Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Bowmore 01-05-07, 09:02 PM	I don't know if this has been done before -- it probably has -- but this is the thread where you put what you never, ever want to hear any of your players say. 1) Me, DM: So what's your character's name? Player: It's [insert name of very popular anime, manga, or video game character here]!
Disciple_of_Juiblex 01-05-07, 09:09 PM	or movie character.. (actually happened) DM: whats your character's name Player: Jack Sparrow DM :confused: there are no pirates in this setting. Player: if there is water then there are pirates and i want to be a first level character pirate that at one time owned my own pirate ship! DM: Fine, new setting. the world is devoid of oceans and large pools of water. the whole point of adventuring now is to find water. now whats your characters name ... 2) I wildshape to a Hawk, fly above the bad guy and then turn into an elephant.
rice830 01-05-07, 11:12 PM	~DM: Alright, you need to make this save in order to stay alive... Player:(Rolls...) ......oh crap... How many action points do i have at this level? ~Recently captured player: Ok, so the church is after me for "defiling" the holy priest; militia is after me for "deficating" in the genrals bed; and the royal guard is after me for just plain peeing on the king... I want to know where the nearest disguise shop and bounty list is... im probably worth a fortune...
Galeigh 01-05-07, 11:23 PM	DM: Ok, the setting is to save the elf princess from a horde of orcs, you'll start out in the elf city, what are you playing? Player: A Chaotic Evil Drow *DM puts away dice and books* DM: Game's over, party was killed by the Guards.
journeyman777 01-05-07, 11:50 PM	Player: Ok, I'm playing a kobold wizard..... Player: No? Then I'll play a gnome illusionist headed for shadowcraft mage.... Player: Fine, then I'm playing a half-elf bard...
darkdragonk 01-05-07, 11:54 PM	Ok so i saw this really cool idea on the CharOp boards called Pun-Pun..............
grok_grok 01-05-07, 11:59 PM	Player - Your mom is hot, dude - Your sister is hot, dude - Your grandma is a cougar, Id hit that Well, you get the point...
IrishRover 01-06-07, 12:09 AM	In a modern campaign, "I start handing out silver bullets." The party member in question was superstitious, and HAD enough silver bullets to fill both pistols and give all the tommy gun wielding characters enough for mixed magazines. and "I pull out the <item that they didn't expend several adventures ago, and short circuits the entire encounter--or worse, adventure> "
Kassil 01-06-07, 12:48 AM	"Bork! Bork! Bork!"* * - Those who get this have been playing D&D and reading Dragon Magazine for far too long.
rice830 01-07-07, 12:38 AM	So, what have we learned today? Evan if we are 7th level we cannot deafeat the ENTIRE goblin encampment. There funeral will be held next week.
dave_the_DM 01-07-07, 12:57 AM	the following stories are true. The names have been changed to protect the innately stupid. - player: can I use the "Staff of the Magi" my character got from another DM? - DM: the Dark Overlord has you cornered with the Princess and his minions are making preparations for the virgin sacrifice. Player: do we have time for a quickie? - Player: My character has a 12 inch (you fill it in) DM: Thanks for sharing. - Player: Can I play two characters? - Player: I have a great idea, that would be soooo cool!!! (DM rolls eyes and groans) There's this race of 9ft tall wolf men that would Make a great new PC race!
Serielle 01-07-07, 01:00 AM	- I like to be railroaded *shudder*
CryoSilver 01-07-07, 01:02 AM	"The bottle is empty!"
SnakePlisken 01-07-07, 02:42 AM	pc: ok so, what die do i roll to hit? dm: (rolls eyes) the 20 sider pc: ok... can i barrow yours.
Sanmateo 01-07-07, 09:15 AM	DM: Okay, so we're starting a new D&D campaign? Roll up a party of characters and let me a get a look at them, I'll build something around that for next weekend. Players: Cool. 'cause we all want to be gnomes. DM:...dammit. [True story, this came right after the admittedly successful all-halfling campaign.]
BobSutan 01-07-07, 02:46 PM	"Bork! Bork! Bork!"* * - Those who get this have been playing D&D and reading Dragon Magazine for far too long. Swedish chef?
Shiikeras 01-07-07, 03:14 PM	DM: Okay, so we're starting a new D&D campaign? Roll up a party of characters and let me a get a look at them, I'll build something around that for next weekend. Players: Cool. 'cause we all want to be gnomes. DM:...dammit. [True story, this came right after the admittedly successful all-halfling campaign.] That just made me laugh so hard. -DM: Ok, the orc misses. What do you do? -PC: I cast magic missle. -DM: Wtf? You're a Bard. -PC: Big whoop, I cast it anyway. -DM: I'm sorry, you can't. -PC: Can I change my name to Ozzy then? And another one. Gnome Illusionist: How long does it take to make 20 bottles of alchemist's fire? DM: A while (don't remember exact time) Gnome Illusionist: I make them. LATER DM: The Old White Dragon full attacks the fighter... *rolls for combat* Gnomes turn. Gnome Illusionist: I drop my bag of alchemist's fire on the dragon. That's 20d6 fire damage... DM: :banghead:
Kassil 01-07-07, 03:44 PM	Swedish chef? Nope. In an old issue of Dragon, there was an editorial article about the first game the editor in question ever played, and how things went from there. I think it might've been Skip Williams... They wound up using 'Bork! Bork! Bork!' as a code for "I'm about to do something either really stupid or really brilliant, and you don't wanna be in the way whichever one it is!" Gnome Illusionist: How long does it take to make 20 bottles of alchemist's fire? DM: A while (don't remember exact time) Gnome Illusionist: I make them. LATER DM: The Old White Dragon full attacks the fighter... *rolls for combat* Gnomes turn. Gnome Illusionist: I drop my bag of alchemist's fire on the dragon. That's 20d6 fire damage... DM: :banghead: I do trust you made him roll to hit? And did he tell you he was lugging these around? 'cause if they're in a fragile enough jar to be broken by a drop, he probably got hit about as hard at least a couple times between making them and dropping the bag. That said, kudos to the gnome for creative thinking.
freedeath 01-07-07, 04:25 PM	#) "Hey, I found a new guy who's never played before, and I brought him along." Said in the middle of a campaign just before an important, carefully-balanced adventure.
Shiikeras 01-07-07, 04:37 PM	I do trust you made him roll to hit? And did he tell you he was lugging these around? 'cause if they're in a fragile enough jar to be broken by a drop, he probably got hit about as hard at least a couple times between making them and dropping the bag. That said, kudos to the gnome for creative thinking. Don't worry, I did, but the AC for a thrown object is what, 5? It made the dragon do one of those massive damage saves -.-
SeptimusMagistos 01-07-07, 05:16 PM	Charge! Especially followed by getting up from their seats.
jollythehappyminotaur 01-07-07, 06:39 PM	DM-ok lets get this session started DM-ok sean what are you going to be. me-a kobold rogue DM-thats odd matt said he was thinking about being a kobold rogue. DM-i just thought of something really funny could you imagine an entire party of kobold rogues. lol! me-i dont have to imagine DM-WHAT! (true story)
frasmage 01-07-07, 08:04 PM	DM-ok lets get this session started DM-ok sean what are you going to be. me-a kobold rogue DM-thats odd matt said he was thinking about being a kobold rogue. DM-i just thought of something really funny could you imagine an entire party of kobold rogues. lol! me-i dont have to imagine DM-WHAT! (true story) well, I can imagine it - kobolds are only threatening in numbers... or as divine minions
Ariath Ska'Vhor 01-07-07, 08:36 PM	DM: Ok guys, what kinds of characters are you making? PC1: NG Half elf sorcerer PC2: CG Human barbarian PC3: LG Halfling cleric PC4: CG Elf ranger PC5: CE Half-demon half-black dragon drow rogue/sorcerer/warblade/shadowdancer DM: :censored:
freeholder 01-07-07, 10:18 PM	I want to play as an awakened yellow mouse that shoots elec... DM: Shuts the player up with a glare Then can I play as a half demon fighter named inu... DM: Shuts the player up with a glare Then I want to be a ninja that can create clones DM: Shuts the player up with a glare Then can I play as a giant robot DM: Shuts the player up with a glare What about just having cat ears DM: If you take a -2 penalty to STR a -4 to CON and -2 to INT just for +2 DEX and CHA True story, the half cat sorcerer went on to become and intricle and original character
Drodain 01-07-07, 10:39 PM	"I wanna be a paladin" "Can we start an evil campaign?" That actually reminds me when I gave my DM a headache Me(barbarian/Frb) I cast fireball DM- Whats your save *rolls* Me-20 DM- ok roll damage Me-30 DM-Ok, you all finally killed him. Me-Dude, he's the caster I'm a barbarian how am I casting fireball. DM-.....I hate you
revaar 01-07-07, 10:45 PM	DM: Ok guys, what kinds of characters are you making? PC1: NG Half elf sorcerer PC2: CG Human barbarian PC3: LG Halfling cleric PC4: CG Elf ranger PC5: CE Half-demon half-black dragon drow rogue/sorcerer/warblade/shadowdancer DM: :censored: sadly i used to play in a group like that... only i was the only one playing something normal while everyone else was the ridulous races/half-breeds/templates. there's a reason i hate Savage Species...
journeyman777 01-08-07, 02:12 AM	"Let's see, I rolled an 18, 17, 18, 16, 16, 18. What should I play? (I love the way kobolds can bring any character down a notch, even that one.)
