Post/Author/DateTime	Post
orcslayer 06-21-04, 07:41 PM	1. If you see orc barbarians charging at you run. 2. Ale is the cause--and soulution to all our problems 3. never trust a gnome 4. fire elementals make bad pets, especially if you live in a log cabin 5. chair legs dont make good weapons against balor.
Stardrake 06-21-04, 08:00 PM	6) LOOT THE BODIES!!! 7) Never try to out-drink a dwarf. Even if you are one.
Ogre4Hire 06-21-04, 08:39 PM	8) Never trust a man who wears leather.
Jongluer 06-21-04, 10:34 PM	9) People in black hooded robes are usually evil and can cast spells 10) there is always something bigger than what you just killed
RobTzu 06-21-04, 11:22 PM	11. Always cut the heads off things you kill. 12. Never be the person that opens doors or chests.
edgelett 06-21-04, 11:43 PM	13. ALWAYS get the thief to search for traps
frisbeet 06-21-04, 11:56 PM	14. What, you didn't bring along the 10-foot pole?
Sidious 06-22-04, 12:16 AM	15. Fire, Oil and Wooden Houses don't mix.
Ogre4Hire 06-22-04, 12:43 AM	16) When in doubt, hit something. 17) If that doesn't work, get a bigger sword.
the_fools_wildhunt 06-22-04, 12:51 AM	18. No matter how many levels your BBEG has above the PCs, always give him Fortified Armour and a Ring of Free Action.
edgelett 06-22-04, 01:18 AM	Originally posted by the_fools_wildhunt 18. No matter how many levels your BBEG has above the PCs, always give him Fortified Armour and a Ring of Free Action. LOL - I'm sorry, did we kill your BBEG mate?? 19. The BBEG is always the King's advisor/brother/wife/son 20. A little detect magic can go a long way
Ichaerus 06-22-04, 02:17 AM	21. A kobold alone isn't necessary an easy prey.. 22. Never forget the usefulness of a dagger! You'll remember that in the remorhaz belly... 23. If you see two guys wearing leather and showing their beautiful short-sword flanking you, say your prayer. 24. An hasted orc ranger can be more dreadful than an orc barbarian... 25. If the BBEG wizard come in melee ranged with a confident smile....just run. Just imagine what he can do if he's confident to defeat your fighter in melee combat...
CooperHawkes 06-22-04, 02:29 AM	26. assume everything is dangerous; when in doubt, kill. if that fails, run like hell! 27. everyone, from the lowest commoner to the most powerful deity, is plotting against you. being paranoid keeps you alive. 28. anyone who gives you any information about anything whatsoever will do so in the most cryptic and incomprehensible manner possible, given whatever circumstances apply at the time. 29. try to look unimportant, the evil wizard may be low on spells. 30. at any given point in a campaign, the party will have at least one secret society, secret organization, cult, or cabal focused solely on their destruction. 31. whenever somone in the party complains about carrying around some useless piece of crap item of gear that you will never possibly need, DO NOT THROW IT OUT!! as soon as you do you will find yourself in a situation where you need that item desperately. 32. probably most important of all, IF IT'S STUPID BUT WORKS, IT'S NOT STUPID!!
K.O.E.G 06-22-04, 02:35 AM	Originally posted by CooperHawkes 30. at any given point in a campaign, the party will have at least one secret society, secret organization, cult, or cabal focused solely on their destruction. 30a. It's usually Epic 30a-1. And involves the word assassin 30b. They will always wear black
Felonious Monk 06-22-04, 02:40 AM	33. "Set it on fire" should never be your first choice when dealing with a problem. Try something else as your first choice. Then, if that doesn't work, set your first choice on fire. 34. There is always someone in your party whose inclination is to charge in blindly. Identify this person and take steps to correct the problem. 35. Some days, you just roll all 1s. 36. Some days, you just roll all 20s. 37. If it looks too easy, it has class levels. Several of them. 38. Stash a gem or two in your boot. 39. Label your potions, poisons, antitoxins and flasks of acid and holy water. Trust me. 40. The bartender always has a plot hook. 41. Contingency plans and a meeting place in case of disaster - always a good idea. 42. Never stay at an inn called the "Eye of the Beholder." 43. Or the "Kender's Closet."
deceptive_alias 06-22-04, 06:57 AM	43: ALWAYS remember the bless spell currently in effect! 44: The insane little old man is an epic spell caster. 45: There are no little old ladies. If there is one, run: she's a lich. 46: If you know a language that isn't common, you'll only ever use it when talking to a plot hook, and when you're insulting someone who doesn't understand you. 47: If the BBEG has taken insane amounts of damage before his turn, he will always still have 1 HP left when it's his turn to act. NPCs 48: All elves can cast lightning bolt and know the name of at least 20 individual trees. All dwarves can drink you under the table (I know... this one has been done) and know who his great great great great great grandfather disembowelled on his dying breath. 49: All halflings have sleight of hand and only carry shortswords and leather armour. All gnomes are insane and are found either surrounded by illusions, or in a submersible. 50: All towns in the world are indistinct from each other, save for one Wonder of the Known world that is currently under threat from the machinations of a Secret Society.
deceptive_alias 06-22-04, 07:30 AM	51: The more games you play, the more deju vu seems to haunt you. (see 43)
Null Boundry 06-22-04, 07:38 AM	52) Running away is not a plan. It's what you do when the plan fails. 53) The big nast monster doesn't always want to eat you. Sure it wants to eat somebody but it doesn't have to be you. 54) You can never have too much rope. 55) Don't expect everyone else to pack pratically, if you know something will come in usefull carry it yourself. They will only drop it, forget it, get burnt to a crisp.
jasper 06-22-04, 09:40 AM	56) Munchkins never think they are munchkins. 57) if your best friend is giving you great goobs of grief and upseting your campaign on purpose, he is not your best friend 58) if you kill the characters often they will quit or quit using stupid tactis. Hey I an adventurer the king can kiss my hairy bu toe. 59) dice play no favorites neither should you. 60) players always think they never violating alignment 61) If I whine enough the dm will give me what I want. 62) the thought process of the dm will not put us in a no win situation is often wrong. 63) Players cheat so do dms 64) the game will always go long
Killgolli Knight 06-22-04, 09:49 AM	Never stand within 20 feet of your friends when you feel that something isnt right.
The Philosopher King 06-22-04, 10:19 AM	66. There is an 85% chance that any given diplomat is a polymorphed paragon mind flayer. 67. Intelligent weapons will ruin plans - swords will switch themselves off, bows will start singing in tense negotiations, etc. 68. You've known the BBEG since first level 69. If it glows, it's either ectoplasmic goo or a paladin 70. Characters who never fail saves will all fail against a save-or-die spell in the middle of the enemy fortress at the same time. 71. Before any spot, search or listen checks, remove your helmet. 72. The deity isn't asking if you'd like to go on the quest...
Sulaco 06-22-04, 11:14 AM	73. Never trust a one-handed theif. He either missed a trap or got caught. Either way, he's not very good at his job. 74. A person can be hit multiple times with a weapon and keep fighting a full efficiency. 75. Falling from a great height is rarely fatal. 76. Never, ever, ever discuss what you think is going on in front of the DM. Your fear wull invariably be far worse than what he had planned and you are just giving him nasty ideas. 77. All things being equal, a 1 HD PC will always beat a 1 HD monster. 78. NPC thieves are virtually omniscient when it comes to seeking out and finding an item the DM doesn't want you to have no matter how efficiently you have hidden or protected it. 79. PC thieves are virtually useless when it comes to the same. 80. The BBEG you killed at 10th level will have a brother seeking revenge at 20th. 81. Whenever you think it'll be funny to insult an high-level NPC remember that they think it is funny to hang you upside-down in a scorpion pit. 82. The universe is arranged in such a way that you always fight opponents which offer you a chellenge but which you can defeat regardless of whether you are a snot-faced neophyte or a godlike epic lord. 83. There are no brothels, shops, inns, bars, etc. in a dungeon. If you find one it is a trap (and a rather obvious one at that). 84. If it looks like a plot-hook and quacks-like a plot hook, it's a plot hook. 85. Whenver someone calls you "friend", they are going to hit you. 86. Bars exist solely for adventurers to fight in. 87. All Dwarves are Scottish. 88. All Halflings are English. 89. All Barbarians are Vikings. 90. All Elves are gay. ;)
Drake Dragonslayer 06-22-04, 12:18 PM	Originally posted by Sulaco 90. All Elves are gay. ;) I can sense the flames already 91. When a red dragon asks how you would taste best, the answer is NOT "Cooked"
InfernalDragon 06-22-04, 01:10 PM	92) Beware of what you wish for!!!
Sarig the Genie 06-22-04, 01:43 PM	93: never tickle a sleeping dragon! :smirk:
Stark Raven 06-22-04, 01:56 PM	94. Never cast Fireball in a 20'x20' room. 95. Never parry a great sword with your face. 96. Not every door is trapped, but it's safer to check them all anyway. 97. Irritating an Epic level magic-user can seriously ruin your day. 98. Paladins are like cleaning with ammonia, irritating, but sometimes necessary. 99. High level Druids don't generally appreciate being called "dirt priests". 100. It's not a question of whether or not you are paranoid. It's a question of whether you are paranoid enough.
elrohir162 06-22-04, 01:57 PM	94: you dont have to run faster than the dragon you just have to run faster than the other people
Arakano 06-22-04, 01:58 PM	Originally posted by orcslayer 2. Ale is the cause--and soulution to all our problems You did not learn this from DnD, you learned from Homer S.! :D 95) If one of your group starts behaving snotty about the DM´s challenges to your group - GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE! 96) Any thread to the safety of the world can easily be averted by collecting pieces of an ancient artefact that, until now, noone bothered to look for...
Guttercrawl 06-22-04, 01:58 PM	94. No matter which way you choose to go at the crossroads / intersection ---- you are still going to face the critters. 95. Never use a wand of lightning underwater ---- NEVER 96. When searching for the gnome thief hidden in the store-room of the inn ---- don't use your flaming sword. 97. Always check every room twice. 98. Never under any circumstances steal from a begger. 99. Carry concealable weapons & extra thieves' picks ---- the life you save may be your own.
Lasrifriir 06-22-04, 02:05 PM	100.) Whenever you come across a 'corpse', stick a dagger in it. 101.) Never try to get a drow girlfriend. 102.) Never stay at an old farmers home for the night. 103.) Always have the wizards in the MIDDLE of the party line, with tank in the front and back.
Ichaerus 06-22-04, 04:10 PM	104 ) For magic-User : Never throw the BBEG Boccob's Blessed Book 105 ) Bag of holding is a lifesaver 106 ) 18 in charisma don't mean that all creatures will love you on sight... But a lot of monster will love your taste... 107 ) If your Dm roll a Random Encounter and he give you the exp immediately after the encounter is resolved, without actually looking in the DMG, it probably wasn't à random encounter... 108 ) An elf with the "Obese" feat, form the book of Vile Darkness, is a living paradox. 109 ) A guy or girl without hair is probably a good bare handed fighter.
Leibel 06-22-04, 05:22 PM	#28 - Anyone with valuable plot information will always give it in the most ambigious, mysterious way possible. Totally True - I tortured my PC's with this Serinda(PC's NPC Guardian Angel): "The one who walks in light yet lives in shadow seeks ill for the hero's of light"(Translation - Your boss's nephew is a traitor and is sending assassin(s) after assassin(s) after you) PC's: Huh?
eca 06-22-04, 05:46 PM	#110 how to slay orcs?:D
orcslayer 06-22-04, 08:15 PM	Dont swim across a river in full plate and carring a tower shierld.
Leibel 06-22-04, 11:07 PM	111. Orcs = Trouble 112. Any enchanted or magical item found at Lv 5 or less is probably cursed 113. You always run out spells no matter what 114. If the BBEG has only one spell left it probably kills everyone 115. The BBEG has an endless supply of relatives who will forever seek revenge 116. Unless they a spear in the heart, sword in the stomach, sword in the skull, slit throat and 60 arrows in them they are not dead 117. If you have a War Hammer+2 the BBEG has a War Hammer+3 118. Even if #116 is followed you can be sure the BBEG will come back as a Vampire/Lich/Ghost etc. 119. If your group has to go the remote wilderness absolutely, I mean ABSOLUTELY count on all PC's with Survival getting sick 120. Saying "C'mon they are only[Insert scapegoat race/monster here]" is a surefire way to trigger the all feared TPK spell 121. The BBEG's fortress/castle is always in the most inhospitable place on earth 122. Any NPC who say's "I can take care of myself" will sooner or later be eaten/killed/transformed into the Undead by a monster 123. Your *100% reliable* spell will be defeated by a 5cp necklace the BBEG is wearing 124. Reinforcements are always reinforcing the enemy 125. If all else fails your animal companion/familiar and dental floss will help you escape any prison 126. The store will have every item but the one you want "Sorry we don't have a Battle Axe+3, but we do have Battle Axes +1, +2, +4 and +5" 127. If there is a big war that can decide the fate of the world you can expect a bunch of Lawful Elves to show up and save the world. Of course they all die in the process. 128. When you need the all powerful spellcaster they get sick.
Dragonlover 06-23-04, 07:25 AM	129- Never, repeat never give the DM ideas 130- When you learn the DM's favourite monsters are illithids, panic. 131- The BBEG's weapon will always be some ancient forgotten gods weapon that you're trying to retrieve. 131(a)- It's always an auto-kill on hit weapon Dragonlover
Thalis 06-23-04, 10:17 AM	132) Don't trust the skinny bartender.
Sulaco 06-23-04, 11:00 AM	133. Dragons come conveniently colour-coded for ease of recognition.
Arrowhen 06-23-04, 12:51 PM	134. The one door you forget to check for traps will be the one you REALLY wish you'd remembered.
Plissken 06-23-04, 01:45 PM	A ZOMBIE! No problem for my 12th level Fighter. "Roll for your 6 Attacks." OK!...3....1....2....4....1....and a 7. The seven hits right!!?? Lemme see......YOU MISS BY ONE! 135. If your gonna miss when it counts, you will only miss by one
elrohir162 06-23-04, 02:11 PM	136: you always get an instaint kill on a monster that is immune to criticals
Corynth 06-23-04, 02:27 PM	137. The higher your BAB, the greater the chance of rolling a 1. 138. Rolling a 1 is not always a bad thing. 139. Alignments are color coded. If he's wearing white, he's good. If he's wearing black, he's evil. If he's wearing either brown or green, he's neutral. If he's wearing pastels, he's a god or devil. 140. Prestidigitation is the single most useful spell there ever was, is, and shall be. 141. If you see a pit, do not try to jump over it. In fact, turn around and ignore that passage completely. 142. Never trust a DM that smiles alot. 143. Never play D&D within a week of your DM being dumped. 144. A woman playing D&D will invariably wear something low-cut and revealing because she knows no one is going to look at the dice when she leans over the table to roll. 144a. This is not necessarily a bad thing. 144b. Wow, that's your 7th natural 20 in a row! 145. While on the subject... Women make spectacular DMs. 146. Farm animals in a D&D campaign will almost always become the butt end of many PC jokes. Or worse, PCs will become the butt end of many farm animal jokes. 147. Just because you haven't heard of a halfling berserker, doesn't mean there aren't any. 148. Exp given for a group of monsters is drastically reduced if you find a way to kill them quickly. 149. If you can talk your way out of a fight, you will get more exp than if you bash your way out of it.
Not a monkey 06-23-04, 02:32 PM	150. Being short makes you a different species. 151. Dragons will breed with anything. 152. So will elves.
bgt 06-23-04, 03:07 PM	153. That the only thing in the universe that is a constant is that the D&D movie sucks.
Drako 06-23-04, 05:44 PM	154. Whenever an old lady appears in front of you in the middle of nowhere while you return to your home AFTER YOU HAVE LOOTED AN "EMPTY" cave with some dragon eggs and she asks for your money DONT ASK HER WHY!!!! 155. Its not allways too good to take your friend's cleric vestments in the temple of Kemos and then go searching for secret rooms in the middle of the night!! Trust me!! 156. Dont you EVER allow your girlfriend to play with you!! Why?Because everything you do it comes to you as a boomerang!How? 156a.Everytime you cut someone's head of and loot him will begin saying "Ooooh GREAT BAHAMUT/CORELLON/etc.... please forgive him!'' 157b. The bad thing however is not that....the bad thing comes when you change from good to evil where she says: "AAAAAAAAAAA IM GOING TO KILL YOU''!! 157c. But the worst is about to come..! As she is a wizard and you are a fighter(low level) you cut her head of and then loot her!! 157d. WHATS WORSE??? You,trying to calm her for all the rest of the night saying :''Honey,it was an accident!My greataxe flew and landed on your head!!"
roguebfl 06-23-04, 10:54 PM	158) Giving the DM the right type of Chocolate at the begian of the game is allways a good idea 159) When all else fail make the DM laughf
Hiei the Assassin 06-23-04, 10:59 PM	*Sometimes it's best to just leave the loot *Never put a hit on an influential NPC, you'll ALWAYS get blamed *dominating a god is hard work, unless they have easilly corruptable clergy.
Leibel 06-23-04, 11:09 PM	In spite of the fact that 94% of Drow are evil to the core the only ones you will encounter will be good
roguebfl 06-23-04, 11:12 PM	160) 80% of the people in the World are called Bob
Nived 06-24-04, 12:17 AM	161) If there's a shady guy in the tavern he's either there to continue the plot, or kill you. Occationally both. 162)If the DM specifically describes something ITS IMPORTANT! 163) Most dungeons have no logic to them, thinking about it only makes it worse. 164) RESPECT THE SCREEN!
deceptive_alias 06-24-04, 11:12 PM	165: DM smiles: backup character ready to come in 166: DM cries: level up 167: 50% of quest resolutions end up being something you could have done right at the very beginning 168: An illithid will only ever get the first grapple check in a fight before it is utterly utterly killed by your players. 169: In the crucial reflex save, only those without evasion will pass 170: People begin playing D&D as either young and idealistic, or stupid and wanting to rip off classic fantasy media. 171: Almost all will eventually end up hardened cynics... and paranoid as hell.
Guttercrawl 06-27-04, 10:09 AM	172. Never stack dice while the DM is giving vital information in the for of a sonate. 173. If you defeat the villian that took the DM all week to create in one round ---- Don't shout, " In your face! " 174. If killed during an adventure --- never whine. 175. If one of your companions dies during an adventure ----- snickering is never good ( his next PC might be the party cleric ).
Ogre4Hire 06-27-04, 12:50 PM	176) Everything that lives underground is carnivorous. 177) If it moves, shoot it. 187) If it doesn't move, shoot it till it moves, then apply rule 177.
Nived 06-27-04, 02:59 PM	188) When faced with a intelligent demon whose damage reduction no one in the party can beat the correct responce is NOT 'lets hide down the spike pit, it wont follow us'. 189) If the DM asks you three times "Are you sure?" do not do it.
WizO_Catoblepas 06-27-04, 03:21 PM	Hmmm, I'm surprised these haven't come up yet: 190) Never touch the big hovering gem. 191) Never walk though either (a) the shimmering archway or (b) a dark circular portal.
hiryuu 06-27-04, 03:31 PM	192) If someone says "Stop that thief," don't. 193) Don't eat it. Please. Whatever it is. Please....you found it one the floor, and....oh, man, not again.... 194) I am playing the chaotic character. Don't smack yourself in the face when you put a nice-looking hat on the treasure pile and I put it on.
