1001 things your DM doesn't want to hear [Archive] - Wizards Community

1001 things your DM doesn't want to hear [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Piff
11-12-04, 10:17 PM Well i see all these things about what you dont want to hear from your DM so why not what they dont want to hear.

1)DM: The Oger hits you for 45.
Me: Well too bad for him i got flame shield on :devil:
Sucineri
11-12-04, 10:34 PM 2) DM: The Oger hits you for 45.
PC: Haha, u kant spel.
JLP
11-13-04, 01:21 AM #3) Dude. My dad thinks you're hawt.
Rancorpit
11-13-04, 02:18 AM 4.) I use Improved Trip. :raincloud
9mm of Mercy
11-13-04, 03:18 AM 2) DM: The Oger hits you for 45.
PC: Haha, u kant spel.
PC2: Ha, you're a dick.
CuCulain42
11-13-04, 08:12 AM Player:"Uhm, I think I played this adventure in my other game..."
DM: :ghosted:
The_one_wit_a_reason
11-13-04, 11:05 AM DM-the orc runs toward you at full speed
PC-quickdraw spear and ready it
DM-when did you buy a spear
Pc-when i saw the words barbaric orcs on your world map
Dareon
11-13-04, 02:51 PM 7) "I'll play a <template creature with the word half- in it>!"
8) "I'm attacking the darkness!"
9) Anything about a new PC that includes the phrase "child of a god/goddess/demon."
The_EvilDungeon_Master
11-13-04, 09:54 PM 10) PC: "What's a cleric?"
John Bezo
11-14-04, 03:02 PM Well i see all these things about what you dont want to hear from your DM so why not what they dont want to hear.

1)DM: The Oger hits you for 45.
Me: Well too bad for him i got flame shield on :devil:

I heard this as a DM. I was attacking my players with 2 adlut white dragons on open tundra. Lots of fear, breaths and flybys. The players were really getting torn up. So I dive on the Dwarven deffender, who happens to have an item that alows him to cast fire shield, and I forgot that he cast it because the fight lasted near 3 hours in real life.

SO I have one of the dragon dive on him and swoop out right at the last min, so its skimming the ground and max speed. The dragon with all its feats and ablities is getting a couple of modifiers to damage for the dive and speed, then I score a 20 and another 20 for the crit. damge was in the 200 hundered range at the end.

My player let me finish the whole thing up and grin at him when he says "I still got fire shiled up."

The only thing that escaped my lips was " oh " So I checked for SR and the dragon failed it and took the same damage but it was fire and white dragons take extra damge from fire. So even though I completely destroyed the DD the Dragon died in a firey ball of death..... The rest of the group was so emboldened by this event that they ganged up on the other dragon and caused it to retreat in less then 4 rounds.

They still talk about my "..oh..." some 3 years later...

J.
Nifftin
11-14-04, 03:25 PM Well i see all these things about what you dont want to hear from your DM so why not what they dont want to hear.

1)DM: The Oger hits you for 45.
Me: Well too bad for him i got flame shield on :devil:

Ugh... I can't believe I forgot that.

11) DM: So you suddenly appear in a desert continent with no gold but you have your equipment.
PC 1 (Me): So... we need money if we want to get out of here, no? I assume these doors here are palm or some other wood.
DM: :confused:
Me: I want to find the best looking merchant and haggle for me double mahogany door. :P
Dm: -Rolls- :confused: :eek: Geez... you get 32 thousand Gp.
Party: :D :mymy: :OMG!
CzarGarrett
11-15-04, 09:44 AM 12. I rolled 2 20's. And do 97 damage. To the evil Wizard.
Doug McCrae
11-15-04, 10:14 AM 13) My character's an anthropomorphic baleen whale.
Wildonion
11-15-04, 07:25 PM 14) I want to play a drow ranger.....

15) Can I have a +5 Holy Longsword of Demon Bane?

16) Where's the Mountain Dew?