Kassil 01-08-07, 02:16 AM	well, I can imagine it - kobolds are only threatening in numbers... or as divine minions You've obviously never seen a kobold handled properly. They're perfectly intelligent and quite capable of class levels, get a racial bonus to several things, including trapmaking, their Dex, and natural armor, plus being Small size means another AC bonus, a natural +4 to Hide, and above all else... Everyone underestimates them. My favorite character is a kobold warlock/rogue, you see... As for thing you never want to hear your players say, there's also this gem: "Cleric? Why would we need a cleric?" (Or druid, or other healing/buffing-capable class...)
frasmage 01-08-07, 09:40 AM	You've obviously never seen a kobold handled properly. They're perfectly intelligent and quite capable of class levels, get a racial bonus to several things, including trapmaking, their Dex, and natural armor, plus being Small size means another AC bonus, a natural +4 to Hide, and above all else... Everyone underestimates them. I'm generalizing here...
angryman 01-08-07, 10:11 AM	My character's name is Bob/Naruto/Batman. Killing that guy was an evil act? Sweet, I'm evil now. I murder the townsfolk and set fire to the inn.
lone_ranger_84 01-08-07, 01:17 PM	DM- Make a fortitude save Player- Immuntuies to Fortitude checks thanks to being a Death Knight
AXESHAFT7 01-08-07, 01:22 PM	PLAYER: where can i go in town DM: tavern, castle, shop, blacsmith, library, pretty much anywhere PLAYER: i will go to the library and look for info on the spider problem at hand DM: ok you walk into the library and realise you are illiterate;dude ur a barbarian. :D
kronos451 01-08-07, 01:28 PM	I'll sum this up in short Me: I manifest Energy blast augmented to do Max damage (for my level)at the level 9 goblin wizard standing in the middle of a small square room with a wand of electricity that has fourteen charges left. DM: whats that wand made of *rolls* Its wood, the wand catches fire and explodes releasing all fourteen charges. lets just say that encounter didnt end well for some.
Kassil 01-08-07, 02:21 PM	I'm generalizing here... So am I. ;) But this is off topic, so I'll go back to the actual topic again. Another thing I never want to hear a player say: "Psst. If I do you a 'favor' can I get a bonus to my character?" *shudder*
Salick 01-08-07, 04:09 PM	DM: You are mentioned in the prophesy gnome Me: Me! Roe Ming the gnome is a prophet? DM: No you ninny you are in a prophesy Me: I knew you were going to say that! DM: "looks frustrated" Your companions Zod and Neal are also mentioned in the prophesy. Me: Are you sure it's not Kneel BEFORE Zod??
Shiikeras 01-08-07, 07:19 PM	Heh heh. Here's a good one. DM: *roll* ooh, Tiboquoboc kills Shaklyn (the paladin.) DM: Carceros, (sorcerer) your turn. Carceros: I cast animate dead on the paladin. DM: Wtf? You'll have issues rasing him... Shaklyn: Hey! Carceros: Big whoop. I do it anyway. Note: Not only did the zombie force Tiboquoboc, the BBEG to teleport away, but he then cast Gentle Repose and Permanency on the paladin's body. He kept the zombie around, using ventriloquism for amusing moments. Shaklyn's player had to make another character.
Kassil 01-08-07, 07:29 PM	Heh heh. Here's a good one. DM: *roll* ooh, Tiboquoboc kills Shaklyn (the paladin.) DM: Carceros, (sorcerer) your turn. Carceros: I cast animate dead on the paladin. DM: Wtf? You'll have issues rasing him... Shaklyn: Hey! Carceros: Big whoop. I do it anyway. Note: Not only did the zombie force Tiboquoboc, the BBEG to teleport away, but he then cast Gentle Repose and Permanency on the paladin's body. He kept the zombie around, using ventriloquism for amusing moments. Shaklyn's player had to make another character. I'm not sure that spell works on the undead, though. It does specifically say 'corpse touched' and 'dead creature'... If it worked on any undead creature, why aren't there Permanenced Gentle Repose spells on various liches who may still occasionally need to interact with the mortal world? OR other undead, for that matter, if only to give some necromancer a servant who can interact with the living world? Admittedly it's a cool idea, but I'd argue that Gentle Repose would prevent reanimation, or not work on an already animate body. But I'm getting off-topic again...
supernerd222 01-08-07, 08:04 PM	Player - Your mom is hot, dude - Your sister is hot, dude - Your grandma is a cougar, Id hit that Grandma: You're not so bad yourself. D&D is actually pretty fun.
DrakoShade 01-08-07, 09:04 PM	Necromancer: They're all on the trapped stairway? DM: Everyone in the party but you. Necro: And there's zombies at the bottom of the stairs? Wild Mage: Lots of 'em! Necro: I spread Alchemist's Fire all over the top of the stairs... Fighter: :censored: Necro: Now I'm going to start shooting through the fire, at the fighter. Fighter: :censored: Wild Mage: Nahals a Magic Missile at the fighter. Fighter: :twitch: Druid: :rofl: Wild Mage: And another at the druid. Necro: I shoot the wild mage. DM: :twitch: :twitch:
angryman 01-08-07, 10:08 PM	Our level 14 party is fighting 8 (!) Iron Golems in a room that explodes in fire every 1d4 rounds, and my wizard needs to work out the combination on the puzzle to get us out. We have 3 obviously evil NPCs helping us, and one of them dies. Our Necromancer player, neutral evil, you see, turns to one of the NPCs and says, Necro, "Would you mind if I turned your friend into a zombie?" NPC, "What? No, you bastard!" Necro, "It would be rather useful but I thought I'd ask." NPC, "You're sick..." Necro, "Sorry..." This guy cannot play evil...it was funny as hell.
DarkLiChNeaZur 01-08-07, 10:53 PM	me(dm): ok what do you want to be? player: a lich sorceror named Xorxerox p' glyceryne dm: WHAT?! nvm (Name) what about you? player: Smoof, caster of large, dyfunctional blue fireballs, gnome evocker dm: :eek: Number 2 DM:ok, i need your classes. P1: im a half orc wizard dm: wow P2: i'm a elf barbarian Dm: (thinking wtf was this planned) P3: i'm a dwarven bard Dm: ARE YOU ****ing STUPID!!! #3 Dm(me): ok your out of arrows, whadda do rouge? rouge: i pull my dagger cut off my dong and throw it at the orc Dm: oh. my. god.
SephDragoon 01-08-07, 11:45 PM	Since no one has said it yet... "I cast magic missile at the darkness." But here are a few that actually happened. DM: The teifling and his mephit familiar are hacking up the lizardmen with ease, and saving your asses. Player: I use my edlritched blast on his familiar. DM: >_< He gets initiative and kills you... you take 60 damage, and had 24 health... you are dead. Anyone else want to attack his familiar? Player 1: Ship, what are your functions? DM: Navigations, weapons, ... self desctruct, and maintenance. Player 2: ACTIVATE SELF DESCTRUCT! And one you never want to hear your DM say. I was playing a female character in this one... something I regret now. Me: Ok, so I've just been kidnapped in my sleep, from under the eyes of my entire party... and we were camping in the middle of the road lined with poeple on pikes? DM: Yep, and now you wake up in the middle of a large luxurious bed. Me: Of **** you man!
Bowmore 01-10-07, 10:53 AM	"Instead of a decanter of endless water, can I have a decanter of endless ale?"
M.E. Charm 01-10-07, 12:25 PM	'I want to make a blind character.'
Draxo 01-10-07, 05:09 PM	*player holding a 3rd party book* "Would you allow..."
journeyman777 01-10-07, 05:29 PM	Can I play a character with low int and cha and just roleplay it as him being really bad at math and covered in scars?
UndeadMouse 01-10-07, 07:32 PM	"I play a LE monk with great cleave." (the second most powerful character combination i know of using only core. [the first is monk with great cleave and spring attack:) ]) (in a role-playing heavy campaign)
Iabes_Q_c_a_Mahorella 01-10-07, 08:09 PM	A fighter can teleport usign Great Cleave and a line of kittens. --- DM(me): You see a staircase ascending into- Elf Ftr/Bbn:I charge upstairs [screaming bloddymurder]! DM:...oookeyy... the party charges upstairs... and you enter a room packed with... 250 skeletons. Shoulder-to-shoulder... clawing over eachotrher. They ALL notice you. Elf Ftr/Bbn: [silence] DragonShawman: um... I use my breathweapon energy barrier... thing. DM(me): roll damage and time Dragshaw: ..maximize breath! [hueg dmamage, max time] DM:...100 skeletons mindlessley wander into the magic barrier and explode [weep] The rest of the fight was the Elf two-weaponing through 50 skeletons per round. No I have to calculate the XP from that...
SephDragoon 01-10-07, 08:28 PM	Ah... Maximize area of effect damage. Nothing better for raosting low level baddies.
Can_bards_play_HeavyMetal 01-10-07, 09:29 PM	Since no one has said it yet... "I cast magic missile at the darkness." LOL I LOVED THAT CLIP!!!
Can_bards_play_HeavyMetal 01-10-07, 09:33 PM	DM: Ok so you want to be a cleric PC: Yup DM: Who is going to be your god? PC: I think I will try and be godless DM: :waits:
SephDragoon 01-10-07, 10:43 PM	True story, we had a cleric try to be a cleric of the Fonze... *sighs* All rise... and sit on it.
Can_bards_play_HeavyMetal 01-10-07, 10:45 PM	omfg lol
SephDragoon 01-11-07, 12:37 AM	The DM was going to allow it too... but it seems that he never got around to coming up with all the domains for the fonze, so the cleric didn't do it.