Pyre_89 06-27-04, 03:45 PM	195: Never walk into the 20x20 room with a rope bridge, 100 ft fall and rushing river beneath. There is a hole in the roof that will send in the fireball. 196: Respect the DM screen while you are in a tree, or a Worg will suddenly be there with you 197: Always remember, Fireball is a very handy spell. Especially when you are hiding by a tree in the middle of a group of Worgs. 198: Never be afraid to send a fireball at your foot. see above. :u:/:r:
Whyldman 06-27-04, 10:53 PM	199. Never trust the skinny innkeeper 200. Hooded figures are evil
Pennywise 06-27-04, 11:55 PM	201. There is a one in twenty chance that you will critically fail at anything.
Thanqol 06-28-04, 06:26 AM	202: BBEG never stay dead - EVER 203: Any guy who looks skinny and unathletic is not a candidate for mugging - he's a wizard! 204: If the DM introduces an increadably painful plot twist, DONT COMPLAIN WHATEVER YOU DO! Beleve me, he CAN MAKE IT WORSE! 205: Mercinarys have no problems with killing themselves to help you. 206: If the wizard says 'duck', do not ask 'why?' 207: Eating your foes can give you the plauge. Cook them first.
player2 06-28-04, 02:48 PM	208: very ralely is here any gray-its all black and white 209: if the cleric says hold still for any reason don't ask why 210: if you **** the DM off, your next encounter with an orc will have levels in barbarian
Rurik "The Silent" 06-28-04, 05:22 PM	when your DM spends all morning thinking of a new plot hook at least give the fiend a chance to talk before knocking your bow and shooting 6 arrows into its face... dang skitty rangers...lol
Cloakable 06-29-04, 12:59 AM	211: Dont expect to have fun when playiing a level 20 barbarian with 5 level 20 Wizards and spellcasting Clerics. 212: Dont trust your lawful evil cleric to ressurect you when you die 213: The players will NEVER do what you want them to do. 214: Getting more experience always means that the DM want to try out that new high CR-monster. 215: Always were a pair of locked gauntlets 216: Always at least try to look impressed whenever the DM describes a room for more then 3 minutes 217: If the DM describes a room or place with more then 2 sentences there is something in there to get. Either a trap or a magic sword, it will be there (Oh and the sword has a 80% chance of being cursed) 218: Learn to hate Balefire. 219: The simple rule of "If we dont use it, will you promise not to use it?" can come to be pretty handy sometimes. 220: If something bigger then you tries to grapple you, consider yourself dead. 221: "Heal" takes 1 round to cast. 222: Never cast "Wish" 223: Never cast "Miracle" when your gods portfolio includes pain, suffering and despair. 224: always carry a wand of cure light wounds. And yes that even includes the barbarian with 300+ Hps.
TheBard 06-29-04, 06:50 AM	212: If the high-level Fighter wants to armwrestle in the inn, there's always a veteran adventurer with a belt of strength.
LordOfTheFries 06-29-04, 01:05 PM	225. If the dough is soft in the stromboli you ordered at your latest game, DON'T eat it! (trust me, this is true, happened last week!) 226. No matter how good your intentions are, the peasants will always get pi$$ed at you. 227. If a pack of orcs asks your level 1 character if you have gold, don't say "yes". (Yeah, I did this one too) 228. Don't fart at the table unless the dog is conveniently around to blame :D 229. If you hide in a tree looking for the Ettin it will show up at the other side of the town 230. Read the player's handbook, it will save you from having your a$$ handed to you 231. Don't ask your DM what the weather is like outside when you are searching for something at night because 9 times out of 10 he will say it is raining.
anshar 06-29-04, 01:37 PM	232. There is no problem that cannot be solved through the careful and judicious application of brute force.
Temmogen 06-29-04, 04:36 PM	#233- Never tell your fellow adventurers that you are trying to kill off your current character, so you can bring a new one in. i.e. my halfling rogue has developed a deathwish, I have a new character already made. 8 times that halfling went to -9 hp, only to be brought back in the nick of time.
Puck 06-29-04, 05:08 PM	#234-If you are traveling with a band of gypsies, and the old lady challenges the party to a drinking contest, you will lose.....horably......and wake-up naked........tied to a tree.
Corynth 07-03-04, 11:20 PM	235. It was a dark and stormy night. Get used to it. 236. Nothing ever happens on a bright sunny day, unless you're in the middle of nowhere. 237. Munchkin is a 4 letter word. 238. Paranoia is a survival trait. 239. Your character never seems to sound mysterious and powerful. It always seems to come out as quiet and antisocial. 240. Roleplaying a handicap does not give you insight into that handicap, unless your friend breaks your legs for making fun of him. 241. Prestige classes are a privelege, not a right (originally read in another thread, but that doesn't make it any less true). 242. There's a difference between roleplaying and roll playing. 243. Fantasy is much more than just medieval times with magic added. It's anything your mind can come up with. 244. House rules are there for a reason. 245. DM has the final say... PERIOD! 246. Never try to apply logic to magic. It just doesn't work. 247. Magic is anything you don't understand that someone else makes look easy. 248. Nobody likes wizards or sorcerers. There's always a town that outlaws magic. 249. Everyone loves a cleric. A town that outlaws religion doesn't last long. 250. All wizards have familiars. Only about 1% actually pay attention to them. 251. Never cast Earthquake in a cave. 252. ...halfway up a snow-covered mountain. 253. ...just after a big fight. 254. ...just because the giant twitched.
DuckySway 07-03-04, 11:33 PM	255. The smallest of thing's can go along way
Carnifex 07-04-04, 12:39 PM	256) Dice are sentient, evil creatures, and they just know. 257) I like pie. 258) If a player asks you a seemingly nonsensical, silly question, it is usually because he is looking to apply your answer to his new unstopable perfect feat-class-PrC-skill combo character and be able to say 'You said it would work this way!'. 259) The DM is always abusing you. 260) If you are in a situation where you believe the DM is not abusing you, see #259.
the_narrator 07-04-04, 01:58 PM	261) never play a Dragonstalker under a DM who loves dragons. especially if he's fond of true sight and unaware of the coup de gras rule.
Fi'Irdray 07-04-04, 07:53 PM	262) Never let the Halfling out of your sight 263) Never leave diplomacy to the Half-Orc barbarian 264) Never trust a Gnome illusionist 265) Always check the door for traps 266) If it's in a dungeon, and it's not a damsel in distress, kill it 267) Remember to remove your full plate before climbing large distances 268) There is always a way to solve a problem using your 10' pole
Hiei the Assassin 07-04-04, 08:41 PM	I would like to state that I have personally deemed myself the Keeper of the Lessons (the lessons on this thread) and that these are turning out fine, I'll be distributing a copy when we hit 1001 to everyone involved.
Stardrake 07-04-04, 10:28 PM	269) Paladins & groupies don't mix.
The Philosopher King 07-05-04, 12:34 AM	266) If it's in a dungeon, and it's not a damsel in distress, kill it 270. Unless the damsel, in the middle of the monster infested dungeon, is under the age of 12 - in which case, run like hell, it's an elder god.
Tevish Szat 07-05-04, 01:54 AM	Originally posted by The Philosopher King 69. If it glows, it's either ectoplasmic goo or a paladin 271. (Corrolary to 69) There isn't any macroscopic difference between the two except what alignment they detect as. 272. If the princess is a tomboy, don't treat her like a helpless little girl. 273. If a victim wasn't tortured or at least bruised and they didn't need to be kept 'pure' or whole for a rite, they are not a victim. 274. If you hear noises on the other side of the door, open it, shove the tank in, close the door, and wait for the screaming to stop. 275. Do not do the above if you don't have charm and/or dominate person prepared. 276. 'Friendly Fire' is just the mage's excuse for trying to kill you with an AoE spell. 277. If a zombie isn't shambling noticably and/or isn't moaning for brains, it isn't a zombie. 278. Learn to tell your undead apart, lest a baneguard dressed up in a robe passes for a Lich or vice Versa. 279. No matter how long you take to prepare, the unholy ritual won't be completed before you get there to interrupt it. 280. If and NPC falls for you, let her down ungently and unequivocally, otherwise she's bait for the BBEG, and then you'll bee stuck with her, and then she's bait for EVERY BBEG and their friends, lackeys, cronies, relatives, fans, lovers, and pets. 281. Never get attached (The "Spider Man" catch of heroism) 282. Unless the person you get attached to has equal or greater class levels when compared with you. 283. There are always more kobolds, orcs, or goblinoids. 284. Fey are NOT pretty little Tinkerbell-like fairys. They can kill you and will if you tick them off. 285. Once cast, Mr. Delayed Blast Fireball is not your friend. 286. No matter how well protected the palace is, nor how hard you try to prevent it, the BBEG always kidnaps the princess. 287. Sometimes, this is because the two are one and the same. 288. Do not kill unassuming little animals of that last point of XP. Not only will they provide no xp at all, but sooner or later you'll run into the Bunny of Caer Banog (AKA the Killer Rabbit, Vorpal Bunny, or "Run Away!!!") 289. Memorize everything about African and European Swallows. 290. When answering the Sphynx's Riddle or any similar riddle task, there are no lifelines. 291. Light-headness is a symptom of both blood drain and energy drain. in whatever case, check your present and past company for vampires and succubi. 292. If the rescued damisel in distress offers to reward you with a kiss, politley and majesticly refuse with something along the lines of "Saving you is reward enough". if she's a Succubus (67.85% probability) you'll have foiled and/or revelaed her, and if she's really a damisel in distress, she'll just like you better for it. (Not always a good thing, see 280) 293. If a new PC is being introed in game rather than appearing out of nowhere, metagame away your paranoia, otherwise you will get everyone, especially the ner PC's player and the DM, P.O.ed off at you fro delay of game. 294. Except in the above and similar circumstances, avoid metagaming. 295. Put ranks in whatever skill your DM uses to recognize/know abilities of monsters. 296. if you killed it and it twitches, CDG it. 297. If it twitches again, CDG it with fire. 298. If it twitches yet again, run. 299. What's wrong with using MDJ on the bad guy? Disenchanted treasure. 300. Her Serenity, the Lady of Pain is just THERE. Once you know the basics of how She operates, do nothing regarding Her and hope She returns the favor.
Corynth 07-05-04, 11:42 AM	301. Keep extra halflings around if at all possible. They have many interesting uses. 301a. Thrown at a group of critters in tight-knit formation. 301b. Commanded to carry that powder keg over to the wall. 301c. Tie one to the end of a 10 foot pole and place in front of party to check for traps in dungeons. 302. Black pudding can stick to anything. 303. There is NOT always room for Jello. 304. Just because it doesn't move, doesn't mean it can't attack you. 305. To hell with encumbrence. Always keep 3 extra weapons, and an extra suit of armor with you at all times. 306. Never interrupt the BBEG in the middle of his soliloquy. 307. Anything that can be done with magic, can be made so much more interesting with metamagic. 307a. Meteor Swarm + Substitute Energy = Snowball Swarm? 307b. Fireball + Substitute Energy + Sudden Maximize + Sudden Widen + Quicken Spell = Instant Winter Wonderland 308. Physics majors make great wizards. 309. A well-timed magic missile can seriously ruin your day. 309a. Or someone else's. 310. An enemy that does ability damage instead of HP damage is to be feared above all else. 311. You can never have enough hit points. 312. There's no such thing as a useless spell. 313. If it's not in the Player's Handbook, then you need the Exotic Weapon Proficiency feat to use it. 314. Having the ability to make the weapon does not give you the ability to use the weapon. 315. Nothing is foolproof.
Drake Dragonslayer 07-05-04, 04:06 PM	316: If you see someone with a spork. RUN. It will be keen. And Vorpal.
Carnifex 07-06-04, 11:52 PM	317) When the paladin at your table takes the sunder feat, expect trouble. 318) Frenzied berzerkers are not "people friendly". 319) Any DM who refers to the module X1, the Isle of Dread (for those of you who remember) as a great module needs to have his screen taken away and be beaten soundly. 320) This game was not created by statisticians and physics professors. It should not be necessary to be one of them to play it. The only advanced math you should need is to figure out if there is more surface area on two large pizzas or three mediums. Edit: Almost screwed up the count. Higher math, indeed!
Lord Dracul 07-07-04, 03:13 PM	321) Learned how to be as devious as a Drow
Deekin 07-08-04, 02:18 AM	322. Anyone who talks in a british accent is smart 323. Anyone who talks inthe third person is stupid. 324. If your DM loves dragons, buy him the Draconium and ask to play as a dragon. 325. If it cant be solved by force, bribe it. 326. if that does not work, bribe the DM
Dragon Rider 07-08-04, 02:08 PM	327. That a human can survive with 100 arrows sticking in him simply if he has enough hit points 328. At least one vial of holy water is necessary in ALL circumstances 329. The crazy ones are always mages 330. the BBEG will ALWAYS have more HP than what is written in the DMs module after the DM sees how much damage you can do 331. there is always more to it than meets the eye 332. monsters can always sucessfully ambush you but you can never sucessfully ambush monsters 333. experience points are more for the players advancing than the characters.
Medusa 07-08-04, 02:26 PM	334. if the BBEG suddenly apears out of invisiblity beside you and you ask the DM if you can smack him, and the DM says 'yes' instead of 'no' or 'wait your turn' or 'roll initiative' then that BBEG is probably your friend in disguise... 335. if your going to stand guard outside your friends room after he has just been attacked by assisins... dont do it alone... 336. dont EVER go out with the DM. A. he will be extra hard on you to prove he has no favourites, when in reality, everyone except you are his favourites and B. all his NPCs sounds and act like aspects of him that you dont like. ie. the mysterious elf you hate sounds like him when he is drunk. i could go on forever... please! stop me now!
Hiei the Assassin 07-08-04, 05:49 PM	*Smacks Medusa a few times* How's that for a stop?
KDowns86 07-09-04, 10:26 AM	337.) Your DM will always get bored and want to play a new character, especially if a new book just came out. 338.) If # 337 Occurs role with it cause that means you get to create another character (score!). 339.) Never let anyone in your party play a frenzied berserker. 340.) Simple mathematics 341.) UN-Asian people are most drawn to Samurai's 342.) Never Underestimate ranks in sense motive and bluff
Tevish Szat 07-10-04, 03:46 AM	343. Never eat 'mystery meat'
Hiei the Assassin 07-10-04, 01:25 PM	Originally posted by Tevish Szat 343. Never eat 'mystery meat' True :schemes: (I use it often in chem warfare vs PCs)
son_of_frumm 07-10-04, 01:51 PM	344. ALWAYS skip the second step!!!
Jongluer 07-10-04, 02:31 PM	345. Opposite alignments don't mix! 346. Allied NPCs make good meat shields. 347. Having Sorcerers and Wizards in your party pays off eventually...
FOOL 07-10-04, 09:43 PM	458. The favored enemy of the Ranger is the one who can easily kick the crap out of him 459. If the DM sighs when you leave a room, you just missed something good 460. No Elves are not like Vulcans, so they can't do mind melds or the vulcan neck pinch 461. The smaller things get, the more powerful they are.
TyrantOfPants 07-11-04, 05:38 AM	462. Don't poke the DM, under any circumstances...he/she will hurt you, in game or otherwise
Corynth 07-16-04, 01:09 PM	463. Geometry really does have some practical use in the real world... Or at least our fantasy world. Otherwise, we wouldn't have dice! 464. If a wizard ever mumbles the mantra E=mC², get ready for one hell of a fireball. 465. Wars are fought by using careful planning and tactics. Wars are won by chance. 466. House rules can work for you, or they can work against you. 467. DMs create a world and populate it by their own whims. The players are subjected to that world and try to survive and even thrive in it. So in essence, in the game, the DM really IS god (ego notwithstanding). 468. It's hard to be humble when you can crush a city with a thought. 469. Just because his skin is black and he's got pointy ears, doesn't mean he's a drow. But it's better to err on the side of caution. 470. You can get anywhere by walking. 471. Time only exists when you pay attention to it. 472. A character can go weeks without a bathroom and never get cramps. 473. Anything can be accomplished through magic. 474. Gods are real, tangible beings that interact with people regularly. They just never let you know about it. 475. Bards don't have groupies. 476. An electric guitar is something COMPLETELY different in D&D. (a magic item a friend came up with. Shoots lightning bolt 3 times a day when you strike a power chord).
The Stray 07-17-04, 04:33 AM	what I learned from D&D... 477. NEVER eat the bear in front of the party druid. :mymy: 478. There are two types of clerics: Those that can spontaniously cast cure spells (and will thus never cast any other useful spell) and those who cast useful spells (usually the Bad Guys). 479. If it says "DO NOT READ THIS!" you probably shouldn't read it. collory to 479. But by that time, it's usually to late (explosive rune traps are FUN :schemes: ) 480. Never trust a whistling woman with an eyepatch (ten points if you get the movie referance...) 481. If the players know more about what's going on than the characters, the characters tend to get really smart in a hurry.
Deacon Liadon 07-17-04, 06:40 AM	Originally posted by Jongluer (10) there is always something bigger than what you just killed What if you just killed the tarresque?:) 482) Draco Dormiens Nunquam Tidallanus ( Apoligies for my bad latin spelling)
Jongluer 07-17-04, 12:21 PM	In response to Deacon Liadon, ever hear of Monster Manual 2 or how about just simple an Epic Level enemy? Also, someone skipped a lot of numbers (346-457).
Deacon Liadon 07-17-04, 12:46 PM	no need to be insulting. Just because it's high level doesn't mean it's BIG .
Jongluer 07-17-04, 12:57 PM	*chuckles* sorry I didn't mean to be insulting my apologies, problem with text, you don't know if someone is saying it jokingly or nastily, and I wasn't sure of your text either (not sure if you meant as a joke in size or level, since a Tarresque is both CR 20 and Collossal), and just to stay on topic: 483) Don't steal from a poker game involving Half-Orcs
Tevish Szat 07-17-04, 01:36 PM	Originally posted by Deacon Liadon no need to be insulting. Just because it's high level doesn't mean it's BIG . There's an abomination in the ELH big enough to have white dragons perch on it's sholdurs... and a monster that's actually a large patch of terrain. They come bigger than the tarrasque.
Thanqol 07-18-04, 05:35 AM	484: DM's are allowed to yell "I AM THE SUPREME RULER OF THE INVISIBLE UNIVERSE YOUR PUNY CHARACTERS EXIST IN HA HA HA!" But they probably shouldnt 485: If you plaigerize an idea out of a book, it's your idea unless your players read that book. 486: If it laughs, kill it. 487: If it laughs evily, run away. 488: If you ever get promised a huge reward for completing a quest, chances are that the people who would give you this reward will be killed just after you finish the quest.
