101 Mysterious Cloaker Goals [Archive] - Wizards Community

101 Mysterious Cloaker Goals [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Crash169
10-12-07, 03:24 AM Cloaker (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG36.jpg)

Cloakers are bizarre creatures that lurk in dark places far beneath the surface. They kill intruders without remorse or pause, except to plan cruel amusement.

Cloakers pursue their own mysterious goals. While they are certainly intelligent their minds work in a way so alien that few humans have ever been able to make meaningful contact with them.

In a recent dungeon delve our DM put us up against a Cloaker or two. The battle went bad, a player and I beat each other senselessly thanks to the Cloakers engulf ability. When my partner finally escaped the grapple, the Cloaker flew away.

After the hard fought battle our DM let us in on a little Cloaker secret. It turns out they have "Mysterious" goals.

We all burst out in laughter and start thinking of what the Cloaker wanted to do with us, what were his mysterious goals?! Their minds are just so alien, they can really be up to anything.

We left the dungeon and really resented the fact that we had to go back in with that damed Cloaker lurking around. Now whenever we see a cloak, or if something really random happens we say that a Cloaker is behind it!

1. The Cloaker secretly wants to be a Pirate Captain, and replaces a PC's cloak with itself until it finally has a chance to overthrow the Captain of a very well known Pirate vessel.
Label
10-12-07, 03:51 AM 2. The Cloacker replace a PC's cloak to follow him around in tavern and inn where he could taste the local gastronomy. He wants to taste things from every region/country.

Damn it, now I want to play that thing as a PC character...
EDIT: and team up with a warforged/reforged.
Charred_man
10-12-07, 10:45 AM Ther was a variant called an executioners hood that a PC in my campaign played as a simbiotic hat, he managed to convince the creature not to kill him by offering a fifty fifty split of treasure, if I remember he managed to get the thing drunk months later, it was in the MM that you could remove them with brandy, so the cloak is most definitely after food, perhaps a gingham tablecloth variant?:D
camthalion
10-12-07, 12:44 PM to perform in CATS!
lulzapalooza
10-12-07, 12:51 PM To taste a molucum of a satisfying life?
Zousha_Omenohu
10-12-07, 02:26 PM 6. To figure out the mysterious goals of other cloakers!
Andorxor
10-12-07, 02:33 PM 7. The cloaker wants to be as mysterious as possible
8. The cloaker wants confuse everyone about his mysterious goals
9. The cloaker wants to marry the intelligent cloak of charisma of the party bard
Crash169
10-13-07, 01:23 AM lol, great! Keep em coming. Feel free to involve your own Cloaker encounters!
Zousha_Omenohu
10-13-07, 01:54 AM 10. To urinate in a god's ambrosia cornflakes.
Thevail
10-13-07, 02:18 AM Cloakers secretly want to

11. build a habitat consisting entirely of sewn together Heward's handy haversacks.

12. meet mostlly naked nymphs.

13. start a crossbreeding program with mimics.

14. achieve dominion over all humanoids in order to have unlimited access to all the wonderful thumb dependant technology.

15. Evolve society through time until they can become "hammer pants" which they percieve as cooler than cloaks.

16. Tape gerbils to things.

17. Finish their unmated sock collection.

18. Defeat Sally Struthers and form an orphan army.

19. Roll in paint and Jackson Pollock all the Good aligned churches.

20. Play scrabble in draconic.
yrogerg
10-13-07, 02:23 AM 15. Evolve society through time until they can become "hammer pants" which they percieve as cooler than cloaks.

Because -let's be honest here- they really are.
Zousha_Omenohu
10-13-07, 03:28 AM Because -let's be honest here- they really are.

