhvo_Patriach 04-07-08, 04:55 PM	Do not be afriad to use an attractive minion to trick a hero of the opposite gender Undead make perfect soilders, not need food or rest, but remember that lesser zombies are not very useful when tact is needed. Though it may be tempting, trading your soul to anthor being for power will give that being a great deal of control over you. Do not enter into such pacts without a great deal of for thought. Seeing into the future is not foolproof, you must take the prediction of your victory with a pinch of salt Find a cleric high enough in level to bring you back if you should die, get him/her on your side, then send him to a base far away from you.
larry_the_titan 04-07-08, 05:13 PM	I will bring more men to the fight than my enemies do. I sure hope you aren't using Ninjas. Because if you are you will lose every time. I will never let my enemies meet me in person. If I do I know to many times do the good guys get free and I would be right there for them to strike me down. I will not allow my enemies a Saving throw. Death will come swiftly and with out discussion. The only Air Duct in my base big enough for the Heroes to crawl through will have Automated Guns ready to shoot them dead and will only lead to the most unimportant places in the entire complex though the plans will say otherwise. I will Hire 3 and only 3 ninjas just incase one turns against me I will have one join the side of the traitor so inverse ninja law will allow my 3rd ninja to easily dispatch the traitor. For all other occasions the ninjas will work alone on all endevors. I will leak one set of false plans which layout a doomsday device which only purpose will be to lead heroes into a death trap. All of my traps will be baited with cursed objects which when taken will trigger a second trap. Because there is nothing more evil then having the heroes by pass the first trap to get the item only to barely survive the second trap only to find out the Item is cursed. (Actually happened to me in game before. Blasted kobold ninjas.)
RPJesus 04-07-08, 07:01 PM	Do not be afriad to use an attractive minion to trick a hero of the opposite genderDoesn't that always backfire for the bond villains though?
DemonEye 04-07-08, 07:51 PM	Doesn't that always backfire for the bond villains though? Yes, but the ratio of people who are James Bond to the people who are not James Bond is STAGGERING.
Ramien 04-07-08, 07:56 PM	Yes, but the ratio of people who are James Bond to the people who are not James Bond is STAGGERING. But it's not just James Bond who can turn an attractive minion of whatever gender finds them desirable against their master...
Enlightened1 04-08-08, 12:27 AM	Yes, but the ratio of people who are James Bond to the people who are not James Bond is STAGGERING. Quoted for awesome. And sooooo many gamers think their character is James Bond... When in trouble, always offer a deal to the heroes; if it's worth their while, you'll stay alive to plot their future deaths. And, being honorable fools, they'll *keep* their part of the bargain... Learn everything you can about the heroes. This is why you send some weak minions against them: to see what they can do. Heroes rarely hold back their big guns even against minor foes (unless you're fighting anime robot-themed heroes!).
Zombie_Babies 04-08-08, 10:18 AM	But it's not just James Bond who can turn an attractive minion of whatever gender finds them desirable against their master... Very true. Our Man Flint comes to mind right off. :D
fiendkiller 04-08-08, 10:58 AM	I will design my siege towers to let Attack Trolls use them. And I will destroy Mt. Doom.
pigknight 04-08-08, 11:54 AM	Being fair is not LE, and as such if the adventurers are a big enough threat and I have the money...miracle dead, pwned, BOOM HEADSHOT! no saving throw, dead!
JimProfit 04-08-08, 02:07 PM	I never speak of my plans. To anyone. Not even other villains. Best villain stradegy ever.
larry_the_titan 04-08-08, 02:18 PM	I never speak of my plans. To anyone. Not even other villains. Best villain stradegy ever. Except when you tell your minions to start plan 'Alpha', they will have no clue what you are talking about.
DoveArrow 04-08-08, 06:11 PM	I will never have one of my minions try to steal the hero's sword. I will never try to steal the sword myself. Trying to steal the hero's sword will only result in the death of myself or the death of my minions (the second being a minor inconvenience, but annoying nonetheless). If my current plans involve having the hero's sword in order to bring them to fruition, then it is time to come up with a new set of plans.