17) Ogers?! I have an Ogre slaying Knife it gets a +9 against ogers!
Darkstealth
11-15-04, 07:56 PM Pit Fiend? Oh, now would be the time to make use of my Ring of Wishes...
Snommelp
11-15-04, 08:59 PM I know I just changed my cleric's domain, but I think <insert domain here> fits the character better...
Andrewinator
11-15-04, 09:16 PM 20) I don't care!
21) Can I have the Demonicron?
22) I use Kill! (followed by overbite stupid gwafaw-ing)
Melpomene
11-15-04, 11:58 PM Do I have to confirm the 20 for my vorpal's crit against your BBEG?
Token
11-16-04, 01:14 AM You aren't allowed to do that.
CzarGarrett
11-16-04, 09:16 AM I just got my shipment of the entire Green Ronin catelog in today.
kam_Islash
11-16-04, 10:37 AM 23) So what? I rolled a natural 20!
24) I name my elf rogue....Thief!
25) i name my multiclass cleric/wizard....Red Mage!
26) I name my fighter....Fighter!
27) I name my cleric...white Mage!
28) I name my Monk...Blackbelt!
29) I name my sorceror....Black Mage!
30) can we play orc and pie?

///
Kweaper
11-16-04, 11:47 AM My guy starts break dancing!
~Ambiant beats start playing in the background)

Check out this Flash Cartoon (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=123073) I found on NewGrounds (D&D related).
Bacon and Eggs
11-16-04, 11:50 AM 31. What kid of Swallow did you say?

/or any Python reference for that matter.
Kweaper
11-16-04, 11:53 AM 31. What kid of Swallow did you say?

/or any Python reference for that matter.

??? do you mean (Kid) kind?
are you talking about the holy grail movie where they are talking about the flite speed of a Sparrow?
CuCulain42
11-16-04, 12:20 PM ??? do you mean (Kid) kind?
are you talking about the holy grail movie where they are talking about the flite speed of a Sparrow?

The queston refers to "the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow."
The appropriate response is:"Do you mean an African or a European Swallow."
Kweaper
11-16-04, 12:32 PM The queston refers to "the average airspeed velocity of a swallow."
The appropriate response is:"Do you mean an African or a European Swallow."

yea, that is what i was talking about but i forgot what the exact words were.
if you want to see something neat and fun go over to ask.com and ask jeeves 'what is the average airspeed velocity of a swallow'
look at the answer he give you.
(Click the first link, it should say 'Swollow' as the link)
kam_Islash
11-16-04, 12:34 PM I find that movie to be offensive.
It's hella entertainmentism!

///
Bacon and Eggs
11-16-04, 12:55 PM ??? do you mean (Kid) kind?

Aye, I intended the word "Kind" to be there.

/ Any stumble into Python Land usually leads to a half hour distraction of players trying to out quote each other rather than play.

32. I attack "The Darkness"

/ same reason.
CuCulain42
11-16-04, 01:16 PM / Any stumble into Python Land usually leads to a half hour distraction of players trying to out quote each other rather than play.

Yes, and with my group this also includes visits to Mel Brooks-land as well... :rolleyes: :D
Kweaper
11-16-04, 01:22 PM looks like this thread has taking the turn down that Python land road.
Sorry for distract everyone away from the main conversation. lol
CuCulain42
11-16-04, 01:24 PM looks like this thread has taking the turn down that Python land road.
Sorry for distract everyone away from the main conversation. lol

