Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Renegade DM 06-16-05, 07:51 PM	can never get old of these topics, can't we? :D so, here's a few for a start. make me proud, good people! 1. the DM brings 10 miniatures of beholders, saying that every mini represents 3 beholders. oh, and he'll be right back, he has to bring some more. 2. you hear the names tarrasque, the four horsemen, tiamat and the dark eight. at the same session. 3. behind his screen, the DM cackles for no appeareant reason. then suddenly he starts to laugh maniacally. again, for no appeareant reason. 4. whenever your DM says your char's name, you feel some weird chill up yer spine.
GreyLord 06-16-05, 08:08 PM	Every time your character steps outside for his first steps of the day...he dies. The DM names the next module he runs The Death of {put character name here}. The DM blatantly tells you it doesn't matter what you roll up for your next character...it's not going to survive the dungeon he's created. You make a roll, the DM says nothing, but calmly picks up your character sheet and rips it in half...
Noc Rat 06-16-05, 08:14 PM	5.- EVERYTHING you eat/drink/touch is poisoned... but only if you didn't check for poisons first. 6.- It seems that every town you walk into there's a criminal with a mind-boggling reward on it that looks just like you. Oh, and all the rogues that keep picking your pocket are either epic levels, or Olidammara himself. 7.- Every organ in your body is apparently a powerful spell component, or the key ingredient of any ritual, despite its alignment or purpose. 8.- Every animal you kill in order for you to feed was apparently adopted by a paragorn Grey Render of Legend. That even includes the chickens you raised in a barn.
RLWilde 06-17-05, 04:12 AM	9. You snagged the last slice of pizza and can of Mountain Dew right as the DM was reaching for them.
Vengeblade 06-17-05, 07:06 AM	10. You call your DM and say you're going to be 30 minutes late, when you get there, your character is still in the dungeon being eaten because the DM won't let anyone else play your character. 11. The DM points at everyone one at a time calling off 1..2..3..4, after counting he picks up a die matching the number of PC in the room.
TecronMaas 06-17-05, 07:13 AM	12. The DM tells you the gaming session will be for 4 hours but if you can only come for the first 15 minutes it will be just fine.
Planar Wanderer 06-17-05, 07:42 AM	2. you hear the names tarrasque, the four horsemen, tiamat and the dark eight. at the same session. o kay touch late here but as a 2b: you hear the names tarrasque, the four horsemen, tiamat and the dark eight. in the same sentence :eek:
-Shade- 06-17-05, 09:32 AM	13). Your DM mysteriously dumps your party into a Ravenloft campaign. 14). His catchphrase is, 'Drat! Foiled again!' 15). Your DM chuckles every time your character wakes up in the morning unscathed. 16). You wake up... and have to do a horror check.
Rogue00 06-19-05, 07:34 PM	17. you send your PCs to an alternate reality, with only the skin on their backs just after you let them build a 400,000gp tower and reset all their stats. (They had guns, what was I supposed to do?) 18. Fire raining from the sky, DC 50 reflex save for half damage. 19. *rolls 1d20* A dragon comes and eats you (reallifecomics) 20. Hey look! Is that a Tharasque in the distance? 21. Sanity checks... with -20 modifiers 14). His catchphrase is, 'Drat! Foiled again!' Guilty as charged. Damned PCs foil my insidious plots every session in some way or another.
Gnome_Dragon_Disciple 06-19-05, 07:51 PM	17. you send your PCs to an alternate reality, with only the skin on their backs just after you let them build a 400,000gp tower and reset all their stats. (They had guns, what was I supposed to do?) 17b. you send your PCs to an alternate reality without their skin. 22. You're on your tenth character in five sessions. 23. The DM only allows materials from books he has, then denies access to his books (his library consisted of the Player's Handbook, Faiths and Pantheons, the BoED, and the BoVD only). He then complains that it's the party's fault for not being creative enough to defeat the Aspect of Lolth at level 6 using characters built solely out of the PHB since none of the players HAD Faiths and Pantheons, BoED, or BoVD.