Huh? What are hammer pants?
Andorxor
10-13-07, 06:53 AM pants from my hometown Hamm :).
Or this (http://thumbnail.search.aolcdn.com/aais/EMI/media/mchammer/0094631039058.jpg) pants
camthalion
10-13-07, 09:16 AM 21. To disguise itself as Pamela Anderson's bath towel
camthalion
10-13-07, 09:19 AM 21. To disguise itself as Pamela Anderson's bath towel

Oh, wait. That's MY mysterious goal.
Zousha_Omenohu
10-13-07, 04:08 PM pants from my hometown Hamm :).
Or this (http://thumbnail.search.aolcdn.com/aais/EMI/media/mchammer/0094631039058.jpg) pants

:uh-huh: That's a horrendous outfit! Someone call the fashion police! Who the heck is that guy anyway?
smeagol_lied
10-13-07, 04:13 PM :uh-huh: That's a horrendous outfit! Someone call the fashion police! Who the heck is that guy anyway?
Seeing as one can't detect sarcasm through the internet, i'm gonna go out on a limb and say...

MC Hammer, foo'!

Anyhoo, 22: To write poetry about how the prety lady cloakers don't like them.
Zousha_Omenohu
10-14-07, 03:00 AM Seeing as one can't detect sarcasm through the internet, i'm gonna go out on a limb and say...

MC Hammer, foo'!

I see. I'm not as well-versed in popular culture, so I didn't know who he was. I'm assuming some sort of rap artist.

But I digress.

23. To deliver a bludgeoning insistence that they be accepted as a properly evolved and cultured race.
camthalion
10-14-07, 08:27 AM I see. I'm not as well-versed in popular culture, so I didn't know who he was. I'm assuming some sort of rap artist.

But I digress.

23. To deliver a bludgeoning insistence that they be accepted as a properly evolved and cultured race.

Perhaps you just had the good sense to sleep through the eighties. You're forgiven.
zzo38computer
10-14-07, 10:36 AM I have never encountered a cloker in this games but if it has a mysterious goals like this I would ask them. But obviously if they want to kill me then I will kill them first. But if they just want to finish their sock collection, or play scrabble, or something else that isn't too bad, then I would help them with that (although I'm not sure why they would need socks anyways).

(XXIV) To commit suicide.
(XXV) To learn a different language.
ADHadh
10-14-07, 03:33 PM 26. Make people on other plane discuss their mysterious goals on the internet.
27. 4th Edition.
28. Become Lurkers Above.
29. Become Trappers.
30. Become Stun Jellies.
31. Become all three listed above...
32. ...with a mindflayer giving a Thumbs-Up in the background! :D
Crash169
10-18-07, 07:17 PM I have never encountered a cloker in this games but if it has a mysterious goals like this I would ask them. But obviously if they want to kill me then I will kill them first. But if they just want to finish their sock collection, or play scrabble, or something else that isn't too bad, then I would help them with that (although I'm not sure why they would need socks anyways).

(XXIV) To commit suicide.
(XXV) To learn a different language.

Asking a cloaker it's goals huh? You would need to speak undercommon..
Next time I run into a Cloaker I'm definitely going to ask about it's goals.
Radiun
10-18-07, 08:55 PM 33) To be the world's #1 fashion accessory.
34) Gotta catch 'em all. (That's right, we're their pokemon)
35) To destroy 4Kids.... (Who says mysterious goals must be limited to their metaplane?)
Thevail
10-18-07, 09:14 PM 36. To kill all seamstresses
37. To quench the sun so they can be free.
38. To find really comfy cloakrooms, or coat hooks.
39. To attach themselves to wizards and learn all of their secrets.
camthalion
10-18-07, 09:26 PM 37. To be 'the cute one' in a boy band
Zousha_Omenohu
10-19-07, 01:14 AM Perhaps you just had the good sense to sleep through the eighties. You're forgiven.

I wasn't even born until 1988!:rolleyes:

Anyway:

38. A conspiracy to become the dominant species on the planet by creating a cloaker ubergod.
InkBlot
10-19-07, 03:10 AM I wasn't even born until 1988!:rolleyes:
Hush. You'll make all the old guys feel old.;)

39: To find a passage through Khyber to King Boranel's basement in order to plant forged documents which "prove" that the king is descended from Gorillons.
bhu
10-19-07, 03:13 AM 40) To awaken the local rabbit population and give them all Evil Bunny Mind Control Powers! MWUHAHAHAHA!!!

