1001 things to never say to a dm [Archive] - Wizards Community

1001 things to never say to a dm [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Whisper_Swiftblade
07-19-06, 02:27 AM 1)
player: I want to play a frenzied bersurker who uses katanas with the costimised stats I made for them.

DM: leave this place and never come back!!!!!!!!!!!
TheChilliGod
07-19-06, 02:41 AM 2- "...Pun Pun..."
Any sentence with "Pun Pun" in it in front of a DM (who knows who Pun Pun is) is asking for it.

3- "Yo' Momma's so fat..."

4- "You are a completely and utterly worthless DM; I've never liked your campaign sessions and you suck. You're a moron, you know that?"
Insults never solve anything.

5- "Natural 20!"
While rolling a d4.
LordBOB777
07-19-06, 02:42 AM *gives the DM the middle finger*

I think you can figure out what im about to say.
Rerecros
07-19-06, 02:52 AM 6- PC "My character rocks so much, I bet you fifty dollars you can't kill it."
One foot from the sky later
DM "easiest fifty bucks I've ever made"

7- "This magic weapon makes your monsters as wimpy as kobolds, I hope nobody sunders it."
Whisper_Swiftblade
07-19-06, 02:55 AM 8) your DMing sucks, my pc is way to strong for your monsters to handle
moscatabaco76
07-19-06, 03:04 AM 9) You wouldn't dare...

( :weep: <-you five minutes later)
Shadow Weaver
07-19-06, 03:19 AM "That's it! I'm rolling a centaur!"

This happens every time my wizard scores the kill against a Huge or larger BBEG only to have its corpse plummet and crush him.
Shaggy_Shaggs
07-19-06, 05:04 AM Player 1: "This is boring. Where are all the random encounters, Dan?"

*half a dozen orogs and ogrillons and 90% of the party's hp later*

P2 to P1: "Tim, if you ever even look like you're thinking of saying that again, I'll kill you myself before the monsters get the chance."
Pfisiar
07-19-06, 08:48 AM 1. "Was that it?" (Sadly it wasn't)
2. "Well, that was easy." (Ditto)
3. "That was anticlimactic" (Hint: anticlimactic only counts if you've reached the apex of action. :nonono:)
SeptimusMagistos
07-19-06, 11:17 AM I want guns!

Man, I'm glad that's over.

I hate you

PC:
I attack Peter Pan.
DM:
(Rolling behind the screen)
He wins initiative. He attacks you. Critical roll. Critical confirmed. He does maximum damage.
PC:
:weep:
cancerousmango
07-19-06, 03:08 PM "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."
"Wait, where are we again?"

This makes the DM describe things a little differently the second time around. Usually, I make it so that whatever loot they might have gotten if they'd listened the first time vanishes.
Blauer Jaspis
07-19-06, 03:35 PM PC, it has been a while since the last session: "What was the name of the rogue in the Hunters Hut again?"

DM:"Well.....*30 seconds*......roll for a wisdom check just to see if you really remember"

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Whisper_Swiftblade 07-19-06, 02:27 AM	1) player: I want to play a frenzied bersurker who uses katanas with the costimised stats I made for them. DM: leave this place and never come back!!!!!!!!!!!
TheChilliGod 07-19-06, 02:41 AM	2- "...Pun Pun..." Any sentence with "Pun Pun" in it in front of a DM (who knows who Pun Pun is) is asking for it. 3- "Yo' Momma's so fat..." 4- "You are a completely and utterly worthless DM; I've never liked your campaign sessions and you suck. You're a moron, you know that?" Insults never solve anything. 5- "Natural 20!" While rolling a d4.
LordBOB777 07-19-06, 02:42 AM	gives the DM the middle finger I think you can figure out what im about to say.
Rerecros 07-19-06, 02:52 AM	6- PC "My character rocks so much, I bet you fifty dollars you can't kill it." One foot from the sky later DM "easiest fifty bucks I've ever made" 7- "This magic weapon makes your monsters as wimpy as kobolds, I hope nobody sunders it."
Whisper_Swiftblade 07-19-06, 02:55 AM	8) your DMing sucks, my pc is way to strong for your monsters to handle
moscatabaco76 07-19-06, 03:04 AM	9) You wouldn't dare... ( :weep: <-you five minutes later)
Shadow Weaver 07-19-06, 03:19 AM	"That's it! I'm rolling a centaur!" This happens every time my wizard scores the kill against a Huge or larger BBEG only to have its corpse plummet and crush him.
Shaggy_Shaggs 07-19-06, 05:04 AM	Player 1: "This is boring. Where are all the random encounters, Dan?" half a dozen orogs and ogrillons and 90% of the party's hp later P2 to P1: "Tim, if you ever even look like you're thinking of saying that again, I'll kill you myself before the monsters get the chance."
Pfisiar 07-19-06, 08:48 AM	1. "Was that it?" (Sadly it wasn't) 2. "Well, that was easy." (Ditto) 3. "That was anticlimactic" (Hint: anticlimactic only counts if you've reached the apex of action. :nonono:)
SeptimusMagistos 07-19-06, 11:17 AM	I want guns! Man, I'm glad that's over. I hate you PC: I attack Peter Pan. DM: (Rolling behind the screen) He wins initiative. He attacks you. Critical roll. Critical confirmed. He does maximum damage. PC: :weep:
cancerousmango 07-19-06, 03:08 PM	"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening." "Wait, where are we again?" This makes the DM describe things a little differently the second time around. Usually, I make it so that whatever loot they might have gotten if they'd listened the first time vanishes.
Blauer Jaspis 07-19-06, 03:35 PM	PC, it has been a while since the last session: "What was the name of the rogue in the Hunters Hut again?" DM:"Well.....30 seconds......roll for a wisdom check just to see if you really remember"