UndeadMouse 04-08-08, 06:28 PM	I will always make sure I have reinforcements. Placing my castle on top of a 5000 year-old burial ground does nicely. I will not keep any family members on base. Especially if said family member is a young attractive person of the opposite sex of the hero.
Silverthumb 04-08-08, 06:40 PM	Not the best plan. They don't have to choose to come back and they know who is trying to bring them back. They do when I Raise Dead, because I'm the boss, applesauce! Sure, killing them is fun and simple, but it's just not always the best first strike plan. Hey, I had my plans all set out, they were the ones who intruded on me. I can't help it if they decided to be dead. :D
rulerofDarkness 04-08-08, 07:26 PM	I will NEVER summon demons. It only leads to pain.
Alter_Boy 04-08-08, 07:27 PM	1) Don't assume that you're unstoppable just because the only means of defeating you is collecting several artifacts located across the world. You'd be surprised how dedicated the average adventurer is. 2) When you build your multi-level, trap-ridden megadungeon, put the most powerful monsters NEAR THE ENTRANCE. Commoners die just as easily to Deep Dragons as they do to Orcs. 3) Don't use minions that require weapons and armor. Adventurers will just loot them. And for Pelor's sake, if a monster doesn't need gold, don't put a pile of treasure near its lair. That's what banks are for.
roninwolf1981 04-08-08, 11:15 PM	I never speak of my plans. To anyone. Not even other villains. Best villain stradegy ever. "When the time has come to do something dangerous, that is the time to stop discussing it with others." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Zombie_Babies 04-09-08, 10:39 AM	Hey, I had my plans all set out, they were the ones who intruded on me. I can't help it if they decided to be dead. :D Fair enough. ;) And to expand on another poster's idea: If the only way I can be defeated is through the assembly of many scattered parts of an artifact, you can bet your butt I'm going to be the one to find at least one of those parts. And destroy it.
green_yawgmoth 04-09-08, 10:56 AM	Yes, but the ratio of people who are James Bond to the people who are not James Bond is STAGGERING. You almost made me laugh in class, but I made my will save. :D Also, not all the hot bond villain chicks turn traitor; Goldeneye comes to mind immediately. On topic: I will name all of my real plans with very innocuous names, and make several pointless and silly plans with names like "project overlord" for the adventurers to find.
fighter_mcwarrior 04-09-08, 12:50 PM	I will have a skilled maintanence crew in my fortress so as to ensure that all floorboards, wall panels, grates, and the like are not loose. No tools of any type will be left lying around, EVER. This is especially true for the fortress dungeon. I will not enslave the nearby group of pixies or gnomes just because I want to show how evil I am. After all, loyal servants aren't likely to aid the hero or help him escape. I will keep my fortress well lit at all times, and any lights that are not working properly will be replaced immediately. My minions will be instructed to thoroughly examine any mysterious boxes that appear to be out of place. If I ever decide to include creepy music in my fortress, it will not be coming from a pipe organ. An accordian or banjo will work just as well.
drunkendrake 04-09-08, 01:08 PM	I will never invoke any gods. under any circumstances. I will only offer to barter for my life if the Onset Delay will trigger in less than 4 rounds. Anything which can both create spawn and is utterly in my thrall in never a bad thing. If you devise a superweapon, don't threaten to destroy the world. Remember, everything is better if you take it sloooowly. Never allow ANYTHING to unite against you- it's a recipe for faliure. Meddle not in the affairs of dragons... -Drake-
pigknight 04-09-08, 01:35 PM	...If you devise a superweapon, don't threaten to destroy the world. Remember, everything is better if you take it sloooowly... -Drake- QFT, just destroy the world.