Paladin2004 07-18-04, 09:18 AM	489- NEVER open a small lead case that you found in the lower floor of a tower inside a large and deap pit of water guarded by a gaint pike, just don't! 490 - A super powered + 7 , animated shortbow which can detect undead and invisable creatures at will and can turn you invisable for 3 mins 5d4 times a day and also lets you carry infernate gold - will always be evil, only let you use its self, will always shock you for 1d4 of damage if you don't do what it says , will always make you steal from the kings treasurey and will always get you introuble and outlawed, is never a good idea to have or touch ever. and will always come in a small lead case that you found in the lower floor of a tower inside a large and deap pit of water guarded by a gaint pike
Addi83 07-18-04, 10:48 AM	491: If you are playing a paladin, don't agree to adventure with a CE Necromancer wizard PC just because the player is a friend who really wants to play the character. Not even if the DM asks you to ignore the particular paladin guideline of NEVER associating with evil. He will try to kill you. (happened to me) 492: Don't trust the new Half-fiendish fighter played by the same player after you narrowly defeat his necromancer. Even if your paladin doesn't detect him as evil. He will be ok at first, but eventually turn evil, corrupt half the party, they will kill countless innocents while the party is split up and you will have a hell of a time stopping him to make amends for your initial trust. (also happened to me)
Corynth 07-20-04, 11:57 PM	Going to try filling in the gap (ugh, over 100 things, eh?)... 348. Very few adventurers have families. 349. Those adventurers that do have families with have said families slaughtered (either in front of said adventurer, or as a direct result of his/her actions). 350. Any time your entire family is slaughtered by assassins, there's always that ONE sibling that somehow joins the ranks of the assassins to harass you later. 351. Few prestige classes are very prestigious. 352. You can make a weapon out of just about anything. 353. A frying pan requires the exotic weapons proficiency feat. 354. Flesh oozes smell REALLY bad (blarf!). 355. When your DM throws an epic level monster at the party, hoping that they'll try to roleplay their way out of it, and they end up killing it instead... That DM's gonna be ******. 356. CRs are usually wrong. 357. The DM is never wrong. 358. When using the miniatures rules: No matter how often you scout ahead. No matter what spells you're using to boost your spot checks and listen checks. No matter what you do. All fights start with you being surrounded if there's more of them than there are you. 359. Finding the right miniature to use can often be as rewarding a quest as playing the character himself. 360. Painting your miniature is a great way to personalize it to your character. Using tie-die paper to print out your character sheet is not. 361. There is such a thing as loaded dice. Using them, however, will get you kicked out of 99.99% of games. 362. Frogs make great pets. 363. Frogs do NOT make good familiars. 364. Epic level spellcasters can get downright weird when creating new spells. 364a. "Rain of Toast" 364b. "Pogo" 364c. "Instakill 5000" (how much xp it eats when you cast it) 365. You can come up with some of the greatest plot twists in the world, and somehow, the silliest things will always unravel your plans. 366. It is better to have gamed and lost than never to have gamed at all. 367. Ideas flow much more easily when you don't have to think about them. 368. There's no such thing as a stray animal in D&D. 369. There IS such a thing as rabies. 370. Never say "Look what the cat dragged in," to a wererat.
roetroc 07-23-04, 02:23 AM	371) Just because he's wearing a dress doesn't mean that guy can't blast you halfway to Hell. 372) Calling the 6ft+ Dm who works out every day, "pretty lady" will not get you extra XP.
The Vagrant 07-23-04, 07:56 AM	372. By level 5, you will find a bag of holding. 373. Never stick your hand into a bag of holding you just found, without turning it inside out first. 374. Never turn a bag of holding inside out. 375. When taking hostages, never stick them in a bag of holding. 376. If the DM ever asks you for a rule call after aurguing with another player for several minutes: Tell the DM he is right. 377. Never try to impress the DM. 378. No matter how long you spent planning, the PCs will ruin it. 379. The Dm has a back up plan. The Dm ALWAYS has a back up plan. 380. All GMs know that a couple of gorgalys make a great back up plan. 381. If you just meet a player joining the group, and he brags about how he killed a busload of school children in another game: Do not play D&D with him. 382. First time players always try to get laid before doing anything else. 383. If at 15th level, the players are still getting laid before anything else: It's time to get new players. 384. A bad encounter with a random theif is a sign from the DM to change your ways. 385. A green cow from outer space landing on your character is a sign from the Dm. 386. Never, under any circumstance, talk to the dm's girlfriend. Just smile and nodlooking down. 387. You can not find your dead PC at the bottem of a beer bottle. 388. Never suggest taking a break from the game. It will only lead to the game ending for the night. 389. "night" is a term used by gamers that means "mid-afternoon of the next day". 390. There is not always an enemy around every corner. There are three, and two sneaking behind you, and one mage right next to you with an invisability cloak. 391. If it is bleeding black, do not lick it's blood. 392. Attack, gnash, claw, bite, rip, gouge, tear, shred, gash, bash, flail, clobber, head-butt, punch, do everything you can, just ALWAYS go down kicking and screaming.
Corynth 08-12-04, 05:42 PM	393. Always memorize at least one REALLY BIG spell, just in case. 394. Most jewelry is NOT for show. 395. If you find a goblin that's wearing multiple gold rings, chances are they're magical, and chances are he killed whoever was originally wearing them, so don't take him lightly. 396. Green slime does not taste like Jello. 397. Due to the amazing number of half-things (half ogre, half orc, half dragon, half slime... don't ask), apparently high charisma is universal. 398. When faced with a difficult decision, there's rarely enough time to flip a coin, and the bad guys REALLY don't appreciate it when you try. 399. Never underestimate the power of a halfling on a mission. Just make sure you're well clear of the mess he makes. 400. You can climb up a sheer cliff face in full plate-mail, carrying 100 pounds of equipment, and with no rope if you really try hard enough. 401. If there's an easy trail to the top, don't let the fighter know about it after he's finished climbing. 402. Don't switch your bard's horn for a Horn of Thunder just before he goes to play for the king. 402a. I don't care how funny you think it'll be when he REALLY brings the house down. 403. When offered the kingdom, refuse it as politely as possible and then make yourself scarce. No ruler would give up his kingdom to a complete stranger (which is normally what adventurers are) without there being a DAMN good reason. 404. Never say the word "police" in a city under marshall law. 405. Never raise your lightning rod.. er.. sword high above your head and shout at a druid.
Jongluer 08-12-04, 07:43 PM	Well I suppose since I did bring it up, I should help fill in the gap: 406. If the DM is kind to you at first, that means the BBEG is probably a god you gotta kill... 407. Gods are hard to kill 408. There's always that one player who pisses everyone off, if you think there isn't, congrats, ur him/her/it 408a. The player never realizes this 409. A nice Mind Flayer is bound to end up being the most evil sadistic one you'll ever meet. 410. White doesn't mean they're good, just means they're probably not evil. 411. Just because you'e an aasimar, tiefling, half-celestial, half-demon, etc. doesn't mean people will know that you're good or evil, it just means they think you are. 412. The town guard never believes you, they always believe the Bad Guy 413. Don't act surprise when you're put in jail longer than the rest of the party after resisting arrest. 414. If you ask for something that can kill you (i.e. being first level and complaining about not fighting Dire Bears) and you are referred to in 408, it'd be best to watch your back. 415. Evil isn't around every corner just something that can kill you is. 416. If you're do something stupid and illegal, the town guard is always there while you do it. 416a. If they aren't, then congrats you just did something vital for the quest. 417. With a high enough craft skill, all useless items can become a very useful something (note: this normally requires more than one useless item). 418. Worg pelts make good beds 419. Camels are really strong... 420. Paladin should only be a stepping stone to Blackguard 421. Only give the players what they want to show how much it can kill them. 422. If all your players do is try to get laid, a person who steals all their stuff is a great way to stop them from doing it and also is a very good quest starter. 423. There is some sort of conspiracy against Psionics...
Lottelita 08-12-04, 09:37 PM	424. Don't assume that you, your DM, and your fellow players agree on the respective meanings of "good" and "evil." 425. The first question in ANY interrogation should be, "Who do you work for?"
Lottelita 08-12-04, 09:42 PM	426. If you have incredible luck in setting up an improbable strategem, expect EVERYTHING to go wrong with actually executing said strategem. *points to sig*
Jongluer 08-12-04, 11:12 PM	Originally posted by Lottelita: 424. Don't assume that you, your DM, and your fellow players agree on the respective meanings of "good" and "evil." How true, I know the paladin of my group considers enslaving a town full of innocents evil...I call it productive Now the gap continues to be filled: 427. The BBEG can always get away and if he doesn't then you either destroyed your gaming plans for the nexfew months or finally ended the quest. 428. The Leadership feat provide the best thing: meat shields 428a. Meat shields are very good 429. There is always one person who hates you 430. If you can take advantage of someone, do it 430a. Upstanding citizens in a lawful good area dislike it when you take advantage of someone 430b. Anything below a neutral good area expects it
Sssargoth 08-12-04, 11:31 PM	Originally posted by The Stray 480. Never trust a whistling woman with an eyepatch (ten points if you get the movie referance...) Kill Bill On topic...... 431) Never charge into a room with a lich, you WILL be desintigrated. (It happened to me) 432) Never jump into a near by hole to hide from said lich after being raised, your gaming group will never let you live it down. 433) ALWAYS have at least a 14 con
Tevish Szat 08-13-04, 01:15 AM	434: Silver Cords are fragile 435: When in need of an adventure, round up the cursed items (jewelery prefered) that you couldn't get rid of for money and go chuck a piece (or the lot of it) into a volcano. 436: Unless you got your intended prey while hunting, don't eat your fallen opponents. 437: While you could make some extra gold from chopped up enemy bits, i wouldn't reccomend cutting up your slain enemies for parts... Except possibly dragons. 438: There is no such thing as "Just a Beholder", "Just a Mind Flayer", or "Just a Dragon". 439: Comley females always have some sort of secret. More often than not, they are either in some sort of distress or are succubi. 439b. For males (in the case that the party is female-dominated. I happen to be in the male minority in my gaming group ;)), they are either incubi or jerks. 440: A ring of sustenence costs just 2,500 GP and will more than pay for its self in rations or time/ammo hunting.also, needing to sleep just two hours frees up the fighter with such a ring for a very long watch, letting casters get their much-needed rest. 441: A Ring of Warmth is even cheaper and essential to winter outdoor adventuring. 442: Always burn or disintigrate the bodies of your slain enemies. 443: If corpses disintigrate on their own, it's not nessicarly a sign of anything. 444: Three of the same number in a row and you should probably remember it 445: Don't eat anything that didn't look good when alive. 446: If the BBEG is in the middle of a getaway and is giving a dramatic monologue about how he'll be back, don't finish him. you will either fail via fudged dice or HP or P.O. the DM. 447: Don't trust fungus, mold, or slime. 448: never trust Undead. 449: If it keeps twitching, attack it a few more times 450: Pillage first, burn afterwards 451: Don't pillage good aligned towns (AKA bases and fueling stations) 452: Always pillage enemy encampments (AKA giant treasure chests) 453: Her Serenity, the Lady of Pain, is completly invincible. Don't mess with Her Serenity 454: When you need to seal a portal, you always have to leave something or someone important on the other side. 455: And they (or it) had your keys. 456: Never hide a spare set of keys to anywhere you own 457: NPCs always have a spare set of keys somewhere 493: Whne you've sealed a planar rift, your quest is at an end.
Goldwyvern 08-13-04, 03:12 AM	494: The biggest controversy in D&D. Female dwarves bearded or unbearded and i cant believe no one mentioned this next one 495: Never never ever ever place a Portable Hole into a Bag Of Holding or vice versa
The Vagrant 08-13-04, 03:40 AM	496: While dancing in a tavern for money, make sure the audience is not all male. 497: Unless you are female. 498: All 1st level adventures begin in a tavern. 499: All 1st level adventures end with just enough experince to get to level 2. 500: It is never the DMs turn to bring the snacks. 501: When a geni grants you one wish do not say "I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you. Could you repeat that?" We're just over half-way. I think we can actually do this one. 502: If your character is given a land deed for a reward then it will be infested with goblins/trolls/a dragon/ect. 503: Just because the DM is your friend doesn't mean he won't kill you.
Dizmoo 08-13-04, 05:08 AM	504: Don't eat the dice
Sssargoth 08-13-04, 01:54 PM	515) How to count. 516) It's always good to have a long sword of matress slaying +40 I have just spent almost 2 hours conting every submition to this thread, and my additions on this post are the current count.
Tevish Szat 08-13-04, 10:54 PM	517: Even if you habitually answer "yes" when someone asks if yo uare a god, answer "No" when a band of Athar ask (likley rhetorically) if they've caught a proxy. 518: Don't Charisma dump, you never know when you'll need it. 519: All stats being equal, Half-orcs are a shafted unter-race and that's final. 520: All BBEGs carry items with the "personal" enchantment: fine for them, cursed for you. 521: Intellignet items, even if your same alignment, are always a bad thing. 522: When in doubt, the artifact's means of destruction is "Throw it into a volcano" 523: If you have reason to beleive the above won't work, it's MDJ. 524: Haflings are useful: they can cawl into places too small for normal people, be shoved through little holes, or when in a bad straight, spring traps. 525: Kender have all the drawbacks of halflings with none of the benefits. 526: Don't feed the bears. 527: No matter how hard you try, the DM can always say you failed. 528: The opposite is also true 529: Orcs do not make good pets 530: Nor are they dumb enough to qualify as animal companions 531: If it has a horned helmet, it's chaotic. 532: CN and CE are oft indistinguishable 532b: That should not be so. 533: Regardless of alignment, if it's trying to eat you, you should either try to kill it or run. 534: When in doubt, burn 535: If your DM mentions a percular lack of something (like children or small animals in a town) it's important. 536: Your main quest is what you're doing when you're not wrapped up in a sidequest. 537: Always take the sidequest. 538: If your DM uses Status Quo encounters alot, learn to run. 539: Most encounters are Status Quo 540: the BBEG is min/maxed better than you. 541: Reuniting the pieces of a lost artifact is not always a good idea. 542: Recovering an artifact is not always a good idea. 543: Always make sure henchmen are 1st level random commoners. 544: If an NPC henchman or hireling dies and you don't have next-of-kin info, their cut of the treasure is yours, as is anything on their person. 545: Don't maliciously kill henchmen or hirelings. 546: It is acceptable, however, to send them to certain doom as trapspringers or monster bait. 547: The leadership feat is all fine well and good, but dealing with a constant XP drain and a large group of semidependants is not good for the average, or even most any, adventurer. 548: You don't need the leadership feat to hire a random commoner to lift, toat, and set off traps. 549: raise dead is more expensive than gettign another commoner. 550: Henchmen are the poor adventurer's rogue 551: do not spit in the face of your enemy. it's a great show of contempt, but costs you an action. 552: If your ranger dosn't take track, and ranks in survival, they're jsut a shafted excuse for a fighter. 553: Law of Opposites: There's always a counterpoint. 554: Unity of Rings: Actions come full circle 555: Rule of Threes: Things tend to happen in threes. 556: There's always time for for one more. 557: Time is only an issue in certain adventures. you'll probably be informed of a deadline before hand. 558: There's always a fortnignt before the bif occasion 559: Unless there are only 3 days 560: Things that last, last a fortnight 561: Learn how long a fortnight is. 562: Deities do not appreciate sarcasm 563: Remember that commoner? have them be food taster as well. edit: no more cannibal henchmen.
The Vagrant 08-14-04, 12:07 AM	564: If it has no sence of humor: Kill it, it's evil. 565: If it has a sence of humor, then it shouldn't be a diety. 566: If it niether has no sence of humor, nor has one, then it's a pillow or possablly a type of wooden spoon. 567: Therefore only pillows and wooden spoons make good dieties. 568: If you get the chance to kill a diety and get it's power's: Take it. 569: Pillows and wooden spoons are only about a 3/8 CR. 570: When WotC comes out with movis, it's best not to watch them. 571: Or acknowledge their existance.
Frostbite_Ravenheart 08-14-04, 12:40 AM	#565: If a small, poorly armoed person wallks towards you slowly with only a dagger in there hands...surrender. Don't bother running and hope, just prey you can get randsome. #566: Never trust anyone....at all. -Frosty
priest of blipdoolpoolp 08-14-04, 01:01 AM	# 572: Glistening rock in a room almost always indicates a slime, ooze, or something equally horrendous, no matter what the level...
The Vagrant 08-14-04, 05:41 AM	573: The only way to ensure the players won't peak, is to bring the DM equipment with you to the bathroom. 574: D4s make great coltraps to put in the dor way of your room to keep little kids out.
Corynth 08-14-04, 10:07 AM	575. Ye gods! My algebra teacher always said it was true, but I never believed her. There really IS real-world application for maths... Or at least fantasy world, anyway. 576. When you need a random number rolled, do NOT make a computer do it. If you thought your dice were evil, just wait till you see the absolute malevolence of your C++ program. 577. When DMing, always have an encounter ready. Even if it has nothing to do with the plot. 578. If there is not going to be an encounter during the 2 week journey that the party is doing, don't make them roleplay each and every day. Just say the journey was uneventful. 579. You will almost always get attacked on the last leg of your journey, just before reaching your goal. 579a. The longer your journey, the greater the chance that someone will die during this encounter. 580. There is no such thing as class balance. Every class is more powerful than every other class, when played well. 581. The best class is the one that you understand the most. 582. Always keep one weapon in a concealed location. You'll need it sooner or later. 583. Wearing a sword in the land of Tan-Grathir is perfectly okay. Wearing a sword in the land of the United States of America will probably get your arrested. 584. A concealed weapons permit does NOT mean it's okay to carry a sword under your coat. Admittedly, 583 and 584 aren't REALLY D&D references, but it's a good to keep in mind anyway. 585. Never try to see eye to eye with a beholder. 586. The bigger they are, the more it hurts when they fall on you. 587. Contingency spells are usually hard to cast, but well worth the effort. 588. Sometimes you forget the spells that you have cast on you, but the DM NEVER forgets. 589. Always keep extra dice. They make great round counters for spell effects (different color d20 for each spell). 589a. ALWAYS write down which color goes with which spell. 590. Quoted from Steven Brust's Jhereg. "No matter how powerful the wizard, a knife between the shoulderblades will seriously cramp his style." 591. Just because it's immortal doesn't mean you can't kill it. 592. If it's got hit points, you can kill it. 592a. Even a fork has hit points. 593. Never go camping in a druid grove. 594. Avoid natural formations of geometric shapes (ring of mushrooms, pentacle of stones, a river that coincidentally forms the rune of the Devourer of Worlds, etc). 595. Anything that has been asleep for millenia will invariably wake up when you try to sneak past it. 596. Just because something is asleep, doesn't mean it's not aware of your presence. 597. If your character falls asleep during their turn at watch, then they've failed at their duty. 597a. If they had a dream during that nap, then it wasn't a failure... it was a plot hook. 598. Great things come in small packages. Better things come in big ones. 599. No one ever notices the teeth of an herbivore. 599a. Just because it's teeth aren't pointy, doesn't mean it won't hurt when it tries to chew you. 600. Predators have eyes facing forward. Scavengers have eyes on the sides of their heads. Beholders have eyes EVERYWHERE. 601. The easiest way to kill a dragon is to get eaten whole and cut your way out. 601a. Come to think of it, that's the easiest way to kill most anything of gargantuan size or larger. 601b. If you actually plan to use this as a tactic, make sure you don't have to breathe before getting swallowed. 602. Just because it has the monstrous feat swallow whole doesn't mean it has to.
Corynth 08-14-04, 10:13 AM	It's a bit early, but I felt I had to... 1001. You never know just how much 1001 is until you try. (bring on any variations ye like).
Piff 08-14-04, 01:39 PM	603. no matter how fun it would be dont put dead corpses on a alter of a god then set the whole thing on fire. They will rise and attack you till you die ignoring you freinds that are with you. 604. never steal from a god. 605. Never go hunting for a god because they will start hunting you. 606. bounties on you can be helpful - saves you the trouble of finding critters. 607. of all the creatures orc's will catch you the most.