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Crash169 10-12-07, 03:24 AM	Cloaker (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG36.jpg) Cloakers are bizarre creatures that lurk in dark places far beneath the surface. They kill intruders without remorse or pause, except to plan cruel amusement. Cloakers pursue their own mysterious goals. While they are certainly intelligent their minds work in a way so alien that few humans have ever been able to make meaningful contact with them. In a recent dungeon delve our DM put us up against a Cloaker or two. The battle went bad, a player and I beat each other senselessly thanks to the Cloakers engulf ability. When my partner finally escaped the grapple, the Cloaker flew away. After the hard fought battle our DM let us in on a little Cloaker secret. It turns out they have "Mysterious" goals. We all burst out in laughter and start thinking of what the Cloaker wanted to do with us, what were his mysterious goals?! Their minds are just so alien, they can really be up to anything. We left the dungeon and really resented the fact that we had to go back in with that damed Cloaker lurking around. Now whenever we see a cloak, or if something really random happens we say that a Cloaker is behind it! 1. The Cloaker secretly wants to be a Pirate Captain, and replaces a PC's cloak with itself until it finally has a chance to overthrow the Captain of a very well known Pirate vessel.
Label 10-12-07, 03:51 AM	2. The Cloacker replace a PC's cloak to follow him around in tavern and inn where he could taste the local gastronomy. He wants to taste things from every region/country. Damn it, now I want to play that thing as a PC character... EDIT: and team up with a warforged/reforged.
Charred_man 10-12-07, 10:45 AM	Ther was a variant called an executioners hood that a PC in my campaign played as a simbiotic hat, he managed to convince the creature not to kill him by offering a fifty fifty split of treasure, if I remember he managed to get the thing drunk months later, it was in the MM that you could remove them with brandy, so the cloak is most definitely after food, perhaps a gingham tablecloth variant?:D
camthalion 10-12-07, 12:44 PM	to perform in CATS!
lulzapalooza 10-12-07, 12:51 PM	To taste a molucum of a satisfying life?
Zousha_Omenohu 10-12-07, 02:26 PM	6. To figure out the mysterious goals of other cloakers!
Andorxor 10-12-07, 02:33 PM	7. The cloaker wants to be as mysterious as possible 8. The cloaker wants confuse everyone about his mysterious goals 9. The cloaker wants to marry the intelligent cloak of charisma of the party bard
Crash169 10-13-07, 01:23 AM	lol, great! Keep em coming. Feel free to involve your own Cloaker encounters!
Zousha_Omenohu 10-13-07, 01:54 AM	10. To urinate in a god's ambrosia cornflakes.
Thevail 10-13-07, 02:18 AM	Cloakers secretly want to 11. build a habitat consisting entirely of sewn together Heward's handy haversacks. 12. meet mostlly naked nymphs. 13. start a crossbreeding program with mimics. 14. achieve dominion over all humanoids in order to have unlimited access to all the wonderful thumb dependant technology. 15. Evolve society through time until they can become "hammer pants" which they percieve as cooler than cloaks. 16. Tape gerbils to things. 17. Finish their unmated sock collection. 18. Defeat Sally Struthers and form an orphan army. 19. Roll in paint and Jackson Pollock all the Good aligned churches. 20. Play scrabble in draconic.
yrogerg 10-13-07, 02:23 AM	15. Evolve society through time until they can become "hammer pants" which they percieve as cooler than cloaks. Because -let's be honest here- they really are.
Zousha_Omenohu 10-13-07, 03:28 AM	Because -let's be honest here- they really are. Huh? What are hammer pants?
Andorxor 10-13-07, 06:53 AM	pants from my hometown Hamm :). Or this (http://thumbnail.search.aolcdn.com/aais/EMI/media/mchammer/0094631039058.jpg) pants
camthalion 10-13-07, 09:16 AM	21. To disguise itself as Pamela Anderson's bath towel