OctoberRaven 06-19-05, 08:01 PM	24.The BBEG casted Symbol Of Death on every door, even the ones with other Symbol Of spells already cast on it!
SinisterSeraph 06-19-05, 08:12 PM	25. If you've ever had to make a roll to see if your character lost bowel control at the sight of the next encounter.
katsklaw 06-19-05, 08:23 PM	26. The DM hosts the session and instead of saying "hi" he/she says "This shouldn't take long". 27. The DM laughs BEFORE rolling the dice! 28. After a secret dice roll the DM asks "How many hit points did your character have?" 29. As a player you said "I'm bored" and the DM is still staring at you. 30. You enter a dungeon full of doors and the thieves are the first to die ... 31. Then the clerics ...
OctoberRaven 06-19-05, 10:00 PM	32...Then the fighters... 33...leaving your level one Wizard with 9 INT and a peashooter....
the Horc 06-19-05, 10:50 PM	34. He designs traps, opponents, and dungeons specifically designed to thwart you.
Fiery_Overlord 06-19-05, 11:24 PM	35. Things seem too good to be true, like you find a hoard of treasure seemingly unguarded, or a key that you need for a door about two feet in a cubie hole, and then with his best poker face slowly says "So..... What do you do now?" And though he has a poker face you can see the glee of pure evil in his eye. 36. Your DM calls a game off on account of "DM giddiness" when your character makes a foolishly worded Wish.
Darkwolf_childe 06-20-05, 12:51 AM	DM says to you, "Damn! That blew my entire train of thought! Guess I'll have to improvise."
Xian Moon 06-20-05, 05:42 PM	37) you go thru 5 characters in one campaign. 38) every npc you trust betrays you... and every npc you distrust just happed to be a powerful lord or wizard that is now insulted by you. 39) the BBEG troll king boss has a Ring of Elemental Immunity! So does all 15 of his personal guards.
Moncubus 06-20-05, 08:43 PM	40) Your DM puts on a hockey mask and pulls up a rusty chainsaw when it's your PC's turn. 41) Through divine intervention, every magic item in your share of the party treasure is cursed. 42) Speak always haiku Or suffer awful doom from Great Old Ones and more.
Morik the Rogue 06-21-05, 06:48 AM	22. You're on your tenth character in five sessions. I lost 9 charakters in one session, to the same Half-orc barbarian(who also was a Pc) :weep:
Creeg 06-21-05, 07:20 AM	You guys forgot number one.... He's the DM Edit... You all thought DM stood for Dungeon master,,, it really stands for Death master
Steelgryphon 06-21-05, 08:12 AM	41) When your DM says your turn with a manicial grin, and a muderous twinkle in his eyes.
Centauri 06-21-05, 09:40 AM	42) When the DM sees the cool backstory you wrote for your character and says, "You really shouldn't have bothered." 43) When the DM sees the cool name you wrote for your character and says, "You really shouldn't have bothered."
The_Prophet 06-21-05, 11:10 AM	44. When the DM tells you, after you've already made a decision what you're doing, "You really shouldn't have done that, and you can't change your mind now." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Confessions of an Evil DM :rofl:
The_Prophet 06-21-05, 11:12 AM	45. When your DM tells you "Well, that dragon was gonna fly away after it ate your mule, but since you decided to say something.....*rolls dice* ooooh that's not good..." Confessions of an Evil DM :schemes:
Centauri 06-21-05, 11:21 AM	46) The DM grants penalties to people who are don't accurately and effectively role-play their Diplomacy skill. 47) Or combat prowess. 48) Or spellcasting ability.
Lady Jade 06-21-05, 02:05 PM	The DM laughs BEFORE rolling the dice! Been there, seen that.. almost every gaming session.... 49.Table talk= wandering monsters 50. The DM says "God I love my job!" ... with an insane grin... 51. The DM's philosiphy is: "Under the right circumstances, this just might kill them 52. The DM pulls out a bag of 100 zombie miniatures and uses the entire bag at once. 53. The DM says he's going to buy another 2 or 3 bags of zombie miniatures tomorrow.