kelvinaw273 04-09-08, 01:59 PM	I will train my crack troops to shoot accurately at single moving targets at point blank range. When asked: "Before I die, at least tell me what your plan is?" I will answer "NO." and kill them. Strike that, I will kill them, then answer "NO." to their corpse. I will be merciful and never leave anyone standing around waiting for execution when I have decreed they die - immediate and swift death is always safer. If I have any pet monsters, I will treat them kindly and with love, just in case they get unleashed. I will employ a classroom of bright children to brainstorm ways to foil my fool-proof plan to dominate the world. If they can crack it, back to the drawing board. When my trusted lieutenant tries to tell me something, I will listen - after all, that's why he's my trusted lieutenant. Oh, and I will not make any offers of his position to tempt any plucky heroes anywhere he can hear them. I will treat all hostages I take humanely and with attention for their needs, because you never know when a good rep might be useful. I will honour my agreements like: "And if you do as I say your mother will live" because that way I can get people to do my bidding more than once.
Eldrith_Hawkflight 04-09-08, 03:15 PM	Use an illusion to do anything evil, while at the same time pretend to be a humble servant of the people as you rise to power and then betray all of them in one half hour period. Any more than this alloted time and you are subjuct to being found out by adventures and attacked and destroyed.
fiendkiller 04-09-08, 04:15 PM	I will not keep any family members on base. Especially if said family member is a young attractive person of the opposite sex of the hero. Better to not have any family members.
pmurray@bigpond.com 04-09-08, 10:46 PM	I will not keep my lich phylactery in a secret chamber in the deepest, most dangerous inaccessible rooms at the bottom of my dungeon. I will keep it in a safe-deposit box at the bank.
Maldin 04-10-08, 12:33 AM	I won't tug on Superman's cape. I won't spit into the wind. I won't pull the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger. And I absolutely positively will not... under any circumstances whatsoever... Mess around with Jim. :D Denis, aka "Maldin" Maldin's Greyhawk http://melkot.com Now with 50% less fat! And 8 essential vitamins and minerals.
The_Shaman 04-10-08, 01:04 AM	When asked: "Before I die, at least tell me what your plan is?" I will answer "NO." and kill them. Strike that, I will kill them, then answer "NO." to their corpse But... that's half the fun in being a villain! No point of consigning your soul to the deepest pits of hell if you don't get to enjoy yourself a little before then.
green_yawgmoth 04-10-08, 01:36 AM	But... that's half the fun in being a villain! No point of consigning your soul to the deepest pits of hell if you don't get to enjoy yourself a little before then. What about killing them, then using speak with dead to tell them no? I think that would be the best mix of asshat and evil.
DKase 04-10-08, 02:11 AM	Always kill the cleric first, otherwise you'll have the cockroach effect to deal with. Make sure the majority of your minions are 'lawful neutral'. They have difficulty dis-obeying orders, find it hard to rationalize betrayal of a soveriegn, and are not likely to be very ambitious when it comes to usurption. Evil seldom supports evil on a monolithic scale. If your evil ally can one up you, then they will and they will do it at the least opportune time. Never put an evil person in any position of power if you don't have ABSOLUTE control over them.
Nathreet 04-10-08, 02:17 AM	My base will have a single entrance with a portculis which I can easily drop from my headquarters via a secret combination of lever pulls. Every day I will plant alarm (mental ping) spells all over my base. If one goes off, I drop the portcullis and send my army. All of my traps will have a search DC equal to the CR of my toughest minions plus 30 or (later) plus 40. My pit traps will be 200 feet deep... with spikes... and boulders that fall on the spikes... and a gate that lets in lava from the nearby volcano. My poison dart traps will all use drow poison, and fire 20 darts, then a drow. The drow readies an action to CdG with a scythe... all friggin' day long. I will have a phantom trap every 50 feet. I will have a contingency set to teleport me away 20 minutes after I am slain (the duration of a dimensional anchor). The target will be an ally ready with a ressurection. At this point I will not seek vengeance on the PCs, I will enact my villany upon some town on the other side of the planet.