Brightblade 01-11-07, 02:07 AM	"Let's see, I rolled an 18, 17, 18, 16, 16, 18. What should I play? (I love the way kobolds can bring any character down a notch, even that one.) This is the reason I never let my buddy roll six sided dice...or any dice if I can get away with it...he has unnatural luck. And no, his dice are not loaded, it even happens when he uses mine. It's spooky.....damn spooky. "Instead of a decanter of endless water, can I have a decanter of endless ale?" Seems perfectly reasonable to me...especially for a dwarf... And on to my contribution. "Player 1" and "player 2" are twins and brothers of "player 3". Player 3 has just finished creating a perfectly reasonable character, so now it is player 1 and 2's turns. Me as DM. DM: Ok player 1, what character are you creating? Player 1: A fighter.... Player 2: Me too!!! Player 1: ....his name will be DARG TOTHAR!!!! Player 2: Mine will be named BLAR SOTHAR!!!! DM: I....you.....(starts banging head on the table) Player 1 and 2 simultaneously: What????
Kassil 01-11-07, 04:12 AM	"Can I seduce any rangers we find and loot them?" <-- said by the party cleric. Why rangers? I don't know. ...And I'm a bloody paladin. Gods help me.
xlivid 01-11-07, 04:38 AM	" My I import my level 26 Diablo character? " (Trust me. I've seen this happen)
Shiikeras 01-11-07, 07:33 AM	I'm not sure that spell works on the undead, though. It does specifically say 'corpse touched' and 'dead creature'... If it worked on any undead creature, why aren't there Permanenced Gentle Repose spells on various liches who may still occasionally need to interact with the mortal world? OR other undead, for that matter, if only to give some necromancer a servant who can interact with the living world? Admittedly it's a cool idea, but I'd argue that Gentle Repose would prevent reanimation, or not work on an already animate body. But I'm getting off-topic again... I'm pretty sure that if you cast it first, not after you animate it, it would work fine. Animate Dead does not say anything about a non-magically altered corpse. But I do have another one: DM: You see a box in the corner of the otherwise empty cell. PC1: I go over to look in the box. PC2: I cast Magic Missile at the box. DM: Wtf? Ok, the box breaks open and brown dust filters out. PC3: Let's sniff it.
angryman 01-11-07, 08:04 AM	We had a crazy Russian exchange student at our university RPing club, and he had a disturbing tendency to "steal plate mail." It didn't matter who was wearing it, as long as the DM mentioned plate mail, he said, "I kill him and take plate mail." He did this a few times, and then when we visited the King, the DM mentioned that the Royal Guard were decked out in...plate mail...well, at least he died. :(
madd0g200 01-11-07, 01:41 PM	One time... Player: I'm going to be watching TV over here. Call me when combat starts. Another time... Player (Cleric): Something important came up this week so I won't be able to come. Someone else can play my character if he wants so I still get experience but if my character dies, it shouldn't count because I wasn't there.
Kassil 01-11-07, 01:54 PM	I'm pretty sure that if you cast it first, not after you animate it, it would work fine. Animate Dead does not say anything about a non-magically altered corpse. ...Point taken. Another thing you never want to hear players talk about... ...Turning the Warforged into a bidet, outhouse, or other sanitary structure. ...The cleric trying to convince the DM to let her roleplay puberty and the physical effects thereof. ...Anything on this (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=770234) thread.
freedeath 01-11-07, 02:28 PM	Turning the Warforged into a bidet, outhouse, or other sanitary structure. In my campaign, I'd encourage this.
Stryffe 01-11-07, 03:25 PM	Player: Ok I have the Gnomes make an assault rifle for me. Rest of Party slowly turns blank stares at player. DM: Hmm...uh...well I guess I could use stats from another game... Rest of Party Groans :surrender :surrender :surrender
BobSutan 01-11-07, 08:20 PM	Player: Ok I have the Gnomes make an assault rifle for me. Rest of Party slowly turns blank stares at player. DM: Hmm...uh...well I guess I could use stats from another game... Rest of Party Groans :surrender :surrender :surrender Have him roll the misadventure chance every time he loads, fires, or otherwise handles the weapon. Eventually it'll go BOOM! and probably take the character with it. Problem solved :devil:
Shiikeras 01-11-07, 08:55 PM	If a character did that, I would have BBEGs use Protection from Arrows. You don't get a magical gun, now do you? Additionally, for certain sorcerers; You may not cast power word kill on random nobles, and use your charisma to blame it on the paladin, who then will either get convicted or have to kill innocents. (After he dies, the Sorcerer would naturally cast Gentle Repose, Permanency, and Animate dead. The sad fact is, I was the one who used the trick on the PCs first.)
journeyman777 01-12-07, 12:59 AM	I'm playing a kender sorcerer.
BobSutan 01-12-07, 09:36 AM	I'm playing a kender sorcerer. Maybe as a multiclassed afflicted kender. Straight out of the door? Umm....no.
TaintedSoulBrokenHeart 01-12-07, 10:51 AM	DM: Ok...you attack with your short sword...what is the damage. Player: (Twenty minutes of finger math involving a even her toes) 3 damage. DM: What the **** was all that? Player: I am bad at math...sue me.. DM: :gel:
Critical_Failure 01-12-07, 11:26 AM	"Who needs social skills" (this was spoken by one of the players in a recent character creation session when none of us had a charisma higher than 14, or any ranks in any social skill. i want to see how it ends out)
StudPuffin 01-12-07, 02:24 PM	DM: time to play... hey <insert name> where is your character sheet? player: I couldn't find it. Can I make a wizard now, we're at what... level 16? That shouldn't take me more than an hour. DM: we only had two hours to play and you spent the last hour talking about how awesome your last character was. <true story> read my sig
Behaigo 01-12-07, 03:22 PM	This is one that a friend and I did once to our DM... DM: Ok, what are your characters and their names? Me: I'm playing an Ogre Monk named Carl. DM: Ok, how about you (friend)? Friend: I'm playing an Ogre Barbarian named Karl. DM: ...Your kidding... Me: Oh, and we are identical twins DM: ...
Rogue Shadows 01-12-07, 04:45 PM	This one isn't funny...not even a little. So I'm going to run my first campaign, ever. It's Oriental Adventures, set in Rokugan. I have three players, one's a samurai. The player of the samurai is Korean...and yes, that's actually important for the story. It was over IM, and for that the players are lucky. So. First adventure, I figure, hey, bandits are a good place to start. So they head into the Chrysanthemum Wood, fight some bandits, then continue on to try and find their main encampment. Along the way, I have them run into a nature spirit named Amaya. Amaya appears as a young girl, 12 to 13 years of age, dressed in a pink kimono with flower decorations and a blue obi (sash). She's the nature spirit of a cherry blossom tree, because I'm lacking in imagination and figure that these are hack-and-slash style players and don't really care, anyway. I had planned to make Amaya a recurring NPC, a sort of boon in the forest whom they can go to for healing and information, since the Chysanthemum Wood is very big and I was going to have a lot happen in it. So.... Me: [finishes describing the scene] Samurai: We're supposed to act like real samurai, right? Me: Um...I guess...[all my research thus far was into mythology, not history, since I'm a Western Fanboy and frankly prefer the fake version that the Japanese themselves prefer] Samurai: Okay. I rape the nature spirit. Me:: [Frozen in place at computer] Player 2: Yeah, rape of Nanking, Korean invasion. It's how they acted. I help. Player 3: lol Me: [Stunned silence, then I ramp up their warning %, block their usernames, log off, and haven't spoken to them for the better part of 4 years]. Personally, I have never been raped, nor met anyone who has been (that I know of). But as far as I'm concerned, it is the worst crime possible. I'm a very forgiving, very naieve person in general - I actually believe OJ was innocent, for example, because I'm naieve enough to have faith in the US justice system. But I cannot forgive rape, or people who make jokes about it, under any circumstance. Someone comes up to me, says "That guy there committed treason against the US." I say, "Well, maybe he had good reason." Someone comes up to me, says, "That guy there raped someone." I say, "Ever been in a lynch mob? Wanna join the one I'm putting together to kill that guy? C'mon, it'll be fun."
DreadArchon 01-12-07, 05:29 PM	They raped the 12-year-old nature spirit? ... Hmmm. Now what have we learned about letting real life into D&D? :rofl: More on topic, it's usually a bad sign when a player asks for an initiative roll. "The guard says what? ... Okay, I got 14 Initiative."
SephDragoon 01-12-07, 05:34 PM	Heh... sadly though, they were right in that many samurai raped and pilaged, and were not at all honorable. But they were thugs and horrible people (sadly the bulk of the samurai). However... dojo trained samurai, and a few who gained notoriety (and became the myth we see today) would not have done so. They had honor and were noble. They weren't the majority, but I would have expected the players to be those kind. Also, alignments still have an in game effect you know, even in Rokugan. I would have said they take an alignment penalty towards evil. Just because Samurai did that sort of thing doesn't make it accepted.
frasmage 01-12-07, 08:37 PM	More on topic, it's usually a bad sign when a player asks for an initiative roll. "The guard says what? ... Okay, I got 14 Initiative." I had a play who couldn't wait to jump into combat. We'd be in the middle of conversation or listening to the DM's descriptions of some empty room and the player would randomly shout out "Everyone roll initiate" :doh: That got rather annoying fast - both for players and DM
kelvinaw273 01-12-07, 09:16 PM	The thing I hate most is when a player starts talking on a subject and asks if I agree with some minor point, which then gets spun around and around until he argues that I have just agreed to allow his character to do/own XYZ that totally nerfs the game. And no matter how much you say no he will not shut up or allow any game play until he gets it ... I swear, the timeshare salesmemnt from South Park would be less painful to have in a game ...