Cole Deschain 06-21-05, 02:25 PM	54. He tells you, "Okay, so Strahd and Azalin have escaped Ravenloft, joined forces with Raistlin and Dalamar, and they've just recruited the Scarlet Brotherhood to chase you down." And it's a Forgotten Realms campaign. 55. The treasure kills you. (Note: Actually happened) 56. He opens the session by saying "remember that wedgie you gave me back in 3rd grade?" 57. Instead of kobolds, goblins, or orcs, the desperate townsfolk hire you to fight an army of Pit Fiends. 58. "Okay everybody, roll up new characters. Your olds were killed in their sleep. You done? Okay, these ones are dead too. Roll up some new ones." 59. "You wake up tied to a table, all of your equipment is gone, and a red dragon with a Red Lobster bib is rubbing its hands together with glee."
Peeht 06-21-05, 02:29 PM	60: You do complicated combat movements to tumble past the Uan-Ti (i think that's how you spell it, big snake thing), so he gets ****** off and gets him to grapple you (your only a gnome, so -3 grapple modifier, and no ranks in escape artist) then gets him to secrete acid all over you, doing 5d6 damage, when you only have 17 hitpoints left, yeh it didn't quite kill me but it could have Lee you ****
LadyCreator 06-21-05, 03:00 PM	42) Speak always haiku Or suffer awful doom from Great Old Ones and more. Love that. 61) Your character drops to negative hitpoints four times in one battle, then when you play dead the goblin starts going through your stuff. You're at zero, so stopping him would destabilize you :) I did this to my wizard last night...the goblins aren't that stupid, they take out the caster first.
Titan W 06-21-05, 03:18 PM	63) Your DM says "Oh my nickname is TPK" 64) When you enter a bad situation he says "Remember this is one of MY campaigns" 65) When your rolling up your cahracter he says "Remember my campaigns NEVER end well..." 66) Your DM puts you up against epic cahracters and a Diety at level 18. 67) Your DM uses divine intervention to punish you regularly.
Centauri 06-21-05, 03:29 PM	68) When you want to play a Wizard, the campaign starts at 1st level. When you want to play a Fighter, the campaign starts at 15th level.
MrWalrus 06-21-05, 04:33 PM	69) "What can I say, scythes are nasty for criticals.", said five times in one combat.
Centauri 06-22-05, 12:20 PM	70) Your DM takes pride in telling you that he has "never lost at D&D."
Mr Wesley 06-22-05, 01:28 PM	71) "Your character's girlfriend in Waterdeep just found out about your character's girlfriend in Daggerford. I need you to do a 'Kick in the balls' check."
Ricochet 06-22-05, 05:18 PM	43) When the DM sees the cool name you wrote for your character and says, "You really shouldn't have bothered." Inspired off 43 72) When your DM sees you make a character, he says "You really shouldn't have bothered" 73) Everytime the character goes into a room and the DM starts to describe it, he begins "You THINK you see...."
Gagnrath 06-22-05, 05:47 PM	74) When the gaint dies he falls on your character killing you. (grr it's to the point where I only kill anything bigger than large with ranged weapons) 75) No matter how high your spot, search or listen is the eniemies allways appear next to the casters. This includes when you have an active see invis running. 76) Your fighter rolls a 19 and is told you missed badly. 77) The bad guy kills in one round the iconic NPC then turns to you. (have this going on right now see below) 78) They aren't hurting you through your shapechanged DR..... immediately after you point this out they begin doing aprx 10 more points of damage per round and criting with amazing regularity. 79) Your Dm has appearently decided that you acceptable challenge rating it 1.75x your lvl. 80) The outsiders just summoned can continuely summon more. 81)You have used all your spells for the day, defeated the dungoen, made camp in a safe lcation and all have low hit points when you are attacked. Thats all thats happened to me in the past week stay tuned.