Prime32 04-10-08, 03:23 PM	If I am a lich, I will build 10-ft diameter adamantine "pods" containing spellbooks, 99% completed phylacteries and an item-crafter homunculus from Eberron. The phylacteries have contingent magic mouth spells on them that say "Now" if my current phylactery is destroyed. The inside of the pods shall be covered in explosive runes and symbols of insanity and constructed like fragmentation grenades so that the symbols remain intact and fly in the faces of anyone attempting to open the pod. I will bury these pods throughout the multiverse. If I am a psion, I will find the location of the tarrasque, float above it and spam mind seed. Once it has become smart enough to realise its massive ranged weaknesses, I will offer to grant it psionic powers by permanently fusing with it. Since it has my mind, I know it will agree. I will create a number of clones, possess them, then sneak up on budding 1st-level adventurers and fuse with them before returning to my original body (the clones have no power on their own). If I die, I may take over the body of the one who killed me. At this point, if I am a lich, I will seek out one of my pods and transform into a lich again. I will threaten to torture two people by polymorphing one into a troll, cutting him open, hollowing him out, and sewing the other person inside. That alone should get confessions. I will take levels in classes so that I receive a psycrystal, an improved familiar, a special mount, an animal companion, a fiendish servant, and any other magical creatures loyal to me. I will then manifest fusion on these creatures which will never question me, quintupling my hit points. I will make simulacra of everything, including the PCs' parents, myself, and major authority figures all over the world. I will only appear in public as a projected image of an astral form possessing a simulacrum.
Ramien 04-10-08, 09:55 PM	I will not let my minions know that they are ultimately disposable tools in my plans for global domination until after I've disposed of them. Letting them know ahead of time just leads to poor job performance.
fighter_mcwarrior 04-10-08, 10:32 PM	I will never fight the hero near anything remotely explosive. I will not dabble in the occult or attempt to study forgotten lore. Keeping your sanity is better. I will not turn into a snake, nor will I help create a snake-worshipping cult. Any wizards who create any major magical enhancements for my fortress will be subject to memory wiping immediately after being compensated. This way, if the caster has second thoughts, he won't know how to disable anything. I will not rely on artifacts of great power to defeat the hero. @ prime32: I love the templates in your sig
fiendkiller 04-11-08, 08:47 AM	I will be sufficiently powerful so that detect alignment doesn't work on me. And I won't tell people that I AM THE EVIL GUY!!!!
Prime32 04-11-08, 01:37 PM	@ prime32: I love the templates in your sigHuh? There's only one template in there. My poison dart traps will all use drow poison, and fire 20 darts, then a drow. The drow readies an action to CdG with a scythe... all friggin' day long. I love this one :D
Alter_Boy 04-11-08, 11:42 PM	(BTW, this example is lifted from a recent Batman comic) - If the good guy is at large (and yes, that includes if he's dead and his body hasn't been recovered yet) and a henchmen shows hesitance in following your orders, DO NOT TRY TO KILL HIM. This will cause the good guy to appear, thrash you soundly, and leave your only option for help left with the henchmen, who will then refuse to help you and, in fact, tell the good guy everything he needs to know, his hesitance in your glorious scheme now completly justified by your attempt to silence him. Smooth move, dumb-dumb. :rolleye2:
kelvinaw273 04-12-08, 06:40 AM	But... that's half the fun in being a villain! No point of consigning your soul to the deepest pits of hell if you don't get to enjoy yourself a little before then. Well now that depends on when you plan on visiting hell, doesn't it? If sooner rather than later then you are of course correct. If, like me, 'never' sounds rather more appropriate along with 'and I rule the world' then prudence has it's attractions. Oh, and here is another one: If any beautiful female adventurers are out to stop me, I will kill them instantly as well. The world has plenty of attractive women to send to my bedchamber who will (a) go willingly and (b) do not want to kill me.
fiendkiller 04-12-08, 09:46 AM	I will accept the fact that worldwide domination may not be a possibility. I will force myself to settle for a continent.
pigknight 04-12-08, 01:17 PM	I would be content with a kingdom ('cause the more you control the more adventurers there are).