Corynth 08-15-04, 11:35 AM	608. Any exp you can get by killing a creature you can get twice by making them run away then hunting them down and killing them later. 609. No matter how much you've killed. No matter how long you've been there. There's always one more critter in the dungeon. 610. Humans have a higher average intelligence than orcs, but for some reason, villages are constantly being overrun by them. 611. The larger the fortress, the greater chance of it collapsing when you kill the BBEG. 612. The BBEG will always taunt you before you die, so if he doesn't, you're in no danger. 613. Never trust a mute villain. They break all the rules. They never explain their evil plan. They never taunt you before you die. They never warn you of your impending doom after they take over the world. It's just not right! 614. If the critter has red eyes, chances are it's going to breathe fire. 615. Barbarians are all from Austria. 616. There's no such thing as a fat elf. 617. There's no such thing as a thin dwarf. 618. There's no such thing as a tall halfling. 619. There IS such a thing as a short giant!!! 620. If you walk into a large city, there's a good chance you can find a store that sells just about anything. 621. In magic stores, there is a greater chance of finding a magic item that works in special circumstances than finding a magic item that does something useful all the time. 621a. Just as example: You can almost always find a ring of protection against fire, that way you can fend off those pesky dragons that you always seem to fight. You never find that ring of sustenance because of course, you never seem to sleep or eat, or anything. 622. Don't wait till the count of three to charge. 622a. Your oponent didn't. 623. There's nothing more frightening than a mounted charge, if you're on the receiving end of it. 624. There's never a paladin around when you actually need one. 624a. They always seem to be around spouting about their god and values until it's actually time to fight the demon. Then they go "questing" for the church and uh... can't really make it this time. Sorry guys. 625. If the word arch is in the name of it, chances are you don't have big enough weapons to kill it.
wereooze 08-16-04, 11:12 PM	626. Anyone who saunts into a bar wearing a black cloak is EVIL. Kill them immediately. 627. Robes = Wizard. Prepare to be Fireballed. 628. If you ever need the help of armed mercenaries. Check your local watering hole first. 629. If the DM has trouble pronouncing it... it must be bad. 630. Never use a San Franciscan accent when roleplaying a dwarf.
The Vagrant 08-17-04, 03:16 AM	631: You can't always get what you want. If you tell the DM what it is you realy want. 632. In any campign, there is always goblins. 633. Levels 1-20, deities are your gods. Act accordinly. 634. Levels 21-35, deities are your friends. Act accordinly. 635. Levels 36+, deities are your rivals. Act accordinly. 636. Breakdancing in a tavern will be considered spell casting and will get you shot with a crossbow. 637. A 120 pound elf with a 10 strength is still naturally proficient with 200 pound pull longbows because of their pointy ears. 638. The Inn desk clerk always has a strange vocal quirk. 639. D&D is less patheticly played with 2+ people. 639.a. Note the term "less patheticly" *slaps wrist and mumbles to self for no appaernt reseon*
Disturbed1 08-17-04, 09:23 PM	640. the dm is always right(i know its been used before) 640a. unless hes wrong. 640b. if 640 b occurs, refer to rule number 640. 641. if the group you currently dm over is the only group in your area, and no one else in the area has any interest in playin this game with you, then rule number 640 does not apply. 641a. the group can become angry with you and kick YOU out of the group 641b. group selects new dm from the remaining ppl. 641c. you find new things to do with the thousands of dollars you spent on your dnd books. dis1
The Vagrant 08-17-04, 09:56 PM	642: Organizing your D&D books is fun. 643: Reading your D&D books is fun. 644: Cleave is fun. 645: Swallowing a D20 on a dare is not fun.
Disturbed1 08-17-04, 10:19 PM	Originally posted by The Vagrant 645: Swallowing a D20 on a dare is not fun. that is one of the best ones ive seen on this list.....this one and the one about dragons mating with anything, lmfao dis1 oooooo, and the one about women rollin 7 nat 20s ina row cause the guys are lookin down her shirt, lmfao too sry, that one is a big of sexist, but its funny shtuff
bgt 08-18-04, 11:58 AM	646. That despite having Int 10, goblins are some the stupidest creatures in the game.
Corynth 08-18-04, 01:03 PM	Originally posted by Disturbed1 oooooo, and the one about women rollin 7 nat 20s ina row cause the guys are lookin down her shirt, lmfao too sry, that one is a big of sexist, but its funny shtuff I admit, it's a bit stereotypical, but it DID happen in one of the games I played in. I'm pretty sure it was done on purpose. The DM was oblivious at first, but caught on pretty fast when she kept rolling 20s. The rest of us just thought it was too funny to complain about (we weren't "in the line of fire", so didn't get the full effect). Besides, the critters died and we got exp. Who were we to complain? Heheh. ... and just for fun, since we're on the subject. 646. Cleavage is a feat. 647. Great cleavage is a gift from the gods. 648. I don't care what anime you've seen. They don't make bikini platemail. 648a. Or a chainmail thong. 649. Don't try to change the world unless you've conquered it first. 650. Everything is edible when cooked right. 651. Having two clerics in a party is great. 651a. Unless they worship different gods. 651b. Worse if they worship opposing gods. 652. Just because you're good aligned, doesn't mean the archons that just appeared are on your side. 653. If you're evil aligned, then you KNOW that the devils that just showed up are DEFINITELY not on your side. 654. There's no such thing as plastic surgery in D&D. 654a. But who cares? What you look like isn't as important as how you present yourself.
Fi'Irdray 08-18-04, 01:53 PM	actually, they do make chainmail thongs... there's a link for it somewhere in the mature boards
Negeta 08-18-04, 01:53 PM	655. Never trust a quest-giver that offers "anything you could possibly want" as a reward. Chances are, you won't get it. 656. The DM's favorite monster isn't going to be exactly from the book. It'll always have some powerful class tacked onto it. 657. Don't leave it up to the tank to pick the tactic. 658. If you try to make your character interesting, with a nice set of quirks, there's probably going to be someone else in your party with no motivation or depth other then "me smash." 659. If a player dies for a stupid decision, then it's his or her fault. If a player dies despite what choices he or she makes and it wasn't because of a bad roll, you may want to look elsewhere.
dancing toothpick 08-18-04, 03:00 PM	660. All NPCs are polymorphed BBEGs. All of 'em 661. Never start barfights with magic users. 662. Never insult anyone who has a scythe. They're clerics of Nerull. 663. Trust no one. 664. Elves are ***holes. 665. Feel afraid when a DM smiles.
dancing toothpick 08-18-04, 03:00 PM	660. All NPCs are polymorphed BBEGs. All of 'em 661. Never start barfights with magic users. 662. Never insult anyone who has a scythe. They're clerics of Nerull. 663. Trust no one. 664. Elves are ***holes. 665. Feel afraid when a DM smiles.
dancing toothpick 08-18-04, 03:00 PM	660. All NPCs are polymorphed BBEGs. All of 'em 661. Never start barfights with magic users. 662. Never insult anyone who has a scythe. They're clerics of Nerull. 663. Trust no one. 664. Elves are ***holes. 665. Feel afraid when a DM smiles.
The Vagrant 08-18-04, 03:59 PM	666. Never enter a portal with 3 sixes on the sign next to it. It's just baaadd mojo. 667. If one six is scribbled out and a seven is written there instead: Jump right! 668. If it's a pot of green boiling liqued, don't go near it. 669. If it's a pot of reflective white energy that magnifies the dive power of the holy deites: Do NOT go to the bathroom in it. 670. Pelor may be an A-typical fantasy god, but he can still kick the crude out of any of your characters without breaking a sweat; don't call him names.
Kail_Atin 08-20-04, 02:37 AM	671. for every three players and a DM,there is always one who refuses to pay a cent on Anything. 672. It's this same person who will either be the bar gamer the major Bastard. 673. A pound o' dice sounds better than it really is.
The Vagrant 08-20-04, 03:19 AM	672. Min/Maxers know all the rules. 673. DMs can use min/maxers instead of digging through the books. 674. Min/Maxers break game balance; by the rules. 675. Min/Maxers are a great source for rules help, but DMs still hate them. 676. M&Ms make a reliable, colorful, and delicious d2. 677. M&Ms make quick, easy, and delicious miniatures. 678. M&Ms make tracking spell durations easy, paper-free, and delicious. 679. M&Ms are less sticky then Skittles and therefor are easier, less-messy, and more delicious at 676-678. 680. M&Ms are as important to D&D as dice are. 681. An M&M is smaller, cheaper, and more delicious then a d20.
MattD121 08-20-04, 02:51 PM	682. If there are 2 paladins and a cleric in the party you may want to rethink playing an illithid. 683. Only make fun of your party wizard after 2 PM, sorcerors at 3 PM.
Grevious Windcruiser 09-01-04, 05:00 PM	684. Don't eat or drink anything a Drow Elf gives you. 685. Drow knockout poison canbe very, very useful :schemes:
Vintar 09-01-04, 09:11 PM	686. You don't have to run faster than the monster chasing you - just faster than you fighter friend in heavy armor.
Rurik "The Silent" 09-01-04, 10:40 PM	672. Min/Maxers know all the rules. 673. DMs can use min/maxers instead of digging through the books. 674. Min/Maxers break game balance; by the rules. 675. Min/Maxers are a great source for rules help, but DMs still hate them. 676. M&Ms make a reliable, colorful, and delicious d2. 677. M&Ms make quick, easy, and delicious miniatures. 678. M&Ms make tracking spell durations easy, paper-free, and delicious. 679. M&Ms are less sticky then Skittles and therefor are easier, less-messy, and more delicious at 676-678. 680. M&Ms are as important to D&D as dice are. 681. An M&M is smaller, cheaper, and more delicious then a d20. M and M's minnis are also very usful and their case is kind of liek a dice case :)
Bedevere 09-02-04, 02:57 AM	687. If the king has been murdered, then just arrest the guy who hired you. It'll turn out he was behind it soon enough anyway. 688. Dragons are so intelligent, you can't understand how they think. As a result, they appear to have the intellect of an average late teens male from your home town. 689. (from a specific D&D computer game) There is no such crime as burglary. You can take someones life savings from their home in front of their eyes, and nobody will complain in the slightest. This has nothing to do with the platemail and greatsword you are wearing, either. ;)
Endarire 09-02-04, 04:25 AM	690: Mundane items' values skyrocket upon enering antimagic fields and dead magic zones. 691: The more abilities you have, the less likely you are to use any of them. 692: Every thing has its use; the problem usually is carrying it around until then, and remembering to get it out in time, then chanting all the words in proper sequence, then... -EE
Paladin2004 09-02-04, 04:30 AM	693. Never pour holy water down a portal to the underworld, it only makes them mad. 694. Never try and bless evil necromancing artifacts of all power, this also only makes the big bad monsters mad 695. Never do any of the above when your only level 3. 696. Always be careful how you word your actions to the DM (hehe I'm mean :D :mad: ) : PC: "Ok, I'm going in, I kick down the door" DM(me): "You want to kick it down fine, roll." PC: "No, no, i meant open" PC2: "Haha, make him kick it" PC: *rolls eyes and dice* DM: Ok you have done 5-2 = "6 damage on the door" PC2: "Ok, i walk up and open the door" hehe
MattD121 09-02-04, 07:10 PM	697 Two half-orcs dont make an orc. But two halflings make a ling!
The Rooster 09-02-04, 08:54 PM	165 - Dwarves cannot swim. Tie a rope to them. Rooster
Megrim_Lord 09-02-04, 09:07 PM	697. If the kingdom is suffering from random undead appearances, the king is a vampire. 698. never assume hitting the dm in the back of the head will make the d20 pop out of his mouth, he might just swallow it. 699. If the dm is wrong, don't tell him, he'll just change the rules.
OneRingShort 09-02-04, 10:18 PM	700. Don't sleep in the BBEG's house....when hes still alive.
The Vagrant 09-02-04, 10:58 PM	701. In fact never sleep in the BBEGs house... he's always still alive. 702. If your DM's dad has a heart attack in his bed while you're playing D&D, shut his door. He'll be quite soon enough, and if the DM didn't hear anything then the game can still go on as if nothing happend. 703. If you have a heart attack while playing D&D, don't roll a will save. That's just stupid. 704. Don't bring small children to the D&D table and expect every thing to be normal. That's just stupid. 705. Don't quote the Player's Handbook during your confermation ceramony when you were told to quote the bible. That's just asking for trouble. 706. Don't quote the Player's Handbook during physics class to prove a point. That's just stupid. 707. Don't play GURPS if you can play D&D, that's just stupid.
Fi'Irdray 09-03-04, 02:42 PM	703. If you have a heart attack while playing D&D, don't roll a will save. That's just stupid. Well duh, it'd be a Fort save.
The_Ditto 09-03-04, 03:43 PM	10) there is always something bigger than what you just killed Amendment: .. and then what you just summonded ... 74. A person can be hit multiple times with a weapon and keep fighting a full efficiency. Amendment: ... but that final slap in the face will always knock the toughest barbarian into unconsciouness ... 96. Not every door is trapped, but it's safer to check them all anyway. Amendment: ... you'll never find anything ... but it makes you feel safer .. And to add a couple new ones .. (I hope?? I read a lot of the previous ones, and scanned most of them ... arrgh .. there's alot!! :uh-huh: ) 708) no matter how well prepared you think you are ... you aren't. 709) you fall slower if you jump down, rather than fall down. 710) If anyone nearby says something along the lines of: "What could possibly go wrong?" ... RUN
Silvertongue 09-04-04, 10:35 AM	711. Don't play with stupid people. 712. Don't play with drunk people. 713. Don't play with people you don't like or who don't like you. But that was all in the past! 714. When your group needs a distraction it is not a good idea to marry the cleric of Bane. 715. When you are aware that the dagger your D.M. has just given you will unleash a demon if you fill the empty slots with specific gems, just don't do it! Curiosity has got me knocked up by a Balor, the child of which is due to burst forth from my distented stomach very soon.
The Vagrant 09-05-04, 02:34 AM	716. Your more likely to have your Mom return your D20 she found inthe wash, then she is that $20 bill. 717. Standerd quality elfs do not bounce off the rocks on the bottem of a waterfall. 718. No matter what Martin Luther King Jr. said, not all races are created equal. 719. Even the BBEG has Magic Missle memorized at least 3 times. 720. No role playing system is perfect. 721. Charisma is no substatute for Strength during a melee fight. 722. Strength can be used to greater effect then Charisma in high tension political gatherings. 723. There are things a Vaporeal Great sword +5 can do that no 9mm could. {edited to correct historical figure name}
Fi'Irdray 09-05-04, 02:39 AM	I think you mean Martin Luther King Jr... Martin Luther said "Whoever drinks more sleeps more, and whoever sleeps more sins less," among other things, but bringing up religion would eventually lead to put-downs, and the COC would block this thread, so I'll stop talking now
The Vagrant 09-05-04, 05:55 AM	Good thinking. And for my own safety, I meant "races" as in the diffrent races such as half-orks, half-elves, elfves, humans, dwarfs, ect. It's called a pun.
Corynth 09-08-04, 02:13 AM	724. Just when you thought you knew all the rules, they come out with another version. 725. DMing is not as easy as it looks. 726. Creating a world with dynamic civilizations and social structures, subtle plots and far reaching epics, heroes and monsters is easy. 726a. Running it smoothly after you've thrown a few adventurers at it is not. 727. There is a god of cheese. 728. Gods are not the biggest and baddest out there anymore. 729. You can have 3 ideologically different religious orders in the same area without causing a war. 730. Xaphod lied. Towels really aren't that handy. 731. If there's a great character from history, chances are they've had stats calculated for them by someone. 732. Smurfs are not 3 apples high. More like a pear and 2 grapes. 733. Just because your DM says your alignment has changed to evil doesn't mean you can't still do good deeds. It just means that spells that effect good aligned people don't hurt you anymore. 734. Alignment isn't as cut and dry as it seems. 735. Just because its size category is fine and yours is giant, doesn't mean it can't crit your sorry behind and kill you anyway. 736. You can put the vorpal quality on just about anything with an edge to it. 736a. A medium-sized vorpal seashell can still cut someone's head off. 737. Underwater cities are much more common than you might think. 738. Just because you can't find something, doesn't mean it's not there. 739. Knowing the right words for groups of animals can really keep your players guessing if they don't. 740a. Never trust a parliament of owls who are discussing a murder of crows, and while you're at it, never trust the pride of lions.
bgt 09-08-04, 03:05 PM	741. There comes a time in every druid's career when their Survival skill is so high that deer will kill, clean, cook, and serve thenselves to him.
rogue_lettuce 09-08-04, 03:41 PM	742. A question concerning alignment is never a good thing.
cthulu_mt 09-08-04, 03:51 PM	743: The cleric will always die the first time they memorize Raise Dead. 744: Noone likes having a Death cleric in the party, even if you aren't evil. 745: The munchkin wants to play a pixie for some reason...that seems sort of weak at first. But flight+invis equals PK anytime he wants.
The Vagrant 09-08-04, 10:26 PM	746: The DM hates you. 747: Do not call your airplane stewardess a 'wench'. 748: Combat is like going to the bathroom in the DM's house; miss too much and you'll get clobered, aim right and victory is your's.
Vanigo 09-08-04, 11:46 PM	749) Get to know your DM. 750) Get to know your fellow players. 751) Always max out sense motive. 752) Never count on anything failing a save 753) Fire... Good. 754) Never play D&D when you're the only drunk person in the room. 755) Never play D&D when you're the only sober person in the room. 756) You can never have too many special sensory abilities. 757) Never try to make gunpowder. Either the powder or the DM will blow up in your face. 758) Never forget to cast defensively. [Edit: fixed numbers]
Cyricist 09-09-04, 08:12 AM	749) Get to know your DM. 748) Never forget to cast defensively. 748a Never forget to cast offensively either, especially with spells like magic missile. Playing a pacifist mage just doesn't cut it. :D
ragnarofburland 09-11-04, 10:16 PM	749) No matter what character class(es) the halfling has taken it CAN sneak in. 750) No matter how many ranks in Knowledge anything you gain your character will inevitably miss something.
Covert_Spirit 09-12-04, 09:02 PM	751. If he's in a cloak sitting alone at a tavern, he's going to give you a quest. 751 a) If he is not going to give you a quest, he is going to kill you. 752. There is no such thing as a *lesser deity*. 753. If it's regrowing limbs, RUN. 754. If it only wakes up once every 10000 years, RUN. 755. Don't burn down the DM's carefully plotted out and intricate city for the Hell of it. Just don't.
