Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Miah 04-09-06, 12:41 PM	(actually very appropriate to this forum, #71 is my favorite) 1. You have one goal: be epic. 2. Let no sound be lonely. If theres a guitar solo, harmonize it. If theres singing, make it a choir. 3. Keyboards offer a way to add thousands of different textures to a song. Find two of those that you like and use them on every song you write. 4. In a power metal world, everything steel is good, and anything good must be compared to steel. 5. You are not bound to sing about Satan, evil, and/or darkness. 6. You are bound to sing about dragons, freedom, and/or power metal. 7. Remember how no sound should be alone? Same goes for albums. Everything can have a sequel! 8. You are allowed to be blonde. 9. Swords enhance your credibility and your performance. Be sure to carry one regardless of whether or not you know anything about using one. 10. Pick a theme and stick to it. Manowar are warriors of true metal, and they dont get to sing about anything else. Rhapsody has their Algalord chronicles. Hammerfall has their steel, hammers, and templar. Running Wild has pirates. Blind Guardian has Tolkein. None of them are allowed to sing about anything else. 11. If you have to sing about something else, put together a side project to do it. Avantasia is the perfect model. 12. Ballads are permissible. 13. That doesnt mean your ballads can suck. 14. The longer a song is, the more epic it is. See rule ..1. 15. More solos means more epic. 16. If at all possible, be Michael Kiske. 17. If this is not possible, pretend to be Michael Kiske. 18. Your album cover should include at least one of the following: fire, steel, weird glowing magical items, irregularly muscular men, fists thrust into the air, weaponry, magic creatures (preferably dragons), or bright beams of light around somebody/something. 19. Grim and necro dont apply here; they just make you look silly. Now go back to singing your 20 minute epic about dragonslaying! 20. Power metal depends on power chords. 21. 16th notes are the only notes. 22. Unless youre singing, in which case you are not permitted to hold a note for any less than 2 bars. 23. Keyboards get solos, too. 24. If you cant be Michael Kiske, you can at least be Timo Tolkki. 25. Actually, dont be Timo Tolkki. 26. In case you didnt know, symphonic is synonymous with epic. See rule ..1. 27. Just because 300 bands before you have already done epic, theres always room for more. 28. Songs come in two tempos: metal and ballad. 29. You are officially the only group of people who can refer to themselves as mighty without being laughed at. Much. 30. Audiences need to be able to sing along. Make it catchy. 31. Sing in English, even though your fan-base will be comprised entirely of Brazilians, Germans, Japanese, Swedes, and Finns. See rule ..30: if its not catchy, its harder to sing in a language that is not your first. 32. Play in as many bands as possible. More side projects and guest appearances means more epic! 33. Tight. Pants. 34. You dont have to detune your guitars. 35. Though you probably should drop them a half-step. 36. Unfortunately, you need at least two guitar players. How else are you going to have dueling guitar solos? 37. Keyboards may substitute for one guitar player, as long as they can solo. 38. Fortunately, you dont need a bass player! Or at least, you never have to use the same bassist twice. 39. Begin all songs with one big swelling chord on the keyboard. 40. Acoustic guitars are allowed. Sometimes. 41. Its not a tour, its a crusade! 42. Layer your vocals, hundreds upon hundreds of times. Dont worry about them live. 43. Never use mundane words in your lyrics. Nothing is epic if you dont use words like majesty, glorious, magical, and so on. 44. Wizards! You need wizards! 45. Although your costume does not require corpse paint, it will require a cape, lots of jewelry, and the aforementioned swords. 46. Unless you are Manowar, in which case you are too metal for clothing. 47. Come to think of it, dont be Manowar. 48. Wear armor if at all possible. Hammerfall can give you an idea of the variety of acceptable armors, ranging from leather to ring-mail. 49. Songs dont begin at full speed. Gradually work your way into an epic frenzy. 50. Hail true metal! 51. Acoustic guitars are for intros and bridges. Then crush them with steel. 52. Epic. Tight. Pants. 53. Higher vocals are epic vocals. Female lead singers are great for this. 54. So, male lead singes should sound like female singers. See rule ..52. 55. True warriors can tell the difference between albums. 56. Concept albums are totally epic. Nobody will ever see it coming. 57. Liner notes must include pages of backstory, either of your epic saga of conquest over dragons and evil or of your epic battles with alcoholism while recording the album. 58. Drugs arent metal. 59. Beer, however, can be served in all kinds of true metal ways. 60. Flagons of ale. Its appropriate to your fantasy-riddled lyrics, and it almost looks like dragons, so you score extra points. 61. Since you cant get away with grunts, growls, and other troll-like noises, you will have to sing. 62. Your accent will show as a consequence. 63. To compensate, sing about killing trolls. Preferably with the swords that you carry onstage. 64. More sequels = more epic. See rule ..7. 65. Guest vocalists, guest guitarists, and any special appearances from outside your band will make your sound more epic, even if the track sounds just like all the other songs on the album with an extra solo. 666. Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! Rahhh!!! 67. Begin songs at half-tempo, and then, when listeners least expect it (i.e. at exactly the same time it happens in all your other songs) kick into full speed complete with double-bass and power chords. 