Hellsbells 04-12-08, 02:05 PM	Never Ever Ever follow cliches, archetypes, standards, the norms or handbooks. Because the adventurers will know them to.
Enlightened1 04-12-08, 02:33 PM	Find budding adventurer heroes and sponsor them. Give them shiny toys, and use them to eliminate rivals. Put up with their pathetic prideful rants so that they have no secrets. When they look like they may become a threat, send other adventurers against them armed with just the right gear and training. Repeat as necessary.
Mock26 04-12-08, 02:36 PM	Evil Overlord! http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
DarthWyyrlok 04-13-08, 05:02 AM	If my floating fortress has an exhaust shaft that can let in a weapon which could potentially destroy the entire fortress, I will for god sakes at least nail a board over it! And if the heroes try to attack me in a handful of light combat airships, I will not disregard them as a threat; I will launch everything I have and wipe them off the map forever. My main lieutenant doesnt have to know about his son and daughter.... Ok, I watch (and read) too much Star Wars...anyway....
kelvinaw273 04-13-08, 07:08 AM	I would be content with a kingdom ('cause the more you control the more adventurers there are). I'll settle for a large estate and a lot of money, at a pinch. Ultimate power may have it's attractions, but so does longevity ... because there is always tomorrow ...
fiendkiller 04-13-08, 10:33 AM	Realize that there are more ways to power than just military might.
Shadowshimmer 04-13-08, 02:45 PM	When I have a chance to kill the heroes, I will just kill them. I will not leave them to be lowered in quicksand or leave them in a room where water is coming in and just "assume" that they are going to die. Never assume that the heroes are dead until you kill them yourself and them dump their remains in lava so they can't be resurrected and then hunt down their sons, family, friends, long lost dog, etc, so they will not be looking for retribution.
fiendkiller 04-13-08, 05:45 PM	My fortress doesn't have to have big black blades on it. It can be just a fortress.
fiendkiller 04-15-08, 05:42 PM	For that matter, it doesn't have to be a fortress or a mansion. Sometimes, being anonymous is GOOD!!!
fiendkiller 04-15-08, 06:05 PM	For that matter, it doesn't have to be a fortress or a mansion. Sometimes, being anonymous is GOOD!!!
fiendkiller 04-15-08, 06:07 PM	Oops!!!
LivingShadow 04-15-08, 08:28 PM	I agree, the less the general populous knows about you the better. I would personally suggest using a demiplane as your base of opperations. The only entrance should be extremely hard to find and incorperated into the wall of a large city. Of course this portal should be keyed so as to prevent uninvited guests and it should be heavily guarded on the inside.
yossarius 04-16-08, 08:49 AM	I will not abduct young virgins from the villages, have my way with them, then kill them in the morning. You never know whose father is a retired adventurer with a +4 Vorpal Katana hanging over the fireplace. Instead, I'll politely invite them to my castle, show them every polite courtesy, enjoy a night of bliss, slip a small handful of precious gems into their pockets, and send them home in the morning. I'd like to see the adventurers hide in her village. My guards will not be made to wear face-covering helmets. All my low-level minions will be fed constant propaganda to let them know that I am trying to save the world, not conquer it. I will pay one or two people in each village to quietly grumble about me. When the heroes try to enlist their aid, their orders will be to cut the heroes throats in their sleep. No initiative, no saving throw, just dead. When i rig my fortress to collapse when I die, the first part to be destroyed will be all the exits. If I am a lich, my phylactery will be a wagon wheel I leave lying around in an abandoned stable. My guards will be forbidden from entering it. I won't bother trying to rule the world; no amount of force can overcome the sheer logistics involved. I'll settle for being obscenely rich.