Always-Late 01-12-07, 09:31 PM	Along the way, I have them run into a nature spirit named Amaya. Amaya appears as a young girl, 12 to 13 years of age, dressed in a pink kimono with flower decorations and a blue obi (sash). She's the nature spirit of a cherry blossom tree, because I'm lacking in imagination and figure that these are hack-and-slash style players and don't really care, anyway. I had planned to make Amaya a recurring NPC, a sort of boon in the forest whom they can go to for healing and information, since the Chysanthemum Wood is very big and I was going to have a lot happen in it.Okay, so you're Russians in WWII. DM: You find a German soldier, cowering in a ditch with his hands up. He looks about 14. PC 1: I shoot him in the knees and stab out his eyes with the sabre, then hang him upsidedown from the nearest buliding and pour salt into his eyes.. DM: WTF? PC 2: What were you expecting? (I think I've heard this before. Obv, the DM in this picture is just asking for it, but I think I can see where they're coming from, especially if they're on the historical recieving end. For a less biased comparison, think maybe Native Americans and Americans.)
Rogue Shadows 01-13-07, 03:36 PM	I think I've heard this before. Obv, the DM in this picture is just asking for it, but I think I can see where they're coming from, especially if they're on the historical recieving end. No one was on the historical end...it was set in Rokugan. Rokugan? Rokugan is as much like historical Japan as Faerun is like historical Europe. The situation was the equivalent of having a Paladin and two other players in Cormanthor come across a dryad and have the Paladin say "I rape the dryad." If you can see where the players are coming from...be happy that I don't know who you are or where you live.
DreadArchon 01-13-07, 03:47 PM	No one was on the historical end...it was set in Rokugan. Rokugan? Rokugan is as much like historical Japan as Faerun is like historical Europe. The situation was the equivalent of having a Paladin and two other players in Cormanthor come across a dryad and have the Paladin say "I rape the dryad." If you can see where the players are coming from...be happy that I don't know who you are or where you live. Pfff, rape has always been a popular form of entertainment in real life. That you dislike it changes nothing. If someone asks "Should I act like a real such-and-such?" when they're playing DnD and you say "Yes" instead of "No, play it based on the campaign setting," you're just asking for trouble, rape or not.
Rogue Shadows 01-13-07, 03:55 PM	Pfff, rape has always been a popular form of entertainment in real life. That you dislike it changes nothing. If someone asks "Should I act like a real such-and-such?" when they're playing DnD and you say "Yes" instead of "No, play it based on the campaign setting," you're just asking for trouble, rape or not. I'm sorry, I was under the impression that, by and large, D&D was played by mentally stable people who, even when given the go-ahead to act like a "real" person of a given era, would still make the assumption that "rape=no." My mistake. ...and then some players wonder why there are people fantatically opposed to D&D, like Jack Chick... At least now I know I'm apparently not wasting my breath when I preamble with every new group, "Try to rape anyone or anything in the campaign and I will ban you for life"
kelvinaw273 01-13-07, 04:22 PM	I'm sorry, I was under the impression that, by and large, D&D was played by mentally stable people who, even when given the go-ahead to act like a "real" person of a given era, would still make the assumption that "rape=no." My mistake. ...and then some players wonder why there are people fantatically opposed to D&D, like Jack Chick... At least now I know I'm apparently not wasting my breath when I preamble with every new group, "Try to rape anyone or anything in the campaign and I will ban you for life" Given the number of players who want to play evil, and who post on threads about torture, you have to wonder. Myself, if anyone mentions it I remind them that rape is an evil act, and I run non-evil games. If they insist, I insist on consequences, like being caught, tried, convicted and castrated (hey, it's not an advanced society, but speak with dead and zone of truth are handy for law courts).
DmofAlterak 01-13-07, 04:49 PM	The thing I hate most is when a player starts talking on a subject and asks if I agree with some minor point, which then gets spun around and around until he argues that I have just agreed to allow his character to do/own XYZ that totally nerfs the game. And no matter how much you say no he will not shut up or allow any game play until he gets it ... I swear, the timeshare salesmemnt from South Park would be less painful to have in a game ... I've done that sort of. I got some 25th level wizard to give up against my 1st level 1st edition (sorry I mean basic D&D) character who was a wizard with 1 hp. As for my contribution: player: "Burp fart burp fart throw up belch burp fart throw up" that is a direct quote and he did not say: burp fart he made the noises and made faces to indicate his characters actions. This was done to a pirate while his men held all of the goblin barbarian (1st level) appendages. This was the most recent game I have played. The player then indirectly destroyed about half of the continent. I didn't mind this overly much but sometimes it gets bothersome...
Shiikeras 01-13-07, 04:50 PM	Pfff, rape has always been a popular form of entertainment in real life. That you dislike it changes nothing. If someone asks "Should I act like a real such-and-such?" when they're playing DnD and you say "Yes" instead of "No, play it based on the campaign setting," you're just asking for trouble, rape or not. I'm afraid to know where you live.
DmofAlterak 01-13-07, 05:01 PM	I have never played with anyone who has ever had their character so much as say rape and as for the poor German kid that's absurd who says he's even bad? what if you lived in germany and were conscripted at age 14? It's not your fault... Not even the most evil creatures or villains of my games would ever do such a thing. If any player ever attempted something like that in a game I ran...Let's just say they wouldn't get away with that sort of thing.
DreadArchon 01-13-07, 07:27 PM	I'm afraid to know where you live. Wait, how do you know where I live? :confused: Anyway, I never said that rape is or ever was in any way acceptable. It's still dang common, like it or not. At least now I know I'm apparently not wasting my breath when I preamble with every new group, "Try to rape anyone or anything in the campaign and I will ban you for life" Yeah, this is the kind of thing that happens when you start making baseless assumptions. If it's important to you, you've got to declare it. On Topic: "The enemy has mages? I buy a glass shield."
Scraelig277 01-13-07, 09:21 PM	DM: [insert long, boring description of a nursery here] Paladin: I eat all the babies, burn their bodies, and kill them... in that order!!! DM: :eek: Your alignment is now Chaotic Evil and you lose all your class powers!!!!:eek: Paladin: Sweet ass!!!! I hate the restictiveness of the current alignment system!!! DM and rest of party: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
BobSutan 01-14-07, 02:23 AM	Player 1 (while sitting in her husband's lap): "Wow, I felt that all the say in the back of my mouth". Player 2: Damn dude, how big is your dick?! Player 3: Yeah, we're gonna have to start calling you 'sir'. The whole table ROTFLOL'd for a while after that.
drakkonflye 01-14-07, 06:24 PM	"How many different prestige classes am I allowed to take for my character?" "If he's playing a paladin again, can I play an evil character just so I can drive him nuts?" Two characters are stuck in an oubliette-style pit measuring 20 feet in diameter, 15 feet deep, battling a black pudding. Party wizard declares: "I fire my wand of fireballs into the pit" And of course, my favorite: "I flip off the dragon!"
evilgenius 01-14-07, 11:27 PM	DM: Okay, roll Initiative... Player 1: So I saw this movie the other day; Children of Men. FANTASTIC! Player 2: Yeah? Who'd you go with? Player 1: Monica. Her ex showed up too, it was totally uncomfortable, he tried to sit in the same row and I had to lie to say that the seat was taken... Then when the movie was over, he was gving us dirty looks. Loser. Player 2:Who was this guy? Player 1: You know that guy with the hair? The one who works with what's his name? Player 2: Jim? Player 1: No, Jim doesn't have any hair at all man, c'mon! Player 2: Well, he kinda does - those sideburns n' beard, you know? Player 1: That's not hair, that's a beard! Player 3: So, how was the movie? Player 1: Beard, hair, whatever, Jim doesn't have a job, so who exactly would he be working with?!?! I mean her ex was the other guy with the hair, you know, that goes... Player 2: Like this? Player 1: Yeah, that guy. Player 3: So what, did you like the movie? Player 1: I heard that that he cries in his sleep, isn't that wack?!!? Player 2: Bwahahaha!!!!! What did your girl think of all this? Player 1: I don't know, she talked about him the whole way home. But I think it's cool. Player 3: But what about the movie?!?! DM: WILL SOMEBODY ROLL THAT GAWDDAMM INITIATIVE ALREADY?!?!!
Iabes_Q_c_a_Mahorella 01-15-07, 09:05 AM	DM: Okay, roll Initiative... Player 1: So I saw this movie the other day; Children of Men. FANTASTIC! Player 2: Yeah? Who'd you go with? Player 1: Monica. Her ex showed up too, it was totally uncomfortable, he tried to sit in the same row and I had to lie to say that the seat was taken... Then when the movie was over, he was gving us dirty looks. Loser. Player 2:Who was this guy? Player 1: You know that guy with the hair? The one who works with what's his name? Player 2: Jim? Player 1: No, Jim doesn't have any hair at all man, c'mon! Player 2: Well, he kinda does - those sideburns n' beard, you know? Player 1: That's not hair, that's a beard! Player 3: So, how was the movie? Player 1: Beard, hair, whatever, Jim doesn't have a job, so who exactly would he be working with?!?! I mean her ex was the other guy with the hair, you know, that goes... Player 2: Like this? Player 1: Yeah, that guy. Player 3: So what, did you like the movie? Player 1: I heard that that he cries in his sleep, isn't that wack?!!? Player 2: Bwahahaha!!!!! What did your girl think of all this? Player 1: I don't know, she talked about him the whole way home. But I think it's cool. Player 3: But what about the movie?!?! DM: WILL SOMEBODY ROLL THAT GAWDDAMM INITIATIVE ALREADY?!?!! ...That's every one of my games... at every point of the game.:weep:
DmofAlterak 01-15-07, 02:08 PM	...That's every one of my games... at every point of the game.:weep: Poor guys :( My PC's only just act totally silly such as the one game he only made facial expressions and farting noises until I cancelled the session. He did say sorry though, to him it was fun. This only happens when I don't have the whole group together though. They then want to stay alive so they can game with the others and usually are more serious (Whew!).