And this is why DM's hate to here any line from Python. :D ;)
Arrowhen
11-16-04, 04:28 PM 32) I know you told me "PHB races/classes only" about 300 times, but can I be a psionic ninja?
ChaoticGod
11-16-04, 08:38 PM A) Can I be a Half Fiend at first level?
B) AC, what is that?
C) Which dice do I roll to attack stuff?
D) Oh, yes I know I was supposed to make a character 3 weeks ago. What do you mean we are playing tonight?
E) I'll update my character eventually.
D) I go into the next room alone.
F) We open both the left door and the right door at the same time.
G) I call out to see if anyone is down there.
H) I rolled higher than the number beside Reflex Save so I dodge that attack.
I) I left my character sheet at work. But I remember it all, I promise.
J) But my character can't die. I don't want to make another one.
K) Something smells like gas? I light a torch to see what it is.
L) I'm gonna summon a monster. Um, let me look up how you do that. Can I borrow your Monster Manual so I can pick which one I want?
M) I cast spell X, let me look up what that does.
N) The wall is an illusion? Okay I step through.
O) A 30ft tall humanoid shaped shadow? I charge. That gives my fighter +7 to hit.
P) Just because I charge ahead of everyone else is no reason for the monsters to single me out for attacks.
Q) So, our goal is in the next town. The duke's rangers told us the forests were dangerous and to stick to the road. Let's go north into the forest.
R) Oh, I know we rolled initiative already but can I get healed real quick? I forgot to say I'm at 4 hit points.
S) I cast Haste on the whole party. Again.
T) I cast Arcane Eye.
U) I do 23 points of damage. He drops? Okay I cleave, again.
V) We are tired of all this social interaction, we want a dungeon crawl.
W) We are tired of all this dungeon crawling, where is the roleplay?
X) Oh, you didn't know about that spell, feat, special ability? Its from the book of Exalted Cheese.
Y) I know that you've said that X race is killed on sight but I wanna play one anyway.
Z) Do you allow Mongoose stuff?
SOKAR
11-16-04, 09:13 PM Player: I draw my eternal sword. The monster is dead.

DM(me): :confused: :confused: :confused: (Has absolutely no idea what an eternal sword is) There is no such thing.

:I'm the PC. I can have any thing i want.

:I am your DM, and I say they don't exist!

:But you can't restrict what my character has. The DM has no power over the players.

That was how it went, word for word...
Megatron
11-16-04, 10:29 PM there was something about a portable hole and a bag of holding...
wdarkk
11-17-04, 02:03 AM My character's personality is based on Raistlin, Lina Inverse, and Black Mage.

Player: I draw my eternal sword. The monster is dead.

DM(me): :confused: :confused: :confused: (Has absolutely no idea what an eternal sword is) There is no such thing.

:I'm the PC. I can have any thing i want.

:I am your DM, and I say they don't exist!

:But you can't restrict what my character has. The DM has no power over the players.

That was how it went, word for word...

Would that be the Eternal Sword from the Tales series?
Sucineri
11-17-04, 04:01 PM Whatever#itisnow) I'm pregnant, and the baby is yours!
SOKAR
11-17-04, 04:05 PM Would that be the Eternal Sword from the Tales series?

No idea...
CuCulain42
11-17-04, 04:29 PM Whatever#itisnow) I'm pregnant, and the baby is yours!
Well, if someone hadn't been looking for the DM's favor...
Piff
11-22-04, 02:19 PM What is an Orc?
What is a goblin?
I want my class to be Archer!
Kweaper
11-22-04, 02:59 PM Can't I just use a U.S.S.R war head and nuke the red dragon?!
Callista
11-22-04, 03:09 PM What is an Orc?
What is a goblin?
I want my class to be Archer!

Actually? I wouldn't be too annoyed to hear something like that. A total newbie has no preconceptions, and if you can get him/her to read the PHB, you can be that person's first experience with role-playing. With a decently sensible newbie and some careful training, you can help that person turn into a good role-player. I know; I've been on both ends of that equation and it's a good thing all around. I fondly remember the days when I had no idea what a kobold was, and trembled at the sight of a horde of small lizardlike creatures with crossbows...

Now, something I *really* don't want to hear:

3rd-level character: "Oh, no problem, it's just a troll! Okay, spellcasters, get out your fire spells, and here's some vials of acid for the rest of you. He's only got 63 hit points, unless the DM has put character levels on him, which he wouldn't do because we're level 3 and it's a CR 5, so a couple of rounds of combat ought to do it."

This immediately prompts me to turn the troll into a well-preserved zombie with an invisible necromancer hiding in the wings...