DoveArrow 04-29-08, 11:55 AM	I will not try to turn the hero to the side of evil. As amusing as the possibility of doing so might be, heroes have this nasty habit of overcoming the seduction of evil at the last minute, and killing the villains who try to turn them. Instead, I will kill all heroes who rise up against me and and turn them into vampires. Much harder to resist the taint of evil when your entire body is animated by it.
lunoc 04-29-08, 12:19 PM	You never know whose father is a retired adventurer with a +4 Vorpal Katana hanging over the fireplace. that is hilarious
Shadowshimmer 04-29-08, 12:25 PM	I will not assume that while I am trying to kill my henchman's son, that he is going to stand idly by and watch his son who has been shouting the whole time that there is good in him, sneak up behind me and toss me over a balcony. I will not put myself into a corner by running up a tower where my minions are fighting the hero in black and I am dancing around with the damsel in distress, laughing my head off and talking about if you have to go then go with a smile. I will not leave the one place where my one powerful magic ring can be destroyed totally wide open for a pair of little !!#@! beings to arrive at and toss my ring in.
lunoc 04-29-08, 12:45 PM	I will not leave the one place where my one powerful magic ring can be destroyed totally wide open for a pair of little !!#@! beings to arrive at and toss my ring in. yea, next time ill keep the ring in my safety deposit box, in stead of wearing it into battle also, if i just killed someones father, i will instantly kill them as well, not try to grab them for some reason in retrospect, those things seem pretty obvious now
Shadowshimmer 04-29-08, 02:21 PM	I will not make the Ents angry by ripping out very old trees near my tower. I will get wood or supplies elsewhere but the last thing I need is an army of Ents marching on my tower because I killed their friends. I will not kill Conan's girlfriend, try to kill him with my best soldiers, fail and then return to my hideout assuming that everything will be hunky dory. I will instead take what treasure I can, disguise myself, change my name and retire to an island. When I am about to shoot the Rogue who is wanted by my boss. I will make sure that both his hands are on the table and I will not blabber on and on and just blast him.
Shinikama 04-29-08, 02:26 PM	I will pay one or two people in each village to quietly grumble about me. When the heroes try to enlist their aid, their orders will be to cut the heroes throats in their sleep. No initiative, no saving throw, just dead. This one wins. I'm SO going to try to use this in the campaign.
Orzhvo_Patriach 04-29-08, 05:12 PM	If I am a lich, I will bury my Phylactery 70 feet under ground in a random spot in the wilderness, and then begin my plans on the other side of the world. Also my Phylactery will be a single gold coin, so if it is dug up by chance it will be spent and put into circulation making it next to impossible to find. If a hero seems to strong to kill, I shall fake my own death with a fancy light show and fake Phylactery, then simply wait for him to die of old age. Most heroes are too noble to do what it takes to gain immortality and time is on my side. I will treat my followers and those that I conquer will some level of respect and let them live somewhat happy lives. If the benefits of overthrowing me do not outweigh the risks I having nothing to worry about. I will not take an apprentice, the last thing I need is someone else like me running around. Puppet governments are good; just make sure that they are not obviously puppets!
yossarius 05-01-08, 07:14 AM	This one wins. I'm SO going to try to use this in the campaign. I wish I could legitimately take credit for this idea. The truth is, I stole in from 1984 by George Orwell.
Shadowshimmer 05-01-08, 09:12 AM	As the villain, I will hire the party in a disguise and under an alias to hunt down and look for me. That way I can keep tabs on them and they will not suspect that the person that hired them to find and defeat the villain, is the actual villain. Read this in a Agatha Christie novel and thought it was such a great idea.
Enlightened1 05-01-08, 10:13 AM	While my Legions of Doom will certainly look fearsome, my real elite guards will be recruited from tribes of cute (prefereably pink and/or furry) aliens. They will be on the on the lookout for heroic types, befriend them (since heroes always assume cute aliens are nice guys), and ambush them in their sleep. Plus, I get the proceeds from all those cute toy licenses.