DmofAlterak 01-15-07, 02:15 PM	DM: [insert long, boring description of a nursery here] Paladin: I eat all the babies, burn their bodies, and kill them... in that order!!! DM: :eek: Your alignment is now Chaotic Evil and you lose all your class powers!!!!:eek: Paladin: Sweet ass!!!! I hate the restictiveness of the current alignment system!!! DM and rest of party: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: If any of my players tried to do this...They wouldn't get off with just an alignment change and loss of class abilties. Provided they were still allowed in the game which they wouldn't be. Player: "I turn invisible, cast fly on the whole party, and then start shooting fireballs at the enemy on the ground."
BobSutan 01-15-07, 03:13 PM	Player: "I turn invisible, cast fly on the whole party, and then start shooting fireballs at the enemy on the ground." That's a good tactic if done correctly. Cast improved invis and have the spells prepared as quickened and you could do a lot in that situation. As for the players chatting during a session, that's to be expected since D&D is all about being a social gathering. That's why I don't start the actual game until everyone has gotten it out of their system first. And if the relapse into chat mode during the session a good "roll init" usually breaks them of it. Anyone not rolling when the rest start go at the end of the round for their lack of attention. Same thing goes for who tracks initiative and draws the map. We do a big "not it" at the beginning of the session. The last person to say it is the map or init monkey for the night. Keeps them on their toes and give them a reason to not be late. :)
Ace_of_Diamonds 01-15-07, 04:27 PM	42 (I made up a number): I quit.
onistag 01-15-07, 04:54 PM	Don't worry, I did, but the AC for a thrown object is what, 5? It made the dragon do one of those massive damage saves -.- It shouldn't have, as each individual alchemists fire is a seperate source of damage.
DreadArchon 01-15-07, 05:27 PM	While spying on a Duke and gang leader, who are about to reveal critical plot points: "Hey! Hey, we can hear you!" :doh: That game ended with "Okay, roll 2d20 each to see what percentage of the city you destroyed."
rivaltuna 01-15-07, 06:50 PM	You've obviously never seen a kobold handled properly. They're perfectly intelligent and quite capable of class levels, get a racial bonus to several things, including trapmaking, their Dex, and natural armor, plus being Small size means another AC bonus, a natural +4 to Hide, and above all else... Everyone underestimates them. My favorite character is a kobold warlock/rogue, you see... As for thing you never want to hear your players say, there's also this gem: "Cleric? Why would we need a cleric?" (Or druid, or other healing/buffing-capable class...) If you were DMing, and I had a Level 10 Barb, Cleric, and Wizard, I would kill 100 kobolds at the same time, I don't care HOW many traps they use.
WhiteRaven810 01-15-07, 07:39 PM	If you were DMing, and I had a Level 10 Barb, Cleric, and Wizard, I would kill 100 kobolds at the same time, I don't care HOW many traps they use. Funny you didn't mention Rogue when you brag about being able to survive the traps of a Kobold warren.
Herobane 01-15-07, 08:33 PM	This one isn't funny...not even a little. So I'm going to run my first campaign, ever. It's Oriental Adventures, set in Rokugan. I have three players, one's a samurai. The player of the samurai is Korean...and yes, that's actually important for the story. It was over IM, and for that the players are lucky. So. First adventure, I figure, hey, bandits are a good place to start. So they head into the Chrysanthemum Wood, fight some bandits, then continue on to try and find their main encampment. Along the way, I have them run into a nature spirit named Amaya. Amaya appears as a young girl, 12 to 13 years of age, dressed in a pink kimono with flower decorations and a blue obi (sash). She's the nature spirit of a cherry blossom tree, because I'm lacking in imagination and figure that these are hack-and-slash style players and don't really care, anyway. I had planned to make Amaya a recurring NPC, a sort of boon in the forest whom they can go to for healing and information, since the Chysanthemum Wood is very big and I was going to have a lot happen in it. So.... Me: [finishes describing the scene] Samurai: We're supposed to act like real samurai, right? Me: Um...I guess...[all my research thus far was into mythology, not history, since I'm a Western Fanboy and frankly prefer the fake version that the Japanese themselves prefer] Samurai: Okay. I rape the nature spirit. Me:: [Frozen in place at computer] Player 2: Yeah, rape of Nanking, Korean invasion. It's how they acted. I help. Player 3: lol Me: [Stunned silence, then I ramp up their warning %, block their usernames, log off, and haven't spoken to them for the better part of 4 years]. Personally, I have never been raped, nor met anyone who has been (that I know of). But as far as I'm concerned, it is the worst crime possible. I'm a very forgiving, very naieve person in general - I actually believe OJ was innocent, for example, because I'm naieve enough to have faith in the US justice system. But I cannot forgive rape, or people who make jokes about it, under any circumstance. Someone comes up to me, says "That guy there committed treason against the US." I say, "Well, maybe he had good reason." Someone comes up to me, says, "That guy there raped someone." I say, "Ever been in a lynch mob? Wanna join the one I'm putting together to kill that guy? C'mon, it'll be fun." Yeah, a friend of mine was raped by her friend and still won't tell me the guy's name/phonenumber/emailaddress/or place oof residence. For good reason.
Bowmore 01-15-07, 09:26 PM	Can we pretty please stop the rape conversation going on here? It is weirding my crap right out, and I'm sure it's doing the same to just about everyone else who looks into this formerly-innocent thread. Seriously, cut it out. Now, to stay on topic since I'm also the OP... "I want my character to use a jovar / fullblade / katana." (continuation of the katana request) "...but it has these stats I found on the Wizards boards." "Can I use stuff from this splatbook that isn't even a Wizards product, dates back to 3.0, that you haven't heard of before today, you have absolutely no idea what's in it, and doesn't even fit in with the flavour of your campaign?"
SephDragoon 01-15-07, 09:30 PM	"Handbanana hasn't even been here 1 day, how could he know the english language?" "Yeah... all I know is ball... and good... and rape!"
Behaigo 01-16-07, 02:03 PM	"Handbanana hasn't even been here 1 day, how could he know the english language?" "Yeah... all I know is ball... and good... and rape!" Aqua Teen Hunger Force tends to be.....odd Though it has helped me stop brushing my teeth.
Shiikeras 01-16-07, 04:46 PM	It shouldn't have, as each individual alchemists fire is a seperate source of damage. Really? Well, it didn't make a difference. The dragon had little chance of failing a fort save. Since they all hit at once... PC: *is on a boat* PC: I activate my Daern's Instant Fortress.
deneb 01-20-07, 03:32 AM	Had this one last week Player is a Elven Barb (and yes.. we have someone contimplating playing a dwarven bard and someone else who wants to be half-orc wiz...why i dont know) anyway... player is helping our rogue steel from a store.. mostly by being as anoying as posible and distracting the store keep. Smashes his face through a glass display case, claimes that he triped, THEN when the storekeep comes to help try and clean the wounds Insults him by claiming "Your racest against elves!" I had told him at the very begining that the store keep was an elf. :D 3 days later.. between sessions a different player said this jem to me, "I'm going to do X and there is nothing you can do to stop me"
SeptimusMagistos 01-22-07, 05:48 PM	Player: If he gets to play a black-skinned character with a grudge against slaveowners, liberal use of slang, and tribal customs, I should be able to play a rich white wizard who made his fortune in slave market and eugenics, and is proficient with a whip. DM::confused: Player: And I want his name to be Whitey.
SephDragoon 01-22-07, 05:56 PM	Player: If he gets to play a black-skinned character with a grudge against slaveowners, liberal use of slang, and tribal customs, I should be able to play a rich white wizard who made his fortune in slave market and eugenics, and is proficient with a whip. DM::confused: Player: And I want his name to be Whitey. I don't see why not. Hehe, might be funny first off, and secondly, why should there be favoritism? *crosses arms* Gotta represent both sides now.
leiffyr 01-23-07, 07:39 PM	Uhgh thats annoying!
