| Post/Author/DateTime | Post |
|---|---|
| Rickiel03-27-07, 02:59 PM | Okay, so one of my DM's has decided to continue running a certain lil campaign wherein lies a certain princess upon which one of my favored characters (coughRazcough) has certain affections for. Of course sometimes people mess up their chances...spectacularly so. So let us list off the serious, and CRAZY!, things that should never be done to gain the attentions of your local lord's lil spoiled brat-er-daughter... :shifty: 1. Never offer a bloody orc's head to a normal princess. 2. Never offer roses to an orc chieftain's daughter. 3. Dwarven ale for the elven heiress? Forget it. 4. Do not offer a rusty axe to a dwarven battle maiden. 5. Do not offer any less than 3 kegs of ale for a dwarven battle maiden. 6. Do not climb up the princess' hair. Her hairdresser will send assassins. 7. Never forget to double check a princess' identity before proposing to her. 8. Some princess live in lonely towers in the middle of the most inhospitable place in the multiverse. Find out why she's there in the first place before going to 'rescue' her. 9. Never trust a princess that immediately clings to you upon first sight. She's up to something. 10. Never let anyone know you are courting the princess. Especially the princess. Your local villainy groups will kidnap her on a regular basis if they knew! |
| NeoRaven0103-27-07, 04:43 PM | 11. Kill the king and take his place to show how great you are. |
| SeptimusMagistos03-27-07, 05:32 PM | 12. Dress up in a plumber suit, talk with a bad italian accent, and jump on guards' heads. |
| Drodain03-27-07, 05:43 PM | 13.)Tell the local dragon that he could be like all of those cool dragons in the stories if he'd only take a princess capture. Even if you save her from the dragon she's usually not to happy about being taken prisoner and definately not happy if the dragon happens to like to talk... |
| DragonStrife03-27-07, 05:52 PM | 14.) Unless your a pirate (or even if you are) never call her a wench or you might have a bowie that defies gravity the next day |
| Wargamer04-05-07, 11:06 AM | 15) Insist you rolled her up on your Treasure chart after beating that Blue Dragon, so she's yours now. 16) Offer to show her your Magic Wand that extends when you touch it (thank you, Belkar! :D) |
| JulesCARV04-05-07, 11:17 AM | 17) Be an emotionally detached, laconic, cold-hearted adventurer who sits in bars with his back to the wall with a cowl casting a shadow over his face when he isn't in dungeons up to his ankles in kobold giblets. 18) "Look, honey, I took a Vow of Chastity for a +4 perfection bonus to will saves vs. charm and phantasm effects, so I can't have sex, but that doesn't mean that we can't have a spiritual relationship that goes far deeper than any mere carnal contact, right? Right?" 19) "I believe that the institution of hereditary monarchy is fundamentally unjust, and should be abolished in favor of (a republic/rule by the Church of St. Cuthbert/whatever), but you'll be pleased to know that I don't hold the accident of your birth against you." |
| DwarfPcfan04-05-07, 11:27 AM | 1- LEEROY JENKINS! Sorry but that seems like the thing that loses you the princess... |
| IrishRover04-05-07, 02:24 PM | 20. If the way to propose to a woman is to lay a dead deer at her door (prooving that you are a good provider) then using a 6 pounder with grapeshot to kill said deer might not be the way to go. Then again, it might...messy, though. This is a blatant steal--1000 exp to whoever first names the book I stole it from. |
| Toran_A_Sunder04-05-07, 02:37 PM | 20. If the way to propose to a woman is to lay a dead deer at her door (prooving that you are a good provider) then using a 6 pounder with grapeshot to kill said deer might not be the way to go. Then again, it might...messy, though. This is a blatant steal--1000 exp to whoever first names the book I stole it from. I know this...I've read this before...but I cant remember where. Dammit. This is going to friggin bug me all day now. Thanks Rover! :banghead: |
| IrishRover04-05-07, 11:44 PM | I know this...I've read this before...but I cant remember where. Dammit. This is going to friggin bug me all day now. Thanks Rover! :banghead: I'll give ye a hint...he gets the girl... |
| Andorxor04-06-07, 03:57 AM | 21. a) Get Lycanthropy b) Polyany all your servants in householditems c) Rescue the king and than put a geas on him to give you the first thing he sees when he comes home 22. a) Find a lamp with a noble genie inside b) Wish to be alter selfed into a prince c) Than loose the lamp to the BBEG who will use it to kidnap the princess and the palace 23. a) Cast sleep on everyone in the castle b) Cast plant grow on the plants in the castle c) Kiss the sleeping princess and than dispell the sleepspell d) Bluff her into believing the she sleeped 100 years |