The Vagrant 09-13-04, 12:19 AM	756. If you are ever alone and not because you've all ready killed monsters in the room, traveling down a short insiqnificant hall, or have just created your own demi-plane secounds ago and tellaported there- then you're not really alone. 757. The long winding path to the next city can get lonely. Buy a shrunken head to keep you company. 758. When on a long winding path, far from civilization, and with no rations left due to a miscalculation: Do not eat the shrunken head you've brought with you. 759. Rid your self of any shrunken heads you may be traveling with before you reach the gate to the only city in a week's walk when you have no rations left. The gaurds will deny you entrance to the only food source around when they discover the shrunken head on your person. 780. Violence may get you into a city, but it does not garintee that you can stay in it for long. Nor stay alive for long in it. 781. When you are being chased by gaurds through the alleys of a previsly unexplored city, and you duck into a random building to excape persuite: Odds are that you've just entered the gaurds barreks. 782. Bluffing your way out of killing gate gaurds, to other gaurds, entails a daunting +10 to the DC. 783.: Most cities have the "eye for an eye" legal view. 784. There are over 784 "rules of thumb" to D&D, this is only the seventh hundred and eighty fourth. 785. Nameing your tribal raised ranger character 'Bear Slayer', does not give you any bonuses to attacking bears when you've spent your favored enemy abilitie on goblinoids. 786. When fighting a Mind Flayer ranger with Favored Enemy Humanoid, do not try to convince it that it should "favor" you as a humanoid and let you live. 787. If you ever are sparred from death by a Mind Flayer, and you went on your way apperintly uneffected, there is a 93.2% chance that the DM just hasn't yet told you you're thralled. 788. Eating the brains of your own race is not nessisarly evil. Eating the brains of your own race without A-1 Steak Sauce is.
Asta Kask 09-13-04, 05:04 AM	789. Paladins can roast goblin babies on a spit without violating their code of conduct. 790. The belief that clerics care for their flock and preach the holy truth is wrong. They kick :censored: for the Lord. 791. Monks achieve enlightenment by twisting people's ankles 180 degrees. 792. Know your DM and know your group, and in a thousand sessions you will not be defeated. 793. If it fights and runs away, you can get more XP for it another day.
Cravensson 09-13-04, 12:47 PM	648. I don't care what anime you've seen. They don't make bikini platemail. 648a. Or a chainmail thong. http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids/20040912/i/r275012231.jpg They do exist!
Drake Dragonslayer 09-13-04, 01:18 PM	http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids/20040912/i/r275012231.jpg They do exist! *HUG* :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Addi83 09-13-04, 03:12 PM	794. Though fire can be used to your advantage, it is never friendly.
Morlaithion 09-13-04, 07:22 PM	795. If you touch something and the rogue literally dives out of the room, you should at the very least stop touching it. 796. Never try to catch a gnome carrying a piece of sheet metal hurtling towards you at speeds of Mach 1. (Three PCs tried to catch me. They learned their lessons.)
The Vagrant 09-14-04, 12:11 AM	797. "Inventing" the cottin gin for spare GP will only get your character killed. 798. If you find your character back from the dead, you can bet your going on a divine quest. 799. Swords don't need bayenettes. 800. Never use a Portable Hole as an oder eater in your shoe. 801. Fighter's are underestimated. 802. A dead bard is a dead bard. A long dead wizard of great power is an adventure hook waiting to happen.
Morlaithion 09-15-04, 08:41 PM	803. If something is coated in some unidentifiable substance, under no circumstances should you touch it with your bare hands. 804. There are a good number of spells that keep a certain kind of thing out. Few of these spells, however, work on ammunition fired from ranged weapons wielded by the thing stuck outside your circle. 805. Never toss a sword (or any weapons, for that matter) straight up. 806. If the party consists of a rogue, a sorceror, and a cleric, don't expect to get very much EXP from combat. 807. Small, furry woodland creatures should not have 14 levels of sorceror. (Dion, you better be paying attention to this). 808. You should never take a squirrel as your familiar. 808a. You should also never sic your 40 familiar squirrels on a dragon. 809. The DM pays attention to what spells you prepared that day, and changes dragon colors appropriately. (i.e. You prepare fireball, they sic a red dragon on you.) 810. If the person who normally plays the Munchkin decides to DM, feel free to up your stats a point or two. 811. Never agree to play any form of Roulette with an NPC. Chances are, its the original version of Russian roulette. 812. If you're anywhere beneath the water line of a ship, refrain from using flaming weapons or any spells that may damage the hull. 812a. This rule does not apply if you're actively trying to sink the ship, in which case a few well-placed axe chops or spells should do the trick. 813. If you own all the rulebooks, and you refuse to loan them out, expect to be answering a lot of questions. 814. Never decide to take "just a sip" of some potion you found while looting the tower of the necromancer you just killed. 814a. Rule 814 is wrong. The necromancer is never dead. 815. Never forget that the environment can be lit of fire. Also never forget that fire can go faster than some PCs can.
The Vagrant 09-15-04, 09:12 PM	816. Never slap the Princess during the middle of a cerimony that is hosted by the King, unless you know for an absolute fact that the Princess is an evil polymorphed creatur out to take over the kingdom. 817. DMs should expect their rouge PCs to ask the inn clerk if the rooms have towels and little soaps in them.
Wildonion 09-15-04, 09:56 PM	818) The DM isn't your friend. 819) Beware the guy who maxes out Slieght of hand.... 820) A kobold can be a powerful ally. 821) When in doubt ask subtle questions. 822) Quizes that tell you what Race/Class you should play are not reliable.
Tibs 09-15-04, 11:04 PM	823. Never feed the strange yellow powder you found in the giant Spider's nest to your recently killed wizard friend. 825. No matter how far you run, the bounty hunters will find you. 826. Blame the halfling. It's usually his fault anyway. 827. There's no such thing as too much gold. 828. If your party laughs at you for slipping in a pile of ettin dung, you're not obligated to tell them about the chest with ten 50gp gems you found in it. 829.If you turn the corner in a dungeon without peeking around it first, chances are you'll catch a spear in the face. 830. (for the rogues in the party) The fighter is your meatshield. 833.Your meatshield is your greatest and most useful tool. 834. Treat it accordingly. 835. A halfling doesn't need invisibility spells when he's walking through tall grass. 836. You're not a thief. You're an adventurer. With lockpicks. 837. ALWAYS listen to the old man NPC. They know things. 838. "Shiny" is usually a good thing. 839. Dire weasels always have a magic ring in their nests. 840. If the wizard who's kindly letting you use his room in the tavern on the sole condition that you don't touch anything...DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.
The Vagrant 09-15-04, 11:16 PM	841. Nothing beats 3D6 gems, ecept 4D6 gems. 842. Don't worry when the DM rolls dice so you can't see the results; he's going to make you fail anyways. 843. If it's not old, shiney, mysteriuse, completly normal looking, hidden, out in the middle of no where, out in the open, red, green, black, and/or gold: It's not relevent to the plot. 844. Dipping paper maps into coffie and burning the edges gives it a cool aged effect. 845. Dipping your Player's Handbook into coffie and burning the edges is just plain stupid. It even sounds stupid. Dont do it!
Raymond_Luxury_Yacht 09-15-04, 11:26 PM	846. There's a reason why that 100 lb. diamond is still on the altar... 847. If the DM ever even mentions the word "squamous", run like hell.
Flame_Drake 09-16-04, 01:24 AM	848. Never... kick... the... Kobold 849. It's a 20th level sorceror 850. Or a Great Wyrm Red Dragon
Kaerus B'aant 09-16-04, 05:19 PM	851: The DM will never frown upon a refill when he returns to the table. 852: The PHB states that evil gnomes are frightening, but thankfully rare. The next room consists of 10 gnomish necromancers raising an unholy army of undead, and 5 gnomish blackguards to lead them. (Note: to self...Gnomish blackguards...) 853: Don't try to expect the unexpected, the stereotypical red dragon, damsel in distress combo will plot hook you in the next tavern. 854: Constantly uttering "By the Nine Hells..." gives the DM ideas. Stop doing it. 854a: Constantly uttering "By the piles of treasure, gems and magical weapons..." is also inappropriate. We all know who guards the dragon hoard you just uttered. [edited for spelling and grammar]
Morlaithion 09-16-04, 06:52 PM	855. Never use any high-ranking hostage as a meatshield. 856. If after ten minutes you fail to pick the lock on the door, then there's either a secret door, some form of trigger, or an unlocked door that you just forgot about. 857. If a DM that is known for being stingy gives you a chest of gold in the middle of the dungeon with no apparent reason/major battle, its trapped somehow. 858. If you see any treasure with a pile of ashes next to it, don't open it without disarming it/using a 10 ft. pole. 858a. This goes double is the pile of ashes has a hat on top of it, and a whip is laying right next to it. 858b. Especially if you can hear the "Raiders of the Lost Ark" theme playing soflty in the background. 859. Never rob any room in a Necromancer's tower with a skull and crossbones on the door unless you absolutely have to, or are extremely strong. 860. Bards are at best competent at nearly everything, and thus are best used as a 5th "support" group member, and not as the main anything. 860a. This rule does not apply in urban campaign settings.
Wildonion 09-16-04, 07:02 PM	861) The rouge is usually unreliable 862) If you are a drow mage in waterdeep then one of the three lords is going to want you dead. 862) If you are a skeleton in a black robe then people will run screaming the apocolypse. 863) Never use a ring of light around shadow mastiffs late at night jacked up on soda, the DM forgets to let you use a reflex save vs losing your finger.
Cyricist 09-16-04, 07:42 PM	864) The spelling of the word 'rogue' is a problem for many players ;) 864a) Then again.. better to have a rouge steal the diamond than smudgeing your face with rogue... :D
von Szass 09-16-04, 07:46 PM	864b) Some kind of monsters tend to disagree with 864a 865) red dragons are pedophilic by nature, they favour young meat (see their entry)
Savras 09-17-04, 09:05 AM	865) red dragons are pedophilic by nature, they favour young meat (see their entry) :rofl: BAD von Szass, BAD! But o-so-funny... *picks self off the floor to puch "Submit"* Savras
Cyricist 09-17-04, 12:45 PM	:rofl: BAD von Szass, BAD! 866) Some DMs are just too BAD.. EVIL.. VILE.. and thus present us with a very enjoyable game! :D
Roy Were-Tiger 09-17-04, 01:39 PM	(867): Don't ever try to jump over a traphole... especially not when you just can slide past it... (868): Don't try to walk toward a drunk ork or you'll get hurt... (869): Don't try to walk toward a drunk dwarf... their not really drunk ;) ... (870): Do try to walk toward a drunk female partymember, you'll get lucky!!! ((My excuses to all the females on the forum for that sexistic answer :bigeyes: ...))
Cravensson 09-17-04, 05:49 PM	871. That female party member is always played by a fat guy named Earl who hasn't bathed in three weeks. 872. Earl's female characters are always raging lesbians. 873. Earl has probably never seen an actual female, let alone a raging lesbian. He has no idea what they do.
Roy Were-Tiger 09-17-04, 06:46 PM	871. That female party member is always played by a fat guy named Earl who hasn't bathed in three weeks. 872. Earl's female characters are always raging lesbians. 873. Earl has probably never seen an actual female, let alone a raging lesbian. He has no idea what they do. Hey, thats not true!!! :hoppingma I DO HAVE SEEN WOMAN!!!! AND I DO KNOW WHAT THEY DO!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: !!!....... ehh... I'm not Earl... Really!!
Kaerus B'aant 09-18-04, 06:22 AM	874: If the DM has brought his Draconomicon and the book of Challenges to the table, flee. 874a: Or pour him another Mountain Dew (Don't you deserve one?). The maybe, just maybe that Save DC will be lowered. By 1.
tree druid 09-18-04, 11:30 AM	875: Never sleep with your weapon beside you in bed, otherwise youll wake up with a nasty little scratch :)
Asta Kask 09-18-04, 12:25 PM	876: The DM accepts bribes. He's just not affected by them...
Enalung 09-18-04, 04:39 PM	877: If there's a lever in a room, it has a use. 878: Always have the rogue search the lever for traps before pulling it 879: Never trust the rogue no matter what; wait for someone else to pull it. 880: Don't attack the dog that's about to bite your head off if your deity is Ehlonna.
Asta Kask 09-18-04, 06:26 PM	881: If three guys approach you, and of them wears highly distinctive clothes while the other two are "generic" - attack the guy with the nice clothes.' 882: If something is listed as "happens rarely", it will happen once per campaign. If it's listed as "almost never", it will happen once every three sessions. 883: All NPCs are fair game.
Morlaithion 09-18-04, 10:32 PM	883: All NPCs are fair game. 883a. Unless you're Good and they're wearing white. 884. The rogue normally doesn't have any particular desire for your death, just your wealth. 884a. Assassins desire both. 885. Never turn your back to a rogue while arguing with them. 886. Always keep a spare $50 in your pocket in case your character requires "Divine Intervention". 887. Never date the ex of anybody playing a non-exalted character.
Adamar deBurgus 09-19-04, 08:31 PM	888. you spell rogue (as in the class) r-o-g-u-e, not rouge (i know im a little late) 889. learn how to spell before playing DnD
bgt 09-19-04, 09:14 PM	890- Killing the troll makes the villigers happy. 891-Killing the dragon makes the villigers happy. 892-Riding into town on a pubic louse the druid enlarged does NOT make the villigers happy.
Enalung 09-19-04, 09:33 PM	893: Dead peoples don't speak 894: Taking the blame for the mistake that just happened is far from a good idea, specialy if you just got locked in a room with a great old wyrm red dragon. 895: Having someone else take the blame for the mistake is great 896: Having someone dead take the blame is even better (refer to rule #893) 897: Deads migth just yet speak... 898: Rule number 896 does not apply if the dead person can be raised or resurected (see rule 897) 899: There is always someone in the party that can resurect the deads or has the money to pay the cleric at the temple (see rule 898)
The Vagrant 09-20-04, 12:19 AM	900. Never hire a merc. rogue with only one hand. 901. Never hire a merc. anything. Do it yourselve and get the XP for yourself. 902. Hire assassins to kill Mr. X. Give them the name and location of you and your inn. Spurn the assassin's assassination atttempt on you easly by knowing exactly how and when he'll try to kill you, gain the XP, keep the gold you had to pay him.
Enalung 09-20-04, 08:38 PM	903: Before entering a room, Listen, Search, Open Lock 904: When Entering a room, Listen, Spot, Battle, Search 905: Do the instruction in number 903 and 904 in the order they apear and you should never be in trouble unless you party rogue fails her DC. 906: The rogue always fails the DC when there's something important to be seen or heard.
Paladin2004 09-21-04, 02:37 AM	1000. There's always one idoit in the group who can't count, or add up (or so he says *cough* cheat *cough* to get the best numbers )
The Vagrant 09-21-04, 11:46 PM	I dislike the above, plain and simply hate it. So in my mind it's #907. 908: No matter how great of a role player players may be, they all eventually begin combat with "I attack." 909: No matter how great of a DM a DM may be, they all eventually end the description of a room or NPC action with "What do you do?" 910: When at an interview for a job, there is no excuse to talk about D&D to the interviewer. 911: There are no emergancy paramedics in the typical town, so don't screw up. 912: If there is only one caster in the world strong enough to reserect, then you can bet that that is no accident. 913: Never show up to the DM's father's funerale and say that if the DM raises your cleric just a few more levels for free that you can gain access to the reserect spell. 914: Never show up to the DM's mother's funerale and say "That's what she gets for vacuming up my D20."
Paladin2004 09-22-04, 03:18 AM	lol sorry
Fi'Irdray 09-22-04, 03:22 AM	915. The probability of death is inversely proportional to the amount of 10' poles your group has. 916. There's no pit trap uncrossable with a pair of immovable rods.
The Vagrant 09-22-04, 11:29 PM	I dislike the above, plain and simply hate it. So in my mind it's #907 lol sorry "See kids? Being a jerk some times get's you what you want." I'm defencive of the good numbers because I've claimed quite a few: 666, 700 (I belive), and more. Sorry if I'm a jerk about it, but yeah. 917. When traversing a pit with immovable rods, levitation boots, or other magical means; You can bet the DM will throw in an anti-magic field. 918. No video game can come close to the free-form experince of PnP D&D, but Honey Bunches of Oats: With Banannas can. 919. If you do your history report on the Year of Tears from Forgotten Realms, you can bet that you'll get an F. 920. It's hard to convince parents that D&D is a normal hobby and hanging out with 30 year olds every other week is safe. 921. It's easy to lie. 922. When your DM slipps into a sezuire right mid-roll: It's disrespectfull to ask the other players if the monster's natruale 1 attack roll counted then.
Paladin2004 09-23-04, 05:42 PM	923: Death is around every corner, behind every door\wall\force feild, in every box\crate\coffin\barrel... 924: A eating fork may seem like a stupid weapon , but when that stupid paladin shoves it through your skull because he has a base attack bonus of about 20 you won't be laughing.
The_Fighter 09-23-04, 06:16 PM	925:Your next saving throw may be your last (Just ask my players)
Vanigo 09-23-04, 10:16 PM	910: When at an interview for a job, there is no excuse to talk about D&D to the interviewer. That rather depends on the job, wouldn't you say? 926: You can never have too many hit points. 927: You can never have too much rope. 928: You can never have too much carrying capacity. 929: You can never have too many healing potions. 930: You can never have too many pencils. 931: "Just to see what happens" isn't a good reason to do anything.
Khelvaster 09-23-04, 10:23 PM	932. When the DM says he wants soda, give him soda 933. When you are DM and the next DM is taking over in 3 weeks, always let him have the uber items *cough*vowofpovertydruidwithironwoodever ything*cough* 934. There is never a cliche quest. If one happens, look for a twist 935. Mind reading spells will always finish the hudunits in an instant 936. The host makes the snacks 937. The DM is never the host 938. The wizard brings the drinks 939. The fighter brings the miniatures 940. The munchkin brings the books, the dice, and the errata
Sssargoth 09-23-04, 11:24 PM	941. Rules 937-940 are not always true. 942. Most 3e psionics were bad 943. most 3.5 psionics are good
JabberWocky 09-24-04, 12:47 AM	944) I am not a people-person.
Asta Kask 09-24-04, 04:06 AM	945a) DM's can become exceedingly peeved when you slaughter their pet NPCs. 945b) Especially if they were vital to the adventure. 946) There are such things as lucky dice. Anyone who says otherwise is merely trying to keep their own dice from close inspection...
Korgan26 09-24-04, 04:24 AM	947. A rod of silence means never having to say "I'm sorry" (stolen but true) 948. No matter what you think stabbing another party memeber is NEVER a good Idea Z
Morlaithion 09-24-04, 04:53 PM	949. If you ever meet an NPC that you only seem to be able to find at night, has unusally pointy teeth, and who licks her lips after you accidentally cut yourself while skinning something you killed, it might be a good idea to slip some holy water into her next drink. 950. Never try to take on the High Priest/Demi-God/Assassin Guildmaster/etc. unless you absolutely have to. 950a. Especially if the 50 other guards are 8 levels higher than you. 950b. And your back-up consists of 2 little girls. 951. While casting "Levitate" on a party member, having them fly into a dragon's mouth, and attempting to drown the dragon with a Decanter of Endless Water may sound like a good idea, it isn't...
Enalung 09-25-04, 12:26 AM	952: Don't touch any dragon egg even if it seems to be left alone. Mother is never far away.
The Vagrant 09-25-04, 09:48 PM	953. No, people actually do not learn from their own mistakes, even when it involves spike pits. 954. When your teacher asked what you did over the summer, do not reply by listing your kill chart... "I killed 83 men, 103 goblins, 20 bugbears, 3 dragons, 6 illithids," etc. 955. Make sure people around you knwo you're talking about D&D before begining a debate about what exactly makes your character evil. Things like "Well, I burned the child alive, but it was an evil race, so that's good." don't go over too well. 956. Just because some one has a bumper sticker that says they love geeks, doesn't mean they play D&D. 957. RPGA membership cards are not valid forms for providing identification.
deanaw 09-26-04, 04:59 PM	958: Charging up a staircase as a level 12 monk after finishing a battle with a vampire in which you suffered 6 negative levels and other party members suffered between 2 and 4 is not a good idea. 959: When your approaching the staircase sets off a symbol of weakness and a symbol of stunning, which dealt you 12 strength damage and stunned two other party members, you should really, really not go up the staircase. 960: If there have been rumors of a powerful lich in the area, and you have just been through 958 and 959, stop! (happened to me, I was tired, and not thinking straight. Sure was funny, almost a tpk.)