68. Bass players: one note. Really fast. 69. But include one enormous crazy-ass bass fill before the chorus, even though the production will bury you so far in the mix that most people wont realize your band has a bass player. 70. Just because you dont play black metal doesnt mean you cant use Tolkein. 71. Whenever you short of ideas, pick up your Dungeons and Dragons books. You might as well be the first band to sing about owlbears. 72. Never leave Europe. 73. For purposes of rule ..72, Japan may be counted as part of Europe. 74. Oh, and South America was colonized by Europeans, so it can count too. 75. Orchestras make a great addition to your album. Since you cant afford one, find a new patch on your keyboard. 76. If your live album does not have the crowd singing all the harmony parts for you, you arent epic enough to justify a live album. 77. If you are European, use as many archaic English words in your lyrics as you can. Obfuscation is epic! 78. If you are South American, your lyrics should be closer to standard English, though nobody will ever read them. 79. If you are U.S. American, you probably arent actually a power metal band. Sing about tanks, or something. 80. If you are Italian, write some lyrics in Latin. Your American fans wont be able to tell the difference between your Italian lyrics and your Latin ones, but Latin is epic. 81. Remember, shaving is epic, haircuts are not. 82. Entire albums must be recorded in the same key. 83. For that matter, entire careers may also be recorded in the same key. 84. Guitarists, remember: dun da-da dun da-da dun da-da 85. Make your band logo very angular, but perfectly legible. 86. More than a logo, you need a mascot. 87. He need not be distinguishable from Eddie, but he does need to be on all your album covers. 88. At your first gig, if you feel a rising force, do be sure not to get it all over your audience. 89. Record your best songs unplugged, and sell them as an EP. 90. Do not expect anyone to buy the EP. 91. Remember, power metal fans are not gay. They are just comfortable with their masculinity. 92. Sing along. 93. Dont get caught singing along. 94. Glitter is not epic. 95. Neither is body oil. See rule ..47. 96. If you see a black metaller in the woods pretending to be a troll, see rule ..9 and rule ..63. 97. In your liner notes, thank everybody you toured with, even if theyre Stratovarius. 98. Complain about Stratovarius constantly even though youve bought all their albums and listen to them more than anything else in your collection. 99. Power metal must be pure; do not mix it with other metal styles. 100. To repeat: be epic. 101. I ran out of funny things to say way back at rule ..52, but any less than 101 rules would so not be epic.
Wargamer 04-09-06, 12:51 PM	I am disgusted sir! Manowar are not Power Metal! They are TRUE METAL! Also, where is the Power Metal rule, personified by Dragonforce, that states you have to play so fast the air spontaneously combusts? Incidentally, I recommend the Manowar Drinking Game... though you need a lot of booze!
AkaKageWarrior 04-09-06, 01:50 PM	I love DnD. I love Metal. I hate the combination of both, this braindead pathetic Manowar-BlindGuardian-1000others Metal. There are more important things to write songs about than glory and dragons. although these bands have some comical value! :D AKW
Rapiersman 04-09-06, 02:03 PM	Ahh power metal... so cheesy and so lovely :D Yep, DragonForce's brilliant rule "play as you were on amphetamine" should be added too. And Manowar's indeed just "Heavy Metal" (or "True Metal" as they call it) no matter what their lyrics are. AND INDEED: We, power metal fans, are not gay - we are just comfortable with our masculinity :P
ieattrollsforbreakfast 04-09-06, 02:07 PM	Ah, power metal, the one place when my two great interests (good music and D&D) can come together as one, and still be treated seriously. And this list is so true it's shocking... I recommend Dragonland's Book of Shadows songs (that's land, not force), to anyone that likes a song to give them the urge to stand over a dragon's corpse while holding your sword high, eclipsing the evening sun. You know the feeling. What?
Tempest Stormwind 04-09-06, 02:23 PM	I'm on a Gothic Metal binge at the moment, and that overlaps with power metal in several bands. Personally, my favorite of the bunch is still Nightwish, though I haven't finished sifting through the 2 gigs of random song data I picked up yet. (I use random sample discs like that to determine which groups to buy.) That doesn't stop me from throwing up the horns at, say, a Manowar or Sonata Arctica concert (both of which draw upon far more conventional forms of metal, though Sonata is easily more diverse than Manowar), or owning nearly every Hammerfall album ever released... or even appreciating jokes like this. (http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=420) +880 ++88 ++88 +880 ++ +888 +88 ++880 +88 ++888 +++88 +++8 ++8888 +++8880++88 +++88 +++8888+++8880++8888 ++888 ++888++8888+++888888++888 ++88++8888++8888888++888 ++++++888888888888888888 ++++++88888888888888888 ++++++++000888888888888 +++++++000088888888888 +++++++00088888888888 +++++++088888888888 +++++++088888888888 +++++++8888888888 +++++++0088888888 ++++++0088888888 +++++0008888888
Beezelbob 04-09-06, 02:34 PM	The joke is funny. Nightwish is an excellent band. If you get the chance to get your hands on the Beauty In Darkness Series, check it out. It is an excellent sampler of assorted bands. I always listen to music when working on material for gaming. I prefer listening to Megadeth, Opeth, Nevermore, Nightwish, Slayer, and Solitude Aeturnus. It depends upon what I'm working on and the focus of the material.