Kassil 01-23-07, 09:32 PM	Player: If he gets to play a black-skinned character with a grudge against slaveowners, liberal use of slang, and tribal customs, I should be able to play a rich white wizard who made his fortune in slave market and eugenics, and is proficient with a whip. DM::confused: Player: And I want his name to be Whitey. At this point I would offer to show both players the door until they can come up with less annoying concepts. I'd probably do it at the point of the first player, actually. :nonono:
TomFox 01-24-07, 01:37 AM	True stories all around... Player: Alright, I use my Darkvision, what do I see? Dm: Wait, Darkvision? I thought you were a gnome. Player: I'm a Whispering Gnome Dm: When did I say you could be a Whispering Gnome? Player: You never said I couldn'd be one. Dm: :banghead:
Azegoroth 01-24-07, 09:02 AM	I've got plenty of true stories. Let's see: Story 1: (takes place on an empty base in Star wars d20) Me(DM):Ok, so when you look at the surveillance tape, you see a Stormtrooper standing around in the hallway, he then suddenly twitches as something small and black passes through the armor at the back of his neck, he then collapses. Tired player: I SHOOT THE BLACK THING! Me:Umm, are you sure. Him: yes. Me:Really sure? Him: YES! Me: Ok, since the Jawa was keeping his head close to the screen, he takes 2d6 damage from the screen exploding. Jawa player:WTF? Why did you do that? I believe the players spent the rest of the session chasing said tired player around the base. Story 2:Regular homebrew d&d campaign DM(me, again):As Richard the green knight(long story, involving a rod of wonder) swings his greatsword through the maddened elf's midsection, the elf suddenly explodes. Richard's player:Oooh, nasty, better just knock them out. *some other peoples turns* The party bard:I throw my Bead of force on richard! me:Whaaaa? Bard:Yeah, it should take out the guys around him, while he should be able to take the damage. me:umm, ok... so what did it do again? Bard: oh it does some force damage and encloses the area in a wall of force shaped like a sphere! Me:Umm, i said these guys explode when they die. Bard: What, I didn't hear that! me:So you just created a wall of force around richard, and killed all four elves in contact with him? Richards player:*Groan* Me:Alright, there is now a big red sphere on the battlefield. Richards player:I'll go roll up a new character.
LifeIshFun 01-24-07, 04:26 PM	me(dm): ok what do you want to be? Dm(me): ok your out of arrows, whadda do rouge? rouge: i pull my dagger cut off my dong and throw it at the orc Dm: oh. my. god. Ok seriously, in one of our games we had that happen, he critical missed and hit the faerie character sitting on another character's shoulders effectively killing it
Gideon_Gideonson 01-24-07, 04:44 PM	From the artificer: "Wait...I have an idea." (This was followed by turning the Lightning Rail into a Rail Gun...)
metamind 01-24-07, 05:00 PM	Believe it!
SephDragoon 01-24-07, 05:39 PM	From the artificer: "Wait...I have an idea." (This was followed by turning the Lightning Rail into a Rail Gun...) Roflmao... that's a cool use of the lightning rail actually :P. And oh my god... not only do I never want to hear Beleive it again, I never want to meet anyone who has only seen the badly horribly, make my ears bleed dubbed version of that anime. Oh my god... watch it with subtitles! You will be far better off.
AzalinTheLich 01-25-07, 02:03 AM	( sorry for the long read and my bad english, it's getting late! ) Reading this thread has brought back some painfull memory. I still remember one of my first campaign. I had a few experienced players and two players who had never played the game. We all suggested they play Fighters and the like since they were much easier for first time player. So one decided to play a Paladin and the other a Wizard. Things did not go too well. First story is with the Wizard. After I told everyone how I intend to run things during the game, I tell him he will need to gather special ingredient from time to time to cast his spells and to make magical items. He says he understand and we start the game. After some times they face a group of Orcs. the 7 players make short work of them and then.. this happen. ME : So the orcs are dead, what do you guys do? Priest of Tempus : I pray to my god for this great victory Thief : LOOT TIME! Wizard : I cut their wang ALL : :eek: :confused: :( :yuck: :uh-huh: :censored: :banghead: Me : why...? Wizard : well I need exotic ingredients to make potion and stuff right..? so.. after talking a bit we decided he could.. use them to make healing potion. That would of course, only work on him. Same D&D game, another session. ME : Ok, switching to the other group, you two had fallen in some kind of trap earlier and found yourself cut-off from your group. After walking for a good 10min you find something that look like a stone door Paladin : Well.. I listen and if I don't hear anything, I open it. ME : You don't hear anything but you feel a source of heat radiating from the door, opening it you can see there are stairs going up and a pool of lava only 20 feet below you. Paladin and Rogue : We run up the stairs, and fast. Me : hm.. after making a few steps you hear the door close and you can see the lava going up. Paladin and Rogue : WTF! quick we have to escape! Paladin : I run up the stairs as fast as I can Rogue : same but.. if the lava isn't raising too fast I try to find a door. Me : The lava is raising at a steady but slow pace, you figure you have plenty of time to look for a door. ( to the paladin ) after 5min you realise there's no more stairs ahead of you, and you can see that the one you are walking on are.. fragile, they might break if you backtrack, unless you lose some weight. ( to the thief ) you find an hidden door about 20 feet below where the paladin is. The lava is still raising but you have plenty of time to open it. What do you do? Rogue : good, we have a way to get out of here, I call the paladin and tell him to get here fast! Paladin : I see him and hear him, I jump down to him ALL : er.. what..? Paladin : yeah. the room can't be that large and stuff, the stairs will break if I walk on it again and I'm not losing my armor so. I jump. ME : hm.. are you sure about this? it is pretty wide? Paladin : yes. ME : ok.. you try to jump but fall down to your death. you lose your armor, your weapon.. and your character sheet. Third story, same game. Preparing to play our weekly session I get a call from the Wizard of Wang. He says he won't be able to make it so we don't have to wait for him. I turn around, announce it to the players and get this reaction : Fighter : Hm.. can we kill his character? Me : WHAT?? Everyone : good idea! ( most of the players at this point hated the guy ) Me : er.. you could wait for him to be here at least. We discuss this for a good 20min and I finally decide that if they absolutely want to kill him well then it's none of my problem and it's their job to tell him about it, they agree and the dirty job is done. 10min later, the guy call back and says he will finally be there. Gets here, learn his char is dead, says it's ok and he will make something else. We suggest he makes a fighter, agrees and makes a Ranger. This leads to the fourth story. Whenever someone makes a new character, I give them the possibility of joining the group by themselves. Basically it's their job of becoming part of the group. Of course I help in doing this but they have to role play most of it. At this point the players are incredibly wealthy and powerfull, they even have their own little town ( the priest opened a temple to Tempus and the fighter has his own academy ). I introduce the Ranger as a well known and very powerfull hunter in the region. I make it quite clear that the group will need a scout very soon as a war is brewing with the Zhentil. Me : You are brought in front of the priest of tempus and the master of the academy. You are presented as a great hunter, what do you do? ( he is informed about the Zhentarim situation ) Ranger : I present myself as a hunter Priest : hm.. so you are good at hunting? hunting what? Ranger : anything really, I can get food easely! Fighter : so er.. you gonna hunt meat for us..? Ranger : I can do that! Priest : k.. go in the kitchen, they are the one responsible for our meals. The guy couldn't role play if his life depended on it so I had to make him part of the team by some other mean ( basically dropped him in as the head scout for the army ) I wish it ended there, but it didn't. The guy for some reason decided to fight a will o the wisp with a normal sword ( he had lost his good sword in a fight in the marshes ) instead of using his +4 dagger. We are still trying to figure that one out. First time I had ever seen a lvl 13 ranger owned by two friggin Wisp.
Bowmore 01-25-07, 02:05 PM	Believe it! :nonono:
Boraxe 01-25-07, 02:50 PM	"You want us to make new PCs? Ecellent! I just saw this really cool anime…"
Boraxe 01-25-07, 03:00 PM	ME : ok.. you try to jump but fall down to your death. you lose your armor, your weapon.. and your character sheet. So no jump check? No save? Nothing? You just said "you die?" My lord, how...arbitrary.
metamind 01-25-07, 03:38 PM	:nonono: Thank you for understanding.:weep:
Kardanok 01-25-07, 04:03 PM	DM: So, you walk into a large stone hall. A massive red dragon towers above you. Wicked streams of fire come down upon you. Player: *snore*
AzalinTheLich 01-25-07, 09:45 PM	So no jump check? No save? Nothing? You just said "you die?" My lord, how...arbitrary. Not that arbitrary, I left out a few details about the room but believe me he was well aware that what he was trying to do was impossible. He did have a chance to save ( AD&D, not 3rd edition ) and he failed it. All he had to do was drop his armor and go back to where the thief was and he would have kept his life.
Herobane 01-26-07, 12:13 AM	"I agree with the paladin" "I vote the paladin leader" "I vote the blackguard/pirate off the island"
journeyman777 01-26-07, 01:45 AM	"I agree with the paladin" "I vote the paladin leader"You actually have a problem with characters agreeing with a person who has high charisma and is guaranteed to treat them fairly while acting in the best interests of the group? "I vote for the necromancer as party leader!" (There is a serious conflict of interest when you personally benefit from letting the entire rest of the party die)
SephDragoon 01-26-07, 05:02 AM	Seriously... high charisma = good, good alignment = obviously good, paladin > blackguard (now do you see the math?). But really, screw that, frankly, I base these decisions off OOC knowledge. I know it isn't right, but I don't care if the guy with the IQ of 80 DID roll an 18 for charisma, is playing a paladin, and even got a +2 bonus to said charisma from race... I'm voting for the guy who knows what he is doing.
Giant_Moth 01-26-07, 06:28 PM	In reply to Rogue Shadows post about the Samurai's behaviour: It was actually pretty logical. The ancient Samurais pretty much considered themselves gods among men. They were allowed, even tought that they were better than peasents(read: everyone not samurai or noble) and were allowed to do whatever they wanted with them. It was not uncommon for them to murder peasents if they annoyed them, touched them or looked upon them. So... it was a quite possible behaviour.
Kearif 01-26-07, 07:57 PM	I was the DM here ME: Five blood fiends are flying towards you, and a half-orge with solar wings and wearing shining armor is flying towards the blood fiends holding a freaking big sword. (I don't tell the players this part: he is the lead NPC and a PALADIN, he is very important to the story) Good Cleirc: I cast implode at the half-ogre. ME::twitch: Will someone please stop the idiot before he kills the paladin. I was the player here and the DM allowed us to have any items from the DMG as long as we could afford it with 760000gp. DM: the 3 anceint red dragons are coming at you at full speed. ME: (to other characters) go I'll hold them off. (they run) (I finally tell the DM that I'm wear 2 fully loaded Bracelets of Friends, and use both of them) (the ELEVEN of us -levels 20 and up- take care of the dragons easily.) mystic theurge: here ya go (gives me new set of Bracelets) Me: Thanks for the help guys DM: I Hate You! Me: You allowed it.