Okay, so maybe I don't mind hearing it all that much. :devil:
Kweaper
11-22-04, 03:18 PM Where do monsters go to the bathroom? I think i just stepped in something....
Sucineri
11-22-04, 03:32 PM Kweaper, actually that is a very logically based question and I would love for my players to get into such detail as to wondering stuff like this. Even reading the DMG it mentions in dungeon building how some things need to make sense..so if you have a tribe or goblins living in an old dwarven ruin, and have been there for 10 years..yet you find no indications of a bathroom after searching the whole place you begin to feel that something is not right. So any GOOD DM would know that you should add special "facilities" depending on the monsters involved. Now if it was a bunch of skeletons or something then it wouldn't matter because they don't go to the bathroom. :)
Kweaper
11-22-04, 03:36 PM I feel that a game like D&D needs to be treated like the real world, no matter how disgusting the questions are. If they make sence and would happin in real life then why not incorporate it into the game, after all that is what D&D is based around. Combining Fantasy and fiction with the Real. (this is me :looloo: )
Snommelp
11-22-04, 04:59 PM I want to play a drow wizard! Wait, what do you mean by "LA"?
Ratheus
11-22-04, 11:49 PM Some actual paraphrases of things I've heard...

Look! This 'ultimate prestige classes' book has a section for creating your own prestige classes! - scariest thing I've heard in a bookstore.

Your DMG makes a pretty nice clipboard. - said by the player who erases holes in his character sheet.

No, you don't understand. I've got like a +15 modifier to my jump! I am going to jump onto that three-story roof! (I show and explain jump rules) f--- you, that's not right! I can too do that!

I'm going to be sooo broken at level 6.

My new character uses material from four different splatbooks.

I've got Karmic strike....I get AoO when they attack me. I also have combat reflexes and a +4 dexterity modifier.

Hold on, I still need to level up. I can't do it between sessions because I just don't have the time. - unemployed player at the beginning of a session, just after we got started.

Here's my new character. I made it last night, and I got some great rolls. - then hands me a character sheet with two +4s, two +3s, and two +2s.

And, of course the classic:

...My other DM let me do it...
Kweaper
11-23-04, 12:46 AM If you ask me the DM gets alot of Fodder thrown at him\her.
DarkSoldier
11-24-04, 02:13 AM Here's my new character. I made it last night, and I got some great rolls. - then hands me a character sheet with two +4s, two +3s, and two +2s.That is why I always make my rolls in front of the DM; in last week's game, I had to leave almost as soon as the session ended, so I rolled my hit points before leaving.
orcslayer
11-24-04, 09:12 PM Your mom!
Wildonion
11-24-04, 09:30 PM I fondly remember the days when I had no idea what a kobold was, and trembled at the sight of a horde of small lizardlike creatures with crossbows...

You still should! BWA HA HA HA! :D
Callista
11-24-04, 09:57 PM True. Quite true. :)
xmcknight
11-25-04, 06:15 AM Things that i have heard over the years that drive me insane.

A) Dm - What is your ac? (talking to paladin)
Paladin - 4.
DM - :confused: :confused:
Paladin - O! sorry, that is my HPs.
DM - :confused: :confused: You haven't been in combat for over two weeks!!!
Paladin - Yeah, well no one has healed me.

B) I only need xx more experience!!!

C) Has any one seen my invisible Chair?

D) I didn't fail my save! The DC was only 12. I rolled a 1 + 13 = 14!

C) Can someone loan me some money? I need to increase the magic bonus of my sword from +4 to +5
Wildonion
11-25-04, 10:15 AM Me) So Scott, my Drow Wizard is level 11 now right?

DM) Yes.

Me) Are their any temples of the god of death nearby?

DM) Well yay this IS Waterdeep, there are all sorts of temples!

Me) Great! Which way to the nearest one? Lich-dom awaits!

This is an actual conversation, in this campaign becoming a Lich needed his Phylactery, the needed gold and a temple of the undead! And for an extra 10,000gp, we had just slaughtered a dragon, I was bleesed so that I would never age!
Azual
11-25-04, 10:24 AM ya know that scene... that one "I wanna cast magic missile!"
:why are you casting magic missile there nothing to attack here!"
"im uh... attacking the darkness!"
There is a HILAROUS remake of that same scene in the game "Summoner" for PS2, i mean it is rofl. Especially the demon "Can i have a mountain dew?" if any of you guys so go the movie rental place thingy, rent it, go to "credits" then press X once. HIL ARIOUS
:D
Azual
11-25-04, 10:28 AM Where do monsters go to the bathroom? I think i just stepped in something....
Thats why i use... UNDEAD 'HAZZAH
Light Dragon
11-25-04, 07:23 PM Level 2 adventuring party.