Vagrond 04-09-06, 02:44 PM	Bal-Sagoth lyrics would make a great campaign setting- at one point I think they were going to make an MMORPG. Though they are 'Extreme Baroque Heavy Metal'.
Kobold Avenger 04-09-06, 08:54 PM	I violate most of those rules being that I'm more Doom/Goth/Gloom Metal and some Black Metal. If I sing in a high voice, it's to emulate Messiah Marcolin or King Diamond. Most of my songs will probably be about darkness, depression, self-destruction, the end, ancient Gods, bad relationships and longing for love, in some horrible combination of those. Peter Steele, Glen Danzig and Aaron Stainthorpe, are Gods to me... For that Black Metal fan in me I often try to emulate that pose that Fenris made on Darkthrone's Transylvanian Hunger. And if I ever were in a Goth Metal band that got somewhere, I would declare Ville Valo to be my arch-nemesis. But I still enjoy Power Metal, mainly all about Hammerfall or Blind Guardian. I guess Iced Earth and Jag Panzer though, are instantly disqualified from that list. It also disqualifies 3 Inches of Blood (probably because they're true metal, but they have a song about killing Orcs!!) which is one metal band from my country that isn't Death or Thrash Metal like Cryptopsy, Strapping Young Lad, Voivod, Kataklysm, Quo Vadis, Neuraxis, or Into Eternity (even though they have power metal elements).
Dragonlover 04-10-06, 07:37 PM	Ok, we (my gf and me) have decided that this list is missing a rule: You must own at least one thing that could count as (in her words) 'pretty shiny metal weaponry' in order to be a true power metal fan, otherwise you are not epic enough! Dragonlover P.S: Remind me never to post when she's looking over my shoulder, she points out grammatical errors.
Tempest Stormwind 04-10-06, 07:48 PM	Ok, we (my gf and me) have decided that this list is missing a rule: You must own at least one thing that could count as (in her words) 'pretty shiny metal weaponry' in order to be a true power metal fan, otherwise you are not epic enough! Dragonlover P.S: Remind me never to post when she's looking over my shoulder, she points out grammatical errors. Six. Does that make me beyond the threshold of truth? Incidentally, how many perfectly-reasonable-sounding power metal ballad names could you form using words from that last sentence? Bonus points for extra epicness.
Dragonlover 04-12-06, 07:11 AM	That definitely puts you over the threshold of truth Tempest, I knew there was a reason I liked you beyond you having some damn good posts, it must be the epicness coming through the screen! Before I attempt the names, did you mean my last sentence or yours? Oh, and to keep this vaguely gaming related, I just found out that Rhapsody have a PC game. It even says on the cover 'Play while listening to the music of Rhapsody' Dragonlover
Swarms 04-12-06, 08:39 PM	Nightwish is an excellent band LOL!
Morrowner 04-13-06, 12:19 AM	Am I the only person who thinks that Thrash/Death metal works a lot better for D & D, especially combats? Done so very seldomly, last time about 3 months ago, Face the Face of War.
The White Sorcerer 04-14-06, 05:06 AM	A friend I showed this to called the list dissing. I, however, found it funny, and was actually inspired to start a power metal band.
cmrscorpio 04-14-06, 10:15 AM	I see one glaring omission from the list 102. Each song will include one or more of the following phrases: Flash of steel/blade, through the darkness/night/shadow, take my hand.
Neuneck 04-14-06, 10:53 AM	you forgot that rule: 103. no faces are to be seen on images for your Albums, but for the glooming red/yellow/green eyes... i like metal and i hate all these super-fine subgroups for me there's only: Speed Metal (old Metallica) Metal Core (Canibal) Death Metal (Children of Bodom) Trash Metal (Slipknot) Power Metal (Hammerfall) Fake Metal (Manowar) <- fake Metal is the worst if you're in a discussion with a Hiphop-guy and he comes up with "But on Manowar's Album....." I HATE THEM Kirk Hammett's a god
Dragon Snack 04-15-06, 02:07 AM	84. Guitarists, remember: dun da-da dun da-da dun da-da Niiiice! I'm not a huge Man-O-War fan, but one of my fraternity brothers mother used to cut their drummers hair... :uh-huh:
Miah 04-15-06, 04:09 PM	I hereby testify that the aformentioned rules number 102 and 103 respectively, should be officially added to the list. All those in favor, slay a dragon. All those who oppose, complain about Stratovarious.
Morrowner 04-15-06, 06:00 PM	Slipknot is thrash? Bull. The Big 4, Testament, Exodus, Overkill, Sadus, the major bands from Germany like Kreator, Sodom, Destruction, etc. Those are thrash bands. And when I think Death Metal a lot of older bands come to mind for me like Death, Dark and Morbid Angel, Suffocation, Malevolent Creation, Obituary and the like. Manowar ain't fake metal. They're the loudest effin' band in the world. Oh, I love number 71. Where's the owlbear love at?