Bowmore 01-27-07, 09:09 PM	"I'm Batman."
Richmud 01-27-07, 09:32 PM	"I'm Batman." I feel this link is necessary: http://www.shortpacked.com/d/20050218.html
SephDragoon 01-27-07, 10:17 PM	"My name is V, and I wear a mask..." >_< Real thing a player said...
Incubi 01-28-07, 01:35 AM	Level 1 party on their first adventure, coming up against the BBEG at the end of the dungeon, most of the party being composed of new guys. Me: Roll to hit guys Scythe Wielding Barb: Woooo, 20! Me: Nice. Roll to confirm SWB: 18(A confirmed crit) Me: Ohhh, roll damage SWB: Ohhh, I think I rolled max damage. Me: Ouch. Let's see how much.......I hate you The very next adventure, he procedes to do the same thing again. Most of the time he's bloody useless, but when it comes to BBEGs, he crits like no one else. Also; Player: I want to try to this PRC, Planar Sheperd Me: *sigh*
Bowmore 01-28-07, 11:48 AM	(In a game I'm DMing in which there are six players, and psionics is allowed) Me: Start your characters at level 10. Any class and prestige class in the core books and expanded psionics handbook is fair play. Player: THRALLHERD! Me: *sigh...*
Rivelstraz 01-28-07, 07:47 PM	"A male Lich as BBEG AGAIN?" "A female vampire as BBEG AGAIN?" I hope they never say it, but I'm pushing it...
OldManWinter 01-28-07, 08:46 PM	Me the DM: "As you creep down the tunnel you come upon a crevace." Player who I thought was sleeping: "Oh! I say sorry and wipe it up with me towel". Everyone else: Stunned Silence.
Herobane 01-29-07, 12:09 AM	Me the DM: "As you creep down the tunnel you come upon a crevace." Player who I thought was sleeping: "Oh! I say sorry and wipe it up with me towel". Everyone else: Stunned Silence. :rofl:
Herobane 01-29-07, 12:26 AM	DM: [insert long, boring description of a nursery here] Paladin: I eat all the babies, burn their bodies, and kill them... in that order!!! DM: :eek: Your alignment is now Chaotic Evil and you lose all your class powers!!!!:eek: Paladin: Sweet ass!!!! I hate the restictiveness of the current alignment system!!! DM and rest of party: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: BWAHAHAHAHA! Maybe it's just me being CE, but I'd give him XP and a pat on the back for that! One time, a player (playing a minotaur barbarian [what was the DM thinking?!]) Decided that instead of going through the dungeon with the rest of us, he was going to hang around at the tavern and bake muffins all day. I died and didn't get any muffins. Maybe that's because the DM never gave me the level that everyone else was at (somewhere in the 10-15 range) and just told me to make a lvl1 character to replace the lvl1 character that just died. The last character (Herobane, Male human expal4) made it to lvl 4 before the campaign ended, but he DIDN'T DIE! He's dead now, as the campaign currently undergoing work is set hundreds of years later, and Herobane has died of old age, leaving a legacy filled by nearly a hundred Herobanes (still using the same iconic black spiked platemail housing Herobane's soul) in his place. A whole dynasty of evil!
marcel_deathbringer 01-29-07, 01:49 PM	Me the DM: "As you creep down the tunnel you come upon a crevace." Player who I thought was sleeping: "Oh! I say sorry and wipe it up with me towel". Everyone else: Stunned Silence. Holy Crap. That is seriously one of the funniest things I have read on here. I actually laughed out loud (I am at work)
metamind 01-29-07, 03:57 PM	"I'm Batman." No, this (http://ualuealuealeuale.ytmnd.com/) is batman.
Moont 01-29-07, 07:45 PM	ok, i got one for ya, but it's vice versa... DM- Okay this is a low magic world, I don't want anyone to play a caster class because it is rare. P1- I want to be a Wizard p2- I want to be a cleric DM- Fine...but no one else. Okay everyone starts out at 20th lvl, this is an epic campaign. Now for gear, gives p3 fighter a +5 Keen Bastard sword, +5 sheild, +5 breastplate. (other characters get similar gear) me- (WTH? low magic? pfft)
SeptimusMagistos 01-29-07, 08:34 PM	After introducing a very touchy dragon, the party prepares to converse with it. Player: My name is Ricardo the Dragonslayer DM: :uh-huh:
LifeIshFun 02-01-07, 11:24 AM	Something you never want to hear your players say? Well assuming you play D&D with your significant other: Significant Other/Player: "I'm Pregnant" or if it's a male Significant Other/Player: "Hey hun? I think there is something wrong?" Lady DM (or You for all purposes): "Whats up? Something with your character?" SO/Player: "No...nothing like that...it just burns when I pee..."
bonethug0108 02-01-07, 12:07 PM	No, this (http://ualuealuealeuale.ytmnd.com/) is batman. Is it disturbing that I watched that for five minutes.:crazy:
deneb 06-22-07, 02:24 PM	just about broke my DM with this one.... were all second level im playing a telpath psion +flaws for a 18 diplomacy (I TOLD the DM i had that score beforehand) were just outside the find room with the BBEG who has been summoning zombies me: I walk in and say "HI! Whatcha up to?" my DM couldnt find his voice for nearly 3 minutes. didnt help when I then made a diplomacy check high enough to make him friendly Question: anyone else try and start a decent conversation with someone the DM had planed on just being a target?
TheCrawlingSpleen 06-22-07, 04:03 PM	I want to play as an awakened yellow mouse that shoots elec... DM: Shuts the player up with a glare *shudders at the thought of what the character would have been like* Then can I play as a half demon fighter- This could actually be cool... -named inu... DM: Shuts the player up with a glare And that is where the line must be drawn. By the way, where does "Believe it!" come from?
Radiant117 06-23-07, 10:50 AM	"...This spell completely blocks extradimensional travel. Forms of movement blocked by a dimensional anchor include..." - when the BBEG is about to teleport away. This one is actually by me. I use this number to google up my posts: 18577
navar100 06-23-07, 11:15 AM	*player holding a 3rd party book* "Would you allow..." :hides:
Sajek 06-23-07, 01:49 PM	"So I was looking on the CharOps boards the other day..." DM (IC as a boat captain): Well, nice meeting you. *walks away* Me (extremely tired): I bet we're going to kill him some day. DM: :uh-huh: Wha...you just met...you don't know...:looloo:. Me: What, he is a moderately powerful character, introduced early on in the story, with potential for badness! He has to be evil! DM: METAGAME!!!
Urthred 07-14-07, 04:49 AM	This one happened to me in my first campeign right off the bat after i finish describing where i start. ME: ok your sitting at a table in the middle of a tavern theres a shady figure hooded a cloaked in black in the conor table watching you and a little old lady sitting a a table knitting the barkeeps in the back room getting you ale. what do you do? 1p: i dont trust that granny? Me: what? 2p: me niether (draws greatsword and attacks) Rest: Attack!!!!!!! (THEY ALL ROLLED CRITICAL HITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ME:the tables in shambles and there is a fine red mist on the place there is on shady figure standing in the cornor with wet pants looking terrified.