DM: Oops, my undead orc just backstabbed you for a critical- and 24 points of damage.
Barbarian: I still have -2 hp.
DM: Is that legal?

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Piff 11-12-04, 10:17 PM	Well i see all these things about what you dont want to hear from your DM so why not what they dont want to hear. 1)DM: The Oger hits you for 45. Me: Well too bad for him i got flame shield on :devil:
Sucineri 11-12-04, 10:34 PM	2) DM: The Oger hits you for 45. PC: Haha, u kant spel.
JLP 11-13-04, 01:21 AM	#3) Dude. My dad thinks you're hawt.
Rancorpit 11-13-04, 02:18 AM	4.) I use Improved Trip. :raincloud
9mm of Mercy 11-13-04, 03:18 AM	2) DM: The Oger hits you for 45. PC: Haha, u kant spel. PC2: Ha, you're a dick.
CuCulain42 11-13-04, 08:12 AM	Player:"Uhm, I think I played this adventure in my other game..." DM: :ghosted:
The_one_wit_a_reason 11-13-04, 11:05 AM	DM-the orc runs toward you at full speed PC-quickdraw spear and ready it DM-when did you buy a spear Pc-when i saw the words barbaric orcs on your world map
Dareon 11-13-04, 02:51 PM	7) "I'll play a <template creature with the word half- in it>!" 8) "I'm attacking the darkness!" 9) Anything about a new PC that includes the phrase "child of a god/goddess/demon."
The_EvilDungeon_Master 11-13-04, 09:54 PM	10) PC: "What's a cleric?"
John Bezo 11-14-04, 03:02 PM	Well i see all these things about what you dont want to hear from your DM so why not what they dont want to hear. 1)DM: The Oger hits you for 45. Me: Well too bad for him i got flame shield on :devil: I heard this as a DM. I was attacking my players with 2 adlut white dragons on open tundra. Lots of fear, breaths and flybys. The players were really getting torn up. So I dive on the Dwarven deffender, who happens to have an item that alows him to cast fire shield, and I forgot that he cast it because the fight lasted near 3 hours in real life. SO I have one of the dragon dive on him and swoop out right at the last min, so its skimming the ground and max speed. The dragon with all its feats and ablities is getting a couple of modifiers to damage for the dive and speed, then I score a 20 and another 20 for the crit. damge was in the 200 hundered range at the end. My player let me finish the whole thing up and grin at him when he says "I still got fire shiled up." The only thing that escaped my lips was " oh " So I checked for SR and the dragon failed it and took the same damage but it was fire and white dragons take extra damge from fire. So even though I completely destroyed the DD the Dragon died in a firey ball of death..... The rest of the group was so emboldened by this event that they ganged up on the other dragon and caused it to retreat in less then 4 rounds. They still talk about my "..oh..." some 3 years later... J.
Nifftin 11-14-04, 03:25 PM	Well i see all these things about what you dont want to hear from your DM so why not what they dont want to hear. 1)DM: The Oger hits you for 45. Me: Well too bad for him i got flame shield on :devil: Ugh... I can't believe I forgot that. 11) DM: So you suddenly appear in a desert continent with no gold but you have your equipment. PC 1 (Me): So... we need money if we want to get out of here, no? I assume these doors here are palm or some other wood. DM: :confused: Me: I want to find the best looking merchant and haggle for me double mahogany door. :P Dm: -Rolls- :confused: :eek: Geez... you get 32 thousand Gp. Party: :D :mymy: :OMG!
CzarGarrett 11-15-04, 09:44 AM	12. I rolled 2 20's. And do 97 damage. To the evil Wizard.
Doug McCrae 11-15-04, 10:14 AM	13) My character's an anthropomorphic baleen whale.
Wildonion 11-15-04, 07:25 PM	14) I want to play a drow ranger..... 15) Can I have a +5 Holy Longsword of Demon Bane? 16) Where's the Mountain Dew? 17) Ogers?! I have an Ogre slaying Knife it gets a +9 against ogers!
Darkstealth 11-15-04, 07:56 PM	Pit Fiend? Oh, now would be the time to make use of my Ring of Wishes...
Snommelp 11-15-04, 08:59 PM	I know I just changed my cleric's domain, but I think <insert domain here> fits the character better...
Andrewinator 11-15-04, 09:16 PM	20) I don't care! 21) Can I have the Demonicron? 22) I use Kill! (followed by overbite stupid gwafaw-ing)