Axisell 05-01-08, 08:16 PM	I will the steal the face from the tome of horrors and use it as the door to my keep. I will tame Bulettes. Nuf said. I will not pit two or more adventuring parties against each other. They will team up. No one will be able to access my Giant doomsday weapon aside from myself. Guard it with Cerberus if you have to. I will provide all henchmen with crotchular protective gear. because not all armor protects there. Experiment with monsters, if you can make something big and fluffy it'll probably not look destructive. Disclaimer: If they have intelligence make sure that will serve you unconditionally otherwise it may come back to Bite your Butt. Never rely on an other worldly power always use your own strength. If it can be interrupted it will be. Take preventative measures.
Samurai_Zero 05-01-08, 09:31 PM	When sending minions to distant places to do my bidding, i will make sure a small group of minions follows them slowly to report their progress, because if the main force dies the secondary force can report to me what happened. I will make sure that the treasure room is full of partchments of explosive runes which have the illusion of actual treasure. I will build a massive castle / dungeon with many traps which will be the barraks of my minions, but i will reside in a common house in the village near by disguised as the common citizen who also hates me. but i love me
MLionheart 05-26-08, 08:49 PM	Reading all these has given me inspiration for a villain. Thanks. Wouldn't having villains this compitent make it a little unfun for the players though?
Lunartarc_Altair 05-26-08, 11:11 PM	I will not build my command center on an island surrounded by lava and magma or anywhere even close to an active volcano. Sure, it'll be intimidating and can easily get rid of waste material, but somehow building the place where you wish to rule the world might blow up seems stupid. And the STENCH! If I choose to build traps, a crack team of kobolds would be hired and each trap set will be documented and stored in my personal safe. After completing the task, I will command them to spread the rumor that they were stiffed on their payment when they get home, but in reality they will be comphensated very well. Any adventurers seeking to know where the traps are will come looking for these kobolds in hoping they will be angry enough to tell them. Kobolds will then tell them of fake trap locations, not to mention telling me of incoming adventurers. Any complaints from the peasentry are to be heard and dealt with accordingly. They would know if the locusts were ravaging the fields, and hey, someone has to feed my minion hoard. I will not tax the peasentry to the point of poverty. The economy has to keep going, it'll reduce a chance of rebellion and it'll fill my coffers that much faster when the economy flies off under my yoke. I will set up a seperate identity as a rebel leader and master tactician against myself if a rebellion begins to ferment. This identity will begin to make strikes at my empire, but in reality will be rather ineffectual, the damage I make will be superfical or even benifical, eliminating the cancerous elements in my empire. When I deem it time, the rebellion will be captured or executed after a "disasterous" attack, the full extent of my influence revealed. Try raising another rebellion after that, no one's going to trust you. Use this tactic only once. Never, ever, break your word with a dragon. Especially one known to keep his or hers. Never steal the egg of a dragon. It'll end badly, unless you have a really good reason it won't. And I mean REALLY good. The peasents will be will fed, entertained and, sheltered. By me. They'll know who to praise. Any harsh decisions on my part will be explained as necessary and with sorrow in full. Play the regretful ruler angle and milk it for what it's worth.
roushguy 05-27-08, 02:16 PM	I will NOT make my fortress out of the bodies of vanquished adventurers via flesh to stone.... some of those guys can come back!
Prime32 05-27-08, 03:58 PM	I will NOT make my fortress out of the bodies of vanquished adventurers via flesh to stone.... some of those guys can come back! I always wanted to do this with gelatinous cubes :D
pigknight 05-27-08, 11:16 PM	I will make Jell-o cups filled with tiny gelotunous cubes, then place them on a dining table. Someone will eat them and die, no saving throw, you ate acid, sucks for you. When I pay someone to assassinate tell him to stab through the forehead, not slit their throught (that's a coup de grace, you can live), a forehead stab = insta kill no save.
roushguy 05-28-08, 11:02 AM	A medly of some of the things I've seen before: An entire castle made of CR 20 gelatinous cubes, all flesh to stoned. You have a contigency spell on yourself. Fall more than 25% HP wise (I.E. 75 of 100 hp) and you teleport without error 70 ft. above your castle, fly, and stone to flesh your entire castle.