The Vagrant 09-26-04, 10:02 PM	961. If a fuse blows, a D20 can not be used as a temporary replacement. 962. If a fuse blows, a D20 can not be used as a temporary replacement; a miniature can, however. 963. Don't accuse your friends of stealing your dice until you closly examine your dog's stools. 964. If you tatoo your character sheet to your body, be sure to leave the Current HP box empty unless you like countless black blotches all over you. 965. On secound thought, never tatoo your character sheet to your body. 966. The three core D&D books colectivly weigh more then your geometry book, that does not mean their suitable subsatutes. 967. They are, though. 968. Playing D&D during the road trip only sounds like a good idea. 969. In a pinch, the Neverwinter Nights instruction booklet is a decent replacement for the players handbook. 970. It's normal, albiet strange, to stat out your cereal bowl the morning after a long D&D marathon.
Morlaithion 09-27-04, 01:06 AM	971. Never say "Bite me" to anything 2 size categories or more bigger than you. 972. If you're going to hit a tree with a greatsword in frustration, first ascertain both the thickness of the tree and the position of your fellow adventurers. (Fighter did this; trapped the bard and ended up killing him, while the bandit with the ring of invisibility they had been chasing randomly shot arrows the party trying to move the tree) 973. Never tell your gym teacher that DnD is a sport. 974. Nobody remembers what happened to your characters during an all-nighter, just that they started at Point A and arrived at Point B relatively intact. 975. Duck tape does not exist in DnD. Even if it somehow does, it is not a suitable substitute for professional repairs on your broken weapon. 975a. Attempting to duck-tape an artifact together will probably cause either it to malfunction or you to sustain great bodily injury; possibly both. 976. Do not stroll casually through a battlefield. 977. Normal-sized manacles do not fit an Ancient dragon. 978. If a dragon is so big that the only part of it you can hit with your axe is its toenails, then you're probably not supposed to defeat it in traditional combat.
Coran 09-27-04, 03:55 PM	979) never trust a skinny innkeeper (uber important) 980) If you are a human wizard in the evil party never make the elven rogue mad. 981) if it seems scary it's not 982) If it doesn't seem scary run 983) always memerize quicken teleport 984) if it's faster than you be happy you memorized quicken teleport.
The Vagrant 09-28-04, 12:05 AM	985. Break all statues you come across as they either contain an important item or will later be a reincarnated war hero out to dominate the world. 986. You'll never meet the ugly wizard in the source books, so feel free to steal her name. 987. When reading through the core books, have a black marker ready to black out any rules you disagree with. 989. Never bring your bastard sword that your LARP with to show-and-tell. After all, you can't say bastard in school. 990. Bleating like a sheep is not a good defence to slaying the blacksmith. 991. Metal dice are cool because they don't break down in stomach acid if you accidently swallow one. 992. Metal dice suck because if you accidentily swallow one it's going to rip open your stomach. 993. D20s don't make attractive replacements for glass eyes. 994. It's easier to kill the BBEG then it is to randomly kill any one person in town. 995. The price of a chicken is listed in the Player's Handbook. This does not mean you should buy them. 996. If the character is annoying, you can kill him/her. If the player is annoying, you can kill him/her and say D&D made you do it and at worst you'll be put in a minimum security insane assiylum for a few years. 997. What comes around goes around, at least this is true with disarm attacks so be wary. 998. It's hard to find a good DM. Respect them. 999. It's hard to be a good DM. Respect them. 1000. All D&D players are just looking for a good time, act accordinly and you'll find what your looking for. 1001. When the preist offers you the wine at sunday church service, don't pull out a can the Mountain Dew you've been sipping since friday night when you and your buddies started the weekly D&D marathon and say you got it covered.
Kail_Atin 09-28-04, 12:42 AM	Wow I've been following this thread since it started and now I'm gonna miss it. :weep: The Vagrant wins the Prize for best posts :D
Sssargoth 09-28-04, 12:49 AM	Wow I've been following this thread since it started and now I'm gonna miss it. :weep: The Vagrant wins the Prize for best posts :D 1002. All 1001 lists go longer than what they are origionally advertised, see? :D
Guttercrawl 09-28-04, 07:50 AM	it made it ----- yay!
Enalung 09-28-04, 09:29 AM	I also enjoyed this thread a lot. It gets me thinking, there's a few 1001 thread here and there in the forum. We should all reference them for the future so others can enjoy their usefullness (or uselessness?)
Corynth 09-28-04, 03:57 PM	I would like to state that I have personally deemed myself the Keeper of the Lessons (the lessons on this thread) and that these are turning out fine, I'll be distributing a copy when we hit 1001 to everyone involved. You're up buddy. Go to town! I'd like to add as a personal note: There's a disturbing number of references regarding the ingestion of one's dice.
Morlaithion 09-28-04, 08:02 PM	Hey! We can't stop now. I just got started. Plus, what else am I to think about in class now? 1003. Keep your dice away from your kitten. 1004. The really sad thing is, all these rules are necessary because people actually did them... (which brings me to my next rule) 1005. You don't need common sense to play DnD.
The Vagrant 09-28-04, 09:58 PM	The Vagrant wins the Prize for best posts And here I was spending all day mooping around wondering if I was worthy of claiming the coveted lesson 1001. 1002. All 1001 lists go longer than what they are origionally advertised, see? Uh, personally I would have liked to see this capped at 1001. There is little left untouched, and with no limit there's no chance to stop and compile all the little buggers. Which leads me to: I would like to state that I have personally deemed myself the Keeper of the Lessons (the lessons on this thread) and that these are turning out fine, I'll be distributing a copy when we hit 1001 to everyone involved. I'm willing to actually compile them and resort them into an order instead of just copy and past them all into a text doc. If you feel that you can not, or will not, then say the word and I'll get right on it. I need something to do anyways. There's a disturbing number of references regarding the ingestion of one's dice. Yeah, but most of those references are mine so I'm to blame.
Sssargoth 09-28-04, 09:59 PM	1006. common sense isn't very common
The Vagrant 09-28-04, 10:14 PM	I'm willing to actually compile them and resort them into an order instead of just copy and past them all into a text doc. If you feel that you can not, or will not, then say the word and I'll get right on it. I need something to do anyways. I'm terribly impatient and I'm just going to do it now. I don't care if Hiei the Assassin does it to or not, I know I'll do a better job anyways. I'd add a wink to show I'm not serisue about that remark, but honestly I don't feel like touching my mouse right now. Ok, I'll get started tonight and finish soon enough. You'll all be happy with my ideas for it so yay. [UPDATE] Ok, I've got them all pasted into a text doc and each will be properly credited to their aurthor. I will reorder them into groups of topics and rework the ones that refrence one another. I will have to do some light edititing to some for purposes but I will stick as close to the original posted lesson as I can and will note the ones I've had to edit. Expect this project to be finished in two weeks, but I'm not making promises.
Morlaithion 09-29-04, 12:20 AM	Dammit... I'm too wiped out from soccer to argue, and too lazy to wait until tomorrow to argue, so you win. How about we make a "1001 More Things You Learned From DnD" list? And didn't somebody post 1001 somewhere in the 600's or something?
Trixten_The_Kender 09-29-04, 01:31 AM	1007. Never summon anything bigger than your head. 1008. If you do, point it at the paladin, they are easy to replace. Sorry, couldn't resist, it's the Kender blood.
The Vagrant 09-29-04, 11:22 PM	Dammit... I'm too wiped out from soccer to argue, and too lazy to wait until tomorrow to argue, so you win. How about we make a "1001 More Things You Learned From DnD" list? And didn't somebody post 1001 somewhere in the 600's or something? 1. Argue about what? 2. 1001 More Things- Ok, fine I'd be willing to complie that as well, but mind you that if I'm the one compiling it that I'm going to delete duplicates which will inevitablyl pop-up. 3. 1001 in 600- Yes, I belive two people in fact did so. I'm not going to be keeping the lessons in order unless it's critical to that particular lesson so the variuse #1001s will all be renumbered probably. 1009. While you don't need commen sence to play D&D, you do need: -The Player's Handbook, which tells you how to create and play your character. - A copy of the character sheet - A pencil and scratch paper (graph paper is nice to have, too). - One or two four-sided dice )d4), four or more six-sided dice (d6), an eight-sided die (d8), two ten-sided dice (d10), a twelve-sided die (d12), and a twenty-sided die (d20). - A miniature figure, or at least somthing to represent your charcter in the game (even if it's just a mark on paper). 1010. Verbal componats do not actually have to be spoken. But if you wish to babble a little I'm sure your friends would gladly let you, watch, and then ridicule you for it.
Coran 09-30-04, 03:09 PM	Umm The Vagrant could you please leave Never Trust skinny bartenders all three times it apears because it is a good one :)
Corynth 10-02-04, 01:52 PM	Dammit... I'm too wiped out from soccer to argue, and too lazy to wait until tomorrow to argue, so you win. How about we make a "1001 More Things You Learned From DnD" list? And didn't somebody post 1001 somewhere in the 600's or something? Yea. I tossed one in there. You can delete / renumber it or whatever. It looked like we were going to finish and it felt like a good finisher. With the extras that we've gone over (1005-1007 or whatever), we can get rid of some duplicates. I can definitely say there are some categories. Dice Ingestion, Keeping the DM Happy, Things Not to Do, Rules for Summoning, etc. Can't wait to see the finished product.
The Vagrant 10-03-04, 10:11 PM	Compilation Update. I've been working on compiling them quite a bit and now I'll just gabber about it for a while. Umm The Vagrant could you please leave Never Trust skinny bartenders all three times it apears because it is a good one Well, off the top of my head this is incorrect. "Never trust a skinny innkeeper" appeared twice, "... bartender", once. I havn't yet deleted duplicates, though when I do I will delete only direct duplicates, and in the order they were presented. So both innkeeper and bartender would be counted, but only one of the innkeepers and it would be attrubuted to the one to post it first. The deletions I have made (only one or two so far, I belive) are subtle to the point no one will notice nor care. For example I deleted somthing like this: 000. Never trust a skinny barkeeper. **[deleted](I did once and died, lol :D ) After all, when compiled the term "I" and the personalization wouldn't fit too well. If I had to say an precent of completion I would say... 7% but speeding up. This school week is only 2.5 days long so I'll have a long weekend. Also, I've quit playing video games and most other fun activites so have plenty of free time to work on this even on a school day. Give me 3 weeks or so, and I'll give you the completed work. My complaints of the work are few though I'll vent anyways. You never realy do know how many 1001 are untill you try (note the refrence to Corynth's Lesson 1001 suggestion posted in the mid 600s). Aside from the sheer volume of lessons the only deterint to the work is that I'm begining to memorize all of these lessons and it's cloging my mind. On to the topic of catagories: Pinpointing exact catagories is difficult work as you can neither be to broad nor too specific. Also, you need to know the Lessons pretty well in order to be able to do this well so I unfotunatly you people cant realy help on this matter. I'm going to deffintly use the following in some form though: 1. Behind the Screen, Lessons for the DM 2. Polyhedrons and You, Lessons about dice 3. Would should you do, Lessons for players (catagory title plays off the often asked "What do you do?" question that DMs ask players) 4. Adventurer's Guide, Lessons for charcters (in-game lessons like "Bring a 10-foot pole every where you go.") The lessons will be arranged inside each catagory to form sub-catagories like "Getting your way, Lessons for Players about DMs" that will go untitled. Just a few reminder: Each lesson will be credited to the poster. Each lesson will probably be renumbered. Lesson order is out the window in most cases. Here's where I make a few requests for all future poster to help out the poor sap that compiles the next 1001 lessons: - Don't sperate ech lesson by a blank line. - Avoid using 000., 000b., 000c., format as much as possable. Instead either work each sub-lesson into the first, or completly break them up. - Don't add stipulations to lessons that are not your own. Their existance in the compilation is not garanteed anyways. Corynth, I can easly say that you're probably the person with the highest quantity of lessons.
The Vagrant 10-03-04, 10:33 PM	1011. Never volunter for an adventure, the King will try to weasle out of paying you if you don't ask for gold up-front. 1012. If the DM refuses to draw the map as you explore the dungeons, then throw an unopend can of pop at his eye and make sure a sharp corner of the metal tab catches his cornarea and slits it wide open. 1013. Injecting your self with poison will not build up your immunity, though it might give you a cancerous growth that you can squeeze a helmet on for additional AC bounus. 1014. Never play D&D with your dog. He'll drool all over your manuales and constantly step on the battle mat. It's just not worth teaching him. 1015. Don't get angry when people call you a loser. Just calmly remind them that no loser could have beat Orcus, prince of the undead, with no material componants for any conjuration spells. 1016. "Leveling up" is not a defence for murder in the United States of America.
Morlaithion 10-03-04, 11:06 PM	Argue about whether or not we should continue past 1,000. I guess this new list works just as well. Anyway, I'll help out managing this one if you want me to. 1117. Dressing up as a good character for Halloween does not give you the right to kill off anybody dressed as a bad character. 1118. Dressing up as a Rogue for Halloween does give you the right to steal candy from everybody. 1119. When your girlfriend suggests that you go as a couple for Halloween and asks which couple you want to be, never respond with "How about that (insert character class here) I played a while back, and that NPC he slept with. 1120. If a cop ever asks who you are, never respond with your character's name. 1121. Never ask the paramedic if he knows "Cure Moderate Wounds" if you want to keep him from sedating you.
Aion 10-04-04, 01:03 AM	Raymond, quit being an ass, or the Diplomat might get ambushed by the Wild guy and the Maid. You know Dion would do it. Those were Hilarious though
Corynth 10-04-04, 03:16 PM	Compilation Update. On to the topic of catagories: Pinpointing exact catagories is difficult work as you can neither be to broad nor too specific. Also, you need to know the Lessons pretty well in order to be able to do this well so I unfotunatly you people cant realy help on this matter. I'm going to deffintly use the following in some form though: 1. Behind the Screen, Lessons for the DM 2. Polyhedrons and You, Lessons about dice 3. Would should you do, Lessons for players (catagory title plays off the often asked "What do you do?" question that DMs ask players) 4. Adventurer's Guide, Lessons for charcters (in-game lessons like "Bring a 10-foot pole every where you go.") The lessons will be arranged inside each catagory to form sub-catagories like "Getting your way, Lessons for Players about DMs" that will go untitled. Just a few reminder: Each lesson will be credited to the poster. Each lesson will probably be renumbered. Lesson order is out the window in most cases. As a side-note, you may want to make an easy reference to who posted by making that a category. For example: The Vagrant: 1. ############## 2. ############ 3. ############# Corynth: 1. ########### 2. ############ 3. ########## etc. Corynth, I can easly say that you're probably the person with the highest quantity of lessons. :ayyyy!: Woot! :ayyyy!:
Morlaithion 10-04-04, 11:15 PM	Juan, you do remember that you get more EXP for talking your way out of a fight than beating your way out of it, right? By the way, to anybody that thinks the Diplomat, Beast Warrior, or Maid classes sound interesting, send me something and I can get you the stats for them. They're all completely original classes following standard DnD v3.5 rules. [These aren't my best because I was busy in class today. I'll have better ones tomorrow!] 1122. Your girlfriend does not want to hear how you killed the BBEG today. 1123. Never try to play serious past one in the morning. 1124. If you're playing the only female on a ship full of soldiers that are "drunk as Irishmen", its probably best if you stayed in your cabin. 1125. Any baby found that is not of an evil race will be necessary to the completion of your campaign. 1126. Just because the peculiar-looking gem you found matches the shape of the indent in the wall doesn't mean that you should push it in. 1127. Just because you can destroy an artifact doesn't mean you should. Especially if its Orcus' wand and you neglected to kill him beforehand. 1128. Its probably not a good idea to say the word "axe" when your character is anywhere near the king. 1129. You will never kill all the evil things on the Abyss. Stop trying. 1130. Use the Paladin to set off the trap in case the rogue can't disarm it. This is useful because: a. The Paladin's god may save him. b. Paladins are a dime a dozen. c. Their LG alignment keeps them from attacking you for pushing them in between a pair of swords swinging at their head.
Paladin2004 10-05-04, 06:19 PM	1131. Bless does NOT make you immune to al levil, neither does protection for evil. 1132: Never adventure witha cleric who can only seem to remember the spell bless. DM: The orcs are chargeing towards your party , you have one chance what do you do!!!! PC Cleric: ahh BLESS , BLESS!!! DM: You enter a dark room witha glowing gem in it what do you do? PC Cleric: ahh BLESS , BLESS!!! DM: The rogue has found a trap , what are you going to do PC Cleric: ahh BLESS , BLESS!!!
thasis 10-05-04, 06:52 PM	1133: Always set things on fire when in doubt 1134: Don't swing a sword that your dad made in high school for a project around the house pretending to be the fighter you made in D&D (especiouly when your buy your moms cherish teddies). 1135: When you want to get rid of a persons dead body so no one figures out who killed hime cast disinigrate. 1136: If the obove dosn't work eat the body. 1137: Whats left of the body you just have eated put in the freezer for another meal.
Shadow Blademaster 10-05-04, 08:28 PM	1138) Do not use a bow in melee without the special abilities that say you do not get AoO's because the AoOs will hit and they will HURT. 1139) Do not try to get by with cheap tricks such as jumping in a Bag of Holding which your friend carries while wearing Winged Boots so he can fly you all to safety because the DM WILL catch you on it. 1140) When in doubt, hack 'n slash.
Soepkom 10-06-04, 05:49 PM	All of these actually happened in my group: 1141 If you're burying an articaft in a box, don't forget the horse it was mounted upon. The digging takes longer. 1142 playing a frenzied berserker *can* be fun. Just not to the guy you're flanking the critter with after said critter dies. 1143 when you're in an evil party, a planetar appearing and saying you angered his god is not a good thing 1144 discovering he can fly after starting frenzying is not party-friendly 1145 that flying planetar can be killed bij leaping ridiculously high while heaving your greatsword (I managed to deal 46 times her hp left with one sweep.. she had 5 hp left) 1146 try to avoid the lich with the sunlight spell memorized when playing a vampire 1147 don't use true strike; it'll get you more natural 1s 1148 detect magic can be a poor mans see invisibility 1149 when your dm has prepared an half-golem/half-vampire/half-wizard bad guy, he is immune to criticals 1150 you are not 1152 be the guy that knows all the rules; he is as often right as the dm
Enalung 10-06-04, 07:02 PM	Between The Vagrant and Morlaithion, there was a 100 jump. We need to complete 1017 to 1116 before we go further. I'll go with a few of mines: 1017: The only thing smarter then the dragon in front of you is the dm playing it. 1018: Don't try to outsmart the dragon in front of you. 1019: Don't try to sneak pass a dragon. 1020: Don't anger the dragon. 1021: Dragon cohort? Why not. 1022: Dragon steed? Why not. 1023: Dragon familiar? Why not. 1024: Try and get them to do what you want now! 1025: An angry red is not a good thing. 1027: An angry red with smoke coming out of its mouth is not a good thing. 1028: Run! 1029: Every evil dragon aspires to immortality. 1030: So do the good ones. 1031: Don't steal the treasure unless your absolutely sure the dragon is dead. 1032: When in doubt, cut the head. 1033: Make that a disintegrate. 1034: Dragon character? Don't even think about it.