Adrinor 07-16-07, 01:14 AM	"no he says nothing, becuase i just fireballed him" "I cast raise dead on the pork roast" "uh-oh" "I'm making a character out of savage species"
TheCrawlingSpleen 07-16-07, 03:45 AM	I've lost count. Some number: "We're going to build a nuclear bomb!" I swear to you, someone mentioned a while back that their PC's were actually trying to do it. As luck would have it, they must have failed their Knowledge (nuclear physics) checks, because they ended up building a dirty bomb instead. :rolleyes:
LifeIshFun 07-16-07, 04:11 AM	Player: "I'm gonna sodomize the dragon..." DM: :uh-huh:
Mælstrøm 07-16-07, 04:57 PM	GREAT thread!!! This actually happened (true story, sadly enough): I offered to DM for a new group, and we hit it off pretty good. They all had great ideas and created great characters! One of them, always notoriously late, wanted to play a paladin and then "fall from grace" - since the others were planning on playing selfish to evil characters, I had no objection, even encouraged him to choose the blackguard and all that. (At this point, I'll mention that the others referred to the PLAYER as "his magnificentness, the elf" and told story after story on how he always liked to play something absolutely special and unique and tried to get boon after boon from his DM.) So he began talking about the blackguard: Player: So do I get anything for the lost spells and auras when I fall from grace? DM: well, the blackguard gets all those reversed, so you don't lose them. Player: But first I lose them, and then I am off much worse then the others, and it takes levels until I get the blackguard special stuff. I think the game is broken at this point, and I would say you as the DM would have to make up for it and fix it! (he really said that!!) DM: :eek: Uhm... game's not broken, after all, you have honorable GOOD abilities and you forsake them by choosing the evil you have been trained to avoid. At that point, you lose the GOOD abilities, and you get evil ones as soon as you get into the blackguard - yes, it takes some time, but it makes all the sense in the world from a storytelling and roleplaying point of view. Now you could... (I began offering alternatives) Player: (grudgingly) Okay, that's fine. We played our first session. Next week, the player again comes an hour late, and we were just about to begin when he said: Player: You know, I've been thinking about my class, and it doesn't really feel right. I want to play a wizard that later multiclasses into fighter. DM: :eek: You serious? The other players were throwing knowing glances at me and rolling their eyes. Player: Yep, I want a wizard, or a sorceror. He then began a lengthy discussion on what would be more beneficial, and in the end chose the sorceror and made his new character from scratch! He cost us two perfect game days, I am glad I don't have to DM for him any more ;) And one other thing which actually happened, and which I am kinda proud of... Situation: the group is fleeing the dragon's island on a magic carpet after waking him, but realizes that we might not get to the mainland fast enough. We quickly discuss what we do when I, the warlock, cast the deciding vote: let's fight! So we go into battle with the dragon, taking him by surprise. a wizard cast about 20 ice spells on him, actually encasing him in ice and dropping him into the water. He then throws another 10 to make the ice bigger and stronger. We descend with the carpet and land on the parts that show through the ice, beginning to hack away at him. A friend of mine sticks an immovable rod into his nose, and makes the dragon sneeze. The movement causes the rod to pop an eye out - yes, the dragon actually lost an eye. DM: The dragon seems to prepare something, and suddenly you (another player) can't move. Me: Do I notice that? DM: Yep. Me: I fly over (I had grafted wings) and land before [name of the character], staring at the dragon and saying "Leave him alone. You're done for, you know that, right?" DM: The dragon doesn't react to that. Me: C'mon on, grant me an intimidate check... DM: (confident) sure, why not. We both roll, and I roll a natural 20 plus a bonus of 12 or so, and he... rolls a natural 1. DM: :eek: After you say your words, the dragon suddenly shifts under the ice, as if for the first time realizing that you might be right, that this truly MIGHT be the end... you can see fear in his remaining eye! Me: I produce my trademark evil warlock grin! Well, the dragon survived, and we had a VERY powerful enemy with reason enough to hate our guts... we managed to kill him in the end, but when we left the battlefield that day we felt the full weight of destiny ;) Still a fine moment for my warlock ;)
Feredenil 07-16-07, 06:36 PM	I apologise for any strokes and brain damage after this thread. DM; O.k. so now it's your turn, you say you want to attack with your sword, right ? Player; Yeah. DM; Good. -pause- DM; so ? -pause- Player; Oh yeah, attack roll, right.. -rolls a d10- DM; No, attack roll first, 'this' die. Player; Ah, yeah. -rolls d20- Eh, I got a 'four' -pause- DM; o.k...four, 'and' ? -big pause, the player stares right in my eyes with the poor small puppy look- DM; Your 'complete' attack roll. Check your paper, I've wrote it all there for you. For god's sake man, read it sometime, we're playing for almost a year now. Player; 'OOH' yeah right man thanks, sorry. -a spark of intelligence and his face shines with gratitude- -checks his paper in all possible directions- -big pause- 'Eeeh, I have +26 !' DM; GREAT ! SO ? How much AC does your attack HIT ? Player; -rolls d20 again, gets a 12- 'I got 12 !' DM; -I can't believe in my own eyes, I can feel my brains slowly melting through my ears and he's still looking at me- Player; -So, do I hit it ?-
GrayGuard 07-16-07, 06:46 PM	just about broke my DM with this one.... were all second level im playing a telpath psion +flaws for a 18 diplomacy (I TOLD the DM i had that score beforehand) were just outside the find room with the BBEG who has been summoning zombies me: I walk in and say "HI! Whatcha up to?" my DM couldnt find his voice for nearly 3 minutes. didnt help when I then made a diplomacy check high enough to make him friendly Question: anyone else try and start a decent conversation with someone the DM had planed on just being a target? Like it when the someone says Oh So your going to talk to him? No Roll Initive, Diplomacy takes at least a min thats 10 rounds of Combat so if your still alive doing nothing after 10 rounds of combat then ok Maybe he is friendly with you, But you know what? Hes CE So He dosnt care if your his mouther he still kills you
GrayGuard 07-16-07, 07:11 PM	or movie character.. (actually happened) DM: whats your character's name Player: Jack Sparrow DM :confused: there are no pirates in this setting. Player: if there is water then there are pirates and i want to be a first level character pirate that at one time owned my own pirate ship! DM: Fine, new setting. the world is devoid of oceans and large pools of water. the whole point of adventuring now is to find water. now whats your characters name ... 2) I wildshape to a Hawk, fly above the bad guy and then turn into an elephant. Normol Standerd Action to cast polymorph or other ability like that, and remeber there is a Max damage cap on falling damage, And remeber the player doing this will take the damage as well, Allso you may not know this but, When someone cast dimintion door for example enter it and start falling ontop of someone there round ends "before" they fall, So the "Fall" Takes place next round, Thats 1 Round for someone to do something, Then the Character Takes his own falling damage becouse he is falling.
Voran 07-16-07, 07:28 PM	What's a Dee-Twenty?
skydin 07-17-07, 01:30 AM	PC:Nick, get out the penut butter:devil: DM::eek:
The_Virus 07-17-07, 02:40 AM	(if your're playing with my friends) I Cast COLOUR SPRAY!!!!
Percussion 07-17-07, 03:07 AM	"Level twelve? Great! i'm making a kobold!" (pun-pun)
myusernameis 07-17-07, 03:36 AM	"So, I'm playing this fighter, and if he holds his katana in it's sheath for 1 full round before drawing it he can create a vacuum of air that does 20d6 sonic damage to a 30 foot cone" "Hey, I just checked the rules for polymorph, I can be any creature with a number of hitdice equal to my character level."
foxtail 07-17-07, 08:47 AM	"Wait... you said the doors were made of adamantine, right?" By the way, where does "Believe it!" come from? That would be the catchphrase of Naruto, I beleive.
Richmud 07-17-07, 11:22 AM	"Level twelve? Great! i'm making a kobold!" (pun-pun) Personally I keep waiting for a player to pull this so I can give my response "Just as you prepare to begin your transformation Pin-Pin, the kobold who used this trick first, appears and tells you that what you are attempting will instantly result in your death (bluff check of infinity)" (though on a side note nearly any charecter can become Pun-Pun at first level now)
nova head 07-17-07, 12:48 PM	DM:Okay in the tavern there is about 3-4 men clad in bright shiny gold armor... P1:Good I drop the dead body of the guard that was outside at the closest table and call for the waitress..:evillaugh P2::censored: p3::banghead: DM:The men start to walk over to you, you notice they are allot bigger standing up then they are sitting... and all seem to brandish a different type of weapon... P4::bigeyes: P1:I order the house wine... P2,P3,P4::rant: :rant: :rant: *at him for bringing the freaking body!* (All lvl 3 all half dead from a fight outside,none survived.) (To let you know the men in gold armor are sorta like the judges from Judge Dredd they can kill you without needing any approval from any higher-ups.)
gixanthrax 07-18-07, 02:03 PM	in asmall town just to get the evening started and to collect some rumours of well paid jobs in the next city, the adventurers sit together to have lunch: Landlord: What do you want to drink? P1,2,3,4: Beer P 5: Tea Landlord: ok, its 1 Gold per beer, and 5 copper for the tea. P 1: That too expansive. I kill him. ( casts fireball, landlord goes up in ashes) P 5: In the Name of St.Cuthbert, this evil dees has to be punished( draws mace and charges towards P 1 ) P 2: I never liked P5 ( grabs his sword) P 3: I just sit there in wonder and drink my beer. P 4 : While the others fight, i serach the tavern for loot... Yes that was the beginning of a nice comfortable gaming evening....
s4ndm4n 08-06-07, 11:37 AM	lol, I double-posted... That was a last summer's typical session.I got used to it after a couple of weeks...lots of fun.
s4ndm4n 08-06-07, 11:37 AM	ME: DM Player 1:Fighter Player 2:Rogue Player 3:Ranger Player 4:Wizard ME (The DM):So, you guys are heading to the *something* Castle, will you travel through the nearby woods or along the old trade road? Player 1:Through the woods. Player 2:We saw the notices in the nearby village about the bandits,and we want to collect the bounties. Player 3:*whispers to the group* lets stick close and watch out for the bandits ,they might ambush us...... ME:OK, the forest, according to your map, is about 100 feet from your position.... Player 1: Do I see the forest? Me:Yes,it's actually a pine tree forest- Player 1:I roll a spot-17. Me:You see- Player 2:I roll a spot, too-15. Me:Ok, wait a sec- Player 3:I roll a spot for 23. Player 1:I roll a listen-25. Player 2:my turn, 14 for a listen check.Do I hear anything? ME:You hear- Player 3:I roll a listen check ,a knowledge:nature, and a Survival check. ME:All at once? Player 4:hm? Where are we? Player 1:Roll for a knowledge:Geography,player 4, it may help. Player 4:All right......27.What for? Player 3: Do I hear anything?Do I see any tracks? ME: Please, let me do my part.... Player 2:I draw my Rapier. Player 1: ??? Player 2:Just in case, man... Player 4:Where are we guys? ME:Are you going through the forest or not? Player 3:player 4, dont toss any fireballs in the forest, I'm a ranger, remember? Player 4:What forest?I thought we were in the inn...Besides, you're nowhere near a wizard's power....what can you possibly do to me?MUHAHAHAAA Player 1 , 2 , 3 :OH REALLY? Player 4:YA REALLY ........................................ ........................................ . ME: In such moments, I wish I wasn't the one running the Campaign... Player 1:About these spot checks? ME:TO THE HELL WITH THEM Player 1 , 2 , 3 , 4:Did we **** him off?