Prime32 05-28-08, 12:37 PM	A medly of some of the things I've seen before: An entire castle made of CR 20 gelatinous cubes, all flesh to stoned. You have a contigency spell on yourself. Fall more than 25% HP wise (I.E. 75 of 100 hp) and you teleport without error 70 ft. above your castle, fly, and stone to flesh your entire castle. The trick is getting the parts to stay together. Oozes could probably survive a stone shape melding them together, but would the result be a single, castle-sized ooze? It would be easier to just build a castle-shaped stone colossus, but that's been done.
DeathlessJuan 05-28-08, 01:29 PM	If I had a dungeon maze leading to my lair, I would hollow out the walls and fill them with high corrosive acid so that disintegrate happy mages and their partys get a very nasty surprise when they attempt to bypass one of my traps. I would ward my lair with anti-divination and anti-teleportation magic to prevent an unwanted surprise. I would make many clones of myself in the off chance that some adventurer managed to kill me. Then, while they think they have finished me off, I would be plotting their deaths from the shadows.
necklace_o-fireballs 05-28-08, 03:48 PM	I will not waste my magic for the sake of vanity. If I'm ugly, I'm ugly. I will kidnap wizards and have them cast a continuous antimagic feild over my fortress. I will not hold adventurers hostage/in captivity. They always manage to escape. I will kill them when I catch them. I will keep a flock of Succubus (sp?) to use against adventurers, but I will first make sure that they are completely brainwashed to revere me. Many a villan has been killed by his own creatures.
Winterleaf 05-29-08, 06:07 AM	Do not be afraid to use an attractive minion to trick a hero of the opposite gender. Invariably, said minion will fall in love with the hero (or, if they're only cute-not-hot, the hero's spunky sidekick) and betray you. Either you achieve a Pyrrhic victory by having to kill your former minion, thus inspiring to hero to defeat you in his resulting rage, or the minion becomes the key to the opposition's victory by distracting or attacking you just when you have the hero on the ropes. I will keep a thesaurus at my side at all times bookmarked at two key words: "impossible" and "unlikely". Too many Evil Overlords fail to understand the difference and die, usually screaming "No. . ! That's IMPOSSIBLE!" In the event of unrest caused by dissatisfaction with my dictatorship, I will annouce to the populace that I am being a "dynamic" and "proactive" overlord, and will put the issues to a referendum. This will keep them arguing with each other instead of directing their venom at me, and the debates and conversations will keep them busy while my spies (diplomatic and discrete, NOT heavy handed goons) ferret out information about the worst dissidents. A few well-placed and embarrassing rumors will be more effective than crushing a little harmless grumblers. Character assassination can often be much more effective than the literal kind; use the first when possible and the second when necessary. Heroes often use Charisma as their dump stat, so when your well-paid bards start singing songs in local taverns about the hero's unfortunate bed-wetting and erectile dysfunction, the heroes are often ill-equipped to counter these slanders. No one wants to fight against tyranny under the banner of Swiftblade the Limp and Soggy. I will take a page from my weekly Tantras-Hold-'Em games with my minions; when I have won the pot I see no reason to show my opponents my hole cards. Likewise, if I have foiled the heroes I shall not tell them what my secret plans are. They can watch from the afterlife after I kill them, and find out for themselves.
roushguy 05-29-08, 03:56 PM	Well, you cut up some of the cubes to fit the shape of your castle, THEN FtS it. That way, your castle looks completely normal. Also, I will NOT assume that, just because one of them is a bard, he didn't take a few levels in wizard for fireballs.
pigknight 05-29-08, 08:08 PM	The BBEG for my campin is going to use all the things in this thread that can happen in the campain (sans insta kills, 'cause those are not fun).