Morlaithion 10-06-04, 09:03 PM	Oops. Sorry about that. 1035. Never take off your Ring of Flight while flying over a 300-ft. deep ravine. 1036. If the DM asks you how fast your character can run at the beginning of the campaign, its probably not going to be a very fun campaign.
Enalung 10-07-04, 12:02 AM	On a sidenote for The Vagrant, I would like to say that I really like this post and that I think it's worth making it something permanent. I propose that in addition to the text doc you are already making, a website be made with all the lessons contained in this post and anything else we may think of. I'm willing to make the actual website along with anyone interested in the project. I could make it in xhtml with a cascading style sheet.
nmathew 10-07-04, 01:39 AM	1037 He who turns and runs away lives to flee another day... Unless is ruins the DMs plans.
Guardinal 10-07-04, 07:14 PM	1038) You don't necesarily have to expect the unexpected. Instead, expect what the DM plans for your party as "unexpected" (it narrows down your list of things to expect) :D
The Vagrant 10-07-04, 09:23 PM	I'm on my sis's comp so I gotta make this quick and can't go into details. The website ideas would be good, if and only if more then just the lessons are in it. Say, the one thread that had D&D: Because... (Example: D&D: Because the kobolds had it comeing) Other then that: My internet is down so I'll be able to update ya'll in a week or so. Good News though, I hurt my kneed somthing bad so I'm on my tush for some time. That give me nothing to do but listen to the radio and compile the lessons. See you in a week.
The Vagrant 10-07-04, 09:28 PM	1039. A beholder makes a neat-o trophy. 1040. A beholder makes a great encouragement for the track-and-field runners. 1041. A beholder does not make a safe children's beanbag. 1042. A beholder does make a nice soccer ball for titans.
Aion 10-08-04, 01:14 AM	1043. Dont play the reformed Mindflayer Vampire Saint, especially when the party has a thief, an assasin and a Lich 1044. Only munchkins can find a way to tame the Tarrasque Raymond, you listed all of the one we do in class, which sucks because I have no material but whatever, believe or not I believe the Vacuum Cleaner Wielding Maid shall save us
ssvegeta555 10-08-04, 01:46 AM	1045: There are no squirrel stats in the MM, what a shame.
Sssargoth 10-08-04, 01:54 AM	Raymond, you listed all of the one we do in class, which sucks because I have no material but whatever, believe or not I believe the Vacuum Cleaner Wielding Maid shall save us Ape1: What are those things coming out of her nose? A2: Spaceballs!?! A1: Oh ****, there goes the planet... :D ;) :mage: :mage: :mage: :mage: :twitch: :twitch: :twitch: :twitch:
Aion 10-09-04, 03:02 AM	1046. Eventhough Squirrels have no MM stats, they will always be the equivelent of a level 15 sorcerer with a Charisma of 84
Asta Kask 10-09-04, 03:28 PM	1047.) The innkeeper is always a retired adventurer. Generally epic.
The Vagrant 10-09-04, 09:44 PM	1048. Never tell the merchant you stole the stuff from the necromancer's lair in order to recive a discount. He'll just kick you out. 1049. Goats can not carry a normal sized human like a horse can. 1050. A masterwork horse +4 is a rare thing indead, charish them and feed them well.
Asta Kask 10-10-04, 02:58 PM	1051. He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day. (If more players realized this, TPK would be so much rarer.) 1052. Never trust a grinning DM.
Roy Were-Tiger 10-10-04, 05:25 PM	First of all I want to thank The Vagrant in advance for the effort he is putting into the task he has taken on him (Probably not being the onlyone who thinks the same way about it) and second I just want to tribute some more :D :D :D !!! 1053: If a window has windowshutters and its closed, don't try to smash through them, if you do then you'll most likely get hurt and windowshutters are much more dangerous and painfull then they appear to be... (happened to me, though it was fun as hell :D ) 1054: If you finally succeed in getting free passage through that same window then DO NOT FORGET to search for traps, if you do forget then you'll most likely will get your foot in a bear/wolf trap... (Also happened to me...) 1055: And also DO NOT FORGET to search/spot/look for other living/none-living creatures in the room of the window, if you do forget that then you'll most likely be attacked by a female dwarf with a beard and moustache (that doesn't look smaller then those of the male dwarfs :eek: :mymy: :eek: ) who is called Praxima and wields a frightening HUGE AXE that smashes into the ground just beside your foot that is trapped in the bear/wolf trap!!! (Yep also happened to me...) 1056: All the 3 things above will do not good for your lifepoints...
StormKnight 10-11-04, 06:49 PM	1057: No matter how wimpy or innocous a spell or ability is, it can become awesomely lethal in the hands of a GM who doesn't know the rules.
Aion 10-11-04, 07:15 PM	1058. That young girl next to the pool with a ribbon in her hair, white dress and a cute smile, has a +5 Dancing, Vicious and Holy Heavy Mace. 1059. When taking on the Githyanki Lich-queen, never count on the Rogue named Moralathion for support against the Githyanki Elite Soldiers.
MattD121 10-11-04, 08:43 PM	1060. Experienced players are not always the most fun. 1060 a. This espaically applies to campaigns where the players are all beholders. 1061. When your players can not figure out a simple riddle rolling an intelligence check is NOT an acceptable way to solve the problem. 1061 a. Neither is a brand new NPC they havent met 1061 b. Neither is telling them 1061 c. Amorphous rocks that give hints should be avoided 1061 d. The best way to deal with this is to act like you made a freudian slip while rereading the riddle. It will be forgotten quickly.
The Vagrant 10-11-04, 11:32 PM	First off, I posted a few lessons here a eirler this night and they disapperead. That angers me. Secound, I just got done with an hour or so of compiling and without getting into boring detial: things are running smoothly. Third, Now I'll try to remember the lessons I posted a while ago.. 1062. A good wizard comes prepared. 1063. A good fighter can fight good even without his +5 Greatsword, though, a good fighter will not give up his +5 Greatsword without hacking a few limbs off first. 1064. A good rogue is not known to be a rogue at all. 1065. A good barbarian does not need to come prepared because they can just rip off their clothes, grab a random blunt object, and launch into bloody frenzied combat. 1066. A good paladin is a quite paladin. 1067. A good blackgaurd is a good blackgaurd when they are a baaad blackgaurd. I think that's about it. [EDIT:] Nope, just thought of somthing. I plan on having a few variuse lists inside the document such as Top Ten charts. 1. Any good Top Ten chart ideas? 2. Any good ideas on how to decide what the top tens are? Voteing (when needed Like "Funniest lessons") sure, but how should I coolect such votes? Suggest a couple dozen and have you all have a go at it or what?
StormKnight 10-12-04, 11:09 AM	1068) Don't bother whining "Can I roll too?" or, "But don't I get a <insert whatever> here roll?". Yes you can roll. No, it won't help. 1069) Flattery gets you nowhere. 1070) When dealing with dragons, you could be getting eaten, getting barbecued, or getting stomped flat. Getting nowhere is comparatively good. 1071) Yes, by taking the right abilities and devoting yourself full time to producing and haggling prices for magic items, you can command the market, make a fortune, and maintain yourself comfortably for life. You could probably devote lots of gaming time to setting up deals with merchants, dealing with competing guilds, and fighting off complaints of unfair working conditions from the society for fair treatment for wizards. But, your GM wants to run high fantasy adventure, not bankrolls and billfolds, so expect that character to be told "fine, you go retire, make lots of money, and will maybe show up as an NPC. Make a new character." 1072) The GM can munchkin better than you. Garaunteed. 1073) A GM that says "I run a roleplay heavy campaign" means either "We spend whole sessions discussing the price of bread" or "characters might occasionally introduce themselves by name. That's heavy roleplay right?" 1074) A GM that says "I run a fast paced exciting game with lots of combat" means either "combat is fast paced because I ignore half the rules and all you get to do is roll a few dice." or "expect to spend two hours each fight just getting the board set up and arguing over the first round, after which we can get down to good solid wargaming. We've forgotten why we're fighting anyway." 1075) A GM that says "I run a game with lots of politics and intrigue" means either "I have such tangled, convoluted plots that I can't even understand them, but I'll get annoyed when you get confused by them" or "You'll be gophers for important nobles as part of their political schemes". 1076) A GM that says "I run a game where characters have immense free choice over what they do" means either "I have no plot and no ideas. I'll make up things at random, and not sweat wether or not they make sense" or "I'm going to railroad you every step you take, but I'll try to distract you by talking about how much free choice you have."
The Vagrant 10-12-04, 09:44 PM	1069. A good DM is worth a thousand gold. That's about 43.8 of those fake gold chips that have chocolat inside. 1070. A bad DM is worth the time of tarring and feathering. 1071. Forgetting the snacks will mean you either have to ask the host's mom to make a hotdish in a jiffy, or the game will be delayed so you can all pile into an undersized car (or an oversized beat up van) and drive to the nearest gas station. 1072. When the game hits a down time and everyone stops for a quick break, be sure to go to the bathroom or be prepared to make a fortitude save DC 10 +1/ per minute held-in. 1073. It's never appropiate to hit another player or the DM. Unless, of course, they touch your special dice. 1074. Never have special dice, your group will never stop with the lued jokes and puns. 1075. Summon Familure + Control Animal + Preform chack = Dancing bear. Now that you know it: Never use it. 1076. Always make characers your own gender. Unless your a girl. 1077. Always wear shirts to a game. Unless your a girl. 1078. Always put your pencil/pen down after using it. Unless your a girl. 1079.b. Because a guy's temper is quicker and he's more apt to stab some one with it, of course...
Enalung 10-13-04, 07:06 PM	1079. Never offer coffe if your the host. Coffe makes you go to the bathroom and slows the game.
Aion 10-13-04, 09:24 PM	1080. Never let the DM see, Book of Vile Darkness, Players Handbook, Dungeon Masters Guide, and Monster Manual at the same time. 1081. Your always attacked by a monster with tons of advantages, ex: Fighter vs Rust Monster, Wizard vs Mindflayer
flamefist drunkenmonk 10-13-04, 10:46 PM	1082 - Never tell the DM he cant do something 1083 - Surprise rounds never turn out like they should 1084 - If someone else offers to do something, LET THEM!!! 1085 - NEVER make fun of an NPC's girlfriend/boyfriend 1086 - If its not hard, its annoying 1087 - If your DM asks you to fortify something, dont do your best, he now has new material ... 1088 - If your gonna kill, kill with STYLE!! 1089 - Under no circumstances, and i mean NONE, make fun of the healer.
The Vagrant 10-13-04, 11:31 PM	1090. As players, never give the NPCs ultimatiums. The DM will only screw it up for you. 1091. As a DM, neve give the PCs ultimatiums. You can try, but they usually screw it up for you. 1092. Just like a d4, there are four stories to every encounter that starts a real life argument. That of the DM, the PC, the character (oddly simular to the PC's), and the NPC (oddly simular to the DM's). My slave drive is finally working, so I'll be able to get back to work on the compilation. Only missed a couple days, no major set back.
Morlaithion 10-16-04, 12:19 AM	1093. Yelling "Look! A distraction!" will only work if you have a Bluff mod of about +50. 1094. You can bribe almost anybody. 1095. When caught sneaking around in someone's kitchen late at night, "Making tea" is not an acceptable ecuse. 1096. Plan your Bluff before you knock on the door. 1097. If your DM gives you a stupid item to be an *****, find a use for it. (I was once sneaking out of prison unarmed and found a pie in the kitchen, which I used to blind a guard and steal his dagger.) 1098. If you're going to try to take on the Githyanki Lick-Queen and her elite guards, don't force the rogue to go along with you. Take the tank instead, and let the rogue go loot something. 1099. Be careful what you read. 1100. Never speak while walking invisibly through a room full of wizards, sorcerors, and adepts. (I got hit by about 37 fireballs, knocking my character to somewhere around -275 hit points.)
Aion 10-18-04, 07:48 PM	1101. Little girls tend to be stroeither high leveld or Epic. 1102. All NPC usually have ranks, feats, levels, abilities, pets, and weapons twice the power of the strongest NPC.
Morlaithion 10-18-04, 08:34 PM	1104. Ent is not an acceptable word in Scrabble. 1105. Neither is Drow. 1106. You cannot purchase Artifacts at character creation. 1107. If you decide to randomly pull an item out of your *****, make sure its an item that the DM thinks they might have actually given you and simply forgot about. 1108. You cannot conceal a Greataxe if you're a dwarf.
The_one_wit_a_reason 10-18-04, 09:32 PM	1109. the bartender can always i mean always kill you 1110. dont talk about dnd in front of cops especialy if it involves killing someone and his body guards 1111.if you throw the magic dagger dont go get it 1112. if the half dragon half fiend lycanthrope munchkin dies in the surprise round run like hell 1113. if you die buy beasts and you are the barbarian and the fighter is running and the rogue is the only one not running he is hiding the beast will eat you
kSquared 10-18-04, 09:39 PM	1114. No matter how smart you think you are, there's always someone smarter.
Endarire 10-18-04, 09:40 PM	1107: If you decide to randomly pull an item out of your *****, make sure its an item that the DM thinks they might have actually given you and simply forgot about. That's unless you're a Red Mage (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?p=4531252#post4531252)! (See his Improvise! ability.) -EE
Lotharilflaaga 10-18-04, 09:49 PM	1115. Everything can be killed with the proper equipment. 1116. Everything can be a weapon, even a tiny leaf.
Peshk, Tiefling At Large 10-19-04, 04:29 AM	1153) Find out what your kind of Snack your DM likes at the beginning of the campaign. He may not be bribable, but distracting him by offering it may save you sometimes. 1154) If your DM tells you he made the adventure you are going into in the wee hours of the morning because he could not get some sleep, think of possible excuses to avoid playing that day. 1154a) Likewise if he is sick, p'off, been dumped, having a bad week. 1155) Munchkins and rule-lawyers never admit that what they are, and become extremely offended if you hint about their true nature. 1156) If your are playing a tiefling/aasimar/any other breed that has one possible Uber powerful creature, and you do not know you father/mother, don't be surprised when they turn out to be the villain. 1156a) Never be surprised if the rest of your party knows more of your family tree than you. 1157) Don't follow the battle plan that the gnome has just made. 1157a) Only do so if you think you can successfully bluff, trick, and/or deceive you DM into making a combat error. 1157b) The odds of 1157a are very, very slim. 1158) Crit and deathblow happens. Live with it. (Half taken from other sources) 1159) Don't EVER have a victory bash where the dwarf says he will order and pay for the drinks, especially if you are a half elf with constitution 12. 1159a) Even truer if there is a Drow Female Rogue who has taken a romantic interest in your character. 1159b) Should the previous happen, pray to all the gods of gaming that: a) the Drow Female is a heavy sleeper, b) your dexterity score is at least 16, c) your DM is in a good mood (And even then, get out of town as son as possible) {True story, happened to my first character: a Half Elf, Fighter/Mage, Dex 17, Con 11, Cha 17 (highest CHA of the whole party)} 1160) Never let the rogue go by himself to explore or disable a trap. Another rogue is not considered company in this case. 1161) Keep the cleric alive since the beginning of the game. He may not be able to kill enemies on one hit, or cast earth shattering spell early on, but he will keep all members going longer and longer. Also, pitch in for a Cure X Wounds wand, will make the load easier. That is what I can think of right now, and I am probably not bringing to mind a LOT of other lessons. Any comments, PM me. ;) :cool:
The_one_wit_a_reason 10-19-04, 03:59 PM	1162. no matter how magical a weopon is unless you have a locked gauntlet it can still be dropped
The_Demonic_Drow 10-19-04, 04:14 PM	1163:never try to back stab a beholder unless u cut off all his little eyes 1164:if a paladin says thats not right try not to laugh at that person 1165:never interupt two dragons going at it, (and if u have a pc who is hellbent on fighting it tie him to the dwarf he'll never get close to the dragons, unless it's a dwarf then run while he fights them) 1166:don't be a dumbass, situation: there r 3 orcs and 5 dwarfs in a bar don't start cracking jokes of ocrish dwarf orgies :eek:
straal 11-06-04, 12:12 PM	Hey how is the compilation coming along. Plus, didn't want to see this thread dissapear 1167 How to stay up all night (scaring yourselves silly, by playing RAVENLOFT). And still be able to write a test and pass the next day.
Coran 11-06-04, 09:33 PM	Not Sure If It's Been Used Yet. 1168?) Never Let THe Rogue Carry The Loot.
Draco Strang 11-08-04, 03:08 AM	1169: Every rogue ever encountered will either be a halfling or a beautiful human female. 1170: Mage armor is the equivalent of slipping on a set of scale-mail. Do it. 1171: Everyone should take a few ranks in spot and listen. Trust me. 1172: Sometimes the plan of the bad guy really IS that obvious and simple. It's just tough as hell to get to, because there are lots and lots of high-level NPC monsters in front of it.
Aion 11-15-04, 01:02 AM	1173: Dont try to rape the Young Innocent Half-Celestial Elf, she has a constant looking Solar Father This Really only applied to Morlathion
Corynth 11-26-04, 10:54 AM	1174. There's no such thing as homosexuality in D&D. 1175. Due to the masculinization of most role-playing games, a great many female characters somehow manage to ignore 1174. 1176. Whenever you hear two swords clang, a demon gets its wings. 1177. Nobody farts. Ever. 1177a. Unless you're trying to hide. 1178. "My father is an ogre" means something vastly different. 1179. The term psychotic seems to be redundant when dealing with most BBEGs. 1180. Someone has probably made stat sheets for the cast of Shrek. 1181. There's no such thing as a 3 handed sword, but there should be. 1182. The single leather-bound player's handbook costs the same as all three core books combined. 1183. Nobody but merchants and town drunks notice when adventurers enter town. 1184. Crystal Balls don't get cable. 1185. In thousands of years of Forgotten Realms history, they still haven't invented the printing press. 1185a. Or the cotton gin. or the steam engine. or the airplane. or the ... 1186. Speaking of inventions: the Wright brothers must have had high intelligence to create an airplane, but Orville obviously had higher wisdom since he made his brother go first. 1187. You should not do the Hamster Dance after killing the BBEG. 1188. The Safety Dance (Men Without Hats) is not a valid battle song to Tempus. 1189. The Book of Erotic Fantasy has an amazing amount of information relevant to many gaming situations, but oddly enough, very little of it has to do with sex. 1190. Metamagic can make the most mundane spells into works of art... Well, modern art anyway.
Jongluer 11-26-04, 12:09 PM	1191. Beuracratic nonsense drives players insane, use it often. 1192. Hurling bodies (especially dead ones) is an excellent form of attack. 1193. The town drunk always has information, it is just a matter of getting past the slurred speech. 1193a. Don't **** off the drunk he is normally a down and out of luck adventurer of a level higher than you.