| Bedevere04-06-07, 07:25 AM | 24. After rescuing the princess, and looting the castle/lair/dragon horde, make her carry up to her encumbrance limit back to civilisation, so you get more loot. (Damn those copper piece laden treasure rolls) Thanks to KoDT for this one. :) |
| SeptimusMagistos04-06-07, 01:48 PM | 25. Mind control all castle servants, lock her up in a room, and set a date of marriage a month from then. In that period, you are guaranteed a tide of ignorant louts trying to kill you and free her. And one that'll actually be smart. |
| Elf_Jedi04-06-07, 02:09 PM | 26. Only do the first half of any James Bond Movie. State your name , get here in your hotel room, leave her for BBEG. |
| Azezel04-06-07, 02:34 PM | 27: Go to the wrong castle. (Hint: she's in another) |
| IrishRover04-06-07, 10:21 PM | 28 If she's an Amazon Princess, then being a typical midieval man is a bad idea... 20. If the way to propose to a woman is to lay a dead deer at her door (proving that you are a good provider) then using a 6 pounder with grapeshot to kill said deer might not be the way to go. Then again, it might...messy, though. This is a blatant steal--1000 exp to whoever first names the book I stole it from. Should I post the answer to this one tomorrow, or let people stew for a bit longer? |
| darkneolink04-07-07, 01:13 AM | 28 If she's an Amazon Princess, then being a typical midieval man is a bad idea... Should I post the answer to this one tomorrow, or let people stew for a bit longer? it can wait a week -------------------------- 29) "love is birthright of the low classes not kings princes and princcess" 30) "I'll marry you and then use you just to control the country" 31) "actually we are brothers" 32) hey Leia I'm Luke |
| ktgodstgarden04-07-07, 03:38 AM | 33.) Hey baby! Canned ham? 34.) So I heard you like Mudkips. 35.) This may not be the right time to let you know this, but I've been known to go both ways. I used to be good, then evil for a while. I think I'll stick with liking both for now though, you know, batting for both teams. Ahhh, neutrality. |
| EscherEnigma04-07-07, 04:22 AM | 35.) This may not be the right time to let you know this, but I've been known to go both ways. I used to be good, then evil for a while. I think I'll stick with liking both for now though, you know, batting for both teams. Ahhh, neutrality. Oh goodness, that sounds dirty. And like you're suggesting a three (or more?) -some Uh... 36) Accidentally use the name of the DM's sister/girlfriend/wife/mother/significant-female-relation instead of the name of hte princess. PC: So, Lady Jennifier, what say you and me... DM: ... did you just say 'Lady Jennifer?' Jennifer's my GF you [censored]! The princess is named Susan! Okay, so that wasn't so good. But I felt guilty just commenting on 35 without adding something... |
| navar10004-07-07, 04:30 AM | 37) Convince an ogre to rescue her for you. |
| Andorxor04-07-07, 07:39 AM | 38) Get your mother to put a curse on her to transform into a oger at night and than lock her away in a far away tower,protected by a dratgon. And than come too late to rescue her. |
| Ganen04-07-07, 04:38 PM | 39) Never let her stay on the moon and constantly being watched by a computer who can experience the feeling of 'love' trust me, he is stealing your woman. |
| Sledgerosaur04-07-07, 05:32 PM | "39) Never let her stay on the moon and constantly being watched by a computer who can experience the feeling of 'love' trust me, he is stealing your woman." I know where thats from :D 40) Breakdance into the room where she is kept.BAD breakdancing (the whole party did this in a campaign i was running) |
| SilvercatMoonpaw04-07-07, 05:58 PM | 41) Two words: Black Mage. |
| Evil DM Mk304-07-07, 06:00 PM | 42)Ensure that no one can be more than about 60% sure of your gender. (hehe, V (either) rules) |
| cat_god04-07-07, 09:15 PM | "39) Never let her stay on the moon and constantly being watched by a computer who can experience the feeling of 'love' trust me, he is stealing your woman." I know where thats from :D Where's it from? |
| IrishRover04-10-07, 12:09 AM | 20. If the way to propose to a woman is to lay a dead deer at her door (prooving that you are a good provider) then using a 6 pounder with grapeshot to kill said deer might not be the way to go. Then again, it might...messy, though. This is a blatant steal--1000 exp to whoever first names the book I stole it from. Since this thread looks to be fading, here's the answer. Eric Flint's 1812: The Rivers of War An excellent book of alternate history |