Melpomene 11-15-04, 11:58 PM	Do I have to confirm the 20 for my vorpal's crit against your BBEG?
Token 11-16-04, 01:14 AM	You aren't allowed to do that.
CzarGarrett 11-16-04, 09:16 AM	I just got my shipment of the entire Green Ronin catelog in today.
kam_Islash 11-16-04, 10:37 AM	23) So what? I rolled a natural 20! 24) I name my elf rogue....Thief! 25) i name my multiclass cleric/wizard....Red Mage! 26) I name my fighter....Fighter! 27) I name my cleric...white Mage! 28) I name my Monk...Blackbelt! 29) I name my sorceror....Black Mage! 30) can we play orc and pie? ///
Kweaper 11-16-04, 11:47 AM	My guy starts break dancing! ~Ambiant beats start playing in the background) Check out this Flash Cartoon (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=123073) I found on NewGrounds (D&D related).
Bacon and Eggs 11-16-04, 11:50 AM	31. What kid of Swallow did you say? /or any Python reference for that matter.
Kweaper 11-16-04, 11:53 AM	31. What kid of Swallow did you say? /or any Python reference for that matter. ??? do you mean (Kid) kind? are you talking about the holy grail movie where they are talking about the flite speed of a Sparrow?
CuCulain42 11-16-04, 12:20 PM	??? do you mean (Kid) kind? are you talking about the holy grail movie where they are talking about the flite speed of a Sparrow? The queston refers to "the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow." The appropriate response is:"Do you mean an African or a European Swallow."
Kweaper 11-16-04, 12:32 PM	The queston refers to "the average airspeed velocity of a swallow." The appropriate response is:"Do you mean an African or a European Swallow." yea, that is what i was talking about but i forgot what the exact words were. if you want to see something neat and fun go over to ask.com and ask jeeves 'what is the average airspeed velocity of a swallow' look at the answer he give you. (Click the first link, it should say 'Swollow' as the link)
kam_Islash 11-16-04, 12:34 PM	I find that movie to be offensive. It's hella entertainmentism! ///
Bacon and Eggs 11-16-04, 12:55 PM	??? do you mean (Kid) kind? Aye, I intended the word "Kind" to be there. / Any stumble into Python Land usually leads to a half hour distraction of players trying to out quote each other rather than play. 32. I attack "The Darkness" / same reason.
CuCulain42 11-16-04, 01:16 PM	/ Any stumble into Python Land usually leads to a half hour distraction of players trying to out quote each other rather than play. Yes, and with my group this also includes visits to Mel Brooks-land as well... :rolleyes: :D
Kweaper 11-16-04, 01:22 PM	looks like this thread has taking the turn down that Python land road. Sorry for distract everyone away from the main conversation. lol
CuCulain42 11-16-04, 01:24 PM	looks like this thread has taking the turn down that Python land road. Sorry for distract everyone away from the main conversation. lol And this is why DM's hate to here any line from Python. :D ;)
Arrowhen 11-16-04, 04:28 PM	32) I know you told me "PHB races/classes only" about 300 times, but can I be a psionic ninja?
ChaoticGod 11-16-04, 08:38 PM	A) Can I be a Half Fiend at first level? B) AC, what is that? C) Which dice do I roll to attack stuff? D) Oh, yes I know I was supposed to make a character 3 weeks ago. What do you mean we are playing tonight? E) I'll update my character eventually. D) I go into the next room alone. F) We open both the left door and the right door at the same time. G) I call out to see if anyone is down there. H) I rolled higher than the number beside Reflex Save so I dodge that attack. I) I left my character sheet at work. But I remember it all, I promise. J) But my character can't die. I don't want to make another one. K) Something smells like gas? I light a torch to see what it is. L) I'm gonna summon a monster. Um, let me look up how you do that. Can I borrow your Monster Manual so I can pick which one I want? M) I cast spell X, let me look up what that does. N) The wall is an illusion? Okay I step through. O) A 30ft tall humanoid shaped shadow? I charge. That gives my fighter +7 to hit. P) Just because I charge ahead of everyone else is no reason for the monsters to single me out for