camthalion 10-13-07, 09:19 AM	21. To disguise itself as Pamela Anderson's bath towel Oh, wait. That's MY mysterious goal.
Zousha_Omenohu 10-13-07, 04:08 PM	pants from my hometown Hamm :). Or this (http://thumbnail.search.aolcdn.com/aais/EMI/media/mchammer/0094631039058.jpg) pants :uh-huh: That's a horrendous outfit! Someone call the fashion police! Who the heck is that guy anyway?
smeagol_lied 10-13-07, 04:13 PM	:uh-huh: That's a horrendous outfit! Someone call the fashion police! Who the heck is that guy anyway? Seeing as one can't detect sarcasm through the internet, i'm gonna go out on a limb and say... MC Hammer, foo'! Anyhoo, 22: To write poetry about how the prety lady cloakers don't like them.
Zousha_Omenohu 10-14-07, 03:00 AM	Seeing as one can't detect sarcasm through the internet, i'm gonna go out on a limb and say... MC Hammer, foo'! I see. I'm not as well-versed in popular culture, so I didn't know who he was. I'm assuming some sort of rap artist. But I digress. 23. To deliver a bludgeoning insistence that they be accepted as a properly evolved and cultured race.
camthalion 10-14-07, 08:27 AM	I see. I'm not as well-versed in popular culture, so I didn't know who he was. I'm assuming some sort of rap artist. But I digress. 23. To deliver a bludgeoning insistence that they be accepted as a properly evolved and cultured race. Perhaps you just had the good sense to sleep through the eighties. You're forgiven.
zzo38computer 10-14-07, 10:36 AM	I have never encountered a cloker in this games but if it has a mysterious goals like this I would ask them. But obviously if they want to kill me then I will kill them first. But if they just want to finish their sock collection, or play scrabble, or something else that isn't too bad, then I would help them with that (although I'm not sure why they would need socks anyways). (XXIV) To commit suicide. (XXV) To learn a different language.
ADHadh 10-14-07, 03:33 PM	26. Make people on other plane discuss their mysterious goals on the internet. 27. 4th Edition. 28. Become Lurkers Above. 29. Become Trappers. 30. Become Stun Jellies. 31. Become all three listed above... 32. ...with a mindflayer giving a Thumbs-Up in the background! :D
Crash169 10-18-07, 07:17 PM	I have never encountered a cloker in this games but if it has a mysterious goals like this I would ask them. But obviously if they want to kill me then I will kill them first. But if they just want to finish their sock collection, or play scrabble, or something else that isn't too bad, then I would help them with that (although I'm not sure why they would need socks anyways). (XXIV) To commit suicide. (XXV) To learn a different language. Asking a cloaker it's goals huh? You would need to speak undercommon.. Next time I run into a Cloaker I'm definitely going to ask about it's goals.
Radiun 10-18-07, 08:55 PM	33) To be the world's #1 fashion accessory. 34) Gotta catch 'em all. (That's right, we're their pokemon) 35) To destroy 4Kids.... (Who says mysterious goals must be limited to their metaplane?)
Thevail 10-18-07, 09:14 PM	36. To kill all seamstresses 37. To quench the sun so they can be free. 38. To find really comfy cloakrooms, or coat hooks. 39. To attach themselves to wizards and learn all of their secrets.
camthalion 10-18-07, 09:26 PM	37. To be 'the cute one' in a boy band
Zousha_Omenohu 10-19-07, 01:14 AM	Perhaps you just had the good sense to sleep through the eighties. You're forgiven. I wasn't even born until 1988!:rolleyes: Anyway: 38. A conspiracy to become the dominant species on the planet by creating a cloaker ubergod.
InkBlot 10-19-07, 03:10 AM	I wasn't even born until 1988!:rolleyes: Hush. You'll make all the old guys feel old.;) 39: To find a passage through Khyber to King Boranel's basement in order to plant forged documents which "prove" that the king is descended from Gorillons.
bhu 10-19-07, 03:13 AM	40) To awaken the local rabbit population and give them all Evil Bunny Mind Control Powers! MWUHAHAHAHA!!!