Hamsterlord 11-27-04, 03:10 PM	1194. no matter how carefully you are when stealing something, there is always at least one person who see's you. 1195. If you use scry to spy on the party's female half-elf rogue while she's bathing, you better start rerolling a new character. 1196. Even a strip search won't reveal all of a rogue's weapons.
flamefist drunkenmonk 12-15-04, 06:33 PM	:bump:
Paladin2004 12-16-04, 10:46 AM	1195: Even if your DM some how allows your druid to have a rust monster as a pet/animal companion your party WON'T!
straal 01-24-05, 03:57 PM	#1198, If its to good to be true, it's an illusion 1199 If you're sure it's an illusion, it's not 1200 Some women gamers burp louder and longer then most guys! :P 1201 just because your PC got laid by the 25 charisma goddess-to-be, does not mean you will "get some" when you get home and regale your wife(g/f )with all the details. Straal
Konal 01-25-05, 04:38 AM	1202 If large winged lizards are flying to the city and are breathing fire and even though your character is curious, DONT STAY TO FIND OUT 1203 Always, ALWAYS prepare Feather Fall 1204 the one time you forget that 50ft of rope is the one time you will need it 1205 never say "This seems like a safe place to rest" 1206 when something attacks you in the night, dont leave its corpse there, it will attract carrion crawlers 1207 never ever yell at a dragon for not making sense, especially when said dragon is red and was just talking 1208 never attempt to do anything while in full plate (climb, jump, swim etc.) 1209 never shoot into combat saying "I hope this doesnt miss and hit you" 1210 If your DM goes on and on about how he's making an overpowered Farmer class, dont attack random commoners 1211 if a DM tells you he has a really cool idea for a campaign, dont play in any of his games until a week later when he forgets
Chazmon 01-25-05, 10:58 AM	1212 Always carry more than 50ft of rope, canvas and 10ft poles. Believe me with this equipment you can get out of almost and situation or at least camp it out for the night 1213 if your asked for a spot/listen check and you see and hear nothing there is something there 1214 cut everything open - you never know it may have swallowed a magic item 1215 barkeeps are never just commoners 1216 If your going to stab someone in the back use someone elses weapons 1217 Kill anything with 'the great' after its name Chazmon
General_Ridley 01-25-05, 12:51 PM	1218. Neutrality is wishy-washy.
Aion 01-26-05, 01:10 AM	1219. Its never JUST a Squirrel
Morlaithion 01-26-05, 03:02 AM	NOTE: Sorry I haven't posted much. Lost the link when my mum tried to update the computer. Anyway, have fun. 1220: Always teach newbs about AOE before you send them into melee. 1221: If you try to **** of the DM, the DM will get back big-time. :-D 1222: If the DM lets you have a totally Munchkin magical item while knowing exactly what it is and not being under the influence of any mind-affecting substances, its gonna get stolen. 1223: If the declare your damage, and the DM spits out his soda and lunges forward, wide-eyed, to grab your character sheet, you're not going to be having a fun time the rest of the campaign. 1224: If the DM has a paper to write, don't make him play DnD at the same time. 1225: Don't use voices unless everybody agrees its okay.
bgt 01-26-05, 06:45 AM	1219. Its never JUST a Squirrel Or is it? :shifty:
thatbamaguy 01-26-05, 12:20 PM	1226: Never randomly throw a torch inside a bedroom.......fire elementals will show up. 1227:If you see a vampire in a magic mirror never look behind you to see if he is there. 1228: Dont give the DM any ideas...he might just use them.
flamefist drunkenmonk 01-26-05, 09:14 PM	guilty of 1223 :rolleyes: 1229: If 1223 happens dont say "hey at least i missed with an attack" or "at least i didnt critical"
Morlaithion 01-27-05, 12:26 AM	1230: Never step into the teleportation circle cast by the thieves who just robbed you unless you feel like fighting an entire Thieve's Guild. 1231: Never randomly declare that the enemy you're fighting dies. The DM won't like it and will probably add about 100 HPs onto the enemy. 1232: Make sure you know the method in which your poison enters the enemy's body. (One of the PCs tried to splash some Drow Knock-Out poison to subdue some thieves, but neglected to realize that it was an Injury poison) 1233: Never hit it with an axe just because you feel like it. 1234: The person who owns the books controls who sees the books. ;) 1235: Never inform the Munchkin that a new book is out...
bgt 01-27-05, 09:49 AM	1233: Never hit it with an axe just because you feel like it. Why not? 1236: There is nothing animated Silly Putty can't do.
thatbamaguy 01-27-05, 10:37 AM	1237: If the dm is your freind and you **** him off outside of d&d prepare for a hell of a time in side hte campaign. 1238: Never laugh at what the dm puts againts you...there is always more from where that came from. 1239: Never yell we need to move silently through the area.......it sorta defeats the idea.
Callista 01-27-05, 10:44 AM	Why not? Ask my barbarian for *that* answer... y'know, the one that tried to use her greatsword to chop open a Lightning Bolt trapped chest. She's still got the scars...
bgt 01-27-05, 03:50 PM	Ask my barbarian for *that* answer... y'know, the one that tried to use her greatsword to chop open a Lightning Bolt trapped chest. She's still got the scars... I was being somewhat sarcastic. Lighting bolt-trapped, eh? In my campaign the party fighter once tried to open a door at the end of a corridor. It was lighting-bolt trapped, and the lightning bolt jumped from him to the party druid at the end of the hall. He then thought it would be a good idea to try it again. The druid died. Which brings us to the next number: 1240: As a DM, you don't have to try to kill the PCs. They're more than happy to do it for you.
Leibel 01-27-05, 08:06 PM	1240 - An ugly elf woman is contradiction in terms 1241 - If your PC inherits anything it will immediately be attacked
Talon Blackhart 01-28-05, 01:17 PM	1242 - Always, always, always search the room.
Elric Lornhood 01-28-05, 01:29 PM	1243- The DM WILL hit and crit. you with his BBEG. A supreme amount of hp is always better than an amazingly high armor class. 1244- Always bring cash to the game. Somehow, if you collect money and put the pizza on your card, you lose out, yet everyone gave you their share. Hmmm. 1245- Stop trying to convince the guy who always has to play an elf ranger to play something else.
Callista 01-28-05, 05:11 PM	I was being somewhat sarcastic. I know :) I have the bad habit of being annoyingly literal... 1244.) The BBEG does NOT die until the DM says he does... and he has as many hit points as the DM wants him to... and he will kill whoever the DM wishes him to... In short, be very, very nice to your DM when you are going to fight a BBEG!
Tolby 01-28-05, 09:57 PM	1245 THe BBEG will always make his save vs disintergrate.
Meshakhad 01-30-05, 04:23 PM	1246. If a dwarf walks into a bar carrying a big bag, and declares a drinking contest, enter.
Tekas_Tinkered_Dragon 01-30-05, 08:47 PM	1247. Never mage an Intimidate check against a Red Dragon when you are Small.
Ascian 02-03-05, 03:45 PM	1248. Bag of Tricks (Gray) plus Sleight of Hand check plus Town Guard's Pants equals convenient and amusing distraction. 1248.b. Bag of Tricks (Rust or Tan) plus Sleight of Hand check plus Town Guard's Pants equals assault or first-degree murder respectively.
Horatio 02-04-05, 03:52 PM	1249. If you prepare on most of your slots magic missiles (tired of the fact, that monsters always made their save and have evasion and energy immunities), next monster you encounter will have hardness 5.
godslayer57 02-05-05, 12:17 PM	1250. Never brag about how much money you have 1251. Never stand between two rogues after not doing 1250
Board_Rider 02-05-05, 09:51 PM	1252. Always use the line "Sure, I can, and even like, to play things out. I love to roleplay!!" when picking up the ladies. 1253. Never follow "that" look with "You mean D&D right?" "I just love fighters! They......."
ssampier 02-05-05, 10:59 PM	1254: Talking about favorite movies and novels during a game never gets old 1255: There is always someone more geeky than you. 1256: If you meet anyone that plays a character named "Blackleaf", run. 1257: When in doubt, kill an orc or two 1258: Fear the bored DM 1259: Bribe the DM with sausage pizza, root beer, and chips 'n salsa
HighCouncilorSeven 02-05-05, 11:59 PM	1260- If you banish the BBEG's balor henchman in one round as a sixteenth level wizard, be prepaired for trouble. 1261- If you disintigrate the BBEG in the next round due to a one on a fortitude save, be prepaired to see the coolest look ever on your DM's face. 1262- If you complete 1260 and 1261, run away before a very very large horde of demons comes after you without any specific explanation.
Hart L 02-06-05, 12:58 AM	1263- If you have to kill a zombie and you don't want that cool armor its wearing to get hurt, jam a flamming (as in ON FIRE) squirrle down it's throught. 1264- Make sure he bar door is open before insulting the bouncer.
NyMpHoMaNiAc_FaNtAsIA 02-07-05, 12:06 AM	1265 - If your party laughed at you when you picked a club as your weapon, don't worry, you'll have the last laugh when you face that group of rust monsters just around the corner...
Grand1 02-22-05, 12:38 AM	[quote=various]323. Anyone who talks in the third person is stupid. 469. Just because his skin is black and he's got pointy ears, doesn't mean he's a drow. But it's better to err on the side of caution. 1245 THe BBEG will always make his save vs disintergrate. 1258: Fear the bored DM [quote] extras 323- or is trying to annoy everybody 469- Blade Elf... MUCH WORSE! 1245- my friend's BBEG (visiear at that) failed... 1258- i was bored DM, i got my friend to DM again fearing what i would do... n+1, where n is the last one made: the ooze need not always be a cube, it could be a sphere for better speed n+2: always try for a diplomatic, non-combat method first for that extra exp, and expect the DM to want u to fight anyways and make him sorry...
Kinghappo 02-22-05, 04:18 AM	1267: No matter how hard you try, no matter how detailed you describe it, there is no such thing as "Softly cracking the door open to see if you can see anything inside."
Chazmon 02-22-05, 12:54 PM	1268 if you come into a large amount of money dont try and keep it, if your dm wants you to have it he will let you if he doesnt you will probally be beaten up and sold to a gladiator pit (this storyline is so overdone like the caravan one...) 1269 if its bigger than a human or more stupid than an orc cut it open 1270 remember the difference between diameter and radius 1271 only ever point out one DM mistake at a time 2 is the fatal dose 1272 rember if it has a radius it is a circle not a square
Horatio 02-23-05, 09:59 AM	1272 rember if it has a radius it is a circle not a square 1273: Remember, if it has a radius, it is sometimes a SPHERE, not a circle. :D
Meshakhad 02-25-05, 11:41 PM	792. Know your DM and know your group, and in a thousand sessions you will not be defeated. That's good. My DM and I are long-time friends. 1274. If a ghoul has taken down a PC, and has threatened to kill him if anyone moves, do NOT throw a spear at him (someone recently did this). 1247a. Especially since he will come back as a ghoul and try to kill YOU. 1248. If you have narrowed down the options of who the BBEG is to 2 people, and one is a psion (but not an illithid), then it is the other guy. 1249. Wizards always hate psions for no reason. 1250. The feeling is NOT mutual. 1251. Parties with a cleric, rogue, fighter, and wizard (those actual classes) do not exist for long. I should know. We had one, and then the rogue got turned into a ghoul. 1251a. Particularly if the wizard is a female elf, and the cleric is human AND has the Good domain.
Creeg 02-26-05, 02:45 AM	1275? Gammers come up with the worst puns.. for example -"BEHOLD! The Mighty LEGOMANCER! None can match his powers of building things out of small plastic blocks!"
Meshakhad 02-27-05, 03:29 PM	1276. NEVER ask the female paladin out. PARTICULARLY if she has a sap.
The_Ditto 02-28-05, 08:12 AM	1277: If the party's wizard or sorcerer asks you if you have evasion .. say no .. even if you do. If you say yes, you will fail the saving throw. :(
Corynth 02-28-05, 02:11 PM	1278. Never trust a lich in a tutu. 1279. In some places cows are considered holy. In other places, they're considered lunch. A little knowledge can go a long way. 1280. There is no such thing as a harmless rabbit in D&D. Even if your DM has never seen a Monty Python movie in his life, somehow he'll know that part regardless. 1281. A bag of tricks can be really handy if you are running out of food. 1282. There is always an oasis in the desert. 1282a. You will always find it just before succumbing to fatigue related death. 1282b. Unless you have someone summoning food and drink for the party, in which case, you'll somehow pass right by without ever seeing it. 1282c. But it's still there. 1283. Location spells don't work unless you're casting them on someone who doesn't care if they're found. 1284. Never say the words "I wish" before anything unless you've identified ALL of your treasure FIRST. 1285. Wish spells are evil and insidious things. Write your wish on a piece of paper and have a lawyer look it over to find any loopholes before submitting it to your DM. Examples: 1285a. PC standing on a cliff looking out over the amassed army says, "I wish I could get a closer look." PC trips and falls off the cliff. 1285b. PC standing outside the throne room awaiting his/her fate says, "I wish I could hear what they're saying." PC finds his/herself inside the throne room with a large contingent of guards attacking the "assassin" that just teleported into their midst. 1285c. PC says, "I wish I were as strong as an ogre." PC gets polymorphed into an ogre. 1286. As a DM, it is your right, nay, your civic duty to teach the adventurers the error of their ways. They all should have listened to their mothers and worked on the farm like their siblings. 1287. There's no such thing as happily ever after. 1288. You can kill a god, but he/she'll probably take it personally. 1289. If something from another plane dies on the Prime, they're banished to their home plane for 100 years. If you travel to another plane and die... You're dead. 1290. Planeswalking is not as fun as they say it is. 1290a. "They" were actually a bunch of demons that want to devour your soul. "They" just had a good PR group. 1291. Rumors are an amazing way to find a side quest. 1292. Never listen to rumors. 1293. Never ask your DM for a solo adventure just to pass some time while you wait for the others to get there. It's your own damn fault you got there 5 hours early. 1294. If you're going to dress up a bit for D&D, please remember... A D&D shirt is appropriate, and many people will give you compliments for wearing it. Wearing a pirate outfit is not appropriate and you'll find yourself sitting all alone on your side of the table. 1294a. On the other hand, that gives you plenty of table space to put your notes down. 1295. (note: While this isn't really funny in any way, it's perhaps the truest thing I've learned from D&D) An appreciation for history, architecture, art, philosophy, religion, and many other things. 1296. (note: Continuing from 1295's idea) Social skills, how to talk to women without stuttering, how to get over stagefright, and oddly enough how to dance (We were roleplaying and she was hot. Who was I to say no? :D ). 1297. Jackalopes are real... and they're out there... and they're watching... waiting for their time to come again. 1298. A badger with her cubs is a heck of alot more dangerous than a bugbear. 1298a. (That bugbear never stood a chance. Hahaha) 1298b. (It's the simple things in a druid's life that makes it all worth it.) 1299. Never use a sword when a dagger will do. 1299a. Unless you're a barbarian. 1300. Playing a gnomish inventor gives you some interesting opportunities when you have some downtime and alot of raw materials. 1300a. Just because you can explain it, draw out a diagram on paper, and prove that all the necessary parts are easily found, doesn't mean you can build your death machine... But it's always worth trying.
Mahni LeGuin 03-10-05, 10:27 AM	1301. Know what your abilities are. Never cast a spell without knowing what the area of effect is. 1301a. Know how far away the target is also. It's embarassing to be killed by your own fireball. 1301a1. Know where the rest of your party is. Being murdered in your sleep for accidently catching the thief in the blast radius of your fireball is annoying.
KelanenPrinceofSwords 03-10-05, 12:32 PM	1,302: The meanings of the following words, learned as a youngster, from numerous dungeon-delves and castle-sieges: Portcullis Alcolve Cul-de-sac Sconce Trebuchet Dweomer Catacomb Troglodyte Ballista Crennelation Barbican And many others that elude me at the moment. 1,303: A war in a D&D world goes something like this: Two armies meet on a battlefield. The high-level wizards and clerics on each side obliterate the footmen and cavalry in a few rounds. The handful of high-level PCs/NPCs remaining duke it out to determine who wins the "war", which lasted less than a minute of real time.
Mecha Zero 03-10-05, 06:09 PM	Rember Warforged hate only two things rustmonsters and termites!
Mahni LeGuin 03-14-05, 12:14 PM	1,302: The meanings of the following words, learned as a youngster, from numerous dungeon-delves and castle-sieges: Portcullis Alcolve Cul-de-sac Sconce Trebuchet Dweomer Catacomb Troglodyte Ballista Crennelation Barbican And many others that elude me at the moment. 1,303: A war in a D&D world goes something like this: Two armies meet on a battlefield. The high-level wizards and clerics on each side obliterate the footmen and cavalry in a few rounds. The handful of high-level PCs/NPCs remaining duke it out to determine who wins the "war", which lasted less than a minute of real time. Sounds like those 'survive the nuclear war' books from the early 1980's... except that it usually took years to finish the 'war', the real damage was done in a few hours.
Capt. Pixel 03-14-05, 01:49 PM	1303) B@$t@rd$ have brothers!
thinkhard 03-14-05, 02:08 PM	1305) People may say they want a good story, but they only wanna roll the pretty die without discretion.
Grundax 03-18-05, 08:40 AM	1306) If you see a blue fire that does not feel hot DO NOT stick you hand inside. 1307) Reduce + Halfling = Quarterling 1308) Fighters never retreat, though they will make a tactical advance to the rear if the situation calls for it.
thinkhard 03-18-05, 09:34 AM	1309) If you see a normal looking wizard with baylor cohorts, and they party's hunter of the deads undead sense goes of....DO NOT PICK A FIGHT WITH HIM
Aeolus91 03-21-05, 05:00 PM	1310: Kill 'em quick before they wake up! 1311: Load your crossbow before you say that you fire it. 1311a: Don't keep your crossbow loaded for more than 5 minutes, or it warps. 1311b: If you make any crossbow mistakes, DONT try to say that your character didnt do it and you're gonna fix it, especially after the DM has said the result of your action, or else meteors begin falling from the sky. HOMING METEORS!
Jagermeister 03-21-05, 06:47 PM	Rember Warforged hate only two things rustmonsters and termites! Unless you are a disciple of the Lord of Blades, in which case you probably aren't very fond of fleshies either. ;)
Lia Nightdemon 03-21-05, 07:27 PM	1312: Never under estimate the enviroment. 1313: Always buy a winter blanket even if start in a hot climate 1314: At night in the desert it can get really cold hence 1313 1315: Endure elements is very useful when your DM likes desert and cold climates. 1320: Buy extra food and water before start of the campaign incase you start in a desert
Boddynock Cloak Garrick 03-21-05, 11:13 PM	1. Always remeber this..."dont search the garbage!" 2. never yell "hello!" in a room that echos. 3. never leave your friend to die, you just end up alone...and dead. :D 4. there's a differance between "geek" and "nerd".
Jerivar 03-22-05, 08:59 AM	1321: Do not try to learn the local rumours by saying "So, what rumours do you have for me?" (Personal experience.) 1322: Do not try to make up names for the GM's characters (very same campaign, not an hour later).
orcslayer 01-30-06, 03:43 PM	1323. never under estimate the power of a pie on fire. Wow I cant believe we got past 1001. this should be stickied or something.
ConclaveKing 01-30-06, 09:22 PM	1324: Never fall asleep in a battle against a dragon. Don't ask.
scienceman47 01-31-06, 01:40 AM	1325: In any RPG I have ever played, when the DM says something to the effect of "Okay the clouds start to part", it always involves a relatively large area of apocalypse. 1326: Merchants are either deadly, or weak but surrounded by very powerful guards. Either way you arent getting anything free.
orcslayer 12-21-06, 12:38 PM	1327. Dont pull the lever in an Alien Space Craft.