attacks. Q) So, our goal is in the next town. The duke's rangers told us the forests were dangerous and to stick to the road. Let's go north into the forest. R) Oh, I know we rolled initiative already but can I get healed real quick? I forgot to say I'm at 4 hit points. S) I cast Haste on the whole party. Again. T) I cast Arcane Eye. U) I do 23 points of damage. He drops? Okay I cleave, again. V) We are tired of all this social interaction, we want a dungeon crawl. W) We are tired of all this dungeon crawling, where is the roleplay? X) Oh, you didn't know about that spell, feat, special ability? Its from the book of Exalted Cheese. Y) I know that you've said that X race is killed on sight but I wanna play one anyway. Z) Do you allow Mongoose stuff?
SOKAR 11-16-04, 09:13 PM	Player: I draw my eternal sword. The monster is dead. DM(me): :confused: :confused: :confused: (Has absolutely no idea what an eternal sword is) There is no such thing. :I'm the PC. I can have any thing i want. :I am your DM, and I say they don't exist! :But you can't restrict what my character has. The DM has no power over the players. That was how it went, word for word...
Megatron 11-16-04, 10:29 PM	there was something about a portable hole and a bag of holding...
wdarkk 11-17-04, 02:03 AM	My character's personality is based on Raistlin, Lina Inverse, and Black Mage. Player: I draw my eternal sword. The monster is dead. DM(me): :confused: :confused: :confused: (Has absolutely no idea what an eternal sword is) There is no such thing. :I'm the PC. I can have any thing i want. :I am your DM, and I say they don't exist! :But you can't restrict what my character has. The DM has no power over the players. That was how it went, word for word... Would that be the Eternal Sword from the Tales series?
Sucineri 11-17-04, 04:01 PM	Whatever#itisnow) I'm pregnant, and the baby is yours!
SOKAR 11-17-04, 04:05 PM	Would that be the Eternal Sword from the Tales series? No idea...
CuCulain42 11-17-04, 04:29 PM	Whatever#itisnow) I'm pregnant, and the baby is yours! Well, if someone hadn't been looking for the DM's favor...
Piff 11-22-04, 02:19 PM	What is an Orc? What is a goblin? I want my class to be Archer!
Kweaper 11-22-04, 02:59 PM	Can't I just use a U.S.S.R war head and nuke the red dragon?!
Callista 11-22-04, 03:09 PM	What is an Orc? What is a goblin? I want my class to be Archer! Actually? I wouldn't be too annoyed to hear something like that. A total newbie has no preconceptions, and if you can get him/her to read the PHB, you can be that person's first experience with role-playing. With a decently sensible newbie and some careful training, you can help that person turn into a good role-player. I know; I've been on both ends of that equation and it's a good thing all around. I fondly remember the days when I had no idea what a kobold was, and trembled at the sight of a horde of small lizardlike creatures with crossbows... Now, something I really don't want to hear: 3rd-level character: "Oh, no problem, it's just a troll! Okay, spellcasters, get out your fire spells, and here's some vials of acid for the rest of you. He's only got 63 hit points, unless the DM has put character levels on him, which he wouldn't do because we're level 3 and it's a CR 5, so a couple of rounds of combat ought to do it." This immediately prompts me to turn the troll into a well-preserved zombie with an invisible necromancer hiding in the wings... Okay, so maybe I don't mind hearing it all that much. :devil:
Kweaper 11-22-04, 03:18 PM	Where do monsters go to the bathroom? I think i just stepped in something....
Sucineri 11-22-04, 03:32 PM	Kweaper, actually that is a very logically based question and I would love for my players to get into such detail as to wondering stuff like this. Even reading the DMG it mentions in dungeon building how some things need to make sense..so if you have a tribe or goblins living in an old dwarven ruin, and have been there for 10 years..yet you find no indications of a bathroom after searching the whole place you begin to feel that something is not right. So any GOOD DM would know that you should add special "facilities" depending on the monsters involved. Now if it was a bunch of skeletons or something then it wouldn't matter because they don't go to the bathroom. :)
Kweaper 11-22-04, 03:36 PM	I feel that a game like D&D needs to be treated like the real world, no matter how disgusting the questions are. If they make sence and would happin in real life then why not incorporate it into the game, after all that is what D&D is based around. Combining Fantasy and fiction with the Real. (this is me :looloo: )
Snommelp 11-22-04, 04:59 PM	I want to play a drow wizard! Wait, what do you mean by "LA"?
Ratheus 11-22-04, 11:49 PM	Some actual paraphrases of things I've heard... Look! This 'ultimate prestige classes' book has a section for creating your own prestige classes! - scariest thing I've heard in a bookstore. Your DMG makes a pretty nice clipboard. - said by the player who erases holes in his character sheet. No, you don't understand. I've got like a +15 modifier to my jump! I am going to jump onto that three-story roof! (I show and explain jump rules) f--- you, that's not right! I can too do that! I'm going to be sooo broken at level 6. My new character uses material from four different splatbooks. I've got Karmic strike....I get AoO when they attack me. I also have combat reflexes and a +4 dexterity modifier. Hold on, I still need to level up. I can't do it between sessions because I just don't have the time. - unemployed player at the beginning of a session, just after we got started. Here's my new character. I made it last night, and I got some great rolls. - then hands me a character sheet with two +4s, two +3s, and two +2s. And, of course the classic: ...My other DM let me do it...
Kweaper 11-23-04, 12:46 AM	If you ask me the DM gets alot of Fodder thrown at him\her.
DarkSoldier 11-24-04, 02:13 AM	Here's my new character. I made it last night, and I got some great rolls. - then hands me a character sheet with two +4s, two +3s, and two +2s.That is why I always make my rolls in front of the DM; in last week's game, I had to leave almost as soon as the session ended, so I rolled my hit points before leaving.
orcslayer 11-24-04, 09:12 PM	Your mom!
Wildonion 11-24-04, 09:30 PM	I fondly remember the days when I had no idea what a kobold was, and trembled at the sight of a horde of small lizardlike creatures with crossbows... You still should! BWA HA HA HA! :D
Callista 11-24-04, 09:57 PM	True. Quite true. :)
xmcknight 11-25-04, 06:15 AM	Things that i have heard over the years that drive me insane. A) Dm - What is your ac? (talking to paladin) Paladin - 4. DM - :confused: :confused: Paladin - O! sorry, that is my HPs. DM - :confused: :confused: You haven't been in combat for over two weeks!!! Paladin - Yeah, well no one has healed me. B) I only need xx more experience!!! C) Has any one seen my invisible Chair? D) I didn't fail my save! The DC was only 12. I rolled a 1 + 13 = 14! C) Can someone loan me some money? I need to increase the magic bonus of my sword from +4 to +5
Wildonion 11-25-04, 10:15 AM	Me) So Scott, my Drow Wizard is level 11 now right? DM) Yes. Me) Are their any temples of the god of death nearby? DM) Well yay this IS Waterdeep, there are all sorts of temples! Me) Great! Which way to the nearest one? Lich-dom awaits! This is an actual conversation, in this campaign becoming a Lich needed his Phylactery, the needed gold and a temple of the undead! And for an extra 10,000gp, we had just slaughtered a dragon, I was bleesed so that I would never age!
Azual 11-25-04, 10:24 AM	ya know that scene... that one "I wanna cast magic missile!" :why are you casting magic missile there nothing to attack here!" "im uh... attacking the darkness!" There is a HILAROUS remake of that same scene in the game "Summoner" for PS2, i mean it is rofl. Especially the demon "Can i have a mountain dew?" if any of you guys so go the movie rental place thingy, rent it, go to "credits" then press X once. HIL ARIOUS :D
Azual 11-25-04, 10:28 AM	Where do monsters go to the bathroom? I think i just stepped in something.... Thats why i use... UNDEAD 'HAZZAH
Light Dragon 11-25-04, 07:23 PM	Level 2 adventuring party. DM: Oops, my undead orc just backstabbed you for a critical- and 24 points of damage. Barbarian: I still have -2 hp. DM: Is that legal?